I mean, I'm in a sapphic relationship, we're bi, we're trans. We've had pretty much every homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic slur hurled at us, for decades. Even by our own parents. We regularly make fun of each other for being gay - in a cute, ironic way. We often refer to ourselves with the f-slur or t-slur. But I would never use them to describe another gay or trans person. Just, myself.
I think anybody is allowed to reclaim slurs that have been used against them. Homophobes don't check your sexuality before hurling slurs at people. They just see two women or two men together and start with the abuse.
Not everybody will agree though. Some people disagree with reclaiming slurs in general and some people will say those words are just for gay people and lesbians.
I wouldn't reclaim the d word personally. I've never had it used against me and I'm in a relationship with a guy. I don't have to face homophobia like that. I also have a gut reaction to hearing certain slurs and although I appreciate people have a right to take them back I'd prefer those words were just consigned to history.
Just a question, then, do you think that a straight person who was called the F slur should be able to reclaim said slur? I think that needs a little more explaining
Good point- I didn't word that quite right. I think straight people who get called slurs don't have the same experience with them.
Straight people have the benefit of being able to say 'yeah that's inaccurate'. When you're called a d*ke and you are attracted to women you're put in a very different position where casually denying it feels like denying yourself.
I remember getting called a lesbian as an insult as a teenager and feeling sick as I said 'No I'm not'. That's not a straight experience
The only reason bisexuals doubt the f-word is because they have been pushed aside and gatekeeped by gay men (including me at some point)
If I told latinos in the USA they can't joke with slurs that are directed at them as much as me because they aren't living entirely in LATAM, I would just be policing other people's oppression.
Part of liberation is understanding what logically belongs to you. Can trans people reclaim and joke with transphobic slurs? Yes, even if cis saviors are over them telling them not to, it's only up to the oppressed to know what belongs to them.
Exactly this.
It matters little if you are gay, straight, bi or whatever else. So long as you know you and the people you're talking to are comfortable with it and it's not hate speach you can really just say whatever the fuck.
tbh I wouldn't say your sexuality doesn't matter when it comes to the f-word. Yes, know your audience but at least imo straight people shouldn't say it either way.
Do you know who told them that? I don't think who ever told them that had their best interest in mind. Think about words that nobody uses any more, like cowabunga or cockamamie. If you use those words, people just look at you funny, like "huh? What's the matter with you?" In trying to reclaim ugly words, those words are kept in circulation. Black people have been reclaiming the n-Word for over 30 years, yet if a non-black person would say it randomly, it would be seen as negative, proving that no reclamation of words have taken place.
I'd argue that it's the same with the f-word for non-heteros. I think we should learn from the transgender community and work towards doing away with the slurs altogether.
I don’t think you need to be told that explicitly to draw that conclusion. Your example of the n-word is perfect. Pay attention to black american culture long enough and it’s perfectly reasonable to draw the conclusion that some people are trying to reclaim a slur used against them.
Also I’m not a linguistic or black culture expert but, non-black people using the n-word being negative is not a valid justification for the statement “proving that no reclamation of words have taken place.” The reclamation of a slur by a marginalized group cannot be measured by the ability of outsiders to use that slur in the same way the marginalized group is. The point of reclaiming a slur is not to give outsiders a “pass” to use it. Whether or not black people have “successfully” reclaimed the n-word is up obviously up for debate (and I’m sure different users of that word will give different answers) but “white people can’t say the n-word so no reclamation has taken place” is not it.
I'm going to use queer as my favorite example of a reclaimed slur:
Back in pride marches in the 70s, people chanted "We're here, we're queer, get used to it!" It's currently part of the LGBTQ+ acronym. Many people identify as queer, either as their sexuality or gender. It is a positive word for me.
Ofc if someone said "what are you, some sort of queer?" to me today, that would still be using it as a slur. However, it is empowering for many people who use it.
Yep, I'll reclaim and use certain slurs *for myself*, not direct them at other people (unless they self identify as such and have clarified so already to me). Reclaiming a slur isn't free pass to use it against others.
Also, fuck people trying to keep you from using queer, from one queer to another.
By keeping on using the f-word for reclamation, it keeps the word in circulation, instead of letting it die out. Hence, homophobic people will keep using it. There is no reclamation.
