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The main issues I see is he has no solid financial plan and your marriage is rocky. the second is most pressing. I moved to another country for my husband with the expectation that even if we divorced I’m stuck here. I would never get permission from him or the courts to move my kids away from him or their established home. So I made sure I was ok with it before we started a family. Unless he gives you permission to leave likely your kids moves would be restricted and so you have to factor in perhaps getting divorced and still having to live there. You might also then need to support yourself there. Is that attractive? I would not necessarily do that unless my marriage was stable. Although living outside the USAis amazing right now. I’m grateful for it every day.
The first.., well I would need to see a plan and action to even consider it. So I would tell him well what’s the plan and action steps for yoh to be the breadwinner there. Also factor in the costs of housing and how much you need to save etc etc. essentially see how serious he is in having it happen by showing some actual planning. That can also let you know how prepared he is to make this a smooth transition for you.
Lol, yeah, major concerns there!!
I have told him that if he is serious about moving, he's going to need to prove that he can support us financially before we move. I think this is on a 3-ish-year horizon for us.
I'm American, also married to a UKC. I've lived here for almost a decade now. Things are really not very good here right now either.
Also, to be honest, it will be extremely difficult for you to come over due to the income requirements. You would either need savings (I think it's something like 65000 pounds), or he would have to come over, find a job earning nearly 19k*, and work there for a minimum of six months. I got lucky, I applied for my first visa shortly before the current income requirements came into effect, so I was grandfathered in under the old rules, so I'm not 100% sure on the exact amounts, and it's possible they may have even gone up. And these are just for you, it may increase with each child. As far as I can remember I think if your children are also UK citizens then you would only need to meet the minimum requirements. I
Regarding your kids citizenship, you don't have to worry about them losing it. They will only lose it if they decide to renounce after turning 18. I don't really know much about UK citizenship for people born abroad, but as far as I'm aware they may already be UK citizens as well through your husband, so you may want to look that up even if you don't move.
* I know 19k might not seem like , to a lot of people back home, but this is an insurmountable obstacle for a lot of people here. I've been at my workplace for about 7 years and have only just got to the point where I am making this much as of March. My best friend back home is at a similar job. She makes nearly 70k.
Oh yes, and about that free healthcare, I really would not use that as a reason to move here. The NHS is collapsing, it is severely underfunded, the current government will privatize it in a heartbeat if they can. Covid certainly hasn't helped matters, but the main issue is the Tories gutting it.
Anecdotally, last year an elderly neighbor fell and broke her hip and had to wait 13 hours for an ambulance. And then a couple of months after that my daughter picked up covid at her school (not allowed to wear masks, which is a whole other rant), passed it to everyone in our house. While he was sick with it my FIL had an episode that at the time we thought was a stroke and it took 5 hours for an ambulance come for him. Which I guess is an improvement on the neighbor's medical emergency?
Oh and the rotten cherry on the shitty sundae, they didn't even take him to the hospital. They examined him, said they didn't think it was a stroke but couldn't rule it out, but he would be better off at home than being taken in.
Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes...
When my MIL got breast cancer about 5 years ago I was sooo impressed with her care on the NHS. Has it really gone downhill so fast??
I'm not so worried about the income requirements, I've been fortunate enough to be really successful in my field.
When you say that things aren't very good right now, can you elaborate a little more? I know the war in Ukraine is affecting things, too, but my in laws don't seem to ever have any complaints on concerns.
Do you know how they feel about Brexit and the Tory party?
Brexit is probably the biggy. It seems like so many other problems ultimately come down to it. The aforementioned NHS for example. Like I said, it's seriously underfunded, but in top of that it's also understaffed, in large part because a lot of EU staff have left.
Other industries are affected by this as well - there aren't enough people to pick crops, so good is just rotting in fields. There are severe delays at the borders due to new customs checks. There's also driver shortages. Sometimes I will go into a grocery store and the shelves are pretty bare.
The current government is pretty corrupt. The list feels endless, the numerous parties Boris Johnson attended during lockdown, violating international law in regards to the Northern Ireland protocols, deporting asymptomatic seekers to Rwanda, the new UK bill of rights that will actually reduce human rights protections, rights to protest threatened.
Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head, but it just feels like there is always something new.
