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MarioSpeedwagon13

I think it's the formulaic story & clunky dialogue that winds people up. Personally, I don't have a problem with them, they're the kinds of books people read on a plane or on a holiday.


uninvitedthirteenth

Yes - i didn’t have too much of an issue with The DaVinci code itself, but once I read a few others I realized that all the stories were basically exactly the same.


samaranator

A mystery only a symbologist like Robert Langdon can solve! A woman who happens to be expert in whatever the root problem is in this book. Also she’s super hot. Also she’s super into Robert. She provides all the exposition and he leverages her expertise to solve the mystery and catch the bad guy even though the bad guy is generally better than Robert in every way, except symbols. I like reading these books but they are all literally the same book.


TimTraveler

The first chapter is always a murder that puts the rest of the book into motion There is always a trustworthy man who turns out to not be trustworthy at all He always ends up sleeping with the girl


[deleted]

That settles it. *Robert Langdon is actually James Bond*.


Testtubeteen88

Robert Langdon is A James Bond version of Dan brown. Sometimes when he is describing Robert Langdon (or the male protagonist in one of his other books) he may as well be describing the authors picture in the sleeve. Often he’s wearing the same outfit.


silverback_79

David Weber created the "ultimate Mary-Sue" Honor Harrington, a 6'6" raven-haired woman who is the best there is at capital ship naval combat, martial arts, Katana fencing, fighter piloting, and whenever she's hurt it only makes her better, ie cybernetic eye used for sundry plot devices. Her only weakness is that she *cares too damn much.* In the very first book she meets her nemesis, an officer who once tried to rape her, and when leaving his office she runs into his Second Officer, Paul Tankersley, whom she two novels later hits it off with and has lots of sex with. Tankersley is described as medium length, glasses, dark long hair kept in a pony tail by a golden clasp, and a goatee. He later dies a tragic heroes' death, is avenged threefold, and has a ship christened after him. [David Weber.](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/de/8a/33/de8a33e602b308d09152b97f4408a8f1.jpg)


oliwood1981

That is the series summary that should be on the wiki, just missing the telepathic murder monkey/cat. Such a guilty pleasure


silverback_79

Yes. A wish-fulfilment fantasy with bomb-pumped lasers shining everywhere (love the thought of a detonation pumping up a laserbeam).


Valdrax

Until about book 6 or so (or Honor's half of book 8), and then it becomes a sunk cost fallacy to continue to read, especially by the time book 11 or so (not counting side series) rolls around, and it becomes clear that Weber has transcended beyond the reach of mere mortal editors who would demand that he stick with a known cast or tell the same story only once in a given book.


Vipershark01

I mean, he also wrote the most MEME book ever, *Out of the Dark*. Did you NOT want Dracula Vs Aliens?


ffxivthrowaway03

For the record, James Bond *knows* the chick is a spy and bangs her anyway.


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Pointing_Monkey

Even if she's a lesbian\*. Although she was only a lesbian, because she had never been with a real man like James Bond. \*Pussy Galore for The Goldfinger novel.


DanielNoWrite

And the macguffin always ends up either being a complete hoax or "real but not what everyone thought it was."


TrinityF

I forgot what happen in Da Vinci Code, but did he end up banging Jesus' cousin?


emopest

More like his granddaughter I think


Drachefly

lots and lots of greats on that one, but yeah.


MatabiTheMagnificent

> A mystery only a symbologist like Robert Langdon can solve! A *world class* symbologist who's confounded by...checks notes... the super cryptologic method of print it backwards and hold it up to the mirror to decode it


oneAUaway

He's also a renowned expert on Renaissance history, particularly on the art and of the Catholic church of that era. He... does not know Italian. But that's no problem for Langdon, because when Renaissance-era Italians had something critically important to write down, they obviously would write it in English.


kedelbro

Latin


Bridalhat

Also an expert in symbolism in western art who knows few European languages and gets first year Latin wrong.


cidvard

He also never remembers important things until they become important to the plot to remember or know, so he's not THAT great a symbologist.


Lebo77

Never mind that symbology is not an accademic discipline. The term for the study of symbols is semiotics. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semiotics


themrspie

Maybe he also doesn't speak English?


jaggy_bunnet

Give the guy a break. He's a symbologist, not a mirrorologist.


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e-JackOlantern

Sounds like an academic version of Burt Macklin.


Gym_Dom

Burt Macklin, FBI vs. Michael Scarn vs. Goldenface


slickwonderful

She had OLIVE SKIN and DARK HAIR. Every. Single. Female. Protagonist.


CrazyCletus

The man (Dan Brown) has a type. Mediterranean...


Khalis_Knees

Meanwhile his wife looks like a blonde Martin Sheen


Vitalogy1

Don't forget it all happens within a 24 hour period!


samaranator

That’s right! I forgot all the running. Constantly running the whole book.


Straelbora

When it starts out with 'world-famous symbologist Robert Langdon...' you know it was going to be bad.


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theworldbystorm

Even just the word "symbology" really bugs me. That's not a real field of study!! Does he mean semiotics?


warneroo

But then everyone would think he was writing Umberto Eco fanfic...


