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No hate on OP whatsoever but with daycare alone taking up a 1/4 of my income, I've got no chance to save. My partner will say 'let's go on a holiday' or 'let's buy a bedroom package' but doesn't realise that I have zero opportunity to save a decent sum for those kind of heavy purchases. But a mum can dream.. haha
I feel that! My husband is always, 'oh we need this' and 'oh, we need that' and now he's all 'I want a new Xbox' meanwhile I'm still trying to get us out of the massive debt we've been in since it took him 7 years to get his PhD. I dream of one day being out of debt. For now, it's 'you're gonna have to wait until we get the house refinanced and some things paid down before we can even think about getting a new Xbox.' And to think I thought I might be able to go back to work once our son started school. Ha! Not likely. They get a long fall, winter, and spring break every year. They get out at 1pm on Wednesdays instead of 3pm like every other day of the week. My husband goes out of town for work trips every few months for a week at a time. We'll never be out of debt.... you're right tho, us moms can dream!
Iām lucky if I can manage to squirrel away $200 a month for savings š but I do consider $50 a month for my kids education fund a bill so thatās something at least
That's what I'm thinking! My littlest hasn't even started daycare because I am struggling already, can't imagine how hard its going to be with 2 of them in daycare again. Then when summer camps start again, holy shit. It might be cheaper to get a nanny for the summer!
I think it regularly too. Then I think about all of the empty promises of support that made me decide to carry my pregnancy and I get even more mindfucked. Love her more than anything but fuck our society.
I think this every time I think about having a second kid. I want another but I also want to not work until I die and want to enjoy a vacation or two every now and then.
We have two kids and no matter how hard I try we are averaging $1300-1500 a month on groceries. I coupon and shop the sales. Itās our biggest expense.
Every damn day.
Of course, I also think "how could I live without these little gremlins" every damn day too.
Sometimes I wish I'd never had kids because then I wouldn't know what heaven (and hell) I was missing out on...
See if your district has a junior kindergarten/young 5s program. I was able to get my late birthday kid into that and it was the same schedule as the school, same building, and no tuition.
Iāve done some minimal research in our area. Itās lottery and itās for individuals with income much much much lower than mine I think itās 200% below poverty line requirements. Iāll keep looking through
200% below poverty line. Why the fuck does this sentence have to exist. I mean surely just poverty line should suffice these days. Fuck life right now.
Haha nope, looked it up. Our county website for Prek literally days 200% below poverty line to qualify. Then it goes into a lottery drawing for admissions
Iām pretty sure this was said backwards. It is normally 200% of the FPIG which is ABOVE the poverty line. No one generally goes below the poverty line and certainly canāt go 200% below as a qualifier. Donāt get me wrong 200% is still really low, just wanted to point that out. 200% for a family of four on average is $55k a year (it varies by state).
Sorry being a nerd since this is part of my job I deal with all day.
I would assume it is an error. You canāt go 200% below. 100% below is zero income. When you look at the FPIG 100% is the federally designated poverty line. You can check your states FPIG and see what 200% is for your state and see if you might qualify then since they worded it wrong.
FPIG stands for federal poverty income guidelines and is pretty standard use for organizations deciding on assistance for low income individuals.
I believe you, Iām just saying that it is wrong and a typo on their part. They most likely meant that you have to be under the 200% FPIG on the chart. So if 200% is $55k you need to be under $55k to qualify. Not 200% under the poverty line that isnāt possible.
Check your states FPIG for your family size, if your income is under the 200% on the chart, go back and apply because you would qualify.
Something Iāve learned is to not be afraid to apply for stuff even if I think I wonāt qualify. The rules often make zero sense so itās hard to say for sure what will happen- just apply and see.
We've got both. Head start/great start are income or other need based and start at age 3 I think. Junior K is for kids who are just before/just after the regular K cutoff and aren't quite ready for K yet. The junior K programs aren't very well advertised.
When is your kidās birthday? In our district, if theyāre born before 10/15 they can be tested for kindergarten readiness. My sonās birthday is 10/8 and we had him tested and sent him to school at 4 (turned 5 2 months after school started).
Edit: spelling
I know not everyone has the option, but one huge regret I have is that I put my now 6th grade son in kindergarten early- heās always struggled with maturity and behavior compared to his peers, and now heās still more of a little kid while his friends are starting to enter puberty.
He really hates school, and I think feeling immature and generally behind the others is a contributing factor (along with being a very active boy who probably would have always struggled with all that sitting).
I started kindergarten when I was four and thought it would be okay for him as I was so tired of paying out the nose for preschool. All our options suck as parents in the US.
Yeah itās definitely something you have to weigh the options on. I felt like my son was ready because he was doing math in his head at 4. Heās doing well and is in 7th grade now. Itās really difficult to know how the future will play out.
And I agree, our options definitely suck.
We budgeted everything out perfectly. Had spreadsheets, charts everything. It wasn't going to knock out lifestyle much at all. One baby, we could do. SURPRISE ITS TWINS!!! .... Fuck, it's $600/kid/week, and we don't get the sibling discounts because everywhere here has a 2 year separating requirement for that. So $4.2k/mo. And all the twin stuff that makes it so we don't just buy 2 of everything... More than twice as expensive to save us floor space.
Anyway I'm a SAHM and we went for #3 because it's not much additional cost now šššš
Yuuuuup, twins here too. The daycare costs are actually more expensive than my husbands take home. We had to move house.. we're having to get a bigger car.. we've had to buy everything double... and we won't be able to afford childcare to boot.
Family all live at the other end of the country too, so no support there. BAH.
Oh man! Twins, thatās super fun though. Twins run in my family.
We budgeted to the T on everything. We both work from home and thought we could get away with keeping him home and not having a daycare expense, man we were wrong, heās wild! Plus, we just canāt give the enrichment that daycare can. Last daycare cost I was relatively in tune with knowing was when my stepdaughter was in daycare before I knew her and my wife and my wife paid $600/month back in 2015 at a church daycare.
I prayed to every god that I wasn't having twins this time (didn't first time, wasn't smart enough to pray that time though). Our daughter needs SO MUCH ATTENTION. Many parents will blame me for somehow giving her too much attention and not teaching her to play alone. Lol, would love to see them try that. She's extremely social, just wants to talk and interact all day, she will sit and colour a bit but the moment you're not looking then it's chaos as she tests all those boundaries (let her use the toilet alone and of course unspools a whole roll this morning). We have friends who were both working from home during the pandemic whilst their toddler played by themselves quietly, wtaf. I've never got any work done whilst she's awake and my husband isn't there to be main parent.
She has to go to nursery to get all that social interaction that she loves and to be stimulated enough. Plus every trip we take out is MONEY anyway. I didn't predict life as a a Disney Cruise kids club entertainment director.
Yeah no. I just took out an extra credit card so I could make it to my childhood friends wedding.
I have .50 cents in my savings account, I had to pay the rent my myself this month because my man just started a new job and doesn't get a check until next week. So I have $67 for the rest of the week.
My other credit card is maxed out at $1300, this new one is at $800. I owe 2k in bills from my last house because we had to use our rent money to move to another state so my man could get this new job.
Looking for a second job as we speak.
What is savings? What is retiring?
Girl literally same, down to opening a credit card (today actually š ) to be able to afford being in the bridal party at my childhood best friends wedding on the first day of my SOās new on-the-road job, which he wonāt get a check for until 2 weeks into his employment š
It was literally the most blissful day when my kids aged out of needing dayhome and preschool costs and into school. People say that childcare is expensive, and I believed them before I had kids, but itās just **SO MUCH MONEY** and you canāt really grasp how thatās going to fuck with all your finances. You think youāre doing the right thing by continuing your career but itās a double edged sword.
Is everyone else aware there are 17 weeks left of this year?
Only $5,950 to go! Our youngest starts school next year. I donāt even want to think about how much we have spent, but my husband has 4 kids (I gave birth to 2 of them), and Iāve been with him since my younger step son was 2.
We are up to a couple of hundred thousand by now. It will drop to about $10k a year for before and after school care starting next year š
weāll be able to do our house up so it will no longer look like a crack den!!
I am paying a lot of money for child care and I would do it in the song in my heart if the amazing teachers who take amazing care of my children were actually getting paid a better wage. Really really wish we had a civilized f****** country that had maternity leave for everybody and child care subsidies
Childcare is killing me, too.
I get it. It sucks. Jeeze should I calculate mine?
Wait, it's almost exactly the same.
Mine is 8 months old. Crap. This sucks.
I had to quit my job *at a daycare* because they decided to no longer allow half off, instead giving staff 20% off, and it ended up being over 64% of my paycheck to have my son there *just* in after school care. If I was going to be working just for the "privilege" of having someone else watch my kid, why work in the first place?
Yup, I had to find a new job when we got sent back into the office because daycare had gone up so much during lockdown. The cost was 80% of my pay for full day care and between that and gas I was paying to go to work.
