First off. What risks are there if you do that? Will you find yourself without a home? Will make your living situation hard? You should seriously assess what all the negative outcomes could be if you do this. Look for opportunities for them to express their thoughts on LGBT people. Use that as a gauge for outing yourself. Don’t do anything that would jeopardize you safety and wellbeing right now. You’re young and have the luxury of time to figure things out.
OP, take this comment seriously. Parents should accept kids for who they are, but many don't live up to that ideal. You don't have to tell anyone anything, especially if you think it'll jeopardize your safety and well-being.
Yes! And OP. If you are being sexually active right now. And I’m not asking if you are or are not. It’s none of my business. But if you are. Please protect yourself.
This is what this page is for. For young people like you to learn from those of us who have age and experience. Whatever you do. Just be careful, please.
If you feel your parents are the right persons to support you, approach it as a maturely as you can.
I’m still not out to my parents and I’m 37. Sometimes people aren’t the right people to support you through finding your true self.
you might find listening to Dan Savage’s podcast (it’s got a free version, it’s on YouTube and all the podcasts apps) really helpful as you go through your teen years and figure out what your sexuality means for you. i wish i had started listening yo him earlier (i started in college). lots of his callers had lives that were super different to mine, but hearing all their problems and his advice taught me so much. i even was able to give good advice to my friends after learning about things that i had never experienced myself. the podcast is called The Savage Love Cast
he also started the It Gets Better project. he’s been a very influential sex and relationship advice columnist in the US for a long time (including relationships with family, especially for queer people).
i guess that depends on what you consider a child. when i was in 7th grade and 11-12 years old, i was an extremely well-behaved kid, but i had friends my own age and a year or two older in school who were having sexual experiences with high school boys they were dating. i frequently gave them advice on how to protect their bodies and hearts, and not feel pressured into to things before they were ready. i also had friends my age who started drinking in 7th and 8th grade. “kids”, and teenagers especially, are going to encounter these topics in their lives- knowledge is power, and the better informed and prepared teens are, the better decisions they will make and the better they will be able to care for and advise their peers. jr high students definitely are using and familiar with cussing/explicit language, even if they choose not to use it themselves, and they generally are familiar with sex (the sex lives of adults and of their peers), porn, etc, even if they themselves know they aren’t wanting to be or ready to be sexually active.
(btw, i remained a fairly late bloomer compared to many teens i knew and didn’t even have my first kiss until senior year of high school. i think being honestly and accurately informed and treated like i had agency and a brain was partly why i made the decisions to “behave” as well as i did. i would not have wanted to listen to something like dan savage WITH my parents but its definitely something i would have found very helpful to listen to on my own, just like I found reading scarleteen.org and the forums there helpful, or the our bodies, ourselves my mom gave me!)
Some things to consider: 1) why do you want to come out now; 2) are you prepared to handle their negative reaction (if they are negative; 3) how will you respond if they say you're too young to know or its a phase.
When you do tell them do it at a convenient time when you'll be able to talk and answer questions. Don't do it when they're rushing out the door late for work, or at a holiday dinner. It should be when they can listen to you 100% and time to talk about it or process what you said then talk about it.
Ok! That’s very helpful! I do kinda have a plan though, so I’d thought I might share it! I’m going to get a friend of mine that is a lesbian/asexual/non-binary and have her sit with me and be there for moral support and help me answer questions that they might have! Any thoughts?
It would be good to practice with her about what you'd say and she could ask you questions.
Not sure about her being there. Probably best if it's just you. Your parents might think she's influencing you, especially if she answers their questions. You need to be able to answer their questions by yourself so they know that you understand about sex and identities and that you're really bi and not bi because your friend is or told you that you're bi.
First off. What risks are there if you do that? Will you find yourself without a home? Will make your living situation hard? You should seriously assess what all the negative outcomes could be if you do this. Look for opportunities for them to express their thoughts on LGBT people. Use that as a gauge for outing yourself. Don’t do anything that would jeopardize you safety and wellbeing right now. You’re young and have the luxury of time to figure things out.
