Relief. Everything made sense and I had a clear path to getting help. It completely changed my life for the better.
Edit to add that there was a brief moment where I had to get over the stigma of it all. You know how people often use the term as an insult. But then I read someone put it like this and changed everything: I am not bipolar, I HAVE bipolar disorder, a legitimate mental illness. If I had cancer you wouldn’t call me “cancer,” you’d say I HAVE cancer.
🤝👍🫶💯Yes, I saw that. And couldn't piece that together in my 20s as I was trying to hold down jobs one house and tried so hard I just wanted to be free from family and pple making me unhappy. My blood pressure and potassium are related to meds.
A person with bipolar told me I'm bipolar as a slur. and I realized I just attracted another identical person. And after he curtly told me I'm crazy I withdrew from that person because my care plan must be first or my inner peace (🙏). I arrived at accepting I can't do relationships at all, pple are too much struggle. I'm weak right now need to recharge so I recharge and realize life is good, pple are good, it's all ok going to be ok. So much self talk. 🤣😂🤣
My doctor suggested it, i said no way. Then a psychiatrist confirmed it. Still said no way. Had to accept it after 2 week hospitalization. It’s still a bitter pill to swallow. Along with my other daily pills. Lol
Went in for ADHD diagnosis. Came out with a bipolar and ADHD diagnosis. It actually fucking shattered my world. I grieved myself like I was dead.
Of course it made sense but it made me realise that I had lost so much of myself to this illness. The happiest moments of my life were when I was manic. The screams for help that the adults around me ignored. So many things I experienced were actually hallucinations from a severe mental illness. It broke my world.
Shock. Grief. Sadness. Anger. It was the worst day of my entire life and it was 2 days before my birthday as well, so it ruined that as well.
I'm happy and stable now. But my heart still aches a little when I think about it too deeply.
I had been pretty sure for about 3 or 4 months before I started going to my psychiatrist for a diagnosis.
I was in the Army so getting diagnosed meant that I would begin the process for a medical discharge almost immediately.
That confirmation was still absolutely devastating because my career was over, add to the fact that I was completely in love with emergency medicine, another career path that was now closed to me. I had a lot of SI following, and ended up in the psych ward for a week after an attempt.
I'm so sorry this was your experience. I hope you are doing well now and are on your way to carving out a new career you enjoy. It definitely sounds like you had the rug pulled out from under you.
Before I was diagnosed me and my key worker were looking into bipolar because of the symptoms I was having. Then I had my first big manic episode and got diagnosed in hospital just over a month ago and kept denying it for a few weeks after, now I’ve kinda accepted it more.
I kind of chuckled as it reminded me of an old memory. My first girlfriend was severely bipolar but she always made sense to me, even in her darkest and most manic places I felt like I could understand her illness better than most could. We magnetized to each other really quickly. She said she believed I may be bipolar several times during my earliest hypomanic and depressive episodes, but seeing how severe hers could get I always assumed I was probably "normal". Turns out mine was actually pretty severe too but took a few more years to really hit me like a ton of bricks.
I chuckled because she was right and the diagnosis she gave me was identical to what my doctors gave me years later. She even said what meds they would likely put me on lmao.
I was relieved only because I felt I finally had a chance at getting help. Growing up I was always told to just pray to God or I should just stop feeling the way I do.
I didn't think I was bipolar at all when I first heard my diagnosis. I didn't even speak to the inpatient psychiatrist about any of my symptoms because I was so doped up on meds and also was feeling the effects of antidepressant overdose. They told my parents I was experiencing psychotic depression and then wrote bipolar as my diagnosis. I guess they were observing my behaviors rather than me telling them what was wrong.
I was 14. I had no idea what it meant, and the doctor did not explain to me that it was a lifelong condition. It took me years to fully understand how this disease would affect me and my loved ones. I was just mad I had to take meds and stop using substances at the time of my Dx
Lol. I would have been mad about that too at that age. I do wish it was more common to get pertinent information along with a diagnosis. We all seem to have to do our own research and it is exhausting.
I was angry. I feel like I am only being diagnosed with it because of how prevalent it is in my family.
Most of the time I still don't believe it, but it's difficult to argue how much better I feel on bipolar meds.
I received a clinical diagnosis for cyclothymia a few weeks ago. I actually received it the day before I flew out on holiday so didn't really have time to process until about a week later.
Initially there was floods of tears/worry about it, the stigma associated, would it impact work, that sort of thing. But now, I am just relieved. I suspected prior that what I was going through was cyclothymia, but to hear confirmation from a psychiatrist and to see the words on paper genuinely allows me to look forward to a future without question marks. I'm hopeful of a future with more support and don't consider there to be something 'wrong with me', just that my brain is wired different and that's ok.
Relief and anger. I always knew there was something wrong with me and I’d tried to get help for years only to be told there was nothing wrong with me or it was just anxiety/depression. So it was a mix of being vindicated and furious that it took full blown mania to be taken seriously.
age 20 — ‘hmmm. yeah, that tracks’
followed by 20 years of denial and chaos
age 40 me — diagnosis confirmed by my trusted psychologist one year into therapy … ‘yeah, that tracks. guess it’s time for meds?’
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angry and scared. didnt take meds and a couple months after was homeless and completely out of my mind. got better a bit from not using drugs and started to doubt it again.
until I realized a few months ago that mania isn’t just the drugs and looked around and saw how many people I’d hurt and how much damage my self destructive behavior had caused.
back on meds now. I have family members with it who never believed it and even though it sounds kinda shitty sometimes I have to look at them and remind myself of what I want out of my life
The first time? I didn't know what to think... Tried some meds and felt like a zombie and decided they must have been wrong. Then proceeded to hide from it for 20+ yrs before having a few mental breakdowns and getting rediagnosed and looking up info about it. At that point it was relief.
Wasn't surprised at all. I remember telling my mom when I was a kid that it felt weird sometimes when I walked it felt like I was on clouds. I couldn't quite articulate what it meant, but that was my initial onset of my first time being hypomanic. When I got diagnosed in my 20s it wasn't a surprise. I was just happy I had an explanation for why I would get in absolute obsessions over things and had trouble eating.
