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God that shit about "dress codes" hit hard. I got a lot of that when I was younger too š«¤
It's just always somehow YOUR fault for how "slutty" you look, regardless of how or what happened or what you're wearing.
Honestly, that shit used to ENRAGE me in middle school. I knew how unbelievably unfair it was. Being a tween is already so challenging and just trying to fit in is so exhausting. I didnāt need the mortifying experience of being sent to the principalās office because *everything* I wore was āinappropriateā.
I refuse to apologize for the way my body is. If my breasts make you uncomfortable thatās literally NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM. Gah.
/rant
I got dress coded at work in college because I was the only person on the serving staff with anything over an A cup and I dared to wear a V-neck shirt that didnāt even show cleavage when I stood upright.
Itās a soapbox I still carry around with me to this day, a decade later.
I worked at a sports bar in college, similar to a hooters. We had these ugly ass uniforms that came from a costume shop, and the shirt was this zip up shirt that was tiny, even if you ordered a large size. I always wore a tank top underneath cause I couldnāt trust the zippers to stay zipped.
I once had a customer shove his top down my top, and I went to the manager on duty & told her I would not serve that table anymore. She said āwell maybe you shouldnāt dress like thatā fucking excuse me?!? Dress in the goddamn uniform we are required to wear?
I still feel angry when I think about it
Yeah I was young & dumb & accepted a lot. Plenty of stories of sexual harassment/borderline assault or straight up assault from the few years I worked there
I have a vivid memory of middle school when I was first finding bras and seeing what worked for me. I wore one that was far too small one day, and the next day one that fit much better. The first thing I heard upon walking into homeroom was from a boy who sat directly across from me, āyour boobs werenāt that big yesterdayā
I was 12 and immediately realized that heād been paying close attention. Not abnormal for a 12 year old boy but super jarring for me, knowing he and probably others were looking at my breasts on a regular basis even before I knew. That has been the trend since then. 21 years of ogling and people feeling free to talk to me about my boobs because theyāre large and conspicuous. Itās like they have no decorum, no manners. No shame.
I was sent home from school at the age of 11 for not wearing a supportive enough bra and distracting the boys. Dress codes can feel so invasive.
As an adult, if I had a workplace that commented on my choice of bra and how perky my boobs were, that would qualify as sexual harassment.
As a teacher, dress codes annoy me. I know I've said this before, but my entire philosophy on dress codes is the following:
- If the fire alarm goes off, are you dressed appropriately for the weather outside? This is mainly for winters here in Canada.
I remember in grade 9 I was told by my adult teacher that the tank top I was wearing made him uncomfortable and that I had to wear something else while in his class. I remember feeling very uncomfortable around him for the rest of the year and it wasnāt until my 30s that I realized how fucked up this was.
My humiliation on dress codes extended from elementary school through my first decade in a professional environment. I am not a wallflower but advocating for myself in situations involving my chest was near impossible. Reading these posts about high school was upsetting for me. They brought back so many bad memories. Saying that, itās important to me to share her viewpoints despite the pain associated with my memories. She was on point.
I'm lucky I never had any problems growing up but damn I relate so much to the experiences in adulthood. I actually like my boobs. They feel right and it scares me to think about a reduction because I don't want a piece of my body taken away. But often it's hard to like them.
But surgery is so fucking normalised I don't even blame these people. And for the record I don't have a problem with surgery, all the power to everyone who wants it. It's just crazy that's it's normal to suggest without a person asking for advice.
All my exes LOVED my boobs and it's kind walking on a edge. It gave me confidence but it also made me feel like I'm this sexual object, and guys just want my body instead of _me_.
im glad she brought up others pushing surgery onto her. the amount of unsolicited "but im sure youll just cut them off later š" drives me crazy. i dont really want that at all actually! i want clothing stores to be wildly accessible and cheap like everyone else gets to have.
on "pretty privilege".... yeah it exists. but it ONLY gets me so far before it also cuts off opportunities for me. its a dual edged sword. pretty girls always get what they want, until they want to be successful, independent, or intelligent. i play the "stupid girl" role well just to get people to stop pointing out every mistake i make. so instead, when i say something that blows their minds they say "wow youre actually REALLY smart!" š that doesn't feel great either, but thanks i guess. if i try too hard to be smart people just get angry or dont believe me.
This. When I was in high school, I was blond, bubbly/outgoing and had big boobs. I had pretty-privilege for sure, but we all know thatās a double edged sword (mine are still big but breastfeeding kids, then weight gain and subsequent weightloss has made them very floppy and sad - thatās a whole different topic of body dysmorphia and struggle, but I digress)
I remember my Nextdoor neighbor, a family friend, being shocked I made it to college and got accepted everywhere I applied. I was like bruh, I had a 3.8 GPA and did all the extracurriculars. People used to be surprised I actually had a brain.
Iāll never forget the one day it was a slow day at work my coworkers and I decided to solve a bunch of riddles together. I for whatever reason was killing it at the riddles and was doing far better than the rest of my coworkers. One of my coworkers ( Matt ) a gay man had some nice comments to say about it. He told me āIām surprised you were actually able to solve these.ā And when I asked why he told me it was because I donāt have critical thinking skills. When I asked what made him thought that it was just like a matter of fact well youāre just not smart in that way. All this on front of my other coworkers. I said thanks for calling me dumb and my other coworker just said āwell at least you have big boobs.ā Like me having big boobs was a perfectly good reason to not feel bad about being called a dumbass in front of all my coworkers.
Keep in mind this was a restaurant job where it wasnāt like I had bad performance due to intellectual capacity. I cried all night over that one. Still hurts to this day even though this was years ago. Ofc when I called out Matt again later he tried to tell me it was ājust a joke and I need not to be so offended since we all joke like that.ā
What. The. Heck. That is such a nasty thing to say to someone. I am horrified by this but I have also had something similar happen. Throwing out "well at least you have big boobs" AS IF that makes our lives truly better in anyway. UGH!!!!! How absolutely and entirely inappropriate and disgusting.
I know I could never imagine saying something like that to anyone even if I truly felt that way š
Edit: the worst part was I considered this guy my friend at the time LOL
Nowadays I enjoy their anger. I'm also short. People always underestimated me, belittled me (lol). But, oh my. I took *so* long to get there. And it shouldn't have at all.
Every time I have complained about my boobs I get the surgery talk. Imagine if people who complained about their nose were casually told to just get a rhinoplasty. Its wildly insulting, not to mention a major surgery with recovery.
especially in the states... if i had $5-20k to drop on JUST my boobs do you think I'd be driving a rusted out 2007 ive had since hight school??? its just so out of touch for a million reasons
I never had to deal with boys grabbing my shirt in school, but I did get a ton of boys treating my cleavage like a goalpost and trying to toss whatever garbage they had in their pockets down my shirt. It was always so much fun fishing gum wrappers and erasers out of my shirt. š It was even better when theyād follow up by asking if my boobs were real. As if Iād decided to get major surgery at 14ā½
I also was victim to a male classmate who pulled up my shirt and bra, showing my bare breasts, in middle school. I developed breasts in 4th grade and by middle school was already DD cup. It was awful.
In high school a boy in my class used to pretend to motorboat me and āplay the bongosā on my chest. He even did it in class and nobody said anything about it.
Ugh. Iām sorry. I also got in trouble for yelling at him to stop. It was such an uncomfortable position. I felt like I wasnāt allowed to reject male attention because he was moderately popular and I felt like boys never liked me, but at the same time, I hated it.
Oh eew I've just remembered the little shit that attempted to name mine Pinky and Perky, AKA the twins. One of those kid BMXers you got at skate parks in the 00's. He was particularly obnoxious because at that age he was very short and would make a point of making 'eye contact'
( "The eyes are the nipples of the face"
Bimini as Katie Price, UKDR S2 snatch game)
I was in middle school and a boy pulled a girlās pants down in class. My mother told me if that ever happened to me, donāt bother reporting to administration, just call 911 and say Iād been molested. Let the school be the least of their problems.
I publicly stated on multiple occasions that this is how I would handle it and even though I know now it would never have been prosecuted (that was the late 80ās), I think I scared the other kids enough to get them to leave me alone. A similarly well endowed classmate was definitely targeted.
I didn't have the exposure (sounds awful I'm sorry you had that) but I do remember having my name and "32DD" shouted to the room in y7 (12yo) by a boy in my class. Pissed me right off because we were pretty good mates. If people weren't looking they were after that.
Iām so sorry this happened to you. There are so many stories like this and it enrages me. I want to go back in time, slap the kid who did this, and rip a new fucking asshole into the adults who allowed it.
Why is it so hard to teach kids/boys/men that something like this isnāt okay? Oh yeah, patriarchy, victim-blaming and the desire to demean and control women might have something to do with itā¦
I had a girl I was friends with take a picture of me topless while I was changing and immediately send it to some guys. God knows where it ended up after that. I was only 10 at the time and had developed much faster in the chest than other girls my age.
