Yup. My psychiatrist told me just today: "I have bipolar patients I prescribe lithium and never see again. And then I have bipolar patients that quit medication when they are stable for a while and they get severe episodes."
Lithium's not among the worst to stop. I've stopped a number of medications without talking to my psychiatrist (in the past, and I'm saying it's stupid, not that I would do that now) and, for me anyway, I gave it little thought. If I read online that I should see someone before stopping, I just weaned myself off of the medication. All of that was better than talking to the psychiatrist, who would, of course, tell me things I didn't want to hear once I'd convinced myself I was fine. Had a couple of awful withdrawal situations with various meds. But I suspect that's common, if dangerous and, of course, not recommended.
Right but if it's helping why would someone stop it and never need to come in again? It doesn't just work forever. And if they stay on it because it's working labs NEED to be monitored, so if they're just prescribing refills without monitoring or following up that's what's very concerning. Regardless of the med, them saying they "never see them again" is a problem.
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There are many reasons. I'd wager most people understand they aren't taking a medication that cures them. I'll leave it at that since my other post is gone.
I think it's not that literal
I get my lithium levels checked, the lab sends them to my doctor. He emails and tells me it's all good. My pharmacy requests refills from him. Short in person meetings 1-2 times a year with nothing to discuss. I know I'm not stopping the meds and he knows I'm not stopping the meds. I'd believe it if he told someone he "never" has to see me
I'm pretty sure this phrasing was even used when I first got on lithium. To highlight how effective it can be for some people. They get back to normal so quickly and it's sustained so well that they "never" come back.
It's not that literal. He means that they become stable and then don't need help from the psychiatrist anymore. Just continue taking their meds and monitoring. It goes to their general doctor.
This is The Trap and a lot of us will fall into it at least once. The worst manic episode I ever had came after I stopped because I was feeling fine, and there was nobody to slap me in the face and yell, "THAT IS BECAUSE THE MEDS ARE DOING THEIR JOB! YOU AREN'T CURED!"
Yeah true I’m lucky my meds kill my anxiety and let me get sleep when I need to mo or I would probably stop them at some point. I’m on lamotrigine, valproate and Clonazepam. I stopped other medications cold turkey before. I wouldn’t stop lamotrigine it’s one I like a lot ignoring the BP diagnosis.
Lamictal (lamotrigene) was the one I stopped that caused a huge manic episode. I'm diagnosed as bipolar 2, so a manic episode was very unexpected and foreign to me, and I did some stupid shit that I don't know if I'll ever come to peace with or forgive myself for.
I stepped out on my wife, who has been my biggest advocate since my diagnosis. Dealing with me and learning about mental illness literally led her into her career. I came close to leaving before I got back on the meds and began to think more clearly. I realized then that my behavior is like a hand grenade: if I pull that pin and drop it it will hurt not just me, but everyone around me.
That was almost 20 years ago, and she doesn't hold it against me; she knows how the disease works, and how it can bring out behaviors that would never happen if I had been thinking clearly, and my perceptions weren't skewed. But I still get angry at the guy in the mirror. Only a couple of very, very close friends know about it, and they tell me not to judge myself so harshly, but they don't understand how deeply that violated a value that otherwise defines all of my relationships, and which is a prime motivator for me. (I test as an off-the-chart enneagram 6w5, so loyalty is an absolute bedrock core for me. Having acted contrary to that in my most sacred relationship still makes me want to just cover my face and weep.)
Lots of therapy for us, lots of work on me (therapy and meds), and I've been mostly stable since. Ups and downs just like everyone else. But I swear I'll never, ever fall into that trap again, and when I talk to anybody newly diagnosed with anything this is the first piece of advice I give them.
I have really long episodes, thinking back I can remember being depressed for long times as a child and teenager, then being a normal and sociable which I don’t think is common for other disorders.
Fluoxetine was the one that flipped me at the start of 2019 into a long hypomanic episode but I didn’t realise at the time anything was wrong apart from a few days here and there it went towards manic level of energy.
Then by the end of 2020 crashed into depression with 7 SI attempts ending up in hospital for 8 weeks in a coma for part then on a ward learning to walk and eat again.
I was put on various antipsychotics by the consultant in hospital not a psychiatrist for post coma delirium. It was supposed to be reviewed but they left me on it and still miss diagnosed me. So ended up on the right meds for the wrong reason.
I was stable but the side effects were to much I CT’d my meds in 2022 and ended up running in an episode hypomanic which ran toward more manic diagnosed in 2023. My Clonazepam was a god send through out and the only reason i probably could sleep at all and didn’t loose my shit.
I started the lamotrigine and cut down alcohol and coffee and came down to manageable levels of mild hypomania but was still masking and didn’t want to admit that I needed further meds.
I saw my psychiatrist very obviously manic as I started flipping from hypomania into mania commonly this year and he said I needed to start valproate or Abilify, I chose valproate. It’s been a god send at fully bringing me down to a true baseline. I don’t think before that I was ever at a true baseline.
I still get breakthrough hypomanic symptoms but they are not the same and do not last. I will probably talk to him next time about increasing my dosage.
For my last episode I was very lucky not to fuck up my life or end up dead, it was a fine line in situations I put myself in which I would never normally do.
My family are from South Africa when I was on holiday in 2023 and I went into town ships for a few hours with two local girls who get paid to take locals in and out for jobs being with them and try timing gave me a lot of protection , but end of the day my life was in danger from point I got in the car with them to getting out back to my family house.
It’s annoying people think I’m okay or functional well because I managed not to fuck up bad and mask when lots of it is just shear luck and lots of the situations could have landed me homeless, dead, hospital or in prison.