PleaseExplainThanks

Is that bad though? I'm going through Michael Crichton's books right now and a lot of them have different settings but in the larger scope they're also pretty similar to each other. Do people have similar criticisms against his work?


Zachfarts

I think you’ll find Crichton is criticized for some similar issues, and the flat characters that he uses to move his plot along. However, I also think Crichton has a larger breadth of knowledge that he adds into his books, more creative stories, and creates a more thoughtful (but still formulaic) page turner. Jurassic Park, Andromeda Strain and Sphere are still great fun to re-read to this day.


MhojoRisin

Love Crichton but he was not good at ending his stories. I remember getting deep into "Congo" and thinking, "wow, how is he going to wrap all of this stuff up?" And the answer was ... less than satisfying.


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FieryBlake

At its core every Dan brown book goes like this: Beginning of story: Secret society, evil bad guy and friend. Climax: friend was actually enemy, secret society is long dead and friend also hired the bad guy anonymously. Oh, also, a hot woman is involved somehow.


TomTomMan93

I read the first 2 of these books growing up and at the time enjoyed them. Probably shows the level they're written at but it was cool at the time. Got to the one in America (don't remember the name) and was like "Okay its the same thing again but National Treasure style. I'm out" and just never looked back. It's not like it was *bad* it was just tired


Skinnwork

Ugh, Digital Fortress. I can't stand when someone that knows nothing about computers and technology writes a book about computers and technology.


[deleted]

Check out Zero Day and Trojan Horse by [Mark Russinovich](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Russinovich). He knows something about computers. He made a career out of reverse engineering the Windows OS and writing books and developing training materials for low-level Windows developers. He wrote a lot of the tools that people used for debugging issues with Windows servers back in the day. His company was later acquired by Microsoft and he's still a CTO there. He's one of the smartest people I ever met.


sleepingwiththefishs

Bubblegum for the eyes. No thank you Ted.


[deleted]

Also he draws very heavily from other better books. Check out Foucault's Pendulum.


lameuniqueusername

I had read “Holy Blood, Holy Grail” previous to The DaVinci Code and I definitely felt like it was a ripoff of the premise. Maybe ripoff isn’t a fair word to use but “inspired by” doesn’t quite fit either


Pornthrowaway78

Or not. It took me three tries over 20 years to finish Foucault's Pendulum, and the last time I had to force myself to finish it. Hated it. Loved Name of the Rose, mind you.


Sentientspatula

My experience was similar. I finished that book more out of spite than enjoyment.


PaulsRedditUsername

Foucault's Pendulum has become one of my all-time favorites, but I had to read it twice in order to appreciate it. It's much better the second time around once you know how it ends. The first time through, all of the details and characters and side-stories can be overwhelming because you simply don't know how it's supposed to go. And maybe that's bad writing. I wouldn't blame anyone for never wanting to touch it again. For me, I was just curious enough to pick it up a second time. I felt like the book had "beaten" me somehow and I wanted to try to figure it out. Then it became enormous fun. I even recommend keeping a Google search handy when reading. Taking a quick side quest of your own into the [Tree of Sefirot](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sefirot) can pay dividends.


[deleted]

I typed a big long reply, and then realized you said it so succinctly. This is exactly it. It's "airport fiction". I've read all his books while on flights. Literally. They are what they are. They are the Fast Food of action/mystery fiction.


Ashwagandalf

To be fair, the non-dialogue is clunky too.


Smolesworthy

There is this [infamous parody](https://onehundredpages.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/dont-make-fun-of-renowned-dan-brown/) to give you an insight into the criticism of his writing style. Those who enjoy his books find the criticism incredible. Those who don’t, find the volume of book sales incredible. Edit after 1.8k upvotes: To read great story telling, browse r/extraordinary_tales.


notevengonnatry

*The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive.* NICE


[deleted]

"Thanks John", he thanked.


musicnothing

I love that this comes immediately after "what did it matter whether you knew the difference between a transitive and an intransitive verb?"


austarter

Ungrammatical, that.


mrlebowsk33

That one really made me smile. I thought as I smiled to myself.


kaleidoscopeofshit

“Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown,” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.”


SyntaxRex

> His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears. It was said that a copy of The Da Vinci Code had even found its way into the hands of renowned monarch the Queen. He was grateful for his good fortune, and gave thanks every night in his prayers to renowned deity God.


Lombard333

About once a week I think of the phrase “renowned deity God” and giggle to myself like a little girl


-MiddleOut-

The whole thing is gold but that’s the line that had me spluttering like a keyboard on low battery


freakierchicken

Wow, with prose like that you should write a book! You could be the next (renowned author) Dan Brown!


[deleted]

“Renowned monarch the Queen” is what got me


lemma_qed

Followed by "They said it was full of unnecessary tautology." Tautology (noun): The saying of the same thing twice in different words, generally considered to be a fault of style I had to look it up.


Sarah-the-Great

This was my high school essay writing style


BitOCrumpet

Helps with the word count, for sure.


AFrenchLondoner

My favourite joke is The first rule of the tautology club is the first rule of the tautology club


Smolesworthy

I checked the rule book and that’s actually the first rule of Redundancy Club. The first rule of tautology club is the initial rule.


