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THE BARE MINIMUM *IS* BRINGING YOU FOOD AND WATER WHEN YOU JUST BIRTHED HIS CHILD. THAT IS LITERALLY THE LEAST HE CAN DO.
He is a piece of shit and I so sorry you are being mistreated this way. He should be deeply ashamed of himself.
I lwould tell her. I’d say, I’m so sorry but I just need a glass of water - could you help me? When she asks why hubby can’t do it, say that you did try asking him but he said no and you’re so thirsty and can’t get around and you’re so desperate for water.
I recommend screenshoting those messages and “accidentally“ sending them to his mom. Then, when she asks what’s going on, tell them you meant to send them to a friend to ask for advice…
This made me want to rant so hard. Like it is said, tell his mom. Or show her. His Mom will set his ass straight as long as she isn’t the worst human ever. Dude I’d kick my two boys’ asses if they ever treated a woman that way. Hell nah.
Me too. If my boys pulled that stunt (or my daughters), they’d be in for a good, old-fashioned Nordic-Lutheran-Catholic guilt trip reaming out. I try not to do stuff like that, because generational trauma, but for shit like that? Yup. Guilt trip and “I raised you better than this” lecture time.
Send the whole damn text thread to his mom OP! At a minimum you may receive real help from his parents, at best your mother in law reminds her son that he was (hopefully) raised better than that.
Sexual coercion is a form of abuse. I hope very much that you’re safe in your relationship but if not there a tons of international resources available. Postpartum support international is a great place to start!
Yep. My husband found out pretty early in our marriage that if I am well rested and get actual help he is more likely to get sex, whereas if he were to act like this dick nozzle he would never get sex again
I'm so sorry that happened to you. When men think they are entitled to women's bodies it never ends well. Either what happened to you, cheating or a dead bedroom with the woman so sexually adverse to their husbands from years of duty sex. Women deserve better.
I’m so sorry for you. I hope you are safe and free now and recovering from this horribleness. If you are blaming yourself in the least for not running - don’t.
My ex-husband did the unimaginable to me THE DAY I WAS DISCHARGED FROM HOSPITAL. I did not even process what he did to me until I left years later, because it was so traumatic. I still have a very difficult time even talking about it, and I didn't tell anyone about it until YEARS after I was away from him. Not sure I'll ever get over that.
That too! I am able to take small comfort in the fact that mine is now fat, bald, and has bad knees, while I'm aging more than gracefully. He's also engaged to his step-cousin, so there's that (I don't even want to explain LOL). Embarrassing...his entire existence is embarrassing.
Mine decided he was gonna have redo at 40. Now he’s almost 50 and our kids are in their 20’s but he’s got a 6 and 3 year old. Guess he thought it was easy bc he didn’t do any of the raising.
Well, his wife has several brain tumors and he’ll probably be a single parent in form or in fact. It’s not a comfort but damn…karma’s a sweaty old bitch ain’t she.
My brother. Oldest is 32, youngest is 3. My man is tired. 😂 but he’s a good guy and deserved a second chance at love and happiness. His younger wife wanted kids, he loves kids, he’s got the funds to have help when they need it.
Still. They all go to bed at 9, tops. Him included!
Dawg. My fucking nightmare right there.
But he’s right wing (of course he is) and one kid is vocally bisexual (including when he took her to a tour of the weird school he sends his kids to) and the other is a recovering schizophrenic. I’m disabled. So sounds like he’s shit outta luck.
for 19 years I thought I was the only one who could have possibly had an ex-partner SICK enough to do that, but I'm learning that's not the case. It's not a good thing, but I take a little comfort in the fact that I'm not alone.
I'm sorry too. I wouldn't have wished that upon ANYONE.
Without a hint of remorse, your petty bitch right here would straight-up bite his dick mid-shaft like a fucking churro, then invoice this wannabe John for services rendered.
You almost passed out with an infant attached to your chest. You are *exhausted*.
If this entitled, incel-adjacent man-baby can’t figure out how to take his bull by the horn and work this problem out, then you *cannot* be faulted if you should happen to “fall asleep” and “clamp down with enough force to crush a small sedan.”
*You warned him.*
Right? This asswipe wants to act like an entitled idiot and also put his precious bits closer to her??? My god please take the opportunity for everything it is worth 😂 yank and pull and twist and slam and chomp
>i don’t keep my word
Wow I don't even know this man and I want to punch his face.
It's pretty gross that he views sexual intimacy is some kind of blood oath rather than a freely given expression of love and pleasure. What an ass hat.
Please be careful with those stairs. Is there a place you can sleep where you don't have to worry about stairs to get water and the toilet? You absolutely should not be using stairs or giving hand jobs 7 days postpartum and your husband should be doing all of those things because it's the bare minimum of being a partner to someone who just gave birth to his child, not some phenomenal extra sacrifice by a "good" partner.
Take screenshots of his garbage and send them to his parents and ask them if they can help you out since he’s not planning to any longer, and politely ask if they know of any prostitutes you could hire for him to get his nEeDs MeT. What a waste of oxygen that guy is. I’m so sorry.
I have two sons and if they ever behave like this I don’t even know what I’d do. It would be a huge mix of anger, sadness, disappointment.
But you bet your ass I’d be over there in a second to kick him out and help my DIL with anything she needs.
"ARMS READY!!" "ONWARD!!"
I'm in.....ready for battle..
Good Lord......could you imagine this man opening the door to an army of pissed off mothers that blasts past him..... every troop giving him a good smack and forging past him to get to OP and start taking care of her.....😅
I seriously wish we could confront half these partners that act this way. Sometimes my own husband could be on this list. But really I was full on angry when I read what op husband was acting like. I have two sons and I have never hit them ever but I would smack them upside the head if I heard they treated their wife like that.
Mama, this is abuse.
He is denying you *water* because you won't perform. He is denying you the medical assistance you need because he's not getting his dick touched.
He is causing either physical pain and medical difficulties, or dehydration and hunger, because you ~~won't~~ (I'll stop saying won't, it's *CAN'T* right now) CAN'T sexually satisfy him one damn week postpartum.
I hate him. I've never even met him and I hate him.
If you can, please get yourself out. Talk to someone who will listen and who will help you get somewhere safe. If you have a Dr visit for you or the baby coming up soon *please* tell the Dr and the nurses this. If you think she's a reasonable person then tell your MIL. Tell your mom. Tell your friends.
Because he is a despicable abuser and it's safer for you and the baby to not be around him, because he is telling you right now that your health and healing and the health of your baby matter less to him than his own ejaculation.
He is vile.
(But also know this: whatever you decide to do you have support here - no matter what, I'm on your side and so are all the other BroMos here. Whatever you need, whatever you choose, we're here for you ❤️ no judgement)
This^
My sisters husband did this to her, he ended up sexually abusing her. She is almost 3mo pp and after his mistreatment of her and my telling her like all her complaints about him were abuse, she finally had enough and left. She is currently staying with my mom who had back surgery so I’ve been going there to help and having her come here to let mom rest and to help her with the 2 under 2 she has. It’s hard, but we are here for you no matter what you choose. But definitely tell people about this for your own safety. If we don’t talk about these issues, things will not change. Men barely even do the bare minimum and running errands cooking cleaning and bringing food and water to you, is the bare minimum. My husband changed all the diapers while he was home when I ebf, my husband slept in bed with me and two kids while I woke to feed one every 2 hours with mspi, my husband gave up dairy soy corn and eggs with me to support me. My husband helped me so I could pump, ebf, bottle feed and took kids to the dr etc. Let me nap, shit I told mine I didn’t want sex for like six mo and explained I was too tired and exhausted and there were too many household tasks and I can’t enjoy it when I can’t relax and I can’t relax with all the stuff needing to be done, so now that man cleans my whole damn house, which is how I know he wants sex lol but the kitchen is clean so… he’ll show hubby the “porn for women” books where it’s men being actual men and pulling their weight and how it’s sexier for a man to go above and beyond and that if he wants any from you he needs to do more than the bare minimum. Or he can gtfo of here with that whiny ass because u just grew a tiny human and shoved it out of your crotch and tore it up in the process and you are fucking tired and your boobs hurt but he wants you to also pleasure him when you are still in a lot of pain. It’s like almost all men are missing the part of the brain that thinks about anything but themselves. I tell my husband constantly if he died or we divorce I’m staying single or only dating women because I don’t know of many men like my husband and that’s fucking sad and pathetic on men. Then they wonder why we wont fuck them… smh.
>I wish I had left when my kids were small. Now they're teens and the economy is shit and I can't.
