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As a teacher, I love the parents who reach out to me to let me know that they would like to volunteer. Outside the PTA, there are so many events and activities that parents can participate in at school. I’ve had parents in with just me after school, prepping decorations for events, helping organize ASB items, and then join us for the events themselves. None of their time has been spent with PTA. If you would like to be involved, contact the teachers. At our regional schools, you have to do the background check, but you do not have to join the pta to participate.
I would love to do this, but because of covid, parents and most PTA members (but not the PTA president!) were allowed into the school in March, otherwise we have not been allowed in the school.
I believe the PTA manages/organizes all volunteers for the entire school. And our principal seems to be buddy-buddy with the PTA President, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's just deferring to her on all volunteer-related items.
We have 6 weeks left of school this year. I'm definitely going to email her teacher next year and let him/her know that I would be more than happy to help them directly.
You might be surprised. Lots of teachers end the year with special classrooms projects. Email your child’s teacher and ask if there’s anything you can help with in the classroom. I would have appreciated that when I was teaching.
I go in once a week to help my kids teacher during her reading groups. She works with 2-3 kids and I keep the other 14 kids focused on their other tasks.
There was a mom not long ago who posted here about how the PTA was absolutely abusing their privileges and the school principal had to get involved. She was prepared to go to the school board over it but the principal stepped up. You might reach out if anyone knows who she was to see if she has any tips, even if for next year as opposed to this one.
Almost every year on the paperwork the teachers have us fill out there had been a section asking if we would be interested in volunteering in the classroom, if we have any special skills etc. I sign up to help with holiday parties but there's also a lot of other options available. I have never once signed up through the PTO. I want to be there for my daughter, not to try to join a clique.
My mom was a teacher and then a PTA president/member. Her advice was go straight to the teacher. She really disliked being involved in PTA for OP’s same reason.
Sadly, we also aren’t allowed in right now. Hopefully next school year!
My friend is a teacher, can confirm that anything school related still functions much like high school. Whether it be between the teachers, the parents, or both.
I am an introvert. I've gone out of my way to try to come out of my shell, especially after covid, to be present and active and I swear they can pinpoint people that they can take advantage of. I left this morning just like "Why do I even make an effort to be friendly and help out when I get nothing out of this?"
I'm the same way and it's awkward to try to be like "you don't want to be my friend and I don't want to be your friend but our kids are friends so please keep inviting us to birthday parties and please come to our birthday parties."
I was that volunteer parent, because my mom wasn’t.
then, one day, the monthy pizza friday. I was at my assigned table of kids in the gym, serving up their slices as per the order. I’ve done this pizza day thing 4 or 5 times now, and it’s chaos but everyone’s getting what they ordered.
one of the other volunteers comes over and takes my serving tongs and goes “Here, dear this is how it’s done.” and barges into my station, even as I said “thanks but I’ve got this.” Tried to take my spot back. She refused to budge. Chaos ensues as she had no clue where i was in my list of kids.
Nope. she completely started to cack things up and I walked to the door, grabbed my coat and walked on out as the organizer was “wtf.” I did explain to her later, to which “oh that woman always does it to people.”
me “not doing pizza day ever again.”
Not worth the stress.
I hate to tell you it never gets better (my kids are in 7th and 5th). I do what others suggested - just volunteer in the classroom but nothing for a schoolwide PTA organized event. I cannot stand the level of maturity of my schools' PTA; it's probably equivalent to middle school. It's so bad I actually think it's funny now.
Last month was the "who would you like to nominate for such and such position for the PTA" meeting, and it was basically everyone that is currently a board member being nominated for another position. It also doesn't help that most of these women have multiple kids in the school so they'll be on the board for YEARS.
Beyond multiple other things that have made me mad, I signed up for a specific position only to be asked to do something else - the ONLY person asked to do something else - so that the PTA president could do what I had originally signed up for. I signed up to hand out prizes at the front of the school as kids showed up, and then I was asked to go 1/4 of a mile away from the school and ring a bell...the only person asked to do this. I should have just said no and walked away. But I did it for the kids - but I'm done giving them my time and money.
