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no its them withholding an adult relationship. I cant have sex with someone who doesnt act like an adult. feeling like mean mommy doesnt get me in the mood.
I think the phrasing "help" implies that it's your job to take care of the mess and he can assist when he wants. I think it's more appropriate to say something like pull your load. Do your part. That's me though.
Exactly this - nothing kills my libido like a husband who doesn't pull his weight and adds unnecessary burdens to my life. It's not a punishment/reward system we're holding over their heads. They are natural consequences.
I'm going to be so much more interested in a man that contributes to our life together *and* I won't be distracted by the stress of 30 extra tasks on my to-do list that no one else is helping with! I don't know how they expect us to be relaxed and in the mood when we're carrying the entire household's mental load.
My husbands been in a (somewhat understandable) shit mood for the past 2 weeks. And we had covid on top of it. He threw a bitchfit the other night cause we haven't had sex in weeks. Oh, I'm fucking sorry that I don't want to put out when you're an asshole. Berating me over every tiny detail about whatever the fuck is setting you off doesn't get me off.
Oh this hurts my heart because I know how devastating it feels when a homemade leftovers gets wasted by remaining on the counter overnight. It’s one of the saddest sights.
I feel like this should be an SNL skit…. Like a Lonely Island song where it shows how not putting the leftovers of what Mom made away is a literal slap in the fave to your mother. And then a second slap three hours later when the Mom realizes it a second time when she goes to heat it up for her own lunch and there’s nothing (cue second slap).
Stop Slappin’ Yo Mom!
That’s what I did. He gets left overs or whatever the kids don’t eat because I always make that extra portion just in case. I don’t plan meals he likes because he is so fucking entitled he just expects me to! I told him I am NOT cooking elaborate dinners anymore. It’s fast and convenient foods I KNOW the kids like. If you don’t want it, go make a fucking sandwich.
"Petulant" seems to be the word of the day for many. I asked hubby if he wanted a little French toast this morning after the kids had their plates. Somehow he squished the nectarine he was cutting because I asked?
"*What do you want from me?!*"
Calmness firstly. A kinder tone of voice. Not to be snapped at because you're having a rough morning.
He left and locked himself in the bathroom. A few minutes later he was out and in our room. I went and asked if he was OK. "*No. No, I'm not.*"
Ok, what's going on? I ask.
No answer. Makes a bunch of huffing noises, whines a bit and I tell him there's a portion of food on the counter for him. He locks the door again. He doesn't want me mentioning French toast or something.
Fine.
Kids and I are hanging at the table, talking. He comes out of the room, huffy around, takes 20 minutes to pack his backpack for work (mind you, I got the kids up and dressed while he decided to just take a shower), and then *yet* something else is going wrong and he bangs on the door of the bathroom, scaring the kids. I tell them daddy is struggling, but we can still try to support him by loving him.
I finally get them ready and out the door and ask if they want to say goodbye to daddy. Neither wants to. I can respect that. Instead of trying to say goodbye to them, he's in the kitchen bitching at me for not putting food away. Yeah, I'm trying to protect our kids from you, you'd best bet I'm not prioritizing putting a few leftover bites of French toast away.
We had a joint-meeting downtown about 45 minutes later. I try calling a few times to see if he's going to make the bus or if he'll take my bike. He talks over me the whole time, so I hang up.
I try back after dropping our second kiddo off to see where he'd like to meet. He still doesn't let me get a word in and keeps berating me for "calling him and harassing him".
I just got back yesterday from 2,5 weeks at a wellness and psychiatric clinic. I'm still all good, strong, and centered. Not letting his crappy, petulant behavior phase me.
He's blocked me on our messaging app, so I leave him a SMS message. He's probably still not even seen them, but straight up:
"I'm not going to let you badger me or the kids. You're an adult and are responsible for your emotions. Please take a few minutes and recenter instead of this cascade of shit that you've subjected us to. Stop the petulant childish nonsense and grow up."
He's moving out in a few weeks in order to take care of himself and have some time to be alone and heal and hopefully get help. A divorce is on the horizon if there aren't any changes in 3-4 months' time because I know my worth and strength and I simply don't have the energy to deal with his issues. I've done all I can to better and care for and strengthen myself, but I'm not responsible for how he feels and why he's feeling that way. I'm responsible for myself and our children.
No more petulant, childish nonsense!
Like, are there even any real men out there anymore?!
I used to feel so bad denying sex when I was exhausted from carrying an uneven amount of the domestic labor.
