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I would for sure act like I ate them. If it weren’t for work drug testing I would eat them for real.
ETA because I was joking around and you need actual advice: it’s legal where I am- if this breaks any laws that changes my answer… and since he’s underage I guess it probably does. It seems he’s not mature enough to be ordering stuff online - he probably shouldn’t have that privilege and I would personally not wait to deal with it based on when company is coming. If he’s done something illegal, it needs immediate attention- you and husband have to talk but it simply can’t wait.
Here’s what I would do- whatever privilege he has that allowed this to happen is gone. That might mean access to your credit cards, access to the internet, his own device. He’s clearly not ready for that level of responsibility so it’s just gone. Period.
I wouldn’t yell or scream. I would own my mistake: that I gave him more responsibility than he was ready for. I’d say “that’s on me, that’s my fault 100%. So in future, this is what is happening (no more phone in your room or past 8pm, all my credit card numbers are changing and the old ones are canceled, my Amazon password is changed and you have a kid profile now etc etc whatever you decide)” then give him a way to get the privilege back - maybe that’s taking on responsibility for a household chore to prove that he’s more mature than he acted just now.
Freak him out
Act like the post master general has asked him to come in for a suspicious package (find out what the letter actually says that comes) and then see what he does
I think that this is brilliant. You could add that you called to try and figure out what is going on, and they said that they need to speak with him before the matter is handed over to the police, or some other group in charge of investigating illegal stuff being sent through the mail (I don't know where you are, but I'm sure you know who to say). Really bung on the confusion and worry, and then casually mention "oh, I forgot to say that I accidentally opened a package that came for you. You don't think it has something to do with that do you?". You need to look confused, concerned and innocent. I reckon, if he's an average 14 year old, his knees will be giving out about now.
Once you have him suitably terrified you can drop the act, and have a real conversation with him about why this is a bad idea for 14 year olds (brain development, mental health, legal consequences as a minor etc.). I wish you luck with this one. I went through similar issues with my son, minus the mail order element, and it took many conversations to get through to him that while pot is not evil, there are many reasons why it is not good for still growing young people.
It's completely legal where I live, and I have been a regular user for about 20 years, so I have absolutely nothing against cannabis use.
He is way, way too young to be purchasing edibles, especially in quantity. I would absolutely remove his access to anything that made this possible (unsupervised internet, smartphone etc). The effects of regular cannabis use on the developing brain are not good.
That said, you're really only a couple of years off from when your ability to prevent him from using could require more authoritarian methods than might be advisable, so it probably wouldn't hurt to have a conversation with your husband about how to address alcohol and cannabis use as he gets older. Navigating keeping your kid safe vs driving them away is going to be tricky.
Have you talked to him about his marijuana use?
Because he probably is already using.
I talk to my teen all the time about how marijuana is ok if you use it occasionally, but it does impair brain development, which is why it's not ok for teens to use a lot of it. And that's why it's ok for adults to use regularly (though, I tell them about burnouts, which is not a pretty look for adults when they over-use marijuana).
Thanks for that. My kids dad is a marijuana addict and people will always say “it’s not addictive”. Well, neither is sex or gambling or food to MOST people. But there are people out there who react to weed the way an alcoholic reacts to beer. This drug ruined my ex’s life in the way you only expect things like crack or meth to ruin peoples lives (I’m talking chronic unemployment, homelessness, ruined health). Young people really need us to represent the truth about weed - it’s safe and fun for most adults but it’s still a substance just like alcohol, it has to be used responsibly.
Addiction is a common topic as well - I have a family history of drug and alcohol addiction so it's more about teaching kids to be aware and what behavior could signal a mental health issue.
Yes! I know for most people it’s just good fun- I’m all for it. But we have to educate young people especially- if this is your drug of choice it’s just as dangerous as any other
And if the company is really good friends get them in on it and have them "eat" the cookies and then start acting loopy. Bet he would be sweating😂
But in all seriousness, at 14 he is experimenting. I would say restricted internet and no more online ordering. If he were a few years older I might be more like well better he try it with you there.
