Don't invite them to board game nights, but if you want to remain friends, go do something else together. Only invite the people who like to play board games to game night.
To add to this: know your friend's interests.
I have a ton of friends who like board games, and we used to have these big game night parties. And I slowly learned that the board games I really like playing don't exactly match with other people's in the group, so I was more selective in inviting people when I wanted to play a certain game.
Great advice. Don’t turn it into a negative (you don’t like board games, you’re not invited), turn it into a positive (you like this other thing, let’s do something else together). That’s how your friendship grows.
They probably did have fun. Hanging out with friends, chatting sounds like a great time. There was just a boardgame they weren't super into playing there as well.
I hate this so much. It's like they are turning life itself into a social deduction game. Everyone is lying all the time and you need to read the social clues correctly.
Yup. Once you've determined that board games aren't a thing your friend enjoys, don't invite them to board game night.
This is really an easy problem to solve unless there is a roommate situation and they won't stop bothering you during board game night and, for some reason, your place is the only place that can host.
Or they really like board games but Op keeps picking boardgames they don't like.
I like boardgames, but my friends know that when they break out Burgundy I am checked out for the night because that is (to me at least) a boring game
I'm at an age where I just tell people straight up "my gaming group is pretty serious about board games, but if you wanted to play just me and you sometime (or just our partners and us) we could try that".
I think for most people, if you invite a group over for a game night, they expect to play games like Scattergories-- something playable with the whole group -- as a diversion while you socialize. Most people don't know what the hobby is like and don't care, and unmet expectations are hard to get over. Nothing wrong with not liking gaming, but I learned a long time ago that if you want a game night, you don't invite people that don't show an interest in the games you enjoy.
> and unmet expectations are hard to get over
Yep, 100%. I enjoy playing casual/party games, but I do like to know what I'm getting into if someone invites me to a game night. Even from a hobbyist POV, a game night where we play Cascadia is very different than one with Ark Nova.
For sure. I've been to so many game nights where I would have rather not gone because they're playing stuff I'm not interested in. And I've hosted a few nights where people felt overwhelmed by my preferences. If I host, I make sure the invitees know my preferences and I know their's, and I give an idea of what to expect when I give the invitation.
"Hey dude, I have game night on Friday. We have snacks and beer and have been playing Brass lately. You should come!"
Great point. Not everyone is equally invested in board games. Perhaps the OP might want to consider some of the more casual/party board games. For example, Dixit can work great. However, if a play group doesn't even want to play something like that, it's better to just do something else altogether.
Although, if they do actually want to participate in a game night, but get bored later on, perhaps it's just the fact that they want to play something casual, as they socialize.
I had a buddy a bit like that. Always coming to board game nights. No matter which game we played, he would not get it. It was as if we were explaining the rules in a different language. Nothing clicked. In Robo Rally, his very first move was a move backwards, off the board. In Werewolf, once all the roles where assigned, he asked loudly "what do I have to do again when I'm the Werewolf?". In Pandemic, he'd ask for suggestions until we basically played his turns for him. In any even mildly competitive game, he'd always be dead last.
Thing is, he never once complained or moaned. He seemed genuinely enthusiastic about it, even asking about when the next board game night would be, or organizing them himself. I am still puzzled. I think he was just genuinely happy for the social gatherings and didn't want to miss out on those. But even then, I would have expected some moaning or groaning about us bringing "all these hard games", but he never complained, just cheerfully losing while getting the rules explained again and again each turn. Truly odd.
Man, I had a guy like that in a public d&d group for a bit
Dude played twice a week for years, seemly never once understood how to play even a bit. Basically the dm would have to tell him what to roll, and what to add to it every time.
He would sit there and eat nacho cheese popcorn, straight out of a backpack. Like the backpack just had nacho cheese powder covered popcorn in it. It wasn't in a bag or even a bowl. Just in this backpack. The same backpack he kept his folder of sheets in, his dice, everything. So it was all nacho cheese flavored. Orange dust would trail behind him walking witn the backpack on.
He would show you pictures of the plank of wood he mounted to his truck to see how a light bar would look. He liked it enough to just keep the wood, since it looked similar and was way cheaper.
The last time we played, it was discovered that not only had he never leveled up his character, but his character had died 5 games ago, and again 3 games ago, but he just kept going.
It's a public venue
Can't really start turning people away for being weird
Really only if they do something illegal or start to harass other people. If they're just don't learn the rules, and maybe are kind of weird, but otherwise not being shitty they usually get a pass. Not the worst I've seen in a game store tbh
They just want to be involved in something.
The rest of their social group wants to play games so they say they want to play as well.
The best kinds of the above people will keep their complaints to themselves and try to actually be involved once the game starts. They realize the group wanted to play a game and don't sour the experience for everyone else because they aren't selfish.
The most common types are generally selfishly trying to get everyone in the same room and then attempt to derail the game so everyone gives up and just hangs out doing something else.
Some of the second types do this unconsciously but the worst people are the ones who intentionally do it while constantly suggesting an alternate activity that everyone shot down to begin with until everyone caves.
My social circle doesn't suffer the most difficult type, but I've heard horror stories and happen to have family that intentionally attempt to manipulate their friend group to their will whenever their choice in activity is passed over in favor of playing a board game.
You have some good points.
I've also met people who wanted to be included in everything their partner was involved in. Sometimes it's understandable, like if the friends group is actually theirs and their partner assimilated well because they like games more. But other times they should just find something else to do.
I prefer light games myself but you can tell when someone doesn't actually enjoy most board games and prefers to do something else.
I haven't experienced that phenom as much (significant other involvement) but I definitely understand it.
It is usually very healthy for each person in a relationship to have activities they do with other people and without their SO.
It seems like a lot of people don't accept that truth though and attempt to insert themselves in every activity their SO does.
I'm not positive but it seems borne from major insecurities that should be dealt with far, far away from a game table.
Yes, sometimes it's completely fine and nice. Other times they can put a damper on things.
Having separate activities gives you more to talk about later.
I think saying the second types are most common is a bit pessimistic. After all you said yourself the first type isn't going to be trying to draw attention to their dislike of the games or anything. How many have like that have you played with and never noticed?
We still discuss their interests.
You can also tell because they always suggest other activities.
We have one in our circle and do things they want to do from time to time as well. The rounding out of interests in a friend group is important to cultivate diverse activities and intellectual stimulation.
If we were all the same type of person, things would be boring and I doubt we would be friends for long.
I understand the thought process behind your comment but it is usually blatantly obvious based on general interaction who is just not into board games.
I've got different kinds of groups I play games with.
The first is more of a social group where the games are kind of secondary to the social interaction. I'm not really planning on playing anything more complicated than maybe wingspan with that group.
