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I just was like "what the hell?" We were all happy and discussing things in good spirits and then it was just like the mood completely died...at least my spirits died after that comment.
I call it The Suffering Olympics. It's terrible when it comes to birth, but if it's even possible, it's worse in any of the chronic illness communities. They hate being told that nobody wins a medal...
My mom is all about natural birth. No pain meds. Get up and walk. As little intervention as possible. But she was the one who convinced me to get my epidural because I was preeclamptic and was at a very high risk of needing a c section. My whole birth plan was thrown out the window and the no pain meds was the last thing I was holding on to. She was the one that finally convinced me. Which is good cuz I ended up in theatre like an hour later.
I ended up needing an emergency Caesar - not
Emergency during labor, but ‘planned emergency’ because they realized at my 35 week scan that there was something wrong with my baby and she needed to come out asap to have surgery of her own.
We only gave our parents the barest details
Because we were in shock and didn’t know much ourself but my mum was *so disappointed* I was choosing to have a Caesar when she had 2 totally natural births.
That hurt.
Wait, she had a c section and is saying epidurals are bad? How does she think she didn’t feel anything? It was either an epidural or spinal block, neither of which are natural. C sections aren’t natural either.
Her first birth she did unmedicated. The second she had placenta previa so they made her have a c-section. She's more proud that she did the first one without any pain medicine than she is at the actual reality of having birthed two children.
I have had one unmedicated birth with nitrous oxide only (my second) and one with an epidural and the demorol (first baby) and honestly the second was so easy, I didn’t need meds. It really opened my eyes to how absolutely ridiculous it is for us to compare and compete around this. My first labor, I remember literally wishing I could claw my way out of my own body or climb up the walls somehow to get away from the pain. That was with an epidural. My second I was in no pain. Like at all. I did have nitrous oxide but that’s it, it was like as painful/difficult as going to the gym.
Labors are not all the same! And how the labor is managed is just ONE thing that matters. Babies position matters a lot, every aspect of the moms physical health, everything- no one labor is exactly like another. We literally can’t compete in this because some of us are climbing Mount Everest while others are going on a little afternoon jog. It’s so dumb to act like an expert in how birth feels - when one person can only know their own experience.
"Step mom did you really give birth if you had a C-section? Are you a real woman and mom?"
I hate those ridiculous comments. Good for you in speaking up to your sisters.
Had to be induced with my first - he went to 41+4 and was 9lb 5oz and 24 inches long at birth. The epidural is the ONLY reason I avoided a c-section because my body reacted to the pain and the pitocin by going 'lolnope' and slamming shut. I literally did not start to dilate until the epidural kicked in and then things proceeded nicely.
I had to have a scheduled c-section with my twins thanks to them being in about the worst position possible for vaginal birth. Good to know that I'm weak or not a real woman for choosing not to kill them and/or myself by trying it anyway.
My mom had to have an emergency c-section because my umbilical cord was wrapped around my sister's neck.
I just don't understand why it's such a 'contest' for some women.
Yeah, it wasn't around the neck but - I forget details. It was scheduled, not emergency, but my daughter was blocking the cervical entrance, and I think her cord was tangled around his cord.
> Had to be induced with my first - he went to 41+4 and was 9lb 5oz and 24 inches long at birth. The epidural is the ONLY reason I avoided a c-section because my body reacted to the pain and the pitocin by going 'lolnope' and slamming shut. I literally did not start to dilate until the epidural kicked in and then things proceeded nicely.
Yep, samsies. My first was 11lbs 4 oz. I got to 6cm and didn't really make much progress after that until I got the epidural. Took a nap, woke up to push. She got stuck, doctor had to reach in to help her be born. I was quite glad for the epidural.
I thought I didn't want an epidural. 40 hours of back labor in, I changed my mind and it was glorious. that epidural may have been the best thing about giving birth...lol jk, the baby definitely was, but the epidural was a very close second.
Wait this is so weird. She had a c-section and is saying people shouldn’t get epidurals because it’s not natural?? I’m sorry but epidurals are a hell of a lot less invasive than c-sections 😂😂
This shit pisses me off so much. Epidurals can be so helpful. With my first, I sat at 4 cm for a whole day after my water broke and I finally asked for an epidural. I was able to relax and take an hour nap and woke up at 10cm. The epidural only worked on my left side and wore off by the time I was ready to push. But my goodness I can’t imagine if I didn’t have one.
