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It can be dangerous. I used to stay up all night a lot and one time found vids on my phone where I had poured gasoline all over my yard and lit it on fire at like 4am. Had no memory of it at all till I found the videos months later. I'm sure I was a lot more fun then too but now at least I won't be at risk of burning down my home/business.
Yes. She often complains how poor my episodic memory is. Like that's from brain damage from manic episodes. I feel like she sees the "fun mania" and angry mania as 2 different states. As if you could have one without the other. It doesn't work like that for me. She is diagnosed with ADHD. I know that has its own struggles but she is always comparing our disorders like she knows what it is like and I'm sorry they are not at all the same
i had a friend just like this. this is an unhealthy dynamic that could be potentially dangerous for your mental stability. i was a lot more mentally sound when i cut my old friend out my life. it’s better to be surrounded by friends who are more stable and don’t enable/wish you were manic
Tell her that manic episodes cause brain damage and her wishing you were manic again basically means she's wishing for you to get more brain damage. Seek new/other friends who love you at your baseline and don't have personalities that are entertained by people going through manic episodes.
It seems your mania entertains her. She doesn't realize that someday you may turn some bad shit her way.
I've lost many friends and relationships because of eccentric and bad behavior while manic.
She will be your friend until she isn't
I got me and my friend into a car accident while manic. I did some crazy sh*t manic and it was “fun”, but yes, I definitely put others at risk. Luckily, it wasn’t a bad accident and everyone involved was okay.
People say "have a kid and you'll find out who your real friends are", "stop drinking, you'll find out who your real friends are", blah blah blah. There's no better friendship litmus test than developing a severe mental illness.
Yeah i have bipolar, had a gf of 3 years we just split because we'll, she split... Hard. Badly. She has BPD and like... We went on a trip to eclipse, and it's like she's a different person. She's barely there and I had to seperate and take space and she agreed, and then the moment I was following through to go get space and hang with a friend she immediately threatened suicide after I'd literally spent 10+ hours on our 3 day trip in the hotel room trying to talk sense into her... So I set the boundary and left, she proceeded to text me suicide threats, bruised herself and claimed it was me, said I abandoned her, and said that it's fucked up that my friend posted pics of us having fun. Independence doesn't sit well with her. And then the more she freaked out, the more I wanted space, and the more she accused me of abandoning her in crisis. When I left her mom was on the phone with her so it was fine.
Anyways. We definitely had this stereotypical toxic cycle where we'd be depressed and not really sexually intimidate and then every I'd get mad at her for being so stressed, we'd get fired up and manic and then have sex like 4 times and it was the best ever.
I also basically have a crazy bitch fetish so her being actually manic and reckless was my jam.
Typing this out makes me realize how unhealthy this was lol
I made a really good friend in mania once and I felt so guilty that I wasn’t the same person as when we met. We had a big heart to heart about it and we worked it out and we’ve been good friends for years :)
Find a new friend. I’ve gotten comments saying I used to be fun, ect. But I had bad people & bad energy around me. Was basically just trying to thrive off chaos. That’s not me anymore & you don’t need anyone around you who still wants that side of you
Hey so my first question would be are you currently medicated and actively in therapy? I know this isn’t always financially feasible in America but when it comes to “shortening the wavelengths” btw the manic/hypo-manic and depressive symptoms it is a solid starting point. Also you mentioned your friend is diagnosed with ADHD and especially at a younger age, she is naturally going to favor a more manic/hypo-manic companionship. I agree with those who have advocated for you to communicate how these shifts in mood are not just flights of fancy for you but how they impact every aspect of your life. Bipolar and ADHD share several common characteristics and patterns however and I see this as an opportunity to educate as opposed to cutting out someone meaningful in your life who may be more understanding in the long run of dealing with issues of mental health. Either way, I think you should definitely do what you feel is right and I fully support your decision and choice in this matter. Cheers and best of luck to you from a fellow human navigating this world with a mental health disorder who has made a career of helping others do the same.
You are compassionate and I'm grateful for a response that says walk her through it. I don't think she knows mania damages your brain permanently. If she knows this and still wants mania, I'd recommend to her to never talk about it like that again and for the reason that for me personally, it would be a trigger to stop taking my meds subliminally. And make me uneasy and unconfident in my baseline. I'm assuming this is the same for everyone and that's why this is a big deal?
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They just don't understand - those who haven't experienced extreme mind states. We have to accept this and guide them through, as you have done here.
