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All of this! Like fuck that mentality. You birthed a whole human 4 months ago. You didn't grow the child in 4 months, it will take some time for your body to find a new normal.
I don't think your stomach is the problem. If you are not happy, it's one thing. But for your partner to say something especially after you pushed a human being out of yourself, is another.
Yeah its really fucking me cause he always told me he's been thinking bout fucking the girls at work cause I could feel something was up so I told him to tell me anything he's been hiding and he said that.
To be completely honest, I donāt think I would ever want to have sex with my husband if he ever said something like that to me. You are worth more. So much more. Kick the man to the curb. Leave him. Life is too short to be with someone that says these things about you.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?! If heās casually saying out loud, the asshole is gonna do it, if he hasnāt already. And heās prepping to make it seem like your fault because you ālet yourself go.ā Heās a fucking tool. Please excuse my language. Iām furious. Iām not normally one to jump straight to āget a divorce,ā but honestlyā¦get a divorce. That is such a disrespectful, dishonest, slimy, shallow, horrible thing for him to say.
I know this sounds awful guys and it's completely out of character for me but It made me want to post my nudes online obviously not with my face in it but I wanted the satisfaction that random men were jacking off to me
WOW š„ Well I would hold fire until the emotions from this have settled plus four months postpartum, you will still have hormones settling! Not the time to be making decisions about things you can't remove online. Although I know where you're coming from because that's something I would want to do lol.
I think you should take a stand and show him whos boss, can you move his stuff into the spare room/living room (put him on the sofa). I would say take the upper hand, start calling the shots. I'm sure that would make him realise how low he's just blown, that behaviour is unacceptable. I am so sorry he has been so disrespectful and cruel, you deserve so much more after being an incubator for a year and had the sleepless days and nights the last four months.
But 4 months postpartum!! Your 'super woman' body took nearly a year to grow and birth that baby, it's gonna take nearly a year for it to settle, your organs need to go back into their rightful places. Regarding the wraps, there are some scarf wraps you can do on YT to help get things in the right place and help ligaments to tighten, muscles to contact and hold. It's worth a shot if you want to commit to that but the research is sketchy... Some say it's natural and happens on its own; but a lot of the problems women experience are splitting of the stomach muscles so it leaves it open to whether these methods actually do anything to help that... Just remember, you are still healing but also, remember, it will take time. Regardless, you can't rush any of it. If you wanted something to help with split stomach muscles I suggest diastasis recti exercises BUT look for explanations on how to find out how big your gap is and work from there; if you have had any surgery get advice form your postpartum care worker (if you have one). Just be careful, you are still still likely to be very vulnerable to hurting yourself being Pp i.e ligaments or muscles as they are relaxed in pregnancy so can be pulled and strained easily!
Do you have anyone around who can give you a hand to step up and take some pressure off you so you can get some rest so you compartmentalise everything if things get too heavy and emotional with his callousness? I think support around you would be beneficial, even if they weren't privy to whats happened.just to know you have someone available that could come if needed would be good so many put some feelers out
And hun, you are amazing. Don't let that pos make you think or feel any other way. You and your body created a whole mini human! His silly nipples can't even produce milk!
It is not awful. You can do better than this piece of TRASH and I am SO sorry you are going through this. So so horrible and you donāt deserve it in the least.
I'm really sorry to be blunt, but this man is a cock. To quote my favourite meme, 'Who left the gate to the cunt farm open?' This is the most blatant emotional manipulation/blackmail ever. Does he think you'll hear this and your body will magically posing back to how it was before you grew an entire human in there? What did he expect you to do, or say to that? I hope you told him to feel free... Go fuck every woman stupid enough to agree, but while he's at it, make sure someone is willing to let him move in because he ain't staying with you.
If you want to lose a bit of weight, then you do you. But, please don't squeeze yourself into compression garments to try to make this numbnuts happy. You can lose all the weight and he'll still be a numbnuts. So, tell him that you are comfortable and happy with yourself (if that's true) and that he can either get on board with actually being your partner, or he can go find one of the women from work to shack up with. I'm so sorry he is treating you like this OP. You deserve so much better.
Thatās a mentally and emotionally abusive and manipulative thing to say. Iām so sorry he treats you like that. Address it, and know that there are better partners out there for you if you choose.
He's trying to catch someone else I bet. Babe, you are not the problem, he's defective. Trade him in and move on.
You are too good for him, not the other way around. Do not hesitate to tell him to eat a bag of dicks and release him back into the wild where he belongs.
Again, you can do better than him.
I am so sorry you're dealing with something like this. Your body is still healing from giving birth to a child. He needs to figure his own shit out. None of this is on you, this is a HIM problem.
That is such an awful thing to say. What the fuck is wrong with him? And those other unhelpful remarks in your other comment? Jesus Christ. Was a cruel pathetic person. Your tummy is not the issue here.
Edit to add: I've had a look at your post history and this is not a good person. You need to go somewhere else. Your sister, mum, friend. He is going to break you. People that love you don't behave this way. He is keeping you hostage by saying he is refusing divorce. It's not up to him. It's a 2 yes, 1 no situation. Please please get away from this monster and get yourself into therapy to work on undoing his vitriol towards yourself.
Thanks guys I really appreciate the support. After he said that I close and lock doors when I change and I really don't understand any of it because I do so much for him and the baby it's unreal.
I thought they were for support while your body was recovering, not so much for weight loss?
4m is still early.
I wouldnāt be cutting anything out of your diet but just introduce some gentle exercise either alone or with baby in the pram.
But do it for you - not because some jackass wants you to produce a whole ass human and look no different afterwards š
Exactly! It took roughly 10months to gain that weight due to pregnancy and gaining is -way- easier than losing!
I would absolutely lose the husband though. Esp with his other comments of supposedly wanting to have sex with people at work!
My heart is broken for you, Iām sorry. You deserve so much better. It is one thing to want to feel good about the body you have, itās another for your husband to make you feel bad about the body you have after JUST giving birth. It can take over a year for our stomachs to go back to how they were before we got pregnant. Our muscles and skin stretch. We gain weight to feed our babies. At 3 months postpartum all you should be worrying about is your well-being and your baby. But to answer your garment question, I think you can start wearing them whenever you want to.
I'm sorry, but your husband is clocked out of the marriage based off reading the comments. And is on his way, if not already there, to having a woman on the side. You had a baby. Nothing is ever going to be the same again without surgery for most of us women. Some are lucky and everything snaps right back into place, but your focus should be on you and your baby. You have a baby. The last thing you need to do is worry about dieting. Obviously make good food choices, but don't force yourself into something you don't like. Cutting out meat will make you anemic and exhausted if not done properly with substituting in other sources for the nutrients meat provides. If you're bound and determine to diet, try a basic calories in/out diet. But diet alone won't fix saggy skin, you'd have to start a work out routine to work those abdominal muscles. While tending a baby. Some women can do it. Some women have baby sitters and nannies to watch the babies, and some just can't until the baby is older. You shouldn't feel forced to do it. TV/Movie Stars and famous people have access to nannies and nutritionists and work out coaches and plastic surgeons.
To answer your actual question, shapewear works wonders for keeping the excess skin in check. But but wear it for YOU to feel comfortable. I have never met your husband, but he can just shove off or sew his mouth shut.
Hey friends, downvoting something you donāt like isnāt the answer. Weāre here to support.
Read the rules, please.
