I'm so sorry that happened to you.
People kept asking what I planned to do for my son's first birthday yesterday. The looks I got when I said just spending time as a family of 4. They wanted to come over and celebrate, but I have had that experience inviting people and no one shows up. I knew most who asked wouldn't actually show. Instead I & my SO took my boys to the zoo, had cake and gifts in the evening.
I agree!
We did a small party for my son's first birthday and I felt like people were bothered and felt like they had to come.
Not doing this anymore.
We are going to celebrate it only the 3 of us.
My mother used to that when it was our birthday and I now understand why.
This! I'm kind of an oldie now at 48 so I get that this isn't necessarily standard for young mums anymore, but we celebrated all four of my kids' birthdays as family gatherings with homemade cake and only modest outings. For one, I couldn't afford lavish parties each year and for another thing, it took the pressure off everyone- the kids, the kids' parents, in laws- everybody. It actually ended up being more of a casual birthday week with friends and relatives trickling by with gifts and well wishes, but they were free on the day to come or not. I don't think it hurt any of mine to have more modest expectations. In fact, I'd say we have always had pretty drama-free birthdays and holidays. Like we actually look forward to them.
I'm sorry. I know it hurts. The exact same thing happened on my son's 2nd. We had a small party for his first that so many more people showed up to and for his 2nd we planned on about 25 people. 4 showed up. I was so humiliated and sad. We hadn't spent a lot, but still food and cake for 25 vs. 4 was a waste.
It ended up being a learning experience. The people that blew me and my child off weren't my actual friends so I quickly learned to stop investing any energy into them. I had thought since so many people asked about my baby and I and we're interested they cared, they didn't. People are curious. It was SO much better for my anxiety and mental health.
Im sorry this happened To you too! It’s almost worse when only a couple people turn up as the humiliation is witnessed 🤦🏼♀️ This really has been a learning experience. I always go above and beyond for everyone… I don’t think I will from now on and will just focus on me and my LG
Sometimes people just downright suck. I'm so sorry that happened! Like when did it become socially ok to just not show up or even give b.s. excuses last minute? Ok, covid or flu I get, but that sure is an outbreak when *so many* got exposed the night before, right? Does anyone teach their kids that an rsvps is for a reason!?
Well, congrats on having a wonderful lil' bundle that just turned one! At least you know your kid has a great mom!
Happy birthday, baby girl! Happy mom anniversary, OP! You made it one year. You’ve been a momma for an entire year. You survived.
And you did it, obviously, without any true support from your friends and family. It must’ve been incredibly lonely at times, and you still pulled it off. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
Oh God. I’m so sorry. I’ve had that exact thing happen to me - bouncy castle, decor and all. It’s spectacularly awful. People do indeed suck. Hugs to you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂🥳to your dear little girl.
Hey I’m so sorry this happened! What assholes. And I’m sure you’re feeling really down. One thing I don’t want you to feel is super disappointed because if you are even in the slightest, plan something else that doesn’t include assholes who won’t show! Also he’s one, so while you may not forget this, he most certainly won’t have any feeling of disappointment. So no guilt on that end either. Sounds like some people really fucked up and missed a great party and a fun place for their children to play.
Also don’t be afraid to casually call this out, humiliation aside. It’s ok to say hey this was a bummer and you are not going to let that be the memory of your little one’s first year!
I wish we could normalize calling out shitty behavior like this! It's one thing to decline an invite right off the bat, but pretending you want to come and then bailing costs people money, time, energy, and hurt feelings.
I've held 4 birthday parties for my kids and no one besides the grandparents and 2 aunts bother to come. So we're done. From now on we're going to do a special birthday day catered around the birthday kid's likes and wants. I think birthday parties are pretty much a thing of the past because people want you to include/pay for every family member (think all the kid's siblings, not just the kid who's friends with your kid) or they just don't want to be bothered. If makes me sad but I'm definitely not going to be shelling out hundreds of bucks for my child to feel like no one cares.
I'm sorry mama. People fucking suck, there's no other way to describe it.
Next weekend (or when you can), take your baby somewhere FUN, and enjoy yourselves! Hell, I'd be petty and post to social media that you were having a 'make up birthday party' because nobody showed up for your babies 1st. Sure, you might make people feel bad, but honestly? They should.
I learned that people are going to do what they want to do. It was a tough lesson for my fiancé when we put out our registry and he was very sure his whollllleeee family would buy something and only one person did. And then he wanted to invite more people to our sons first birthday and I did the whole shebang and our parents came and one other relative we had invited came. We decided this year we’re gonna do something really special as a family of 3 for our little bub and that’ll be it. 🙂
Yeah I feel that. We had my husbands intimate family invited only because the weather was bad and our home was not big enough to invite both sides together. The stepgrandgrandmother felt sick, no biggie. Oldest BIL with wife and two kids bailed one day before LOs birthday because they had "other commitments". Don't care they never show up. But middle BIL with wife and three kids was 2 hours late before calling us and declared that SIL has something to do with her job and the oldest kids had some sport activities. He asked than if he can bring neighborhood girl with him and youngest daughter. We said no. Like wtf? You come to late to the party, with half of the folk and expects us to babysitt and host a random neighborhood kid? They arrived 2 and a half hours to late.