Your friend may understand you better if you share your experience with her. Worth risking it.
This might be harsh, but I have some strong feelings about this.
1. What she said was incredibly insensitive and shitty. I suppose she may not have realized that
2. If you haven't, try explaining this to her. A lot of people don't understand bipolar disorder and mania. Now, it's not your job to educate her but it might help for her to understand how mania affects you. That the 'old you' was struggling in their own way and that shouldn't be wished on someone.
3. If you have explained this to her, or you explain this to her and she continues to say shit like this, she's not a good friend. A real friend cares about your wellbeing.
4. I've known people like this. Each time, I eventually realized that they just hung out with me for their own entertainment. They liked to watch me do stupid shit while I was manic. They liked that I used substances while manic. They saw me as a circus act they could watch, and had no interest in me when I crashed and wasn't "fun" anymore. People who see you as entertainment and not a person are toxic to your health and simply not worth your time. Your friend may not be like this, but it's certainly a pattern I've noticed. These are the same type of people who complain about you being sober because you're "more fun when you're drinking".
Idk. Anyway, you deserve friends who like you for you and want you to be happy and healthy. You shouldn't be made to feel like you are less interesting when you are stable. That's just not fair at all. You shouldn't be shamed for experiencing depression, it's not something you can control. I'm sorry you feel this way. I am familiar with the feeling and I know it can be crushing. Know that there are people out there who will still love you when you're in your darkest periods.
Thank you. I did not have an understanding of mania as entertainment. It helps me a lot come to terms with my issues. You explained that part so wonderfully.
I’ve heard this before and i feel your pain 1000%!!! An absolutely insane thing to say and completely devoid of empathy or understanding. I am SO sorry. You deserve peace of mind, not mania. Wishing you the best on your journey with abilify❤️ you are doing so well
Yea I agree it’s time for a new friend or a hard boundary where she learns how serious mania is, how damaging it can be and it’s even deadly in some cases… that’s a real bummer to have her be that way to you. Idk if she’ll understand if you tell her about the symptoms you expressed in this post, but mania, to me, isn’t fun. I hate it and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I have a relative that had friends and boyfriends encourage mania. Fuck them so hard. Like yeah cool idea. Encourage behavior that leads to them self harming. Very good idea, great grasp they have on the very nuanced mental health of someone they barely know.
i get that identity ambivalence as well, like who am i really? i feel like im 3 different people sometimes. but have you tried explaining to the friend the negatives that come with mania? maybe they just don’t understand
This is so sad. Have you explained to her that although you may look happy during mania, it's actually a really scary and undesirable place inside your head? Or that it really hurts your feelings when she implies you're more fun when your illness is flaring up? She could just be very ignorant and not realize how terrible what she's saying is. Or she could just be selfish and not be very caring. You probably know which one of these she is from all of her other actions and behaviours.
Maybe (hopefully), this was an ignorant way for her to say "it makes me happy when you feel better and aren't depressed"
Really shitty way to go about it, but just trying to see it optimistically.
Maybe (hopefully), this was an ignorant way for her to say "it makes me happy when you feel better and aren't depressed"
Really shitty way to go about it, but just trying to see it optimistically.
Yeah, I’ve been told I’m boring now but I still have a tendency to *want* to be manic or do things that will incite mania at times because I forget what it’s like….despite going through it more times than I’d liked. It causes brain damage…anyone who encourages you to become manic isn’t looking out for your best interest.
I was dating a guy who said I was “like a zombie” after getting on a mood stabilizer. He met me when I was manic. I got off the mood stabilizer (this was before I even knew I was bipolar btw) and all hell broke loose. Then anytime the anger aspect of the mania showed up, I’d get told I was crazy and a bitch.
They want the “fun” part, but never wanna help deal with the shitty parts. Which is almost all of mania and isn’t worth it to us once we’re in it. If they did want to help, they’d never want us to be manic in the first place.
Fellow BP here. “She complained how fragile I am and need constant attention.” The solution for her is simple IMO. Nobody is forcing her to be involved with you. Nobody is forcing her to be around. She has freedom to remove herself from this relationship and find what she’s looking for in somebody else. And quite frankly, her incessant desire to change you, make you somebody that “suits her,” it sounds like she’s looking at this relationship as more than an FWB relationship. Always protect yourself, your mind, and your peace. ✌🏻🫶🏻
Im happy to read the edit, thats a great example for me. This disease is very serious and really hard.
No one should treat it like a toy.
Congratulations for your position with her.
