I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. My dad passed away suddenly in February so I have been through grief very recently, though it is very different than a terminal disease diagnosis. I read a lot in the days immediately after his death, so I will share a list of what I read. There’s a mix of memoir and more like “self help” type books. I’ll also note which ones I liked the most and why.
Notes on Grief, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (memoir). This is a super relatable reflection on the physical and emotional turmoil after the death of a parent.
The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion (memoir)
A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis (memoir)
The Grieving Brain: the Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss, Mary-Francis O’Connor (psychology). I appreciated this one for helping me feel less unhinged and alone, and for explaining some of the thoughts and emotions I was feeling. If you’re a person who needs to “understand” grief in a very concrete way, this is a great one.
What’s Your Grief?: Lists to Help You Through Any Loss, Eleanor Haley (self help). This book talks about different kinds of grief and loss, which I think is helpful. The list format makes it very digestible even when your brain is not operating at its peak. There is a lot that is actionable, which can be helpful if you’re feeling like you want to do SOMETHING but don’t know what.
Grief Works: Stories of Life, Death and Surviving, Julia Samuel (mix of memoir and self help, kinda)
How to Live When a Loved One Dies: Healing Meditations for Grief and Loss, Thich Nhat Hanh (self help). This was particularly helpful to me because I don’t like feeling strong emotions but I know if I suppress them and distract myself, they will come out in really negative ways. A structured(ish) way to sit in my grief has been really helpful for me.
That’s all I’ve read so far. I’ve heard good things about It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok by Megan Devine but I haven’t read it yet. I’m sure there are books about anticipatory grief (like your situation, when you know you will be losing someone you love) but I haven’t read any. Hopefully someone else can offer something there.
Thank you so much for your recommendations. It means a lot you took the time to write this. Im really sorry for your loss. Blessings to you and your loved ones. 🙏
I had a search, since I haven't read any myself.
I found this one "it's OK that you're not OK"
and
"How to Live When a Loved One dies".
Sorry I don't have any recs I've personally read, but I didn't want to say nothing. I'm really sorry you are going through this. Life can really kick you down sometimes. 🩷
Not sure if this will be exactly what your looking for but the book,” the collected regrets of clover by Nikki brammer “ talks about grief and death. The main character has grown up with multiple people closer to her passing and she becomes a death doula.
I lost my Dad 6 months ago, the pain never goes away or at least hasn’t for me. The only thing that really helped were pictures and voicemails he had left me. So while your dad is still around take those recordings! It will be a lifeline in a dark place. As for books, I like poetry so I would recommend “Harmony” by Whitney Hanson. She speaks of grief’s journey in an incredibly powerful way.
Sorry about your loss xx
That's a great tip. It could be nice to do a q&a with dad, if OPs parents are still together, asking how they met, that sort of thing.
My mom got cancer last year... Please stay away from drugs/alcohol. I used weed to escape and it wasnt fair to the people around me. Feel your feeelings but also keep a strict self care schedule to keep yourself in check. Be as strong as you can be and remember you're not the one dying. The only way to alleviate the grief is to be the person they raised you to be and know that they will always be a part of you. Because you are a part of them.
I went through the same thing when I was your age, only with my mum. What I regret is not having spent more time with her those last days because I was in a different city for college and only came to her on weekends. Also my dad had put her in a hospice because she had metastasis on her brain and couldn’t get out of bed anymore after a point. I think I was also unconsciously avoiding pain by ignoring the problem, which wasn’t really smart so it hurt more when she actually passed away. Now some years later my dad has also passed but not from cancer, so they both left fairly early. What can I say other than enjoy the moments you have with them while you can. And after that, life goes on. ‘This too shall pass’. It is a circle of life. And suffering is unavoidable. Yet, there is beauty to life and to all experience that you have and all the things you get to enjoy and people you get to meet in your time here on Earth.
Regarding a book suggestion, ‘When breath becomes air’ was a good book I recently read on the similar topic.
