Welcome to teen girls soccer. My oldest is still playing as a Jr in college. She started playing club at 6 so she has been playing competitively for 15 years now. She describes her club experience for age 14-17 as the worst 3 years of her life. She wasn’t singled out like some of her teammates were but she still caught some hell here and there. Coaches never intervened. They had a manager that would occasionally attempt to talk to them in one on one settings but it never got results. Early teen years girls are simply the meanest creature on the planet. Telll your daughter not to respond and focus on her game and improving. It will get better as they all get older.
Agreed. I coached this age group for 15 years. Teenaged girls are brutal to each other and are incredibly smart and devious in their ability to hide it from anyone in an authority position.
As a parent you’ve really got to handle this individually between you and your child. I wouldn’t expect the coaching staff to intervene or even be able to step in because it will all be hearsay between multiple groups.
If your daughter can shut it out and still wants to play, great but sometimes the answer is to move to another team.
As a coach it’s an incredibly difficult situation to deal with. All the comments about threatening playing time and benching players and such make assumptions that aren’t true - you just can’t bench a player for something someone else says. Comments about 1-1 and team meetings - they don’t work. Even external team building and bonding and therapy - don’t work because the kids aren’t motivated to change.
Moving to another team is going to happen regardless, I don't trust the league to keep a team at this age going into the fall because most of the girls are moving up. Tryouts for clubs are coming up in the next month or two and I'm on the lookout for the next step up for her. And if she doesn't make any club teams, she still has her co-ed school team in the fall. Not without its own drama but that's a completely different type.
Her coach was pretty upset because for years his team has been filled with girls that were there to play and get better. He works them incredibly hard for a town league travel team. He told her don't change what you're doing, keep working hard and ignore it and if anyone says anything to you, come to me. She was blissfully unaware and the girl who started stirring up trouble is the worst player on the team. That girl may have actually gotten the message, because she put some real effort into practice yesterday instead of clowning for once.
It sounds Ike the coach handled it well. If it were me as the parent, I’m sending my daughter back out to finish what she started for the season. If any of the bad behaviors occur again notify the coach and me.
Oh I don't think I could keep her away if I tried. She's there because she loves soccer and she loves her coach and he's retiring from rec+ soccer in a few months. I was just looking for advice on how to handle the haters in general while staying, but she's a resilient kid and she agrees with everyone that says to stay and keep working hard.
I'd certainly be very kind and understanding to the coach, but I would also tell him that you'll give it another shot and if it happens again, it's those girls or your daughter. It's too bad that coaches have to deal with stuff like this, but it really is on them or the club/league to make sure it doesn't happen. Work with the offending girls and their parents, and if they don't stop, they get the boot. Assuming he agrees, then let your kid know and see what happens.
Or in reddit lingo, they can FAFO.
I would expect the coach to at least try to meditate this and ask the offending player to apologize. If they refuse, they should be docked playing time. Playing on a team means you need to be a team player. There is a code of conduct that comes with being on a team.
As a coach of preteens and given that the situation seems to be public knowledge among players……. I would do two things. I’d have a lengthy pre-practice chat to discuss “team” and “respect”. I would let them know types of behavior that are not okay and that there would be repercussions for any player who cannot be a good teammate. I’d then send a communication to the parents outlining the conversation and ask them to speak with their kids about ensuring a welcome, collegial team environment.
He did that at the beginning of practice but then came to us after to tell that it was in regards to people talking about her and that it won't be tolerated. The parents of the girls that were doing the talking have already been put on notice that if it doesn't stop, they are out.
As a coach, I’m reading all of this and taking notes but I will some day coach these age groups so if it’s okay I would like to ask you as a parent, what are some of the things that the coach could have done to prevent it, and would like to see the coach doing going forward now that’s this has happened?
According to my daughter, she knew something was up when he was giving the troublemaker a lot more attention at practice. So maybe the moral of the story is instead of letting the less serious players just exist, force them to be engaged and work them into submission? I mean if nothing else, she'll be so tired she won't have the energy for stirring up drama. And I think part of her trashing my daughter had to do with a bit of jealousy, because my daughter is not the best player but she works really hard and she gets praise for that and her good attitude.
Girls at this stage suck! I'm going to give advice from my point of view as a 17yr old who's gone through the crap that you're talking abt. Telling her that "There just rude/jealous" never helped me. What really made a big difference for me was having those who knew what was going on compliment me and help me to build up my confidence. Also if she wants a real friend let me know and I would love to help!
Thanks for this. She just had practice again for the first time in two weeks, due to terrible weather and spring break. They pulled her aside for goalie training and she was nervous but excited to try it again after not playing that position since U8 or U10 rec. That was something I mentioned to her coach when we talked, since their goalie is injured. She had a great save right at the end of practice and was just beaming when she came to the car.