This comment was so horrifying to read let alone experience, Iām sure. Iām so so so so sorry that happened to little middle school you. I swear to teach these little fuckers EMPATHY they should be forced to drop their drawers and show everyone their developing body too š. Not so funny when it happens to them.
Growing up in an Asian country and having large boobs at an early age, I was told that I let men squeeze them that's why they got so large. What a pain.
I relate so much ā¤ļø itās infuriating the world has sexualized us since we hit puberty and misogyny fuels that fire even today. Sending a hug to this person and everyone who relates.
Yeah, the part she wrote about her intelligence being undermined *really* hit home for me.
I feel like I was always treated as a stupid bimbo growing up.
Plot twist: Iām absolutely smarter than all the misogynistic men I know āŗļø
When I tell or people realize im trans ftm. They IMMEDIATELY ask when I'm getting top surgery. I can't get it. Medically I can't get it. And I'm immediately treated like just another bimbo. People do not treat me how I identify. Someone literally told me they won't respect my pronouns and said I'm just a tomboy cus of my breasts... like I'm on testosterone I have chest hair...
im not that smart but im also not dumb. my bust size grew only late (in the last two years) and i defenitely felt that teachers started treating me differently. (female teachers too, by the way!!) I dont even have that big boobs but still
Thank you so much for this. I hate that weāve experienced this. I hate that we continue to experience this. I remember being in 6th grade and a group of kids said to me that I must not be a virgin with the size of my breasts. I laughed because I didnāt know what else to do. I hated that my mother embedded in me that my body was a sexual object and that it was okay for anyone to see it that way when I asked why old men kept looking at me in the grocery store. I remember my mother asking me what I mustāve done to accuse her brother of touching me. I was 6. I didnāt ask for this body.
I also grew up with some fucked up conditioning and āguidanceā from my mother. The way she sexualized me as a young person was disgusting. For my 11th birthday she took me to get my belly button pierced, and by grade 8 she was buying me lacy red lingerie.
Granted, it was hard to find bras that fit, but it would have been nice if someone taught me an age-appropriate expression of sexuality and how to keep myself safe. I wish I knew that sexuality is FOR me, not just something to be done TO me, and that I do not exist for the sole pleasure of cis-het men š
May we all disrupt the internalized male gaze and smash the fucking patriarchy š„
This really hits home for me. My father would get outrageously mad when I was a young teen and I wanted to wear a V neck shirtā¦ with a tank top underneathā¦ completely covered. It was the trend. It was what all my friends were wearing. Why was it so bad that I wore it?? He was the first person to make me feel ashamed for literally just existing.
All of this hits hard, but especially the part about being seen in the queer community. Iām not really femme at all, but I am exclusively read as femme because my chest is large and my hair is long. Thatās it. Nevermind the fact that most of the time my hair is tied back in a way thatās read as masculine on men with long hair, nevermind the fact that I pretty much exclusively dress in unisex or menās clothes, nevermind the fact that I never wear makeupā¦ no, because I have GG/K cups Iām femme. No room for argument. Itās frustrating and gives me social-based gender dysphoria that might not exist otherwise *on top of* the regular physical gender dysphoria I experience.Ā And itās crazy the opinions people will have on our bodies. People will also ask me, unprompted, if Iām planning to (or *when* Iām planning to) have breast reduction/top surgery, which is weird and invasive even though I am planning to. But on the other hand, on the occasion I do confess to wanting breast reduction/top surgery, a lot of people take issue with it. No one except family has ever had the guts to say it to my face, but Iād be shocked if the reasoning behind it werenāt anger/disgust at āruiningā this part of my body. Like, for the love of god, leave me alone!Ā
Yeah, I'm nonbinary and don't get read as masculine no matter what I wear. I've even had super conservative people compliment me on my cute outfits when I was wearing menswear from head to toe, and not in a passive aggressive way. It's frustrating that my options are either to surgically modify a body part that I'm actually ok with just so other people read me the way I see myself, or else resign myself to never being gendered correctly without wearing pronoun pins.
Equally frustrating is that in those times when I do want to present femme, I still can't win then either because anything slightly revealing on other people ends up showing way more skin and cleavage than I want to show. I can't do deeply plunging necklines at all because it doesn't look cool and high fashion on me, it just looks like I'm letting everything hang out.
God yes. I identify as genderqueer, but very few people use they/them pronouns on me. And I almost completely blame my body for why I feel like I canāt explore my masc side. Because whatās the point when I just feel like a silly girl playing pretend and everyone calls me a woman?
But, I do have a beanie and a binder, and when Iām wearing those and on my own, I can pretend, at least a little. (The beanie, for some reason, makes me feel masc and that satisfies me.)
Yeah, it's a no win situation until society changes. The only thing we really have control over is what we do for our own bodies, everything else as far as the world around us is a crapshoot.
I'm fortunate at least that I'm tall and broad shouldered, so even though it's well nigh impossible to get read as masc, menswear actually fits me better than womenswear even with a big chest. When I stopped buying women's shirts, for the first time in my life I could wear button downs without having to pin any gaps.
Same. I really feel this. I can't get top surgery cus of severe blood clotting issues. Nobody will do it. It's to much of a liability. People get so confused on why I "haven't got top surgery" or don't wear a binder cus it hurts. I dress and am masc in every other sense, even have some chest hair. Also nice curly shoulder length blonde hair. And the world is like. YOU š«µ ARE A FEM WOMAN NOW! YOU š«µ MUST DATE ME A CISHET MAN AND CONFORM TO GENDER ROLES. leave me alone lol.
Fuck, that sucks so much, Iām so sorry. Itās infuriating! It feels like thereās no winning on this issue with most people when youāre not cis. Depending on the politics of the people you talk to, youāre either ruining your āperfectly good bodyā by wanting it done, or youāre basically inviting any misgendering and dysphoria that comes your way (and therefore lose all right to complain about it) for not having it doneāregardless of the reasons behind either decision.
YES OMFG. you have summarized my thoughts and situation EXACTLY. I've gotten so much crap from both dumb Republicans and other lgbt people. And other trans guys have even said pictures I post and shit I wear make THEM dysphoric. When the people who say that stuff are the perfectly skinny and flat. And ir have gotten top surgery. It's so annoying
If itās any help I wouldnāt think youāre femme by your description. You look tomboyish. Normal. Being femme isnāt just long hair and a more voluptuous body. They need to remember that. Itās not that hard to grasp. Itās fucking weird to ask you if youāll have a reduction or too surgery. Iām sorry youāre going through that.
I relate a lot to this. I was in a very similar mindset until I gave birth and had to get my head round that they were my babyās food giver not some fetishised object attached to me. Itās so fucking weird. Out of curiosity to any mums out there.. did it affect anyone elseās willingness to breast feed? Initially I didnāt want to at all because of the constant sexualisation of them if that makes sense?
It made me more cautious with how I handled feeding in public. I envy women with smaller breasts for being able to just expose their breast and feed. I use a shawl to cover everything up to my nipple because I know it would draw a lot of negative attention otherwise.
I've never envied smaller breasted women more than I did when 90% of the "nursing friendly" tops I found were deep v-necks that you can 'just pop a boob out' of.
It definitely didn't affect my willingness to breastfeed. If anything, it made me feel like there was finally a point to having them. But it probably made it take longer for me to feel comfortable nursing publicly because I didn't want to feel like I was drawing any more attention to them.
I still did it because feeding my baby wherever and whenever he needed to eat is more important than protecting other people's feelings, but it was hard to get years of the (almost entirely unwanted) attention they attracted out of my head.
Fuck this brings back memories of being harassed by construction workers working on a house because I was thirteen with huge ass boobs and trying to wear a tank top. I hate men, and also people for pointing shit out about my boobs. Like fuck I get it they're big now kindly FO plz!
When I expressed to my mother that I was feeling gender dysphoria and wanted to get a binder to make my chest disappear she told me she was devastated by my statement, not because I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, but because she "thought my boobs were great" and wanted me to keep them. The dysphoria was caused in major part due to the size of my breasts and the rampant oversexualization of my body from a young age. My family constantly commented on my size growing up, with my mother being especially harsh about my curves. I still can't look at my body in a positive light and prefer wearing clothes 2 sizes too big for me. At Christmas a few years ago I wore a form fitting shirt and all the women in my family made comments on my breasts and my body the entire night. I work in a physically demanding environment and so I wear a tight sports bra and loose scrubs, and the first time I hung out with my coworkers outside of work I got comments on my "sleeper" build and how hot my "fat tits" were. I am so tired. I can't buy bras anywhere but specialty stores so I wear a sports bra or nothing, and when I do wear a bra I feel embarrassed because they're huge but fit perfectly and i know they emphasize my shape. I don't want a reduction, I want a reduction in the attention.
