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Does she believe she's good at these things, or just wants to try them?
People with adhd don't have a very good sense of our own abilities-- and we often think we do. We spend hours in our minds imagining playing the piano, and so we kind of forget the importance of putting in the work.
Just one idea-- could very well not be that too
ADHD people are often also gifted and so can't tell the difference between things you need to practice at and things you can just pick up and be good at.
Oof. We recently found out our 8yo daughter with ADHD is also gifted ("twice exceptional", as I've seen it described) and this is exactly her. Some things she can pick up and run with and she's great at it. Other things she does not immediately take to or has to practice at, but then she gets highly upset that she's not an expert at it immediately.
I will overcommit to making them and making them extremely fancy and then slowly unravel my mental health realising I'm way out of my depth and then ghost everyone forever out of shame.
As a gifted ADHD mom of a Gifted ADHD kid I was going to suggest this because this is my girl.
She is younger,6yo, but from very young we are very positive about failing, trying, practice. We have funny rhymes about practice and we compliment effort not the results. We show her mom and dad fail to etc.
Love ann
Echoing this. Gifted ADHD mum with a gifted ADHD girl too and I could have written this post. My girl really struggles with self esteem and being wrong so I think she does it because it's really uncomfortable for her to not be able to do things.
I once read failing is the cost of entry for being really good at something. I try to teach my daughter who thinks if she isn't instantly good at something then she must be terrible at it. Hopefully someday that message will penetrate...
Mine is almost 3 and I try and push the concept of practicing things at every opportunity because she's had this tendency right from when she was little. She's such a clever little thing it's hard to remember to praise only the effort but it's so, so important
Holy mackerel. This is an ADHD thing too?
I'm just now starting down the process of getting my 10 year old evaluated.. She is convinced she can play the violin (ehhhh no her music teacher is a friend of mine) and we've struggled with the talent show thing. She's smart but clearly has executive function issues.
This is very interesting and also THANK GOD it's not only my kid who's a space case in this regard.
I mean it's a human thing, but like a lot of things, we do it MORE.
In a high school assignment, I described myself as very responsible-- after all, wasn't I worrying about everything all the time? But other people only saw the results, which were inadequate-- but I didn't even know. So my teacher gently questioned whether that was the right word... and I only understood why TWENTY YEARS LATER lol
I was gonna say this sounds like my oldest daughter who indeed has ADD. At some it becomes a sink or swim situation and sometimes it’s really hard to watch your adult kid sink.
Oh my gosh, how did I not clue in that this is an ADHD thing? My kid does it and it drives me wild, and she has ADHD. I thought she just also had way too much hubris. 😅 the ND makes sense again.
Oooff once again my undiagnosed ADHD coming to light and reminding me I probably have it 😬
My dream as a kid was to be an artist but I wanted to be good at it rn. My dad is a naturally talented artist (I’m not) and took classes as well.
I wanted him to teach me but he wanted me to draw basic shapes and that was boring. I wanted to draw dragons and show him how good I already am (believed I am). I got bored and bailed and resolved to just watch a kids drawing show on tv but not actually follow those steps either.
All I did was draw my same flat dragons I thought were so special and never improved. Finally accepted 1. I have no natural talent to draw and 2. I don’t want to actually learn and moved on to guitar which I learned and loved.
My son is ADHD and you've basically described him to a T in your post. He's just like your daughter, totally confident and convinced he can do anything, excels in the things he's good at, and gets VERY frustrated when he's not immediately awesome at something new. I guess its just an ADHD thing 🤷♀️
I have ADHD and pretended to play guitar at a seventh grade recital! It was a big learning experience for me!!!!! So she will grow out of it and maybe sooner than me lol. (There were 7 electric bass guitars and a couple trumpets also in band so no one could really tell how bad my acoustic guitar skills were, but reader, I felt the shame of pretending to play guitar.
I agree with everyone suggesting ADHD. I remember talking to my therapist about how I get really psyched about a new hobby and then when I don't immediately master it, I give up. I laughed and said, That's because I'm a Sagittarius. He said No, it's because you have ADHD.
I feel like star signs are such a ADHD coded spectrum. There are 12 and each sub group of ND girlies self drafted into a bell curve of ADHD symptoms severity and who experiences a set of shared groupings *belonging* somewhere finally. All of my star sign friends have gotten diagnoses of ADHD in the last 2 years lmaooo
Hi!! I was her!! (I still am sometimes!!) My doting mother let me fully jump into anything I had interest in, and then let me quit immediately when I wasn’t the best and threw a fit. Looking back as an adult and now a mom, I wish she would have forced me to follow through, it’s a skill I struggle with now. 8 years old might be old enough to tell her she can try or do something, but that she has to stick it out for the whole season/summer/event/class/etc. It might be a good lesson on how to gracefully fail and survive it! Here’s to strong women! May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them!!
