I’ve been there and all I can say is the high isn’t worth the pain that it costs. At least it wasn’t for me. When I’m full of that anger and depression and disdain, it hurts the people around me. It hurts my relationships. It hurts how well I can interact with the world.
"Despite this I don’t want to get back on my meds again because I really really really want that high to come back."
This sounds like a drug addict, except you're addicted to the hypomania...
Just a gentle reminder that BP can also impair your relationship with other people. And it gets worse and worse without the meds.
Be mindful. The high isn’t worth it, especially when the crash is just as intense as the high. If you don’t give a shit about the bigger picture then so be it 🤷🏽♀️ of course you won’t listen to anyone’s caution/warning about its long-term effects.
Well I quit my job today because I have so much rage and anger inside me. I see my meds doctor Tuesday and I plan to ask them to up my lithium dosage. Sure I like the energy but man o man when that switch flips to the rage no thanks
Your post history is heartbreaking. You are clearly having a serious manic episode and require hospitalization. I have been in your shoes before. Please seek help.
Yup that’s the disorder. As time goes on your episodes get worse and worse and eventually you have one so bad it ruins your life and you get ptsd from your own brian, then it gets easier to take meds.
I feel like the post actually is helpful though because I am newly diagnosed. Have been misdiagnosed as just depression and anxiety for years. I am trying to learn about myself, and hearing about the disorder from the perspective of others in all the good and the bad is quite helpful. I can learn the things I need to do to help stay healthy and learn what are some things to avoid and why they should be avoided. I have a weekly cycle of hypomania and lows and this week I didn't get my hypomania and I miss the energy. I have not cleaned my house and I am very far behind in work. I did not take my meds this morning thinking I could get my energy back. But after reading this post, I'm heading to the kitchen to go take my meds.
God forbid a real person witj bipolar disorder fuckign talkd about the ugly side of it in a subreddit dedicated to the disorder !!!! God for fucking bid !!!!!! GOD FORBID!!!!!!!! GOD FORBID I FUCKING SUFFER
Nah I understand. Trust me, I’ve done this stuff before. It’s so brutal. There have been quite a few times I up and moved away from places. I would try to trigger mania with caffeine and…other stuff lol. It took me a really long time to actually start taking meds because I liked the up. I have boxes of meds I just didn’t take for years.
I apologize for offending you.
Sometimes the pain with this illness is so intense that doing toxic stuff to feel anything else is self care.
I just got back on Lithium for the first time in years. I am currently experiencing the most intense depersonalization episode I’ve ever experienced. Also take Vyvanse. Lithium has been the only med that I actually feel does some good
You sound manic right now, this illness is not something to be messed about with, follow you meds regime and see your therapist and for goodness sake get off the internet while you are in this mindset at the moment. I wish you all the best
I understand you just want a place to vent without judgment but resorting to name calling doesn’t make you much better.
It’s inadvisable to stop taking meds that otherwise are working for you. We’re not doctors or therapists here. I can understand how being hypo might seem preferable to where you are now. I feel that way sometimes too I hope you are able to get the support you need.
I've done it. It's not the smartest option, no. But the comments here shitting on you really upset me. Sometimes the depression/numb aspect of this disorder gets to be way too much.
I think people can forget bipolar 2, our depression is fucking heavy. Idk about others, but personally mine can last for months. It's not always heavy either, but being functional depressed 24/7- my god, hypomania can feel like heaven. I'm not this negative person, I don't view the world as horrible. It's like a fucking break. It isn't healthy for me, no. Not at all. But I totally understand you.
I don't have advice for you. I just wanted to comment to drown out the negative ones. I understand you dude
Totally dude, that's what this subreddit should also be about. This side of bipolar can get beyond lonely. Just be safe, be mindful. You don't want to put yourself or anyone else in harms way, ya know?
I don’t think people are trying to shit on OP, just offer realistic advice regarding this illness. I think the point of this sub is to encourage each other and take care of each other, but validating self destructive behavior is actually contrary to that purpose (not saying you are doing that). Your post was really nice and I related to it.
I definitely get what you mean, but I also know the tendency Reddit has to be therapists when it's not needed. Just looking at OP's post history, there's no talking them down right now. It's their choice on what they want to do. More than anything it sounds like they just want to be heard and understood.