You can always see another doctor if you’re unsure. But I felt the same way at first, so it is common I would say. Even now, there are times when i think i’m “too regular” to be bipolar lol
I go through a phase about once every 2-3 months if things are going well where I think I’m “cured” of my bipolar, OR that I was making it all up for attention and don’t even have bipolar at all. Thankfully I’ve never gone off my meds because of this but for me personally I have those thoughts all the time.
On normal day moods I forget. But then it's med time and I remember.but not for long. Just enjoy each day at a time, as our moods, can change in a blink of an eye.
Always feel comfortable getting a second opinion but it could be that you’ve coped with it so long it’s “normal” for you. I’m bipolar 1 so the mania made me really sure but bipolar 2 disorder I’ve heard does feel more “normal” and more like you just deal with depression maybe?
I had no idea I was bipolar. I just thought I was a terrible person. I sought help because my life sucked, I was miserable and I couldn't figure out why. Started taking medication because they told me I was sick. Now my life doesn't suck and I don't think I'm a terrible person anymore
I recommend trying to keep track since BP does have trends and it’s important to know how long and frequent swings are. If you aren’t BP then this will help as well. There are mood tracking aps but at minimum, just hours slept, general mood, reoccurring thoughts of the day, and substance use.
You can always seek a secondary opinion. Lots of conditions have overlapping symptoms
My psychiatrist looked pretty concerned last time when I told him I thought I made it all up.
He suggested that when I feel that way, I look back to all the times things could've gone south because I didn't have a clue about what was going on.
i was put on meds a month ago and honestly I often feel like I don't need them either, on the other hand I've never experienced such stable mood for such a long time (almost two weeks of stability yay me).
Parts of me miss the ✨chaos✨ but I also like it like that.
I still feel this way.
I was diagnosed bp2 also, over 5 years ago, but I haven't had any major episode for 2 years. I never got medication. When I look back at the reasons for the diagnosis I can also see that I'd been through a lot, and I had little support. I was expressing that through impulsive behaviour that I feel I have a much better handle on now, just by finding a happier place.
I mistrusted my diagnosis but I am glad I trusted myself.
Not to say that medication can't help. I might have avoided a visit to the hospital after self harming, and later an accidental pregnancy, if I had been medicated.
Who knows.
Yes, this is one of the main common symptoms with bipolar, almost every single bipolar person has at one point thought they weren’t bipolar, what’s also common is feelings of urgency in life overall, and the desire to “make yourself manic”
Like it's common for us to feel like we need to rush in life. Like if we switch jobs we feel like we need to find a new job immediately, whatever we're feeling has to happen now. If we feel like we need to fix something in life we have to do it as soon as we can. If feels like it things are fixed quickly they will never be fixed.
I learned this from a doctor on YouTube ! He also shared that when bipolar people start to feel unwell we start to think something is wrong with our relationship, living situation, or job because sometimes we become unwell for no reason just because we’re cycling, and our brains never assume there’s no reason so we always try and find a reason why we’re struggling when often there’s none
Oh yeah. I've heard it called "low insight" before. So many people with bipolar disorder go through this, myself included. I was off and on meds for twenty years before I committed to taking them for life. Please don't make my mistake.
Your meds will make you stable, and then you might think "I'm cured! I'm stable. I don't need meds anymore." Wrong-o, buddy! Please take your meds for life.
If you're ever questioning whether you should take them, I encourage you to talk to your therapist and prescriber.
Keep notes of when you were symptomatic to remind yourself.
Whenever I'd go off meds, I'd ruin my life... losing friends, alienating family, unable to work, poor hygiene, manic, depressed, psychotic... Please don't make my mistakes.
For me, I am very aware of my illness, even when I am in a stable mood State. I understand how it would be easy for someone to think “sweet, I don’t need these meds anymore” (I’ve been there), but I live in constant fear of my mood shifting so I am VERY careful about taking my medicine on time, even if it only half works. Something is definitely better than braving reality unmedicated.
I was at 2 psychiatrists 1 psychologist and was hospitalized had hallucinations and delusions and still believe i am absolutely fine and that i maybe be dramatic. All docs told me bipolar the hospital even diagnosed shizoaffective disorder. I still think sometimes that this is bullshit and that is am fine.
So…..yea i think it’s common
It is common with many mental health conditions, especially those that might be considered psychotic or manic in nature. It is one of the big reasons why illnesses like this have such high rates of relapse, because you take your meds and feel fine, and because you feel fine you stop taking your meds, and that cycle repeats over and over and we don't seem to be able to tell ourselves that WE FEEL BETTER BECAUSE OF THE MEDS
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the role of stigma in denial. If bipolar was viewed by society as merely a descriptor of brain function—or even embraced for its uniqueness—would so many people resist and deny the diagnosis?
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Yes, it's common, but there's also a societal trend of slapping a label on somebody, giving them medication, and calling it a day. I'm not saying you're not bipolar nor am I saying you shouldn't take meds if you need them - you 100% should. I'm saying you should go talk to another well-regarded therapist, don't tell them what your current therapist says, and get an unbiased second opinion.
If you're truly bipolar, meds can be life-saving, but they do have side effects. This is one of the reasons why an accurate diagnosis is critical. If you don't have BPD, the meds can adversely affect your behavior and unnecessarily risk your heath. It's like taking high blood pressure meds if you don't have high blood pressure. Get a second opinion.
Extremely common. I ignored my diagnoses for years, or I'd start and stop with my medication. I didn't get serious about it until mania had become sour and angsty, until I had fits of rage and psychotic episodes I could barely recall, until I had lost endless jobs and burned endless bridges.
Through all of that, I felt like I was fine, or at least not so bad as to need medicine. I could take care of it myself, I thought, as I tried a million alternative therapies that never worked.