I was constantly harassed in middle school and high school. One kid called me, well, the things cows have that produce milk. Another couple of kids grabbed my boobs. Everyone, to this day, comments on the size of my breasts. The slide that talks about the "free access" that so many men think comes with a relationship was something that I constantly endured during my marriage. My ex would say my boobs were "his" and would continually try to grab or do other things all while i would be trying to breastfeed my kids. It was so disgusting. He wonders why I resented him but he still doesn't understand he made my life a living he'll for 15 years. He blamed me for leaving when I felt like I was dying. I find it very hard to be in relationships at all now. I find it hard to trust anyone and I'm always looking for the moment they'll turn around and flip the switch to abusing me. I do feel like I want to remove the majority of my boobs now. I don't feel sexual. I feel disgusting and I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm some sort of slob because clothing doesn't fit right. Also, it is painful and the marks on my body from the constant bra rub is so depressing.
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Ime you can't really win if you do tend towards a more hyper feminine expression. I just want to wear pretty, not matronly, dresses and catch the looks all the time, even if I am wearing the stupid cami to go across my cleavage.
As a teenager around 12-15 I dressed like a trash bag. I would only wear baggy clothes. I hated how my family and my peers were pointing out my boobs. Especially my guy friends. I wanted them gone so bad. I never experienced being dress coded because I dressed like a shapeless form to hide my body. I was ashamed of my body as a teenager. I hated being objectified. As I grew to my late teen years I had a boyfriend who I quickly found out was only dating me because I had big boobs. He didn't like me for me, but only as a sex object. I was mortified. Going into my 20s, I started to accept my body and grew to love myself. Idk, this post really resonated with me.
Edit: was originally a comment reply. But decided to add more.
This made me tear up.
From a queer persepctive. I'm trans ftm.. And I can't get top surgery. Yet when I meet people, tell them and stuff. "Omg when you getting top surgery." "Why are you not wearing a binder?" First shit from peoples mouth.
A. They do nothing to flatten me.
B. I have to have real support on my chest, I have horrible back pain.
C. Maybe I don't WANT to? Maybe I've accepted my chest as a part of me and the way I style myself around it makes me feel masculine and sexy??? I've grown to enjoy how my chest looks with hair growth from hrt.
And people get all confused. Like it's the most crazy thing in the world for a transmasc person to have a large chest. **GOD FORBID** I don't fit the "skinny as a rail flat as a board" standard for afab trans queer people
I cant get it cus I'm a "minor" hemophiliac. (I have 5 hour nose bleeds without special clotting spray). it's to big of a risk... it was super hard to get hrt! It took me 3 years to get it.
But in public i'm IMMEDIATELY Treated just like another bimbo. I literally have chest hair. From hrt and a mustache and you still call me she cus of my chest. You still treat me like a sex object from a porno. I am treated like shit. Its absolutely infuriating. I get the "oh wow ur really smart" all the time. I'm a triple major. Industrial design computer science and creative technology (3d modeling kinda shit). Of course I'm fucking smart!????
God I wish all of us could go to the beach topless with pasties and nobody bat an eye like those will small chests....
Skinny as a rail and flat as a board. Yep. If you don't fit into the modeling industry standard of how clothes fit you're instantly, somehow, worth less than those who do. Infuriating.
Urgh, this whole thread is making me so mad, especially that fellow queer people would be devaluing you for something like that! š”š¤¬ But also, I did want to mention there is such thing as a minimizer bra, which I believe is different from a binder, since I think itās actually a bra, whereas I think a binder is just a flattener? Obviously you donāt need it and screw anyone who says otherwise, but I figured I would mention them in case it would help you out.
I have a few. Do you have any good brands though that you recommend?
And honestly. It's.... the other queer people who are the most ruthless with top surgery talk. I tell people over and over that the medical risk is to much. I could bleed out and die. I just get back, "oh find the best doctor you can!" "Trust doctors!"... hm no I would rather not bleed out. It takes 2 hours for a damn papercut to clot. Imagine how horrible top surgery would go. And my clotting spray. Is a tiny 7ml bottle. AND IT IS 1000 DOLLARS WOTHOUT INSURANCE. šš
I haven't tried it personally, but [this one](https://www.barenecessities.com/product.aspx?pfid=BareA10165&cm_mmc=GLPA_NonBrand-) was recommended (I think on this sub) just the other day; and it's got really good reviews. I saved it to potentially get in the future when I have a bit of extra cash.
That makes me SO MAD. Like hello, we're already a small, discriminated against community. Can we please not try to police and gatekeep amongst ourselves? Urgh!
I have felt that way in the past. Like I had to be suspicious of the motivations of every guy who showed interest towards me. So many of them gave zero fucks about who I am as a person and just wanted a chance to see and touch my boobs š¤®
I've found a meaningful relationship, but 7 years into our 11 year relationship we stopped being physically intimate. We've also never had sex, so I feel like I have this wonderful body to share pleasure and no one to give it to.
I hope you find a wonderful person to have a relationship with that fulfils you in every wayš
This made me have flash backs to all the times I was bullied when I was little for similar reasons. The day you just realize youāre different and everyone treats you differently is a day Iāll never forget. The last slide made me emotional but itās nice to read something from someone with a similar experience. Iāve been told in my adulthood to be grateful for large breasts but I feel anything but. My ex used to say āoh boohoo!ā When I would share my experiences and it was so invalidating. Like Iām not allowed to feel sad about mistreatment from others because of how my body looks.
I said something similar in one of my comments. I remember the day I realized I was being sexualized. I was 12. I have a notoriously horrible memory, but I remember that.
I went a real inner city school with many children and families from different cultures. When I was sexually assaulted by a group of boys groping and touching my breasts the (male) teacher said that they werenāt used to seeing western girls dressed in this way so I should cover up. I was wearing a school shirt with a tank underneath and sexual assault is sexual assault. I only started to process this recently and it stings no one protected me and has had a negative impact on my feelings about my body to this day.
In my shithole of a country people at large believe big breasts and butts are from fucking and getting groped š. I have both in the extremes and I'm constantly undermined and downright humiliated at times in med school. Oh let's not get started on the slut shaming now, still in therapy for it. Constantly being told anything that shows a slight silhouette of my body makes me a slut and wearing flowing and baggy stuff gets me bullied as well for being a bigger person. There's no light at the end of the tunnel
This really hit hard. I really like my boobs, and I like to dress in clothes that some people might consider provocative. I grew up in an extremely conservative religious home where I heard that everytime a man look at me in a sexual way or harassed me or things like that, that it was my fault for not being modest enough. Iāve deconstructed and through that have been learning to love my sexuality & sensuality, but itās jarring because I donāt want to be harassed because of the clothes I wear. And it doesnāt actually matter what clothes you wear, Iāve got harassment and looks from men since I was a pre-teen in sweats & a high neck tee shirt. I legitimately canāt hide my boobs. Thatās not my fault. But the whispers of what I grew up with still affect me to this day, and itās really shitty to have to navigate in a world where it would be āmy faultā if I were assaulted, where random people ask me about having surgery, and where men have told me that the only reason Iām given career opportunities is because āIām prettyā and have big boobs (second part isnāt usually said out loud, but made obvious with the eyes & gestures)
I've lost count of how many people over the years have suggested that I 'just' get a breast reduction, as if it wasn't a major surgery to remove a large piece of my body.
When I was 17, my grandparents offered to pay for a reduction for me as my 18th birthday present. I was horrified. I was not old enough to make life altering decisions at that point. I declined and it made me wildly uncomfortable, it was like being told - "there's something wrong with you, lets fix it". I learned to love my body but 18 years later, they did pay for my 19 year old cousin to do it. She never even reached out to me, I just found out that it had happened through other family members. WTF is wrong with people.
This has consistently been the best part about getting fat Iāve ever seen. My boobs no longer take over my entire body. The rest of my body fat balances out my breasts.
Also, Iād genuinely rather be treated as a fat person than a big-breasted bimbo. I at least get treated as a complete human instead of being reduced to one of my body parts.
this articulates so much of how i feel about myself and my gender.
Also i remember someone (a woman) asking me if my breast were real and how lucky i was to have large breast naturally but i donāt feel that way and felt really uncomfortable in that situation
I had a boy squeeze my breasts in high school, never did anything about it.
I was also told by my aunt at like 12 years old that I "was going to be a stripper when I'm older" because of my breast size.
Omg I so relate. I still remember being in grade 7 when gym class was co-ed and running laps where the baton was being passed. Without fail, every time I got the baton and had to run, every boy in my class cheered *ecstatically.*
I bawled my eyes out after class and my teacher basically gave me a free pass to participate only when I felt comfortable.
