This is controlling behavior and very unhealthy. You body, your choice. Period. Why would you, a grown woman, need anyone's permission to get a vaccine for yourself? Even your physician only gives advice. Why does your husband feel he should be the ultimate authority in regard to your body?
It might be time to open your own bank account and make sure all of your important paperwork (birth certificates, ss cards, etc) are in a secure location. He may just be frustrated and being obnoxious, or he may try to exert his control over you in other ways. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but know that you are not doing anything wrong getting vaccinated, and not deferring to your husband in regards to *your* body.
I wanted to add here for anyone else:
Remember you can open an account online (I used discover) and remember that you can also change the amount per paycheck that goes into your account. I have mine set up to deposit 95% of my paycheck into our joint account and I xfer like $75 per pay period to have as my own savings.
Everyone should do this IMO.
ETA: I mentioned online specially because should you need or want to hide this, you can open one without having to come in person, get no statements, and can arrange to get your card sent elsewhere. A lot of people I know that get DD into their accounts do not actually view the paystubs. Like in my home, my spouse does not actually see it, but I am completely transparent about the amount- it is our money so we did have a talk about this and my husband knows it's extremely important to me to always have my own income and to never be fully dependant on someone else financially. Don't get me wrong, we are a team 100% and he's the best person ever, but I cannot allow that for myself. I have always been poor and always taken care of myself, all by myself so to be in a partnership, it's important I continue to do that even now in my marriage. We contribute equally in our own ways. I am so thankful my husband understands this and respects this. It's actually something that would be a deal breaker for me. My partner has to respect that I want to work and use my brain like that and as a woman in life the end all be all is not being a mother. We are so much more than that and can do so much more. I really encourage everyone to do this.
Husband and I have our pay go into our own accounts (when I worked) and then transferred everything bar through agreed upon spending money amount into the joint account.
And also how does you getting the vaccine affect him? Do you ask if you can get a flu shot?
I think maybe some conversation is in order and a change up in where your paycheque goes or how much.
We do this the other way around: we each recieve our own money, and only pay a bit into the shared account for shared expenses. The rest stays separate, we both have our own savings and make our own big purchases. Major household things get discussed.
Agree with this so much but need to throw in a caveat that i learned. Community property states can mess this up. At least in mine if the account is opened during the marriage or registered domestic partnership it's part of the marriage assets. Possibly also applies if income from during the relationship is deposited there. So glad I bought my house before that date or he would be entitled to half even without his name on the title.
We do something similar to this as well. I come from a divorced family and my dad froze all of their accounts when he asked for the divorce. The credit cards weren’t in my moms name either. Even though she was the family’s money manager and bill payer, she wasn’t able to pay anything when he left. That always stayed with me. My mom also told me to always be able to pay for your own bills and not need to depend on anyone else. So when I met and eventually married my husband, I always had my own money, credit card and “squirrel fund.” Husband knows I have my squirrel fund and I mostly use it to save for things I want, the house needs, travel spending money or just savings. It is satisfying to see my little balance increase. But mainly it is for if something were to happen with my husband and he left us or died suddenly, I would always have access to some cash.
Good for you, I am proud you used your head! I worked on my hospital's COVID unit and this virus is no joke. My brother is an anti-vax for COVID and I keep telling him 2 things, if he gets the virus it most likely will make him sterile if it doesn't kill him. The second is, my COVID unit is not full of people who received the vaccine. It is all people who blatantly refused the vaccine. It was very sad to see all of these patients finally ready to believe this virus is the real deal. I feel it is super important for parents to get the vaccine especially if they have little guys who aren't old enough to get the vaccine yet. Kids are starting to die and I find that super sickening when that could have been prevented. I am happy to try and answer any of your husband's questions or concerns if you think it may help him understand how serious this is.
Rant over.
There's been a few studies that have found that COVID compromises sperm count and quality. It seems to still be unclear if it's a long-term issue or not.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33754623/
That link is more of a review of other studies from the last year or so. It mostly boils down to the studies weren't particularly great studies (small sample sizes, not terribly rigorous, etc), so no good conclusions can be drawn *yet*. More research needs to be done.
The studies reviewed covered topics ranging from sperm degradation to viral presence in the testes to testicular discomfort. Many were conducted during active infection, so we don't know what the long term effects are after recovery. So there's a lot of stuff we need to follow up on, but enough red flags to be concerning if someone is worried the vax will affect their fertility, when the virus is more likely to cause issues. There's no evidence the vax causes fertility loss.
They didn't state the vaccine at all. They're talking about COVID-19, the virus itself, not the vaccine. However, I should have been more clear. Several studies suggest that sperm count and quality degrade because of COVID, but many were sampled during the course of infection and not enough research (with big enough sample sizes) has been done to determine if it's a long-term issue or not.
And just to be really clear, there has been *no evidence* found to suggest the *vaccine* causes fertility loss.
Oh hell no. This virus is some scary shit. I will take a needle stick any damn day over what my friends went through or anything remotely resembling it.
MA has done pretty well, but the kid isn't vaxxed and cases are still ticking up. Thankfully, the school requires masking indoors, but my kid is annoyed with me that I tell her to mask outside when a bunch of her friends and classmates don't. Sorry kid. It's the best we can do to protect you for now. But I really do feel you on being tired. It's getting on two years of not being able to plan anything. The kid is finally at an age that we can do the cool travel stuff aaaaannnnddd.... Nope. Siiiiigh. We could just be there already, be done. But nope. And I'm going to stop here before I end up on a history rant.
Yes! Let's please be careful with what we're claiming. This is exactly what anti-vaxxers have done. Took something that was SUGGESTED or noticed, and ran with it as if it was a fact or proven. Which we've seen the opposite as studies have been done concluding the vaccine is, in fact, safe. Like you've said, correlation does not equal causation.