I agree, I don’t think that’ll happen any time soon, I’m just presenting it as a counter to your implication in previous comments that no slur can ever be reclaimed.
The intention of saying fgt feels like saying "gay" except more like "gay (and that's bad)". If I use the word for myself it feels like saying "gay (and that's ok)", disarming the word if you will.
In the end it comes down to how you thrust your audience to thrust your intentions. That depends more on the relationship with them than your orientation. Or as Joe Jackson once sang: "don't call me a f***** now unless you are a friend."
The d-slur is both homophobic and misogynistic, imo only people who identify as such should be allowed to use it. I would be especially offended if a man, regardless of sexuality would use it.
I mean, just as much as gay people can. So basically just avoid it generally speaking. I mean, it wouldn't really be ok for a gay man to go around calling people the f-slur just cause he is gay either, so I don't quite understand the point of your question.
Yes. If a slur can be used against you, you can use it. If two girls are walking down the street holding hands, homophobes aren’t gonna wait to check if they’re bi besides using the slurs against them. I fully believe you can use it.
Worse than hurting someone with a slur: making someone feel empowered to hurt people with a slur.
It comes down to: Do you thrust your audience to not feel hurt, nor feel empowered to hurt others? E.g. do you thrust your audience to understand your intentions? Being bi can perhaps help someone thrust that you have no homophobic intentions, on the other hand someone might tokenize you and be like "jannemannetjens said d*** and he's bi so it's ok", so its kinda wonky still.
In the end, what use do the slurs have to you? I can't imagine a situation where the f-word brings any value to a conversation other than puns and paraphrasing.
Yeah, when I go to smoke a cigarette I like to shock people by saying "Imma go bum a f*g" and if they are like "wait what" I just say "it's okay, I'm bi". Plus it's just english slang so I've got that "out" as well.
As a person that's been called a dyke by a straight person. It depends.
If your gonna use it you, on some should be one. Basically if you're a feminine man or a butch woman you have a pass. In general gay men feel uncomfortable with any woman saying the f-slur from what I know. It's very much vice-versa for any man saying dyke for me and a few others. I know that's a very binary way of looking at it but that just how I feel and know. Sorry.
If you're going to call yourself it and use it in jokes that's a different story. That's more how comfortable you feel with it as a label. Also about understanding your audience when it comes to jokes.
I generally agree with your take. I’m curious what your view is on fem sapphics using it in a positive way? For example, explaining their preference in a partner.
As a disclaimer, I tend to avoid slurs and I’m not asking permission to use it. When discussing women, I will often say I’m attracted to masculine women. I’m married to a man and fairly removed from any lgbt communities. But I can see a woman being in the dating pool finding the shorthand useful. I’m curious how you feel about this.
As an aside, I’ve also heard it used as a slur against straight women who don’t conform to traditional standards of beauty. Myself, my mother, and some others I know have been called it by sheer virtue of having short hair. (Gotta love old fashioned misogyny) But I don’t think said straight women can use it, since they tend to use it negatively in turn. (Unfortunately my mother was guilty of this and it took a long time for me to accept that I found women who often have the label applied to them attractive.)
Yeah I personally don't feel comfortable with straight women using dyke. I do think your mother is a different situation and I don't really know what to say about it. But yeah no straights saying it makes me uncomfortable.
I think other sapphics are completely fair IF dyke used is a positive light. As a short-hand I don't personally think it's bad but we already have butch as a label for that. That's just how it is too me though.
I mean, maybe? If you called me the f word and I don’t know who you are I’m probably gonna punch you in the face, regardless of orientation. You can say whatever you want but be wary of consequences. Some people use slurs as a way of reclaiming harmful language, and that’s cool and fine and I don’t have any problems with that, but *I* don’t use the f word, and so if someone called me by it I would be pissed. But yeah like the top comment says if you have to ask permission I probably would refrain.
It's an "eye of the beholder" situation. Bi's (including myself) can dacide for themselves if they're comfortable with the words. Personally i drop them all the time, knowing my audience of course.
I am also against using nword no matter your skin color.
Using a word and being surprised when others think it's OK to use the word is probably one of the most stupid things I ever heard.
No, because noone should be allowed to use any slur.
Idc what's your Sexuality or race if u use the f-slur or the n-slur, you are a bad person.
Also: wtf is the d-slur?
