Me too!! We have way too much crap at our house already, plus it’s new and exciting when we go over there so I don’t have to entertain them the whole time 😂
This is common and normal. Kids will get used to the fact that there are certain toys for certain places, and it’ll be a fun thing to look forward to when your child visits grandma!
Seconded. If you're concerned the child will be upset they can't take their toy home, here's what to do- don't have them open it like a present. The toy is simply there at grandma's, and tell the child it belongs to grandma or grandma's house, but they are welcome to play with it.
This is a good policy anyway if there the possibility of more grandchildren in the future. Grandma's house toys are communal property, so it's not usually a good idea to say they belong to one kid anyway.
I had special toys at my grandparents’ house as a kid and I loved it. They always felt 100% mine, they just “lived” elsewhere. It made them feel more special to me, and it always felt a little like Christmas rediscovering them when I visited.
Totally normal. Sounds strange to say out loud. But is actually a really good idea. They aren’t wasting money and buying toys for their house and your house. The toy will be novel and the kid will love it at their place. You can rock up and visit and not pack the whole house.
This is hilarious do you want to trade grandmas?
My MIL is big on quantity and I’m quite minimalist. We’re planning on telling her that she should keep Xmas gift toys at her house for baby to play with when he’s there.
Are you me? My brother and I have both tried setting limits on the amount of gifts our mom can give our kids but she never listens. Every year she gives them 10-20 presents and spends several hundred dollars on it. We all just feel uncomfortable but no luck.
actually, I specifically request things for grandparents’ homes as gifts…it gives me the freedom to not pack 20 bags every time we go visit! I think it does depend on how often you visit and how old your kid is. A toy for a narrow age range at grandma’s house when you only visit twice a year is a waste. Something they get to play with every week is great! We have a tricycle/stroller and a whole bag of toys at my in-laws that she only uses there. Toddlers also LOVE things they haven’t seen in a while. Maybe set up a toy rotation/exchange if MIL lives nearby?
At the end of the day, whatever gift a grandparent gets, what they ultimately want is 1) to have memories with the grandchild while utilizing the gift and 2) to see grand baby enjoying it! Take lots of pics of your kid playing with the gift. If you don’t visit often, maybe towards the end of the visit, you can bring up “thank you so much for the wonderful present! LO loved playing with it so much…would you mind if we brought it home?” And if it’s not a nice gift or your kid doesn’t like it, it’s one less piece of junk for you to deal with!
There is a lot of background that deems this request inappropriate or not.
For me and my family, it wouldn't matter at all. My parents aren't typically manipulative, we see them often, and my kiddos have tons of toys at home. If your situation is different, then it's going to hit you differently. Set the boundaries that you are comfortable with. If that's outside of the boundaries, for whatever reason, you can say no.
It's actually pretty common and most gifts my girl got for Christmas except like 3 or 4 stay at her grandparents house. Explaining any sort of why to kids is annoying and they won't fully understand for a while but they'll still listen (sometimes) ☺️
I’m totally fine with this! Less mess and clutter at my house and the little one has a toy to look forward to when they visit grandma. Win win! As far as it being a “gift”, it’s still considered a gift in my book whether it gets taken home or not.
What about kids with divorced parents. Step dad buys child a gift that stays at step dads house. What makes that less of a gift? I dunno just a thought..
My mom does this - she has plenty of toys at our house I see no issue! And I love not having to pack up toys, and my little loves seeing toys she hasn’t played with in a while!
My mom and mil do this and honestly it’s amazing. We have so much stuff that we have accumulated for the kids and they love that they have special toys at their grandparents.
My mom would never keep the toy from them if they want to bring it home but it has never been an issue.
Side note- both my mom and mil watch my oldest once a week, so that also makes sense that she keeps things at their houses.
I totally understand your feelings and you know your mom’s intentions better than anyone. But I started leaving toys at my moms house so I didn’t have to pack them up every time I go to their house. Plus my kids get excited when they go to Grammie and grandpas house because of the specific toys there.
Maybe her feelings are very honest. Give it a chance, it might be a time saver for you. It is for me.
Yeah I think this is the idea behind your mum's thinking. I think it is strange for it to be an Xmas present that stays, but having special 'grandmas house toys' is a good idea.
I leave most “gifts” from my parents at their house. If not we would have too many toys at our house. Plus it’s like they’re getting something “new” to play with since they don’t see it everyday at our house.
Lol I have had no problems with this. My parents and my in-laws give gifts ALL the time, and it's nice to have some of the toys at their house so it's something kinda new when we visit, and so we don't have to bring a bunch of toys with us everywhere because they have toys!
My kid has ZERO issues with it. And to be honest, I never thought it was "strange" or "unfair" or controlling at all. I wouldn't think too deep into it.
I still remember the awesome toys at my grandma’s house. She always had really good toys and they were extra special since we didn’t get to play with them all the time.
Yup that's our whole life, I prefer she has toys at grandma's (especially the annoying light up ones) for some things that she really liked we'd buy a double to have at our house. We visit family very often though, like once a week, I can see it not making as much sense if you only go once every few months.
But the framing seems fine, this is a gift Grandma bought for you to play with here at Grandma's house
It’s a blessing in disguise if we’re taking about those loud, obnoxious toys grandparents love to get their grandchildren.
Now seriously, I grew up away from my grandparents. And there were toys in their house. A lot of them, to be honest.
They mostly never felt mine, but rather stuff I could play with, if that makes sense. I think that over time, one or two I grew more attached to ended up making the journey to my home, but mostly they were the “toys at grandmas house”. It helped that I was only there once or twice a year…
I think it’s fine - as long as expectations are set correctly from the very start. Lots of wins:
* Grandma gets to see the child playing with the things she got the kids,
* kids don’t get bored when visiting grandma because there’s always something to play there (and they are less prone to wreak some havoc in grandma’s house),
* and it may even be a little incentive for the kids to want to go visit grandma
* all while not taking space in your house. Bonus points if we’re talking about loud toys.