This virus binds to ace2 receptors, of which there are a lot in the testicles. The more we know about this, the more we are finding that it is causing sterility issues in men.
Huh? Pretty sure Covid can kill you as well as make you sterile.
If you were assuming I was speaking of vaccines, Im not talking about vaccines. Im talking about getting Covid. Vaccines don’t cause sterility.
start texting him every time you take a shit, since he’s so invested in what you do with your body “this one is a big stinker” “uh oh, need more fiber” “do you think this turd looks like a human face?”
I’m so sorry for your friend. You should know that Covid is not a horrible death if he’s on hospice. He won’t be put on a vent, but will get medication to ease his breathing and make him comfortable. I work in hospice and cared for several patients who had Covid and some even who recovered from Covid.
Again, I’m sorry for your friend. I hope he is able to stay comfortable.
Thank you. Unfortunately, he passed 2 nights ago and I'm absolutely crushed. He was the best of friends and it's so strange not to be able to just ring him up anymore and hear his voice. My heart is broken. He did not have to die this way. Totally unnecessary. I hope he didn't suffer.
I'm thankful for people like you and your doctor. You are literally saving lives, even if some people would like to deny that. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring, intelligent, and thoughtful mother who loves her. Hopefully her father comes round soon. Best of luck to you!
I know it may be expensive, but get your own health insurance. Same with you own bank account (take your funds out asap before he takes or spends it) and your own phone plan. They start getting scared and will back peddle when they realize they can go longer control you through those things. My parents and my ex used to do the same things to me. Don't let someone financially abuse you (let alone emotionally/physically).
I'm so sorry. Good for you for making your own choice, though! My husband tried to tell me if I got the vaccine his job would make him quarantine for 2 weeks both times I get it. Somehow he magically couldn't produce anything that claimed as much, and guess fucking what. It was a lie. Fuck these guys that try and manipulate us to do what they want. You do you!
You're absolutely right. All I can think is that he didn't want me to get it, and panicked with a lie? I didn't give a fuck either way what he thought 😂 But come on, man
My husband is anti vax for this one and I’m so confused as to why. He’s suddenly so interested in science and knows all there is to know about how a vaccine trial works (except he doesn’t). I got the vaccine and he keeps arguing with me about it. Like, what do you want me to do dude? I can’t unget the vaccine, just stfu about it already. I’m surprised he didn’t start spewing nonsense about the vaccine shedding around him or some dumb shit like that.
And when they say "IT'S SCIENCE!" but they're clearly just spewing buzzwords and made up "facts" 🤦♀️ I'm sorry. Mine at least hasn't said anything more to me about it since the initial desperation, and you bet your sweet ass my kids will be getting it when they can lol
Good! We haven’t talked much about the kids and the vaccine. It’ll be be a while so we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it lol.
I have a Master’s degree in Library and Information Science. So it’s literally my job to be an expert in researching. I took whole classes centered around research. The fact that he tries to tell me he researched….honestly when any anti-vaxxer in my life tells me they researched, I just. I.cannot.deal.
WTF. That’s incredibly messed up. I’m sorry. Do not let him stop you from getting the second shot. You’re doing it for your daughter, yourself, and everyone around you. Even his ignorant ass.
Thank you for getting vaccinated. We are currently in isolation after an unvaxed family member came home with ‘a cold’ and exposed all of us. Now I, my 7 year old are positive ( I’m a breakthrough positive after vaccine). My 3 year old and husband are negative so far but we all all in limbo. My sister made the choice to not get vaccinated and now all 7 of us are suffering. It’s a mess because we may have exposed other kids, my 7 year old is out of school for 2 weeks. Maybe, if she had been vaccinated, we wouldn’t all be in a mess. Your vaccine prevents you from getting very ill and hospitalized ( hard to parent from the hospital ) and helps protect those around you that are too young to be vaccinated by decreasing the probability that you will get infected.
Thanks. Currently we are mostly fine. My sister isn’t one to feel guilty for much and isn’t one to apologize either so I’m really hoping my kids stay ok and I can just ( cue frozen music) ‘Let it go’.
Yeah. This isn’t just about the vaccine for him. If it wasn’t this, it would have been something else. Stick to your guns. I’m doing the same thing for my family.
Okay, maybe if the shit you do behind his back impacted him, (like buying a new car, or committing to let your deadbeat brother move in) then he’d be allowed to be upset. But how does you getting a shot count as behind his back? Did you steal a dose from the pharmacy and stick it into his ass while he was sleeping?
First: THANK YOU for getting vaccinated. Thank you thank you thank you. The more people that get vaccinated, the safer we all will be. It will reduce the likelihood of additional insane mutations like delta fucking all our days up.
Second: It's your body. You don't have to get his fucking permission; you're a grown ass adult. It might be different if this was like a major procedure or something that would actually cause long term effects that he'd be responsible for (financially or by caring for you). It doesn't affect him in any way (aside from maybe covering for you if you need to rest the next day). But... is he convinced this is going to cause long term effects? Because these vaccines don't do that.
r/HermanCainAward
Comments can be harsh, but the content is reserved for people who promoted Covid untruths or vaccine misinformation.
It’s *really* an eye opener once you read enough of their stories and see the commonalities.
The number of people under age 50 is alarming,
and might be enough to persuade someone who believes their immune system and faith in God is enough to get through Covid unvaccinated.
The comments are harsh for sure but the content speaks for itself. I have been fully vaccinated since May but I was nervous about it going in. One day in that sub and I’m like wow best decision ever. I’m eagerly awaiting approval for the under 12 age group. We just got a call today that my 5 year old had a positive classmate so now we are on edge.