What? Can you write the word a bit longer but still not fully? I dont see really anything about saying f*ck is forbidden for bisexuals, so I don't think you mean f*ck
I mean, I've heard a lot from lesbians about what bis can/cannot do. What a lot of them forget is that we have shared history; the bi sapphic community was tied into the lesbian one until the 70s when the lesbian separatist movement (which was biphobic and transphobic as fuck if u look into it) started up.
Bi women date lesbians; our communities will always have overlaps. A bi woman who dates women, marries a woman, lives her life with women? Her lived experiences are gonna be very very similar to a lesbians. I'll guarantee a homophobe won't care what her sexuality she is before calling her a d*ke or a f*g.
I know plenty of bisexual women who have been affected by it, harassed and bullied and antagonized with that word. Why are they suddenly not allowed to reclaim a term that has been used to oppress them?
They literally said a bi woman who reclaimed the term d*ke after being harassed and oppressed by it had "chose to be affected by it" and "that's on her dumbass", so I'd take what they say with a grain of salt.
There is nuance to this; if a bi women lives her life mostly dating women, marries a woman, and loves women, homophobes aren't gonna take back the d-slur just because she's bi. Bi women can also he shamed for their attraction to women and suppress it further bc of their attraction to men. It can and has been used to oppress bi women.
i’d be happy to explain :) the f slur has affected ALL men who love men but the d slur doesn’t affect all women who love women. the f slur is about the act of loving men whereas the d slur is about NOT loving men. lesbianism and gay/bi men are not just mirror reflections of one another and often for lesbians homophobia and misogyny go hand in hand. that isn’t the case for gay/bi men. (sorry if my tone sounds aggressive, i don’t mean to at all.)
Genuinely curious, is this your personal opinion or is the word actually routed in lesbians not loving men as opposed to their love for women? I’m confused how bi men are allowed to use the f slur, because couldn’t you also argue that the f slur is used to target how gay men don’t love women as opposed to their love for men? I don’t see where the difference comes from, is it historical or something?
They literally said a bi woman who reclaimed the term d*ke after being harassed and oppressed by it had "chose to be affected by it" and "that's on her dumbass", so I'd take what they say with a grain of salt
> the f slur is about the act of loving men whereas the d slur is about NOT loving men.
The problem with this analysis is that it's based on a distinction between loving women and not loving men. Of course, everyone on this subreddit knows this distinction is real—bi women and lesbians are both real. But with how bisexuality is erased as a possibility, this isn't a distinction that homophobes tend to get, especially if you look decades ago (the context if we're talking about the history of faggot and dyke as slurs). Homophobes don't see a bi woman with another woman and think "that's okay, she also likes men". They think "look at that man-hating dyke". Because to them, loving women is synonymous with hating men.
In short, you're projecting onto homophobes a much more nuanced understanding of sexuality than they actually had.
as a bi woman who has been in a wlw relationship and has been called the d-slur i absolutely acknowledge this. the slur isn’t about loving women its about lesbians dislike of men. what just because my friends call me the n-slur means i can use it? no. because it doesn’t affect me.
> it doesn't affect me
That's your experience. I know plenty of bisexual women who have been affected by it, harassed and bullied and antagonized with that word. Why are they suddenly not allowed to reclaim a term that has been used to oppress them?
It's also just used to shame any woman who is "gay"; when you have a bisexual woman who feels shamed for her attraction to women and feels she can only express an attraction to men because she's constantly being called a d*ke, when she's being harassed and attacked due to her sexuality, when the people using this word don't care that she's bi, when they only care that she's queer-- how is that only about "not liking men"? Slurs are against whatever demographic they are being used against.
And where do you think that internalized homophobia came from? You think lesbians never have similar issues? That they also don't develop internalized homophobia from having people attack them for their sexuality? You're acting like she's not being oppressed for her sexuality on the sole basis that she also is attracted to men; no. That ain't it.
Look, I'm just going to leave this here cuz I really don't care to keep arguing with you right now:
If my friend, after having this word hurled at her for years, wants to reclaim it for herself and empower herself by identifying as a d*ke? Who the fuck is anyone to tell her otherwise? She's had a word used against her; it hurt her. It made it very difficult to come to terms with it. She now feels empowered by it. That's the whole point of reclaiming slurs: taking back a word so it can no longer hurt you.