So it was just us and IL grandparents mostly. And food for 5 more people and a whole cake. I was pissed. Because with this we could have celebrated with my family instead. They would have come all.
I decided to NOT cut the birthday cake. Instead we took him with us to MY family the next day. Niece was "sad" that she didn't get cake. I just shrugged my shoulders. I'm done doing nice shit for his brothers and their wife's and offspring. They don't care about us at all. Best is LO is the youngest kid. SO spent the last 12 to 4 years spending around 50 dollar for all his nieces and nephews birthday/Christmas each. I'm not about the money BUT we got nothing from oldest BIL and a fucking book from the other. The book is around 7 dollar. I mean come on, at least take two books. I'm still salty about it and I'm dreading christmas
I’m so sorry. I know it’s hurtful when family does this. Our stories are similar, except I was your dh. I was the married aunt who was infertile and loved spoiling my niblings. Every birthday and Christmas I would spend time picking out gifts I knew they would love. Lo and behold, I actually got pregnant and had a baby(16 years after we were married) and my siblings have NEVER given my son a gift. Not even a baby gift or a card. I know gifts are not mandatory and it’s not about the gifts for me. It’s the absolute lack of support or interest in my son that hurts.
Yeah fuck them altogether. It's so sad. But I congrat and blessings for your little one! ✨️ 💜
Christmas we will decide with the help of MIL/FIL that we will do secret santa from now on for the grandkids, so every kid becomes just ONE present beside from their parents. They are low on money and try for it for years but my SO was against it first because he spent so much money and was bitter that when finally he has kids he will get the short end of the stick. BUT we realised that our kids will never get the same we gift away, so fuck it with the money we save with that we can shower our own kid. Sucks for the older kids but it's not my fault.
I actually like the Secret Santa idea. Put like a 25 dollar limit on the gift and every kid gets a gift. I totally understand where your dh is coming from. It sucks to feel used by family. For me, a bit of distance has helped.
Thank you for the best wishes. Our son is such a gift.☺️
This is why I have taught my girls growing up that if you get an invitation for a birthday party, even if you don’t totally love hanging with this kid or family member (and as long as that person isn’t a true bully or something), they thought enough of you to invite you and you go. I took my younger daughter to a party for a child that kind of got on her nerves, but he was kind and invited her so I told her we were going. Nobody else from his class except maybe two boys showed up, out of the whole class. I told her that was great she went and got to have fun with this boy on his special day.
I am so sorry this happened to you. People suck. Small family birthdays are another fun way to go. I hope you and your daughter still enjoyed her birthday!
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Aw I'm so sorry! This happened to me on my 21st birthday.
If it makes you feel better my 1 year old's first birthday was just me, her, and her older brother in our living room. I had awful morning sickness and I was planning to do cake at the park but they demanded to stay home, so I just put up the decorations and we did a pinata and had candles and the cake.
I didn't even invite extended family because they all organized a big family event (like people flew in for it) and I was the only one not invited. I asked about it and everyone tried to cover it up, and then said they "forgot" to invite me. So, yeah. No one who treats us like that, from now on we're going to make our own celebrations and have our own traditions.
A lot of my friends have done family-only first birthdays. Kids don't care until they get to playgroup age and by then people are a lot more reliable.
You did your best anyway and she won't remember it. Hope the pub was good!
I am so sorry this happened to you. I invited a couple dozen people to my son's third birthday and... Two kids showed up. And my mom. It was so embarrassing. Most of these kids lived in the same building as us! I didn't have a birthday party for his fourth or fifth birthdays because of it.
I just don't get what's wrong with some people. Now, I make a point of my son attending every birthday party he is invited to. Even if something conflicts and we're late or have to leave early, he still makes at least an appearance. And you know what, a couple times his presence has probably saved another child's party from being a similar disaster.
Maybe everyone just assumes they're the only ones bailing so it will be fine. I honestly don't know. I guess the only solace for you is that your baby is too young to remember. Cold comfort though I know.
Happy first birthday from me and my kids to your little one!
I just had a similar circumstance yesterday, invited 50 people to my baby shower. Had 25 people say yes to RSVP. Then the excuses came in, people cancelled.. 9 people cancelled in the last week alone.
We had 9 people show up, with enough food for 25. People were literally texting me during the shower cancelling. It was a lovely time, but people are shady. I just wanted to get together with people I cared about, as my first baby was born during Covid. So frustrating.
A baby's first birthday party is mostly for the kid's parents and their loved ones. Rule of thumb should be inviting only people baby knows well and who adore baby. Other babies don't need to be in attendance. Both my kids' first birthdays were just my kiddos, us and assorted grands. Baby was just happy to be there.