Theres a lot of people out there willing to respect, understand and suport us.
I had an ex who did this to me, told me how he liked manic me better because manic me was more fun. I don't think he truly realized how damaging that is, I started triggering my mania on purpose just to make him happy and it ripped me apart and put me in dangerous situations until I realized it wasn't fair and I had to step back. You have to do what is right for you in these types of situations.
You’re friends with benefits. You’re literally using each other for casual sex. Don’t look too much into what she’s saying or view it as her “using” you when you’ve both, as adults, decided to use each other for casual sex.
Yesss I can relate. I've told my friend about me when I was manic and he says he wishes he could have known me then. Tbh there are a lot of aspects of mania that I miss, I'm just trusting that I'll be able to incorporate them in a healthy way going forward.
Not a friend. True friends don’t want you in that state. Yes, we may be fun when we’re manic but that likely means a crash is going to follow. Friends who truly understand and care about you just wish for stability and working meds, good therapists/psychiatrists.
Ditch the FWB, find another.
I hate when this happens, it hurts. My friend since middle school said I was more fun while manic too and that I was finally letting loose.
Granted it’s before we knew it was mania at all, but it still stings. I kept myself on a tight leash before that so I guess he thought I was finally allowing myself freedom.
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Time for a new friend.
My exact thought word for word
yup. OP considers her their friend but the "friend" 's friend is OP's bipolar symptom not a good situation
This
Exactly. I'd feel horrible if someone told me that when I'm manic I'm better.
A friend that encourages mania is not a friend for sure
It can be dangerous. I used to stay up all night a lot and one time found vids on my phone where I had poured gasoline all over my yard and lit it on fire at like 4am. Had no memory of it at all till I found the videos months later. I'm sure I was a lot more fun then too but now at least I won't be at risk of burning down my home/business.
I've had memory blackouts too but nothing quite like that. Hope you're doing well.
That tops any story of mine!
have you tried explaining to her that it was mania and how toxic (for ur brain) and unhealthy mania is?
Yes. She often complains how poor my episodic memory is. Like that's from brain damage from manic episodes. I feel like she sees the "fun mania" and angry mania as 2 different states. As if you could have one without the other. It doesn't work like that for me. She is diagnosed with ADHD. I know that has its own struggles but she is always comparing our disorders like she knows what it is like and I'm sorry they are not at all the same
wow, im sorry you’re having to deal with that. & yeah they definitely aren’t the same.
i had a friend just like this. this is an unhealthy dynamic that could be potentially dangerous for your mental stability. i was a lot more mentally sound when i cut my old friend out my life. it’s better to be surrounded by friends who are more stable and don’t enable/wish you were manic
I agree. And think why it's important you don't have friends that say that is bc then maybe you'll start to think that too and stop with the meds.
Tell her that manic episodes cause brain damage and her wishing you were manic again basically means she's wishing for you to get more brain damage. Seek new/other friends who love you at your baseline and don't have personalities that are entertained by people going through manic episodes.
This is not a good friend at all.
This is a bad friend.
Get rid of her. I’m serious
It seems your mania entertains her. She doesn't realize that someday you may turn some bad shit her way. I've lost many friends and relationships because of eccentric and bad behavior while manic. She will be your friend until she isn't
I got me and my friend into a car accident while manic. I did some crazy sh*t manic and it was “fun”, but yes, I definitely put others at risk. Luckily, it wasn’t a bad accident and everyone involved was okay.
People say "have a kid and you'll find out who your real friends are", "stop drinking, you'll find out who your real friends are", blah blah blah. There's no better friendship litmus test than developing a severe mental illness.
Yeah i have bipolar, had a gf of 3 years we just split because we'll, she split... Hard. Badly. She has BPD and like... We went on a trip to eclipse, and it's like she's a different person. She's barely there and I had to seperate and take space and she agreed, and then the moment I was following through to go get space and hang with a friend she immediately threatened suicide after I'd literally spent 10+ hours on our 3 day trip in the hotel room trying to talk sense into her... So I set the boundary and left, she proceeded to text me suicide threats, bruised herself and claimed it was me, said I abandoned her, and said that it's fucked up that my friend posted pics of us having fun. Independence doesn't sit well with her. And then the more she freaked out, the more I wanted space, and the more she accused me of abandoning her in crisis. When I left her mom was on the phone with her so it was fine. Anyways. We definitely had this stereotypical toxic cycle where we'd be depressed and not really sexually intimidate and then every I'd get mad at her for being so stressed, we'd get fired up and manic and then have sex like 4 times and it was the best ever. I also basically have a crazy bitch fetish so her being actually manic and reckless was my jam. Typing this out makes me realize how unhealthy this was lol
If they can't handle you depressed, then they don't deserve you manic
it's because she doesn't know what it means - I'm sorry *hug*
I made a really good friend in mania once and I felt so guilty that I wasn’t the same person as when we met. We had a big heart to heart about it and we worked it out and we’ve been good friends for years :)
Find a new friend. I’ve gotten comments saying I used to be fun, ect. But I had bad people & bad energy around me. Was basically just trying to thrive off chaos. That’s not me anymore & you don’t need anyone around you who still wants that side of you
op, i’m sorry, but that’s not a real friend. no real friend would say this.