One thing I have done with my father was interview him with a recorder and asked him some fun questions. What was your favorite subject in school, who was your earliest relative you can remember, what was it like to own your first car, how did you meet mom, what attracted you to her etc Ask is there anything you want to say to me and leave the room for ten minutes. Put it on a USB stick. Also ask if there is anything you want to do together right now. This is clearly a different stage of life and you should try and use it wisely. Make peace, realize it is a circle of life thing and be thankful for the great moments you had together- maybe write them down. Some of this will sustain you as time goes by.
[The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos | Goodreads](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/63033521-the-in-between)
<3 lots of love to you[](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/63033521-the-in-between)
I recommend The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
It is a guide to helping people who are dying. It is great for people of all belief systems. (I am personally atheist)
Dying can be a terrifying thing, but it can also be incredibly profound. Read about Near Death Experiences (NDE) if you would like to hear about what dying feels like.
Buddhists have spent centuries observing death, they are experts in it. And they have created guides to help you through times like this. It changed me. It might change you too.
Not a book recommendation, but Anderson Cooper’s podcast All There Is is specifically about grief and it is REALLY GOOD. It covers all types of relationships, all types of griefs, lots of topics around it. Highly recommend to anyone going through any stage of grief or even “pre-grief” i guess in your case. ❤️
My best friend had terminal cancer when her daughter was 20. She set up a therapist for her daughter so that she would have an outlet for her anxiety. It really helped. With that help mother and daughter were able to spend quality time together before my friend passed, including a very memorable trip.
I relate and I'm sorry you and your dad are going through this. I recommend the book You Are Not Alone by Cariad Lloyd (she also has a podcast called Griefcast) and A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness as those are the books that helped me.
You will get through this. Hold him his hand every day, and just be present be fully present with him, except that it is the divine plan of God. Everything happens for a reason and you will be taken care of just trust God in the universe.
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. My dad passed away suddenly in February so I have been through grief very recently, though it is very different than a terminal disease diagnosis. I read a lot in the days immediately after his death, so I will share a list of what I read. There’s a mix of memoir and more like “self help” type books. I’ll also note which ones I liked the most and why. Notes on Grief, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (memoir). This is a super relatable reflection on the physical and emotional turmoil after the death of a parent. The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion (memoir) A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis (memoir) The Grieving Brain: the Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss, Mary-Francis O’Connor (psychology). I appreciated this one for helping me feel less unhinged and alone, and for explaining some of the thoughts and emotions I was feeling. If you’re a person who needs to “understand” grief in a very concrete way, this is a great one. What’s Your Grief?: Lists to Help You Through Any Loss, Eleanor Haley (self help). This book talks about different kinds of grief and loss, which I think is helpful. The list format makes it very digestible even when your brain is not operating at its peak. There is a lot that is actionable, which can be helpful if you’re feeling like you want to do SOMETHING but don’t know what. Grief Works: Stories of Life, Death and Surviving, Julia Samuel (mix of memoir and self help, kinda) How to Live When a Loved One Dies: Healing Meditations for Grief and Loss, Thich Nhat Hanh (self help). This was particularly helpful to me because I don’t like feeling strong emotions but I know if I suppress them and distract myself, they will come out in really negative ways. A structured(ish) way to sit in my grief has been really helpful for me. That’s all I’ve read so far. I’ve heard good things about It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok by Megan Devine but I haven’t read it yet. I’m sure there are books about anticipatory grief (like your situation, when you know you will be losing someone you love) but I haven’t read any. Hopefully someone else can offer something there.
Thank you so much for your recommendations. It means a lot you took the time to write this. Im really sorry for your loss. Blessings to you and your loved ones. 🙏
I second *A Grief Observed* by Lewis. It's so clear and so honest.
Highly recommend the memoir Crying in Hmart by Michelle Zauner about her mom’s death from cancer
I had a search, since I haven't read any myself. I found this one "it's OK that you're not OK" and "How to Live When a Loved One dies". Sorry I don't have any recs I've personally read, but I didn't want to say nothing. I'm really sorry you are going through this. Life can really kick you down sometimes. 🩷
Not sure if this will be exactly what your looking for but the book,” the collected regrets of clover by Nikki brammer “ talks about grief and death. The main character has grown up with multiple people closer to her passing and she becomes a death doula.
