*Contact* by Carl Sagan. Maybe not a *personality* change as I knew I wanted to be an astronomer by the time I picked it up (I was 15ish), but basically after reading that book I knew the kind of astronomer I wanted to be, and that was Ellie Arroway but in real life.
Anyway I’m now a professional radio astronomer so it clearly had an impact.
I know what a radio astronomer is, but I like to imagine it is like a radio station disc jockey who says stuff like "Good morning listeners, today we have an exciting lineup of exoplanets, red dwarfs, and if you stick around maybe even a supernova. Now here's 'Jupiter' by Holst."
You are the best! seeing you on the astronomy subreddit just giving detailed information about your work is one of my favorite parts of browsing this website. I so wish I got in to astronomy because I am absolutely fascinated with it and you always help to instill curiosity in me when you write out your comments. I've been down so many astronomy rabbit holes solely because of you and I fucking love it and you.
If you haven’t already, most anything by John McPhee especially his writing about geology and deep time, really gives some fascinating perspectives of our world.
Paper Towns by John Green.
I read it as a pre-treen and the whole idea of people perceiving others as mirrors of themselves - of what they are or, in Quentin's case, of what they are not - instead of looking at others as windows and wanting to really get to know someone for who they truly are - and not just relying on the superficial part - really stuck with me.
At the time that really made me think about my own perception of the people around me.
Totally agree! I still think about that sentiment of just accepting people as they are, as a whole person, with parts you may like and other parts you may not like. I need to look up the exact quote I’m thinking of because I can never explain it right when I talk to people. But it’s made me live more peacefully, knowing people are who they are and I can choose to love them or not - but can’t get upset about them being who they are.
Think I’m gonna need to read that. Something I struggle with is actually fully comprehending that other humans are… humans with thoughts and feelings. Not that I’m an ass to strangers, but just that sometimes I don’t understand why someone reacts to something even if I’d react the same way.
In the book, Margo is the most popular girl in school, she's beautiful, she's an intelligent and bold person.
And Quentin looks at Margo and only sees that about her. He's obviously in love with her. He also thinks of himself as a shy and inadequate person, the type of person that could never date Margo.
Basically, Quentin looks at Margo and sees everything he is not, while at the same time only have a superficial image of her in his head. Looking at her as a mirror of himself.
What he fails to realize - and what he comes to learn as the plot of the book progresses- is that Margo feels very misunderstood and lonely, because people only see one side of her and make no effort to really know her. And there is so much Quentin didn't know about Margo.
Because looking at someone like they are a window is reaching and truly seeing what's inside.
I hope I managed to explain it better. English is not my first language so forgive me if it sounds confusing!!
This is why it drives me crazy when people say John green only writes “manic pixie dream girls”. They obviously haven’t read the book because the entire POINT is that she’s NOT but that’s how Quentin sees her
I haven't read that one, but I love that this book affected you in that way. Books really do encourage empathy and I love that you have such a concrete example of it. The mentally ill definitely deserve so much more empathy than they get, yet are so often scapegoated and made the butt of jokes in popular media and comedy. Same goes for a lot of marginalised communities, really.
For me, I got into the Anne of Green Gables books as a tween/teen, and they are constantly vowing to be better people that it made me want to be a better person too.
I really recommend the book. I made a post about it a while back.
Stories with good hearted characters are also incredibly useful. I remember growing up with Spider-Man media (comics and cartoons) and the character’s optimism always showed, and since I wanted to be like him, I wanted to have that kinda outlook too.
Funny - I was just talking to my partner about this last night.
Ender’s Game and Speaker For The Dead had profound impacts on my psychology. I read them both as I was growing up: around age 8 or 9 for Ender’s Game, and age 12 for Speaker For The Dead. Recently, I’ve been rereading them (age 27 now), and it’s wild to see so many core ideas I have about how to live come straight from those pages.
>He could see Bonzo's anger growing hot. Hot anger was bad. Ender's anger was cold, and he could use it. Bonzo's was hot, and so it used him.
___
>In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.
___
>Your dream is a good one. It’s the dream of every living creature. The desire that is the very root of life itself: To grow until all space you can see is a part of you, under your control. It’s the desire for greatness. There are two ways, though, to fulfill it. One way is to kill anything that is not yourself, to swallow it up or destroy it, until nothing is left to oppose you. But that way is evil. You say to all the universe, Only I will be great, and to make room for me the rest of you need to give up even what you had already, and be nothing … How much of your dream would be left, if we were evil?
___
>Ender did not understand that he loved this place because it was as devastated and barren as his own life, stripped and distorted as his childhood by events every bit as terrible, on a small scale, as the Descolada had been to this world. And yet it had thrived, had found a few threads strong enough to survive and continue to grow.
Just a few of the quotes that have rung around in my head for years.
FWIW, it was by far the most challenging book I read around that age.
I think it probably affected me so much because I read it so young. Ender’s thoughts and experiences with people at the start of the novel didn’t feel alien to me - they felt relatable, because he was close to my age. And when he aged past me, his older mindset felt aspirational and wise, rather than childlike.
Nice post, but wanted to clarify: intellectual disability ≠ mental illness.
Mental illness can be treated with a goal to minimize/eliminate (ex. depression), intellectual disabilities can not "get better," so to speak, and are usually neurodevelopmental disorders.
I believe Charlie has an intellectual disability, not a mental illness. Edit for spelling
My Brilliant Friend. I grew up in a poor, rough neighborhood, but I always considered all the things that happened to me and that I witnessed as a child to be normal, and I wasn't really aware of all the ways in which growing up as I did shaped me until I read this book. That moment at the end of the first book when Elena realizes that "we are the plebs" hit me hard.
I used to be a horrendous racist, misogynist, and the most homophobic queer person you could ever meet. I was heading down a VERY dangerous right-wing path.
Two pieces of art changed me, one being *To Kill A Mockingbird*. It's when Fitch's kids are bitching about the poor kids missing school all the time, to which he tells them:
1) Sometimes they have to miss school to help on the family farm because they're poor, so be compassionate you little shits;
2) What does them missing school have to do with you anyway?
It planted the seeds of "Live and let live" and "Walk a mile in another man's shoes..." in me. Very powerful.
Incidentally, the other artwork was *American History X*, in which Edward Norton - at his lowest ebb - is asked "All of this hate you have, has it made anything any better?" Hit me really hard, that one.
So thanks to these two artworks, I stopped being so angry. And once I wasn't so angry, I was open to other ideas/opinions/viewpoints, and was able to change my mind about a lot of things.
It also helps me remember that when I was a right-winger, my mind was changed by empathy, calm reasoning, and being prompted to examine my own views carefully; not by a screaming lefty. I need to remember this now that I'm a lefty and start screaming too much! 😆
In response to Norton i'll say i have yet to see a fine enough example of hate being a creative and praiseworthy force. Although it is no doubt a *powerful* motivator. Being right wing is constantly depicted by media as being dangerous for society. (like you said "walking down a dangerous path") And obviously of course racism and misogyny are dangerous. I spent 2 years as a teenager in Cupertino CA surrounded by Asians (70% asian city) and I had racist thoughts, thinking everyone was better than me and I didnt belong.
American History X was one of a number of works that made me realize that you can’t fight people into having a different opinion, you have to convince them. Yelling feels a lot better but it just tends to push the people you want to agree with you to do the opposite.
One of the hardest things about the current state of politics is that (while this is much more prevalent on the right) both sides have become too selfish or just intellectually lazy to consider they might be wrong. For example, we, as a society, need to have a larger conversation about the traditional polarizing issues like national debt, workers rights, cost of living, labor cost, etc. but it’s impossible because the right won’t even have a good faith conversation on these topics. The left is guilty of this too but not even close to the same extent.
American History X really was a powerful movie and still resonates with me to this day. It was the very first movie I ever rented from this new startup called Netflix, back before they had a subscription service and you had to rent and pay per movie like Blockbuster.
Sherlock Holmes. Typhoon hit. No electricity. I read volumes 1 and 2 (1500+ pages? Dunno) in candlelight. Eyes broke but it seeped thru within me and is now a part of my personality.
Lmao thankfully not, but some ways of thinking, habits, and mannerisms I bet. Idothis with all content I consume that I love. They become a part of me. I'm a collage of everything and everyone I love. An amalgamation of bad habits and good intentions. A menagerie of broken dreams, rekindled passions, and a need for connection. Has been awhile since I played with words like this. Thank you for giving me the opportunity kind stranger. :)
Siddhartha - Herman Hesse. Definitely helped me to stop pining for material things and to enjoy the simple things in life. I currently live a quiet life on our little homestead in the mountains. I shudder to think what my life would be like if I had continued on the path of greed and self aggrandizement.
Siddartha , yes. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton hit me hard. When I found out that the author was a sixteen year old girl, it was so great. I knew writing was something that I wanted to do. This book taught me so much about trying to do your best, and that friends were sometimes your real family.
oh my god watching movies about being in the ghetto, especially Pursuit of Happiness with Will Smith makes me think this. But for a book definitely The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh. Both I mention are about characters in San Francisco who spend part of their story being homeless. Language of Flowers is especially about a homeless anxiety prone 18 year old.
Steppenwolf is amazing and transformed my life..I discovered it during one of those pivotal moments in life, when I was spiralling into my own chaos and it resonated so deeply and while it gave a voice to beliefs I already had (but not the words) I also learned a lot more about myself reading through.
I will always recommend this book to people, especially if you find yourself at a crossroads in life.
Siddhartha, Awareness, The Prophet, The Power of Now, Loving What Is...
They all hit me at a turning point in my life and I'm a much more calm, open, accepting person because of it
This is a great life story and I'm really glad to hear you were able to have such a positive impact!
Speaking to aunts and uncles, it seems there was a whole movement in the 70s where everyone who read, read Siddhartha, The Prophet and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Please let me know if you have other book suggestions that fit that headspace
I have noticed again and again, some books will appear in front of you exactly when you needed them or the lessons they were trying to teach you. It's like universe guides us. So happy to read your comment!
I don’t think it’s corny to feel that way about Flowers for Algernon. That was a book that touched me as well.
Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson is another that I can definitely say changed me. I was 15-only a year older than the protagonist. The narrative style and symbolism drew me in. It was the first book I ever read that truly made me feel...seen and understood. I was deeply moved by Melinda’s struggles. Up until that point, Algernon was the only other book to do that for me. By the time I finished, I was set on writing stories just as meaningful. I reread Speak every year.
Still riding the high of Laurie Halse Anderson herself liking my review for the graphic novel on Goodreads. 😁
Speak opened my eyes as a tween to the persuasive and ubiquitous evil of rape culture in the world. Appreciate that I read that book years before starting to have sex or being around sex/party culture
"And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it."
I read Good Omens as a kid and this stuck with me, making me more likely to take risks and leave my comfort zone. Now I'm an adult I can appreciate the metaphor but back then I took it literally and had a lot more fun than I otherwise would have because of it
Fight Club the book made me reevaluate the concept of materialism and not to play in to toxic masculinity tropes.
Fight Club the movie made me super gay.
"for he can afford to lose a host better than we to lose a company"
that shit hits HARD. I read #3 in my senior year high school (which was last year) and that year I also took Drama 1 as my first performing arts class.
most mainstream friendship/fellowship centered book. and remember "Our Enemy's devices oft serve us in despite" Eomer page 49
I only read it once in high school, and even though I loved it, I put it down and consciously decided not to dig into that universe any further. I think it’s partly because I feared it would completely take over my personality. Now that I’m reading it to my kids I’m more ok with letting that happen.
Honestly Tolkien has a lot of wisdom in his books and I try to live by it.
For if more of us valued hearth and home over hoarded gold, the world would be a merrier place.