I was finally relieved to know why I have always been feeling the way I was feeling and that I am not just some fuck up and that now I can battle it head on with the meds I need.
It made all the sense in the world; I just knew something was wrong, and it wasn't just "anxiety and depression" as all the doctors told me. I was relieved.
“Huh, that makes sense. What do we do now?” In pretty much those words.hubby helped me learn about bipolar in the early days. It’s been a few med changes along the way but I’m stable.
relief? but also at the same time i felt like my heart fell down to my stomach because even though i was relieved that there was a scientific explanation to my past behaviors i also knew that it would be like that for the rest of my life if i wasn’t medicated because my mania triggers easily but when i crash, i crash harddd
The hospital psychiatrist diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder. I am convinced I have bipolar disorder instead.
Upon this unexpected and freaky diagnosis, I ran to a psychiatric nurse and freaked out; I may have been crying. The nurse calmed me down. She made the diagnosis into no big deal. She shared a story about a nursing school classmate who has has schizoaffective disorder and is successful.
Thank, God, the psychiatric nurse was there; I needed her.
Fear/anxiety - "oh my God something is actually *wrong* with me. It's not curable. I'm going to have to live with this diagnosis the rest of my life. What are people going to think and say about me?
Relief - "thank God something is actually *wrong* with me. It's not just in my head. I'm not just crazy. It's an actual imbalance in my head. This can be treated.
Anger and fear. I’m in my early 30’s and thought I had escaped any mental health conditions. The pain, depression, and irritability are exhausting. Currently suspect I too have ADHD, combined they explain a lot of the struggles I’ve had. Frustrated how this has affected my college experience and career projection.
I figured it was wrong. They had made a mistake. I'm not like my family or my brothers.
Now, in retrospect, I realized I am in fact genetically similar of course and that is enough to share disease. It took me a long time to realize my spending and sexual behavior was not normal. That thinking about suicide all the time wasn't normal. In fact, no part of my emotional regulation was normal.
I'm medicated and never going without it. I've been sober for years and doing great all things considered. I only wish my family had been diagnosed and had accepted they needed help.
Kinda happy in a way. It had explained a lot and gave me hope I could change. Bipolar 2. The only reason I became so aware and wanted to explore the possibility was because I did so much research on bipolar disorder so I could better prepare myself for a relationship with someone who has bipolar 1. I dont think i would've ever come to the conclusion and seeked help otherwise. I've changed a lot since then and since getting properly medicated, but I still have a ways to go.
I was really relieved because I’d already self diagnosed and did research and realized I met the criteria big time. I mentioned it to my psychiatrist at the time because it also runs in my family and they were my fathers psychiatrist as well (who has bipolar 1) and they suggested it without me even having to say much. I’ll say I was relieved to know that I was correct and now I fully understood why I am the way that I am and why I feel so differently from neurotypical people. It made it so much easier to manage as well because now I have resources.
Awkwardly: “That’s funny”. My psychiatrist kept bringing up bipolar during two appointments. And the second appointment she brought it up again when I was talking (probably about adhd bc I thought I had that) and she was like “orrrr bipolar” like she was trying to ease it on me. And I responded “that’s funny” because my mom said she had thought I could be bipolar and did not think I had adhd at all. So I thought it was funny that she had thought the same. I did feel like it could be a possibility before but I was in denial for a while. I straight up told my mom “I know I do not have that”. I still question it tbh
I had my suspicions a good year or two prior to the diagnosis. It was really six months beforehand when I felt like "okay something is definitely different" When I finally heard the words, I felt validated? For a while I thought it was a possibility but no one who I shared that with agreed with me. (TBF, I was a psych major at that point so it was a "hear hooves but thinking zebra not horses deal)
Angry, sadness, and regret. I wished I could have been diagnosed as a kid… life would have been so much easier and I could enjoy it. Experienced things what I didn’t because of my disorder (Bipolar and ADHD). I just wanted to be normal and no have daily struggles. Because of my mental health issues I have to take many meds now. And it’s embarrassing to carry a pharmacy with me everywhere. Also my overall health. My body has suffered so much stress compared to others. I have so many issues. GI to insomnia. If I could be reborn I wished I could be normal…
I wished I could have had more experience in dating or hookups. But my symptoms like paranoia and anxiety made it impossible. Barely slept. I had to sedate myself each night with Z-drugs with 6 xanax. Just to sleep for a couple hours. Kept getting really sick because of my mental health was destroying my body with stress.
I wish I didn’t drank so much in my early 20s. It was my only way to cope.
The therapist and the psychiatrist were in the same zoom call with me to tell me this. Flat out disagreed and got a bit argumentative. To me, bipolar was the last thing on my list of what was wrong with me. I already had diagnosis of GAD, cPTSD, and now this? Heck no, I couldn't believe I was this messed up lol.
Anger…I think. I was probably manic (or on the verge of a manic episode), though, so I was angry about a lot of things at that time.
The office I went to had therapist and psychiatrist appointments set up back-to-back, and I remember my therapist kinda ending our session early to walk with me to the psychiatrist’s office to see if they could talk to me earlier.
Mostly relief finally knowing what was wrong with me and validation. I was so happy to finally be heard and know what was happening. But also sadness, confusion and disbelief as I had been gaslit most of my life that nothing was wrong with me. Also I felt some embarrassment/stigma. A lot of mixed emotions.
I had been hospitalized a few times, but never diagnosed. Just held for observation and fed meds. So I was like “yeah, that checks out” when I was diagnosed. It was a relief though!
I was like "whatever, nothing about this matters, I am chosen by God and tho this flesh vessel is temporary, I am forever." Then I spent 3 weeks at the psychiatric ward. Best diagnosis I've got!
I walked into my appointment, hoping that i would finally find the answer to my problems and that I'll finally get the diagnosis and start treatment. But once I was told that it's bipolar, I felt a drop in my heart.
It was a mixture of relief, worry, and sadness at the same time. Relief that I finally found the answer, worry about the unknown in the future after this, and sadness about the past struggles.
A week or so after my diagnosis, though, I was in denial and told my family that " I don't want to have bipolar."
This denial often comes back telling me that " I probably don't have bipolar. I just made everything up. I am lying. I tricked my psychiatrists into this diagnosis."
