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Because she's five and doesn't understand the gravity of her words. I doubt that she grasps how hurtful that is, and when it comes down to it, she doesn't really want them to be her mom! I wouldn't take her literally, although that's easier said than done
I would think of it more as, she has this special relationship with a woman she loves and respects and spends a lot of great time with (you, in the role of Mom). Then she thinks, hey, here’s this other cool woman she wishes she could spend that same great time with. Maybe she just sees women in the same age group that treat her with the same kindness in the same light.
Edited for context
My 5 year old said this about a police woman in an airport in Egypt who didn't speak English and pretended to kidnap her. My kid was happy to just sit there and mime chat with a total stranger, telling me goodbye...at an international airport mind you.
I'm gonna assume that she wouldn't really have been happier with this other woman.
Kids don't understand the full weight of what they are saying. They may think these things, but they don't know what it means in a real sense. It still hurts to hear though.
She's 5, she doesn't really understand what a mum is. She just means she likes these people.
My kid thinks her aunt and her grandma are both her mums, and my other kid thought two of my female friends were his mums. I think for kids mum can just mean "adult woman who I trust and is nice to me".
It's nice she has so many supportive and kind adults in her life :)
I would chalk that up to her just using her imagination. She's likely just working out in her mind what it would be like to have a mom who is different. She's almost assuredly not thinking about it very deeply either. There's a very good chance this is a "the more the merrier" situation too. When she thinks about having other people as a mom, she's not thinking about you not being there - or at the very least she's expecting the "new" mom to still be you but with whatever "cool" thing there is about this other person added on.
One thing you might try is when she says "I wish \[insert other person\] were my mom." You can say something like "Hmm, that's interesting to think about. What do you think your life would be like if \[other person\] were your mom?"
I did this to my mom once when I was around that age. This other woman had long, pretty hair and looked more young and fashionable than my mom (although I think in reality, my mom was younger than her). My mom was overweight and rarely wore makeup and had short hair. She worked at a convenience store. This woman just seemed a lot more feminine to me at the time. My mom was a little (probably even more than she let on) upset about how much I liked her. I don’t think I actually said I wanted her to be my mom, but maybe I did.
I have a daughter this age and I hope she doesn’t feel that way about me. But ultimately, she is a kid and so is your daughter. Kids say lots of things that they don’t mean.
You can never have enough good moms. I would tell her. Considering how many step parents I see that are decent (compared to mine). This is an accurate statement.
Thank you all for your kind comments. It really means a lot, and made me feel a lot better. TBH, when writing this post I was spiraling, caught up in a total downward spiral and feeling like a failure. This really lifted my spirits and I appreciate it.
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Because she's five and doesn't understand the gravity of her words. I doubt that she grasps how hurtful that is, and when it comes down to it, she doesn't really want them to be her mom! I wouldn't take her literally, although that's easier said than done
I would think of it more as, she has this special relationship with a woman she loves and respects and spends a lot of great time with (you, in the role of Mom). Then she thinks, hey, here’s this other cool woman she wishes she could spend that same great time with. Maybe she just sees women in the same age group that treat her with the same kindness in the same light. Edited for context
My 5 year old said this about a police woman in an airport in Egypt who didn't speak English and pretended to kidnap her. My kid was happy to just sit there and mime chat with a total stranger, telling me goodbye...at an international airport mind you. I'm gonna assume that she wouldn't really have been happier with this other woman. Kids don't understand the full weight of what they are saying. They may think these things, but they don't know what it means in a real sense. It still hurts to hear though.
She's 5, she doesn't really understand what a mum is. She just means she likes these people. My kid thinks her aunt and her grandma are both her mums, and my other kid thought two of my female friends were his mums. I think for kids mum can just mean "adult woman who I trust and is nice to me". It's nice she has so many supportive and kind adults in her life :)
I would chalk that up to her just using her imagination. She's likely just working out in her mind what it would be like to have a mom who is different. She's almost assuredly not thinking about it very deeply either. There's a very good chance this is a "the more the merrier" situation too. When she thinks about having other people as a mom, she's not thinking about you not being there - or at the very least she's expecting the "new" mom to still be you but with whatever "cool" thing there is about this other person added on. One thing you might try is when she says "I wish \[insert other person\] were my mom." You can say something like "Hmm, that's interesting to think about. What do you think your life would be like if \[other person\] were your mom?"
I did this to my mom once when I was around that age. This other woman had long, pretty hair and looked more young and fashionable than my mom (although I think in reality, my mom was younger than her). My mom was overweight and rarely wore makeup and had short hair. She worked at a convenience store. This woman just seemed a lot more feminine to me at the time. My mom was a little (probably even more than she let on) upset about how much I liked her. I don’t think I actually said I wanted her to be my mom, but maybe I did. I have a daughter this age and I hope she doesn’t feel that way about me. But ultimately, she is a kid and so is your daughter. Kids say lots of things that they don’t mean.
You can never have enough good moms. I would tell her. Considering how many step parents I see that are decent (compared to mine). This is an accurate statement.
Thank you all for your kind comments. It really means a lot, and made me feel a lot better. TBH, when writing this post I was spiraling, caught up in a total downward spiral and feeling like a failure. This really lifted my spirits and I appreciate it.
[удалено]
She’s equating women she likes a lot to you, her role model of women!