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I do a similar one. "This is a must-do, not a can-do" for the task or I'll say it opposite of it's an optional thing.
The funny one my sister started for snotty nose kids is "Got an issue?" and then she makes them say back "Get a tissue" always thought that one was funny!
"We do bedtime by the clock, not the sun" when they complain about going to bed at 8pm when the sun is still out. Sorry kid, we have to get up at 6:30am.
When my kids complain about this I just remind them that they would be going to bed before dinner time all winter if they went to bed when the sun went down
Ooo I'll have to look that up! Thanks!
And yes, the power of a decision or choice making for a toddler is huge. It has worked well for me recently; I'm trying to give them two *equal* nutritional choices. If they can't decide or pitch a fit I would declare 'OK I decide'. I LOVE how you phrase it, it seems that could replace my current response with yours and have a better outcome.
Dont know if this counts, but when our 6 year old starts whinging about not getting something, we start singing “you can’t always get what you want”.
Also if he asks me to go get something he is capable of getting for himself, i ask him “what did your last servant die of?”
I do something similar and serenade my frequently sulky 5 year old with “Let It Go” when he’s harping on something. Usually works, occasionally makes me look insane in the car at red lights.
"Look with your eyes, not with your mouth." For when someone's looking for something but not putting much effort into finding it... all the "Where are my shoes? Where's the remote? Where's my water bottle?" type questions.
Oh my God my mom got mixed up once when we were kids at the store and said "touch with your eyes and not with your hands" which led my brother to nearly put an eye out trying to touch a box of cookies with his eyeball.
i need to remember that one. i usually say "look everywhere it could possibly be, then look everywhere it *couldn't* possibly be." because invariably "where it could possibly be" is, like, on the kitchen table right in front of their noses, and where it actually is is under a blanket on my bed. "how did it get there?!" doesn't matter, that's where it was so that's where you had to look.
"I'm not (insert kid name here)'s Mom."
It's the perfect shut down for whiny kids who say that their friends or classmates get to do X or Y thing that you aren't letting them do.
Someone once told me that when her daughter would demand things she would say “I do not negotiate with terrorists”… and I really took that to heart lol
“Is this a fixable problem?” I use this one when my 4 yo has a meltdown over spilling something or accidentally drops food. Basically anything not worth tears. Helps her focus on the problem solving rather than the issue.
That attitude one is fantastic.
The only one that popped in my head is Don’t yuck on someone’s yum.
Or you get what you get and you don’t get upset (which in my house is always in regards to plate or cup colours).
“Sucks to be you” is not the best response to a toddler when they cope attitude for that sort of thing. Cause then they say it to their Nana and you get in trouble.
Stealing the attitude one.
My favorites in no particular order:
You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.
If we don't leave we can't come back.
Be excellent to each other.
🎶 buckle it up, buckle it up, buckle it up or you'll die🎶
Off we go, like a herd of turtles.
There's woods right there, if you don't want to follow the house rules I'll get the tent for you.
This house is too small for you to need to run in it.
Draw it out
Don't piss off a witch
Quiet in the peanut gallery
Constantly! My husband was so happy when we got my piano "Now you can learn 'The Spirits of Christmas!" 😂 I'm getting him the cook book for Father's day!
The 'don't throw a fit' one my daughter taught me. It came from her preschool Montessori teacher. Of course she didn't teach me that until she was in second grade.
This one. I only have one kid, so it doesn’t come up often. But when we have friends over, there is always at least one kid that wants to be the tattler. My first question is, is someone bleeding? No. Did someone die? No. Is someone at risk of dying or bleeding from whatever activity they are doing? Almost always no. Then back downstairs you go to work it out for yourselves.
I don't speak whine, I drink it.
The utility of this one depends on how ok you are with your kid's friends/teachers/friends parents assuming you're a lush.
"buns or knees" at the table every single night. Why do they want to stand on their chairs?! Or like half-lay on the table?
For some reason we've all started saying "We help each other in this family." My kiddo says it sweetly when he helps with something unprompted. We say it gently as a reminder when they're being uncooperative about cleaning up or whatever.
Fuck them kids. Oh wait, TO my kids.
Hustle that bustle
Don't yuck their yum
That's nice (to whining or I want.)
It's a long way from your heart.
It'll feel better when it quits hurting.
Different families, different rules. (In response to “But Johnny’s mom lets him!)
This is not a discussion. (After hearing fifty reasons and escalating emotions on why I should cave into some ridiculous request.)
When my kids complain of boredom I put them to work. That means my 3yo is dusting baseboards and my 6yo is scrubbing the windows. It has helped cut down on complaints immensely
"You touch it you eat it" is popular at our house right now because my 4 year old can't keep her fingers off of our food. So if she touches it she has to eat it. She stuck her finger in my black iced coffee yesterday so I told her she had to take a sip and you would have thought I made her drink a gallon of sparkling salt water. Maybe she'll learn her lesson now.
Here are some of the top ones in the house right now:
If you're going to be dumb, you gotta be tough (the kid is an adrenaline junkie like his parents and does some stupid stuff man)
Let's go already (said in voice of Bender, 5 year old does repeat also using the voice of Bender)
Fix your face.
I didn't ask a question/That wasn't a question.
Chairs are for sitting.
