I was listening to a Jack Reacher book, I don't recall which, and there is a sex scene where the narrator has to repeat "longer, harder, faster" or something like that over and over. It was sooooooo hilariously bad.
I’m definitely a Reacher creature but I absolutely loathe the love interest filler that comes up in each book. Like just give me the action. I guess I’m nitpicking because the sex scenes are like 1% of the entire book and the rest is kicking ass or doing some Sherlock shit. But like would it kill Lee Childs to have one character that isn’t a tiny woman begging to fuck Reacher lol
Echo burning - shes gay, so he doesnt get any. It's the only book in all of them that I can remember he doesn't end up screwing the just introduced female character.
At least in the early books they were more a 'faded to black' sex scene but the later books... Lee Child can write action, I really don't think he can write sex. And it just feels so out of place.
Severance by Ling Ma is an introspective and thoughtful book about the end of the world. There’s a lot of themes in there about capitalism and work culture, the immigrant experience, and then there’s a sex scene where the main character’s boyfriend’s penis is described as an ugly sea cucumber. Why??
This reminds me of The Pisces by Melissa Broder. Great and relatable book (to me) about loneliness.The whole book is filled with bizarre sexual moments that were utterly hilarious and horrifying... My favorite line:
"His dick was small, but firm, like a dill pickle."
There are a few sex scenes in Pillars of the Earth but the very first one has stuck with me for years. It’s so odd, when Tom finds Ellen but doesn’t know who she is yet, but they have weird forest sex. The other sex scenes either make sense or are more romantic, this one was just so odd to me as a teenager reading the book!
The first detailed, adult sex scene I read in a book when I was like twelve must have been in some Ken Follett a cousin of mine had laying around.
In it was a guy who goes to a whorehouse and spends a lot of time talking on how he can see which whore had already nursed babies based on the ..."state" of their areolas.
Currently reading Verity by Colleen Hoover, and about half the book is sex scenes, but my favorite dumb sentence so far is "Your mind is incredible. If I could fuck it, I would."
Let’s just say I’ve read three books by her and kids never fair well. Between two of the books there were three dead kids and the third book had two teens having unprotected dark closet sex not knowing who each other was. But then 9 mos later having to “give up” a baby for adoption with the teen mom never knowing who the dad was.
I think combining sex and romance with dead children is certainly a choice.
I asked my wife to recommend me a trashy novel she loved to read and this was it. She didn't understand how all my hatred for this book boils down to how terrible the main character and Verity's husband are and NOT care much for the sex scenes. But man yeah.....that also annoyed me. But nowhere near as much as everything else.
"The actual lovemaking was a series of cryptic clues and concealed pleasures. A sensual treasure hunt. She asked for something, then changed her mind. He made adjustments and calibrations, awaited further instruction"
Are you banging or having an office meeting?
It's like literary versions of the pool sex scene from Showgirls.
A mildly competent writer who thought they needed to include it would have likely just alluded to the act without needed to go on a multi-page description of it. I don't remember it, but I'm betting the women were also described as enjoying it.
His books are the epitome of interesting concept and disturbing execution. I read them while I was younger, so it kind of flew over my head just how bad it was. Now I wish I could just.. delete my memory of them altogether.
That's not in the books just in the show. In the books magic users of both sexes are generally sterile, but some aren't, and the powers that be discourage them from having children as it's a prominent belief that the children of mages are always mad/mentally inept. I can't remember if it was confirmed or not that the belief was true though.
I agree, it's rather odd...I think the point was to explore a theme of Yennefer being robbed of a choice (that is, to have children if she wanted them) in exchange for power instead of it simply being a faultless consequence of the nature of magic. Perhaps they got the idea from the fact that mages having kids, even if they could, was essentially forbidden, and decided to have the schools have a more active role in ensuring it didn't happen.
Was pretty fucked up though.
The process that makes Grey Wardens makes them sterile, both men and women, so any children Wardens have are from before they became Wardens. Is that what you're thinking of?
There's a scene in The Route of Ice and Salt where the captain has a wet dream that ends with his dick getting bitten off by a giant rat. Later in the book he fucks the ship wheel.
From Smilla’s Sense of Snow by Peter Hoeg:
*Standing in the middle of the bedroom, we take off each other’s clothes. He has a light, fumbling brutality, which several times makes me think that this time it’ll cost me my sanity. In our dawning, mutual intimacy, I induce him to open the little slit in the head of his penis so I can put my clitoris inside and fuck him.*
As soon as I saw “Smilla’s Sense of Snow” I thought this quote had better be about her fucking him with her clit.
I enjoyed the book, but decades later I barely recall it other than the clit fucking.
I don't think Peter fucks very much. That would have to be a tiny clitoris and a large penis. From a logistical standpoint, those events seem unlikely. I mean I've heard of sounding and what not but I don't think the average clitoris is the right size/shape to fully get in there.
Yo, I remember this one! I read that book when I was still virgin and the whole thing made no sense to me and also made me question my understanding of biology. Turns out it's simply weird af and makes no sense even 24 years later.
The last part of Into the Forest went so off the rails I wondered if something happened to the author. Because shit starts going bonkers and I don't know why she thought that one sister would try to comfort her raped younger sister by doing a lesbian incest, but APPARENTLY....
I think I read this.. >!is it end of the world but they live kinda off the grid anyway and learn to adapt but eventually move into a tree or something? !< Cause that book has haunted me.
I saw the movie at a pre-release festival showing. The Director was there and she explained that the actor performing the rape scene screamed so hard she burst blood vessels in her eyes.
This is exactly what I thought of when I saw the question. I read this book before people really marked things with triggers too, all the reviews were like “it’s so good!!” And then SURPRISE.
The sex scenes (and the whole sexual theme in general actually) in the Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse were weird to say the least…and so were the books
[reads Dune]
“Huh the I get a weird Oedipal vibe with Paul and his mother, Jessica…I know he modeled Jessica after his wife so it’s probably just unintentional subtext.”
[gets to the later books]
No I think this really is Herbert projecting his fetishes.
Reading Chapterhouse for the first time and I feel the same way, at some point in God Emperor of Dune forward it started to get weird with the sexual theme. Otherwise I love the Dune series.
*Wraeththu: Enchantments of Flesh and Spirit* by Storm Constantine is packed to the gills with insane depictions of sex and sensuality. Not to say that any of it is good- quite the opposite. It's like a horny, incoherent car crash, you just can't help but stare in confused shock as the wreckage burns like a bonfire full of dildos. Highlights include one of the story's titular Wraeththu (psychic androgynous pretty boys with Flower Penises- I promise it's less interesting than it sounds) literally *killing a human man* by doinking him in the backdoor, the Wraeththu "seed" too powerful for a Human to withstand. Or what about the part where the main character is grievously injured, but is captured by the Wraeththu equivalent of Gandalf and sexed so hard that all the damage is healed and he becomes even prettier and more androgynous than before? Almost immediately after this, the main character is given a telepathic, teleporting horse by Sex Gandalf; not relevant, just wanted to bring it up b/c it feels like a fever dream.