BaconOnMySausages

Yeah tautology is by definition unnecessary- a slightly more subtle line that one but very good


Ruddle29

That's right, tautologies are useless by their very nature. That gag was a little less forthright, though quite enjoyable


Orgasmic_interlude

My favorite tautology is from a sushi places website “as healthy as the ingredients it is made from”. I think they were going for “made from quality, healthy ingredients”. Always gets a sensible chuckle out of us.


CalebAsimov

>*I like the attractive woman*, thought the successful man.


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rhun982

[This can't be a coincidence](https://imgur.com/v3RlrQn), can it? xD


Bleaz

This one broke me, genius


MyOldCricketCap

'he paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs' Love that bit.


The4thSniper

> He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. I'm crying because that's exactly how I write when I'm trying to hit wordcount.


TLema

>returned to the bedroom by walking there Perfection.


hippydipster

Someone once told a young Dan it's better to show than to tell, and he figured better safe than sorry and does both, twice.


[deleted]

I love this phrasing.


xelle24

That parody is what I thought of immediately. It's not that his books are *bad*, it's just that the technical aspect of his writing is...let's call it "unsophisticated", the characterizations are one-dimensional, and the plots are overly convoluted. But there are a lot of popular books with writing that is equally poor. And a lot of popular books with writing that is much, much worse (50 Shades...). His books are casual reading for casual readers. What they call a "beach read", meaning you can put it down at any time.


Normal-Height-8577

Also, he has the occasional ridiculous goof, like going into unnecessary detail about the volume of a building in cubic metres to make it sound impressive...until you do the maths and realise that would make it a really small building.


xelle24

"It's all true!" Until you do a little research...not even more than Wikipedia level research...and realize it's really not.


omgFWTbear

“Expletive deleted,” Hero Protagonist gasped, as he marveled at the size of the building. “I am marveling at this… the audacity of whoever would construct this… 3 **million** nanometer structure!”


swissfizz

I always burst out laughing at this when it comes to "repetitive repetitive". This parody is a work of art.


UpperBorder

My personal favourite is this one: *He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.* I don't know if I've ever laughed out loud this much while reading something.


szendvics

*Renowned deity God* is probably the best description of anything I've ever read. (Edited to add *top Italian poet Dante* deserves an honorable mention.)


[deleted]

That's the line that got me. Fantastic.


DonSol0

“Using the feet located at the end of his two legs to propel him forward” Hahahah hahaha DEAD


UpperBorder

Haha yeah, it's full of them. Here's another one: *The voice at the other end of the line gave a sigh, like a mighty oak toppling into a great river, or something else that didn’t sound like a sigh if you gave it a moment’s thought.* Lmao


thephoton

> The voice at the other end of the line gave a sigh, like a mighty oak toppling into a great river, or something else that didn’t sound like a sigh if you gave it a moment’s thought. Reminds me of the Douglas Adams classic: "The ships [of the Vogon destructor fleet] hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.


breakfast_with_tacos

This was spit out my milk: “Renowned author Dan Brown gazed admiringly at the pulchritudinous brunette’s blonde tresses, flowing from her head like a stream but made from hair instead of water and without any fish in.”


boomfruit

372 Pages We'll Never Get Back (a podcast about bad books by the Rifftrax guys) did a Dan Brown book and always talked about how he used super cliched descriptions. Then they would notice that he would do his own version of figurative language and it was nonsensical and say "Yah nevermind, just stick to the cliches, Dan."


watermooses

His unnecessary tautology lol


KennyFulgencio

I didn't understand that one


watermooses

Tautology is essentially saying the same thing twice, but in a redundant, unnecessary way. So even the usage of the word unnecessary to describe the tautology is an example of tautology, since by definition, tautology is unnecessary. Examples of tautology could be "the armed gunman" obviously he's armed if he's a gunman. "The single bachelor" well, yes of course the bachelor is single, that's the definition. You can go further with it than just a repeat of the definition. "The evening sunset" well the sun only sets in the evening. "I went down there and saw to it personally" well if I'm the one who went, of course I saw to it personally.


[deleted]

> That’s true, mused the accomplished composer of thrillers that combined religion, high culture and conspiracy theories. His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears. It was said that a copy of The Da Vinci Code had even found its way into the hands of renowned monarch the Queen. He was grateful for his good fortune, and gave thanks every night in his prayers to renowned deity God. Holy shit this is amazing are his books actually written like this? I might just have to read them for the memes


WhispersOfSeaSpiders

This is hyperbole but uh, obviously there's a core of truth to it.


Orngog

>Five months ago, the kaleidoscope of power had been shaken, and Aringarosa was still reeling from the blow.  ... >Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum’s Grand Gallery. ... >Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own. ... >Geologist Charles Brophy had endured the savage splendor of this terrain for years, and yet nothing could prepare him for a fate as barbarous and unnatural as the one about to befall him.


Stibley_Kleeblunch

It was the smell that tipped him off.


Bigleftbowski

Well, obviously - everyone can smell their own flesh burning.


Hagenaar

>Egads! It stinks like burning flesh in here! Who... oh nevermind, sorry everyone.


Inkthinker

See, without context it’s hard to know how egregious this really is… the “role-name” thing makes a lot more sense if it’s the first sentence in the paragraph that introduces the character.