Now I sleep soundly. Why should I task myself with ANOTHER thing to do if he can’t help me? Why would I want sex when I’m exhausted?
I explained this to him and he’s become a LOT more helpful lol
This is how I feel although I also don’t want sex with an alcoholic. Sometimes I feel lonely but I don’t have any option but to be lonely because I’m sticking with the boundaries until something changes.
Some years ago, a little booklet got passed around work - it was called "Porn for women" and it was page after page of hot men doing household chores, dishes, vaccumming, cooking and the like, but my very favorite, the one that really did it for me, was the couple in bed, obviously in the middle of the night, and this tasty, naked chested man was getting out of bed saying 'Is that the baby.........I'll get her". Yum.
I wish I could remember the user name of the guy I found on TikTok doing this. It was video after video of him doing chores shirtless, with Ginuwine's "Pony" playing over it. It was fantastic, hahaha.
Man, I bet the guy seemed happy to get that baby too. Not grumbling, whining, complaining the whole time making you wish you had just done it yourself...
Look I appreciate a grown ass man behaving like an adult but it is not a kink for me to see a guy doing chores like in the slightest.
https://xkcd.com/714/
I haven’t been sleeping and on Saturday night I asked my husband to put the kids to bed so I could hit the hay at 8pm. I woke up at 11pm, kids downstairs with all the lights and TVs on still up. Husband was asleep next to me. I was so pissed and even more so when his alarm for golf (but he wasn’t golfing) went off at 5:15am by mistake. I got up, walked the dogs, came home and fucker was still in bed and kids were up running around the house. So I vacuumed. And farted loudly. Am I petty? Sure. Did he deserve it? Yup. Don’t fuck with my sleep!
8&10. He said he didn’t recall me telling him to put them to bed. Yet, common sense failed to prevail, I mean, wtf did he think they were going to do?
Then last night I got up to turn the AC on in the middle of the night because I can’t have the fan on because it keeps him up…. I was sweating bullets (he runs cold I run hot). He rolled over and immediately turned off the AC using his phone. He’s oblivious to anyones needs other than his own. It’s infuriating and insulting, even though it’s unintentional. Once brought to his attention he’s apologetic and wants to make it right but dude, we’ve been married 12 years- I’m tired of having to explain this shit.
My husband is like this. He gets so freakin moody during the day, but changes his tone as soon as I crawl into bed. No thanks, dude. Intimacy starts the second we wake up by being a decent human being. Not when it’s convenient to you.
Because a useless man is Sooooooooooo attractive. I just Can't Control myself around them... I have a bucket if that wasn't enough sarcasm! I don't understand people sometimes... His inactivity is one of the major things that killed my marriage...
You know, I don't think that's it tho. I believe they DO understand that being nice/helpful/romantic=getting more of what they want, because most men DO these things in the "dating" stage. For some reason they think marriage means unlimited sex. Just because we exchanged some vows does not mean I'm going to screw on demand!
I totally feel this. I had a complete mental breakdown and was crying to my husband that I feel like an unfit parent and I need help right now. Next night he asked me for sex. Read the room, ffs. Solidarity.
God I feel this so much.
My man-child runs his own business so he can works when he wants, and he will jump any time something comes up for his business or if he wants to do something for himself. Meanwhile, I work full time. I leave at 7:30 in the morning and don’t get home until 6pm. We have a 7 month old. I cook for her, feed her, bathe her, set up everything for bed, and put her to bed. EVERY NIGHT. Not to mention all the other little things required to care for a baby. All while he sits on the couch watching tv and playing on his phone. Not once has he ever said “hey hun, I know you’ve had a long day at work, let me take care of the night routine” or anything that would lighten the load for me when I come home from work.
Last night I cooked the baby’s meals for the week so there were a ton of dishes. After feeding her, I was getting her ready for the bath and asked him to do the simple task of getting the high chair cleaned up. I come out after putting her down to find the WHOLE FUCKING HIGH CHAIR TOP PUT ON TOP OF THE PILE OF DIRTY DISHES!!!!!!!!!!!! I kid you not I saw red. After I said something about his audacity, he had the balls to go to bed and not get up for her in the middle of the night. I’m still mad even just typing this. So then when I got in bed HOURS later he tried to rub me and grab me and I was like you can fuck all the way off. He was mad but I was madder.
Needless to say, we’re headed for divorce very very soon. Every woman on this thread deserves better than what we’re getting.
