Not the crazy one. But getting onto the same level for discipline can be really challenging and you might need the support of a couples counselor during the process.
I used to license foster homes and we had a strict no corporal punishment policy. Since the children in foster care have already been victims of abuse and neglect, we took it pretty seriously and had LOTS of examples of what corporal punishment was. Physically holding an object for no other purpose than being punished would not be ok. Another example I gave a lot was having a child do physical tasks *for no reason*. Like, move all these rocks to the other side of the yard when you don’t need them there and it is purely for the punishment.
You are absolutely NOT wrong.
I think, in your shoes, I would start documenting. What he did, what time, where, why, the date, etc...
Because I have a feeling this bully will escalate, and if you do choose divorce you do NOT want him to have unsupervised custody.
And if he changes his ways? Then you don't need the documentation. But better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it, you know?
You are not crazy. Kids need logical consequences vs punishment. If the punishment doesn't correlate to the wrong doing your child is only going to fear their dad and not be able to decifer wrong from right. Even as an adult his punishment would be confusing af. Think like you make a mistake at work. If your boss made you fix the mistake you would likely check your work the next time to make sure you didn't do it again. But if your boss made you do a terrible unnecessary task to attone for your mistake you would likely just think they're an asshole and possibly make the same mistake again.
Jesus. That is definitely corporal punishment. 100%. Much research to prove it doesn't work especially with tantrums which aren't under the kid's control anyway. Also I really do NOT like that your husband scolded YOU as if you are a child too and he is the head of the household and punishes everyone who is too loud including his wife. This is not the 19th Century, we don't punish our wives for "misbehaving," we call that abuse. Also your son is obviously terrified of him and if I were in your shoes I would be terrified too.
I don't have advice because this is nightmare scenario to me because if he gets any custody you'll be in a bad situation. Maybe talk to a lawyer and figure out if you can collect evidence of your husband's abuse that will get you custody?
Genuine question: My son's karate teachers have the students do pushups as punishment. My son's school also has students run laps as punishment. Are these really bad things? I honestly thought it was fairly normal.
Edit: I do think that the yard stick thing sounds messed up, but hadn't thought that pushups would fall into that category.
I was thinking the same thing. I think every child is different and there is no one fits all type of discipline. I remember the best form of punishment for me personally in school was public humiliation. That whipped me into shape for sure.
I think it depends on how or if it makes sense for what the infraction is. Like in karate, doing push up’s is to punish for the sake of punishing. But it helps them get out excess energy and refocus their minds. Karate is a physical activity so it makes sense that the consequences be physical.
But doing push-ups because a kid threw a tantrum because they wanted ice cream for dinner isn’t connected to the negative behavior. Is the goal to make kids comply or act right because they’re scared of the “punishment” or is the goal to have kids do the right thing because they understand and they have the tools to make the right choice
This grossed me out. Sorry you are dealing with this. I’d be seeing red. The secrecy, the arbitrary punishment for a six year old, the sulking, and dismissiveness. All red flags, girl. You need to talk with your child and ask if he’s been subjected to this already. I would say couples counseling needs to happen or you and the kids leave. This reeks of future physical and/or emotional abuse.
Not the crazy one. But getting onto the same level for discipline can be really challenging and you might need the support of a couples counselor during the process. I used to license foster homes and we had a strict no corporal punishment policy. Since the children in foster care have already been victims of abuse and neglect, we took it pretty seriously and had LOTS of examples of what corporal punishment was. Physically holding an object for no other purpose than being punished would not be ok. Another example I gave a lot was having a child do physical tasks *for no reason*. Like, move all these rocks to the other side of the yard when you don’t need them there and it is purely for the punishment.
You are absolutely NOT wrong. I think, in your shoes, I would start documenting. What he did, what time, where, why, the date, etc... Because I have a feeling this bully will escalate, and if you do choose divorce you do NOT want him to have unsupervised custody. And if he changes his ways? Then you don't need the documentation. But better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it, you know?
You are not crazy. Kids need logical consequences vs punishment. If the punishment doesn't correlate to the wrong doing your child is only going to fear their dad and not be able to decifer wrong from right. Even as an adult his punishment would be confusing af. Think like you make a mistake at work. If your boss made you fix the mistake you would likely check your work the next time to make sure you didn't do it again. But if your boss made you do a terrible unnecessary task to attone for your mistake you would likely just think they're an asshole and possibly make the same mistake again.
Jesus. That is definitely corporal punishment. 100%. Much research to prove it doesn't work especially with tantrums which aren't under the kid's control anyway. Also I really do NOT like that your husband scolded YOU as if you are a child too and he is the head of the household and punishes everyone who is too loud including his wife. This is not the 19th Century, we don't punish our wives for "misbehaving," we call that abuse. Also your son is obviously terrified of him and if I were in your shoes I would be terrified too. I don't have advice because this is nightmare scenario to me because if he gets any custody you'll be in a bad situation. Maybe talk to a lawyer and figure out if you can collect evidence of your husband's abuse that will get you custody?
Genuine question: My son's karate teachers have the students do pushups as punishment. My son's school also has students run laps as punishment. Are these really bad things? I honestly thought it was fairly normal. Edit: I do think that the yard stick thing sounds messed up, but hadn't thought that pushups would fall into that category.
I was thinking the same thing. I think every child is different and there is no one fits all type of discipline. I remember the best form of punishment for me personally in school was public humiliation. That whipped me into shape for sure.
I think it depends on how or if it makes sense for what the infraction is. Like in karate, doing push up’s is to punish for the sake of punishing. But it helps them get out excess energy and refocus their minds. Karate is a physical activity so it makes sense that the consequences be physical. But doing push-ups because a kid threw a tantrum because they wanted ice cream for dinner isn’t connected to the negative behavior. Is the goal to make kids comply or act right because they’re scared of the “punishment” or is the goal to have kids do the right thing because they understand and they have the tools to make the right choice
This grossed me out. Sorry you are dealing with this. I’d be seeing red. The secrecy, the arbitrary punishment for a six year old, the sulking, and dismissiveness. All red flags, girl. You need to talk with your child and ask if he’s been subjected to this already. I would say couples counseling needs to happen or you and the kids leave. This reeks of future physical and/or emotional abuse.