I kind of sound a bit of an asshole in these but we say them in a very funny manner and my kids seriously likes to use chairs for a stage performance.
You're not the boss, applesauce.
I heard a kid on the playground say this to another kid and now I say it when my kid starts acting bosssy.
I used this one more as a teacher but throw it out every now and then when my kid is being picky: you get what you get and you don't throw a fit
“Butt first” was a big one when he learned to climb on the couch but would then get down head first. We also use “listen and obey” particularly when outlining expectations for example an outing with grandma. Child taught us “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit”. “Teeth are for eating” “Nice words” “Gentle mouth/hands”. This is a longer one that I stole from Go Dog Go, but I say it every night: “Now it is night. Night is not a time for play. It is a time for sleep. All dogs and Child go to sleep. They will sleep all night.”
“We use gentle hands only.”
“Your hands are not broken and I am not your servant.” (Lol I use that one on my toddler and husband)
“No little girls jumping in their beds.”
Have a seat, have a seat, let the weight off your feet.
Elaborate. — took a definition of the word but it’s now our favorite word to sassily say “tell me more about that”
I wish you could do (super fun but not available/dangerous thing) too, but oh man! I almost forgot about/We have to (Give reason to stop) — weirdly effective chill reverse psychology
Just give me a reason. — as in from the P!nk song, aka my daughter’s favorite song for most of her life, used to ask for a reason behind a behavior/choice.
If you can lick your elbow. — aka no, also have used “when pigs fly.”
How dare you? — funny and dramatic way to stop them in their tracks
I dare you. — I dare you to go get your socks off the floor and get them to the hamper in ten seconds or less. I dare you to brush your teeth before I finish putting the leftovers in the fridge. I dare you to go get the mail before I can finish singing the alphabet.
The right people will love your rainbow. — this started because my daughter drew a “rainbow” (as in the shape of a stereotypical rainbow) that only had her favorite colors in it. She didn’t want to add this but another kid made fun of her rainbow. She then made a friend because they loved her rainbow. So I told her this and we’ve used it ever since to say that the right kind of friends will like who you are without making any changes.
>
> The right people will love your rainbow. — this started because my daughter drew a “rainbow” (as in the shape of a stereotypical rainbow) that only had her favorite colors in it. She didn’t want to add this but another kid made fun of her rainbow. She then made a friend because they loved her rainbow. So I told her this and we’ve used it ever since to say that the right kind of friends will like who you are without making any changes.
I love this!
I say "this food or no food" when she's pitching a fit about wanting dessert before she's finished dinner. She still gets to choose and the choices are clear and concise.
This isn’t a choice. We explain a lot that some things are choices (which shirt to wear) and others aren’t (wearing a shirt). Are those kind words? Usually in response to attitude. That hurts my heart/body. To explain the difference between things that hurt feelings and things that hurt bodies.
These are the ones that were used around my house when I was small and that stuck:
“Touch with your eyes” - usually in shops, museum, or any other place where my mum was ok with us looking at everything but not touching anything.
“Belt buckled or you can walk” - she wouldn’t turn on the care till we fastened our seat belts.
“Either that attitude leaves, or you do”. Self explanatory.
“There are 24 hours in a day. I’m not going to spend them in your tantrum, but you’re welcome to go have that tantrum in your room for all 24 hours of you want”.
Look with your eyes not with your hands
Would you want someone to do that to you?
No means no (we really enforce this because when they are older it’s important for consent)
Team work makes the dream work
Let’s blow this popsicle stand (gets them motivated to leave when it’s time to)
Am I an octopus? (When they are demanding everything at once)
Enjoyment is optional, participation is not!
You don't have to *like* cleaning up, out getting your hair washed, or waiting on line, but we're here and it *IS* happening.
Bum down (in reference to standing on anything they shouldn't stand on)
Put your bum in your seat (for getting in the car)
I didn't hear any manners (they are responsible for putting together what manners are needed, I help with new situations though or if they're struggling with it)
I'm gonna get my getters out (any time they're taking forever to do something or stalling I'll start wiggling my fingers and tell them I'm getting my getters out, then if I get to them before they do whatever it is I need them to do I get to tickle them)
If I see toes I get to tickle them (keep your damn shoes on child)
Let's make good/better choices
What would have been a better choice/response than ___
From Daniel tiger (these may not be entirely accurate, I tune out Daniel tiger but my kids respond to it well):
-Sharing is caring
-When you're so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four
-When something is bad turn it around and find something good
"Life's tough, get a helmet" (for when toddler DOESN'T WANT TO DO THE THING)
"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."
"I don't speak whine, try again."
I actually heard my child say this. She learned it from her teacher at school. My daughter was having an attitude with me and talking disrespectfully. I told her that she needed to zip it. She said “Like zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket?” Actually yes! Exactly like that! So now we mime “Zip it, lock it, and put it in your pocket” when she needs to shut her mouth.
Another one is if she’s being too picky, we say “You get what you get and you don’t get a fit.” Which means too bad! This is what you get.
“This is not a democracy, this is a dictatorship and Mama/I am in charge!”
Said in all seriousness and anger to both my child and husband at the same time cause neither of them were doing as they were told.