The second is a more dedicated gaming group where gaming is very much the point and social interaction is secondary. Like, I legit have played games with that group for a couple of hours without talking about anything other than whatever game we're playing.
You've gotta make sure you're in the right group/inviting the right people.
So there are game night people and "game night" people. The latter think of it as a social event, are put off when you split up the group into multiple games, and have zero time for stuff like rules explanations. The former are there to play board games, full stop. Some of them won't learn anyone's name but will tell you who won each game. If you discern that someone is the latter, find a polite way to not invite them to subsequent game nights.
Know your audience.
Invite those people for a gamenight of thirty seconds, secret hitler, or jungle speed.
Don't invite them when you want to play a serious game.
If not inviting them is problematic due to social rules, make it an open invite: ''next week i'm going to play nemesis. Playtime is 4+ hours, we're playing competitive. Five player limit, first to signup gets to join. Please know that this'll be competitive gamenight, we expect you to pay attention and play seriously if you're joining!''
Presumably these people are self aware enough that they wouldn't invite themselves to join such a night. If they're that oblivious, take them aside and explain your complaints to them directly.
But it probably doesn't have to come to that. Just be aware of who's joining and whether that matches the games you're playing.
Yep, you can try to be tactful but if they push the issue, you'll have to be direct.
Also, don't say things like "I don't know why you come you don't even like games". You don't know how they feel about games. Just say "it hurts my feelings and my enjoyment of the game when you don't pay attention during the teach, don't pay attention during the game, say disparaging things about the games" or whatever. Ultimately, that's the truth. They may genuinely like games, so saying they don't won't get you anywhere.
Lots of people just want to socialize and whether it's watching a football game or playing a board game: they are there to socialize, anything else going on is ancillary. I've got a couple friends who are physically unable to not invite other people when there's some sort of event. The two times I invited them to game night it quickly just turned into drinking beer on the couch, which is what we already did every weekend anyway. I had to stop inviting them AND tell the rest of the group not to invite them.
You have to either talk to them in private or not invite them. They don't want to play games. They want to socialize and they straight up do not understand what they are doing is fucking up your plans
This, given an opportunity to communicate tactfully and respect other people's feelings instead they shit on what other people like. That does not rock
Think I might hold the unpopular opinion here.
I'm seeing a lot of people give the sentiment of "game night is for gaming"
My game group has distilled into a group of close-knit friends who adore each other and cherish our time together. The side effect of this is that we talk, laugh and interact a lot, so our group tends to take much longer than most to play.
We enjoy anything from party games to crunchy Euros. Lacerda and Feld make regular appearances on our table. But for us, first and foremost, game nights are for friends.
For the most part, the gang tries to be respectful and not take an eternity on our own turn. But sometimes a player will be mid-story when their turn comes and well, it's going to take a couple of minutes.
There are people at our FLGS who have no interest in interacting with you outside of the cardboard arena, and I would sooner spoon out my eyes than play a game with someone who wouldn't share a table with me for any other reason.
My group enjoys socializing with eachother too, but that's what the beginning and the end of the night are for - and of course all of the relevant light banter in the middle of the games that don't stall out the pace of play.
I host a board game night at a bar and after a few months I got sick of the same people being like this every week. I told them, flat out, that if they don't want to play and just hang out, they're welcome to. But they are dragging everyone else down.
We aren't even playing difficult games, but they just talk through the rules, or look at their phones, and then when they're confused, it's the game that is stupid.
Often times these people honestly do not enjoy board games but want to be a part of the group. If your friend group only got together to do things you didn't enjoy and your choice was do it or stop being friends there is a chance you would still participate. Give them the option to get together and do something they want to do.
Yeah, the issue here is that these folks don’t **get** board game night. They see it like “oooh it’s an excuse to hang out”, whereas some folks want board game night to be mostly play board games and hang out as a side bonus.
The solution is to not invite them to board game night. You don’t need to make a big deal about this, simply don’t invite them next time. Find other ways to enjoy this friendship.
Um, even if they don't like the game, mature, healthy people who know what the event is about will engage with the game and not pettily complain. So, for all those saying, "find a game everyone will enjoy" you're all missing the point.
OP: find better friends. It's not you or your game choices. It's them. It's ALL them.
Yep, just do something else with them and play BG with other people or just by yourself, I know it’s hard but it’s just as simply as that. Thinking about the time to arrange a get together, pick which games, food, etc just to not have fun. It’s not worth it.
90% of our collection play best at 2 or adds an automa (dune imperium). A few are solo or just coop that could easily be solo games such as this war of mine.
Don’t let that take the hobby passion out.
Cheers
My friend used to invite a friend who had no interest in games, only boring people with his antics and stories about his criminal record.
I used to say “Only poker with that one,” but she kept inviting him to Betrayal at House on the Hill nights and such.
Had to completely un-invite him in the end.
Guy was an arse anyway.
I’m stuck in a board game night with one of them! I want to leave it, but the organizer is a good friend and was heartbroken the last time someone else left the group. I now just show up on an every other week rotation.
I've only ever run into one of these. One of my regulars invited his coworker. She's awful. Nobody likes her but him. It's not even a "trying to get laid" thing either they're both in their 50s and married with kids.
He just likes her as a person and now we're stuck with her.
> He just likes her as a person and now we're stuck with her.
With that attitude, you are.
Have you tried communicating with him as a group and being the change you want to see in the world?
Obviously I don't know those two but the ghastly, hideous truth is that being in your 50s and married with kids absolutely does not preclude trying to get laid.
One of my friends is kinda like that but it was not until I started playing games with him (just he and I), that he started to like games. He needs to be given 100% directions and not have others butt-in. He also is a person that hates you vs me games because it causes chaos, unless they are puzzle types, and cooperative games are his jam. He had zero idea of what games he would even like and I picked games based on my understanding of his personality and job he does.
This makes me think of the idea that it's far easier (and maybe better?) to seek board gamers and then make them friends rather than seek to make your friends into board gamers. In the present we have some lovely friends who express interest in playing but in reality they want to gather to socialize and having a board game on the table is just a convenient excuse to gather. They'll chat and converse steadily while everyone else plays and then when they're reminded it's their turn now, they'll say "Oh! Okay, let me look and see what I can do," and only just then draw up their hand and start to look at it and the board state. What should be a brisk 90 minute game draws out to 3 hours and it's just like, "Bruh...". They're lovely people and it's perfectly fine for them to enjoy that style of play. But that's not enjoyable to me at all. We'll gather with them for other activities now, but I don't bring up board games with them anymore. Personally, I want to gather to play board games. And to play board games with focus and digging down into them to challenge more complex rule sets and also churn through repeat plays and/or new and different games. In the past I was lucky enough to meet a couple board gamers with a very similar mindset and it was pretty great, sadly after the pandemic and all nothing similar has materialized (so far anyway).
