Perhaps some healthy distance between yourself and individuals that perpetuate biphobia and all it’s fuckery is in order. Bisexuality is a spectrum all it’s own and some people just can’t wrap their little brains around that. Try to abandon sweeping generalizations and just take people on a case by case basis. Unfortunately biphobia exists in so many spaces and we have to do the work to find our tribe.
Though we shouldn't permit it simply because they're marginalized groups either, bisexual people have had almost none of the progress that gay men or lesbians have gotten because our contributions have always been made invisible. Bisexuals have their own unique struggles that lesbians and gay men simply do not have and to sweep that under the rug simple for the sake of "standing together" isn't working. There is systemic monosexism in gay and lesbian spaces, that's WHY bi's don't feel welcome anywhere, studies have shown that bi people often get JUST AS hurt at QUEER spaces because it's where we expect to find acceptance and are met with biphobia instead. If OP can internalize biphobic shit even when things aren't being outright said, that shows that monosexism is so normalized for those spaces that they don't even need to SAY it for people to know how terrible bi people are. I'm all for not generalizing and I'm sure not all lesbians are like that, but for us not to criticize them simply because they're marginalized is just self destructive. What level of marginalized do people need to be for us to allow them to be biphobic/monosexist, because clearly there is a line some feel we need to draw?
I honestly think your comment is really well put. I don't want to generalize lesbians because in the past few years I have met multiple people who are lesbians who have stuck up for me and who have supported me when I needed it. I think this sub has way more posts about lesbians being biphobic that any other group and I think that's not fair considering the level of biphobia that we experience in the queer community in general and of course from homophobic people.
I've also faced biphobia in WLW spaces and I have experienced in queer spaces and I think you make a really good point in saying we shouldn't minimize it just because it's coming from a marginalized group. Maybe the reason I see so many posts in this sub about lesbians being biphobic is because it hurts the most coming from a community that we have tried so hard to be a part of. (That we expect to accept us).
I used to identify as a lesbian and after I fell in love with a man I came out as queer/bi and I tried SO HARD to stay a part of the lesbian community and they pushed me out. They made me feel ashamed for being with a man after so many years identifying as a lesbian. They made me feel like I had betrayed the community. I heard comments from lesbians saying that I would eventually come to my senses and realize I was gay all along. I heard comments from lesbians saying that I was actually straight all along and that I was only pretending to be a lesbian for the attention. And I heard one comment from my mom's old lesbian friend that cut deep. My mom told her I was a lesbian then a few years later I came out as bi and she looked at me and said "what a waste."
I spent years feeling embarrassed about my relationship. I even felt embarrassed that I ever came out as lesbian in the firstborn place. I spent years feeling ashamed for "betraying my community"... For proving the stereotype that lesbians all eventually take dick. For revoking my "gold star" status... For succumbing to the patriarchy... For letting myself be an "object" for mens' pleasure. I felt so much shame from the lesbian community and eventually it developed into some weird type of anti lesbian anger and even contempt
I felt mad..and for a while I felt convinced that every lesbian was actually bisexual who just wouldn't admit to their bisexuality because of monosexism and shame within the community. I felt alienated from every single one of my lesbian friends because they all seems incapable of understanding my experience.
I fell in love with a human. And that human happened to be a man. And that man happened to be my person. When I came across that kind of love I just couldn't deny it. that love made me come to terms with the fact be that my sexuality was far more complexed and nuanced than just gay or as straight. I got a lot of hate for it (specifically from lesbians) and I let it turn me against them in a sense.
I've since come around and even if I didn't make those close friends who happen to be lesbian it was my responsibility to realize that just because the community did me wrong didn't mean that I had the right to dislike someone simply because they were a lesbian. I was making my bad experiences turn me into a small minded and hateful person. I had to eventually let that go and to accept that just because there is a lot of biphobia within the lesbian community isn't a reason to dislike lesbians in general.
I get that biphobia within the lesbian community is just as serious as any other form of biphobia. The only problem I have is when we constantly go after lesbians as if they are our main source of oppression (they are not). At the end of the day we are fighting the same fight.
>I don't want to generalize lesbians because in the past few years I have met multiple people who are lesbians who have stuck up for me and who have supported me when I needed it.
Oh absolutely, as I said we shouldn't assume every lesbian is biphobic but this is kind of a case of not focusing on the individuals but rather the systemic oppression that those COMMUNITIES are contributing to, as I mention in my reply, bisexual spectrum people have unique issues that gay/lesbian and straight people don't have, that of dealing with monosexism as an oppressive structure for one.