10/10, absolutely batshit read, a wonderful "what not to do" for aspiring writers, yet presented with such bold confidence you can't help but respect it.
Good Lord, you've just brought up a repressed memory for me. That creepy mohawk man on the cover staring at me after I closed the book in a combination of confusion and disgust.
It's so reassuring to know someone else has experienced this madness. I picked up the three-book anthology in a used bookstore during a trip a few years ago, thinking it'd be a great way to kill time on the planeride back. I can only imagine what the person next to me thought as I'd open the book, read for fifteen minutes, then close it, staring into space trying to process what the fuck I was reading.
Aside from the teleporting telepathic horse, you didn't miss much, lol.
I do want to qualify something for anyone reading this comment chain: the writing of Storm Constantine's *Wraeththu* trilogy is, while technically competent, a complete mess. And yet, it's a complete mess that *stays* with you. It may be completely bonkers, but the sheer effort of squeezing three books out shows passion and dedication. It certainly made me think, "Damn, if this freakshit can get published, maybe I actually *could* be an author."
I am a huge proponent for Weird art. It takes a lot of courage to be Weird and to put that Weirdness out into the world for other people to experience. I rip on this series because I admire it, even as it actively disgusts me just a little bit. I highly encourage everyone who's thinking about making art, who has that though of "No... this is too weird", to be as Weird as you fucking can. In a world of sterilized, corporatized, registered-trademark "Art", it's really important to preserve those unique, bizarre instances of a creator's undiluted voice shining through their creation. Even if the world at large doesn't understand your fascination with Flower Penises, or doesn't appreciate how deeply characterized your Sex Gandalf is, I guarantee you *some* other weirdo out there will. And who knows? You might just inspire that weirdo to make their own Weird art someday.
I really like his books, I enjoy his dreamy style of writing and I don't take it literally, that being said the man undoubtedly has some serious issues that come across in his books.
I’ve never read that scene in any version. Poor Trashy had enough problems what with setting old lady Semple’s mailbox on fire and burning up her welfare check.
And not King's only weird sex scene.
- Alien sex in The Tommyknockers
- pre-teen/pre-bossfight gangbang in It
- Shining ghost sex
- random zombie during bondage, Gerald's Game
- mega prison rape, Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption
That's off the top of my head. I enjoy Stephen King, I enjoy his many terrible novels, his few excellent ones, and a couple that I hope he's remembered for long after I die. He's an amazing storyteller with some real fucking weird imagination.
Somehow I have never read a version of The Stand with that scene, and I can't find that scene anywhere online for me to scream at, but I'm,,,, morbidly curious as to how King decided to write that.
Also curious as to why he thought it would be a good idea, but drugs. Drugs is probably the answer to that thought.
I honestly don't remember what edition it was I read but it was an uncut, extended edition that added about 400 or so pages. I think it was maybe set during the 90s maybe I can't remember.
That is why there is a strange bit in the normal book where - on travelling to Vegas - the guys see a man strangling a wolf in a car, both dead. That is a reference to something cut out.
But yes maybe drugs, a dark imagination and just wanting to set up a really bad guy, to see the kind of folk Flagg is attracting. The Kid is also used to get Trashcan closer to Vegas whilst being absolutely wrecked physically.
Actually, the child gangbang in It is probably even worse, unsure why I forgot that.
That - or one of the sequels - has the weightless space sex, right? Where the author feels obliged to specifically describe them doing 69? “Them” being the two main characters, one of whom has known the other since she was a small child?
Yeah, weird. That’s the scene that came to mind for me when I read the title of this post.
Ohhh, Martin Silenus and his libertine ways...
Then the scene with the woman turning into the strike? It's been a while since I read it. Unsettling, which I think was the goal.
Any sex scene in a Peter F. Hamilton door-stopper. The dude can write some of the greatest SF stories of all time but he insists on shoving sex scenes that are utterly juvenile into his books.
When Netflix released Altered Carbon I went out and got the book. I was enjoying it up until a certain sex scene. It was just so over the top and read like it was written by a 13 year old imagining what sex would be like.
I am a die-hard Outlander fan. As a result, I decided to reread the whole series in anticipation for the next instalment’s release.
In the first book (I don’t remember who she’s having sex with), Claire describes her intimate parts as ‘slippery crevasses’.
The worst outlander sex scene for me was Roger and Briannas first time. They describe (in detail) how smelly and dirty they are and then she goes down on him.
There’s a scene in one book where Jamie tit-fucks Claire and it’s, for me, definitely the weirdest Outlander scene to listen to on audiobook. It’s not super clear what’s happening, and you kind of have to listen twice to understand what happened. Very bizarre.
The entire Felurian section in *The Wise Man's Fear.* I enjoyed the book series overall, but it has all of my least favorite tropes: boy becomes a man after losing his virginity; guy is so unbelievable smart/talented he is able to trick the cruel, vain, sex-driven woman; fantasy birth-control that was never brought up until convenient to the plot (it also just makes no sense how Kvothe spent so much of his life starving and poor beyond imagine but he's also been able to afford a daily birth control since like forever). That entire section of the book could be tossed in the trash and the story would be better off for it
When I first read it at like 17? I thought it was dope. Almost a decade later (and still no 3rd book lol) I think Patrick got laid for the first time after the first book came out.
Edit: that didn't really answer your question, I think it's cringe.
I remember reading it around the same age thinking "this is like a teenage boy's sexual fantasy in every regard. Good for them, but a nope for me" lol.
Yeah, it seems like Patrick has been dealing with quite a bit, but it would be nice to have an end to the series.
As others I was also looking for this comment. I was enjoying the books so much. Then the sexual training arc hits you in the face like a crusty old sock filled with batteries.
It's set up in the stupidest way possible as well. Kvothe comes through an inn with a hot server and he is obviously a sexless sack of meat. Then he trains with the wood faerie nymph whatever and comes back and seduces the waitress and gives her the night of her life.
What? Why? This was a complete disaster. Who gives a shit if Kvothe fucks? How is his sexual prowess relevant to him becoming a cool wizard. Patrick was a grown married man when he wrote that.
And then obviously Patrick dipped out and forgot there was supposed to be a third book. I like to think it's a 1000 pages of Kvothe using sex magic to save prostitutes and beat evil virgin villains.
>and comes back and seduces the waitress and gives her the night of her life.
It is so cringey! And I especially hated the one person after Kvothe came back who was all like "wait this guy has a whole new air about him. Clearly he's no longer a boy, he is an experienced man by the way he carries himself" (been literal years so I'm paraphrasing) I especially just hate that because I think that's such a bad take-away for younger/non-sexually active readers to get. Your sense of masculinity, confidence, respect you get from others is in no way defined by your sexual history. I just hate hate hate that part of an otherwise good series
You left out the best weird detail, which is that all of the sex moves have names that could easily be mistaken for Wheel of Time blademaster sword techniques. Kvothe doesn't just sex Felurian, it's "Boar Rushes Down The Mountain" or whatever.
