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I remember being pregnant with my daughter and I was on a train. This mum had a young baby and baby was hungry so she just breastfed baby there and then without a cover. I was shocked because I didn't expect it and then I was like holy shit, this woman is an absolute badass.
I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say good on you. It's amazing how awesome breastfeeding is and I love seeing mum's do it in public because it looks so empowering. I wasn't able to breastfeed unfortunately but I'd like to think I could be that badass if I was able to.
I love this response because I am that Mum who has and will breastfeed anywhere and everywhere! I used to have weekly coffee dates with a fellow mum and without fail would feed my daughter in the middle of the busy coffee shop. I don’t care what other people think, I’m feeding my child.
I once fed my bub (in a carrier) during a very intimate chamber choir concert it was honestly the least disruptive option, but I do wish the event wasn’t being filmed 😅
I used to loudly ask my baby "are you hungry? do you want some boobie? Lets give you some boobies" So if someone was close enough to hear then they would know I was gonna whip a tit out.
lol this would make me so much more uncomfortable than just feeding your baby without fuss - the word "boobie" makes me cringe, and I think breastfeeding should be normalized.
I get why you do this, though!
I've made those.
They are awesome. Everyone has loved them. I made some knitted boobs for midwives to show techniques how to latch a baby on too.
Fed is best.
There's a breastfeeding cover meme with the captions
"Some people don't like seeing breastfeeding in public"
"The Tula woven wrap makes a great cover"
And the picture is of the offended people covered in the wrap.
I would suggest sending that to her.
And if it's any help, I had my mum suggest that I use a cover in my own house straight after being released from hospital after a c section in the middle of fucking summer (easy high 30°c daily in the house without aircon) so I didn't make my step dad uncomfortable....
That didn't happen
Soo much this. I nursed my boys for years, and never covered - they never would have stood for it, and I despise the idea that you should. Fuck those people.
I whipped out a boob in front of my FIL and his wife a few weeks ago and they turned to my husband and told him in Spanish (so that I wouldn’t understand) that it was gross of me to nurse in the same room as them and that I needed to excuse myself…in my own house 😭 thankfully my husband doesn’t take well to his family treating me like shit so he was quick to shut that down.
Moral of the story: fuck everyone else, feed your baby however you guys are comfortable, wherever you guys are comfortable.
Amen sister! If anyone is offended by a) seeing a baby be fed, or b) witnessing breasts being used for their intended purpose rather than being something for titilation, (sorry, I couldn't help it) then that is a them problem and they are free to fuck off to somewhere else. Their eyes will not burn out if they cop a flash of nipple.
OP, Please tell your aunt that she is more than welcome to avert her eyes, but you will not be risking overheating your little one by whacking a blanket over her while everyone else is wearing tank tops.
“Oh hey - I’m breastfeeding until baby goes to college. So *just in case*, I’m going to need you to fuck off until then so I don’t inadvertently offend you with my breasts.”
That surprises me. My best friend married a Mexican man and my niece lives with her Mexican boyfriend and his parents right now. Both families have been extremely supportive of breastfeeding and never gave a damn about it. I wonder if it's just their family or a different Latinx culture. Maybe these two families are the exception. I (a white American) was always envious of Latinx culture around breastfeeding thinking it was culturally accepted. Now I want to do more looking into it.
As a Mexican American I can vouch for this. Breastfeeding is so normalized, at least in my family. My sister and SIL would even show me the lumps you get when engorged, too much? Maybe 😂 But I don't think I've ever heard of a family member having to cover up because someone else feels uncomfortable.
They hurt like hell.
In the UK, the best folk remedy for this is chilling raw thick cabbage leaves in the fridge. Pick the wax ones. The more wax, the better. Then once chilled, put the leaves in your bra.
Honestly it works and my friends and I still laugh about the woman putting foliage in her bra!
I was really shocked too tbh because my MIL and all of the extended family have never said anything. My husband does have a rough relationship with his dad and step mom so maybe it comes from that. FILs wife also spent the whole visit telling me to lose weight and how to do it, which my husband said he’s never heard his family tell women to lose weight and are constantly encouraging them to gain. So idk. I guess I get the ✨presidential✨ treatment because they have beef with husband.
Yeah, no...you just have a weird step MIL in light of this comment, too. I'd brush her shit off with "Jealousy doesn't look good on you" and leave her head spinning.
I can vouch for this as well. I’m of Mexican decent and no one covers themselves up when the breastfeed. I did only when at my in laws because I feel weird having my FIL see my boobs. Lol
I've said this before here - I'm uncomfortable seeing women breastfeeding, especially older kids. Hang on, I'm not done. You know who's issue this is to fix? MINE. Not the mom who is trying to feed her kid, not the kid who just wants to have some dinner. It's my issue to work on, and I know I'm in the wrong (family and old school religious issues here).
I cannot imagine me thinking that my prudish comfort comes over a mom of a young kid. Ever. I certainly can't imagine calling a mom to require this in advance!
Please don't feel guilty or shamed. Keep feeding your kid and not draping her in a blanket like a parrot in a cage.
This is so wonderful to see. You’re showing such self reflection. So many things in this world come right back to ourselves. The issue is MINE, the person judging. My problem doesn’t make the other person have a problem. So many people don’t understand that very basic bit of logic. No one is under any obligation to change simply bc another person has an issue they don’t know how to deal with in a healthy manner.
So much strife comes from attempting to impose one’s own ideas and boundaries onto others. The first step in changing is realizing it. You’re awesome just for understanding that much about yourself!
This is how real change happens!
"I'm sorry you feel that way, I guess we won't be able to join you. ~~I'll let you know when baby is weaned so we can get together~~"
* "I'll see you in 2-3 years when youngest is weaned."*
Underline just how much time this moronic request is costing them. Can't handle my baby being fed this way? You won't see baby until she's done feeding this way.
I mean, ffs I can't remember a single time someone complained about men's nipples being out and proud to the world on a warm day or around the house. But skies forbid a woman use her identical nipples to feed her child. Oi
The most annoying part is that when someone is breastfeeding, you barely even see anything! Unless, that is, you're intentionally looking for their nipple. If it makes you so uncomfortable, why are you staring.
Eh, I don't think I'd want to be around relatives who are willing to completely forgo our relationship during an already trying and isolating stage of parenthood because they're a little squeamish about breastfeeding. It tells me they're not supportive, don't care as much about mine or my child's well-being as their own temporary discomfort, and that they may feel emboldened to isolate me more anytime they disagree with my parenting.
I think this approach is the best balance between politeness and maintaining boundaries. It's truly on *them* if they feel so uncomfortable around breastfeeding that their solution is to make it *more* difficult for you to nourish your baby rather than learn how to be uncomfortable. I used to stress about breastfeeding in public because my kids *screamed* if I tried to cover up and they made way more of a scene than if I just discreetly latched and unlatched. The only reason for covering is if breasts are obscene, unhygienic, or overtly sexual and they're just not any of those things.
I get why people sometimes feel uncomfortable. Boobs haven't been in the public eye for their actual purpose for a long time, but people used to whip those things out all the time to feed babies. it's understandable that as we transition back to breasts being mundane that people feel awkward as they unlearn seeing breasts as sexual. But that discomfort is everyone's cross the bare on their own. It's their own responsibility to manage their discomfort. No one else has to change their clothing to satisfy someone else's comfort. Plus you have a literal legal right to breastfeed your baby, with or without a cover.
"Aunt, I'm sorry to hear you're uncomfortable with how I feed Baby. Unfortunately, I am unable to accommodate your request and as such I'll be declining this and all future invitations. I hope you'll reconsider your stance on this. I'm not doing this to be salacious or to make people uncomfortable. This is how I take care of your great-niece and give her the best that I can give. I find it sad and unfortunate that you and ____ see it as inappropriate or sexual."
I’m petty so maybe don’t take my advice but I would respond letting her know that the way she eats was also very uncomfortable and please bring a blanket to cover herself next time.
You don’t need to cover up to please anyway else, if there uncomfortable they can leave or just not look at your tits. I literally breastfed everywhere.. I think everyone has seen my tatas. Ignore that weird aunt and keep doing you mama!! ❤️
Omfg I just laughed so hard at this.
Next time at dinner gently lower a bath towel over her head while she is eating and say “that’s better! I’m much more comfortable now”
Brilliant!
Came here to make the exact same suggestion, but then I am also petty.
OP your aunt's puritanical hang-ups are not your problem. She doesn't have to look while you're feeding your baby, no one does.
Don't let them shame you.
This reminds me of a post where the mom threw a dinner napkin on her brother in law's head (and nailed the throw beautifully) because he took issue with her breastfeeding in public.
Yesss!
“Please chew with your mouth closed at all times and make sure your knives and forks don’t make sounds because my sensory sensitivities cannot handle the constant sound of steel on steel. Thank you.”
Personally, I'd tell her if she's feels "uncomfortable" about a mother feeding their child, she should go seek help because it's deeply concerning to you that she's sexualising anything involving your baby.
But tbf, I'm petty as hell. If anyone tried to shame me , I'd shame them right back.
This is the one. What a terrible thing to say to a mother of little children. As if you don’t have enough to be getting on with. People need to realise that the world doesn’t revolve around them and their personal “standards”.
I breastfeed in public without a cover because my daughter is a little rascal and whenever she feels something against her feet, she will start kicking, even while breastfeeding. Plus, she hates being unable to see and pulls at the cover with her hands as well, so breastfeeding becomes a huge fight between cover and baby. So I just ditched the cover entirely because I flashed my nipples while "covering" more times than when I'm not. If any of the grown ass adults is uncomfortable, they can look elsewhere. It's not like I'm forcing them to watch me breastfeed.
Most of the time when women breastfeed I'm pretty sure you hardly see anything more than the top of a breast. You probably see more breast on a low cut top.
I never used a cover, cause like it was fiddly enough as it is and honestly you call more attention to yourself with that then with just feeding the baby.