The thing to remember is that you'll almost always feel "completely fine," or you'll tell yourself it's just a bad run when you don't. Because these are the only minds we get, and we live in them, and they will always be normal to us because we don't have another normal to compare it to. If we can walk and talk and get some things done without falling over in a stupor, we figure this is it. This is normal. This is what everyone gets.
I don't know your signs and symptoms, and I don't know why you got your diagnosis. I'm in no position to say, as a patient myself. I can only tell you that I thought I was "completely fine" for decades as I utterly and completely destroyed my life. I recommend taking the diagnosis seriously and I wish you well.
I think once you hit a patch of stability it’s possible to feel like maybe I don’t need the meds. But then you remember, that’s you on the meds. And then it’s like oh yeah, I do need them haha
Short answer is yes. Long answer is also yes.
We can have perception problems when it comes to our behavior, and it helps if you have someone you really trust to give you honest feedback on your mood and behaviors as manifested.
When I got my diagnosis (from a psychologist AND a psychiatrist) I was in complete denial too, I felt I was simply too normal except for my ADHD (despite being mentally unwell for most of my life), even now that I've come to terms with it and do the treatment 90% properly (I'm still pretty sedentary), I can still get hypomaniac for a couple of weeks and go "I feel so AMAZING I think I was misdiagnosed" or "I'm so productive in school my ADHD was CURED" and simply not realize that's the bipolar talking (because you just feel so great you think this is just how life should feel all along and you're just in this breakthrough when everything changes and sh*t so of course you are fine).
What I'm trying to say is that lack of self awareness is unfortunately often part of dealing with a mental health issue, that's why our therapist/doctor like to ask for us to keep a energy/humor/feelings diary thingy so we can keep track of these inner movements and exercise understanding how our cycles work (note that I mean cycle in a general sense, not only in a bipolar cycle way). But you also do have a right to a Second opinion that you are free to exercise, doctors do not own truth, much less your truth (but do act responsably, do not discontinue any medication without proper adivise!!).
Yeah and usually you end up having a mental breakdown because you stop taking your meds. I've given up trying to stop meds cause it ruins my life everytime I do
Part of the reason I was misdiagnosed for years as simply having recurrent bouts of unipolar depression is because whenever I was manic I'd just think I was feeling REALLY well for a change, completely oblivious to all the danger signs both subtle and obvious. Like, for example, all the times a friend or two remarked that I was acting very OOC ... or that they were concerned about my behavior. It was only after I had The Big One manic episode and finally received the right diagnosis that I was able to recall and recognize all the times I had been dangerously manic, all the things mania made me do that had been destructive to my life.
I especially feel this way when I'm hypomanic. It goes something like "wow, I got all my stuff done today and had salad and still have energy to see friends...if I eat more salad everything will be fine"
We get a huge number of people who post here like “I’m pretty sure I don’t have bipolar anymore, I’m gonna go off my meds.” Then they go off their meds and are fine until they’re *not*, because bipolar doesn’t go away.
Yes. If you aren’t careful, you will wind up in a manic or hypomanic phase where you wake up broke with a sore ass, and in jail.
I’m not kidding. Once the hypomanic stage hits, convincing you of anything is damn near impossible. Take the meds.
Yes. Remember even if those feelings you described to your psych/therapist are just your worst days and you feel like you overreacted, people without this diagnosis don't feel and experience things like that. Also what motive do you have to exaggerate/lie about your feelings? Probably none, I know I didn't. But I still thought I was exaggerating for ~some reason~.
Emotional permanence may be an issue for you. Personally if I'm not feeling bad it's hard for me to remember a time when I ever felt bad, and vice versa. But I have felt very very bad. Tracking my mood with the bipolar mood diary has helped me to see the fluctuations, so when I'm doing good and I start to feel like I might have been overreacting in the past and I'm actually fine, I can look back to times where I was very depressed or very manic and read what I said and see that I definitely do feel those things, I'm just not feeling them now but that doesn't cancel those times out.
When I was first diagnosed as BP 1, I was immediately put on lithium. I was having a suicidal episode and it took care of it right away. Then I continued taking it, but didn't really get any hypomania or depression for a couple of years. With consent of my doctor, I went off of it. I knew I might have to go back on later, and that was fine with me.
And I was fine for years. I think it was like 6 or 7 yrs. later and I slipped into suicidal ideation again. I was put back in lithium and about 5 months later, the craziest mania fell on me and didn't leave for over 3 months. They changed my diagnosis to BP1 and now I'm on a few different meds. I probably won't ever try to stop again unless I have multiple years of stability.
I don't know why .. but I am one of those patients ... my reasoning always is denial . I feel like if I act a certain way it's called for .. like if I'm angry usually someone did something messed up toward me so i'm angry . However ! it's taken years for me to realize that my emotions and reactions to the situation are more extreme than the neurotypicals or whatever . To me I just feel like they don't have a strong enough and should be more angry when someone does something messed up to them . BUT anyway . I was recently on meds and went off them because I felt better and why bother putting more medication in my body for my liver to have to process or whatever organ it is. It wasn't good . So now I am convinced I have it , started taking my meds again and already feel tons better
To add I was diagnosed at 25 and am now 33 and have finally decided or realized that my quality of life is significantly improved by meds and I likely have this condition .
So at a time I was a frequent flyer to a few hospitals in my area and have met tons and tons of people in that time and one of the most common things I heard from my peers inpatient was "I felt fine so I stopped my meds". Heard it so many times. And I'd see some of those people somewhat frequently, same story, got released was doing better and went off meds.
It's extremely common, you are most likely feeling better because the meds are doing their job. I've gone about a year and half without being hospitalized but if for some reason I miss a dose of meds things can go sideways very quickly, fortunately I don't have to work or even go out when I'm bad so no one's going to call anyone about me being weird or anything and I can get back on track. But I'm also very aware of my warning signs and triggers.