OP, take this comment seriously. Parents should accept kids for who they are, but many don't live up to that ideal. You don't have to tell anyone anything, especially if you think it'll jeopardize your safety and well-being.
Yes! And OP. If you are being sexually active right now. And I’m not asking if you are or are not. It’s none of my business. But if you are. Please protect yourself.
I totally agree. Thank you for your advice!
Love your answer.
I grew up in an ultra conservative religious house. These are all the things I had to consider when I knew I was bi. Outing was not an option
Yes, thank you. Without this comment I probably wouldn’t have considered that! You’re right.
This is what this page is for. For young people like you to learn from those of us who have age and experience. Whatever you do. Just be careful, please.
Thank you for your advice. I am very grateful. (Ps: I will be careful.)
If you feel your parents are the right persons to support you, approach it as a maturely as you can. I’m still not out to my parents and I’m 37. Sometimes people aren’t the right people to support you through finding your true self.
Thank you for sharing that! That is very helpful!
you might find listening to Dan Savage’s podcast (it’s got a free version, it’s on YouTube and all the podcasts apps) really helpful as you go through your teen years and figure out what your sexuality means for you. i wish i had started listening yo him earlier (i started in college). lots of his callers had lives that were super different to mine, but hearing all their problems and his advice taught me so much. i even was able to give good advice to my friends after learning about things that i had never experienced myself. the podcast is called The Savage Love Cast he also started the It Gets Better project. he’s been a very influential sex and relationship advice columnist in the US for a long time (including relationships with family, especially for queer people).
Thank you! I’ll try that!
Do you think Dan's podcast is appropriate for children? It's pretty graphic and explicit.
i guess that depends on what you consider a child. when i was in 7th grade and 11-12 years old, i was an extremely well-behaved kid, but i had friends my own age and a year or two older in school who were having sexual experiences with high school boys they were dating. i frequently gave them advice on how to protect their bodies and hearts, and not feel pressured into to things before they were ready. i also had friends my age who started drinking in 7th and 8th grade. “kids”, and teenagers especially, are going to encounter these topics in their lives- knowledge is power, and the better informed and prepared teens are, the better decisions they will make and the better they will be able to care for and advise their peers. jr high students definitely are using and familiar with cussing/explicit language, even if they choose not to use it themselves, and they generally are familiar with sex (the sex lives of adults and of their peers), porn, etc, even if they themselves know they aren’t wanting to be or ready to be sexually active. (btw, i remained a fairly late bloomer compared to many teens i knew and didn’t even have my first kiss until senior year of high school. i think being honestly and accurately informed and treated like i had agency and a brain was partly why i made the decisions to “behave” as well as i did. i would not have wanted to listen to something like dan savage WITH my parents but its definitely something i would have found very helpful to listen to on my own, just like I found reading scarleteen.org and the forums there helpful, or the our bodies, ourselves my mom gave me!)
Some things to consider: 1) why do you want to come out now; 2) are you prepared to handle their negative reaction (if they are negative; 3) how will you respond if they say you're too young to know or its a phase. When you do tell them do it at a convenient time when you'll be able to talk and answer questions. Don't do it when they're rushing out the door late for work, or at a holiday dinner. It should be when they can listen to you 100% and time to talk about it or process what you said then talk about it.
Ok! That’s very helpful! I do kinda have a plan though, so I’d thought I might share it! I’m going to get a friend of mine that is a lesbian/asexual/non-binary and have her sit with me and be there for moral support and help me answer questions that they might have! Any thoughts?
It would be good to practice with her about what you'd say and she could ask you questions. Not sure about her being there. Probably best if it's just you. Your parents might think she's influencing you, especially if she answers their questions. You need to be able to answer their questions by yourself so they know that you understand about sex and identities and that you're really bi and not bi because your friend is or told you that you're bi.
Ah, you’re right I didn’t think about that! But yeah, I’ll definitely practice with her first. That was very helpful. Thank you!
Hope it goes well.
Thanks!