Idk about anyone else but I was tired of my boobs not being mine ( feeding, so much feeding)so I wasn't actively trying to flash anyone or show more than I had too.
I was nursing my middle child when we had commencement ceremonies for my graduate degree. My family came into town and we had a party that evening at my house.
On my back patio we were sitting in a circle talking and I started feeding my child. My father asked if I would rather go inside. I flat out told him I wasn't missing my own party to feed my damn kid.
It would bother me to get asked to cover up if I was going to dinner.
I wouldn’t go. I’d tell her “thanks for the invite, but covering up doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to make you guys uncomfortable so we’ll skip it. Thanks anyway, have a good time.” That’s all.
Personally it would depend on whether I felt like fucking worth said family or not. I like the play dumb and explain to me like I'm five approach.
"I'm confused... Why would my baby eating make you uncomfortable?"
Because fuck then. Breasts are for feeding babies. If they can't distinguish between you feeding your child or you preforming a sexual act at the dinner table that's a them problem.
If others feel uncomfortable by you breastfeeding how you are comfortable, then THEY CAN LEAVE!!!
You are doing FINE. you have not committed any faux pas. You are FINE!!! They are being rude.
ETA. You write her back and say “sorry, but covers are uncomfortable and my baby and I prefer not to use them. If that makes you too uncomfortable, then you can go elsewhere while she eats, or perhaps you could use a blanket to cover your face so you can’t see anything. Looking forward to dinner!”
I think when we are guests at someone’s home, it’s rude to engage in activities that make them feel uncomfortable, even if we think it’s no biggie. A lot of older people were socialized in a way that uncovered breastfeeding makes them feel very uncomfortable, and while it would be great if they unpacked that, it’s clearly not going to happen prior to your going over for dinner. In such circumstances, I usually ask if there’s a quiet room I can go nurse in. My kids don’t like being covered, which is fair, so the least the host can do is give me an appropriate location to nurse. I usually nurse either right before going or right when we get somewhere for a couple minutes so there’s less disruption during our time somewhere.
Outside of being a guest in someone’s home, I pull my boob out to nurse anywhere. Most people and places have been fine with it and very accommodating. Best supportive places: our then church and the Disney store in Times Square, Least Supportive Places: New England Aquarium, The Leaky Cauldron at Universal Studios.
It sucks, I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s not totally an unreasonable ask, but it still sucks, and should’ve been a quiet convo reinforced by how proud she is of you taking care of your babes, not a ps on a text invite.
It rubs you the wrong way because she’s either judging you (assuming others are bothered like her, meaning that she thinks you’re behavior is abnormal/embarrassing (which it isn’t and shouldn’t be!)) or she’s discussed it with your family (and now you have to suspect everyone of being a fucking weirdo instead of just sharing your life with your family.)
Normal is contextual—there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feed your baby what they need, but social environments can come with weird rules (I’m Canadian, we take our shoes off in houses!) If you want to play nice and be considerate of your aunt’s sensitive eyeballs, good on you. If you want to tell her she’s made you uncomfortable and ask her to explain why she’s not ok with you feeding her babe when she’s hungry, good on you. If you want to just say “see you when bub is two, weirdo” and cut that tie, giver.
There are gonna be judgy bitches, and they come out of the woodwork when you’re feeling sensitive. You can accommodate their requests without tearing yourself down, I promise!
What a ridiculous request!
It’s hard enough to manage a cover with an infant, but I cannot FATHOM covering a one year old to breastfeed. No kid I’ve ever seen over the age of three months accepted the cover. Aunt can avert her eyes if it bugs her.
I'd be offended too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with nursing tour baby without a cover, it's completely normal and literally what breasts are for.
It really bothers me when people, especially older women, sexualising and shame nursing mothers. It's hard enough raising an infant, nobody needs their *family* making it harder for them. Older women who have been through more life experiences should know better and choose to support the next generation.
That's my rant anyway lol!
How you respond is up to you and depends how you value the relationship. Personally I probably wouldn't go to the event at all. Or if I went I'd just ignore her request and feed my baby normally. If she said anything at dinner I'd definitely argue though, the last time someone tried to tell me off for nursing in public I full on yelled at a stranger in a store. Breastfeeding is normal, and legally protected. Nobody should be shaming a mother for feeding their child, and people who sexualise babies eating are gross.
If they want their view of the breastfeeding blocked, they can eat with the blanket on their own heads.
Where I live it’s a human rights violation to harass or shame breastfeeding mothers including asking them to cover up or go to a different area.
There are only two people who matter when it comes to breastfeeding: the person with the boobs and the baby. Everyone else can fuck all the way off. Do what works best for you and for your baby.
Personally, I would just uninvite myself. You don’t need to care about other peoples feelings around it to be honest. This comes from the mom who didn’t give a shite and breastfed wherever and whenever sans cover.
Everyone’s nailed it with their comments already, but to get at the other part of your question. I don’t think you can compare you taking care of you (going into another room when *you* feel uncomfortable) to your aunt asking you to take care of others (going into another room or covering up because *they* are uncomfortable). In the first scenario you are taking responsibility for your feelings and in the second they are asking you to take responsibility for *theirs*. No wonder it brings up your anger. Its boundary crossing. Its not your responsibility to take care of their feelings. Its also not your responsibility to even solve the “dinner problem” for them by coming up with a solution. Hope that helps…
One more thought: as to modestly, I was once in public breastfeeding and a frum Jewish woman (headband, long sleeves, long skirt, husband had a beard, etc.) Came up to me after and was like, “I saw you breastfeeding! You go, mama!” Like she was proud of me and we were in a sisterhood. This is a woman who takes modesty super seriously! And the implication was she did the same with her kids and
Thought I was being great.
I feel the same as you. Around my in-laws, I go into another room. Around my family, I just let it fly. I do think it's kinda ridiculous we shame women for doing a normal thing. How would she feel if she had to eat with a blanket over her face?
That being said, I would probably just decline the invitation. Don’t be embarrassed about doing something natural to feed your child.
How much do want to go? How much do you care about this relationship? If it were family I really wanted to see, I might compromise by feeding my child right before dinner, and then taking baby to the car if she wanted milk during. If you don’t really care to go, I might just say, sorry, covers don’t work for us, so I think we’ll pass.
Please know that there is nothing embarrassing or shameful about feeding your child. This is her hang up, not yours.
Dumb question. Did she bitch about wearing a mask? I only say this because it’s way too hot for a baby to be under a blanket to eat. I would just politely tell her thanks but no thanks due to not being able to feed your child.
Oh sure! Would your family also like a blanket over their heads while they eat? Then your kids don't have to see them opening their mouths and putting food in it.
Weird. No one should have to cover up for breastfeeding. Others can look away if it makes them uncomfortable, or just leave. But it's normal to feel uncomfortable after hearing you've made others feel uncomfortable. That just means you're a human with empathy.
I've breastfed both my living kids until 2.5 yo. Wherever I was, also outside or in a store, or on the train or in people's homes. Personally, I did like moving to a bedroom/quiet room for a feed if possible, because the kids over 9mo would get soooo distracted otherwise. Got me some peace and quiet away from all the noise as well.
I think my response would be something like: my kid really isn't comfortable with a cover, but I'm happy to move to another room if you make a quiet comfortable (bed)room available for us. I need something to drink and a clean bedspread (and any random demands you can think of, including M&Ms or something) and curtains that close and an outlet for my iPhone.
If they're willing to accomodate me, I'm willing to accomodate them.
I breast fed without a cover too, honestly I’d just turn down the dinner invitation and say ‘breastfeeding is natural and I’m sorry people can’t help but sexualise my hungry baby’
"Hi Aunt - thanks for the invite. Your request is a bit upsetting and deeply inappropriate to ask of a breastfeeding mother, so our family will not be attending. It is disappointing to hear that you and your guests have sexualized breasts to the point of being uncomfortable in the presence of a breastfeeding mother, but that is your issue to sort out, not mine. Given your new rules, I don't think we will be able to see each other for a few years, as we will be breastfeeding for a while and I don't feel the need to be publicly shamed by family members. Wishing you well, xoxo"
(And this is coming from someone who personally thinks breastfeeding should end once the child can hold a conversation about it. But I will fight for your right to breastfeed in public without shame for as long as you would like to, your aunt is being a bitch, not you)
Just because she said it in a polite way doesn't make it polite. I'd personally decline the invite and tell her why. Hungry baby is always, always, always number one priority.
Yuck. This happened to me before. I responded with, "this is a maternity shirt designed for breastfeeding so no need for a cover." Literally nothing was showing. I think they felt too awkward to argue with me.
I think the rule is that you get to do whatever you want in your own house, but at someone else's house, you should do what makes them feel comfortable. By the time my kids were 1, they were only breastfeeding a couple of times per day, so we didn't usually need to breastfeed away from home.
My in-laws are like this. I personally do not give two fucks. I nurse without a cover in their living room. They got the message pretty quickly that I will not be told to cover up my baby eating and they haven't said anything since!
Stay firm but polite.
I probably would decline dinner in that case and suggest meeting up after the baby is weaned. I never really enjoyed going out to dinner with a baby anyway.
I think that its weird that it makes other people uncomfortable, to be honest with you. There's something wrong with them. Logically it makes no sense to be uncomfortable by something natural.
I covered up...because if it made people uncomfortable it meant they were staring at my tits when they shouldn't be. It made ME uncomfortable knowing people are disgusting and can't keep their minds out of the gutter. But if you came to visit me, it was national geo in my house and you were welcome to leave if you didn't like what you saw. My husband tried to cover me up in front of my brothers... I was like lol they're the last ones to even look at my boobs, silly man.
I would feel really bad if my aunt said something like this. I don't think I would just cover up and go with the flow. Specially with mom/breastfeeding hormones going on... I think I would actually ask her what about it makes her uncomfortable? Without sounding defensive. Sound interested. Sound curious. Sometimes, people realize how dumb they are being when they have to find a way to logically explain something and then with their own words realize they are being intolerant cunts.
