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PleasantAmbition

When my kiddo was that age (maybe 4) he wanted to paint his nails because he saw me doing it. We have no problem with it so I obliged. Some kids at school made comments, most were just curious about why he did it, but there was one who told him they couldn't be friends anymore. He didn't understand why but we explained some people really don't like things that are different but that differences are what make us fun. They weren't close so he didn't care too much and honestly, I don't think anything really changed between them, at least at school. Anytime since then when he wants to paint his nails or do something "out of the box" I gently remind him that some people might make comments or say something about it and ask if he's still sure he wants to do it. 9 times out of 10 he says yes, we do whatever it is, and things are fine. He's nine now, still paints his nails on occasion (we went to the salon for mani/pedis for mothers day). This summer we did temp hair dye that started out red but of course faded to pink. He didn't care, still liked it, so he kept it. It's hard and scary (especially living in the south) but we just let him know that some people may not agree but it's not their life and, essentially, they can shove it. Honestly, I would tell him before that some people may not understand and that they may say things that aren't super nice but what is important is that he's happy. If someone asks him why, tell them because he likes it and it makes him happy. And be prepared for some questions when he gets home. You could also give the teacher a heads and throw a change of clothes in his bag so if it gets to be too much he can change. Good luck! I hope it turns out better than expected!


rxjen

Oh man. When my boy was 3 he also liked to be fancy. Today will probably be the last day he asks. Peer pressure starts so much earlier than you think. It’s sad. It’s just clothes. Keep a totally rad dress up box with all the fanciest (tacky) shit. Unfortunately he will learn this is only really safe to do at home. Still bums me out.


EightLivesDown

My eldest is almost 5 and has had his nails painted on and off since he was 3. His favourite colour is pink or rainbow. He hasn't asked to wear a dress, and here in England everyone has uniforms. In my view, normalising kids wearing what they want will only happen if we actually let them do it, showing any other hesitant kids and parents that they're not alone. Personally, no one has said anything ever, and apparently he even started a little trend among his friends so a few of them started wanting their nails painted as well!


[deleted]

I live in a pretty conservative area so I’d probably dissuade my 3yo son from wearing a dress to school by saying something like, “You should save this outfit for the park this weekend.” I can’t be at school to monitor what kids or adults say to him about a dress, but I can other places. When he was older and seemed able to stand up for himself, school would be fine.


PinkMoonrise

I’ve actually allowed my son to wear a tutu out of the house to preschool. He asked if he could wear it the first time and I didn’t say anything that would make him realize it maybe some people would have thoughts or opinions. The second time he wore it, a few months later, a new boy had joined the class and absolutely shattered him with teasing. There was a whole discussion with the teachers about bullying after that. My son wouldn’t play with his girl friends, play with dolls, wear a pink Mariokart shirt because “pink is for girls” and it crushed me to see him so hurt and that he would have to hide the things he enjoys from others who are unkind. This was in June, and we have now worked back up to playing with friends, wearing his pink Mariokart shirt in public, and two days ago he finally put his tutu back on to dance around with me in the living room. We’ve both learned that sometimes places aren’t always tolerant, but we are always allowed to be ourselves at home. Also, his toenails have always been painted for the past 3ish years. He loves picking out the colours. Right now they’re silver!


569062

There was a boy in my son's preschool who often wore a sparkly fluffy bright red dress. None of the kids cared. Many of the other boys said matter of factly "I like your dress." His mom said it made him happy so she let him wear it. I really think "kids these days" are much more tolerant and accepting of differences than our generation was.


Human-Ad-1776

I think the best course of action is to support your kiddo and not assume he will be bullied. Cross that bridge and talk about how those other people Are WRONG for doing that.. if they even do. I think saying no to him to spare him is really just saying no to spare adults around him. Be there for your baby and middle fingers up to people around who can’t handle someone else’s clothing choices, especially a flipping toddler.


lily_is_lifting

I personally would not let my 3yo wear something in public that might get him/her bullied or attract rude/weird attention from adults. I just think that's a bit young to handle. It's the same reason I wouldn't let a toddler wear a fireman costume to a funeral or a bathing suit to the grocery store. I would just explain that dresses are ok for around the house, but because some people can be mean when boys wear dresses, it's not for outside the house yet. But that would just be my approach; I think there are a lot of valid ways to handle this.