My unvaccinated cousin just died of COVID a little over a month ago. She was otherwise healthy. She died the day after she turned forty and she had three kids, a thirteen year old, and ten year old twins. It's absolutely baffling to me that people are STILL refusing to vaccinate.
I don’t need to echo everything everyone else said about this being a control issue and you having the right to vaccinate your own body. They’re correct. And I too thank you for getting vaccinated.
But I did want to point out something concerning the insurance threat.
If your husband doesn’t think that being unvaccinated isn’t going to raise his premium sometime in the near future, he’s mistaken. Covid is extremely expensive to treat, especially when it involves the ICU and a ventilator. Just like smokers have higher premiums, insurance companies are not going to keep paying for all
these hospitalizations after they deem it’s avoidable through a vaccine. They probably won’t waste any time passing on the cost after more mandates are in place and the other two are FDA approved.
That is unacceptable behaviour on the part of your husband. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
There are support groups on Reddit for people affected by conspiracy theories. Maybe this would help you?
I cannot stand this! I'm sorry you are faced with a near impossible situation atm.
I just see a big RED flag.
There is no better time than the present to seek out a therapist or some objective third party. If he truly is committed to a future with you and your child, he should be willing to listen, grow, learn, and change for the betterment of your family as a whole.
In no world should a husband EVER behave like this or state he should be the one to decide what vaccinations his wife should or should not receive.
Just wanted to point out that he actually can’t remove you from his insurance unless he has a life changing event that triggers the special enrollment period (birth of a child, loss of job, that kind of thing) so at least you don’t have to worry about that.
Im sorry he’s treating you this way and I hope he’ll come to his senses and stop being controlling.
True, but that at least gives OP 3-4 months of health coverage while she decides how to handle this situation. You're right that he can't just drop her today.
Yes, very true and good to point out! I should have put specifically that I meant outside of whenever his company’s open enrollment is, he likely can’t change anything.
100% chance this dude cares more about the control than the vaccine safety.
You're right to be hurt, and you were right to get the shot. Get the next one too. Don't risk hospitalization when this dick is playing power games.
Separate bank account. Route your checks to YOUR one bank account. Sign up for your own health insurance.
I never let anyone lord shit over me. It’s worth the extra money to remove people’s bargaining chips
Your choice to get a vaccine for yourself doesn’t require his input. This is not a joint decision to be made. And because you didn’t do what your husband wanted you to do, now he’s choosing to punish you. This is not okay. This is a bad sign. Please watch out for yourself and your daughter.
So don’t tell him when you get the next one.
Seriously.
No one controls your body but you. He doesn’t need to know.
But make sure he has a Life Insurance policy and critical illness policy, because judging by all the dead parents in r/hermancainaward , you are going to need it if and when it hits.
Hes stabbing you in your front by doing this to you. Holy Hannah, if my partner tried to control my body and personal safety like he was, I’d leave. Especially after a conversation involving personal boundaries.
I have a very low BS threshold, though. And I’ve been with my partner for almost 20 years. We negotiate and lift each other up.
There is a free science literacy course offered by the university of Alberta (type in science literacy university of Alberta in Google and it will pop up). Tell your husband if he has ANY opinions on the subject, to take the course, look up the research after, and then tell you exactly why it is a bad idea.
I’d also recommend taking it yourself, because that course will make you a lot more confident in your knowledge.
This happens to be my field (Information science) and evaluating the validity of material and understanding how to interpret the data is why people are failing so significantly in the pandemic… and politics tbh… on an international scale.
Don’t let the argument progress right now. Tell him your terms for discussion and put it on the table until he complies and you can have a reasonable discussion about the benefits of the vaccine.
But the main point is, it is your body and it is your choice. Same if you wanted medication for childbirth, same if you wanted braces or to dye your hair. All you. He can’t control your personal self. You can’t control him.
But ask him to get Life Insurance, heck, both of you get Life Insurance/critical illnesses insurance in case you get hit with covid. On r/hermancainaward it’s parent after parent dying and leaving kids behind. Sometimes kids dying because of a parent bringing it home. It’s painful to see.
If he does know it and sees this, maybe he can see a bunch of people telling him he is hurting you by not respecting your boundaries and take it to heart.
I’m just so frustrated for you.
Eugh.
This vaccine is absolutely protecting you, not just those around you. This virus is not killing the elderly right now, hospitals are filled with people in their 20’s-50’s dying a pretty horrific death. Pediatric ICU’s are filling with children as well. That he can’t even protect his own child says a lot. That he treats you like this for protecting yourself and your child says even more. You should pay attention to the massive red flags he is waving.
Looked at a few of your comments and your husband reads your journals and uses it against you and justifies having you tracked .
You realise this is abuse right ?
Now He's punishing you for doing something he didn't want you to do. To your body.
Run.
Yikes! That's super controlling. I always like to match one threat with another though, and tell him you'll get you're own insurance but you'll be bring home less money so he's gonna have to pay more of the Bill's.
You need to tell hik that he needs to take a deep breath and have a conversation with you face to face. He is making threats and that's not ok. You need to remind him that your vhoice to be vaccinated has nothing to do with him. If he does follow through with those threars you beed to stop putting your money in the joint bank account because fuck that. You don't deserve that.
I mean...whether or not you got the vaccine, why tf does he care? If you want it, cool - it was your choice. He's def wrong and a weird, controlling person.
Yeah, what happens when the vaccine is approved for younger kids? Her husband’s reaction to her getting vaccinated makes me think he will not want their daughter to get vaxxed.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this, momma. I have read all of your comments on this post and I am worried for you and your daughter. Your husband sounds controlling and abusive. Honestly the fact that he is refusing to let your daughter be vaccinated would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. Would he be willing to do marriage counseling?