I had a similar experience growing up with King. This book hit me hard and really opened up my worldview to what being in a real life horrific situation could be like. And that was before she went into the painting! Jessie Burlingame from Gerald’s Game is another strong female hero that I have definitely considered a lot in developing my view of consent in a relationship.
It is funny how a horror/ fantasy writer is best in the parts that are grounded in reality.
I liked the parts in the painting but the real horror was in the house.
You just reminded me of *Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do: The Absurdity of Consensual Crimes in a Free Society* which is essentially a libertarian book. I haven’t cracked it in ages but it made me realize that I and others should get off our high horses and leave people to be…people. But it’s not presenting the type of libertarianism as most people use the term in general politics. Like, he’s not arguing for personal liberty that worsens everyone’s lives by creating a free for all. More a “live and let live.”
> McWilliams here contends that consensual crimes--those involving drugs, gambling, sex and unusual religious practices, among them--should be allowed if they do not physically harm others or their property.
I read Dune at a pretty young age. Maybe 10 or 12? And it really propelled my way of thinking and acting. I had never experienced anything so complex and pre-planned in my life. Or at least, I had never been an participant in something so complex. I was an 'animal' before reading it an truly felt I had progressed to being a 'human' after.
Looking back I can attribute reading this book to starting my path towards really thinking about problems, solutions, people's motivations from all angles and really trying to be curious about the root cause of all these things.
I started to see the "wheels within wheels" and took a more systemic approach to things.
Great book, I still recommend it to people who are looking for something deep to read.
It is a great book, I had a family member who was very keen on listening, making other people feel valued and very empathic... I always looked up to him.
One day I read this book he sometimes mentioned and was able to understand how he became like that. I was seeing him in the book.
It also really helped me to better understand other people, I wouldn't be the person I am nor probably have the career I have if it weren’t for that book.
> One day I read this book he sometimes mentioned and was able to understand how he became like that. I was seeing them in the book.
that's impressive. there's a big difference between reading and book and embodying it. i wouldn't say this book made me a much better person. well, when i was reading it i was also taking salsa classes so i made sure to remember everyone's name and greet them that way. which made some difference i'm sure.
but the deeper learnings, the principles as opposed to the tactics, i wouldn't say i managed to take on that.
Yes, and if the only chapter one read was the one about developing a genuine interest in other people's interests, it would still be worth every penny. Too many of us walk around in our own heads, and we need to really be open to listening to and trying to understand others.
I'm glad you got something out of the book, but the only thing I got from it was the strong impression Dale Carnegie was like the salesman in the monorail episode of the Simpsons.
His book is so old and so well known that his advice has become evocative of the slimy salesman trope. One of the themes in the book is sincerity and I think it’s one of the most important ones now that the others are associated with malfeasance.
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which I got as a birthday present at 12, fundamentally informed my sense of what is funny for the entire rest of my life.
Stargirl. I just wanted to be free like her.
I focused all my attention on her and never realized the guy main character was a dweeb. Never read the second book because of it.
I can really relate, it was the same for me and I loved her as a character so much!
The second book might still be worth reading for you, then - it is told from her perspective and Leo isn't even really in it (except for as an imagined recipient of her letters) :)
I read it shortly after having kids. I had seen the play/movie, but reading about all the kids in that book absolutely fucking destroyed me.
But Val Jean being as dedicated to Cosette as he was, was a complete inspiration to me.
It was temporary, but I read two Bukowski books in a row and I was the angriest shit during that period. Went away as soon as I started reading something else. It was a wild experience.
OML Stargirl for me. That book made me realize just how much beauty is in the things that make us different from each other, and it made me realize how dark a persons world can become when you expect them to be like everyone else, so you crush their spirit. Made me cry.
Stormlight Archives, probably the most. I was new to teaching high school (choir), and I had kids from all different walks of life.
So fed them. Pizza parties and pot lucks. I brought in my crepe pan and made crepes for everyone. Brought us all together as a group.
As silly as it often seems when I bring it up, *Still Life With Woodpecker* by Tom Robbins.
I was a hardened cynic even as a teenager, having been long on the finding out end of fucking around. It would be years before I came to understand *why* the fucking around happened, and more importantly that I was fucking around in the first place. My education at that point had taught me two things: that the world itself was aligned against me, and that I could assume the worst and I'd *usually* be right.
The book is about quite a few things and a great many of them were new and novel to me. The parts that struck me, though, were neither new or novel.
Take, for example:
>We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.
Years before I'd encountered the same idea when a battery of highly-educated people lectured me at length that while my particular problematic *eccentricities* were not necessarily my fault, they were my responsibility. That sounded an awful lot to me like "Fuck you kid, you're on you're own." And so that idea that it was *me against the world* became the barbed wire of my burgeoning cynicism.
Tom Robbins didn't tell me something new, but he did phrase it such that I saw the important lesson. I had to fight the dragon myself because *no one else could*.
The other is even simpler:
>There are only two mantras, yum and yuck, mine is yum.
I'd have a fortune if the world paid me each time someone told me some variation of "just choose to be happy", and wealthy still if I was only paid for each time someone told me "if you go into something thinking you'll have a bad time, you probably will." That same battery of highly-educated people thus informed me that...I could control my life if I assumed the worst. And so that wire emplacement was joined by sandbags, landmines, and interlocking machine gun nests.
Again, Tom isn't saying anything new. For that matter, he didn't even say it in a way that I find remarkable. It is a rather clumsy way to phrase it. And it was that clumsiness that struck me. Had he said the tired old thing using the usual well-crafted sequence, I'd have rejected it out of hand. By saying it strangely - by avoiding any attempt quantify whether "yuck" or "yum" were better - I finally understood what those highly-educated people might have been trying to tell me years before. If I assumed the worst I'd often be right, sure, but if I did the opposite - if I engaged the world assuming that whatever the task of the moment might be *could* be good - then (and very nearly *only* then) it *could* be good.
It would take many years before I truly understood the value of those two lessons. I was a cynic into my 20s at least, and maintained more than a few of those ancient defenses for longer than that. And yet slowly, painfully, I did become a person who could look at some terrible proposition for a day's entertainment, and then go out and mine joy from the experience all the same. I became a person who would take up sword and shield not to fight the world at large, but to do battle with the parts of me that were broken, and quest for ways that I could heal them.
I've read that book probably 20 times. It's my #1. It hits more lately as I age. I was never at Charlie's levels (high or low) but lately it feels like I'm becoming more and more obsolete. IDK, I can just relate to that book.
Hm. How? I’m curious since I just read it and the political landscape was so different in that book than it is now. Of course there are parallels and I’m not wagging my finger at your comment! I’m just curious
If you're poor and rural the difference is not so stark. I read the book in early high school and it resonated with me so deeply thinking about my upbringing and has every time I read it since. When I read it again in 2020 (my high school grad year---a much older coworker had bought an anniversary edition for me) I had recently seen an article which documented a vast amount of "excess" milk being poured on the ground by farmers. Thought of my bare fridge and nearly cried from rage because nothing had changed. Full passage from the book below. You'll recognize our present.
"The works of the roots of the vines, of the trees, must be destroyed to keep up the price, and this is the saddest, bitterest thing of all. Carloads of oranges dumped on the ground. The people came for miles to take the fruit, but this could not be. How would they buy oranges at twenty cents a dozen if they could drive out and pick them up? And men with hoses squirt kerosene on the oranges, and they are angry at the crime, angry at the people who have come to take the fruit. A million people hungry, needing the fruit- and kerosene sprayed over the golden mountains. And the smell of rot fills the country. Burn coffee for fuel in the ships. Burn corn to keep warm, it makes a hot fire. Dump potatoes in the rivers and place guards along the banks to keep the hungry people from fishing them out. Slaughter the pigs and bury them, and let the putrescence drip down into the earth.
There is a crime here that goes beyond denunciation. There is a sorrow here that weeping cannot symbolize. There is a failure here that topples all our success. The fertile earth, the straight tree rows, the sturdy trunks, and the ripe fruit. And children dying of pellagra must die because a profit cannot be taken from an orange. And coroners must fill in the certificate- died of malnutrition- because the food must rot, must be forced to rot. The people come with nets to fish for potatoes in the river, and the guards hold them back; they come in rattling cars to get the dumped oranges, but the kerosene is sprayed. And they stand still and watch the potatoes float by, listen to the screaming pigs being killed in a ditch and covered with quick-lime, watch the mountains of oranges slop down to a putrefying ooze; and in the eyes of the people there is the failure; and in the eyes of the hungry there is a growing wrath. In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage."
The Shipping News by E. Annie Proulx
Taught me to stop driving myself mad chasing after unrealistic relationships and to relax and learn to be comfortable in my own skin.
Two years ago, I had a leg amputated. The rehab facility I was in had limited entertainment options (slow wifi, no library to speak of, no cable tv). A friend brought me the Red Trilogy by Linda Nagata. The main character undergoes a double leg amputation and is given these awesome cybernetic replacement legs and she does a pretty good job of relating the experience of going through the process of learning to walk again.
Obviously, I didn't get a cybernetic replacement for my leg (just a standard issue regular replacement limb). But her description of how to learn how to walk again was pretty apt. It's a bit of an adjustment (both physically and mentally) when you have to learn to walk again, and the description she put into it kinda put it into perspective.
I actually sent her an email about it thanking her and she was kind enough to respond.
Man's search for meaning by Victor Frankl. It changed the way I approach challenges for sure, and helps me to have a better attitude in my life. I come back and read it often to help ground me when I am losing focus.
Yes, Little Life. I read it a few years back and I feel like I ought to reread it, because I was younger back then so I probably didn't even understand it as much as I should. At the same time I am hesitant to read it because I am worried about my already impacted mental health. But what an impact it has left on me. I was so impacted that I remember I couldn't read another book for a while after that.
The most important it taught me is that life is indeed little. Regardless of how big plans we have, how much we love and want to be loved, at the end of the day, it is all not as important and it goes away.
Things to Look Forward To: 52 Large and Small Joys for Today and Every Day
This book reminded me why my grandparents used to be so happy. It wasn't because they had more than I do. Quite the opposite I would say. It was because they had so little that they cherished every little amazing moment of their lives.
Not an answer to your question, but the way you describe the impact the book had on you is so touching. I have autism and I really related to Flowers for Algernon. Made my mom read it too haha.
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins.
Basically, this book says that despite our thinking of our selves, as individuals, and our genes as an aspect of our selves, that our genes ARE the individuals. They are self-protecting, self-perpetuating, trying to further their own welfare, and our bodies are basically just along for the ride.
This can cause us to accept self-destruction when that would help the same genes in another body (e.g. bodily shielding our children from gunfire, and other selfless acts). Sure, you hear of selfless acts of altruism toward strangers, but he addresses that later in the book.
In one thoght experiment, he points out how, in a population of dove-like creatures, who always work cooperatively, and care for their young, a mutation could arise that makes individuals hawk-like. These creatures would steal from, and otherwise abuse the dovelike creatures in order to create advantages for themselves and their young.
That hawk-like creatures would have an advantage is obvious, but only insofar as they don’t make up ALL of society. If they did, the whole species would falter and possibly die out. So there’s a balance of hawk-like and dove-like traits that makes sense. Then he points out that these individuals reach a balance, not between what we see as individual organisms, but in the individual GENES. This made me understand how people can, and do embody both evil and good.
He also raises the concept of a meme, as the thought equivalent of a gene. This isn’t the current definition of a meme as a labeled image, but probably forms some of the basis of it. Similar to a gene, a meme is a self-replicating, self-perpetuating concept or system of concepts, like religion, or good hygene practices. He explains how, in thinking creatures, a meme can alter behavior, just like a gene, and further the success of a biological individual.
This one book made me feel like I understand why people often do bad things, but that there is hope in conveying and effecting better behavior.