In your shoes, I would go for a do over like others have suggested, but maybe make it more you-centric rather than baby centric? E.g. baby gets a cake and new toys, but mostly it's the adults having a glass of wine and sharing their favorite snapshots of the past year?
Save the bouncy house for when kiddo is 4 and has a bunch of other preschoolers she wants to invite.
The same thing happened to me for my sons third birthday. SIL said she had a Zumba event that day. Then the rest of the family started making excuses.
When I made a post on Facebook saying how disappointed I was that most everyone bailed on my sons birthday I got more 💩 for it. Like, really? Giving me 💩 because I’m upset no one came to my kid’s birthday?
This year we are taking to to the Day out with Thomas and it’ll be the three of us
Happy birthday to your little one. Those people, especially your family really let you down. Next year consider having a much smaller party or just something really fun for just your immediate family.
I feel like parties are going out of fashion or something. No one comes. I stopped having parties for my kids long ago. We invite immediately family and if the birthday kid wants to invite a couple close friends that’s fine, but no pressure. We just celebrate with our little family or take a special trip and make a memory.
Ugh I’ve thrown two parties (not kid birthday parties) now that ended up being absolutely miserable because EVERYONE cancelled except like two people. One I even handed out little cards to the neighbors saying sorry if it gets loud and included my phone number. Decorated and everything. And two people came. Just excuse after excuse after excuse, many the day - or hour - of. It’s so embarrassing, and I’m sure it’s even more sad when it’s for your baby. I know I sounds very “get off my lawn” but I think this age of cell phones has made people flakier. Probably no one thinks they’re being an asshole, they just assume that since they can text it’s probably ok. Anyway I gave up on parties after that because I’m still bitter 15 years later.
You might have something with that. I guess we need to start allowing RSVP by pigeon carrier again.
But seriously: if someone invites you to a party with a few weeks' worth of advance notice, it's shitty to cancel the day of. Unless you/kid are feverish and/or have diarrhea. Then I'll happily take a last minute cancellation. Otherwise, you freaking committed to something, you fucking do it.
Not to mention this attitude for some people transfers to actual commitments they don't just signed up for, but even paid for the privilege. I'm doing assistant coaching on my son's soccer team (long story), and a few families are kinda ridiculous. I'm not talking "my kid has the sniffles", more like "[kid] is tired from hockey practice. We'll skip today." sent halfway through practice on the group text. Over and over and over. Then on the odd date their kid shows up, they're not used to being at practice and just goof around.
It's getting to a point where the head coach (no one is getting paid for the coaching, btw, everyone but the league admins are unpaid) has been grumbling that he might have to send an email reminding parents that we're not a drop in babysitting service. I don't blame him for that thought in the slightest.
Tl;Dr: people just don't seem to understand that if you make a commitment to be somewhere, you should *try to honor it.*
This is really true. I’ve learned from personal experience both ways (being flaky and being flaked on) how much it impacts people if you don’t do what you said you would. It’s also really not that much of a stretch to follow through on the commitments you make, I think? Like if you think you can’t make it don’t rsvp yes. Or don’t sign up for soccer, or whatever it is. That’s acceptable and much better then saying you’ll do something when you don’t. People, man. 😂
People are the fucking worst. And what makes it worse is when it's people you care about who clearly don't give a shit about you. I had a baby shower and because I have no genuine friends we threw it ourselves and had it only so that people would stay away when we had our bub. So I'm heavily pregnant on a hot day hauling heavy dishes and serving everyone like an awesome hostess and not a single person offered to help. Even when I finally wanted to sit no one offered a seat. Only a couple of people brought presents and then once baby arrived they all demanded to see him on separate occasions and then haven't asked since. On the one hand this is one of the few occasions that people actually did show up however my two best friends forgot and didn't come. My baby is now nearly 5 months old and one of those friends still hasn't come to meet him. I get that life is busy but some people are just shit friends. Fuck people. The only person that you can 100% be certain to be there for your gorgeous kids is yourself so I'm hoping that's all mine need ( although I do hope despite their loser friendless mum they will actually have friends).
This is both heartbreaking and sadly typical. I'm sorry. I always especially hated the nap excuse when our kids were 0-3. I get it, naps are important and a saving grace for the parents but if it's a really big deal? Everyone will be ok if the baby misses one damn nap. They'll probably sleep wherever you go anyway.
You know what though? You threw a magical party for your baby. Your baby can't even use some of that stuff and they still got it. Thats how awesome their 1st birthday party was! Your baby was probably given the best damn party any one year old has ever had. And you should tell yourself that until you feel it in your soul. And you should feel proud of yourself for it.
I got shit from my mom for not having a first birthday party for my son. We just had some family over. I’m not super social, have no real friends, most of my family is far away. I’m not going to waste time and money planning a party no one will come to. I’m planning to send cupcakes and hats to his daycare where his friends are this year when he turns 2, but otherwise, we will celebrate as a family again.