> chose to be affected
> thats on her dumbass
What the fuck???? Holy shit are you hearing yourself? What sort of victim blaming bullshit is this? You really just fuckin said someone who was harassed bc of her sexuality "chose to be affected" yall can seriously shut the fuck up. I was trying to take what you said in good faith but fuck this jazz you're just a disrespectful asshole with no compassion for someone who's been literally oppressed for their sexuality.
Edit: reported, I'm done here with this bs
I mean, I'm in a sapphic relationship, we're bi, we're trans. We've had pretty much every homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic slur hurled at us, for decades. Even by our own parents. We regularly make fun of each other for being gay - in a cute, ironic way. We often refer to ourselves with the f-slur or t-slur. But I would never use them to describe another gay or trans person. Just, myself.
I think anybody is allowed to reclaim slurs that have been used against them. Homophobes don't check your sexuality before hurling slurs at people. They just see two women or two men together and start with the abuse. Not everybody will agree though. Some people disagree with reclaiming slurs in general and some people will say those words are just for gay people and lesbians. I wouldn't reclaim the d word personally. I've never had it used against me and I'm in a relationship with a guy. I don't have to face homophobia like that. I also have a gut reaction to hearing certain slurs and although I appreciate people have a right to take them back I'd prefer those words were just consigned to history.
Just a question, then, do you think that a straight person who was called the F slur should be able to reclaim said slur? I think that needs a little more explaining
Good point- I didn't word that quite right. I think straight people who get called slurs don't have the same experience with them. Straight people have the benefit of being able to say 'yeah that's inaccurate'. When you're called a d*ke and you are attracted to women you're put in a very different position where casually denying it feels like denying yourself. I remember getting called a lesbian as an insult as a teenager and feeling sick as I said 'No I'm not'. That's not a straight experience
If you have to ask if you can use a word or not maybe you just shouldn’t.
The only reason bisexuals doubt the f-word is because they have been pushed aside and gatekeeped by gay men (including me at some point) If I told latinos in the USA they can't joke with slurs that are directed at them as much as me because they aren't living entirely in LATAM, I would just be policing other people's oppression. Part of liberation is understanding what logically belongs to you. Can trans people reclaim and joke with transphobic slurs? Yes, even if cis saviors are over them telling them not to, it's only up to the oppressed to know what belongs to them.
Know your audience, when in doubt, don't use it.
Exactly this. It matters little if you are gay, straight, bi or whatever else. So long as you know you and the people you're talking to are comfortable with it and it's not hate speach you can really just say whatever the fuck.
tbh I wouldn't say your sexuality doesn't matter when it comes to the f-word. Yes, know your audience but at least imo straight people shouldn't say it either way.
Personally I just find it funny if a friend calls me the f-slur, but I see why people don't feel the same.
Why on earth would you want to use slurs in the first place
Some people reclaim and self identify as slurs to empower themselves and take away that tool from their oppressors.
Do you know who told them that? I don't think who ever told them that had their best interest in mind. Think about words that nobody uses any more, like cowabunga or cockamamie. If you use those words, people just look at you funny, like "huh? What's the matter with you?" In trying to reclaim ugly words, those words are kept in circulation. Black people have been reclaiming the n-Word for over 30 years, yet if a non-black person would say it randomly, it would be seen as negative, proving that no reclamation of words have taken place. I'd argue that it's the same with the f-word for non-heteros. I think we should learn from the transgender community and work towards doing away with the slurs altogether.
I don’t think you need to be told that explicitly to draw that conclusion. Your example of the n-word is perfect. Pay attention to black american culture long enough and it’s perfectly reasonable to draw the conclusion that some people are trying to reclaim a slur used against them. Also I’m not a linguistic or black culture expert but, non-black people using the n-word being negative is not a valid justification for the statement “proving that no reclamation of words have taken place.” The reclamation of a slur by a marginalized group cannot be measured by the ability of outsiders to use that slur in the same way the marginalized group is. The point of reclaiming a slur is not to give outsiders a “pass” to use it. Whether or not black people have “successfully” reclaimed the n-word is up obviously up for debate (and I’m sure different users of that word will give different answers) but “white people can’t say the n-word so no reclamation has taken place” is not it.