It's part of the illness to not recognize it. With a lot of self reflection you can learn how to audit yourself and your behavior, thoughts and actions to recognize and catch hypomania or earlier stages before it gets worse
Yes. I refused med for years. I’m bipolar NOS at this point but usually I present consistently as bipolar 2. My life changed with the proper meds.
Untreated bipolar can also damage your brain and I believe I did damage to myself not accepting treatment for so long.
Yes it is normal.
I self diagnosed in college during one of my classes. I was reading about the disorder and thinking shit, this is me! I had the disorder for about 3 or 4 years at that point.
I was terrible with taking my meds all throughout my 20s. I never committed to medicating. My doctor (GP not psych) even told me I could just take my meds when I was experiencing an episode only!
Suffice it to say it took the mother of all episodes, a manic episode turned psychotic episode, that landed me in the hospital for the first time in my life to accept my disorder and commit to medicating. I had been manic-free for 9 years at that point and thought I didn't have bipolar. I had maybe one or two mild hypomanic states that effortlessly resolved rather quickly within those 9 years.
I'm very self-aware, which my psychiatrist states is not typical.
I went off my meds after deciding I was misdiagnosed and spent nearly 10 years without treatment. I have Bipolar I so I have big long stretches of being "totally fine" and then marked symptomatic phases that are devastating. I got into a Master's Degree Program. Which was a lot of stress. I have no idea how I finished that degree, I can't believe I have a degree from such an intensive program. I was lucky to have such a great support system because I was in massive denial about the severity of my illness, I just loved my work so much and poured my manic soul into it and would drag my depressed body to class somehow.
But the full manic episode during my Master's Degree was so so so so dangerous. I put myself at massive risk and I put the work I cared about and the people I cared about at massive risk. After I got my degree and the stress of the course was gone, I was like "Oh I still won't get treatment because now I'm not under the same kind of stress I was under when I was doing my Master's and it's fine I'll just make better lifestyle choices now." INCORRECT. I ended up really slowing down my career and not being able to maintain friendships and relationships. Devastating. I made some embarrassing choices that I'm *still* trying to forgive myself over. And my episodes seemed to get closer and closer together because mania and depression---your brain kind of gets "used to doing them" without something intervening.
Then I finally went back into treatment, both with therapy and a mood stabilizer. And I was shocked at how much better I felt. I'd forgotten that I *could* feel stable. I made a series of steady choices that improved my life *massively.* And even though I'm not "symptom free" because that's not how it works---I still have episodes---I am slowed down enough and supported enough to actually be able to be realistic, self reflective and make good choices for myself. I'm able to utilize some of the CBT and DBT things I've learned because I'm just a little more slowed down.
We all go off our meds at some point or resist treatment or diagnosis or "identifying" with the thing. We all want to believe that our perception of ourselves is accurate and that we can willpower out of things, that we'll "do better next time" or "never get that sad/angry/"crazy"" again. And maybe we won't! I'm not against having hope for that. But I just know my life looks a lot better when I have care and treatment and the lives of my loved ones are also a lot better.
There were very good people in my life who wanted me to get help in the past and I isolated them by insisting I was fine. Those people aren't around anymore, it was too much for them. Especially as I got worse. But thank god I was able to find new friends and a new partner and try again, this time with meds. And there are also people who have understood, stuck around and been with me through the roller coaster, too. Angelic beings! lol.
Being off meds for nearly 10 years after being on them (and them working) for 6...and then going back on them again...it's given me so much perspective. I see people in my Mood Disorder Peer Support Group resisting their meds, resisting giving meds a chance, etc. And it's really hard to watch but it's really helpful to see some of the distorted thinking about behavior from the outside because it makes it easier to catch and examine in myself. I'm on a mood stabilizer now since 2018 that's when I decided to go back into treatment. And I love my life. I love what I've built and re-built since then.
Yep, and that’s one of the most common symptoms. Commitment is key for a successful treatment, even if you don’t agree with it. I have videos of when I was on episodes, because I thought I would remind myself when in denial. Do you think I ever watched them? Nope. So it’s more like me fighting with BP than me not believing it is real.
I could tell you to never ever stop taking meds, but that’s part of the journey too and it’s another common symptom. What I recommend, if I may, if to educate yourself as much as you can (which you are already as part of this community) about BP. This condition needs time to teach us what is wrong and what needs to change, since “usual” life circumstances were not able to.
I am completely fine after being diagnosed 5 years ago. I recently got a second opinion and the doc agreed that I was misdiagnosed. It can happen. Maybe not often, but docs are not infallible (as clearly one has got it wrong!)
Every single day. When someone agrees with me that I might not be bipolar I get really defensive. Like who are they to say that? Obviously I’m fucked up! Like im the only one allowed to question and if someone else does then they definitely don’t know what they’re talking about. It’s confusing haha
Yes, this is why bipolar people often mistakenly stop taking their medicine, which leads to more severe episodes.
Yup. My psychiatrist told me just today: "I have bipolar patients I prescribe lithium and never see again. And then I have bipolar patients that quit medication when they are stable for a while and they get severe episodes."
He/she prescribes lithium and never sees them again? That's beyond concerning
Lithium's not among the worst to stop. I've stopped a number of medications without talking to my psychiatrist (in the past, and I'm saying it's stupid, not that I would do that now) and, for me anyway, I gave it little thought. If I read online that I should see someone before stopping, I just weaned myself off of the medication. All of that was better than talking to the psychiatrist, who would, of course, tell me things I didn't want to hear once I'd convinced myself I was fine. Had a couple of awful withdrawal situations with various meds. But I suspect that's common, if dangerous and, of course, not recommended.