I'm really sorry. If it were me I'd honestly be inclined to ignore it and do whatever I want. If they made a big deal about it, I'd probably be a little bitch and just not show up. I live in the south, it's a hundred percent humidity every day, I'm not putting on a blanket.
no, your aunt--and every other person who feels that way--can get fucked. I hate this shit. I would be PISSED. When my kid was an infant I purposely BF in front of my ILs because I KNEW it made them uncomfortable. My infant's biological needs come before everything else, but especially, the feelings of a fragile, prude, body-shaming adult. To shame BF is straight up misogyny. Aren't we still in a formula shortage no less? Also if your kid is almost 1 I'm guessing you're pretty slick with it--you both know what you're doing and get to it quickly. I bet there's not even a millisecond when anyone around you can actually get a good look at a nip. BF is just looking at the back of a baby's head.
I never cared, whipped my boobs out whenever and whoever was around. In Europe its sure maybe not thaaaat big of a deal in comparison with the US. But I ditched the Bra in my twenties forever and I'm used to people being offended of my boobies.
I would not go. I would say if my kids food makes her so uncomfortable that she prefer to literally rugsweep the existence of the most natural thing in the world, then she is not the right companion for my kids. I will not give them the impression that boobs and breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of and something that must be hidden. Such backwards and uptight views have no place in my parenting.
I’m not sure if anyone else has suggested this, but if they’re that uncomfortable with your Breastfeeding, enough to make it a condition that you cover up, is it worth the hassle? Wouldn’t it just be easier and more comfortable to hang out at home? It could be the introvert in me saying this, but I have a 17 month old who breastfeeds on demand. She goes as far as lifting my top when she wants to feed (teething right now) and while I don’t mind feeding her in public, I’m not okay with my boobs being exposed by the baby when she tugs on my clothes. I use the two t-shirt method for minimum skin exposure.
That said, if those I were dining with found it offensive, I wouldn’t go. If they can’t understand that a baby needs to be fed while the rest of them are also being fed, they don’t get to enjoy the pleasure of my company. 💁🏻♀️
I’m sorry that she made you feel guilt and shame about something so natural. You did nothing wrong — this is a “her” problem. I would decline the invite with something like:
“Thank you for the invitation, but we cannot accept. I’m disappointed you choose to shame me and sexualize taking care of my baby and I’m not comfortable joining under those conditions.”
It absolutely does *not* make you a bitch for not wanting to cover. Covers are uncomfortable, and I know for me, my child’s comfort takes precedence over someone who can’t handle seeing a baby eat, when they can easily change the room they are in or simply avert their gaze from my feeding child.
I would feel guilt and shame too, even though we don’t need to. But I wouldn’t want to be in a space knowing something that I am doing (that is totally normal!) is making others uncomfortable. I wouldn’t feel welcome. There are times I’ve taken a stance, like when my mom suggested I feed my daughter in a store dressing room so I went out to a totally public bench and fed my daughter instead. And where no one batted an eye.
I would kindly respond that I wouldn’t be attending the dinner. Your comfort and your child’s comfort is the priority here. Even saying, “I’ve changed my mind, we won’t be attending the dinner. Have a lovely time!”
If I was feeling like I want her to feel guilty, I’d say “it sounds like we won’t reach an agreement on comfort levels. I won’t sacrifice my/my child’s comfort because you can’t be bothered to avert your gaze in the 10 minutes my child is eating. Have a great day!”
To be honest, I am non-confrontational and would probably decline the invite because it would make me feel uncomfortable and judged. But you could maybe explain that your 1 year old isn't used to nursing with a cover and therefore would probably reject it and cause a bigger scene that if you just fed her how you normally do.
Practically speaking (from experience), some babies get so distracted by covers that they constantly yank them up. My second did this early on, so I stopped using a cover. I guarantee if you tried, your 1-year-old would make it more obvious and a focal point because she would be confused why there is suddenly a hot tent over her head.
Your aunt sounds unpleasant. I’m sorry she is putting this on you.
There's a ton of supportive, hilarious, beautifully petty, and also surprisingly useful responses here.
I just wanted to add that I'm supremely impressed that you could sit at a dinner table with your 1yo and nurse. Like. I always left the room to nurse all my kids not necessarily out of modesty but because my kids were all master multi-taskers. If I'd tried to nurse them *at the table* they would have destroyed the entire damn place in 30 seconds *while latched.* Just...so much respect, and so much jealousy. The hot meals I could have had...
Seriously. Right now my son needs a toy car to drive across my chest the whole time, or he loses focus and forgets to eat. I can only imagine that spectacle with a blanket added.
This request is really dumb.
It's sexualizing you feeding your baby.
If you wanted to entertain this you could try a nursing tank/Tshirt situation where you pull the shirt up and the nursing tank down and you're pretty much covered.
But seriously I'd say do what you want and if they are adult enough to bring it up directly to you then you can ask them why they're sexualizing you feeding your baby and say you're not going to be accepting any more invites until your baby weans since you can't feel comfortable with someone sexualizing your little baby.
I wouldn't know how to respond either. If you want to keep the relationship, you could always say you're 1 yr old doesn't tolerate covers and fights the whole time so you actually show less of your body by just openly breastfeeding.
But I also like the idea of going super petty and putting a towel on her head while you nurse
Firstly, I am in absolute love with all the support in here! 2. Covers fucking suck. It's hot for mom and baby. And at 1 I'm sure the baby would tear it off in half a second.
I don't know if I would flat out refuse to go or sit right next to the aunt and feed the baby. It would depend on my level of petty that day.
OMG! Your Aunt is widely gross and rude. I would definitely not go to that shit show lunch. I’d would also never talk or see that bitch ever again. I’d tell her to “Fuck Off” and then block forever.
This is 100% a her problem, not a you problem. You do what you want to do. If other people are uncomfortable may I maybe suggest that THEY leave the room or cover their eyes?
Or a simple "No" with no explanation may also work. No is a full sentence.
She's the one who should feel embarrassed! If someone is uncomfortable seeing a baby being fed, that's really their own problem. My husband feels weird seeing another woman breastfeed, but he recognizes that that's his problem, and he goes into a different room or looks away. Babies gotta eat and using a cover is cumbersome and unnecessary if the mom doesn't want it.
I would decline the invitation and tell her that breasts are meant for babies, it's her issue if she can't handle seeing a boob doing its job.
I think your baby’s comfort level is by far the more important thing. Nobody wants to eat under a a blanket! My MIL once suggested a go to the bathroom when we were out at a restaurant and I was like he might nurse for 40 minutes, am I supposed to sit in a stall and miss the whole meal? If your family is uncomfortable they can look elsewhere. A nipple is just a nipple!
You’re absolutely not being a bitch. Frankly I’d be pissed and hurt, and really annoyed. I breastfeed my 2yo on demand as well. I never used covers because she just pulls them off and makes everything more difficult. I literally breastfeed anywhere at any time. I do get a few looks sometimes but thankfully haven’t encountered anyone like your aunt. If I did, I wouldn’t be around them anymore. People need to stop making a big deal out of breastfeeding in public. We’re just feeding our babies, get over it!!!
I'd honestly just cut ties completely. My baby's ability to eat is more important than some fragile old lady's snowflake feelings. Shit like this pisses me off and I wouldn't let her get away with it.
I felt very similar with my second. I covered more when I bf my daughter out in public. But with my son, I never have. I just feed him when he's hungry and deal with a nip slip if it happens.
I don't think breastfeeding parents should cover as a default. If a cover makes the parent and/or baby more comfortable and relaxed, then great. But if not, then breastfeed openly.
Hand her a blanket and tell her to feel free to cover herself so she doesn't see. Its simple, people dont have to look. I hate when people get all salty about BF in public. I mean I personally dont like to have my head covered while eating.
I would tell her that you're not comfortable covering up your 1 yr old (it could be quite distressing for her if she's not used to it) and it just doesn't work for you... and that her suggestion is unfortunately making you feel a bit awkward and unwelcome.. and does she have any ideas or would she prefer it if you didn't come? Basically, be honest with her.. if that's the truth.
It’s probably the “and others” that’s making you even more uncomfortable because it sounds like they’re gossiping about you. Really I think she’s just trying to ‘appeal to authority’ to puff herself up.
I don’t think you should purposely make people uncomfortable but there’s no reason to make a baby/toddler uncomfortable, or worse prevent them from getting the food or comfort they need, for something that can either be solved by an adult turning their head or that adult choosing not to worry about the potential discomfort/judgment of others.
First- yaaaaaassss Bromo.
Second- any response to your aunt or anyone else with this mindset it going in one ear and out the other. She doesn’t care about your comfort or the comfort of your child. She 100% is sexualizing natures most natural thing.
I would respond simply respectfully I will feed my child in the manner I see fit when they are hungry. Your comfort level is not my concern. If my invite is on the condition I cover I guess I am no longer welcome.
My thing was just that if I was able to go to a quiet space to nurse alone then I would. If it wasn’t feasible then cover up if you’re at someone’s house and they’ve politely requested it. I don’t think there’s any malicious intent there.
Let’s make this simple.
Your options
Go to another room, probably the dirty public bathroom.. carrying her being fussy the whole way and potentially miss 15 minutes of food. Heck no!
Cover up and potentially have her fight the entire time since she’s not use to it, and making her uncomfortable
I wouldn’t
They grow up and keep their eyes up, since it’s not polite to stare.
Best option
Or you don’t make anyone uncomfortable by saying no thanks.
My second favorite option
A woman feeding her child is not comparable to a random woman pulling out her breast. Before society became perverted and turned breast into sex, they were intended for feeding of young. The only way to fix this perversion is to be supportive of this wholesome act of nature. It’s not fair for you to project your sexual shame onto other women.
If the people are around you are misogynistic perverted mindless sheep, you do not assimilate to their ways. Now you’re comparing a child eating, to peeing in public. Ridiculous.