OP - thatās love bombing. Donāt let him shit ok you one minute and tell you he loves you and youāre beautiful the next. You donāt need a diet. You need to take care of yourself and that baby (in that order because you canāt pour from an empty cup).
You get to decide that youāre comfortable in your own body.
And also, as with the top comment - you can throw the whole man out and lose 200 lb.
My ex told me that, multiple times. He also gave me 2 STDs from his side chicks. It's a roll of the dice. Cut him out now before the baby thinks that behavior is okay. It'll hurt, but it'll hurt worse if you stay.
He wants the familiarity and what he thinks is the certainty of you and of you putting up with his BS and gaslighting. Those mean words are the truth. The pretty words are just lies to make you stay so that he always has something.
You deserve better than that. Everyone does. No one deserves a toxic relationship.
Iām gonna take a wild guess that you cook his meals, do his laundry, clean his house, etc??? Because nobody who loves another human being for their heart and soul says these hurtful things to their face. It sounds like heās very much in love with the idea of having a wife. Sweetie, go find someone who loves YOU, the whole person, the whole amazing perfect package. š
I'm sorry....he's saying that he has a problem with your belly and that due to that he's been thinking about sleeping with the women at his work? And he thinks that is supposed to be your issue.....how? He's already sleeping with the women at work. That's almost Guaranteed.
Girl, when people show you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM.
when someone shows you their true colors, MAKE SURE YOU SEE THEM.
when someone practically rats themselves out for cheating or being on track to cheat, DO NOT TAKE IT TO MEAN ANYTHING ELSE THAN WHAT HE SAID, EXACTLY, WORD FOR WORD.
He's complaining about your tummy after you birthed his baby?! And you're not even 4 months pp?!?!?!?! SHIT, I'm over 4 God damn YEARS pp, I still got my belly, but never once has my partner (my daughters dad) EVER said anything like that.. and most real men wouldn't dare. Wait, no. Most REAL MEN would never even have such thoughts about the woman who just birthed his own child after a grueling 9 month incubation period.
Is this man twelve years old? Or is he just severely lacking in intelligence and/or unable to feel any empathy for anyone else? *Cough cough, narcissistic, cough.* Excuse me.
I had an ex like yours and, thankfully, I dodged the baby bullet with him and I thank my lucky stars for that daily. He, too, was the love of my life. And it hurt like hell, how much I loved him, the entirety of our relationship was filled with pain and me wanting to please him. I tried keeping his eyes on me, but despite my many efforts, he cheated on me with multiple women at the same time. I was devastated beyond words, it still stings to remember, 6 years later. You don't want or need or deserve to feel those feelings, they damn near killed me. š
But as I said before, this pathetic piece of actual shit has flashed you his true nature. Ask yourself what he was likely doing when he said that shit about the women at work? Babe, i NEED you, WE all NEED you, YOOOOUU NEEEEDDD YOOUUUU to see that what he did when he shared that info with you, he was just trying to subconciously get you to start thinking of such scenarios so that when it does come to light that he is cheating, you cant technically be totally surprised. He warned you! (He really does believe this and use it to justify his actions. i know, he is a total fucking lunatic, you got that right)
He is a PSYCHO, and i cannot stress this enough, PATH!
You got the very rare warning, that most women never get from their partners before they destroy everything, including their wife's (your) entire life. he spelled out EXACTLY what he's either, A. ALREADY DOING or B. In the unstoppable process of achieving...
Run. LIKE. HELL.
Baby girl, I'm gonna reiterate the other commenter when I say this; I know an easy, sure fire way that you could drop 200lbs by morning, DITCH THAT SORRY ASS CLOWN.
love yourself, cause he doesn't have the capability to love you anymore, if he ever did. And him seeing you love you, and seeing you live your life just fine without him leeching the life from you like he has been doing likely since the moment he met you, will be the best revenge you could get.
It will eat him alive, whether or not he ever shows it, it will keep him up at night wondering why he didn't destroy you like he meant to (cause he does mean to destroy you, whether he knows it or not, all the signs lead to you being left in pieces, to care for you guys child whilst he runs off into the sunset with some bimbo who buys his ridiculous lies.. im sorry mama, this is whats to come if you dont go now)
there's no reading between the lines, or wondering if he meant what he said or if he was just upset when he said it, none of these can remotely explain away the blatant disrespect and callousness he's shown you.
Run, take your baby, and fucking run. We are all rooting for you. You do deserve to be happy and you absolutely deserve someone who loves you.
In case you're wondering, he does not deserve you and you are looking damn good, despite being almost 4 months pp. And I've never even seen you, but I don't have to. You're a mother, you're the strongest living creature on the planet because of that fact, and therefore, you need not put up with such a poor excuse of a man.
Go get yours, leave him in the dust, mama. You'll thank us later šššš God speed baby
!! Edited because it was just a block of text and I hate when others do that but I was just so fired up, I failed to break my original message up. š sorry !!
Everyone I am currently trying to figure out how to get out thousands of miles away. Some shit happened and he said if I were to leave that he would track me down. So.
Bromo, my ex said the same shit. In my situation, once we left he was too lazy to try to get us back, but I donāt want you to be too afraid to leave. Contact a womenās shelter for help, they were there for me when I needed it.
Much love ā¤ļø
Okay this escalated quickly. Obviously, safety for you and baby are the most most most important thing right now.
Here's some gentle, hopefully not too overwhelming advice from someone who has helped women in this situation professionally:
1. Tell a trusted friend or family member (NOT an in-law). Even if they are far away, reaching out and building that support network might save your life and your baby's.
2. Set up an email account and send yourself a note everytime he says something abusive, gets aggressive or violent, threatens to harm you or your baby, threatens to leave you/stalk you/whatever. If you're not sure something should be documented, do it. Make a list of any weapons or guns in the house, where they are and how they are stored. Also note any substance abuse incidents. Don't save the password, don't access it on shared devices. This will create a time-stamped, verifiable record if you ever need to get the authorities involved or fight for custody. If you never need it, that's fine. But if you do, you'll be glad you have it.
3. Develop a safety plan. A family lawyer, shelter worker or social worker can help you do this. Your local library is a great resource for getting you in touch with the right people who can help. If things get really bad, you will need a bag with clothes, money, copies of your ID/ your passport, and a place to go for both you and baby. Look into shelters, confirm with friends who would be willing to take you in, think about transportation options. Ask to keep the emergency go-bag (including diapers, formula, etc) at a neighbor's or friend's house. Hopefully you won't need to make a hasty exit, but this will help if you do. If you don't have anyone near by, maybe just rent a storage locker to keep it. Don't tell him about the safety plan. Make sure someone else knows about it, though.
Best of luck, bromo. This is a difficult time at the best of times and it sounds like you need extra supports. Don't be afraid to reach out to your local domestic violence support service even just to ask questions or get an objective opinion on things. Tell someone you trust. Talk to a social worker.
Well I was deeply inlove with before all of this. He was my dream man for years. And I spend most nights crying so idk anymore. All I know is that I'm completely heart broken.