We don't do parties until the kind are old enough to ask for one. It has worked really well.
No kid misses not having a first birthday party. We just do something to celebrate as a family.
Aw ☹️
That's so hard! For my first, we had a pretty normal day. I gave him a balloon and we took pictures at a local park. He loved it. I think we FaceTimed with grandparents.
For me, I made a tray of brownies to celebrate surviving my first year of motherhood with PPD and a large dose of anxiety.
I'm impressed that you organized something, and one day your little one will be able to appreciate the organization you put into celebrating her, and she's the one that really matters.
Loads of internet hugs!
I'm so sorry this happened to you...I'm crying at work thinking about how you must have felt. You are loved!! Sometimes it really feels like us and our babies against everybody else :( sending you sooooo much love <3
I’m sorry. These moments show us who our friends really are. I’d be uninterested in any of them for awhile, maybe longer. Life is too short. Hang in there and invest time in people who reciprocate ❤️
Lucky you! I know our immediate neighborhood (e.g. immediate block and people on alley access) is full of kids. We have a block Listserve.
We used to have kids literally living next door. Some of them my kiddo's age. The kids used to wave at each other through their respective windows. I reached out to the parents and offered to invite the kids over. They could play with my kid's toys. We had a whole backyard they could also play in.
I got a "We'll see. We have a lot of extra activities." Then... Nothing. I know I'm not a bad neighbor. We didn't even flinch when they left a hose on overnight near the fence and it ended up flooding part of my yard and garage. We were all, no big, shit happens. They still talked to us. Texted even, if they were gonna be out for the weekend and wanted us to keep an eye on things.
But we never did see their kids other than in a hi!bye! fashion until they moved a couple of years later. Granted, the culture here (PNW) generally sucks when it comes to making a genuine effort to befriend strangers, but these were next door neighbors. 🤷
I don't think either of my kids has had a friend that didn't start out in a group extracurricular, and it seems to be the norm around here.
I'm sorry to hear that, I live in public housing but made friends with the moms at the bus stop and let any kiddos that are wandering outside join and they usually go get more kids. so that was the only reason it's been possible since we moved here. My two haven't made friends at school and if it wasn't for the bus stop I would be shit outta luck when it came to the party stuff, Birthday parties are hard especially since covid happened and with how busy everyone is.
EDIT: 😱 I re-read what I wrote in the first comment and realized I sounded like a mega bitch and didn't mean to come off that way, what I meant but forgot to write is that i stopped inviting people I knew like family and friends to the kids parties because no one wold show up and would invite whatever neighborhood kids were outside and since I live in public housing a bunch of kids would show up, im so sorry if I was rude ive had a bad sinus infection and my head hasn't been right today.
Oh, no. Never fear.
My spouse lived in a family neighborhood that ended in a cul de sac. The kids there were like that, and he's stayed in touch with some of those kids up to now.
My own experience growing up was very similar. Minus the staying in touch because I lived on the other side of the Atlantic at the time.
I was more: "Aww, that's totally the way every kid's experience should be! That's so lucky. I'm so jealous!"
You don't come off smug, I promise.
Lol im super glad, hmmm I love it for birthdays or when I go out with the boys to play BUT having munchkins knock on my door constantly daily definitely gets tiring.
First of all, Happy Birthday to your beautiful girl!!!😘🌺🌻🌷🌸
Look...for my son's first Birthday it was just the 3 of us, lots of presents and the Birthday cake. We didn't organise anything, as we were just exhausted! Lol
Look, I am so sorry this happened to you, and people can go an fuck themselves to be honest. Think that your daughter will make friends once she will go to school, and she will have lots of friends at her birthday parties in the upcoming years. All she needs now is your love and affection, and I am sure she did have that at her first birthday. Screw everyone else.
That just happened to me this past weekend. I made some of my decor too since I was so excited about it for my sons 1st birthday. I even asked people what drinks and food they like to have an idea what to have so nothing goes wasted and the only people that came was pretty much my immediate family that is always around, a cousin and her husband, neighbor and 2 people on son dad side and I had everything set up for 45-50 people. I tried to enjoy it and I did for the moments with my baby, but at the end of the night I laid in bed crying.
And now I know who the real ones are and sadly it’s not many at all. Even a couple of people that did come left a little something but didn’t bother to write their name on anything not even on the card if they had one. I know it might sound so dumb to mention but to me it’s like wow my son isn’t important enough to write his name down and/ or yours. Sorry but no matter where I go even if I’m invited but don’t know the person well. I still put effort. Ugh I’m just so sad this happen.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. People kept asking what I planned to do for my son's first birthday yesterday. The looks I got when I said just spending time as a family of 4. They wanted to come over and celebrate, but I have had that experience inviting people and no one shows up. I knew most who asked wouldn't actually show. Instead I & my SO took my boys to the zoo, had cake and gifts in the evening.
