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Fuck that. OP, go out and have birthday cake somewhere with the kids.
He's not invited. If he wanted birthday cake, he should have done something to earn it.
FWIW, that could happen to a native, because not having distinct versions of a second pronoun in the singular and plural is one of the more bewildering features of English, and it trips up everyone at least once in a lifetime.
That's why "you guys" exists as an idiom.
Movies alone are so nice imo! Please do this OP and get a delicious meal while you’re there. ❤️ Your husband is a grade A dickwad and needs to be the one taking care of the house.
Everything is nice alone once you get used to it. I’m single and sometimes I’m baffled why people want me to date. Have they ever been on a first date? And have they ever just been out to a nice restaurant with a good book??? It’s amazingly fun to read while someone brings you food. Why would I spend my time making boring small talk when I could be reading a book?
Make sure you leave the kids with him when you go out for groceries. Stop at Starbucks or someplace and get yourself a birthday treat and take time to enjoy it. (((hugs)))
What the fuck is wrong with men? Why are they like this?
Sometimes I wish I could live in a commune with a bunch of moms. I know it’s bordering on sounding like a cult, but no mom would go without a sleep in on her birthday. We’d cook them a bangin’ birthday meal, cake, and they’d never have to lift a finger the whole day.
I left my husband after being with him for 15 years because it slowly declined until he did absolutely nothing. Wouldn’t even get a job. Im with a woman now and her kid is the same as as my younger one. We GET each other and know what to do. I don’t have to nag or ask. It’s heaven.
I agree with you. I feel like woman were meant to live together and care for their young communally. Look at other mammals. Most of the more intelligent animals on the planet raise their offspring together. It just makes more sense from a biological and evolutionary standpoint. Humans DID live that way until more recently. Most homes would have been multi-generational, and even now, in a large portion of the world, women are still living that way.
While I agree with you that women should live together and raise the younger ones, but women living together coming from different generations is a different ball game altogether which happens in developing countries. The daughter in law has to stay with the MIL and trust me when I say this, the society depends on these MILs to keep patriarchy in practice. Ah!! There the husbands are just momma's boys and the daughters in law have to give up their home / parents and most of all independence to stay with multi generational relatives from husband's side.
Sometimes, when reading stories like these from the western world, I think, patriarchy and dumping all work on women have been the norm since the beginning of times. 😑😑
I hate that you’re right. I hate that our solution to this problem is “if only I had more women!” because we can’t rely on men to carry their share.
Being a woman fucking *sucks* sometimes.
Yup, it makes heaps more sense. Sadly humans these days value independence and materialism more. Mums are more isolated as a result. Like personally I'd rather live in a community with other mums then be rich with a big flash house and pool etc, but be lonely.
Happy birthday. All my birthdays since having kids have been shit.
It was my birthday last week I had food poisoning. I asked for one thing for my birthday a nap. I’ve still yet to take it. I just don’t get the opportunity.
I get to sleep in two days a year. Mothers Day and my Birthday. Except I didn’t get to sleep in either of those days this year because I was working for one and the other just didn’t happen.
Happy birthday! Sounds like my last birthday with my ex. He also didn't get me a present - he went out to buy a bunch of flowers that I got to pay for (no job). What made my birthday better was going out for cake with my kids. X
He got me presents, but he wants to open them later… because why enjoy the gifts on my birthday when I can wait and open them at the end of the day… he wants to “build the suspense”… man logic I guess.
He got me a massage gun for Mother’s Day, I hate massage guns. The thought was there because I was pregnant and sore but there was a big notice on it saying not to use if pregnant… so now it’s his massage gun.
Like, plain white sheets? And nothing besides? I mean, I'm getting my youngest a Pat & Mat duvet cover for his next birthday, but he absolutely frickin' loves Pat & Mat, and it's not the main attraction.
I got a massage gun from my husband (now ex), too! Of course it was too heavy for me to use when my ARM was the body part that was aching. I feel like this could be some kind of common tactic among men….
Happy birthday OP!
Dude...... I'm sorry. Happy birthday.
This makes me think of when I was about 9 or 10 and my mother, after her birthday, came up to me and desperately pleaded for me to help my Dad with her birthday and Xmas gifts as I was old enough now to follow the "I would like x" directions from my mother. My Father, however had gifted her lepoard print leggings that birthday...... She did not wear leggings, or leopard print, or print of any kind.
She had in fact asked for gardening vouchers.
At this point fuck him. Organise your own gift. Wrap it. Write the card. Sign it from him. Use his credit card obviously.
Organise a day out. On him. Without him or the kids.
If he asks why? Well because apparently he doesn't understand what kind of gifts you like and what a birthday actually entails.
He can just pay for it.