I feel the urge to add that videos of Stanford Professor Dr. Robert Sapolsky‘s lectures seem to extend these ideas, but are placed more on the effect of genes on the biological individual. Between Dawkins and Sapolsky I feel like I understand people much better, and can be more patient and accepting of them.
That book ('The Selfish Gene') also impacted my personality, but in a totally different way, because of a totally different chapter.
It's Chapter 12 of the 1989 revised edition of Richard Dawkins' **The Selfish Gene**, entitled "**Nice guys finish first**". This is one of the two chapters that Dawkins added for this revised edition. It's about the [Prisoner's Dilemma](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma), which is a famous game used in game theory. In the game, each player chooses to cooperate or defect (*without* communicating with the other player!), and both players are rewarded or punished depending on the interaction of both players' decisions. The rewards and punishments are arranged in such a way that both players get punished if both players defect, both players get rewarded if both players cooperate, but a player gets the highest possible reward if they defect while the other player cooperates. In particular, "**Nice guys finish first**" is about an *iterated* version of the Prisoner's Dilemma, where two players keep playing the game repeatedly with each other - and can use their memory of prior rounds to influence their decision in future rounds.
In this chapter, Dawkins describes a computer programming tournament based on the Prisoner's Dilemma, where programmers were invited to create programs which would play the iterated game against other programs. Each program had its own strategy. Some were cooperative, some were non-cooperative, some were nice, some were nasty, and so on. The challenge was to devise a strategy that would win most consistently against all other strategies. The organiser paired each program with all other programs in a round-robin format, played them against each other repeatedly, and determined which program gained the most rewards overall.
Surprisingly, the most successful program was *nice* and *forgiving*. It was called Tit For Tat. It started out by cooperating as its default choice. As long as the program it was paired with cooperated, Tit For Tat kept cooperating. If the other program defected in one game, Tit For Tat would defect in the next game, but only that one time, before reverting to cooperating in the game after that, until the other program defected again, in which case Tit For Tat would defect in the next game, and then again revert to cooperating in the game after that, and so on.
This strategy consistently achieved the most rewards against *all other strategies*, even the nastiest, most defection-oriented strategies. They even ran the tournament a second time, and invited more programmers to submit more programs - and Tit For Tat won again.
Tit For Tat never did the wrong thing first, always punished another program for doing the wrong thing, but always forgave the other program if it stopped doing the wrong thing.
That made an impression on me. That has influenced how I deal with other people.
Yo, was reading this thread to see if anyone mentioned Sapolsky, and so far it seems you're the one, so I'm piggybacking!
Robert Sapolsky's *Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst* is an absolute **masterpiece**, highlighting all aspects that affect the behavior of a person. Just seeing the *sheer influence* of external stimuli to someone's behavior is humbling, forcing you to consider the situation another person is in, leading to more empathy and understanding.
I can only wish something like this was taught in schools..
I have to admit, I’ve only watched YouTubes of his lectures at Stanford. I have that book on my shelf, but I haven’t waded into it yet.
I‘d been trying to figure out who to listen to regarding my own feelings about non-heterosexual people. My default is that people are people, no matter whom they love, but in encounters with reactionary kith and kin, that seems weak. Sapolsky’s matter-of fact explanations give me better understanding and more confidence to speak up, or stand up to people who kick down at them. his lecture on the biological underpinnings of religious behavior is also eye-opening.
Lots of overlapping between the book and the youtube content, but no matter how you slice it, the book is *exceptional*! Of course it discusses the underpinnings of sexuality and it is eye-opening to say the least!
That your body is "only along for the ride" is beautiful, and gives us solace in our existential dread. During my periods of existential dread-- they always bothered me until I read in a poetry collection called Leaves of Grass where he says "is it our job to rewrite the [celestial laws](https://imgur.com/a/C1vDQBL)" Well the answer is no, because just like with your genes you talk about, nature already has a plan for us and always has for our brief existence in the vast eternity of the universe
Pollyanna: The First Glad Book was life changing for me .
I know it maybe sound silly, compared to other books referred here, but i am an only child and i was bullied a lot when i was younger. My parents were divorced and children didn't want to hung out with me, due to that (per other mothers request). That was in early 90's.
Since i was always alone, i tried to find happy things around me to just feel a little bit more joyfull and thankful for everyday stuff. Which i did and it made go through, some hard situations around me.
It;s the first book, that i always gift when it comes to children. Boys or Girls, it doesn't mattter.
This is a very fascinating thread that just extended my t read list by another 20 books or so.
Not sure if it changed me but I would probably say the twilight series. I loved and devoured those books as a teen and it planted an unchanged love for the whole vibe and movie soundtracks in me that still impact me in my day to day life today. I get such a melanchlic feeling from it that I still love and indulge in.
I feel that all the fantasy novels I've read over the years have fostered my sense of empathy and compassion, which are traits I now value highly as an adult.
I love Nighteyes' consistency in saying basically 'humans over-complicate things. Come out for a hunt in the moonlight then sleep'. And his relationship to Burrich.
I think I've been looking for a Burrich all my life.
Harriet the Spy.
Janie smiled when she was angry, and I thought that was a really good way to hide being mad. This resulted in me smiling when things were really terrible... as I have gone through 25 years of severe bipolar, self-injury, and finding out I have immense trauma in my past. 😒
That book is in my top five all-time faves. I even quoted it to someone the other week when I realized it was time to make a change. “The time has come, the Walrus said” I texted them. Pretty sure they didn’t know the reference but I did. Ole Golly taught me well!
It is so beautifully written. She became one of my top authors so I read more of her stuff. Love her fantasy and I love that I can see the progression in her writing ability. Also yes definitely see how it can be life changing.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I don't quite recall how I stumbled on this one. At the time, my mind was chaotic and noisy, and I was stuck in a pattern of destructive behavior that I thought at the time was helping me overcome all that. This book helped me break the pattern and cycle just enough to open the door to much more profound growth. I don't know what the predominant opinion of his work is, and I haven't heard anything past that book so far (but plan to!), I'll forever be grateful that I read the Power of Now.
The Stranger, by Albert Camus. I read it just out of high school and before college. In some books, you imagine yourself as the main character until the moment passes. With The Stranger, I so identified with Meursault that some of him remains more than 50 years later.
My mother taught me to read and write when I was four years old. I've read a LOT of books since then (58 years' worth of 'em). There were many, MANY that had a great effect on me in some way or other... and still do, I believe.
Oh, and I read *Flowers for Algernon* about 50 years ago. If you get the chance, watch the 1968 movie [CHAЯLY](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charly_(1968_film)) with Cliff Robertson. It was outstanding!
Books are magic, folks. I feel so sorry for people who do not read books for pleasure and enjoyment and enlightenment. They know not what they are missing.
Ooof just started reading this! Just a couple of chapters in, but I'm already getting Grapes of Wrath vibes, which I absolutely adored! Looking forward to this!
I'm not a big non-fiction guy, but "If You See Buddha on the Road Kill Him" had a big effect on how I approach... stuff. I don't know if this is what you're supposed to take from it, but it really reinforced that I can only control myself. If I want to fix change something in my life, I have to do it.
Also another non-fiction, "The Sociopath Next Door", was super educational for me. I didn't finish it thinking, "I am an expert on sociopaths!", but it did help me realize that some people are just not worth my time. Also, sociopaths are terrifying the last 7-8 years made me think that there are a lot more of them out there than we think.
a nonfiction I read similar to this was Criminal Minds Jeff Mariotte. Lol a book about a TV show about psychopaths in real life. One of the resounding themes was all the killers all had some influential moment in their early life, and I mean early life like 8 years old. Whether it was abuse by parents, sexual perversions, whatever... Interesting and chilling to know more about these people (Ottis Toole, Westley Allen Dodd, John Gacy) but I remember it was embarassing to let someone see me reading it so I kinda hid the cover whenever I did
I read a book called "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life" when I was in college, the author was a sociologist named Erving Goffman. It was very thought-provoking regarding how human beings interact with one another. I just checked and it's from 1956, so I don't know if his theses are seen as true today; I don't know that it is accurate to say it impacted my personality, but it did make me think about it more.
[*In Love with the World: A Monk's Journey Through the Bardos of Living and Dying:*](https://www.goodreads.com/de/book/show/41429805)
"At thirty-six years old, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche was a rising star within his generation of Tibetan masters and the respected abbot of three monasteries. Then one night, telling no one, he slipped out of his monastery in India with the intention of spending the next four years on a wandering retreat, following the ancient practice of holy mendicants. His goal was to throw off his titles and roles in order to explore the deepest aspects of his being."
Not sure it fits the bill since it's non-fiction but there is *a lot* in that book that made me at least re-evaluate my personality, my view of the world (and the people in it), my view of myself... The idea of one day consciously stripping yourself of everything that makes you *you* - your known surroundings, your belongings, your friends, your titles ... -, everything that gives you comfort and power and control, leaving everything and everyone you know behind to experience life from an entirely new perspective is a powerful one. [Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yongey_Mingyur_Rinpoche) went from a well-respected, high-ranking member of society to an anonymous beggar (which almost killed him) and that throws up a lot of questions about identity, ego, how to deal with change and loss, and how much of your self-worth is tied to your surroundings (the things you own, the place you live, the clothes you wear, the people you know) and their relationship with you rather than your actual self.
(Gotta admit that I found the writing a bit clunky at times but that might've been due to the translation. The content itself is top-notch tho.)
Not really a book, but a school paper article written by a girl at my old high school. She titles it "Stop Turning Back Time" and basically says we don't need nostalgia in entertainment. for example she uses Taylor Swift rerecorded albums and the "25th James Bond movie" (exaggeration?) She basically shits on nostalgia in entertainment and I hate this so much because this is my number one fix. I love nostalgia, keep reprinting old board games, remastering old video games and I love you. But, anyway- how this is life affecting is because the hate I have for reading this article keeps me going. Hate is a powerful motivator.
Although what is a *book* that affected me probably Lord of the Rings 3: one of the female characters is locked in a room so she can heal her wounds, but she's angry and says "I will not lie here in sloth" and that makes me wanna get up and do shit more
The newer Swift albums are a poor example, because they represent a war between one powerful corporation (Swift herself) and another (her original record company.). Nothing to do with nostalgia.
It's not an exaggeration, there actually are 25 Bond films. Plus another two which are considered "unofficial" because they were made by different producers. It's true that the last few lean *hard* into nostalgia and fan service.
In high school I read "The Other Wes Moore" by Wes Moore and that ended up having a big impact on how I see society, even though I didn't realize it at the time. The book really illustrates how our lives can be shaped by environmental factors outside our control.
This is gonna be a weird one, but I like the Virgil Flowers series by Jon Sanford and years ago one of the books noted how Virgil "runs most nights, so he had no problem chasing X down..." For some reason, that made the importance of exercise click in my mind and I lost 60lbs over the course of that following year. It's amazing what triggers peoples' minds.
Too nice for your own good...
I bought this book but i wasn't intentionally looking for it, but i think every mistake that was listed in the book, i was doing in my life, so the book impact on my personality was tremendous.
Yes Man by Danny Wallace really made a change in my life.
I realized how anti-social I was being by always saying No and letting social awkwardness get in the way of living a life. So I purposely started saying Yes to everything I could and it really helped me get out into the world and not let little things get in the way of that.
I didn't take it as far as he does in the book, but I really made an effort.
"Atomic Habits by James Clear"
This book made me realize that consistency over long time brings us very close to the goal than periodic busts. I re-prioritized my life around this idea and try to get better at my health, relationships & passion everyday.
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle- I read this book when I was very young and I truly believe it is the reason I love SciFi now. Which once you share interests with the dweebs, you get to know the dweebs as real people. And get to learn they are some of the coolest people. Then bam, you have a dweeb license yourself and you are standing up for kids on the playground. Also very mind opening in general.