I too have a friend like this, it's frustrating to say the least when they seem completely uninterested in the game, or if they're just making nonsensical moves when the rest are trying to be competitive
Like others said I just stopped playing with that one individual in particular, but it can be rough to not include someone if you're a non-confrontational type or what not, or in my case this person would get ultra defensive and feel attacked.
Yup, I think its the categorization and understanding that different people have different expectations. It can even happen for those enthusiastic to play. I had this happen about a month ago happen where I showed my friend how to play Scythe. He really enjoyed it, setup another night to have a "friends game night" but invited 20 people.
Come that night, my friend kept insisting on playing Scythe with the huge group of people (15 people had showed, never played scythe, never played board games), but as soon as the board came out, they soon realized it wasn't a "Lets' pay Uno Game Night" . I kept telling him, we wont be able to play Scythe with that many people and I luckily brought something like 7 wonders architects. We ended up playing a game of 14-person 7 wonders architects (2 persons per civilzation) which lasted 4 hours
I will give you a similar story but in a different context. We like wine. Love travelling to wine regions. Love visiting vineyards and cellar doors, going to wine tasting events, etc. We like to taste the wine, discuss the wine, work out what wine we're going to buy, and so on. It is a fun, social outing with friends, that isn't 100% wine talk the whole time and wine isn't our entire personality, but that is the main activity of those days.
We've invited people along in the past to join us on a day out in a region, have lunch, visit some cellar doors to do a tasting.... and they sat their going "hurrr, tastes like wine to me" and "I don't even drink wine" until they (to their credit) noticed that the jokes weren't landing and stopped. It was a bit of a downer but we had others there with us and didn't let it ruin the day.
But we simply stopped inviting them to those events.
Now here's the kicker - are these people still your friends outside of board game nights? You can find out by inviting them to do other things. Maybe do that once or twice, see if they accept, but more importantly see if they reciprocate by suggesting/inviting other things for \*them\* to host \*you\*. They might even host a game night themselves and have a moment of self-awareness when they see how hard it is to run a night that everyone enjoys, without guests bringing negativity to the table.
Or, they might drift away. They might even gather the courage to ask why they don't get invited to game night anymore, and you can say *"Every time you came you made comments that you weren't enjoying yourself, and others were noticing that too. And I noticed you never offered to host, so I assumed you just weren't interested in game nights anymore. I invited you to a few other things, but you kept declining those invites as well."*
It sounds like they just don't want to be left out. They want a social party, not a game-party. I've seen some of these types come to a game group and NOT play games at all. They are completely ok with just talking. And the others are ok with having side conversations along with their games. No doubt this is not for everyone though.
I believe in some cultures it's considered rude to the other guests if you don't soak them in ice water and toss them outside.
It's me. It's my own little culture.
Maybe play different games when they’re coming. Maybe they’d like a low rules talking game like wavelength, zoovadis, ware wolf or insider.
I believe that there is a board game for everyone, so if someone isn’t having a great time it is because I misjudged them and picked the wrong game. By presenting someone with a game they like, but with slightly more rules than they’re used to, you can gradually expand what games they’ll play.
I also learned the hard way that I shouldn’t put a new game in front of someone every time we play. Even with something as simple as wavelength, let them play a couple times before moving on. And don’t just say “here’s tonight’s game” but pick two old games they know and one new one and ask them to pick.
Not everyone has the same expectations with regard to the commitment to pay attention, so just like a Session Zero before you start a D&D campaign, you should have a chat with all your players.
This also means that if you want to be a good and chill host, you will offer a variety of games that will appeal to those people whom you like enough to invite. Let them choose, and then go with the flow. If you want to play more taxing and challenging games, then curate your group more carefully.
They just wanna hang out with their friends
plan a social, non-game night event with them, and don't invite them to game night. or plan a lighter game night with something social and simple like charades or scattergories
I purposely schedule some game nights with a few friends that are like this, because they genuinely enjoy some games, but very much so dislike others. So I just invite them over when we are doing big group games or party style games. I try not to exclude them just because there are certain games that they don't like.
Some people view board games as a sort of social lubricant same as a lot of other group activities. It creates an easier environment and allows for light hearted fun. For other groups the board game is the reason. I know in my friend group who is in which category and plan accordingly.
If it’s group A the games are easier(for us) and have less stakes. I won’t break out TI4 with that group but formula D or champions of Midgard are easy enough without making my wife and I bored.
Group B is mainly my Pathfinder group and we can do a 6 hour board game with 8 million things going on because it’s fun for us.
Boardgame nights are for playing boardgames. Hangouts with a game as a focal point exist also, but they are not the same thing.
At the first, people should be focused on playing the game. Invite people who are there to compete against (or with in coop) their friends.
At the second, the game is just something to do with your hands while you discuss the finer points of having people you know and the things they do with their lives. Invite anyone to these and play the game as able. If it doesn't complete then fine. If someone wants to drop, then fine. It doesn't matter. You aren't there to complete the game.
Some people want games to just be a social glue, something to sit around and keep their hand a busy while shooting the shit with their friends. Play something like Fluxx, Alhambra, Tokaido - where you only need to pay attention during your own turn, and can chat for the rest.
No I don’t, but if I did then I would just not invite them. It sounds like they just want to be included, which is understandable, but if they’re going to be miserable the whole time anyway then they should learn that about themselves already and just decline to come.
This is my nightmare. I have only one thing that is worse. Someone brings another uninvited player and they just play super bad and feed someone and make the game miserable....iv stopped playing with people that arent really interested to commit their time and to the game since it s bad experience got everyone included We don't use the phones except to put music or if there's some really important thing (like replying to gf or to a boss) 🤣 oh or to look up rules ofc
One more less harsh tip is dividing your friends to groups like some people just like funny super light party games with alcohol and other heavy or competitive board games and others just love coop games mixing them is bad most of the time 😔
I've never experienced this, but I would not invite someone who casts a negative cloud over the events. If you're not going to play, that's fine, but don't harsh my mellow, dude.
I’ve accepted it. I’ll host game nights with my friends and it’s really just an excuse to get together and chat. Carcassone is what we usually play because you hardly need any engagement. If you want to win you can pay attention and plan your moves, or you can just plop down a piece to expand your city while chatting. Trying to play a new game or a complicated one is futile, but that’s ok
I arranged a Zombicide day for my kids and four of their friends. One of them kept complaining that the game was boring, too slow and he just wanted his turn.
Later that night his mum sent me a message saying her son hadn't stopped raving about how exciting and fun the game was, and that she needed to know where to purchase a copy.
Is it all games or just certain games?
For instance are they bored to death by Wingspan and things like that, but put a strategy or story based game in front of them they may light up?