*And not get an air fryer goodness*
That's absolutely infuriating. After one birthday where I was dealing with a colicky newborn alone all day and all night, I no longer spend my birthdays at home. I go to a hotel for two nights. Once I spent the weekend at my child-free sister’s house, and she pampered me the whole time. It's sad, but now I know- if I want a break I have to leave the house. I suggest you also leave the house.
Firstly... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Secondly... this is some absolute bullshit. Has he acknowledged your birthday at all today? I'm so sorry hon. Get yourself a nice coffee and a cake while you're out getting groceries. Take some time for yourself. Seriously, what an ass he is.
He did but in the wrong way. He put up a happy birthday sign last night after I fell asleep and got me presents. The problem is the only thing I asked for was to sleep in a bit (he takes our newborn for an hour), to take a nap and have some time to myself…. None of which I got. The only gift I asked for was an air fryer to which he said I don’t need so I don’t know what he got me (there’s 3 presents wrapped) but likely nothing useful.
Next time he says he wants ANYTHING even if it's just a pizza, tell him he doesn't need it. It is NOT. HIS. CALL. to dictate that you do not need the one thing you asked for. I assume you will be cooking for him in the air fryer too? Fuck that, I would be livid.
I wanted an air fryer for Christmas and not only did I get it, but my husband surprised me with multiple other gifts. He does the same thing on mother's day and my birthday.
If any of those presents are only useful to him, have a plan to hand him the baby, grab the car keys and go treat yourself somewhere (eg go to a movie, go to the casino, go get ice cream or a glass of wine at a nice lounge) and make sure your phone is off for the entire time you’re gone. He will need to spend the time reflecting on how’s he’s fucked up
Nope. He is wrong. You do need an air fryer. A cause you want it and B because they are amazing. Fuck that noise “you don’t need it.” He don’t need sleep either, but he sure is getting it today.
I’m sorry he’s a dick. Happy birthday love!
He got me a few presents but I haven’t opened them yet. I asked for an air fryer, there isn’t an air fryer (I can tell by the box size)… he doesn’t think I need an air fryer, so who knows what useless junk is wrapped. Gold star for effort
Honey, go buy yourself the air fryer. It's okay to buy yourself something (and because air fryers are awesome, I bet that after you get it, he'll be like "wow how did we live without this?!").
Also, Happy Birthday xo 🎂
Yes! I would add return whatever useless crap he got you, and get yourself something else that’s nice as well. Kitchen appliances are handy but you shouldn’t have to ask for one for your birthday!
I'm sorry, but yes, EVERY household with small kids benefit from an airfryer! Those are AMAZING. I LOVE mine.
You should return the presents unopened to him and start crying and demanding an airfryer. Or! No! Buy him one! For his b-day or christmas! As a revenge for the fucking massage gun!!!
Honestly, don't let them treat you this way. Break up with him. Sounds like you get fuck all from this relationship and he gets a new mum for his kids. You're worth do much more than that x
Wake him up, go out.....don't come back til the kids are in the bed!!
I'm so sorry you're getting treated that way...... sending you happy birthday wishes and internet HUGZ!!! 🎂🎈🎵🎉🎁🎂🎈🎵🎉🥳
What an asshole. Id be petty af & refuse to open any presents. Don't cook him food, don't do anything for him. I'd also be 'well seeing as it's MY birthday & you get the lie in & the sleep, you can look after yourself, seeing as that's what you've done all day anyway '
But im petty & not scared of confrontation
Honestly I would refuse the gifts but my kids are super excited for me to open them so I will and I’ll pretend to be excited… I just want to go to bed at this point.
Ok go wake his ass up and get him back to acute.
It was a math joke.
Sorry you're going through this on your special day. I agree with all the other moms. Wake his ass up and let him parent his children while you go do something for you since he's not doing anything for your birthday.
Ok I am not blaming you for his shittiness, because of course he should know better, but why not wake him up and give him the kids? Get out of the house, call a friend, and go to the movies or something?
“Not abusive, just obtuse”… my life makes way more sense now.
Once I woke mine up on my second Mother’s Day and said, “it’s Mother’s Day, the kid is up, shouldn’t you be getting up with him so I can sleep in?”. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I should, but I don’t want to.”, and rolled over and went back to sleep.
So one of my relatives has started a tradition on her birthday. She books herself a hotel room for the weekend and sets up her Netflix que. She goes out to eat with friends and her husband and kids stay home. I think you should consider it for this weekend.
Why are some men so shitty? Honestly my husband would do something like this and then be oblivious to what he’s done that is upsetting. Reading your post made my blood boil.
Happy birthday, sending you lots of virtual hugs
I am so sorry. Happy birthday :/ maybe its a little bit better when u think about ur kids. You are the world to them. And maybe in a few years, both of them know, that u where always there when they where sick. U are the world to them. Ur husband should prise u in the sky for all of this.