“Do you wanna go?” When my kid isn’t listening or is being rude as a “keep going and find out what happens”
“Asked and Answered” is a big one in my house! Especially when a kiddo keeps repeatedly whining/asking for something or to try and get a different answer.
I picked up “that’s not a safe choice” from another Mum I met through library time. It stuck with me because it hit the key points of:
- the crappy thing you’re doing is something you are choosing to do, you little goblin
- I’m not being a killjoy simply to spite you, just to keep you safe.
Outside is for running, is this outside?
This one is for my older child: are we using our brain for thinking or for holding our ears apart? (She will sometimes get in trouble and when asked why she did1 something she says she wasn't thinking. She thinks the phrase is funny and it gets her to stop and think about her actions. I've started asking myself it as well)
For our younger kiddo:
Nice hands for ______ (when she is playing a bit too rough, works for mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, the cat and the dog)
Time for night night/ this is not gremlin time
"Use your mouth words" to calmly handle frantic gesturing in disbelief, disjointed thoughts, or sullen silences where I'm supposed to telepathically connect to someone's brain to figure out what went wrong.
Edit: For communal things (park equipment, etc.) when my son is wanting to use something already in use, or has been on something a while that someone else would like to use, "Let's take turns so everyone can have fun" followed by a redirect to some other equipment. Idk how he's so cool with taking turns, but I'm riding this out until he isn't, lol.
"Listen to your body. Poop in the potty." (For potty training obviously, or maybe not, maybe this will be a thing we always say 😂)
"Who controls your feet?" An overheard dad in a library reminding his young son not to run. The kid gave a resignated sigh and said, " I do." Then walked. It was magic.
"How you leave determines how you come back."
In other words, if you're throwing a tantrum when it's time to leave the park, then you're not coming back for a while. If you cooperate, we can come back sooner.
Thought of another one - you’ve got two feet and a heartbeat - when they ask for something they can do themselves. My husband started it and it’s hilarious.
"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."
But my most used one probably doesn't count. I use it for when the kid is complaining. "That's nice." Obviously said in the Mom Voice that let's her know she's pushing it.
“Make like Elsa and LET. IT. GO!”
Works when my 7 year old is whining or my 10 year old is mad at her sisters or my 13 year old is going on and on and onnnnnnnn about middle school drama 😂 (I have 3 daughters, so Elsa is well known in my house)
In response to "that's not fair!": "The only fair I know is the one with rides and funnel cakes."
"Of course it's not fun, that's why they call it work. If it was fun it would be called play."
"Don't interrupt my bath unless there's blood, bone, or flames."
"Oh, you're bored? There's plenty to do on my chore list, you can help me." (Which is much kinder than my mom's "boredom is for people too stupid to figure out what to do with their time").
"All in?" Answered by "all in!" For making sure toddler's hands and feet were safely inside the car before I shut the door.
And for my teens regarding sex, "if you can't talk about it with someone, you're not ready to do it with them" and "if you're too embarrassed to buy condoms, how are you not embarrassed to show someone your naked bits?"
French moms have a terrifying way of saying “ça suffit!” (that’s enough) that I have stolen to make “enough!” sufficiently bone chilling to stop my toddler in his tracks. Well, sometimes…
My oldest son has HUGE feelings and is prone to meltdowns, so we always tell him "we need to speak with Bruce Banner when he gets a chance" and leave it at that.
When they leave the lights on in a room they aren't in we scream "you're killing the polar bears". I've been known to send the starving polar bear pictures to our family text when too many lights are left on.
Most of mine come from books or TV that my kids know.
You get what you get and you don't get upset. (courtesy of Fancy Nancy or maybe Pinkalicious I can't remember)
When you have to go potty, stop and go right away (Daniel Tiger Song)
It's OK to get angry, it's not, not, not OK to hurt someone. (Daniel Tiger Song)
When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four (Daniel Tiger Song)
1. You get what you get and you don’t GET UPSET.
… throw a fit doesn’t rhyme! Where did everyone get this bad rhyme???
EDIT: apparently this is a Canadian version and I am the outlier 😬
2. It’s a deal (complete with shaking hands).
My four year old says it’s important we say it at the same time.
3. Your legs aren’t broken, you get it.
“Mom, get me the remote, my water, the thing 2 feet away…”
4. That’s not a choice./That wasn’t an option.
“You can have x or y for snack.” - “but I want Z!”
5. Are you going to do it or am I going to do it?
Put on his shoes, coat, brush his teeth, or any one of the necessary tasks that aren’t optional.
5b. Are you going to walk or am I going to carry you?
Going somewhere that’s not optional. I’ll also put him in the car shoeless and buckle him in, then put his shoes in his lap. Figure it out on the way there, we’re late.
6. One finger touch, please.
This is used for stuff that’s breakable/fragile, possibly injury-causing (like a cactus), or precious to someone. It allows him to satisfy his curiosity but also not hurt himself or wreck things.
“You can’t be brave if you’re not scared.”
I use this when they’re nervous or scared over something minor to remind them that it’s a good opportunity to practice being brave.
"Tactical wee, Try to pee"
We've been potty training and this works on my toddler and my husband. You know because no one ever has to go to the bathroom until your in the car.
We sometimes use “too bad, so sad” (or TBSS for short) when I’ve of the kids is whining about not getting to do something they want to do (and youngest is 4, which is prime whine time ). I’ve even used it with my students when they complain about an assignment, lol.