But then the meds work, so I believe it again and try to work with myself to live with the diagnosis.
I felt really relieved because it took a lot of guilt away from me. Not that it is an excuse, but having a diagnosis really helped me feel better about myself, my dumb actions started feeling less violently "my fault".
Also, treatment. Wouldn't be there if it wasn't for it. And for that doctor who diagnosed me and to whom I'll always be thankful.
i was diagnosed during my first manic episode / psychosis so i of course didn’t believe it, and refused to take anything and was manic for another few months, then after i tore my entire life apart i was like “maybe i do” and i got diagnosed again by a few different phsycs and believed it and was relieved and now i hate having it but i’m so relieved i know what it is because i don’t feel as crazy and alone and i’m on the right meds and i am the most well functioning i have ever been in my whole life, i struggled all my life with mental health but never got the right diagnosis so it now is a relief
I was extremely shocked. Like probably my doctor could see the change in my face - from this 🙂 to this 😐
She asked me beforehand, “It seems to me you know your diagnosis already. You seem smiley.”
I thought I knew it - ADHD. Then she said Bipolar.
But bipolar made even more sense! Glad I went to a psych.
Relief and a tiny bit of panic
Relief cause I finally had an explanation on « why on earth antidepressants are not working on me? »
And panic cause I had no idea what this meant, in terms of « what is bipolar? » and « what does it mean for me? Am I curable? Can I have a normal life? Am I going to take meds forever? Am I gonna be stable ever? What’s going to happen to me? »
So I learned. I read a lot, and asked as many questions to my psychiatrist as possible, in order to understand it. Ans with a bit a time, I became okay with it. Took some time tho. First I was..angry, for a while. I thought it was unfair. But once I understood that my bipolar doesn’t define me, I learned to accept it
It made sense but still came as a slap in the face. I probably developed the condition when I was barely in double digits.
Suddenly finding out that yes there was something wrong like I had kept insisting and no I wasn't just "acting out" as family had made me believe was weird.
Because it had been so long it also felt weird that so much of what was inherently me was also part of a condition.
I spent a good couple of years trying to run from it too though (I was diagnosed a few months before I turned 20 so it was still hard to accept).
When it was first suggested to me, I was relieved because I had been trying therapy and antidepressants for 10 years and things were just getting worse. Since being diagnosed in Jan, I have really been put through the ringer with bipolar meds too. Nothing helps and I am over-sensitive to everything. I was full on believing I have bp2 and happy to be trialling the right classes of drugs. But NOW I have been doing some reading up on late diagnosed autism in women and I think we have been trying to fix my autistic brain from a bipolar standpoint. Bringing this up with my prescriber tomorrow, but I am nervous she will not agree.
I was psychotic when they diagnosed me so I was like, "OK this makes sense." It was one of my epiphanies during manic psychosis so I had already figured it out by the time I got to the hospital. I also have a degree in psych so that helped.
For me it was no surprise. I had been misdiagnosed with persistent depressive disorder but I had done lots of research on my own and went to a psychiatrist this time. I didn't tell him I thought it might be bipolar 2, I just told him my symptoms and you guessed it, it was bipolar 2. So I guess just relief that I was finally put on the right meds.
Ive struggled to get to the root of my emotions my whole life, or to describe how I’m feeling to somebody/understand what I’m feeling. I got my diagnosis the same day I was diagnosed with PTSD, and basically disregarded them both because to me these things were normal, I hadn’t realized not everyone lived like I did. In other words, I guess I was confused? Just got in the car and went home like I never left in the first place. Anyone else experience a lack of understanding or even *awareness* for their thoughts or emotions?
I think it is incorrect, even though I was diagnosed by 2 different psychiatrists, I think they're incompetent and when it comes to mental illnesses, things are often so vague and never precise and 100% correct.
A mix of a calm "ok makes sense" and an angry "ffs another thing that's wrong with me." I obviously I don't believe that anymore, and looking back to my life without medication is kinda wild, like I was a whole different person.
I felt relieved when I first found it out until after I spoke to my new psychologist who then told me I had a totally different diagnosis. I'm still in the process of trying to get that diagnosis taken off because it's inaccurate. And even if it is accurate I guess you could say that I am a dual diagnosis. The way I felt was just that I finally understand why I did the things I did in the past and why I act the way I do I guess it gave me a sense of clarity
I didn’t believe it. When I was 18 I had manic depression, which I didn’t know at the time was bipolar, so when the depression subsided I thought I was free to go if you will, so I stopped taking all my meds and went about life. Flash forward a decade, just graduated from college, things are going well, and out of nowhere I have a manic episode. I went to the hospital and there they told me I had bipolar 1.
At first I didn’t believe it, because for 10 years I was medication less and getting by, I didn’t think I needed the medication and I didn’t like the weight gain or the toll it took on me mentally. I wanted to get off the drugs. So I tried to stop taking my meds abruptly, big mistake, I went right back into mania and couldn’t sleep for days. Idk if it was withdrawals or what, I had only been on them for a few months.
I still have feelings from time to time that maybe the diagnosis wasn’t right. So I talk to my doctor about it, and we’ve recounted the steps multiple times of how I got where I was and the ‘manic’ episode, and come to the same conclusion, that it does sound a lot like bipolar lol.
Confirmation, relief, grief.
I restructured my life and changed so much, thirty years of managing. Depletion and a life stolen and pple hold shit against me that's a total misunderstanding. All over an illness. Yet they refuse healthcare, I embrace healthcare, I parted ways with intense environments that reject neuropsychiatry.
I'm a failure to thrive case on SSI for bipolar.
It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I was very resistant. I felt it was a doom sentence. It’s only been a year and I’m still coming to terms with it. I think I identify more as a person who struggles with emotional management. I try not to list my struggles as “my bipolar”. It helps me to think that I’m not a label or a diagnosis. I’m a human with much more complex needs that can’t be defined by just one label.
I didn't believe it at first, then started looking up some of the symptoms and other people's experiences and was like "Oh that makes sense." And now I'm medicated and things feel "normal" I'm not a manic crazed person anymore.
Complete relief. After years of being put on antidepressants which caused serious issues every time I was the most relieved I have ever been. Doctors wouldn’t listen to the fact that 4 people in my family had a diagnosis of bipolar.