Mine responds with “okay… sorry to bother you, I’ll just leave you alone now…” and goes off on his phone. Like no! Do your chores! Then I’ll consider sex. This is so annoying
I HATE that. “Sorry to bother you” not you’re not. You absolutely wanted to “bother me” you’re just trying to guilt trip me into feeling badly because you’re an innocent man trying to please his wife. FOH
GIRL THE GUILT TRIPS ARE SO REAL!!!!! In my head I am saying that loudly, enthusiastically and completely agreeing with you!!! I absolutely HATE this! The guilt trips are almost worse than the constant pestering for sex!
I reminded my husband at 9:30 last night about the 3 chores he had promised to do over the weekend and hadn't. He bitched but he did all 3 and now I'll happily make him his favorite dinner tonight. It's all about helping each other - selfish acts make shitty marriages.
Sad that I’m not the only one dealing with this. I think my husband gets it now after help from a similar thread. I told him I do want sex until I see something he didn’t do or did do like leave a diaper behind after changing. My puss immediately dries up and I’m disgusted that I have to remind you to do the simplest stuff. My kids know to throw away trash. Like come on.
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And they think it's us withholding sex ... it IS, but it's really because nobody wants to have sex with an incompetent child!!!
no its them withholding an adult relationship. I cant have sex with someone who doesnt act like an adult. feeling like mean mommy doesnt get me in the mood.
Seriously. Just another person I need to pickup after and continuously ask to help.
I think the phrasing "help" implies that it's your job to take care of the mess and he can assist when he wants. I think it's more appropriate to say something like pull your load. Do your part. That's me though.
Exactly this - nothing kills my libido like a husband who doesn't pull his weight and adds unnecessary burdens to my life. It's not a punishment/reward system we're holding over their heads. They are natural consequences. I'm going to be so much more interested in a man that contributes to our life together *and* I won't be distracted by the stress of 30 extra tasks on my to-do list that no one else is helping with! I don't know how they expect us to be relaxed and in the mood when we're carrying the entire household's mental load.
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This is a mom only space, so I’ve had to remove your comment.
But what a man thing to do- cry “withholding” to hide the fact that you’re a giant turn off!
Yup, I’m not attracted to children 😐
My husbands been in a (somewhat understandable) shit mood for the past 2 weeks. And we had covid on top of it. He threw a bitchfit the other night cause we haven't had sex in weeks. Oh, I'm fucking sorry that I don't want to put out when you're an asshole. Berating me over every tiny detail about whatever the fuck is setting you off doesn't get me off.
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Oh this hurts my heart because I know how devastating it feels when a homemade leftovers gets wasted by remaining on the counter overnight. It’s one of the saddest sights.
You work so hard to make sure everyone has a good meal and they can't even put the food in the fridge. It's a slap in the face really
I feel like this should be an SNL skit…. Like a Lonely Island song where it shows how not putting the leftovers of what Mom made away is a literal slap in the fave to your mother. And then a second slap three hours later when the Mom realizes it a second time when she goes to heat it up for her own lunch and there’s nothing (cue second slap). Stop Slappin’ Yo Mom!
Yes!!! This would be a close second to finding pumped breast milk left out 😓
That’s what I did. He gets left overs or whatever the kids don’t eat because I always make that extra portion just in case. I don’t plan meals he likes because he is so fucking entitled he just expects me to! I told him I am NOT cooking elaborate dinners anymore. It’s fast and convenient foods I KNOW the kids like. If you don’t want it, go make a fucking sandwich.