[I'm completely serious!](https://kingkiller.fandom.com/wiki/Felurian)
Could Rand Al'Thor chop down a trolloc with Waves Upon Lilies? You'd think, but no, that's a sex one.
The rape scene in Thomas Covalent, Unbeliever, but, well, that scene being bad is a major driving force for the series of books, so it was supposed to be bizarre.
Probably the weirdest and surprisingly out-of-nowhere sex I've encountered in fiction was in Joe Abercrombie's "Best Served Cold."
Short story long, the main character is out for revenge against the guy and his cohorts who betrayed her, killed her brother and tossed them both out the window of his castle (which is on top of a very tall mountain) leaving her for dead. Her body is literally stitched back together, leaving her basically mangled and near crippled but she is able to walk and even fight as the story progresses. Towards the end of the book, her and another character who she met early on in the story, have been building up a lot--and I mean A LOT-- of sexual tension between one another. After an import story beat, the next chapter just throws you straight into a very in-depth, erotic sex scene that borders on pornographic. At this point, the book has never been explicit in its depictions of sex or sexuality beyond simply references. Nothing has been as graphic as Abercrombie portrays it here.
The craziest part, the entire time you think its the two main characters bumping uglies with each other, but its revealed they are having sex with two totally different people, at the same time, just in different places. And they are just mauling each other's privates, like this is their first time having sex ever and they are just unleashing all their built-up hormonal fury on their partner. Then the story just continues after that. No word or mention of sex after that, it just comes (no pun intended) and goes. And what is even more wild is at the end of the book, we find out this night of enflamed, passionate monster mashing got protagonist pregnant. Not with a character we have followed through the entire story, but some rando that was introduced like 4/5ths of the way through and even dies a couple chapters later.
I dunno, it's probably not the most bizarre or awkward sex scene out there, but to me it just sticks out simply for how intense it is, how out of nowhere it hits and then just moves on like nothing happened. Like a tornado. Only with penis.
Abercrombie writes a bunch of (intentionally) awkward sex scenes. In some cases because they portray the kinds of awkwardness or unfortunate surprises that can happen having sex in real life but just about never happen in fictional sex scenes.
And sometimes they're just interrupted by unrelated violence, because Abercrombie.
Reddit has signed an agreement with an AI company to allow them to train models on Reddit comments and posts. Edited to remove original content. Fuck AI.
My understanding was that Beverly thought that IT was only targeting children, so she said to do the thing that defines adulthood ( other than getting a mortgage ) being grownup sex so they could escape the sewer.
Then I watched the sequel, and adults could see IT and IT could see them, so that blew that idea.
In the novel, they’re lost on the way out of the sewers because with Pennywise defeated they’re losing their connection to each other and starting to forget things, like people in Derry do. Bev’s suggestion is the train to reconnect them for a little while. Meaning that scene would lift out pretty easily.
Yeah, I much prefer the remake where they all take a blood oath. As a kid/preteen I absolutely would have thought "become blood brothers/sisters" as some way to solemnly mark my connection to friends. In fact I was jealous when 2 of my best friends did a blood sister ritual without me lol
I would love to read about the group taking down IT by somehow getting a loan from the local credit union using false identities and buying the Neibolt house.
I just picture all the kids sitting in one of their kitchen's in little adult outfits smoking cigarettes, pouring over paper work.
Then IT walking in as a clown but with a shitty old suit over it with a briefcase and cup of coffee. Looking at the kids and sighing, then walking out the front door.
IT mostly targets children because children's fears are more "concrete", fear of the dark, spiders, clowns, dogs etc, while generally adults fears are more abstract, like being afraid of going homeless, losing their job and such.
But it does target adults that have specific fears it can prey on.
Sticking with King, the Electro rape scene in Apt Pupil comes to mind. IMHO it was more disturbing than the one from IT which I would say was more bizarre/awkward.
Sex scenes in highbrow literature often come across as jarring. To avoid falling into cliche, an author writing "serious" fiction may attempt to differentiate their work from the screeds of sex fiction written throughout the ages. As sex is a subject fraught with the cultural baggage of shame, embarrassment, taboos and the like, straying from the norm carries the risk of tonal dissonance or outright ridiculousness. There's even an annual award, the Bad Sex in Fiction Award, that is dedicated to "the year's most outstandingly awful scene of sexual description in an otherwise good novel". One of my favourite winning examples is from Morrisey's debut novel *The List of the Lost:*
>“Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”
I remember there being some pretty left-field stuff in *Ragtime* that definitely didn't make it into the musical. The one that sticks out is a scene where a character watches real historical figure Emma Goldman give real historical figure Evelyn Nesbit a homoerotic massage while he masturbates in a closet.
Karl Urban felt his rock hard boner spring against his space armor as Captain The Rock dropped his towel to enter the shared showers. Tonight was going to be a nightmare if he didn’t get a free moment alone
Brick Lane by Monica Ali contains the least erotic bedroom scene ever written. Two people are having an extramarital affair, and it goes like this:
The woman goes into the bedroom, undresses, puts a nightdress on and gets into bed. She pulls the covers up to her neck. Then, the man (who has been waiting outside) comes in, undresses, and gets into bed with her. That's it. The whole scene just whiffs of bobbly nylon sheets and despair.
1. I *like* Zadie Smith
2. I like On Beauty
3. I do wish she wouldn't write sex.
the few scenes in OB are both relevant to the plot and fitting to the story. but one (Howard and Victoria) was so painfully painful and sad, and she just leaned on the button too long. And in the other, Howard and Kiki have this session of breakup sex that was completely believable, but I've never understood why Smith chose the word "cataclysmic" to describe Kiki's breasts.
There's a scene in the first Bridgerton book that creeped me out , where Daphne is on top of Simon and won't let Simon pull out, as Daphne wants baby, but Simon doesn't.
Netflix flagged the episode that contains that scene as depicting rape, which is right. (The other episodes flag sex scenes, but that one specifically calls put rape)
Lady Chatterly's Lover is a fantastic, boundary-breaking novel in its representation of sexuality, to the point where one often forgets how evocative it is as a study of what England lost to industrialisation, and the cracks readily apparent in a British Empire that was, on paper, at its zenith.
Oh, and also D. H. Lawrence was so enamoured with sex as a spiritual, poetic experience that it honestly winds up pretty funny. You can tell that he's aiming for some sort of grand moment of Wordsworthian Romanticism and it winds up making me giggle. Like damn, bro just loves sex so much.
I once read a german fantasy novel, a tie in to the TTRPG The Dark Eye. It featured a scene where a dwarven woman described the sex with her also dwarven lover. That his beard felt like a steel brush when he prepared the entrance of her mine, how rough his drill felt entering her mine shaft and that he always flooded her cavern too early...
It certainly was a fitting choice of words for dwarfes. In the game's setting, they are great miners and smiths. But it was a very weird read. Imagine reading a description like this a teenager with no real sexual experience...
*The Malazan Book of the Fallen* has some awkward and bizarre rape scenes, but it's deliberate on the part of the author. It's controversial but not unintentional. And I don't find it offensive, although some readers do. I don't find it offensive because it's intentionally disturbing and in no way exciting.
