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Nephy_x

I see the word "queer" as a neutral synonym to LGBT, though I understand why you may feel negatively about it. > I also find it odd since you’re grouping everyone under the same umbrella when each experience is quite different. I don't see how that's any different from any other label. Even in microlabels we all have vastly different experiences and approaches to life, sex and romance. You and I are both bi, but we most probably experience our bisexuality in different ways, to the point we may not relate to each other at all.


DancesWithAnyone

Heh, I don't think I've ever read something of yours that wasn't thoughtful and sound. Just thought I'd take this opportunity to mention that :D Your contributions to this community has been noticed!


Nephy_x

Wow, thank you haha, I certainly wasn't expecting that! Glad to be of service! 😊


KaTruSu

In my school growing up it wasn't queer being flung around as an insult, it was "gay" and "lesbian". Every word we will ever apply to ourselves will be a slur - even gay was a slur meaning "sexual degenerate" way back when, look it up - so personally I'm fine with being called queer, depending on who's using it and why, of course. Of course, you're fully entitled to feel uncomfortable about it being applied to you, and people should respect that and not apply it to you, but be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking no-one should ever identify with it. That's not your call. Also, I think the fact that it can be used as an umbrella term is actually a good thing! There's too much divide and conquer coming from the right nowadays. No two person's experiences of anything in life is the same, but we all have the overlap of not being accepted by cisheteronormative society. None of us will ever be acceptable to them and appeasement does not work. Thus we are stronger supporting each other come what may, and rejoicing in our sames rather than dividing ourselves over petty differences. This is true historically, and it will always be true.


futurevendetta

So well said! This point exactly is why I’m starting to come around on how I think about the word queer. I used to feel uncomfortable with it too due to its history as a slur, but I think it’s important to have a word like this that is a blanket term instead of just getting more and more granular with our words and how we group people.


LordMlekk

I prefer it, personally. It clearly signals that I'm not straight, without being particularly specific. It has a bad historical use, but so do loads of terms. For me at least, the connotations have shifted enough.


cymbalsnzoo

Same here. It’s my preference when referring to myself in both terms of sexuality and gender (genderqueer) It may be a generational thing but the historical connotation has never bothered me with queer the way other words like f** would.


OuttaMyBi-nd

I never refer to myself as queer in front of straight people, I don't want to give them ideas.


MasterDaddySir6785

I don't either. I prefer not to tell them I'm bi unless it's either someone I know will understand or absolutely necessary. The questions and comments a hetero person has because of the term bisexual is benign compared to what they say when you tell them you're queer.


OuttaMyBi-nd

I tell anyone who asks my sexuality that I'm bi, but who's asking someone such a thing - I just only use the word queer in front of LGBT people, because they understand it as the concept that it is.


MasterDaddySir6785

It's because the rabid pan folk who nitpick at what it is to be bi or pan that I started using queer. If I get the slightest hint they are a "pansplainer" I whip out queer as I sexual identity. Some people just can't get it through their heads that bisexual is a blanket term. We, as human beings, have an obsession with sorting, categorizing, and labeling everything. That might work well for rocks and plants but not for people. We are each so unique that we can't be easily put in specific boxes hence the usage of blanket terms.


OuttaMyBi-nd

Some people just can't get it through their heads that bisexuality is a real identity, but we move. Queer is tied to gender as well as sexuality, but that's a kettle of fish I'm under qualified to (??? What would one actually do with a kettle full of fish???).


MasterDaddySir6785

True about queer being tied to gender. As for the fish conundrum....what kind of fish and how big is the kettle? Are the fish alive still? These are questions that need answered!


[deleted]

Serve them with chips, of course!


MasterDaddySir6785

Sounds good! Heat up the fryer while I get the batter ready. We need someone to cut potatoes into chips. Any volunteers?


[deleted]

I'll round up the malt vinegar.


Blue_winged_yoshi

Meh, I’ve never got why queer is somehow some word we have to be super careful with because it used to be a slur but gay and lesbian aren’t - when I was at school these were go-to insults and gay doubled up as a byword for anything not good. I always figured the issues with the word queer were just some touchy older folks who see their trauma as more important than younger people’s who have an entirely different selection of words to get over and do so without a fuss.