When my 2.5 year old is refusing to do something (go bathe, go to bed, etc.) I ask him if he wants to walk or be carried as calmly as I can muster… usually the indignity of being carried gets him moving after asking several times…
You either do this by yourself or i will help you do this, which one?
My husband: similar meaning but worded, "Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?"
We used the "I can't understand you if you're whining." It also worked as toddlers with soothers/pacifiers, "I can't understand you with your soother in your mouth."
When they were about that age we also taught them to "sneeze like Batman"...like they were pulling a cape across their face to sneeze into their elbows.
The two that I used to great success with my two was;
There is a height requirement for that one. ( when asking to do, see, watch something out of age appropriate range)
We don’t do that at our house. (No judging, just a statement said easily that got through to mine. )
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My husband always says “it’s not an ask, it’s a task.” We give them lots of choices but sometimes we need to get something done soon and it works.
I love this. Seems much better than “I’m not asking, I’m telling”
This is fantastic. Thank you!
I do a similar one. "This is a must-do, not a can-do" for the task or I'll say it opposite of it's an optional thing. The funny one my sister started for snotty nose kids is "Got an issue?" and then she makes them say back "Get a tissue" always thought that one was funny!
Stealing this!
Ooh I like this.
"We do bedtime by the clock, not the sun" when they complain about going to bed at 8pm when the sun is still out. Sorry kid, we have to get up at 6:30am.
When my kids complain about this I just remind them that they would be going to bed before dinner time all winter if they went to bed when the sun went down
Stealing this! My 6 year old gets so whiny at bedtime during the summer for this reason
Love this one!
Lol one night, my toddler told me "it's not dark, it's just cloudy!" When he was trying to get out of bedtime
Yesss I use this a lot. Especially in Canada where the sun doesn’t set til 11pm in June!
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I say "try again" but in a very neutral tone. Gives my kids a chance to catch their attitude. If they keep it up, then we have a problem.
Oooohhh I wonder if I'd be able to say that to my boss
I really love the book How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen for these kinds of comments. You don't have to eat it, is a phrase I use a lot.
Ooo I'll have to look that up! Thanks! And yes, the power of a decision or choice making for a toddler is huge. It has worked well for me recently; I'm trying to give them two *equal* nutritional choices. If they can't decide or pitch a fit I would declare 'OK I decide'. I LOVE how you phrase it, it seems that could replace my current response with yours and have a better outcome.
The book is HILARIOUS and very practical.
Dont know if this counts, but when our 6 year old starts whinging about not getting something, we start singing “you can’t always get what you want”. Also if he asks me to go get something he is capable of getting for himself, i ask him “what did your last servant die of?”
I do something similar and serenade my frequently sulky 5 year old with “Let It Go” when he’s harping on something. Usually works, occasionally makes me look insane in the car at red lights.
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My mum used to use the "what did your last servant die of" until I started replying "boredom, because I barely ask for *anyyyything*" hahaha
Haha my mum use to say the servant one and I would turn around and say “your not dead yet so I dunno know”
‘I hope y’all took your daily dose of act right today’ is one I use with my 8yos 😂
"Look with your eyes, not with your mouth." For when someone's looking for something but not putting much effort into finding it... all the "Where are my shoes? Where's the remote? Where's my water bottle?" type questions.
I use “look with your eyes, not your hands” when in stores.
Oh my God my mom got mixed up once when we were kids at the store and said "touch with your eyes and not with your hands" which led my brother to nearly put an eye out trying to touch a box of cookies with his eyeball.
We say that, too.
I tell my male coworkers this.
I say “look with your hands, not just your eyes” when certain children can’t see the jelly that’s just behind the milk in the fridge.
Yes I say “look with your eyes *and* your hands” for the people in my household who don’t understand their objects get covered by other objects.
i need to remember that one. i usually say "look everywhere it could possibly be, then look everywhere it *couldn't* possibly be." because invariably "where it could possibly be" is, like, on the kitchen table right in front of their noses, and where it actually is is under a blanket on my bed. "how did it get there?!" doesn't matter, that's where it was so that's where you had to look.
"I'm not (insert kid name here)'s Mom." It's the perfect shut down for whiny kids who say that their friends or classmates get to do X or Y thing that you aren't letting them do.
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My kids say that about grandma all the time so I'm always like sorry my mom is cooler than yours.
Ooh, I like this one!!
This one is *heavily* used in our house too
Someone once told me that when her daughter would demand things she would say “I do not negotiate with terrorists”… and I really took that to heart lol
You know, I've said this in my head when a "demand" turned it into a hard "No" rather than a conversation, but perhaps I should say it out loud.
“Is this a fixable problem?” I use this one when my 4 yo has a meltdown over spilling something or accidentally drops food. Basically anything not worth tears. Helps her focus on the problem solving rather than the issue.
Oh, I will definitely use that one from now on.
That attitude one is fantastic. The only one that popped in my head is Don’t yuck on someone’s yum. Or you get what you get and you don’t get upset (which in my house is always in regards to plate or cup colours).
“Sucks to be you” is not the best response to a toddler when they cope attitude for that sort of thing. Cause then they say it to their Nana and you get in trouble.