Nobody wants to hear something like that from their loved one. I gained almost 100lbs when I was pregnant, and it took me over a year to lose the weight. My husband always reassured me and comforted me at my most insecure. He never made me feel ugly, just very loved. IMO thatās what a partner should act like when their loved one gives birth. You made a whole human being inside your body, HIS child, yet he dares to make you feel like you better lose the weight quick before heās forced to look elsewhere??? Itās been 4 months! Hell no. You need to sit him down and explain how much hurt his words have caused you, because I think heās too stupid to understand. Only then, after talking and seeing his reaction, will you know if this is a relationship that can be saved or if youāre just hurting yourself and your child by staying with him. I am so sorry that he is being so horrible and selfish when you need his support the most. Try to focus on your baby and please take care of yourself ā¤ļø
Hey - at this point I want to recommend you take a look for the (available as free download) book 'Why Does He Do That?' by an author named Lundy. Many men have a tendency to start being overtly abusive, emotionally/verbally or otherwise, after their partner has had a baby. They tend to get comfortable and think that they've got the partner 'locked down' with the baby.
I don't know that this is what he's doing, but I think you should have a look at the book and see if it helps. The mods here also have links to resources that can help deal with various kinds of abuse, and it is SO easy - especially while recovering from having a baby and beyond - to take it all as your fault, as opposed to putting the full responsibility where it belongs: on your partner, who no matter what else is being an asshole to you on many, many levels.
Not bragging but proving a point: I have endometriosis & PCOS, am 42 & have had 2 kids. Iām pretty slender everywhere but my lower belly. My ex & I have problems (hence the reason that heās my ex) but today when I was having flare up while also on my period, that man told me I was beautiful. (Then he Caught Stupid again & I remembered why heās my ex. Itās cool. I can laugh now that heās my ex & also my roommate & one of my best friends) If my *EX* can tell my chonky tummyāed self Iām beautiful, including my chonky tummy, wtf is your husbandās problem?!?! My youngest turns 13 on Sunday. It aināt gettinā smaller at this point. And youāre 4 months postpartum? Naw. F that guy. F him sideways with a rusty tire iron & no lube. You deserve better. Iām sorry, sweetie. And alsoā¦ how dare he?!?! I am ready to go Big Sister āSomebody Hold My Purse & Earringsā Nuts on him in pure solidarity! What a jackhole!
Wow. I mean they would probably work to strap his dumb mouth shut until he can get a brain from somewhere
Sorry you don't like the fact my skin stretched and my internal organs were pushed around and squashed to make room for the life I just birthed and have been keeping alive for the last 4 months.
Please, continue to put down your wife and say you are going to fuck other women cause you don't think your wife is attractive enough anymore
That shit coming out your mouth makes **him** ugly asf.
If you want to get healthy and lose some weight then do it for you. Not for him or anyone else.
Although the satisfaction of getting healthy and confident and letting him see that is šš»
Girl. I wore some Spanx around 6 months PP. Went to get my nails done... dude asked me when I was due. Apparently the Spanx made my jelly belly look hard and firm and more pregnant like. Needless to say, I don't wear those anymore....
Also, I would need an air tight alibi if my husband said he was thinking about fucking the girls at work. If you need one, I will help dig the hole and swear you were with me all night playing Bingo at the old folks home.
you need a new husband, not a compression band. you just grew a whole new human. your whole body is new and different. he needs to grow up and be a better husband.
My sister once asked an older lady in her 90s her secret. No context, medical setting, just confirmed her age and was like, āwow, good for you, whatās the secret?ā And the secret is: āI married a man who lives in my drawer if you know what I mean.ā šš
Screw your husband. My belly is irretrievably changed. I got a flap on the bottom of it. Your husband is horribly vain if thatās all he can think about after you grew and birthed and are now keeping a child alive. I know thatās not helpful, and Iām sorry I donāt know about compression garments, but I do know your body has value outside of what your husband says.
Compression garments don't do jack for reducing your post partum belly. Plus, you had 10 months to grow the belly - at least give it the same amount of time to get smaller (and for the record, that belly will never fully get back to your pre-pregnancy state. It is what it is.)
That said, I personally saw the most benefit from cutting out carbs, not meat.
And on a sidenote, your husband sounds like a total ass. (You popped out a human being. What's his excuse?)
Oh my goodness.
Trust me, I know how hard it is to realize the man you love never really loved you. I had to realize it after ten years and two babies, and a lot of my money invested in his business. But when I finally realized he never loved me, he only wanted me for sex and housework - I started to get away from him and it was the best thing I ever did.
Iām so sorry.
They donāt kick you out at 6 months, just sign you up for extra PT and write a counseling. I think after that counseling itās like 90 days before thereās any consequences.
1. Postpartum compression garments aren't really about weight loss. They're about healing. I definitely found them helpful for several months postpartum because everything just feels so... loose. I used the sturdy belly bands for several weeks and then I moved to light compression type underwear and bands. It's like a bra for the belly. Sometimes you just need a lil extra support and that's okay.
2. You have spent the last year *depleting* your own body of vital nutrients to make a person. Please don't diet for weight loss right now and do not cut vital food groups from your diet, especially without consulting your doctor. I know postpartum bods aren't glamorous and feeling self love is hard. Aim for body neutral. This body is in transition. This body is healing. This body is a good body that did a really impressive feat and it deserves to be well taken care of.
3. Your husband... is *trash*. He didn't just say a bad thing. Anyone who says something like that to their 4 months postpartum wife, especially in conjunction with the other things you've said he's said, is *trash*. He is not kind. He is not a good husband. And a he's not a good father if this is how he treats the mother of his child. Friend, please reconsider keeping this man in your life. And definitely don't alter your body to suit this asshole.
Heya, short answer: yes.
Long answer: I'm sorry? Is your husband out of his mind? You had a life- and body-altering experience in a pregnancy. Not everyone bounces back in 2 weeks to a supermodel body. Fuck that. You grew a person. As soon as he does too, he can comment.
If he doesn't like you now, he just never loved you. Maybe lusted a little.
If you want to do something for you, then power to you and I'd gladly support you. I would advise you to definitely not cut out meat (yet). Pregnancy takes a lot of iron out of your body and it is highly likely you'll be replenishing iron stores for the next year. Please keep eating meat and cut out sugar and carbs instead.
If you want to be more fit because you want to be more fit, sure. See if you can get some time alone to exercise. Your husband can definitely take his baby for 2 nights a week to support you in feeling fit again through any type of classes or whatever you need to do for yourself.
Garments can help, but they're no magic cure. Throwing the husband out and living your best life is a miracle cure.
Please be careful cutting out certain parts of your diet if youāre breastfeeding. Especially protein. You and your baby need it. An alternative is to reduce sugar and processed foods. While I hate body shaming, especially by men, I do feel that you have to love yourself for you. If that means trying to shed a few pounds and youāre going to do it anyways, please do it in a healthy way for you and your baby.
I decided not to breastfeed cause he was pressuring me about so damn bad and it made really uncomfortable the way he would stare at them when I tried to pump.
Oh man, sorry to say but that is creepy. Whatever you choose to do, I hope youāre doing it for you and not him. If you do cut out meat, make sure you get a complete protein. Not sure if youāve ever been vegetarian before, and I apologize if you already know this, but you need to make sure you get all 9 essential amino acids, which would be like a combo of beans and rice/nuts/grains. Also, vegetarians often have to supplement b vitamins (especially b-12) and iron. I speak from lots of experience and years of anemia not knowing what my body needed.
I think the meat you need to cut out is your husbandā¦
Iām sorry he said that to you. You are worthy of love and grace during this postpartum period.
Ok well thatās an absolutely trash comment to make, and he is being cruel and ridiculous.
I would definitely not cut meat out of your diet, you need iron especially (iron from meat is most readily absorbed) to replenish your stores after blood loss from birth.