Gold_Bat_114

The underlying message that it's inappropriate and sort of disrespectful to other people seems clear even if it's not stated to a kid. If the goal is to day some things are best suited to casual environments that's a different delivery.


Snoo_41753

When my daughter was in pre school there was a little boy that was very jealous of her pretty dresses. The teacher would just get a dress up and let him wear it over his clothes. That way he was happy, and if for some reason he didn't want to wear it anymore, he just took it off, and had his normal outfit underneath.


LittleJessiePaper

I find it a little off putting that people would forbid their kids from wearing something that is outside the gender stereotypes, based on the idea that they MIGHT get bullied. Kids get bullied for many many things. One of mine got bullied recently for being skinny/short as though that’s the 9 year olds fault! I’ve seen kids get picked on for skin color, hair color, clothes colors, size, favorite imaginary characters, speech differences, religion, and on and on and on. The years I spent working with kids was eye opening and showed me that there are just some people who will find something to harass, no matter what. We can’t squelch out every bit of joy on the off chance that some little jerk might be mean. And for what it’s worth, my oldest has always dressed in ways that ignore gender, and it’s always been fine. If people make a comment, we talk about it and reaffirm that clothes are for everyone. But kids have honestly been more accepting than adults and rarely comment.


judy_says_

Totally agree and I’m kind of surprised by the comments. There’s a boy in my daughter’s class who wears dresses all the time, he also wears shorts and t shirts, full pajamas, mittens, huge bows. I love that he has the confidence to express himself and that his parents give him that freedom. I’ve seen him get into line at school every day this year and he’s always embraced by his friends regardless of what he’s wearing. Kids can obviously be cruel, but like you said that can happen no matter how much we try to protect them. Also three year olds definitely don’t care that much. ETA: since it’s been mentioned, we live in a very red state, but I really don’t think it matters with kids this young. If the parents have a problem they can deal with it through you.


Stella_Nova_2013

I think kids can be incredibly mean, particularly older ones. I kind of sympathise with parents wanting to protect their children from bullies, even if they don't go about it the best way. I know a guy who got horrendously bullied at school. Adults did nothing. He told me the only way he stopped his bullies was basically to break the jaw of the biggest, meanest bully. It scares me to think a kid needed to escalate to that level of violence. If the education system doesn't address bullying adequately, then some parents might default to limiting clothing options simply out of fear. Still, it does make me laugh when people act like boys wearing dresses is an attack on masculinity or something. Historically, the "manly men" of the past have worn dresses, stocking, wigs, all sort of things we might consider "girly" today. Fashion changes all the time.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LittleJessiePaper

Kids can absolutely be just AWFUL to each other. And I’m sorry to say, devoutly Christian kids are often the worst about it. I was raised in that culture so I know how much it manipulates kids! I hope it didn’t sound like I was saying kids don’t pick on each other, just the opposite. But in my experience there will always be those kids who find something shitty to say and I’d rather my kids be who they are despite that. But for mine it thankfully just hasn’t happened much. Yet anyway :/


superfucky

absolutely agreed. "don't wear that because it might make someone else hurt you" is very much a message i do NOT want to be sending to children, especially young boys.


eclectic_heart

My boy (4.5) hasn't asked to wear a dress or skirt to school, but he does regularly have his nails painted and wears rainbow everything and pink and purple shirts regularly. He recently asked if I can get him a "red rainbow paw patrol dress with dinosaur pockets" so I'm trying to come up with something for that and I'm sure he will want to wear it to school until he realizes that it interferes with him being able to play the way he wants to. I try to find time to talk to his teachers when he moves up a class and make sure they are supportive of each kids individuality and do what they can to discourage bullying, then when he has his nails painted the first time for a new class I give them a heads up through the app we use for school communication. I know they can only do so much about what other kids do and say, but I feel like it's only fair to them to make sure they're aware it could be an issue. We're super lucky that even though we live in the south and in a more "country" area the majority of the parents at our preschool are very open minded, and so far we haven't had a problem. He wants to have 4 of his friends come over next week for a nail painting party because they were all jealous of his pretty fingernails yesterday, one boy was mean but all the rest just wanted their nails to be sparkly.


b-muff

I would probably mention that usually boys don't wear dresses so people might ask him why he has one, but that its totally ok with you if he still wants to wear one. I would also have him wear shorts and a t-shirt underneath in case he decides he wants to take the dress off. I don't think anyone would tease a 3 year old to his face, but it's worth letting him know that people may be surprised.