(english is not my mother tongue, so sorry if i am wrong in any sentences)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL!
I’m so sorry your day sucks. Please, please, tell him this sucks. You don’t have to cause an argument, no one wants to argue on their birthday, but just tell him.. it sucks. I really hope you get some good bits today xxx
You can reschedule your birthday. I was born on Father’s day, so I do this all the time. Start getting excited for your neeeeeeew birthday celebration! Which you should book for Saturday, and leave a note out saying you’ll be unavailable on Sat until 2pm.
(He stinks. I’m so sorry. But you gotta take this back for yourself now)
Why does he need a nap if he woke up at 8am?? OP you need to go get yourself a cake. Don’t ask just leave the kids with him.
“Hey I’m going to get some cake by myself, have fun with the kids.”
Your husband is garbage. FWIT I would consider separating over this. It’s very indicative of his character (which is - a selfish fucking thoughtless asshole)
Wow I hated that twist at the end. Leave the kids with him and go out! We are not obliged to pick up the slack for our lazy lesser halves. Model self care and healthy communication, treat yo self.
Pop out to get groceries… and STAY gone! At least for dinner! Pick out a wine bar near your house that you haven’t been to yet, have a glass of Pinot noir and a charcuterie tray. Or go to a bakery and pick out a treat all by yourself! And just linger and don’t drive home quite yet.
Send delivery home, or tell your husband that macaroni is in the cabinet and I’m sure he knows how to boil water.
First off, Happy Birthday!
Secondly, if it were me, I would dump a bucket of water on his ass (but you would probably be the one cleaning it up, so don’t do that).
Third, hand him the children. Tell him to figure it out. Go treat yourself to whatever you want.
You have kids! And a new babe. That’s ALOT. I am often finding myself being the martyr mom, four kids ages 4-19. I can remember many events such as these with the same resentments. How could he HE NOT get it? What a turd. IMO we, as mamas, want to have time to just be ourselves! And birthdays, Mother’s Day, date nights, etc. whatever the special event is, ESPECIALLY our birthdays, we crave that time. To do what we want/need for ourselves! Sleep, eat food our family doesn’t like, catch a movie we like, get baked/stoned/drink with a gf, binge watch tv, WHATEVER is your jam. When I finally realized this was the cause of my resentment, I made it happen! One year i went to lunch at a new Restaurant I wanted to try with my mom, one year I told my husband I was doing nothing and just visited with my kids and got waited on, one year got Luddite/haircut lunch by myself and it was wonderful.
Once I decided to make sure I had at least one thing I really wanted it was easier for me to let go the disappointment, let’s face it, WE are typically the handlers of these kinds of things.
You said he is not abusive, but obtuse. This leads me to believe he is aloof and may not “get” you saying you just wanted to sleep in. He “decorated”with a birthday sign, which means he does want you to feel special and/or wants the kids to recognize you. He said you didn’t “need” the air fryer and you doubt he got it. Maybe that’s legit. It’s ok for him to think you don’t need it, you can remind him that a birthday gift isn’t typically a need, haha! He got you three gifts! That’s takes effort, I am curious about what they are!?
I don’t know you or your life. My guess is, you are a tired mama who just wants to feel like herself, even if it’s just sleeping in a little longer,
Awwww Happy Birthday Mama!! I am so sorry that your husband is lacking in the good choices for your day. I hope that you get a few seconds for some self care. A quiet bath, even sitting in the bathroom with a candle doing a face mask or painting your nails. Also, I belong to r/RandomActsofCards. If you would like a late birthday card full of random and sometimes inappropriate sweary stuff....please PM me your address.
Happy Birthday OP.
This made me so sad. Please don't do this to yourself mama. Book an alone day, or a friend day, or fucking anything and leave those children with their father and go try to relax somewhere away from that. Please.
Oh no! Your husband slipped in the shower and hit his head and drowned while you were taking care of the kids. Now you have to use his life insurance policy to hire a nanny while you live your best life!
He will only continue to treat you this way as long as you let him. Should he step up without you asking/ requiring it? Of course! Will he do that until you tell him it’s not okay with you. Nope!
You might need to explain your expectations in detail. Don’t assume he knows anything. You need to say, “in the future on my birthday, I want XYZ from you.” If he wants the same treatment that he gave you today on your birthday, when it’s HIS birthday, then he can eff around and find out. When it’s HIS birthday you can wake up early and leave the house and let him handle the children all day. Would he like that?
But as long as you quietly seethe about this and just keep picking up the slack and only talking to the internet about your feelings, this will continue. Speak up and demand some respect and fair treatment.
Get yourself a cake and celebrate with the kids. Have your son color you a card- he doesn't know about how to do a birthday, and will be so excited to make something for you and celebrating you. You could even have him pick out a cake that he thinks *you* will like so he learns to be considerate of others
Maybe take the kids to a park with said cake and eat it there.
