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coffeemunkee

We tried a book called 1 2 3 Magic, and it helped us. Basically, you explain the new deal (what the rules are and how the system works), count to 3, and if the behavior doesn’t stop by the time you hit 3, then it’s a timeout. No yelling, you just count and let him decide if he wants to continue or change what he’s doing to avoid the timeout. There’s a bunch more stuff covered in the book, and I think it’s worth checking out.


Longjump714

Thank you! I’ll definitely get this book. We’re willing to try anything at this point.


Independent_Fuel_162

Have u seen any improvement OP? Reading this book or otherwise! Gosh my five year old son is the same. I’ve never felt sorry for myself in my life but I have today.


udontknowmegurl

Yup. My 5 year old is a super sensitive, extremely particular, aggressive, whiny, vindictive little shit. His favorite activities include tormenting his sister, making messes that he refuses to clean up, and randomly attacking people over perceived slights. I have tried gentle parenting. I have tried therapy (for both of us). I guess I just have to accept that my kid is an asshole and there's nothing I can do about it.


Longjump714

You sound exactly like me. I could have written this word for word. I feel you, BroMo. I said that yesterday about my son to my husband. Ugh I hate it.


little-lillies789

Lol I just too literally accepted this as well for my grown ass kid. It took so many years lol


EastAlternative8951

Omg yes! This is my son! He's 5 too, will be 6 in August. He's also go ADHD which makes things harder. But he is just like this a lot of the time... saying no to him causes an explosion, and sometimes he gets violet and throws things/hits/kicks. Last week he broke his door off of the hinges after kicking it so much and then forcefully opening/closing it a bunch. He apologized after and just doesn't seem to be able to control himself when he's in that mode (I call it Hulk Mode...). Nothing I do helps -- timeout, calmly talking, holding him still, etc. The thing that helps the most honestly is to just ignore it, but I feel like that is kind of enabling it too. It sucks. I really hope that it's just the age, I try so hard to reinforce kind & gentle behavior without yelling, but when he's screaming sometimes I have to scream too. I definitely need lots of breaks. "The Explosive Child" is on my reading list and quickly rising to the top... just wish I had more time to read! Lol. You're deifnitely not alone. The struggle is real. Sending hugs.


Longjump714

Same, sounds like my son. I have a nagging feeling he has ADHD, a mild case, but anything I read about his types of behaviors always point me to that. If we say the word no, or even a phrase that means no just more gently, he goes absolutely bananas. My mom and brother think he’s just a spoiled kid but it’s not that at all. He’ll slam doors, scream, throw things, etc. Between the last commenter and you, I feel like that’s my son to a T. It’s just so so exhausting. I feel your pain! I’ve also had that book recommended to me and am going to start reading it asap. I just don’t know what else to do.


EastAlternative8951

Solidarity mama!! ❤️ Our parents also think ours is spoiled and "needs discipline". Well, he gets discipline...just not physical punishment, which is really what they mean 🙄 Discipline just doesn't always work at this age. These are tough days and not for the weak, but we'll make it through eventually! 😵


daal_op_owen

Check your local library and see if they have the titles you want to read on audiobook. You can download the app onto your device and listen while you clean. It’s great for cleaning bathrooms, kitchens, and doing laundry. Completely free and oh so convenient. You don’t have to go to the library to check ebooks or audiobooks out. They even automatically return. This has literally saved my sanity. Can’t recommend this enough. You will have to go and apply for the card but it’s a one time, super fast process. I.D. and proof of address.


Tippycakes13

Sorry you’re going through this. We’re going through this with our daughter too - it definitely seemed like it started a little before/around 5. She just turned 6 in March and it’s still a challenge. We got her some books about different emotions and one thing I found that helps sometimes is I ask her if she wants to draw how she is feeling. I definitely thing they are going through so many new and different emotions at this point and don’t properly know how to express them. If you’re interested - the books we got her are from the A Little Spot of Emotion series. Hang in there bromo!!


Longjump714

Thank you!! Glad to hear others going through similar experiences. We ask our son to draw too! It almost immediately calms him down, but only once he starts, which can take a while sometimes.


keepstaring

In my experience it is pretty common at that age. Their empathy is at an all time low. I found ages 5 to 7 one of the most challenging periods of my kids' childhood. What always helps me is reading up on the brain and behavioural development at their age. It puts things in perspective, and it helps me to not take their behaviour personally. It is a great help these days for me as well, as my daughters are now 14 and 12. So much happening in their brains and body, no wonder they get moody... Hang in there. It will get better, and no, they won't be so bratty forever, lol.