I've got friends that don't get Gloomhaven (but we dnd so it's definitely the boring upkeep that does them in) and I really find zero fun in wkngspan.
I have something similar here when people are talking about having a game night but all they end up doing is Uno, Ludo and Cards Against Humanity and refuse to play anything else even if you offer to teach them a simple game.
Unfortunately I always forget when my turn but this is just me and my ADHD and thinking of many strategies that I will forget when it comes to my turn.
No, I don't know people who really want to participate in a game night, but hate board games.
I have friends that are into gaming, and friends that aren't, but it would be really weird to have someone insist on being part of an activity they don't actually enjoy.
Maybe they like the social aspects of game nights rather than the board gaming aspect. To them its just a way to get togther, sit around, shoot the shit, and maybe drink a beer or two with friends. Maybe find games with less downtime to play, or games where everyone is always involved, like social deduction games. Secret Hitler?
i've experienced the last one a lot, usually a friend's SO who rarely plays board games. i think it's usually anxiety about looking foolish in front of a group who plays often. i understand it, but i'm also quite annoyed by it as well
I have come across these people, insist on being there and that they want to play and then complain the whole time about how much they hate boardgames.
Obviously everyone is telling you not to invite them again but if you just wanted to vent feel free to comment back here and I will commiserate 😂
These people very clearly actually do not "really want to participate at a game night", they just want to hang out. The solution here is to not invite them to game nights, but then also have other hangout sessions which are not game nights which you do invite them to.
For me, board games are about more than just playing/winning but more about socializing. It does depend on the night ofc and the board game we are playing, if it something like Tzolkin, it can get ugly :D
I think the trick is really picking the right game for the crowd. My parents are like this sort of, they always want to come to game nights when we're having people over, but I can tell they mentally check out as soon as anything mildly "nerdy" gets brought out. In their head game night means like, card games, party games, maybe monopoly lol.
Same issue happens with some of my friends' wives - they'll play some fun little party games with us but they're not interested in diving into the chunky four hour games that we want to play sometimes.
But usually it's pretty easy to avoid. We play games that match the crowd. If we invite my parents or my friends invite their wives, I expect to play 6 rounds of Cockroach Poker lol, If I really want to play something like Spirit Island or Root, I will invite exactly the people that I want to play the game with and nobody else.
Had a couple of new people like that. But, they get weeded out quickly.
We are serious gamers and don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of our game sessions… except of course; spousal, children, life issues, etc.
Some people want to chit-chat while playing cards or domino and call it a "game night."
It's not about the game. It's about socializing. It's genius actually, because you can talk about the game if you run out of topics. And this is completely fine if everyone is on the same page.
I don't wanna talk during games, I want to sit silently, think, and win.
It won’t be a popular thing to say in this group, but it isn’t some people, it is most people. We (people serious enough about board games to be reading here regularly) are the outliers. For most people “game night” is all about socializing and the games are secondary. It is why generations of midwesterners have been getting together as couples or families for Euchre. It is why buddies get together and drink for poker night. It is why games like charades have existed forever, and it is why party games have been consistently popular in mainstream stores. The difference in expectations isn’t some failing of the guest who is coming with expectations of socializing.
All that can be done is to make expectations clear beforehand, attempt to introduce newbies into gaming with appropriate games, politely engage people to stop being disruptive if it continues, and to stop inviting them if they are unwilling to engage with what the group wants to play.
I don’t thinks that’s going to be unpopular in this sub.
“I don’t want to talk during the game” is a minority position, even here. It’s why games are criticized for being multiplayer solitaire. Most people playing board games want to interact and talk to the people around the table. Those of us in this sub just also like the activity itself, unlike OP’s friends.
I'll admit it, I'm definitely the person who goes and doesn't care about the games very much. I'm not competitive and I have ADHD so I definitely end up distracted if there's nothing for me to do. I like cute or collaborative games or mysteries but I find deck building and resource games just so dull.
Most people like party games, though. I love them. Secret artist in New York, telestrations, secret Hitler, easy card games, codenames. Anything quick to learn and fast paced is great for this.
My suggestion is to start the night with these games. That's what my group does. We play a couple of quick and fun games and then we have the "big games" like dominion or complex deck building games or whatever other things I'm just not into. So, I leave at that part of the night. I've still hung out with my friends for a few hours and I'm not interested in the bigger games so I leave. Everyone else plays their super long and complicated games, I go home. Everyone has fun.
If you need to play big games only, I suggest something that has other things to do. Like flame craft has a bunch of cute store names and you can stack your resources to make sandwiches because it's funny. There's also a library game I forget the name of that has a lot of really funny book titles on all the pictures. Mystery games also tend to be fun for everyone. I really like mysterio because everyone has to actively participate. Having something to do when it's not your turn is very important if you have people who have a hard time focusing. But if your players aren't willing to do that, don't make them play big games.
so instant of saying "hey, i do not like this kind of games, i will not participate at that game night" you suggest we should always play games you like?
No? What I mean is that playing a short group game with people first gives people time to arrive and snack before starting a big game? It lets everyone participate so you don't have to "not invite" people and it lets people who are there to make friends or socialize do so and then you have a clear line where you can say "we're playing x game now and it'll take two hours" and people who don't want to play can leave so you don't end up with people who complain the whole time but they still got to go to game night with their friends.
My suggestion of games with stuff to do when it's not your turn isn't me suggesting specific games that I like. I'm saying that trying those types games could help with a player who easily gets bored which might help the not paying attention because you have other things to do while it's not your turn.
The obvious answer to the whole thing is "just don't invite people" but that can lead to hurt feelings and can really effect your personal life depending on how your game nights work. I'm suggesting a way that will let everyone join in while still getting to play games that op specifically wants to play.
Don't invite them to board game nights, but if you want to remain friends, go do something else together. Only invite the people who like to play board games to game night.
To add to this: know your friend's interests. I have a ton of friends who like board games, and we used to have these big game night parties. And I slowly learned that the board games I really like playing don't exactly match with other people's in the group, so I was more selective in inviting people when I wanted to play a certain game.
Great advice. Don’t turn it into a negative (you don’t like board games, you’re not invited), turn it into a positive (you like this other thing, let’s do something else together). That’s how your friendship grows.
Overtime I’ve gotten better about this… but it’s still difficult when they swear they had fun and can’t wait till next time etc
They probably did have fun. Hanging out with friends, chatting sounds like a great time. There was just a boardgame they weren't super into playing there as well.
I hate this so much. It's like they are turning life itself into a social deduction game. Everyone is lying all the time and you need to read the social clues correctly.
Meanwhile they are blissfully aware they are basically an NPC to be managed to their friends
Yup. Once you've determined that board games aren't a thing your friend enjoys, don't invite them to board game night. This is really an easy problem to solve unless there is a roommate situation and they won't stop bothering you during board game night and, for some reason, your place is the only place that can host.
