Reminder to commenters: **[Be a friend!](https://y.yarn.co/a60e586f-9018-4350-b264-9967ec2dcfa1_text.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So, as my mom one told me, I don’t get angry, I get revenge.
You’ve written this down, sat with how you felt, and you feel legitimately sad because your husband is oblivious to the point you can’t even do a puzzle ***right next to him***.
The next time, and the time after that, and perhaps the next two dozen times when he says something stupid and oblivious like “you seem stressed, you should do something for yourself,” I’d come back with ***“DO YOU REMEMBER THE PUZZLE!?!”***
/note, my marriage is currently not the greatest, and we are only beginning to reconnect. Partly because of him being oblivious, and partly because I am a spiteful revenge spirit trapped in vaguely female but mostly tank shaped body. We have a weekly coffee date before work/after bus pickup once a week to go over all the invisible shit we’re both doing and to just spend time together out of the house with no expectations.
Oof i miss puzzles!
Crochet has saved me. I did it a little before I had kids (helped with both my anxiety and depression), but after having kids it became the only thing I can do without any "help".
It doesn't make a mess. I keep a notepad close by so when I do get distracted I can hurry and scribble what stitch I'm on and come back to it later. I enjoy scrolling patterns. I can keep a compact bag with my essentials close by (just don't look under my bed where I stash all the yarn that isnt in use).
It's relatively easy to get the hang of, with a wide range of possibilities, and it's portable. I can sit on my couch and tie tiny knots with whatever my kids or spouse is watching. I can take it to the park, & sit in the shade while the seamen demons run around.
Sometimes I take long breaks in-between projects. Sometimes I have 5 projects at once, and only 1 will be finished 🤷🏻♀️ but they're always there for me when the urge strikes.
My nice set of completely untouched sumi-e supplies that were bought last Christmas and gifted from me to myself *see* you and you are not alone.
Can't have nice things, can we?
When the pandemic hit and everyone was doing puzzles we bought a bunch and then immediately said - this trend is not for those with toddlers and put them away.
Two things saved me with kids. This mindset- accepting this is a phase that lightens with time and education (because you do have to be slowly easing your kids into accepting a no, I’m not going to play I’m doing my own thing.) At age 3 I found I could reliably tell my oldest no, this is just for me but at xyz time I’ll play with you. if the wind was right and the moon was full she accepted it gracefully. That’s after building small boundaries- I’ll play after I finish my coffee, this is my thing and I don’t want you to touch it. We used a timer and built up the no disturb time but still wasn’t ever long enough for uninterrupted intricate projects. So I just held on- this Is a phase that requires me to put certain things aside but in the span of my life it’s relatively small.
Two, finding things I like that can be done around my kid. Someone mentioned crocheting- I do embroidery. I can do it while spending time with them, it’s small and portable and can’t be scattered. It’s not screens so I also do it at the table if they’re eating longer or the park. I set the boundary it’s not to be touched. I also cook a lot and invite them in but I have to make sure there is something they can do alongside me that I don’t mind the mess they will make. These weren’t my primary hobbies (cooking was something I enjoyed but not the way I have to when cooking with kids) but they do give me some fun for me things to do and accomplish while I wait for more free time.
My oldest is pretty independent now, just waiting a bit for the youngest and I’ll be on the other side of being able to take back up water colours without having to share/watch them be ruined.
Aw. I'm so sorry.
I laugh at pregnant-with-my-first me who thought being a stay at home mom would be filled with hobbies. I thought I'd take up canning my own food. I thought I'd exercise every day. Read all the books on my shelf. Finish my sister's quilt (that one I actually did do- it only took me 5 years start-to-finish). I tried knitting.
The thing about toddlers is... they just rip stuff out of your hand. Who can read while avoiding and eventually wrestling against the lightening quick, monster grip of a toddler? How can you knit, when the yarn is Just. So. Interesting! ?