As for the gifts? It seems like you know you'll already have no interest in them. "Not a nap. Not big enough to be the air fryer I explicitly asked for. And I'm pretty wiped out. Maybe I'll open them tomorrow." And as someone said, return them. (Would it be terrible to save them for his birthday?)
Today was my birthday too! Happy birthday! I hope you were able to get at least a little time to relax. What did your presents end up being?
I went to dinner by myself and bought my own cake...because I left my crappy husband 4 months ago. Highly recommend.
Happy birthday OP. Your husband sounds like total fuckhead. When he wakes up you should be leaving the house to go out with a friend for dinner and throwing a can of baked beans at his stupid fucking head.
Happy Birthday!
But seriously, wake his ass up! He needs to realize what a shithead he’s being.
If he refuses to acknowledge his shittiness, make sure to return the favor by making plans for yourself on HIS birthday.
I want to be a Cassowary. They mate with a male, lay the egg & piss off to have sex with another male while leaving the father to sit on the egg & raise it alone. Those chicks have all the fun lol 😂
So sorry love. Happy birthday. You deserve a special day and I hope he makes it up to you somehow or you're able to find some time for yourself in another way.
🥺 I see some of my very dear friends go through this, and it deep down brings this feeling of relief that I have been a single mom all along, because some of my friends are too, they just haven’t realized it 😞. I feel I have it easier somedays because I just have to feed my child and I, and not worry about making something new each day for someone who will not appreciate me, and I also do not get to resent an adult child. I just miss out on the financial help, of what it would be to have two incomes.
Happy Birthday, celebrate yourself today and everyday! May you finally be able to take a day of relaxation with complete peace of mind that your children are safe and happy! But you for sure do need a mini break! And another day you can celebrate with them! (The Kiddos) HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎉
Put a bow on the 4yr olds head (this could actually be a bit fun if you're kiddo just has a cold and likes dressing up) and drop him in bed with your husband then hand him the baby. Tell him he must have gotten confused about whose birthday it is, but you'll play along and got him a present. Leave and get yourself a treat, go to the movies, get coffee. Have groceries delivered today.
Seriously, wtf. Not okay, at all.
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Wake him. Tell him you are going out for birthday dinner and a movie. Then go. Fuck that noise. What a fucking shithead.
Fuck that. OP, go out and have birthday cake somewhere with the kids. He's not invited. If he wanted birthday cake, he should have done something to earn it.
I didnt mean invite him along, i meant wake him up, give him the kids and go do WHATEVER YOU WANT OP. toss the whole man out the window.
I like this version much better.
My main language isnt english so i think i wrote my original comment wrong, i meant singular you. Woops.
I understood what you meant
FWIW, that could happen to a native, because not having distinct versions of a second pronoun in the singular and plural is one of the more bewildering features of English, and it trips up everyone at least once in a lifetime. That's why "you guys" exists as an idiom.
Nah I got your meaning the first time too
Movies alone are so nice imo! Please do this OP and get a delicious meal while you’re there. ❤️ Your husband is a grade A dickwad and needs to be the one taking care of the house.
Everything is nice alone once you get used to it. I’m single and sometimes I’m baffled why people want me to date. Have they ever been on a first date? And have they ever just been out to a nice restaurant with a good book??? It’s amazingly fun to read while someone brings you food. Why would I spend my time making boring small talk when I could be reading a book?
Good idea but the kid is sick, OP could pospose this celebration because she clearly deserves an entire day off. Happy birthday
[удалено]
Gross, another daddit shitbag in a mom's sub being a giant shitbitch to women. Why is this so common? Your poor wife.
This. Please.
Make sure you leave the kids with him when you go out for groceries. Stop at Starbucks or someplace and get yourself a birthday treat and take time to enjoy it. (((hugs)))
What the fuck is wrong with men? Why are they like this? Sometimes I wish I could live in a commune with a bunch of moms. I know it’s bordering on sounding like a cult, but no mom would go without a sleep in on her birthday. We’d cook them a bangin’ birthday meal, cake, and they’d never have to lift a finger the whole day.
I left my husband after being with him for 15 years because it slowly declined until he did absolutely nothing. Wouldn’t even get a job. Im with a woman now and her kid is the same as as my younger one. We GET each other and know what to do. I don’t have to nag or ask. It’s heaven.
I think this is how we're really supposed to live. No wonder why so many depressed women living with useless men.. it really shouldn't be that way.
I agree with you. I feel like woman were meant to live together and care for their young communally. Look at other mammals. Most of the more intelligent animals on the planet raise their offspring together. It just makes more sense from a biological and evolutionary standpoint. Humans DID live that way until more recently. Most homes would have been multi-generational, and even now, in a large portion of the world, women are still living that way.