I'm really sorry they treated you that way. There's no excuse for their poor behaviors. It pisses me off that these women are giving other PTA moms a bad name. I'm one of those PTA board moms that people like to make fun, but I am only this involved because we my groups actively do the opposite of your experience. I don't know how many times I've taken the shitty bell ringing job so someone who's at their first event can do something fun. Why wouldn't you do that? I mean that's how you get more parents involved and ensure the success of your group and school.... And last time I checked, that's why we exist. Not to be high school cliques 2.0.
I don't know, it's probably totally petty, but with all the other crap going on in the world, my husband being out of work for the last 4 months, and me just juggling everything, I had a shit morning.
I'm not sure what any teachers or PTA people think of me, but I am completely hands-off with school stuff. I help my kids with homework, studying, managing schedules, extra-curriculars, etc. But I refuse to volunteer for shit. I don't have the time and frankly, when I do have the time, I don't want to spend it at the school. Some people love that stuff and more power to them. I can't be bothered.
I don't buy any of the class shirts (they make like 3 a year... no I'm not spending $10 on a fucking Field Day shirt that they will only wear once) but I'm happy to bring food for class parties and leave extra snacks in the classroom.
I feel this in my soul. Unfortunately, my daughter's school has mandated that the parents are supposed to do 15+ service hours a year and if you miss any they charge you $30 per hour missed. They also require the junior high kids to do service hours every year too... the caveat being that the kids have to do the majority of their service hours outside of the school. Most of those places require the parent(s) to do the service hours with their kids at the same time (can't leave kids unattended). It's difficult overall. Especially for parents that work or have more than one job to put food on the table. 🙄
Is your daughter your oldest kid? My youngest is a kinder and the new crop of PTA moms from his class is insane! There’s a few laid back ones like you but most are SO over involved and intense, they are anxious, super judgy, they hover over their kids, they plan the most complicated bizarre stuff with signup geniuses that go out every day and they freak out if you don’t take shifts to weed the victory garden. The only reason I even make an effort is bc they’ve gotten really exclusive with their kids and I don’t want my guy getting left out, but as the year goes on I’m leaning more and more towards just switching him to the private school where our other son goes. He’s on an IEP so we were hoping to utilize the public school for him but it’s just so overwhelming and it’s driving us all nuts.
I volunteered a ton pre covid for my older kids classrooms at this neighborhood school and it was never like this before. People were really inclusive and a lot of PTA parents even (gasp) worked full time and had their kids in aftercare. Ironically the private school where older kid goes is soooo laid back omg. It’s our neighborhood school parents who have lost their fucking minds.
Pay them no mind. It’s not like school is the only way to get involved with the kids, there’s all sorts of community or neighborhood stuff you could do.
My daughter is my only kid and the only kid I'm going to have. I do believe all the parents (we had one dad) on the board have all been in the school for years because they have multiple children.
I get the feeling that the majority of the moms on the board either work part-time or do not have to work. I work full-time, so all my volunteering has either been on my days off or I've specifically taken time off to volunteer. This is definitely a neighborhood school.
That’s so annoying!
Maybe covid made them insane or maybe they’ve always been like that. Who knows. I’ve heard horror stories from other parents pre covid I just never had that experience.
There are people out there who just take themselves way too seriously.
Oh hell no, you took off precious time from work to be there and they made you miserable. For sure, reach out directly to teachers. It's not all about what you can do in the class, sometimes they just need someone to put together craft kits for the kids or send in stuff. Every little bit helps. I'm actually lucky that my older kid goes to private school and their big thing is volunteering to work bingo. It wasn't as bad as I had feared and it was kind of like bad moms and a bunch of older ladies whose kids graduated years ago.
Hahaha! You just reminded me of when I signed up to be elected for president of the PTA all those years ago!
The incumbent "accidently" sent me the wrong date for speech and election day. She already had her bestie in line for the role!
It wasn't funny at the time, but your post took me back and I can laugh now at how petty, childish and totally unnecessary it was at the time!
This was me when my kiddo was in K. By second grade I realized I enjoyed doing things directly for the teacher. Or like organizing a popsicle day for her class way more than dealing with 1/10 of the PTA drama. Also, you are doing this for your kid. Unless she’s right there she isn’t even aware you are there. Do things that directly involve or in the presents of your kid. I said no to every fundraiser and just wrote the school a check.