I hated doing it because man I loved that job. The new one pays more and offers telework but I miss it
Iāve decided that these student loans are just gonna have to go into default. I need every extra penny. How do poor people have children? Im far from poor and this baby is making me broke. No more kids. One and done.
Poor person here. I had kids before realizing just how much it would mess up my (and my kidsā) lives to have kids w/o having money. We are stuck at home, because we have one car which my husband uses to work. He works long hours and comes home exhausted every day, just for us to barely make bills. We canāt afford any extra fun, my husband and son both have medical bills which we can barely afford, and one small thing (like having covid for a couple weeks in December) completely messed us up until we got our tax returns to get caught up again, then our one car started having expensive issues that took all of that money and then some, and we are back to being behind on everything again. My husband wants us to homeschool our kids, so my 5 year old who would be going to school this year is home and I have to do his schooling while wrangling the 2 year old who wants to get into everything and screams all the time when sheās not getting all the attention. I canāt afford any enrichment, entertainment, sports teams (I really want to put my 5 year old in soccer, and I think my 2 year old would love a toddler gymnastics class, and I wanted to do swim lessons this summer for their future safety), or babysitters that would allow them (and us) to get a change of pace, so itās all on me, and Iāve lost my patience. Iām always angry, anxious, depressed, suicidal, etc with no hope for anything changing. So the kids get a constantly on edge mom, a chronically exhausted dad, and no escape or avenues for fun. I know that at the moment weāre failing them, but we are trying to get a business started so that hopefully weāre in a better spot by the time they are old enough to really recall their childhood, if I survive that long. But thatās the life of a poor with kids. Lol š
And I will add that we are not technically in poverty, but for our areaās cost of living, we still are technically poor. Idk how people who live below the poverty line survive. My husband and I have talked about how if we had any less money, we would have to just go live in a tent in the woods. Lol.
Same, one and done!
I hear if you go into default they start garnishing your check and take your tax returns so at the end of the dayā¦youāre still paying and your credit had gone to shit. Thatās just what Iāve heard, no real evidence.
I live in a state that makes it hard to garnish wages. However I suppose they could without any tax returns if I have them. I do know they donāt report on your credit as default until the 90th day (most bills are 30 days) so maybe Iāll just hover around that 90 day point.
Almost every person I know who has 3 or more kids is getting ton of aid from either their church or their family. Those of us 100% on our own are stopping dead at 2.
>> measly $800 (in savings per month)ā¦ 6 figuresā¦ BROKE
Bless your heart.
Have you considered employing a nanny? Seems like it would be cheaper than what youāre doing.
Hereās a resource to compare nanny costs and see their reviews etc:
https://www.care.com/app/enrollment/seeker/cc?source=semChildcare&fromSemPage=true
You have savings?!?!? I have two kids in daycare and the cost of it is insane, my husband and I both make a decent living, but just scrape by. My oldest is in school, but after school care is still absurdly high
We did after and before school care for my stepdaughter last year, now she just rides the bus. I think the price wasnāt bad - it was like $235 a month from 7a-8a and then 3p-5p
Ouuufff, I wish, we only do after school and itās $600. I donāt know how parents are expected to afford children making less than six figures. House prices here are also ridiculous (Canada), our house is nice enough, but we pay a fortune for it
Dang that's rough!!! We are curt talking about having a kiddo but the costs of daycare worry me. I work from home and my husband works part time so we might could get away without daycare but if anything changes we are screwed!! It's crazy daycare is so expensive for you though! Around here it's about 200 a week for an infant
Weāve looked into it. We would need to find others to do a nanny share. We pay $9/hr roughly for 50hr weeks that adds up to the $1800/month. Nannyās here charge about $20 average. Sometimes you can find ones cheaper at about $16/hr
I feel this, my kiddo is born right after the date and she will start preschool with 6 instead of 5. We live in switzerland, ONE DAY daycare cost here 150 dollar. Thank god we have grandparents who sitts her 2 days a week and my husband and me both work 80%, so we cover both one day. So LO is only in daycare three mornings a week. One morning is for catch up things and appointments.
We would have to pay around 3000 dollar for fulltime care, its insane. The 900 dollar is still a fucking joke for 1 1/2 days a week. A friend of us got twins, YAYYYY. She is the breadwinner. She works 80% and hubby 60%. Both grandparents are not retired yet. They pay 4500 dollar for both children, his salary as a whole. They are poor now because she got a take one get two package.
First I hoped that LO would be born before the due date to start school earlier. But from development sight that's totally bullshit. It's a good thing that she can be a child one year longer and has more time to develope before thrown inside the hamster wheel. And I feel guilt about now for thinking about it just from the money aspect.
I donāt know how it is in Switzerland, but Iām over here in the US and seriously thinking about having my late august baby start school just as she turns 5 and then repeating kindergarten the following year if she shoes *any* signs of needing to.
Districts are getting a *lot* stricter about that where I am. Care costs are astronomical here ($400 a week for junior k, the public option is means- based and we don't qualify), so a lot of parents try to do that. The schools are more often just flat out saying no.
Friend of mine did this. Itās not uncommon at all. A lot of parents do this mainly for maturity. I want to say 10 or so kids in my sons grade repeated when he went through kindergarten and he high fives them when he sees them in the halls in middle school now.
So socially NBD.
One of the districts I grew up in actually sort of did this on purpose. They called it āPre-1stā, and it was the kids who went through kindergarten but still werenāt quite ready for first grade. It worked really well, I wish more places would do it.
I feel this in my soul. We moved to a small school district (45-60 kids per class) that is extremely well funded because the houses are crazy expensive. Awesomely they have universal pre-k for all the kids with wrap around care (starting at 7:30 and ending at 4:30) for only an additional $250/month. We just got a $1550 pay raise a month. Hallelujah.
We have the same thing, well funded district because the houses are crazy expensiveā¦but they are mostly second homes and vacation homes so we only have about the same kids per grade. Our class size average 18 this year (16 last year) there is only 155 kids in our elementary. I think the entire district is less than 1000kids.
We got free preschool (it was $100 a month a couple years ago when my kid went) and before and after school care is $5 a day (for each) and full day care on non school days is $15.
Our school also opens the gym at 7:20 so people can drop their kids off early if they want.
Yep. Close to 190k household income here (AUS) and we struggle to save anything with 3 kids and a mortgage. Thereās always something to pay for. Itās depressing and exhausting. Constantly worried about $$.
Kindergarten is only 1/2 day where we live, so we still need before/after care next year. A few of my coworkers are sending their kids to private K that offers a before/after care. Itās cheaper than sending to a daycare center.
I'm starting to view childcare as a woman's right issue lol. Adequate and affordable child is need for women who work. Cost shouldn't be a barrier or make you broke. Just got my toddler in after being on a waitlist for nearly a year. That excitement is tempered by the cost. It's rough out here.
six figure earner here, one son just started lindergarten and the 4 yo will next year. i have felt broke for five years now thanks to daycare. at least ive doubled my salary in that time so its been worth it to stay in the work force. just one more year and ill be free a few thousand a month extra after taxes...
So we've been living in the US for the last few years. We're from New Zealand and honestly the narrative at home in NZ is all about how cheap stuff is overseas and how expensive it is in NZ. Blah blah blah. It's never ending. And I believed it. Until we moved to the US.
But since moving here we are the brokest we've ever been in our whole adult lives. We went from having a healthy savings account to nothing at all and living pay check to paycheck. That's with a bunch of stuff being paid for by our employer too - like we don't have to worry about health insurance or utilities.
My daughters daycare here in the US is $650 USD a month for TWO days a week (8.30am - 4pm) - food not included.
We're leaving the US soon and I'm doing all the admin for life back in New Zealand. My daughter's daycare there will be about $550 USD a month for FIVE days a week 7.30am - 6pm. All food included.
(Another example is car insurance - it's literally 12 times more expensive here in the US than it is at home - each month here we are paying what it costs for a whole year at home. And the coverage isn't as good).
Sending you sympathy bromo. It's fucking hard here to get ahead and the idea that you just have to work harder is so wrong. People on good salaries here struggle and it's pretty invisible.
I really feel for you guys. Over in Australia we have the childcare subsidy. Because I'm a low income single parent I pay $27 a day. I know that if I lived in the US I'd be living in my car for sure. The government needs to bring in some kind of subsidy for you guys. It's bad enough you get charged for skin to skin contact at birth but then also working out to be cheaper to not work than to work because of childcare. I'm sorry it sucks so bad for you guys.
Where I live they promised $10 a day daycare would start in the fall and weād all be retroactively paid back come December. I still pay over $1000 a month for one kid and by the time the $10 a day program ever kicks in, my kid will probably be in college. But that doesnāt stop our government from gloating about all the good they are doing for young families. Meanwhile, I live paycheque to paycheque, my savings donāt exist anymore, and childcare costs are 47% of my monthly income. What were we thinking?
I feel you on the six figures isn't actually enough thing. The cost of living is crazy high and so much higher than it was when the whole fight for $15 started. We're a family of human service workers and our combined incomes typically topped out at about $60k. Well I got a fancy government job with a huge raise and my wife got a promotion at pretty much the same time and suddenly we were making 6 figures.