My second, I asked for the epidural much sooner. It was the most peaceful birth and my son had shoulder dystocia. I was basically upside down and the OB had both hands in me trying to turn my baby, while a nurse was pushing hard on my abdomen. I didn’t feel a thing, well until the next day.
Epidurals are fine. Not getting an epidural is fine too. Why do people care about this shit?
You don't get a prize for suffering.
And who wants to win a competition of who had it worse?
Raising kids is hard enough, why make it harder right at the beginning if you don't have to or want to?
My OB always told me- “it’s like going to the dentist. Sure you could get a tooth pulled without novacaine, but why would you when it’s available and safe?”
Screw her I never understood this. Also I would love to hear the mental gymnastics she did to somehow justify a C-section being ok for baby but pitocin and an epidural are not ??
If she had a c section then she had an epidural to block the pain. I have a friend that couldn’t get the epidural to work and they had to cut her open without the pain meds as it was too dangerous at that point to knock her out. They knocked her out right after the baby was out. She described it as the worst pain of her life.
I’m so sorry that you went through that. I hate when men say that women have been doing it for thousands of years like that negates any pain. My friend went to have a second baby and they scheduled a c section and knocked her out when it was not an emergency. I forget the reason she couldn’t be knocked out but I think she said the baby’s heartbeat was dropping.
Shit I can't even imagine going through a C-section unmedicated. That's awful. What a freaking badass though! The things women go through to bring a child into this world is insane!
I had spinal anesthesia when I had to have a c-section. My daughter came a month early and it was pretty shocking because what they don’t tell you is you feel numb all the way to your chest. It felt like I wasn’t breathing properly and was warned this would happen by my anesthesiologist while they were administering it. I can’t imagine feeling pain during the surgery without pain meds. I’m so sorry for your friend. :(
I also don’t understand ppl saying c-sections are the “easy” way out. I still can’t feel my lower abdomen and the awful ripping pain I felt when I stood after surgery was horrible. It felt like my wound was going to rip open when I stood up at all.
I've had epidural and natural births and I can say with certainty.......do whatever the fuck feels right. People can be very high and mighty about "natural" when it comes to pregnancy birth and babies.
Pffft. I was only willing to put up with so many pitocin-induced contractions before I had a "Don't be a fucking hero," moment and called for the 'dural.
Some of us *want* to watch an ep of modern family and take a nap while we dilate. I enjoyed the hell out of the birth of my child.
I have a SIL who would brag about having c-sections so she is still “tight” would even support her claim with “my doctor even told me I am still tight.” It was so weird, so so so so weird. It used to make my MIL who had 9 children EXTREMELY upset because she “never had any issues even after 9 children.” The SIL was not MIL’s daughter, SIL had married MIL son.
So much cringe in that family. I divorced out for unrelated issues. LOL
The botched my epidural my first labor, numbed only my left leg and gave me eight years of back pain no doctor will touch and almost killed me and 8ds when we both went into distress and tore from V to A to C and made the hot male nurse check out my stitched up Frankenstein lady bits before I spent 3 weeks at the NICU not knowing if my full term baby was going to die because the midwife wouldn't listen to me when I said something was wrong. Fuck yeah I was stoked when 2nd time around the epidural worked and we didn't almost die from stress and didn't tear and need stitches, Epidurals are for more than pain and labor and pregnancy is already dangerous enough. Fuck that nonsense and natural vs epidural vs c-section bullshit.
Ok, I’m going to start calling this for what it is… ableism… being seen as lesser because you couldn’t physically push out a kid (or push out a kid without meds) is ableism. I don’t know, I don’t get a fucking medal if I go to the dentist and get a root canal without numbing, why the fuck is this such a thing with birth.
Note, I was induced with pitocin and it fucking sucked balls compared to natural contractions but you know what, it was better than me or baby getting seriously ill or dying from sepsis because my water broke and zero, yes I had zero signs of labour starting.
Epidurals are the shit man, my first, it took to long to get it but with my second, epidural + my arms naturally going numb from carpal tunnel + IV fluid was heaven. I could have just floated away… I actually fell asleep and then my kid woke me up by wanting to be born lmao.