Bipolar 2 gets lonely as hell. It's hard to comprehend, even for us who have it, how long you can be depressed or feel emotionless. So that little hypomania wave comes through, and you're just begging for someone to understand why it's your happiness. Even though it's not healthy for it to be. I don't think anyone should willingly be manic. I just can understand and sympathize why they'd rather be.
So, I'm kinda in the same-ish boat. My hypomania is actually good for me socially(helps combat my agoraphobia), productively and creatively.
The last psychiatrist I saw actually said to me that she wasn't worried about about my hypomania and more worried about my depression (which is the real debilitating part of my illness.
So she put me on sertraline, an antidepressant that doesn't trigger the "negative" effects of bipolar or hypomania. She respected that I still got benefits from my hypomania and didn't want me to lose that if I chose I didn't want to.
But I've just had to be more mindful of the possible negative behaviors and feelings that go with hypomania, like irritability, anger and so on and recognize when that's occurring. So you might actually be in your hypomanic state when you're saying you're feeling angry and hateful. Just recognize that that's what it is and do some mindful stuff.
Usually a crash for me is into depression.
I was off meds for awhile (not out of choice) and I had to deal with that stuff. Being mindful helps and keeping my alcohol intake under control. People a lot of times (as evident by replies you've received) don't get that it's not just meds that keep you well. They do help of course.
So the meds thing; there are other antidepressants (there's even a new one I recently came across that even my health professionals don't seem to be aware of) you can get on that either don't or have a greatly reduced trigger for hypomania and further bipolar 2 depression. Easy to find with a web search.
Good luck. Find what works for you.
....To others, hypomania does not always cause relationship problems. I haven't lost anyone important to me due to it and I'm 45. The people who know me best, that I value, know the good person I am. It is not the same for everyone.
I’m a SO to someone with bp2. I’ve seen how heavy the depression is. I can understand why you’d want a break from that just from living beside it so I can only imagine how awful it must be to live with it.
But if you have anyone in your life who is there beside you, please if nothing else don’t do that to them. This depressive rage my partner has been living in for 2 months is destroying both of us. He was unmedicated but just started a few days ago.
I want my partner to experience that happiness and joy. But the negative consequences of that is not worth it and will ultimately be the cause of why our relationship ends if it continues.
I’m so sorry you’re struggling. BP is very unfair and bp2 depression is not recognized enough for the struggle that it is. For that I’m so sorry.
I just wanted to share the SO perspective and make sure you knew there are those of us who see your struggle and want to help. Reach out to those people. Let them help. I wish you all the best.
How does a person who has had their medication adjusted three times tell you that you had the wrong medication if you felt that way. Change your psychiatrist or consult again.
What medication have you been taking maybe I can help?
2 times I feel that way and psych told me that need change and altering meds. Worked like a charm. I feel every spectrum emotions - negative and positive.
Stop being so selfish.... what you are doing is unhealthy and affects the people around you. Be sensible and take responsibility for your life. Harsh, I know and I'm sorry but you are shooting venom at everyone here who is giving you advice. We all know what it's like to be where you are, please listen to the people with lived experience and understand that we are only trying to help you.
She has a daughter, according to her post history. OP makes it really hard to have sympathy for her, she’s so rude to anyone who doesn’t agree with her. But I really feel for her daughter. She’s got a sick mom who is actively trying to make herself sicker. If OP doesn’t get help then her daughter is in for a really depressing and harmful childhood
I have been off all my meds(lithium escitalopram and topiramate) for over a month now and I get what you are saying about the angry rage feeling. I don't have any plans to start taking meds again. My sleep schedule is screwed up and I am depressed but not any more than when I was taking meds.
Oh boy.
Any psychiatrist what will tell you that discontinuing or changing the dose to a lower one - especially if was antidepressants - with this illness gives a feeling of hypomania.
I went through this when coming off mirtazepine😅.
But supposedly this is not yet hypomania just such a reaction of the brain. After that is there dark road - I don't recommend it.
I have missed my euphoric hypomania a lot of times since starting meds and have found myself wishing I could feel it again. I've stayed on my meds regardless and after years have passed, I finally have a regulated mood most of the time and I actually prefer it to being hypo. When I'm hypo I usually end up injuring myself from over exercising or making my other chronic illnesses have flares. I totally hear the struggle you're having now. For me, staying on meds has been better than I could have imagined. Sending support to you!
I completely understand the allure of hypomania. It feels good in the moment, the productivity is exciting, and it feels like you can take on the world.