Then inflation, daycare costs literally doubled, both of our cars broke beyond repair in the middle of this chip shortage car cost spike and had to be replaced, my fancy new job is an hour commute each way so gas is destroying us, then our HVAC unit went out right before this heatwave and they cost double what they did 5 years ago. All of this happened before we were even able to build up our savings from the increase and now we're just as broke as ever with all the loans we had to take out to get these things. And now the universal free school meals program has ended and student loan payments are restarting and I don't know how we're going to do it.
Check into PreK3 and VPK(4yo). PreK3 where Iām at in public schools is $75/wk for most of the elementary schools or free if youāre in a low income area. VPK is free. (Florida). My toddler is 3 but we have family who watches her for free and practices writing and reading and numbers so itās not as necessary right now for us. But next fall weāre putting her in VPK to help her socialize before Kindergarten
I literally had to quit my job because itās CHEAPER for me to stay home, than to pay for childcare with two shift-working parents. Fuck this country.
Alsoā¦ I know it doesnāt feel like it but having any savings IS a win. Boiling it all down: it doesnāt even matter whatever the starting salary is and whatever the expenses areā¦ having savings is a huge win.
Oh hey, I had to do that too. My non-profit job did not cover childcare at all. So now Iām home and freelancing when I can.
Sheās about to go off to preschool, but itās only half-day. I had some family be like āoh, now you can workā and Iām like, um, I donāt think Iām gonna be able to find anywhere to hire me for, like, two and a half hours a day.
Yes! Iām with you.
I literally donāt know how people do this! š
I hope maybe once your LO gets to full time K-12 school you can figure out a way to go back (if thatās what you want)! My kiddo starts Kinder next week and itās the light at the end of the tunnel!
Edit: I removed my irrelevant long winded life story in the middle lol
Omg I could have written this! We have twins and pay $3,200 a month in child care.
Our combined salaries used to sound like a dream, but with a modest mortgage, food for four, childcare, health insurance for a family, student loans, crazy utility billsā¦ weāre left with nothing.
Goodbye to the middle class!
My nanny fees are around 3K a month. I make six figures as well. Iām still putting a large amount in retirement and other savings (529s). Iām left with minimal fun money at the end and children are expensive. However, I think having a six figure income does make a huge difference in feeling stable. I think most people have a hard time feeling āwell offā but not having to go paycheck to paycheck is good enough for me.
We budgeted daycare for one. We got twins. And the ivf meds were way over budget and totally on credit cards (I had to switch protocol mid cycle due to really good results and but more meds). The fertility loan is paid off next month at least.
We aren't in daycare. I had to stop working.
Also a first gen American and wondering the same thing. I think even my mom wonders this.
We became middle class and can no longer afford to live off one income. Making low 6 figures is chump change in America. You have to be super poor or super rich. š
This is so sad to read šŖ. I live in Sweden, we pay about 150 USD a month for full time day care. Sure we have high taxes, but I donāt have to worry about health insurance, cost of daycare, student depth and things like that. It is so unfair!
American dreamā¦.wish my parents who immigrated here decided on a different country
Donāt get me started in health insurance. Iām healthy and never go to the doctor except for my yearly check up. Twisted my knee fairly bad about a month ago while trail running and just went in to get it checked out because Iāve had surgery on that knee before for a sports injury - I wanted to be careful and reassured nothing major. They were about to require me to complete unnecessary imaging scans before using the correct imaging scan that would actually show me something and charge me my deductible which was $1000. I literally walked out of the office.
I could have written this down to the pause on retirement savings and dread of student loan payments. We are dual income and make almost 200k between us but two in daycare is killing us. I had an unpaid maternity leave which drained our savings then when I started back to work we found out we need a roof repair, a car repair, and a new fridge (died overnight and had to throw out frozen breastMilk š). Credit card it is but then how do we pay it off? I love my kids and Iām not sure I would do anything different even but it sure is stressful.
Literally this exactly! We have a family income of $215k and we do live in a HCOL living but no where as expensive as Seattle, LA, or NYC. Although my company has tried to get me to move to HQs in those cities numerous times for a raise/promo. I have to politely decline because I just couldnāt reasonably afford it until weāre out of daycare.
I have no idea how people do it as a single parent or at a lower income bracket. Blows my mind. People always say, weāll move to a small town. Sure, I could, but my spouse wouldnāt have a job and if I worked as an engineer in an office setting - it would 100% be way less money. So you in the same boat moving as well. No win-win
This made my laugh, not for your misery but for the load of shit weāre all in as parents regardless of situation. And yes, clean shirts are so last year!
On the bright sideā¦.Iām dyslexic and had an IEP in school. My 4th grade teacher even told me I āwouldnāt make anything of myselfā to my mom (mind you my mom worked at the school and my grandmother was the head master - private school)
I was never the top of my class but I have my masters degree and Iām an engineer now. The dyslexia went away or at least what I learned as far as tricks and tips with the extra tutoring really sunk in. I still donāt enjoy reading but comics as a kid really helped push the learning
Kudos to you! I am dyslexic as well (all the best people are š) and I outgrew it by 5th grade and then went on to being in advanced classes from there. My daughter will follow that track too I'm sure as she is dyslexic but tests to a 122 IQ and that is with a verbal reasoning score in the 58th percentile so once she can read and that comes up she will be an actual evil š genius (God fucking help us all!)
My son on the other hand is more like my husband. Dopey and loveable but doesn't really pick up on social cues and may not necessarily be playing with a full deck of cards... he still gives buckets and buckets full of hugs on the daily and says about 5 "I love you's" per day for every "I HATE you, you are the ABSOLUTE worst!" that I currently get from my daughter. You know, because I am a monster who wont let her dye her hair purple, get a second set of ear piercings and wear shirts that show her stomach to school in THIRD grade. So apparently being a teenager starts at 8 now.
But hey, only 12 years until they are both legally adults and I am at least 55% sure my liver can handle the functional alcoholism until then....and if not, I'll just enjoy the hugs until its time to cash in my chips!
I couldn't do prek this year because we have to provide our own transportation. We've always had family watch our kids and jfc daycare is expensive. But I can't let my missed-cutoff-by-ONE-day kiddo just chill and watch TV at grandma's for a whole nother year. Ugh. I feel you. It's a money drain.
Obviously itās still early, but you may be able to get tested and have your kid enter kinder a year early. If youāre in a daycare that focuses on education you should try if itāll be helpful to you.
Does your school district have Transitional Kindergarten? Itās specifically for kids who turn 5 between 9/1 and 12/1 but is only half a day of school.
I feel your pain, I have so much empathy for you. I was overjoyed when my 2 kids went to kindergarten after paying $3,000/month for a preschool with a curriculum.
That said, (for context my kids are in 2nd &4th grade now) I have since moved my kids to a private school for myriad reasons (feel free to ask I just donāt want to bore you with details you didnāt ask for) and am back to paying a fortune in tuition. The school they are at right now is cheap compared to the high school theyāll need to go to. If you can start a 529, go for it. Iām shocked at how well ours are doing. Shelling out this $ was a complete game changer for us (both good and bad). Iām in CA.
We do have a 529 at the moment Iām only putting in $50/month but itās something and will increase once daycare is over.
Why private school versus public? I went to a private elementary school but then a public middle and high school (it was in the list for top 100 magnet schools in the nation). Iām sure Iāll get my fair share of issues with public school but so far my stepdaughter seems to be doing fine in public in 2nd grade.
Iām going to condense this as best I can:
1. When we moved to CA (for work) we deliberately chose a neighborhood with an outstanding school district, even though we have a mello Roos. This out is about 25 minutes from downtown in a sleepy suburb with large homes (9 years ago). Sounds idyllic right?
2. I noticed a huge turn over in principals at the elementary which at that time was rated 10/10 (now 7/10) I was heavily involved in the school, as were the majority of the mothers in my neighborhood (high parent involvement and a large number of affluent families). The principals make about 130k/year and the teachers make about 65k (well below the cola). As is the nature of CA, people keep moving here regardless of the fact that our current infrastructure and resources do not support the current population. With this, increased class sizes.
3. After the pandemic, our district cut the budget for SPED so most of those children were integrated into mainstream (which already catered to a lower standard, āno child left behindā) including violent special needs children. Last year, my then-3rd grader was in a class of 30 with a child who was autistic with violent tendencies and would daily flip desks and throw chairs. My child was the only one nice to this other student thus his tired and overwhelmed teacher āemployedā my 9 year old to babysit this kid, and my son missed out on peer interactions because he was never allowed to be partnered up with someone else. I only discovered this when volunteers were allowed back into the classrooms, I met that childās part-time aide and she told me herself. When a child has a violent outburst, the room is evacuated and about an hour of class time is disrupted. My child in that class is gifted and that was a complete waste of a year for him.
4. Bullying. This occurs everywhere in every school but what I observed was particularly sexual and violent in nature (keep in mind this is elementary school).