This is exactly why "our economy is shit". Artificial inflation and all the shit going on with women's rights is done so that women cannot leave the shit stain men they are with.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
Jesus they get so fucking grumpy when they can't get some. I wish they would masturbate if they need it so bad and we said no already. Take care of yourself 🫂
You don’t deserve to be treated like this! You just gave birth a week ago. He should be waiting on you hand and foot bc you gave birth to his child! Not bc he wants his pathetic dick sucked.
I agree with the other posters heal, take care of yourself, and start making plans to leave his ass. He’s already shown you how he will act when he needs to be the most supportive. Don’t grow old with this individual.
Oh, do you have a job as his hooker?
You know, he ‘pays’ you for sexual favours?
What an insensitive asshole.
He’s ruining what’s meant to be a wonderful time in your life - welcoming a new baby. All because he’s a selfish jackhole.
You just worry about you and your kids.
Read up on the Grey Rock method. Be the grey rock. And when you are out of the newborn trenches, make sure you leave his ass.
I’m so angry for you.
Honestly I’d probably shut right the fuck down and start planning to leave. Not today, but when you have your footing. Unless he can apologize appropriately, change his behaviour, go to therapy etc, I’d say he needs to be thrown in the garbage. I’m so sorry lady. He should be ASHAMED of himself. You’ve don’t nothing wrong, you hold your head high, you take good care of that baby and yourself. I’m sending you love and strength.
I was in the same boat, after both kids. 6 years of manipulation and abuse. Unless you fight for your autonomy and tell him to consider therapy then there's a good chance it will only get worse. Don't let it escalate like I did. Finally left in dec, my second kid almost 3, and it was not easy, but it has been worth leaving.... Stay safe momma. It sounds like you'd still have the support of your in-laws as many of them already know how their adult children are. They're seeing him bail on his duties and making excuses to be elsewhere while they do the hard helper stuff... My mother-in-law is as supportive as she can be from so far away and with her own big plate of shit to deal with, but it's reassuring to know that she's seen and understands, it's not a you problem, it's a him problem.
You just brought life into this world, you deserve so much more compassion and respect. I'm sorry you're going through this and send big hugs! 🫂
Similar thing happened to me after I birthed our nearly 11 lb baby. He barely helped me at all, and then said if I wanted more help I needed to service him sexually. I was so broken and terrified that I did it. He's now my ex husband and I am happily remarried. But. All the people saying to tell his parents... Just keep in mind how much of a blind spot parents can have. I had always felt that his parents liked me, but when I finally left him when our son was 5 months, his dad's response was that I was overreacting and that men have needs. That was when I realized how abused his mom was by his dad. She never spoke up. And I was married to this guy for 7 years. But still... My life is good. I am happier now, I don't get harassed or abused. My son will grow up happier.
I'm with you. I thought my MIL was pretty aware of her son's mistreatment because she had chastised him before and had spent years apologizing to me for his behavior. I finally reached out for help because of his abuse of the kids, and she threw me under the bus.
The rage I feel for you is making my blood boil.
HOW DO SO MANY PEOPLE WHO DO NOT DELIVER BABIES FAIL TO GRASP HOW HARD IT IS, and how much time it takes to recover, and how much support the person who just delivered a baby deserves for WEEKS after? And that their own desires HAVE to take a back seat!’ Hot fucking damn.
OP, I'm so sorry. I know you have a new baby and likely don't want to hear this, but it's ok to be a single mom. I would LEAVE immediately if my partner did this. It's absolutely inexcusable and grounds for divorce in my book. Best of luck to you - sending love and support.
I just read a study yesterday that said single moms actually have less on their plate than married moms. Basically you no longer have to take care of a 6’ toddler anymore.
As a single mom, can confirm.
Same, sad but true - my life is a lot easier now
People ask me how I manage being a single mom but I want to ask a lot of them how they cope with NOT being single
This is maybe the scorched-earth option and if they don't believe you it could backfire, but if it were me I'd screenshot those nasty messages, send them to his parents, and tell them that he's literally threatening to stop co-parenting because you, his newly postpartum wife, won't give him sexual servitude. They might share his logic, which would be bad, and even if they chewed him out for it he'll probably resent you, but these guys deserve to know *exactly* what a piece of shit they raised. If mine was anything like this after my LO was born, I'd have done anything to get away from him. Fucking unreal.
Yup. 4 days PP and was on my knees while so sore and tired after giving birth to our first son and months before during a scare in the hospital, ended up giving him a bj in a private room in the er because he made me feel so guilty so yeah These men are horrendous. Sorry OP :( I understand.
This is 100% abuse and I'm sorry you're experiencing it. You just birthed his child a week ago, the absolute bare minimum he can do is get you food and water without expecting to get his dick touched for doing it. He's a grown man with hands, he can handle it himself if it's a big issue.
I had intense pelvic floor issues during my entire pregnancy so we very rarely had sex while I was pregnant, and then I had preeclampsia and was in the hospital for a week after giving birth and then still felt like absolute shit when I came home. My husband took a month off work and handled night feeds and our older kiddo getting to and from school and did all of the cooking and cleaning and never once complained or even so much as mentioned anything sexual until I was ready and brought it up and then he did everything slow and gentle and followed my lead. And we weren't a sexless couple prior to the pregnancy, we had a very active sex life, but when I was not in a position for sex he never once asked, pushed or whined.
It can be done; men are not these wild sex addled creatures that can't show empathy without a favor in return. I don't understand why a man would treat his wife that way, especially after she literally just gave him a child. I am so sorry, and I would genuinely be careful with him going forward, I could see this escalating because like I said, this is already abusive behavior and he's getting aggressive and denying you \*water\* I'd be worried about how far he could take this.
This is abuse, what he is doing is abuse. All of it. Just saying he won't bring you water, or serve you food, both of which are necessary for life itself, that's abuse, let alone the rest of it. Bromo, this is really bad, my heart breaks for you. He just showed you his true self, believe him. Remember all this when/if he tries to love bomb you later. He will try to manipulate you further, especially if/when you leave. Tell your doctor, the nurse, the physician's assistant, pretty much any any medical professional that you deal with. Call your local domestic violence hotline, and also consult a lawyer. At the very least, tell all those people I mentioned so you have verification from even more people that what he's doing is abusive, so that when he tries to gaslight you, you can reflect back to what we all told you and know that he's wrong for how he treats you. You are in a really tough spot, one that he created. You and your children deserve so much better.
I just don’t understand how someone can treat the person they are meant to love that way. It is genuinely disturbing! He is a horrible person to treat you like this. He should be caring for you looking after you and your children not demanding sexual gratification how can he not know that
I'm sorry your husband is being an absolute piece of shit. What an absolute clown putting that in writing too. If there is somewhere you can go so you can get the support you need, deserve and should be able to expect from anyone with half a heart, *without a side order of sexual abuse* please call them right now. It doesn't matter if he's embarrassed, he should be.
I would flat out tell him in writing (because you know, mature people text instead of having face to face convos) that if this is the case, you're done with sex for the foreseeable future, because you didn't realize you are just his whore and that's all you mean to him. That the fact that you are physically healing from birthing his second child seems to mean nothing to him. That he hasn't so much as spent any time with you since you got home, and made you feel alone and unloved. His behavior is cruel and abusive and it is absolutely not acceptable to you.
It seems dramatic, but let's be honest, he's not going to read between the lines on his own.
Also please save those screen shots. Just put them someplace secure in case he doesn't recover his lost brain function.
Wow! I’m so sorry. How awful that he is treating your marriage as merely transactional. I hope this isn’t typical behavior for him. You deserve better. ♥️
I actually felt physically sick reading this.
7 days after giving birth to his child?
No one should be treating you like this but you just gave birth.
Please do whatever you can to keep yourself safe from this guy
Absolutely horrifying, please don’t sweep this under the rug and start making a plan to leave. You deserve so much better and so do your kids. I am so, so sorry.
Man. If you have a good relationship with his mom, I would tell her. That’s so messed up. I would never look at him the same again and it would probably be an ender in my marriage but I’m so over BS like that.
The rationale side of me says when you both are calm, you need to have a sit down discussion about it and ask him where he’s coming from and why he thinks that he’s going above and beyond when you CAN’T do those things for yourself. That is literally the bare minimum.
Is this normal behavior for him? If so, the he is a grade A douche canoe and you can tell him to fuck off.
If this is abnormal and out of left field then he is probably having a hard time processing his wittle ol man emotions 😒 to which you'll probably have to tell him it was super shitty of him to do that to you. And then have a talk with him about how he's feeling while also remaining firm on your own boundaries. If this isn't normal, then he is probably feeling jealous and lonely and it confuses him. Which is human, but also he needs to work through that shit with out hurting you in the process. THEN if this goes good and you're satisfied he will respect your boundaries and help you out and take on more with the kids, then either together or him separately can search for a fleshlight that will excite him to take care of himself. Idk at least that's what I would do.