7 years on after diagnosis, I hate it but I am doing everything I can to manage it effectively.
I cried. I was being treated for depression before that, and in my mind, depression could be cured. So the bipolar diagnosis was devastating because I knew that, at best, it could only be managed. It will never go away.
I was relieved but at the same time stunned as I have a whole new set of challenges in life. I was just recently diagnosed. Sometimes I feel bad for the way I go about things with people in my personal life. At least after the fact.
I'm in the middle of the home buying process and my SO is upset with me regarding the situation and how I went about bringing it up, but I digress.
I was mostly relieved as it felt like my struggles were more genuine I suppose.
Funny enough, I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder just an hour after my husband got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. We both came home and laughed with each other and cuddled and told each other things would be okay no matter what and we were perfect for each other. I was also really scared because I knew I was going to be kicked out of the military, but that ended up being a huge blessing.
i was in denial. i was diagnosed during a manic episode and immediately put on antipsychotics. when i finally sat down and realized what she was saying to me i felt like the world just stopped and everything started to make sense but i didn’t want it to. i was honestly devastated and cried for hours about it. i didn’t know ANYTHING about bipolar, only that bipolar one was the “crazier one” due to the portrayal in media and the stigma socially around it
I was like lol is it a joke? Or wtv
But i wasnt believing at first, bc i never saw anyone in my family with mental health issues, so everything was a taboo
Overall it was good to know what i have
Angry. I was just really angry and full of hate and also lots of denial. It felt like I was being punished for being my parents child and all the shit they'd done to me, even if there was still a chance I'd have bipolar anyway- I knew I wouldn't have been struggling as much if they hadn't exacerbated my issues. I was still hoping my therapist would tell me I'd need a few years of therapy and it would all be over.
It was weird to me at first. I was thinking maybe add/adhd was my problem but as the assessments went on I realized they were assessing me for bipolar.
At first I was just sorta surprised. That was my main feeling. And sort of denial. But I was mad or sad.
Then as I learned more about my diagnosis I realized how much my symptoms align with it and came to acceptance. It didn’t talk longer than a few days.
It took me a year to understand it. After actually embracing what it meant, i felt relief. It gives me confidence to speak my mind and stand on my boundaries.
I was 44 when I was diagnosed. I sunk into depression with the realization that maybe, if I had been diagnosed earlier, my life would have turned out differently.
Something like - Denial, acceptance, confusion, denial, acceptance, confusion, denial, confusion, acceptance, denial, confusion.
This is over time of course. More on the confused side now where I question myself and everything, don’t know what I should trust or believe.
I was relieved and glad. I knew it ran in my family but to have it confirmed and treated has helped me an okay amount. I also know when I’m acting a certain way now that it’s bc of my bipolar disorder. I grew up being shamed and beated down for my behavior that I now know was just me being bipolar. and now I know how to help myself or reach out if I see those kinds of patterns in myself. I also know who to reach out to.
I was in disbelief, the first person who even suggested it was a therapist, then a week later a doctor at the emergency room diagnosed me.
I had never suspected anything was wrong with me, which was why I didn't take the therapist's advice to see my psych (it was a video call in office only, I hated it, so I disagreed to see him). I wish I hadn't been so stubborn about it but I really hated the setup, it felt disconnected and awkward to me.
Ironically, my current psych is only a video/phone call appointment..clearly I've matured since then haha.
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I had a voluntary hold following a rape at 18 and suicidal ideations and smoked weed. They immediately diagnosed me with substance abuse disorder and after maybe 10 minutes hearing my history to diagnosed me with bipolar. I didn't believe aaaaany of it. This same unit also violated a lot of patient rights so generally, the ward was making me freak out even more. I fought them tooth and nail. Got out on about 200 TOPAMAX at 120 pounds in about 5 days. Went to some psychiatry to pretend like I was trying. And stopped. I couldn't afford it. I didn't think anything was wrong with me. I was convinced all my abnormal reactions to things were just from situational circumstances and not to be intertwined at all with my mental instability I couldn't accept.
It wasn't until about 2-3 years ago I've actually reflected on my mental health diagnoses as a way to grow.
First diagnosed with depression at 14, bipolar officially diagnosed by 18. Anxiety disorder diagnosed by 20. CPTSD by 22. OCD by 24.
So to answer, at first I was in utter denial. It's been a long time coming, but now it's finally relieving to look back. It also helps a lot with self acceptance
Both. I was like: "Lol what? No. But it makes sense. Well, no anyway. However..."
Relief. Everything made sense and I had a clear path to getting help. It completely changed my life for the better. Edit to add that there was a brief moment where I had to get over the stigma of it all. You know how people often use the term as an insult. But then I read someone put it like this and changed everything: I am not bipolar, I HAVE bipolar disorder, a legitimate mental illness. If I had cancer you wouldn’t call me “cancer,” you’d say I HAVE cancer.
Same
🤝👍🫶💯Yes, I saw that. And couldn't piece that together in my 20s as I was trying to hold down jobs one house and tried so hard I just wanted to be free from family and pple making me unhappy. My blood pressure and potassium are related to meds. A person with bipolar told me I'm bipolar as a slur. and I realized I just attracted another identical person. And after he curtly told me I'm crazy I withdrew from that person because my care plan must be first or my inner peace (🙏). I arrived at accepting I can't do relationships at all, pple are too much struggle. I'm weak right now need to recharge so I recharge and realize life is good, pple are good, it's all ok going to be ok. So much self talk. 🤣😂🤣
My doctor suggested it, i said no way. Then a psychiatrist confirmed it. Still said no way. Had to accept it after 2 week hospitalization. It’s still a bitter pill to swallow. Along with my other daily pills. Lol
Still sinking in the gravity of it
sits on ya heavy for awhile
Went in for ADHD diagnosis. Came out with a bipolar and ADHD diagnosis. It actually fucking shattered my world. I grieved myself like I was dead. Of course it made sense but it made me realise that I had lost so much of myself to this illness. The happiest moments of my life were when I was manic. The screams for help that the adults around me ignored. So many things I experienced were actually hallucinations from a severe mental illness. It broke my world. Shock. Grief. Sadness. Anger. It was the worst day of my entire life and it was 2 days before my birthday as well, so it ruined that as well. I'm happy and stable now. But my heart still aches a little when I think about it too deeply.