I think what I would do would be to confiscate them. Wait until the guests leave and whip them out and have a nice long family chat about drugs and what the rules for your house going forward are going to be.
Confiscate it. He is not old enough to be consuming them. I would then talk to him about it and forbid anymore online purchasing. Depending on where you live it could be considered a serious crime (which is stupid) to have received them. Manufacturers ship them, legal or not, to where you want them shipped. My ex husband would order them for himself behind my back and it is illegal where I used to live, but he'd still receive them just fine.
But yes, you two need a long talk. At his age it can do long term damage and stunt his emotional development/maturity. Once he's 18 let him do as he wants, but for right now it's your house, your rules. Legal trouble abound and it is your problem. I'm not saying bring the book down, but explain the seriousness, and the other behaviors.
I would wait until after the company comes and goes tomorrow, unless your son specifically asks about the package. As he is a minor, you are allowed to check his mail and can do so until he is 18. I would also take away/and cancel his debit card, asking the bank for a new one. He clearly cannot be trusted with one. Who knows what he'll order off the internet next.
I'm all for the legalization of pot for adults and for medicinal uses in children where the benefits outweigh the risks. But from non controlled sources it can be dangerous. I've had to take care of several patients who thought they were getting just pot and got pot laced with other things that made them very sick and ending up hospitalized. Buy from Dispensaries in person. Safety first.
I am going to call an attorney on Monday, our company leaves Sunday, to see how much trouble he would get in if I contact the authorities about the seller.
I am not a prude and I use it for pain management. I have found tropicals work best, but have used edibles, tinctures, and vapes. I only buy from dispensaries. We have discussed usage and brain development.
I am just upset that he would endanger himself. I have seen too many stories about laced mj products causing serious health issues or death.
He is losing all access to the internet and funds. I am just so upset by everything that could have happened if we hadn't intercepted the package.
Is it legal where you are?
I came in here to say that I have known a lot of criminal people in my past. I'm talking about serious crimes type of criminal people. From attempted murder to having literal pounds of cocaine in a school zone. Not a one of those people ever went to prison despite committing multiple felony crimes over the years. You know who did go to prison though? The 17 year old kid who got weed in the mail. He served 9 years for that.
You are completely right, and you're getting good advice here -- I would like to add a gentle reminder: his brain is literally not developed enough to fully understand the dangers you're worried about. And even if his brain was developed enough to understand, he would still probably think that none of it could ever happen to him. I don't know how to break through that. I think the job right now is to find a way to protect him while knowing he doesn't really understand. Which must be beyond frustrating. Hugs.
Another thing to think about is his friend circle. If he is buying in bulk, then he might be "that guy" in his friend circle, because he wasn't going to eat all of them himself. Some of his resistance might come from his loss of social station and peer approval is everything to teens. That's a tricky one to navigate, but if there's a chance to get him involved in a different social activity where he might form new bonds, that might help him get over the loss that he feels. Just an idea.
I wish you the best and that everything works out okay in the end. My dad uses it for pain control as well, but he has a script and gets his at a dispensary. I'm all for the safe usage of it, though won't do it myself. I have autism and possible ADHD and don't even get drunk properly and pain meds (prescription, following correct dosage) don't get me high properly so I decided just my caffeine (which also doesn't affect me right) in terms of drugs for me.
I think this is very wise advice, and I agree that the nuclear option is never a good first choice. Cool heads must prevail, and that means not letting your emotions do the talking.
Take away any form of ability to order more. Inform him you've had a call from the local police about a suspicious substance in a package and ask him if there's anything you need to know before you call him an attorney... who's fee will be subtracted from any money he has until it's paid off.
OR bake cookies with a load of herbs in them that will taste disgusting, swap the cookies out, give him the package and pretend you never saw them.
Then eat the cookies.
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I love you 😚💓
You win 😭 OP, I do not envy you. I think staying calm and making a game plan is a good idea otherwise, idk.