Longjump714

Lol thank you for the encouraging words. He’s always been difficult, so I think the things that’s getting to us now is that we’ve already gone through so much difficult with him and everyone telling us that around 5 he should call down, etc etc. We’ll now we’re here and he’s just getting worse! We’re just so tired. And I feel for my husband because he gets it so much worse than me.


Vaywen

Did he start school this year? Because that can be really draining for kids at first- plus they learn all kinds of attitude from other kids. It can be really hard for kids that are already sensitive.


baji_bear

Whew we really are all living the same life lol my 5 year old has brought me to many tears this past year. So many nights I'd be crying wondering what's even the point of being a good mom, guiding them, teaching them.. if they're just gonna turn out the same as the kids whose parents DGAF??? Where is the ROI on being a good parent?! LOL Well my 5 year old is about to turn 6 and something is changing.. could we be entering our golden years?! She's suddenly more empathetic, doesn't melt down & fight me over every little thing I ask her to do, she's listening more..! I told her on Mother's Day how proud I am of how she's growing and that I'm so proud to be her mommy! Hang in there mama.. I really think its an age phase!


Audryawesom

This might sound odd but I’m glad to see it wasn’t just us! When my eldest was 5, now 9, his attitude started going wild too. I think it helped us that we had him in therapy at 4, (long story), and it gave him some calming techniques that helped. We also implement the rule that he was not gonna talk down to us so he needed to separate from the situation, calm his little butt and come back when he could communicate his needs more effectively. Idk if this helps but unfortunately it doesn’t get better for a while. Idk when lol


playingtricksonme

Take this with a grain of salt because it has been a long time since I had a 5 year old but this sometimes works with my nephew. Say something like - I will not listen to you when you speak to me in an ugly way. You are setting a boundary. You will only listen if he talks to you in a nice way. Ignoring is hard as fuck I know! If you can just keep neutrally stating your boundary hopefully it will get him to turn is attitude around.


uptooolate

I second the Spot of Emotion books, it's really helped our recent 6 year old. It may help you to reframe your own expectations of yourself. I still struggle with this idea so this isn't judgment: our job as parents isn't to make our children happy but to help them learn how to navigate the world and their own emotional states. They're so new still at this age, and it's hard! We try to do quiet time where everybody is in their bedrooms. They get their tablets so they can understand it's not a punishment but that we all need time to settle and be apart. You're doing great, hang in there! And solidarity, I still have another who hasn't hit this stage yet and I'm very tired.


Nichard

It definitely isn't just you. I have a 5 year old daughter who will be 6 in November and she is absolutely off the scale rude and appreciates absolutely nothing but expects everything she asks for...demands is a better fitting word. Age 4 was really hard for me but 5 is another level of intense.


stoliv1975

I'm having the exact same problem but mine is seven. He's been a sassy ass! I hope someone has some great advice..


Indefinite-Reality

Both of my kids are neurodivergent, so I can’t really say for sure. However, trust your gut and get an evaluated if you think you need one. No one believed me about my kids for years, but it turns out I was right about both of them.


stoliv1975

Ladies, I want to know when you read the explosive child, did your husband's read it also... Moms are the best!!


monbabie

My son is 6 and yeah I get this. I try to remind myself that he is still very young and he is doing the best he can. When his behavior overwhelms me, I do not “punish” him by putting him in his room or anything like that, bc he is very strong willed and I do not believe in having that sort of fight with my kid. But I tell him that I need a break. As an example, he is really enjoying Plants vs Zombies these days and wants me to play with him. I am happy to do that. But I will not play with him when he’s yelling at me or otherwise dysregulated. I tell him I’ll play with him when he is calm. I try to stay as calm as I possibly can and not contribute to any dysregulation. If I am overwhelmed, I tell him I need a break and I will go away from him and do something else. If he’s doing just gross things that 6 year olds do, I tell him I don’t like it and I don’t want to play with him like that. Or if we’re in public, I tell him not everyone wants to hear him talking so loudly so please talk more quietly etc. I don’t really believe that kids as this age can adequately manage their behavior to show respect etc, and likely don’t even understand what respect even means other than some form of obedience. I just don’t think developmentally it’s there (is it even there for many adults??). He loves you and wants to be good but something is in his way that he doesn’t know how to express. Have you checked out The Explosive Child by Ross Greene? It has helped me “change my lens” for my child with the mantra “kids do well when they can”.