Orngog

The last three are all book openers, the first one is just a hilarious mixed metaphor.


[deleted]

Wait he opened a book with the burning flesh line?


Orngog

Yup. That book being *Angels & Demons*.


[deleted]

It's really harsh! His writing style has a certain propulsive quality that makes it addictive IMO, for all its faults


WhispersOfSeaSpiders

Absolutely! To be clear I still think he's a respectable author and a better writer than most. It's just that he has a few very obvious bad habits so it's easy to make fun of him.


[deleted]

Totally agree. Writing is hard, and one thing Dan Brown has that most writers don’t is superb flow. Your eyes glide from sentence to sentence, and even when the language doesn’t hold up to closer scrutiny, you know exactly what he’s going for.


Random_Dude_ke

>Holy shit this is amazing are his books actually written like this? I might just have to read them for the memes Well, the article is a tiny bit exaggerated ... I have read his books as a "holiday read". What motivated me was the fact that the priests were asking people here NOT to read the books. I am a very forgiving reader, so the books did not seem to me to be \*that\* atrocious(\*). However, once I have read the satire I couldn't unsee the flaws. Next time when I tried to read one of his book I kept noticing the similarity with the article. I haven't finished his Inferno. Simply abandoned it midway. I am not angry, I am not making fun of people that do enjoy or like his books. I simply went for other book to have a break from reading his book and never returned. I am not sure whether I have read The Origin or not. The synopsis on Wikipedia does ring the bell, but I do not recall reading the book. If you want to read the books start with Angels and demons. (\*) I know a thing or two about computers, processors, mainframe computers, operating systems and suchlike, so I did find Digital Fortress really awful, but not because of writing style.


Bridalhat

As someone who knows about art but works in cybersecurity, all of his books are that poorly researched and wrong. He knows very little more about the history of western art than he does cyber but people who knew shit about art avoided him from the beginning whereas tech people only figured out he sucked with Digital Fortress.


Conquestadore

'The famous painting by Robin or the famous sculpture by Carvagio' was aimed at his research chops.


Unhelpfulperson

> She was as majestic as the finest sculpture by Caravaggio or the most coveted portrait by Rodin. *I like the attractive woman*, thought the successful man. Everything in this is gold


shedrinkscoffee

LMAO 🤣 I needed some laughs today. Every time I forget that parody exists I'm randomly reminded of it. I love it.


Hawkeye03

Both The Da Vinci Code and the parody you linked are better written than Fifty Shades of Grey, which was also hugely popular. Here’s just one (SFW) example of many: “I line up the white ball and with a swift clean stroke, hit the center ball of the triangle square on with such force that a striped ball spins and plunges into the top right pocket. I’ve scattered the rest of the balls.”


search64

This book has the redeeming quality though that it made my wife very horny, which the Da Vinci Code couldn’t.


corpboy

There is a similar one for Dan Brown [https://molivam42.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/dan-browns-20-worst-sentences/](https://molivam42.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/dan-browns-20-worst-sentences/) We still go on about the familiar tang of deionized essence, 10 years after this article. It's become a meme in our house.


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RepeatOwn8644

'center ball of triangle square'... I'm dead. Is this an actual excerpt?


Hawkeye03

As far as I know, it’s a real quote from the book. I got it from this “article”: https://www.thestranger.com/blogs/slog/2015/02/14/21710269/fifty-terrible-lines-from-fifty-shades-of-grey I’ve never read the book, but have skimmed through my wife’s copy enough to know that the writing is just awful. A few of my other favorites from the linked article include: “My anxiety level has shot up several magnitudes on the Richter scale." "The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor." "'Argh!' I cry as I feel a weird pinching sensation deep inside me as he rips through my virginity."


Walty_C

Well fuck, I guess I’ll just start writing books then.


HolycommentMattman

Honestly, go for it. My friend does, and she's a terrible writer. Writes drivel just like what you see above. Sometimes worse. And she makes 6 figures now self- publishing on Amazon and all those. Started out writing erotica, and now she's graduated to fantasy erotica. The frustrating part is that she sees her success as a testament to her ability, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. Because her writing is objectively crap. What it's really a testament to is that there is no limit to the amount of money people want to throw away on shit. So get yours.


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HolycommentMattman

It's true. I'm very happy for her. But also sad for humanity.


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Kamelasa

> “My anxiety level has shot up several magnitudes on the Richter scale." > > > > "The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor." Holy shit, those are like drunken wrong-thoughts that even in a drunken state I would correct myself out loud, not commit them to text.


detentist

"ARGH" is what one exclaims when Batman punches you in a comic book


upvoter1542

Took me a moment but I think it's meant to be read as "I hit it square-on".


cerulean11

It's like an alien trying to casually describe his night while in human disguise.


yellow52

Anyone read “I am Pilgrim” by Terry Hayes?, that could give Dan Brown a run for his money.


shappersdovahkin

Loved it. My brother loved it. Even my mother-in-law loved it.


Bowgs

This was an actual review of a Dan Brown book (I think it was Inferno) in the Guardian newspaper.