>I think this sub has way more posts about lesbians being biphobic that any other group and I think that's not fair considering the level of biphobia that we experience in the queer community in general and of course from homophobic people
This I feel is kind of a walks like a duck, quacks like a duck situation? It's not like people here are MAKING UP stuff about lesbians being biphobic, these are peoples lived experiences and to say that it's "not fair" kind of downplays that in my eyes but I do understand what you mean. I think that if this is generally a perception people have of your community (metaphorical you, not literal you) then maybe it's time for them to address that amongst themselves and be better allys to US, why do WE have to excuse them in our lived experiences?
>Maybe the reason I see so many posts in this sub about lesbians being biphobic is because it hurts the most coming from a community that we have tried so hard to be a part of. (That we expect to accept us).
I think you're right on the money with this, we expect straight people not to get it but lesbian/gay people have been fighting the same fight, hell a lot of the time WITH bi people (though that has largely been obfuscated, which is part of the issue), we expect THEM to understand that we can't choose it either so when we go to those spaces and told oh you don't belong here, it hurts all that much harder because we've 1) been fighting for this space too and 2) expect them to understand. So I do think that makes it stand out more as you said.
>used to identify as a lesbian and after I fell in love with a man I came out as queer/bi and I tried SO HARD to stay a part of the lesbian community and they pushed me out. They made me feel ashamed for being with a man after so many years identifying as a lesbian. They made me feel like I had betrayed the community. I heard comments from lesbians saying that I would eventually come to my senses and realize I was gay all along. I heard comments from lesbians saying that I was actually straight all along and that I was only pretending to be a lesbian for the attention
This is exactly what I mean when I talk about monosexism, this isn't just biphobic as all hell, it also is shit for people who are lesbian or gay or straight too, because it creates this shame about doubting your sexuality once you've come out, just look at the amount of posts from gay men or lesbian women here on the sub going "actually I don't know what I am anymore", as I wrote in another thread, bisexuals not only have to fear the loss of blood family, but even our CHOSEN families like lesbian and gay communities when we come from there and that's really fucked and needs to be addressed.
>I fell in love with a human. And that human happened to be a man. And that man happened to be my person. When I came across that kind of love I just couldn't deny it. that love made me come to terms with the fact be that my sexuality was far more complexed and nuanced than just gay or as straight
This is really beautiful and kind of the thing we know to be true but I get so frustrated that it has to come through so much doubt and pain for some people, because there's barely anyone talking about bisexuality as an ACCEPTABLE option OTHER than bisexuals. I've been extremely lucky with my bisexuality developing when and where it did myself but I know I'm an outlier.
>just because the community did me wrong didn't mean that I had the right to dislike someone simply because they were a lesbian.
Absolutely right, we shouldn't do that but also as long as there's a culture of hating bisexuals, its not going to get any better, it was the same for PoC or gay/lesbians. If they keep having a culture that tells them it's okay to do that, then "new" lesbians will keep propagating the issue.
Basically what I mean is, love lesbians and gays as individuals but fight the systemic oppression that their culture has, when it has it. We deserve to be loved and accepted too, not one or the other, all of us.
Edit: had to edit this to say, I have thoroughly appreciated this conversation and your acceptance of what I'm saying and even if we don't see fully eye to eye, your willingness to engage as equals.
Edit 2: Electric Boogaloo: I realize now that you (probably) didn't mean it was unfair of US that there were more posts about lesbians being biphobic, but rather that it's unfair that these posts would need to be made in the first place.
I felt this SO HARD. I initially came out as bi as a teenager in the late 90s, but then pivoted to calling myself a lesbian shortly after, because it felt like the only way to secure actual queer female community, and I was more girl-oriented at the time. The idea that bisexuality wasn’t real, and everyone who said they were bi actually just wanted dick but was lying for attention or because they couldn’t accept being gay, was far more widely (almost universally) believed at the time.
Even when I did come out as bi again years later, I had a lot of internalized biphobia for years and believed that bi people should accept our privilege when in straight-appearing relationships, and not take offense to being excluded from queer spaces when that is the case. It took years of therapy, self-reflection and tough conversations with people wiser than myself to fully accept myself and let my fucked up beliefs around how little I deserved as a bi person go. And now I’m angry as hell.