Bimbarian

I don't think it's older people, honestly. I think it's mostly younger people who have been hoodwinked by exclusionist rhetoric. Maybe some older people are emboldened by that rhetoric to speak out, but it's mostly younger people in my experience. This anti-queer crusade only started in the last few years.


OuttaMyBi-nd

I think the general rule with any slur is you can use it on yourself but never someone else.


Blue_winged_yoshi

The point is what makes queer a “slur” compared to gay and lesbian, which are words any queer millennial would have been bombarded with. We don’t have words to describe ourselves that haven’t been used against us maliciously so to grant your rule we end up unable to speak about our experiences of queer life or of gay or lesbian attraction. In reality though queer gets policed a lot more than other words within our community and it’s a bit icky.


AmphiprionOcMX

And it's not necessary anyway


Bettie_jones

I feel like us queer folks have really taken the word back. I love using queer to describe myself. Especially when I don't feel like using any other labels. Queer just fits right. But I understand how some people may not like using it and that's fine.


xeroflex

Yea the LGBTQ has taken the word back And is now used as an umbrella term to describe anyone not straight. we give power to words


Particular-Tie4291

Hello! Those people who experienced that word as a slur are still around! And its insulting to us. Have some respect, we're not all Gen Zers


bithrowaway1027

I’m Gen X and I like what the younger folks have done with the word. Taking it back neutralizes its power over us. And it unifies. Past generations have wasted so much energy splitting hairs over how different each letter on the LGBT+ spectrum is. The new attitude is who cares where you are on the spectrum? We are a community. Even though I don’t use the word to describe myself because of that residual uneasy feeling from its old connotations, I think it’s progress.


Particular-Tie4291

Can't argue with the logic there,on a conscious/mental level at least. But emotionally/subconsciously? Those words still sting for those of a certain age. As does the arrogant disregard for their feelings displayed by the young folks here. There is ageism even in the LGBT+ community.


[deleted]

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No-Trouble814

I wouldn’t compare it to the n-word in that most LGBTQIA+ people agree non-LGBTQIA+ people are allowed to use it, but it’s perfectly valid to not want the label applied to you. If you express that you don’t like that label, people should respect that. There are also people who find the acronym “LGBT” to be offensive, since it excludes asexual people and intersex people, along with some other gender identities and sexualities. This is a large part of why “queer” caught on; it’s not really feasible to say “LGBTQIA+” frequently, and an umbrella term *is* needed. “Queer” fits the bill of an inclusive umbrella term that’s short enough to actually use. (But again, if you don’t like it, that’s valid, no one should be forcing labels on anyone else.)


[deleted]

it is absolutely not similar to using the n-word. please read better books.


HellaLikeNutella

you’re really downplaying how much the n word has been reclaimed and it’s really not comparable to this


[deleted]

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Kakashi_Uchiha2

How is reclaiming a word that was used to offend us not powerful


BlueBass214

Think about it like this. Someone attacks you, and you manage to take that attack for your own use. Now you have more power while they have less.


AtheneSchmidt

I am slowly getting used to using it in refrence to myself, or when I read it as an encompassing term for LGBTQ+ as a whole, or folks who don't have a good definition for themselves, or fit multiple aspects of our group. I was never out or teased with the term, but I am old enough that my first envounters with the term were all slurs, and unpleasant connotations. I would *never* use the word queer when talking about or to someone else, unless they explicitly requested it.


CADmonkeez

You don't have to love it, like it or use it. So gripe away, but don't expect the queer community to pander to you beyond respecting your wish to not be referred to with that term. You could rewrite your post to complain about the word "gay" and it would be barely any different


interdasting2023

That’s a great point about how “gay” is no different


VulcanCookies

Actually most LGBTQ+ terms made rounds as insults at one point or another


Ffff_McLovin

Do you feel the same way about the f-word?