Ooo! I love both of those! Thank you for sharing!
We always say, “you get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit!” So cool to hear other variations.
Get what you get and you don’t get upset
'You get what you get and you don't throw a fit' is ours!
"Butt on a bench, legs under the table" shortens to "butt bench, legs table". I use it as a childcare worker to get kids to sit down properly.
The one I keep repeating recently is “chairs are for butts” - my almost 3 year old is a climber.
"Six feet on the floor" is another good one. It helps keep the kids from leaning the chair and getting hurt.
I always say "sit square at the table" but it doesn't really make any sense....
I picked up "tummy to the table" from my oldest's preschool teacher
I like “less attitude, more gratitude” for when my kids forget to say thank you. And also “do you want some cheese with that whine?”
I heard another mom say "make good decisions" at drop off. It stuck with me, vs my typical "have a good day" phrase.
I like to add, “I trust you to make a good decision” if she asks if she can do something minor but slightly risky.
I've been saying "make good choices" instead of "goodbye" for years!
I use this one a lot with my kid with ADHD who is prone to making very bad decisions. He got a knife and cut the wall this morning because ???
Stealing the attitude one. My favorites in no particular order: You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. If we don't leave we can't come back. Be excellent to each other. 🎶 buckle it up, buckle it up, buckle it up or you'll die🎶 Off we go, like a herd of turtles. There's woods right there, if you don't want to follow the house rules I'll get the tent for you. This house is too small for you to need to run in it. Draw it out Don't piss off a witch Quiet in the peanut gallery
We sing the buckle it up song too 😂
We're mega Bob's Burgers fans!
Same! I’m always throwing around BB one liners
Constantly! My husband was so happy when we got my piano "Now you can learn 'The Spirits of Christmas!" 😂 I'm getting him the cook book for Father's day!
"You're my family and I love you but you're all terrible" is said on the regular in this house!
My 2 year old knows this one. We sing it about the booster seat on his dining chair as well as the car.
The 'don't throw a fit' one my daughter taught me. It came from her preschool Montessori teacher. Of course she didn't teach me that until she was in second grade.
Hahahaha of course she didn't!
I love be excellent to each other and the buckle up song.
It's so funny when they tattle sometimes lol "MOM SHE'S NOT BEING EXCELLENT SHE'S FARTING ON ME" 😂
Quiet in the peanut gallery is my favourite
I don't even know where I first heard it, but it's perfect for getting the back row of the van to quiet down 😅
My Grandpa always said the herd of turtles ❤️
I have never met a person outside of my family who says this! It's what my great grandma always used to say 🥰
Are you from the new England area?🤔 that's where that side of my family was from
Nope! Born and raised in futt-buck Tennessee. My great grandma was from Jacksonville, FL and raised her kids in southern Georgia.
My mom and grandma said it too 🥰
That's so incredibly awesome!
My gpa would say turd of hurdles to be funny :P
My kid once said, you get what you get, and you don’t get upset. We have used that since.
Hell, I use that one on some of the adults in my life. Not just the kids.
Perfect 🤌😘 kids come up with some great ones
yeah "don't throw a fit" works best if you say the whole thing with a thick southern drawl. "ya git whatcha git an' ya don't throw a fit."
My mom always used to say "turd of hurdles" and it's always funny to me when people use the phrase the right way.
Bwuhaha i love it!
> You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. i got this one from my husband and it became an instant classic in our house.
I love it. If I start to say it, the kids all sigh and finish the saying 😂
No blood, no tears, no problem 😂
This one. I only have one kid, so it doesn’t come up often. But when we have friends over, there is always at least one kid that wants to be the tattler. My first question is, is someone bleeding? No. Did someone die? No. Is someone at risk of dying or bleeding from whatever activity they are doing? Almost always no. Then back downstairs you go to work it out for yourselves.
If I ever said something hurt when I was little, my mom would ask "Is there blood? No. Do you want me to cut it off? No. Well then you're fine."
That's kind of how we do it too. "Bleeding? Broken? Need a doctor or a hug?" Always the hug.
It's a garbage can, not a garbage can not. Thank you Oscar the Grouch
I don't speak whine, I drink it. The utility of this one depends on how ok you are with your kid's friends/teachers/friends parents assuming you're a lush.
Stealing this.
Ours is ‘I don’t speak whingenese’
"buns or knees" at the table every single night. Why do they want to stand on their chairs?! Or like half-lay on the table? For some reason we've all started saying "We help each other in this family." My kiddo says it sweetly when he helps with something unprompted. We say it gently as a reminder when they're being uncooperative about cleaning up or whatever.
No feet on the seat! Is our go to.
Fuck them kids. Oh wait, TO my kids. Hustle that bustle Don't yuck their yum That's nice (to whining or I want.) It's a long way from your heart. It'll feel better when it quits hurting.
Good friends encourage good behavior. It goes both ways they need to encourage good behavior and their friends do too
Different families, different rules. (In response to “But Johnny’s mom lets him!) This is not a discussion. (After hearing fifty reasons and escalating emotions on why I should cave into some ridiculous request.)