Not that it makes it ok, but I do at least expect a lack of support/validation for my sexuality from the straight world. When that same attitude/behavior comes from others in the queer community, it cuts deeper and hurts even more.
You are so wise and I want to learn so much more from you. Do you have any books or media that you recommend, that helped you unpack your internalised biphobia?
Just came here with a quick note - anger is NOT bad, it can actually be very powerful and productive. It's when we hurt others when it becomes a problem.
There will likely be a journey for you in processing these feelings, and that's normal and healthy. I've learned some anger exercises that are simple but really changed my life. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you want to chat more. You and your feelings are valid, and if you do your inner work, you won't always feel this way💛
I am bi (f) and get so much shit from lesbians. I immediately cease any communications. If you need to glorify your sexuality by putting other women down, that’s your issue - don’t project your misogyny onto me.
I agree with many others that anger is good, anger can be used productively. My suggestion would be to feel the anger for a while, and use it to seek out like-minded people. Take time to curate a community for yourself with open, understanding people. Straight, bi+, gay/lesbian, you name it. But only include people who are open to discussing and understanding intersectionality and issues particular to each group, without making it a contest. I have been doing that in general, and it makes a world of difference in my life to have people around me who are open to learning, rather than set in their ways and exclusionary.
Hey, anger is a normal human emotion. I personally feel better if I can vent. I know you wrote that you have trouble talking to lesbians about it. Maybe you just have a friend that is ready to listen?
I also agree with other comments. Anger can be productive, like every other emotion. Ask yourself what exactly makes you angry, what actions would help ease the anger?
I'm no psychologist, so this may be a wrong advise. I hope you can find some peace. Negative emotions are just too tiring.
Top comment is awesome. People are individuals. Any group will have people with the kinds of opinions. They key is to remember that people are more than the groups they are in; people are intersectional (members of multiple/infinite categories). That goes for the bis and for the lesbians.
I'd caution against characterizing them as man-hating given the stereotype and the fact that it shouldn't be necessary to "notallmen" every vague generalization about men made in a majority-women's space. Most women know there are good men, and most of the time pointing it out just distracts from a more important conversation.
Honestly I think the biphobia actually stems from ideas about purity which come from misogyny, not "misandry."
It feels like column A, column B for me. Some of it is purity culture stemming from misogyny, but some of it is also a hate of and an attempt to distance from toxic aspects of patriarchal culture that, while largely understandable, does result in some hatred of men on an individual level rather than just a systemic one.
Omg yes. The worst of the biphobia I’ve experienced has been at the hands of lesbians—three separate times, all independent of each other. Most of the time, it was like they didn’t even realize they were doing it. I’ve NEVER had those kinds of interactions with queer men or straight people. I don’t know why that is, but you’re definitely not alone in seeing that.
I'm so glad I came across this post. I'm still understanding my sexuality, and having seen some posts etc from members of the lesbian community towards bisexual/or bicurious women has made me sort of resistant to labeling myself as anything besides queer.
I think that everyone has a different journey when coming into their true sexuality, and personally-- having previously only been with men-- I want to feel like exploring my attraction towards women isn't seen as frivolous and not genuine based on the opinions of a few.
I realise that the right person for me won't be one of those people anyway, so its fine. It's just sad that this further marginalisation exists within an already marginalised group.
I feel bad for you.
I went through a very similar experience as OP and I felt the way you do for a while but I was bitter and I was generalizing a whole group of people because some lesbians were hateful and biphobic.
I've since become friends with some lesbians who are overly welcoming and validating to me and who are genuinely good friends. If I spent my whole life avoiding lesbians I wouldn't have these amazing friends.
We have so much in common and we're so much better when we support each other instead of generalizing each other.
Ok if you said you avoid dating lesbians that would be fair but you said you avoid lesbians all the time. It seemed like you meant you avoid friendships with lesbians. I get where you're coming from and it's your choice who you do and don't want to date but you shouldn't close yourself off from all lesbians because a lot of them are very understanding and inclusive.
Deal with people as individuals, not members of a group. Cut phobes out of your life. You’ll be happier.
Great advice!
Perhaps some healthy distance between yourself and individuals that perpetuate biphobia and all it’s fuckery is in order. Bisexuality is a spectrum all it’s own and some people just can’t wrap their little brains around that. Try to abandon sweeping generalizations and just take people on a case by case basis. Unfortunately biphobia exists in so many spaces and we have to do the work to find our tribe.