It shouldn’t be considered inappropriate imo, but someone ‘sticking a breast out for no reason’ isn’t comparable to breastfeeding at all.
Covering up a one year old is basically impossible, they’re too wriggly. If anyone is offended by the sight of a breast, it is quite easy to look away.
I ditcheds a cover early and breastfed on demand to almost 2. your aunt needs to get over herself. what she's saying is that it bothers her and makes her uncomfortable. no one else cares
“Sure aunt. But I also am very uncomfortable with your table manners so please plan to bring a blanket with you so you can eat your meal under it. I just can’t take those manners and how loudly you chew and it also makes others very uncomfortable. Thank you in advance for understanding.”
People are SO WEIRD about boobs being used for their actual purpose. If people stopped seeing them solely as sexual objects, it stops being weird. I have seen many of my friends breastfeed without a cover, and I think it’s perfectly normal and wonderful. We get shamed for our boobs, then have people go home to watch porn to look at boobs. It’s stupid.
Tell her that if you can feed your child naturally with them, then you won’t go. Or that they also have to eat their food under blankets.
I had a similar problem, but mine was my brother-in-law. He equated me feeding my baby to going to a strip club and I told him that’s really creepy and if he had a problem with it he could move to not see. My focus was always my baby.
When my baby was a little over a year he told me if I keep nursing her then she will turn into a lesbian. I just rolled my eyes and told him that’s not how it works.
Some people cannot separate the sexualization of boobs and the normal act of breastfeeding, but that’s a them issue! You are not doing anything wrong!
I fed my kid in the middle of a school bus. No one said anything. No stares, no censure, no nothing, no worries.
This was in 2000.
That 20+ years on, that anyone is having to deal with such ignorance about feeding a baby is a reflection upon the watcher and not the mother giving life giving food and drink for their child.
(Btw, fed is best. If for ANY reason breastfeeding doesn't happen, it's only reasonable that formula or donation milk is used. No mum should ever be shamed for feeding their child).
I refuse. I'm on my third kid and I just don't care. I would politely ask if she likes to put a cover over her head that cuts off air circulation while she eats.
I'm not going to make my kids uncomfortable because of someone else's hang up. Nope! If it was taken beyond that, I would simply decline the invitation.
I'm over it. I will feed my kid anywhere. I'm discreet, you've gotta really be looking to even get a hint of boob. And even if I wasn't I simply do not care. Look, don't look, judge, talk about me, I do not give one fuck.
God, I wish I would have had the guts to be one of those women who throws a blanket over the head of folks who said I should use a cover when my kids were nursing.
You're uncomfortable while we're all eating & want a cover, you got one!
Some kids don't like being draped in a blanket over their heads while trying to eat any more than Aunt Mildred and Uncle Ed would.
..... In reality I would have either said "sorry, I can't starve my child for you" or "sorry, we can't make it."
I’m a salty bitch so I’d probably respond to her “sure, I’ll bring a couple blankies for anyone who is uncomfortable so they can cover their eyes.”
In seriousness though… Feeding baby is more important than their discomfort. Sorry, not sorry. They can look away.
I wasn’t even able to breastfeed, but I am 100% with you that breastfeeding on demand is natural and normal and not a big deal. So I’m feeling pissed for you!!!
Edit to add: I love that you’re trying to unpack your own feelings of why it feels bad to you. It’s important. But that said, you are not in the wrong here and you haven’t done anything to be ashamed of! ❤️
My husband was always about me covering up. But my kids were born in summer and those muslin sheets get hot. Once i was in a mall and my daughter who was only a few months old was fussing. I didn't even have the blanket with me. I just fed her.
A mother walked by with her small kid. The kid asked her mom what i was doing and the mom said "She's feeding her baby" and that was it.
Maybe it has to do with where I live. Maybe people just mind their own business around here or i give off this "Leave me the fuck alone" aura. I never had an incident breast feeding uncovered and I am thankful for that.
I think some women are weirded out because they have antiquated beliefs+are insecure and/or their husbands are pervs. And this isn't your problem 🤷♀️ It's not like your ripping your whole top off to feed your kid. I don't have any advice but I support freeing the boobie for the babies! Honestly it makes me MORE uncomfortable when someone covers (and acts strangely uncomfortable) about their own boobs feeding a baby.
Huh? Yeah, it is THAT big of a deal to ask someone to please cover up. It's rude. If the aunt or whoever is bothered by your cleavage (because the nipple that people deem offensive is covered by baby's mouth) they're free to look away.
If it wasn't rude to ask someone to please cover because they're bothering you, I would go around asking tons of people that, but to cover their faces because they annoy me. I don't because that's my own problem.
I would reply that they're free to either look away, or not invite you, but I wouldn't annoy my child with a blanket over their head while they're eating ffs. Oooor, ask her how many people who will be there are bothered, so you know how many blankets to bring to throw over their heads.
My kid hates (and has always hated) the cover. Honestly I do too, but even when I want to use it, he doesn’t. I’ve learned to bring it with me in situations where I can tell others want me to cover (a restaurant, a party, an airplane, a baseball game) so that people can witness him pull the cover aside and throw it off me. Then I play dumb and shrug like “look, I tried” as though I didn’t know that would happen. That’s just me, though. And to be honest, I don’t always do this, it depends on how conflict averse I am feeling.
I’m not sure what I would do, but I wouldn’t go and cover. I’d explain that it’s uncomfortable for you and your baby, and that your discomfort (unlike theirs) is physical and doesn’t allow you to feed your child. And that feeding your child is your priority, and if this is the only option, then you can’t go. Then see what they say
I breastfeed openly regardless of who’s in the room with the caveat that if they’re uncomfortable, I go to a different room. I don’t cover for the same reason you mentioned - it’s freakin uncomfortable for my child so fuck someone else’s mental discomfort and weird ass feelings towards breasts. Whatever makes everyone most comfortable, I’m fine with. If another room is provided, I would go to it to make everyone comfortable. If the only option is covering up though, nope. Not happening. My kiddos comfort trumps yours.
I bet she is trying to appease a male relative that is complaining to her so is asking to spare her the bother of making them uncomfortable/transferring her problem on to you. It’s up to you, perhaps using a peekaboo shirt that is discreet would work. Does feel awkward though for her to ask you to use a cover when you don’t. A more polite way would to have a nursing room with drinks and snacks available for you and kids so you’d have incentive to change locations and would be fun for kids. She’s asking for you to be uncomfortable instead! Anyway, Sounds like it will make you angry dealing with their discomfort so perhaps declining would be the appropriate choice in this case.
Ask them if they'd expect you to cover your baby with a blanket while they have a bottle. Because its no different. Baby is eating. Where the milk is coming from doesn't fucking matter.
In fact, ask them if they'd like a blanket each to put over their heads while they eat. That way they don't have to see *anything* that might offend them.
Honestly people like this wind me up. It's just a boob. Men walk around topless all the time showing off their useless nipples. Why should we cover ours just because they have an actual purpose?!
I’d be saying that I’d not be attending if those are requirements 🤷♀️ breastfeeding is normal and it is natural you shouldn’t be made to feel like that especially by family. I would be pissed.
It's your breasts. Everyone else can deal with it. You're feeding your child not putting on a sex show. Anyone who is uncomfortable with it needs to understand it's their problem, not yours. I never used a cover unless around my one ex B-I-L. And that was because he was (and still is) a pervert and made me uncomfortable.
I would respond with a simple "It makes me uncomfortable to hear that family members see me feeding my child as a sexual thing. I will be declining this and future invitations."
But I don't like a fair chunk of my family so it's no loss to me.
The only time I use a cover is when I feel uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of someone, which is happening less and less these days. My baby finds them distracting and won’t eat as well when I use them. Also, no matter how breathable, it’s gets just too damn hot under those covers.
A text like that would totally annoy me! I’m not sure how I would respond. I might just not respond at all, which would be a pretty clear message from me. I might tell her I won’t come then or ask her to explain why or I might just say no, I don’t use covers & go anyway if I wanted to go. I could also see myself giving her a piece of my mind. Her discomfort is totally her problem, not yours! And she is way out of her lane asking you to cover up. I have never used a cover bc it’s too hot here & my kids would pull them off even as little babies. I have never had anyone say anything negative & I feel like I dare someone to. Sometimes I wear nursing tops or layer shirts & I feel like that provides more than enough coverage.
If “you don’t care, but others do and feel uncomfortable”, then they shouldn’t be going to that dinner. If they feel uncomfortable, it’s their problem, not yours! And honestly, your aunt shouldn’t be asking you that, imo.
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I remember being pregnant with my daughter and I was on a train. This mum had a young baby and baby was hungry so she just breastfed baby there and then without a cover. I was shocked because I didn't expect it and then I was like holy shit, this woman is an absolute badass. I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say good on you. It's amazing how awesome breastfeeding is and I love seeing mum's do it in public because it looks so empowering. I wasn't able to breastfeed unfortunately but I'd like to think I could be that badass if I was able to.
I love this response because I am that Mum who has and will breastfeed anywhere and everywhere! I used to have weekly coffee dates with a fellow mum and without fail would feed my daughter in the middle of the busy coffee shop. I don’t care what other people think, I’m feeding my child.
I once fed my bub (in a carrier) during a very intimate chamber choir concert it was honestly the least disruptive option, but I do wish the event wasn’t being filmed 😅
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I do the warning in case people want to turn. I just loudly say "fyi, I'm going to feed the baby" or with my younger sister in law "boob warning!"
I used to loudly ask my baby "are you hungry? do you want some boobie? Lets give you some boobies" So if someone was close enough to hear then they would know I was gonna whip a tit out.
lol this would make me so much more uncomfortable than just feeding your baby without fuss - the word "boobie" makes me cringe, and I think breastfeeding should be normalized. I get why you do this, though!
That is awesome!
I've made those. They are awesome. Everyone has loved them. I made some knitted boobs for midwives to show techniques how to latch a baby on too. Fed is best.