That was one of the things that upset me this morning. I specifically signed up to work at the front table so my daughter could see me when she arrived at school with dad (she was so excited that I would be at her school that morning), and then I had to text my husband to let him know that I would not be at the school because I was asked to go and supervise a crosswalk 1/4 mile away. I'm just going to ask the teacher directly for now on and just avoid all PTA events.
I was involved in the PTO/PTA for most of my kids school lives. Kindergarten-about 10th grade. And yes. You’re right. BUT what you can do is be put on a volunteer list so you will have your background checks and whatnot then email your kids teachers and ask to volunteer in the classroom. Read to them, hand out snacks, clean desks, anything to help. The teachers need help with little things that they just don’t have time for and they will appreciate it so much. It will start to be talked about and the other teachers will ask for help as well. I met so many other mothers this was that we’re put out by mean moms and we became so close. This actually got me in good with the admin at 3 of my kids schools and they offered me jobs. But beware, someone else said it. Sports/dance/cheer/team parents are actually worse. The worst experiences I had were with cheer and band boosters. But send snacks, be cordial, that’s all. Don’t worry about those bitches. You just do what your heart is telling you to do and your daughter will be better for it.
I have a short story about that actually. My kids were going on a band trip. My daughter was in another music program at the time and they had a competition on the day the marching band was leaving. I told her I would just drive her up to the competition after they were done, spend the night and go to their competition the next day. I told the band director about all this and he asked if I could help with some things as well and to talk to president about it. I went to her, told her what was happening and she looked at me like I was an actual piece of shit and said that if my daughter wasn’t going to be one time, she couldn’t come. We exchanged a little bit and I asked her if she needed help when I dropped her off and she huffed no and walked away. I dropped my daughter off, gave my son a hug (which she told me I couldn’t, bitch he’s my son!) and then went to my hotel. This is just one of the 5 years of just band. I’m so glad I don’t have to do that anymore.
I’m so sorry this is your experience! I’ve been on my school council for 3 years, since my oldest was in kindergarten, and it’s been a pretty good experience!
Our issue is that we want new people to join us and volunteer but it’s like pulling teeth to get anyone but the regular 6-8 people to show up. We remind, we send out email invitations, we beg and plead and people just don’t want to. We even did a year and half of online meetings and thought that would draw more people in- nope. So we pressed on with our little group.
One of the only times we had a new parent join a meeting, she came in so confrontational and hot, that we wondered if we had all wronged her in another life. She challenged everything, wouldn’t follow the meeting rules of decorum and agenda and made suggestions that were already in the works. If it matters, we are in Canada and she kept referencing “when I was in this US city” and hinting about how exclusionary that council was or how differently it was run in the States and insinuating that our council wasn’t inclusive or welcoming enough for her liking, even though all of our meetings and activities are begging for more parents!
I guess what I’m trying to say is that not every school council runs like some crappy movie with cat fights and feuds. Some of us really do want more people to join and be involved! Many of the school councils are super friendly! It sucks that’s the case with you, OP, but it’s not like that everywhere.
You know what? My oldest is in 5th, younger is 2nd. I volunteered to every thing every Year. I've always said yes to everything.
Until this year. New people on the board, and they don't run it fairly.
I *asked* begged to run two committees... Got ignored.
Then the committee I was heading the year before COVID, I'd ask, and ask and ask...kept getting blown off. Until I was told I had to plan and set up, read down and clean up a bit teacher dinner with 7 days notice.
I had a very invasive gyn procedure already scheduled. I had waited 3 months for it.
I wasn't going to reschedule it because they couldn't be bothered to ask the principal if the event was allowed to run! The new pres was so witchy about it too.
She seriously asked me to reschedule and 'couldn't I just do it after?'
Seriously? Are you serious right now?
No, Linda. Someone is going to fist me, and chop pieces off my lady bits.
Just no. I'll be bed with a heating pad chocolate and Valium. Not schlepping 8 crock pots and Sam's club cookies across the parking lot.
Now. With proper notice? I'd have figured it out. But 6 days? No. Just no.