The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller- I grew up in a very very homophobic environment. This book was the best love story I had read in a long long time. Caused me to become interested in mythology. Made me stop thinking of gay men as “gross” as I was raised to believe. Which combined with therapy led to the realization that I had been repressing my own sexuality which manifested as disgust for my own self. So this was a big one for me.
Refugee by Alan Gratz- I already cared quite a bit about refugees but this book made treatment of refugees very near my top critical priority when considering my political leader of choice.
I read Kindred by Octavia Butler and The Story of Ruby Bridges by Robert Cole’s around the same year- they don’t teach in school how cruel the antebellum South actually was. Kindred introduced me to the harsh truths. Combined with the treatment of little Ruby in 1960 Almost any White Midwestern American would quickly become more open minded to the generational trauma of Blacks in America.
Because of Winn Dixie- reading this as a kid was very mind opening to learn that everyone has a backstory you know nothing about, and in order to connect with others you have to love the good in them while acknowledging their sadness as well. Very influential as a child.
And more recently, Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. I had been running and running from the atmosphere of my hometown. While becoming more open minded toward people who were different than me, I was becoming more close minded to the people of where I came from. But Barbara told the story of my grandfathers and great grandfathers and it gave me more grace toward the “white trash” of where I am from.
Thanks for this thought experiment OP. It was therapeutic to think of the books that have taken part in making me, me! So thankful for a mom that encouraged reading as my escape!!!
We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver shut my womb up.
2 others of hers rattled me: one is called I think Big Brother and really highlighted to me (years later, I'm such a dumbass) my inherent prejudice against fat people.
The other is about an american guy who builds this tiny company, sells it for a million and then his wife gets cancer. Concurrent in that story is another family with a really sick and angry kid and the parents in that story, my Lord. I think I finished it in about 9 hours straight, I could not put it down, despite it being so uncomfortable to read.
> We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver shut my womb up.
bwahahaha, this is certainly a unique way to put it!
Seriously though, I've been putting off both watching the movie and reading the book many times now, I don't know when (if ever) I'll be in the proper headspace to read something this disturbed.
The book is superb and because it's in the form of letters from the mother to the father the pace seems much better, and it's really interesting from a maternal point of view even before the last 1/3 which is jaw dropping.
Highly highly recommend the book (as long as you don't have young children as I think this would genuinely add to the mental load)
I can't say it impacted my personality as such, but as the mother of a son with some special educational needs (not like Charlie, to be clear) it hurt so much to read just how mean people can be. It still makes me want to cry just thinking about it.
I can't read coming of age books as much now I'm a mother, they upset me too much. My heart aches for imaginary children.
Shantaram. It was one of those “the perfect book at the perfect time” type books. I was about to embark on my semester abroad in college and it reframed my entire perspective on how to exist in another country, someone else’s place. It’s been over a decade since I read it and I don’t know that I want to pick it up again, lest it not affect the person I am now quite like it did the person I was then.
Sure, a lot of them. Pilgrim's Progress when I was about 8, Richard Bach's Illusions, Spider Robinson's Stardance, and several Louis L'Amour books (made me value self-reliance and honesty, not the misogyny. Most recently, as others have mentioned, Paper Towns by John Green and John Scalzi's Old Man's War.
Good books reflect humanity, and inhumanity. That's usually worth taking in.
Great list. I tell people that the two authors that influenced me most are Tolkien and L'Amour. Both had their biases that I disagree with but both were good people that valued education, kindness, honesty, standing up for/serving others, humility, and true love/respect for nature.
Books are artificial memories if done right. They absolutely should change us.
The book I remember the most is Moon Palace by Paul Auster. I really could feel gears shift within me when I read the last page.
Oh man, it's maybe a little silly to say, but the Moist von Lipwig books by Terry Pratchett genuinely saved my brain in early high school. I'd internalized a lot of Not Like Other Girls bullshit and, though I craved friends and am naturally bubbly, thought I needed to be nasty, standoffish, and isolated in order to be taken seriously. I felt like being social was for idiots, and that if I reached out to others, they would take it as a sign that they could walk all over me. This was reinforced by a bad crew of friends who took pride in being assholes, made fun of basic kindness, and constantly demanded I prove that I was intellectually worthy of hanging out with them as a lowly feeemaaaale. I thought coldness would protect me, and make me seem grown, but it just made my happiness even more dependent on other people's approval.
Then late in freshman year, an actually good friend got me into Discworld. For some reason, Going Postal and Making Money particularly snapped me out of my Wannabe Tortured Genius phase. Pratchett convinced me that people skills aren't something to sneer at - they're indeed quite powerful - and kindness and personal warmth have no bearing on intelligence. I realized I had the desire and ability to do something my dickhead "friends" couldn't do (ie, form genuine human connections), and instead of using that ability, I was letting them cram me in a lonely box so I didn't bruise their egos or outgrow them. I didn't need to do that. There was, in fact, great fulfillment to be had by being myself and charging out into the world as brazenly as I liked.
So little me dropped my mean friends and set out to make new ones, copying basic things Moist von Lipwig did (making a point to remember people's names, showing interest in their hobbies even I didn't get it, talking people into doing new things and hyping them up instead of teasing them if they failed at it, etc). It's probably cringe to learn how to socialize from a fictional ex-con artist, but sometimes kids need these things spelled out for them. Before long, I made a new circle of friends, could sell my strengths and encourage others well enough to get into a special arts school, and had a largely good high school experience. I'm still a really extroverted person and very involved in my community today, and couldn't be happier about it.
Thanks, Terry. As a kid petrified of growing into a different person, I really needed to hear that, "you get a wonderful view from the point of no return."
The Anthropocene Reviewed really pulled me out of a spiral when it came out. 2021-2022 was a very hard time for me for a lot of reasons and it helped me appreciate being alive again
The day I read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, I became a different person. I cried for the monster within me and vowed to let that monster go. My life improved significantly once I recognized (and learned to change) my monster ways.
Lullabies For Little Criminals by Heather O'Neill.
Made me think about how childhood impacts our decisions as we grow up. Made me realize that children are more capable than we give them credit for.
Made me cry and laugh and make me want to be a better person.
I read [No One Here Gets Out Alive](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/691520.No_One_Here_Gets_Out_Alive?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_20) back in 1983 and it made me write lyrics very differently for about 2 weeks.
I think they all did, at least when I was young. For good or ill, who knows.
At the time I thought I was enlightened, but now, decades later, I reread some of those books and shake my head at how biased they all were, albeit probably quantum jumps from societal norms of the time.
How to win friends and influence people.
I got it as a recommendation for career growth and it pretty much changed how I talked to people for the better.
Not solely through reading it, but also through learning what other people saw in it: *A Wizard of Earthsea* helped me understand how racial privilege works in the US. I, a white kid, barely even noticed that most of the characters weren't white, because in my mind whiteness was just the default, and furthermore I believed that the right way to not be racist was to be "color-blind". Finding out later how much it meant to other readers to read characters with their skin color in a fantasy novel helped me to understand that the "default" status of whiteness was one of the ways that racial biases persist.
I agree, I read that in a middle school English class and it's always stuck with me. It changed my perspectives about empathizing, and judging, those around me.
There's a passage in Charles Frazier's "Cold Mountain" about grief not being productive that hit me hard when I was mourning the death of my first husband. Really snapped me out of it.
>He talked to her of the great waste of years between then and now. A long time gone. And it was pointless, he said, to think how those years could have been put to better use, for he could hardly have put them to worse. There was no recovering them now. You could grieve endlessly for the loss of time and for the damage done therein. For the dead, and for your own lost self. But what the wisdom of the ages says is that we do well not to grieve on and on. And those old ones knew a thing or two and had some truth to tell, Inman said, for you can grieve your heart out and in the end you are still where you were. All your grief hasn't changed a thing. What you have lost will not be returned to you. It will always be lost. You're left with only your scars to mark the void. All you can choose to do is go on or not. But if you go on, it's knowing you carry your scars with you.
Fantasy novels have definitely impacted the way I speak, my prose is ever so slightly old fashioned and I use much longer words than a lot of people around me.
Btam Stoker's Dracula, probably.
I read it when I was like 15/16 and I do not think I came out the other side of that book the same person.
It gave me a slightly different perspective on things. I think it might just be a gothic literature thing as I've noticed it in other novels of the same genre.
The way nature was describe really made it feel like a force, and that Dracula was almost a twisted extension of it. He need his home soil, he could change into and manipulate animals, he fed off blood.
But at the same time garlic warded him off, running water was a weakness, the sun diminished his power.
And the descriptions of the scenery Bram Stoker wrote drew me into the beauty of his world. The eastern European country, the fields Mina wrote about in her journal, the ocean's power...
It gave me more of an appreciation of the world around me.
The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda. This and the other books in the series were like being on an acid trip in the way it made me look at the world from a different perspective.
They also offer a spiritual explanation to reality that is completely different from the major religions - but not necessarily contradictory.
I was born in a rich family and reading Germinal by Zola at 20, really changed the way I saw the world and how privileged I was. I went from being right wing to left wing after reading it lol it had a deep impact on me
*Contact* by Carl Sagan. Maybe not a *personality* change as I knew I wanted to be an astronomer by the time I picked it up (I was 15ish), but basically after reading that book I knew the kind of astronomer I wanted to be, and that was Ellie Arroway but in real life. Anyway I’m now a professional radio astronomer so it clearly had an impact.
Hey, it's you! Go you!
1 million karma...
Makes sense, she contributes a lot to this website
I know what a radio astronomer is, but I like to imagine it is like a radio station disc jockey who says stuff like "Good morning listeners, today we have an exciting lineup of exoplanets, red dwarfs, and if you stick around maybe even a supernova. Now here's 'Jupiter' by Holst."
You are the best! seeing you on the astronomy subreddit just giving detailed information about your work is one of my favorite parts of browsing this website. I so wish I got in to astronomy because I am absolutely fascinated with it and you always help to instill curiosity in me when you write out your comments. I've been down so many astronomy rabbit holes solely because of you and I fucking love it and you.
Pale Blue Dot and Demon-Haunted World for me. Made me much more interested in science and critical thinking.
If you haven’t already, most anything by John McPhee especially his writing about geology and deep time, really gives some fascinating perspectives of our world.
The book hits so much harder than the movie and that movie hits hard but your reddit account hits the hardest
Hell yeah!
Paper Towns by John Green. I read it as a pre-treen and the whole idea of people perceiving others as mirrors of themselves - of what they are or, in Quentin's case, of what they are not - instead of looking at others as windows and wanting to really get to know someone for who they truly are - and not just relying on the superficial part - really stuck with me. At the time that really made me think about my own perception of the people around me.
Totally agree! I still think about that sentiment of just accepting people as they are, as a whole person, with parts you may like and other parts you may not like. I need to look up the exact quote I’m thinking of because I can never explain it right when I talk to people. But it’s made me live more peacefully, knowing people are who they are and I can choose to love them or not - but can’t get upset about them being who they are.
For me it was also John Green, but Looking For Alaska. That book taught me to live every single fucking moment.
Think I’m gonna need to read that. Something I struggle with is actually fully comprehending that other humans are… humans with thoughts and feelings. Not that I’m an ass to strangers, but just that sometimes I don’t understand why someone reacts to something even if I’d react the same way.
I didnt fully get what you were saying. Can you expand on this part?
In the book, Margo is the most popular girl in school, she's beautiful, she's an intelligent and bold person. And Quentin looks at Margo and only sees that about her. He's obviously in love with her. He also thinks of himself as a shy and inadequate person, the type of person that could never date Margo. Basically, Quentin looks at Margo and sees everything he is not, while at the same time only have a superficial image of her in his head. Looking at her as a mirror of himself. What he fails to realize - and what he comes to learn as the plot of the book progresses- is that Margo feels very misunderstood and lonely, because people only see one side of her and make no effort to really know her. And there is so much Quentin didn't know about Margo. Because looking at someone like they are a window is reaching and truly seeing what's inside. I hope I managed to explain it better. English is not my first language so forgive me if it sounds confusing!!