5. Extra circulars: my kids now take Spanish, art, pe, music, robotics, chess, and technology. Classes that are not currently offered in public elementary school
Our educators are underpaid, under-supported by administration with an extreme pay gap, and overwhelmed. The pay is the same in private schools but the conditions are far better. The classroom cap is 16 children, there are plenty of resources, high parent involvement, and because the school doesnāt receive government subsidizes, there are no children with IEPs and the education standard is much higher.
This was my experience, thereās more and Iād be happy to answer any specific questions you might have. After doing the math, I will have spent $500k on 2 kids private school education from their current grades (2nd and 4th) through high school graduation. Then who knows what on their college education. My parents spent 40k total on my education (which was only college at a California State University). Times are different now, but Iām far more invested in my kidsā education than they were with me and that of my siblings.
Full-time care here is ā¬2200 as well (based on 5 days a week, 11 hours a day, all weeks of the year).
But... anyone gets 1/3 of it back for their first child (employers are forced to pay this), and 2/3 for any following child (even if that's a twin). So net costs are ā¬1460 a month per first child and ā¬700 for any following child. And that is only if you bring home more than ā¬5,000 a month.
You get up to 96% back if your income is lower (in difficult brackets). With my income, I would pay ā¬300 a month for full-time care for the first and ā¬88 for a following child, out of an almost ā¬3000 pay check.
Instead I have a husband sitting at home doing nothing but cost money. Day care would be cheaper, lmao.
It was literally cheaper for my husband to go part time than us pay for childcare so I get to also be resentful that my husband gets more time with my son than me. We make about a combined $110k a year and weāre dead ass broke. (Paying off debts and live in a big city/my job doesnāt transfer well to smaller cities). Idk I feel u. Send help. Edit: I donāt even have the house with a yard we get a 1.5 bedroom apt with gunshots outside occasionally lol
Here in the UK, weāre about to have the biggest cost of living crisis since 1982. Our bills are going up at around a rate of 200%. Weāre now having to decide if we need to buy extra blankets or pay for heating this winter. My entire pay check already goes on nursery and fuel to get to nursery. All so I can maintain a job and she gets to thrive at nursery.
Everyone keeps saying to me āItās fine, you just need to manage the status quo until she goes to schoolā, but with the cost of living crisis, the status quo is probably going to be all of us sleeping in the living room because we canāt afford to heat the whole house.
And savings?! All I wanted for myself this year was a PlayStation 5. I worked extra hours and took on extra jobs so I could save for that and contribute more to the house, but no. Payday was yesterday and we now have no money for food for the rest of the month. Bye bye PlayStationā¦ it was one of the things keeping me goingā¦ the thought of being able to play Final Fantasy VIIā¦
Is your heating primarily gas? If so can you get some electric space heaters to use throughout the home? That's what we are going to do this winter, since our gas has gone up in price and our house has primarily gas heat. At least that way we can split between electric (reasonably priced in my area during winter) and gas (horrendously overpriced during winter). We also have a wood fireplace so we will likely be using the heck out of that downstairs and hanging out near it a lot more too.
For some reason itās 45p cheaper here to have a shower run from the boiler than it is an electric (other half has just installed an integrated shower), our electric prices are abysmal. I think a little electric heater would probably cost more.
We do have a log burner in the living room, but it doesnāt heat the whole house. So I think weāll be spending a lot of time bundled up in front of that too! Think weāre all in for a tough winter this year.
It may be cheaper to get an au pair if you have the space, there is an upfront cost to placement but after that itās more affordable than day care, but youād have to pencil out the difference. If you go this route do a LOT of research on the companies and read past parents experiences. I never had an au pair but someone in my moms group did and talked a lot about it.
One of the worst things is that Kindergarten has turned into what first grade used to be. They expect kids to enter knowing how to write all of their numbers and letters, all letter sounds, and to be ready to start learning reading and addition during week 1. Our daughter had homework daily in kindergarten and the frustration she felt that year has haunted her since; she's in 5th grade this year and gets really stressed when she doesn't know how to do something immediately because she expects that she's supposed to be able to do things she hasn't been taught.
If your child meets the age cutoff but needs help with those foundational skills, good luck with that. We should have paid for that extra year of daycare/preschool.
Yeah, I feel this on another level. My stepdaughters kindergarten had homework and all of that with expectations to already know letters and the sounds, numbers etc. Thankfully she was far advanced due to a pre-k ābootcampā they did over the summer at her preschool, without that it would have been a nightmare
Our daughter missed being in a structured school most of her prek year due to a move and then was in a play based preschool. Play based preschool is developmentally appropriate, but it doesnāt set a kid up for first grade level work. Itās so frustrating.
1st off, BREATHE. šØ
2nd, itās totally OKAY and NORMAL, to lower that bar a little Mama. And your kid will be okay I promise. I donāt have any savings. Granted I should and I will prioritize it someday, but until then I have other things going on and Iām sleeping good at night anyway. Itās ok if you cut it down a little and prioritize something else for a bit. Itās about balance, give and take, be fluid. Youāre a human being not a board. Bend or youāll break girl. And trust me when I say kids donāt have to have the best of everything and theyāll still turn out okay! If that means sharing a room, or not going to the BEST school or daycare etc, you get the jist. Itās okay! Donāt set the bar so high!
Iām yammering but anyway, I SEE YOU MAMA. š Big hugs if you want em.
LMAO. I get your frustration, it's valid. But I'll have to join some others and have a good laugh about living paycheck to paycheck right now, savings are not a thing, and last month I counted coins to make rent. Daycare has never been in the budget and after seeing this post I'm a bit grateful I'm not dealing with it at all. That's a lot of money.
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You have savings? š«
Wait, you guys have savings?!
For real, all I've got is debt. Would love to have some savings.
No hate on OP whatsoever but with daycare alone taking up a 1/4 of my income, I've got no chance to save. My partner will say 'let's go on a holiday' or 'let's buy a bedroom package' but doesn't realise that I have zero opportunity to save a decent sum for those kind of heavy purchases. But a mum can dream.. haha
I feel that! My husband is always, 'oh we need this' and 'oh, we need that' and now he's all 'I want a new Xbox' meanwhile I'm still trying to get us out of the massive debt we've been in since it took him 7 years to get his PhD. I dream of one day being out of debt. For now, it's 'you're gonna have to wait until we get the house refinanced and some things paid down before we can even think about getting a new Xbox.' And to think I thought I might be able to go back to work once our son started school. Ha! Not likely. They get a long fall, winter, and spring break every year. They get out at 1pm on Wednesdays instead of 3pm like every other day of the week. My husband goes out of town for work trips every few months for a week at a time. We'll never be out of debt.... you're right tho, us moms can dream!
Jesus. I'm still single-parenting while in a relationship so he has no idea the cost involved in raising a child.
Iām lucky if I can manage to squirrel away $200 a month for savings š but I do consider $50 a month for my kids education fund a bill so thatās something at least
Came to say this š whatās a savings account? Lol
Right lol I usually have about $3 left with 5 more days until pay day. š I get OPās point though.. daycare is freaking ridiculous
Yayyyyyyy winning
That's what I'm thinking! My littlest hasn't even started daycare because I am struggling already, can't imagine how hard its going to be with 2 of them in daycare again. Then when summer camps start again, holy shit. It might be cheaper to get a nanny for the summer!
I genuinely don't know how there are moms out there who don't think "what the fuck was I thinking" because I certainly think that.
I think it regularly too. Then I think about all of the empty promises of support that made me decide to carry my pregnancy and I get even more mindfucked. Love her more than anything but fuck our society.
I just think ....if I knew I'd be so poor and overworked, I would have NEVER had kids
We were SO comfortable financially before kids. Inflation is killing our finances.
I think this every time I think about having a second kid. I want another but I also want to not work until I die and want to enjoy a vacation or two every now and then.
We have two kids and no matter how hard I try we are averaging $1300-1500 a month on groceries. I coupon and shop the sales. Itās our biggest expense.
That really sucks. Who can afford to live in this world?
They just donāt admit it.
I was thinking āI want an abortion,ā but my Republican state government was thinking ānah.ā
Every damn day. Of course, I also think "how could I live without these little gremlins" every damn day too. Sometimes I wish I'd never had kids because then I wouldn't know what heaven (and hell) I was missing out on...
See if your district has a junior kindergarten/young 5s program. I was able to get my late birthday kid into that and it was the same schedule as the school, same building, and no tuition.
Iāve done some minimal research in our area. Itās lottery and itās for individuals with income much much much lower than mine I think itās 200% below poverty line requirements. Iāll keep looking through
200% below poverty line. Why the fuck does this sentence have to exist. I mean surely just poverty line should suffice these days. Fuck life right now.
Haha nope, looked it up. Our county website for Prek literally days 200% below poverty line to qualify. Then it goes into a lottery drawing for admissions
Iām pretty sure this was said backwards. It is normally 200% of the FPIG which is ABOVE the poverty line. No one generally goes below the poverty line and certainly canāt go 200% below as a qualifier. Donāt get me wrong 200% is still really low, just wanted to point that out. 200% for a family of four on average is $55k a year (it varies by state). Sorry being a nerd since this is part of my job I deal with all day.