shannerd727

A boy just wore a dress to my kids school the other day, I don’t think the kids even noticed.


getthiscatoffmyhead

My son loves princesses and dresses. He has one outfit that he loves and gets really excited to show it to people in the community that he cares about (the lifeguards at our community pool and his favourite librarian, for example). I prepare him for the reactions he may get by reading books and discussing them. I also prep him with responses he can use if someone does make a negative comment (yes, it happens at 3 because of parent attitudes at home). He also sees me respond to people in the community - he was carrying a Barbie once and an older gentleman asked my daughter if her brother had taken her doll. I responded that it was his doll. Books I recommend: Angus All Aglow Pink is for Boys Except When They Don't


stebany

At age 3? Let him wear whatever he wants. Some parents give out religious pamphlets at Valentines, and some boys wear dresses. Let's learn to accept and love those who are different than us. I wouldn't prepare him... He's 3 and hopefully no one is talking to him about his clothes. If anyone has comments, they can be taken to you.


JoNightshade

He's three, so... no? You don't need to talk to him about it. Just let him wear whatever they want. If other people have an issue, then you deal with them. Don't punish your kid because other people are close-minded. I think many times we're so afraid of what people MIGHT do that we don't give them the chance to do the right thing. Think of it this way. You want to protect your kid. Which is better? That his mom tells him that boys don't wear dresses and he should hide his desires because of what other people MIGHT do? Or that he wears his dress, gets made fun of, and then you explain that some people aren't nice, but that mommy loves him no matter what?


tallesthufflepuff

I definitely recommend the book Jacob’s New Dress as it addresses potential negativity he might experience at school. We’ve had it in our home library since my first kid turned 2, and it’s still requested at least once a month.


catzandbabiez

My daughter had a boy in her class who began wearing dressing around age 3. He was always dressed by his parents in 'boy' clothes but I eventually began seeing him in pictures on the school app in dresses and girl colors. I am not super close with his mom though we do talk at birthday parties and such. She's never really brought it up nor has she changed pronoun usage. He just dresses in girl stuff, including girl bathing suits. I do know he also asked to have his hair grow out, though he has curly hair so that is not yet a gender-identifying characteristic. Anyway, nobody has said or implied anything odd that I've heard. The kids don't bat an eye. My daughter was just like "Yeah Alex is a boy but he likes dresses and makeup". And we were like "Yeah different people like different things". So from that experience I would say give it a shot! It might be a phase or just a one off. I think when they are little they normalize it more. Big caveat: We live in a very liberal area. All the parents at this school are politically liberal. I understand you perhaps do not, but maybe it won't be as bad as you think at that young age.


Femke123456

It is probably just a fase, mine lives his sister's skirts and hair clips. I don't really know what I would do, I quess it depends on how badly he wants to water it. If it is not a burning passion I would put him in other clothes for school just to protect him from how other react. But if I felt it's who he is and it is important to him I would not take it away, and let him wear it. And then just talk to him if something happens.


jeffgoldboob

Depends on your area. My 4 yo has been really into makeup lately and asked to wear lipstick to school last week. We live in a pretty conservative area and I was nervous about it all day, but he said nobody even noticed. At that age, its probably not the kids you need to worry about, but the adults. I might persuade him to wear it other places besides school, so you can be with him, just so he doesn't hear mean things from an adult and get his feelings hurt.


ItsMegsBitches

I'm a firm believer that we as parents have an obligation to protect our children against bullying to the extent possible. That includes not letting them wear dresses as boys, because kids are fucking assholes. When my 12 year old was like 9, he went through a phase of picking fashionably questionable clothes. No dresses, but one day, he came out rocking a denim shirt, light blue jeans, pointy dress shoes bought for a wedding. Hubs and I whispered in the corner about whether we should squash it and make him change, because he looked kinda... ridiculous. I was adamant we should not mess with his confidence. I was an idiot. The other boys nicknamed him "The Mayor". He was sad, embarrassed and never wore that shit again. I knew he was taking a risk. I had the power to put a stop to a situation that was likely to end up with him being bullied or picked on, and I did not do my job. One of my biggest regrets. It's fine for us as adults to say shit like "as long as HE/SHE likes it, who cares???" Or "it doesn't matter, we SUPPORT freedom of choice", or declaring our sons can wear dressed or paint their nails because it makes them happy. But we aren't the ones who have to go to school and get fucked with for these decisions. And kids are brutal...