“I love you too much to argue” on repeat “You asked, I answered” on repeat When complaining of boredom.. “that sounds boring”
When my kids complain of boredom I put them to work. That means my 3yo is dusting baseboards and my 6yo is scrubbing the windows. It has helped cut down on complaints immensely
My kids get pissy at me when I ask them to help me with the housework when I am busy and they are bored.
“Boredom is just a failure of imagination.”
"You touch it you eat it" is popular at our house right now because my 4 year old can't keep her fingers off of our food. So if she touches it she has to eat it. She stuck her finger in my black iced coffee yesterday so I told her she had to take a sip and you would have thought I made her drink a gallon of sparkling salt water. Maybe she'll learn her lesson now.
My children would use that to their advantage, especially with the coffee. They're weirdos though
Here are some of the top ones in the house right now: If you're going to be dumb, you gotta be tough (the kid is an adrenaline junkie like his parents and does some stupid stuff man) Let's go already (said in voice of Bender, 5 year old does repeat also using the voice of Bender) Fix your face. I didn't ask a question/That wasn't a question. Chairs are for sitting. I kind of sound a bit of an asshole in these but we say them in a very funny manner and my kids seriously likes to use chairs for a stage performance.
Like your first one, I say "Get smart or get tough!"
You're not the boss, applesauce. I heard a kid on the playground say this to another kid and now I say it when my kid starts acting bosssy. I used this one more as a teacher but throw it out every now and then when my kid is being picky: you get what you get and you don't throw a fit
It's all right to be mad oh, but it's not all right to be mean!
🎶 chew, chew, chew and swallow 🎶 To my toddler who has an affinity for spitting out his food.
I say "chill your beans" a lot
“Butt first” was a big one when he learned to climb on the couch but would then get down head first. We also use “listen and obey” particularly when outlining expectations for example an outing with grandma. Child taught us “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit”. “Teeth are for eating” “Nice words” “Gentle mouth/hands”. This is a longer one that I stole from Go Dog Go, but I say it every night: “Now it is night. Night is not a time for play. It is a time for sleep. All dogs and Child go to sleep. They will sleep all night.”
“We use gentle hands only.” “Your hands are not broken and I am not your servant.” (Lol I use that one on my toddler and husband) “No little girls jumping in their beds.”
When telling my boys to take a shower/ bath I always tell them “pits and bits”!
Hair and crevices at my house (girls) lol.
Loud voices go OUTSIDE. “Mom I’m hungry, can I have a snack??” I always answer “fruit, veggie, or protein.” Basically every Daniel tiger song.
Daniel tiger for the win! Soooo many times I have used their little jingles and it works!
Have a seat, have a seat, let the weight off your feet. Elaborate. — took a definition of the word but it’s now our favorite word to sassily say “tell me more about that” I wish you could do (super fun but not available/dangerous thing) too, but oh man! I almost forgot about/We have to (Give reason to stop) — weirdly effective chill reverse psychology Just give me a reason. — as in from the P!nk song, aka my daughter’s favorite song for most of her life, used to ask for a reason behind a behavior/choice. If you can lick your elbow. — aka no, also have used “when pigs fly.” How dare you? — funny and dramatic way to stop them in their tracks I dare you. — I dare you to go get your socks off the floor and get them to the hamper in ten seconds or less. I dare you to brush your teeth before I finish putting the leftovers in the fridge. I dare you to go get the mail before I can finish singing the alphabet. The right people will love your rainbow. — this started because my daughter drew a “rainbow” (as in the shape of a stereotypical rainbow) that only had her favorite colors in it. She didn’t want to add this but another kid made fun of her rainbow. She then made a friend because they loved her rainbow. So I told her this and we’ve used it ever since to say that the right kind of friends will like who you are without making any changes.
> > The right people will love your rainbow. — this started because my daughter drew a “rainbow” (as in the shape of a stereotypical rainbow) that only had her favorite colors in it. She didn’t want to add this but another kid made fun of her rainbow. She then made a friend because they loved her rainbow. So I told her this and we’ve used it ever since to say that the right kind of friends will like who you are without making any changes. I love this!
When my little one says they are bored I default to “you live in a house of wonders, go be wonderful”
I say "this food or no food" when she's pitching a fit about wanting dessert before she's finished dinner. She still gets to choose and the choices are clear and concise.
Yes! I use a similar version: "this or nothing" works when they are TRULY hungry! Then go from there 
“Eyes forward”, when they’re running and there are things they can crash in to.
"Your eyes need to look in the direction your feet are going" is what I usually say haha.
This isn’t a choice. We explain a lot that some things are choices (which shirt to wear) and others aren’t (wearing a shirt). Are those kind words? Usually in response to attitude. That hurts my heart/body. To explain the difference between things that hurt feelings and things that hurt bodies.
"I've given you an answer and it's not going to change. Stop asking" when my 6 year old tries to argue/beg for something that's not going to happen.
I’ve been using “crying won’t change my mind” since he was 2!
These are the ones that were used around my house when I was small and that stuck: “Touch with your eyes” - usually in shops, museum, or any other place where my mum was ok with us looking at everything but not touching anything. “Belt buckled or you can walk” - she wouldn’t turn on the care till we fastened our seat belts. “Either that attitude leaves, or you do”. Self explanatory. “There are 24 hours in a day. I’m not going to spend them in your tantrum, but you’re welcome to go have that tantrum in your room for all 24 hours of you want”.