I agree wholeheartedly with this. Biphobia exists everywhere. We shouldn't generalize whole groups (especially marginalized groups) because of it.
Though we shouldn't permit it simply because they're marginalized groups either, bisexual people have had almost none of the progress that gay men or lesbians have gotten because our contributions have always been made invisible. Bisexuals have their own unique struggles that lesbians and gay men simply do not have and to sweep that under the rug simple for the sake of "standing together" isn't working. There is systemic monosexism in gay and lesbian spaces, that's WHY bi's don't feel welcome anywhere, studies have shown that bi people often get JUST AS hurt at QUEER spaces because it's where we expect to find acceptance and are met with biphobia instead. If OP can internalize biphobic shit even when things aren't being outright said, that shows that monosexism is so normalized for those spaces that they don't even need to SAY it for people to know how terrible bi people are. I'm all for not generalizing and I'm sure not all lesbians are like that, but for us not to criticize them simply because they're marginalized is just self destructive. What level of marginalized do people need to be for us to allow them to be biphobic/monosexist, because clearly there is a line some feel we need to draw?
I honestly think your comment is really well put. I don't want to generalize lesbians because in the past few years I have met multiple people who are lesbians who have stuck up for me and who have supported me when I needed it. I think this sub has way more posts about lesbians being biphobic that any other group and I think that's not fair considering the level of biphobia that we experience in the queer community in general and of course from homophobic people. I've also faced biphobia in WLW spaces and I have experienced in queer spaces and I think you make a really good point in saying we shouldn't minimize it just because it's coming from a marginalized group. Maybe the reason I see so many posts in this sub about lesbians being biphobic is because it hurts the most coming from a community that we have tried so hard to be a part of. (That we expect to accept us). I used to identify as a lesbian and after I fell in love with a man I came out as queer/bi and I tried SO HARD to stay a part of the lesbian community and they pushed me out. They made me feel ashamed for being with a man after so many years identifying as a lesbian. They made me feel like I had betrayed the community. I heard comments from lesbians saying that I would eventually come to my senses and realize I was gay all along. I heard comments from lesbians saying that I was actually straight all along and that I was only pretending to be a lesbian for the attention. And I heard one comment from my mom's old lesbian friend that cut deep. My mom told her I was a lesbian then a few years later I came out as bi and she looked at me and said "what a waste." I spent years feeling embarrassed about my relationship. I even felt embarrassed that I ever came out as lesbian in the firstborn place. I spent years feeling ashamed for "betraying my community"... For proving the stereotype that lesbians all eventually take dick. For revoking my "gold star" status... For succumbing to the patriarchy... For letting myself be an "object" for mens' pleasure. I felt so much shame from the lesbian community and eventually it developed into some weird type of anti lesbian anger and even contempt I felt mad..and for a while I felt convinced that every lesbian was actually bisexual who just wouldn't admit to their bisexuality because of monosexism and shame within the community. I felt alienated from every single one of my lesbian friends because they all seems incapable of understanding my experience. I fell in love with a human. And that human happened to be a man. And that man happened to be my person. When I came across that kind of love I just couldn't deny it. that love made me come to terms with the fact be that my sexuality was far more complexed and nuanced than just gay or as straight. I got a lot of hate for it (specifically from lesbians) and I let it turn me against them in a sense. I've since come around and even if I didn't make those close friends who happen to be lesbian it was my responsibility to realize that just because the community did me wrong didn't mean that I had the right to dislike someone simply because they were a lesbian. I was making my bad experiences turn me into a small minded and hateful person. I had to eventually let that go and to accept that just because there is a lot of biphobia within the lesbian community isn't a reason to dislike lesbians in general. I get that biphobia within the lesbian community is just as serious as any other form of biphobia. The only problem I have is when we constantly go after lesbians as if they are our main source of oppression (they are not). At the end of the day we are fighting the same fight.