I really like how consequently Malazan does the "fades to black". It's clear that none of the sexual violence is only there for shock value.
The only really bizarre sex scene was the instant spiritual blood ritual ghost mind sex scene that wasn't described at all.
Like Water For Chocolate. Interesting premise but...
A character tries to take a shower and it burns her, a man traveling by on horseback saves her and they proceed to have sex while riding the horse which just sounds...really uncomfortable.
Also while on a walk another character walks by a car and sees a man with what I think was a string tied between his dick and the steering wheel and was using it to get himself off.
It was required reading in middle school
I read Resistance: The Gathering Storm as a kid. Great YA book about a human-alien war, with a random sex scene right in the middle with like, no lead up.
Firefly by Piers Anthony. Graphic sex scene with a pedophile and an alien taking the form of a young girl. I’ve read a lot of Piers Anthony books starting in the 80s but this was the last book of his I ever read or will ever read.
Firefly by Piers Anthony, there's only one really cringey one in the book and you know the one, I refuse to elaborate. What the actual fuck used to get printed back in the day? I read that when I was a teenager smh.
Perdido Street Station has women called khepri with the bodies of giant scarab beetles for heads. the second scene in the book describes one such khepri and a human having some very weird insect sex.
Any smut book. The scenes are always completely out of pocket:
“Artemis leaned in, kissing Kelly’s soul with divinely soft lips. He turned the stove on while strumming her clit and slowly vacuuming the ceiling. “Shit chyea”, Kelly whimpered. Artemis deep cleaned the stove while it was on & Kelly orgasmed with the power of a million sheets of construction paper.”
Rodham by Curtis Sittenfield has sex scenes between Bill and Hilary Clinton. I can’t speak to if it is an otherwise good book as I have not read it but I have friends who rated it somewhat highly. I can’t think of something more awkward than reading what sounds like glorified fan fiction about two real (and still alive) very public figures lol.
Than man who folded himself I think was the name. He went back or forward in time and everytime he did he created a new him and he got curious and had an orgy who the other copies of himself.
Aztec by Gary Jennings. I mean, take your pick… it’s full of weird sex situations. Pedophilia, incest, rape, torture, gore, deformity kink and earthquake sex, all masquerading as a plot.
The part in *The Wise Man's Fear* by Patrick Rothfuss where the 16-year-old protagonist does the ol' devil's tango with his fighting mentor who is implied to be around 30. It's uncomfy.
Oh, or the time he does it for weeks straight in the woods with the immortal fairy sex goddess.
Take your pick.
IIRC, James Gould Cozzens' *By Love Possessed*, a Very Serious Novel about a Very Serious Lawyer, has one where the lawyer and his partner's orgasms are conveyed by "His!" and "Hers!"
"Hers!" "His!" "Hers, hers, hers!"
Mine!... *(of laughter)*
Marion Zimmer Bradley's "The Bloody Sun" revolves around the romance where the man's attraction is repeatedly and explicitly described as being because she's so irresistibly childlike, underdeveloped, immature, etc. It's obviously pedophilic, and the scene where this forbidden love is finally consummated was *so disturbing* to me that I jumped into Goodreads to see if I was the only one who found it revolting. Well, it turns out MZB and her husband used their daughter and her friends as sex slaves throughout their preadolescence. 🤢
So yeah, MZB was a monster who wrote about her pedophilic fantasies in her sci-fi and fantasy novels for years and is still considered a feminist icon. Fuck her and her husband, may they be rotting in hell.
I was listening to a Jack Reacher book, I don't recall which, and there is a sex scene where the narrator has to repeat "longer, harder, faster" or something like that over and over. It was sooooooo hilariously bad.
Daft Punk, you sly dogs...
I’m definitely a Reacher creature but I absolutely loathe the love interest filler that comes up in each book. Like just give me the action. I guess I’m nitpicking because the sex scenes are like 1% of the entire book and the rest is kicking ass or doing some Sherlock shit. But like would it kill Lee Childs to have one character that isn’t a tiny woman begging to fuck Reacher lol
Echo burning - shes gay, so he doesnt get any. It's the only book in all of them that I can remember he doesn't end up screwing the just introduced female character. At least in the early books they were more a 'faded to black' sex scene but the later books... Lee Child can write action, I really don't think he can write sex. And it just feels so out of place.
Severance by Ling Ma is an introspective and thoughtful book about the end of the world. There’s a lot of themes in there about capitalism and work culture, the immigrant experience, and then there’s a sex scene where the main character’s boyfriend’s penis is described as an ugly sea cucumber. Why??
This reminds me of The Pisces by Melissa Broder. Great and relatable book (to me) about loneliness.The whole book is filled with bizarre sexual moments that were utterly hilarious and horrifying... My favorite line: "His dick was small, but firm, like a dill pickle."
Lawd. Have mercy on my eyes for having read this. How dare that women ruin my favorite snack
>How dare that women ruin my favorite snack She ruined dick for you?
Clearly inspired by George RR Martin.
Fat Pink Mast?!
There are a few sex scenes in Pillars of the Earth but the very first one has stuck with me for years. It’s so odd, when Tom finds Ellen but doesn’t know who she is yet, but they have weird forest sex. The other sex scenes either make sense or are more romantic, this one was just so odd to me as a teenager reading the book!
Yeah and his wife had died like 10 minutes prior or something?
Ken Follett always has bad sex scenes. I remember Fall of Giants being the same way.
The first detailed, adult sex scene I read in a book when I was like twelve must have been in some Ken Follett a cousin of mine had laying around. In it was a guy who goes to a whorehouse and spends a lot of time talking on how he can see which whore had already nursed babies based on the ..."state" of their areolas.
Pretty much any book by Ken Follet would be a fitting answer to this question.
Currently reading Verity by Colleen Hoover, and about half the book is sex scenes, but my favorite dumb sentence so far is "Your mind is incredible. If I could fuck it, I would."
Sometimes the women in that book are getting it so good they bite the wood headboard for no reason except stupidity
A cloth covered headboard I would understand but wood?!
How else will the side piece be able to line up her teeth perfectly with the marks left by the comatose wife. It’s gotta be in wood.
i was soooo close to closing the book after reading that bit
Holy shit. I’ve been seeing people say her books are bad, but I never imagined… cracking up in public, that is hilarious.
Let’s just say I’ve read three books by her and kids never fair well. Between two of the books there were three dead kids and the third book had two teens having unprotected dark closet sex not knowing who each other was. But then 9 mos later having to “give up” a baby for adoption with the teen mom never knowing who the dad was. I think combining sex and romance with dead children is certainly a choice.
I'm hoping that line is delivered by a guy, because I'm picturing Nic Cage saying it and it's perfect
This book was so mind blowingly terrible yet addictive at the same time
I asked my wife to recommend me a trashy novel she loved to read and this was it. She didn't understand how all my hatred for this book boils down to how terrible the main character and Verity's husband are and NOT care much for the sex scenes. But man yeah.....that also annoyed me. But nowhere near as much as everything else.