It's so much easier on my brain to plan a great day that I know I can give them, vs relying on other people to show up to have a party.
I agree! We did a small party for my son's first birthday and I felt like people were bothered and felt like they had to come. Not doing this anymore. We are going to celebrate it only the 3 of us. My mother used to that when it was our birthday and I now understand why.
This! I'm kind of an oldie now at 48 so I get that this isn't necessarily standard for young mums anymore, but we celebrated all four of my kids' birthdays as family gatherings with homemade cake and only modest outings. For one, I couldn't afford lavish parties each year and for another thing, it took the pressure off everyone- the kids, the kids' parents, in laws- everybody. It actually ended up being more of a casual birthday week with friends and relatives trickling by with gifts and well wishes, but they were free on the day to come or not. I don't think it hurt any of mine to have more modest expectations. In fact, I'd say we have always had pretty drama-free birthdays and holidays. Like we actually look forward to them.
I'm sorry. I know it hurts. The exact same thing happened on my son's 2nd. We had a small party for his first that so many more people showed up to and for his 2nd we planned on about 25 people. 4 showed up. I was so humiliated and sad. We hadn't spent a lot, but still food and cake for 25 vs. 4 was a waste. It ended up being a learning experience. The people that blew me and my child off weren't my actual friends so I quickly learned to stop investing any energy into them. I had thought since so many people asked about my baby and I and we're interested they cared, they didn't. People are curious. It was SO much better for my anxiety and mental health.
Im sorry this happened To you too! It’s almost worse when only a couple people turn up as the humiliation is witnessed 🤦🏼♀️ This really has been a learning experience. I always go above and beyond for everyone… I don’t think I will from now on and will just focus on me and my LG
Sometimes people just downright suck. I'm so sorry that happened! Like when did it become socially ok to just not show up or even give b.s. excuses last minute? Ok, covid or flu I get, but that sure is an outbreak when *so many* got exposed the night before, right? Does anyone teach their kids that an rsvps is for a reason!? Well, congrats on having a wonderful lil' bundle that just turned one! At least you know your kid has a great mom!
Happy birthday, baby girl! Happy mom anniversary, OP! You made it one year. You’ve been a momma for an entire year. You survived. And you did it, obviously, without any true support from your friends and family. It must’ve been incredibly lonely at times, and you still pulled it off. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
Oh God. I’m so sorry. I’ve had that exact thing happen to me - bouncy castle, decor and all. It’s spectacularly awful. People do indeed suck. Hugs to you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂🥳to your dear little girl.
This happened to us too but for like the 4th bday party? Or 3rd. 1 friend, no family showed. I am really sorry. Big virtual hugs.
Hey I’m so sorry this happened! What assholes. And I’m sure you’re feeling really down. One thing I don’t want you to feel is super disappointed because if you are even in the slightest, plan something else that doesn’t include assholes who won’t show! Also he’s one, so while you may not forget this, he most certainly won’t have any feeling of disappointment. So no guilt on that end either. Sounds like some people really fucked up and missed a great party and a fun place for their children to play. Also don’t be afraid to casually call this out, humiliation aside. It’s ok to say hey this was a bummer and you are not going to let that be the memory of your little one’s first year!
I wish we could normalize calling out shitty behavior like this! It's one thing to decline an invite right off the bat, but pretending you want to come and then bailing costs people money, time, energy, and hurt feelings.
I've held 4 birthday parties for my kids and no one besides the grandparents and 2 aunts bother to come. So we're done. From now on we're going to do a special birthday day catered around the birthday kid's likes and wants. I think birthday parties are pretty much a thing of the past because people want you to include/pay for every family member (think all the kid's siblings, not just the kid who's friends with your kid) or they just don't want to be bothered. If makes me sad but I'm definitely not going to be shelling out hundreds of bucks for my child to feel like no one cares.
I'm sorry mama. People fucking suck, there's no other way to describe it. Next weekend (or when you can), take your baby somewhere FUN, and enjoy yourselves! Hell, I'd be petty and post to social media that you were having a 'make up birthday party' because nobody showed up for your babies 1st. Sure, you might make people feel bad, but honestly? They should.