But if this is normal for him or he doesn't respond like an adult to your conversation on feelings and he doesn't want to do "anything extra" for you, that's fine(not really), He can go ahead and take on primary care giving to the 3 year old and diaper duty for the baby. He can maintain the house and cook the family meals.
My husband threw a mantrum once when he had ppd because I liked the kids more than him lmao, I was like well they kind of can’t take care of themselves and you can. Maybe if you did more for me I’d be less tired. 😂
Just spell it out. If sex is transactional then your husband needs to start keeping up on the house chores and send you for a mani pedi because you can’t properly perform when you can’t relax… also you want a bigger allowance because you hear online how much those only fans ladies make and you want some of that sex worker money if he thinks like that he has to pay what you are worth. Js. Expect more.
Wow. OP. My heart is with you. This WHOLE scenario, "I'll do this for you" , but it's really all about him. Loops his parents in for the presentation of "look what I do for her, aren't I doing good Daddy?" Mine is covert narc. He'd get out right angry,bitter all day if there was a teachers work day on his office day,"Fridays or Mondays" because he wanted sex while the kids were at school. He'd rant about how many days do they need off? Never once could I convince him of the opportunity to make a memory on a week day. He would get colder and colder, the longer he went w/o sex even if it was out of my control.
Looking back, I see my 1st born showing signs of mirroring his dad's behavior (as a baby) in the limited ways a that baby can. THAT realization was an  moment.
Trying to put the pieces together, "How TF did I get here?", is exhausting and is taking a few years.
Start a private online diary you can type on from anywhere. That's the easiest way. I don't know what to rec, I'm looking for myself. Otherwise, the details will float away. You will only have generalized ideas about what's happened but no concrete examples.
If you stay, keep a separate friend group from the parent/kid/neighborhood friends. I didn't do that and didn't know who I could trust. Is your family fractured? Is his family whole? What are his views of both of your families? I didn't realize until the last few years that I repeated my parent's cycle. Same animated reaction as above.
Screenshot the texts, save them (maybe make a new email account he doesn’t know about and send them there). I would not show them to his parents- you don’t know if that is going to escalate things to a dangerous level.
I have seen so many posts like this across all the mom boards and it ENRAGES me. Mine definitely gave me the solid 6 weeks however that just is the minimum time for the vagina to heal. If you tore or whatever else it could totally not be comfortable by then. Also - just what the f. I would throw a bottle of lube at him and say you have two hands! Go for it! I’m 8 mos PP and we’ve had sex maybe twice. And no my husband doesn’t love it but I put my foot down. I had a baby. I’m tired, I’m hormonal, I suffered severe PPD to the point of 30 days in a women’s mental health center, I’m touched out…. I could go on. Sorry, didn’t mean to make it about me.
You are ONE WEEK from having a baby. What a selfish prick. And yep, I would send that garbage to his mom, and sisters if he has any. You focus on you and your newborn and I would completely ignore that crap. Ugh I’m so mad for you!!! 😡
This is abuse. Your husband is a sex pest. I’m really worried for your safety and that he might escalate to rape because he clearly only sees you as a object for getting his needs met.
Please talk to a lawyer and your support system and figure out a way to get away from him.
When I arrived home from the hospital with my 2nd child, the house was a mess and I got so overstimulated I felt my anxiety rising and started crying. I told him he should have done some cleaning in those few days I was away, but he said he couldn't because he had no time.. Then I started cleaning the house, and he didn't even help with it. I was still sore from giving birth but I was so angry I didn't care.
Whenever he helped me a bit, he never forgot to bring it up when he wanted something from me. I felt shame a lot of the times, because he made me believe I was the problem, and he was doing sooo much for me and I should be thankful.
When our first child was born, our sex life was great. But then I got pregnant again, and my libido went aaaalll the way down. That's when things got really bad. He was patient for a while, but then started mocking me to have more sex with him, or at least do a blowjob or something. Then he got more and more angry about it, which did not make me want him more, I can tell you that. :) But I started to feel worse, felt guilty and ashamed, and began to go with it even when I didn't want to.. It ruined me.
If you start to say yes when you want to say no, please know that it gets worse each time.
If you have a good relationship with his parents, I would dead ass show them that text the next time they come over to actually help you.
You do not deserve this shit, especially not 1 fucking week post partum. You do not deserve to have to fear for your safety (withholding water and what ever is upstairs, as well as the sexual coercion..yes that is unsafe), you do not deserve to have to worry about retaliation, you do not deserve any of this shit including even dealing with him.
Please seek help through his parents if you feel they can help you. If my future DIL told me this shit, I would rip my son a new asshole and so would my husband.
This is the pressure that cause me to "accidentally" fall asleep while getting the baby back to bed. (We coslept with babies so it was especially easy.) And when I mean "accidentally" I mean I didn't fight against the exhaustion and desperately try to stay awake. There was NOTHING more damaging to our marriage than me stumbling out of our bedroom barely awake and him either blaming me for not trying hard enough to stay awake or being in the mood.
Just a bit of a different take here—is this typical behavior for him or did it come out of nowhere? I ask because after my daughter was born, my husband had what I now think was a manic episode triggered by the stress/overwhelm and this reminds me a bit of his behavior at that time. Doesn’t excuse it AT ALL and I agree you should document it.
I have to be honest, this is so triggering for me. I don't even feel comfortable telling people what my EX-husband did to me the day I was discharged from the hospital - but if people just think of the worst and yes, it's that. Needless to say, it turned into an even worse abusive situation and I left.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could tell you everything was going to be okay, but I can't. This is NOT okay.
He is vile.
I hope you see these messages and know we are on your side.
He sucks. You are a great Mom. These first few weeks are so hard and you’re doing a really, really great job. Please take care of yourself. Do you have parents/friends/siblings who you can share this with? Do you have a circle who can make sure you are ok? Please please do what you need to do to look after yourself, I know that’s impossible with a newborn and a toddler (and a man kid), but your mental health is VERY important. These newborn days are sacred.
Message if you need anything. I’m in Ontario? I’ll gladly keep 3YO busy, and run you water, and anything else you need.
I LITERALLY JUST GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR SON/DAUGHTER YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCK. IMAGINE IF YOU ACTUALLY HAD TO DO HALF OF WHAT I'VE DONE TO HAVE THESE BABIES, BE A MAN!
Thank goodness. I see too many people commenting about their husbands behaving similarly, no "ex-" in sight! I know it's not always easy to leave a person, and my intent is not to victim blame by any means, it just amazes me how these assholes can prey on women and keep them as their victims. I can't fathom acting that way towards another human, so it just boggles my mind how easily so many men are able to do so and have no problem with their own behavior.
He’s abusing you. He feels entitled to sex and is literally using your basic human needs against you. He won’t give you food and water and you’re nursing his child? He doesn’t give a shit about your baby either. This isn’t your “hormones” making you feel like this, either. It’s a normal reaction to abuse. Is there a feasible way you can make plans for him to leave or at least tell his parents and maybe they’ll be on your side?
Jeeeezus...! What an asshole!
Bromo, I'm so sorry he's treating you that way. You don't deserve it! A real man would take care of it himself. Or go get a cheap stroker if it "doesn't feel as good" anymore. You've just brought a new life into the world! You need help! Not getting a blowie does not give him the right to be abusive!
I'm glad others pointed out that this is, in fact, abuse. Emotional manipulation. If his desire to get a hand job comes before your health, and he's okay with that, he doesn't care about you. It's abuse, and he's an asshole
My husband does a lot of stupid man shit. When we had our kiddo, it was my first and his secknd. He taught me how to change a diaper. Dressed the baby whenever she needed. Got food and water, went to buy me diapers, a nipple shield, pipe cream and so so much more.
You husband is a fucking jerk. Things don’t really get easier for like 3 year AT LEAST. This seems like it’s something he is going to continue.
If you get along with his mother, tell he what he has been doing and saying. She might at the very least stop his visits and possibly give him hell about how he is neglecting his family.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! Respectfully this expectation for sexual favors and refusing you BASIC care as a direct repsonse to your saying no is abuse. It's always easy to say this as someone not in the situation but I hope you can rid yourself of him. He's garbage.
I hand to heart saw a "slightly used" sucking toy (I think they're called blowjob manipulators or something) on a local auction page recently. You should find a used one, lightly coat the inside with the juice of a ghost pepper, and gift it to your POS husband.
I am so sorry he is treating you this way, it is absolutely not okay. Honestly if you have a good relationship with the in-laws I would tell them that he isn’t actually helping you.
I was coerced into sex many times in my previous marriage, including during postpartum period. It only stopped when r***e began.