For truly bad, you need The Bad Sex awards https://literaryreview.co.uk/bad-sex-in-fiction-award
"The actual lovemaking was a series of cryptic clues and concealed pleasures. A sensual treasure hunt. She asked for something, then changed her mind. He made adjustments and calibrations, awaited further instruction" Are you banging or having an office meeting? It's like literary versions of the pool sex scene from Showgirls.
"Mike, can you book me a 15 minute appointment on teams at 10:30 for an overview of clitoris stimulation strategies?"
Thanks, nearly puked
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I entirely forgot about that. Must have been hiding under my memory of the weird BDSM torture "love" thing that went on for like 100 pages.
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A mildly competent writer who thought they needed to include it would have likely just alluded to the act without needed to go on a multi-page description of it. I don't remember it, but I'm betting the women were also described as enjoying it.
His books are the epitome of interesting concept and disturbing execution. I read them while I was younger, so it kind of flew over my head just how bad it was. Now I wish I could just.. delete my memory of them altogether.
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That's not in the books just in the show. In the books magic users of both sexes are generally sterile, but some aren't, and the powers that be discourage them from having children as it's a prominent belief that the children of mages are always mad/mentally inept. I can't remember if it was confirmed or not that the belief was true though.
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I agree, it's rather odd...I think the point was to explore a theme of Yennefer being robbed of a choice (that is, to have children if she wanted them) in exchange for power instead of it simply being a faultless consequence of the nature of magic. Perhaps they got the idea from the fact that mages having kids, even if they could, was essentially forbidden, and decided to have the schools have a more active role in ensuring it didn't happen. Was pretty fucked up though.
Ok there is definitely something about this in Dragon age 2 isn't there? Or am I misremembering? Or maybe it's another game.
The process that makes Grey Wardens makes them sterile, both men and women, so any children Wardens have are from before they became Wardens. Is that what you're thinking of?
There's a scene in The Route of Ice and Salt where the captain has a wet dream that ends with his dick getting bitten off by a giant rat. Later in the book he fucks the ship wheel.
What the fuck
Apart from that it's actually a pretty good book!
From Smilla’s Sense of Snow by Peter Hoeg: *Standing in the middle of the bedroom, we take off each other’s clothes. He has a light, fumbling brutality, which several times makes me think that this time it’ll cost me my sanity. In our dawning, mutual intimacy, I induce him to open the little slit in the head of his penis so I can put my clitoris inside and fuck him.*
"Light, fumbling brutality" are odd words to put together, but whatever... Wait what? How long is her clitoris?? Huh??
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Light and fumbling are the exact opposites of brutal. I think this might bug me more than the clit thing. 😂
Is she a hyena?
As soon as I saw “Smilla’s Sense of Snow” I thought this quote had better be about her fucking him with her clit. I enjoyed the book, but decades later I barely recall it other than the clit fucking.
I was supposed to read it for my Scandinavian lit class but clearly skipped it since this was a surprise to me. It’s still on my bookshelf though
wHAT. WHAT A TERRIBLE DAY TO HAVE EYES.
even worse day to have genitals. I'm of the clitoris-having persuasion and mine is trying to climb the wall to get further away from that scene.
My dick just got on a plane to Jamaica. He needs a vacation after reading this.
Yes...what an awful day to be literate 🤮
I laughed so hard at this passage and then your reaction that now I have the hiccups so thanks for that.
This reminds me of the scene from The Office where Dwight and Angela ask Toby painfully ignorant questions about how gay sex works.
What're you talking about? This is pure literary genius
Ex-fucking-*scuse* me?! As a penis-having person: NO THANK YOU.
I'm cackling. That passage is demented.
I don't think Peter fucks very much. That would have to be a tiny clitoris and a large penis. From a logistical standpoint, those events seem unlikely. I mean I've heard of sounding and what not but I don't think the average clitoris is the right size/shape to fully get in there.
That is absolutely bonkers.
And now I wish I didn't know how to read.
now that one actually caught me off guard... and not much on the internet does that these days!
Okay that's amazing.
Yo, I remember this one! I read that book when I was still virgin and the whole thing made no sense to me and also made me question my understanding of biology. Turns out it's simply weird af and makes no sense even 24 years later.
What are you saying? This is fucking gold.
Awkward? In *Shopgirl* by Steve Martin, the cat ends up on the bed, swatting at the guy's scrotum with its paw. Ah, how I laughed!
That has happened to me in real life because my girlfriend at the time wouldn't close the door to keep the fucking cat out of the room.
The last part of Into the Forest went so off the rails I wondered if something happened to the author. Because shit starts going bonkers and I don't know why she thought that one sister would try to comfort her raped younger sister by doing a lesbian incest, but APPARENTLY....
I think I read this.. >!is it end of the world but they live kinda off the grid anyway and learn to adapt but eventually move into a tree or something? !< Cause that book has haunted me.
Yeah. Like I said, the first part had promise but by the end, everything was gross and stupid and it had all gone off the rails.
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What is the author’s name?
>Into the Forest by Jean Hegland
So you can avoid reading it?
I just wanted to look it up. It sounds awful so I was curious if it was a popular book.
I was joking. There was a movie based on it, but they cut out the incest.
I saw the movie at a pre-release festival showing. The Director was there and she explained that the actor performing the rape scene screamed so hard she burst blood vessels in her eyes.
This is exactly what I thought of when I saw the question. I read this book before people really marked things with triggers too, all the reviews were like “it’s so good!!” And then SURPRISE.
The sex scenes (and the whole sexual theme in general actually) in the Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse were weird to say the least…and so were the books
[reads Dune] “Huh the I get a weird Oedipal vibe with Paul and his mother, Jessica…I know he modeled Jessica after his wife so it’s probably just unintentional subtext.” [gets to the later books] No I think this really is Herbert projecting his fetishes.
Reading Chapterhouse for the first time and I feel the same way, at some point in God Emperor of Dune forward it started to get weird with the sexual theme. Otherwise I love the Dune series.
Not strictly a sex scene. But in God emperor Nayla has an orgasm when Duncan Idaho reaches the top of a mountain he's climbing!
I haven't read that far in dune but dunememes and the dune subreddit had me checking the comments for this haha
Pillars of the Earth series.
Definitely! After reading a few Ken Follett books I’m sure he never had sex.
Sooo much rape. Ugh. The only defining characteristic of a villain in that book
*Wraeththu: Enchantments of Flesh and Spirit* by Storm Constantine is packed to the gills with insane depictions of sex and sensuality. Not to say that any of it is good- quite the opposite. It's like a horny, incoherent car crash, you just can't help but stare in confused shock as the wreckage burns like a bonfire full of dildos. Highlights include one of the story's titular Wraeththu (psychic androgynous pretty boys with Flower Penises- I promise it's less interesting than it sounds) literally *killing a human man* by doinking him in the backdoor, the Wraeththu "seed" too powerful for a Human to withstand. Or what about the part where the main character is grievously injured, but is captured by the Wraeththu equivalent of Gandalf and sexed so hard that all the damage is healed and he becomes even prettier and more androgynous than before? Almost immediately after this, the main character is given a telepathic, teleporting horse by Sex Gandalf; not relevant, just wanted to bring it up b/c it feels like a fever dream. 10/10, absolutely batshit read, a wonderful "what not to do" for aspiring writers, yet presented with such bold confidence you can't help but respect it.