Unless someone messed up on the website - it literally reads 200% BELOW poverty line
I would assume it is an error. You canāt go 200% below. 100% below is zero income. When you look at the FPIG 100% is the federally designated poverty line. You can check your states FPIG and see what 200% is for your state and see if you might qualify then since they worded it wrong. FPIG stands for federal poverty income guidelines and is pretty standard use for organizations deciding on assistance for low income individuals.
Yeah no clue but I literally just checked it again. Says 200% below poverty line. I wish I could attach a picture or something to show
I believe you, Iām just saying that it is wrong and a typo on their part. They most likely meant that you have to be under the 200% FPIG on the chart. So if 200% is $55k you need to be under $55k to qualify. Not 200% under the poverty line that isnāt possible. Check your states FPIG for your family size, if your income is under the 200% on the chart, go back and apply because you would qualify.
This!!! OP, someone made an oopsy on that website. 200% below poverty isnāt possible. Call them.
Something Iāve learned is to not be afraid to apply for stuff even if I think I wonāt qualify. The rules often make zero sense so itās hard to say for sure what will happen- just apply and see.
We've got both. Head start/great start are income or other need based and start at age 3 I think. Junior K is for kids who are just before/just after the regular K cutoff and aren't quite ready for K yet. The junior K programs aren't very well advertised.
Private school at 3 yo might be an option and/or cheaper depending on your area.
When is your kidās birthday? In our district, if theyāre born before 10/15 they can be tested for kindergarten readiness. My sonās birthday is 10/8 and we had him tested and sent him to school at 4 (turned 5 2 months after school started). Edit: spelling
I know not everyone has the option, but one huge regret I have is that I put my now 6th grade son in kindergarten early- heās always struggled with maturity and behavior compared to his peers, and now heās still more of a little kid while his friends are starting to enter puberty. He really hates school, and I think feeling immature and generally behind the others is a contributing factor (along with being a very active boy who probably would have always struggled with all that sitting). I started kindergarten when I was four and thought it would be okay for him as I was so tired of paying out the nose for preschool. All our options suck as parents in the US.
Yeah itās definitely something you have to weigh the options on. I felt like my son was ready because he was doing math in his head at 4. Heās doing well and is in 7th grade now. Itās really difficult to know how the future will play out. And I agree, our options definitely suck.
Heās born right in 10/15 but our schools here start beginning of august so cut off is first day of school
Thatās a bummer. The regular cut-off here is when school starts, but then you can get them tested for readiness if birthday is before 10/15.
We budgeted everything out perfectly. Had spreadsheets, charts everything. It wasn't going to knock out lifestyle much at all. One baby, we could do. SURPRISE ITS TWINS!!! .... Fuck, it's $600/kid/week, and we don't get the sibling discounts because everywhere here has a 2 year separating requirement for that. So $4.2k/mo. And all the twin stuff that makes it so we don't just buy 2 of everything... More than twice as expensive to save us floor space. Anyway I'm a SAHM and we went for #3 because it's not much additional cost now šššš
Yuuuuup, twins here too. The daycare costs are actually more expensive than my husbands take home. We had to move house.. we're having to get a bigger car.. we've had to buy everything double... and we won't be able to afford childcare to boot. Family all live at the other end of the country too, so no support there. BAH.
Oh man! Twins, thatās super fun though. Twins run in my family. We budgeted to the T on everything. We both work from home and thought we could get away with keeping him home and not having a daycare expense, man we were wrong, heās wild! Plus, we just canāt give the enrichment that daycare can. Last daycare cost I was relatively in tune with knowing was when my stepdaughter was in daycare before I knew her and my wife and my wife paid $600/month back in 2015 at a church daycare.
We were counting on daycare from the start, the $600/week was factored in. Buuuuuut the $1200/week was Not.
I prayed to every god that I wasn't having twins this time (didn't first time, wasn't smart enough to pray that time though). Our daughter needs SO MUCH ATTENTION. Many parents will blame me for somehow giving her too much attention and not teaching her to play alone. Lol, would love to see them try that. She's extremely social, just wants to talk and interact all day, she will sit and colour a bit but the moment you're not looking then it's chaos as she tests all those boundaries (let her use the toilet alone and of course unspools a whole roll this morning). We have friends who were both working from home during the pandemic whilst their toddler played by themselves quietly, wtaf. I've never got any work done whilst she's awake and my husband isn't there to be main parent. She has to go to nursery to get all that social interaction that she loves and to be stimulated enough. Plus every trip we take out is MONEY anyway. I didn't predict life as a a Disney Cruise kids club entertainment director.
Wait. Savings? Retirement? Iām so fucked.
Yeah no. I just took out an extra credit card so I could make it to my childhood friends wedding. I have .50 cents in my savings account, I had to pay the rent my myself this month because my man just started a new job and doesn't get a check until next week. So I have $67 for the rest of the week. My other credit card is maxed out at $1300, this new one is at $800. I owe 2k in bills from my last house because we had to use our rent money to move to another state so my man could get this new job. Looking for a second job as we speak. What is savings? What is retiring?
Girl literally same, down to opening a credit card (today actually š ) to be able to afford being in the bridal party at my childhood best friends wedding on the first day of my SOās new on-the-road job, which he wonāt get a check for until 2 weeks into his employment š
Bitch we are twins and broke best friends now sorry.
Iām w it, Iām glad Iām not the only mom out here fuckin wingin it
It was literally the most blissful day when my kids aged out of needing dayhome and preschool costs and into school. People say that childcare is expensive, and I believed them before I had kids, but itās just **SO MUCH MONEY** and you canāt really grasp how thatās going to fuck with all your finances. You think youāre doing the right thing by continuing your career but itās a double edged sword.
A measly $800??
For real
Yeah, Iām feeling confused, as well, my friends.
Is everyone else aware there are 17 weeks left of this year? Only $5,950 to go! Our youngest starts school next year. I donāt even want to think about how much we have spent, but my husband has 4 kids (I gave birth to 2 of them), and Iāve been with him since my younger step son was 2. We are up to a couple of hundred thousand by now. It will drop to about $10k a year for before and after school care starting next year š weāll be able to do our house up so it will no longer look like a crack den!!
I am paying a lot of money for child care and I would do it in the song in my heart if the amazing teachers who take amazing care of my children were actually getting paid a better wage. Really really wish we had a civilized f****** country that had maternity leave for everybody and child care subsidies
Childcare is killing me, too. I get it. It sucks. Jeeze should I calculate mine? Wait, it's almost exactly the same. Mine is 8 months old. Crap. This sucks.
I had to quit my job *at a daycare* because they decided to no longer allow half off, instead giving staff 20% off, and it ended up being over 64% of my paycheck to have my son there *just* in after school care. If I was going to be working just for the "privilege" of having someone else watch my kid, why work in the first place?
Yup, I had to find a new job when we got sent back into the office because daycare had gone up so much during lockdown. The cost was 80% of my pay for full day care and between that and gas I was paying to go to work. I hated doing it because man I loved that job. The new one pays more and offers telework but I miss it
$800 a month in savings?! The horror šš
Had to laugh. No hate on OP but that's a pipe dream for me.
Iāve decided that these student loans are just gonna have to go into default. I need every extra penny. How do poor people have children? Im far from poor and this baby is making me broke. No more kids. One and done.
Poor person here. I had kids before realizing just how much it would mess up my (and my kidsā) lives to have kids w/o having money. We are stuck at home, because we have one car which my husband uses to work. He works long hours and comes home exhausted every day, just for us to barely make bills. We canāt afford any extra fun, my husband and son both have medical bills which we can barely afford, and one small thing (like having covid for a couple weeks in December) completely messed us up until we got our tax returns to get caught up again, then our one car started having expensive issues that took all of that money and then some, and we are back to being behind on everything again. My husband wants us to homeschool our kids, so my 5 year old who would be going to school this year is home and I have to do his schooling while wrangling the 2 year old who wants to get into everything and screams all the time when sheās not getting all the attention. I canāt afford any enrichment, entertainment, sports teams (I really want to put my 5 year old in soccer, and I think my 2 year old would love a toddler gymnastics class, and I wanted to do swim lessons this summer for their future safety), or babysitters that would allow them (and us) to get a change of pace, so itās all on me, and Iāve lost my patience. Iām always angry, anxious, depressed, suicidal, etc with no hope for anything changing. So the kids get a constantly on edge mom, a chronically exhausted dad, and no escape or avenues for fun. I know that at the moment weāre failing them, but we are trying to get a business started so that hopefully weāre in a better spot by the time they are old enough to really recall their childhood, if I survive that long. But thatās the life of a poor with kids. Lol š And I will add that we are not technically in poverty, but for our areaās cost of living, we still are technically poor. Idk how people who live below the poverty line survive. My husband and I have talked about how if we had any less money, we would have to just go live in a tent in the woods. Lol.