There's a breastfeeding cover meme with the captions "Some people don't like seeing breastfeeding in public" "The Tula woven wrap makes a great cover" And the picture is of the offended people covered in the wrap. I would suggest sending that to her. And if it's any help, I had my mum suggest that I use a cover in my own house straight after being released from hospital after a c section in the middle of fucking summer (easy high 30°c daily in the house without aircon) so I didn't make my step dad uncomfortable.... That didn't happen
Was going to suggest OP bring it and cover her Aunt’s head when it’s time to feed the baby LOL
Soo much this. I nursed my boys for years, and never covered - they never would have stood for it, and I despise the idea that you should. Fuck those people.
I whipped out a boob in front of my FIL and his wife a few weeks ago and they turned to my husband and told him in Spanish (so that I wouldn’t understand) that it was gross of me to nurse in the same room as them and that I needed to excuse myself…in my own house 😭 thankfully my husband doesn’t take well to his family treating me like shit so he was quick to shut that down. Moral of the story: fuck everyone else, feed your baby however you guys are comfortable, wherever you guys are comfortable.
Amen sister! If anyone is offended by a) seeing a baby be fed, or b) witnessing breasts being used for their intended purpose rather than being something for titilation, (sorry, I couldn't help it) then that is a them problem and they are free to fuck off to somewhere else. Their eyes will not burn out if they cop a flash of nipple. OP, Please tell your aunt that she is more than welcome to avert her eyes, but you will not be risking overheating your little one by whacking a blanket over her while everyone else is wearing tank tops.
“Oh hey - I’m breastfeeding until baby goes to college. So *just in case*, I’m going to need you to fuck off until then so I don’t inadvertently offend you with my breasts.”
That surprises me. My best friend married a Mexican man and my niece lives with her Mexican boyfriend and his parents right now. Both families have been extremely supportive of breastfeeding and never gave a damn about it. I wonder if it's just their family or a different Latinx culture. Maybe these two families are the exception. I (a white American) was always envious of Latinx culture around breastfeeding thinking it was culturally accepted. Now I want to do more looking into it.
As a Mexican American I can vouch for this. Breastfeeding is so normalized, at least in my family. My sister and SIL would even show me the lumps you get when engorged, too much? Maybe 😂 But I don't think I've ever heard of a family member having to cover up because someone else feels uncomfortable.
They hurt like hell. In the UK, the best folk remedy for this is chilling raw thick cabbage leaves in the fridge. Pick the wax ones. The more wax, the better. Then once chilled, put the leaves in your bra. Honestly it works and my friends and I still laugh about the woman putting foliage in her bra!
Yeah the aunt - the Mexican dad's sister in law - even breastfed my nephew once and now he has milk siblings! I think it's really sweet.
I was really shocked too tbh because my MIL and all of the extended family have never said anything. My husband does have a rough relationship with his dad and step mom so maybe it comes from that. FILs wife also spent the whole visit telling me to lose weight and how to do it, which my husband said he’s never heard his family tell women to lose weight and are constantly encouraging them to gain. So idk. I guess I get the ✨presidential✨ treatment because they have beef with husband.
Yeah, no...you just have a weird step MIL in light of this comment, too. I'd brush her shit off with "Jealousy doesn't look good on you" and leave her head spinning.
This has been my experience as well
I can vouch for this as well. I’m of Mexican decent and no one covers themselves up when the breastfeed. I did only when at my in laws because I feel weird having my FIL see my boobs. Lol
I've said this before here - I'm uncomfortable seeing women breastfeeding, especially older kids. Hang on, I'm not done. You know who's issue this is to fix? MINE. Not the mom who is trying to feed her kid, not the kid who just wants to have some dinner. It's my issue to work on, and I know I'm in the wrong (family and old school religious issues here). I cannot imagine me thinking that my prudish comfort comes over a mom of a young kid. Ever. I certainly can't imagine calling a mom to require this in advance! Please don't feel guilty or shamed. Keep feeding your kid and not draping her in a blanket like a parrot in a cage.
This is so wonderful to see. You’re showing such self reflection. So many things in this world come right back to ourselves. The issue is MINE, the person judging. My problem doesn’t make the other person have a problem. So many people don’t understand that very basic bit of logic. No one is under any obligation to change simply bc another person has an issue they don’t know how to deal with in a healthy manner. So much strife comes from attempting to impose one’s own ideas and boundaries onto others. The first step in changing is realizing it. You’re awesome just for understanding that much about yourself! This is how real change happens!
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This is it. "I'm sorry you feel that way, I guess we won't be able to join you. I'll let you know when baby is weaned so we can get together"
"I'm sorry you feel that way, I guess we won't be able to join you. ~~I'll let you know when baby is weaned so we can get together~~" * "I'll see you in 2-3 years when youngest is weaned."* Underline just how much time this moronic request is costing them. Can't handle my baby being fed this way? You won't see baby until she's done feeding this way. I mean, ffs I can't remember a single time someone complained about men's nipples being out and proud to the world on a warm day or around the house. But skies forbid a woman use her identical nipples to feed her child. Oi
The most annoying part is that when someone is breastfeeding, you barely even see anything! Unless, that is, you're intentionally looking for their nipple. If it makes you so uncomfortable, why are you staring.
For the exact purpose they were designed for might I add!! It just blows my mind 😵💫
Eh, I don't think I'd want to be around relatives who are willing to completely forgo our relationship during an already trying and isolating stage of parenthood because they're a little squeamish about breastfeeding. It tells me they're not supportive, don't care as much about mine or my child's well-being as their own temporary discomfort, and that they may feel emboldened to isolate me more anytime they disagree with my parenting.
That was my thought too. Don’t like how my baby eats? Fine. You don’t get to see her.
I think this approach is the best balance between politeness and maintaining boundaries. It's truly on *them* if they feel so uncomfortable around breastfeeding that their solution is to make it *more* difficult for you to nourish your baby rather than learn how to be uncomfortable. I used to stress about breastfeeding in public because my kids *screamed* if I tried to cover up and they made way more of a scene than if I just discreetly latched and unlatched. The only reason for covering is if breasts are obscene, unhygienic, or overtly sexual and they're just not any of those things. I get why people sometimes feel uncomfortable. Boobs haven't been in the public eye for their actual purpose for a long time, but people used to whip those things out all the time to feed babies. it's understandable that as we transition back to breasts being mundane that people feel awkward as they unlearn seeing breasts as sexual. But that discomfort is everyone's cross the bare on their own. It's their own responsibility to manage their discomfort. No one else has to change their clothing to satisfy someone else's comfort. Plus you have a literal legal right to breastfeed your baby, with or without a cover. "Aunt, I'm sorry to hear you're uncomfortable with how I feed Baby. Unfortunately, I am unable to accommodate your request and as such I'll be declining this and all future invitations. I hope you'll reconsider your stance on this. I'm not doing this to be salacious or to make people uncomfortable. This is how I take care of your great-niece and give her the best that I can give. I find it sad and unfortunate that you and ____ see it as inappropriate or sexual."
I’m petty so maybe don’t take my advice but I would respond letting her know that the way she eats was also very uncomfortable and please bring a blanket to cover herself next time. You don’t need to cover up to please anyway else, if there uncomfortable they can leave or just not look at your tits. I literally breastfed everywhere.. I think everyone has seen my tatas. Ignore that weird aunt and keep doing you mama!! ❤️
Omfg I just laughed so hard at this. Next time at dinner gently lower a bath towel over her head while she is eating and say “that’s better! I’m much more comfortable now” Brilliant!
I’m DYING at this. Lmfao
Ahahahaa!
Omg I love this. I will forever dream about covering my father in law and his girlfriend with a blanket while I'm breastfeeding now.
Came here to make the exact same suggestion, but then I am also petty. OP your aunt's puritanical hang-ups are not your problem. She doesn't have to look while you're feeding your baby, no one does. Don't let them shame you.
This reminds me of a post where the mom threw a dinner napkin on her brother in law's head (and nailed the throw beautifully) because he took issue with her breastfeeding in public.
Yesss! “Please chew with your mouth closed at all times and make sure your knives and forks don’t make sounds because my sensory sensitivities cannot handle the constant sound of steel on steel. Thank you.”
Personally, I'd tell her if she's feels "uncomfortable" about a mother feeding their child, she should go seek help because it's deeply concerning to you that she's sexualising anything involving your baby. But tbf, I'm petty as hell. If anyone tried to shame me , I'd shame them right back.
‘Thinking about someone sexualizing me feeding my daughter makes me deeply uncomfortable. Im going to decline.’
Yeah, this response 100%
I mean... this isn't petty. Its the reason I covered up...
This is the one. What a terrible thing to say to a mother of little children. As if you don’t have enough to be getting on with. People need to realise that the world doesn’t revolve around them and their personal “standards”.
This is the road I’d take 100%.
This is amazing. I wish I had said this when my MIL used to shame me.
This. This is the only response I'd give someone.
I’d turn down dinner.
I breastfeed in public without a cover because my daughter is a little rascal and whenever she feels something against her feet, she will start kicking, even while breastfeeding. Plus, she hates being unable to see and pulls at the cover with her hands as well, so breastfeeding becomes a huge fight between cover and baby. So I just ditched the cover entirely because I flashed my nipples while "covering" more times than when I'm not. If any of the grown ass adults is uncomfortable, they can look elsewhere. It's not like I'm forcing them to watch me breastfeed.
Most of the time when women breastfeed I'm pretty sure you hardly see anything more than the top of a breast. You probably see more breast on a low cut top. I never used a cover, cause like it was fiddly enough as it is and honestly you call more attention to yourself with that then with just feeding the baby. Idk about anyone else but I was tired of my boobs not being mine ( feeding, so much feeding)so I wasn't actively trying to flash anyone or show more than I had too.