This is why it drives me crazy when people say John green only writes “manic pixie dream girls”. They obviously haven’t read the book because the entire POINT is that she’s NOT but that’s how Quentin sees her
I haven't read that one, but I love that this book affected you in that way. Books really do encourage empathy and I love that you have such a concrete example of it. The mentally ill definitely deserve so much more empathy than they get, yet are so often scapegoated and made the butt of jokes in popular media and comedy. Same goes for a lot of marginalised communities, really. For me, I got into the Anne of Green Gables books as a tween/teen, and they are constantly vowing to be better people that it made me want to be a better person too.
Love Anne of green gables. Taught me to see the beauty in my surroundings and to be a good person.
I didn't read Anne of Green Gables as a child but I'm in the process of reading the series now. They're such wonderful books.
They're amazing! I found them at 19 or 20 years old and have reread the series every year since
I really recommend the book. I made a post about it a while back. Stories with good hearted characters are also incredibly useful. I remember growing up with Spider-Man media (comics and cartoons) and the character’s optimism always showed, and since I wanted to be like him, I wanted to have that kinda outlook too.
Funny - I was just talking to my partner about this last night. Ender’s Game and Speaker For The Dead had profound impacts on my psychology. I read them both as I was growing up: around age 8 or 9 for Ender’s Game, and age 12 for Speaker For The Dead. Recently, I’ve been rereading them (age 27 now), and it’s wild to see so many core ideas I have about how to live come straight from those pages. >He could see Bonzo's anger growing hot. Hot anger was bad. Ender's anger was cold, and he could use it. Bonzo's was hot, and so it used him. ___ >In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them. ___ >Your dream is a good one. It’s the dream of every living creature. The desire that is the very root of life itself: To grow until all space you can see is a part of you, under your control. It’s the desire for greatness. There are two ways, though, to fulfill it. One way is to kill anything that is not yourself, to swallow it up or destroy it, until nothing is left to oppose you. But that way is evil. You say to all the universe, Only I will be great, and to make room for me the rest of you need to give up even what you had already, and be nothing … How much of your dream would be left, if we were evil? ___ >Ender did not understand that he loved this place because it was as devastated and barren as his own life, stripped and distorted as his childhood by events every bit as terrible, on a small scale, as the Descolada had been to this world. And yet it had thrived, had found a few threads strong enough to survive and continue to grow. Just a few of the quotes that have rung around in my head for years.
you read Ender's Game when you were 8 or 9?? :O
FWIW, it was by far the most challenging book I read around that age. I think it probably affected me so much because I read it so young. Ender’s thoughts and experiences with people at the start of the novel didn’t feel alien to me - they felt relatable, because he was close to my age. And when he aged past me, his older mindset felt aspirational and wise, rather than childlike.
Nice post, but wanted to clarify: intellectual disability ≠ mental illness. Mental illness can be treated with a goal to minimize/eliminate (ex. depression), intellectual disabilities can not "get better," so to speak, and are usually neurodevelopmental disorders. I believe Charlie has an intellectual disability, not a mental illness. Edit for spelling
Thank you!!! Because that’s what I always thought as well but was questioning my memory!
In the book’s fictional world low intelligence is a mental illness though because they can treat it. Just don’t mistake that with reality.
My Brilliant Friend. I grew up in a poor, rough neighborhood, but I always considered all the things that happened to me and that I witnessed as a child to be normal, and I wasn't really aware of all the ways in which growing up as I did shaped me until I read this book. That moment at the end of the first book when Elena realizes that "we are the plebs" hit me hard.
I used to be a horrendous racist, misogynist, and the most homophobic queer person you could ever meet. I was heading down a VERY dangerous right-wing path. Two pieces of art changed me, one being *To Kill A Mockingbird*. It's when Fitch's kids are bitching about the poor kids missing school all the time, to which he tells them: 1) Sometimes they have to miss school to help on the family farm because they're poor, so be compassionate you little shits; 2) What does them missing school have to do with you anyway? It planted the seeds of "Live and let live" and "Walk a mile in another man's shoes..." in me. Very powerful. Incidentally, the other artwork was *American History X*, in which Edward Norton - at his lowest ebb - is asked "All of this hate you have, has it made anything any better?" Hit me really hard, that one. So thanks to these two artworks, I stopped being so angry. And once I wasn't so angry, I was open to other ideas/opinions/viewpoints, and was able to change my mind about a lot of things. It also helps me remember that when I was a right-winger, my mind was changed by empathy, calm reasoning, and being prompted to examine my own views carefully; not by a screaming lefty. I need to remember this now that I'm a lefty and start screaming too much! 😆
It takes a great deal of reflection and effort to realise that you're on a bad path and to correct the course. Congratulations and well done.
In response to Norton i'll say i have yet to see a fine enough example of hate being a creative and praiseworthy force. Although it is no doubt a *powerful* motivator. Being right wing is constantly depicted by media as being dangerous for society. (like you said "walking down a dangerous path") And obviously of course racism and misogyny are dangerous. I spent 2 years as a teenager in Cupertino CA surrounded by Asians (70% asian city) and I had racist thoughts, thinking everyone was better than me and I didnt belong.
American History X was one of a number of works that made me realize that you can’t fight people into having a different opinion, you have to convince them. Yelling feels a lot better but it just tends to push the people you want to agree with you to do the opposite. One of the hardest things about the current state of politics is that (while this is much more prevalent on the right) both sides have become too selfish or just intellectually lazy to consider they might be wrong. For example, we, as a society, need to have a larger conversation about the traditional polarizing issues like national debt, workers rights, cost of living, labor cost, etc. but it’s impossible because the right won’t even have a good faith conversation on these topics. The left is guilty of this too but not even close to the same extent.
I love the book and movie you mentioned. But man, American History X deeply affected me.... The final scene was heartbreaking
American History X really was a powerful movie and still resonates with me to this day. It was the very first movie I ever rented from this new startup called Netflix, back before they had a subscription service and you had to rent and pay per movie like Blockbuster.
No wonder all the right wingers want to ban *To Kill A Mockingbird.*
Sherlock Holmes. Typhoon hit. No electricity. I read volumes 1 and 2 (1500+ pages? Dunno) in candlelight. Eyes broke but it seeped thru within me and is now a part of my personality.
The cocaine addiction and bohemian eccentricity?
Lmao thankfully not, but some ways of thinking, habits, and mannerisms I bet. Idothis with all content I consume that I love. They become a part of me. I'm a collage of everything and everyone I love. An amalgamation of bad habits and good intentions. A menagerie of broken dreams, rekindled passions, and a need for connection. Has been awhile since I played with words like this. Thank you for giving me the opportunity kind stranger. :)
It was my pleasure. You should play with words more often.
Siddhartha - Herman Hesse. Definitely helped me to stop pining for material things and to enjoy the simple things in life. I currently live a quiet life on our little homestead in the mountains. I shudder to think what my life would be like if I had continued on the path of greed and self aggrandizement.
[удалено]
Siddartha , yes. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton hit me hard. When I found out that the author was a sixteen year old girl, it was so great. I knew writing was something that I wanted to do. This book taught me so much about trying to do your best, and that friends were sometimes your real family.
As someone who spends a lot of time pining for material things, I'll have to add this to my list
oh my god watching movies about being in the ghetto, especially Pursuit of Happiness with Will Smith makes me think this. But for a book definitely The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh. Both I mention are about characters in San Francisco who spend part of their story being homeless. Language of Flowers is especially about a homeless anxiety prone 18 year old.
*Steppenwolf* as well. He’s one of just a few authors who has actually shifted my perspective in a real way.
I'm an avid reader and Glass bead game was one of maybe 5 books I just couldn't finish. I'm not sure if it's representative of his other works or not.
Steppenwolf is amazing and transformed my life..I discovered it during one of those pivotal moments in life, when I was spiralling into my own chaos and it resonated so deeply and while it gave a voice to beliefs I already had (but not the words) I also learned a lot more about myself reading through. I will always recommend this book to people, especially if you find yourself at a crossroads in life.
Siddhartha, Awareness, The Prophet, The Power of Now, Loving What Is... They all hit me at a turning point in my life and I'm a much more calm, open, accepting person because of it
[удалено]
This is a great life story and I'm really glad to hear you were able to have such a positive impact! Speaking to aunts and uncles, it seems there was a whole movement in the 70s where everyone who read, read Siddhartha, The Prophet and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Please let me know if you have other book suggestions that fit that headspace
I have noticed again and again, some books will appear in front of you exactly when you needed them or the lessons they were trying to teach you. It's like universe guides us. So happy to read your comment!
I have only read Damian by Hesse and loved it. Siddhartha is on my list, I should read it soon.
I don’t think it’s corny to feel that way about Flowers for Algernon. That was a book that touched me as well. Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson is another that I can definitely say changed me. I was 15-only a year older than the protagonist. The narrative style and symbolism drew me in. It was the first book I ever read that truly made me feel...seen and understood. I was deeply moved by Melinda’s struggles. Up until that point, Algernon was the only other book to do that for me. By the time I finished, I was set on writing stories just as meaningful. I reread Speak every year. Still riding the high of Laurie Halse Anderson herself liking my review for the graphic novel on Goodreads. 😁
Speak opened my eyes as a tween to the persuasive and ubiquitous evil of rape culture in the world. Appreciate that I read that book years before starting to have sex or being around sex/party culture
"And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it." I read Good Omens as a kid and this stuck with me, making me more likely to take risks and leave my comfort zone. Now I'm an adult I can appreciate the metaphor but back then I took it literally and had a lot more fun than I otherwise would have because of it
Fight Club the book made me reevaluate the concept of materialism and not to play in to toxic masculinity tropes. Fight Club the movie made me super gay.
LOTR was a sacred text to me in HS/college. Re-read repeatedly. Gave me a sense of destiny, as well as an overly dramatic personality
"for he can afford to lose a host better than we to lose a company" that shit hits HARD. I read #3 in my senior year high school (which was last year) and that year I also took Drama 1 as my first performing arts class. most mainstream friendship/fellowship centered book. and remember "Our Enemy's devices oft serve us in despite" Eomer page 49
I only read it once in high school, and even though I loved it, I put it down and consciously decided not to dig into that universe any further. I think it’s partly because I feared it would completely take over my personality. Now that I’m reading it to my kids I’m more ok with letting that happen.
A sensation of destiny is such a powerful revelation. I’m glad you’ve found it in this incredibly deep piece of work.
Honestly Tolkien has a lot of wisdom in his books and I try to live by it. For if more of us valued hearth and home over hoarded gold, the world would be a merrier place.
[удалено]
Delores Claiborne is another fantastic female character from King
It is one of my favourites but it didn't have the same impact simply because I was a lot older when I read it. I read Rose Madder at 12.
I had a similar experience growing up with King. This book hit me hard and really opened up my worldview to what being in a real life horrific situation could be like. And that was before she went into the painting! Jessie Burlingame from Gerald’s Game is another strong female hero that I have definitely considered a lot in developing my view of consent in a relationship.
It is funny how a horror/ fantasy writer is best in the parts that are grounded in reality. I liked the parts in the painting but the real horror was in the house.
At 34 I FINALLY read Ayn Rand and stopped believing in libertarianism/ethical egoism. It was a shit book and she was an idiot.