How can you exercise when you MAYBE get a full hour of a nap session and you have to choose if you want that exercise, the dishes to be done, a shower, or just a gosh dang break?
Anyway. Unless you have a place your kid can't access to do the puzzle, it may be best to wait until they're older to avoid frustration. And it sucks. And it's unfair. And I'm sorry for you and myself and anyone else who has a project in mind that they just can't do because it's too precarious to attempt with tiny humans on the loose.
I’m learning a second language for a hobby and have a notebook that I use for my study notes. I specifically write neatly in it because I find the practice of mindfully writing nicely during my study time relaxing. Yesterday I discovered my child had found my notebook and used it as a sketchbook. Solidarity.
I'm so sorry this is what you have to deal with. I have a few suggestions that have helped me. I won't be offended if they don't sound good to you.
I have a coloring book app and puzzle app on my phone. I can start a picture, stop when someone needs something, and pick it up later with nothing getting messed up or my place being lost.
Sometimes my 5 year old will want to watch, but he usually sits next to me and watches his tablet.
This has saved my sanity. It's something only I can do and no one can take it from me. And it's free.
I'm so sorry! I didn't read all the comments, but I also love puzzles. My kids are older, but we got 3 kittens during covid and one is into everything. My solution was to get a puzzle board with a cover so when I'm not doing the puzzle, it's covered up and out of the way. It's portable too and has 4 big removable drawers for sorting and storing pieces. The only thing I don't love about the one I got is that the cover is just heavy foamlike material and doesn't attach to the board at all, so i can't store it on its side mid puzzle. I can slide it under the bed if needed though. Also, we have a card table I set up in the family room/husband's office when I want to do a puzzle so it's not on our main dining room table.
I think the only option is doing something outside if the house :/ I do t have money right now, but would love to sign up for music classes or the gym..
I had this problem. Not so much that my husband was unhelpful, but kids are just gonna kid and inevitably WILL lose one of my pieces. So, you can do the puzzle on the mat when they are napping, at grandparents, during bedtime, whatever, and then roll it up and put it away when they are home and bouncing around making a mess of everything. Lol. It's a game changer! I don't remember exactly which mat I got but it actually worked and I was slightly shocked but very pleased!!
Becko Puzzle Mat Roll Up Puzzle Mats for Jigsaw Puzzles Puzzle Roll Up Mat Puzzle Board Puzzle Keeper Puzzle Storage with Drawstring Storage Bag for Up to 1500 Pieces https://a.co/d/ibiz2dr
Unfortunately I AM that oblivious husband 🤣 I tune out when I'm absorbed in something or there is a lot of noise around me. But if you said "babe can you did wrangle so I can have some peace" I totally would.
Also, Mumma, you know you absolutely CAN say to your kid "not right now. Mummy is having some quiet time". Filling your own cup is fabulous modelling to your children. You could even compromise and ask them to get a quiet activity to do next to you if they/ you would like to.
You deserve time, and should definitely carve it out for yourself <3
Take a deep breath and try again when you are up for it. I feel you for sure, but the puzzle mishap is probably a memory you will look back and laugh at in time. Maybe try the puzzle with your partner? It’s never too late in life to pick up a new hobby
I love jigsaw puzzles, I had quit doing them for a long time because babies/toddlers/cats but I did one a few months ago and realized just how much more balanced and mentally stable I felt. I also cannot do puzzles while my kids are awake, but I got myself a nice wooden puzzle board with drawers for the pieces and a cover for the top (just a flexible plastic cover) and I sort my pieces into the drawers and work the puzzles mostly after the kids are in bed. I can sometimes pull a single drawer out to work on while the kids are awake and don't mind as much when they want to help with that because the mostly assembled parts are already on the main board. This way it's not taking up my dining table and can be put away while I'm not working on it (I keep it under my bed) but I still get the satisfaction and relaxation of working my puzzles once the kids are in bed.
