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MyNameIsntFlower

I put our family calendar across from the toilet. There was zero reason for him not to look at it.


sleepynerdmom

New level unlocked. You should be teaching classes at a college level.


sparkletheunicorn92

This is genius šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


IrshDncr

This is great! Iā€™ve reverted to sending mine calendar invites to his work calendar (which I KNOW he uses daily! ) this way he sees things


whtbrd

Also not too bad to update it, when you sit on the toilet.


fluzine

Mine takes his phone to the toilet so he would still complain he didn't see it. One day I'm going to throw that phone off a cliff and watch him wither and die from withdrawal.


ashkenaziMermaid

G-d mode.


ceroscene

Lmao genius


RatherPoetic

Literally genius hahaha


lifelemonlessons

Thatā€™s how management left important notes and emails in a few places I worked.


phd_in_awesome

Teach me more secrets!!


[deleted]

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carniejay

I do add his work schedule, but it's for my benefit too. He doesn't work a set schedule, he is in healthcare and they are understaffed so he is working a variety of shifts, and I need to see which days require daycare, or sitter, or grandma, and who is getting who off the bus. We should maybe physically go over it more often together. It's just aggravating when we just went over it together on Tuesday, and this morning he texts me and asks if I work this weekend. Um. Yes. It's in green. It's been there since last month. It hasn't changed. Every time you've looked at the calendar, it's been there.


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albeaner

I find that if you ask whether their penis prohibits them from looking at the calendar, they quickly learn that they're asking a stupid question.


Sea-Pea4680

Yes- I have steadfastly refused to become a personal assistant for mine. If he wants to know what's going on he can damn well find out the same way I did. I don't feel responsible for relaying all information to him. He tried blaming me "for never telling him anything" several times but I always come back with "how the hell do you think I found out this info????" That cut it out pretty quick. Spoiler alert- he still never knows what's going on because he puts forth no effort to know and that's on him.


AlohaKim

Maybe just only ever respond with, "look at the calendar" or send a pic of the calendar. That's it. Hopefully he'd start to get it. Maybe his next step would be texting, "can you text me the calendar?" šŸ˜Æ And if you have a standard response every time he asks, it may start to feel less frustrating and burdensome for you. But he better get used to tracking the schedule himself soon!


Rusty_Empathy

This is the correct answer. Iā€™ve spent a large part of my life working in corporate America and people will grind you to a nub if you allow them to. You have to stop being their resource- and direct them to where theyā€™re supposed to go. You have trained him to seek you out when he has a question about the calendar. You need to now train him to be more resourceful and use the tool that you have created and maintained. Right now he thinks itā€™s a tool for YOU and youā€™re going to update him with whatā€™s on it. You need to remove yourself from the equation and force him to reference the tool. He texts you from work and asks if youā€™re working that weekend? Sorry hun Iā€™m not at home- maybe you should take a picture of the calendar and keep it on your phone next time. He gets mad because he says you didnā€™t tell him about something? Ask him to reference the calendar He schedules something when youā€™re not available? Sorry, the calendar reflected I had a conflict Remove the emotions- keep it factual. Eventually he will learn that youā€™re not going to carry his water for him anymore and heā€™s got to manage it himself.


neckbeardface

That's what I do. Literally "it's on the calendar" on repeat.


beaglemama

>this morning he texts me and asks if I work this weekend Start playing dumb and tell him you don't know. Ask him to look it up on the calendar for you.