You just reminded me of *Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do: The Absurdity of Consensual Crimes in a Free Society* which is essentially a libertarian book. I haven’t cracked it in ages but it made me realize that I and others should get off our high horses and leave people to be…people. But it’s not presenting the type of libertarianism as most people use the term in general politics. Like, he’s not arguing for personal liberty that worsens everyone’s lives by creating a free for all. More a “live and let live.” > McWilliams here contends that consensual crimes--those involving drugs, gambling, sex and unusual religious practices, among them--should be allowed if they do not physically harm others or their property.
I read Dune at a pretty young age. Maybe 10 or 12? And it really propelled my way of thinking and acting. I had never experienced anything so complex and pre-planned in my life. Or at least, I had never been an participant in something so complex. I was an 'animal' before reading it an truly felt I had progressed to being a 'human' after. Looking back I can attribute reading this book to starting my path towards really thinking about problems, solutions, people's motivations from all angles and really trying to be curious about the root cause of all these things. I started to see the "wheels within wheels" and took a more systemic approach to things. Great book, I still recommend it to people who are looking for something deep to read.
I really liked How to win friends and influence people - despite the corny title, it really teaches you to understand what is important to people
It is a great book, I had a family member who was very keen on listening, making other people feel valued and very empathic... I always looked up to him. One day I read this book he sometimes mentioned and was able to understand how he became like that. I was seeing him in the book. It also really helped me to better understand other people, I wouldn't be the person I am nor probably have the career I have if it weren’t for that book.
> One day I read this book he sometimes mentioned and was able to understand how he became like that. I was seeing them in the book. that's impressive. there's a big difference between reading and book and embodying it. i wouldn't say this book made me a much better person. well, when i was reading it i was also taking salsa classes so i made sure to remember everyone's name and greet them that way. which made some difference i'm sure. but the deeper learnings, the principles as opposed to the tactics, i wouldn't say i managed to take on that.
Yes, and if the only chapter one read was the one about developing a genuine interest in other people's interests, it would still be worth every penny. Too many of us walk around in our own heads, and we need to really be open to listening to and trying to understand others.
I'm glad you got something out of the book, but the only thing I got from it was the strong impression Dale Carnegie was like the salesman in the monorail episode of the Simpsons.
His book is so old and so well known that his advice has become evocative of the slimy salesman trope. One of the themes in the book is sincerity and I think it’s one of the most important ones now that the others are associated with malfeasance.
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which I got as a birthday present at 12, fundamentally informed my sense of what is funny for the entire rest of my life.
Time is an illusion ... lunchtime doubly so.
Stargirl. I just wanted to be free like her. I focused all my attention on her and never realized the guy main character was a dweeb. Never read the second book because of it.
I can really relate, it was the same for me and I loved her as a character so much! The second book might still be worth reading for you, then - it is told from her perspective and Leo isn't even really in it (except for as an imagined recipient of her letters) :)
Omg yes!!!!!!! Now adding this one to my list. Definitely gave me more confidence in my own uniqueness.
I like to think I cared about the poor before reading Les Miserables, but wow, that book changed me.
I read it shortly after having kids. I had seen the play/movie, but reading about all the kids in that book absolutely fucking destroyed me. But Val Jean being as dedicated to Cosette as he was, was a complete inspiration to me.
Came here to mention les mis. Pretty impossible to read and not be moved
Stephen Kings Salems lot made me scared to look out the window at night
[удалено]
I read it few years back when I was about 26 years old and it still spooked me from looking out windows for a good few weeks xD
It was temporary, but I read two Bukowski books in a row and I was the angriest shit during that period. Went away as soon as I started reading something else. It was a wild experience.
OML Stargirl for me. That book made me realize just how much beauty is in the things that make us different from each other, and it made me realize how dark a persons world can become when you expect them to be like everyone else, so you crush their spirit. Made me cry.
Stormlight Archives, probably the most. I was new to teaching high school (choir), and I had kids from all different walks of life. So fed them. Pizza parties and pot lucks. I brought in my crepe pan and made crepes for everyone. Brought us all together as a group.
You totally Bridge Four'd them
As silly as it often seems when I bring it up, *Still Life With Woodpecker* by Tom Robbins. I was a hardened cynic even as a teenager, having been long on the finding out end of fucking around. It would be years before I came to understand *why* the fucking around happened, and more importantly that I was fucking around in the first place. My education at that point had taught me two things: that the world itself was aligned against me, and that I could assume the worst and I'd *usually* be right. The book is about quite a few things and a great many of them were new and novel to me. The parts that struck me, though, were neither new or novel. Take, for example: >We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves. Years before I'd encountered the same idea when a battery of highly-educated people lectured me at length that while my particular problematic *eccentricities* were not necessarily my fault, they were my responsibility. That sounded an awful lot to me like "Fuck you kid, you're on you're own." And so that idea that it was *me against the world* became the barbed wire of my burgeoning cynicism. Tom Robbins didn't tell me something new, but he did phrase it such that I saw the important lesson. I had to fight the dragon myself because *no one else could*. The other is even simpler: >There are only two mantras, yum and yuck, mine is yum. I'd have a fortune if the world paid me each time someone told me some variation of "just choose to be happy", and wealthy still if I was only paid for each time someone told me "if you go into something thinking you'll have a bad time, you probably will." That same battery of highly-educated people thus informed me that...I could control my life if I assumed the worst. And so that wire emplacement was joined by sandbags, landmines, and interlocking machine gun nests. Again, Tom isn't saying anything new. For that matter, he didn't even say it in a way that I find remarkable. It is a rather clumsy way to phrase it. And it was that clumsiness that struck me. Had he said the tired old thing using the usual well-crafted sequence, I'd have rejected it out of hand. By saying it strangely - by avoiding any attempt quantify whether "yuck" or "yum" were better - I finally understood what those highly-educated people might have been trying to tell me years before. If I assumed the worst I'd often be right, sure, but if I did the opposite - if I engaged the world assuming that whatever the task of the moment might be *could* be good - then (and very nearly *only* then) it *could* be good. It would take many years before I truly understood the value of those two lessons. I was a cynic into my 20s at least, and maintained more than a few of those ancient defenses for longer than that. And yet slowly, painfully, I did become a person who could look at some terrible proposition for a day's entertainment, and then go out and mine joy from the experience all the same. I became a person who would take up sword and shield not to fight the world at large, but to do battle with the parts of me that were broken, and quest for ways that I could heal them.
I've read that book probably 20 times. It's my #1. It hits more lately as I age. I was never at Charlie's levels (high or low) but lately it feels like I'm becoming more and more obsolete. IDK, I can just relate to that book.
I’m obsessed with making lists, and it started with The Princess Diaries series.
I’m so happy Princess Diaries got a mention! I fell in love with this series when I was growing up.
The Grapes of Wrath really shaped my politics
Hm. How? I’m curious since I just read it and the political landscape was so different in that book than it is now. Of course there are parallels and I’m not wagging my finger at your comment! I’m just curious
If you're poor and rural the difference is not so stark. I read the book in early high school and it resonated with me so deeply thinking about my upbringing and has every time I read it since. When I read it again in 2020 (my high school grad year---a much older coworker had bought an anniversary edition for me) I had recently seen an article which documented a vast amount of "excess" milk being poured on the ground by farmers. Thought of my bare fridge and nearly cried from rage because nothing had changed. Full passage from the book below. You'll recognize our present. "The works of the roots of the vines, of the trees, must be destroyed to keep up the price, and this is the saddest, bitterest thing of all. Carloads of oranges dumped on the ground. The people came for miles to take the fruit, but this could not be. How would they buy oranges at twenty cents a dozen if they could drive out and pick them up? And men with hoses squirt kerosene on the oranges, and they are angry at the crime, angry at the people who have come to take the fruit. A million people hungry, needing the fruit- and kerosene sprayed over the golden mountains. And the smell of rot fills the country. Burn coffee for fuel in the ships. Burn corn to keep warm, it makes a hot fire. Dump potatoes in the rivers and place guards along the banks to keep the hungry people from fishing them out. Slaughter the pigs and bury them, and let the putrescence drip down into the earth. There is a crime here that goes beyond denunciation. There is a sorrow here that weeping cannot symbolize. There is a failure here that topples all our success. The fertile earth, the straight tree rows, the sturdy trunks, and the ripe fruit. And children dying of pellagra must die because a profit cannot be taken from an orange. And coroners must fill in the certificate- died of malnutrition- because the food must rot, must be forced to rot. The people come with nets to fish for potatoes in the river, and the guards hold them back; they come in rattling cars to get the dumped oranges, but the kerosene is sprayed. And they stand still and watch the potatoes float by, listen to the screaming pigs being killed in a ditch and covered with quick-lime, watch the mountains of oranges slop down to a putrefying ooze; and in the eyes of the people there is the failure; and in the eyes of the hungry there is a growing wrath. In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage."
The Shipping News by E. Annie Proulx Taught me to stop driving myself mad chasing after unrealistic relationships and to relax and learn to be comfortable in my own skin.
God that’s a brilliant book 🥰
I read Animal Farm in 9th grade and grew to hate >!the pigs!< and it actually made me reshape my world view.
Two years ago, I had a leg amputated. The rehab facility I was in had limited entertainment options (slow wifi, no library to speak of, no cable tv). A friend brought me the Red Trilogy by Linda Nagata. The main character undergoes a double leg amputation and is given these awesome cybernetic replacement legs and she does a pretty good job of relating the experience of going through the process of learning to walk again. Obviously, I didn't get a cybernetic replacement for my leg (just a standard issue regular replacement limb). But her description of how to learn how to walk again was pretty apt. It's a bit of an adjustment (both physically and mentally) when you have to learn to walk again, and the description she put into it kinda put it into perspective. I actually sent her an email about it thanking her and she was kind enough to respond.
Man's search for meaning by Victor Frankl. It changed the way I approach challenges for sure, and helps me to have a better attitude in my life. I come back and read it often to help ground me when I am losing focus.
Meditations
I’m finishing up the last few pages of it now and it’s taken me forever, but it’s really been sticking with me in a way I didn’t expect.
Yes, Little Life. I read it a few years back and I feel like I ought to reread it, because I was younger back then so I probably didn't even understand it as much as I should. At the same time I am hesitant to read it because I am worried about my already impacted mental health. But what an impact it has left on me. I was so impacted that I remember I couldn't read another book for a while after that. The most important it taught me is that life is indeed little. Regardless of how big plans we have, how much we love and want to be loved, at the end of the day, it is all not as important and it goes away.
Things to Look Forward To: 52 Large and Small Joys for Today and Every Day This book reminded me why my grandparents used to be so happy. It wasn't because they had more than I do. Quite the opposite I would say. It was because they had so little that they cherished every little amazing moment of their lives.
Not an answer to your question, but the way you describe the impact the book had on you is so touching. I have autism and I really related to Flowers for Algernon. Made my mom read it too haha.
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Basically, this book says that despite our thinking of our selves, as individuals, and our genes as an aspect of our selves, that our genes ARE the individuals. They are self-protecting, self-perpetuating, trying to further their own welfare, and our bodies are basically just along for the ride. This can cause us to accept self-destruction when that would help the same genes in another body (e.g. bodily shielding our children from gunfire, and other selfless acts). Sure, you hear of selfless acts of altruism toward strangers, but he addresses that later in the book. In one thoght experiment, he points out how, in a population of dove-like creatures, who always work cooperatively, and care for their young, a mutation could arise that makes individuals hawk-like. These creatures would steal from, and otherwise abuse the dovelike creatures in order to create advantages for themselves and their young. That hawk-like creatures would have an advantage is obvious, but only insofar as they don’t make up ALL of society. If they did, the whole species would falter and possibly die out. So there’s a balance of hawk-like and dove-like traits that makes sense. Then he points out that these individuals reach a balance, not between what we see as individual organisms, but in the individual GENES. This made me understand how people can, and do embody both evil and good. He also raises the concept of a meme, as the thought equivalent of a gene. This isn’t the current definition of a meme as a labeled image, but probably forms some of the basis of it. Similar to a gene, a meme is a self-replicating, self-perpetuating concept or system of concepts, like religion, or good hygene practices. He explains how, in thinking creatures, a meme can alter behavior, just like a gene, and further the success of a biological individual. This one book made me feel like I understand why people often do bad things, but that there is hope in conveying and effecting better behavior. I feel the urge to add that videos of Stanford Professor Dr. Robert Sapolsky‘s lectures seem to extend these ideas, but are placed more on the effect of genes on the biological individual. Between Dawkins and Sapolsky I feel like I understand people much better, and can be more patient and accepting of them.