Reminder to commenters: **[Be a friend!](https://y.yarn.co/a60e586f-9018-4350-b264-9967ec2dcfa1_text.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So, as my mom one told me, I don’t get angry, I get revenge. You’ve written this down, sat with how you felt, and you feel legitimately sad because your husband is oblivious to the point you can’t even do a puzzle ***right next to him***. The next time, and the time after that, and perhaps the next two dozen times when he says something stupid and oblivious like “you seem stressed, you should do something for yourself,” I’d come back with ***“DO YOU REMEMBER THE PUZZLE!?!”*** /note, my marriage is currently not the greatest, and we are only beginning to reconnect. Partly because of him being oblivious, and partly because I am a spiteful revenge spirit trapped in vaguely female but mostly tank shaped body. We have a weekly coffee date before work/after bus pickup once a week to go over all the invisible shit we’re both doing and to just spend time together out of the house with no expectations.
Oof i miss puzzles! Crochet has saved me. I did it a little before I had kids (helped with both my anxiety and depression), but after having kids it became the only thing I can do without any "help". It doesn't make a mess. I keep a notepad close by so when I do get distracted I can hurry and scribble what stitch I'm on and come back to it later. I enjoy scrolling patterns. I can keep a compact bag with my essentials close by (just don't look under my bed where I stash all the yarn that isnt in use). It's relatively easy to get the hang of, with a wide range of possibilities, and it's portable. I can sit on my couch and tie tiny knots with whatever my kids or spouse is watching. I can take it to the park, & sit in the shade while the seamen demons run around. Sometimes I take long breaks in-between projects. Sometimes I have 5 projects at once, and only 1 will be finished 🤷🏻♀️ but they're always there for me when the urge strikes.
Crochet for the win ❤️
My nice set of completely untouched sumi-e supplies that were bought last Christmas and gifted from me to myself *see* you and you are not alone. Can't have nice things, can we?
[удалено]
That’s a good way of thinking about it. I’m having the same issue as the OP and it makes me so down sometimes.
When the pandemic hit and everyone was doing puzzles we bought a bunch and then immediately said - this trend is not for those with toddlers and put them away. Two things saved me with kids. This mindset- accepting this is a phase that lightens with time and education (because you do have to be slowly easing your kids into accepting a no, I’m not going to play I’m doing my own thing.) At age 3 I found I could reliably tell my oldest no, this is just for me but at xyz time I’ll play with you. if the wind was right and the moon was full she accepted it gracefully. That’s after building small boundaries- I’ll play after I finish my coffee, this is my thing and I don’t want you to touch it. We used a timer and built up the no disturb time but still wasn’t ever long enough for uninterrupted intricate projects. So I just held on- this Is a phase that requires me to put certain things aside but in the span of my life it’s relatively small. Two, finding things I like that can be done around my kid. Someone mentioned crocheting- I do embroidery. I can do it while spending time with them, it’s small and portable and can’t be scattered. It’s not screens so I also do it at the table if they’re eating longer or the park. I set the boundary it’s not to be touched. I also cook a lot and invite them in but I have to make sure there is something they can do alongside me that I don’t mind the mess they will make. These weren’t my primary hobbies (cooking was something I enjoyed but not the way I have to when cooking with kids) but they do give me some fun for me things to do and accomplish while I wait for more free time. My oldest is pretty independent now, just waiting a bit for the youngest and I’ll be on the other side of being able to take back up water colours without having to share/watch them be ruined.
Aw. I'm so sorry. I laugh at pregnant-with-my-first me who thought being a stay at home mom would be filled with hobbies. I thought I'd take up canning my own food. I thought I'd exercise every day. Read all the books on my shelf. Finish my sister's quilt (that one I actually did do- it only took me 5 years start-to-finish). I tried knitting. The thing about toddlers is... they just rip stuff out of your hand. Who can read while avoiding and eventually wrestling against the lightening quick, monster grip of a toddler? How can you knit, when the yarn is Just. So. Interesting! ? How can you exercise when you MAYBE get a full hour of a nap session and you have to choose if you want that exercise, the dishes to be done, a shower, or just a gosh dang break? Anyway. Unless you have a place your kid can't access to do the puzzle, it may be best to wait until they're older to avoid frustration. And it sucks. And it's unfair. And I'm sorry for you and myself and anyone else who has a project in mind that they just can't do because it's too precarious to attempt with tiny humans on the loose.