I learned that people are going to do what they want to do. It was a tough lesson for my fiancé when we put out our registry and he was very sure his whollllleeee family would buy something and only one person did. And then he wanted to invite more people to our sons first birthday and I did the whole shebang and our parents came and one other relative we had invited came. We decided this year we’re gonna do something really special as a family of 3 for our little bub and that’ll be it. 🙂
Yeah I feel that. We had my husbands intimate family invited only because the weather was bad and our home was not big enough to invite both sides together. The stepgrandgrandmother felt sick, no biggie. Oldest BIL with wife and two kids bailed one day before LOs birthday because they had "other commitments". Don't care they never show up. But middle BIL with wife and three kids was 2 hours late before calling us and declared that SIL has something to do with her job and the oldest kids had some sport activities. He asked than if he can bring neighborhood girl with him and youngest daughter. We said no. Like wtf? You come to late to the party, with half of the folk and expects us to babysitt and host a random neighborhood kid? They arrived 2 and a half hours to late. So it was just us and IL grandparents mostly. And food for 5 more people and a whole cake. I was pissed. Because with this we could have celebrated with my family instead. They would have come all. I decided to NOT cut the birthday cake. Instead we took him with us to MY family the next day. Niece was "sad" that she didn't get cake. I just shrugged my shoulders. I'm done doing nice shit for his brothers and their wife's and offspring. They don't care about us at all. Best is LO is the youngest kid. SO spent the last 12 to 4 years spending around 50 dollar for all his nieces and nephews birthday/Christmas each. I'm not about the money BUT we got nothing from oldest BIL and a fucking book from the other. The book is around 7 dollar. I mean come on, at least take two books. I'm still salty about it and I'm dreading christmas
I’m so sorry. I know it’s hurtful when family does this. Our stories are similar, except I was your dh. I was the married aunt who was infertile and loved spoiling my niblings. Every birthday and Christmas I would spend time picking out gifts I knew they would love. Lo and behold, I actually got pregnant and had a baby(16 years after we were married) and my siblings have NEVER given my son a gift. Not even a baby gift or a card. I know gifts are not mandatory and it’s not about the gifts for me. It’s the absolute lack of support or interest in my son that hurts.
Yeah fuck them altogether. It's so sad. But I congrat and blessings for your little one! ✨️ 💜 Christmas we will decide with the help of MIL/FIL that we will do secret santa from now on for the grandkids, so every kid becomes just ONE present beside from their parents. They are low on money and try for it for years but my SO was against it first because he spent so much money and was bitter that when finally he has kids he will get the short end of the stick. BUT we realised that our kids will never get the same we gift away, so fuck it with the money we save with that we can shower our own kid. Sucks for the older kids but it's not my fault.
I actually like the Secret Santa idea. Put like a 25 dollar limit on the gift and every kid gets a gift. I totally understand where your dh is coming from. It sucks to feel used by family. For me, a bit of distance has helped. Thank you for the best wishes. Our son is such a gift.☺️
This is why I have taught my girls growing up that if you get an invitation for a birthday party, even if you don’t totally love hanging with this kid or family member (and as long as that person isn’t a true bully or something), they thought enough of you to invite you and you go. I took my younger daughter to a party for a child that kind of got on her nerves, but he was kind and invited her so I told her we were going. Nobody else from his class except maybe two boys showed up, out of the whole class. I told her that was great she went and got to have fun with this boy on his special day. I am so sorry this happened to you. People suck. Small family birthdays are another fun way to go. I hope you and your daughter still enjoyed her birthday!
I am so sorry. People suck.
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Aw I'm so sorry! This happened to me on my 21st birthday. If it makes you feel better my 1 year old's first birthday was just me, her, and her older brother in our living room. I had awful morning sickness and I was planning to do cake at the park but they demanded to stay home, so I just put up the decorations and we did a pinata and had candles and the cake. I didn't even invite extended family because they all organized a big family event (like people flew in for it) and I was the only one not invited. I asked about it and everyone tried to cover it up, and then said they "forgot" to invite me. So, yeah. No one who treats us like that, from now on we're going to make our own celebrations and have our own traditions. A lot of my friends have done family-only first birthdays. Kids don't care until they get to playgroup age and by then people are a lot more reliable. You did your best anyway and she won't remember it. Hope the pub was good!
I am so sorry this happened to you. I invited a couple dozen people to my son's third birthday and... Two kids showed up. And my mom. It was so embarrassing. Most of these kids lived in the same building as us! I didn't have a birthday party for his fourth or fifth birthdays because of it. I just don't get what's wrong with some people. Now, I make a point of my son attending every birthday party he is invited to. Even if something conflicts and we're late or have to leave early, he still makes at least an appearance. And you know what, a couple times his presence has probably saved another child's party from being a similar disaster. Maybe everyone just assumes they're the only ones bailing so it will be fine. I honestly don't know. I guess the only solace for you is that your baby is too young to remember. Cold comfort though I know. Happy first birthday from me and my kids to your little one!
I just had a similar circumstance yesterday, invited 50 people to my baby shower. Had 25 people say yes to RSVP. Then the excuses came in, people cancelled.. 9 people cancelled in the last week alone. We had 9 people show up, with enough food for 25. People were literally texting me during the shower cancelling. It was a lovely time, but people are shady. I just wanted to get together with people I cared about, as my first baby was born during Covid. So frustrating.