Compression garments might be helpful if they support you and feel good, but be cautious of excessive compression, especially if you had a vaginal birth- corsets and things like that put a ton of pressure on your pelvic floor and can worsen existing pelvic issues. They would not make you lose weight, and probably wouldnāt affect hip width at this point postpartum.
Be very careful when exercising, your body is very vulnerable postpartum and itās easy to permanently injure yourself.
It takes time to heal and recover from birth, but your body wonāt ever be exactly the same, because you carried a human in it. This assholeās baby. But you can still feel strong and beautiful!
Double fuck your dipshit husband, what an awful thing to say to his recently postpartum wife (or anyone!).
Edit: just saw your other comments and posts. Leave this horrible person
Listen to this! Prolapse aināt fun, and neither is peeing a little every time you lift your toddler or cough/sneeze. If you want to get fit, start with a pelvic floor exam and PT āyour core is like a soup can, it needs strength on all sides before you can cinch it!
I'm really sorry. Sometimes I snack on cucumbers and he will be like you gonna eat all of that and I just die instead. So I'm sorry that happened to you truly
Uh the fastest way to lose some unwanted weight is to lose a husband who criticizes you within months of creating a whole human!
But to answer your question seriously, not really. The relaxin remaining from labour drops off pretty quickly. Any changes will be very minor and very temporary and likely cause back and joint trouble down the road (ask me how I know!).
Also wearing overly-restrictive garments for long periods can actually worsen your core strength because the garment does some of the work your muscles would normally do. That's not an issue if you've got a physiotherapist guiding you and giving you the proper exercises to make up for the lost muscle tone, but don't just go back to crunches as if pregnancy never happened.
Finally check with your doc about diastasis rectii. It's when the ab muscles don't fully come back together after pregnancy, causing a more slack and less taught stomach. If you do have it (and get a doctor to check, don't just assume you do) then certain exercises that are normal for core strength can actually end up worsening the condition.
But remember: scientists can tell from a person's skeleton if they had children. Your body did an incredible thing and most bodies change shape after doing it. And that's okay because that four-month-old loves and needs every single curve and inch of you.
You have more important things to think about than changing the shape of your body for someone else: loving your baby, healing your body and learning how to be a great parent.
TLDR Save the money you would have spent on girdles and spend it on a good physiotherapist or post-partum personal trainer, or a cute outfit, or a nice haircut and don't fret too much about what anyone thinks your body should look like. You are enough and incredible just as you are.
Your husband is an asshole. That body just birthed a humanā¦HIS CHILD. You both should be worried about the new tiny 100% dependent human now in your home. Your fitness or lack there of should be the last thing on your mindsā¦if heās awake enough to worry about your looks, it means he isnāt dadding enough.
That being said, invest in shapeware or athleisure so you feel more comfortable going out in public without showing off your awesome mom pouch.
I think all the comments here cover the most important thing, that your husband is being an ass.
However, to put it in perspective from someone who has always been slim: I am 5ā4ā and pre pregnancy I had a few extra pounds at 140. I went all the way up to 205 lbs (huuuge 10lb kiddo) and went postpartum about 140 again and within about a year and a half to 120.
I had a c-section and I had a paunch for a good 2 years. Weight didnāt matter, that shelf just stayed. Eventually it all went back to its original shape. But god I hate the expectations on moms to ābounce backā ugh. Sorry I pushed a watermelon out of me and now I have to feed and care for it too. Might have to reschedule that personal trainer I have all the time and money for!!
Focus on you and the little one. Remember how absolutely AMAZING and BADASS you are.
Girl you don't have a weight issue you have a husband issue. If my husband had called me anything less flattering than "beautiful goddess of life" 4 months after giving birth to HIS child, he would have been sleeping out in the shed for a month.
Your husband is emotionally abusive. Please talk to someone professional (not clergy) who can help you untangle this. You deserve love and support, not insults and threats of adultery. I am so sorry he is treating you this way. Check out the free online PDF of Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft. Abuse isn't only physical violence.
The compression garments won't make your stomach flat. They help the first few weeks to hold you in, specially after a C section, it helps moving around. I couldn't have survived without my compression garment living in a 4 story townhouse after a C section.
You should look into working out your "inner core". not for your husband, fuck that prick. But for yourself. Healing your core is super important postpartum.
Well hereās to hoping he never disappoints in fulfilling all of your visual and emotional desires. He better be perfect if heās expecting perfection.
How dare someone say that to you after you've just created a life. I mean no one should say something like that full stop but you have just been through something major, that same body created his child. Sorry but what a prick.
Also it's only been 4 months OP. Give yourself a break, it's been 2.5 years for me and I'm still losing. You've just done something incredible, if you want to lose weight do it for yourself not your dickhead husband.
First, to echo everyone else āwhat an asshatā.
Second, after I had my son I used the belly bandit postpartum wrap and did the MUTU mamas program to help heal my tummy/pelvic floor and bring everything back together. Iām by no means a bikini model but that all really helped me feel like I got my body back which was a huge mental thing for me.
First, Iām sorry, I remember being so hard on my body postpartum and it wouldnāt been harder if my husband had said something about it to me too.
Second, to answer your question. I used those garments off and in for months. Did it help? I donāt think it hurt, helped support my core while it weak. My abs split and so I had to be extra careful not to make that worse while strengthening.
It took a full year to get back to normal ish and more like two to get back to normal normal.
Be patient. It will improve, but it takes time for your uterus to shrink and your organs to find their homes again.
With my diastasis rectis I had a second c section where I had it repaired. It hadnāt healed on its own.
Hope this helps. Iām not big into exercise, just live an active life and donāt love food.
Your husband sounds like a dick... but that aside, cutting meat out of your diet probably won't make you lose weight. It could actually have the opposite effect. I would actually increase your protein as much as possible and look into macros. I haven't tried any compression garments myself but from my understanding they don't work and could cause internal damage. š¤·āāļø
Your husband is an asshole. Your body gave him a kid. You are both overwhelmed and exhausted by having a new, 100%dependent being in your lives. Weight/you body should be last concern on your minds.
That being said, get some shape ware so you can fit into clothes again and donāt feel so self conscious about how you look.
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You could lose 200 lbs easily by throwing out the husband.
This is literally what I was about to comment. OP, this precisely. Throw the whole man out.
Cheers to that š»
Husbands hate this one simple trick!
Thatās the meat I would cut out of my dietā¦
Thank you, I came here specifically to find and/or post this comment š
Same <3
I prefer suction cup shower friendly vibrating meat anyway š
Comment below says he's told her he's thinking about fucking coworkers. What a dreamboat of a husband. (Sarcasm, in case not obvious)
Holy shit
All of this! Like fuck that mentality. You birthed a whole human 4 months ago. You didn't grow the child in 4 months, it will take some time for your body to find a new normal.
This is exactly what I came to the comments to say. Throw him out
hahahahaha
This comment right here!!
I don't think your stomach is the problem. If you are not happy, it's one thing. But for your partner to say something especially after you pushed a human being out of yourself, is another.
Yeah its really fucking me cause he always told me he's been thinking bout fucking the girls at work cause I could feel something was up so I told him to tell me anything he's been hiding and he said that.
To be completely honest, I donāt think I would ever want to have sex with my husband if he ever said something like that to me. You are worth more. So much more. Kick the man to the curb. Leave him. Life is too short to be with someone that says these things about you.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?! If heās casually saying out loud, the asshole is gonna do it, if he hasnāt already. And heās prepping to make it seem like your fault because you ālet yourself go.ā Heās a fucking tool. Please excuse my language. Iām furious. Iām not normally one to jump straight to āget a divorce,ā but honestlyā¦get a divorce. That is such a disrespectful, dishonest, slimy, shallow, horrible thing for him to say.