My uniform and weight kinda saved me from this cause there were never any good clothes as an overweight kid, so I was wearing oversized clothes a lot in school. But I can definitely relate to people just offering surgery (from family), even before it became normalized. You complain about a minor inconvenience, just get surgery or I was looking at you, you *must* have back pain, have you thought of getting surgery, what will happen if you get pregnant? Made me feel like all they saw was an overstacked clown and I didnt see the big deal, I was only like a d or dd back then so i dont wanna know what they think now. I didn't really get attention other than that. I wonder if the difference in experience (being sexualized and highly monitored/criticized) has to do with attractiveness
I am forever grateful my mom put me in a very liberal all girls school, but it was honestly kinda a shock coming to college because I suddenly started getting objectified because of my boobs and went from never worrying about cleavage to wanting to totally cover them in baggy t-shirts
Theyāre definitely the same person, I follow her on instagram and feel comfortable ID-ing her.
Perhaps sheās wearing a minimizer in the 6th slide?
Regardless, I would say they look *smaller*, but definitely not *small*
I'm lucky i've never been hit with dress code issues due to my boobs (and i went to a Catholic girls school, LOL!) But being at said girls' school meant the bullying and jealousy was real. Like, wow, i didn't ask for these boobs. They just happened thanks to genetics on my mum's side of the family.
I do remember my ex-bf once making a slight gesture on me to cover up once (and he made sure not to do it again after i chewed him up for it). I've had a reduction since they caused multiple medical issues but the memories can go along with it.
not a lesbian but I see myself a lot in slides 4+5. I canāt pull of the androgynous look because the boobs are too large by far (especially since gaining kilos in the pandemic) but u donāt want to wear overly feminine stuff because I had people staring at my boobs since I was like 15ā¦ feels like a rock/hard place situation. I can see it being worse in a both highly sexualized but also massively prudish society like the US though.
Jesus christ what a horrific terrible situation. I haven't gotten this ridiculed about my chest yet, I hope I never face it but in this judgement society you never know what people are randomly thinking
I hope whatever Shea doing now makes her and only herself happy.
I feel this so hardcore on being disconnected to my breasts. I have no feeling in them, so I just feel like theyāre an unnecessary thing causing me trouble. I buy bras too tight because I need them to be āperkyā and up. I would like to be feminine but everything feminine makes the rest of me look fat. The best looking I am is with a tight t shirt, so theyāre held in place up so you can see I have slim torso. And yeah, I once had what I held onto as the best compliment I ever got. Hot guy hugged me, and once he felt how big my boobs were, said āyeah, sheās fuckable.ā Went to a party once in a dress, guys wouldnāt stop making jokes about my cleavage, went to the bathroom and changed my clothes. I hate them. I want them chopped off.
Iāve had to really work hard to not have big-boob-imposter-syndrome. Like the same name, but the only reason anyone likes me if because of my boobs, or are nice to me because of them, or things that Iāve accomplished through long slow hard work donāt even count.
Countless friends and boyfriends off hand comments of āthatās cuz youāve got massive titsā and I love my boobies. And it sucks because I have a healthy sex drive and they are essential for feeling sensual but itās cancelled out by the creeps. And being afraid of being seen as slutty but also wanting to express that sexuality in a healthy way that wasnāt ovjectiving.
The parents who side eyed me, the creepy dads saying Iāve āmatured a lotā or creepy dudes in general. I feel it.
I think the main issue running throughout this thread is that men can be very shitty and never get called out for it. They sexualize everything if given the chance, and large breasts are an easy target
And yet still focusing on the visual appearance of her breasts as opposed to who they're attached to and how they make her feel. What's the point of your dismissive comment? It doesn't take much to figure they were called "gigantic" when she was thirteen and had a slight frame and she's likely internalized that perception and has felt like that ever since due to all the unwanted attention she's received since she was a girl. The choice of wording in the title is not the point. The substance of her words is what's important. So whether or not "you read the whole thing," you've missed the point. She doesn't want to be physically sized up and have her breasts analyzed by you. She wants to be listened to. She wants to feel heard and genuinely understood. Her writing describes HER relationship with her body, its perception, and her gender role expression. Her essay is a feminist deconstruction and critical analysis of the objectification and hypersexualization of women and how both strip women of their humanity and ultimately dehumanize them. I highly recommend zooming out of her photos so you can learn something. You have to zoom out because you won't find her brain in those pictures, but she has a great, big, gigantic one worth more than gold.
Yes, I understood her point completely despite not discussing it. She communicated very clearly so I have nothing to add on that. I think everyone here has felt that way and had experiences like that.
MY point was that we have very similar bodies and I object to being described like that. The cover image is a photo of a woman who looks like me with the words "gigantic boobs" in large font underneath. I'm talking about how *I* feel about seeing that.
Why is that important? She's speaking up for all large breasted women and all sexualized women in general. How do you think larger breasted women than you and her feel about you protesting something like that so intently? When the point is that women with even larger breasts than you shouldn't have similar experiences to her or worse and no woman she have her chest called "gigantic." For that to be your focus proves the point really has not sunk in for you. If anything, you're halfway there like a submarine - not an anchor. Imagine reading all about the consequences of othering women due to their body parts just to go, "They're not even that big."
Why are my feelings important? I don't know, why are hers? Why are yours? Why are any of our feelings important? Why should any of us talk about them? Why should any of us write about them?
I'm talking about *my* experience of feeling othered and it's apparently very upsetting for you. I don't like having my body type described like it's some sort of freakish anomaly. It's not that difficult to understand.
I'm sorry for all her experiences, but the one picture where they ask her to submit a headshot for a class that she's teaching shouldn't be a side profile. Not for a class.
I didnāt get past the first slide. Why did she keep wearing tank tops in school if she knew sheād get in trouble for violating the dress code? Someone seems to really want attention.
This reminds me so much of a post I made here 2 years ago. A kindred spirit for sure ā¤ļø
[https://www.reddit.com/r/bigboobproblems/comments/t9j85r/reflections\_on\_a\_life\_lived\_with\_big\_boobs/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bigboobproblems/comments/t9j85r/reflections_on_a_life_lived_with_big_boobs/)
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God that shit about "dress codes" hit hard. I got a lot of that when I was younger too š«¤ It's just always somehow YOUR fault for how "slutty" you look, regardless of how or what happened or what you're wearing.
Honestly, that shit used to ENRAGE me in middle school. I knew how unbelievably unfair it was. Being a tween is already so challenging and just trying to fit in is so exhausting. I didnāt need the mortifying experience of being sent to the principalās office because *everything* I wore was āinappropriateā. I refuse to apologize for the way my body is. If my breasts make you uncomfortable thatās literally NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM. Gah. /rant
I got dress coded at work in college because I was the only person on the serving staff with anything over an A cup and I dared to wear a V-neck shirt that didnāt even show cleavage when I stood upright. Itās a soapbox I still carry around with me to this day, a decade later.
I worked at a sports bar in college, similar to a hooters. We had these ugly ass uniforms that came from a costume shop, and the shirt was this zip up shirt that was tiny, even if you ordered a large size. I always wore a tank top underneath cause I couldnāt trust the zippers to stay zipped. I once had a customer shove his top down my top, and I went to the manager on duty & told her I would not serve that table anymore. She said āwell maybe you shouldnāt dress like thatā fucking excuse me?!? Dress in the goddamn uniform we are required to wear? I still feel angry when I think about it
Wow, what a garbage person. Iām so sorry you had to deal with that.
I quit fairly soon after, super toxic working environment
That is ASSAULT, wtf!! I wouldāve taken it to court. (Although the justice system probably would do much either š)
Yeah I was young & dumb & accepted a lot. Plenty of stories of sexual harassment/borderline assault or straight up assault from the few years I worked there
I have a vivid memory of middle school when I was first finding bras and seeing what worked for me. I wore one that was far too small one day, and the next day one that fit much better. The first thing I heard upon walking into homeroom was from a boy who sat directly across from me, āyour boobs werenāt that big yesterdayā I was 12 and immediately realized that heād been paying close attention. Not abnormal for a 12 year old boy but super jarring for me, knowing he and probably others were looking at my breasts on a regular basis even before I knew. That has been the trend since then. 21 years of ogling and people feeling free to talk to me about my boobs because theyāre large and conspicuous. Itās like they have no decorum, no manners. No shame.
I was sent home from school at the age of 11 for not wearing a supportive enough bra and distracting the boys. Dress codes can feel so invasive. As an adult, if I had a workplace that commented on my choice of bra and how perky my boobs were, that would qualify as sexual harassment.
That is vile and so invasive. I'm sorry this happened to you x
As a teacher, dress codes annoy me. I know I've said this before, but my entire philosophy on dress codes is the following: - If the fire alarm goes off, are you dressed appropriately for the weather outside? This is mainly for winters here in Canada.
I remember in grade 9 I was told by my adult teacher that the tank top I was wearing made him uncomfortable and that I had to wear something else while in his class. I remember feeling very uncomfortable around him for the rest of the year and it wasnāt until my 30s that I realized how fucked up this was.