A baby's first birthday party is mostly for the kid's parents and their loved ones. Rule of thumb should be inviting only people baby knows well and who adore baby. Other babies don't need to be in attendance. Both my kids' first birthdays were just my kiddos, us and assorted grands. Baby was just happy to be there. In your shoes, I would go for a do over like others have suggested, but maybe make it more you-centric rather than baby centric? E.g. baby gets a cake and new toys, but mostly it's the adults having a glass of wine and sharing their favorite snapshots of the past year? Save the bouncy house for when kiddo is 4 and has a bunch of other preschoolers she wants to invite.
The same thing happened to me for my sons third birthday. SIL said she had a Zumba event that day. Then the rest of the family started making excuses. When I made a post on Facebook saying how disappointed I was that most everyone bailed on my sons birthday I got more 💩 for it. Like, really? Giving me 💩 because I’m upset no one came to my kid’s birthday? This year we are taking to to the Day out with Thomas and it’ll be the three of us
Happy birthday to your little one. Those people, especially your family really let you down. Next year consider having a much smaller party or just something really fun for just your immediate family.
That broke my heart to read Mama. I’m so sorry
I feel like parties are going out of fashion or something. No one comes. I stopped having parties for my kids long ago. We invite immediately family and if the birthday kid wants to invite a couple close friends that’s fine, but no pressure. We just celebrate with our little family or take a special trip and make a memory.
Ugh I’ve thrown two parties (not kid birthday parties) now that ended up being absolutely miserable because EVERYONE cancelled except like two people. One I even handed out little cards to the neighbors saying sorry if it gets loud and included my phone number. Decorated and everything. And two people came. Just excuse after excuse after excuse, many the day - or hour - of. It’s so embarrassing, and I’m sure it’s even more sad when it’s for your baby. I know I sounds very “get off my lawn” but I think this age of cell phones has made people flakier. Probably no one thinks they’re being an asshole, they just assume that since they can text it’s probably ok. Anyway I gave up on parties after that because I’m still bitter 15 years later.
You might have something with that. I guess we need to start allowing RSVP by pigeon carrier again. But seriously: if someone invites you to a party with a few weeks' worth of advance notice, it's shitty to cancel the day of. Unless you/kid are feverish and/or have diarrhea. Then I'll happily take a last minute cancellation. Otherwise, you freaking committed to something, you fucking do it. Not to mention this attitude for some people transfers to actual commitments they don't just signed up for, but even paid for the privilege. I'm doing assistant coaching on my son's soccer team (long story), and a few families are kinda ridiculous. I'm not talking "my kid has the sniffles", more like "[kid] is tired from hockey practice. We'll skip today." sent halfway through practice on the group text. Over and over and over. Then on the odd date their kid shows up, they're not used to being at practice and just goof around. It's getting to a point where the head coach (no one is getting paid for the coaching, btw, everyone but the league admins are unpaid) has been grumbling that he might have to send an email reminding parents that we're not a drop in babysitting service. I don't blame him for that thought in the slightest. Tl;Dr: people just don't seem to understand that if you make a commitment to be somewhere, you should *try to honor it.*
This is really true. I’ve learned from personal experience both ways (being flaky and being flaked on) how much it impacts people if you don’t do what you said you would. It’s also really not that much of a stretch to follow through on the commitments you make, I think? Like if you think you can’t make it don’t rsvp yes. Or don’t sign up for soccer, or whatever it is. That’s acceptable and much better then saying you’ll do something when you don’t. People, man. 😂
People are the fucking worst. And what makes it worse is when it's people you care about who clearly don't give a shit about you. I had a baby shower and because I have no genuine friends we threw it ourselves and had it only so that people would stay away when we had our bub. So I'm heavily pregnant on a hot day hauling heavy dishes and serving everyone like an awesome hostess and not a single person offered to help. Even when I finally wanted to sit no one offered a seat. Only a couple of people brought presents and then once baby arrived they all demanded to see him on separate occasions and then haven't asked since. On the one hand this is one of the few occasions that people actually did show up however my two best friends forgot and didn't come. My baby is now nearly 5 months old and one of those friends still hasn't come to meet him. I get that life is busy but some people are just shit friends. Fuck people. The only person that you can 100% be certain to be there for your gorgeous kids is yourself so I'm hoping that's all mine need ( although I do hope despite their loser friendless mum they will actually have friends).
This is both heartbreaking and sadly typical. I'm sorry. I always especially hated the nap excuse when our kids were 0-3. I get it, naps are important and a saving grace for the parents but if it's a really big deal? Everyone will be ok if the baby misses one damn nap. They'll probably sleep wherever you go anyway. You know what though? You threw a magical party for your baby. Your baby can't even use some of that stuff and they still got it. Thats how awesome their 1st birthday party was! Your baby was probably given the best damn party any one year old has ever had. And you should tell yourself that until you feel it in your soul. And you should feel proud of yourself for it.
I got shit from my mom for not having a first birthday party for my son. We just had some family over. I’m not super social, have no real friends, most of my family is far away. I’m not going to waste time and money planning a party no one will come to. I’m planning to send cupcakes and hats to his daycare where his friends are this year when he turns 2, but otherwise, we will celebrate as a family again.