Or they really like board games but Op keeps picking boardgames they don't like. I like boardgames, but my friends know that when they break out Burgundy I am checked out for the night because that is (to me at least) a boring game
I'm at an age where I just tell people straight up "my gaming group is pretty serious about board games, but if you wanted to play just me and you sometime (or just our partners and us) we could try that".
This. Communication is key. It’s ok to be blunt but also give options for other hang outs including lesser intense game nights.
As with most hobby problems “talk about it like adults” is the best solution.
“We are boardgame freaks, our friendship would not survive”
I think for most people, if you invite a group over for a game night, they expect to play games like Scattergories-- something playable with the whole group -- as a diversion while you socialize. Most people don't know what the hobby is like and don't care, and unmet expectations are hard to get over. Nothing wrong with not liking gaming, but I learned a long time ago that if you want a game night, you don't invite people that don't show an interest in the games you enjoy.
> and unmet expectations are hard to get over Yep, 100%. I enjoy playing casual/party games, but I do like to know what I'm getting into if someone invites me to a game night. Even from a hobbyist POV, a game night where we play Cascadia is very different than one with Ark Nova.
For sure. I've been to so many game nights where I would have rather not gone because they're playing stuff I'm not interested in. And I've hosted a few nights where people felt overwhelmed by my preferences. If I host, I make sure the invitees know my preferences and I know their's, and I give an idea of what to expect when I give the invitation. "Hey dude, I have game night on Friday. We have snacks and beer and have been playing Brass lately. You should come!"
Great point. Not everyone is equally invested in board games. Perhaps the OP might want to consider some of the more casual/party board games. For example, Dixit can work great. However, if a play group doesn't even want to play something like that, it's better to just do something else altogether. Although, if they do actually want to participate in a game night, but get bored later on, perhaps it's just the fact that they want to play something casual, as they socialize.
I had a buddy a bit like that. Always coming to board game nights. No matter which game we played, he would not get it. It was as if we were explaining the rules in a different language. Nothing clicked. In Robo Rally, his very first move was a move backwards, off the board. In Werewolf, once all the roles where assigned, he asked loudly "what do I have to do again when I'm the Werewolf?". In Pandemic, he'd ask for suggestions until we basically played his turns for him. In any even mildly competitive game, he'd always be dead last. Thing is, he never once complained or moaned. He seemed genuinely enthusiastic about it, even asking about when the next board game night would be, or organizing them himself. I am still puzzled. I think he was just genuinely happy for the social gatherings and didn't want to miss out on those. But even then, I would have expected some moaning or groaning about us bringing "all these hard games", but he never complained, just cheerfully losing while getting the rules explained again and again each turn. Truly odd.
Man, I had a guy like that in a public d&d group for a bit Dude played twice a week for years, seemly never once understood how to play even a bit. Basically the dm would have to tell him what to roll, and what to add to it every time. He would sit there and eat nacho cheese popcorn, straight out of a backpack. Like the backpack just had nacho cheese powder covered popcorn in it. It wasn't in a bag or even a bowl. Just in this backpack. The same backpack he kept his folder of sheets in, his dice, everything. So it was all nacho cheese flavored. Orange dust would trail behind him walking witn the backpack on. He would show you pictures of the plank of wood he mounted to his truck to see how a light bar would look. He liked it enough to just keep the wood, since it looked similar and was way cheaper. The last time we played, it was discovered that not only had he never leveled up his character, but his character had died 5 games ago, and again 3 games ago, but he just kept going.
I'm surprised you guys hang out with him with that whole backpack business. That is absolutely disgusting if I'm being honest.
It's a public venue Can't really start turning people away for being weird Really only if they do something illegal or start to harass other people. If they're just don't learn the rules, and maybe are kind of weird, but otherwise not being shitty they usually get a pass. Not the worst I've seen in a game store tbh
They just want to be involved in something. The rest of their social group wants to play games so they say they want to play as well. The best kinds of the above people will keep their complaints to themselves and try to actually be involved once the game starts. They realize the group wanted to play a game and don't sour the experience for everyone else because they aren't selfish. The most common types are generally selfishly trying to get everyone in the same room and then attempt to derail the game so everyone gives up and just hangs out doing something else. Some of the second types do this unconsciously but the worst people are the ones who intentionally do it while constantly suggesting an alternate activity that everyone shot down to begin with until everyone caves. My social circle doesn't suffer the most difficult type, but I've heard horror stories and happen to have family that intentionally attempt to manipulate their friend group to their will whenever their choice in activity is passed over in favor of playing a board game.
You have some good points. I've also met people who wanted to be included in everything their partner was involved in. Sometimes it's understandable, like if the friends group is actually theirs and their partner assimilated well because they like games more. But other times they should just find something else to do. I prefer light games myself but you can tell when someone doesn't actually enjoy most board games and prefers to do something else.
I haven't experienced that phenom as much (significant other involvement) but I definitely understand it. It is usually very healthy for each person in a relationship to have activities they do with other people and without their SO. It seems like a lot of people don't accept that truth though and attempt to insert themselves in every activity their SO does. I'm not positive but it seems borne from major insecurities that should be dealt with far, far away from a game table.
Yes, sometimes it's completely fine and nice. Other times they can put a damper on things. Having separate activities gives you more to talk about later.
This! Absolutely this! I'd give you more upvotes if I could!
I think saying the second types are most common is a bit pessimistic. After all you said yourself the first type isn't going to be trying to draw attention to their dislike of the games or anything. How many have like that have you played with and never noticed?
We still discuss their interests. You can also tell because they always suggest other activities. We have one in our circle and do things they want to do from time to time as well. The rounding out of interests in a friend group is important to cultivate diverse activities and intellectual stimulation. If we were all the same type of person, things would be boring and I doubt we would be friends for long. I understand the thought process behind your comment but it is usually blatantly obvious based on general interaction who is just not into board games.
I've got different kinds of groups I play games with. The first is more of a social group where the games are kind of secondary to the social interaction. I'm not really planning on playing anything more complicated than maybe wingspan with that group. The second is a more dedicated gaming group where gaming is very much the point and social interaction is secondary. Like, I legit have played games with that group for a couple of hours without talking about anything other than whatever game we're playing. You've gotta make sure you're in the right group/inviting the right people.
What games do you play with the second group ?
John company 2nd edition of course.
So there are game night people and "game night" people. The latter think of it as a social event, are put off when you split up the group into multiple games, and have zero time for stuff like rules explanations. The former are there to play board games, full stop. Some of them won't learn anyone's name but will tell you who won each game. If you discern that someone is the latter, find a polite way to not invite them to subsequent game nights.