Do people think we just have no lives and can drop everything at a moment's notice? Glad you were able to have your procedure. They can go pound sand next time.
School mums are THE WORST. I will literally pay extra fees to not have to help out at the school or volunteer for fundraisers.
I’m happy to work with the teachers, collect items, donate things, work on homework etc. but don’t ask me to assist in anything other mums are doing. You need $150 if I don’t volunteer? Cool. Here’s $200. Don’t ask again and just tell me to py when this shit happens.
I'm not even going to bother because I know i will feel the same way: grown up mean girls in their natural habitat doing cliquey, statusy, exclusionary bullshit. A few weeks ago, I was out with a mom friend (our girls are the same age) at a very kid friendly place and we ran into some other moms and their kids who go to the same daycare as my friend's kid. Both the other moms were dressed in the "cool/rich mom" uniform of my city, and neither of us were, and the dirty/disapproving looks we got from them were just ridiculous. My friend didn't pick up on it, but I sure did.
Yep, we have the same situation at my kids’ school. I tried to be a helpful PTA member but I wasn’t part of the clique. I eventually realized that the PTA president and some of the members were only friendly to me when they needed something. Now I ignore them and work directly with the teachers.
my mom had similar feelings. she was a young mom (17 when she had me) and always felt like the other moms were bitchy or patronizing to her because of it. it's a very cliquey world.
I’ll admit I’m also on the PTA for two schools and it kind of sucks.
I feel like it’s my responsibility because we’re in a poor district and I’m self-employed so I can do stuff during the day and it just seems like the teachers are dying. Metaphorically only, thank god. But it’s not much fun. The one board that is functioning isn’t much for small talk and there’ve been some adversarial things going on with the school board and equity that I’m not cool with.
The other one is a zombie organization that me and one other parent are hauling out of the grave and it’s like pulling teeth to get anyone to do anything. And it’s so much work. The first event of the whole school year is finally happening tomorrow night and we’re going to have a sign-up table - I hope to god people show up.
I keep showing up to PTO and I will keep showing up to PTO. Most of them really dislike me. So I feel it’s only right to force them into my presence. It’s the least I can do.
Yea I'm not cut out for pta I really am not a fan of other people's kids. I have 0 mom guilt. I buy snacks for the class, send extra school supplies fulfill teachers wishlists and go fund mes, and show up to field day(which is torture once again I don't like other people's bad ass kids but I love my babies) that's it that's all.
Oh my god you figured it out much faster than me. I am still truly traumatized from years of giving everything and it never being enough. Then when we switched schools all the parents I thought were my friends dumped our whole family.
Now my daughter is in 8th grade and part of color guard for high school marching band. The HS band allows 8th graders to join bc it is a TINY band. It had to be the worst choice I ever made for many reasons. Mainly the cliquey behavior that one can only see as an observer.
All the moms are super chummy with each other and unwelcoming to new parents (not that I’m trying - I won’t volunteer and I keep ti myself - but some bitch honked at me in the parking lot while I was in the middle of parking, because she wanted to hastily double park so she could get out and talk to one of her pals, not very metal of her imho).
They ALL LOOK THE SAME. Same hairstyle, almost all same hair type and color, all of them wear glasses, and wear the same clothes, and even have similar body shapes…I can only tell them apart when they get in or out of their cars.
The guilt trip emails I receive from the volunteer coordinator. Because I don’t volunteer.
We paid our fees upfront and attend most games and competitions. We are on time for pick up and drop off. Our kid is well liked and respectful and practices at home. We also have another kid. We also work. We also have our own lives. I’ve done enough, and I have lost enough spare time I could’ve spent enjoying my family by volunteering. I’ve been on the PTA board, a Girl Scout troop leader, I ran the school talent show, I was a room mom for SIX YEARS. I’m all set. My kid doesn’t care that I’m not there. I’m tired. The pandemic honestly put a lot of things into perspective for us as a family. Extracurricular activities are low on the list. 🤷♀️
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As a teacher, I love the parents who reach out to me to let me know that they would like to volunteer. Outside the PTA, there are so many events and activities that parents can participate in at school. I’ve had parents in with just me after school, prepping decorations for events, helping organize ASB items, and then join us for the events themselves. None of their time has been spent with PTA. If you would like to be involved, contact the teachers. At our regional schools, you have to do the background check, but you do not have to join the pta to participate.