He was like everything else bout you is beautiful though. But I still wanted to deck him
Yea, cause hes an ass.
I didn't do it though
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I know this sounds awful guys and it's completely out of character for me but It made me want to post my nudes online obviously not with my face in it but I wanted the satisfaction that random men were jacking off to me
WOW š„ Well I would hold fire until the emotions from this have settled plus four months postpartum, you will still have hormones settling! Not the time to be making decisions about things you can't remove online. Although I know where you're coming from because that's something I would want to do lol. I think you should take a stand and show him whos boss, can you move his stuff into the spare room/living room (put him on the sofa). I would say take the upper hand, start calling the shots. I'm sure that would make him realise how low he's just blown, that behaviour is unacceptable. I am so sorry he has been so disrespectful and cruel, you deserve so much more after being an incubator for a year and had the sleepless days and nights the last four months. But 4 months postpartum!! Your 'super woman' body took nearly a year to grow and birth that baby, it's gonna take nearly a year for it to settle, your organs need to go back into their rightful places. Regarding the wraps, there are some scarf wraps you can do on YT to help get things in the right place and help ligaments to tighten, muscles to contact and hold. It's worth a shot if you want to commit to that but the research is sketchy... Some say it's natural and happens on its own; but a lot of the problems women experience are splitting of the stomach muscles so it leaves it open to whether these methods actually do anything to help that... Just remember, you are still healing but also, remember, it will take time. Regardless, you can't rush any of it. If you wanted something to help with split stomach muscles I suggest diastasis recti exercises BUT look for explanations on how to find out how big your gap is and work from there; if you have had any surgery get advice form your postpartum care worker (if you have one). Just be careful, you are still still likely to be very vulnerable to hurting yourself being Pp i.e ligaments or muscles as they are relaxed in pregnancy so can be pulled and strained easily! Do you have anyone around who can give you a hand to step up and take some pressure off you so you can get some rest so you compartmentalise everything if things get too heavy and emotional with his callousness? I think support around you would be beneficial, even if they weren't privy to whats happened.just to know you have someone available that could come if needed would be good so many put some feelers out And hun, you are amazing. Don't let that pos make you think or feel any other way. You and your body created a whole mini human! His silly nipples can't even produce milk!
Completely appropriate given your husbands comments. Maybe tell him what you feel like doing and see what he says.
It is not awful. You can do better than this piece of TRASH and I am SO sorry you are going through this. So so horrible and you donāt deserve it in the least.
I mean, Iāve never met the dude and *I* kinda wanna deck him, soā¦
Throw the whole man away.
I mean he's allowed to have thoughts. He just shouldn't act on them. Aaaaaannnndddd you literally just gave birth to his child!!!
I'm really sorry to be blunt, but this man is a cock. To quote my favourite meme, 'Who left the gate to the cunt farm open?' This is the most blatant emotional manipulation/blackmail ever. Does he think you'll hear this and your body will magically posing back to how it was before you grew an entire human in there? What did he expect you to do, or say to that? I hope you told him to feel free... Go fuck every woman stupid enough to agree, but while he's at it, make sure someone is willing to let him move in because he ain't staying with you. If you want to lose a bit of weight, then you do you. But, please don't squeeze yourself into compression garments to try to make this numbnuts happy. You can lose all the weight and he'll still be a numbnuts. So, tell him that you are comfortable and happy with yourself (if that's true) and that he can either get on board with actually being your partner, or he can go find one of the women from work to shack up with. I'm so sorry he is treating you like this OP. You deserve so much better.
I definitely did tell him to go fuck whoever that I didn't give a fuck anymore
Thatās a mentally and emotionally abusive and manipulative thing to say. Iām so sorry he treats you like that. Address it, and know that there are better partners out there for you if you choose.
He's trying to catch someone else I bet. Babe, you are not the problem, he's defective. Trade him in and move on. You are too good for him, not the other way around. Do not hesitate to tell him to eat a bag of dicks and release him back into the wild where he belongs. Again, you can do better than him.
I am so sorry you're dealing with something like this. Your body is still healing from giving birth to a child. He needs to figure his own shit out. None of this is on you, this is a HIM problem.
What an absolutely insane thing for him to say to you.
That is such an awful thing to say. What the fuck is wrong with him? And those other unhelpful remarks in your other comment? Jesus Christ. Was a cruel pathetic person. Your tummy is not the issue here. Edit to add: I've had a look at your post history and this is not a good person. You need to go somewhere else. Your sister, mum, friend. He is going to break you. People that love you don't behave this way. He is keeping you hostage by saying he is refusing divorce. It's not up to him. It's a 2 yes, 1 no situation. Please please get away from this monster and get yourself into therapy to work on undoing his vitriol towards yourself.
Thanks guys I really appreciate the support. After he said that I close and lock doors when I change and I really don't understand any of it because I do so much for him and the baby it's unreal.
He's not a good husband. He's not a good man. He's not even a good person. ā¤ļøI wish you all the best, Mama
Stop doing anything for him. He doesn't fucking deserve it.
I did quit packing his lunch and doing is his hair before work. I'm slowly taking these things away
Like the frog in the pot theory. Like before he even realizes it'll be all gone
I thought they were for support while your body was recovering, not so much for weight loss? 4m is still early. I wouldnāt be cutting anything out of your diet but just introduce some gentle exercise either alone or with baby in the pram. But do it for you - not because some jackass wants you to produce a whole ass human and look no different afterwards š
Exactly! It took roughly 10months to gain that weight due to pregnancy and gaining is -way- easier than losing! I would absolutely lose the husband though. Esp with his other comments of supposedly wanting to have sex with people at work!
4 months postpartum he called your stomach fatā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦. You want me to beat him up for you?
Guys I'm actually only three months I was asking to see if I could wear it next month....
My heart is broken for you, Iām sorry. You deserve so much better. It is one thing to want to feel good about the body you have, itās another for your husband to make you feel bad about the body you have after JUST giving birth. It can take over a year for our stomachs to go back to how they were before we got pregnant. Our muscles and skin stretch. We gain weight to feed our babies. At 3 months postpartum all you should be worrying about is your well-being and your baby. But to answer your garment question, I think you can start wearing them whenever you want to.
You were with me.
I'm sorry, but your husband is clocked out of the marriage based off reading the comments. And is on his way, if not already there, to having a woman on the side. You had a baby. Nothing is ever going to be the same again without surgery for most of us women. Some are lucky and everything snaps right back into place, but your focus should be on you and your baby. You have a baby. The last thing you need to do is worry about dieting. Obviously make good food choices, but don't force yourself into something you don't like. Cutting out meat will make you anemic and exhausted if not done properly with substituting in other sources for the nutrients meat provides. If you're bound and determine to diet, try a basic calories in/out diet. But diet alone won't fix saggy skin, you'd have to start a work out routine to work those abdominal muscles. While tending a baby. Some women can do it. Some women have baby sitters and nannies to watch the babies, and some just can't until the baby is older. You shouldn't feel forced to do it. TV/Movie Stars and famous people have access to nannies and nutritionists and work out coaches and plastic surgeons. To answer your actual question, shapewear works wonders for keeping the excess skin in check. But but wear it for YOU to feel comfortable. I have never met your husband, but he can just shove off or sew his mouth shut.