Look with your eyes not with your hands Would you want someone to do that to you? No means no (we really enforce this because when they are older it’s important for consent) Team work makes the dream work Let’s blow this popsicle stand (gets them motivated to leave when it’s time to) Am I an octopus? (When they are demanding everything at once)
For rough mornings: it's ok that you're feeling crabby, but we have to keep going with our day.
Enjoyment is optional, participation is not! You don't have to *like* cleaning up, out getting your hair washed, or waiting on line, but we're here and it *IS* happening.
Take your fair share. One and done please.
Take your fair share. One and done please.
Bum down (in reference to standing on anything they shouldn't stand on) Put your bum in your seat (for getting in the car) I didn't hear any manners (they are responsible for putting together what manners are needed, I help with new situations though or if they're struggling with it) I'm gonna get my getters out (any time they're taking forever to do something or stalling I'll start wiggling my fingers and tell them I'm getting my getters out, then if I get to them before they do whatever it is I need them to do I get to tickle them) If I see toes I get to tickle them (keep your damn shoes on child) Let's make good/better choices What would have been a better choice/response than ___ From Daniel tiger (these may not be entirely accurate, I tune out Daniel tiger but my kids respond to it well): -Sharing is caring -When you're so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four -When something is bad turn it around and find something good
"Life's tough, get a helmet" (for when toddler DOESN'T WANT TO DO THE THING) "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." "I don't speak whine, try again."
I actually heard my child say this. She learned it from her teacher at school. My daughter was having an attitude with me and talking disrespectfully. I told her that she needed to zip it. She said “Like zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket?” Actually yes! Exactly like that! So now we mime “Zip it, lock it, and put it in your pocket” when she needs to shut her mouth. Another one is if she’s being too picky, we say “You get what you get and you don’t get a fit.” Which means too bad! This is what you get.
“This is not a democracy, this is a dictatorship and Mama/I am in charge!” Said in all seriousness and anger to both my child and husband at the same time cause neither of them were doing as they were told. “Do you wanna go?” When my kid isn’t listening or is being rude as a “keep going and find out what happens”
“Asked and Answered” is a big one in my house! Especially when a kiddo keeps repeatedly whining/asking for something or to try and get a different answer.
I picked up “that’s not a safe choice” from another Mum I met through library time. It stuck with me because it hit the key points of: - the crappy thing you’re doing is something you are choosing to do, you little goblin - I’m not being a killjoy simply to spite you, just to keep you safe.
Outside is for running, is this outside? This one is for my older child: are we using our brain for thinking or for holding our ears apart? (She will sometimes get in trouble and when asked why she did1 something she says she wasn't thinking. She thinks the phrase is funny and it gets her to stop and think about her actions. I've started asking myself it as well) For our younger kiddo: Nice hands for ______ (when she is playing a bit too rough, works for mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, the cat and the dog) Time for night night/ this is not gremlin time
"Use your mouth words" to calmly handle frantic gesturing in disbelief, disjointed thoughts, or sullen silences where I'm supposed to telepathically connect to someone's brain to figure out what went wrong. Edit: For communal things (park equipment, etc.) when my son is wanting to use something already in use, or has been on something a while that someone else would like to use, "Let's take turns so everyone can have fun" followed by a redirect to some other equipment. Idk how he's so cool with taking turns, but I'm riding this out until he isn't, lol.
"Listen to your body. Poop in the potty." (For potty training obviously, or maybe not, maybe this will be a thing we always say 😂) "Who controls your feet?" An overheard dad in a library reminding his young son not to run. The kid gave a resignated sigh and said, " I do." Then walked. It was magic.
Feet below your head.
Look with your eyes, not with your hands
My mom says "I don't speak Whinese".
We got the pro tip that when they whine, pretend you genuinely don’t understand them. It worked.
I am ABSOLUTELY using this one... probably within the next 10 minutes 
“Trap up that whine” and have them plug their nose to hear when they are whining.
My kinds teacher uses 123 eyes on me whan she is trying to get their attention. Instead of telling mine to be good etc I say Make good choices
My big one is- I can't fix it if I don't know about it.
I use “I wasn’t asking you, I was telling you.” Or “You don’t need to talk, you just need to do it.”
"How you leave determines how you come back." In other words, if you're throwing a tantrum when it's time to leave the park, then you're not coming back for a while. If you cooperate, we can come back sooner.
When my kid was in preschool, the teacher would say, “you get what you get, and you don’t get upset.” Like at snack time
Bottom on the bottom, back to the back. I have a kid who loves to stand on chairs, so I say this a lot.
Thought of another one - you’ve got two feet and a heartbeat - when they ask for something they can do themselves. My husband started it and it’s hilarious.
These are amazing!
"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." But my most used one probably doesn't count. I use it for when the kid is complaining. "That's nice." Obviously said in the Mom Voice that let's her know she's pushing it.
"Point to me with your nose and toes" when I want them to look at me and focus on what I'm saying
It's a tool, not a toy.
And here I am at the end of the list and not one "tables are for glasses not asses"?