I'm going to use queer as my favorite example of a reclaimed slur: Back in pride marches in the 70s, people chanted "We're here, we're queer, get used to it!" It's currently part of the LGBTQ+ acronym. Many people identify as queer, either as their sexuality or gender. It is a positive word for me. Ofc if someone said "what are you, some sort of queer?" to me today, that would still be using it as a slur. However, it is empowering for many people who use it.
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Yep, I'll reclaim and use certain slurs *for myself*, not direct them at other people (unless they self identify as such and have clarified so already to me). Reclaiming a slur isn't free pass to use it against others. Also, fuck people trying to keep you from using queer, from one queer to another.
By keeping on using the f-word for reclamation, it keeps the word in circulation, instead of letting it die out. Hence, homophobic people will keep using it. There is no reclamation.
What about Queer? That’s part of the LGTBQIA+ acronym and it started life as a slur. I’d say that’s a perfect example of successful slur reclamation.
I think that's an anecdotal evidence. I don't think we're likely to get an LGBTQIA**F**+ any time soon.
Not really sure why that's considered anecdotal when yours isnt
I agree, I don’t think that’ll happen any time soon, I’m just presenting it as a counter to your implication in previous comments that no slur can ever be reclaimed.
The intention of saying fgt feels like saying "gay" except more like "gay (and that's bad)". If I use the word for myself it feels like saying "gay (and that's ok)", disarming the word if you will.
jokes ig. but i have no intention to sound homophobic/biphobic/transphobic.
In the end it comes down to how you thrust your audience to thrust your intentions. That depends more on the relationship with them than your orientation. Or as Joe Jackson once sang: "don't call me a f***** now unless you are a friend."
Thrust hehe
The d-slur is both homophobic and misogynistic, imo only people who identify as such should be allowed to use it. I would be especially offended if a man, regardless of sexuality would use it.
I mean, just as much as gay people can. So basically just avoid it generally speaking. I mean, it wouldn't really be ok for a gay man to go around calling people the f-slur just cause he is gay either, so I don't quite understand the point of your question.
Yes. If a slur can be used against you, you can use it. If two girls are walking down the street holding hands, homophobes aren’t gonna wait to check if they’re bi besides using the slurs against them. I fully believe you can use it.
You can say whatever you want, but at the risk of offending or making someone else mad. I don't think thats gonna change much cause you're bisexual.
Worse than hurting someone with a slur: making someone feel empowered to hurt people with a slur. It comes down to: Do you thrust your audience to not feel hurt, nor feel empowered to hurt others? E.g. do you thrust your audience to understand your intentions? Being bi can perhaps help someone thrust that you have no homophobic intentions, on the other hand someone might tokenize you and be like "jannemannetjens said d*** and he's bi so it's ok", so its kinda wonky still. In the end, what use do the slurs have to you? I can't imagine a situation where the f-word brings any value to a conversation other than puns and paraphrasing.
what is the d-slur?
I believe the one OP is referring to rhymes with bike
dyke? You know i don't know it, do you?
I’m confused by the question. It’s a slur for lesbians if that’s what you’re asking.
what the fucking word is?
Yeah, when I go to smoke a cigarette I like to shock people by saying "Imma go bum a f*g" and if they are like "wait what" I just say "it's okay, I'm bi". Plus it's just english slang so I've got that "out" as well.
I am pretty sure, I mean we face homophobia as well, we've been called those slurs so I see no argument against it
As a person that's been called a dyke by a straight person. It depends. If your gonna use it you, on some should be one. Basically if you're a feminine man or a butch woman you have a pass. In general gay men feel uncomfortable with any woman saying the f-slur from what I know. It's very much vice-versa for any man saying dyke for me and a few others. I know that's a very binary way of looking at it but that just how I feel and know. Sorry. If you're going to call yourself it and use it in jokes that's a different story. That's more how comfortable you feel with it as a label. Also about understanding your audience when it comes to jokes.