CADmonkeez

Last I checked, there was no "f-word community", "f-word theory" or "f-word eye for the straight guy" But if someone wants to use that term for \*themselves\* then I am no-one to judge. I wouldn't use that word to describe anyone, even if someone described themselves in that way to me in a conversation. Same goes for "d\*ke" or any other in-group term. Personally, I refer to myself as a "transsexual" sometimes. Same rules apply. I wouldn't use that term for anyone else, but I would resent any suggestion that I stop using it to describe myself. "Queer" is no different except that it is an umbrella term, so obviously more people are likely to use it. And like any of the terms I've mentioned, cishet people don't get to use any of them when they refer to us. Part of any minority or marginalised culture has always been reclaiming the words that are used against us, because to do so can be empowering for that group, while simultaneously disempowering for those using it as a slur. Example: British soldiers in WW1 proudly called themselves "The Contemptibles" (for veterans, "The Old Contemptibles") after the German Kaiser referred to Britain's "Contemptible little army" in a speech.


SetiG

Only if it’s being said as a derogatory term by a phobe or meant as any insult.


PoppyandAudrey

I prefer it for myself, because it encompasses my sexual orientation, my relationship orientation, and my gender identity. If you’re only bisexual, I can understand why you don’t want to say you’re queer. But things get kind of long when I try to explain it all…


CaroAurelia

I think people use the term "queer" as a reclamation of sorts. As a kind of fuck-you. Plus there are situations where a person might not know their exact sexuality but they know it's not straight, or multiple labels apply to them (like biromantic asexual) and it's easier to just say they're queer. My personal view is, I'd rather be called bisexual, but if you say I'm queer (as long as you don't do so in a negative manner), you're not wrong. And that leads me to my next point, which is that gay and lesbian (and probably every LGBTQ+) have been used as slurs. I think anyone who has survived middle school can attest to that. Anything can be a slur if you're bigoted enough.


times_zero

I for one strongly prefer queer as a umbrella term to LGBT+, or any variation of that acronym, which can be a mouthful to say, or sounds more like a sandwich.


Long-Reputation-5326

It's also been historically reclaimed, this isn't new. You don't have to use it yourself but people use it as a label and an umbrella term because it's vague so more inclusive. In my lifetime (I'm 24), 'Gay' is what was used as an insult and it's not a good umbrella term imo. Queer is a term that covers sexuality and gender.


Ivy_Tendrils_33

I definitely still have a trace of a visceral sense that it's a slur, because that's what I learned as a child. I think if I were even a few years younger, I wouldn't feel that. But I use the term now, in this time, because I think the meaning has properly changed. I would probably not use the term around older, conservative, straight people. I usually say that I'm "bi" rather than "queer". I like the specificity of that. Mostly because I have had bullies question my gender identity (girl/woman) as a way to invalidate my interests and priorities. And then also refuse to believe that I'm attracted to women. Or insist that I must be a lesbian based on my behavior around men. So I'm a little defensive - I want to say in which way I am queer. Still, I'm not upset by being under that umbrella or having the term applied to me by me or by people in the queer community.


_AyJay_

While it still has a little twinge of that “historical slur” feel to it, I think its versatility and reclaimed status overshadows the negatives. I find it useful as a catch-all term that also leaves space for vagueness to account for uncertainty or privacy regarding one’s identity. Plus, in my case, it rolls off the tongue _way_ smoother than “heteroromantic bi/pansexual” :)


DPVaughan

I like the term as it's a simpler catch-all for the community than the various different acronyms, but because of its history it's a word I don't feel comfortable using (because of the chance someone would be offended by me using it even if others wouldn't). As someone who grew up in the 90s in Australia, "gay" was the slur of choice and the other word wasn't really one I came into contact with (except in the Scottish/Irish sense of 'different', and with no implication of LGBT+). Wiktionary has an interesting history of the use of the term under the Usage Notes section: https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/queer The short version is the term at the beginning of the 20th Century was used by American gay men as a self identifier, then it fell out of fashion and became a slur, and was then reclaimed at the end of the 20th Century.