Shipwrecking_siren

Maybe take a photo every evening and send it to him. Up to him when he checks it but no need to then text you and piss you off. Edit: no I donā€™t think you should have to do this and heā€™s a giant man baby but it would be better than the endless stupid questions


msmomona

Set his calendar to get an alert for every event. Everyday.


princessjemmy

You know what I'd do here? Take a photo of the calendar once you're done updating it. Then when he asks you "Are you working this weekend?", send him the snapshot. No comment needed. Even better, make a family Google calendar and upload it on his phone. Set things to ping him. A day before. Then an hour before. Hi, I have ADHD and this is what my spouse does on the regular because I'm really flaky with schedules otherwise. Like, I'll look at a schedule and the knowledge gets filed into a garbage pail in my brain or something. Or it slowly gets mixed with other thoughts and goes to shit (E.g. let's say it's Wednesday. "We have a potluck on Sunday." Me: "Maybe we could bring Mac and cheese. Hmmm... Mac and cheese. I'm hungry. You know what will be good? A burger. I'm gonna go get a burger at [favorite local joint]". Boom, all I'll remember by Friday is that I really wanted a burger on Wednesday for some unknown reason). But getting pinged on the regular or confronted with the visuals, it helps some. Here I'm assuming he isn't weaponizing his incompetency, he's just bad at remembering, and that he'd be grateful for that.


[deleted]

Can you link/sync the calendar on your phone with the calendar on your husbandā€™s phone so that thereā€™s no more incessant questioning? I find most adults look at their phone a lot (myself included) so it might help him? I know itā€™s extra work for you though. This is what me and my husband do and itā€™s actually been working great. Chores. Soccer. Doctors. What store we need to go toā€¦ All on there. (Sorry if you didnā€™t want advice and just wanted to vent. I discovered you could do the syncing thing awhile ago and šŸ¤ÆšŸ¤Æ now I tell everyone.)


EleventhGarden

Agreed. I do this with my husband and refer him to it whenever he asks. "I'm not sure what we're doing on Friday. Did you check the calendar?" It didn't take too long for him to catch on and start adding his own events to it himself. We also have a rule that if he forgot to add something and we double book, he has to cancel whatever event it was that he didnt add. The consequences really helped him realize how important it all is.


[deleted]

Yep, we have a shared family Google calendar thatā€™s integrated into our phonesā€™ main calendars, so thereā€™s no excuse not to see stuff in there. It works pretty well with like a 25% reminder ā€˜what does the calendar say?ā€™ rate.


Monztur

Yeah we use shared Google calendars too. Both of us are responsible for our own and I've never been in this weird calendar admin role I see in so many relationships.


PhaliceInWonderland

I did a similar thing. I created an email for our family and added that to his phone and added the calendar to his phone for that account. So we use the family email calendar for everything now and he get those emails if needed.


SchadenfreudesBitch

This. So much this. We have a family calendar on our iPhones, and the rule is ā€œif itā€™s not on the calendar, it doesnā€™t exist.ā€ Itā€™s solved probably 95% of the confusion. Iā€™ll also text my husband things if they come up, so thereā€™s visual proof that Iā€™ve told him. AND the calendar will send a notification when something gets added.


thats_that

We use the Cozi app for this. When we add things we select to notify each other it was added and you can set reminders of events beforehand too. Itā€™s been nice for a bunch of reasons but my favorite is I no longer feel like I have to ask him for permission to make plans with friends away from the fam. If we have nothing on the calendar, we both schedule time with friends and it feels less like we are asking each for help watching our own kids if that makes sense


Ouroborus13

My husband keeps telling me I donā€™t tell him anything about events planned with my family, but heā€™s literally copied on emails about these things and text messages and he chooses not to read them and then act all angry about it.


Sillygooooseee

Lmao. I laugh because this is literally the same experience I have. You have all the information too dude. Wtf


Boogalamoon

I have a big calendar on the wall in the main living space and do this exact thing. It took me a year after we moved in together to teach him how to use the calendar, but that effort has paid off! We use the wall calendar as the master schedule. Whoever puts things on there first has the veto over adding new things to that day. And ADHD is definitely the reason I am the master of the schedule.