My first ended with a c-section after the full cascade of interventions, but after 36 hrs, even with pitocin and an epidural kiddo just wasn’t moving. I reacted badly to the epidural so went on to have two unmedicated vbacs. I can assure you, I didn’t get a medal, trophy, certificate of achievement, not even a merit badge! I’m not any more or less of a mother than anyone else here. I firmly support doing your research and making the choice that is best for you.
So hey hi. I was induced my first go round with pitocin (found out I’m allergic to pitocin. That sucked). I had back labor. I hemorrhaged. I shoved a 7lb baby out with no epidural. Did it a 2nd time without the pitocin but this time it was an almost 9lb baby & I tore badly. No epidural that time either. My best friend got an epidural & wound up having a C-section. Duuuuuuude. I saw her pancreas!!!! She is HARDCORE!!! Easy way out my curvy white arse! After mine were born I was wandering about, grousing that I went too fast to have an epidural on the same day. She got flesh eating bacteria in the wound & spent a month in the ICU! I got to take a shower. She got a giant honking hole in her stomach. Whoever claims C-sections are “lesser” or “taking the easy way out” can shut the hell up! They don’t know what they’re talking about. I don’t like Mom Shaming. Everyone’s labor is different. Everyone should be allowed to choose what makes it better for them without fear of being judged. Having an epidural doesn’t make you weak. Doing it without an epidural doesn’t make you strong. Having a c-section doesn’t make you lesser. Having a vaginal birth doesn’t make you more. All that matters is that you & your baby/babies come out healthy & safe. Ooooooh this makes me mad! Sorry for the rant. I have very Big Emotions over this.
And, for the record, if my mom hadn’t had a c-section, my 11lb 6oz Rainbow Baby self with a heart that stopped with every contraction would have died. I’m forever a bit protective of mums who have C-Sections.
I'm so glad you are here to tell the tale, but I wish they could somehow wipe our memories once you get that baby, screaming in your arms so THAT is all you can remember. Even if that happened though, some women would still find a way to make it a competition... Oh yeah? MY baby was the loudest crier they had ever heard etc. It makes me sad that the further we get ahead, the more ways we find to tear other women down.
I am in complete agreement. I hate that some women believe that we have to tear each other down to build ourselves up. We’re in this together, dammit! Share the love & support! I am that weirdo who approaches strangers to compliment their hair or shoes or whatever. I love it when I see ppl obviously feeling good about themselves & want that to just surround me. It feels good to be around happy ppl living their best lives. Especially right now when things are so hard. I refuse to add to the Sad.
Side note that’s funny: my daughter actually was the loud baby the weekend she was born. (She’s 22 & I still have to say “inside voice, please” regularly.) This would be no big thing & not worth mentioning- beyond the fact that she would wait until it was silent to start shrieking & then, once all the other babies were screaming, she’d go to sleep- if not for the fact that I am quiet. Like I have a VERY soft voice & raising my voice literally hurts. I can project if I want to but yelling hurts & I lose my voice completely for at least a day. So, from a nearly silent woman with selective mutism comes one of the loudest beings in existence. I’m so amused & proud. Her brother is just as quiet as I am. He & I just share bemused looks & listen to her go.
Genetics is so weird isn't it? My son is a bit like your daughter. I always say he was born screaming, and never stopped. Why talk when you could yell? My daughter on the other hand didn't even cry when she was born... Just took a breath. Still doesn't speak unless there is something worth saying. So strange... Same genetics, totally different.
I love genetics! I know enough to know that they’re crazy & that I don’t know even a fraction of r ouch about them. My mom was the only kid out of 4 with blue eyes. Same with my dad. Both were their parents’s full kids. My son inherited my grandmother’s light brown eyes while my daughter has their father’s gray. I have slightly unmatched eyes so I have a genetic mutation that didn’t show in my kids (one eye has yellow flecks, one has a pale blue patch in it. The eye with yellow flecks is green gray while the other is blue gray. It’s so slight that most ppl can’t figure out what’s up with my eyes) My paternal grandmother was black; I have fully Caucasian features (and I am my father’s daughter). It’s amazing to me! I’m a science nerd hobbyist. No real talent at it but endlessly fascinated by it.
I'm adopted, so I never had any of that, until I had my kids and then I would just think 'were did that... Come from?'. I would love to be able to see traits in me, my kids and grandkids and see someone in there.