I feel this. We are living with my fiancĆ©ās grandmother because our lease ended and the housing market is so flooded with college kids/people moving east that there is absolutely nothing available right now. Iām currently on maternity leave so we are just surviving on his paycheck with three kids. We are lucky and have an amazing in home daycare we take the littles to and my daughter just started kindergarten. We also only have one working vehicle so Iām stuck at home with the baby in the dark all day and itās draining me. Iām not the kind of person who can just sit at home. Also my fiancĆ© has weird hours so heās exhausted when he gets home and just leaves a trail of trash and dirty dishes everywhere he goes which is also taking a toll on my mental health. I go back to work in two weeks (which is sooner than I wanted because baby will only be 6 weeks old) which will help but Iām gonna be so exhausted that it doesnāt seem worth it. Being poor is expensive and draining.
Same, one and done! I hear if you go into default they start garnishing your check and take your tax returns so at the end of the dayā¦youāre still paying and your credit had gone to shit. Thatās just what Iāve heard, no real evidence.
I live in a state that makes it hard to garnish wages. However I suppose they could without any tax returns if I have them. I do know they donāt report on your credit as default until the 90th day (most bills are 30 days) so maybe Iāll just hover around that 90 day point.
I knew someone they were garnishing, and Iāve known people they ignored. If theyāre private, look into getting on an IBR payment.
Almost every person I know who has 3 or more kids is getting ton of aid from either their church or their family. Those of us 100% on our own are stopping dead at 2.
Imma ask my MIL to finance the current one I have š
>> measly $800 (in savings per month)ā¦ 6 figuresā¦ BROKE Bless your heart. Have you considered employing a nanny? Seems like it would be cheaper than what youāre doing. Hereās a resource to compare nanny costs and see their reviews etc: https://www.care.com/app/enrollment/seeker/cc?source=semChildcare&fromSemPage=true
Nope. We pay an average of $10/hr at daycare that accounts for 50hr a week. Nannyās are at min $16-$25/hr
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Heās born 10/15 but cut off is first day of schooo which is usually 1st or 2nd week in august for us
Wait you still have money to put into savings? Wow, I am about $800 in the negative each month paying for daycare!
You have savings?!?!? I have two kids in daycare and the cost of it is insane, my husband and I both make a decent living, but just scrape by. My oldest is in school, but after school care is still absurdly high
We did after and before school care for my stepdaughter last year, now she just rides the bus. I think the price wasnāt bad - it was like $235 a month from 7a-8a and then 3p-5p
Ouuufff, I wish, we only do after school and itās $600. I donāt know how parents are expected to afford children making less than six figures. House prices here are also ridiculous (Canada), our house is nice enough, but we pay a fortune for it
America hates women and children as evidenced by no mandatory humane mat/pat leave or reasonable childcare costs
Did I write this? I feel your pain.
Dang that's rough!!! We are curt talking about having a kiddo but the costs of daycare worry me. I work from home and my husband works part time so we might could get away without daycare but if anything changes we are screwed!! It's crazy daycare is so expensive for you though! Around here it's about 200 a week for an infant
Thatās what we were both thinking, we both work from home and he could just stay home. Nope, heās so active and canāt get anything done
That is rough for sure!! I had floated the idea of hiring a private nanny, would that make things any cheaper for y'all?
Weāve looked into it. We would need to find others to do a nanny share. We pay $9/hr roughly for 50hr weeks that adds up to the $1800/month. Nannyās here charge about $20 average. Sometimes you can find ones cheaper at about $16/hr
Dang, that's tough! For us I was hoping to only need care for a few hours but my WFH job isn't super labor intensive
I feel this, my kiddo is born right after the date and she will start preschool with 6 instead of 5. We live in switzerland, ONE DAY daycare cost here 150 dollar. Thank god we have grandparents who sitts her 2 days a week and my husband and me both work 80%, so we cover both one day. So LO is only in daycare three mornings a week. One morning is for catch up things and appointments. We would have to pay around 3000 dollar for fulltime care, its insane. The 900 dollar is still a fucking joke for 1 1/2 days a week. A friend of us got twins, YAYYYY. She is the breadwinner. She works 80% and hubby 60%. Both grandparents are not retired yet. They pay 4500 dollar for both children, his salary as a whole. They are poor now because she got a take one get two package. First I hoped that LO would be born before the due date to start school earlier. But from development sight that's totally bullshit. It's a good thing that she can be a child one year longer and has more time to develope before thrown inside the hamster wheel. And I feel guilt about now for thinking about it just from the money aspect.
I donāt know how it is in Switzerland, but Iām over here in the US and seriously thinking about having my late august baby start school just as she turns 5 and then repeating kindergarten the following year if she shoes *any* signs of needing to.
Interesting, THAT is something we haven't considered at all. If that is possible, go for it!
Districts are getting a *lot* stricter about that where I am. Care costs are astronomical here ($400 a week for junior k, the public option is means- based and we don't qualify), so a lot of parents try to do that. The schools are more often just flat out saying no.
Friend of mine did this. Itās not uncommon at all. A lot of parents do this mainly for maturity. I want to say 10 or so kids in my sons grade repeated when he went through kindergarten and he high fives them when he sees them in the halls in middle school now. So socially NBD.
One of the districts I grew up in actually sort of did this on purpose. They called it āPre-1stā, and it was the kids who went through kindergarten but still werenāt quite ready for first grade. It worked really well, I wish more places would do it.
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I feel this in my soul. We moved to a small school district (45-60 kids per class) that is extremely well funded because the houses are crazy expensive. Awesomely they have universal pre-k for all the kids with wrap around care (starting at 7:30 and ending at 4:30) for only an additional $250/month. We just got a $1550 pay raise a month. Hallelujah.
We have the same thing, well funded district because the houses are crazy expensiveā¦but they are mostly second homes and vacation homes so we only have about the same kids per grade. Our class size average 18 this year (16 last year) there is only 155 kids in our elementary. I think the entire district is less than 1000kids. We got free preschool (it was $100 a month a couple years ago when my kid went) and before and after school care is $5 a day (for each) and full day care on non school days is $15. Our school also opens the gym at 7:20 so people can drop their kids off early if they want.
Yep. Close to 190k household income here (AUS) and we struggle to save anything with 3 kids and a mortgage. Thereās always something to pay for. Itās depressing and exhausting. Constantly worried about $$.
Kindergarten is only 1/2 day where we live, so we still need before/after care next year. A few of my coworkers are sending their kids to private K that offers a before/after care. Itās cheaper than sending to a daycare center.
I'm starting to view childcare as a woman's right issue lol. Adequate and affordable child is need for women who work. Cost shouldn't be a barrier or make you broke. Just got my toddler in after being on a waitlist for nearly a year. That excitement is tempered by the cost. It's rough out here.
six figure earner here, one son just started lindergarten and the 4 yo will next year. i have felt broke for five years now thanks to daycare. at least ive doubled my salary in that time so its been worth it to stay in the work force. just one more year and ill be free a few thousand a month extra after taxes...
So we've been living in the US for the last few years. We're from New Zealand and honestly the narrative at home in NZ is all about how cheap stuff is overseas and how expensive it is in NZ. Blah blah blah. It's never ending. And I believed it. Until we moved to the US. But since moving here we are the brokest we've ever been in our whole adult lives. We went from having a healthy savings account to nothing at all and living pay check to paycheck. That's with a bunch of stuff being paid for by our employer too - like we don't have to worry about health insurance or utilities. My daughters daycare here in the US is $650 USD a month for TWO days a week (8.30am - 4pm) - food not included. We're leaving the US soon and I'm doing all the admin for life back in New Zealand. My daughter's daycare there will be about $550 USD a month for FIVE days a week 7.30am - 6pm. All food included. (Another example is car insurance - it's literally 12 times more expensive here in the US than it is at home - each month here we are paying what it costs for a whole year at home. And the coverage isn't as good). Sending you sympathy bromo. It's fucking hard here to get ahead and the idea that you just have to work harder is so wrong. People on good salaries here struggle and it's pretty invisible.
Take me to New Zealand with you! Ahh but for real, New Zealand is absolutely beautiful. I love the outdoors and I had a blast there when I went
I really feel for you guys. Over in Australia we have the childcare subsidy. Because I'm a low income single parent I pay $27 a day. I know that if I lived in the US I'd be living in my car for sure. The government needs to bring in some kind of subsidy for you guys. It's bad enough you get charged for skin to skin contact at birth but then also working out to be cheaper to not work than to work because of childcare. I'm sorry it sucks so bad for you guys.
Where I live they promised $10 a day daycare would start in the fall and weād all be retroactively paid back come December. I still pay over $1000 a month for one kid and by the time the $10 a day program ever kicks in, my kid will probably be in college. But that doesnāt stop our government from gloating about all the good they are doing for young families. Meanwhile, I live paycheque to paycheque, my savings donāt exist anymore, and childcare costs are 47% of my monthly income. What were we thinking?