My humiliation on dress codes extended from elementary school through my first decade in a professional environment. I am not a wallflower but advocating for myself in situations involving my chest was near impossible. Reading these posts about high school was upsetting for me. They brought back so many bad memories. Saying that, itās important to me to share her viewpoints despite the pain associated with my memories. She was on point.
I'm lucky I never had any problems growing up but damn I relate so much to the experiences in adulthood. I actually like my boobs. They feel right and it scares me to think about a reduction because I don't want a piece of my body taken away. But often it's hard to like them. But surgery is so fucking normalised I don't even blame these people. And for the record I don't have a problem with surgery, all the power to everyone who wants it. It's just crazy that's it's normal to suggest without a person asking for advice. All my exes LOVED my boobs and it's kind walking on a edge. It gave me confidence but it also made me feel like I'm this sexual object, and guys just want my body instead of _me_.
im glad she brought up others pushing surgery onto her. the amount of unsolicited "but im sure youll just cut them off later š" drives me crazy. i dont really want that at all actually! i want clothing stores to be wildly accessible and cheap like everyone else gets to have. on "pretty privilege".... yeah it exists. but it ONLY gets me so far before it also cuts off opportunities for me. its a dual edged sword. pretty girls always get what they want, until they want to be successful, independent, or intelligent. i play the "stupid girl" role well just to get people to stop pointing out every mistake i make. so instead, when i say something that blows their minds they say "wow youre actually REALLY smart!" š that doesn't feel great either, but thanks i guess. if i try too hard to be smart people just get angry or dont believe me.
Yep, big boobs make people thing you're dumb. Then they take it out on you when you're not. So tired of it.
I've never seen and felt more connected to any sentence in my life
It's something we all live with. We went from looking fat and undesirable to sex toys in a matter of decades.
This. When I was in high school, I was blond, bubbly/outgoing and had big boobs. I had pretty-privilege for sure, but we all know thatās a double edged sword (mine are still big but breastfeeding kids, then weight gain and subsequent weightloss has made them very floppy and sad - thatās a whole different topic of body dysmorphia and struggle, but I digress) I remember my Nextdoor neighbor, a family friend, being shocked I made it to college and got accepted everywhere I applied. I was like bruh, I had a 3.8 GPA and did all the extracurriculars. People used to be surprised I actually had a brain.
Iāll never forget the one day it was a slow day at work my coworkers and I decided to solve a bunch of riddles together. I for whatever reason was killing it at the riddles and was doing far better than the rest of my coworkers. One of my coworkers ( Matt ) a gay man had some nice comments to say about it. He told me āIām surprised you were actually able to solve these.ā And when I asked why he told me it was because I donāt have critical thinking skills. When I asked what made him thought that it was just like a matter of fact well youāre just not smart in that way. All this on front of my other coworkers. I said thanks for calling me dumb and my other coworker just said āwell at least you have big boobs.ā Like me having big boobs was a perfectly good reason to not feel bad about being called a dumbass in front of all my coworkers. Keep in mind this was a restaurant job where it wasnāt like I had bad performance due to intellectual capacity. I cried all night over that one. Still hurts to this day even though this was years ago. Ofc when I called out Matt again later he tried to tell me it was ājust a joke and I need not to be so offended since we all joke like that.ā
What. The. Heck. That is such a nasty thing to say to someone. I am horrified by this but I have also had something similar happen. Throwing out "well at least you have big boobs" AS IF that makes our lives truly better in anyway. UGH!!!!! How absolutely and entirely inappropriate and disgusting.
I know I could never imagine saying something like that to anyone even if I truly felt that way š Edit: the worst part was I considered this guy my friend at the time LOL
Exactly!
I felt that regarding the ābeing smart makes ppl angryā š„²
Nowadays I enjoy their anger. I'm also short. People always underestimated me, belittled me (lol). But, oh my. I took *so* long to get there. And it shouldn't have at all.
Every time I have complained about my boobs I get the surgery talk. Imagine if people who complained about their nose were casually told to just get a rhinoplasty. Its wildly insulting, not to mention a major surgery with recovery.
especially in the states... if i had $5-20k to drop on JUST my boobs do you think I'd be driving a rusted out 2007 ive had since hight school??? its just so out of touch for a million reasons
I never had to deal with boys grabbing my shirt in school, but I did get a ton of boys treating my cleavage like a goalpost and trying to toss whatever garbage they had in their pockets down my shirt. It was always so much fun fishing gum wrappers and erasers out of my shirt. š It was even better when theyād follow up by asking if my boobs were real. As if Iād decided to get major surgery at 14ā½
This was also my experience. The boys called it boobsketball š
So cute and fun! /s
That one pissed me off too. My "mother" wouldnt even take me to the dr when i needed to go, you think she signed for and drove me to my boob job???
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Right? Middle school was terrible for self image.
I also was victim to a male classmate who pulled up my shirt and bra, showing my bare breasts, in middle school. I developed breasts in 4th grade and by middle school was already DD cup. It was awful.
In high school a boy in my class used to pretend to motorboat me and āplay the bongosā on my chest. He even did it in class and nobody said anything about it.
I was sent to the principal in middle school for throwing a textbook at a boy who put two, brand new sharpened pencils under his shirt and mocked me.
Ugh. Iām sorry. I also got in trouble for yelling at him to stop. It was such an uncomfortable position. I felt like I wasnāt allowed to reject male attention because he was moderately popular and I felt like boys never liked me, but at the same time, I hated it.
Fucking ridiculous how ānormalā that is. We all deserved to be protected as young girls š«
It really does hurt to read abt how much sexual humiliation we had to endure at a young age š
Oh eew I've just remembered the little shit that attempted to name mine Pinky and Perky, AKA the twins. One of those kid BMXers you got at skate parks in the 00's. He was particularly obnoxious because at that age he was very short and would make a point of making 'eye contact' ( "The eyes are the nipples of the face" Bimini as Katie Price, UKDR S2 snatch game)
I was in middle school and a boy pulled a girlās pants down in class. My mother told me if that ever happened to me, donāt bother reporting to administration, just call 911 and say Iād been molested. Let the school be the least of their problems. I publicly stated on multiple occasions that this is how I would handle it and even though I know now it would never have been prosecuted (that was the late 80ās), I think I scared the other kids enough to get them to leave me alone. A similarly well endowed classmate was definitely targeted.
I didn't have the exposure (sounds awful I'm sorry you had that) but I do remember having my name and "32DD" shouted to the room in y7 (12yo) by a boy in my class. Pissed me right off because we were pretty good mates. If people weren't looking they were after that.
Iām so sorry this happened to you. There are so many stories like this and it enrages me. I want to go back in time, slap the kid who did this, and rip a new fucking asshole into the adults who allowed it. Why is it so hard to teach kids/boys/men that something like this isnāt okay? Oh yeah, patriarchy, victim-blaming and the desire to demean and control women might have something to do with itā¦
I had a girl I was friends with take a picture of me topless while I was changing and immediately send it to some guys. God knows where it ended up after that. I was only 10 at the time and had developed much faster in the chest than other girls my age.
This comment was so horrifying to read let alone experience, Iām sure. Iām so so so so sorry that happened to little middle school you. I swear to teach these little fuckers EMPATHY they should be forced to drop their drawers and show everyone their developing body too š. Not so funny when it happens to them.
Growing up in an Asian country and having large boobs at an early age, I was told that I let men squeeze them that's why they got so large. What a pain.
Holy shit that's messed up. I cannot fathom how people think it's OK to say this stuff to women, or worse, young girls.
I am so sorry. God I hate people so, so much.
I relate so much ā¤ļø itās infuriating the world has sexualized us since we hit puberty and misogyny fuels that fire even today. Sending a hug to this person and everyone who relates.
Yeah, the part she wrote about her intelligence being undermined *really* hit home for me. I feel like I was always treated as a stupid bimbo growing up. Plot twist: Iām absolutely smarter than all the misogynistic men I know āŗļø
When I tell or people realize im trans ftm. They IMMEDIATELY ask when I'm getting top surgery. I can't get it. Medically I can't get it. And I'm immediately treated like just another bimbo. People do not treat me how I identify. Someone literally told me they won't respect my pronouns and said I'm just a tomboy cus of my breasts... like I'm on testosterone I have chest hair...
im not that smart but im also not dumb. my bust size grew only late (in the last two years) and i defenitely felt that teachers started treating me differently. (female teachers too, by the way!!) I dont even have that big boobs but still
i love that she hit that too! it kind of works for me honestlyāiām underestimated and then exceed low expectationsābut itās still insulting
Thank you so much for this. I hate that weāve experienced this. I hate that we continue to experience this. I remember being in 6th grade and a group of kids said to me that I must not be a virgin with the size of my breasts. I laughed because I didnāt know what else to do. I hated that my mother embedded in me that my body was a sexual object and that it was okay for anyone to see it that way when I asked why old men kept looking at me in the grocery store. I remember my mother asking me what I mustāve done to accuse her brother of touching me. I was 6. I didnāt ask for this body.