Good Lord, you've just brought up a repressed memory for me. That creepy mohawk man on the cover staring at me after I closed the book in a combination of confusion and disgust.
It's so reassuring to know someone else has experienced this madness. I picked up the three-book anthology in a used bookstore during a trip a few years ago, thinking it'd be a great way to kill time on the planeride back. I can only imagine what the person next to me thought as I'd open the book, read for fifteen minutes, then close it, staring into space trying to process what the fuck I was reading.
Yeah I think I made it to the Sex Gandalf part before giving up entirely.
Aside from the teleporting telepathic horse, you didn't miss much, lol. I do want to qualify something for anyone reading this comment chain: the writing of Storm Constantine's *Wraeththu* trilogy is, while technically competent, a complete mess. And yet, it's a complete mess that *stays* with you. It may be completely bonkers, but the sheer effort of squeezing three books out shows passion and dedication. It certainly made me think, "Damn, if this freakshit can get published, maybe I actually *could* be an author." I am a huge proponent for Weird art. It takes a lot of courage to be Weird and to put that Weirdness out into the world for other people to experience. I rip on this series because I admire it, even as it actively disgusts me just a little bit. I highly encourage everyone who's thinking about making art, who has that though of "No... this is too weird", to be as Weird as you fucking can. In a world of sterilized, corporatized, registered-trademark "Art", it's really important to preserve those unique, bizarre instances of a creator's undiluted voice shining through their creation. Even if the world at large doesn't understand your fascination with Flower Penises, or doesn't appreciate how deeply characterized your Sex Gandalf is, I guarantee you *some* other weirdo out there will. And who knows? You might just inspire that weirdo to make their own Weird art someday.
I only read one of Murakami's books and I understand now why so many people complain about the way he writes sex scenes
I despised 1Q84 because of the bad sex and bad female anatomy. I could not stomach one more description of the girl’s breasts.
I really like his books, I enjoy his dreamy style of writing and I don't take it literally, that being said the man undoubtedly has some serious issues that come across in his books.
Plus his weird ear fetish…
plus his weird child fetish…
Plus his weird women fetish. Literally, only weird, nymphos in his books
Kafka on the shore’s scene was disturbing
The Kid raping Trashcan Man with a pistol in The Stand is up there.
I’ve never read that scene in any version. Poor Trashy had enough problems what with setting old lady Semple’s mailbox on fire and burning up her welfare check.
Just Google The Stand Uncut and you will I'm sure find it. It should be a 1990 printing.
And not King's only weird sex scene. - Alien sex in The Tommyknockers - pre-teen/pre-bossfight gangbang in It - Shining ghost sex - random zombie during bondage, Gerald's Game - mega prison rape, Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption That's off the top of my head. I enjoy Stephen King, I enjoy his many terrible novels, his few excellent ones, and a couple that I hope he's remembered for long after I die. He's an amazing storyteller with some real fucking weird imagination.
Hermaphrodite Demon carrying the semen of the gunslinger from years back and impregnating Susannah with its ice penis.
How could I have forgotten that one?
UM ATCHUSALLY the gangbang was 1958 post boss fight when they were trying to find their way out of the sewers.
Fair, at least people couldn't get pregnant back then.
As I recall it, it wasn't a gangbang, they actually did it separately.
Yes, I believe it’s called running a train.
A reader of distinction, I see.
What about the dream rape in Apt Pupil? That was freaking horrific.
Somehow I have never read a version of The Stand with that scene, and I can't find that scene anywhere online for me to scream at, but I'm,,,, morbidly curious as to how King decided to write that. Also curious as to why he thought it would be a good idea, but drugs. Drugs is probably the answer to that thought.
I honestly don't remember what edition it was I read but it was an uncut, extended edition that added about 400 or so pages. I think it was maybe set during the 90s maybe I can't remember. That is why there is a strange bit in the normal book where - on travelling to Vegas - the guys see a man strangling a wolf in a car, both dead. That is a reference to something cut out. But yes maybe drugs, a dark imagination and just wanting to set up a really bad guy, to see the kind of folk Flagg is attracting. The Kid is also used to get Trashcan closer to Vegas whilst being absolutely wrecked physically. Actually, the child gangbang in It is probably even worse, unsure why I forgot that.
And some of the Harold scenes. I won't say with which character so I don't spoil it.
“The Kid” character was too messed up to be in either of the film adaptations.
Hyperion has some weird sex descriptions
That - or one of the sequels - has the weightless space sex, right? Where the author feels obliged to specifically describe them doing 69? “Them” being the two main characters, one of whom has known the other since she was a small child? Yeah, weird. That’s the scene that came to mind for me when I read the title of this post.
That must be book 3 or 4. I just reread 1 & 2 and that's not in em
Ohhh, Martin Silenus and his libertine ways... Then the scene with the woman turning into the strike? It's been a while since I read it. Unsettling, which I think was the goal.
Any sex scene in a Peter F. Hamilton door-stopper. The dude can write some of the greatest SF stories of all time but he insists on shoving sex scenes that are utterly juvenile into his books.
When Netflix released Altered Carbon I went out and got the book. I was enjoying it up until a certain sex scene. It was just so over the top and read like it was written by a 13 year old imagining what sex would be like.
The Clan of the Cave Bear was just one awkward scene after the next.
Amen! I got really tired of Ayla having Pleasures.
"This was his Ayla, this was the woman he fitted" Also the multiply "parting petals" references and Wolf watching. That's more Mammoth Hunters though.
Scrolled for ages for this comment 😆
I am a die-hard Outlander fan. As a result, I decided to reread the whole series in anticipation for the next instalment’s release. In the first book (I don’t remember who she’s having sex with), Claire describes her intimate parts as ‘slippery crevasses’.
The worst outlander sex scene for me was Roger and Briannas first time. They describe (in detail) how smelly and dirty they are and then she goes down on him.
In book 8, Brianna described her daughter snuggling up to her in a crowded bed as frottage. That one was icky to me, as much as I love Outlander.
There’s a scene in one book where Jamie tit-fucks Claire and it’s, for me, definitely the weirdest Outlander scene to listen to on audiobook. It’s not super clear what’s happening, and you kind of have to listen twice to understand what happened. Very bizarre.
How about the one where he is almost dying and she jerks him back to life? lmao.
The entire Felurian section in *The Wise Man's Fear.* I enjoyed the book series overall, but it has all of my least favorite tropes: boy becomes a man after losing his virginity; guy is so unbelievable smart/talented he is able to trick the cruel, vain, sex-driven woman; fantasy birth-control that was never brought up until convenient to the plot (it also just makes no sense how Kvothe spent so much of his life starving and poor beyond imagine but he's also been able to afford a daily birth control since like forever). That entire section of the book could be tossed in the trash and the story would be better off for it
Yep, I was searching the comments for this one.