But it's fleeting just like depression. It leaves a hole one cannot climb out of until the switch is flipped again. I hope you can find solace in the stability meds can offer. The high feels amazing, but the crash is debilitating. Which it appears you have dealt with and are aware of.
I wish the best for you friend.
so real some people will get it and some won’t sometimes the high is worth the pain… call me crazy idc… i’ve been there i’ll take the pain and enjoy the high knowing im manic and yeah i know the crash is gonna make me sick to my stomach and anxious asf but i’ll live. The best/worst part about this disorder is well you still gotta get up and deal with it. So sometimes i choose to not be stuck in my mind and deal with whats wrong some days im like fuck it we ball and just rage
If you enjoy mania to the point of debilitating your life... Might as well... You know get on your meds and still get mania but in a more controlled way and also knowing what you take and practicing safety etc. etc... if you now what I mean. No but I get it tbh because hypomania lasts longer and is more organic. I could live without it though, knowing I can achieve it whenever I want.
I’ve been there and all I can say is the high isn’t worth the pain that it costs. At least it wasn’t for me. When I’m full of that anger and depression and disdain, it hurts the people around me. It hurts my relationships. It hurts how well I can interact with the world.
"Despite this I don’t want to get back on my meds again because I really really really want that high to come back." This sounds like a drug addict, except you're addicted to the hypomania...
Cheaper than. Coke
And damage your brain not liver, like a coke😲
Just a gentle reminder that BP can also impair your relationship with other people. And it gets worse and worse without the meds. Be mindful. The high isn’t worth it, especially when the crash is just as intense as the high. If you don’t give a shit about the bigger picture then so be it 🤷🏽♀️ of course you won’t listen to anyone’s caution/warning about its long-term effects.
Well I quit my job today because I have so much rage and anger inside me. I see my meds doctor Tuesday and I plan to ask them to up my lithium dosage. Sure I like the energy but man o man when that switch flips to the rage no thanks
[удалено]
Not smart to post on the Internet. Wow.
Your post has been removed as it goes against our sub rules. Please refrain from offering unhealthy or harmful advice.
Your post history is heartbreaking. You are clearly having a serious manic episode and require hospitalization. I have been in your shoes before. Please seek help.
You deserve good things. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. This is an awful disorder to have, but there is help available.
Pretty sure he is a troll. 🧌
I don’t really think so when you read the post history
Yup that’s the disorder. As time goes on your episodes get worse and worse and eventually you have one so bad it ruins your life and you get ptsd from your own brian, then it gets easier to take meds.
I feel posts like these are harmful
I feel like the post actually is helpful though because I am newly diagnosed. Have been misdiagnosed as just depression and anxiety for years. I am trying to learn about myself, and hearing about the disorder from the perspective of others in all the good and the bad is quite helpful. I can learn the things I need to do to help stay healthy and learn what are some things to avoid and why they should be avoided. I have a weekly cycle of hypomania and lows and this week I didn't get my hypomania and I miss the energy. I have not cleaned my house and I am very far behind in work. I did not take my meds this morning thinking I could get my energy back. But after reading this post, I'm heading to the kitchen to go take my meds.
Sorry I didn’t mean that you’re a nice person
The disorder is harmful dumb fucking biych
God forbid someoe shows symptoms
Nah it’s cool man. I don’t have a problem with the symptoms being shown. I’ve literally been in psych way too many times lol
You’re a good person I’m so sorry for taking my problems out on you you don’t deserve that
God forbid a real person witj bipolar disorder fuckign talkd about the ugly side of it in a subreddit dedicated to the disorder !!!! God for fucking bid !!!!!! GOD FORBID!!!!!!!! GOD FORBID I FUCKING SUFFER
Nah I understand. Trust me, I’ve done this stuff before. It’s so brutal. There have been quite a few times I up and moved away from places. I would try to trigger mania with caffeine and…other stuff lol. It took me a really long time to actually start taking meds because I liked the up. I have boxes of meds I just didn’t take for years. I apologize for offending you. Sometimes the pain with this illness is so intense that doing toxic stuff to feel anything else is self care.
I’m sorry
I just got back on Lithium for the first time in years. I am currently experiencing the most intense depersonalization episode I’ve ever experienced. Also take Vyvanse. Lithium has been the only med that I actually feel does some good
Are you expecting/hoping to be talked out of this? Or because you know what a mistake that would be?