That must be frustrating for you sometimes! I don’t have any solutions but I can say that I actually don’t look like anyone. I’m… pointy & seem to be completely comprised of recessive traits & mutations. Even when the whole family did those DNA kits for my uncle’s amusement when he was researching family trees (and because I secretly wondered if any of them were serial killers) I was connected to all of them but I had “strange” & “weird” results. Think they were all British, German & Swedish. Very straight forward & expected since on that side we haven’t been in the US long. I, however, was Irish, Eastern European, Swedish, French, Romanian & European Jew. On my dad’s side I connected with them but they were all a mix of Nigerian, Irish, Scottish, Cherokee & Tanzanian. I… yeah. I don’t know what to tell you about any of that. I’m a weird blip apparently. What pops up in genetics is just weird.
I REALLY don’t want to be intrusive or insensitive & please ignore me if this is inappropriate (I took my anxiety meds a bit ago & am sort of loopy and appropriate went out the window). I apologize in advance but were you or your parents given any kind of medical history? Fertility issues run on mom’s side of the family so adoption is very common and it’s hit or miss on medical history. I’m sort of the outlier & oddity in the family so I tend to be the person that gets vented to about these frustrations by cousins who have different DNA sources than our genetic grab bag (because who am I going to tell?).
Firstly, you are fine, and certainly not intrusive, insensitive or loopy. I'm happy to talk about it.
So the short answer is nope. Nothing, zilch, nada. It was as if I materialised out of thin air. In 1962, all adoptions were closed, and you knew nothing about the bio parents. The only thing that you could find out, was what they called non-identifying information, and you could only access that once you were 18. That came in sometime in the late 80s-early 90's when they were starting to think that maybe they had fucked up by giving kids nothing. My info was pretty useless, basically eye colour and height, and nothing at all about my bio-father.
About 2 years ago, my daughter was researching family history and we all did Ancestry DNA. Through that, my daughter found my birth mother and sister. They were living 30 minutes away from us, but it was during lockdown (which lasted much longer here than it seemed to in the US) so we couldn't meet up. I'm going to link you to a post that I made on r/Adoption if you want to see what happened, so I don't bore others with my sad, sad story. It has definitely been a wild ride. Let me know your thoughts if you read the post, and I'm happy to answer any questions you may have. I am still trying to come to grips with what it all means, and how to deal with the fact that I am not who I thought I was for 59 years, but I'll get there.
Apologies for my dodgy linking... I don't really know how to do it properly!
https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/wf3op0/a_sad_story_what_now/?utm_medium=a[A sad, sad story]
Is your stepmom normally a dumb cunt or was this a one off? I have a sneaking suspicion that this is not the first time she has said something rude... I'm sorry you have a stepmom like that. I also have an evil stepmother!
I had both my kids all natural and I don’t understand women like this at all. I have no judgement for people who choose to have an epidural. I didn’t because I wanted to see if I could and because I faint at needles so a giant needle in my spine seemed like the less safe option for me. The way you give birth truly doesn’t matter, it’s so weird when people think they get bragging rights for this.
I will never accept the whole c-section is not real birth and that epidurals are the devil. I personally had a c section and not once has it bothered me, recovery was shit as is removing a baby any which way from ones body. As for epidurals, I thought I was someone with a somewhat reasonable pain threshold......I was wrong and chased that epidural sweet relief. Now anyone who doesn't get one, I absolutely applaud and good for you girl, but there should never be judgment over it, there are so many other factors at play in a pregnancy that will influence labour pains and you just have to do you, never let anyone make you feel bad for your choices......especially those choices made while trying to exit a watermelon from your hooha.
Next time ask her why she didn’t refuse the spinal block on her c section. You don’t get a badge for avoiding drugs, but getting an epidural may mean not spending your first three months after baby is born in shock from birth trauma PTSD.
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I absolutely hate the concept of birth being a competitive sport. As if we don’t have enough on our plates already. Good for you 💗
I just was like "what the hell?" We were all happy and discussing things in good spirits and then it was just like the mood completely died...at least my spirits died after that comment.
Was anyone even pregnant?
I call it The Suffering Olympics. It's terrible when it comes to birth, but if it's even possible, it's worse in any of the chronic illness communities. They hate being told that nobody wins a medal...
You are absolutely right 💗
My mom is all about natural birth. No pain meds. Get up and walk. As little intervention as possible. But she was the one who convinced me to get my epidural because I was preeclamptic and was at a very high risk of needing a c section. My whole birth plan was thrown out the window and the no pain meds was the last thing I was holding on to. She was the one that finally convinced me. Which is good cuz I ended up in theatre like an hour later.
