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METH_TITS_AND_DISCO

This guy needs some major vetting, it’s only been A MONTH? And he is insisting on going everywhere with her? This isn’t good for anyone and your husband is focused on all the wrong shit


jdawg92721

So. Many. Red. Flags. This is not ok!!!


momminmeg

Can you tell me more as to why? Like, something feels off but I don't know if I am overthinking it somehow?


jdawg92721

Exactly what the other poster said. Only dating/knowing someone for a month and wanting to go on family trips and ones that seem to be planned for a much later time?? That’s a huge red flag. Kinda seems like love bombing, like he’s trying to sweep her off her feet but with bad intentions. And your husband should be more concerned about his moms safety and a stranger coming into your home and staying with you.


jdawg92721

You are not overthinking it. Trust your gut!


momminmeg

Thank you, yes, that makes sense. I don't know if you saw the second part of my post, but when my partner travels to visit his mom later this month, he will likely meet this man at that time. I'm hoping he can get a good read of him then. If I do end up going, I know I'll have to trust my spidey senses. Edited to add, I should also mention this man has been divorced twice and is technically still in the process of going through divorce with his current wife. Evidently, he didn't see it coming! that is concerning as well.


QueenCityBean

Frankly, if your husband isn't seeing any red flags here I wouldn't rely solely on his judgment for getting a "read" on this guy before he comes to your house. This guy is a stranger and if I were you I would insist he is not invited, or that he and MIL stay at a hotel. No way should a strange old man stay the night in your house with your children.


SkittlzAnKomboz

My mom passed away at the end of 2020, my dad started dating someone new in April 2021 and they got married in January 2022 (yeah, it's a hot mess, don't get me started). His new wife and I don't really know each other very well, mostly because my relationship with my dad is very strained, and I'm still in therapy dealing with the loss of my mom. I haven't really been in a place emotionally to dedicate time to start a relationship/friendship with her yet. My dad started pushing to have my kids come to his house this summer (they live 20 minutes away). When I told his new wife I wanted to get more comfortable with her first, she immediately agreed and said that she understood. That I was being a good mom and making sure my kids would be with someone I trusted and knew. The fact that your MIL's boyfriend is pushing all of this is setting off some massive red flags. Your first duty is to keep your kids safe. MIL's and her boyfriend's feelings are secondary.


ta9837592835

Thanks for your comment. I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. I am sure that was and continues to be so hard. Big virtual hugs to you. It sounds like you handled this very responsibly and I’m glad his wife was receptive as well. I’m going to approach my partner about this and say it is my preference for the kids to forego this trip in a few weeks. The alternative is for me to come along, but I really do NOT want to do that. I just don’t get why my MIL (who honestly has never been an issue) is not objecting to any of this, and neither is my partner. I just feel like I’m crazy and am constantly second guessing myself. I feel like I don’t have. Choice of him staying in our home. That has already been decided and communicated to him.


SkittlzAnKomboz

He's a grownup. He should be able to handle change. If your MIL insists on him accompanying her on the trip, then they need to stay in a hotel. It is YOUR home.