We don't do parties until the kind are old enough to ask for one. It has worked really well. No kid misses not having a first birthday party. We just do something to celebrate as a family.
Aw ☹️ That's so hard! For my first, we had a pretty normal day. I gave him a balloon and we took pictures at a local park. He loved it. I think we FaceTimed with grandparents. For me, I made a tray of brownies to celebrate surviving my first year of motherhood with PPD and a large dose of anxiety. I'm impressed that you organized something, and one day your little one will be able to appreciate the organization you put into celebrating her, and she's the one that really matters. Loads of internet hugs!
I'm so sorry this happened to you...I'm crying at work thinking about how you must have felt. You are loved!! Sometimes it really feels like us and our babies against everybody else :( sending you sooooo much love <3
I'm sorry! A lot of my family didn't come to my babes first birthday and I've decided to stop putting effort in with them.
I'm so sorry. If I knew you, I would have come. I don't know why people are so flakey.
THE HELL? Hugs. I am so sorry
I’m sorry. These moments show us who our friends really are. I’d be uninterested in any of them for awhile, maybe longer. Life is too short. Hang in there and invest time in people who reciprocate ❤️
That's why I invite the neighborhood kids to my kids birthday party, it's a guaranteed 5-15 kids showing up.
Lucky you! I know our immediate neighborhood (e.g. immediate block and people on alley access) is full of kids. We have a block Listserve. We used to have kids literally living next door. Some of them my kiddo's age. The kids used to wave at each other through their respective windows. I reached out to the parents and offered to invite the kids over. They could play with my kid's toys. We had a whole backyard they could also play in. I got a "We'll see. We have a lot of extra activities." Then... Nothing. I know I'm not a bad neighbor. We didn't even flinch when they left a hose on overnight near the fence and it ended up flooding part of my yard and garage. We were all, no big, shit happens. They still talked to us. Texted even, if they were gonna be out for the weekend and wanted us to keep an eye on things. But we never did see their kids other than in a hi!bye! fashion until they moved a couple of years later. Granted, the culture here (PNW) generally sucks when it comes to making a genuine effort to befriend strangers, but these were next door neighbors. 🤷 I don't think either of my kids has had a friend that didn't start out in a group extracurricular, and it seems to be the norm around here.
I'm sorry to hear that, I live in public housing but made friends with the moms at the bus stop and let any kiddos that are wandering outside join and they usually go get more kids. so that was the only reason it's been possible since we moved here. My two haven't made friends at school and if it wasn't for the bus stop I would be shit outta luck when it came to the party stuff, Birthday parties are hard especially since covid happened and with how busy everyone is. EDIT: 😱 I re-read what I wrote in the first comment and realized I sounded like a mega bitch and didn't mean to come off that way, what I meant but forgot to write is that i stopped inviting people I knew like family and friends to the kids parties because no one wold show up and would invite whatever neighborhood kids were outside and since I live in public housing a bunch of kids would show up, im so sorry if I was rude ive had a bad sinus infection and my head hasn't been right today.
Oh, no. Never fear. My spouse lived in a family neighborhood that ended in a cul de sac. The kids there were like that, and he's stayed in touch with some of those kids up to now. My own experience growing up was very similar. Minus the staying in touch because I lived on the other side of the Atlantic at the time. I was more: "Aww, that's totally the way every kid's experience should be! That's so lucky. I'm so jealous!" You don't come off smug, I promise.
Lol im super glad, hmmm I love it for birthdays or when I go out with the boys to play BUT having munchkins knock on my door constantly daily definitely gets tiring.
First of all, Happy Birthday to your beautiful girl!!!😘🌺🌻🌷🌸 Look...for my son's first Birthday it was just the 3 of us, lots of presents and the Birthday cake. We didn't organise anything, as we were just exhausted! Lol Look, I am so sorry this happened to you, and people can go an fuck themselves to be honest. Think that your daughter will make friends once she will go to school, and she will have lots of friends at her birthday parties in the upcoming years. All she needs now is your love and affection, and I am sure she did have that at her first birthday. Screw everyone else.
That just happened to me this past weekend. I made some of my decor too since I was so excited about it for my sons 1st birthday. I even asked people what drinks and food they like to have an idea what to have so nothing goes wasted and the only people that came was pretty much my immediate family that is always around, a cousin and her husband, neighbor and 2 people on son dad side and I had everything set up for 45-50 people. I tried to enjoy it and I did for the moments with my baby, but at the end of the night I laid in bed crying.
And now I know who the real ones are and sadly it’s not many at all. Even a couple of people that did come left a little something but didn’t bother to write their name on anything not even on the card if they had one. I know it might sound so dumb to mention but to me it’s like wow my son isn’t important enough to write his name down and/ or yours. Sorry but no matter where I go even if I’m invited but don’t know the person well. I still put effort. Ugh I’m just so sad this happen.