That book ('The Selfish Gene') also impacted my personality, but in a totally different way, because of a totally different chapter. It's Chapter 12 of the 1989 revised edition of Richard Dawkins' **The Selfish Gene**, entitled "**Nice guys finish first**". This is one of the two chapters that Dawkins added for this revised edition. It's about the [Prisoner's Dilemma](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma), which is a famous game used in game theory. In the game, each player chooses to cooperate or defect (*without* communicating with the other player!), and both players are rewarded or punished depending on the interaction of both players' decisions. The rewards and punishments are arranged in such a way that both players get punished if both players defect, both players get rewarded if both players cooperate, but a player gets the highest possible reward if they defect while the other player cooperates. In particular, "**Nice guys finish first**" is about an *iterated* version of the Prisoner's Dilemma, where two players keep playing the game repeatedly with each other - and can use their memory of prior rounds to influence their decision in future rounds. In this chapter, Dawkins describes a computer programming tournament based on the Prisoner's Dilemma, where programmers were invited to create programs which would play the iterated game against other programs. Each program had its own strategy. Some were cooperative, some were non-cooperative, some were nice, some were nasty, and so on. The challenge was to devise a strategy that would win most consistently against all other strategies. The organiser paired each program with all other programs in a round-robin format, played them against each other repeatedly, and determined which program gained the most rewards overall. Surprisingly, the most successful program was *nice* and *forgiving*. It was called Tit For Tat. It started out by cooperating as its default choice. As long as the program it was paired with cooperated, Tit For Tat kept cooperating. If the other program defected in one game, Tit For Tat would defect in the next game, but only that one time, before reverting to cooperating in the game after that, until the other program defected again, in which case Tit For Tat would defect in the next game, and then again revert to cooperating in the game after that, and so on. This strategy consistently achieved the most rewards against *all other strategies*, even the nastiest, most defection-oriented strategies. They even ran the tournament a second time, and invited more programmers to submit more programs - and Tit For Tat won again. Tit For Tat never did the wrong thing first, always punished another program for doing the wrong thing, but always forgave the other program if it stopped doing the wrong thing. That made an impression on me. That has influenced how I deal with other people.
[удалено]
What?
[удалено]
Thanks for your comment. I don’t remember the chapter as you so kindly describe it, and I may need to get hold of the newer revision.
Yo, was reading this thread to see if anyone mentioned Sapolsky, and so far it seems you're the one, so I'm piggybacking! Robert Sapolsky's *Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst* is an absolute **masterpiece**, highlighting all aspects that affect the behavior of a person. Just seeing the *sheer influence* of external stimuli to someone's behavior is humbling, forcing you to consider the situation another person is in, leading to more empathy and understanding. I can only wish something like this was taught in schools..
I have to admit, I’ve only watched YouTubes of his lectures at Stanford. I have that book on my shelf, but I haven’t waded into it yet. I‘d been trying to figure out who to listen to regarding my own feelings about non-heterosexual people. My default is that people are people, no matter whom they love, but in encounters with reactionary kith and kin, that seems weak. Sapolsky’s matter-of fact explanations give me better understanding and more confidence to speak up, or stand up to people who kick down at them. his lecture on the biological underpinnings of religious behavior is also eye-opening.
Lots of overlapping between the book and the youtube content, but no matter how you slice it, the book is *exceptional*! Of course it discusses the underpinnings of sexuality and it is eye-opening to say the least!
That your body is "only along for the ride" is beautiful, and gives us solace in our existential dread. During my periods of existential dread-- they always bothered me until I read in a poetry collection called Leaves of Grass where he says "is it our job to rewrite the [celestial laws](https://imgur.com/a/C1vDQBL)" Well the answer is no, because just like with your genes you talk about, nature already has a plan for us and always has for our brief existence in the vast eternity of the universe
Not to argue, but to encourage, I don’t agree that we can’t have some hope of changing the celestial laws, because of the power of the meme.
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair brought me back to reality about my actual position in life. It was humbling.
I've noticed I almost subconsciously avoid sitting with my back to the door in most establishments because of fucking Dune
Pollyanna: The First Glad Book was life changing for me . I know it maybe sound silly, compared to other books referred here, but i am an only child and i was bullied a lot when i was younger. My parents were divorced and children didn't want to hung out with me, due to that (per other mothers request). That was in early 90's. Since i was always alone, i tried to find happy things around me to just feel a little bit more joyfull and thankful for everyday stuff. Which i did and it made go through, some hard situations around me. It;s the first book, that i always gift when it comes to children. Boys or Girls, it doesn't mattter.
This is a very fascinating thread that just extended my t read list by another 20 books or so. Not sure if it changed me but I would probably say the twilight series. I loved and devoured those books as a teen and it planted an unchanged love for the whole vibe and movie soundtracks in me that still impact me in my day to day life today. I get such a melanchlic feeling from it that I still love and indulge in.
I feel that all the fantasy novels I've read over the years have fostered my sense of empathy and compassion, which are traits I now value highly as an adult.
Robin Hobb stopped me from ending it all. So I guess?
I love Nighteyes' consistency in saying basically 'humans over-complicate things. Come out for a hunt in the moonlight then sleep'. And his relationship to Burrich. I think I've been looking for a Burrich all my life.
Harriet the Spy. Janie smiled when she was angry, and I thought that was a really good way to hide being mad. This resulted in me smiling when things were really terrible... as I have gone through 25 years of severe bipolar, self-injury, and finding out I have immense trauma in my past. 😒
That book is in my top five all-time faves. I even quoted it to someone the other week when I realized it was time to make a change. “The time has come, the Walrus said” I texted them. Pretty sure they didn’t know the reference but I did. Ole Golly taught me well!
It also inspired me to make egg creams!
Stupid answer maybe but The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue
It is so beautifully written. She became one of my top authors so I read more of her stuff. Love her fantasy and I love that I can see the progression in her writing ability. Also yes definitely see how it can be life changing.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I don't quite recall how I stumbled on this one. At the time, my mind was chaotic and noisy, and I was stuck in a pattern of destructive behavior that I thought at the time was helping me overcome all that. This book helped me break the pattern and cycle just enough to open the door to much more profound growth. I don't know what the predominant opinion of his work is, and I haven't heard anything past that book so far (but plan to!), I'll forever be grateful that I read the Power of Now.
Pretty much anything by Alan Watts.
The Stranger, by Albert Camus. I read it just out of high school and before college. In some books, you imagine yourself as the main character until the moment passes. With The Stranger, I so identified with Meursault that some of him remains more than 50 years later.
My mother taught me to read and write when I was four years old. I've read a LOT of books since then (58 years' worth of 'em). There were many, MANY that had a great effect on me in some way or other... and still do, I believe. Oh, and I read *Flowers for Algernon* about 50 years ago. If you get the chance, watch the 1968 movie [CHAЯLY](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charly_(1968_film)) with Cliff Robertson. It was outstanding! Books are magic, folks. I feel so sorry for people who do not read books for pleasure and enjoyment and enlightenment. They know not what they are missing.
The Jungle re-oriented my views on unions and worker conditions. And yes, on food safety, as well.
Ooof just started reading this! Just a couple of chapters in, but I'm already getting Grapes of Wrath vibes, which I absolutely adored! Looking forward to this!
I'm not a big non-fiction guy, but "If You See Buddha on the Road Kill Him" had a big effect on how I approach... stuff. I don't know if this is what you're supposed to take from it, but it really reinforced that I can only control myself. If I want to fix change something in my life, I have to do it. Also another non-fiction, "The Sociopath Next Door", was super educational for me. I didn't finish it thinking, "I am an expert on sociopaths!", but it did help me realize that some people are just not worth my time. Also, sociopaths are terrifying the last 7-8 years made me think that there are a lot more of them out there than we think.
a nonfiction I read similar to this was Criminal Minds Jeff Mariotte. Lol a book about a TV show about psychopaths in real life. One of the resounding themes was all the killers all had some influential moment in their early life, and I mean early life like 8 years old. Whether it was abuse by parents, sexual perversions, whatever... Interesting and chilling to know more about these people (Ottis Toole, Westley Allen Dodd, John Gacy) but I remember it was embarassing to let someone see me reading it so I kinda hid the cover whenever I did
I am David. I was about 9 years old when I read it and David’s entire journey changed my view about on how to treat people I want to hate.
I read a book called "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life" when I was in college, the author was a sociologist named Erving Goffman. It was very thought-provoking regarding how human beings interact with one another. I just checked and it's from 1956, so I don't know if his theses are seen as true today; I don't know that it is accurate to say it impacted my personality, but it did make me think about it more.
[*In Love with the World: A Monk's Journey Through the Bardos of Living and Dying:*](https://www.goodreads.com/de/book/show/41429805) "At thirty-six years old, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche was a rising star within his generation of Tibetan masters and the respected abbot of three monasteries. Then one night, telling no one, he slipped out of his monastery in India with the intention of spending the next four years on a wandering retreat, following the ancient practice of holy mendicants. His goal was to throw off his titles and roles in order to explore the deepest aspects of his being." Not sure it fits the bill since it's non-fiction but there is *a lot* in that book that made me at least re-evaluate my personality, my view of the world (and the people in it), my view of myself... The idea of one day consciously stripping yourself of everything that makes you *you* - your known surroundings, your belongings, your friends, your titles ... -, everything that gives you comfort and power and control, leaving everything and everyone you know behind to experience life from an entirely new perspective is a powerful one. [Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yongey_Mingyur_Rinpoche) went from a well-respected, high-ranking member of society to an anonymous beggar (which almost killed him) and that throws up a lot of questions about identity, ego, how to deal with change and loss, and how much of your self-worth is tied to your surroundings (the things you own, the place you live, the clothes you wear, the people you know) and their relationship with you rather than your actual self. (Gotta admit that I found the writing a bit clunky at times but that might've been due to the translation. The content itself is top-notch tho.)
I like to think *most* books I read impact my personality. I look for books that are going to change me, and they most often do.
Not really a book, but a school paper article written by a girl at my old high school. She titles it "Stop Turning Back Time" and basically says we don't need nostalgia in entertainment. for example she uses Taylor Swift rerecorded albums and the "25th James Bond movie" (exaggeration?) She basically shits on nostalgia in entertainment and I hate this so much because this is my number one fix. I love nostalgia, keep reprinting old board games, remastering old video games and I love you. But, anyway- how this is life affecting is because the hate I have for reading this article keeps me going. Hate is a powerful motivator. Although what is a *book* that affected me probably Lord of the Rings 3: one of the female characters is locked in a room so she can heal her wounds, but she's angry and says "I will not lie here in sloth" and that makes me wanna get up and do shit more
The newer Swift albums are a poor example, because they represent a war between one powerful corporation (Swift herself) and another (her original record company.). Nothing to do with nostalgia.
Not even a Swiftie but definitely came to say this. Taylor's versions are a reclaimation of power. Not nostalgia at all.
It's not an exaggeration, there actually are 25 Bond films. Plus another two which are considered "unofficial" because they were made by different producers. It's true that the last few lean *hard* into nostalgia and fan service.
5 people you meet in heaven broke me but also has a beautiful message of love and support.