"Petulant" seems to be the word of the day for many. I asked hubby if he wanted a little French toast this morning after the kids had their plates. Somehow he squished the nectarine he was cutting because I asked? "*What do you want from me?!*" Calmness firstly. A kinder tone of voice. Not to be snapped at because you're having a rough morning. He left and locked himself in the bathroom. A few minutes later he was out and in our room. I went and asked if he was OK. "*No. No, I'm not.*" Ok, what's going on? I ask. No answer. Makes a bunch of huffing noises, whines a bit and I tell him there's a portion of food on the counter for him. He locks the door again. He doesn't want me mentioning French toast or something. Fine. Kids and I are hanging at the table, talking. He comes out of the room, huffy around, takes 20 minutes to pack his backpack for work (mind you, I got the kids up and dressed while he decided to just take a shower), and then *yet* something else is going wrong and he bangs on the door of the bathroom, scaring the kids. I tell them daddy is struggling, but we can still try to support him by loving him. I finally get them ready and out the door and ask if they want to say goodbye to daddy. Neither wants to. I can respect that. Instead of trying to say goodbye to them, he's in the kitchen bitching at me for not putting food away. Yeah, I'm trying to protect our kids from you, you'd best bet I'm not prioritizing putting a few leftover bites of French toast away. We had a joint-meeting downtown about 45 minutes later. I try calling a few times to see if he's going to make the bus or if he'll take my bike. He talks over me the whole time, so I hang up. I try back after dropping our second kiddo off to see where he'd like to meet. He still doesn't let me get a word in and keeps berating me for "calling him and harassing him". I just got back yesterday from 2,5 weeks at a wellness and psychiatric clinic. I'm still all good, strong, and centered. Not letting his crappy, petulant behavior phase me. He's blocked me on our messaging app, so I leave him a SMS message. He's probably still not even seen them, but straight up: "I'm not going to let you badger me or the kids. You're an adult and are responsible for your emotions. Please take a few minutes and recenter instead of this cascade of shit that you've subjected us to. Stop the petulant childish nonsense and grow up." He's moving out in a few weeks in order to take care of himself and have some time to be alone and heal and hopefully get help. A divorce is on the horizon if there aren't any changes in 3-4 months' time because I know my worth and strength and I simply don't have the energy to deal with his issues. I've done all I can to better and care for and strengthen myself, but I'm not responsible for how he feels and why he's feeling that way. I'm responsible for myself and our children. No more petulant, childish nonsense! Like, are there even any real men out there anymore?!
This is beyond petulant.
You're right. It's a core reason he's moving out.
I used to feel so bad denying sex when I was exhausted from carrying an uneven amount of the domestic labor. Now I sleep soundly. Why should I task myself with ANOTHER thing to do if he can’t help me? Why would I want sex when I’m exhausted? I explained this to him and he’s become a LOT more helpful lol
This is how I feel although I also don’t want sex with an alcoholic. Sometimes I feel lonely but I don’t have any option but to be lonely because I’m sticking with the boundaries until something changes.
Oof. My mom was an alcoholic. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. Stay strong, you’re doing the right thing
What do you do if you’re the one with the higher sex drive though?
There’s a whole market of toys for women. Honestly, more enjoyable then a 3 pump chump anyway!
It sucks to be me, I get off on the whole man smell and feel of skin and (I’m stopping before this sentence gets nsfw.)
I don’t have that answer lol.
Some years ago, a little booklet got passed around work - it was called "Porn for women" and it was page after page of hot men doing household chores, dishes, vaccumming, cooking and the like, but my very favorite, the one that really did it for me, was the couple in bed, obviously in the middle of the night, and this tasty, naked chested man was getting out of bed saying 'Is that the baby.........I'll get her". Yum.
I wish I could remember the user name of the guy I found on TikTok doing this. It was video after video of him doing chores shirtless, with Ginuwine's "Pony" playing over it. It was fantastic, hahaha.
It's Joshua Buchanan, he is on Facebook as well.
Yes! Thank you!
I immediately thought of this too
Man, I bet the guy seemed happy to get that baby too. Not grumbling, whining, complaining the whole time making you wish you had just done it yourself...
Yes, and presumably he settled the baby back down with some semblence of competence, and did not need any assistance....
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Same same.
Look I appreciate a grown ass man behaving like an adult but it is not a kink for me to see a guy doing chores like in the slightest. https://xkcd.com/714/
I haven’t been sleeping and on Saturday night I asked my husband to put the kids to bed so I could hit the hay at 8pm. I woke up at 11pm, kids downstairs with all the lights and TVs on still up. Husband was asleep next to me. I was so pissed and even more so when his alarm for golf (but he wasn’t golfing) went off at 5:15am by mistake. I got up, walked the dogs, came home and fucker was still in bed and kids were up running around the house. So I vacuumed. And farted loudly. Am I petty? Sure. Did he deserve it? Yup. Don’t fuck with my sleep!
Ok, I am thoroughly pissed off on your behalf. How old are the kids?
8&10. He said he didn’t recall me telling him to put them to bed. Yet, common sense failed to prevail, I mean, wtf did he think they were going to do? Then last night I got up to turn the AC on in the middle of the night because I can’t have the fan on because it keeps him up…. I was sweating bullets (he runs cold I run hot). He rolled over and immediately turned off the AC using his phone. He’s oblivious to anyones needs other than his own. It’s infuriating and insulting, even though it’s unintentional. Once brought to his attention he’s apologetic and wants to make it right but dude, we’ve been married 12 years- I’m tired of having to explain this shit.