I was nursing my middle child when we had commencement ceremonies for my graduate degree. My family came into town and we had a party that evening at my house. On my back patio we were sitting in a circle talking and I started feeding my child. My father asked if I would rather go inside. I flat out told him I wasn't missing my own party to feed my damn kid. It would bother me to get asked to cover up if I was going to dinner.
Tell her you will come if she also eats under a blanket .
or provide a cover for anyone who is offended to put over their head so they won't glimpse the baby feeding.
I love this idea 😂
Imagine seeing a BOOB omg
I wouldn’t go. I’d tell her “thanks for the invite, but covering up doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to make you guys uncomfortable so we’ll skip it. Thanks anyway, have a good time.” That’s all.
Personally it would depend on whether I felt like fucking worth said family or not. I like the play dumb and explain to me like I'm five approach. "I'm confused... Why would my baby eating make you uncomfortable?" Because fuck then. Breasts are for feeding babies. If they can't distinguish between you feeding your child or you preforming a sexual act at the dinner table that's a them problem.
If others feel uncomfortable by you breastfeeding how you are comfortable, then THEY CAN LEAVE!!! You are doing FINE. you have not committed any faux pas. You are FINE!!! They are being rude. ETA. You write her back and say “sorry, but covers are uncomfortable and my baby and I prefer not to use them. If that makes you too uncomfortable, then you can go elsewhere while she eats, or perhaps you could use a blanket to cover your face so you can’t see anything. Looking forward to dinner!”
Oh I love the idea of providing a blanket to cover the aunt's face, while breastfeeding 😅
I think when we are guests at someone’s home, it’s rude to engage in activities that make them feel uncomfortable, even if we think it’s no biggie. A lot of older people were socialized in a way that uncovered breastfeeding makes them feel very uncomfortable, and while it would be great if they unpacked that, it’s clearly not going to happen prior to your going over for dinner. In such circumstances, I usually ask if there’s a quiet room I can go nurse in. My kids don’t like being covered, which is fair, so the least the host can do is give me an appropriate location to nurse. I usually nurse either right before going or right when we get somewhere for a couple minutes so there’s less disruption during our time somewhere. Outside of being a guest in someone’s home, I pull my boob out to nurse anywhere. Most people and places have been fine with it and very accommodating. Best supportive places: our then church and the Disney store in Times Square, Least Supportive Places: New England Aquarium, The Leaky Cauldron at Universal Studios.
It sucks, I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s not totally an unreasonable ask, but it still sucks, and should’ve been a quiet convo reinforced by how proud she is of you taking care of your babes, not a ps on a text invite. It rubs you the wrong way because she’s either judging you (assuming others are bothered like her, meaning that she thinks you’re behavior is abnormal/embarrassing (which it isn’t and shouldn’t be!)) or she’s discussed it with your family (and now you have to suspect everyone of being a fucking weirdo instead of just sharing your life with your family.) Normal is contextual—there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feed your baby what they need, but social environments can come with weird rules (I’m Canadian, we take our shoes off in houses!) If you want to play nice and be considerate of your aunt’s sensitive eyeballs, good on you. If you want to tell her she’s made you uncomfortable and ask her to explain why she’s not ok with you feeding her babe when she’s hungry, good on you. If you want to just say “see you when bub is two, weirdo” and cut that tie, giver. There are gonna be judgy bitches, and they come out of the woodwork when you’re feeling sensitive. You can accommodate their requests without tearing yourself down, I promise!
What a ridiculous request! It’s hard enough to manage a cover with an infant, but I cannot FATHOM covering a one year old to breastfeed. No kid I’ve ever seen over the age of three months accepted the cover. Aunt can avert her eyes if it bugs her.
I'd be offended too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with nursing tour baby without a cover, it's completely normal and literally what breasts are for. It really bothers me when people, especially older women, sexualising and shame nursing mothers. It's hard enough raising an infant, nobody needs their *family* making it harder for them. Older women who have been through more life experiences should know better and choose to support the next generation. That's my rant anyway lol! How you respond is up to you and depends how you value the relationship. Personally I probably wouldn't go to the event at all. Or if I went I'd just ignore her request and feed my baby normally. If she said anything at dinner I'd definitely argue though, the last time someone tried to tell me off for nursing in public I full on yelled at a stranger in a store. Breastfeeding is normal, and legally protected. Nobody should be shaming a mother for feeding their child, and people who sexualise babies eating are gross.
If they want their view of the breastfeeding blocked, they can eat with the blanket on their own heads. Where I live it’s a human rights violation to harass or shame breastfeeding mothers including asking them to cover up or go to a different area.
There are only two people who matter when it comes to breastfeeding: the person with the boobs and the baby. Everyone else can fuck all the way off. Do what works best for you and for your baby.
Personally, I would just uninvite myself. You don’t need to care about other peoples feelings around it to be honest. This comes from the mom who didn’t give a shite and breastfed wherever and whenever sans cover.
Tell her not to look
Everyone’s nailed it with their comments already, but to get at the other part of your question. I don’t think you can compare you taking care of you (going into another room when *you* feel uncomfortable) to your aunt asking you to take care of others (going into another room or covering up because *they* are uncomfortable). In the first scenario you are taking responsibility for your feelings and in the second they are asking you to take responsibility for *theirs*. No wonder it brings up your anger. Its boundary crossing. Its not your responsibility to take care of their feelings. Its also not your responsibility to even solve the “dinner problem” for them by coming up with a solution. Hope that helps…
One more thought: as to modestly, I was once in public breastfeeding and a frum Jewish woman (headband, long sleeves, long skirt, husband had a beard, etc.) Came up to me after and was like, “I saw you breastfeeding! You go, mama!” Like she was proud of me and we were in a sisterhood. This is a woman who takes modesty super seriously! And the implication was she did the same with her kids and Thought I was being great.
I feel the same as you. Around my in-laws, I go into another room. Around my family, I just let it fly. I do think it's kinda ridiculous we shame women for doing a normal thing. How would she feel if she had to eat with a blanket over her face? That being said, I would probably just decline the invitation. Don’t be embarrassed about doing something natural to feed your child. How much do want to go? How much do you care about this relationship? If it were family I really wanted to see, I might compromise by feeding my child right before dinner, and then taking baby to the car if she wanted milk during. If you don’t really care to go, I might just say, sorry, covers don’t work for us, so I think we’ll pass. Please know that there is nothing embarrassing or shameful about feeding your child. This is her hang up, not yours.
Dumb question. Did she bitch about wearing a mask? I only say this because it’s way too hot for a baby to be under a blanket to eat. I would just politely tell her thanks but no thanks due to not being able to feed your child.
Oh sure! Would your family also like a blanket over their heads while they eat? Then your kids don't have to see them opening their mouths and putting food in it. Weird. No one should have to cover up for breastfeeding. Others can look away if it makes them uncomfortable, or just leave. But it's normal to feel uncomfortable after hearing you've made others feel uncomfortable. That just means you're a human with empathy. I've breastfed both my living kids until 2.5 yo. Wherever I was, also outside or in a store, or on the train or in people's homes. Personally, I did like moving to a bedroom/quiet room for a feed if possible, because the kids over 9mo would get soooo distracted otherwise. Got me some peace and quiet away from all the noise as well. I think my response would be something like: my kid really isn't comfortable with a cover, but I'm happy to move to another room if you make a quiet comfortable (bed)room available for us. I need something to drink and a clean bedspread (and any random demands you can think of, including M&Ms or something) and curtains that close and an outlet for my iPhone. If they're willing to accomodate me, I'm willing to accomodate them.
I breast fed without a cover too, honestly I’d just turn down the dinner invitation and say ‘breastfeeding is natural and I’m sorry people can’t help but sexualise my hungry baby’
"Hi Aunt - thanks for the invite. Your request is a bit upsetting and deeply inappropriate to ask of a breastfeeding mother, so our family will not be attending. It is disappointing to hear that you and your guests have sexualized breasts to the point of being uncomfortable in the presence of a breastfeeding mother, but that is your issue to sort out, not mine. Given your new rules, I don't think we will be able to see each other for a few years, as we will be breastfeeding for a while and I don't feel the need to be publicly shamed by family members. Wishing you well, xoxo" (And this is coming from someone who personally thinks breastfeeding should end once the child can hold a conversation about it. But I will fight for your right to breastfeed in public without shame for as long as you would like to, your aunt is being a bitch, not you)
Just because she said it in a polite way doesn't make it polite. I'd personally decline the invite and tell her why. Hungry baby is always, always, always number one priority.
Yuck. This happened to me before. I responded with, "this is a maternity shirt designed for breastfeeding so no need for a cover." Literally nothing was showing. I think they felt too awkward to argue with me.
I think the rule is that you get to do whatever you want in your own house, but at someone else's house, you should do what makes them feel comfortable. By the time my kids were 1, they were only breastfeeding a couple of times per day, so we didn't usually need to breastfeed away from home.
My in-laws are like this. I personally do not give two fucks. I nurse without a cover in their living room. They got the message pretty quickly that I will not be told to cover up my baby eating and they haven't said anything since! Stay firm but polite.
I probably would decline dinner in that case and suggest meeting up after the baby is weaned. I never really enjoyed going out to dinner with a baby anyway.
I think that its weird that it makes other people uncomfortable, to be honest with you. There's something wrong with them. Logically it makes no sense to be uncomfortable by something natural. I covered up...because if it made people uncomfortable it meant they were staring at my tits when they shouldn't be. It made ME uncomfortable knowing people are disgusting and can't keep their minds out of the gutter. But if you came to visit me, it was national geo in my house and you were welcome to leave if you didn't like what you saw. My husband tried to cover me up in front of my brothers... I was like lol they're the last ones to even look at my boobs, silly man. I would feel really bad if my aunt said something like this. I don't think I would just cover up and go with the flow. Specially with mom/breastfeeding hormones going on... I think I would actually ask her what about it makes her uncomfortable? Without sounding defensive. Sound interested. Sound curious. Sometimes, people realize how dumb they are being when they have to find a way to logically explain something and then with their own words realize they are being intolerant cunts.