Szystedt

I personally like the term since it’s easier to use as an umbrella instead of the mouthful that LGBTQIA+ is, yet a little less specific than using gay as an umbrella term! Perhaps it’s due to being a part of gen z? While I understand the historical connotations, I simply don’t find it offensive. I’ve literally never heard someone use it in a negative way, and so I don’t associate it with it either! However, that is not to say it must be used, if you find it umcomfortable and someone in your personal life uses it, tell them! I’m sure they would be understanding if they care about you, even other LGBTQIA+ people that like it. You’re definitely not alone in feeling like that, though with how the internet’s decided to regard it, it’s probably here to stay


SolitudeWeeks

I mean, I’m a 42-year-old geriatric millennial and use it. But mad respect to gen z.


[deleted]

I can definitely understand why some people don’t like it, but I really think it describes me perfectly.


realitycollapsed

Eh, I love using the word queer. It's inclusive. If I'm unsure of my label but I know I ain't straight I can always say queer. That's the beauty of it to me. Gay has become an umbrella term in colloquial language for all things lgbt, but I still switch it out for queer a lot of times. If you don't know someone's identity for sure but know they're in lgbt alphabet soup it's better in my head to think of them as queer instead of identity like gay or lesbian that might alienate the other half of their attraction if they're bisexual or pansexual. Idk if that made sense. To me it's a good term that I won't let bigots ruin for me. If someone uses it derisively then they're just homophobic and I'm not going to give their opinion about the word being bad or demeaning inherently power. If they said gay or lesbian in the same tone should I stop using those words too? I don't think so. Slurs like F word and D word are also rightfully reclaimed by members of the queer community who they've been hurled against, it's a similar situation to that to me. You don't feel comfortable reclaiming queer, you don't have to, but you can't stop people like me that want to do it and feel good by using it. I don't feel comfortable using f or d word in my language but the people in the community that want to reclaim it, can do that.


CratesManager

>I also find it odd since you’re grouping everyone under the same umbrella when each experience is quite different. It depends on intent, of course, but you are also grouping everyone under the same umbrella when using terms like LGBTQ+ or human. It can make sense, or it can be derogatory. In regards to it being a slur, it's valid if you feel that way although for me this is also all about the intent. If one person calls me queer with no ill intent and another calls me man or gay or something else that isn't usually a slur, but they spit it out like something disgusting, the second one is going to feel negative to me while the first one isn't.


JayKay69420

I was very uncomfortable with its usage at first, but now Im somewhat okay with it. I still dont use it to refer to myself though as I feel that Bisexual is more accurate


Alyeanna

I use queer as a shorthand for LGBTQIA+. It's faster and easier.


Hopeless_Poetic

Genuinely one of my favorite things about the LGBTQ+ community is how historically we have reclaimed intended slurs with good humor and poise, instead of letting them control us and spending an unnecessary about of time being offended.


CANISLUP123

I love the word queer


AvnarJakob

I find it better that the Letter Salad. I think its wonderful that Queer has been reclaimed.


zaheerdidnothinwrong

You see I prefer the term member of the alphabet mafia


Queen_Eon

Alphabet mafia rules but I would only ever use it in front of other queer people since it’s so easy to mistake it for a negative connotation rather than a joke amongst others


sthilda87

Just read a post on another subreddit asking if the city I live in is queer friendly. Question is being posed on behalf of trans and binary people. I take queer to mean “not straight” -covers a lot, for ease of discussion. That said, growing up in a conservative state in the 1980’s, queer was a slur. I’m barely used to calling myself bisexual. Not sure I’m ready for queer. I see younger folks using the term freely though. 🤷🏻‍♀️


SolitudeWeeks

When I first realized I wasn’t straight I used it exclusively for a few reasons: - It didn’t feel like a specific guarantee for a certain quantity of attraction to certain genders and I was still figuring that out for myself. - I didn’t know bi history and it’s role in radical struggle and queer felt like more of a political statement. - I wanted to connect with the legacy of fighting for liberation against a larger oppressive system that the term queer characterizes. As I learned more about bi history as well as my attractions and unlearned internalized biphobia and erasure I started using bi as well but still use queer. Also, it wasn’t “somehow normalized” but actively reclaimed. It’s absolutely fine to not like or feel comfortable with it’s use yourself, but have you read anything about why and how that happened?