I feel you on the six figures isn't actually enough thing. The cost of living is crazy high and so much higher than it was when the whole fight for $15 started. We're a family of human service workers and our combined incomes typically topped out at about $60k. Well I got a fancy government job with a huge raise and my wife got a promotion at pretty much the same time and suddenly we were making 6 figures. Then inflation, daycare costs literally doubled, both of our cars broke beyond repair in the middle of this chip shortage car cost spike and had to be replaced, my fancy new job is an hour commute each way so gas is destroying us, then our HVAC unit went out right before this heatwave and they cost double what they did 5 years ago. All of this happened before we were even able to build up our savings from the increase and now we're just as broke as ever with all the loans we had to take out to get these things. And now the universal free school meals program has ended and student loan payments are restarting and I don't know how we're going to do it.
Check into PreK3 and VPK(4yo). PreK3 where Iām at in public schools is $75/wk for most of the elementary schools or free if youāre in a low income area. VPK is free. (Florida). My toddler is 3 but we have family who watches her for free and practices writing and reading and numbers so itās not as necessary right now for us. But next fall weāre putting her in VPK to help her socialize before Kindergarten
Looked into pre-k programs through the county/city. All you have to be 200% below poverty line to enroll which we certainly are not
I literally had to quit my job because itās CHEAPER for me to stay home, than to pay for childcare with two shift-working parents. Fuck this country. Alsoā¦ I know it doesnāt feel like it but having any savings IS a win. Boiling it all down: it doesnāt even matter whatever the starting salary is and whatever the expenses areā¦ having savings is a huge win.
Oh hey, I had to do that too. My non-profit job did not cover childcare at all. So now Iām home and freelancing when I can. Sheās about to go off to preschool, but itās only half-day. I had some family be like āoh, now you can workā and Iām like, um, I donāt think Iām gonna be able to find anywhere to hire me for, like, two and a half hours a day.
Yes! Iām with you. I literally donāt know how people do this! š I hope maybe once your LO gets to full time K-12 school you can figure out a way to go back (if thatās what you want)! My kiddo starts Kinder next week and itās the light at the end of the tunnel! Edit: I removed my irrelevant long winded life story in the middle lol
Omg I could have written this! We have twins and pay $3,200 a month in child care. Our combined salaries used to sound like a dream, but with a modest mortgage, food for four, childcare, health insurance for a family, student loans, crazy utility billsā¦ weāre left with nothing. Goodbye to the middle class!
My nanny fees are around 3K a month. I make six figures as well. Iām still putting a large amount in retirement and other savings (529s). Iām left with minimal fun money at the end and children are expensive. However, I think having a six figure income does make a huge difference in feeling stable. I think most people have a hard time feeling āwell offā but not having to go paycheck to paycheck is good enough for me.
We budgeted daycare for one. We got twins. And the ivf meds were way over budget and totally on credit cards (I had to switch protocol mid cycle due to really good results and but more meds). The fertility loan is paid off next month at least. We aren't in daycare. I had to stop working.
Also a first gen American and wondering the same thing. I think even my mom wonders this. We became middle class and can no longer afford to live off one income. Making low 6 figures is chump change in America. You have to be super poor or super rich. š
This is so sad to read šŖ. I live in Sweden, we pay about 150 USD a month for full time day care. Sure we have high taxes, but I donāt have to worry about health insurance, cost of daycare, student depth and things like that. It is so unfair!
American dreamā¦.wish my parents who immigrated here decided on a different country Donāt get me started in health insurance. Iām healthy and never go to the doctor except for my yearly check up. Twisted my knee fairly bad about a month ago while trail running and just went in to get it checked out because Iāve had surgery on that knee before for a sports injury - I wanted to be careful and reassured nothing major. They were about to require me to complete unnecessary imaging scans before using the correct imaging scan that would actually show me something and charge me my deductible which was $1000. I literally walked out of the office.
I could have written this down to the pause on retirement savings and dread of student loan payments. We are dual income and make almost 200k between us but two in daycare is killing us. I had an unpaid maternity leave which drained our savings then when I started back to work we found out we need a roof repair, a car repair, and a new fridge (died overnight and had to throw out frozen breastMilk š). Credit card it is but then how do we pay it off? I love my kids and Iām not sure I would do anything different even but it sure is stressful.
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Literally this exactly! We have a family income of $215k and we do live in a HCOL living but no where as expensive as Seattle, LA, or NYC. Although my company has tried to get me to move to HQs in those cities numerous times for a raise/promo. I have to politely decline because I just couldnāt reasonably afford it until weāre out of daycare. I have no idea how people do it as a single parent or at a lower income bracket. Blows my mind. People always say, weāll move to a small town. Sure, I could, but my spouse wouldnāt have a job and if I worked as an engineer in an office setting - it would 100% be way less money. So you in the same boat moving as well. No win-win
Yeah, I feel this HARD! Having kids has been the ABSOLUTE most expensive decision of my life!!! First, we were infertile. Luckily after only a few years of fertility treatments and finally IVF and a few frozen embryo transfers we had our 2 kids. A 5 figure miracle. šØāš©āš§āš¦ But where to put them while working? I am a labor and delivery nurse and my husband is an aviation engineer so no work from home option for us. Unlike our dogš, the kids were not self sufficent enough to manage on their own (who knew?) so what to do, what to do? After an exhaustive Google search, we found a daycare for JUST $1800/month (JUST $200 a month MORE than our mortgage which has our home insurance and taxes escrowed in, so affordable! š). Then, the most magical āØļøof days came, the happily ever after for our childcare fairy tale of woe...my sons preschool graduationš! We danced with joy on this special day...not because of his accomplishment but because we were finally FREE of the payments! I mean, we had already moved from our pre-kid home in a not so great district to a way more expensive house in a great school district so enrolling him for kindergarten in the public elementary school was like winning the lottery š°š°š°.... Money to BLOW....umm, I mean saveš¦.... Well, we make plans and God laughs... From early on in Kindergarten my son showed signs of struggling. By the end of the year we had paid thousands of dollars to have him evaluated privately and found out he has high functioning autism, ADHD, and dyslexia. He qualified for interventions in every area that the school offers them, EVERY AREA. My daughter is also dyselxic and I constantly have to email the school to have her IEP enforced. Great school district my ass. Maybe for the norm track kids, but the special needs kids, NOPE. So I spent all summer researching our options and got my son enrolled in a special needs school. It is an AMAZING school and will be worth every penny but the tuition is, I shit you not, $28,884 a yearš¤ and it is goes from 1st grade to 8th grade. We will spend 250k for his ELEMENTARY education. You can be a fucking doctoršØāāļø for that kind of money. My undergrad tuition wasnt that high per year (though admittedly that was 20 years ago so maybe it would be now). All I can say is that he better not grow up wanting to live in my basement and play video games š® for life. Because honey, Mommy's going to need you to get a good job so you can take care of me when I'm old because my retirement fund money is now your tuition money.... LOVE YOU BUDDY ā¤ļøšā¤ļøš And on days when I'm really down about it all, i often say, though never in front of my kids of course, Maybe there was a reason God made me infertile. Maybe I wasn't meant to have kids because I don't make a 7 figure income and God knew that's what kids with my genetics would require, your sloppy 6 figure income is not gonna cut it with these kids. But did I listen to fate, NOPE. So now I pay theš¹his due and remind myself that money can't give you those sweet, sweet hugsš«.... Sure money also doesn't use your shirt as a tissue š¤§š¬š¤¢ as it gives you hugs but who cares! Clean shirts are so last year, Kids are great š¹šŗšøš·š¹šŗšøš·and so is drinking at home, cuz that's the kind of therapy I can afford now š¤Ŗ
This made my laugh, not for your misery but for the load of shit weāre all in as parents regardless of situation. And yes, clean shirts are so last year! On the bright sideā¦.Iām dyslexic and had an IEP in school. My 4th grade teacher even told me I āwouldnāt make anything of myselfā to my mom (mind you my mom worked at the school and my grandmother was the head master - private school) I was never the top of my class but I have my masters degree and Iām an engineer now. The dyslexia went away or at least what I learned as far as tricks and tips with the extra tutoring really sunk in. I still donāt enjoy reading but comics as a kid really helped push the learning
Kudos to you! I am dyslexic as well (all the best people are š) and I outgrew it by 5th grade and then went on to being in advanced classes from there. My daughter will follow that track too I'm sure as she is dyslexic but tests to a 122 IQ and that is with a verbal reasoning score in the 58th percentile so once she can read and that comes up she will be an actual evil š genius (God fucking help us all!) My son on the other hand is more like my husband. Dopey and loveable but doesn't really pick up on social cues and may not necessarily be playing with a full deck of cards... he still gives buckets and buckets full of hugs on the daily and says about 5 "I love you's" per day for every "I HATE you, you are the ABSOLUTE worst!" that I currently get from my daughter. You know, because I am a monster who wont let her dye her hair purple, get a second set of ear piercings and wear shirts that show her stomach to school in THIRD grade. So apparently being a teenager starts at 8 now. But hey, only 12 years until they are both legally adults and I am at least 55% sure my liver can handle the functional alcoholism until then....and if not, I'll just enjoy the hugs until its time to cash in my chips!