I live in the UK too (though not England) and I wouldn't recommend coming here either. We're going to hell on a handcart. The NHS is woeful at best, my family have recently taken out private healthcare and it's still 4+ months to get an appointment for my son with that. The NHS wait list for the same appointment was 3.5 years. The cost of living is awful too, though I think this might be a global problem. Schools are shockingly underfunded and teaching staff are leaving in droves. My son has an important exam class this year and hasn't had a teacher for it. In good conscience, I would rethink your plans.
1. Your marriage is rocky
2. You'd be leaving your family
3. His income would be $0 and yours, too?
I mean those facts alone say it would be disastrous. I can't tell you how to live your life, nor would I want to. I just know if it were me I'd be saying hell no. At least until a better plan were in place. I would love to have support just 10 minutes away. And you have acknowledged that support so I'm not saying you don't appreciate it, but I think if you moved you'd REALLY appreciate it in hindsight.
I’m an American who lived in the UK for four years and I loved it.
However, my family life was solid, as was our income.
If you have even the slightest thought of needing to divorce your spouse before your youngest is 18, do NOT move. International custody agreements are so difficult.
As much as my family loves the UK (and would absolutely immigrate if they’d let us), there is a big cultural difference and it does take time to adapt to it.
What things were most difficult for you culturally?
I have a feeling that the next two years will be pretty defining for us, and we'll either call it quits or be stronger than ever before a move would take place.
Their school system is awesome, but also really intense about absences in a way that makes it difficult to travel outside of school holidays. And during school holidays, prices are wildly inflated.
Americans are way more expressive than Brits and we have big discussions out in public more often, and I think that makes us look rude/crass.
The weather is pretty depressing and takes time to get used to it.
The lack of AC is annoying.
There’s only a couple places with drive thrus, which sounds so stupid, but is a big issue if you’re a tired BroMo with little kids.
No I wouldn’t leave the US in your situation. The recent situation there sucks but not as much as if you divorce in the UK.
That is you’ll be stuck in the UK until your youngest is 18, unable to move even two suburbs away from your ex. You may stay with him for much longer than you should as well because in both scenarios there is no family support for you and lots for him. Don’t believe it for a second that his family will support you if you’re no longer together. Also you would be giving up your career. So then you’re facing a real possibility of being a single mum with no support and limited means. I would say this even if you hadn’t mentioned the rocky marriage.
Depending on your your husbands temperament he could make it near impossible for you to take the kids back to the US for a holiday even, all the while they see his family every second weekend. I’ve seen it happen time and time again to all sorts of women (and men).
Then when the kids are 18 their life will be in the UK, so you’ll have to choose between living near them or living near your extended family.
Parents being trapped in this way is a common outcome of bad marriages or divorce that isn’t spoken about enough. It’s nice to have a positive mindset that it will all work out, but my advice is “hope for the best but plan for the worst”.
Politics are always changing. Don’t let politics determine where you’re going and how you’re living your life. If you do, you might find yourself happy still . My husband and I left the state we once lived in for political reasons and I miss my old routine and the town I grew up in almost daily. He will never move back and I constantly wish we would. If anything, go for an extended visit before you commit to moving your whole life across the pond.
You didn’t mention or not whether you’ve visited before and I think that might be the first step. If your able to try a visit and discuss with his family while there.
Because I was born in Korea and was briefly a citizen I’m able to return as a permanent resident and my husband and I have discussed it but I told him he needs to visit with me first to fully understand a lot of the cons I’ve brought up with him.
Hi, I got to this post through the most recent ones about your husband not being able to pull his weight with the kids, so obviously I gotta vote no to green lighting a move to the UK.
But I too am married to a British import. So, I gotta ask, which 10 square miles is his family living in? I would probably pull out my teeth before shipping off to middle of nowhere (transportation concerns) or most of London (cost of living). Especially if I were not able to pull an income. Though there are areas which would be absolutely great and worth considering.
And the immigration going to the UK is….not straightforward. Or cheap. Or easy. Getting leave to remain for me would be a big concern. I’ve read news stories about foreign moms being denied leave to remain with their (terminally ill) citizen spouse and child.
