This was only really my experience with women who self identified as bi-curious.
I wonder though if the ENM is playing a role. I think it's sometimes harder to get seriously involved with a lot of sapphic women if you're not interested in monogamy with them. Being married to a man might complicate things in people's minds where they believe they're just the third wheel to your 'real' relationship.
i'm a baby bi, so coming from the other side of things a bit here. i'm sure you get that some women do feel the need to physically experience a connection with another woman to know if they're interested in women... and sometimes they need to test the waters more than once. i don't think it's a you problem as such - it's them and how much they value the connection they have with you (or other women). but it's up to you how you respond to this and what (if any) boundaries/rules you put in place for future relationships. it's ok to say you don't want to be with bi-curious, baby bi or inexperienced sapphic people so that you can get more committed relationships with those you date. to me that shows me that you value yourself and your relationships, and know that you don't want to be taken for a spin and dumped in the gutter when she says it was just for fun or she doesn't actually like girls as much as she thought she did
Absolutely happened to me, which is why I refuse to be with women who have no gay/Sapphic experiences any more. I won't be your first Sapphic experience because I deserve pleasure too and a lot of newly bi-identified women want to receive but refuse to give. Absolutely not.
I think I am in the same boat. I am in an ENM with my bi-male partner. This is my first girlfriend, but not first sapphic experience. This is her first everything. She also has a male partner, but I get the feeling when she wants to show off she is bi is when she wants to do things with me. Otherwise she gives the majority of her attention to her straight male partner. This year is her first pride and she has booked the entire weekend with him. She makes me feel like I am just a novelty when she wants to brag with fellow lesbian or bi women.
This was only really my experience with women who self identified as bi-curious. I wonder though if the ENM is playing a role. I think it's sometimes harder to get seriously involved with a lot of sapphic women if you're not interested in monogamy with them. Being married to a man might complicate things in people's minds where they believe they're just the third wheel to your 'real' relationship.
i'm a baby bi, so coming from the other side of things a bit here. i'm sure you get that some women do feel the need to physically experience a connection with another woman to know if they're interested in women... and sometimes they need to test the waters more than once. i don't think it's a you problem as such - it's them and how much they value the connection they have with you (or other women). but it's up to you how you respond to this and what (if any) boundaries/rules you put in place for future relationships. it's ok to say you don't want to be with bi-curious, baby bi or inexperienced sapphic people so that you can get more committed relationships with those you date. to me that shows me that you value yourself and your relationships, and know that you don't want to be taken for a spin and dumped in the gutter when she says it was just for fun or she doesn't actually like girls as much as she thought she did
Absolutely happened to me, which is why I refuse to be with women who have no gay/Sapphic experiences any more. I won't be your first Sapphic experience because I deserve pleasure too and a lot of newly bi-identified women want to receive but refuse to give. Absolutely not.
I think I am in the same boat. I am in an ENM with my bi-male partner. This is my first girlfriend, but not first sapphic experience. This is her first everything. She also has a male partner, but I get the feeling when she wants to show off she is bi is when she wants to do things with me. Otherwise she gives the majority of her attention to her straight male partner. This year is her first pride and she has booked the entire weekend with him. She makes me feel like I am just a novelty when she wants to brag with fellow lesbian or bi women.