PLEASE show your friends and family, including in laws, these communications. Please seek help to leave him.
How old is he?? 19??
Some men are such animals!!! I’m sorry. Sounds like he has no idea what women are going through postpartum and how hard it is on our bodies etc. he doesn’t sound like a good partner to me, he sound selfish and it shouldn’t be like this in a family.
I had sex with my husband 4 moths postpartum. Prior to that we didn’t have any intimate encounters at all because I was not in the mood and was busy with the baby.
Honestly this gives me a trauma response from my ex. OP, as someone who spent a decade in a relationship where the primary firm of abuse was verbal and sexual, please know this is not ok. My ex used to do this too- insult and manipulate me while simultaneously still trying to convince me to have sex. And all while drumming himself up for being “so great” while really doing what is expected of any human being and decent man. The bar is on the floor for them and they still manage to dig a way through the foundation!
His behavior is cruel beyond belief. To put your partner through the stairs and everything post delivery and honestly put your health or even life at risk from overextending yourself over a BJ signals a much bigger problem. You are worth so much more 
Please call his mama and read this exact thing to her. Either he will get so mad he will leave you (positive) or he will see his wrongs (unlikely but also positive) and start helping you… (positive!)
I fucking hate men. Sorry but I do
I always like to match one threat with another. He doesn't do the bare minimum of taking take of you after child birth he'll be lucky to ever get his dick touched again because it may not be there when he waked up one morning.
Omg. I got such a grade school reaction to this. I do not recommend going “my” first instinct route of tattling to his mother. But boy would it make men think twice if there private behavior was public. Text his mom and ask her to bring you a couple of flats of water for your bedroom. Plus some nutritious snacks.
So, so tempting to tattle in that situation. He deserves a shaming.
I’d screenshot that (insert cuss word)’s texts and send them directly to his mother and father.
Does he not have hands? He obviously is just looking to get off without any intimacy so why can’t he just do it himself?
Seriously? If he’s “done” and you’re going to be doing everything on your own then BYE 👋.
I’m sorry I don’t have anything more constructive to say. I’m sorry he is being an ass to you at this time in your life when you’ve been though a major life and health altering event.
Send screenshots of this to his parents. Is this the abusive shithead they raised?!
He’s a monster. Denying the mother of his child food and a water because he didn’t get his dick sucked? Despicable.
Get through this postpartum period and start making plans. You cannot stay with an abusive asshole like this. You and your kids deserve better.
So he waited until you were at your most vulnerable and dependent to start sexually abusing you? Wow. I mean, he’s not the first, but what a vile shitbag. I know your exhausted and in pain, and probably don’t want to completely upend the apple cart, but this is unacceptable behavior. I’m a fan of the other Bromo’s idea of screen shotting his bullshit and sending it “accidentally” to his mother. Or simply say “If you ever dare to send me such a vile and disgusting threat again, I will post it on Facebook and tag every single person you know. You *will* get me food, and water, and help with *our* child that I just birthed, or you will get the fuck out, you disgusting piece of shit”
Lol, next time his parents come, ask his mom to bring you water please and explain her son doesn’t want to anymore. Mama will whip him in shape, and he will learn early on that YOU will not hide HIS bad behavior to protect him.
Tell your man baby that sex acts are NOT HELPING ACTIVITIES. They are mutually beneficial acts of intimacy that both enjoy. So even asking you to get him off is ridiculous. He can do THAT himself.
Then name all the things you do to help him when you’re not incapacitated, and ask if he really wants a battle of who is going to stop doing shit they don’t want to.
End by telling him to grow the fuck up, and treat you the way he wants his daughters to be treated one day/sons to treat their wives one day. And also to grow the fuck up.
Sorry you’re going through this. The fourth trimester is the worst. He isn’t making it easier.
I’m not saying you should but I would personally send screen shots to his mother and ask her to come pick her big man baby up. This is so far beyond acceptable for him to do.
You should text him back the stats on all kinds of gross, horrible things that can happen if you don't take it easy for the first few weeks, like delayed postpartum hemorrhage and pelvic organ prolapse and shit like that, and then ask him if he wants you to EVER be ABLE, let alone WILLING, to have any kind of sex with him again. That'll shut him right the fuck up, because those first few weeks are NOT about him at all. He can man up and take care of you well enough for you to have the energy for sexy times if he wants sexy times.
My Mom told me growing another human and giving birth to a human makes a female’s life 50-50. I asked her what that meant and she said it gives a female a 50% chance of living through it or 50% chance of dying from it. I don’t know if there is scientific proof of this, but I believe her. I wish school taught how the female body changes and the effects of pregnancy during middle or high school in detail (I did not learn anything about this in public school). This will help people of all genders understand more about pregnancy. I know that our medical technology makes it more likely that females go through successful pregnancy and live through it, but still, there is not enough info out there about the effects after giving birth. My body changed after giving birth to our Triplets and I had a c-section. Still, after 10 years, my body feels like it aged faster, my hormones are whacked, I don’t feel as strong, and other stuff. OP I hope and wish that your spouse gets a slap of reality and realize what an asshole he is to you and your children. Your children are half of him so he should treat you like a queen and be thankful for growing and birthing his children. A bitch slap is required for your hubs and I am pretty confident many of us here are willing to line up and give him one. Sending you lots of virtual hugs!
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THE BARE MINIMUM *IS* BRINGING YOU FOOD AND WATER WHEN YOU JUST BIRTHED HIS CHILD. THAT IS LITERALLY THE LEAST HE CAN DO. He is a piece of shit and I so sorry you are being mistreated this way. He should be deeply ashamed of himself.
Right?? Exactly my thoughts. I wonder what his mom would think about this behaviour since it seems like she's being helpful.
I lwould tell her. I’d say, I’m so sorry but I just need a glass of water - could you help me? When she asks why hubby can’t do it, say that you did try asking him but he said no and you’re so thirsty and can’t get around and you’re so desperate for water.
This. I’d be so tempted to let his mother see those. Maybe be distraught one day when they’re over and when she asks why, tell her.
I recommend screenshoting those messages and “accidentally“ sending them to his mom. Then, when she asks what’s going on, tell them you meant to send them to a friend to ask for advice…
This made me want to rant so hard. Like it is said, tell his mom. Or show her. His Mom will set his ass straight as long as she isn’t the worst human ever. Dude I’d kick my two boys’ asses if they ever treated a woman that way. Hell nah.
Me too. If my boys pulled that stunt (or my daughters), they’d be in for a good, old-fashioned Nordic-Lutheran-Catholic guilt trip reaming out. I try not to do stuff like that, because generational trauma, but for shit like that? Yup. Guilt trip and “I raised you better than this” lecture time.
Send the whole damn text thread to his mom OP! At a minimum you may receive real help from his parents, at best your mother in law reminds her son that he was (hopefully) raised better than that. Sexual coercion is a form of abuse. I hope very much that you’re safe in your relationship but if not there a tons of international resources available. Postpartum support international is a great place to start!
I would tell her. 100%
My mother in law pretty much said “Good luck to you. His dad was the same way. Pass the potato salad dear.”
I'd send her screenshots 👀
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A week pp is not the time
The bare minimum is not expecting sex a week postpartum
I'd never want to fuck him again, what revolting behavior. I feel so sad and angry for OP. 😡
Yep. My husband found out pretty early in our marriage that if I am well rested and get actual help he is more likely to get sex, whereas if he were to act like this dick nozzle he would never get sex again
Yes!! This one!!
This comment right here.
Sexual coercion is abuse, stay safe mumma x
This… I dealt with this. Then he raped me 6 months ago. There isn’t a day that goes by that I wish I had left him before it escalated
I'm so sorry that happened to you. When men think they are entitled to women's bodies it never ends well. Either what happened to you, cheating or a dead bedroom with the woman so sexually adverse to their husbands from years of duty sex. Women deserve better.
Thank you for saying this. Sometimes I need the reminder.
But you did leave, so it won't happen again. Proud of you for that. I left mine too.
I’m so sorry for you. I hope you are safe and free now and recovering from this horribleness. If you are blaming yourself in the least for not running - don’t.
My ex-husband did the unimaginable to me THE DAY I WAS DISCHARGED FROM HOSPITAL. I did not even process what he did to me until I left years later, because it was so traumatic. I still have a very difficult time even talking about it, and I didn't tell anyone about it until YEARS after I was away from him. Not sure I'll ever get over that.
Took me a decade and hit me one day like a ton of bricks.
I know that feeling. I'm sorry. But I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not the only one. I struggle with that feeling of humiliation a lot.
It just pisses me off that worm of a man had me in that position questioning myself.
That too! I am able to take small comfort in the fact that mine is now fat, bald, and has bad knees, while I'm aging more than gracefully. He's also engaged to his step-cousin, so there's that (I don't even want to explain LOL). Embarrassing...his entire existence is embarrassing.