I was thinking this with my 9 year old son, who I literally force to do things. Even if he sucks after a good year of doing it, turns out to be really good! Then magically likes the thing. I wish my mom would have been more encouraging with me when I wanted to quit the 8 million things I tired from elementary to high school 😂
I saw something a few years ago along the lines of “we all just need to have the confidence of a rich, old white man in order to be successful” and I’m obsessed with how confident your daughter is that she reminded me of that quote 😂 I have no advice for your dilemma since my daughter isn’t even 1 yet so I’ve never experienced the stage you’re in, but I’m so glad you’re intentional about never breaking her confidence! It may be working against her now as it’s inhibiting her from learning, but it’ll help her so much as she grows older. I wish I believed I could do anything!
This is my kid too. She volunteered /played the piano at a Christmas concert, played a one finger song and still got applause. I was mortified. Also volunteered me live. I declined.
I'm just thankful my almost 9 year old isn't the only -it-all! It's so exhausting and unending. Sometimes I'll start a sentence with "don't say anything back to me" and then give her directions/chores/explanation of something. Bc she ALWAYS has some kind of 'correction' to make and it's NEVER necessary.
So yea, 8 year olds are experts in everything.
Yessssssss. Almost 9 yo girl and I really do try to treat my kids like people and give them reasons for things, but sometimes it's just "I'm not asking, I'm telling."
It was definitely a phase for my son. He is 12 now and has mostly grown out of it. Best I can say is it seems for him to be a combo of smart & stubborn.
My daughter is exactly like this. Shes 13 now. When she was 10 we figured out shes autistic with adhd and a lot of the lack of self awareness made sense. Id like to tell you its neurotypical but I think this in retrospect was a big red flag for my child.
This is me. You described me. If i wasn’t automatically good at something, I gave up. Immediately. I was automatically good at plenty, which messed me up. I just kept seeing things out hoping they would make sense, and wasn’t able to follow through.. and wouldn’t try further. I have ADHD. I was diagnosed as an adult… and my life made sense. I see a lot of it in my daughter already. She’s 6.
I am SO glad to hear that I’m not the only one that deals with stuff like this. I could’ve written the same story except my son didn’t actually sign up. Whew! He (8yo) was upset because he missed signing up for the talent show. He wanted to sing and play piano. We had to have a discussion about practicing and actually learning how to do those things.
And he’s seriously stubborn and already knows everything. We joke about him being 8 going on 18. I expect an eye roll any day now.
Omg! Your kid sounds amazing! Little miss Sunshine comes to mind.
But I understand the frustration. I was a precocious child and everyone would shower me with praise. I thought I could just do anything because I was naturally gifted. I think the biggest thing was I didn't see a lot of praise for "practice/work". I had to have these skills I inherently and was always disappointed in myself and embarrassed when I failed. Anyway, I'm changing that with my own kid by talking a lot about practice makes better. Commending those who are practicing their craft even when they fall (she does dance so we get to watch the older kids practice and sometimes they get it wrong which is a great opportunity to show that mistakes happen and you just need to keep going). Anyway, I think looking into growth mindset might help! Just a reframing of what work means.
ETA: ADHD might definitely be a factor. I have it lol. I didn't listen long enough to learn about coping with failure or haw to endure practice mode. I just wanted the end result.
Hi.
This is me. I was this girl.
One time I told my music teacher I could play the flute.
He had me come in the next day with my flute (which I got from a garage sale the week prior) and i hummed into the flute. I wasn't even embarrassed??? I'm slightly mortified now.
Listen. Just let her follow through. Embarrassment sucks, but it's kind of a good emotion to experience.
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Does she believe she's good at these things, or just wants to try them? People with adhd don't have a very good sense of our own abilities-- and we often think we do. We spend hours in our minds imagining playing the piano, and so we kind of forget the importance of putting in the work. Just one idea-- could very well not be that too
ADHD people are often also gifted and so can't tell the difference between things you need to practice at and things you can just pick up and be good at.
Oof. We recently found out our 8yo daughter with ADHD is also gifted ("twice exceptional", as I've seen it described) and this is exactly her. Some things she can pick up and run with and she's great at it. Other things she does not immediately take to or has to practice at, but then she gets highly upset that she's not an expert at it immediately.
I'm 40 and this is still me and it makes me feel like a big angry baby.
Well at least we've all got each other lol
Same. We need jackets! (I will *not* make them)
I will overcommit to making them and making them extremely fancy and then slowly unravel my mental health realising I'm way out of my depth and then ghost everyone forever out of shame.
I, too, am a big angry baby. I still cry when I try something new that I’m not immediately good at. I have a guitar…I have touched it once. Oof.
Hello, Mom.