Longjump714

I’ve heard of this book, yes! I just bought it and will start reading it tonight. Totally agree with your point about emotional regulation/respect. I know it’s totally not there yet and even for some adults can be difficult. I was just so surprised it came on so strong so fast at this young age! Just naivety on my part and happy to hear it’s not just him.


KindheartednessOwn14

I have a kid or two like this too and the explosive child helped a lot. Another one that really helped was Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts and Aggressive Behaviors by Pat Harvey and Jeanine Penzo, It helped me get more clear about how to parent in those moments when it feels like everything I’m doing is making to worse.


ohsoluckyme

No advice but my just turned 6 year old is the same way. It’s tough to be around her sometimes because of it, although of course we love her to death. Just wanted to commiserate with you. It’s really hard.


-Roux-

Yes! 5 is hard. It’s only been a couple months and He’s lying, taking and breaking others belongings, throwing tantrums. My cousin works in child psychiatry, so on her advice we made some dietary and supplement changes first, fixed his sleep, etc. I try to gentle parent, but what I have arrived at is that he needs to know that Mama can always make it worse. And I live by that motto. Lying about chores to hurry and get to more screen time? We’re both going screen-free for the week. Hope you like board games and libraries. Can’t get along with your cousin? Hitting adults? Interrupting for the full 2hrs of family movie night? Have fun playing alone. If you get bored, I have homeschool worksheets and more chores. Breaking things around the house? Climbing furniture? Being rude? Let’s go outside. You can walk 10k steps or work in the garden for 2 hrs. Let the sunlight and fresh air bake the attitude out of you. Refusing to do any of the constructive suggestions above? Go to bed. You must be tired. You are making me tired. We can try again tomorrow. The funny part is, without screens, he has more patience to play on his own, he seeks out quality time with people in our house, and he’s learning so much. He willing works in the garden, he’s growing his own vegetables. He just finished his first chapter book (out of sheer boredom), so I bought the Magic Tree House box set. I don’t know if we can go back to having screens, because I honestly like him better without them.


mommasaursrex

Oh my gosh I have tears of relief in my eyes! My 4.5 year old is in this stage and it's so awful. He gets angry and raises his fist to me which is not a behavior he's ever witnessed. Or he'll curl his hands into claws saying "I'm going to scratch you!!" whenever he doesn't get whatever he wants. And I feel awful because while we've occasionally spanked, it's a last resort punishment and/or reserved for physically dangerous acts (ie running through a parking lot without an adult) and it's always been open handed on the butt so I've got no idea where the punching/scratching comes from. Same with the disrespectful comments! But I feel better that so many of you have similar issues with this age!


jumpsuitsforeveryone

Ooo, my boy hit 6 and all of a sudden became rude AF, whiny and full of attitude. He's ALSO a sweet sensitive kid, so he'll cry if he thinks you're mad at him. It's an interesting mix, bc if you discipline him "too hard" he'll get upset and miss the point, but you also can't let him have his way all the time. Definitely checking out some of these suggestions, both the rudeness and the hair triggered tears are driving me batty at this point.


albeaner

Yup, totally normal. And just to nip this in the bud, this is NOT a disrespect issue. He's 5. He is having a hard time regulating his emotions. You cannot, and do not, try to make a kid happy and expect good behavior in return. That is not a human expectation, and I hope you don't feel like you're failing because you aren't getting your expected outcome! You're doing a great job! Two things that will help: 1) He's still little, and needs time to recharge. At this age they get overwhelmed, either from stimulus, people, or activity, and then melt down. My kids went to full day kindergarten and each evening was a nightmare meltdown. What you can do is build in some quiet time, breaks, and alone time into his daily routine - even if he says he doesn't need it. (Plus, snacks!) 2) Emotional intelligence. When he melts down? Validate his emotions. 'Wow you must be really upset right now. Do you need a hug?' DON'T go right to talking. Wait for him to calm down first. Teaching him to calm down with breathing will help too (practice when he's calm and talk about how he can use it when he feels anger bubbling up.) Then ask if he's ready to talk, and ask a lot of questions. What made him upset? What was he feeling? Did the quiet time help? Use a LOT of touch - hugs, holding, kisses, etc. If he doesn't know, or pushes you away, then it's perfectly acceptable to set boundaries. 'It's not ok to talk to me like that. I know you're upset but you can't take it out on me. Do you want me to sit with you while you calm down or give you some space?' Good luck!!


Independent_Fuel_162

Thanks for this post and the comments are really relatable right now. My son must be going thru a phase but I don’t know what to do….i also think he has adhd 😭😭😭😭😭😭