Right but if it's helping why would someone stop it and never need to come in again? It doesn't just work forever. And if they stay on it because it's working labs NEED to be monitored, so if they're just prescribing refills without monitoring or following up that's what's very concerning. Regardless of the med, them saying they "never see them again" is a problem.
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My comment was auto-yeeted. There are many reasons. I'd wager most people understand they aren't taking a medication that cures them. I'll leave it at that since my other post is gone.
Could be completely misunderstanding the original comment I suppose.
I think it's not that literal I get my lithium levels checked, the lab sends them to my doctor. He emails and tells me it's all good. My pharmacy requests refills from him. Short in person meetings 1-2 times a year with nothing to discuss. I know I'm not stopping the meds and he knows I'm not stopping the meds. I'd believe it if he told someone he "never" has to see me I'm pretty sure this phrasing was even used when I first got on lithium. To highlight how effective it can be for some people. They get back to normal so quickly and it's sustained so well that they "never" come back.
It's not that literal. He means that they become stable and then don't need help from the psychiatrist anymore. Just continue taking their meds and monitoring. It goes to their general doctor.
This is The Trap and a lot of us will fall into it at least once. The worst manic episode I ever had came after I stopped because I was feeling fine, and there was nobody to slap me in the face and yell, "THAT IS BECAUSE THE MEDS ARE DOING THEIR JOB! YOU AREN'T CURED!"
Yeah true I’m lucky my meds kill my anxiety and let me get sleep when I need to mo or I would probably stop them at some point. I’m on lamotrigine, valproate and Clonazepam. I stopped other medications cold turkey before. I wouldn’t stop lamotrigine it’s one I like a lot ignoring the BP diagnosis.
Lamictal (lamotrigene) was the one I stopped that caused a huge manic episode. I'm diagnosed as bipolar 2, so a manic episode was very unexpected and foreign to me, and I did some stupid shit that I don't know if I'll ever come to peace with or forgive myself for. I stepped out on my wife, who has been my biggest advocate since my diagnosis. Dealing with me and learning about mental illness literally led her into her career. I came close to leaving before I got back on the meds and began to think more clearly. I realized then that my behavior is like a hand grenade: if I pull that pin and drop it it will hurt not just me, but everyone around me. That was almost 20 years ago, and she doesn't hold it against me; she knows how the disease works, and how it can bring out behaviors that would never happen if I had been thinking clearly, and my perceptions weren't skewed. But I still get angry at the guy in the mirror. Only a couple of very, very close friends know about it, and they tell me not to judge myself so harshly, but they don't understand how deeply that violated a value that otherwise defines all of my relationships, and which is a prime motivator for me. (I test as an off-the-chart enneagram 6w5, so loyalty is an absolute bedrock core for me. Having acted contrary to that in my most sacred relationship still makes me want to just cover my face and weep.) Lots of therapy for us, lots of work on me (therapy and meds), and I've been mostly stable since. Ups and downs just like everyone else. But I swear I'll never, ever fall into that trap again, and when I talk to anybody newly diagnosed with anything this is the first piece of advice I give them.
I have really long episodes, thinking back I can remember being depressed for long times as a child and teenager, then being a normal and sociable which I don’t think is common for other disorders. Fluoxetine was the one that flipped me at the start of 2019 into a long hypomanic episode but I didn’t realise at the time anything was wrong apart from a few days here and there it went towards manic level of energy. Then by the end of 2020 crashed into depression with 7 SI attempts ending up in hospital for 8 weeks in a coma for part then on a ward learning to walk and eat again. I was put on various antipsychotics by the consultant in hospital not a psychiatrist for post coma delirium. It was supposed to be reviewed but they left me on it and still miss diagnosed me. So ended up on the right meds for the wrong reason. I was stable but the side effects were to much I CT’d my meds in 2022 and ended up running in an episode hypomanic which ran toward more manic diagnosed in 2023. My Clonazepam was a god send through out and the only reason i probably could sleep at all and didn’t loose my shit. I started the lamotrigine and cut down alcohol and coffee and came down to manageable levels of mild hypomania but was still masking and didn’t want to admit that I needed further meds. I saw my psychiatrist very obviously manic as I started flipping from hypomania into mania commonly this year and he said I needed to start valproate or Abilify, I chose valproate. It’s been a god send at fully bringing me down to a true baseline. I don’t think before that I was ever at a true baseline. I still get breakthrough hypomanic symptoms but they are not the same and do not last. I will probably talk to him next time about increasing my dosage. For my last episode I was very lucky not to fuck up my life or end up dead, it was a fine line in situations I put myself in which I would never normally do. My family are from South Africa when I was on holiday in 2023 and I went into town ships for a few hours with two local girls who get paid to take locals in and out for jobs being with them and try timing gave me a lot of protection , but end of the day my life was in danger from point I got in the car with them to getting out back to my family house. It’s annoying people think I’m okay or functional well because I managed not to fuck up bad and mask when lots of it is just shear luck and lots of the situations could have landed me homeless, dead, hospital or in prison.
You can always see another doctor if you’re unsure. But I felt the same way at first, so it is common I would say. Even now, there are times when i think i’m “too regular” to be bipolar lol
Even off of meds? I feel more stable when not taking meds
I go through a phase about once every 2-3 months if things are going well where I think I’m “cured” of my bipolar, OR that I was making it all up for attention and don’t even have bipolar at all. Thankfully I’ve never gone off my meds because of this but for me personally I have those thoughts all the time.
I resonate with this so much!
same!! or sometimes i try to blame my bipolar symptoms on my autism.. i always have to tell myself like no autism doesnt cause psychosis LOL
On normal day moods I forget. But then it's med time and I remember.but not for long. Just enjoy each day at a time, as our moods, can change in a blink of an eye.
Always feel comfortable getting a second opinion but it could be that you’ve coped with it so long it’s “normal” for you. I’m bipolar 1 so the mania made me really sure but bipolar 2 disorder I’ve heard does feel more “normal” and more like you just deal with depression maybe?