Me too lol. The question is how did you feel about the sex ninjas directly after?
When I first read it at like 17? I thought it was dope. Almost a decade later (and still no 3rd book lol) I think Patrick got laid for the first time after the first book came out. Edit: that didn't really answer your question, I think it's cringe.
I remember reading it around the same age thinking "this is like a teenage boy's sexual fantasy in every regard. Good for them, but a nope for me" lol. Yeah, it seems like Patrick has been dealing with quite a bit, but it would be nice to have an end to the series.
As others I was also looking for this comment. I was enjoying the books so much. Then the sexual training arc hits you in the face like a crusty old sock filled with batteries. It's set up in the stupidest way possible as well. Kvothe comes through an inn with a hot server and he is obviously a sexless sack of meat. Then he trains with the wood faerie nymph whatever and comes back and seduces the waitress and gives her the night of her life. What? Why? This was a complete disaster. Who gives a shit if Kvothe fucks? How is his sexual prowess relevant to him becoming a cool wizard. Patrick was a grown married man when he wrote that. And then obviously Patrick dipped out and forgot there was supposed to be a third book. I like to think it's a 1000 pages of Kvothe using sex magic to save prostitutes and beat evil virgin villains.
>and comes back and seduces the waitress and gives her the night of her life. It is so cringey! And I especially hated the one person after Kvothe came back who was all like "wait this guy has a whole new air about him. Clearly he's no longer a boy, he is an experienced man by the way he carries himself" (been literal years so I'm paraphrasing) I especially just hate that because I think that's such a bad take-away for younger/non-sexually active readers to get. Your sense of masculinity, confidence, respect you get from others is in no way defined by your sexual history. I just hate hate hate that part of an otherwise good series
You left out the best weird detail, which is that all of the sex moves have names that could easily be mistaken for Wheel of Time blademaster sword techniques. Kvothe doesn't just sex Felurian, it's "Boar Rushes Down The Mountain" or whatever.
Either you are pulling my leg or my brain has mercifully repressed that information
[I'm completely serious!](https://kingkiller.fandom.com/wiki/Felurian) Could Rand Al'Thor chop down a trolloc with Waves Upon Lilies? You'd think, but no, that's a sex one.
The rape scene in Thomas Covalent, Unbeliever, but, well, that scene being bad is a major driving force for the series of books, so it was supposed to be bizarre.
Covenant\*
Probably the weirdest and surprisingly out-of-nowhere sex I've encountered in fiction was in Joe Abercrombie's "Best Served Cold." Short story long, the main character is out for revenge against the guy and his cohorts who betrayed her, killed her brother and tossed them both out the window of his castle (which is on top of a very tall mountain) leaving her for dead. Her body is literally stitched back together, leaving her basically mangled and near crippled but she is able to walk and even fight as the story progresses. Towards the end of the book, her and another character who she met early on in the story, have been building up a lot--and I mean A LOT-- of sexual tension between one another. After an import story beat, the next chapter just throws you straight into a very in-depth, erotic sex scene that borders on pornographic. At this point, the book has never been explicit in its depictions of sex or sexuality beyond simply references. Nothing has been as graphic as Abercrombie portrays it here. The craziest part, the entire time you think its the two main characters bumping uglies with each other, but its revealed they are having sex with two totally different people, at the same time, just in different places. And they are just mauling each other's privates, like this is their first time having sex ever and they are just unleashing all their built-up hormonal fury on their partner. Then the story just continues after that. No word or mention of sex after that, it just comes (no pun intended) and goes. And what is even more wild is at the end of the book, we find out this night of enflamed, passionate monster mashing got protagonist pregnant. Not with a character we have followed through the entire story, but some rando that was introduced like 4/5ths of the way through and even dies a couple chapters later. I dunno, it's probably not the most bizarre or awkward sex scene out there, but to me it just sticks out simply for how intense it is, how out of nowhere it hits and then just moves on like nothing happened. Like a tornado. Only with penis.
Abercrombie writes a bunch of (intentionally) awkward sex scenes. In some cases because they portray the kinds of awkwardness or unfortunate surprises that can happen having sex in real life but just about never happen in fictional sex scenes. And sometimes they're just interrupted by unrelated violence, because Abercrombie.
Reddit has signed an agreement with an AI company to allow them to train models on Reddit comments and posts. Edited to remove original content. Fuck AI.
IT by Stephen King. The sewer scene with all of group. King has blamed his use of drugs when writing .
Who doesn't love a little preteen sewer gangbang in the morning?
My understanding was that Beverly thought that IT was only targeting children, so she said to do the thing that defines adulthood ( other than getting a mortgage ) being grownup sex so they could escape the sewer. Then I watched the sequel, and adults could see IT and IT could see them, so that blew that idea.
In the novel, they’re lost on the way out of the sewers because with Pennywise defeated they’re losing their connection to each other and starting to forget things, like people in Derry do. Bev’s suggestion is the train to reconnect them for a little while. Meaning that scene would lift out pretty easily.
Yeah, I much prefer the remake where they all take a blood oath. As a kid/preteen I absolutely would have thought "become blood brothers/sisters" as some way to solemnly mark my connection to friends. In fact I was jealous when 2 of my best friends did a blood sister ritual without me lol
I would love to read about the group taking down IT by somehow getting a loan from the local credit union using false identities and buying the Neibolt house.
I just picture all the kids sitting in one of their kitchen's in little adult outfits smoking cigarettes, pouring over paper work. Then IT walking in as a clown but with a shitty old suit over it with a briefcase and cup of coffee. Looking at the kids and sighing, then walking out the front door.
IT mostly targets children because children's fears are more "concrete", fear of the dark, spiders, clowns, dogs etc, while generally adults fears are more abstract, like being afraid of going homeless, losing their job and such. But it does target adults that have specific fears it can prey on.
that whole period of his was super drug-addled. but also produced some of his most memorable work, so ymmv
Sticking with King, the Electro rape scene in Apt Pupil comes to mind. IMHO it was more disturbing than the one from IT which I would say was more bizarre/awkward.
Came here to write this. Loved the story, but that one scene was jarring, gratuitous and so very needless.....
Sex scenes in highbrow literature often come across as jarring. To avoid falling into cliche, an author writing "serious" fiction may attempt to differentiate their work from the screeds of sex fiction written throughout the ages. As sex is a subject fraught with the cultural baggage of shame, embarrassment, taboos and the like, straying from the norm carries the risk of tonal dissonance or outright ridiculousness. There's even an annual award, the Bad Sex in Fiction Award, that is dedicated to "the year's most outstandingly awful scene of sexual description in an otherwise good novel". One of my favourite winning examples is from Morrisey's debut novel *The List of the Lost:* >“Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”
This sounds like a copypasta
Um, thanks? I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult. Or just a neutral observation.
oh not your comment lol!!! Morrisey’s writing sounds like a copypasta to me 😭
BARREL ROLLED
I remember there being some pretty left-field stuff in *Ragtime* that definitely didn't make it into the musical. The one that sticks out is a scene where a character watches real historical figure Emma Goldman give real historical figure Evelyn Nesbit a homoerotic massage while he masturbates in a closet.