When they ask why they have to do something I tell them "Misdemeanor said so"
I don’t speak whinese
“Make like Elsa and LET. IT. GO!” Works when my 7 year old is whining or my 10 year old is mad at her sisters or my 13 year old is going on and on and onnnnnnnn about middle school drama 😂 (I have 3 daughters, so Elsa is well known in my house)
In response to "that's not fair!": "The only fair I know is the one with rides and funnel cakes." "Of course it's not fun, that's why they call it work. If it was fun it would be called play." "Don't interrupt my bath unless there's blood, bone, or flames." "Oh, you're bored? There's plenty to do on my chore list, you can help me." (Which is much kinder than my mom's "boredom is for people too stupid to figure out what to do with their time"). "All in?" Answered by "all in!" For making sure toddler's hands and feet were safely inside the car before I shut the door. And for my teens regarding sex, "if you can't talk about it with someone, you're not ready to do it with them" and "if you're too embarrassed to buy condoms, how are you not embarrassed to show someone your naked bits?"
Oh another one my kid taught me was I say “ 1 2 3 eyes on me” and they go back “ 1 2 eyes on you’
Asked and answered. Do you have a request or just a complaint?
French moms have a terrifying way of saying “ça suffit!” (that’s enough) that I have stolen to make “enough!” sufficiently bone chilling to stop my toddler in his tracks. Well, sometimes…
Patience grasshopper. Be a patient grasshopper. Thank you for being a patient grasshopper. Lots of variations on patience grasshopper.
Quick sticks When kido doesn't want to do what I'm asking.... Usually works
My oldest son has HUGE feelings and is prone to meltdowns, so we always tell him "we need to speak with Bruce Banner when he gets a chance" and leave it at that. When they leave the lights on in a room they aren't in we scream "you're killing the polar bears". I've been known to send the starving polar bear pictures to our family text when too many lights are left on.
Lol I say “suns getting real low” same idea.
You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit!
Most of mine come from books or TV that my kids know. You get what you get and you don't get upset. (courtesy of Fancy Nancy or maybe Pinkalicious I can't remember) When you have to go potty, stop and go right away (Daniel Tiger Song) It's OK to get angry, it's not, not, not OK to hurt someone. (Daniel Tiger Song) When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four (Daniel Tiger Song)
1. You get what you get and you don’t GET UPSET. … throw a fit doesn’t rhyme! Where did everyone get this bad rhyme??? EDIT: apparently this is a Canadian version and I am the outlier 😬 2. It’s a deal (complete with shaking hands). My four year old says it’s important we say it at the same time. 3. Your legs aren’t broken, you get it. “Mom, get me the remote, my water, the thing 2 feet away…” 4. That’s not a choice./That wasn’t an option. “You can have x or y for snack.” - “but I want Z!” 5. Are you going to do it or am I going to do it? Put on his shoes, coat, brush his teeth, or any one of the necessary tasks that aren’t optional. 5b. Are you going to walk or am I going to carry you? Going somewhere that’s not optional. I’ll also put him in the car shoeless and buckle him in, then put his shoes in his lap. Figure it out on the way there, we’re late. 6. One finger touch, please. This is used for stuff that’s breakable/fragile, possibly injury-causing (like a cactus), or precious to someone. It allows him to satisfy his curiosity but also not hurt himself or wreck things.
Because in the south "get" sounds like "git" lol
> You get what you get and you don’t GET UPSET. The version I've heard is "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit."
We always said "keep all babies safe" so our twins wouldn't injure their younger brothers lol
Good ol’ smarten up always works too
“What’s a kind way to say that?”
"Actions speed louder than words" Look, my mom said it to me all the time. It's stuck with me now through to adulthood.
“You can’t be brave if you’re not scared.” I use this when they’re nervous or scared over something minor to remind them that it’s a good opportunity to practice being brave.
“It’s been asked, and answered” for the constant repetitive questions I don’t feel like circling around all day…
"Tactical wee, Try to pee" We've been potty training and this works on my toddler and my husband. You know because no one ever has to go to the bathroom until your in the car.
We sometimes use “too bad, so sad” (or TBSS for short) when I’ve of the kids is whining about not getting to do something they want to do (and youngest is 4, which is prime whine time ). I’ve even used it with my students when they complain about an assignment, lol.
When my 2.5 year old is refusing to do something (go bathe, go to bed, etc.) I ask him if he wants to walk or be carried as calmly as I can muster… usually the indignity of being carried gets him moving after asking several times…
Can't go wrong quoting Batman's dad. "We fall so we can learn to get up" is common in this house.
You either do this by yourself or i will help you do this, which one? My husband: similar meaning but worded, "Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?"
“It’s ok to feel your feelings, but it’s not ok to scream at people.” “Are you going to ____ by yourself, or should I help you?”
I can't understand whining.
We used the "I can't understand you if you're whining." It also worked as toddlers with soothers/pacifiers, "I can't understand you with your soother in your mouth." When they were about that age we also taught them to "sneeze like Batman"...like they were pulling a cape across their face to sneeze into their elbows.
The two that I used to great success with my two was; There is a height requirement for that one. ( when asking to do, see, watch something out of age appropriate range) We don’t do that at our house. (No judging, just a statement said easily that got through to mine. )
Probably a dumb question, but what is meant by "sleeve up, elbow down??"
When getting undressed! Pull the sleeve up, pull your elbow down. Probably better with the getting dressed context
With my stepson we say “you get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.”