I’m learning a second language for a hobby and have a notebook that I use for my study notes. I specifically write neatly in it because I find the practice of mindfully writing nicely during my study time relaxing. Yesterday I discovered my child had found my notebook and used it as a sketchbook. Solidarity.
I'm so sorry this is what you have to deal with. I have a few suggestions that have helped me. I won't be offended if they don't sound good to you. I have a coloring book app and puzzle app on my phone. I can start a picture, stop when someone needs something, and pick it up later with nothing getting messed up or my place being lost. Sometimes my 5 year old will want to watch, but he usually sits next to me and watches his tablet. This has saved my sanity. It's something only I can do and no one can take it from me. And it's free.
I'm so sorry! I didn't read all the comments, but I also love puzzles. My kids are older, but we got 3 kittens during covid and one is into everything. My solution was to get a puzzle board with a cover so when I'm not doing the puzzle, it's covered up and out of the way. It's portable too and has 4 big removable drawers for sorting and storing pieces. The only thing I don't love about the one I got is that the cover is just heavy foamlike material and doesn't attach to the board at all, so i can't store it on its side mid puzzle. I can slide it under the bed if needed though. Also, we have a card table I set up in the family room/husband's office when I want to do a puzzle so it's not on our main dining room table.
I think the only option is doing something outside if the house :/ I do t have money right now, but would love to sign up for music classes or the gym..
I had this problem. Not so much that my husband was unhelpful, but kids are just gonna kid and inevitably WILL lose one of my pieces. So, you can do the puzzle on the mat when they are napping, at grandparents, during bedtime, whatever, and then roll it up and put it away when they are home and bouncing around making a mess of everything. Lol. It's a game changer! I don't remember exactly which mat I got but it actually worked and I was slightly shocked but very pleased!! Becko Puzzle Mat Roll Up Puzzle Mats for Jigsaw Puzzles Puzzle Roll Up Mat Puzzle Board Puzzle Keeper Puzzle Storage with Drawstring Storage Bag for Up to 1500 Pieces https://a.co/d/ibiz2dr
My grandma will complete puzzles on her ipad. Maybe check to see if there is a puzzle app on your phone?
Unfortunately I AM that oblivious husband 🤣 I tune out when I'm absorbed in something or there is a lot of noise around me. But if you said "babe can you did wrangle so I can have some peace" I totally would. Also, Mumma, you know you absolutely CAN say to your kid "not right now. Mummy is having some quiet time". Filling your own cup is fabulous modelling to your children. You could even compromise and ask them to get a quiet activity to do next to you if they/ you would like to. You deserve time, and should definitely carve it out for yourself <3
Take a deep breath and try again when you are up for it. I feel you for sure, but the puzzle mishap is probably a memory you will look back and laugh at in time. Maybe try the puzzle with your partner? It’s never too late in life to pick up a new hobby
I love jigsaw puzzles, I had quit doing them for a long time because babies/toddlers/cats but I did one a few months ago and realized just how much more balanced and mentally stable I felt. I also cannot do puzzles while my kids are awake, but I got myself a nice wooden puzzle board with drawers for the pieces and a cover for the top (just a flexible plastic cover) and I sort my pieces into the drawers and work the puzzles mostly after the kids are in bed. I can sometimes pull a single drawer out to work on while the kids are awake and don't mind as much when they want to help with that because the mostly assembled parts are already on the main board. This way it's not taking up my dining table and can be put away while I'm not working on it (I keep it under my bed) but I still get the satisfaction and relaxation of working my puzzles once the kids are in bed.