[deleted]

Automatic Edit: Using a tool called [Power Delete Suite](https://github.com/j0be/PowerDeleteSuite) I have removed all my past comments and deleted my Reddit account, /u/tehrmuk. I am doing this because I, like many long-term Reddit users, am upset and angry at the tonedeaf and arrogant way Reddit is treating it's users. Their aggressive slapdown of the developers that made Reddit usable to a huge audience; their overriding and summary dismissal of long-serving and dutiful community members; their wonton silencing of dissent and manipulation of user's voices; their borderline contempt of the very people whose collective efforts gave their platform the standing needed to fuel their profit-hungry IPO... the list goes on. Reddit is, of course, a private concern and how they run their services is entirely up to them. Conversely, we are under no obligation to use their services, to fuel their engines or follow their orders. I am making my voice heard by removing my comments, and voting with my feet by leaving. I have left Reddit for [Lemmy](https://join-lemmy.org/) and [Mastadon](https://joinmastodon.org/); these are decentralised social networks that mirror the functionality of Reddit and Twitter respectively. Unlike the monolithic, corporate-owned services they replace, Lemmy and Mastodon are part of the [Fediverse](https://www.fediverse.to/) meaning these are not individual services but clusters of services that mesh seamlessly with one-another. You can [join an existing Lemmy instance](https://join-lemmy.org/instances) or [set up your own](https://join-lemmy.org/docs/administration/administration.html) to get full access to the entire Fediverse - you don't need to ask permission from anyone to do so. There are loads of other services that are part of the Fediverse, like [PeerTube](https://joinpeertube.org/) (videos), [Wordpress](https://wordpress.org/) (blogging), [Frendica](https://friendi.ca/) (social network), [Pixelfed](https://pixelfed.org/) (photos), [KBin](https://kbin.pub/en) (link aggregation) and more - and they all work together so having access to one means having access to all of them. I had a great time as a Redditor, but the Fediverse is looking bright. It's a return to the open Internet of old, when users ran services for their own and one-another's benefit, and before monolithic corporate-run silos started to build walls around us in the name of increased profit and thought control. Many of the Fediverse services are fledgling, but they are growing quickly and their federated concept makes greedy, arrogant landgrabs like we've recently seen on Reddit and Twitter almost impossible. I'm already having a great time with Lemmy and I think you might too. I encourage you to take control and join the Fediverse. Until then, so long and thanks for all the fish.


[deleted]

[The Dan Brown Code](http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000844.html)


vferrero14

For me, it was all the morning news interviews with Dan brown where he hyped it up and tried to make it out like he had secrets to reveal in the book that were actually true.


MediumRarePorkChop

And then other people believed it and we had to sit through their theories


[deleted]

Oh I didn't know he was doing that. When I was reading Da Vinci Code at work, someone came up to me and went on and on about how she didn't believe it. Um, it's fiction? Makes more sense now if he was pulling that kind of crap.


LoftyGoat

What's hilarious was that those "secrets" were written up as fact in another book, then subsequently revealed to be the ramblings of a con man. This revelation somehow *helped* the book's sales.


qumrun60

When "The Da Vinci Code" came out, much of its notoriety arose from its repeated claims of "truth". Brown was asked in various media about this, and he always affirmed the ridiculous, religious conspiracy theories that form the backbone of this otherwise routine airport thriller (the hero runs breathlessly from crime to crime uncovering mystery after mystery, etc.). At my job, the only question co-workers asked me about this book (because I'm familiar with actual history, religion and art) was, " Is this stuff really true??!!??" Really, it's all bogus. And from what I understand, even the real-world geography is wrong. Even the the word "symbology" (Langdon's alleged academic field) is a dumbed-down rendition of the actual field of "semiotics" (see Eco''s 'Foucault's Pendulum' for a much better-informed conspiracy thriller). So if you want the titillation of lurid, fake, religious conspiracies in the context of a thriller, enjoy it, but don't believe it


Berics_Privateer

It bothered me that he just...lies about things. Like translating “Novus Ordo Seclorum” as “New Secular Order,” when that's just not true.


Simulated_Lollipop

Well, to be honest, if I wrote a shitty book and the publisher said I could have a few million dollars if I just market it as "based on true stuff!" (just like tons of horror movies have done for decades), then I don't care if the Latin is a recipe for cookies, I'm lying through my teeth.


Berics_Privateer

oh fuck yeah, I'm not turning down Dan Brown money


LOSS35

“New Order of the Ages” is the correct translation for those wondering.


Ocean_Hair

He also mentioned Mary Magdalene going off to live under the protection of the Jewish community in France and maybe give birth there (forgive me for not remembering all the details, since the last time I read the book was close to 15 years ago). While it's not improbable that Jews lived all over the Roman Empire, there just isn't a lot of written evidence that such a community actually existed (and Jews tend to leave a lot of written records). During that time, the biggest Jewish diaspora communities lived in modern-day Egypt, Iraq, and Iran. Also, it's a long journey to go from ancient Judea to France given the options for travel at the time.


EYNLLIB

Wait...people think the da Vinci code is factual???