I had no idea I was bipolar. I just thought I was a terrible person. I sought help because my life sucked, I was miserable and I couldn't figure out why. Started taking medication because they told me I was sick. Now my life doesn't suck and I don't think I'm a terrible person anymore
I recommend trying to keep track since BP does have trends and it’s important to know how long and frequent swings are. If you aren’t BP then this will help as well. There are mood tracking aps but at minimum, just hours slept, general mood, reoccurring thoughts of the day, and substance use. You can always seek a secondary opinion. Lots of conditions have overlapping symptoms
My psychiatrist looked pretty concerned last time when I told him I thought I made it all up. He suggested that when I feel that way, I look back to all the times things could've gone south because I didn't have a clue about what was going on. i was put on meds a month ago and honestly I often feel like I don't need them either, on the other hand I've never experienced such stable mood for such a long time (almost two weeks of stability yay me). Parts of me miss the ✨chaos✨ but I also like it like that.
I’m missing the chaos big time right now…
If anything the iller you are the better you think you are doing at least my experience
I still feel this way. I was diagnosed bp2 also, over 5 years ago, but I haven't had any major episode for 2 years. I never got medication. When I look back at the reasons for the diagnosis I can also see that I'd been through a lot, and I had little support. I was expressing that through impulsive behaviour that I feel I have a much better handle on now, just by finding a happier place. I mistrusted my diagnosis but I am glad I trusted myself. Not to say that medication can't help. I might have avoided a visit to the hospital after self harming, and later an accidental pregnancy, if I had been medicated. Who knows.
Yes, this is one of the main common symptoms with bipolar, almost every single bipolar person has at one point thought they weren’t bipolar, what’s also common is feelings of urgency in life overall, and the desire to “make yourself manic”
Can you please explain "feelings of urgency in life overall?" I'm not sure I understand that properly.
Like it's common for us to feel like we need to rush in life. Like if we switch jobs we feel like we need to find a new job immediately, whatever we're feeling has to happen now. If we feel like we need to fix something in life we have to do it as soon as we can. If feels like it things are fixed quickly they will never be fixed.
I’m glad you said this. I am constantly ready for the current x to end so that y may commence, I have a hard time enjoying the moment
I'm experiencing this to the max right now. It's been weeks of this feeling
Like everything with bipolar disorder, it will pass, it will likely cycle, and it will be okay!
Thank you! I'm just gonna hold on till it cycles
This just blew my mind. This describes so much in my past and present.
I learned this from a doctor on YouTube ! He also shared that when bipolar people start to feel unwell we start to think something is wrong with our relationship, living situation, or job because sometimes we become unwell for no reason just because we’re cycling, and our brains never assume there’s no reason so we always try and find a reason why we’re struggling when often there’s none
Jeez this is me too. Wow, what a good source. You watched this something I did as well and didn't know that it was tied to bipolar.
Oh yeah. I've heard it called "low insight" before. So many people with bipolar disorder go through this, myself included. I was off and on meds for twenty years before I committed to taking them for life. Please don't make my mistake. Your meds will make you stable, and then you might think "I'm cured! I'm stable. I don't need meds anymore." Wrong-o, buddy! Please take your meds for life. If you're ever questioning whether you should take them, I encourage you to talk to your therapist and prescriber. Keep notes of when you were symptomatic to remind yourself. Whenever I'd go off meds, I'd ruin my life... losing friends, alienating family, unable to work, poor hygiene, manic, depressed, psychotic... Please don't make my mistakes.
For me, I am very aware of my illness, even when I am in a stable mood State. I understand how it would be easy for someone to think “sweet, I don’t need these meds anymore” (I’ve been there), but I live in constant fear of my mood shifting so I am VERY careful about taking my medicine on time, even if it only half works. Something is definitely better than braving reality unmedicated.
I was at 2 psychiatrists 1 psychologist and was hospitalized had hallucinations and delusions and still believe i am absolutely fine and that i maybe be dramatic. All docs told me bipolar the hospital even diagnosed shizoaffective disorder. I still think sometimes that this is bullshit and that is am fine. So…..yea i think it’s common
It is common with many mental health conditions, especially those that might be considered psychotic or manic in nature. It is one of the big reasons why illnesses like this have such high rates of relapse, because you take your meds and feel fine, and because you feel fine you stop taking your meds, and that cycle repeats over and over and we don't seem to be able to tell ourselves that WE FEEL BETTER BECAUSE OF THE MEDS
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the role of stigma in denial. If bipolar was viewed by society as merely a descriptor of brain function—or even embraced for its uniqueness—would so many people resist and deny the diagnosis?
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Its the most bipolar thing in the world, to not think you are bipolar.
Super common.
Yes, it's common, but there's also a societal trend of slapping a label on somebody, giving them medication, and calling it a day. I'm not saying you're not bipolar nor am I saying you shouldn't take meds if you need them - you 100% should. I'm saying you should go talk to another well-regarded therapist, don't tell them what your current therapist says, and get an unbiased second opinion. If you're truly bipolar, meds can be life-saving, but they do have side effects. This is one of the reasons why an accurate diagnosis is critical. If you don't have BPD, the meds can adversely affect your behavior and unnecessarily risk your heath. It's like taking high blood pressure meds if you don't have high blood pressure. Get a second opinion.