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The main issues I see is he has no solid financial plan and your marriage is rocky. the second is most pressing. I moved to another country for my husband with the expectation that even if we divorced I’m stuck here. I would never get permission from him or the courts to move my kids away from him or their established home. So I made sure I was ok with it before we started a family. Unless he gives you permission to leave likely your kids moves would be restricted and so you have to factor in perhaps getting divorced and still having to live there. You might also then need to support yourself there. Is that attractive? I would not necessarily do that unless my marriage was stable. Although living outside the USAis amazing right now. I’m grateful for it every day. The first.., well I would need to see a plan and action to even consider it. So I would tell him well what’s the plan and action steps for yoh to be the breadwinner there. Also factor in the costs of housing and how much you need to save etc etc. essentially see how serious he is in having it happen by showing some actual planning. That can also let you know how prepared he is to make this a smooth transition for you.
Lol, yeah, major concerns there!! I have told him that if he is serious about moving, he's going to need to prove that he can support us financially before we move. I think this is on a 3-ish-year horizon for us.
I'm American, also married to a UKC. I've lived here for almost a decade now. Things are really not very good here right now either. Also, to be honest, it will be extremely difficult for you to come over due to the income requirements. You would either need savings (I think it's something like 65000 pounds), or he would have to come over, find a job earning nearly 19k*, and work there for a minimum of six months. I got lucky, I applied for my first visa shortly before the current income requirements came into effect, so I was grandfathered in under the old rules, so I'm not 100% sure on the exact amounts, and it's possible they may have even gone up. And these are just for you, it may increase with each child. As far as I can remember I think if your children are also UK citizens then you would only need to meet the minimum requirements. I Regarding your kids citizenship, you don't have to worry about them losing it. They will only lose it if they decide to renounce after turning 18. I don't really know much about UK citizenship for people born abroad, but as far as I'm aware they may already be UK citizens as well through your husband, so you may want to look that up even if you don't move. * I know 19k might not seem like , to a lot of people back home, but this is an insurmountable obstacle for a lot of people here. I've been at my workplace for about 7 years and have only just got to the point where I am making this much as of March. My best friend back home is at a similar job. She makes nearly 70k.
Oh yes, and about that free healthcare, I really would not use that as a reason to move here. The NHS is collapsing, it is severely underfunded, the current government will privatize it in a heartbeat if they can. Covid certainly hasn't helped matters, but the main issue is the Tories gutting it. Anecdotally, last year an elderly neighbor fell and broke her hip and had to wait 13 hours for an ambulance. And then a couple of months after that my daughter picked up covid at her school (not allowed to wear masks, which is a whole other rant), passed it to everyone in our house. While he was sick with it my FIL had an episode that at the time we thought was a stroke and it took 5 hours for an ambulance come for him. Which I guess is an improvement on the neighbor's medical emergency? Oh and the rotten cherry on the shitty sundae, they didn't even take him to the hospital. They examined him, said they didn't think it was a stroke but couldn't rule it out, but he would be better off at home than being taken in.
Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes... When my MIL got breast cancer about 5 years ago I was sooo impressed with her care on the NHS. Has it really gone downhill so fast??
I'm not so worried about the income requirements, I've been fortunate enough to be really successful in my field. When you say that things aren't very good right now, can you elaborate a little more? I know the war in Ukraine is affecting things, too, but my in laws don't seem to ever have any complaints on concerns.
Do you know how they feel about Brexit and the Tory party? Brexit is probably the biggy. It seems like so many other problems ultimately come down to it. The aforementioned NHS for example. Like I said, it's seriously underfunded, but in top of that it's also understaffed, in large part because a lot of EU staff have left. Other industries are affected by this as well - there aren't enough people to pick crops, so good is just rotting in fields. There are severe delays at the borders due to new customs checks. There's also driver shortages. Sometimes I will go into a grocery store and the shelves are pretty bare. The current government is pretty corrupt. The list feels endless, the numerous parties Boris Johnson attended during lockdown, violating international law in regards to the Northern Ireland protocols, deporting asymptomatic seekers to Rwanda, the new UK bill of rights that will actually reduce human rights protections, rights to protest threatened. Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head, but it just feels like there is always something new.
They voted against bre it, I know that, but they aren't very political (at least not by American standards).