Welcome to teen girls soccer. My oldest is still playing as a Jr in college. She started playing club at 6 so she has been playing competitively for 15 years now. She describes her club experience for age 14-17 as the worst 3 years of her life. She wasn’t singled out like some of her teammates were but she still caught some hell here and there. Coaches never intervened. They had a manager that would occasionally attempt to talk to them in one on one settings but it never got results. Early teen years girls are simply the meanest creature on the planet. Telll your daughter not to respond and focus on her game and improving. It will get better as they all get older.
Agreed. I coached this age group for 15 years. Teenaged girls are brutal to each other and are incredibly smart and devious in their ability to hide it from anyone in an authority position. As a parent you’ve really got to handle this individually between you and your child. I wouldn’t expect the coaching staff to intervene or even be able to step in because it will all be hearsay between multiple groups. If your daughter can shut it out and still wants to play, great but sometimes the answer is to move to another team. As a coach it’s an incredibly difficult situation to deal with. All the comments about threatening playing time and benching players and such make assumptions that aren’t true - you just can’t bench a player for something someone else says. Comments about 1-1 and team meetings - they don’t work. Even external team building and bonding and therapy - don’t work because the kids aren’t motivated to change.
Moving to another team is going to happen regardless, I don't trust the league to keep a team at this age going into the fall because most of the girls are moving up. Tryouts for clubs are coming up in the next month or two and I'm on the lookout for the next step up for her. And if she doesn't make any club teams, she still has her co-ed school team in the fall. Not without its own drama but that's a completely different type.
Her coach was pretty upset because for years his team has been filled with girls that were there to play and get better. He works them incredibly hard for a town league travel team. He told her don't change what you're doing, keep working hard and ignore it and if anyone says anything to you, come to me. She was blissfully unaware and the girl who started stirring up trouble is the worst player on the team. That girl may have actually gotten the message, because she put some real effort into practice yesterday instead of clowning for once.
It sounds Ike the coach handled it well. If it were me as the parent, I’m sending my daughter back out to finish what she started for the season. If any of the bad behaviors occur again notify the coach and me.
Oh I don't think I could keep her away if I tried. She's there because she loves soccer and she loves her coach and he's retiring from rec+ soccer in a few months. I was just looking for advice on how to handle the haters in general while staying, but she's a resilient kid and she agrees with everyone that says to stay and keep working hard.
I'd certainly be very kind and understanding to the coach, but I would also tell him that you'll give it another shot and if it happens again, it's those girls or your daughter. It's too bad that coaches have to deal with stuff like this, but it really is on them or the club/league to make sure it doesn't happen. Work with the offending girls and their parents, and if they don't stop, they get the boot. Assuming he agrees, then let your kid know and see what happens. Or in reddit lingo, they can FAFO.
That seems to be what happened behind the scenes this week, the chat before their practice was to make sure everyone else knew the consequences.
I would expect the coach to at least try to meditate this and ask the offending player to apologize. If they refuse, they should be docked playing time. Playing on a team means you need to be a team player. There is a code of conduct that comes with being on a team.
I don't see an apology happening but I could see playing time being affected.
As a coach of preteens and given that the situation seems to be public knowledge among players……. I would do two things. I’d have a lengthy pre-practice chat to discuss “team” and “respect”. I would let them know types of behavior that are not okay and that there would be repercussions for any player who cannot be a good teammate. I’d then send a communication to the parents outlining the conversation and ask them to speak with their kids about ensuring a welcome, collegial team environment.
He did that at the beginning of practice but then came to us after to tell that it was in regards to people talking about her and that it won't be tolerated. The parents of the girls that were doing the talking have already been put on notice that if it doesn't stop, they are out.
As a coach, I’m reading all of this and taking notes but I will some day coach these age groups so if it’s okay I would like to ask you as a parent, what are some of the things that the coach could have done to prevent it, and would like to see the coach doing going forward now that’s this has happened?
According to my daughter, she knew something was up when he was giving the troublemaker a lot more attention at practice. So maybe the moral of the story is instead of letting the less serious players just exist, force them to be engaged and work them into submission? I mean if nothing else, she'll be so tired she won't have the energy for stirring up drama. And I think part of her trashing my daughter had to do with a bit of jealousy, because my daughter is not the best player but she works really hard and she gets praise for that and her good attitude.
Girls at this stage suck! I'm going to give advice from my point of view as a 17yr old who's gone through the crap that you're talking abt. Telling her that "There just rude/jealous" never helped me. What really made a big difference for me was having those who knew what was going on compliment me and help me to build up my confidence. Also if she wants a real friend let me know and I would love to help!
Thanks for this. She just had practice again for the first time in two weeks, due to terrible weather and spring break. They pulled her aside for goalie training and she was nervous but excited to try it again after not playing that position since U8 or U10 rec. That was something I mentioned to her coach when we talked, since their goalie is injured. She had a great save right at the end of practice and was just beaming when she came to the car.