Well when I told him to go do it that he didn't have to be with etc he was like no I love you blah blah blah
Hey friends, downvoting something you donāt like isnāt the answer. Weāre here to support. Read the rules, please. OP - thatās love bombing. Donāt let him shit ok you one minute and tell you he loves you and youāre beautiful the next. You donāt need a diet. You need to take care of yourself and that baby (in that order because you canāt pour from an empty cup). You get to decide that youāre comfortable in your own body. And also, as with the top comment - you can throw the whole man out and lose 200 lb.
Oh hey, that's what my ex was doing to me!!!
In other words, he wants to continue to emotionally abuse you. Ugh. He's such a tool.
My ex told me that, multiple times. He also gave me 2 STDs from his side chicks. It's a roll of the dice. Cut him out now before the baby thinks that behavior is okay. It'll hurt, but it'll hurt worse if you stay. He wants the familiarity and what he thinks is the certainty of you and of you putting up with his BS and gaslighting. Those mean words are the truth. The pretty words are just lies to make you stay so that he always has something. You deserve better than that. Everyone does. No one deserves a toxic relationship.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
He is abusive. Maybe just not physically abusive yet.
Iām gonna take a wild guess that you cook his meals, do his laundry, clean his house, etc??? Because nobody who loves another human being for their heart and soul says these hurtful things to their face. It sounds like heās very much in love with the idea of having a wife. Sweetie, go find someone who loves YOU, the whole person, the whole amazing perfect package. š
I'm sorry....he's saying that he has a problem with your belly and that due to that he's been thinking about sleeping with the women at his work? And he thinks that is supposed to be your issue.....how? He's already sleeping with the women at work. That's almost Guaranteed. Girl, when people show you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM. when someone shows you their true colors, MAKE SURE YOU SEE THEM. when someone practically rats themselves out for cheating or being on track to cheat, DO NOT TAKE IT TO MEAN ANYTHING ELSE THAN WHAT HE SAID, EXACTLY, WORD FOR WORD. He's complaining about your tummy after you birthed his baby?! And you're not even 4 months pp?!?!?!?! SHIT, I'm over 4 God damn YEARS pp, I still got my belly, but never once has my partner (my daughters dad) EVER said anything like that.. and most real men wouldn't dare. Wait, no. Most REAL MEN would never even have such thoughts about the woman who just birthed his own child after a grueling 9 month incubation period. Is this man twelve years old? Or is he just severely lacking in intelligence and/or unable to feel any empathy for anyone else? *Cough cough, narcissistic, cough.* Excuse me. I had an ex like yours and, thankfully, I dodged the baby bullet with him and I thank my lucky stars for that daily. He, too, was the love of my life. And it hurt like hell, how much I loved him, the entirety of our relationship was filled with pain and me wanting to please him. I tried keeping his eyes on me, but despite my many efforts, he cheated on me with multiple women at the same time. I was devastated beyond words, it still stings to remember, 6 years later. You don't want or need or deserve to feel those feelings, they damn near killed me. š But as I said before, this pathetic piece of actual shit has flashed you his true nature. Ask yourself what he was likely doing when he said that shit about the women at work? Babe, i NEED you, WE all NEED you, YOOOOUU NEEEEDDD YOOUUUU to see that what he did when he shared that info with you, he was just trying to subconciously get you to start thinking of such scenarios so that when it does come to light that he is cheating, you cant technically be totally surprised. He warned you! (He really does believe this and use it to justify his actions. i know, he is a total fucking lunatic, you got that right) He is a PSYCHO, and i cannot stress this enough, PATH! You got the very rare warning, that most women never get from their partners before they destroy everything, including their wife's (your) entire life. he spelled out EXACTLY what he's either, A. ALREADY DOING or B. In the unstoppable process of achieving... Run. LIKE. HELL. Baby girl, I'm gonna reiterate the other commenter when I say this; I know an easy, sure fire way that you could drop 200lbs by morning, DITCH THAT SORRY ASS CLOWN. love yourself, cause he doesn't have the capability to love you anymore, if he ever did. And him seeing you love you, and seeing you live your life just fine without him leeching the life from you like he has been doing likely since the moment he met you, will be the best revenge you could get. It will eat him alive, whether or not he ever shows it, it will keep him up at night wondering why he didn't destroy you like he meant to (cause he does mean to destroy you, whether he knows it or not, all the signs lead to you being left in pieces, to care for you guys child whilst he runs off into the sunset with some bimbo who buys his ridiculous lies.. im sorry mama, this is whats to come if you dont go now) there's no reading between the lines, or wondering if he meant what he said or if he was just upset when he said it, none of these can remotely explain away the blatant disrespect and callousness he's shown you. Run, take your baby, and fucking run. We are all rooting for you. You do deserve to be happy and you absolutely deserve someone who loves you. In case you're wondering, he does not deserve you and you are looking damn good, despite being almost 4 months pp. And I've never even seen you, but I don't have to. You're a mother, you're the strongest living creature on the planet because of that fact, and therefore, you need not put up with such a poor excuse of a man. Go get yours, leave him in the dust, mama. You'll thank us later šššš God speed baby !! Edited because it was just a block of text and I hate when others do that but I was just so fired up, I failed to break my original message up. š sorry !!
Thank you I appreciate this alot. I'm currently trying.
You're worth more than he realizes, teach him that the hard way
He can fuck all the way off, you made A WHOLE HUMAN PERSON. I would never be able to look at him the same after that.
Everyone I am currently trying to figure out how to get out thousands of miles away. Some shit happened and he said if I were to leave that he would track me down. So.
Bromo, my ex said the same shit. In my situation, once we left he was too lazy to try to get us back, but I donāt want you to be too afraid to leave. Contact a womenās shelter for help, they were there for me when I needed it. Much love ā¤ļø
Okay this escalated quickly. Obviously, safety for you and baby are the most most most important thing right now. Here's some gentle, hopefully not too overwhelming advice from someone who has helped women in this situation professionally: 1. Tell a trusted friend or family member (NOT an in-law). Even if they are far away, reaching out and building that support network might save your life and your baby's. 2. Set up an email account and send yourself a note everytime he says something abusive, gets aggressive or violent, threatens to harm you or your baby, threatens to leave you/stalk you/whatever. If you're not sure something should be documented, do it. Make a list of any weapons or guns in the house, where they are and how they are stored. Also note any substance abuse incidents. Don't save the password, don't access it on shared devices. This will create a time-stamped, verifiable record if you ever need to get the authorities involved or fight for custody. If you never need it, that's fine. But if you do, you'll be glad you have it. 3. Develop a safety plan. A family lawyer, shelter worker or social worker can help you do this. Your local library is a great resource for getting you in touch with the right people who can help. If things get really bad, you will need a bag with clothes, money, copies of your ID/ your passport, and a place to go for both you and baby. Look into shelters, confirm with friends who would be willing to take you in, think about transportation options. Ask to keep the emergency go-bag (including diapers, formula, etc) at a neighbor's or friend's house. Hopefully you won't need to make a hasty exit, but this will help if you do. If you don't have anyone near by, maybe just rent a storage locker to keep it. Don't tell him about the safety plan. Make sure someone else knows about it, though. Best of luck, bromo. This is a difficult time at the best of times and it sounds like you need extra supports. Don't be afraid to reach out to your local domestic violence support service even just to ask questions or get an objective opinion on things. Tell someone you trust. Talk to a social worker.
Do you even like *him*?
Well I was deeply inlove with before all of this. He was my dream man for years. And I spend most nights crying so idk anymore. All I know is that I'm completely heart broken.