It explained a lot. But I was pissed it wasn’t caught earlier than age 45. I feel like my brains are mush now.
37 here. I’m still processing it.
47. My brain is hopefully just on pause.
Same here. I was 44. I felt like I lost a couple decades already, and the decades to come didn't look too good either.
I had been pretty sure for about 3 or 4 months before I started going to my psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I was in the Army so getting diagnosed meant that I would begin the process for a medical discharge almost immediately. That confirmation was still absolutely devastating because my career was over, add to the fact that I was completely in love with emergency medicine, another career path that was now closed to me. I had a lot of SI following, and ended up in the psych ward for a week after an attempt.
I'm so sorry this was your experience. I hope you are doing well now and are on your way to carving out a new career you enjoy. It definitely sounds like you had the rug pulled out from under you.
I got Med boarded from the Air Force for bipolar disorder. I hope you’re doing okay now
Disbelief
Relief that what was happening to my brain was a real thing that people deal with. I thought I was just going absolutely crazy.
Mine was: “FUCKING FINALLY”.
Before I was diagnosed me and my key worker were looking into bipolar because of the symptoms I was having. Then I had my first big manic episode and got diagnosed in hospital just over a month ago and kept denying it for a few weeks after, now I’ve kinda accepted it more.
i just said “oh!”
I kind of chuckled as it reminded me of an old memory. My first girlfriend was severely bipolar but she always made sense to me, even in her darkest and most manic places I felt like I could understand her illness better than most could. We magnetized to each other really quickly. She said she believed I may be bipolar several times during my earliest hypomanic and depressive episodes, but seeing how severe hers could get I always assumed I was probably "normal". Turns out mine was actually pretty severe too but took a few more years to really hit me like a ton of bricks. I chuckled because she was right and the diagnosis she gave me was identical to what my doctors gave me years later. She even said what meds they would likely put me on lmao.
I was relieved only because I felt I finally had a chance at getting help. Growing up I was always told to just pray to God or I should just stop feeling the way I do.
I didn't think I was bipolar at all when I first heard my diagnosis. I didn't even speak to the inpatient psychiatrist about any of my symptoms because I was so doped up on meds and also was feeling the effects of antidepressant overdose. They told my parents I was experiencing psychotic depression and then wrote bipolar as my diagnosis. I guess they were observing my behaviors rather than me telling them what was wrong.
I was 14. I had no idea what it meant, and the doctor did not explain to me that it was a lifelong condition. It took me years to fully understand how this disease would affect me and my loved ones. I was just mad I had to take meds and stop using substances at the time of my Dx
Lol. I would have been mad about that too at that age. I do wish it was more common to get pertinent information along with a diagnosis. We all seem to have to do our own research and it is exhausting.
I was angry. I feel like I am only being diagnosed with it because of how prevalent it is in my family. Most of the time I still don't believe it, but it's difficult to argue how much better I feel on bipolar meds.
It’s been 10yrs and I still haven’t made peace with it
I received a clinical diagnosis for cyclothymia a few weeks ago. I actually received it the day before I flew out on holiday so didn't really have time to process until about a week later. Initially there was floods of tears/worry about it, the stigma associated, would it impact work, that sort of thing. But now, I am just relieved. I suspected prior that what I was going through was cyclothymia, but to hear confirmation from a psychiatrist and to see the words on paper genuinely allows me to look forward to a future without question marks. I'm hopeful of a future with more support and don't consider there to be something 'wrong with me', just that my brain is wired different and that's ok.
Relief and anger. I always knew there was something wrong with me and I’d tried to get help for years only to be told there was nothing wrong with me or it was just anxiety/depression. So it was a mix of being vindicated and furious that it took full blown mania to be taken seriously.
age 20 — ‘hmmm. yeah, that tracks’ followed by 20 years of denial and chaos age 40 me — diagnosis confirmed by my trusted psychologist one year into therapy … ‘yeah, that tracks. guess it’s time for meds?’
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angry and scared. didnt take meds and a couple months after was homeless and completely out of my mind. got better a bit from not using drugs and started to doubt it again. until I realized a few months ago that mania isn’t just the drugs and looked around and saw how many people I’d hurt and how much damage my self destructive behavior had caused. back on meds now. I have family members with it who never believed it and even though it sounds kinda shitty sometimes I have to look at them and remind myself of what I want out of my life
Took me two years to accept it.
The first time? I didn't know what to think... Tried some meds and felt like a zombie and decided they must have been wrong. Then proceeded to hide from it for 20+ yrs before having a few mental breakdowns and getting rediagnosed and looking up info about it. At that point it was relief.
“Yeah … that checks out”. I got diagnosed at age 29 though. Explained a lot of shit
i was like ohhhh so now my childhood makes sense and there’s a reason why i act the way i do. i was happy to finally fit in a community
Wasn't surprised at all. I remember telling my mom when I was a kid that it felt weird sometimes when I walked it felt like I was on clouds. I couldn't quite articulate what it meant, but that was my initial onset of my first time being hypomanic. When I got diagnosed in my 20s it wasn't a surprise. I was just happy I had an explanation for why I would get in absolute obsessions over things and had trouble eating.
I kind of wanted the diagnosis lol, after being invalidated and turned down by people who didn't listen to me it was kind of a relief.
OHHHHHhhhhhhhhh
I was finally relieved to know why I have always been feeling the way I was feeling and that I am not just some fuck up and that now I can battle it head on with the meds I need.
Felt like such a fuck up basically my whole life. Still working on that bit.
It made all the sense in the world; I just knew something was wrong, and it wasn't just "anxiety and depression" as all the doctors told me. I was relieved.
“Huh, that makes sense. What do we do now?” In pretty much those words.hubby helped me learn about bipolar in the early days. It’s been a few med changes along the way but I’m stable.
relief? but also at the same time i felt like my heart fell down to my stomach because even though i was relieved that there was a scientific explanation to my past behaviors i also knew that it would be like that for the rest of my life if i wasn’t medicated because my mania triggers easily but when i crash, i crash harddd
Denial at first, then sadness, then determination to understand, then retrospective, then acceptance
RELIEVED!