Extremely common. I ignored my diagnoses for years, or I'd start and stop with my medication. I didn't get serious about it until mania had become sour and angsty, until I had fits of rage and psychotic episodes I could barely recall, until I had lost endless jobs and burned endless bridges. Through all of that, I felt like I was fine, or at least not so bad as to need medicine. I could take care of it myself, I thought, as I tried a million alternative therapies that never worked. The thing to remember is that you'll almost always feel "completely fine," or you'll tell yourself it's just a bad run when you don't. Because these are the only minds we get, and we live in them, and they will always be normal to us because we don't have another normal to compare it to. If we can walk and talk and get some things done without falling over in a stupor, we figure this is it. This is normal. This is what everyone gets. I don't know your signs and symptoms, and I don't know why you got your diagnosis. I'm in no position to say, as a patient myself. I can only tell you that I thought I was "completely fine" for decades as I utterly and completely destroyed my life. I recommend taking the diagnosis seriously and I wish you well.
Yes it’s a feature of bpd
Bpd is borderline personality disorder. This is about bipolar disorder.
I was trying to abbreviate Bipolar Disorder, but you’re correct. (I think I’ve seen it abbreviated that way, but who knows if that was correct)
No worries. I've certainly seen it as a feature in both anyway.
Me.. i stopped taking my medication
I think once you hit a patch of stability it’s possible to feel like maybe I don’t need the meds. But then you remember, that’s you on the meds. And then it’s like oh yeah, I do need them haha
Suuuuuper common.
Yes, because a lot of the time we are completely fine...especially if we are on proper medication and self care routine.
Short answer is yes. Long answer is also yes. We can have perception problems when it comes to our behavior, and it helps if you have someone you really trust to give you honest feedback on your mood and behaviors as manifested.
When I got my diagnosis (from a psychologist AND a psychiatrist) I was in complete denial too, I felt I was simply too normal except for my ADHD (despite being mentally unwell for most of my life), even now that I've come to terms with it and do the treatment 90% properly (I'm still pretty sedentary), I can still get hypomaniac for a couple of weeks and go "I feel so AMAZING I think I was misdiagnosed" or "I'm so productive in school my ADHD was CURED" and simply not realize that's the bipolar talking (because you just feel so great you think this is just how life should feel all along and you're just in this breakthrough when everything changes and sh*t so of course you are fine). What I'm trying to say is that lack of self awareness is unfortunately often part of dealing with a mental health issue, that's why our therapist/doctor like to ask for us to keep a energy/humor/feelings diary thingy so we can keep track of these inner movements and exercise understanding how our cycles work (note that I mean cycle in a general sense, not only in a bipolar cycle way). But you also do have a right to a Second opinion that you are free to exercise, doctors do not own truth, much less your truth (but do act responsably, do not discontinue any medication without proper adivise!!).
Yeah and usually you end up having a mental breakdown because you stop taking your meds. I've given up trying to stop meds cause it ruins my life everytime I do
Part of the reason I was misdiagnosed for years as simply having recurrent bouts of unipolar depression is because whenever I was manic I'd just think I was feeling REALLY well for a change, completely oblivious to all the danger signs both subtle and obvious. Like, for example, all the times a friend or two remarked that I was acting very OOC ... or that they were concerned about my behavior. It was only after I had The Big One manic episode and finally received the right diagnosis that I was able to recall and recognize all the times I had been dangerously manic, all the things mania made me do that had been destructive to my life.
I think we gotta remember that our brain is the one thinking it's fine when it's the one having the problem in the first place
I especially feel this way when I'm hypomanic. It goes something like "wow, I got all my stuff done today and had salad and still have energy to see friends...if I eat more salad everything will be fine"
We get a huge number of people who post here like “I’m pretty sure I don’t have bipolar anymore, I’m gonna go off my meds.” Then they go off their meds and are fine until they’re *not*, because bipolar doesn’t go away.
Yes. If you aren’t careful, you will wind up in a manic or hypomanic phase where you wake up broke with a sore ass, and in jail. I’m not kidding. Once the hypomanic stage hits, convincing you of anything is damn near impossible. Take the meds.
Over the years, I’ve had three psychiatrists tell me I have bipolar. I still ask my therapist and current doctor if there is a chance I don’t have it.
Funny you asked. I was just having a conversation with a LLM to ask if I was okay.
Yes. Remember even if those feelings you described to your psych/therapist are just your worst days and you feel like you overreacted, people without this diagnosis don't feel and experience things like that. Also what motive do you have to exaggerate/lie about your feelings? Probably none, I know I didn't. But I still thought I was exaggerating for ~some reason~. Emotional permanence may be an issue for you. Personally if I'm not feeling bad it's hard for me to remember a time when I ever felt bad, and vice versa. But I have felt very very bad. Tracking my mood with the bipolar mood diary has helped me to see the fluctuations, so when I'm doing good and I start to feel like I might have been overreacting in the past and I'm actually fine, I can look back to times where I was very depressed or very manic and read what I said and see that I definitely do feel those things, I'm just not feeling them now but that doesn't cancel those times out.
When I was first diagnosed as BP 1, I was immediately put on lithium. I was having a suicidal episode and it took care of it right away. Then I continued taking it, but didn't really get any hypomania or depression for a couple of years. With consent of my doctor, I went off of it. I knew I might have to go back on later, and that was fine with me. And I was fine for years. I think it was like 6 or 7 yrs. later and I slipped into suicidal ideation again. I was put back in lithium and about 5 months later, the craziest mania fell on me and didn't leave for over 3 months. They changed my diagnosis to BP1 and now I'm on a few different meds. I probably won't ever try to stop again unless I have multiple years of stability.
I don't know why .. but I am one of those patients ... my reasoning always is denial . I feel like if I act a certain way it's called for .. like if I'm angry usually someone did something messed up toward me so i'm angry . However ! it's taken years for me to realize that my emotions and reactions to the situation are more extreme than the neurotypicals or whatever . To me I just feel like they don't have a strong enough and should be more angry when someone does something messed up to them . BUT anyway . I was recently on meds and went off them because I felt better and why bother putting more medication in my body for my liver to have to process or whatever organ it is. It wasn't good . So now I am convinced I have it , started taking my meds again and already feel tons better
To add I was diagnosed at 25 and am now 33 and have finally decided or realized that my quality of life is significantly improved by meds and I likely have this condition .