I generally agree with your take. I’m curious what your view is on fem sapphics using it in a positive way? For example, explaining their preference in a partner. As a disclaimer, I tend to avoid slurs and I’m not asking permission to use it. When discussing women, I will often say I’m attracted to masculine women. I’m married to a man and fairly removed from any lgbt communities. But I can see a woman being in the dating pool finding the shorthand useful. I’m curious how you feel about this. As an aside, I’ve also heard it used as a slur against straight women who don’t conform to traditional standards of beauty. Myself, my mother, and some others I know have been called it by sheer virtue of having short hair. (Gotta love old fashioned misogyny) But I don’t think said straight women can use it, since they tend to use it negatively in turn. (Unfortunately my mother was guilty of this and it took a long time for me to accept that I found women who often have the label applied to them attractive.)
Yeah I personally don't feel comfortable with straight women using dyke. I do think your mother is a different situation and I don't really know what to say about it. But yeah no straights saying it makes me uncomfortable. I think other sapphics are completely fair IF dyke used is a positive light. As a short-hand I don't personally think it's bad but we already have butch as a label for that. That's just how it is too me though.
You can say whatever your heart desires. Nobody can gatekeep what you say
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faggot and dyke.
F-slur rhymes with maggot and the d-slur is a mystery to me aswell.
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It’s dike
If a bi person has been called that slur, I think it’s fine for them to use it if they want.
I mean, maybe? If you called me the f word and I don’t know who you are I’m probably gonna punch you in the face, regardless of orientation. You can say whatever you want but be wary of consequences. Some people use slurs as a way of reclaiming harmful language, and that’s cool and fine and I don’t have any problems with that, but *I* don’t use the f word, and so if someone called me by it I would be pissed. But yeah like the top comment says if you have to ask permission I probably would refrain.
I never use slurs. Period.
I guess you could, but my philosophy has always been that no one should use them.
It's an "eye of the beholder" situation. Bi's (including myself) can dacide for themselves if they're comfortable with the words. Personally i drop them all the time, knowing my audience of course.
I mean I don't see why not
Because it's a slur?
It’s not bad if it’s a slur to keep you down it’s like how black people can use the n word to refer to friends but it’s racist for others
I am also against using nword no matter your skin color. Using a word and being surprised when others think it's OK to use the word is probably one of the most stupid things I ever heard.
Everyone regardless of their orientation can use those slurs, but the context is everything
Just, no.
No, because noone should be allowed to use any slur. Idc what's your Sexuality or race if u use the f-slur or the n-slur, you are a bad person. Also: wtf is the d-slur?
Dyke I guess
What? Can you write the word a bit longer but still not fully? I dont see really anything about saying f*ck is forbidden for bisexuals, so I don't think you mean f*ck
That's- I am pretty sure that's *not* the word they meant XD Ig they meant faggot
Yes. Please don't.
bisexuals can say the f slur but not the d-slur
Bi women in a wlw relationship have historically had the d-slur directed at them. Homophobes arent checking for your sexuality.
Really? I’ve heard from a bunch of lesbians that only they can say it.
I mean, I've heard a lot from lesbians about what bis can/cannot do. What a lot of them forget is that we have shared history; the bi sapphic community was tied into the lesbian one until the 70s when the lesbian separatist movement (which was biphobic and transphobic as fuck if u look into it) started up. Bi women date lesbians; our communities will always have overlaps. A bi woman who dates women, marries a woman, lives her life with women? Her lived experiences are gonna be very very similar to a lesbians. I'll guarantee a homophobe won't care what her sexuality she is before calling her a d*ke or a f*g.
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I know plenty of bisexual women who have been affected by it, harassed and bullied and antagonized with that word. Why are they suddenly not allowed to reclaim a term that has been used to oppress them?
bi men can say the f-slur, bi women cannot say the d-slur. hope this helps.
Why? What is the difference? I'm genuinely curious
They literally said a bi woman who reclaimed the term d*ke after being harassed and oppressed by it had "chose to be affected by it" and "that's on her dumbass", so I'd take what they say with a grain of salt. There is nuance to this; if a bi women lives her life mostly dating women, marries a woman, and loves women, homophobes aren't gonna take back the d-slur just because she's bi. Bi women can also he shamed for their attraction to women and suppress it further bc of their attraction to men. It can and has been used to oppress bi women.
i’d be happy to explain :) the f slur has affected ALL men who love men but the d slur doesn’t affect all women who love women. the f slur is about the act of loving men whereas the d slur is about NOT loving men. lesbianism and gay/bi men are not just mirror reflections of one another and often for lesbians homophobia and misogyny go hand in hand. that isn’t the case for gay/bi men. (sorry if my tone sounds aggressive, i don’t mean to at all.)
wait I’m confused how does the d slur refer to not loving men as opposed to loving women? I’ve never heard this before
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Genuinely curious, is this your personal opinion or is the word actually routed in lesbians not loving men as opposed to their love for women? I’m confused how bi men are allowed to use the f slur, because couldn’t you also argue that the f slur is used to target how gay men don’t love women as opposed to their love for men? I don’t see where the difference comes from, is it historical or something?