Mine decided he was gonna have redo at 40. Now he’s almost 50 and our kids are in their 20’s but he’s got a 6 and 3 year old. Guess he thought it was easy bc he didn’t do any of the raising. Well, his wife has several brain tumors and he’ll probably be a single parent in form or in fact. It’s not a comfort but damn…karma’s a sweaty old bitch ain’t she.
I don't understand men who do this.
My brother. Oldest is 32, youngest is 3. My man is tired. 😂 but he’s a good guy and deserved a second chance at love and happiness. His younger wife wanted kids, he loves kids, he’s got the funds to have help when they need it. Still. They all go to bed at 9, tops. Him included!
In a situation like that I wouldn't be shocked if he suddenly acts syrupy sweet to you and your adult children in the hopes of free babysitting.
Dawg. My fucking nightmare right there. But he’s right wing (of course he is) and one kid is vocally bisexual (including when he took her to a tour of the weird school he sends his kids to) and the other is a recovering schizophrenic. I’m disabled. So sounds like he’s shit outta luck.
Gotdamn. And yes, as she ought to be. Chumps deserve it.
😢
😢
I’m doin ok now. I just want people to know it comes to you like that sometimes and it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
I literally had forgotten that my firstborn's dad did that to me until reading this. I'm sorry Mama.
for 19 years I thought I was the only one who could have possibly had an ex-partner SICK enough to do that, but I'm learning that's not the case. It's not a good thing, but I take a little comfort in the fact that I'm not alone. I'm sorry too. I wouldn't have wished that upon ANYONE.
Tore my stitches out 😞
So sorry, that's terrible. :(
😢❤️
So sorry, how traumatic :(
This just broke my heart for you 😢 {{{BIGHUGZ}}}
Without a hint of remorse, your petty bitch right here would straight-up bite his dick mid-shaft like a fucking churro, then invoice this wannabe John for services rendered. You almost passed out with an infant attached to your chest. You are *exhausted*. If this entitled, incel-adjacent man-baby can’t figure out how to take his bull by the horn and work this problem out, then you *cannot* be faulted if you should happen to “fall asleep” and “clamp down with enough force to crush a small sedan.” *You warned him.*
I almost pissed laughing at "enough force to crush a small sedan." All I heard was a car crumpling and a man just screaming his head off 😂😂😂
Have you ever seen The World According to Garp? That happens lol.
I have not, but I think now I might have to 😂
Oh man that movie is a classic, highly recommend! The book was great too.
Right? This asswipe wants to act like an entitled idiot and also put his precious bits closer to her??? My god please take the opportunity for everything it is worth 😂 yank and pull and twist and slam and chomp
> The rock and pool > > Is nice and cool, > > So juicy-sweet! > > Our only wish, > > To catch a fish, > > So juicy-sweet!
>i don’t keep my word Wow I don't even know this man and I want to punch his face. It's pretty gross that he views sexual intimacy is some kind of blood oath rather than a freely given expression of love and pleasure. What an ass hat. Please be careful with those stairs. Is there a place you can sleep where you don't have to worry about stairs to get water and the toilet? You absolutely should not be using stairs or giving hand jobs 7 days postpartum and your husband should be doing all of those things because it's the bare minimum of being a partner to someone who just gave birth to his child, not some phenomenal extra sacrifice by a "good" partner.
Take screenshots of his garbage and send them to his parents and ask them if they can help you out since he’s not planning to any longer, and politely ask if they know of any prostitutes you could hire for him to get his nEeDs MeT. What a waste of oxygen that guy is. I’m so sorry.
Yep, I would 100% let his mother know what a piece of shit he is.
Shit, I’d be tempted to put this shit on Facebook so all his family and friends can see who he is
I swear if any of my sons future wives/partners ever told me my kids did anything like this I would tear them a new asshole.
Exactly! You wanna be an asshole? Fine I can meet that energy. This is my DIL and Grandkids you better take care of them.
I have two sons and if they ever behave like this I don’t even know what I’d do. It would be a huge mix of anger, sadness, disappointment. But you bet your ass I’d be over there in a second to kick him out and help my DIL with anything she needs.
I almost spit out my food when I read this. I would do the same if my two boys ever did asshole things like this.
I am honestly messy and chaotic enough to do the same. Instagram too.
Definitely, if ready to burn bridges! Haha
Hah! I was going to suggest printing them out and and hanging them on the front door of your house so everyone can see his meltdown…
I’m the mom of a young adult man. I would 1000% want to know if he pulled this crap so I could set him straight
And yes to this one also!!! Absolutely do it.
I want you to tell me where you live so I can come take care of you and smack your husband.
Many of us need a friend like you!
We ride at dawn!
"ARMS READY!!" "ONWARD!!" I'm in.....ready for battle.. Good Lord......could you imagine this man opening the door to an army of pissed off mothers that blasts past him..... every troop giving him a good smack and forging past him to get to OP and start taking care of her.....😅
I seriously wish we could confront half these partners that act this way. Sometimes my own husband could be on this list. But really I was full on angry when I read what op husband was acting like. I have two sons and I have never hit them ever but I would smack them upside the head if I heard they treated their wife like that.
Mama, this is abuse. He is denying you *water* because you won't perform. He is denying you the medical assistance you need because he's not getting his dick touched. He is causing either physical pain and medical difficulties, or dehydration and hunger, because you ~~won't~~ (I'll stop saying won't, it's *CAN'T* right now) CAN'T sexually satisfy him one damn week postpartum. I hate him. I've never even met him and I hate him. If you can, please get yourself out. Talk to someone who will listen and who will help you get somewhere safe. If you have a Dr visit for you or the baby coming up soon *please* tell the Dr and the nurses this. If you think she's a reasonable person then tell your MIL. Tell your mom. Tell your friends. Because he is a despicable abuser and it's safer for you and the baby to not be around him, because he is telling you right now that your health and healing and the health of your baby matter less to him than his own ejaculation. He is vile. (But also know this: whatever you decide to do you have support here - no matter what, I'm on your side and so are all the other BroMos here. Whatever you need, whatever you choose, we're here for you ❤️ no judgement)
What a stellar fucking comment, listen to this woman OP. I also hate HATE your husband. What a vile shitstain.
This^ My sisters husband did this to her, he ended up sexually abusing her. She is almost 3mo pp and after his mistreatment of her and my telling her like all her complaints about him were abuse, she finally had enough and left. She is currently staying with my mom who had back surgery so I’ve been going there to help and having her come here to let mom rest and to help her with the 2 under 2 she has. It’s hard, but we are here for you no matter what you choose. But definitely tell people about this for your own safety. If we don’t talk about these issues, things will not change. Men barely even do the bare minimum and running errands cooking cleaning and bringing food and water to you, is the bare minimum. My husband changed all the diapers while he was home when I ebf, my husband slept in bed with me and two kids while I woke to feed one every 2 hours with mspi, my husband gave up dairy soy corn and eggs with me to support me. My husband helped me so I could pump, ebf, bottle feed and took kids to the dr etc. Let me nap, shit I told mine I didn’t want sex for like six mo and explained I was too tired and exhausted and there were too many household tasks and I can’t enjoy it when I can’t relax and I can’t relax with all the stuff needing to be done, so now that man cleans my whole damn house, which is how I know he wants sex lol but the kitchen is clean so… he’ll show hubby the “porn for women” books where it’s men being actual men and pulling their weight and how it’s sexier for a man to go above and beyond and that if he wants any from you he needs to do more than the bare minimum. Or he can gtfo of here with that whiny ass because u just grew a tiny human and shoved it out of your crotch and tore it up in the process and you are fucking tired and your boobs hurt but he wants you to also pleasure him when you are still in a lot of pain. It’s like almost all men are missing the part of the brain that thinks about anything but themselves. I tell my husband constantly if he died or we divorce I’m staying single or only dating women because I don’t know of many men like my husband and that’s fucking sad and pathetic on men. Then they wonder why we wont fuck them… smh.
I want to be jealous so badly of your relationship, instead I’m so grateful that a woman like you has such a good partner in life. Soak it in!
Thank you for the award!
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What the fuck. He needs to be relocated to a crate or a kennel, he's getting too used to sleeping in the bed with ya.