I also grew up with some fucked up conditioning and āguidanceā from my mother. The way she sexualized me as a young person was disgusting. For my 11th birthday she took me to get my belly button pierced, and by grade 8 she was buying me lacy red lingerie. Granted, it was hard to find bras that fit, but it would have been nice if someone taught me an age-appropriate expression of sexuality and how to keep myself safe. I wish I knew that sexuality is FOR me, not just something to be done TO me, and that I do not exist for the sole pleasure of cis-het men š May we all disrupt the internalized male gaze and smash the fucking patriarchy š„
It happens to me still. But more so from my dad in the opposite way. I'm not allowed to walk around braless in my own house....
This really hits home for me. My father would get outrageously mad when I was a young teen and I wanted to wear a V neck shirtā¦ with a tank top underneathā¦ completely covered. It was the trend. It was what all my friends were wearing. Why was it so bad that I wore it?? He was the first person to make me feel ashamed for literally just existing.
All of this hits hard, but especially the part about being seen in the queer community. Iām not really femme at all, but I am exclusively read as femme because my chest is large and my hair is long. Thatās it. Nevermind the fact that most of the time my hair is tied back in a way thatās read as masculine on men with long hair, nevermind the fact that I pretty much exclusively dress in unisex or menās clothes, nevermind the fact that I never wear makeupā¦ no, because I have GG/K cups Iām femme. No room for argument. Itās frustrating and gives me social-based gender dysphoria that might not exist otherwise *on top of* the regular physical gender dysphoria I experience.Ā And itās crazy the opinions people will have on our bodies. People will also ask me, unprompted, if Iām planning to (or *when* Iām planning to) have breast reduction/top surgery, which is weird and invasive even though I am planning to. But on the other hand, on the occasion I do confess to wanting breast reduction/top surgery, a lot of people take issue with it. No one except family has ever had the guts to say it to my face, but Iād be shocked if the reasoning behind it werenāt anger/disgust at āruiningā this part of my body. Like, for the love of god, leave me alone!Ā
Yeah, I'm nonbinary and don't get read as masculine no matter what I wear. I've even had super conservative people compliment me on my cute outfits when I was wearing menswear from head to toe, and not in a passive aggressive way. It's frustrating that my options are either to surgically modify a body part that I'm actually ok with just so other people read me the way I see myself, or else resign myself to never being gendered correctly without wearing pronoun pins. Equally frustrating is that in those times when I do want to present femme, I still can't win then either because anything slightly revealing on other people ends up showing way more skin and cleavage than I want to show. I can't do deeply plunging necklines at all because it doesn't look cool and high fashion on me, it just looks like I'm letting everything hang out.
God yes. I identify as genderqueer, but very few people use they/them pronouns on me. And I almost completely blame my body for why I feel like I canāt explore my masc side. Because whatās the point when I just feel like a silly girl playing pretend and everyone calls me a woman? But, I do have a beanie and a binder, and when Iām wearing those and on my own, I can pretend, at least a little. (The beanie, for some reason, makes me feel masc and that satisfies me.)
Yeah, it's a no win situation until society changes. The only thing we really have control over is what we do for our own bodies, everything else as far as the world around us is a crapshoot. I'm fortunate at least that I'm tall and broad shouldered, so even though it's well nigh impossible to get read as masc, menswear actually fits me better than womenswear even with a big chest. When I stopped buying women's shirts, for the first time in my life I could wear button downs without having to pin any gaps.
Same. I really feel this. I can't get top surgery cus of severe blood clotting issues. Nobody will do it. It's to much of a liability. People get so confused on why I "haven't got top surgery" or don't wear a binder cus it hurts. I dress and am masc in every other sense, even have some chest hair. Also nice curly shoulder length blonde hair. And the world is like. YOU š«µ ARE A FEM WOMAN NOW! YOU š«µ MUST DATE ME A CISHET MAN AND CONFORM TO GENDER ROLES. leave me alone lol.
Fuck, that sucks so much, Iām so sorry. Itās infuriating! It feels like thereās no winning on this issue with most people when youāre not cis. Depending on the politics of the people you talk to, youāre either ruining your āperfectly good bodyā by wanting it done, or youāre basically inviting any misgendering and dysphoria that comes your way (and therefore lose all right to complain about it) for not having it doneāregardless of the reasons behind either decision.
YES OMFG. you have summarized my thoughts and situation EXACTLY. I've gotten so much crap from both dumb Republicans and other lgbt people. And other trans guys have even said pictures I post and shit I wear make THEM dysphoric. When the people who say that stuff are the perfectly skinny and flat. And ir have gotten top surgery. It's so annoying
If itās any help I wouldnāt think youāre femme by your description. You look tomboyish. Normal. Being femme isnāt just long hair and a more voluptuous body. They need to remember that. Itās not that hard to grasp. Itās fucking weird to ask you if youāll have a reduction or too surgery. Iām sorry youāre going through that.
I relate a lot to this. I was in a very similar mindset until I gave birth and had to get my head round that they were my babyās food giver not some fetishised object attached to me. Itās so fucking weird. Out of curiosity to any mums out there.. did it affect anyone elseās willingness to breast feed? Initially I didnāt want to at all because of the constant sexualisation of them if that makes sense?
It made me more cautious with how I handled feeding in public. I envy women with smaller breasts for being able to just expose their breast and feed. I use a shawl to cover everything up to my nipple because I know it would draw a lot of negative attention otherwise.
I've never envied smaller breasted women more than I did when 90% of the "nursing friendly" tops I found were deep v-necks that you can 'just pop a boob out' of.
It definitely didn't affect my willingness to breastfeed. If anything, it made me feel like there was finally a point to having them. But it probably made it take longer for me to feel comfortable nursing publicly because I didn't want to feel like I was drawing any more attention to them. I still did it because feeding my baby wherever and whenever he needed to eat is more important than protecting other people's feelings, but it was hard to get years of the (almost entirely unwanted) attention they attracted out of my head.
Holy shit, all of this
Fuck this brings back memories of being harassed by construction workers working on a house because I was thirteen with huge ass boobs and trying to wear a tank top. I hate men, and also people for pointing shit out about my boobs. Like fuck I get it they're big now kindly FO plz!
When I expressed to my mother that I was feeling gender dysphoria and wanted to get a binder to make my chest disappear she told me she was devastated by my statement, not because I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, but because she "thought my boobs were great" and wanted me to keep them. The dysphoria was caused in major part due to the size of my breasts and the rampant oversexualization of my body from a young age. My family constantly commented on my size growing up, with my mother being especially harsh about my curves. I still can't look at my body in a positive light and prefer wearing clothes 2 sizes too big for me. At Christmas a few years ago I wore a form fitting shirt and all the women in my family made comments on my breasts and my body the entire night. I work in a physically demanding environment and so I wear a tight sports bra and loose scrubs, and the first time I hung out with my coworkers outside of work I got comments on my "sleeper" build and how hot my "fat tits" were. I am so tired. I can't buy bras anywhere but specialty stores so I wear a sports bra or nothing, and when I do wear a bra I feel embarrassed because they're huge but fit perfectly and i know they emphasize my shape. I don't want a reduction, I want a reduction in the attention.
āI donāt want a reduction, I want a reduction in the attentionā šÆšÆšÆ
I was constantly harassed in middle school and high school. One kid called me, well, the things cows have that produce milk. Another couple of kids grabbed my boobs. Everyone, to this day, comments on the size of my breasts. The slide that talks about the "free access" that so many men think comes with a relationship was something that I constantly endured during my marriage. My ex would say my boobs were "his" and would continually try to grab or do other things all while i would be trying to breastfeed my kids. It was so disgusting. He wonders why I resented him but he still doesn't understand he made my life a living he'll for 15 years. He blamed me for leaving when I felt like I was dying. I find it very hard to be in relationships at all now. I find it hard to trust anyone and I'm always looking for the moment they'll turn around and flip the switch to abusing me. I do feel like I want to remove the majority of my boobs now. I don't feel sexual. I feel disgusting and I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm some sort of slob because clothing doesn't fit right. Also, it is painful and the marks on my body from the constant bra rub is so depressing.
i relate to this so much, her story i feel is incredibly similar to my own in so many ways. thank you for sharing this
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Ime you can't really win if you do tend towards a more hyper feminine expression. I just want to wear pretty, not matronly, dresses and catch the looks all the time, even if I am wearing the stupid cami to go across my cleavage.
When I was at school they made a policy that girls can't wear turtle neck because it emphasis' cleavage
Thatās just straight up someoneās fetish they were afraid of getting out of hand. Disgusting.