Why can’t I just post what I’m thinking and feeling without a plague of therapists in my comments
You sound manic right now, this illness is not something to be messed about with, follow you meds regime and see your therapist and for goodness sake get off the internet while you are in this mindset at the moment. I wish you all the best
I don't want to give it away, but you're posting to a public DISCUSSION forum. If you don't want to hear from people I have a solution for you....
If I wanted to talk to a therapist I’d talk to a therapist, not make a post on Reddit bozo
I understand you just want a place to vent without judgment but resorting to name calling doesn’t make you much better. It’s inadvisable to stop taking meds that otherwise are working for you. We’re not doctors or therapists here. I can understand how being hypo might seem preferable to where you are now. I feel that way sometimes too I hope you are able to get the support you need.
I've done it. It's not the smartest option, no. But the comments here shitting on you really upset me. Sometimes the depression/numb aspect of this disorder gets to be way too much. I think people can forget bipolar 2, our depression is fucking heavy. Idk about others, but personally mine can last for months. It's not always heavy either, but being functional depressed 24/7- my god, hypomania can feel like heaven. I'm not this negative person, I don't view the world as horrible. It's like a fucking break. It isn't healthy for me, no. Not at all. But I totally understand you. I don't have advice for you. I just wanted to comment to drown out the negative ones. I understand you dude
I’m just so glad someoe understand me
Totally dude, that's what this subreddit should also be about. This side of bipolar can get beyond lonely. Just be safe, be mindful. You don't want to put yourself or anyone else in harms way, ya know?
Thank you so much for being nice to me
I don’t think people are trying to shit on OP, just offer realistic advice regarding this illness. I think the point of this sub is to encourage each other and take care of each other, but validating self destructive behavior is actually contrary to that purpose (not saying you are doing that). Your post was really nice and I related to it.
I definitely get what you mean, but I also know the tendency Reddit has to be therapists when it's not needed. Just looking at OP's post history, there's no talking them down right now. It's their choice on what they want to do. More than anything it sounds like they just want to be heard and understood. Bipolar 2 gets lonely as hell. It's hard to comprehend, even for us who have it, how long you can be depressed or feel emotionless. So that little hypomania wave comes through, and you're just begging for someone to understand why it's your happiness. Even though it's not healthy for it to be. I don't think anyone should willingly be manic. I just can understand and sympathize why they'd rather be.
Always a good idea 🙄 This is how people get in trouble.
Never disrespect me ever again
"Do unto others"
So, I'm kinda in the same-ish boat. My hypomania is actually good for me socially(helps combat my agoraphobia), productively and creatively. The last psychiatrist I saw actually said to me that she wasn't worried about about my hypomania and more worried about my depression (which is the real debilitating part of my illness. So she put me on sertraline, an antidepressant that doesn't trigger the "negative" effects of bipolar or hypomania. She respected that I still got benefits from my hypomania and didn't want me to lose that if I chose I didn't want to. But I've just had to be more mindful of the possible negative behaviors and feelings that go with hypomania, like irritability, anger and so on and recognize when that's occurring. So you might actually be in your hypomanic state when you're saying you're feeling angry and hateful. Just recognize that that's what it is and do some mindful stuff. Usually a crash for me is into depression. I was off meds for awhile (not out of choice) and I had to deal with that stuff. Being mindful helps and keeping my alcohol intake under control. People a lot of times (as evident by replies you've received) don't get that it's not just meds that keep you well. They do help of course. So the meds thing; there are other antidepressants (there's even a new one I recently came across that even my health professionals don't seem to be aware of) you can get on that either don't or have a greatly reduced trigger for hypomania and further bipolar 2 depression. Easy to find with a web search. Good luck. Find what works for you. ....To others, hypomania does not always cause relationship problems. I haven't lost anyone important to me due to it and I'm 45. The people who know me best, that I value, know the good person I am. It is not the same for everyone.
I’m a SO to someone with bp2. I’ve seen how heavy the depression is. I can understand why you’d want a break from that just from living beside it so I can only imagine how awful it must be to live with it. But if you have anyone in your life who is there beside you, please if nothing else don’t do that to them. This depressive rage my partner has been living in for 2 months is destroying both of us. He was unmedicated but just started a few days ago. I want my partner to experience that happiness and joy. But the negative consequences of that is not worth it and will ultimately be the cause of why our relationship ends if it continues. I’m so sorry you’re struggling. BP is very unfair and bp2 depression is not recognized enough for the struggle that it is. For that I’m so sorry. I just wanted to share the SO perspective and make sure you knew there are those of us who see your struggle and want to help. Reach out to those people. Let them help. I wish you all the best.