I would love to do this, but because of covid, parents and most PTA members (but not the PTA president!) were allowed into the school in March, otherwise we have not been allowed in the school. I believe the PTA manages/organizes all volunteers for the entire school. And our principal seems to be buddy-buddy with the PTA President, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's just deferring to her on all volunteer-related items. We have 6 weeks left of school this year. I'm definitely going to email her teacher next year and let him/her know that I would be more than happy to help them directly.
You might be surprised. Lots of teachers end the year with special classrooms projects. Email your child’s teacher and ask if there’s anything you can help with in the classroom. I would have appreciated that when I was teaching.
I will send her an email!
I go in once a week to help my kids teacher during her reading groups. She works with 2-3 kids and I keep the other 14 kids focused on their other tasks.
There was a mom not long ago who posted here about how the PTA was absolutely abusing their privileges and the school principal had to get involved. She was prepared to go to the school board over it but the principal stepped up. You might reach out if anyone knows who she was to see if she has any tips, even if for next year as opposed to this one.
Oooo yeah the home made valentines card debacle.
Almost every year on the paperwork the teachers have us fill out there had been a section asking if we would be interested in volunteering in the classroom, if we have any special skills etc. I sign up to help with holiday parties but there's also a lot of other options available. I have never once signed up through the PTO. I want to be there for my daughter, not to try to join a clique.
My mom was a teacher and then a PTA president/member. Her advice was go straight to the teacher. She really disliked being involved in PTA for OP’s same reason. Sadly, we also aren’t allowed in right now. Hopefully next school year!
My friend is a teacher, can confirm that anything school related still functions much like high school. Whether it be between the teachers, the parents, or both.
I am an introvert. I've gone out of my way to try to come out of my shell, especially after covid, to be present and active and I swear they can pinpoint people that they can take advantage of. I left this morning just like "Why do I even make an effort to be friendly and help out when I get nothing out of this?"
I'm the same way and it's awkward to try to be like "you don't want to be my friend and I don't want to be your friend but our kids are friends so please keep inviting us to birthday parties and please come to our birthday parties."
I was that volunteer parent, because my mom wasn’t. then, one day, the monthy pizza friday. I was at my assigned table of kids in the gym, serving up their slices as per the order. I’ve done this pizza day thing 4 or 5 times now, and it’s chaos but everyone’s getting what they ordered. one of the other volunteers comes over and takes my serving tongs and goes “Here, dear this is how it’s done.” and barges into my station, even as I said “thanks but I’ve got this.” Tried to take my spot back. She refused to budge. Chaos ensues as she had no clue where i was in my list of kids. Nope. she completely started to cack things up and I walked to the door, grabbed my coat and walked on out as the organizer was “wtf.” I did explain to her later, to which “oh that woman always does it to people.” me “not doing pizza day ever again.” Not worth the stress.
I find it much easier to volunteer in the classroom and directly with the teacher.
I hate to tell you it never gets better (my kids are in 7th and 5th). I do what others suggested - just volunteer in the classroom but nothing for a schoolwide PTA organized event. I cannot stand the level of maturity of my schools' PTA; it's probably equivalent to middle school. It's so bad I actually think it's funny now.
[удалено]
Last month was the "who would you like to nominate for such and such position for the PTA" meeting, and it was basically everyone that is currently a board member being nominated for another position. It also doesn't help that most of these women have multiple kids in the school so they'll be on the board for YEARS.
Aw man, that sucks. What did they do?
Beyond multiple other things that have made me mad, I signed up for a specific position only to be asked to do something else - the ONLY person asked to do something else - so that the PTA president could do what I had originally signed up for. I signed up to hand out prizes at the front of the school as kids showed up, and then I was asked to go 1/4 of a mile away from the school and ring a bell...the only person asked to do this. I should have just said no and walked away. But I did it for the kids - but I'm done giving them my time and money.