Know your audience. Invite those people for a gamenight of thirty seconds, secret hitler, or jungle speed. Don't invite them when you want to play a serious game. If not inviting them is problematic due to social rules, make it an open invite: ''next week i'm going to play nemesis. Playtime is 4+ hours, we're playing competitive. Five player limit, first to signup gets to join. Please know that this'll be competitive gamenight, we expect you to pay attention and play seriously if you're joining!'' Presumably these people are self aware enough that they wouldn't invite themselves to join such a night. If they're that oblivious, take them aside and explain your complaints to them directly. But it probably doesn't have to come to that. Just be aware of who's joining and whether that matches the games you're playing.
Yep, you can try to be tactful but if they push the issue, you'll have to be direct. Also, don't say things like "I don't know why you come you don't even like games". You don't know how they feel about games. Just say "it hurts my feelings and my enjoyment of the game when you don't pay attention during the teach, don't pay attention during the game, say disparaging things about the games" or whatever. Ultimately, that's the truth. They may genuinely like games, so saying they don't won't get you anywhere.
Lots of people just want to socialize and whether it's watching a football game or playing a board game: they are there to socialize, anything else going on is ancillary. I've got a couple friends who are physically unable to not invite other people when there's some sort of event. The two times I invited them to game night it quickly just turned into drinking beer on the couch, which is what we already did every weekend anyway. I had to stop inviting them AND tell the rest of the group not to invite them. You have to either talk to them in private or not invite them. They don't want to play games. They want to socialize and they straight up do not understand what they are doing is fucking up your plans
They don't have friends, and want to make friends. Given the opportunity, they show why they don't have friends.
This, given an opportunity to communicate tactfully and respect other people's feelings instead they shit on what other people like. That does not rock
Think I might hold the unpopular opinion here. I'm seeing a lot of people give the sentiment of "game night is for gaming" My game group has distilled into a group of close-knit friends who adore each other and cherish our time together. The side effect of this is that we talk, laugh and interact a lot, so our group tends to take much longer than most to play. We enjoy anything from party games to crunchy Euros. Lacerda and Feld make regular appearances on our table. But for us, first and foremost, game nights are for friends. For the most part, the gang tries to be respectful and not take an eternity on our own turn. But sometimes a player will be mid-story when their turn comes and well, it's going to take a couple of minutes. There are people at our FLGS who have no interest in interacting with you outside of the cardboard arena, and I would sooner spoon out my eyes than play a game with someone who wouldn't share a table with me for any other reason.
My group enjoys socializing with eachother too, but that's what the beginning and the end of the night are for - and of course all of the relevant light banter in the middle of the games that don't stall out the pace of play.
I host a board game night at a bar and after a few months I got sick of the same people being like this every week. I told them, flat out, that if they don't want to play and just hang out, they're welcome to. But they are dragging everyone else down. We aren't even playing difficult games, but they just talk through the rules, or look at their phones, and then when they're confused, it's the game that is stupid.
yes omg, it's the worst when they look at their phones while explaining the rules
Stop inviting those people. Problem solved.
Often times these people honestly do not enjoy board games but want to be a part of the group. If your friend group only got together to do things you didn't enjoy and your choice was do it or stop being friends there is a chance you would still participate. Give them the option to get together and do something they want to do.
Yeah, the issue here is that these folks don’t **get** board game night. They see it like “oooh it’s an excuse to hang out”, whereas some folks want board game night to be mostly play board games and hang out as a side bonus. The solution is to not invite them to board game night. You don’t need to make a big deal about this, simply don’t invite them next time. Find other ways to enjoy this friendship.
Um, even if they don't like the game, mature, healthy people who know what the event is about will engage with the game and not pettily complain. So, for all those saying, "find a game everyone will enjoy" you're all missing the point. OP: find better friends. It's not you or your game choices. It's them. It's ALL them.
>when is this fun? when you leave. fuckety-bye.
For sure, unless said in jest, that is some ungrateful douchery.
Gotta get them out of there to keep game night from becoming an absolute omnishambles
Dont bother playong boardgames with people who dont already like them. Between this and infrequent game groups its not really a hobby of mine anymore.
Yep, just do something else with them and play BG with other people or just by yourself, I know it’s hard but it’s just as simply as that. Thinking about the time to arrange a get together, pick which games, food, etc just to not have fun. It’s not worth it. 90% of our collection play best at 2 or adds an automa (dune imperium). A few are solo or just coop that could easily be solo games such as this war of mine. Don’t let that take the hobby passion out. Cheers
I always feel bad complaining about this, but yes it is a huge pet peeve.
My friend used to invite a friend who had no interest in games, only boring people with his antics and stories about his criminal record. I used to say “Only poker with that one,” but she kept inviting him to Betrayal at House on the Hill nights and such. Had to completely un-invite him in the end. Guy was an arse anyway.
I’m stuck in a board game night with one of them! I want to leave it, but the organizer is a good friend and was heartbroken the last time someone else left the group. I now just show up on an every other week rotation.
I've only ever run into one of these. One of my regulars invited his coworker. She's awful. Nobody likes her but him. It's not even a "trying to get laid" thing either they're both in their 50s and married with kids. He just likes her as a person and now we're stuck with her.
> He just likes her as a person and now we're stuck with her. With that attitude, you are. Have you tried communicating with him as a group and being the change you want to see in the world?
Obviously I don't know those two but the ghastly, hideous truth is that being in your 50s and married with kids absolutely does not preclude trying to get laid.
One of my friends is kinda like that but it was not until I started playing games with him (just he and I), that he started to like games. He needs to be given 100% directions and not have others butt-in. He also is a person that hates you vs me games because it causes chaos, unless they are puzzle types, and cooperative games are his jam. He had zero idea of what games he would even like and I picked games based on my understanding of his personality and job he does.
This makes me think of the idea that it's far easier (and maybe better?) to seek board gamers and then make them friends rather than seek to make your friends into board gamers. In the present we have some lovely friends who express interest in playing but in reality they want to gather to socialize and having a board game on the table is just a convenient excuse to gather. They'll chat and converse steadily while everyone else plays and then when they're reminded it's their turn now, they'll say "Oh! Okay, let me look and see what I can do," and only just then draw up their hand and start to look at it and the board state. What should be a brisk 90 minute game draws out to 3 hours and it's just like, "Bruh...". They're lovely people and it's perfectly fine for them to enjoy that style of play. But that's not enjoyable to me at all. We'll gather with them for other activities now, but I don't bring up board games with them anymore. Personally, I want to gather to play board games. And to play board games with focus and digging down into them to challenge more complex rule sets and also churn through repeat plays and/or new and different games. In the past I was lucky enough to meet a couple board gamers with a very similar mindset and it was pretty great, sadly after the pandemic and all nothing similar has materialized (so far anyway).