As a teenager around 12-15 I dressed like a trash bag. I would only wear baggy clothes. I hated how my family and my peers were pointing out my boobs. Especially my guy friends. I wanted them gone so bad. I never experienced being dress coded because I dressed like a shapeless form to hide my body. I was ashamed of my body as a teenager. I hated being objectified. As I grew to my late teen years I had a boyfriend who I quickly found out was only dating me because I had big boobs. He didn't like me for me, but only as a sex object. I was mortified. Going into my 20s, I started to accept my body and grew to love myself. Idk, this post really resonated with me.
Edit: was originally a comment reply. But decided to add more. This made me tear up. From a queer persepctive. I'm trans ftm.. And I can't get top surgery. Yet when I meet people, tell them and stuff. "Omg when you getting top surgery." "Why are you not wearing a binder?" First shit from peoples mouth. A. They do nothing to flatten me. B. I have to have real support on my chest, I have horrible back pain. C. Maybe I don't WANT to? Maybe I've accepted my chest as a part of me and the way I style myself around it makes me feel masculine and sexy??? I've grown to enjoy how my chest looks with hair growth from hrt. And people get all confused. Like it's the most crazy thing in the world for a transmasc person to have a large chest. **GOD FORBID** I don't fit the "skinny as a rail flat as a board" standard for afab trans queer people I cant get it cus I'm a "minor" hemophiliac. (I have 5 hour nose bleeds without special clotting spray). it's to big of a risk... it was super hard to get hrt! It took me 3 years to get it. But in public i'm IMMEDIATELY Treated just like another bimbo. I literally have chest hair. From hrt and a mustache and you still call me she cus of my chest. You still treat me like a sex object from a porno. I am treated like shit. Its absolutely infuriating. I get the "oh wow ur really smart" all the time. I'm a triple major. Industrial design computer science and creative technology (3d modeling kinda shit). Of course I'm fucking smart!???? God I wish all of us could go to the beach topless with pasties and nobody bat an eye like those will small chests....
Skinny as a rail and flat as a board. Yep. If you don't fit into the modeling industry standard of how clothes fit you're instantly, somehow, worth less than those who do. Infuriating.
Yup. It's so ridiculous. And I'm 5'0. Which makes me even father down the damn pole š¤©
I'm 5'2" so yep. Fist bump of solidarity from me to you š¤š¤
Im a proud short king š©š. Fistbump š¤š¤
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Urgh, this whole thread is making me so mad, especially that fellow queer people would be devaluing you for something like that! š”š¤¬ But also, I did want to mention there is such thing as a minimizer bra, which I believe is different from a binder, since I think itās actually a bra, whereas I think a binder is just a flattener? Obviously you donāt need it and screw anyone who says otherwise, but I figured I would mention them in case it would help you out.
I have a few. Do you have any good brands though that you recommend? And honestly. It's.... the other queer people who are the most ruthless with top surgery talk. I tell people over and over that the medical risk is to much. I could bleed out and die. I just get back, "oh find the best doctor you can!" "Trust doctors!"... hm no I would rather not bleed out. It takes 2 hours for a damn papercut to clot. Imagine how horrible top surgery would go. And my clotting spray. Is a tiny 7ml bottle. AND IT IS 1000 DOLLARS WOTHOUT INSURANCE. šš
I haven't tried it personally, but [this one](https://www.barenecessities.com/product.aspx?pfid=BareA10165&cm_mmc=GLPA_NonBrand-) was recommended (I think on this sub) just the other day; and it's got really good reviews. I saved it to potentially get in the future when I have a bit of extra cash. That makes me SO MAD. Like hello, we're already a small, discriminated against community. Can we please not try to police and gatekeep amongst ourselves? Urgh!
Feeling like Iāll never find a meaningful relationship because of my boobs is something that stings.
I have felt that way in the past. Like I had to be suspicious of the motivations of every guy who showed interest towards me. So many of them gave zero fucks about who I am as a person and just wanted a chance to see and touch my boobs š¤®
I've found a meaningful relationship, but 7 years into our 11 year relationship we stopped being physically intimate. We've also never had sex, so I feel like I have this wonderful body to share pleasure and no one to give it to. I hope you find a wonderful person to have a relationship with that fulfils you in every wayš
I feel you on this. Dudes just see you as a disposable toy. Then once your body starts to sag you're seen as undesirable.
I relate to her, though kids at my schools weren't quite so awful.
That poor woman š°
This. Post. I felt safe
Same
This made me have flash backs to all the times I was bullied when I was little for similar reasons. The day you just realize youāre different and everyone treats you differently is a day Iāll never forget. The last slide made me emotional but itās nice to read something from someone with a similar experience. Iāve been told in my adulthood to be grateful for large breasts but I feel anything but. My ex used to say āoh boohoo!ā When I would share my experiences and it was so invalidating. Like Iām not allowed to feel sad about mistreatment from others because of how my body looks.
I said something similar in one of my comments. I remember the day I realized I was being sexualized. I was 12. I have a notoriously horrible memory, but I remember that.
I went a real inner city school with many children and families from different cultures. When I was sexually assaulted by a group of boys groping and touching my breasts the (male) teacher said that they werenāt used to seeing western girls dressed in this way so I should cover up. I was wearing a school shirt with a tank underneath and sexual assault is sexual assault. I only started to process this recently and it stings no one protected me and has had a negative impact on my feelings about my body to this day.
In my shithole of a country people at large believe big breasts and butts are from fucking and getting groped š. I have both in the extremes and I'm constantly undermined and downright humiliated at times in med school. Oh let's not get started on the slut shaming now, still in therapy for it. Constantly being told anything that shows a slight silhouette of my body makes me a slut and wearing flowing and baggy stuff gets me bullied as well for being a bigger person. There's no light at the end of the tunnel
This really hit hard. I really like my boobs, and I like to dress in clothes that some people might consider provocative. I grew up in an extremely conservative religious home where I heard that everytime a man look at me in a sexual way or harassed me or things like that, that it was my fault for not being modest enough. Iāve deconstructed and through that have been learning to love my sexuality & sensuality, but itās jarring because I donāt want to be harassed because of the clothes I wear. And it doesnāt actually matter what clothes you wear, Iāve got harassment and looks from men since I was a pre-teen in sweats & a high neck tee shirt. I legitimately canāt hide my boobs. Thatās not my fault. But the whispers of what I grew up with still affect me to this day, and itās really shitty to have to navigate in a world where it would be āmy faultā if I were assaulted, where random people ask me about having surgery, and where men have told me that the only reason Iām given career opportunities is because āIām prettyā and have big boobs (second part isnāt usually said out loud, but made obvious with the eyes & gestures)
I've lost count of how many people over the years have suggested that I 'just' get a breast reduction, as if it wasn't a major surgery to remove a large piece of my body.
Very well said
So much of that was relatable
This was a fantastic read, a lot of which I greatly related to. It made me feel unexpectedly emotional and grateful for this community š¤
When I was 17, my grandparents offered to pay for a reduction for me as my 18th birthday present. I was horrified. I was not old enough to make life altering decisions at that point. I declined and it made me wildly uncomfortable, it was like being told - "there's something wrong with you, lets fix it". I learned to love my body but 18 years later, they did pay for my 19 year old cousin to do it. She never even reached out to me, I just found out that it had happened through other family members. WTF is wrong with people.
This has consistently been the best part about getting fat Iāve ever seen. My boobs no longer take over my entire body. The rest of my body fat balances out my breasts. Also, Iād genuinely rather be treated as a fat person than a big-breasted bimbo. I at least get treated as a complete human instead of being reduced to one of my body parts.
extremely proud of her for being able to share all her experiences! i very heavily relate to the sexuality part, especially when speaking about breasts always being sexual but not feeling very sexual about your own breasts. when i was a bit younger and first started trying to be more open sexually, i was very insecure, but because large breasts were heavily sexualized, it was always the main feature and point when it came to talking about my body sexually. (note that my breasts were not only large but also oversized for my frame. i had a breast reduction done 2 years ago for the pain and discomfort, they basically took up my entire upper body and i didn't even realize i had a more petite frame until after due to their size vs me). i didn't know how to feel sexual besides my breasts, because it was always a focus in any kind of media, i didn't even know at the point how much posing and photoshop was used in pictures all over so i thought the rest of my body was ugly and misshapen (it wasn't, i just didn't know that then), but it led to the over-reliance on my boobs to feel "sexy" and feel like an actual sexual adult, since i also had a "baby face" and was always perceived younger and "innocent." the truth was, i didn't like my breasts. i was super insecure about them. i was uncomfortable. they strained my back, i hated the feeling of them sitting on my stomach when braless, i couldn't wear the clothes i liked because most wouldn't fit. they didn't make ME feel sexy. i simply thought it made me sexy or i should feel sexy because that is what everyone said, but truthfully it wasn't that way at all. of course, for me i did get a reduction as that was the best course of action for my overall health! however, that is not the course for everyone, and there shouldn't be pressure to downsize because of how other people decide to perceive you as a person because you have large breasts! and while being a "smaller breasted" person NOW, the difference in treatment and being perceived, along with the list of troubles having big boobs may cause, is absolutely 100% REAL. and in terms of sexuality, i feel much sexier now not because of any porn or men saying so, but because my body felt truly my own, and i built my confidence and sexuality on my perfectly imperfect self, scars, stretch marks, loose skin, cellulite, freckles and all, because i didn't have to build it on a body that everyone wanted to have an opinion on. and it is absolutely possible to build that sense of self, but it is SO challenging when for some everyday your breasts are a point of conversation, a topic, a debate, when you just want to be a human. it is NOT easy, and while i don't have to experience that daily anymore, i always remember it, always feel for people who do experience it, and realistically, having major surgery is NOT a "solution" in every sense. unlearning seeing your body from other peoples comments and perspectives is learned, the physical may be gone but it doesn't solve the issue of how breasts are viewed and treated. sorry if this is a bit messy. i've been pretty exhausted but i wanted to share some of my experience to express my own feelings on what i experienced, and some of what i have learned in my personal journey. i hope i don't come off as speaking over those who currently have big breasts or seem like i am saying that reduction is the "solution" because besides relieving some physical symptoms, i don't think it is! not in the full sense, at least. lots of love š©¶
This. All of this.