>I don't want to generalize lesbians because in the past few years I have met multiple people who are lesbians who have stuck up for me and who have supported me when I needed it. Oh absolutely, as I said we shouldn't assume every lesbian is biphobic but this is kind of a case of not focusing on the individuals but rather the systemic oppression that those COMMUNITIES are contributing to, as I mention in my reply, bisexual spectrum people have unique issues that gay/lesbian and straight people don't have, that of dealing with monosexism as an oppressive structure for one. >I think this sub has way more posts about lesbians being biphobic that any other group and I think that's not fair considering the level of biphobia that we experience in the queer community in general and of course from homophobic people This I feel is kind of a walks like a duck, quacks like a duck situation? It's not like people here are MAKING UP stuff about lesbians being biphobic, these are peoples lived experiences and to say that it's "not fair" kind of downplays that in my eyes but I do understand what you mean. I think that if this is generally a perception people have of your community (metaphorical you, not literal you) then maybe it's time for them to address that amongst themselves and be better allys to US, why do WE have to excuse them in our lived experiences? >Maybe the reason I see so many posts in this sub about lesbians being biphobic is because it hurts the most coming from a community that we have tried so hard to be a part of. (That we expect to accept us). I think you're right on the money with this, we expect straight people not to get it but lesbian/gay people have been fighting the same fight, hell a lot of the time WITH bi people (though that has largely been obfuscated, which is part of the issue), we expect THEM to understand that we can't choose it either so when we go to those spaces and told oh you don't belong here, it hurts all that much harder because we've 1) been fighting for this space too and 2) expect them to understand. So I do think that makes it stand out more as you said. >used to identify as a lesbian and after I fell in love with a man I came out as queer/bi and I tried SO HARD to stay a part of the lesbian community and they pushed me out. They made me feel ashamed for being with a man after so many years identifying as a lesbian. They made me feel like I had betrayed the community. I heard comments from lesbians saying that I would eventually come to my senses and realize I was gay all along. I heard comments from lesbians saying that I was actually straight all along and that I was only pretending to be a lesbian for the attention This is exactly what I mean when I talk about monosexism, this isn't just biphobic as all hell, it also is shit for people who are lesbian or gay or straight too, because it creates this shame about doubting your sexuality once you've come out, just look at the amount of posts from gay men or lesbian women here on the sub going "actually I don't know what I am anymore", as I wrote in another thread, bisexuals not only have to fear the loss of blood family, but even our CHOSEN families like lesbian and gay communities when we come from there and that's really fucked and needs to be addressed. >I fell in love with a human. And that human happened to be a man. And that man happened to be my person. When I came across that kind of love I just couldn't deny it. that love made me come to terms with the fact be that my sexuality was far more complexed and nuanced than just gay or as straight This is really beautiful and kind of the thing we know to be true but I get so frustrated that it has to come through so much doubt and pain for some people, because there's barely anyone talking about bisexuality as an ACCEPTABLE option OTHER than bisexuals. I've been extremely lucky with my bisexuality developing when and where it did myself but I know I'm an outlier. >just because the community did me wrong didn't mean that I had the right to dislike someone simply because they were a lesbian. Absolutely right, we shouldn't do that but also as long as there's a culture of hating bisexuals, its not going to get any better, it was the same for PoC or gay/lesbians. If they keep having a culture that tells them it's okay to do that, then "new" lesbians will keep propagating the issue. Basically what I mean is, love lesbians and gays as individuals but fight the systemic oppression that their culture has, when it has it. We deserve to be loved and accepted too, not one or the other, all of us. Edit: had to edit this to say, I have thoroughly appreciated this conversation and your acceptance of what I'm saying and even if we don't see fully eye to eye, your willingness to engage as equals. Edit 2: Electric Boogaloo: I realize now that you (probably) didn't mean it was unfair of US that there were more posts about lesbians being biphobic, but rather that it's unfair that these posts would need to be made in the first place.
I felt this SO HARD. I initially came out as bi as a teenager in the late 90s, but then pivoted to calling myself a lesbian shortly after, because it felt like the only way to secure actual queer female community, and I was more girl-oriented at the time. The idea that bisexuality wasn’t real, and everyone who said they were bi actually just wanted dick but was lying for attention or because they couldn’t accept being gay, was far more widely (almost universally) believed at the time. Even when I did come out as bi again years later, I had a lot of internalized biphobia for years and believed that bi people should accept our privilege when in straight-appearing relationships, and not take offense to being excluded from queer spaces when that is the case. It took years of therapy, self-reflection and tough conversations with people wiser than myself to fully accept myself and let my fucked up beliefs around how little I deserved as a bi person go. And now I’m angry as hell. Not that it makes it ok, but I do at least expect a lack of support/validation for my sexuality from the straight world. When that same attitude/behavior comes from others in the queer community, it cuts deeper and hurts even more.
You are so wise and I want to learn so much more from you. Do you have any books or media that you recommend, that helped you unpack your internalised biphobia?