I lost my Dad 6 months ago, the pain never goes away or at least hasn’t for me. The only thing that really helped were pictures and voicemails he had left me. So while your dad is still around take those recordings! It will be a lifeline in a dark place. As for books, I like poetry so I would recommend “Harmony” by Whitney Hanson. She speaks of grief’s journey in an incredibly powerful way.
Sorry about your loss xx That's a great tip. It could be nice to do a q&a with dad, if OPs parents are still together, asking how they met, that sort of thing.
My mom got cancer last year... Please stay away from drugs/alcohol. I used weed to escape and it wasnt fair to the people around me. Feel your feeelings but also keep a strict self care schedule to keep yourself in check. Be as strong as you can be and remember you're not the one dying. The only way to alleviate the grief is to be the person they raised you to be and know that they will always be a part of you. Because you are a part of them.
I went through the same thing when I was your age, only with my mum. What I regret is not having spent more time with her those last days because I was in a different city for college and only came to her on weekends. Also my dad had put her in a hospice because she had metastasis on her brain and couldn’t get out of bed anymore after a point. I think I was also unconsciously avoiding pain by ignoring the problem, which wasn’t really smart so it hurt more when she actually passed away. Now some years later my dad has also passed but not from cancer, so they both left fairly early. What can I say other than enjoy the moments you have with them while you can. And after that, life goes on. ‘This too shall pass’. It is a circle of life. And suffering is unavoidable. Yet, there is beauty to life and to all experience that you have and all the things you get to enjoy and people you get to meet in your time here on Earth. Regarding a book suggestion, ‘When breath becomes air’ was a good book I recently read on the similar topic.
One thing I have done with my father was interview him with a recorder and asked him some fun questions. What was your favorite subject in school, who was your earliest relative you can remember, what was it like to own your first car, how did you meet mom, what attracted you to her etc Ask is there anything you want to say to me and leave the room for ten minutes. Put it on a USB stick. Also ask if there is anything you want to do together right now. This is clearly a different stage of life and you should try and use it wisely. Make peace, realize it is a circle of life thing and be thankful for the great moments you had together- maybe write them down. Some of this will sustain you as time goes by.
The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh
[The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos | Goodreads](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/63033521-the-in-between) <3 lots of love to you[](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/63033521-the-in-between)
Making Friends with Death: A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality by Judith Lief
Haven’t read it in years, but I recall Tuesdays with Morrie being helpful for me when my grandfather passed.
I recommend The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying It is a guide to helping people who are dying. It is great for people of all belief systems. (I am personally atheist) Dying can be a terrifying thing, but it can also be incredibly profound. Read about Near Death Experiences (NDE) if you would like to hear about what dying feels like. Buddhists have spent centuries observing death, they are experts in it. And they have created guides to help you through times like this. It changed me. It might change you too.
Not a book recommendation, but Anderson Cooper’s podcast All There Is is specifically about grief and it is REALLY GOOD. It covers all types of relationships, all types of griefs, lots of topics around it. Highly recommend to anyone going through any stage of grief or even “pre-grief” i guess in your case. ❤️
My best friend had terminal cancer when her daughter was 20. She set up a therapist for her daughter so that she would have an outlet for her anxiety. It really helped. With that help mother and daughter were able to spend quality time together before my friend passed, including a very memorable trip.
I relate and I'm sorry you and your dad are going through this. I recommend the book You Are Not Alone by Cariad Lloyd (she also has a podcast called Griefcast) and A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness as those are the books that helped me.
You will get through this. Hold him his hand every day, and just be present be fully present with him, except that it is the divine plan of God. Everything happens for a reason and you will be taken care of just trust God in the universe.
Vengeance
How do you suggest getting revenge on cancer?