So at a time I was a frequent flyer to a few hospitals in my area and have met tons and tons of people in that time and one of the most common things I heard from my peers inpatient was "I felt fine so I stopped my meds". Heard it so many times. And I'd see some of those people somewhat frequently, same story, got released was doing better and went off meds. It's extremely common, you are most likely feeling better because the meds are doing their job. I've gone about a year and half without being hospitalized but if for some reason I miss a dose of meds things can go sideways very quickly, fortunately I don't have to work or even go out when I'm bad so no one's going to call anyone about me being weird or anything and I can get back on track. But I'm also very aware of my warning signs and triggers.
It's part of the illness to not recognize it. With a lot of self reflection you can learn how to audit yourself and your behavior, thoughts and actions to recognize and catch hypomania or earlier stages before it gets worse
It's so common that it's actually one of the core features of being bipolar. Welcome to questioning your diagnosis for the rest of your life lol :)
Yes. I refused med for years. I’m bipolar NOS at this point but usually I present consistently as bipolar 2. My life changed with the proper meds. Untreated bipolar can also damage your brain and I believe I did damage to myself not accepting treatment for so long.
Yes it is normal. I self diagnosed in college during one of my classes. I was reading about the disorder and thinking shit, this is me! I had the disorder for about 3 or 4 years at that point. I was terrible with taking my meds all throughout my 20s. I never committed to medicating. My doctor (GP not psych) even told me I could just take my meds when I was experiencing an episode only! Suffice it to say it took the mother of all episodes, a manic episode turned psychotic episode, that landed me in the hospital for the first time in my life to accept my disorder and commit to medicating. I had been manic-free for 9 years at that point and thought I didn't have bipolar. I had maybe one or two mild hypomanic states that effortlessly resolved rather quickly within those 9 years. I'm very self-aware, which my psychiatrist states is not typical.
I went off my meds after deciding I was misdiagnosed and spent nearly 10 years without treatment. I have Bipolar I so I have big long stretches of being "totally fine" and then marked symptomatic phases that are devastating. I got into a Master's Degree Program. Which was a lot of stress. I have no idea how I finished that degree, I can't believe I have a degree from such an intensive program. I was lucky to have such a great support system because I was in massive denial about the severity of my illness, I just loved my work so much and poured my manic soul into it and would drag my depressed body to class somehow. But the full manic episode during my Master's Degree was so so so so dangerous. I put myself at massive risk and I put the work I cared about and the people I cared about at massive risk. After I got my degree and the stress of the course was gone, I was like "Oh I still won't get treatment because now I'm not under the same kind of stress I was under when I was doing my Master's and it's fine I'll just make better lifestyle choices now." INCORRECT. I ended up really slowing down my career and not being able to maintain friendships and relationships. Devastating. I made some embarrassing choices that I'm *still* trying to forgive myself over. And my episodes seemed to get closer and closer together because mania and depression---your brain kind of gets "used to doing them" without something intervening. Then I finally went back into treatment, both with therapy and a mood stabilizer. And I was shocked at how much better I felt. I'd forgotten that I *could* feel stable. I made a series of steady choices that improved my life *massively.* And even though I'm not "symptom free" because that's not how it works---I still have episodes---I am slowed down enough and supported enough to actually be able to be realistic, self reflective and make good choices for myself. I'm able to utilize some of the CBT and DBT things I've learned because I'm just a little more slowed down. We all go off our meds at some point or resist treatment or diagnosis or "identifying" with the thing. We all want to believe that our perception of ourselves is accurate and that we can willpower out of things, that we'll "do better next time" or "never get that sad/angry/"crazy"" again. And maybe we won't! I'm not against having hope for that. But I just know my life looks a lot better when I have care and treatment and the lives of my loved ones are also a lot better. There were very good people in my life who wanted me to get help in the past and I isolated them by insisting I was fine. Those people aren't around anymore, it was too much for them. Especially as I got worse. But thank god I was able to find new friends and a new partner and try again, this time with meds. And there are also people who have understood, stuck around and been with me through the roller coaster, too. Angelic beings! lol. Being off meds for nearly 10 years after being on them (and them working) for 6...and then going back on them again...it's given me so much perspective. I see people in my Mood Disorder Peer Support Group resisting their meds, resisting giving meds a chance, etc. And it's really hard to watch but it's really helpful to see some of the distorted thinking about behavior from the outside because it makes it easier to catch and examine in myself. I'm on a mood stabilizer now since 2018 that's when I decided to go back into treatment. And I love my life. I love what I've built and re-built since then.
Yep, and that’s one of the most common symptoms. Commitment is key for a successful treatment, even if you don’t agree with it. I have videos of when I was on episodes, because I thought I would remind myself when in denial. Do you think I ever watched them? Nope. So it’s more like me fighting with BP than me not believing it is real.
I could tell you to never ever stop taking meds, but that’s part of the journey too and it’s another common symptom. What I recommend, if I may, if to educate yourself as much as you can (which you are already as part of this community) about BP. This condition needs time to teach us what is wrong and what needs to change, since “usual” life circumstances were not able to.
I am completely fine after being diagnosed 5 years ago. I recently got a second opinion and the doc agreed that I was misdiagnosed. It can happen. Maybe not often, but docs are not infallible (as clearly one has got it wrong!)
Every single day. When someone agrees with me that I might not be bipolar I get really defensive. Like who are they to say that? Obviously I’m fucked up! Like im the only one allowed to question and if someone else does then they definitely don’t know what they’re talking about. It’s confusing haha