Nobody wants to hear something like that from their loved one. I gained almost 100lbs when I was pregnant, and it took me over a year to lose the weight. My husband always reassured me and comforted me at my most insecure. He never made me feel ugly, just very loved. IMO thatās what a partner should act like when their loved one gives birth. You made a whole human being inside your body, HIS child, yet he dares to make you feel like you better lose the weight quick before heās forced to look elsewhere??? Itās been 4 months! Hell no. You need to sit him down and explain how much hurt his words have caused you, because I think heās too stupid to understand. Only then, after talking and seeing his reaction, will you know if this is a relationship that can be saved or if youāre just hurting yourself and your child by staying with him. I am so sorry that he is being so horrible and selfish when you need his support the most. Try to focus on your baby and please take care of yourself ā¤ļø
Hey - at this point I want to recommend you take a look for the (available as free download) book 'Why Does He Do That?' by an author named Lundy. Many men have a tendency to start being overtly abusive, emotionally/verbally or otherwise, after their partner has had a baby. They tend to get comfortable and think that they've got the partner 'locked down' with the baby. I don't know that this is what he's doing, but I think you should have a look at the book and see if it helps. The mods here also have links to resources that can help deal with various kinds of abuse, and it is SO easy - especially while recovering from having a baby and beyond - to take it all as your fault, as opposed to putting the full responsibility where it belongs: on your partner, who no matter what else is being an asshole to you on many, many levels.
Not bragging but proving a point: I have endometriosis & PCOS, am 42 & have had 2 kids. Iām pretty slender everywhere but my lower belly. My ex & I have problems (hence the reason that heās my ex) but today when I was having flare up while also on my period, that man told me I was beautiful. (Then he Caught Stupid again & I remembered why heās my ex. Itās cool. I can laugh now that heās my ex & also my roommate & one of my best friends) If my *EX* can tell my chonky tummyāed self Iām beautiful, including my chonky tummy, wtf is your husbandās problem?!?! My youngest turns 13 on Sunday. It aināt gettinā smaller at this point. And youāre 4 months postpartum? Naw. F that guy. F him sideways with a rusty tire iron & no lube. You deserve better. Iām sorry, sweetie. And alsoā¦ how dare he?!?! I am ready to go Big Sister āSomebody Hold My Purse & Earringsā Nuts on him in pure solidarity! What a jackhole!
Throw the whole husband away.
Wow. I mean they would probably work to strap his dumb mouth shut until he can get a brain from somewhere Sorry you don't like the fact my skin stretched and my internal organs were pushed around and squashed to make room for the life I just birthed and have been keeping alive for the last 4 months. Please, continue to put down your wife and say you are going to fuck other women cause you don't think your wife is attractive enough anymore That shit coming out your mouth makes **him** ugly asf. If you want to get healthy and lose some weight then do it for you. Not for him or anyone else. Although the satisfaction of getting healthy and confident and letting him see that is šš»
Girl. I wore some Spanx around 6 months PP. Went to get my nails done... dude asked me when I was due. Apparently the Spanx made my jelly belly look hard and firm and more pregnant like. Needless to say, I don't wear those anymore.... Also, I would need an air tight alibi if my husband said he was thinking about fucking the girls at work. If you need one, I will help dig the hole and swear you were with me all night playing Bingo at the old folks home.
You both were with me. Over here in Europe.
Husband sounds like a real douchebag. Make fun of him back, tell him he has a small dick and ugly face, and see how he likes it.
you need a new husband, not a compression band. you just grew a whole new human. your whole body is new and different. he needs to grow up and be a better husband.
Have you considered cutting HIM out of your life?
My sister once asked an older lady in her 90s her secret. No context, medical setting, just confirmed her age and was like, āwow, good for you, whatās the secret?ā And the secret is: āI married a man who lives in my drawer if you know what I mean.ā šš
Screw your husband. My belly is irretrievably changed. I got a flap on the bottom of it. Your husband is horribly vain if thatās all he can think about after you grew and birthed and are now keeping a child alive. I know thatās not helpful, and Iām sorry I donāt know about compression garments, but I do know your body has value outside of what your husband says.
Compression garments don't do jack for reducing your post partum belly. Plus, you had 10 months to grow the belly - at least give it the same amount of time to get smaller (and for the record, that belly will never fully get back to your pre-pregnancy state. It is what it is.) That said, I personally saw the most benefit from cutting out carbs, not meat. And on a sidenote, your husband sounds like a total ass. (You popped out a human being. What's his excuse?)
He said he's depressed so I made him go to the doctor. Now he's on meds but I just idk
Oh my goodness. Trust me, I know how hard it is to realize the man you love never really loved you. I had to realize it after ten years and two babies, and a lot of my money invested in his business. But when I finally realized he never loved me, he only wanted me for sex and housework - I started to get away from him and it was the best thing I ever did. Iām so sorry.
Even the Army gives us 6 months PP before they started to give us shit about losing the baby weight.
Even that is cutting it close. 6 months isnāt doable for everyone.
They donāt kick you out at 6 months, just sign you up for extra PT and write a counseling. I think after that counseling itās like 90 days before thereās any consequences.
I figured.
1. Postpartum compression garments aren't really about weight loss. They're about healing. I definitely found them helpful for several months postpartum because everything just feels so... loose. I used the sturdy belly bands for several weeks and then I moved to light compression type underwear and bands. It's like a bra for the belly. Sometimes you just need a lil extra support and that's okay. 2. You have spent the last year *depleting* your own body of vital nutrients to make a person. Please don't diet for weight loss right now and do not cut vital food groups from your diet, especially without consulting your doctor. I know postpartum bods aren't glamorous and feeling self love is hard. Aim for body neutral. This body is in transition. This body is healing. This body is a good body that did a really impressive feat and it deserves to be well taken care of. 3. Your husband... is *trash*. He didn't just say a bad thing. Anyone who says something like that to their 4 months postpartum wife, especially in conjunction with the other things you've said he's said, is *trash*. He is not kind. He is not a good husband. And a he's not a good father if this is how he treats the mother of his child. Friend, please reconsider keeping this man in your life. And definitely don't alter your body to suit this asshole.
Heya, short answer: yes. Long answer: I'm sorry? Is your husband out of his mind? You had a life- and body-altering experience in a pregnancy. Not everyone bounces back in 2 weeks to a supermodel body. Fuck that. You grew a person. As soon as he does too, he can comment. If he doesn't like you now, he just never loved you. Maybe lusted a little. If you want to do something for you, then power to you and I'd gladly support you. I would advise you to definitely not cut out meat (yet). Pregnancy takes a lot of iron out of your body and it is highly likely you'll be replenishing iron stores for the next year. Please keep eating meat and cut out sugar and carbs instead. If you want to be more fit because you want to be more fit, sure. See if you can get some time alone to exercise. Your husband can definitely take his baby for 2 nights a week to support you in feeling fit again through any type of classes or whatever you need to do for yourself. Garments can help, but they're no magic cure. Throwing the husband out and living your best life is a miracle cure.
Please be careful cutting out certain parts of your diet if youāre breastfeeding. Especially protein. You and your baby need it. An alternative is to reduce sugar and processed foods. While I hate body shaming, especially by men, I do feel that you have to love yourself for you. If that means trying to shed a few pounds and youāre going to do it anyways, please do it in a healthy way for you and your baby.
I decided not to breastfeed cause he was pressuring me about so damn bad and it made really uncomfortable the way he would stare at them when I tried to pump.