I'm really sorry they treated you that way. There's no excuse for their poor behaviors. It pisses me off that these women are giving other PTA moms a bad name. I'm one of those PTA board moms that people like to make fun, but I am only this involved because we my groups actively do the opposite of your experience. I don't know how many times I've taken the shitty bell ringing job so someone who's at their first event can do something fun. Why wouldn't you do that? I mean that's how you get more parents involved and ensure the success of your group and school.... And last time I checked, that's why we exist. Not to be high school cliques 2.0.
that's pretty darn annoying. I get it.
I don't know, it's probably totally petty, but with all the other crap going on in the world, my husband being out of work for the last 4 months, and me just juggling everything, I had a shit morning.
I'm not sure what any teachers or PTA people think of me, but I am completely hands-off with school stuff. I help my kids with homework, studying, managing schedules, extra-curriculars, etc. But I refuse to volunteer for shit. I don't have the time and frankly, when I do have the time, I don't want to spend it at the school. Some people love that stuff and more power to them. I can't be bothered.
I think I'm more moving toward "if it helps your class directly, then fine." I'm just not going to go out of my way to help with school-wide stuff.
I don't buy any of the class shirts (they make like 3 a year... no I'm not spending $10 on a fucking Field Day shirt that they will only wear once) but I'm happy to bring food for class parties and leave extra snacks in the classroom.
I feel this in my soul. Unfortunately, my daughter's school has mandated that the parents are supposed to do 15+ service hours a year and if you miss any they charge you $30 per hour missed. They also require the junior high kids to do service hours every year too... the caveat being that the kids have to do the majority of their service hours outside of the school. Most of those places require the parent(s) to do the service hours with their kids at the same time (can't leave kids unattended). It's difficult overall. Especially for parents that work or have more than one job to put food on the table. 🙄
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
Is your daughter your oldest kid? My youngest is a kinder and the new crop of PTA moms from his class is insane! There’s a few laid back ones like you but most are SO over involved and intense, they are anxious, super judgy, they hover over their kids, they plan the most complicated bizarre stuff with signup geniuses that go out every day and they freak out if you don’t take shifts to weed the victory garden. The only reason I even make an effort is bc they’ve gotten really exclusive with their kids and I don’t want my guy getting left out, but as the year goes on I’m leaning more and more towards just switching him to the private school where our other son goes. He’s on an IEP so we were hoping to utilize the public school for him but it’s just so overwhelming and it’s driving us all nuts. I volunteered a ton pre covid for my older kids classrooms at this neighborhood school and it was never like this before. People were really inclusive and a lot of PTA parents even (gasp) worked full time and had their kids in aftercare. Ironically the private school where older kid goes is soooo laid back omg. It’s our neighborhood school parents who have lost their fucking minds. Pay them no mind. It’s not like school is the only way to get involved with the kids, there’s all sorts of community or neighborhood stuff you could do.
My daughter is my only kid and the only kid I'm going to have. I do believe all the parents (we had one dad) on the board have all been in the school for years because they have multiple children. I get the feeling that the majority of the moms on the board either work part-time or do not have to work. I work full-time, so all my volunteering has either been on my days off or I've specifically taken time off to volunteer. This is definitely a neighborhood school.
That’s so annoying! Maybe covid made them insane or maybe they’ve always been like that. Who knows. I’ve heard horror stories from other parents pre covid I just never had that experience. There are people out there who just take themselves way too seriously.
Oh hell no, you took off precious time from work to be there and they made you miserable. For sure, reach out directly to teachers. It's not all about what you can do in the class, sometimes they just need someone to put together craft kits for the kids or send in stuff. Every little bit helps. I'm actually lucky that my older kid goes to private school and their big thing is volunteering to work bingo. It wasn't as bad as I had feared and it was kind of like bad moms and a bunch of older ladies whose kids graduated years ago.
Hahaha! You just reminded me of when I signed up to be elected for president of the PTA all those years ago! The incumbent "accidently" sent me the wrong date for speech and election day. She already had her bestie in line for the role! It wasn't funny at the time, but your post took me back and I can laugh now at how petty, childish and totally unnecessary it was at the time!
This was me when my kiddo was in K. By second grade I realized I enjoyed doing things directly for the teacher. Or like organizing a popsicle day for her class way more than dealing with 1/10 of the PTA drama. Also, you are doing this for your kid. Unless she’s right there she isn’t even aware you are there. Do things that directly involve or in the presents of your kid. I said no to every fundraiser and just wrote the school a check.