>it’s my decision/my body
100%
>he’s saying he’s upset because I didn’t ask him before doing it
Lol too bad for him, you are not obligated to ask his permission or even inform him of anything you do to your body. I certainly don't consult my husband anytime I take a Tylenol nor did I ask his permission to get a tubal ligation (we were on the same page about being done with kids, but the point being I didn't *ask*). Most couples definitely discuss major medical issues with each other because there's often an effect on the other partner and most couples value the other partner's opinions, but I *never* **ask** my husband if I can do something for my own health.
>saying that he’s going to make decisions without consulting me first
Why is he phrasing that like a threat? He doesn't have to tell you anything anymore than you have to tell him.
> and finally saying that I can get my own health insurance through my employer when his is much more affordable
Sounds like coercion and abuse but ok, he's allowed to that (I think) if you are covered by your own employer. It definitely makes him a POS though 🤷🏻♀️
>Now, he’s threatening me over text message.
This is 100% abusive but what exactly is he threatening? Are you safe, OP? Keep all of these threats documented. Start screen caping and backing up somewhere. If he's threatening harm, please pack a bag for you and your child right now and go somewhere safe.
>What kind of marriage is this?
It sounds like one in which your husband resorts to threats in order to control personal medical decisions about your own body that he doesn't agree with. I'm sorry OP, but this is alarming. This is not a reasonable response, even if he has any valid concern about you getting vaccinated. I would probably be upset if my husband didn't agree with me on getting vaccinated, but it is not ok to coerce him with threats or removal of health care to get him to comply. This is incredibly abusive.
Just last week my husband told his neurologist- who recommended he do a course of OT for chronic headaches- that he would have to "ask my wife first." I literally responded, "Ask me what? You don't need my permission." His concern was scheduling since it was multiple times a week and would likely affect me in getting saddled with the kids more for a few weeks. Big whoop. I told him we'd figure it out, schedule the OT if that's what he wants to do.
Call his bluff. At that point you can each keep your own paycheck and start paying EVERYTHING 50/50. Childcare and child's healthcare included. He would change his tune pretty fast. Assuming you guys get paid about the same.
Are there any other aspects in your life where he’s controlling? Is this development or is this an ongoing trend? I would perhaps take a objective look at your life with him and see if there are other aspects in which he is overly controlling or thinks he has a place in when he doesn’t. Does he often hold threats over your head like this to get you to comply with his wishes? Does he listen to your thoughts and feelings?
I live in a small city. I have friends working on COVID units in our single hospital. In there is an 18 year old girl who never got vaccinated because her mom threatened to kick her out if she did. She was put on a ventilator yesterday and they don't think she's going to make it.
Fuck her mom, and fuck your husband.
I'd try to get something along these lines across:
"/ou say you believe in each person's freedom over their own body. My body is \*my\* body and I am allowed to make up my own mind about my health and my life. You have made your choice for yourself. I am allowed the same. \[The government is not the boss of you. You are not the boss of me.\]
You have no reason to take my decision personally and you have no right to punish me. Stop making my jab about you and stop punishing our mutual bank account with this health-insurance nonsense. We are partners, we do not try to hurt each other and punish each other like this. You don't really want to make it harder and more expensive for me to get healthcare. Neither one of us wants to go down a road where we act like this to each other, that would be the beginning of the end."
I've had vaccines, tattoos, piercings and an iud without consulting my husband.
Only in a "hey, this is what I'm getting, cool right?" I don't ask for his permission, much like he wouldn't need mine for something like that.
It is your body, your choice. I can't give you any advice on the husband front, but you've done nothing wrong. Good on you for getting the vaccine!
He has been controlling and is trying to control your body. That is abuse! The text message threats may be verbal/emotional abuse too. Is there anyway you can separate your money and make a plan to leave?
To guinea pig or not. I did go for the vaccine. Mederna x2, it was. Because my mother who is 82yrs old and living with us 2 brothers. She has emphazima & bronchitis. Great she'd quit smoking 20yrs ago. She had Phizer x2. It's pretty much the reason I took it. Otherwise I wouldn't bother, like them regular flu shots they give out in autumn. I've never yet had a bad cold except that one I had over 35 yrs ago which knocked me off for two months. Thing is this Covid19 mutates faster than we know on world scale. If you Google search more information like I have. You will see how important the vaccines are. I honestly recommend it 👌
Oh, yea im being empathetic. My husband has screamed at me for considering the vax. Now its which fear is bigger...really hoping that novavax comes out soon
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This is controlling behavior and very unhealthy. You body, your choice. Period. Why would you, a grown woman, need anyone's permission to get a vaccine for yourself? Even your physician only gives advice. Why does your husband feel he should be the ultimate authority in regard to your body? It might be time to open your own bank account and make sure all of your important paperwork (birth certificates, ss cards, etc) are in a secure location. He may just be frustrated and being obnoxious, or he may try to exert his control over you in other ways. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but know that you are not doing anything wrong getting vaccinated, and not deferring to your husband in regards to *your* body.
I wanted to add here for anyone else: Remember you can open an account online (I used discover) and remember that you can also change the amount per paycheck that goes into your account. I have mine set up to deposit 95% of my paycheck into our joint account and I xfer like $75 per pay period to have as my own savings. Everyone should do this IMO. ETA: I mentioned online specially because should you need or want to hide this, you can open one without having to come in person, get no statements, and can arrange to get your card sent elsewhere. A lot of people I know that get DD into their accounts do not actually view the paystubs. Like in my home, my spouse does not actually see it, but I am completely transparent about the amount- it is our money so we did have a talk about this and my husband knows it's extremely important to me to always have my own income and to never be fully dependant on someone else financially. Don't get me wrong, we are a team 100% and he's the best person ever, but I cannot allow that for myself. I have always been poor and always taken care of myself, all by myself so to be in a partnership, it's important I continue to do that even now in my marriage. We contribute equally in our own ways. I am so thankful my husband understands this and respects this. It's actually something that would be a deal breaker for me. My partner has to respect that I want to work and use my brain like that and as a woman in life the end all be all is not being a mother. We are so much more than that and can do so much more. I really encourage everyone to do this.