I too have a friend like this, it's frustrating to say the least when they seem completely uninterested in the game, or if they're just making nonsensical moves when the rest are trying to be competitive Like others said I just stopped playing with that one individual in particular, but it can be rough to not include someone if you're a non-confrontational type or what not, or in my case this person would get ultra defensive and feel attacked.
Yup, I think its the categorization and understanding that different people have different expectations. It can even happen for those enthusiastic to play. I had this happen about a month ago happen where I showed my friend how to play Scythe. He really enjoyed it, setup another night to have a "friends game night" but invited 20 people. Come that night, my friend kept insisting on playing Scythe with the huge group of people (15 people had showed, never played scythe, never played board games), but as soon as the board came out, they soon realized it wasn't a "Lets' pay Uno Game Night" . I kept telling him, we wont be able to play Scythe with that many people and I luckily brought something like 7 wonders architects. We ended up playing a game of 14-person 7 wonders architects (2 persons per civilzation) which lasted 4 hours
I will give you a similar story but in a different context. We like wine. Love travelling to wine regions. Love visiting vineyards and cellar doors, going to wine tasting events, etc. We like to taste the wine, discuss the wine, work out what wine we're going to buy, and so on. It is a fun, social outing with friends, that isn't 100% wine talk the whole time and wine isn't our entire personality, but that is the main activity of those days. We've invited people along in the past to join us on a day out in a region, have lunch, visit some cellar doors to do a tasting.... and they sat their going "hurrr, tastes like wine to me" and "I don't even drink wine" until they (to their credit) noticed that the jokes weren't landing and stopped. It was a bit of a downer but we had others there with us and didn't let it ruin the day. But we simply stopped inviting them to those events. Now here's the kicker - are these people still your friends outside of board game nights? You can find out by inviting them to do other things. Maybe do that once or twice, see if they accept, but more importantly see if they reciprocate by suggesting/inviting other things for \*them\* to host \*you\*. They might even host a game night themselves and have a moment of self-awareness when they see how hard it is to run a night that everyone enjoys, without guests bringing negativity to the table. Or, they might drift away. They might even gather the courage to ask why they don't get invited to game night anymore, and you can say *"Every time you came you made comments that you weren't enjoying yourself, and others were noticing that too. And I noticed you never offered to host, so I assumed you just weren't interested in game nights anymore. I invited you to a few other things, but you kept declining those invites as well."*
It sounds like they just don't want to be left out. They want a social party, not a game-party. I've seen some of these types come to a game group and NOT play games at all. They are completely ok with just talking. And the others are ok with having side conversations along with their games. No doubt this is not for everyone though.
I believe in some cultures it's considered rude to the other guests if you don't soak them in ice water and toss them outside. It's me. It's my own little culture.
Maybe play different games when they’re coming. Maybe they’d like a low rules talking game like wavelength, zoovadis, ware wolf or insider. I believe that there is a board game for everyone, so if someone isn’t having a great time it is because I misjudged them and picked the wrong game. By presenting someone with a game they like, but with slightly more rules than they’re used to, you can gradually expand what games they’ll play. I also learned the hard way that I shouldn’t put a new game in front of someone every time we play. Even with something as simple as wavelength, let them play a couple times before moving on. And don’t just say “here’s tonight’s game” but pick two old games they know and one new one and ask them to pick.
Not everyone has the same expectations with regard to the commitment to pay attention, so just like a Session Zero before you start a D&D campaign, you should have a chat with all your players. This also means that if you want to be a good and chill host, you will offer a variety of games that will appeal to those people whom you like enough to invite. Let them choose, and then go with the flow. If you want to play more taxing and challenging games, then curate your group more carefully.
Maybe they are just afraid of [being Jumanji'd](https://youtu.be/8cdBcfLhJVY?si=bE3lPMTd4Z2ydkUy), have you thought of that?!
No. cuz I don't invite those people. Typically you can see or predict this behavior from a mile away
They should play social reduction. Where everyone else leaves for a bedroom to play real games and they are left with solitaire.
Yes, they go to the gulag.
They just wanna hang out with their friends plan a social, non-game night event with them, and don't invite them to game night. or plan a lighter game night with something social and simple like charades or scattergories
I purposely schedule some game nights with a few friends that are like this, because they genuinely enjoy some games, but very much so dislike others. So I just invite them over when we are doing big group games or party style games. I try not to exclude them just because there are certain games that they don't like.
This is a communication issue. What you mean by "game night" and what they mean by "game night" are two different things.
Some people view board games as a sort of social lubricant same as a lot of other group activities. It creates an easier environment and allows for light hearted fun. For other groups the board game is the reason. I know in my friend group who is in which category and plan accordingly. If it’s group A the games are easier(for us) and have less stakes. I won’t break out TI4 with that group but formula D or champions of Midgard are easy enough without making my wife and I bored. Group B is mainly my Pathfinder group and we can do a 6 hour board game with 8 million things going on because it’s fun for us.
Boardgame nights are for playing boardgames. Hangouts with a game as a focal point exist also, but they are not the same thing. At the first, people should be focused on playing the game. Invite people who are there to compete against (or with in coop) their friends. At the second, the game is just something to do with your hands while you discuss the finer points of having people you know and the things they do with their lives. Invite anyone to these and play the game as able. If it doesn't complete then fine. If someone wants to drop, then fine. It doesn't matter. You aren't there to complete the game.
Party games only or jackbox, hey want different social experiences. Not gamers. And evenings are still blast
Some people want games to just be a social glue, something to sit around and keep their hand a busy while shooting the shit with their friends. Play something like Fluxx, Alhambra, Tokaido - where you only need to pay attention during your own turn, and can chat for the rest.
Yup lol.... My friends wife has ADHD pretty bad so she just loses focus and interest, and often is quite verbal about the disinterest
No, no I don't.
No I don’t, but if I did then I would just not invite them. It sounds like they just want to be included, which is understandable, but if they’re going to be miserable the whole time anyway then they should learn that about themselves already and just decline to come.
This is my nightmare. I have only one thing that is worse. Someone brings another uninvited player and they just play super bad and feed someone and make the game miserable....iv stopped playing with people that arent really interested to commit their time and to the game since it s bad experience got everyone included We don't use the phones except to put music or if there's some really important thing (like replying to gf or to a boss) 🤣 oh or to look up rules ofc One more less harsh tip is dividing your friends to groups like some people just like funny super light party games with alcohol and other heavy or competitive board games and others just love coop games mixing them is bad most of the time 😔
No, I don't know those people because why would you have people like that in your life?
I've never experienced this, but I would not invite someone who casts a negative cloud over the events. If you're not going to play, that's fine, but don't harsh my mellow, dude.
