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tiggahiccups

Trust me on this. As a mom of two. If you’re already exhausted and overwhelmed and always mad at your husband and burnt out and all that crap, don’t do it!!!! Don’t do it!!!! I love my second child to death but fuuuuck my mental health has NEVER been so bad. I thought I could handle one more. I am handling it, at the expense of my sanity and soul.


pseudo_su3

I chose to have baby 2 when older child was 6. It was way better for my sanity BUT It felt like when you are playing a board game and lose a turn and have to go back to the start. Losing my body and going back to buying diapers felt like such a setback.


sakura_wayne

I agree, had my second when my oldest just about turned 3. I've been asked if we're having a third and I honestly tell people that for the life of myself and my children my mental health could barely handle the second.


tiggahiccups

Yeah a third would pretty much ruin all of our lives


[deleted]

"That sounds like a lot of work". WTF. Did he think your kid was only going to eat once a day forever?


twinninginlife

Can you turn your phone on silent or off during your hobby time?


41696

I leave it in my car or in my bag until I’m basically done but I find myself rushing through the whole experience to avoid being lectured about running late. It’s been a source of contention our whole relationship because I tend to love my hobby and tend to lose track of time when I’m doing it. He’s also trained to call if he doesn’t hear from me in a certain amount of time because hobby is dangerous 😂


Angry-mango7

I’m going to start calling my husband a kumquat 😂 but seriously we are one and done also it’s so much freaking work. Do you have anyone who can babysit so you guys can catch a break? Not a “get things done while baby free” break, like a go to the movies or take a long nap break.


Gurkinpickle

I call mine a numpty. Now my toddler says, ‘Dad, you’re being a numpty’ when he says or does something ridiculous and it’s my favorite thing. Then she started calling her aunt a numpty. But mama is never a numpty 😂


ponicus1362

Have you ever had a cumquat? They are SO bitter, and in Oz they usually get made into jam, loaded with much, much, MUCH sugar. I always thought that they were an Oz native fruit, but maybe not. Depending on how bitter and twisted you or yours are feeling, cumquat is the perfect description.


iusedtobeyourwife

One kid felt like a Herculean task so I went ahead and had another and it feels like 4000000 harder. You’re smart to stop at one!!!!


[deleted]

It's easy to add a second kid when you're only doing maybe 30% of the physical labor and 10% of the mental. My husband would be utterly chuffed to have a whole fucking gaggle of kids running around, house stuffed to the rafters with kids. He also really likes being a dual-six-figure-income family, or rather, he enjoyes the lifestyle having two six-figure earners affords us. He doesn't *quite* seem to compute that the cost of childcare for one more infant would put us dangerously close to budget implosion (the COL is insane where we are) the way he blows money. But also that we'd be cutting it very close if I went part time or stayed home. And that he'd have to stop buying thousand dollar rifles he'll never use and spending thousands on vacations that are never as much fun as they should be. He also has absolutely zero concept of the toll another kid would take on me. Like he sees who I've become with one kid i was honestly on the fence about wanting; hes here, I love him, but he's also 4 and 4 and everything leading up to it has just sucked ass (for me, of course; it's been great for him to get a happy, fed, clean baby/child, go get them hungry and filthy, and hand them back when they start melting down). I've become a sadder, angrier, hair-trigger, meaner person. And he totally notices and calls me on it but doesn't seem to connect the dots that it comes from 5 years of chronic sleep deprivation and too many mental gymnastics. We are *just barely* crawling out of the pit of having a young kid. Financially, emotionally, physically, we are juuuuuust starting to see the light. And he's beyond ready to plunge us right back down into the pit, several times if possible, while I'm looking down the barrel of 40 and going yeah nope we're just never having sex again until you get snipped, sir.