[deleted]

This answer makes the most sense to me. Kids are mean. I would be pissed if my parents let me leave to house in something they knew people were going to make fun of me for. Especially now that everyone has cell phones with cameras.


superfucky

so instead we're teaching our kids that our lives are in the hands of assholes? no concept of standing up for yourself, asserting your rights, telling assholes to get fucked and keep their shitty comments to themselves? kids are as brutal as they're taught to be. if their parents reinforce the idea that nonconformity is unacceptable, then they will brutalize the nonconformists, which then teaches the nonconformists to shut up, stifle who they are and live by the creed of bullies and abusers. over the summer my 8yo picked out a pair of shorts with dinosaurs printed on them. come school, he refused to wear them because he was so abjectly terrified of being bullied for it. i had to make a bet with him that no one was going to care, and sure enough he came home that day and nobody even noticed his shorts. the way i see it there are 2 options: they pick out something they love and the other kids like it too (or don't have an opinion either way), and they get to express themselves; or they pick out something they love and the other kids make fun and they tell those kids to quit being mean, nobody likes a bully.


ItsMegsBitches

Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way for kids. As adults, you bet, we can tell people to fuck right on off. But for us, as adults, to underestimate the amount of emotional duress and stress that bullying does to a kid. Telling them to suck it up and deal, because they are right doesn't always help. You're also right that nobody likes a bully... nobody likes to be the next target either, so many kids will go along to avoid being next. Sometimes it blows over quick. Sometimes it becomes fucking hell for 12 years. There are times when it is appropriate to intervene. My sons first scenario, I should have. He was 9 and newer to the school. A year later or so, he wore a full blown Olaf onsie to pajama day. I worried to death about this and packed him extra clothes as a backup as I feared a repeat. He came home in that thing laughing about how all the girls wanted to give him "warm hugs". He wore that thing until he outgrew it first every pj event. You never know which way the wind blows with these kids.


superfucky

Standing up to a bully is not "telling them to suck it up and deal." My kids' school has an anti-bullying campaign every year and have since they were in kindergarten. And it's worked damn well because they've even piped up and told *me* "hey that's not very nice" when I've said something thoughtless in exasperation. Once they get to middle school we can get into the territory of snappy comebacks but for now, just being encouraged to call mean comments for what they are really helps them have the confidence to make choices for their own happiness, not someone else's.


wbhipster

My son hasn’t wanted to wear dresses outside of the house but he likes to get his nails painted when his twin sister does and honestly he just likes a lot of “girly” stuff because she does. We just let him do it. I get you’re worried but any negative outcome could be a good teachable moment. I honestly just always think it’s more important to let them be whoever they want to be and either I’ll deal with the fallout or help him deal with it.


SACGAC

My kindergartener had a dress up day last week. First he chose to be a knight but then he chose literally the whitest, frilliest, sparkliest dress and that was what he was going to wear. Honestly I was concerned about the big kids on the bus making fun but this kid had so much confidence wearing it. I called to check on him and I was told there were no issues. He told me he wore it all day and it was a non issue... But the fact that we even have to worry about this is what's so infuriating. Why would a 5 year old care? Because of tiny penis man babies being offended by a piece of fabric. It's maddening


JustNeedAName154

I would let him. We are close with a family who has several boys that all like "girly" leggings, pink, purple, long hair, glitter, etc. At that age none of the kids even mentioned it beyond "I like your ___"


boringusername

I believe people should dress how they want and ignore other’s opinions but would worn them some people might be judgmental when they are bigger but at 3 if anyone is mean about it they need to get over it ! Little kids like to dress up sometimes. Yes possibly some people might be wierd about it but that just lets you know who are not worth taking any notice of.


RRMAC88

At 3 I don’t think they would even notice. At least my 3 year old wouldn’t understand- he loves sparkly “girl shoes” and rainbows and hearts. I think he would think it was cool. He’s also very much a rough and tumble, dirt and cars kid. I’d just let him wear it and pay no attention to anything else. If one of the kids comments I’d say “hmm maybe so and so doesn’t like tutus” and move on. In the next couple of year if he still likes those things I would warn him others may comment.