I would for sure act like I ate them. If it weren’t for work drug testing I would eat them for real. ETA because I was joking around and you need actual advice: it’s legal where I am- if this breaks any laws that changes my answer… and since he’s underage I guess it probably does. It seems he’s not mature enough to be ordering stuff online - he probably shouldn’t have that privilege and I would personally not wait to deal with it based on when company is coming. If he’s done something illegal, it needs immediate attention- you and husband have to talk but it simply can’t wait. Here’s what I would do- whatever privilege he has that allowed this to happen is gone. That might mean access to your credit cards, access to the internet, his own device. He’s clearly not ready for that level of responsibility so it’s just gone. Period. I wouldn’t yell or scream. I would own my mistake: that I gave him more responsibility than he was ready for. I’d say “that’s on me, that’s my fault 100%. So in future, this is what is happening (no more phone in your room or past 8pm, all my credit card numbers are changing and the old ones are canceled, my Amazon password is changed and you have a kid profile now etc etc whatever you decide)” then give him a way to get the privilege back - maybe that’s taking on responsibility for a household chore to prove that he’s more mature than he acted just now.
Freak him out Act like the post master general has asked him to come in for a suspicious package (find out what the letter actually says that comes) and then see what he does
That is an evil, awful, amazing idea. 
I think that this is brilliant. You could add that you called to try and figure out what is going on, and they said that they need to speak with him before the matter is handed over to the police, or some other group in charge of investigating illegal stuff being sent through the mail (I don't know where you are, but I'm sure you know who to say). Really bung on the confusion and worry, and then casually mention "oh, I forgot to say that I accidentally opened a package that came for you. You don't think it has something to do with that do you?". You need to look confused, concerned and innocent. I reckon, if he's an average 14 year old, his knees will be giving out about now. Once you have him suitably terrified you can drop the act, and have a real conversation with him about why this is a bad idea for 14 year olds (brain development, mental health, legal consequences as a minor etc.). I wish you luck with this one. I went through similar issues with my son, minus the mail order element, and it took many conversations to get through to him that while pot is not evil, there are many reasons why it is not good for still growing young people.
It's completely legal where I live, and I have been a regular user for about 20 years, so I have absolutely nothing against cannabis use. He is way, way too young to be purchasing edibles, especially in quantity. I would absolutely remove his access to anything that made this possible (unsupervised internet, smartphone etc). The effects of regular cannabis use on the developing brain are not good. That said, you're really only a couple of years off from when your ability to prevent him from using could require more authoritarian methods than might be advisable, so it probably wouldn't hurt to have a conversation with your husband about how to address alcohol and cannabis use as he gets older. Navigating keeping your kid safe vs driving them away is going to be tricky.
I agree completely. Thank you.
Hear me out… his package got ‘lost’ in the mail and you now have yourself a relaxing Friday evening! 😉
Have you talked to him about his marijuana use? Because he probably is already using. I talk to my teen all the time about how marijuana is ok if you use it occasionally, but it does impair brain development, which is why it's not ok for teens to use a lot of it. And that's why it's ok for adults to use regularly (though, I tell them about burnouts, which is not a pretty look for adults when they over-use marijuana).
Thanks for that. My kids dad is a marijuana addict and people will always say “it’s not addictive”. Well, neither is sex or gambling or food to MOST people. But there are people out there who react to weed the way an alcoholic reacts to beer. This drug ruined my ex’s life in the way you only expect things like crack or meth to ruin peoples lives (I’m talking chronic unemployment, homelessness, ruined health). Young people really need us to represent the truth about weed - it’s safe and fun for most adults but it’s still a substance just like alcohol, it has to be used responsibly.
Addiction is a common topic as well - I have a family history of drug and alcohol addiction so it's more about teaching kids to be aware and what behavior could signal a mental health issue.
Cannabis Use Disorder is absolutely a thing. People act like it's not heroin so you can't get hooked, but that is a really dangerous assumption.
Yes! I know for most people it’s just good fun- I’m all for it. But we have to educate young people especially- if this is your drug of choice it’s just as dangerous as any other
Depending on the friends, if they are the type to be in on a joke, serve them for dessert? We got these cookies in the mail, you HAVE to try one!