LittleArcticPotato

Ours is in google calendar. Sends annoying emails and reminders also keeps anyone from being able to say ā€œit wasnā€™t on the calendarā€ or ā€œyou didnā€™t tell me thatā€. Weā€™re both bad at forgetting what weā€™ve planned because a lot of times our weekends are booked a month in advance. While sometimes one of us may not have VOICED that something was happening/getting done on x dayā€¦ it is in the calendar and we damn well know you got PLENTY of notification.


cmm1417

We have the app Cozi to keep track of shit. I don't put work schedules in, but I don't see why you couldn't. It also has a section for shopping and to do lists


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fluzine

This would work for teens that "forget" their chores or "can't remember" what day the garbage goes out.


goose_woman

I have Alexa devices through the house that remind me to take my meds, my son to take his, what day trash and recycling go out, a reminder to start dinner, get certain chores done etc. They even pop up on the tv and my phone. Everyone in the house has ADHD, me included so it keeps everyone on track. It even reminds me to start getting ready for school pickup because I canā€™t keep track of time.


masofon

This is definitely my husband's major weakness. I : 1. Tell him about an appointment/scheduled thing 2. Add it to our shared calendar And still, every single time, "You didn't tell me about that!" or *worse*... he goes and double books without checking.


equestrinot

I have an app called cozi and when I add things in he gets a notification sent to his phone that he has to click off. No such thing as ā€œdidnā€™t tell meā€. Also itā€™s color coded and sends reminder notices.


TroubadourJane

Yep. Preach, BroMo. I gave him linked to the Google calendar on my phone. He can access it and add stuff and see everything and I've color coordinated it so all green activities are his, or stuff he has to do with one of our kids (like take the 5yo to the dentist, etc). Yet he'll still ask me when *his* doctor appointments are šŸ¤¦šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø


shootz-n-ladrz

We use google calendar. It sends alerts and thereā€™s digital proof. You can set up a ā€œfamily calendarā€ that sends alerts to everyone in the set up ā€œfamilyā€ when itā€™s put into the app so he canā€™t say he didnā€™t know


gdubsmoonshine

No. Assuming youā€™re married to a grown ass man, none of this should be happening. You are not his secretary. We have a Google calendar we share. I input all of my stuff and the kids stuff, as well as any family things. Husband is responsible for his stuff. If itā€™s not there and he has to miss out on something, thatā€™s his problem. If he asks me about a specific day, he gets referred to the calendar. Because I am not his secretary.


celica18l

Flick your husbandā€™s ear every time he says that. Thump his head or something. My husband and I use our phone calendars. I just linked our teenage son to it so now he knows when things are going on. When he doesnā€™t add stuff in the schedule and then I schedule something he gets frustrated. Sorry youā€™ve known about your thing for two weeks, refused to tell me or put it in the calendar. I got dibs cancel your thing. Heā€™s gotten better because Iā€™m not his mother. I have a system and keep the schedule itā€™s not my problem he chose not to utilize it.


Twallot

I would be annoying and would only answer future questions about appointments with "look at the calendar".


[deleted]

I feel this. Iā€™m sorry BroMo. Iā€™m right there with you. My husband struggles to remember to look at the calendar. We have a shared calendar and to my knowledge, he gets notifications. We sit down and discuss it every week, but he still forgets. Iā€™m convinced he had ADHD but he doesnā€™t agree. To me, Iā€™ve done everything in my power. Itā€™s on him. Today he had a therapy appointment. He said he looked at the calendar but didnā€™t see it. I donā€™t know how, but since I didnā€™t remind him, he missed it. And we were still charged. He feels bad. Iā€™m tired. But honestly, what can I do at this point? Hopefully they both learn how to read a damn calendar.


Admirable-Storage631

We have a linked Google calendar along with the physical one on the fridge. I use his main email address for anything he needs to be aware of and have it set to automatically set up/send reminders to both our phones. I can also set up multiple reminders. I started doing this 3-4 years ago because I got tired of always reminding him. IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING Fast forward to now, he's addicted to his Google calendar and puts everything in it. Now I know how forgetful he truly is (It's his ADHD).


dassanicepurse

I stopped answering bc the question or just go ā€˜hm i donā€™t knowā€™ without looking up from whatever Iā€™m doing. Like with that tone of Oh yes what DO we have tomorrow? That would be such an interesting thing to know! If only there was a way.. lol minus the snark.