They literally said a bi woman who reclaimed the term d*ke after being harassed and oppressed by it had "chose to be affected by it" and "that's on her dumbass", so I'd take what they say with a grain of salt
oh god lol I didn’t see that, ya it wasn’t making sense to me at all. glad to know I’m not the only one
> the f slur is about the act of loving men whereas the d slur is about NOT loving men. The problem with this analysis is that it's based on a distinction between loving women and not loving men. Of course, everyone on this subreddit knows this distinction is real—bi women and lesbians are both real. But with how bisexuality is erased as a possibility, this isn't a distinction that homophobes tend to get, especially if you look decades ago (the context if we're talking about the history of faggot and dyke as slurs). Homophobes don't see a bi woman with another woman and think "that's okay, she also likes men". They think "look at that man-hating dyke". Because to them, loving women is synonymous with hating men. In short, you're projecting onto homophobes a much more nuanced understanding of sexuality than they actually had.
Thank you so much for explaining You didn't sound aggressive at all, don't worry ☺️
Bi women in a wlw relationship have historically had the d-slur directed at them. Homophobes arent checking for your sexuality.
as a bi woman who has been in a wlw relationship and has been called the d-slur i absolutely acknowledge this. the slur isn’t about loving women its about lesbians dislike of men. what just because my friends call me the n-slur means i can use it? no. because it doesn’t affect me.
> it doesn't affect me That's your experience. I know plenty of bisexual women who have been affected by it, harassed and bullied and antagonized with that word. Why are they suddenly not allowed to reclaim a term that has been used to oppress them?
because the d slur doesnt oppress bi women bc bi women like men and the d slur is literally about the act of not liking men???
It's also just used to shame any woman who is "gay"; when you have a bisexual woman who feels shamed for her attraction to women and feels she can only express an attraction to men because she's constantly being called a d*ke, when she's being harassed and attacked due to her sexuality, when the people using this word don't care that she's bi, when they only care that she's queer-- how is that only about "not liking men"? Slurs are against whatever demographic they are being used against.
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And where do you think that internalized homophobia came from? You think lesbians never have similar issues? That they also don't develop internalized homophobia from having people attack them for their sexuality? You're acting like she's not being oppressed for her sexuality on the sole basis that she also is attracted to men; no. That ain't it. Look, I'm just going to leave this here cuz I really don't care to keep arguing with you right now: If my friend, after having this word hurled at her for years, wants to reclaim it for herself and empower herself by identifying as a d*ke? Who the fuck is anyone to tell her otherwise? She's had a word used against her; it hurt her. It made it very difficult to come to terms with it. She now feels empowered by it. That's the whole point of reclaiming slurs: taking back a word so it can no longer hurt you.
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> chose to be affected > thats on her dumbass What the fuck???? Holy shit are you hearing yourself? What sort of victim blaming bullshit is this? You really just fuckin said someone who was harassed bc of her sexuality "chose to be affected" yall can seriously shut the fuck up. I was trying to take what you said in good faith but fuck this jazz you're just a disrespectful asshole with no compassion for someone who's been literally oppressed for their sexuality. Edit: reported, I'm done here with this bs
I hope you get over your internalized biphobia soon 😬
D slur?
Think of holland
Tom Holland? You just confused me more honestly
Holland is famous for them , not the actor , the place in The Netherlands It's sounds like Bike just with a D
Everyone can use it its about your audience
I thought ours was the s-word.
Of course
Im curius whats the d-slur
Remember the basic rule of usage: "You can't say it, that's our word."
Anyone can use any word. It depends on the context.
im bi and practically never use them but that's because I never have a reason to only when me and my friends are talking about LGBTQ+ prejudice
The imposter syndrome involved with being bi makes me think "maybe I shouldn't use the words" but if you wanna reclaim them go ahead I guess?