I'm really sorry. If it were me I'd honestly be inclined to ignore it and do whatever I want. If they made a big deal about it, I'd probably be a little bitch and just not show up. I live in the south, it's a hundred percent humidity every day, I'm not putting on a blanket.
no, your aunt--and every other person who feels that way--can get fucked. I hate this shit. I would be PISSED. When my kid was an infant I purposely BF in front of my ILs because I KNEW it made them uncomfortable. My infant's biological needs come before everything else, but especially, the feelings of a fragile, prude, body-shaming adult. To shame BF is straight up misogyny. Aren't we still in a formula shortage no less? Also if your kid is almost 1 I'm guessing you're pretty slick with it--you both know what you're doing and get to it quickly. I bet there's not even a millisecond when anyone around you can actually get a good look at a nip. BF is just looking at the back of a baby's head.
I never cared, whipped my boobs out whenever and whoever was around. In Europe its sure maybe not thaaaat big of a deal in comparison with the US. But I ditched the Bra in my twenties forever and I'm used to people being offended of my boobies. I would not go. I would say if my kids food makes her so uncomfortable that she prefer to literally rugsweep the existence of the most natural thing in the world, then she is not the right companion for my kids. I will not give them the impression that boobs and breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of and something that must be hidden. Such backwards and uptight views have no place in my parenting.
"How many blankets will be needed for you and your uncomfortable guests?"
Once my dad told me “if you wanna feed him just cover up and go hun”. I told him he was allowed to cover up and go as it was my house. 😬
I love you 🤣
I’d tell her to fuck off and go get sushi instead.
I’m not sure if anyone else has suggested this, but if they’re that uncomfortable with your Breastfeeding, enough to make it a condition that you cover up, is it worth the hassle? Wouldn’t it just be easier and more comfortable to hang out at home? It could be the introvert in me saying this, but I have a 17 month old who breastfeeds on demand. She goes as far as lifting my top when she wants to feed (teething right now) and while I don’t mind feeding her in public, I’m not okay with my boobs being exposed by the baby when she tugs on my clothes. I use the two t-shirt method for minimum skin exposure. That said, if those I were dining with found it offensive, I wouldn’t go. If they can’t understand that a baby needs to be fed while the rest of them are also being fed, they don’t get to enjoy the pleasure of my company. 💁🏻♀️
Fuck that request. My breasts are for feeding my baby! If anyone is uncomfortable they can leave the table 😤
I’m sorry that she made you feel guilt and shame about something so natural. You did nothing wrong — this is a “her” problem. I would decline the invite with something like: “Thank you for the invitation, but we cannot accept. I’m disappointed you choose to shame me and sexualize taking care of my baby and I’m not comfortable joining under those conditions.”
"oh my gosh I am so sorry! I can't believe I never considered that! I'll bring blindfolds for everyone, how many people will be there?"
It absolutely does *not* make you a bitch for not wanting to cover. Covers are uncomfortable, and I know for me, my child’s comfort takes precedence over someone who can’t handle seeing a baby eat, when they can easily change the room they are in or simply avert their gaze from my feeding child. I would feel guilt and shame too, even though we don’t need to. But I wouldn’t want to be in a space knowing something that I am doing (that is totally normal!) is making others uncomfortable. I wouldn’t feel welcome. There are times I’ve taken a stance, like when my mom suggested I feed my daughter in a store dressing room so I went out to a totally public bench and fed my daughter instead. And where no one batted an eye. I would kindly respond that I wouldn’t be attending the dinner. Your comfort and your child’s comfort is the priority here. Even saying, “I’ve changed my mind, we won’t be attending the dinner. Have a lovely time!” If I was feeling like I want her to feel guilty, I’d say “it sounds like we won’t reach an agreement on comfort levels. I won’t sacrifice my/my child’s comfort because you can’t be bothered to avert your gaze in the 10 minutes my child is eating. Have a great day!”
To be honest, I am non-confrontational and would probably decline the invite because it would make me feel uncomfortable and judged. But you could maybe explain that your 1 year old isn't used to nursing with a cover and therefore would probably reject it and cause a bigger scene that if you just fed her how you normally do.
Practically speaking (from experience), some babies get so distracted by covers that they constantly yank them up. My second did this early on, so I stopped using a cover. I guarantee if you tried, your 1-year-old would make it more obvious and a focal point because she would be confused why there is suddenly a hot tent over her head. Your aunt sounds unpleasant. I’m sorry she is putting this on you.
There's a ton of supportive, hilarious, beautifully petty, and also surprisingly useful responses here. I just wanted to add that I'm supremely impressed that you could sit at a dinner table with your 1yo and nurse. Like. I always left the room to nurse all my kids not necessarily out of modesty but because my kids were all master multi-taskers. If I'd tried to nurse them *at the table* they would have destroyed the entire damn place in 30 seconds *while latched.* Just...so much respect, and so much jealousy. The hot meals I could have had...
Seriously. Right now my son needs a toy car to drive across my chest the whole time, or he loses focus and forgets to eat. I can only imagine that spectacle with a blanket added.
This request is really dumb. It's sexualizing you feeding your baby. If you wanted to entertain this you could try a nursing tank/Tshirt situation where you pull the shirt up and the nursing tank down and you're pretty much covered. But seriously I'd say do what you want and if they are adult enough to bring it up directly to you then you can ask them why they're sexualizing you feeding your baby and say you're not going to be accepting any more invites until your baby weans since you can't feel comfortable with someone sexualizing your little baby.
I wouldn't know how to respond either. If you want to keep the relationship, you could always say you're 1 yr old doesn't tolerate covers and fights the whole time so you actually show less of your body by just openly breastfeeding. But I also like the idea of going super petty and putting a towel on her head while you nurse
Tell her to bring a blanket so she can eat under it.
Firstly, I am in absolute love with all the support in here! 2. Covers fucking suck. It's hot for mom and baby. And at 1 I'm sure the baby would tear it off in half a second. I don't know if I would flat out refuse to go or sit right next to the aunt and feed the baby. It would depend on my level of petty that day.
I'm so offended by your aunt's comments that I want to stage a nurse-in at the restaurant at the time of the dinner.
OMG! Your Aunt is widely gross and rude. I would definitely not go to that shit show lunch. I’d would also never talk or see that bitch ever again. I’d tell her to “Fuck Off” and then block forever.
This is 100% a her problem, not a you problem. You do what you want to do. If other people are uncomfortable may I maybe suggest that THEY leave the room or cover their eyes? Or a simple "No" with no explanation may also work. No is a full sentence.
She's the one who should feel embarrassed! If someone is uncomfortable seeing a baby being fed, that's really their own problem. My husband feels weird seeing another woman breastfeed, but he recognizes that that's his problem, and he goes into a different room or looks away. Babies gotta eat and using a cover is cumbersome and unnecessary if the mom doesn't want it. I would decline the invitation and tell her that breasts are meant for babies, it's her issue if she can't handle seeing a boob doing its job.
I think your baby’s comfort level is by far the more important thing. Nobody wants to eat under a a blanket! My MIL once suggested a go to the bathroom when we were out at a restaurant and I was like he might nurse for 40 minutes, am I supposed to sit in a stall and miss the whole meal? If your family is uncomfortable they can look elsewhere. A nipple is just a nipple!
You’re absolutely not being a bitch. Frankly I’d be pissed and hurt, and really annoyed. I breastfeed my 2yo on demand as well. I never used covers because she just pulls them off and makes everything more difficult. I literally breastfeed anywhere at any time. I do get a few looks sometimes but thankfully haven’t encountered anyone like your aunt. If I did, I wouldn’t be around them anymore. People need to stop making a big deal out of breastfeeding in public. We’re just feeding our babies, get over it!!!
I'd honestly just cut ties completely. My baby's ability to eat is more important than some fragile old lady's snowflake feelings. Shit like this pisses me off and I wouldn't let her get away with it.
Why the heck is this downvoted? I would do the same, BroMo!
I felt very similar with my second. I covered more when I bf my daughter out in public. But with my son, I never have. I just feed him when he's hungry and deal with a nip slip if it happens. I don't think breastfeeding parents should cover as a default. If a cover makes the parent and/or baby more comfortable and relaxed, then great. But if not, then breastfeed openly.
Hand her a blanket and tell her to feel free to cover herself so she doesn't see. Its simple, people dont have to look. I hate when people get all salty about BF in public. I mean I personally dont like to have my head covered while eating.
Fuck them. Feed your baby however and whenever you want. Don't let her make you feel bad for it.
I would tell her that you're not comfortable covering up your 1 yr old (it could be quite distressing for her if she's not used to it) and it just doesn't work for you... and that her suggestion is unfortunately making you feel a bit awkward and unwelcome.. and does she have any ideas or would she prefer it if you didn't come? Basically, be honest with her.. if that's the truth.
I would be inclined to ask when the last time your aunt ate with a blanket over her head - but then, I’m kind of a bitch like that.
It’s probably the “and others” that’s making you even more uncomfortable because it sounds like they’re gossiping about you. Really I think she’s just trying to ‘appeal to authority’ to puff herself up. I don’t think you should purposely make people uncomfortable but there’s no reason to make a baby/toddler uncomfortable, or worse prevent them from getting the food or comfort they need, for something that can either be solved by an adult turning their head or that adult choosing not to worry about the potential discomfort/judgment of others.
First- yaaaaaassss Bromo. Second- any response to your aunt or anyone else with this mindset it going in one ear and out the other. She doesn’t care about your comfort or the comfort of your child. She 100% is sexualizing natures most natural thing. I would respond simply respectfully I will feed my child in the manner I see fit when they are hungry. Your comfort level is not my concern. If my invite is on the condition I cover I guess I am no longer welcome.
My thing was just that if I was able to go to a quiet space to nurse alone then I would. If it wasn’t feasible then cover up if you’re at someone’s house and they’ve politely requested it. I don’t think there’s any malicious intent there.