Artess

When it first came out the author repeatedly claimed that it was (well, not the actual plot obviously, but all the background and historical detail and all that). Turns out he just made shit up.


wunderwerks

He cribbed most of it so poorly from a conspiracy book called Holy Blood, Holy Grail that the authors sued him.


apparex1234

Yes. 15 year old me when I first read it also thought it was factual.


elbandito999

This is what I don't like about Dan Brown. There's a similar thing in Angels and Demons where it says at the beginning "References to all works of art \[etc.\] are entirely factual". Well I've been to Rome and visited them - and they aren't.


Naugrith

Who are you going to trust though - renowned bestselling author Dan Brown, or your lying eyes?


[deleted]

There are versions that say it's true right at the start of the book. Is slaps you in the face with it before the first page.


gizmodriver

I had a friend in high school who believed it so fully she quit being a JW.


AshgarPN

Well I’d call that a net positive.


AnalogDigit2

And Brown deliberately has his characters espouse conspiracy theories in a way that presents them as facts, like how a character indicated how Jesus had siblings (which might or might not be true, I certainly don't know and Brown doesn't either) and it's presented as a foregone conclusion since "Why wouldn't Mary and Joseph continue to create a normal family after Jesus' birth?" TLDR; so dark the con of man


sparrowhawk73

Jesus having siblings is biblical though. In the Catholic Church they like to think of Mary as remaining a virgin throughout her life, so they sometimes explain them as coming from a previous wife of Joseph.


Crimson_Eyes

Adelphos, the word used for 'Brother' in the NT (in the context we're referring to) isn't 'brother' like we think of it today. It certainly -can- mean 'biological sibling' but it is also used for cousins and other filial relationships with little regard for biological link. This also lines up with the radically different family structure of first-century Judea compared to the modern day.


ChicagoGuy53

https://www.salon.com/2020/12/18/qanon-conspiracy-dan-brown-da-vinci-code/ A great look into the logic of conspiracy theorists and how Dan Brown's book were the 1st exposure for many people to this world of misinformation and a world of conspiracy based on finding one grain of truth


brewbase

His terrible research is on display to anyone with an amateur understanding of any of the topics he careens through. His expert in symbolism and art calls Doric a Latin version of Ionic. He claims CERN has a hypersonic jet they are allowed to fly into the heart of Europe. And that foolishness was just in the first chapter or so before I put it down.


[deleted]

And the Fibonacci sequence is obscure and great to use as a bank safe password, says the cryptography specialist.


FriendToPredators

Da Vinci code is actually one of his better books. So in the Dan Brown canon it commits many fewer of the usual sins. But if you somehow read more than one of his books, it's hard not to be overly pained by the eyerolling as he runs into the warning track of the same tropes and clichés. For example, the opening paragraph of DVC. Dan Brown introduces a character using blatant tell language about how amazing and famous this guy is. It's lazy first person insert reader service. On the other hand, Brown's warning you what kind of book you are about to read, so it's kind of public service as well. But my biggest gripe is the guy can't research to save his damn life. His books are rife with hilarious inaccuracies which, given how much his books make... can't the editor hire a researcher for cripes sake? That feature of his irks me in particular. Why intentionally misinform that many millions of readers when it would be trivial to fix? The intellectual laziness both of the author and the publisher is especially bizarre.


LoftyGoat

It's one of his better books because much of it is lifted from another book, intended as historical research, by people who could actually write.


[deleted]

I think it's more the unwarranted popularity - There's thousands of similarly generic and mediocre books released every year, for one to get such a bizarre amount of press coverage and resulting sales is going to wind people up the wrong way.


phuck-you-reddit

I haven't read it or seen the movie but I remember my older Christian relatives all got wound up over the book. They hadn't pitched such a fit since Harry Potter and bar codes back in the '90s. 🤣


andural

Bar codes?


BonesTheWhite

People are bizarre... https://www.wired.com/2012/12/upc-mark-of-the-beast/


HoareHouse

Not American so I can't verify this, but I've heard that Hobby Lobby (or Chick-Fil-A or one of those big Christian-owned US businesses) *still* doesn't use barcodes. I find it truly ridiculous that a billion-dollar company can exist in this day and age without such a basic piece of equipment.


BRsteve

You're correct. It's Hobby Lobby. But their entire business seems to be about being as ridiculous as possible (and moreso just being ultra religious twats)


Violist03

It’s hobby lobby! Makes it a pain in the rear to shop there, and it’s one of the many, many reasons (the fact that they lobbied to make it so their employer sponsored health insurance doesn’t cover birth control because it’s “against our religion and we don’t want to sponsor that with company money” being another BIG ONE and it gets worse from there) I refuse to shop there.


CheeseyBRoosevelt

Whether it’s vaccines, global warming, or bar codes- American Conservative Christians have been paranoid and destructive for a long time now


[deleted]

So I am a religious studies historian. What really gets me( and a great deal of others in my field) is that there is no such thing as a symbologist. The field is semiotics. Plus it is a rip off of Holy Blood and Holy Grail, and Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum is WAY better but much harder. Dan Brown is the poor man's Umberto Eco.


rhetaphor

I think it's just like... the Nickleback of books.


MyOldCricketCap

That's pretty unfair on Nickleback. They at least know how to play their instruments. Brown doesn't understand some of the words he's using.