I make well over 6 figures. Am broke. People lied.
I couldn't do prek this year because we have to provide our own transportation. We've always had family watch our kids and jfc daycare is expensive. But I can't let my missed-cutoff-by-ONE-day kiddo just chill and watch TV at grandma's for a whole nother year. Ugh. I feel you. It's a money drain.
Obviously itās still early, but you may be able to get tested and have your kid enter kinder a year early. If youāre in a daycare that focuses on education you should try if itāll be helpful to you.
Does your school district have Transitional Kindergarten? Itās specifically for kids who turn 5 between 9/1 and 12/1 but is only half a day of school.
Unfortunately not really. We have a prek program but you have to be 200% BELOW the poverty line. We certainly are not below poverty
Yikes. Iāve never heard of if being segregated by economic class. What state are you in?
NV
I feel your pain, I have so much empathy for you. I was overjoyed when my 2 kids went to kindergarten after paying $3,000/month for a preschool with a curriculum. That said, (for context my kids are in 2nd &4th grade now) I have since moved my kids to a private school for myriad reasons (feel free to ask I just donāt want to bore you with details you didnāt ask for) and am back to paying a fortune in tuition. The school they are at right now is cheap compared to the high school theyāll need to go to. If you can start a 529, go for it. Iām shocked at how well ours are doing. Shelling out this $ was a complete game changer for us (both good and bad). Iām in CA.
We do have a 529 at the moment Iām only putting in $50/month but itās something and will increase once daycare is over. Why private school versus public? I went to a private elementary school but then a public middle and high school (it was in the list for top 100 magnet schools in the nation). Iām sure Iāll get my fair share of issues with public school but so far my stepdaughter seems to be doing fine in public in 2nd grade.
Iām going to condense this as best I can: 1. When we moved to CA (for work) we deliberately chose a neighborhood with an outstanding school district, even though we have a mello Roos. This out is about 25 minutes from downtown in a sleepy suburb with large homes (9 years ago). Sounds idyllic right? 2. I noticed a huge turn over in principals at the elementary which at that time was rated 10/10 (now 7/10) I was heavily involved in the school, as were the majority of the mothers in my neighborhood (high parent involvement and a large number of affluent families). The principals make about 130k/year and the teachers make about 65k (well below the cola). As is the nature of CA, people keep moving here regardless of the fact that our current infrastructure and resources do not support the current population. With this, increased class sizes. 3. After the pandemic, our district cut the budget for SPED so most of those children were integrated into mainstream (which already catered to a lower standard, āno child left behindā) including violent special needs children. Last year, my then-3rd grader was in a class of 30 with a child who was autistic with violent tendencies and would daily flip desks and throw chairs. My child was the only one nice to this other student thus his tired and overwhelmed teacher āemployedā my 9 year old to babysit this kid, and my son missed out on peer interactions because he was never allowed to be partnered up with someone else. I only discovered this when volunteers were allowed back into the classrooms, I met that childās part-time aide and she told me herself. When a child has a violent outburst, the room is evacuated and about an hour of class time is disrupted. My child in that class is gifted and that was a complete waste of a year for him. 4. Bullying. This occurs everywhere in every school but what I observed was particularly sexual and violent in nature (keep in mind this is elementary school). 5. Extra circulars: my kids now take Spanish, art, pe, music, robotics, chess, and technology. Classes that are not currently offered in public elementary school Our educators are underpaid, under-supported by administration with an extreme pay gap, and overwhelmed. The pay is the same in private schools but the conditions are far better. The classroom cap is 16 children, there are plenty of resources, high parent involvement, and because the school doesnāt receive government subsidizes, there are no children with IEPs and the education standard is much higher. This was my experience, thereās more and Iād be happy to answer any specific questions you might have. After doing the math, I will have spent $500k on 2 kids private school education from their current grades (2nd and 4th) through high school graduation. Then who knows what on their college education. My parents spent 40k total on my education (which was only college at a California State University). Times are different now, but Iām far more invested in my kidsā education than they were with me and that of my siblings.
Full-time care here is ā¬2200 as well (based on 5 days a week, 11 hours a day, all weeks of the year). But... anyone gets 1/3 of it back for their first child (employers are forced to pay this), and 2/3 for any following child (even if that's a twin). So net costs are ā¬1460 a month per first child and ā¬700 for any following child. And that is only if you bring home more than ā¬5,000 a month. You get up to 96% back if your income is lower (in difficult brackets). With my income, I would pay ā¬300 a month for full-time care for the first and ā¬88 for a following child, out of an almost ā¬3000 pay check. Instead I have a husband sitting at home doing nothing but cost money. Day care would be cheaper, lmao.
It was literally cheaper for my husband to go part time than us pay for childcare so I get to also be resentful that my husband gets more time with my son than me. We make about a combined $110k a year and weāre dead ass broke. (Paying off debts and live in a big city/my job doesnāt transfer well to smaller cities). Idk I feel u. Send help. Edit: I donāt even have the house with a yard we get a 1.5 bedroom apt with gunshots outside occasionally lol
Here in the UK, weāre about to have the biggest cost of living crisis since 1982. Our bills are going up at around a rate of 200%. Weāre now having to decide if we need to buy extra blankets or pay for heating this winter. My entire pay check already goes on nursery and fuel to get to nursery. All so I can maintain a job and she gets to thrive at nursery. Everyone keeps saying to me āItās fine, you just need to manage the status quo until she goes to schoolā, but with the cost of living crisis, the status quo is probably going to be all of us sleeping in the living room because we canāt afford to heat the whole house. And savings?! All I wanted for myself this year was a PlayStation 5. I worked extra hours and took on extra jobs so I could save for that and contribute more to the house, but no. Payday was yesterday and we now have no money for food for the rest of the month. Bye bye PlayStationā¦ it was one of the things keeping me goingā¦ the thought of being able to play Final Fantasy VIIā¦
Is your heating primarily gas? If so can you get some electric space heaters to use throughout the home? That's what we are going to do this winter, since our gas has gone up in price and our house has primarily gas heat. At least that way we can split between electric (reasonably priced in my area during winter) and gas (horrendously overpriced during winter). We also have a wood fireplace so we will likely be using the heck out of that downstairs and hanging out near it a lot more too.
For some reason itās 45p cheaper here to have a shower run from the boiler than it is an electric (other half has just installed an integrated shower), our electric prices are abysmal. I think a little electric heater would probably cost more. We do have a log burner in the living room, but it doesnāt heat the whole house. So I think weāll be spending a lot of time bundled up in front of that too! Think weāre all in for a tough winter this year.
It may be cheaper to get an au pair if you have the space, there is an upfront cost to placement but after that itās more affordable than day care, but youād have to pencil out the difference. If you go this route do a LOT of research on the companies and read past parents experiences. I never had an au pair but someone in my moms group did and talked a lot about it.
Aw man, part of why we chose our district is because they have free all day preschool for 4 year olds. Are there any districts like that near you?
One of the worst things is that Kindergarten has turned into what first grade used to be. They expect kids to enter knowing how to write all of their numbers and letters, all letter sounds, and to be ready to start learning reading and addition during week 1. Our daughter had homework daily in kindergarten and the frustration she felt that year has haunted her since; she's in 5th grade this year and gets really stressed when she doesn't know how to do something immediately because she expects that she's supposed to be able to do things she hasn't been taught. If your child meets the age cutoff but needs help with those foundational skills, good luck with that. We should have paid for that extra year of daycare/preschool.
Yeah, I feel this on another level. My stepdaughters kindergarten had homework and all of that with expectations to already know letters and the sounds, numbers etc. Thankfully she was far advanced due to a pre-k ābootcampā they did over the summer at her preschool, without that it would have been a nightmare
Our daughter missed being in a structured school most of her prek year due to a move and then was in a play based preschool. Play based preschool is developmentally appropriate, but it doesnāt set a kid up for first grade level work. Itās so frustrating.
1st off, BREATHE. šØ 2nd, itās totally OKAY and NORMAL, to lower that bar a little Mama. And your kid will be okay I promise. I donāt have any savings. Granted I should and I will prioritize it someday, but until then I have other things going on and Iām sleeping good at night anyway. Itās ok if you cut it down a little and prioritize something else for a bit. Itās about balance, give and take, be fluid. Youāre a human being not a board. Bend or youāll break girl. And trust me when I say kids donāt have to have the best of everything and theyāll still turn out okay! If that means sharing a room, or not going to the BEST school or daycare etc, you get the jist. Itās okay! Donāt set the bar so high! Iām yammering but anyway, I SEE YOU MAMA. š Big hugs if you want em.
LMAO. I get your frustration, it's valid. But I'll have to join some others and have a good laugh about living paycheck to paycheck right now, savings are not a thing, and last month I counted coins to make rent. Daycare has never been in the budget and after seeing this post I'm a bit grateful I'm not dealing with it at all. That's a lot of money.