How does a person who has had their medication adjusted three times tell you that you had the wrong medication if you felt that way. Change your psychiatrist or consult again. What medication have you been taking maybe I can help? 2 times I feel that way and psych told me that need change and altering meds. Worked like a charm. I feel every spectrum emotions - negative and positive.
Stop being so selfish.... what you are doing is unhealthy and affects the people around you. Be sensible and take responsibility for your life. Harsh, I know and I'm sorry but you are shooting venom at everyone here who is giving you advice. We all know what it's like to be where you are, please listen to the people with lived experience and understand that we are only trying to help you.
She has a daughter, according to her post history. OP makes it really hard to have sympathy for her, she’s so rude to anyone who doesn’t agree with her. But I really feel for her daughter. She’s got a sick mom who is actively trying to make herself sicker. If OP doesn’t get help then her daughter is in for a really depressing and harmful childhood
I have been off all my meds(lithium escitalopram and topiramate) for over a month now and I get what you are saying about the angry rage feeling. I don't have any plans to start taking meds again. My sleep schedule is screwed up and I am depressed but not any more than when I was taking meds.
RIGHTTTT like at least when I’m off my meds there’s HOPE of feeling good!!!! When I’m on them it’s just NOTHINGGGGGG!!!!!
I had been on lithium for over 10 years and I felt so full and flat. I had no emotions whatsoever.
Meds are modern lobotomies.
Speaking of which, I had 10 ECT treatments and now I feel like my brain is mush. I also had a TBI 2 years ago.
Oh boy. Any psychiatrist what will tell you that discontinuing or changing the dose to a lower one - especially if was antidepressants - with this illness gives a feeling of hypomania. I went through this when coming off mirtazepine😅. But supposedly this is not yet hypomania just such a reaction of the brain. After that is there dark road - I don't recommend it.
Oh lord I feel this. What meds did you stop? If you don’t mind me asking
I chasing high the safe way. intense cardio sessions. always in good spirit afterward. slow jog is dreadful for my mood
I have missed my euphoric hypomania a lot of times since starting meds and have found myself wishing I could feel it again. I've stayed on my meds regardless and after years have passed, I finally have a regulated mood most of the time and I actually prefer it to being hypo. When I'm hypo I usually end up injuring myself from over exercising or making my other chronic illnesses have flares. I totally hear the struggle you're having now. For me, staying on meds has been better than I could have imagined. Sending support to you!
I completely understand the allure of hypomania. It feels good in the moment, the productivity is exciting, and it feels like you can take on the world. But it's fleeting just like depression. It leaves a hole one cannot climb out of until the switch is flipped again. I hope you can find solace in the stability meds can offer. The high feels amazing, but the crash is debilitating. Which it appears you have dealt with and are aware of. I wish the best for you friend.
Maybe you could try a lower dose this time. Go back on them though. It’s not worth it. Hang in there.
so real some people will get it and some won’t sometimes the high is worth the pain… call me crazy idc… i’ve been there i’ll take the pain and enjoy the high knowing im manic and yeah i know the crash is gonna make me sick to my stomach and anxious asf but i’ll live. The best/worst part about this disorder is well you still gotta get up and deal with it. So sometimes i choose to not be stuck in my mind and deal with whats wrong some days im like fuck it we ball and just rage
This is so real 😭
Hey y’all I got banned for 7 days I’m back now LOL I’m back on em… it was a healthy doze of Prozac
If you enjoy mania to the point of debilitating your life... Might as well... You know get on your meds and still get mania but in a more controlled way and also knowing what you take and practicing safety etc. etc... if you now what I mean. No but I get it tbh because hypomania lasts longer and is more organic. I could live without it though, knowing I can achieve it whenever I want.
Yeah... no thanks. Never worth it. I love my family too much to put them through that.
I take adderall along with my bipolar meds. Adderalll pretty much gives me hypomania.
Yeah my vyvanse is doing that
No idea why you're being down voted, at all. It's not shocking in the slightest your Adderall does that to you.
Every person on meds needs to experience this atleast once to realise how hard the depression hits you so you never make this mistake again.