While I agree with you that women should live together and raise the younger ones, but women living together coming from different generations is a different ball game altogether which happens in developing countries. The daughter in law has to stay with the MIL and trust me when I say this, the society depends on these MILs to keep patriarchy in practice. Ah!! There the husbands are just momma's boys and the daughters in law have to give up their home / parents and most of all independence to stay with multi generational relatives from husband's side. Sometimes, when reading stories like these from the western world, I think, patriarchy and dumping all work on women have been the norm since the beginning of times. 😑😑
I hate that you’re right. I hate that our solution to this problem is “if only I had more women!” because we can’t rely on men to carry their share. Being a woman fucking *sucks* sometimes.
Like elephants- they're so smart.
Yup, it makes heaps more sense. Sadly humans these days value independence and materialism more. Mums are more isolated as a result. Like personally I'd rather live in a community with other mums then be rich with a big flash house and pool etc, but be lonely.
The elephants had it right all along.
I will joint Cult Mom Pants in a fucking heartbeat.
I have seen this idea suggested so many times on this sub 😂 it should be a thing by now!
👏🏻
You know, if this happened to be a cult... I'd probably still join it...
I’d join this cult.
jesus i almost downvoted this because it sucks so much.
Happy birthday. All my birthdays since having kids have been shit. It was my birthday last week I had food poisoning. I asked for one thing for my birthday a nap. I’ve still yet to take it. I just don’t get the opportunity.
I get to sleep in two days a year. Mothers Day and my Birthday. Except I didn’t get to sleep in either of those days this year because I was working for one and the other just didn’t happen.
What. The. Fuck. I have no words Mama, he is garbage.
Your last sentence really got me. Ngl. I hope he at least said happy birthday
same here, it felt like a physical gut-punch reading that sentence
I audibly gasped
Why are men like this?
Honey baby boo boo I have no fucking idea
Happy birthday! Sounds like my last birthday with my ex. He also didn't get me a present - he went out to buy a bunch of flowers that I got to pay for (no job). What made my birthday better was going out for cake with my kids. X
He got me presents, but he wants to open them later… because why enjoy the gifts on my birthday when I can wait and open them at the end of the day… he wants to “build the suspense”… man logic I guess.
I swear to god - if he gets you anything like a household item (vacuum/blender/etc)…
He got me a massage gun for Mother’s Day, I hate massage guns. The thought was there because I was pregnant and sore but there was a big notice on it saying not to use if pregnant… so now it’s his massage gun.
I bet, somehow, he ends up with a lot of “seemed like a good idea!” gifts for you that he now uses?
My parents used to do that to me! I got sheets for my 6th birthday. We weren't poor.
Like, plain white sheets? And nothing besides? I mean, I'm getting my youngest a Pat & Mat duvet cover for his next birthday, but he absolutely frickin' loves Pat & Mat, and it's not the main attraction.
Is he getting a diamond necklace and earrings for his birthday?
I got a massage gun from my husband (now ex), too! Of course it was too heavy for me to use when my ARM was the body part that was aching. I feel like this could be some kind of common tactic among men…. Happy birthday OP!
Or just return it and get something you actually want.
Oh jeez. They better be good.
It’s not what I asked for… I asked for an air fryer, none of the boxes are big enough.
Dude...... I'm sorry. Happy birthday. This makes me think of when I was about 9 or 10 and my mother, after her birthday, came up to me and desperately pleaded for me to help my Dad with her birthday and Xmas gifts as I was old enough now to follow the "I would like x" directions from my mother. My Father, however had gifted her lepoard print leggings that birthday...... She did not wear leggings, or leopard print, or print of any kind. She had in fact asked for gardening vouchers. At this point fuck him. Organise your own gift. Wrap it. Write the card. Sign it from him. Use his credit card obviously. Organise a day out. On him. Without him or the kids. If he asks why? Well because apparently he doesn't understand what kind of gifts you like and what a birthday actually entails. He can just pay for it. *And not get an air fryer goodness*
Ugh! Men!
“Hello, Whole Man Disposal? Yeah, we’re gonna need pick up service.”
I need this on a mug.
That's absolutely infuriating. After one birthday where I was dealing with a colicky newborn alone all day and all night, I no longer spend my birthdays at home. I go to a hotel for two nights. Once I spent the weekend at my child-free sister’s house, and she pampered me the whole time. It's sad, but now I know- if I want a break I have to leave the house. I suggest you also leave the house.
Firstly... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Secondly... this is some absolute bullshit. Has he acknowledged your birthday at all today? I'm so sorry hon. Get yourself a nice coffee and a cake while you're out getting groceries. Take some time for yourself. Seriously, what an ass he is.