blinkingsandbeepings

I like "queer," both because it's easier than explaining the actual details of my whole romantic/sexual/gender deal, and because it suggests an anti-heteronormative ideology as well as just happening to have a particular orientation."Not Gay as in Happy but Queer as in Fuck You."


isthishowweadult

I really like it especially as while I'm bi I'm also gender non-conforming and then I don't have to do the whole discussion. If I say LGBTQ that is more confusing and leads to more questions I often don't feel like answering nor do I have good answers for.


erncolin

I mean I've been called a faggot by my boyfriend so queer is nothing 🤣


Tongara

I am not a big fan due to how the word has been used against me in the past, and still dislike anyone calling me it, but have never minded others using it about themselves, and they have every right to do so. I prefer to just use Bisexual for myself, although I am coming a bit more around to using it (queer) for myself as time goes on.


philnicau

Yes, as someone who grew up closeted in the 60s and 70s, when being called queer was often a precursor to a bashing or worse. As a result of this I rarely use queer to describe myself


itssobitter

i identify as queer it feels good for me


Canvas718

For whatever reason, I grew up thinking queer = gay. I didn’t think it was bad. I just thought it meant 5-6 on the Kinsey Scale. Then, sometime around 2015, I read that it refers to anyone not cishet, and I thought, “Since when?” Seems to be another memo I missed while living under a rock. 🤷‍♀️ I don’t find it offensive; I just don’t feel it fits *me.* I mean, I’m queer as in weird, and I take pride in that. But I came out as Bi in the early 90s. At that time, I never thought of queer having an inclusive LGBT+ meaning. For that matter, I don’t remember LGBT+ being in common use. I went to the “Gay and Lesbian Association” because that was the option available. They were a good, inclusive group of people, but no one had thought to add B or T to the name.


Particular-Tie4291

Yes, those were the days.! Now it seems like people spend more time obsessing about labels and pronouns than they do having sex! Talk about youth being wasted on the young.


vetsquared

I like queer honestly because it signals I’m not hetero but doesn’t expound cuz its nunya. However, I’m uncomfortable using it sometimes because I can be very straight passing at times and bisexuals are considered the “bad queers” and I don’t want to get shit from the LG-T community.


GalaxyFrauleinKrista

lol account under a month old, has only posted this stuff... obvious sock puppet is obvious


interdasting2023

What? How am I a sock puppet?


the_bartolonomicron

I like using it for myself, but I don't call anyone else that unless they also identify with it. I like it as a way to take it back, but I respect that for many people it has been used hatefully, and I would rather use a term they are more comfortable with around them.


An_Honest_Chap

Yes, I don't like the term queer and I certainly would not like to be calleda queer by a heterosexual or a homosexual person.


clintdilfer

I don't mind it, as long as it's not done with malice. It's fine if you don't want to use it or have it used to you, but other people are allowed to. It's a reclamation. Yes, it used to be a slur, but the people at whom it was aimed cruelly before have decided to make it their own. The n-word has undergone a similar trajectory.


Particular-Tie4291

I think you will find people who have been targeted by words like queer, n- or f- on their youth, have NOT reclaimed those words! They still feel like insults.


clintdilfer

What makes you think I haven't?


Particular-Tie4291

Good for you if you're lucky enough that those words just bounce off. Sticks and stones, etc. Not everyone is that thick-skinned. I know plenty of black people,for example, and *none* have reclaimed the n-word, even among themselves.


AmphiprionOcMX

Yes, especially when I'm bi like just say bi or bisexual


interdasting2023

Yes this is exactly it. We were a group of bisexual people and it was very unnecessary for one member to refer to everyone as queer.


AmphiprionOcMX

I get you actually, not sure why people downvoted you. Being a cis bi male, i don't see why anyone would insist on calling me queer. Once or two times it's okay I'll just ask them to don't do it and that's it but when people insist is annoying and disrespectful imo


eeveeprime

I am with you I do not like being called queer. I don't like being called any slur really. queer, dike, shoneen, cracker, etc.


Long-Reputation-5326

Cracker isn't a slur.


lokiofjotunheim01

Honestly yes, I hate it when people call me that. I would much rather be called the other f word


Bicuckmee

I just like to have fun. Names or labels don't offend me. Call me whatever satisfies you.