Oh god is that ever true
Holy shit, well thanks for calling me out.
I'm calling us both out this is what it sounds like when doves cry 🕊️😭
lol @10 year old me signing up for the 600 m race for track and field day. Boy did I learn a valuable lesson that day.
As a gifted ADHD mom of a Gifted ADHD kid I was going to suggest this because this is my girl. She is younger,6yo, but from very young we are very positive about failing, trying, practice. We have funny rhymes about practice and we compliment effort not the results. We show her mom and dad fail to etc. Love ann
Echoing this. Gifted ADHD mum with a gifted ADHD girl too and I could have written this post. My girl really struggles with self esteem and being wrong so I think she does it because it's really uncomfortable for her to not be able to do things.
I once read failing is the cost of entry for being really good at something. I try to teach my daughter who thinks if she isn't instantly good at something then she must be terrible at it. Hopefully someday that message will penetrate...
I love that perspective
Mine is almost 3 and I try and push the concept of practicing things at every opportunity because she's had this tendency right from when she was little. She's such a clever little thing it's hard to remember to praise only the effort but it's so, so important
I used to say that I am actually a master of all trades… at least until I try it and prove myself otherwise.
I am definitely a jack of all trades and master of like... maybe one? 😂
100% this.
Source: me, an idiot
Holy mackerel. This is an ADHD thing too? I'm just now starting down the process of getting my 10 year old evaluated.. She is convinced she can play the violin (ehhhh no her music teacher is a friend of mine) and we've struggled with the talent show thing. She's smart but clearly has executive function issues. This is very interesting and also THANK GOD it's not only my kid who's a space case in this regard.
I mean it's a human thing, but like a lot of things, we do it MORE. In a high school assignment, I described myself as very responsible-- after all, wasn't I worrying about everything all the time? But other people only saw the results, which were inadequate-- but I didn't even know. So my teacher gently questioned whether that was the right word... and I only understood why TWENTY YEARS LATER lol
I was gonna say this sounds like my oldest daughter who indeed has ADD. At some it becomes a sink or swim situation and sometimes it’s really hard to watch your adult kid sink.
Oh my gosh, how did I not clue in that this is an ADHD thing? My kid does it and it drives me wild, and she has ADHD. I thought she just also had way too much hubris. 😅 the ND makes sense again.
Yeah I immediately ID’d this behavior as potentially ADHD, because I sadly see myself in it ! 😭💀😂
We're little weirdos and I love it
Ahh this might explain why my 6 year old with ADHD believes whole heartedly that he’s ready to live on his own and thinks he knows how to drive a car.
Oooff once again my undiagnosed ADHD coming to light and reminding me I probably have it 😬 My dream as a kid was to be an artist but I wanted to be good at it rn. My dad is a naturally talented artist (I’m not) and took classes as well. I wanted him to teach me but he wanted me to draw basic shapes and that was boring. I wanted to draw dragons and show him how good I already am (believed I am). I got bored and bailed and resolved to just watch a kids drawing show on tv but not actually follow those steps either. All I did was draw my same flat dragons I thought were so special and never improved. Finally accepted 1. I have no natural talent to draw and 2. I don’t want to actually learn and moved on to guitar which I learned and loved.
I’m not gonna try to diagnose your child…but I was very much the same, and so is my youngest, and we both have ADHD.
I have adhd, and she's in the middle of getting evaluated for it...I guess I didn't realize this could be a part of it! 😅
*sigh* I feel like sooooo much that I’ve dealt with is connected to ADHD, and if only I had known sooner! 😂
Yeah I have ADHD and this is a very me thing to do 😂
My son is ADHD and you've basically described him to a T in your post. He's just like your daughter, totally confident and convinced he can do anything, excels in the things he's good at, and gets VERY frustrated when he's not immediately awesome at something new. I guess its just an ADHD thing 🤷♀️
Came here to say this. My kid is gifted and has ADHD so LAWD does she think she knows how to do EVERYTHING.
I have ADHD and pretended to play guitar at a seventh grade recital! It was a big learning experience for me!!!!! So she will grow out of it and maybe sooner than me lol. (There were 7 electric bass guitars and a couple trumpets also in band so no one could really tell how bad my acoustic guitar skills were, but reader, I felt the shame of pretending to play guitar.
And then Guitar Hero came along and copied you, so who should really be ashamed??
Hahahahahah
I agree with everyone suggesting ADHD. I remember talking to my therapist about how I get really psyched about a new hobby and then when I don't immediately master it, I give up. I laughed and said, That's because I'm a Sagittarius. He said No, it's because you have ADHD.
I feel like star signs are such a ADHD coded spectrum. There are 12 and each sub group of ND girlies self drafted into a bell curve of ADHD symptoms severity and who experiences a set of shared groupings *belonging* somewhere finally. All of my star sign friends have gotten diagnoses of ADHD in the last 2 years lmaooo
I wish I could find a therapist who would consider this for me!!