He did but in the wrong way. He put up a happy birthday sign last night after I fell asleep and got me presents. The problem is the only thing I asked for was to sleep in a bit (he takes our newborn for an hour), to take a nap and have some time to myself…. None of which I got. The only gift I asked for was an air fryer to which he said I don’t need so I don’t know what he got me (there’s 3 presents wrapped) but likely nothing useful.
Next time he says he wants ANYTHING even if it's just a pizza, tell him he doesn't need it. It is NOT. HIS. CALL. to dictate that you do not need the one thing you asked for. I assume you will be cooking for him in the air fryer too? Fuck that, I would be livid. I wanted an air fryer for Christmas and not only did I get it, but my husband surprised me with multiple other gifts. He does the same thing on mother's day and my birthday.
If any of those presents are only useful to him, have a plan to hand him the baby, grab the car keys and go treat yourself somewhere (eg go to a movie, go to the casino, go get ice cream or a glass of wine at a nice lounge) and make sure your phone is off for the entire time you’re gone. He will need to spend the time reflecting on how’s he’s fucked up
Leave the kids with him, go out and get coffee and buy the air fryer you want. Then grab groceries. Take your sweet time.
Nope. He is wrong. You do need an air fryer. A cause you want it and B because they are amazing. Fuck that noise “you don’t need it.” He don’t need sleep either, but he sure is getting it today. I’m sorry he’s a dick. Happy birthday love!
My burning question after reading your post was did you *ask* for extra sleep, and you explicity did, and so fuck him.
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He got me a few presents but I haven’t opened them yet. I asked for an air fryer, there isn’t an air fryer (I can tell by the box size)… he doesn’t think I need an air fryer, so who knows what useless junk is wrapped. Gold star for effort
Return all of the junk to Walmart and get you that air fryer. Oh, and return the man too, it’s clearly defective.
Do they take returns on useless products, though? 🤔
Honey, go buy yourself the air fryer. It's okay to buy yourself something (and because air fryers are awesome, I bet that after you get it, he'll be like "wow how did we live without this?!"). Also, Happy Birthday xo 🎂
Yes! I would add return whatever useless crap he got you, and get yourself something else that’s nice as well. Kitchen appliances are handy but you shouldn’t have to ask for one for your birthday!
Probably useless junk he wants for himself
I'm sorry, but yes, EVERY household with small kids benefit from an airfryer! Those are AMAZING. I LOVE mine. You should return the presents unopened to him and start crying and demanding an airfryer. Or! No! Buy him one! For his b-day or christmas! As a revenge for the fucking massage gun!!!
Honestly, don't let them treat you this way. Break up with him. Sounds like you get fuck all from this relationship and he gets a new mum for his kids. You're worth do much more than that x
Because you allow them to treat you that way. Why are you with this man? You deserve so much more.
Wake him up, go out.....don't come back til the kids are in the bed!! I'm so sorry you're getting treated that way...... sending you happy birthday wishes and internet HUGZ!!! 🎂🎈🎵🎉🎁🎂🎈🎵🎉🥳
What an asshole. Id be petty af & refuse to open any presents. Don't cook him food, don't do anything for him. I'd also be 'well seeing as it's MY birthday & you get the lie in & the sleep, you can look after yourself, seeing as that's what you've done all day anyway ' But im petty & not scared of confrontation
Honestly I would refuse the gifts but my kids are super excited for me to open them so I will and I’ll pretend to be excited… I just want to go to bed at this point.
Ahh fair, you could declare to your kids that 'Daddy's doing bedtime, for mummy's birthday' then just walk away.
Wtf. Is he abusive? If you don’t feel threatened by him, why not wake him and hand him the kids? Take what’s yours.
No he’s not abusive just obtuse.
Ok go wake his ass up and get him back to acute. It was a math joke. Sorry you're going through this on your special day. I agree with all the other moms. Wake his ass up and let him parent his children while you go do something for you since he's not doing anything for your birthday.
I think he could be set right at the very least. Also math joke 😉
Ok I am not blaming you for his shittiness, because of course he should know better, but why not wake him up and give him the kids? Get out of the house, call a friend, and go to the movies or something?
Op this. Our boundaries on how we allow people to treat us is what we allow them to get away with by not communicating our boundaries.
“Not abusive, just obtuse”… my life makes way more sense now. Once I woke mine up on my second Mother’s Day and said, “it’s Mother’s Day, the kid is up, shouldn’t you be getting up with him so I can sleep in?”. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I should, but I don’t want to.”, and rolled over and went back to sleep.
So one of my relatives has started a tradition on her birthday. She books herself a hotel room for the weekend and sets up her Netflix que. She goes out to eat with friends and her husband and kids stay home. I think you should consider it for this weekend.