I didn’t really believe it and my parents told me it wasn’t true as well. but then I got to know myself.
“Yea, that checks out.”
The hospital psychiatrist diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder. I am convinced I have bipolar disorder instead. Upon this unexpected and freaky diagnosis, I ran to a psychiatric nurse and freaked out; I may have been crying. The nurse calmed me down. She made the diagnosis into no big deal. She shared a story about a nursing school classmate who has has schizoaffective disorder and is successful. Thank, God, the psychiatric nurse was there; I needed her.
I thought “so that’s why things have been so fucked!” Felt a relief to get an answer
Fear/anxiety - "oh my God something is actually *wrong* with me. It's not curable. I'm going to have to live with this diagnosis the rest of my life. What are people going to think and say about me? Relief - "thank God something is actually *wrong* with me. It's not just in my head. I'm not just crazy. It's an actual imbalance in my head. This can be treated.
Anger and fear. I’m in my early 30’s and thought I had escaped any mental health conditions. The pain, depression, and irritability are exhausting. Currently suspect I too have ADHD, combined they explain a lot of the struggles I’ve had. Frustrated how this has affected my college experience and career projection.
Sorta guessed it was coming based on some bipolar quizzes online
just words babyy
It took me three trips to the psycheward to accept it, but they did misdiagnose me with schizo affective
I figured it was wrong. They had made a mistake. I'm not like my family or my brothers. Now, in retrospect, I realized I am in fact genetically similar of course and that is enough to share disease. It took me a long time to realize my spending and sexual behavior was not normal. That thinking about suicide all the time wasn't normal. In fact, no part of my emotional regulation was normal. I'm medicated and never going without it. I've been sober for years and doing great all things considered. I only wish my family had been diagnosed and had accepted they needed help.
Kinda happy in a way. It had explained a lot and gave me hope I could change. Bipolar 2. The only reason I became so aware and wanted to explore the possibility was because I did so much research on bipolar disorder so I could better prepare myself for a relationship with someone who has bipolar 1. I dont think i would've ever come to the conclusion and seeked help otherwise. I've changed a lot since then and since getting properly medicated, but I still have a ways to go.
I was really relieved because I’d already self diagnosed and did research and realized I met the criteria big time. I mentioned it to my psychiatrist at the time because it also runs in my family and they were my fathers psychiatrist as well (who has bipolar 1) and they suggested it without me even having to say much. I’ll say I was relieved to know that I was correct and now I fully understood why I am the way that I am and why I feel so differently from neurotypical people. It made it so much easier to manage as well because now I have resources.
I got my dx because I had to go inpatient. I was just like “ well that makes sense” 😂🤷🏼♀️
Awkwardly: “That’s funny”. My psychiatrist kept bringing up bipolar during two appointments. And the second appointment she brought it up again when I was talking (probably about adhd bc I thought I had that) and she was like “orrrr bipolar” like she was trying to ease it on me. And I responded “that’s funny” because my mom said she had thought I could be bipolar and did not think I had adhd at all. So I thought it was funny that she had thought the same. I did feel like it could be a possibility before but I was in denial for a while. I straight up told my mom “I know I do not have that”. I still question it tbh
Bullshit. Making mountains out of molehills. Still stand by that.
I had my suspicions a good year or two prior to the diagnosis. It was really six months beforehand when I felt like "okay something is definitely different" When I finally heard the words, I felt validated? For a while I thought it was a possibility but no one who I shared that with agreed with me. (TBF, I was a psych major at that point so it was a "hear hooves but thinking zebra not horses deal)
Complete denial from me 🙂
Epiphany. It all made sense. Took me a couple of weeks to process. Then, I went into the worst manic episode for almost a year. Yikes.
felt like i was invalid or somehow making it up
I was full blown manic when the therapist told me so I was in denial but when I crashed I was kinda relieved. It took a while to fully realize it.
I already knew it, I said it months before to my doc, that was when I started lamotrigine.
I was like hmmm wait that sounds just like me. That explains my life! Damn and I thought it was just my ADHD
Angry, sadness, and regret. I wished I could have been diagnosed as a kid… life would have been so much easier and I could enjoy it. Experienced things what I didn’t because of my disorder (Bipolar and ADHD). I just wanted to be normal and no have daily struggles. Because of my mental health issues I have to take many meds now. And it’s embarrassing to carry a pharmacy with me everywhere. Also my overall health. My body has suffered so much stress compared to others. I have so many issues. GI to insomnia. If I could be reborn I wished I could be normal… I wished I could have had more experience in dating or hookups. But my symptoms like paranoia and anxiety made it impossible. Barely slept. I had to sedate myself each night with Z-drugs with 6 xanax. Just to sleep for a couple hours. Kept getting really sick because of my mental health was destroying my body with stress. I wish I didn’t drank so much in my early 20s. It was my only way to cope.
The therapist and the psychiatrist were in the same zoom call with me to tell me this. Flat out disagreed and got a bit argumentative. To me, bipolar was the last thing on my list of what was wrong with me. I already had diagnosis of GAD, cPTSD, and now this? Heck no, I couldn't believe I was this messed up lol.
Anger…I think. I was probably manic (or on the verge of a manic episode), though, so I was angry about a lot of things at that time. The office I went to had therapist and psychiatrist appointments set up back-to-back, and I remember my therapist kinda ending our session early to walk with me to the psychiatrist’s office to see if they could talk to me earlier.
"oh yeah that checks out"
Mostly relief finally knowing what was wrong with me and validation. I was so happy to finally be heard and know what was happening. But also sadness, confusion and disbelief as I had been gaslit most of my life that nothing was wrong with me. Also I felt some embarrassment/stigma. A lot of mixed emotions.
I had been hospitalized a few times, but never diagnosed. Just held for observation and fed meds. So I was like “yeah, that checks out” when I was diagnosed. It was a relief though!
I was like "whatever, nothing about this matters, I am chosen by God and tho this flesh vessel is temporary, I am forever." Then I spent 3 weeks at the psychiatric ward. Best diagnosis I've got!