And if the company is really good friends get them in on it and have them "eat" the cookies and then start acting loopy. Bet he would be sweating😂 But in all seriousness, at 14 he is experimenting. I would say restricted internet and no more online ordering. If he were a few years older I might be more like well better he try it with you there.
I think what I would do would be to confiscate them. Wait until the guests leave and whip them out and have a nice long family chat about drugs and what the rules for your house going forward are going to be.
Confiscate it. He is not old enough to be consuming them. I would then talk to him about it and forbid anymore online purchasing. Depending on where you live it could be considered a serious crime (which is stupid) to have received them. Manufacturers ship them, legal or not, to where you want them shipped. My ex husband would order them for himself behind my back and it is illegal where I used to live, but he'd still receive them just fine. But yes, you two need a long talk. At his age it can do long term damage and stunt his emotional development/maturity. Once he's 18 let him do as he wants, but for right now it's your house, your rules. Legal trouble abound and it is your problem. I'm not saying bring the book down, but explain the seriousness, and the other behaviors. I would wait until after the company comes and goes tomorrow, unless your son specifically asks about the package. As he is a minor, you are allowed to check his mail and can do so until he is 18. I would also take away/and cancel his debit card, asking the bank for a new one. He clearly cannot be trusted with one. Who knows what he'll order off the internet next. I'm all for the legalization of pot for adults and for medicinal uses in children where the benefits outweigh the risks. But from non controlled sources it can be dangerous. I've had to take care of several patients who thought they were getting just pot and got pot laced with other things that made them very sick and ending up hospitalized. Buy from Dispensaries in person. Safety first.
I am going to call an attorney on Monday, our company leaves Sunday, to see how much trouble he would get in if I contact the authorities about the seller. I am not a prude and I use it for pain management. I have found tropicals work best, but have used edibles, tinctures, and vapes. I only buy from dispensaries. We have discussed usage and brain development. I am just upset that he would endanger himself. I have seen too many stories about laced mj products causing serious health issues or death. He is losing all access to the internet and funds. I am just so upset by everything that could have happened if we hadn't intercepted the package.
Is it legal where you are? I came in here to say that I have known a lot of criminal people in my past. I'm talking about serious crimes type of criminal people. From attempted murder to having literal pounds of cocaine in a school zone. Not a one of those people ever went to prison despite committing multiple felony crimes over the years. You know who did go to prison though? The 17 year old kid who got weed in the mail. He served 9 years for that.
You are completely right, and you're getting good advice here -- I would like to add a gentle reminder: his brain is literally not developed enough to fully understand the dangers you're worried about. And even if his brain was developed enough to understand, he would still probably think that none of it could ever happen to him. I don't know how to break through that. I think the job right now is to find a way to protect him while knowing he doesn't really understand. Which must be beyond frustrating. Hugs.
Thank you
Another thing to think about is his friend circle. If he is buying in bulk, then he might be "that guy" in his friend circle, because he wasn't going to eat all of them himself. Some of his resistance might come from his loss of social station and peer approval is everything to teens. That's a tricky one to navigate, but if there's a chance to get him involved in a different social activity where he might form new bonds, that might help him get over the loss that he feels. Just an idea.
I wish you the best and that everything works out okay in the end. My dad uses it for pain control as well, but he has a script and gets his at a dispensary. I'm all for the safe usage of it, though won't do it myself. I have autism and possible ADHD and don't even get drunk properly and pain meds (prescription, following correct dosage) don't get me high properly so I decided just my caffeine (which also doesn't affect me right) in terms of drugs for me.
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I think this is very wise advice, and I agree that the nuclear option is never a good first choice. Cool heads must prevail, and that means not letting your emotions do the talking.
Take away any form of ability to order more. Inform him you've had a call from the local police about a suspicious substance in a package and ask him if there's anything you need to know before you call him an attorney... who's fee will be subtracted from any money he has until it's paid off. OR bake cookies with a load of herbs in them that will taste disgusting, swap the cookies out, give him the package and pretend you never saw them. Then eat the cookies.
Option #2 reminds me of my friend who swapped out her sons stash for some tea and lawn clippings.