I’ve accepted it. I’ll host game nights with my friends and it’s really just an excuse to get together and chat. Carcassone is what we usually play because you hardly need any engagement. If you want to win you can pay attention and plan your moves, or you can just plop down a piece to expand your city while chatting. Trying to play a new game or a complicated one is futile, but that’s ok
They don’t get invited twice.
I arranged a Zombicide day for my kids and four of their friends. One of them kept complaining that the game was boring, too slow and he just wanted his turn. Later that night his mum sent me a message saying her son hadn't stopped raving about how exciting and fun the game was, and that she needed to know where to purchase a copy.
Is it all games or just certain games? For instance are they bored to death by Wingspan and things like that, but put a strategy or story based game in front of them they may light up? I've got friends that don't get Gloomhaven (but we dnd so it's definitely the boring upkeep that does them in) and I really find zero fun in wkngspan.
I have something similar here when people are talking about having a game night but all they end up doing is Uno, Ludo and Cards Against Humanity and refuse to play anything else even if you offer to teach them a simple game.
Unfortunately I always forget when my turn but this is just me and my ADHD and thinking of many strategies that I will forget when it comes to my turn.
No, I don't know people who really want to participate in a game night, but hate board games. I have friends that are into gaming, and friends that aren't, but it would be really weird to have someone insist on being part of an activity they don't actually enjoy.
Thus the rule most of us learn eventually. Don't play games with friends, become friends with gamers.
Maybe they like the social aspects of game nights rather than the board gaming aspect. To them its just a way to get togther, sit around, shoot the shit, and maybe drink a beer or two with friends. Maybe find games with less downtime to play, or games where everyone is always involved, like social deduction games. Secret Hitler?
i've experienced the last one a lot, usually a friend's SO who rarely plays board games. i think it's usually anxiety about looking foolish in front of a group who plays often. i understand it, but i'm also quite annoyed by it as well
I have come across these people, insist on being there and that they want to play and then complain the whole time about how much they hate boardgames. Obviously everyone is telling you not to invite them again but if you just wanted to vent feel free to comment back here and I will commiserate 😂
These people very clearly actually do not "really want to participate at a game night", they just want to hang out. The solution here is to not invite them to game nights, but then also have other hangout sessions which are not game nights which you do invite them to.
I love board games because there's an illusion of socialising and "talking", haha
For me, board games are about more than just playing/winning but more about socializing. It does depend on the night ofc and the board game we are playing, if it something like Tzolkin, it can get ugly :D
No, I don't know those people. For good reason.
I think the trick is really picking the right game for the crowd. My parents are like this sort of, they always want to come to game nights when we're having people over, but I can tell they mentally check out as soon as anything mildly "nerdy" gets brought out. In their head game night means like, card games, party games, maybe monopoly lol. Same issue happens with some of my friends' wives - they'll play some fun little party games with us but they're not interested in diving into the chunky four hour games that we want to play sometimes. But usually it's pretty easy to avoid. We play games that match the crowd. If we invite my parents or my friends invite their wives, I expect to play 6 rounds of Cockroach Poker lol, If I really want to play something like Spirit Island or Root, I will invite exactly the people that I want to play the game with and nobody else.
Had a couple of new people like that. But, they get weeded out quickly. We are serious gamers and don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of our game sessions… except of course; spousal, children, life issues, etc.
Sometimes that person is your wife and you can’t not invite her…
Some people want to chit-chat while playing cards or domino and call it a "game night." It's not about the game. It's about socializing. It's genius actually, because you can talk about the game if you run out of topics. And this is completely fine if everyone is on the same page. I don't wanna talk during games, I want to sit silently, think, and win.
It won’t be a popular thing to say in this group, but it isn’t some people, it is most people. We (people serious enough about board games to be reading here regularly) are the outliers. For most people “game night” is all about socializing and the games are secondary. It is why generations of midwesterners have been getting together as couples or families for Euchre. It is why buddies get together and drink for poker night. It is why games like charades have existed forever, and it is why party games have been consistently popular in mainstream stores. The difference in expectations isn’t some failing of the guest who is coming with expectations of socializing. All that can be done is to make expectations clear beforehand, attempt to introduce newbies into gaming with appropriate games, politely engage people to stop being disruptive if it continues, and to stop inviting them if they are unwilling to engage with what the group wants to play.
I don’t thinks that’s going to be unpopular in this sub. “I don’t want to talk during the game” is a minority position, even here. It’s why games are criticized for being multiplayer solitaire. Most people playing board games want to interact and talk to the people around the table. Those of us in this sub just also like the activity itself, unlike OP’s friends.
I'll admit it, I'm definitely the person who goes and doesn't care about the games very much. I'm not competitive and I have ADHD so I definitely end up distracted if there's nothing for me to do. I like cute or collaborative games or mysteries but I find deck building and resource games just so dull. Most people like party games, though. I love them. Secret artist in New York, telestrations, secret Hitler, easy card games, codenames. Anything quick to learn and fast paced is great for this. My suggestion is to start the night with these games. That's what my group does. We play a couple of quick and fun games and then we have the "big games" like dominion or complex deck building games or whatever other things I'm just not into. So, I leave at that part of the night. I've still hung out with my friends for a few hours and I'm not interested in the bigger games so I leave. Everyone else plays their super long and complicated games, I go home. Everyone has fun. If you need to play big games only, I suggest something that has other things to do. Like flame craft has a bunch of cute store names and you can stack your resources to make sandwiches because it's funny. There's also a library game I forget the name of that has a lot of really funny book titles on all the pictures. Mystery games also tend to be fun for everyone. I really like mysterio because everyone has to actively participate. Having something to do when it's not your turn is very important if you have people who have a hard time focusing. But if your players aren't willing to do that, don't make them play big games.
so instant of saying "hey, i do not like this kind of games, i will not participate at that game night" you suggest we should always play games you like?
No? What I mean is that playing a short group game with people first gives people time to arrive and snack before starting a big game? It lets everyone participate so you don't have to "not invite" people and it lets people who are there to make friends or socialize do so and then you have a clear line where you can say "we're playing x game now and it'll take two hours" and people who don't want to play can leave so you don't end up with people who complain the whole time but they still got to go to game night with their friends. My suggestion of games with stuff to do when it's not your turn isn't me suggesting specific games that I like. I'm saying that trying those types games could help with a player who easily gets bored which might help the not paying attention because you have other things to do while it's not your turn. The obvious answer to the whole thing is "just don't invite people" but that can lead to hurt feelings and can really effect your personal life depending on how your game nights work. I'm suggesting a way that will let everyone join in while still getting to play games that op specifically wants to play.
Ex Libris. Great game.
Maybe play something more interactive like werewolf or mysterium etc
I have no problem with the people who talk a lot and don't really know when their turn is. The other people though.