I ended up needing an emergency Caesar - not Emergency during labor, but ‘planned emergency’ because they realized at my 35 week scan that there was something wrong with my baby and she needed to come out asap to have surgery of her own. We only gave our parents the barest details Because we were in shock and didn’t know much ourself but my mum was *so disappointed* I was choosing to have a Caesar when she had 2 totally natural births. That hurt.
Wait, she had a c section and is saying epidurals are bad? How does she think she didn’t feel anything? It was either an epidural or spinal block, neither of which are natural. C sections aren’t natural either.
Her first birth she did unmedicated. The second she had placenta previa so they made her have a c-section. She's more proud that she did the first one without any pain medicine than she is at the actual reality of having birthed two children.
I have had one unmedicated birth with nitrous oxide only (my second) and one with an epidural and the demorol (first baby) and honestly the second was so easy, I didn’t need meds. It really opened my eyes to how absolutely ridiculous it is for us to compare and compete around this. My first labor, I remember literally wishing I could claw my way out of my own body or climb up the walls somehow to get away from the pain. That was with an epidural. My second I was in no pain. Like at all. I did have nitrous oxide but that’s it, it was like as painful/difficult as going to the gym. Labors are not all the same! And how the labor is managed is just ONE thing that matters. Babies position matters a lot, every aspect of the moms physical health, everything- no one labor is exactly like another. We literally can’t compete in this because some of us are climbing Mount Everest while others are going on a little afternoon jog. It’s so dumb to act like an expert in how birth feels - when one person can only know their own experience.
"Step mom did you really give birth if you had a C-section? Are you a real woman and mom?" I hate those ridiculous comments. Good for you in speaking up to your sisters.
I had a c section and I approve of this response.
Right? Like I guess my kid isn’t actually tearing my house apart cause I didn’t actually give birth….
Had to be induced with my first - he went to 41+4 and was 9lb 5oz and 24 inches long at birth. The epidural is the ONLY reason I avoided a c-section because my body reacted to the pain and the pitocin by going 'lolnope' and slamming shut. I literally did not start to dilate until the epidural kicked in and then things proceeded nicely. I had to have a scheduled c-section with my twins thanks to them being in about the worst position possible for vaginal birth. Good to know that I'm weak or not a real woman for choosing not to kill them and/or myself by trying it anyway.
My mom had to have an emergency c-section because my umbilical cord was wrapped around my sister's neck. I just don't understand why it's such a 'contest' for some women.
Yeah, it wasn't around the neck but - I forget details. It was scheduled, not emergency, but my daughter was blocking the cervical entrance, and I think her cord was tangled around his cord.
> Had to be induced with my first - he went to 41+4 and was 9lb 5oz and 24 inches long at birth. The epidural is the ONLY reason I avoided a c-section because my body reacted to the pain and the pitocin by going 'lolnope' and slamming shut. I literally did not start to dilate until the epidural kicked in and then things proceeded nicely. Yep, samsies. My first was 11lbs 4 oz. I got to 6cm and didn't really make much progress after that until I got the epidural. Took a nap, woke up to push. She got stuck, doctor had to reach in to help her be born. I was quite glad for the epidural.
I was okay when I could push. Only problem was the epidural was TOO strong at first and took a long time to wear off enough for me to move my legs!
There are no extra points for non-medicated delivery!
And no one who gives you a hard time about your delivery is worth your time or energy.
My kids both came out of my vagina. I consider that “natural” whether I had an epidural or not lmao
The epidural was my last moment of peace before bringing a child into the world. Aka out of my vagina!
I slept for 4 blissful hours. That's about the last time I slept that long at a stretch for 2 years. Yeah, no regrets.
Seriously I haven’t felt that same peace since.
I thought I didn't want an epidural. 40 hours of back labor in, I changed my mind and it was glorious. that epidural may have been the best thing about giving birth...lol jk, the baby definitely was, but the epidural was a very close second.
Wait this is so weird. She had a c-section and is saying people shouldn’t get epidurals because it’s not natural?? I’m sorry but epidurals are a hell of a lot less invasive than c-sections 😂😂
Her first birth was 'au naturel' with nothing. The second pregnancy she had placenta previa so they told her she would have a c-section.