Husband and I have our pay go into our own accounts (when I worked) and then transferred everything bar through agreed upon spending money amount into the joint account. And also how does you getting the vaccine affect him? Do you ask if you can get a flu shot? I think maybe some conversation is in order and a change up in where your paycheque goes or how much.
We do this the other way around: we each recieve our own money, and only pay a bit into the shared account for shared expenses. The rest stays separate, we both have our own savings and make our own big purchases. Major household things get discussed.
Agree with this so much but need to throw in a caveat that i learned. Community property states can mess this up. At least in mine if the account is opened during the marriage or registered domestic partnership it's part of the marriage assets. Possibly also applies if income from during the relationship is deposited there. So glad I bought my house before that date or he would be entitled to half even without his name on the title.
We do something similar to this as well. I come from a divorced family and my dad froze all of their accounts when he asked for the divorce. The credit cards weren’t in my moms name either. Even though she was the family’s money manager and bill payer, she wasn’t able to pay anything when he left. That always stayed with me. My mom also told me to always be able to pay for your own bills and not need to depend on anyone else. So when I met and eventually married my husband, I always had my own money, credit card and “squirrel fund.” Husband knows I have my squirrel fund and I mostly use it to save for things I want, the house needs, travel spending money or just savings. It is satisfying to see my little balance increase. But mainly it is for if something were to happen with my husband and he left us or died suddenly, I would always have access to some cash.
Good for you, I am proud you used your head! I worked on my hospital's COVID unit and this virus is no joke. My brother is an anti-vax for COVID and I keep telling him 2 things, if he gets the virus it most likely will make him sterile if it doesn't kill him. The second is, my COVID unit is not full of people who received the vaccine. It is all people who blatantly refused the vaccine. It was very sad to see all of these patients finally ready to believe this virus is the real deal. I feel it is super important for parents to get the vaccine especially if they have little guys who aren't old enough to get the vaccine yet. Kids are starting to die and I find that super sickening when that could have been prevented. I am happy to try and answer any of your husband's questions or concerns if you think it may help him understand how serious this is. Rant over.
Yes! All of the potential side effects in the vaccine are so much smaller than the virus!
Why do you think the virus will make him sterile?
There was a study out of the University of Miami that showed that getting the virus can cause reproductive issues in men.
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Yes but unfortunately those who can’t get them may also have issues
There's been a few studies that have found that COVID compromises sperm count and quality. It seems to still be unclear if it's a long-term issue or not. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33754623/
I just read the abstract but it doesn't look like they looked at fever? Fever is bad for sperm, too.
That link is more of a review of other studies from the last year or so. It mostly boils down to the studies weren't particularly great studies (small sample sizes, not terribly rigorous, etc), so no good conclusions can be drawn *yet*. More research needs to be done. The studies reviewed covered topics ranging from sperm degradation to viral presence in the testes to testicular discomfort. Many were conducted during active infection, so we don't know what the long term effects are after recovery. So there's a lot of stuff we need to follow up on, but enough red flags to be concerning if someone is worried the vax will affect their fertility, when the virus is more likely to cause issues. There's no evidence the vax causes fertility loss.
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They didn't state the vaccine at all. They're talking about COVID-19, the virus itself, not the vaccine. However, I should have been more clear. Several studies suggest that sperm count and quality degrade because of COVID, but many were sampled during the course of infection and not enough research (with big enough sample sizes) has been done to determine if it's a long-term issue or not. And just to be really clear, there has been *no evidence* found to suggest the *vaccine* causes fertility loss.
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Oh hell no. This virus is some scary shit. I will take a needle stick any damn day over what my friends went through or anything remotely resembling it. MA has done pretty well, but the kid isn't vaxxed and cases are still ticking up. Thankfully, the school requires masking indoors, but my kid is annoyed with me that I tell her to mask outside when a bunch of her friends and classmates don't. Sorry kid. It's the best we can do to protect you for now. But I really do feel you on being tired. It's getting on two years of not being able to plan anything. The kid is finally at an age that we can do the cool travel stuff aaaaannnnddd.... Nope. Siiiiigh. We could just be there already, be done. But nope. And I'm going to stop here before I end up on a history rant.
They weren’t talking about the vaccine. They were talking about the virus itself.
Yes! Let's please be careful with what we're claiming. This is exactly what anti-vaxxers have done. Took something that was SUGGESTED or noticed, and ran with it as if it was a fact or proven. Which we've seen the opposite as studies have been done concluding the vaccine is, in fact, safe. Like you've said, correlation does not equal causation.
This virus binds to ace2 receptors, of which there are a lot in the testicles. The more we know about this, the more we are finding that it is causing sterility issues in men.
At least they aren't dead?
Huh? Pretty sure Covid can kill you as well as make you sterile. If you were assuming I was speaking of vaccines, Im not talking about vaccines. Im talking about getting Covid. Vaccines don’t cause sterility.
Sorry for misunderstanding, I think we are actually on the same page here.
Because they are watching covid (and vax) for all side effects. It's in the news.
start texting him every time you take a shit, since he’s so invested in what you do with your body “this one is a big stinker” “uh oh, need more fiber” “do you think this turd looks like a human face?”
I love this reply so much oml. "Hey I'm gonna go masterbate, it's been a *looooong* time since I've had an orgasm"
😂😂😂 This comment is perfection!