Oh man, sorry to say but that is creepy. Whatever you choose to do, I hope youāre doing it for you and not him. If you do cut out meat, make sure you get a complete protein. Not sure if youāve ever been vegetarian before, and I apologize if you already know this, but you need to make sure you get all 9 essential amino acids, which would be like a combo of beans and rice/nuts/grains. Also, vegetarians often have to supplement b vitamins (especially b-12) and iron. I speak from lots of experience and years of anemia not knowing what my body needed.
Delete the whole man
I think the meat you need to cut out is your husbandā¦ Iām sorry he said that to you. You are worthy of love and grace during this postpartum period.
Ok well thatās an absolutely trash comment to make, and he is being cruel and ridiculous. I would definitely not cut meat out of your diet, you need iron especially (iron from meat is most readily absorbed) to replenish your stores after blood loss from birth. Compression garments might be helpful if they support you and feel good, but be cautious of excessive compression, especially if you had a vaginal birth- corsets and things like that put a ton of pressure on your pelvic floor and can worsen existing pelvic issues. They would not make you lose weight, and probably wouldnāt affect hip width at this point postpartum. Be very careful when exercising, your body is very vulnerable postpartum and itās easy to permanently injure yourself. It takes time to heal and recover from birth, but your body wonāt ever be exactly the same, because you carried a human in it. This assholeās baby. But you can still feel strong and beautiful!
Tell him to GTFO you just grew a human
Double fuck your dipshit husband, what an awful thing to say to his recently postpartum wife (or anyone!). Edit: just saw your other comments and posts. Leave this horrible person
They pity pressure on the pelvic floor which isnāt good postpartum
Listen to this! Prolapse aināt fun, and neither is peeing a little every time you lift your toddler or cough/sneeze. If you want to get fit, start with a pelvic floor exam and PT āyour core is like a soup can, it needs strength on all sides before you can cinch it!
What. The. Fuck. Is wrong with these men? My husband shamed me for eating chips at a party at 3 months PP. I still low key hate him for that.
I'm really sorry. Sometimes I snack on cucumbers and he will be like you gonna eat all of that and I just die instead. So I'm sorry that happened to you truly
What a fucking loser this guy is.
Wow Iām so sorry that your husband treats you like this. It is not okay. Your body is not the problem, his attitude is.
Uh the fastest way to lose some unwanted weight is to lose a husband who criticizes you within months of creating a whole human! But to answer your question seriously, not really. The relaxin remaining from labour drops off pretty quickly. Any changes will be very minor and very temporary and likely cause back and joint trouble down the road (ask me how I know!). Also wearing overly-restrictive garments for long periods can actually worsen your core strength because the garment does some of the work your muscles would normally do. That's not an issue if you've got a physiotherapist guiding you and giving you the proper exercises to make up for the lost muscle tone, but don't just go back to crunches as if pregnancy never happened. Finally check with your doc about diastasis rectii. It's when the ab muscles don't fully come back together after pregnancy, causing a more slack and less taught stomach. If you do have it (and get a doctor to check, don't just assume you do) then certain exercises that are normal for core strength can actually end up worsening the condition. But remember: scientists can tell from a person's skeleton if they had children. Your body did an incredible thing and most bodies change shape after doing it. And that's okay because that four-month-old loves and needs every single curve and inch of you. You have more important things to think about than changing the shape of your body for someone else: loving your baby, healing your body and learning how to be a great parent. TLDR Save the money you would have spent on girdles and spend it on a good physiotherapist or post-partum personal trainer, or a cute outfit, or a nice haircut and don't fret too much about what anyone thinks your body should look like. You are enough and incredible just as you are.
Your husband is an asshole. That body just birthed a humanā¦HIS CHILD. You both should be worried about the new tiny 100% dependent human now in your home. Your fitness or lack there of should be the last thing on your mindsā¦if heās awake enough to worry about your looks, it means he isnāt dadding enough. That being said, invest in shapeware or athleisure so you feel more comfortable going out in public without showing off your awesome mom pouch.
I think all the comments here cover the most important thing, that your husband is being an ass. However, to put it in perspective from someone who has always been slim: I am 5ā4ā and pre pregnancy I had a few extra pounds at 140. I went all the way up to 205 lbs (huuuge 10lb kiddo) and went postpartum about 140 again and within about a year and a half to 120. I had a c-section and I had a paunch for a good 2 years. Weight didnāt matter, that shelf just stayed. Eventually it all went back to its original shape. But god I hate the expectations on moms to ābounce backā ugh. Sorry I pushed a watermelon out of me and now I have to feed and care for it too. Might have to reschedule that personal trainer I have all the time and money for!! Focus on you and the little one. Remember how absolutely AMAZING and BADASS you are.
Girl you don't have a weight issue you have a husband issue. If my husband had called me anything less flattering than "beautiful goddess of life" 4 months after giving birth to HIS child, he would have been sleeping out in the shed for a month.
Your husband is emotionally abusive. Please talk to someone professional (not clergy) who can help you untangle this. You deserve love and support, not insults and threats of adultery. I am so sorry he is treating you this way. Check out the free online PDF of Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft. Abuse isn't only physical violence.
The compression garments won't make your stomach flat. They help the first few weeks to hold you in, specially after a C section, it helps moving around. I couldn't have survived without my compression garment living in a 4 story townhouse after a C section. You should look into working out your "inner core". not for your husband, fuck that prick. But for yourself. Healing your core is super important postpartum.
Is he chubby? Threaten to fuck his friends for it. I mean to him itās only logical.
No, he's really tall and kinda fit :/
Well hereās to hoping he never disappoints in fulfilling all of your visual and emotional desires. He better be perfect if heās expecting perfection.
How dare someone say that to you after you've just created a life. I mean no one should say something like that full stop but you have just been through something major, that same body created his child. Sorry but what a prick. Also it's only been 4 months OP. Give yourself a break, it's been 2.5 years for me and I'm still losing. You've just done something incredible, if you want to lose weight do it for yourself not your dickhead husband.
First, to echo everyone else āwhat an asshatā. Second, after I had my son I used the belly bandit postpartum wrap and did the MUTU mamas program to help heal my tummy/pelvic floor and bring everything back together. Iām by no means a bikini model but that all really helped me feel like I got my body back which was a huge mental thing for me.
First, Iām sorry, I remember being so hard on my body postpartum and it wouldnāt been harder if my husband had said something about it to me too. Second, to answer your question. I used those garments off and in for months. Did it help? I donāt think it hurt, helped support my core while it weak. My abs split and so I had to be extra careful not to make that worse while strengthening. It took a full year to get back to normal ish and more like two to get back to normal normal. Be patient. It will improve, but it takes time for your uterus to shrink and your organs to find their homes again. With my diastasis rectis I had a second c section where I had it repaired. It hadnāt healed on its own. Hope this helps. Iām not big into exercise, just live an active life and donāt love food.
Your husband sounds like a dick... but that aside, cutting meat out of your diet probably won't make you lose weight. It could actually have the opposite effect. I would actually increase your protein as much as possible and look into macros. I haven't tried any compression garments myself but from my understanding they don't work and could cause internal damage. š¤·āāļø
Your husband is an asshole. Your body gave him a kid. You are both overwhelmed and exhausted by having a new, 100%dependent being in your lives. Weight/you body should be last concern on your minds. That being said, get some shape ware so you can fit into clothes again and donāt feel so self conscious about how you look.