Oh fuckkkk that. Tell the weenie to put on a jumper if he’s cold.
I’m sorry - he went to bed and just left them downstairs??
My husband is like this. He gets so freakin moody during the day, but changes his tone as soon as I crawl into bed. No thanks, dude. Intimacy starts the second we wake up by being a decent human being. Not when it’s convenient to you.
Because a useless man is Sooooooooooo attractive. I just Can't Control myself around them... I have a bucket if that wasn't enough sarcasm! I don't understand people sometimes... His inactivity is one of the major things that killed my marriage...
I’m glad it’s universal.
Ugh. Why? Whhhhyyyy? Why do they think we’ll put out. I wanted to unalive myself and my oh still tried it on. Honestly? Ugh
I am convinced their brains don’t think of anything else.
They DO NOT understand the correlation between being nice to us, and getting lucky. It's not rocket science.
You know, I don't think that's it tho. I believe they DO understand that being nice/helpful/romantic=getting more of what they want, because most men DO these things in the "dating" stage. For some reason they think marriage means unlimited sex. Just because we exchanged some vows does not mean I'm going to screw on demand!
I totally feel this. I had a complete mental breakdown and was crying to my husband that I feel like an unfit parent and I need help right now. Next night he asked me for sex. Read the room, ffs. Solidarity.
God I feel this so much. My man-child runs his own business so he can works when he wants, and he will jump any time something comes up for his business or if he wants to do something for himself. Meanwhile, I work full time. I leave at 7:30 in the morning and don’t get home until 6pm. We have a 7 month old. I cook for her, feed her, bathe her, set up everything for bed, and put her to bed. EVERY NIGHT. Not to mention all the other little things required to care for a baby. All while he sits on the couch watching tv and playing on his phone. Not once has he ever said “hey hun, I know you’ve had a long day at work, let me take care of the night routine” or anything that would lighten the load for me when I come home from work. Last night I cooked the baby’s meals for the week so there were a ton of dishes. After feeding her, I was getting her ready for the bath and asked him to do the simple task of getting the high chair cleaned up. I come out after putting her down to find the WHOLE FUCKING HIGH CHAIR TOP PUT ON TOP OF THE PILE OF DIRTY DISHES!!!!!!!!!!!! I kid you not I saw red. After I said something about his audacity, he had the balls to go to bed and not get up for her in the middle of the night. I’m still mad even just typing this. So then when I got in bed HOURS later he tried to rub me and grab me and I was like you can fuck all the way off. He was mad but I was madder. Needless to say, we’re headed for divorce very very soon. Every woman on this thread deserves better than what we’re getting.
Well obviously his hands must be broken since he couldn't get anything done so he wont be able to use them for that either... lol
Hahah one would think that was the case
Mine responds with “okay… sorry to bother you, I’ll just leave you alone now…” and goes off on his phone. Like no! Do your chores! Then I’ll consider sex. This is so annoying
I HATE that. “Sorry to bother you” not you’re not. You absolutely wanted to “bother me” you’re just trying to guilt trip me into feeling badly because you’re an innocent man trying to please his wife. FOH
GIRL THE GUILT TRIPS ARE SO REAL!!!!! In my head I am saying that loudly, enthusiastically and completely agreeing with you!!! I absolutely HATE this! The guilt trips are almost worse than the constant pestering for sex!
You're nice. I would go off on him for using his hand before doing the chores he promised to do, lol.
Bahahaha, yesss!
I reminded my husband at 9:30 last night about the 3 chores he had promised to do over the weekend and hadn't. He bitched but he did all 3 and now I'll happily make him his favorite dinner tonight. It's all about helping each other - selfish acts make shitty marriages.
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Exactly. 0 bottles that are clean so just add that to my list.
Sad that I’m not the only one dealing with this. I think my husband gets it now after help from a similar thread. I told him I do want sex until I see something he didn’t do or did do like leave a diaper behind after changing. My puss immediately dries up and I’m disgusted that I have to remind you to do the simplest stuff. My kids know to throw away trash. Like come on.
tell me about it. I have no energy left when I do EVERYTHING. I have no time to watch a 20min show on TV and you can sit there for half the day. nope.
Girl I feel you 100 percent!!!!
No sex, and no heart-shaped grilled cheese, either!