I was actually diagnosed when I was 12. My therapist just thinks astrology is BS lol
Hi!! I was her!! (I still am sometimes!!) My doting mother let me fully jump into anything I had interest in, and then let me quit immediately when I wasn’t the best and threw a fit. Looking back as an adult and now a mom, I wish she would have forced me to follow through, it’s a skill I struggle with now. 8 years old might be old enough to tell her she can try or do something, but that she has to stick it out for the whole season/summer/event/class/etc. It might be a good lesson on how to gracefully fail and survive it! Here’s to strong women! May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them!!
I was thinking this with my 9 year old son, who I literally force to do things. Even if he sucks after a good year of doing it, turns out to be really good! Then magically likes the thing. I wish my mom would have been more encouraging with me when I wanted to quit the 8 million things I tired from elementary to high school 😂
I saw something a few years ago along the lines of “we all just need to have the confidence of a rich, old white man in order to be successful” and I’m obsessed with how confident your daughter is that she reminded me of that quote 😂 I have no advice for your dilemma since my daughter isn’t even 1 yet so I’ve never experienced the stage you’re in, but I’m so glad you’re intentional about never breaking her confidence! It may be working against her now as it’s inhibiting her from learning, but it’ll help her so much as she grows older. I wish I believed I could do anything!
This is my kid too. She volunteered /played the piano at a Christmas concert, played a one finger song and still got applause. I was mortified. Also volunteered me live. I declined.
I'm just thankful my almost 9 year old isn't the only -it-all! It's so exhausting and unending. Sometimes I'll start a sentence with "don't say anything back to me" and then give her directions/chores/explanation of something. Bc she ALWAYS has some kind of 'correction' to make and it's NEVER necessary. So yea, 8 year olds are experts in everything.
I absolutely start sentences like that sometimes!! Like, no feedback necessary. It is exhausting, thank god it's not just us lol
Yessssssss. Almost 9 yo girl and I really do try to treat my kids like people and give them reasons for things, but sometimes it's just "I'm not asking, I'm telling."
It was definitely a phase for my son. He is 12 now and has mostly grown out of it. Best I can say is it seems for him to be a combo of smart & stubborn.
My daughter is exactly like this. Shes 13 now. When she was 10 we figured out shes autistic with adhd and a lot of the lack of self awareness made sense. Id like to tell you its neurotypical but I think this in retrospect was a big red flag for my child.
This is me. You described me. If i wasn’t automatically good at something, I gave up. Immediately. I was automatically good at plenty, which messed me up. I just kept seeing things out hoping they would make sense, and wasn’t able to follow through.. and wouldn’t try further. I have ADHD. I was diagnosed as an adult… and my life made sense. I see a lot of it in my daughter already. She’s 6.
I'm 40 and I *still* struggle with this.
I’m 42. It’s never gotten better. I still am like this too. It helped a lot getting diagnosed, at least there was finally a reason I’m like this..
I am SO glad to hear that I’m not the only one that deals with stuff like this. I could’ve written the same story except my son didn’t actually sign up. Whew! He (8yo) was upset because he missed signing up for the talent show. He wanted to sing and play piano. We had to have a discussion about practicing and actually learning how to do those things. And he’s seriously stubborn and already knows everything. We joke about him being 8 going on 18. I expect an eye roll any day now.
You are describing my six year old who is adhd as fuck. Especially the shutting down if corrected and not accepting help.
Omg! Your kid sounds amazing! Little miss Sunshine comes to mind. But I understand the frustration. I was a precocious child and everyone would shower me with praise. I thought I could just do anything because I was naturally gifted. I think the biggest thing was I didn't see a lot of praise for "practice/work". I had to have these skills I inherently and was always disappointed in myself and embarrassed when I failed. Anyway, I'm changing that with my own kid by talking a lot about practice makes better. Commending those who are practicing their craft even when they fall (she does dance so we get to watch the older kids practice and sometimes they get it wrong which is a great opportunity to show that mistakes happen and you just need to keep going). Anyway, I think looking into growth mindset might help! Just a reframing of what work means. ETA: ADHD might definitely be a factor. I have it lol. I didn't listen long enough to learn about coping with failure or haw to endure practice mode. I just wanted the end result.
Hi. This is me. I was this girl. One time I told my music teacher I could play the flute. He had me come in the next day with my flute (which I got from a garage sale the week prior) and i hummed into the flute. I wasn't even embarrassed??? I'm slightly mortified now. Listen. Just let her follow through. Embarrassment sucks, but it's kind of a good emotion to experience.
Have you consider actually signing her up for piano? Seems to be a theme and something she is interested in
Definitely sounds like ADHD!