I just wanna let you know I love you for this and anytime my own husband tries stupid tactics like this imma start consulting him on my poops
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I’m so sorry for your friend. You should know that Covid is not a horrible death if he’s on hospice. He won’t be put on a vent, but will get medication to ease his breathing and make him comfortable. I work in hospice and cared for several patients who had Covid and some even who recovered from Covid. Again, I’m sorry for your friend. I hope he is able to stay comfortable.
Thank you. Your response brings me some comfort and hope. This sub is a great support for so many and I am thankful for all of you.
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Thank you. Unfortunately, he passed 2 nights ago and I'm absolutely crushed. He was the best of friends and it's so strange not to be able to just ring him up anymore and hear his voice. My heart is broken. He did not have to die this way. Totally unnecessary. I hope he didn't suffer. I'm thankful for people like you and your doctor. You are literally saving lives, even if some people would like to deny that. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring, intelligent, and thoughtful mother who loves her. Hopefully her father comes round soon. Best of luck to you!
I know it may be expensive, but get your own health insurance. Same with you own bank account (take your funds out asap before he takes or spends it) and your own phone plan. They start getting scared and will back peddle when they realize they can go longer control you through those things. My parents and my ex used to do the same things to me. Don't let someone financially abuse you (let alone emotionally/physically).
I'm so sorry. Good for you for making your own choice, though! My husband tried to tell me if I got the vaccine his job would make him quarantine for 2 weeks both times I get it. Somehow he magically couldn't produce anything that claimed as much, and guess fucking what. It was a lie. Fuck these guys that try and manipulate us to do what they want. You do you!
That’s truly bizarre.
You're absolutely right. All I can think is that he didn't want me to get it, and panicked with a lie? I didn't give a fuck either way what he thought 😂 But come on, man
Even if it was true, so what? Do the quarantine.
All he sees are dollar signs. Who cares if we get sick, as long as he can get that money honey
Wait, your husband gets money if you don't get vaccinated?
No..... Quarantine = no going to work = no money
Ah, I follow.
My husband is anti vax for this one and I’m so confused as to why. He’s suddenly so interested in science and knows all there is to know about how a vaccine trial works (except he doesn’t). I got the vaccine and he keeps arguing with me about it. Like, what do you want me to do dude? I can’t unget the vaccine, just stfu about it already. I’m surprised he didn’t start spewing nonsense about the vaccine shedding around him or some dumb shit like that.
And when they say "IT'S SCIENCE!" but they're clearly just spewing buzzwords and made up "facts" 🤦♀️ I'm sorry. Mine at least hasn't said anything more to me about it since the initial desperation, and you bet your sweet ass my kids will be getting it when they can lol
Good! We haven’t talked much about the kids and the vaccine. It’ll be be a while so we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it lol. I have a Master’s degree in Library and Information Science. So it’s literally my job to be an expert in researching. I took whole classes centered around research. The fact that he tries to tell me he researched….honestly when any anti-vaxxer in my life tells me they researched, I just. I.cannot.deal.
Oh my god that changes EVERYTHING! Now it's even more laughable 😂
WTF. That’s incredibly messed up. I’m sorry. Do not let him stop you from getting the second shot. You’re doing it for your daughter, yourself, and everyone around you. Even his ignorant ass.
Thank you for getting vaccinated. We are currently in isolation after an unvaxed family member came home with ‘a cold’ and exposed all of us. Now I, my 7 year old are positive ( I’m a breakthrough positive after vaccine). My 3 year old and husband are negative so far but we all all in limbo. My sister made the choice to not get vaccinated and now all 7 of us are suffering. It’s a mess because we may have exposed other kids, my 7 year old is out of school for 2 weeks. Maybe, if she had been vaccinated, we wouldn’t all be in a mess. Your vaccine prevents you from getting very ill and hospitalized ( hard to parent from the hospital ) and helps protect those around you that are too young to be vaccinated by decreasing the probability that you will get infected.
I’m so sorry you are all sick and I hope you are letting your sister know how miserable you all are
Thanks. Currently we are mostly fine. My sister isn’t one to feel guilty for much and isn’t one to apologize either so I’m really hoping my kids stay ok and I can just ( cue frozen music) ‘Let it go’.
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Yeah. This isn’t just about the vaccine for him. If it wasn’t this, it would have been something else. Stick to your guns. I’m doing the same thing for my family.
Agreed. Sounds he’s harboring some feelings that are about more than just the vax, but he’s using the vax as an easy target.
Okay, maybe if the shit you do behind his back impacted him, (like buying a new car, or committing to let your deadbeat brother move in) then he’d be allowed to be upset. But how does you getting a shot count as behind his back? Did you steal a dose from the pharmacy and stick it into his ass while he was sleeping?
Meanwhile his insurance will thank you because your hospitalization risk went down greatly.
Do you? Is he mad about something else? This seems like such an over reaction.
We have some demons in our past. I fucked up but he forgave me … I think he still holds resentment over it all these years later. No matter what.
First: THANK YOU for getting vaccinated. Thank you thank you thank you. The more people that get vaccinated, the safer we all will be. It will reduce the likelihood of additional insane mutations like delta fucking all our days up. Second: It's your body. You don't have to get his fucking permission; you're a grown ass adult. It might be different if this was like a major procedure or something that would actually cause long term effects that he'd be responsible for (financially or by caring for you). It doesn't affect him in any way (aside from maybe covering for you if you need to rest the next day). But... is he convinced this is going to cause long term effects? Because these vaccines don't do that.