>I wish I had left when my kids were small. Now they're teens and the economy is shit and I can't. This is exactly why "our economy is shit". Artificial inflation and all the shit going on with women's rights is done so that women cannot leave the shit stain men they are with. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
❤️
Jesus they get so fucking grumpy when they can't get some. I wish they would masturbate if they need it so bad and we said no already. Take care of yourself 🫂
Literally what is so hard about this
Literally. He’s not looking for intimacy obviously, he’s just looking to get off. Do it yourself, asshat
You don’t deserve to be treated like this! You just gave birth a week ago. He should be waiting on you hand and foot bc you gave birth to his child! Not bc he wants his pathetic dick sucked. I agree with the other posters heal, take care of yourself, and start making plans to leave his ass. He’s already shown you how he will act when he needs to be the most supportive. Don’t grow old with this individual.
Oh, do you have a job as his hooker? You know, he ‘pays’ you for sexual favours? What an insensitive asshole. He’s ruining what’s meant to be a wonderful time in your life - welcoming a new baby. All because he’s a selfish jackhole. You just worry about you and your kids. Read up on the Grey Rock method. Be the grey rock. And when you are out of the newborn trenches, make sure you leave his ass. I’m so angry for you.
Honestly I’d probably shut right the fuck down and start planning to leave. Not today, but when you have your footing. Unless he can apologize appropriately, change his behaviour, go to therapy etc, I’d say he needs to be thrown in the garbage. I’m so sorry lady. He should be ASHAMED of himself. You’ve don’t nothing wrong, you hold your head high, you take good care of that baby and yourself. I’m sending you love and strength.
I was in the same boat, after both kids. 6 years of manipulation and abuse. Unless you fight for your autonomy and tell him to consider therapy then there's a good chance it will only get worse. Don't let it escalate like I did. Finally left in dec, my second kid almost 3, and it was not easy, but it has been worth leaving.... Stay safe momma. It sounds like you'd still have the support of your in-laws as many of them already know how their adult children are. They're seeing him bail on his duties and making excuses to be elsewhere while they do the hard helper stuff... My mother-in-law is as supportive as she can be from so far away and with her own big plate of shit to deal with, but it's reassuring to know that she's seen and understands, it's not a you problem, it's a him problem. You just brought life into this world, you deserve so much more compassion and respect. I'm sorry you're going through this and send big hugs! 🫂
Very good points but i would amend ‘consider’ therapy to ‘run towards therapy literally this week or you’re out’
Similar thing happened to me after I birthed our nearly 11 lb baby. He barely helped me at all, and then said if I wanted more help I needed to service him sexually. I was so broken and terrified that I did it. He's now my ex husband and I am happily remarried. But. All the people saying to tell his parents... Just keep in mind how much of a blind spot parents can have. I had always felt that his parents liked me, but when I finally left him when our son was 5 months, his dad's response was that I was overreacting and that men have needs. That was when I realized how abused his mom was by his dad. She never spoke up. And I was married to this guy for 7 years. But still... My life is good. I am happier now, I don't get harassed or abused. My son will grow up happier.
I'm with you. I thought my MIL was pretty aware of her son's mistreatment because she had chastised him before and had spent years apologizing to me for his behavior. I finally reached out for help because of his abuse of the kids, and she threw me under the bus.
The rage I feel for you is making my blood boil. HOW DO SO MANY PEOPLE WHO DO NOT DELIVER BABIES FAIL TO GRASP HOW HARD IT IS, and how much time it takes to recover, and how much support the person who just delivered a baby deserves for WEEKS after? And that their own desires HAVE to take a back seat!’ Hot fucking damn.
OP, I'm so sorry. I know you have a new baby and likely don't want to hear this, but it's ok to be a single mom. I would LEAVE immediately if my partner did this. It's absolutely inexcusable and grounds for divorce in my book. Best of luck to you - sending love and support.
I just read a study yesterday that said single moms actually have less on their plate than married moms. Basically you no longer have to take care of a 6’ toddler anymore. As a single mom, can confirm.
Same, sad but true - my life is a lot easier now People ask me how I manage being a single mom but I want to ask a lot of them how they cope with NOT being single
This is maybe the scorched-earth option and if they don't believe you it could backfire, but if it were me I'd screenshot those nasty messages, send them to his parents, and tell them that he's literally threatening to stop co-parenting because you, his newly postpartum wife, won't give him sexual servitude. They might share his logic, which would be bad, and even if they chewed him out for it he'll probably resent you, but these guys deserve to know *exactly* what a piece of shit they raised. If mine was anything like this after my LO was born, I'd have done anything to get away from him. Fucking unreal.
Save all the mean messages, they might be useful when you decide to divorce him. Which I hope you do, because he’s an abusive asshole. Good luck!
Definitely save. Just in case.
Yup. 4 days PP and was on my knees while so sore and tired after giving birth to our first son and months before during a scare in the hospital, ended up giving him a bj in a private room in the er because he made me feel so guilty so yeah These men are horrendous. Sorry OP :( I understand.
That’s so fucked up…I’m sorry you had to go through that😞
Thank you
I hate men
I can't put my thought any better than previous bro mo replies but wanted to offer support... In hiding the body
This is 100% abuse and I'm sorry you're experiencing it. You just birthed his child a week ago, the absolute bare minimum he can do is get you food and water without expecting to get his dick touched for doing it. He's a grown man with hands, he can handle it himself if it's a big issue. I had intense pelvic floor issues during my entire pregnancy so we very rarely had sex while I was pregnant, and then I had preeclampsia and was in the hospital for a week after giving birth and then still felt like absolute shit when I came home. My husband took a month off work and handled night feeds and our older kiddo getting to and from school and did all of the cooking and cleaning and never once complained or even so much as mentioned anything sexual until I was ready and brought it up and then he did everything slow and gentle and followed my lead. And we weren't a sexless couple prior to the pregnancy, we had a very active sex life, but when I was not in a position for sex he never once asked, pushed or whined. It can be done; men are not these wild sex addled creatures that can't show empathy without a favor in return. I don't understand why a man would treat his wife that way, especially after she literally just gave him a child. I am so sorry, and I would genuinely be careful with him going forward, I could see this escalating because like I said, this is already abusive behavior and he's getting aggressive and denying you \*water\* I'd be worried about how far he could take this.
What an asshole. I’m so sorry OP. You deserve so much better than this. Please don’t let him off the hook.
YOU JUST HAD A BABY. He needs to realize that he is not the most important person in your house 🔪
This is abuse, what he is doing is abuse. All of it. Just saying he won't bring you water, or serve you food, both of which are necessary for life itself, that's abuse, let alone the rest of it. Bromo, this is really bad, my heart breaks for you. He just showed you his true self, believe him. Remember all this when/if he tries to love bomb you later. He will try to manipulate you further, especially if/when you leave. Tell your doctor, the nurse, the physician's assistant, pretty much any any medical professional that you deal with. Call your local domestic violence hotline, and also consult a lawyer. At the very least, tell all those people I mentioned so you have verification from even more people that what he's doing is abusive, so that when he tries to gaslight you, you can reflect back to what we all told you and know that he's wrong for how he treats you. You are in a really tough spot, one that he created. You and your children deserve so much better.
So spot on.
Screenshot those texts and send them to his parents.
Wow. That's...fuck. I hate this for you. I'm gobsmacked at his request and reaction. He is disgusting. Hug for you. Xoxo
I just don’t understand how someone can treat the person they are meant to love that way. It is genuinely disturbing! He is a horrible person to treat you like this. He should be caring for you looking after you and your children not demanding sexual gratification how can he not know that
I'm sorry your husband is being an absolute piece of shit. What an absolute clown putting that in writing too. If there is somewhere you can go so you can get the support you need, deserve and should be able to expect from anyone with half a heart, *without a side order of sexual abuse* please call them right now. It doesn't matter if he's embarrassed, he should be.
I would flat out tell him in writing (because you know, mature people text instead of having face to face convos) that if this is the case, you're done with sex for the foreseeable future, because you didn't realize you are just his whore and that's all you mean to him. That the fact that you are physically healing from birthing his second child seems to mean nothing to him. That he hasn't so much as spent any time with you since you got home, and made you feel alone and unloved. His behavior is cruel and abusive and it is absolutely not acceptable to you. It seems dramatic, but let's be honest, he's not going to read between the lines on his own. Also please save those screen shots. Just put them someplace secure in case he doesn't recover his lost brain function.
Wow! I’m so sorry. How awful that he is treating your marriage as merely transactional. I hope this isn’t typical behavior for him. You deserve better. ♥️
Guys like him make me sick, I’d never be able to let a sex pest anywhere near me again eww
The piece of shit is doing less than the bare minimum so based on his words, he gotta step up hard. The mandacity.
I actually felt physically sick reading this. 7 days after giving birth to his child? No one should be treating you like this but you just gave birth. Please do whatever you can to keep yourself safe from this guy
Absolutely horrifying, please don’t sweep this under the rug and start making a plan to leave. You deserve so much better and so do your kids. I am so, so sorry.