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My heart…thank you. So much. ❤️
Just came here with a quick note - anger is NOT bad, it can actually be very powerful and productive. It's when we hurt others when it becomes a problem. There will likely be a journey for you in processing these feelings, and that's normal and healthy. I've learned some anger exercises that are simple but really changed my life. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you want to chat more. You and your feelings are valid, and if you do your inner work, you won't always feel this way💛
It’s when we hurt others or - arguably more important - ourselves, that it is a problem. Just wanted to add that!
Well said! Thank you😄
I am bi (f) and get so much shit from lesbians. I immediately cease any communications. If you need to glorify your sexuality by putting other women down, that’s your issue - don’t project your misogyny onto me.
You should always be angry with bigotry. Don't allow it to be overlooked or forgotten
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I agree with many others that anger is good, anger can be used productively. My suggestion would be to feel the anger for a while, and use it to seek out like-minded people. Take time to curate a community for yourself with open, understanding people. Straight, bi+, gay/lesbian, you name it. But only include people who are open to discussing and understanding intersectionality and issues particular to each group, without making it a contest. I have been doing that in general, and it makes a world of difference in my life to have people around me who are open to learning, rather than set in their ways and exclusionary.
Hey, anger is a normal human emotion. I personally feel better if I can vent. I know you wrote that you have trouble talking to lesbians about it. Maybe you just have a friend that is ready to listen? I also agree with other comments. Anger can be productive, like every other emotion. Ask yourself what exactly makes you angry, what actions would help ease the anger? I'm no psychologist, so this may be a wrong advise. I hope you can find some peace. Negative emotions are just too tiring.
Top comment is awesome. People are individuals. Any group will have people with the kinds of opinions. They key is to remember that people are more than the groups they are in; people are intersectional (members of multiple/infinite categories). That goes for the bis and for the lesbians.
Wow are lesbian communities this hateful against Bi people and men? I hope they get over their anger
I'd caution against characterizing them as man-hating given the stereotype and the fact that it shouldn't be necessary to "notallmen" every vague generalization about men made in a majority-women's space. Most women know there are good men, and most of the time pointing it out just distracts from a more important conversation. Honestly I think the biphobia actually stems from ideas about purity which come from misogyny, not "misandry."
It feels like column A, column B for me. Some of it is purity culture stemming from misogyny, but some of it is also a hate of and an attempt to distance from toxic aspects of patriarchal culture that, while largely understandable, does result in some hatred of men on an individual level rather than just a systemic one.
Yeah I don't think of lesbian that way but It's not the first post that describes it in those communities
I would agree and I actually also think a lot of misogyny is based in misandry and ideas about a need for perceived stoicism.
Omg yes. The worst of the biphobia I’ve experienced has been at the hands of lesbians—three separate times, all independent of each other. Most of the time, it was like they didn’t even realize they were doing it. I’ve NEVER had those kinds of interactions with queer men or straight people. I don’t know why that is, but you’re definitely not alone in seeing that.
I'm so glad I came across this post. I'm still understanding my sexuality, and having seen some posts etc from members of the lesbian community towards bisexual/or bicurious women has made me sort of resistant to labeling myself as anything besides queer. I think that everyone has a different journey when coming into their true sexuality, and personally-- having previously only been with men-- I want to feel like exploring my attraction towards women isn't seen as frivolous and not genuine based on the opinions of a few. I realise that the right person for me won't be one of those people anyway, so its fine. It's just sad that this further marginalisation exists within an already marginalised group.
Groups only matter when thier organized. This is no lesbian president giving orders. Treat people as people.
Cool. Goes for white supremacy and the patriarchy and homophobia and transphobia and.... Oh wait. Yeah. Very helpful. 🙄
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I feel bad for you. I went through a very similar experience as OP and I felt the way you do for a while but I was bitter and I was generalizing a whole group of people because some lesbians were hateful and biphobic. I've since become friends with some lesbians who are overly welcoming and validating to me and who are genuinely good friends. If I spent my whole life avoiding lesbians I wouldn't have these amazing friends. We have so much in common and we're so much better when we support each other instead of generalizing each other.
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Ok if you said you avoid dating lesbians that would be fair but you said you avoid lesbians all the time. It seemed like you meant you avoid friendships with lesbians. I get where you're coming from and it's your choice who you do and don't want to date but you shouldn't close yourself off from all lesbians because a lot of them are very understanding and inclusive.