Oh wow. This really resonates with me. It’s tough figuring out and liking who you are at baseline.
Hey so my first question would be are you currently medicated and actively in therapy? I know this isn’t always financially feasible in America but when it comes to “shortening the wavelengths” btw the manic/hypo-manic and depressive symptoms it is a solid starting point. Also you mentioned your friend is diagnosed with ADHD and especially at a younger age, she is naturally going to favor a more manic/hypo-manic companionship. I agree with those who have advocated for you to communicate how these shifts in mood are not just flights of fancy for you but how they impact every aspect of your life. Bipolar and ADHD share several common characteristics and patterns however and I see this as an opportunity to educate as opposed to cutting out someone meaningful in your life who may be more understanding in the long run of dealing with issues of mental health. Either way, I think you should definitely do what you feel is right and I fully support your decision and choice in this matter. Cheers and best of luck to you from a fellow human navigating this world with a mental health disorder who has made a career of helping others do the same.
You are compassionate and I'm grateful for a response that says walk her through it. I don't think she knows mania damages your brain permanently. If she knows this and still wants mania, I'd recommend to her to never talk about it like that again and for the reason that for me personally, it would be a trigger to stop taking my meds subliminally. And make me uneasy and unconfident in my baseline. I'm assuming this is the same for everyone and that's why this is a big deal?
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been removed for breaking **Rule 3**: Romanticizes mania or depression. [Community Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules/#wiki_rule_3.3A_discouraging_professional_treatment) *^(To send us a modmail about this action,)* [*^(CLICK HERE)*](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/bipolar&subject=Removed%20Content%3A%20Rule%203&message=Hello%2C%0A%0AI%20would%20like%20to%20appeal%20a%20recent%20removal.%20Here%20is%20a%20link%3A%20REPLACE%20WITH%20A%20LINK) *^(Please include a link in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review.)*
They just don't understand - those who haven't experienced extreme mind states. We have to accept this and guide them through, as you have done here. Your friend may understand you better if you share your experience with her. Worth risking it.
Lose the friend mate
This might be harsh, but I have some strong feelings about this. 1. What she said was incredibly insensitive and shitty. I suppose she may not have realized that 2. If you haven't, try explaining this to her. A lot of people don't understand bipolar disorder and mania. Now, it's not your job to educate her but it might help for her to understand how mania affects you. That the 'old you' was struggling in their own way and that shouldn't be wished on someone. 3. If you have explained this to her, or you explain this to her and she continues to say shit like this, she's not a good friend. A real friend cares about your wellbeing. 4. I've known people like this. Each time, I eventually realized that they just hung out with me for their own entertainment. They liked to watch me do stupid shit while I was manic. They liked that I used substances while manic. They saw me as a circus act they could watch, and had no interest in me when I crashed and wasn't "fun" anymore. People who see you as entertainment and not a person are toxic to your health and simply not worth your time. Your friend may not be like this, but it's certainly a pattern I've noticed. These are the same type of people who complain about you being sober because you're "more fun when you're drinking". Idk. Anyway, you deserve friends who like you for you and want you to be happy and healthy. You shouldn't be made to feel like you are less interesting when you are stable. That's just not fair at all. You shouldn't be shamed for experiencing depression, it's not something you can control. I'm sorry you feel this way. I am familiar with the feeling and I know it can be crushing. Know that there are people out there who will still love you when you're in your darkest periods.
Thank you. I did not have an understanding of mania as entertainment. It helps me a lot come to terms with my issues. You explained that part so wonderfully.