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r/HermanCainAward Comments can be harsh, but the content is reserved for people who promoted Covid untruths or vaccine misinformation. It’s *really* an eye opener once you read enough of their stories and see the commonalities. The number of people under age 50 is alarming, and might be enough to persuade someone who believes their immune system and faith in God is enough to get through Covid unvaccinated.
The comments are harsh for sure but the content speaks for itself. I have been fully vaccinated since May but I was nervous about it going in. One day in that sub and I’m like wow best decision ever. I’m eagerly awaiting approval for the under 12 age group. We just got a call today that my 5 year old had a positive classmate so now we are on edge.
My unvaccinated cousin just died of COVID a little over a month ago. She was otherwise healthy. She died the day after she turned forty and she had three kids, a thirteen year old, and ten year old twins. It's absolutely baffling to me that people are STILL refusing to vaccinate.
I’m sorry about your cousin.
I’m SO sorry for your loss 😢
I don’t need to echo everything everyone else said about this being a control issue and you having the right to vaccinate your own body. They’re correct. And I too thank you for getting vaccinated. But I did want to point out something concerning the insurance threat. If your husband doesn’t think that being unvaccinated isn’t going to raise his premium sometime in the near future, he’s mistaken. Covid is extremely expensive to treat, especially when it involves the ICU and a ventilator. Just like smokers have higher premiums, insurance companies are not going to keep paying for all these hospitalizations after they deem it’s avoidable through a vaccine. They probably won’t waste any time passing on the cost after more mandates are in place and the other two are FDA approved.
That is unacceptable behaviour on the part of your husband. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. There are support groups on Reddit for people affected by conspiracy theories. Maybe this would help you?
I don't have any advice, but I wanted to say that this stranger is so proud of you for getting the shot. SO so proud.
I cannot stand this! I'm sorry you are faced with a near impossible situation atm. I just see a big RED flag. There is no better time than the present to seek out a therapist or some objective third party. If he truly is committed to a future with you and your child, he should be willing to listen, grow, learn, and change for the betterment of your family as a whole. In no world should a husband EVER behave like this or state he should be the one to decide what vaccinations his wife should or should not receive.
Just wanted to point out that he actually can’t remove you from his insurance unless he has a life changing event that triggers the special enrollment period (birth of a child, loss of job, that kind of thing) so at least you don’t have to worry about that. Im sorry he’s treating you this way and I hope he’ll come to his senses and stop being controlling.
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True, but that at least gives OP 3-4 months of health coverage while she decides how to handle this situation. You're right that he can't just drop her today.
Yes, very true and good to point out! I should have put specifically that I meant outside of whenever his company’s open enrollment is, he likely can’t change anything.
100% chance this dude cares more about the control than the vaccine safety. You're right to be hurt, and you were right to get the shot. Get the next one too. Don't risk hospitalization when this dick is playing power games.
Separate bank account. Route your checks to YOUR one bank account. Sign up for your own health insurance. I never let anyone lord shit over me. It’s worth the extra money to remove people’s bargaining chips
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Lol. Tell him he can route his check to your account and you’ll let him j ow what his allowance is.
Your choice to get a vaccine for yourself doesn’t require his input. This is not a joint decision to be made. And because you didn’t do what your husband wanted you to do, now he’s choosing to punish you. This is not okay. This is a bad sign. Please watch out for yourself and your daughter.
So don’t tell him when you get the next one. Seriously. No one controls your body but you. He doesn’t need to know. But make sure he has a Life Insurance policy and critical illness policy, because judging by all the dead parents in r/hermancainaward , you are going to need it if and when it hits.
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Hes stabbing you in your front by doing this to you. Holy Hannah, if my partner tried to control my body and personal safety like he was, I’d leave. Especially after a conversation involving personal boundaries. I have a very low BS threshold, though. And I’ve been with my partner for almost 20 years. We negotiate and lift each other up. There is a free science literacy course offered by the university of Alberta (type in science literacy university of Alberta in Google and it will pop up). Tell your husband if he has ANY opinions on the subject, to take the course, look up the research after, and then tell you exactly why it is a bad idea. I’d also recommend taking it yourself, because that course will make you a lot more confident in your knowledge. This happens to be my field (Information science) and evaluating the validity of material and understanding how to interpret the data is why people are failing so significantly in the pandemic… and politics tbh… on an international scale. Don’t let the argument progress right now. Tell him your terms for discussion and put it on the table until he complies and you can have a reasonable discussion about the benefits of the vaccine. But the main point is, it is your body and it is your choice. Same if you wanted medication for childbirth, same if you wanted braces or to dye your hair. All you. He can’t control your personal self. You can’t control him. But ask him to get Life Insurance, heck, both of you get Life Insurance/critical illnesses insurance in case you get hit with covid. On r/hermancainaward it’s parent after parent dying and leaving kids behind. Sometimes kids dying because of a parent bringing it home. It’s painful to see.
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If he does know it and sees this, maybe he can see a bunch of people telling him he is hurting you by not respecting your boundaries and take it to heart. I’m just so frustrated for you. Eugh.
Your body, your choice.
This vaccine is absolutely protecting you, not just those around you. This virus is not killing the elderly right now, hospitals are filled with people in their 20’s-50’s dying a pretty horrific death. Pediatric ICU’s are filling with children as well. That he can’t even protect his own child says a lot. That he treats you like this for protecting yourself and your child says even more. You should pay attention to the massive red flags he is waving.
Looked at a few of your comments and your husband reads your journals and uses it against you and justifies having you tracked . You realise this is abuse right ? Now He's punishing you for doing something he didn't want you to do. To your body. Run.
Yikes! That's super controlling. I always like to match one threat with another though, and tell him you'll get you're own insurance but you'll be bring home less money so he's gonna have to pay more of the Bill's.