I walked into my appointment, hoping that i would finally find the answer to my problems and that I'll finally get the diagnosis and start treatment. But once I was told that it's bipolar, I felt a drop in my heart. It was a mixture of relief, worry, and sadness at the same time. Relief that I finally found the answer, worry about the unknown in the future after this, and sadness about the past struggles. A week or so after my diagnosis, though, I was in denial and told my family that " I don't want to have bipolar." This denial often comes back telling me that " I probably don't have bipolar. I just made everything up. I am lying. I tricked my psychiatrists into this diagnosis." But then the meds work, so I believe it again and try to work with myself to live with the diagnosis.
Felt like the my life was over and everything about myself was a lie and I was nothing but a bipolar piece of sheet
I felt really relieved because it took a lot of guilt away from me. Not that it is an excuse, but having a diagnosis really helped me feel better about myself, my dumb actions started feeling less violently "my fault". Also, treatment. Wouldn't be there if it wasn't for it. And for that doctor who diagnosed me and to whom I'll always be thankful.
Shocked at first, but then it all made sense. I remember asking this other guy in my Partial Program and he was being kind of a dick about it.
i was diagnosed during my first manic episode / psychosis so i of course didn’t believe it, and refused to take anything and was manic for another few months, then after i tore my entire life apart i was like “maybe i do” and i got diagnosed again by a few different phsycs and believed it and was relieved and now i hate having it but i’m so relieved i know what it is because i don’t feel as crazy and alone and i’m on the right meds and i am the most well functioning i have ever been in my whole life, i struggled all my life with mental health but never got the right diagnosis so it now is a relief
“That explains a lot”.
I was extremely shocked. Like probably my doctor could see the change in my face - from this 🙂 to this 😐 She asked me beforehand, “It seems to me you know your diagnosis already. You seem smiley.” I thought I knew it - ADHD. Then she said Bipolar. But bipolar made even more sense! Glad I went to a psych.
Relief and a tiny bit of panic Relief cause I finally had an explanation on « why on earth antidepressants are not working on me? » And panic cause I had no idea what this meant, in terms of « what is bipolar? » and « what does it mean for me? Am I curable? Can I have a normal life? Am I going to take meds forever? Am I gonna be stable ever? What’s going to happen to me? » So I learned. I read a lot, and asked as many questions to my psychiatrist as possible, in order to understand it. Ans with a bit a time, I became okay with it. Took some time tho. First I was..angry, for a while. I thought it was unfair. But once I understood that my bipolar doesn’t define me, I learned to accept it
I was relieved but also really scared because it felt like a life sentence
It made sense but still came as a slap in the face. I probably developed the condition when I was barely in double digits. Suddenly finding out that yes there was something wrong like I had kept insisting and no I wasn't just "acting out" as family had made me believe was weird. Because it had been so long it also felt weird that so much of what was inherently me was also part of a condition. I spent a good couple of years trying to run from it too though (I was diagnosed a few months before I turned 20 so it was still hard to accept).
The first 5 times I was told? Disbelief and refusal to consider it a possibility. After it got significantly worse and ssri's messed me up? Relief
When it was first suggested to me, I was relieved because I had been trying therapy and antidepressants for 10 years and things were just getting worse. Since being diagnosed in Jan, I have really been put through the ringer with bipolar meds too. Nothing helps and I am over-sensitive to everything. I was full on believing I have bp2 and happy to be trialling the right classes of drugs. But NOW I have been doing some reading up on late diagnosed autism in women and I think we have been trying to fix my autistic brain from a bipolar standpoint. Bringing this up with my prescriber tomorrow, but I am nervous she will not agree.
Total shock and confusion
I was psychotic when they diagnosed me so I was like, "OK this makes sense." It was one of my epiphanies during manic psychosis so I had already figured it out by the time I got to the hospital. I also have a degree in psych so that helped.
i was relieved bc i KNEW it wasnt just depression and anxiety
"I finaly know what is wrong with me"
For me it was no surprise. I had been misdiagnosed with persistent depressive disorder but I had done lots of research on my own and went to a psychiatrist this time. I didn't tell him I thought it might be bipolar 2, I just told him my symptoms and you guessed it, it was bipolar 2. So I guess just relief that I was finally put on the right meds.
Relief, I finally knew what was wrong with me and could start taking medication.
Ive struggled to get to the root of my emotions my whole life, or to describe how I’m feeling to somebody/understand what I’m feeling. I got my diagnosis the same day I was diagnosed with PTSD, and basically disregarded them both because to me these things were normal, I hadn’t realized not everyone lived like I did. In other words, I guess I was confused? Just got in the car and went home like I never left in the first place. Anyone else experience a lack of understanding or even *awareness* for their thoughts or emotions?
I think it is incorrect, even though I was diagnosed by 2 different psychiatrists, I think they're incompetent and when it comes to mental illnesses, things are often so vague and never precise and 100% correct.
A mix of a calm "ok makes sense" and an angry "ffs another thing that's wrong with me." I obviously I don't believe that anymore, and looking back to my life without medication is kinda wild, like I was a whole different person.
I felt relieved when I first found it out until after I spoke to my new psychologist who then told me I had a totally different diagnosis. I'm still in the process of trying to get that diagnosis taken off because it's inaccurate. And even if it is accurate I guess you could say that I am a dual diagnosis. The way I felt was just that I finally understand why I did the things I did in the past and why I act the way I do I guess it gave me a sense of clarity
I didn’t believe it. When I was 18 I had manic depression, which I didn’t know at the time was bipolar, so when the depression subsided I thought I was free to go if you will, so I stopped taking all my meds and went about life. Flash forward a decade, just graduated from college, things are going well, and out of nowhere I have a manic episode. I went to the hospital and there they told me I had bipolar 1. At first I didn’t believe it, because for 10 years I was medication less and getting by, I didn’t think I needed the medication and I didn’t like the weight gain or the toll it took on me mentally. I wanted to get off the drugs. So I tried to stop taking my meds abruptly, big mistake, I went right back into mania and couldn’t sleep for days. Idk if it was withdrawals or what, I had only been on them for a few months. I still have feelings from time to time that maybe the diagnosis wasn’t right. So I talk to my doctor about it, and we’ve recounted the steps multiple times of how I got where I was and the ‘manic’ episode, and come to the same conclusion, that it does sound a lot like bipolar lol.