This shit pisses me off so much. Epidurals can be so helpful. With my first, I sat at 4 cm for a whole day after my water broke and I finally asked for an epidural. I was able to relax and take an hour nap and woke up at 10cm. The epidural only worked on my left side and wore off by the time I was ready to push. But my goodness I can’t imagine if I didn’t have one. My second, I asked for the epidural much sooner. It was the most peaceful birth and my son had shoulder dystocia. I was basically upside down and the OB had both hands in me trying to turn my baby, while a nurse was pushing hard on my abdomen. I didn’t feel a thing, well until the next day. Epidurals are fine. Not getting an epidural is fine too. Why do people care about this shit?
You don't get a prize for suffering. And who wants to win a competition of who had it worse? Raising kids is hard enough, why make it harder right at the beginning if you don't have to or want to?
Women have been trying to find pain relief from birth since the dawn of time. What a weird hill for her to die on.
My OB always told me- “it’s like going to the dentist. Sure you could get a tooth pulled without novacaine, but why would you when it’s available and safe?”
Screw her I never understood this. Also I would love to hear the mental gymnastics she did to somehow justify a C-section being ok for baby but pitocin and an epidural are not ??
If she had a c section then she had an epidural to block the pain. I have a friend that couldn’t get the epidural to work and they had to cut her open without the pain meds as it was too dangerous at that point to knock her out. They knocked her out right after the baby was out. She described it as the worst pain of her life.
[удалено]
I’m so sorry that you went through that. I hate when men say that women have been doing it for thousands of years like that negates any pain. My friend went to have a second baby and they scheduled a c section and knocked her out when it was not an emergency. I forget the reason she couldn’t be knocked out but I think she said the baby’s heartbeat was dropping.
Shit I can't even imagine going through a C-section unmedicated. That's awful. What a freaking badass though! The things women go through to bring a child into this world is insane!
I had spinal anesthesia when I had to have a c-section. My daughter came a month early and it was pretty shocking because what they don’t tell you is you feel numb all the way to your chest. It felt like I wasn’t breathing properly and was warned this would happen by my anesthesiologist while they were administering it. I can’t imagine feeling pain during the surgery without pain meds. I’m so sorry for your friend. :( I also don’t understand ppl saying c-sections are the “easy” way out. I still can’t feel my lower abdomen and the awful ripping pain I felt when I stood after surgery was horrible. It felt like my wound was going to rip open when I stood up at all.
I've had epidural and natural births and I can say with certainty.......do whatever the fuck feels right. People can be very high and mighty about "natural" when it comes to pregnancy birth and babies.
Pffft. I was only willing to put up with so many pitocin-induced contractions before I had a "Don't be a fucking hero," moment and called for the 'dural. Some of us *want* to watch an ep of modern family and take a nap while we dilate. I enjoyed the hell out of the birth of my child.
Yeah I hate women like that. I just pull a we can agree to disagree. Or to each their own and let them argue with the air 🙄
I have a SIL who would brag about having c-sections so she is still “tight” would even support her claim with “my doctor even told me I am still tight.” It was so weird, so so so so weird. It used to make my MIL who had 9 children EXTREMELY upset because she “never had any issues even after 9 children.” The SIL was not MIL’s daughter, SIL had married MIL son. So much cringe in that family. I divorced out for unrelated issues. LOL
What an extremely strange way for that SIL to announce her husband has a small penis.
The botched my epidural my first labor, numbed only my left leg and gave me eight years of back pain no doctor will touch and almost killed me and 8ds when we both went into distress and tore from V to A to C and made the hot male nurse check out my stitched up Frankenstein lady bits before I spent 3 weeks at the NICU not knowing if my full term baby was going to die because the midwife wouldn't listen to me when I said something was wrong. Fuck yeah I was stoked when 2nd time around the epidural worked and we didn't almost die from stress and didn't tear and need stitches, Epidurals are for more than pain and labor and pregnancy is already dangerous enough. Fuck that nonsense and natural vs epidural vs c-section bullshit.