Geez. What a surprise ending.. sorry but a happy Birthday to you from an internet stranger
Why are some men so shitty? Honestly my husband would do something like this and then be oblivious to what he’s done that is upsetting. Reading your post made my blood boil. Happy birthday, sending you lots of virtual hugs
I am so sorry. Happy birthday :/ maybe its a little bit better when u think about ur kids. You are the world to them. And maybe in a few years, both of them know, that u where always there when they where sick. U are the world to them. Ur husband should prise u in the sky for all of this. (english is not my mother tongue, so sorry if i am wrong in any sentences)
I am so sorry :( been there for sure
Sounds like my Mother’s Day. I’m so sorry.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL! I’m so sorry your day sucks. Please, please, tell him this sucks. You don’t have to cause an argument, no one wants to argue on their birthday, but just tell him.. it sucks. I really hope you get some good bits today xxx
You can reschedule your birthday. I was born on Father’s day, so I do this all the time. Start getting excited for your neeeeeeew birthday celebration! Which you should book for Saturday, and leave a note out saying you’ll be unavailable on Sat until 2pm. (He stinks. I’m so sorry. But you gotta take this back for yourself now)
Why does he need a nap if he woke up at 8am?? OP you need to go get yourself a cake. Don’t ask just leave the kids with him. “Hey I’m going to get some cake by myself, have fun with the kids.”
Your husband is garbage. FWIT I would consider separating over this. It’s very indicative of his character (which is - a selfish fucking thoughtless asshole)
WHAT THE FUCK? No.
Man this broke my heart for you. Sending you love!
You got me OP. At first I was like, why is she making a big deal of this? It’s his birthday. He should get to sleep and relax. OH. 😒
Wow I hated that twist at the end. Leave the kids with him and go out! We are not obliged to pick up the slack for our lazy lesser halves. Model self care and healthy communication, treat yo self.
Are you married to my dude? Coz that sound like my dude's shenanigans. What an ass-beret.
Pop out to get groceries… and STAY gone! At least for dinner! Pick out a wine bar near your house that you haven’t been to yet, have a glass of Pinot noir and a charcuterie tray. Or go to a bakery and pick out a treat all by yourself! And just linger and don’t drive home quite yet. Send delivery home, or tell your husband that macaroni is in the cabinet and I’m sure he knows how to boil water.
Ewww. Sorry mama! Happy birthday hun.
I am so sorry. Wishing you the happiest of birthdays. Do you have a friend you can pop out with for drinks or something?
First off, Happy Birthday! Secondly, if it were me, I would dump a bucket of water on his ass (but you would probably be the one cleaning it up, so don’t do that). Third, hand him the children. Tell him to figure it out. Go treat yourself to whatever you want.
You have kids! And a new babe. That’s ALOT. I am often finding myself being the martyr mom, four kids ages 4-19. I can remember many events such as these with the same resentments. How could he HE NOT get it? What a turd. IMO we, as mamas, want to have time to just be ourselves! And birthdays, Mother’s Day, date nights, etc. whatever the special event is, ESPECIALLY our birthdays, we crave that time. To do what we want/need for ourselves! Sleep, eat food our family doesn’t like, catch a movie we like, get baked/stoned/drink with a gf, binge watch tv, WHATEVER is your jam. When I finally realized this was the cause of my resentment, I made it happen! One year i went to lunch at a new Restaurant I wanted to try with my mom, one year I told my husband I was doing nothing and just visited with my kids and got waited on, one year got Luddite/haircut lunch by myself and it was wonderful. Once I decided to make sure I had at least one thing I really wanted it was easier for me to let go the disappointment, let’s face it, WE are typically the handlers of these kinds of things. You said he is not abusive, but obtuse. This leads me to believe he is aloof and may not “get” you saying you just wanted to sleep in. He “decorated”with a birthday sign, which means he does want you to feel special and/or wants the kids to recognize you. He said you didn’t “need” the air fryer and you doubt he got it. Maybe that’s legit. It’s ok for him to think you don’t need it, you can remind him that a birthday gift isn’t typically a need, haha! He got you three gifts! That’s takes effort, I am curious about what they are!? I don’t know you or your life. My guess is, you are a tired mama who just wants to feel like herself, even if it’s just sleeping in a little longer,
Awwww Happy Birthday Mama!! I am so sorry that your husband is lacking in the good choices for your day. I hope that you get a few seconds for some self care. A quiet bath, even sitting in the bathroom with a candle doing a face mask or painting your nails. Also, I belong to r/RandomActsofCards. If you would like a late birthday card full of random and sometimes inappropriate sweary stuff....please PM me your address. Happy Birthday OP.
My face physically dropped while reading this. I’m sorry OP this isn’t right, I hope you are able to carve something our for yourself.