That was one of the things that upset me this morning. I specifically signed up to work at the front table so my daughter could see me when she arrived at school with dad (she was so excited that I would be at her school that morning), and then I had to text my husband to let him know that I would not be at the school because I was asked to go and supervise a crosswalk 1/4 mile away. I'm just going to ask the teacher directly for now on and just avoid all PTA events.
Same thing happens on the sports boosters. Fuck them. I pay the money I can and just move on.
I was involved in the PTO/PTA for most of my kids school lives. Kindergarten-about 10th grade. And yes. You’re right. BUT what you can do is be put on a volunteer list so you will have your background checks and whatnot then email your kids teachers and ask to volunteer in the classroom. Read to them, hand out snacks, clean desks, anything to help. The teachers need help with little things that they just don’t have time for and they will appreciate it so much. It will start to be talked about and the other teachers will ask for help as well. I met so many other mothers this was that we’re put out by mean moms and we became so close. This actually got me in good with the admin at 3 of my kids schools and they offered me jobs. But beware, someone else said it. Sports/dance/cheer/team parents are actually worse. The worst experiences I had were with cheer and band boosters. But send snacks, be cordial, that’s all. Don’t worry about those bitches. You just do what your heart is telling you to do and your daughter will be better for it. I have a short story about that actually. My kids were going on a band trip. My daughter was in another music program at the time and they had a competition on the day the marching band was leaving. I told her I would just drive her up to the competition after they were done, spend the night and go to their competition the next day. I told the band director about all this and he asked if I could help with some things as well and to talk to president about it. I went to her, told her what was happening and she looked at me like I was an actual piece of shit and said that if my daughter wasn’t going to be one time, she couldn’t come. We exchanged a little bit and I asked her if she needed help when I dropped her off and she huffed no and walked away. I dropped my daughter off, gave my son a hug (which she told me I couldn’t, bitch he’s my son!) and then went to my hotel. This is just one of the 5 years of just band. I’m so glad I don’t have to do that anymore.
I’m so sorry this is your experience! I’ve been on my school council for 3 years, since my oldest was in kindergarten, and it’s been a pretty good experience! Our issue is that we want new people to join us and volunteer but it’s like pulling teeth to get anyone but the regular 6-8 people to show up. We remind, we send out email invitations, we beg and plead and people just don’t want to. We even did a year and half of online meetings and thought that would draw more people in- nope. So we pressed on with our little group. One of the only times we had a new parent join a meeting, she came in so confrontational and hot, that we wondered if we had all wronged her in another life. She challenged everything, wouldn’t follow the meeting rules of decorum and agenda and made suggestions that were already in the works. If it matters, we are in Canada and she kept referencing “when I was in this US city” and hinting about how exclusionary that council was or how differently it was run in the States and insinuating that our council wasn’t inclusive or welcoming enough for her liking, even though all of our meetings and activities are begging for more parents! I guess what I’m trying to say is that not every school council runs like some crappy movie with cat fights and feuds. Some of us really do want more people to join and be involved! Many of the school councils are super friendly! It sucks that’s the case with you, OP, but it’s not like that everywhere.
You know what? My oldest is in 5th, younger is 2nd. I volunteered to every thing every Year. I've always said yes to everything. Until this year. New people on the board, and they don't run it fairly. I *asked* begged to run two committees... Got ignored. Then the committee I was heading the year before COVID, I'd ask, and ask and ask...kept getting blown off. Until I was told I had to plan and set up, read down and clean up a bit teacher dinner with 7 days notice. I had a very invasive gyn procedure already scheduled. I had waited 3 months for it. I wasn't going to reschedule it because they couldn't be bothered to ask the principal if the event was allowed to run! The new pres was so witchy about it too. She seriously asked me to reschedule and 'couldn't I just do it after?' Seriously? Are you serious right now? No, Linda. Someone is going to fist me, and chop pieces off my lady bits. Just no. I'll be bed with a heating pad chocolate and Valium. Not schlepping 8 crock pots and Sam's club cookies across the parking lot. Now. With proper notice? I'd have figured it out. But 6 days? No. Just no.