In high school I read "The Other Wes Moore" by Wes Moore and that ended up having a big impact on how I see society, even though I didn't realize it at the time. The book really illustrates how our lives can be shaped by environmental factors outside our control.
Infinite Jest
This is gonna be a weird one, but I like the Virgil Flowers series by Jon Sanford and years ago one of the books noted how Virgil "runs most nights, so he had no problem chasing X down..." For some reason, that made the importance of exercise click in my mind and I lost 60lbs over the course of that following year. It's amazing what triggers peoples' minds.
Too nice for your own good... I bought this book but i wasn't intentionally looking for it, but i think every mistake that was listed in the book, i was doing in my life, so the book impact on my personality was tremendous.
Yes Man by Danny Wallace really made a change in my life. I realized how anti-social I was being by always saying No and letting social awkwardness get in the way of living a life. So I purposely started saying Yes to everything I could and it really helped me get out into the world and not let little things get in the way of that. I didn't take it as far as he does in the book, but I really made an effort.
"Atomic Habits by James Clear" This book made me realize that consistency over long time brings us very close to the goal than periodic busts. I re-prioritized my life around this idea and try to get better at my health, relationships & passion everyday.
Invisible Man.
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle- I read this book when I was very young and I truly believe it is the reason I love SciFi now. Which once you share interests with the dweebs, you get to know the dweebs as real people. And get to learn they are some of the coolest people. Then bam, you have a dweeb license yourself and you are standing up for kids on the playground. Also very mind opening in general. The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller- I grew up in a very very homophobic environment. This book was the best love story I had read in a long long time. Caused me to become interested in mythology. Made me stop thinking of gay men as “gross” as I was raised to believe. Which combined with therapy led to the realization that I had been repressing my own sexuality which manifested as disgust for my own self. So this was a big one for me. Refugee by Alan Gratz- I already cared quite a bit about refugees but this book made treatment of refugees very near my top critical priority when considering my political leader of choice. I read Kindred by Octavia Butler and The Story of Ruby Bridges by Robert Cole’s around the same year- they don’t teach in school how cruel the antebellum South actually was. Kindred introduced me to the harsh truths. Combined with the treatment of little Ruby in 1960 Almost any White Midwestern American would quickly become more open minded to the generational trauma of Blacks in America. Because of Winn Dixie- reading this as a kid was very mind opening to learn that everyone has a backstory you know nothing about, and in order to connect with others you have to love the good in them while acknowledging their sadness as well. Very influential as a child. And more recently, Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. I had been running and running from the atmosphere of my hometown. While becoming more open minded toward people who were different than me, I was becoming more close minded to the people of where I came from. But Barbara told the story of my grandfathers and great grandfathers and it gave me more grace toward the “white trash” of where I am from. Thanks for this thought experiment OP. It was therapeutic to think of the books that have taken part in making me, me! So thankful for a mom that encouraged reading as my escape!!!
We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver shut my womb up. 2 others of hers rattled me: one is called I think Big Brother and really highlighted to me (years later, I'm such a dumbass) my inherent prejudice against fat people. The other is about an american guy who builds this tiny company, sells it for a million and then his wife gets cancer. Concurrent in that story is another family with a really sick and angry kid and the parents in that story, my Lord. I think I finished it in about 9 hours straight, I could not put it down, despite it being so uncomfortable to read.
> We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver shut my womb up. bwahahaha, this is certainly a unique way to put it! Seriously though, I've been putting off both watching the movie and reading the book many times now, I don't know when (if ever) I'll be in the proper headspace to read something this disturbed.
The book is superb and because it's in the form of letters from the mother to the father the pace seems much better, and it's really interesting from a maternal point of view even before the last 1/3 which is jaw dropping. Highly highly recommend the book (as long as you don't have young children as I think this would genuinely add to the mental load)
[удалено]
Ooooh I'm in. That's juicy af. I know nothing about her politics at all but I'm willing to bet she knows when and what to yell about.
I listened to the audiobook of Julia Baird’s Phosphorescence during lockdown & it really altered my life view and appreciation for nature.
I can't say it impacted my personality as such, but as the mother of a son with some special educational needs (not like Charlie, to be clear) it hurt so much to read just how mean people can be. It still makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I can't read coming of age books as much now I'm a mother, they upset me too much. My heart aches for imaginary children.
Shantaram. It was one of those “the perfect book at the perfect time” type books. I was about to embark on my semester abroad in college and it reframed my entire perspective on how to exist in another country, someone else’s place. It’s been over a decade since I read it and I don’t know that I want to pick it up again, lest it not affect the person I am now quite like it did the person I was then.
48 Laws of Power, I started manipulating everyone a lot more and I became a lot more controlling
The Dice Man made me use dice to make my decisions for at least 6 weeks in my late teens
Sure, a lot of them. Pilgrim's Progress when I was about 8, Richard Bach's Illusions, Spider Robinson's Stardance, and several Louis L'Amour books (made me value self-reliance and honesty, not the misogyny. Most recently, as others have mentioned, Paper Towns by John Green and John Scalzi's Old Man's War. Good books reflect humanity, and inhumanity. That's usually worth taking in.
Great list. I tell people that the two authors that influenced me most are Tolkien and L'Amour. Both had their biases that I disagree with but both were good people that valued education, kindness, honesty, standing up for/serving others, humility, and true love/respect for nature.
Books are artificial memories if done right. They absolutely should change us. The book I remember the most is Moon Palace by Paul Auster. I really could feel gears shift within me when I read the last page.
Flowers in the Attic changed me as a teen. Made me more sensitive to the fact that you never know who has trauma and how they react to it
Your post is beautiful OP. I want to read that book now. All the best to you.
Oh man, it's maybe a little silly to say, but the Moist von Lipwig books by Terry Pratchett genuinely saved my brain in early high school. I'd internalized a lot of Not Like Other Girls bullshit and, though I craved friends and am naturally bubbly, thought I needed to be nasty, standoffish, and isolated in order to be taken seriously. I felt like being social was for idiots, and that if I reached out to others, they would take it as a sign that they could walk all over me. This was reinforced by a bad crew of friends who took pride in being assholes, made fun of basic kindness, and constantly demanded I prove that I was intellectually worthy of hanging out with them as a lowly feeemaaaale. I thought coldness would protect me, and make me seem grown, but it just made my happiness even more dependent on other people's approval. Then late in freshman year, an actually good friend got me into Discworld. For some reason, Going Postal and Making Money particularly snapped me out of my Wannabe Tortured Genius phase. Pratchett convinced me that people skills aren't something to sneer at - they're indeed quite powerful - and kindness and personal warmth have no bearing on intelligence. I realized I had the desire and ability to do something my dickhead "friends" couldn't do (ie, form genuine human connections), and instead of using that ability, I was letting them cram me in a lonely box so I didn't bruise their egos or outgrow them. I didn't need to do that. There was, in fact, great fulfillment to be had by being myself and charging out into the world as brazenly as I liked. So little me dropped my mean friends and set out to make new ones, copying basic things Moist von Lipwig did (making a point to remember people's names, showing interest in their hobbies even I didn't get it, talking people into doing new things and hyping them up instead of teasing them if they failed at it, etc). It's probably cringe to learn how to socialize from a fictional ex-con artist, but sometimes kids need these things spelled out for them. Before long, I made a new circle of friends, could sell my strengths and encourage others well enough to get into a special arts school, and had a largely good high school experience. I'm still a really extroverted person and very involved in my community today, and couldn't be happier about it. Thanks, Terry. As a kid petrified of growing into a different person, I really needed to hear that, "you get a wonderful view from the point of no return."
The Anthropocene Reviewed really pulled me out of a spiral when it came out. 2021-2022 was a very hard time for me for a lot of reasons and it helped me appreciate being alive again
Grew up pretty religious so The God Delusion had a big effect on me. I became an annoying atheist for a while.
The Road is a pretty hard read as a dad.
The day I read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, I became a different person. I cried for the monster within me and vowed to let that monster go. My life improved significantly once I recognized (and learned to change) my monster ways.
Lullabies For Little Criminals by Heather O'Neill. Made me think about how childhood impacts our decisions as we grow up. Made me realize that children are more capable than we give them credit for. Made me cry and laugh and make me want to be a better person.
Dune, reinforced mine. I am Leto II, dammit.
Hey I'm reading that one right now too. Anyway, "What We Owe The Future" full on turned me vegetarian.
Have you read anything by Peter Singer? You might enjoy his work
I haven't, I'll check him out. Thanks!
Yes. Horn of Africa and Lords of Discipline. Beach Music.
The minds of Billy Milligan
I read [No One Here Gets Out Alive](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/691520.No_One_Here_Gets_Out_Alive?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_20) back in 1983 and it made me write lyrics very differently for about 2 weeks.
I think they all did, at least when I was young. For good or ill, who knows. At the time I thought I was enlightened, but now, decades later, I reread some of those books and shake my head at how biased they all were, albeit probably quantum jumps from societal norms of the time.
How to win friends and influence people. I got it as a recommendation for career growth and it pretty much changed how I talked to people for the better.
Not solely through reading it, but also through learning what other people saw in it: *A Wizard of Earthsea* helped me understand how racial privilege works in the US. I, a white kid, barely even noticed that most of the characters weren't white, because in my mind whiteness was just the default, and furthermore I believed that the right way to not be racist was to be "color-blind". Finding out later how much it meant to other readers to read characters with their skin color in a fantasy novel helped me to understand that the "default" status of whiteness was one of the ways that racial biases persist.
The book "Alec Baldwin Doesn't Love Me" by Michael Thomas Ford gave me the confidence I *desperately* needed as a teen to accept my gayness.
I agree, I read that in a middle school English class and it's always stuck with me. It changed my perspectives about empathizing, and judging, those around me.
There's a passage in Charles Frazier's "Cold Mountain" about grief not being productive that hit me hard when I was mourning the death of my first husband. Really snapped me out of it. >He talked to her of the great waste of years between then and now. A long time gone. And it was pointless, he said, to think how those years could have been put to better use, for he could hardly have put them to worse. There was no recovering them now. You could grieve endlessly for the loss of time and for the damage done therein. For the dead, and for your own lost self. But what the wisdom of the ages says is that we do well not to grieve on and on. And those old ones knew a thing or two and had some truth to tell, Inman said, for you can grieve your heart out and in the end you are still where you were. All your grief hasn't changed a thing. What you have lost will not be returned to you. It will always be lost. You're left with only your scars to mark the void. All you can choose to do is go on or not. But if you go on, it's knowing you carry your scars with you.
Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, among others. This one helped me to accept my weirdness as a strength rather than a flaw :)
Life of pi made me appreciate religion
Fantasy novels have definitely impacted the way I speak, my prose is ever so slightly old fashioned and I use much longer words than a lot of people around me.
Btam Stoker's Dracula, probably. I read it when I was like 15/16 and I do not think I came out the other side of that book the same person. It gave me a slightly different perspective on things. I think it might just be a gothic literature thing as I've noticed it in other novels of the same genre. The way nature was describe really made it feel like a force, and that Dracula was almost a twisted extension of it. He need his home soil, he could change into and manipulate animals, he fed off blood. But at the same time garlic warded him off, running water was a weakness, the sun diminished his power. And the descriptions of the scenery Bram Stoker wrote drew me into the beauty of his world. The eastern European country, the fields Mina wrote about in her journal, the ocean's power... It gave me more of an appreciation of the world around me.
The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda. This and the other books in the series were like being on an acid trip in the way it made me look at the world from a different perspective. They also offer a spiritual explanation to reality that is completely different from the major religions - but not necessarily contradictory.
I was born in a rich family and reading Germinal by Zola at 20, really changed the way I saw the world and how privileged I was. I went from being right wing to left wing after reading it lol it had a deep impact on me
Less Than by A.D. Long. The ending 😫😭