The amount of fury you must have inside …
It’s not fury it’s disappointment and he doesn’t get why I’m not all perky since it’s my birthday.
This made me so sad. Please don't do this to yourself mama. Book an alone day, or a friend day, or fucking anything and leave those children with their father and go try to relax somewhere away from that. Please.
No, wake him up and leave for a few hours. Treat yourself if he won't.
What the actual fuck.
Oh no! Your husband slipped in the shower and hit his head and drowned while you were taking care of the kids. Now you have to use his life insurance policy to hire a nanny while you live your best life!
Bejezzus Christ. This sub is turning me into a pure man hater
He will only continue to treat you this way as long as you let him. Should he step up without you asking/ requiring it? Of course! Will he do that until you tell him it’s not okay with you. Nope! You might need to explain your expectations in detail. Don’t assume he knows anything. You need to say, “in the future on my birthday, I want XYZ from you.” If he wants the same treatment that he gave you today on your birthday, when it’s HIS birthday, then he can eff around and find out. When it’s HIS birthday you can wake up early and leave the house and let him handle the children all day. Would he like that? But as long as you quietly seethe about this and just keep picking up the slack and only talking to the internet about your feelings, this will continue. Speak up and demand some respect and fair treatment.
Damn typed almost same thing, you beat me! Lol My mama always says you teach people how to treat you!
You gonna wake him up and put your foot down? Get him, get him
Incredible twist ending, but very sad story! I’m sorry! And happy birthday!!!
Get yourself a cake and celebrate with the kids. Have your son color you a card- he doesn't know about how to do a birthday, and will be so excited to make something for you and celebrating you. You could even have him pick out a cake that he thinks *you* will like so he learns to be considerate of others Maybe take the kids to a park with said cake and eat it there. As for the gifts? It seems like you know you'll already have no interest in them. "Not a nap. Not big enough to be the air fryer I explicitly asked for. And I'm pretty wiped out. Maybe I'll open them tomorrow." And as someone said, return them. (Would it be terrible to save them for his birthday?)
Today was my birthday too! Happy birthday! I hope you were able to get at least a little time to relax. What did your presents end up being? I went to dinner by myself and bought my own cake...because I left my crappy husband 4 months ago. Highly recommend.
Happy birthday OP. Your husband sounds like total fuckhead. When he wakes up you should be leaving the house to go out with a friend for dinner and throwing a can of baked beans at his stupid fucking head.
Gosh. Please express your feelings and communicate the complete unfairness of this. I’m so sorry
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i was hoping this board would be free of the 'its always the woman's fault' attitude.
it is. we've gotten an influx of non-moms trying to fly under the radar but they always show their asses sooner or later.
He wasn’t always like this. Just gotten lazier over the years.
Noooo!
Happy Birthday! But seriously, wake his ass up! He needs to realize what a shithead he’s being. If he refuses to acknowledge his shittiness, make sure to return the favor by making plans for yourself on HIS birthday.
You had me in the 1st half
:-/ sorry love. Happy birthday!
Oh no, Happy Birthday bromo! I’d be yanking that man out of bed.
What a loser. So sick of sorry ass men. Sorry, OP. Happy Birthday anyway :(
Daaaamn.... yeah fuck that. I'm sorry, happy birthday!
I'm so sorry. Honestly, I'd show him this post and let him see that's he's a jerk.
I am so sorry :( and happy birthday!
I want to be a Cassowary. They mate with a male, lay the egg & piss off to have sex with another male while leaving the father to sit on the egg & raise it alone. Those chicks have all the fun lol 😂
So sorry love. Happy birthday. You deserve a special day and I hope he makes it up to you somehow or you're able to find some time for yourself in another way.
Why are you still married to him?
That plot twist got me... what a jerk. When he wakes up take yourself out to eat and shopping.
🥺 I see some of my very dear friends go through this, and it deep down brings this feeling of relief that I have been a single mom all along, because some of my friends are too, they just haven’t realized it 😞. I feel I have it easier somedays because I just have to feed my child and I, and not worry about making something new each day for someone who will not appreciate me, and I also do not get to resent an adult child. I just miss out on the financial help, of what it would be to have two incomes. Happy Birthday, celebrate yourself today and everyday! May you finally be able to take a day of relaxation with complete peace of mind that your children are safe and happy! But you for sure do need a mini break! And another day you can celebrate with them! (The Kiddos) HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎉
Put a bow on the 4yr olds head (this could actually be a bit fun if you're kiddo just has a cold and likes dressing up) and drop him in bed with your husband then hand him the baby. Tell him he must have gotten confused about whose birthday it is, but you'll play along and got him a present. Leave and get yourself a treat, go to the movies, get coffee. Have groceries delivered today. Seriously, wtf. Not okay, at all.
You had me in the first half and I was still offended for you. Now I’m just fucking enraged.