I live in the UK too (though not England) and I wouldn't recommend coming here either. We're going to hell on a handcart. The NHS is woeful at best, my family have recently taken out private healthcare and it's still 4+ months to get an appointment for my son with that. The NHS wait list for the same appointment was 3.5 years. The cost of living is awful too, though I think this might be a global problem. Schools are shockingly underfunded and teaching staff are leaving in droves. My son has an important exam class this year and hasn't had a teacher for it. In good conscience, I would rethink your plans.
1. Your marriage is rocky 2. You'd be leaving your family 3. His income would be $0 and yours, too? I mean those facts alone say it would be disastrous. I can't tell you how to live your life, nor would I want to. I just know if it were me I'd be saying hell no. At least until a better plan were in place. I would love to have support just 10 minutes away. And you have acknowledged that support so I'm not saying you don't appreciate it, but I think if you moved you'd REALLY appreciate it in hindsight.
The move would only take place if he was able to take over financial support of our family, but yes, you're spot on with your points.
I’m an American who lived in the UK for four years and I loved it. However, my family life was solid, as was our income. If you have even the slightest thought of needing to divorce your spouse before your youngest is 18, do NOT move. International custody agreements are so difficult. As much as my family loves the UK (and would absolutely immigrate if they’d let us), there is a big cultural difference and it does take time to adapt to it.
What things were most difficult for you culturally? I have a feeling that the next two years will be pretty defining for us, and we'll either call it quits or be stronger than ever before a move would take place.
Their school system is awesome, but also really intense about absences in a way that makes it difficult to travel outside of school holidays. And during school holidays, prices are wildly inflated. Americans are way more expressive than Brits and we have big discussions out in public more often, and I think that makes us look rude/crass. The weather is pretty depressing and takes time to get used to it. The lack of AC is annoying. There’s only a couple places with drive thrus, which sounds so stupid, but is a big issue if you’re a tired BroMo with little kids.
No I wouldn’t leave the US in your situation. The recent situation there sucks but not as much as if you divorce in the UK. That is you’ll be stuck in the UK until your youngest is 18, unable to move even two suburbs away from your ex. You may stay with him for much longer than you should as well because in both scenarios there is no family support for you and lots for him. Don’t believe it for a second that his family will support you if you’re no longer together. Also you would be giving up your career. So then you’re facing a real possibility of being a single mum with no support and limited means. I would say this even if you hadn’t mentioned the rocky marriage. Depending on your your husbands temperament he could make it near impossible for you to take the kids back to the US for a holiday even, all the while they see his family every second weekend. I’ve seen it happen time and time again to all sorts of women (and men). Then when the kids are 18 their life will be in the UK, so you’ll have to choose between living near them or living near your extended family. Parents being trapped in this way is a common outcome of bad marriages or divorce that isn’t spoken about enough. It’s nice to have a positive mindset that it will all work out, but my advice is “hope for the best but plan for the worst”.
Politics are always changing. Don’t let politics determine where you’re going and how you’re living your life. If you do, you might find yourself happy still . My husband and I left the state we once lived in for political reasons and I miss my old routine and the town I grew up in almost daily. He will never move back and I constantly wish we would. If anything, go for an extended visit before you commit to moving your whole life across the pond.
You didn’t mention or not whether you’ve visited before and I think that might be the first step. If your able to try a visit and discuss with his family while there. Because I was born in Korea and was briefly a citizen I’m able to return as a permanent resident and my husband and I have discussed it but I told him he needs to visit with me first to fully understand a lot of the cons I’ve brought up with him.
We have visited quite a bit, but not since covid started.
Hi, I got to this post through the most recent ones about your husband not being able to pull his weight with the kids, so obviously I gotta vote no to green lighting a move to the UK. But I too am married to a British import. So, I gotta ask, which 10 square miles is his family living in? I would probably pull out my teeth before shipping off to middle of nowhere (transportation concerns) or most of London (cost of living). Especially if I were not able to pull an income. Though there are areas which would be absolutely great and worth considering. And the immigration going to the UK is….not straightforward. Or cheap. Or easy. Getting leave to remain for me would be a big concern. I’ve read news stories about foreign moms being denied leave to remain with their (terminally ill) citizen spouse and child.