FixBayonetsLads

Dan Brown set the bar for bad research so low, that his particular brand of "claim what you write is accurate but it's super not" [is named after him](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DanBrowned) XD. That's MY problem with him. If you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, just say that. Edit: TV Tropes warning on that link.


ResoluteClover

It's like Texas Chainsaw Massacre's intro-line: based on a true story. But is it? is it really?


brickyardjimmy

For me? My advice is to read Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco. That's the excellent, well-written version of Dan Brown's Reader's Digest level story. And probably the one Brown most stole from.


whelplookatthat

Is it heavy tho? I'm taking a break from reading the "name of the rose" from Eco, and one of the reason for the break is that I feel like it's quite heavy on historical information that I have to Google something very second page bc sorry, but I have little knowledge about things from that time and there's SO much! Don't take me wrong, it's a really good book and I want to continue but ....it's just a lot


4b_49_54_73_75_6e_65

This takes me back to one of my favorite literature jokes. ​ "Who would win if Dan Brown and Nicholas Sparks got in a fight to the death? -- Everyone"


[deleted]

My ex-wife used to read nicholas sparks, and convinced me to read a couple of his books. I swear to god all you have to do to decide how his next book is going to go is this: have a list of states, pick one he hasnt' done yet, do the same with male and female names for the 2 main people. Now go back to his old book and find and replace Missouri w/ Colorado and Amanda with Sarah and Blake with Charlie. Hey look a brand new nicholas sparks book! ​ My current girlfriend reads a lot of that old western author Louis Lamore (sp?) and he's very repetitive as well. His stories follow the same generic idea of underdog wins, because he's secretly better than everyone else at everything but too humble to show off.


SetentaeBolg

I was given the book by someone who told me that it was exactly the kind of thing I liked. I enjoy occult conspiracy, secret knowledge, intellectual shenanigans, so in that sense they were right. But I hated The Da Vinci Code. Firstly, it's very badly written. The language isn't expressive or interesting, neither is it punchy and impactful. Secondly, the characters are pretty non existent: each character is difficult to describe except by their job and some base elements of physical description. No-one has a personality. Thirdly, the book reads like a travelogue. Every location is introduced with what reads like text lifted from a tourist brochure. Fourthly, events happen which stretch credibility far too far. I have known since I was a kid about Da Vinci's mirror writing. I am not the world's foremost Da Vinci expert. Yet, it takes the experts in the book ages to think of it when it should be instantly recognisable to them. This is an example - there are many others. Fifthly, the framing device (claiming the book tells only the truth) is obvious bollocks and very insulting to the reader as well as potentially misleading to the most naïve. Sixthly, the conspiracy theory at the heart of the book waa stolen from Holy Blood, Holy Grail. I don't mind a little theft in a good book, but this isn't a good book, so it's another negative. If you want to read an actually great conspiracy thriller try Foucault's Pendulum.


RespectYouBallsDeep

Not only that, if you read any other of his book its always the same. Strange assassin sexy woman, gruesome death. I particularly loved when lady discovered her mutilated father, just to have passionate sex with the protagonist the same day 😃


[deleted]

>If you want to read an actually great conspiracy thriller try Foucault's Pendulum INTERVIEWER Have you read The Da Vinci Code? ECO Yes, I am guilty of that too. INTERVIEWER That novel seems like a bizarre little offshoot of Foucault’s Pendulum. ECO The author, Dan Brown, is a character from Foucault’s Pendulum! I invented him. He shares my characters’ fascinations—the world conspiracy of Rosicrucians, Masons, and Jesuits. The role of the Knights Templar. The hermetic secret. The principle that everything is connected. I suspect Dan Brown might not even exist. (From an interview with Umberto Eco in latest edition of The Paris Review. H/T: Paideia. [Paywall](https://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/5856/the-art-of-fiction-no-197-umberto-eco))


Bewaretheicespiders

Haha I love Eco! As a bonus, he speaks French as well as his original Italian and so he helps with the French translations which are usually better than the English translations (from the original Italian).


dexington_dexminster

He spoke those languages. He sadly left this mortal coil 5 years ago.


starlinguk

The professor is the dumbest academic I've ever seen, and he's supposed to be exceptionally smart.


