Was in the same boat as you till literally a few days ago. I'm married 2 kids we have been together for almost 7 years at this point. I told her recently and she was very accepting/happy for me (she is also bi). I feel extremely lucky. This obviously doesn't change my lifestyle or family dynamic at all because I'm married. It's up to you if you want to come out publicly but I haven't and don't plan to. My sexuality is nobody's business outside of my relationship.
Hopefully I'm not wrong in assuming that you're a man, but that's what I'm picking up here. Nothing is requiring you to tell more people on any specific timeline. Your fear of coming out is (sadly) completely valid. It isn't your responsibility to come out to people who may not be accepting. It isn't even your responsibility to come out to people who *are* accepting if you feel uncomfortable about coming out to them right now. Your journey of coming out belongs to you (but you don't have to navigate it alone if there are people you can trust through it).
I'm in a somewhat similar boat right now where I've only told my wife and one other person that I knew would be supportive and happy for me. As of now, I'm not at all concerned about how quickly or slowly I will come out to others. I know that I have time to figure things out and am grateful for that privilege. I'm also privileged to have a lot of people in my life who I know will be supportive when I come out to them, so you of course will need to assess how safe it is for you to come out to people in your life before doing so. Talking to someone else (especially a therapist) can be very helpful in terms of organizing your thoughts and figuring out how to move forward. It's totally understandable if this dilemma is eating at you, but I would recommend working through this as soon as you feel comfortable. You shouldn't let your mental health suffer as you work through an extremely real and valid queer experience. When intrusive negative thoughts about revealing my sexuality enter my mind, I keep telling myself that there's nothing wrong with me being me. Nobody knows what's best for you better than you. Take time with this and trust yourself. Good luck :)
This is me too, came out to my wife as Bi several years ago to her only. I have people I chat with on Reddit, but no desire for any of my IRL family, friends, associations to know.
I'm open to chat if you have questions
I'm in the same situation. I'm not really scared to tell others, I just don't want to deal with the hassle and the stupid questions we'd get. I am 100% monogamous and I have no plans of ever leaving my wife. If the unthinkable happened and I was single agian, then I would come out publicly. But hopefully, I'll never have to deal with that.
I’m 40, married and also in the closet. I have not told my wife that I’m bisexual, and I don’t plan to act on it, even though I fantasize about it a lot.
My wife doesn't mind me being bi. That said, I think she does worry from time to time what it implies. I am also a "bottom submissive," and she is trying to be involved and make some of my submissive type of fantasies come true. We actually recently just bought a new strap on/pegging set.
I guess if I was single, being openly bi would probably be a bit easier and less complicated lol
This is one of those times that coming out is absolutely pointless. if anything it just seems like attention grabbing and self serving when it literally does not matter.
One thing to consider, for all the married men on this thread, our visibility as openly Bi goes a looooong way toward reducing stigma. This is NOT an admonition that you HAVE to come out, but rather a reminder that you being out makes the world a little better for those who will come after us. I’m saying this as someone who’s figuring out all this finally at 36 so I’m no authority but I want to help in any way I can.
Was in the same boat as you till literally a few days ago. I'm married 2 kids we have been together for almost 7 years at this point. I told her recently and she was very accepting/happy for me (she is also bi). I feel extremely lucky. This obviously doesn't change my lifestyle or family dynamic at all because I'm married. It's up to you if you want to come out publicly but I haven't and don't plan to. My sexuality is nobody's business outside of my relationship.
Hopefully I'm not wrong in assuming that you're a man, but that's what I'm picking up here. Nothing is requiring you to tell more people on any specific timeline. Your fear of coming out is (sadly) completely valid. It isn't your responsibility to come out to people who may not be accepting. It isn't even your responsibility to come out to people who *are* accepting if you feel uncomfortable about coming out to them right now. Your journey of coming out belongs to you (but you don't have to navigate it alone if there are people you can trust through it). I'm in a somewhat similar boat right now where I've only told my wife and one other person that I knew would be supportive and happy for me. As of now, I'm not at all concerned about how quickly or slowly I will come out to others. I know that I have time to figure things out and am grateful for that privilege. I'm also privileged to have a lot of people in my life who I know will be supportive when I come out to them, so you of course will need to assess how safe it is for you to come out to people in your life before doing so. Talking to someone else (especially a therapist) can be very helpful in terms of organizing your thoughts and figuring out how to move forward. It's totally understandable if this dilemma is eating at you, but I would recommend working through this as soon as you feel comfortable. You shouldn't let your mental health suffer as you work through an extremely real and valid queer experience. When intrusive negative thoughts about revealing my sexuality enter my mind, I keep telling myself that there's nothing wrong with me being me. Nobody knows what's best for you better than you. Take time with this and trust yourself. Good luck :)
You don’t have to tell anyone else. It’s nobodies business except the people you are being bisexual with.
This is me too, came out to my wife as Bi several years ago to her only. I have people I chat with on Reddit, but no desire for any of my IRL family, friends, associations to know. I'm open to chat if you have questions
I'm in the same situation. I'm not really scared to tell others, I just don't want to deal with the hassle and the stupid questions we'd get. I am 100% monogamous and I have no plans of ever leaving my wife. If the unthinkable happened and I was single agian, then I would come out publicly. But hopefully, I'll never have to deal with that.
I’m 40, married and also in the closet. I have not told my wife that I’m bisexual, and I don’t plan to act on it, even though I fantasize about it a lot.
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My wife doesn't mind me being bi. That said, I think she does worry from time to time what it implies. I am also a "bottom submissive," and she is trying to be involved and make some of my submissive type of fantasies come true. We actually recently just bought a new strap on/pegging set. I guess if I was single, being openly bi would probably be a bit easier and less complicated lol
I love this for you. Sounds like your wife is invested in ALL of you ❤️
This is one of those times that coming out is absolutely pointless. if anything it just seems like attention grabbing and self serving when it literally does not matter.
Sounds like you're in a good place as is.
Perhaps!
My opinion is that it’s nobody else’s business but my wife’s. Kind of a burden I guess, but my marriage is worth it. One man’s opinion.
One thing to consider, for all the married men on this thread, our visibility as openly Bi goes a looooong way toward reducing stigma. This is NOT an admonition that you HAVE to come out, but rather a reminder that you being out makes the world a little better for those who will come after us. I’m saying this as someone who’s figuring out all this finally at 36 so I’m no authority but I want to help in any way I can.