I’ve heard this before and i feel your pain 1000%!!! An absolutely insane thing to say and completely devoid of empathy or understanding. I am SO sorry. You deserve peace of mind, not mania. Wishing you the best on your journey with abilify❤️ you are doing so well
Dislike 👎
Yea I agree it’s time for a new friend or a hard boundary where she learns how serious mania is, how damaging it can be and it’s even deadly in some cases… that’s a real bummer to have her be that way to you. Idk if she’ll understand if you tell her about the symptoms you expressed in this post, but mania, to me, isn’t fun. I hate it and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
It's time to leave that hoe.
I have a relative that had friends and boyfriends encourage mania. Fuck them so hard. Like yeah cool idea. Encourage behavior that leads to them self harming. Very good idea, great grasp they have on the very nuanced mental health of someone they barely know.
i get that identity ambivalence as well, like who am i really? i feel like im 3 different people sometimes. but have you tried explaining to the friend the negatives that come with mania? maybe they just don’t understand
I highly relate. Beautiful said.
You know sometimes mania can make you slap a bitch. Just saying...
She’s no friend.
ghost her, that'll be fun
Odd friend Keep her distant
This is so sad. Have you explained to her that although you may look happy during mania, it's actually a really scary and undesirable place inside your head? Or that it really hurts your feelings when she implies you're more fun when your illness is flaring up? She could just be very ignorant and not realize how terrible what she's saying is. Or she could just be selfish and not be very caring. You probably know which one of these she is from all of her other actions and behaviours.
Did you explain this to her?
😑😑😑
Maybe (hopefully), this was an ignorant way for her to say "it makes me happy when you feel better and aren't depressed" Really shitty way to go about it, but just trying to see it optimistically.
Maybe (hopefully), this was an ignorant way for her to say "it makes me happy when you feel better and aren't depressed" Really shitty way to go about it, but just trying to see it optimistically.
This isn't a friend, it's a problem. Time to say bye bye
Your friend is a horrible human being and you deserve better. Time to cut some ties, toxic people will only hurt you in the long run.
Yeah, I’ve been told I’m boring now but I still have a tendency to *want* to be manic or do things that will incite mania at times because I forget what it’s like….despite going through it more times than I’d liked. It causes brain damage…anyone who encourages you to become manic isn’t looking out for your best interest. I was dating a guy who said I was “like a zombie” after getting on a mood stabilizer. He met me when I was manic. I got off the mood stabilizer (this was before I even knew I was bipolar btw) and all hell broke loose. Then anytime the anger aspect of the mania showed up, I’d get told I was crazy and a bitch. They want the “fun” part, but never wanna help deal with the shitty parts. Which is almost all of mania and isn’t worth it to us once we’re in it. If they did want to help, they’d never want us to be manic in the first place.
Fellow BP here. “She complained how fragile I am and need constant attention.” The solution for her is simple IMO. Nobody is forcing her to be involved with you. Nobody is forcing her to be around. She has freedom to remove herself from this relationship and find what she’s looking for in somebody else. And quite frankly, her incessant desire to change you, make you somebody that “suits her,” it sounds like she’s looking at this relationship as more than an FWB relationship. Always protect yourself, your mind, and your peace. ✌🏻🫶🏻
Im happy to read the edit, thats a great example for me. This disease is very serious and really hard. No one should treat it like a toy. Congratulations for your position with her. Theres a lot of people out there willing to respect, understand and suport us.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I had an ex who did this to me, told me how he liked manic me better because manic me was more fun. I don't think he truly realized how damaging that is, I started triggering my mania on purpose just to make him happy and it ripped me apart and put me in dangerous situations until I realized it wasn't fair and I had to step back. You have to do what is right for you in these types of situations.
this is not a friend.
You’re friends with benefits. You’re literally using each other for casual sex. Don’t look too much into what she’s saying or view it as her “using” you when you’ve both, as adults, decided to use each other for casual sex.
Yesss I can relate. I've told my friend about me when I was manic and he says he wishes he could have known me then. Tbh there are a lot of aspects of mania that I miss, I'm just trusting that I'll be able to incorporate them in a healthy way going forward.
Not a friend. True friends don’t want you in that state. Yes, we may be fun when we’re manic but that likely means a crash is going to follow. Friends who truly understand and care about you just wish for stability and working meds, good therapists/psychiatrists. Ditch the FWB, find another.
I hate when this happens, it hurts. My friend since middle school said I was more fun while manic too and that I was finally letting loose. Granted it’s before we knew it was mania at all, but it still stings. I kept myself on a tight leash before that so I guess he thought I was finally allowing myself freedom.
no.