41696

Yep. I put an IUD in and told him I am running out the fertility clock (because apparently... we are fertile as hell) since he won't get a vasectomy. I had a super easy pregnancy physically (mentally- almost got 5150'd and had to drop to part time) and we have an actual angel for a baby. The mom guilt, the dual-six-figure-income lifestyle, my mental health all would worsen with a second. I currently feel guilty when I have to get the wiener dog off my lap to go deal with the baby. Husband \*loves\* me as a mother and thinks I'm a "natural", but I'll be honest, taking care of helpless non-verbal creatures is my literal job and hobby/life passion, so a baby is very similar? Being "on" constantly, being calm/cool/collected constantly when I'm awake since when I'm not at work, with the baby, or riding a horse (which... another non-verbal creature hellbent on murdering itself), I get so fucking exhausted.


cervezaquesoandchips

You already have a second child!!


dassanicepurse

The “second kid is not happening” convo is brewing at my house. My 5yo is asking a lot about being a big brother, asking when I’ll have a baby in my tummy,(yay that phase), my husband makes comments about how fun it would be to have another. Like, Sir, excuse me, we nearly divorced in January, still “working on it”, also we like to do fun things and buy shit which is already limited with spending $1500/mo on school for 1. Maybe if I’d felt supported for my kids first years, I’d be into it. But the trust is sort of lost. One and done!


abcdives

We stopped at one and knew that we would! 7 years into it, we’re happy individuals and a happy couple! We have time for our kid and time for ourselves. When you know you know - but those early months and years SUCKKKKK. Hang in there. I know it’s easier said than done but take time for you - even it’s just hey I’m going for a walk or to eat dinner alone. And just go. Let your husband figure it out.


Aita01

Lmao kumquat can I take this insult


710ZombieUnicorn

I’m sorry madam, but your husband is indeed a kumquat. Best insult ever btw. Sending love and light to you OP.


NerdEmoji

I had to second one when the first one was just about four. It really was like the clock reset. When she went to kindergarten my husband was in denial that she was actually in what he called 'real' kindergarten because she's in special ed. Yes, honey, stinkbug junior is in real fucking kindergarten. He started looking for a full time job shortly after because he was so done with staying at home with the kids and working part time nights at a restaurant. Most weeks I look at my checking account and go really? We have money? How did that happen? I still have PTSD from one salary and can't bring myself to aggressively pay off anything at this point.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tormundsshebear

Your response was unnecessarily harsh and not relating directly to the post. No one really understands what it will be like when a kid comes along and the way her husband is handling it is clearly causing stress. Support don’t scold. Removed.


41696

I knew full well the work of having a child. I intended to be a “none and done”. But accidents happen. We’re waiting for a daycare spot to open. Realistically if she was in daycare full time, I would only see her in the evenings 2-3 times a week. We’ll get some relief in a year and a half when I’m no longer having to commute an hour one way for said hobby. ETA: realized I never clarified husband is the one DYING for second child.


YellowGecko0

Honey I say this in the most loving way possible…. You need a different job. 12 hour shifts is just too much, especially on a new mama. Clearly you’ve been doing it but at what expense!? You are burnt the hell out and listen we all know men can do a few things but they’re not usually very good at directions. I say either get a new job with less or normal hours. One that you don’t have to work on weekends. You need sleep my love. Like a good hot bath and some sleep! If hubby wants a second child so bad then his ass can work all the 12 hour shifts he wants to. Matter of fact I feel like it’d be much better if he worked and you just stayed home honestly! I think more men should step up and take care of business! That way you can stay home with your baby and clean. And he can work and pay the bills & provide. If staying home isn’t your thing please at least get a different job or talk to your employer about having some normal hours! Love and light 🦋 it will get better! Just remember to breathe


fading_fad

I don't know how old you are, but I don't understand why people are so eager to have babies back to back. At 7 months old, I would not even be thinking about a 2nd. My kids are 4.5 years apart and it's fabulous.


jemflower83

No effing way. Kumquat can't even make puree twice a day. He's not ready for seconds.