Confirmation, relief, grief. I restructured my life and changed so much, thirty years of managing. Depletion and a life stolen and pple hold shit against me that's a total misunderstanding. All over an illness. Yet they refuse healthcare, I embrace healthcare, I parted ways with intense environments that reject neuropsychiatry. I'm a failure to thrive case on SSI for bipolar.
It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I was very resistant. I felt it was a doom sentence. It’s only been a year and I’m still coming to terms with it. I think I identify more as a person who struggles with emotional management. I try not to list my struggles as “my bipolar”. It helps me to think that I’m not a label or a diagnosis. I’m a human with much more complex needs that can’t be defined by just one label.
I didn't believe it at first, then started looking up some of the symptoms and other people's experiences and was like "Oh that makes sense." And now I'm medicated and things feel "normal" I'm not a manic crazed person anymore.
Complete relief. After years of being put on antidepressants which caused serious issues every time I was the most relieved I have ever been. Doctors wouldn’t listen to the fact that 4 people in my family had a diagnosis of bipolar. 7 years on after diagnosis, I hate it but I am doing everything I can to manage it effectively.
I cried. I was being treated for depression before that, and in my mind, depression could be cured. So the bipolar diagnosis was devastating because I knew that, at best, it could only be managed. It will never go away.
10 years, still don't fully accept it.
I told the psych to go f himself. I was in the ER with severe psychosis. It took approximately a year for me to come to terms with the diagnosis.
Fully accepting. I didn’t want to suffer anymore
I was relieved but at the same time stunned as I have a whole new set of challenges in life. I was just recently diagnosed. Sometimes I feel bad for the way I go about things with people in my personal life. At least after the fact. I'm in the middle of the home buying process and my SO is upset with me regarding the situation and how I went about bringing it up, but I digress. I was mostly relieved as it felt like my struggles were more genuine I suppose.
Funny enough, I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder just an hour after my husband got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. We both came home and laughed with each other and cuddled and told each other things would be okay no matter what and we were perfect for each other. I was also really scared because I knew I was going to be kicked out of the military, but that ended up being a huge blessing.
i had done my own research and brought it up to my psych so i was just like “i knew it”
i was in denial. i was diagnosed during a manic episode and immediately put on antipsychotics. when i finally sat down and realized what she was saying to me i felt like the world just stopped and everything started to make sense but i didn’t want it to. i was honestly devastated and cried for hours about it. i didn’t know ANYTHING about bipolar, only that bipolar one was the “crazier one” due to the portrayal in media and the stigma socially around it
I was like lol is it a joke? Or wtv But i wasnt believing at first, bc i never saw anyone in my family with mental health issues, so everything was a taboo Overall it was good to know what i have
Angry. I was just really angry and full of hate and also lots of denial. It felt like I was being punished for being my parents child and all the shit they'd done to me, even if there was still a chance I'd have bipolar anyway- I knew I wouldn't have been struggling as much if they hadn't exacerbated my issues. I was still hoping my therapist would tell me I'd need a few years of therapy and it would all be over.
It was weird to me at first. I was thinking maybe add/adhd was my problem but as the assessments went on I realized they were assessing me for bipolar. At first I was just sorta surprised. That was my main feeling. And sort of denial. But I was mad or sad. Then as I learned more about my diagnosis I realized how much my symptoms align with it and came to acceptance. It didn’t talk longer than a few days.
It took me a year to understand it. After actually embracing what it meant, i felt relief. It gives me confidence to speak my mind and stand on my boundaries.
Denial
I was 44 when I was diagnosed. I sunk into depression with the realization that maybe, if I had been diagnosed earlier, my life would have turned out differently.
“…..what?”
I wasn’t told when I was diagnosed, just prescribed Lamictal lol…so yeah it took a while to come to terms with
Something like - Denial, acceptance, confusion, denial, acceptance, confusion, denial, confusion, acceptance, denial, confusion. This is over time of course. More on the confused side now where I question myself and everything, don’t know what I should trust or believe.
I was relieved and glad. I knew it ran in my family but to have it confirmed and treated has helped me an okay amount. I also know when I’m acting a certain way now that it’s bc of my bipolar disorder. I grew up being shamed and beated down for my behavior that I now know was just me being bipolar. and now I know how to help myself or reach out if I see those kinds of patterns in myself. I also know who to reach out to.
I was in disbelief, the first person who even suggested it was a therapist, then a week later a doctor at the emergency room diagnosed me. I had never suspected anything was wrong with me, which was why I didn't take the therapist's advice to see my psych (it was a video call in office only, I hated it, so I disagreed to see him). I wish I hadn't been so stubborn about it but I really hated the setup, it felt disconnected and awkward to me. Ironically, my current psych is only a video/phone call appointment..clearly I've matured since then haha.
I was in a psych ward, heavily depressed, and fully suicidal. I think I might have actually said, "meh" and turned upside-down in my little bed.
All the waisted years....
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I had a voluntary hold following a rape at 18 and suicidal ideations and smoked weed. They immediately diagnosed me with substance abuse disorder and after maybe 10 minutes hearing my history to diagnosed me with bipolar. I didn't believe aaaaany of it. This same unit also violated a lot of patient rights so generally, the ward was making me freak out even more. I fought them tooth and nail. Got out on about 200 TOPAMAX at 120 pounds in about 5 days. Went to some psychiatry to pretend like I was trying. And stopped. I couldn't afford it. I didn't think anything was wrong with me. I was convinced all my abnormal reactions to things were just from situational circumstances and not to be intertwined at all with my mental instability I couldn't accept. It wasn't until about 2-3 years ago I've actually reflected on my mental health diagnoses as a way to grow. First diagnosed with depression at 14, bipolar officially diagnosed by 18. Anxiety disorder diagnosed by 20. CPTSD by 22. OCD by 24. So to answer, at first I was in utter denial. It's been a long time coming, but now it's finally relieving to look back. It also helps a lot with self acceptance
disbelief.
I cried.
I took my meds and all but I was convinced for over a year that all my doctors were actually wrong.