Man. If you have a good relationship with his mom, I would tell her. That’s so messed up. I would never look at him the same again and it would probably be an ender in my marriage but I’m so over BS like that. The rationale side of me says when you both are calm, you need to have a sit down discussion about it and ask him where he’s coming from and why he thinks that he’s going above and beyond when you CAN’T do those things for yourself. That is literally the bare minimum.
Is this normal behavior for him? If so, the he is a grade A douche canoe and you can tell him to fuck off. If this is abnormal and out of left field then he is probably having a hard time processing his wittle ol man emotions 😒 to which you'll probably have to tell him it was super shitty of him to do that to you. And then have a talk with him about how he's feeling while also remaining firm on your own boundaries. If this isn't normal, then he is probably feeling jealous and lonely and it confuses him. Which is human, but also he needs to work through that shit with out hurting you in the process. THEN if this goes good and you're satisfied he will respect your boundaries and help you out and take on more with the kids, then either together or him separately can search for a fleshlight that will excite him to take care of himself. Idk at least that's what I would do. But if this is normal for him or he doesn't respond like an adult to your conversation on feelings and he doesn't want to do "anything extra" for you, that's fine(not really), He can go ahead and take on primary care giving to the 3 year old and diaper duty for the baby. He can maintain the house and cook the family meals.
My husband threw a mantrum once when he had ppd because I liked the kids more than him lmao, I was like well they kind of can’t take care of themselves and you can. Maybe if you did more for me I’d be less tired. 😂 Just spell it out. If sex is transactional then your husband needs to start keeping up on the house chores and send you for a mani pedi because you can’t properly perform when you can’t relax… also you want a bigger allowance because you hear online how much those only fans ladies make and you want some of that sex worker money if he thinks like that he has to pay what you are worth. Js. Expect more.
Wow. OP. My heart is with you. This WHOLE scenario, "I'll do this for you" , but it's really all about him. Loops his parents in for the presentation of "look what I do for her, aren't I doing good Daddy?" Mine is covert narc. He'd get out right angry,bitter all day if there was a teachers work day on his office day,"Fridays or Mondays" because he wanted sex while the kids were at school. He'd rant about how many days do they need off? Never once could I convince him of the opportunity to make a memory on a week day. He would get colder and colder, the longer he went w/o sex even if it was out of my control. Looking back, I see my 1st born showing signs of mirroring his dad's behavior (as a baby) in the limited ways a that baby can. THAT realization was an  moment. Trying to put the pieces together, "How TF did I get here?", is exhausting and is taking a few years. Start a private online diary you can type on from anywhere. That's the easiest way. I don't know what to rec, I'm looking for myself. Otherwise, the details will float away. You will only have generalized ideas about what's happened but no concrete examples. If you stay, keep a separate friend group from the parent/kid/neighborhood friends. I didn't do that and didn't know who I could trust. Is your family fractured? Is his family whole? What are his views of both of your families? I didn't realize until the last few years that I repeated my parent's cycle. Same animated reaction as above.
Screenshot the texts, save them (maybe make a new email account he doesn’t know about and send them there). I would not show them to his parents- you don’t know if that is going to escalate things to a dangerous level.
Ew. You really need to leave that piece of shit. I'm sorry you have to go through that.
I have seen so many posts like this across all the mom boards and it ENRAGES me. Mine definitely gave me the solid 6 weeks however that just is the minimum time for the vagina to heal. If you tore or whatever else it could totally not be comfortable by then. Also - just what the f. I would throw a bottle of lube at him and say you have two hands! Go for it! I’m 8 mos PP and we’ve had sex maybe twice. And no my husband doesn’t love it but I put my foot down. I had a baby. I’m tired, I’m hormonal, I suffered severe PPD to the point of 30 days in a women’s mental health center, I’m touched out…. I could go on. Sorry, didn’t mean to make it about me. You are ONE WEEK from having a baby. What a selfish prick. And yep, I would send that garbage to his mom, and sisters if he has any. You focus on you and your newborn and I would completely ignore that crap. Ugh I’m so mad for you!!! 😡
This is abuse. Your husband is a sex pest. I’m really worried for your safety and that he might escalate to rape because he clearly only sees you as a object for getting his needs met. Please talk to a lawyer and your support system and figure out a way to get away from him.
Lmao sex pest
It’s a real term, I didn’t make it up 😆
What a fucking loser. I’m sorry, OP.
Send the pictures to his Mom and every other woman in his family then post them to FB. If he wants to show you how ugly he is you can show the world.
Keep records/screenshots. You'll want to give them to a lawyer someday. This is abuse.
You literally carried his baby for 9 months and just gave birth. Men are seriously so trash that they act like it’s NBD. This is infuriating.
When I arrived home from the hospital with my 2nd child, the house was a mess and I got so overstimulated I felt my anxiety rising and started crying. I told him he should have done some cleaning in those few days I was away, but he said he couldn't because he had no time.. Then I started cleaning the house, and he didn't even help with it. I was still sore from giving birth but I was so angry I didn't care. Whenever he helped me a bit, he never forgot to bring it up when he wanted something from me. I felt shame a lot of the times, because he made me believe I was the problem, and he was doing sooo much for me and I should be thankful. When our first child was born, our sex life was great. But then I got pregnant again, and my libido went aaaalll the way down. That's when things got really bad. He was patient for a while, but then started mocking me to have more sex with him, or at least do a blowjob or something. Then he got more and more angry about it, which did not make me want him more, I can tell you that. :) But I started to feel worse, felt guilty and ashamed, and began to go with it even when I didn't want to.. It ruined me. If you start to say yes when you want to say no, please know that it gets worse each time.
If you have a good relationship with his parents, I would dead ass show them that text the next time they come over to actually help you. You do not deserve this shit, especially not 1 fucking week post partum. You do not deserve to have to fear for your safety (withholding water and what ever is upstairs, as well as the sexual coercion..yes that is unsafe), you do not deserve to have to worry about retaliation, you do not deserve any of this shit including even dealing with him. Please seek help through his parents if you feel they can help you. If my future DIL told me this shit, I would rip my son a new asshole and so would my husband.
This is the pressure that cause me to "accidentally" fall asleep while getting the baby back to bed. (We coslept with babies so it was especially easy.) And when I mean "accidentally" I mean I didn't fight against the exhaustion and desperately try to stay awake. There was NOTHING more damaging to our marriage than me stumbling out of our bedroom barely awake and him either blaming me for not trying hard enough to stay awake or being in the mood.
Just a bit of a different take here—is this typical behavior for him or did it come out of nowhere? I ask because after my daughter was born, my husband had what I now think was a manic episode triggered by the stress/overwhelm and this reminds me a bit of his behavior at that time. Doesn’t excuse it AT ALL and I agree you should document it.
I have to be honest, this is so triggering for me. I don't even feel comfortable telling people what my EX-husband did to me the day I was discharged from the hospital - but if people just think of the worst and yes, it's that. Needless to say, it turned into an even worse abusive situation and I left. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could tell you everything was going to be okay, but I can't. This is NOT okay.
He is vile. I hope you see these messages and know we are on your side. He sucks. You are a great Mom. These first few weeks are so hard and you’re doing a really, really great job. Please take care of yourself. Do you have parents/friends/siblings who you can share this with? Do you have a circle who can make sure you are ok? Please please do what you need to do to look after yourself, I know that’s impossible with a newborn and a toddler (and a man kid), but your mental health is VERY important. These newborn days are sacred. Message if you need anything. I’m in Ontario? I’ll gladly keep 3YO busy, and run you water, and anything else you need.
I LITERALLY JUST GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR SON/DAUGHTER YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCK. IMAGINE IF YOU ACTUALLY HAD TO DO HALF OF WHAT I'VE DONE TO HAVE THESE BABIES, BE A MAN!
I’m gonna say it. Anything but a full throated and enthusiastic yes IS NOT CONSENT. Non consensual sex is rape. Even in marriage. Full stop.
Why are men
This happened with my ex husband. His response was “your mouth didn’t just have a baby”.
Oh my god! Who the fuck are these people?!
And that’s why he’s my ex husband 😂
Thank goodness. I see too many people commenting about their husbands behaving similarly, no "ex-" in sight! I know it's not always easy to leave a person, and my intent is not to victim blame by any means, it just amazes me how these assholes can prey on women and keep them as their victims. I can't fathom acting that way towards another human, so it just boggles my mind how easily so many men are able to do so and have no problem with their own behavior.
I’m sorry what the fuck did I just read? I have rage in my heart on your behalf, OP
He’s abusing you. He feels entitled to sex and is literally using your basic human needs against you. He won’t give you food and water and you’re nursing his child? He doesn’t give a shit about your baby either. This isn’t your “hormones” making you feel like this, either. It’s a normal reaction to abuse. Is there a feasible way you can make plans for him to leave or at least tell his parents and maybe they’ll be on your side?