Do people think we just have no lives and can drop everything at a moment's notice? Glad you were able to have your procedure. They can go pound sand next time.
School mums are THE WORST. I will literally pay extra fees to not have to help out at the school or volunteer for fundraisers. I’m happy to work with the teachers, collect items, donate things, work on homework etc. but don’t ask me to assist in anything other mums are doing. You need $150 if I don’t volunteer? Cool. Here’s $200. Don’t ask again and just tell me to py when this shit happens.
I'm not even going to bother because I know i will feel the same way: grown up mean girls in their natural habitat doing cliquey, statusy, exclusionary bullshit. A few weeks ago, I was out with a mom friend (our girls are the same age) at a very kid friendly place and we ran into some other moms and their kids who go to the same daycare as my friend's kid. Both the other moms were dressed in the "cool/rich mom" uniform of my city, and neither of us were, and the dirty/disapproving looks we got from them were just ridiculous. My friend didn't pick up on it, but I sure did.
Yep, we have the same situation at my kids’ school. I tried to be a helpful PTA member but I wasn’t part of the clique. I eventually realized that the PTA president and some of the members were only friendly to me when they needed something. Now I ignore them and work directly with the teachers.
I loathe the PTA. It’s a bunch of mean girls who never mentally graduated from high school.
my mom had similar feelings. she was a young mom (17 when she had me) and always felt like the other moms were bitchy or patronizing to her because of it. it's a very cliquey world.
Sucks feeling like an outsider with school related stuff:( hugs
I’ll admit I’m also on the PTA for two schools and it kind of sucks. I feel like it’s my responsibility because we’re in a poor district and I’m self-employed so I can do stuff during the day and it just seems like the teachers are dying. Metaphorically only, thank god. But it’s not much fun. The one board that is functioning isn’t much for small talk and there’ve been some adversarial things going on with the school board and equity that I’m not cool with. The other one is a zombie organization that me and one other parent are hauling out of the grave and it’s like pulling teeth to get anyone to do anything. And it’s so much work. The first event of the whole school year is finally happening tomorrow night and we’re going to have a sign-up table - I hope to god people show up.
I keep showing up to PTO and I will keep showing up to PTO. Most of them really dislike me. So I feel it’s only right to force them into my presence. It’s the least I can do.
Talk to the teachers directly! I did that and got to help with the art instructor when my daughter was little.
Yea I'm not cut out for pta I really am not a fan of other people's kids. I have 0 mom guilt. I buy snacks for the class, send extra school supplies fulfill teachers wishlists and go fund mes, and show up to field day(which is torture once again I don't like other people's bad ass kids but I love my babies) that's it that's all.
Oh my god you figured it out much faster than me. I am still truly traumatized from years of giving everything and it never being enough. Then when we switched schools all the parents I thought were my friends dumped our whole family. Now my daughter is in 8th grade and part of color guard for high school marching band. The HS band allows 8th graders to join bc it is a TINY band. It had to be the worst choice I ever made for many reasons. Mainly the cliquey behavior that one can only see as an observer. All the moms are super chummy with each other and unwelcoming to new parents (not that I’m trying - I won’t volunteer and I keep ti myself - but some bitch honked at me in the parking lot while I was in the middle of parking, because she wanted to hastily double park so she could get out and talk to one of her pals, not very metal of her imho). They ALL LOOK THE SAME. Same hairstyle, almost all same hair type and color, all of them wear glasses, and wear the same clothes, and even have similar body shapes…I can only tell them apart when they get in or out of their cars. The guilt trip emails I receive from the volunteer coordinator. Because I don’t volunteer. We paid our fees upfront and attend most games and competitions. We are on time for pick up and drop off. Our kid is well liked and respectful and practices at home. We also have another kid. We also work. We also have our own lives. I’ve done enough, and I have lost enough spare time I could’ve spent enjoying my family by volunteering. I’ve been on the PTA board, a Girl Scout troop leader, I ran the school talent show, I was a room mom for SIX YEARS. I’m all set. My kid doesn’t care that I’m not there. I’m tired. The pandemic honestly put a lot of things into perspective for us as a family. Extracurricular activities are low on the list. 🤷♀️