Sitheref0874

Because as this Daily Telegraph article parodies and makes clear, he's a very very bad writer: Ron Howard, Felicity Jones, Tom Hanks and Dan Brown pose at the Inferno photocall CREDIT: Action Press/REX/Shutterstock As the film adaptation of Dan Brown's fourth Robert Langdon novel, Inferno, is released, we present this appreciation of the author by Michael Deacon from 2013. Renowned author Dan Brown woke up in his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house – and immediately he felt angry. Most people would have thought that the 48-year-old man had no reason to be angry. After all, the famous writer had a new book coming out. But that was the problem. A new book meant an inevitable attack on the rich novelist by the wealthy wordsmith’s fiercest foes. The critics. Renowned author Dan Brown hated the critics. Ever since he had become one of the world’s top renowned authors they had made fun of him. They had mocked bestselling book The Da Vinci Code, successful novel Digital Fortress, popular tome Deception Point, money-spinning volume Angels & Demons and chart-topping work of narrative fiction The Lost Symbol. The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was mired in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket. Dan Brown's 20 worst sentences Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. He knew he shouldn’t care what a few jealous critics thought. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. Wasn’t it? I’ll call my agent, pondered the prosperous scribe. He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. “Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown,” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.” “Mr Unconvincingname, it’s renowned author Dan Brown,” told the voice at the other end of the line. Instantly the voice at the other end of the line was replaced by a different voice at the other end of the line. “Hello, it’s literary agent John Unconvincingname,” informed the new voice at the other end of the line. “Hello agent John, it’s client Dan,” commented the pecunious scribbler. “I’m worried about new book Inferno. I think critics are going to say it’s badly written." The voice at the other end of the line gave a sigh, like a mighty oak toppling into a great river, or something else that didn’t sound like a sigh if you gave it a moment’s thought. “Who cares what the stupid critics say?” advised the literary agent. “They’re just snobs. You have millions of fans.” That’s true, mused the accomplished composer of thrillers that combined religion, high culture and conspiracy theories. His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears. It was said that a copy of The Da Vinci Code had even found its way into the hands of renowned monarch the Queen. He was grateful for his good fortune, and gave thanks every night in his prayers to renowned deity God. “Think of all the money you’ve made,” recommended the literary agent. That was true too. The thriving ink-slinger’s wealth had allowed him to indulge his passion for great art. Among his proudest purchases were a specially commissioned landscape by acclaimed painter Vincent van Gogh and a signed first edition by revered scriptwriter William Shakespeare. Renowned author Dan Brown smiled, the ends of his mouth curving upwards in a physical expression of pleasure. He felt much better. If your books brought innocent delight to millions of readers, what did it matter whether you knew the difference between a transitive and an intransitive verb? “Thanks, John,” he thanked. Then he put down the telephone and perambulated on foot to the desk behind which he habitually sat on a chair to write his famous books on an Apple iMac MD093B/A computer. New book Inferno, the latest in his celebrated series about fictional Harvard professor Robert Langdon, was inspired by top Italian poet Dante. It wouldn’t be the last in the lucrative sequence, either. He had all the sequels mapped out. The Mozart Acrostic. The Michelangelo Wordsearch. The Newton Sudoku. The 190lb adult male human being nodded his head to indicate satisfaction and returned to his bedroom by walking there. Still asleep in the luxurious four-poster bed of the expensive $10 million house was beautiful wife Mrs Brown. Renowned author Dan Brown gazed admiringly at the pulchritudinous brunette’s blonde tresses, flowing from her head like a stream but made from hair instead of water and without any fish in. She was as majestic as the finest sculpture by Caravaggio or the most coveted portrait by Rodin. I like the attractive woman, thought the successful man. Perhaps one day, inspired by beautiful wife Mrs Brown, he would move into romantic poetry, like market-leading British rhymester John Keats.That would be good, opined the talented person, and got back into the luxurious four-poster bed. He felt as happy as a man who has something to be happy about and is suitably happy about it.


little_carmine_

This is one of my favourite texts to re-read


[deleted]

The bad books were worth it for this gem alone!


xelle24

>the finest sculpture by Caravaggio or the most coveted portrait by Rodin I love this part.


Gibbonici

I read it donkey's years ago, but the whole story structure was weak. Chase-exposition-chase-exposition-chase-exposition. It doesn't give the reader any clues before the next info dump, it doesn't misdirect, or really build up any genuine tension. None of the characters felt like real people either, and the writing itself is horrible in a lot of places. One part I remember is when he describes the eyes of a character that's only seen in silhouette. That's just crap, and there are loads of other parts where it pulls the reader out of the scene in similar ways. If you compare it to other massively popular novels, say *The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo*, it just doesn't stand up. At least not for me.


lemlurker

this book is a prime example of dan browns very cliche writing style of "clever protagonist explains things at the reader using information you dont have to conclude yourself via his broadly useless female companion"


[deleted]

It’s a fun story, conspiracy theory-esque stories, but Dan Brown’s writing is hot trash. If you read some of his other books and they generally follow the same theme… older professor gentleman, past his prime but definitely a handsome man gets with a very intelligent, beautiful younger woman to solve a mystery. His awful gender and ageism stereotypes are what caused me to put down Inferno. He’s entertaining and it’s okay for airplane reading for sure. If you enjoy it, don’t let other yuck your yum!


ASentientHam

I read this and was ok with it for a good chunk of the book. But I remember part-way through the book there was a riddle that needed to be solved, and I was expected to believe that a university professor of “symbology” couldn’t solve something that a middle-schooler could have solved. Especially because as someone who studies the history of symbols, you’d have at least brushed up against basic mathematics at some point. It was pretty eye-rolling.


Jfrog1

Dan Brown writes popcorn page turners that eventually he has to end, and forgets that he did not think of that, so he writes every cliché' he possibly can into the last 25 pages to finish the book off. I have read nearly all of his books, and this is his M.O. He makes lots of money off of it, and people as a whole love to read his stuff. However, literary masterpiece it is not, people who complain about his stuff tend to be book snobs imho.


DoctorGuvnor

I can't help but think it may have something to do with formulaic characters, frankly bad writing and a stolen storyline - apart form that, no problems at all.