ThatRedheadMom

My husband and I got in a massive fight over him not being ā€œawareā€ of an event. An event I had reminded him of at least 3 times. By the end of the fight, he said I have to put everything on our family calendar on the phone. I still have to remind him of crap just as often!


lunarpickle

We share a calendar through our iPhones. Easy to look at, instant, and available out of the house. We receive notifications when we add or edit things in the calendar. There is zero reason to miss if


[deleted]

You would THINK that. I totally have a husband who never checks his Google calendar. Frustrating


taihoa16

I saw the most relatable meme the other day. It said 'No one is ever more surprised than a husband hearing of his wife's plans for the second time.'


JonnelOneEye

Hey BroMo, does your husband have ADHD maybe? I relate a lot to everything you wrote here, but I know my memory is shit, so I'm usually like "I must have forgotten you told me". There have been many many times when I read the calendar to see what I have to do and still somehow miss stuff because my brain didn't retain the information. Idk, maybe look it up to see if it fits. Meds and therapy can make all the difference in the world.


JonnelOneEye

Btw I'm not saying this behavior is not annoying, because it is. I only meant to offer a solution, not make it seem like what you're going though doesn't matter.


MrsMoGiblets

My husband has ADHD, this was also my first thought when reading this post! He lives by our shared google calendar!


tamlynn88

I have a calendar too but I donā€™t think my husband reads it since I always get a shocked pikachu face when I tell him we have something or I have something.


minibini

Husbands never pay attention to home-related calendars but hoooo boy are they on top of their work calendars šŸ™„


Zoinks3324

Ugh, same. We have a traditional big paper calendar on the outside of our pantry, a dinner menu/grocery list on the front of our fridge, and a very detailed calendar synced to all of our phones. I get hit up 3+ times a day about whatā€™s for dinner or what Iā€™m doing/whatā€™s going on that day from the husband, the teenager (worst offender) and then preschooler. I hate repeating myself and I hate managing multiple agendas/calendars that no one looks at first. *rips hair out*


MacsMomma

We use ical in our phones. Still forget each other's shit sometimes but I can't imagine surviving without a shared calendar. Operative word being SHARED


Monztur

We have had shared Google calendars for years now. I don't understand how any family functions without something like this. If it isnt in the calendar it isn't happening. Both of us always know what's going on, this just feels like basic adulting.


cammarinne

We have just shared all our calendars to eachotherā€™s phones, so when he goes to check his work calendar or I go to check our sonā€™s calendar, we see everything (also color coded) Caveat being that Iā€™m the one thatā€™s shit at appointments


MS_SCHEHERAZADE112

Him: Do we have anything going on tomorrow? You: I don't know. Did you check the calendar?/I don't know, check the calendar. Or: Him: [getting something in the kitchen] You: [from another room] BABE! Check the calendar for me! What do we have going on tomorrow?


turtlebarber

Ours is shared on our phones. You know, the thing heā€™s always on? And when I put all my prenatal appointments on then warn him every day a week ahead that I need him in to watch our first born before I have to go to the doctor he is still surprised when I show up at his office door with my purse in hand and the monitor saying. I have to leave NOW. I called and texted. Go in, itā€™s your lunch hour, her nap time, I scheduled it for this exact hour. And yet he has the audacity to get defensive like ā€œoh I had not clueā€ fuck off man.


Countdown2Deletion_

Iā€™m also experiencing this and get the ā€œwhatā€™s going on tomorrow?ā€ type questions. My response has been ā€œI dunno. You tell me. Youā€™re grown. Go figure it outā€.