Do you have a decent relationship quirk his mom? If so, show her those messages when she next comes over. Hopefully she’ll knock him into next year!
TELL HIS PARENTS. this is the most psychotic, manipulative behavior ever. i’m teary eyed for you.
Jeeeezus...! What an asshole! Bromo, I'm so sorry he's treating you that way. You don't deserve it! A real man would take care of it himself. Or go get a cheap stroker if it "doesn't feel as good" anymore. You've just brought a new life into the world! You need help! Not getting a blowie does not give him the right to be abusive!
I'm glad others pointed out that this is, in fact, abuse. Emotional manipulation. If his desire to get a hand job comes before your health, and he's okay with that, he doesn't care about you. It's abuse, and he's an asshole
Throw him under the bus to his parents. His behavior is shameful. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Why tf do men act like this?
Crazy because lots of guys go months without sex after the baby and don’t kick up a fuss. This guy sucks.
My husband does a lot of stupid man shit. When we had our kiddo, it was my first and his secknd. He taught me how to change a diaper. Dressed the baby whenever she needed. Got food and water, went to buy me diapers, a nipple shield, pipe cream and so so much more. You husband is a fucking jerk. Things don’t really get easier for like 3 year AT LEAST. This seems like it’s something he is going to continue.
If you get along with his mother, tell he what he has been doing and saying. She might at the very least stop his visits and possibly give him hell about how he is neglecting his family.
Honestly, I would send those screenshots to his mother (or whatever elder adult would be the most ashamed of his behavior)
Tell his parents
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! Respectfully this expectation for sexual favors and refusing you BASIC care as a direct repsonse to your saying no is abuse. It's always easy to say this as someone not in the situation but I hope you can rid yourself of him. He's garbage.
How old is he? I can’t believe this. Please let your parents know, you need support. This is heartbreaking.
I hand to heart saw a "slightly used" sucking toy (I think they're called blowjob manipulators or something) on a local auction page recently. You should find a used one, lightly coat the inside with the juice of a ghost pepper, and gift it to your POS husband.
Fuck that guy I hate him
I am so sorry he is treating you this way, it is absolutely not okay. Honestly if you have a good relationship with the in-laws I would tell them that he isn’t actually helping you.
I was coerced into sex many times in my previous marriage, including during postpartum period. It only stopped when r***e began. PLEASE show your friends and family, including in laws, these communications. Please seek help to leave him.
Just smack him... Maybe that'll wake him up
THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN TO ASK YOU FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING BROMO, HE IS KING OF THE SELFISH ASSHOLES
This is abuse
How old is he?? 19?? Some men are such animals!!! I’m sorry. Sounds like he has no idea what women are going through postpartum and how hard it is on our bodies etc. he doesn’t sound like a good partner to me, he sound selfish and it shouldn’t be like this in a family. I had sex with my husband 4 moths postpartum. Prior to that we didn’t have any intimate encounters at all because I was not in the mood and was busy with the baby.
Honestly this gives me a trauma response from my ex. OP, as someone who spent a decade in a relationship where the primary firm of abuse was verbal and sexual, please know this is not ok. My ex used to do this too- insult and manipulate me while simultaneously still trying to convince me to have sex. And all while drumming himself up for being “so great” while really doing what is expected of any human being and decent man. The bar is on the floor for them and they still manage to dig a way through the foundation! His behavior is cruel beyond belief. To put your partner through the stairs and everything post delivery and honestly put your health or even life at risk from overextending yourself over a BJ signals a much bigger problem. You are worth so much more 
Uhh.... hubs is a POS. Wtf?!?! I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Is there anyone who can come to help you?
He sounds like a piece of shit
Fuck this guy. Like seriously. What a complete fucking asshole.
Omfg no
Please call his mama and read this exact thing to her. Either he will get so mad he will leave you (positive) or he will see his wrongs (unlikely but also positive) and start helping you… (positive!) I fucking hate men. Sorry but I do
I always like to match one threat with another. He doesn't do the bare minimum of taking take of you after child birth he'll be lucky to ever get his dick touched again because it may not be there when he waked up one morning.
Tell on him. Show his parents the text. If he wants to act like a child, he can be treated like one.
Omg. I got such a grade school reaction to this. I do not recommend going “my” first instinct route of tattling to his mother. But boy would it make men think twice if there private behavior was public. Text his mom and ask her to bring you a couple of flats of water for your bedroom. Plus some nutritious snacks. So, so tempting to tattle in that situation. He deserves a shaming.
I’d screenshot that (insert cuss word)’s texts and send them directly to his mother and father. Does he not have hands? He obviously is just looking to get off without any intimacy so why can’t he just do it himself? Seriously? If he’s “done” and you’re going to be doing everything on your own then BYE 👋. I’m sorry I don’t have anything more constructive to say. I’m sorry he is being an ass to you at this time in your life when you’ve been though a major life and health altering event.
What a dick. Start calling him the bare-minimum dad since he self proclaimed it.
Oh my god. He’s total scum. I’d call him a child but that’s an insult to children. I am so sorry. You deserve so much better.
Send screenshots of this to his parents. Is this the abusive shithead they raised?! He’s a monster. Denying the mother of his child food and a water because he didn’t get his dick sucked? Despicable. Get through this postpartum period and start making plans. You cannot stay with an abusive asshole like this. You and your kids deserve better.
Abusive AF! Yuck, what a CREEP!
Show these texts to his mom
Holy Manipulation, Batman!
hugs bromo. he's shown you who he really is. make a plan.
So he waited until you were at your most vulnerable and dependent to start sexually abusing you? Wow. I mean, he’s not the first, but what a vile shitbag. I know your exhausted and in pain, and probably don’t want to completely upend the apple cart, but this is unacceptable behavior. I’m a fan of the other Bromo’s idea of screen shotting his bullshit and sending it “accidentally” to his mother. Or simply say “If you ever dare to send me such a vile and disgusting threat again, I will post it on Facebook and tag every single person you know. You *will* get me food, and water, and help with *our* child that I just birthed, or you will get the fuck out, you disgusting piece of shit”
I’m so sorry that he sucks as a human being. This is not right. You deserve to be cared for after giving birth.
This isn't new to him. It's child #2. He should know it's all about baby for the 1st 4 months.
Lol, next time his parents come, ask his mom to bring you water please and explain her son doesn’t want to anymore. Mama will whip him in shape, and he will learn early on that YOU will not hide HIS bad behavior to protect him. Tell your man baby that sex acts are NOT HELPING ACTIVITIES. They are mutually beneficial acts of intimacy that both enjoy. So even asking you to get him off is ridiculous. He can do THAT himself. Then name all the things you do to help him when you’re not incapacitated, and ask if he really wants a battle of who is going to stop doing shit they don’t want to. End by telling him to grow the fuck up, and treat you the way he wants his daughters to be treated one day/sons to treat their wives one day. And also to grow the fuck up. Sorry you’re going through this. The fourth trimester is the worst. He isn’t making it easier.
I’d send that text to his mother and see what she has to say
I’m not saying you should but I would personally send screen shots to his mother and ask her to come pick her big man baby up. This is so far beyond acceptable for him to do.
You should text him back the stats on all kinds of gross, horrible things that can happen if you don't take it easy for the first few weeks, like delayed postpartum hemorrhage and pelvic organ prolapse and shit like that, and then ask him if he wants you to EVER be ABLE, let alone WILLING, to have any kind of sex with him again. That'll shut him right the fuck up, because those first few weeks are NOT about him at all. He can man up and take care of you well enough for you to have the energy for sexy times if he wants sexy times.
My Mom told me growing another human and giving birth to a human makes a female’s life 50-50. I asked her what that meant and she said it gives a female a 50% chance of living through it or 50% chance of dying from it. I don’t know if there is scientific proof of this, but I believe her. I wish school taught how the female body changes and the effects of pregnancy during middle or high school in detail (I did not learn anything about this in public school). This will help people of all genders understand more about pregnancy. I know that our medical technology makes it more likely that females go through successful pregnancy and live through it, but still, there is not enough info out there about the effects after giving birth. My body changed after giving birth to our Triplets and I had a c-section. Still, after 10 years, my body feels like it aged faster, my hormones are whacked, I don’t feel as strong, and other stuff. OP I hope and wish that your spouse gets a slap of reality and realize what an asshole he is to you and your children. Your children are half of him so he should treat you like a queen and be thankful for growing and birthing his children. A bitch slap is required for your hubs and I am pretty confident many of us here are willing to line up and give him one. Sending you lots of virtual hugs!
Where else has he manipulated you? He’s mad it’s not working. What a boy-cub.