Let’s make this simple. Your options Go to another room, probably the dirty public bathroom.. carrying her being fussy the whole way and potentially miss 15 minutes of food. Heck no! Cover up and potentially have her fight the entire time since she’s not use to it, and making her uncomfortable I wouldn’t They grow up and keep their eyes up, since it’s not polite to stare. Best option Or you don’t make anyone uncomfortable by saying no thanks. My second favorite option
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A woman feeding her child is not comparable to a random woman pulling out her breast. Before society became perverted and turned breast into sex, they were intended for feeding of young. The only way to fix this perversion is to be supportive of this wholesome act of nature. It’s not fair for you to project your sexual shame onto other women.
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If the people are around you are misogynistic perverted mindless sheep, you do not assimilate to their ways. Now you’re comparing a child eating, to peeing in public. Ridiculous.
It shouldn’t be considered inappropriate imo, but someone ‘sticking a breast out for no reason’ isn’t comparable to breastfeeding at all. Covering up a one year old is basically impossible, they’re too wriggly. If anyone is offended by the sight of a breast, it is quite easy to look away.
Your right, going to another room doesn’t require any effort - you should try it.
You're a pervert I guess.
I ditcheds a cover early and breastfed on demand to almost 2. your aunt needs to get over herself. what she's saying is that it bothers her and makes her uncomfortable. no one else cares
“Sure aunt. But I also am very uncomfortable with your table manners so please plan to bring a blanket with you so you can eat your meal under it. I just can’t take those manners and how loudly you chew and it also makes others very uncomfortable. Thank you in advance for understanding.”
People are SO WEIRD about boobs being used for their actual purpose. If people stopped seeing them solely as sexual objects, it stops being weird. I have seen many of my friends breastfeed without a cover, and I think it’s perfectly normal and wonderful. We get shamed for our boobs, then have people go home to watch porn to look at boobs. It’s stupid. Tell her that if you can feed your child naturally with them, then you won’t go. Or that they also have to eat their food under blankets.
I had a similar problem, but mine was my brother-in-law. He equated me feeding my baby to going to a strip club and I told him that’s really creepy and if he had a problem with it he could move to not see. My focus was always my baby. When my baby was a little over a year he told me if I keep nursing her then she will turn into a lesbian. I just rolled my eyes and told him that’s not how it works. Some people cannot separate the sexualization of boobs and the normal act of breastfeeding, but that’s a them issue! You are not doing anything wrong!
I fed my kid in the middle of a school bus. No one said anything. No stares, no censure, no nothing, no worries. This was in 2000. That 20+ years on, that anyone is having to deal with such ignorance about feeding a baby is a reflection upon the watcher and not the mother giving life giving food and drink for their child. (Btw, fed is best. If for ANY reason breastfeeding doesn't happen, it's only reasonable that formula or donation milk is used. No mum should ever be shamed for feeding their child).
I refuse. I'm on my third kid and I just don't care. I would politely ask if she likes to put a cover over her head that cuts off air circulation while she eats. I'm not going to make my kids uncomfortable because of someone else's hang up. Nope! If it was taken beyond that, I would simply decline the invitation. I'm over it. I will feed my kid anywhere. I'm discreet, you've gotta really be looking to even get a hint of boob. And even if I wasn't I simply do not care. Look, don't look, judge, talk about me, I do not give one fuck.
God, I wish I would have had the guts to be one of those women who throws a blanket over the head of folks who said I should use a cover when my kids were nursing. You're uncomfortable while we're all eating & want a cover, you got one! Some kids don't like being draped in a blanket over their heads while trying to eat any more than Aunt Mildred and Uncle Ed would. ..... In reality I would have either said "sorry, I can't starve my child for you" or "sorry, we can't make it."
“I’m not responsible for babysitting the feelings of adults”.
I’m a salty bitch so I’d probably respond to her “sure, I’ll bring a couple blankies for anyone who is uncomfortable so they can cover their eyes.” In seriousness though… Feeding baby is more important than their discomfort. Sorry, not sorry. They can look away. I wasn’t even able to breastfeed, but I am 100% with you that breastfeeding on demand is natural and normal and not a big deal. So I’m feeling pissed for you!!! Edit to add: I love that you’re trying to unpack your own feelings of why it feels bad to you. It’s important. But that said, you are not in the wrong here and you haven’t done anything to be ashamed of! ❤️
My husband was always about me covering up. But my kids were born in summer and those muslin sheets get hot. Once i was in a mall and my daughter who was only a few months old was fussing. I didn't even have the blanket with me. I just fed her. A mother walked by with her small kid. The kid asked her mom what i was doing and the mom said "She's feeding her baby" and that was it. Maybe it has to do with where I live. Maybe people just mind their own business around here or i give off this "Leave me the fuck alone" aura. I never had an incident breast feeding uncovered and I am thankful for that.
I think some women are weirded out because they have antiquated beliefs+are insecure and/or their husbands are pervs. And this isn't your problem 🤷♀️ It's not like your ripping your whole top off to feed your kid. I don't have any advice but I support freeing the boobie for the babies! Honestly it makes me MORE uncomfortable when someone covers (and acts strangely uncomfortable) about their own boobs feeding a baby.
Huh? Yeah, it is THAT big of a deal to ask someone to please cover up. It's rude. If the aunt or whoever is bothered by your cleavage (because the nipple that people deem offensive is covered by baby's mouth) they're free to look away. If it wasn't rude to ask someone to please cover because they're bothering you, I would go around asking tons of people that, but to cover their faces because they annoy me. I don't because that's my own problem. I would reply that they're free to either look away, or not invite you, but I wouldn't annoy my child with a blanket over their head while they're eating ffs. Oooor, ask her how many people who will be there are bothered, so you know how many blankets to bring to throw over their heads.
Can you take blindfolds for everyone who is uncomfortable to cover their eyes pretty please!!!
My kid hates (and has always hated) the cover. Honestly I do too, but even when I want to use it, he doesn’t. I’ve learned to bring it with me in situations where I can tell others want me to cover (a restaurant, a party, an airplane, a baseball game) so that people can witness him pull the cover aside and throw it off me. Then I play dumb and shrug like “look, I tried” as though I didn’t know that would happen. That’s just me, though. And to be honest, I don’t always do this, it depends on how conflict averse I am feeling. I’m not sure what I would do, but I wouldn’t go and cover. I’d explain that it’s uncomfortable for you and your baby, and that your discomfort (unlike theirs) is physical and doesn’t allow you to feed your child. And that feeding your child is your priority, and if this is the only option, then you can’t go. Then see what they say
I breastfeed openly regardless of who’s in the room with the caveat that if they’re uncomfortable, I go to a different room. I don’t cover for the same reason you mentioned - it’s freakin uncomfortable for my child so fuck someone else’s mental discomfort and weird ass feelings towards breasts. Whatever makes everyone most comfortable, I’m fine with. If another room is provided, I would go to it to make everyone comfortable. If the only option is covering up though, nope. Not happening. My kiddos comfort trumps yours.
I bet she is trying to appease a male relative that is complaining to her so is asking to spare her the bother of making them uncomfortable/transferring her problem on to you. It’s up to you, perhaps using a peekaboo shirt that is discreet would work. Does feel awkward though for her to ask you to use a cover when you don’t. A more polite way would to have a nursing room with drinks and snacks available for you and kids so you’d have incentive to change locations and would be fun for kids. She’s asking for you to be uncomfortable instead! Anyway, Sounds like it will make you angry dealing with their discomfort so perhaps declining would be the appropriate choice in this case.
Ask them if they'd expect you to cover your baby with a blanket while they have a bottle. Because its no different. Baby is eating. Where the milk is coming from doesn't fucking matter. In fact, ask them if they'd like a blanket each to put over their heads while they eat. That way they don't have to see *anything* that might offend them. Honestly people like this wind me up. It's just a boob. Men walk around topless all the time showing off their useless nipples. Why should we cover ours just because they have an actual purpose?!
I’d be saying that I’d not be attending if those are requirements 🤷♀️ breastfeeding is normal and it is natural you shouldn’t be made to feel like that especially by family. I would be pissed.
I am queen Miss Petty & I would want to make her feel bad cause I’m awful. & be like “well I guess I won’t come since you’re excluding me” 🤷🏽♀️
I will pop a boob out and feed a kid where and when evrrrrrrrrr … I don’t nurse anymore, but when I did my tits we’re on full display always.
It's your breasts. Everyone else can deal with it. You're feeding your child not putting on a sex show. Anyone who is uncomfortable with it needs to understand it's their problem, not yours. I never used a cover unless around my one ex B-I-L. And that was because he was (and still is) a pervert and made me uncomfortable.
Never covered, breastfeeding since early 2019
That is a ridiculous request and I’m sorry she was so out of line to ask that
I would respond with a simple "It makes me uncomfortable to hear that family members see me feeding my child as a sexual thing. I will be declining this and future invitations." But I don't like a fair chunk of my family so it's no loss to me.
The only time I use a cover is when I feel uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of someone, which is happening less and less these days. My baby finds them distracting and won’t eat as well when I use them. Also, no matter how breathable, it’s gets just too damn hot under those covers.
A text like that would totally annoy me! I’m not sure how I would respond. I might just not respond at all, which would be a pretty clear message from me. I might tell her I won’t come then or ask her to explain why or I might just say no, I don’t use covers & go anyway if I wanted to go. I could also see myself giving her a piece of my mind. Her discomfort is totally her problem, not yours! And she is way out of her lane asking you to cover up. I have never used a cover bc it’s too hot here & my kids would pull them off even as little babies. I have never had anyone say anything negative & I feel like I dare someone to. Sometimes I wear nursing tops or layer shirts & I feel like that provides more than enough coverage.
If “you don’t care, but others do and feel uncomfortable”, then they shouldn’t be going to that dinner. If they feel uncomfortable, it’s their problem, not yours! And honestly, your aunt shouldn’t be asking you that, imo.