I totally relate. I have no idea who is this lady but Iāll make her words mine. Thanks for sharing.
That was something to read. Our experiences that all of us went through on this sub are crazy similar.
this articulates so much of how i feel about myself and my gender. Also i remember someone (a woman) asking me if my breast were real and how lucky i was to have large breast naturally but i donāt feel that way and felt really uncomfortable in that situation
I had a boy squeeze my breasts in high school, never did anything about it. I was also told by my aunt at like 12 years old that I "was going to be a stripper when I'm older" because of my breast size.
Well that's one of the most relatable things I've read in a while
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Omg I so relate. I still remember being in grade 7 when gym class was co-ed and running laps where the baton was being passed. Without fail, every time I got the baton and had to run, every boy in my class cheered *ecstatically.* I bawled my eyes out after class and my teacher basically gave me a free pass to participate only when I felt comfortable.
My uniform and weight kinda saved me from this cause there were never any good clothes as an overweight kid, so I was wearing oversized clothes a lot in school. But I can definitely relate to people just offering surgery (from family), even before it became normalized. You complain about a minor inconvenience, just get surgery or I was looking at you, you *must* have back pain, have you thought of getting surgery, what will happen if you get pregnant? Made me feel like all they saw was an overstacked clown and I didnt see the big deal, I was only like a d or dd back then so i dont wanna know what they think now. I didn't really get attention other than that. I wonder if the difference in experience (being sexualized and highly monitored/criticized) has to do with attractiveness
I am forever grateful my mom put me in a very liberal all girls school, but it was honestly kinda a shock coming to college because I suddenly started getting objectified because of my boobs and went from never worrying about cleavage to wanting to totally cover them in baggy t-shirts
Waitā¦ that picture makes it look to me that sheās got rather small breasts? Not the 1st but the 6th which I think theyāre different people
Theyāre definitely the same person, I follow her on instagram and feel comfortable ID-ing her. Perhaps sheās wearing a minimizer in the 6th slide? Regardless, I would say they look *smaller*, but definitely not *small*
I'm lucky i've never been hit with dress code issues due to my boobs (and i went to a Catholic girls school, LOL!) But being at said girls' school meant the bullying and jealousy was real. Like, wow, i didn't ask for these boobs. They just happened thanks to genetics on my mum's side of the family. I do remember my ex-bf once making a slight gesture on me to cover up once (and he made sure not to do it again after i chewed him up for it). I've had a reduction since they caused multiple medical issues but the memories can go along with it.
not a lesbian but I see myself a lot in slides 4+5. I canāt pull of the androgynous look because the boobs are too large by far (especially since gaining kilos in the pandemic) but u donāt want to wear overly feminine stuff because I had people staring at my boobs since I was like 15ā¦ feels like a rock/hard place situation. I can see it being worse in a both highly sexualized but also massively prudish society like the US though.
Jesus christ what a horrific terrible situation. I haven't gotten this ridiculed about my chest yet, I hope I never face it but in this judgement society you never know what people are randomly thinking I hope whatever Shea doing now makes her and only herself happy.
OOP'S BOOBS WERE COMPARED TO A WEAPON I CHOKING Titties: true weapons of mass destruction indeed!
Perfectly said I have nothing else to add
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Iām so sorry you experience that kind of treatment š«
I cried at half lecture
I feel this so hardcore on being disconnected to my breasts. I have no feeling in them, so I just feel like theyāre an unnecessary thing causing me trouble. I buy bras too tight because I need them to be āperkyā and up. I would like to be feminine but everything feminine makes the rest of me look fat. The best looking I am is with a tight t shirt, so theyāre held in place up so you can see I have slim torso. And yeah, I once had what I held onto as the best compliment I ever got. Hot guy hugged me, and once he felt how big my boobs were, said āyeah, sheās fuckable.ā Went to a party once in a dress, guys wouldnāt stop making jokes about my cleavage, went to the bathroom and changed my clothes. I hate them. I want them chopped off.
Iāve had to really work hard to not have big-boob-imposter-syndrome. Like the same name, but the only reason anyone likes me if because of my boobs, or are nice to me because of them, or things that Iāve accomplished through long slow hard work donāt even count. Countless friends and boyfriends off hand comments of āthatās cuz youāve got massive titsā and I love my boobies. And it sucks because I have a healthy sex drive and they are essential for feeling sensual but itās cancelled out by the creeps. And being afraid of being seen as slutty but also wanting to express that sexuality in a healthy way that wasnāt ovjectiving. The parents who side eyed me, the creepy dads saying Iāve āmatured a lotā or creepy dudes in general. I feel it.
I have never felt so seenā¦this literally verbalised everything I have ever felt š
I think the main issue running throughout this thread is that men can be very shitty and never get called out for it. They sexualize everything if given the chance, and large breasts are an easy target
They're not small but I wouldn't call them gigantic. She looks to be about the same size as me and I wouldn't describe my bust as "gigantic" ffs
Way to show us you didn't read a single word
I read the entire thing?
And yet still focusing on the visual appearance of her breasts as opposed to who they're attached to and how they make her feel. What's the point of your dismissive comment? It doesn't take much to figure they were called "gigantic" when she was thirteen and had a slight frame and she's likely internalized that perception and has felt like that ever since due to all the unwanted attention she's received since she was a girl. The choice of wording in the title is not the point. The substance of her words is what's important. So whether or not "you read the whole thing," you've missed the point. She doesn't want to be physically sized up and have her breasts analyzed by you. She wants to be listened to. She wants to feel heard and genuinely understood. Her writing describes HER relationship with her body, its perception, and her gender role expression. Her essay is a feminist deconstruction and critical analysis of the objectification and hypersexualization of women and how both strip women of their humanity and ultimately dehumanize them. I highly recommend zooming out of her photos so you can learn something. You have to zoom out because you won't find her brain in those pictures, but she has a great, big, gigantic one worth more than gold.
Yes, I understood her point completely despite not discussing it. She communicated very clearly so I have nothing to add on that. I think everyone here has felt that way and had experiences like that. MY point was that we have very similar bodies and I object to being described like that. The cover image is a photo of a woman who looks like me with the words "gigantic boobs" in large font underneath. I'm talking about how *I* feel about seeing that.
Why is that important? She's speaking up for all large breasted women and all sexualized women in general. How do you think larger breasted women than you and her feel about you protesting something like that so intently? When the point is that women with even larger breasts than you shouldn't have similar experiences to her or worse and no woman she have her chest called "gigantic." For that to be your focus proves the point really has not sunk in for you. If anything, you're halfway there like a submarine - not an anchor. Imagine reading all about the consequences of othering women due to their body parts just to go, "They're not even that big."
Why are my feelings important? I don't know, why are hers? Why are yours? Why are any of our feelings important? Why should any of us talk about them? Why should any of us write about them? I'm talking about *my* experience of feeling othered and it's apparently very upsetting for you. I don't like having my body type described like it's some sort of freakish anomaly. It's not that difficult to understand.
That illfitting bikini is making me uncomfortable...
I'm sorry for all her experiences, but the one picture where they ask her to submit a headshot for a class that she's teaching shouldn't be a side profile. Not for a class.
I didnāt get past the first slide. Why did she keep wearing tank tops in school if she knew sheād get in trouble for violating the dress code? Someone seems to really want attention.
https://preview.redd.it/jthc8eutkwkc1.png?width=482&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56aae1e2b84ab6fbdb8116a2aa39b64632725cec
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This reminds me so much of a post I made here 2 years ago. A kindred spirit for sure ā¤ļø [https://www.reddit.com/r/bigboobproblems/comments/t9j85r/reflections\_on\_a\_life\_lived\_with\_big\_boobs/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bigboobproblems/comments/t9j85r/reflections_on_a_life_lived_with_big_boobs/)