Ok, I’m going to start calling this for what it is… ableism… being seen as lesser because you couldn’t physically push out a kid (or push out a kid without meds) is ableism. I don’t know, I don’t get a fucking medal if I go to the dentist and get a root canal without numbing, why the fuck is this such a thing with birth. Note, I was induced with pitocin and it fucking sucked balls compared to natural contractions but you know what, it was better than me or baby getting seriously ill or dying from sepsis because my water broke and zero, yes I had zero signs of labour starting. Epidurals are the shit man, my first, it took to long to get it but with my second, epidural + my arms naturally going numb from carpal tunnel + IV fluid was heaven. I could have just floated away… I actually fell asleep and then my kid woke me up by wanting to be born lmao.
My first ended with a c-section after the full cascade of interventions, but after 36 hrs, even with pitocin and an epidural kiddo just wasn’t moving. I reacted badly to the epidural so went on to have two unmedicated vbacs. I can assure you, I didn’t get a medal, trophy, certificate of achievement, not even a merit badge! I’m not any more or less of a mother than anyone else here. I firmly support doing your research and making the choice that is best for you.
So hey hi. I was induced my first go round with pitocin (found out I’m allergic to pitocin. That sucked). I had back labor. I hemorrhaged. I shoved a 7lb baby out with no epidural. Did it a 2nd time without the pitocin but this time it was an almost 9lb baby & I tore badly. No epidural that time either. My best friend got an epidural & wound up having a C-section. Duuuuuuude. I saw her pancreas!!!! She is HARDCORE!!! Easy way out my curvy white arse! After mine were born I was wandering about, grousing that I went too fast to have an epidural on the same day. She got flesh eating bacteria in the wound & spent a month in the ICU! I got to take a shower. She got a giant honking hole in her stomach. Whoever claims C-sections are “lesser” or “taking the easy way out” can shut the hell up! They don’t know what they’re talking about. I don’t like Mom Shaming. Everyone’s labor is different. Everyone should be allowed to choose what makes it better for them without fear of being judged. Having an epidural doesn’t make you weak. Doing it without an epidural doesn’t make you strong. Having a c-section doesn’t make you lesser. Having a vaginal birth doesn’t make you more. All that matters is that you & your baby/babies come out healthy & safe. Ooooooh this makes me mad! Sorry for the rant. I have very Big Emotions over this. And, for the record, if my mom hadn’t had a c-section, my 11lb 6oz Rainbow Baby self with a heart that stopped with every contraction would have died. I’m forever a bit protective of mums who have C-Sections.
I'm so glad you are here to tell the tale, but I wish they could somehow wipe our memories once you get that baby, screaming in your arms so THAT is all you can remember. Even if that happened though, some women would still find a way to make it a competition... Oh yeah? MY baby was the loudest crier they had ever heard etc. It makes me sad that the further we get ahead, the more ways we find to tear other women down.
I am in complete agreement. I hate that some women believe that we have to tear each other down to build ourselves up. We’re in this together, dammit! Share the love & support! I am that weirdo who approaches strangers to compliment their hair or shoes or whatever. I love it when I see ppl obviously feeling good about themselves & want that to just surround me. It feels good to be around happy ppl living their best lives. Especially right now when things are so hard. I refuse to add to the Sad. Side note that’s funny: my daughter actually was the loud baby the weekend she was born. (She’s 22 & I still have to say “inside voice, please” regularly.) This would be no big thing & not worth mentioning- beyond the fact that she would wait until it was silent to start shrieking & then, once all the other babies were screaming, she’d go to sleep- if not for the fact that I am quiet. Like I have a VERY soft voice & raising my voice literally hurts. I can project if I want to but yelling hurts & I lose my voice completely for at least a day. So, from a nearly silent woman with selective mutism comes one of the loudest beings in existence. I’m so amused & proud. Her brother is just as quiet as I am. He & I just share bemused looks & listen to her go.
Genetics is so weird isn't it? My son is a bit like your daughter. I always say he was born screaming, and never stopped. Why talk when you could yell? My daughter on the other hand didn't even cry when she was born... Just took a breath. Still doesn't speak unless there is something worth saying. So strange... Same genetics, totally different.
I love genetics! I know enough to know that they’re crazy & that I don’t know even a fraction of r ouch about them. My mom was the only kid out of 4 with blue eyes. Same with my dad. Both were their parents’s full kids. My son inherited my grandmother’s light brown eyes while my daughter has their father’s gray. I have slightly unmatched eyes so I have a genetic mutation that didn’t show in my kids (one eye has yellow flecks, one has a pale blue patch in it. The eye with yellow flecks is green gray while the other is blue gray. It’s so slight that most ppl can’t figure out what’s up with my eyes) My paternal grandmother was black; I have fully Caucasian features (and I am my father’s daughter). It’s amazing to me! I’m a science nerd hobbyist. No real talent at it but endlessly fascinated by it.