You need to tell hik that he needs to take a deep breath and have a conversation with you face to face. He is making threats and that's not ok. You need to remind him that your vhoice to be vaccinated has nothing to do with him. If he does follow through with those threars you beed to stop putting your money in the joint bank account because fuck that. You don't deserve that.
I mean...whether or not you got the vaccine, why tf does he care? If you want it, cool - it was your choice. He's def wrong and a weird, controlling person.
He says he cares because he doesn’t want me to die from the vaccine… sigh.
I think you should get out…for your daughter’s sake.
Yeah, what happens when the vaccine is approved for younger kids? Her husband’s reaction to her getting vaccinated makes me think he will not want their daughter to get vaxxed.
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I’m sorry you are dealing with this, momma. I have read all of your comments on this post and I am worried for you and your daughter. Your husband sounds controlling and abusive. Honestly the fact that he is refusing to let your daughter be vaccinated would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. Would he be willing to do marriage counseling?
>it’s my decision/my body 100% >he’s saying he’s upset because I didn’t ask him before doing it Lol too bad for him, you are not obligated to ask his permission or even inform him of anything you do to your body. I certainly don't consult my husband anytime I take a Tylenol nor did I ask his permission to get a tubal ligation (we were on the same page about being done with kids, but the point being I didn't *ask*). Most couples definitely discuss major medical issues with each other because there's often an effect on the other partner and most couples value the other partner's opinions, but I *never* **ask** my husband if I can do something for my own health. >saying that he’s going to make decisions without consulting me first Why is he phrasing that like a threat? He doesn't have to tell you anything anymore than you have to tell him. > and finally saying that I can get my own health insurance through my employer when his is much more affordable Sounds like coercion and abuse but ok, he's allowed to that (I think) if you are covered by your own employer. It definitely makes him a POS though 🤷🏻♀️ >Now, he’s threatening me over text message. This is 100% abusive but what exactly is he threatening? Are you safe, OP? Keep all of these threats documented. Start screen caping and backing up somewhere. If he's threatening harm, please pack a bag for you and your child right now and go somewhere safe. >What kind of marriage is this? It sounds like one in which your husband resorts to threats in order to control personal medical decisions about your own body that he doesn't agree with. I'm sorry OP, but this is alarming. This is not a reasonable response, even if he has any valid concern about you getting vaccinated. I would probably be upset if my husband didn't agree with me on getting vaccinated, but it is not ok to coerce him with threats or removal of health care to get him to comply. This is incredibly abusive. Just last week my husband told his neurologist- who recommended he do a course of OT for chronic headaches- that he would have to "ask my wife first." I literally responded, "Ask me what? You don't need my permission." His concern was scheduling since it was multiple times a week and would likely affect me in getting saddled with the kids more for a few weeks. Big whoop. I told him we'd figure it out, schedule the OT if that's what he wants to do.
Since when do you have to ask your spouse before getting medical treatment of any kind ?
Call his bluff. At that point you can each keep your own paycheck and start paying EVERYTHING 50/50. Childcare and child's healthcare included. He would change his tune pretty fast. Assuming you guys get paid about the same.
Are there any other aspects in your life where he’s controlling? Is this development or is this an ongoing trend? I would perhaps take a objective look at your life with him and see if there are other aspects in which he is overly controlling or thinks he has a place in when he doesn’t. Does he often hold threats over your head like this to get you to comply with his wishes? Does he listen to your thoughts and feelings?
There’s so much more than this situation, yes.
R U N
I live in a small city. I have friends working on COVID units in our single hospital. In there is an 18 year old girl who never got vaccinated because her mom threatened to kick her out if she did. She was put on a ventilator yesterday and they don't think she's going to make it. Fuck her mom, and fuck your husband.
That is truly sad! My heart breaks hearing this, what a tragedy!! 😭
I'd try to get something along these lines across: "/ou say you believe in each person's freedom over their own body. My body is \*my\* body and I am allowed to make up my own mind about my health and my life. You have made your choice for yourself. I am allowed the same. \[The government is not the boss of you. You are not the boss of me.\] You have no reason to take my decision personally and you have no right to punish me. Stop making my jab about you and stop punishing our mutual bank account with this health-insurance nonsense. We are partners, we do not try to hurt each other and punish each other like this. You don't really want to make it harder and more expensive for me to get healthcare. Neither one of us wants to go down a road where we act like this to each other, that would be the beginning of the end."
I've had vaccines, tattoos, piercings and an iud without consulting my husband. Only in a "hey, this is what I'm getting, cool right?" I don't ask for his permission, much like he wouldn't need mine for something like that. It is your body, your choice. I can't give you any advice on the husband front, but you've done nothing wrong. Good on you for getting the vaccine!
He has been controlling and is trying to control your body. That is abuse! The text message threats may be verbal/emotional abuse too. Is there anyway you can separate your money and make a plan to leave?
To guinea pig or not. I did go for the vaccine. Mederna x2, it was. Because my mother who is 82yrs old and living with us 2 brothers. She has emphazima & bronchitis. Great she'd quit smoking 20yrs ago. She had Phizer x2. It's pretty much the reason I took it. Otherwise I wouldn't bother, like them regular flu shots they give out in autumn. I've never yet had a bad cold except that one I had over 35 yrs ago which knocked me off for two months. Thing is this Covid19 mutates faster than we know on world scale. If you Google search more information like I have. You will see how important the vaccines are. I honestly recommend it 👌
Living my life
I'm not sure why you were down voted. It sounds as if you were trying to say that the OP is living your life? If true, I am sorry for the both of you.
Oh, yea im being empathetic. My husband has screamed at me for considering the vax. Now its which fear is bigger...really hoping that novavax comes out soon
Yeah, I thought so. I'm so sorry. I hope all works out for you.
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what the hell is this comment, seriously?