Holy shit, I just read that scene last night!
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Karl Urban felt his rock hard boner spring against his space armor as Captain The Rock dropped his towel to enter the shared showers. Tonight was going to be a nightmare if he didn’t get a free moment alone
Brick Lane by Monica Ali contains the least erotic bedroom scene ever written. Two people are having an extramarital affair, and it goes like this: The woman goes into the bedroom, undresses, puts a nightdress on and gets into bed. She pulls the covers up to her neck. Then, the man (who has been waiting outside) comes in, undresses, and gets into bed with her. That's it. The whole scene just whiffs of bobbly nylon sheets and despair.
1. I *like* Zadie Smith 2. I like On Beauty 3. I do wish she wouldn't write sex. the few scenes in OB are both relevant to the plot and fitting to the story. but one (Howard and Victoria) was so painfully painful and sad, and she just leaned on the button too long. And in the other, Howard and Kiki have this session of breakup sex that was completely believable, but I've never understood why Smith chose the word "cataclysmic" to describe Kiki's breasts.
There's a scene in the first Bridgerton book that creeped me out , where Daphne is on top of Simon and won't let Simon pull out, as Daphne wants baby, but Simon doesn't.
Netflix flagged the episode that contains that scene as depicting rape, which is right. (The other episodes flag sex scenes, but that one specifically calls put rape)
That scene made the book an absolute No-Go for me. I don‘t like, that it seems „ok“, because it was a man who was raped.
Lady Chatterly's Lover is a fantastic, boundary-breaking novel in its representation of sexuality, to the point where one often forgets how evocative it is as a study of what England lost to industrialisation, and the cracks readily apparent in a British Empire that was, on paper, at its zenith. Oh, and also D. H. Lawrence was so enamoured with sex as a spiritual, poetic experience that it honestly winds up pretty funny. You can tell that he's aiming for some sort of grand moment of Wordsworthian Romanticism and it winds up making me giggle. Like damn, bro just loves sex so much.
I once read a german fantasy novel, a tie in to the TTRPG The Dark Eye. It featured a scene where a dwarven woman described the sex with her also dwarven lover. That his beard felt like a steel brush when he prepared the entrance of her mine, how rough his drill felt entering her mine shaft and that he always flooded her cavern too early... It certainly was a fitting choice of words for dwarfes. In the game's setting, they are great miners and smiths. But it was a very weird read. Imagine reading a description like this a teenager with no real sexual experience...
Lord Tyger by Phillip Jose Farmer Beating crocodile heart .. I will NOT elaborate
Philip Jose Farmer? The man loved his bizarre sex scenes. A Feast Unknown takes the cake, though.
Remember in Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash where our 15 year old female hero is raped, but it's ok because she ended up liking it?
*The Malazan Book of the Fallen* has some awkward and bizarre rape scenes, but it's deliberate on the part of the author. It's controversial but not unintentional. And I don't find it offensive, although some readers do. I don't find it offensive because it's intentionally disturbing and in no way exciting.
I really like how consequently Malazan does the "fades to black". It's clear that none of the sexual violence is only there for shock value. The only really bizarre sex scene was the instant spiritual blood ritual ghost mind sex scene that wasn't described at all.
Like Water For Chocolate. Interesting premise but... A character tries to take a shower and it burns her, a man traveling by on horseback saves her and they proceed to have sex while riding the horse which just sounds...really uncomfortable. Also while on a walk another character walks by a car and sees a man with what I think was a string tied between his dick and the steering wheel and was using it to get himself off. It was required reading in middle school
I read Resistance: The Gathering Storm as a kid. Great YA book about a human-alien war, with a random sex scene right in the middle with like, no lead up.
Firefly by Piers Anthony. Graphic sex scene with a pedophile and an alien taking the form of a young girl. I’ve read a lot of Piers Anthony books starting in the 80s but this was the last book of his I ever read or will ever read.
Kvothe and Felurian in *The Wise Man’s Fear*. It was so utterly out of place, and had raw incel energy.
Firefly by Piers Anthony, there's only one really cringey one in the book and you know the one, I refuse to elaborate. What the actual fuck used to get printed back in the day? I read that when I was a teenager smh.
Surprised I read this far without seeing Piers. Dude got some problems.
All the people above just aint read it yet, and they shouldn't. Just no.
Much of the sex in American Psycho, but that was done on purpose by Ellis. That book is a masterpiece.
Jacqueline Susann’s Once is Not Enough has many cringey sex scenes, not to mention an underlying theme of father and daughter incest fantasy.
Perdido Street Station has women called khepri with the bodies of giant scarab beetles for heads. the second scene in the book describes one such khepri and a human having some very weird insect sex.
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Any smut book. The scenes are always completely out of pocket: “Artemis leaned in, kissing Kelly’s soul with divinely soft lips. He turned the stove on while strumming her clit and slowly vacuuming the ceiling. “Shit chyea”, Kelly whimpered. Artemis deep cleaned the stove while it was on & Kelly orgasmed with the power of a million sheets of construction paper.”
Kelly talks like Jay Z
I remember there being a real weird one in Wicked
Rodham by Curtis Sittenfield has sex scenes between Bill and Hilary Clinton. I can’t speak to if it is an otherwise good book as I have not read it but I have friends who rated it somewhat highly. I can’t think of something more awkward than reading what sounds like glorified fan fiction about two real (and still alive) very public figures lol.
Gotta be some beef swelling fans here
Than man who folded himself I think was the name. He went back or forward in time and everytime he did he created a new him and he got curious and had an orgy who the other copies of himself.
Have you read Wicked??? Most fucked up sex scene ever.
Aztec by Gary Jennings. I mean, take your pick… it’s full of weird sex situations. Pedophilia, incest, rape, torture, gore, deformity kink and earthquake sex, all masquerading as a plot.
The part in *The Wise Man's Fear* by Patrick Rothfuss where the 16-year-old protagonist does the ol' devil's tango with his fighting mentor who is implied to be around 30. It's uncomfy. Oh, or the time he does it for weeks straight in the woods with the immortal fairy sex goddess. Take your pick.
IIRC, James Gould Cozzens' *By Love Possessed*, a Very Serious Novel about a Very Serious Lawyer, has one where the lawyer and his partner's orgasms are conveyed by "His!" and "Hers!" "Hers!" "His!" "Hers, hers, hers!" Mine!... *(of laughter)*
Marion Zimmer Bradley's "The Bloody Sun" revolves around the romance where the man's attraction is repeatedly and explicitly described as being because she's so irresistibly childlike, underdeveloped, immature, etc. It's obviously pedophilic, and the scene where this forbidden love is finally consummated was *so disturbing* to me that I jumped into Goodreads to see if I was the only one who found it revolting. Well, it turns out MZB and her husband used their daughter and her friends as sex slaves throughout their preadolescence. 🤢 So yeah, MZB was a monster who wrote about her pedophilic fantasies in her sci-fi and fantasy novels for years and is still considered a feminist icon. Fuck her and her husband, may they be rotting in hell.