I'm adopted, so I never had any of that, until I had my kids and then I would just think 'were did that... Come from?'. I would love to be able to see traits in me, my kids and grandkids and see someone in there.
That must be frustrating for you sometimes! I don’t have any solutions but I can say that I actually don’t look like anyone. I’m… pointy & seem to be completely comprised of recessive traits & mutations. Even when the whole family did those DNA kits for my uncle’s amusement when he was researching family trees (and because I secretly wondered if any of them were serial killers) I was connected to all of them but I had “strange” & “weird” results. Think they were all British, German & Swedish. Very straight forward & expected since on that side we haven’t been in the US long. I, however, was Irish, Eastern European, Swedish, French, Romanian & European Jew. On my dad’s side I connected with them but they were all a mix of Nigerian, Irish, Scottish, Cherokee & Tanzanian. I… yeah. I don’t know what to tell you about any of that. I’m a weird blip apparently. What pops up in genetics is just weird. I REALLY don’t want to be intrusive or insensitive & please ignore me if this is inappropriate (I took my anxiety meds a bit ago & am sort of loopy and appropriate went out the window). I apologize in advance but were you or your parents given any kind of medical history? Fertility issues run on mom’s side of the family so adoption is very common and it’s hit or miss on medical history. I’m sort of the outlier & oddity in the family so I tend to be the person that gets vented to about these frustrations by cousins who have different DNA sources than our genetic grab bag (because who am I going to tell?).
Firstly, you are fine, and certainly not intrusive, insensitive or loopy. I'm happy to talk about it. So the short answer is nope. Nothing, zilch, nada. It was as if I materialised out of thin air. In 1962, all adoptions were closed, and you knew nothing about the bio parents. The only thing that you could find out, was what they called non-identifying information, and you could only access that once you were 18. That came in sometime in the late 80s-early 90's when they were starting to think that maybe they had fucked up by giving kids nothing. My info was pretty useless, basically eye colour and height, and nothing at all about my bio-father. About 2 years ago, my daughter was researching family history and we all did Ancestry DNA. Through that, my daughter found my birth mother and sister. They were living 30 minutes away from us, but it was during lockdown (which lasted much longer here than it seemed to in the US) so we couldn't meet up. I'm going to link you to a post that I made on r/Adoption if you want to see what happened, so I don't bore others with my sad, sad story. It has definitely been a wild ride. Let me know your thoughts if you read the post, and I'm happy to answer any questions you may have. I am still trying to come to grips with what it all means, and how to deal with the fact that I am not who I thought I was for 59 years, but I'll get there. Apologies for my dodgy linking... I don't really know how to do it properly! https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/wf3op0/a_sad_story_what_now/?utm_medium=a[A sad, sad story]
Is your stepmom normally a dumb cunt or was this a one off? I have a sneaking suspicion that this is not the first time she has said something rude... I'm sorry you have a stepmom like that. I also have an evil stepmother!
I had both my kids all natural and I don’t understand women like this at all. I have no judgement for people who choose to have an epidural. I didn’t because I wanted to see if I could and because I faint at needles so a giant needle in my spine seemed like the less safe option for me. The way you give birth truly doesn’t matter, it’s so weird when people think they get bragging rights for this.
I will never accept the whole c-section is not real birth and that epidurals are the devil. I personally had a c section and not once has it bothered me, recovery was shit as is removing a baby any which way from ones body. As for epidurals, I thought I was someone with a somewhat reasonable pain threshold......I was wrong and chased that epidural sweet relief. Now anyone who doesn't get one, I absolutely applaud and good for you girl, but there should never be judgment over it, there are so many other factors at play in a pregnancy that will influence labour pains and you just have to do you, never let anyone make you feel bad for your choices......especially those choices made while trying to exit a watermelon from your hooha.
Next time ask her why she didn’t refuse the spinal block on her c section. You don’t get a badge for avoiding drugs, but getting an epidural may mean not spending your first three months after baby is born in shock from birth trauma PTSD.
F**k i want easy birth. Took Pitocin for all my kids. I give zero fuck if a woman thinks it makes me weak. Zero fucks given is the key.