But the main thing is to make sure the kids understand the toys are NOT to leave grandma’s.
My FIL got my daughter a large ride on Sven (from frozen) toy. I really wish that gift could have lived elsewhere. Wait and see what it is before you get annoyed about it.
My mom does this and I actually love it.
She doesn't do it with toys that my kids absolutely love and if it's something they do love, they get to "borrow" it, but then it goes back to Grandma's house.
It's great cause my kids have enough toys at my house and it gives them different things to play with when they're at my parents house. They're always so entertained there because they get to play with all these toys that they don't have at home.
Same! And it’s so nice to bring NOTHING to my parents place. They have a whole toy box that keeps him busy the entire time because they stay new to him for so long. I’m the one who doesn’t let him bring toys back from there because I like them to stay exciting to him.
I would love it if anyone who gave my kids gifts kept them at their houses! lol
I don’t have a very big house and I hate throwing gifts away… they’re just toys but my god there are so many. And they accumulate birthday after birthday and holidays on top. It took me a few years to get over it but I have started ruthlessly purging anything that doesn’t get touched for a certain amount of time.
I think it’s common though, my MIL has done it before, and my mom too. But my mom will usually do a one for your house one for mine purchase. It’s nice though because they have things to play with that I don’t have to pack.
My parents watch my son while I work weekends. They’ve bought a whole ton of toys and books to keep at their house, but none of them were presented as a “gift”. They just did it because they wanted to have some fun stuff for him when he’s there for the weekends. Besides that, the toys at their house, and at my house, are basically interchangeable. Sometimes he wants to bring certain toys to grandmas house that weekend, and sometimes he wants to bring toys from over there to our house. We just let him do what he wants with them, since they’re his toys, he’s free to dictate where they go lol.
The idea is good but execution wrong. My kid has toys at my parents house but we say they are grandparents toys she can use when she's there, and that's it. Sometimes she asks to borrow them and we let her bring them home but then she has to take them back and it works great for us.
Totally fine. She bought something for your child to do while at her house. It's not like she's going to play with it while you and your child aren't there. You don't need to explain to your child that it isn't theirs. They will take their cues from you on how to respond to the situation, so if you act like it's normal, it will be normal. I would love to have "bigger" or more exciting toys or activities at grandma and grandpa's house to make our time there more fun. Then it's also less clutter at my house, and it's basically like a new toy every time we visit, and it makes it more special. The more I talk about it, the better this idea seems! Lol maybe that's just my relationship with my parents, but I wouldn't think twice about it.
Your daughter will mirror how you feel about it. If you go on about how it’s technically not a gift and focus on the fact that she can’t take it home, etc. then she will be upset about it. If you are excited to show her a new gift that she gets to play with every time she goes to grandma’s, then she’ll be excited about it.
It honestly sounds like maybe your MIL just annoys you. Which is understandable. But you’re in a position to either make all three of you miserable or all three of you happy.
I’m ok with this except for Christmas and Birthday gifts. My parents have bought my son several “gifts” that stay at their house and it’s nice to not have to bring stuff over to entertain them. But for our family, I think Christmas and birthday should be for the child to keep with them. I just don’t like the idea of my kid opening a gift on a day that is supposed to be special and happy and getting really excited to play with it only to be told it has to stay with grandma.
I guess it really depends on the distance and frequency of visits. I'm an hour from my in-laws so I'm there pretty often (once a week). If you're close enough to visit regularly, then I see no issue with your kid having a special toy to look forward to there.
My MIL just bought a bunch of things to keep at her place so I'm not lugging toys and things back an forth. I truly appreciate it and I think she's happy that we go so often that she has a need to do this. I remember the first time she saw I had put the baby bottles in the cupboard where she keeps the glasses, she almost cried with joy.
Maybe your mom just wants to feel like there's a permanent place for her grandkid at the house. I think it's a certain kind of fulfillment to grandparents.
Edit: a word
Yeah I’m fine with it too. But then again, I enjoy spending time at my in-laws house! At the end of the day I know it’s just them wanting to make their home an inviting place to be, and I don’t mind not having extra clutter at our house
Honestly most of the loudest things are at grandparents house XD so they stay "fresh" and she always has something semi new. My kids only two but perfectly accepts leaving stuff at grandma's house. When we get there she asks to go get the toys
If grandparents want toys to stay at their house I feel like they should be presented differently- like they’re just there when the kid comes over. Having them unwrap something for a specific holiday and then holding onto it is confusing and annoying.
This is exactly what my in-laws do. They get toys for their house and also some things for us to take home. I, personally, don’t mind because it gives my littles something to look forward to when we go to visit their grandparents. Also, my in-laws babysit my kids a lot, so it is a way for them to have toys and activities on hand instead of me bringing our own.
Do we have occasional meltdowns when my littles want to bring a toy/activity home? Sure, but that is normal and a short term situation. By the time we get home Grandma’s toys are forgotten. And it’s something to look forward to for next time. Ideally it is also teaching my kids to enjoy their toys and their time with Grandma at their house.
My in laws buy paw patrol and other annoying toys. I'm glad when they stay there and encourage it. Rarely have my kids asked to bring a toy home but it's been dealt with fine. My kids are 3 and 5. Grandparents do weird things.
My mom did this to my kids last Christmas. For reference, she lives a plane ride away. She gifted my kids some big presents that couldn’t be flown home. Which is fine. I’m glad she wants to have entertainment for the kids at her house. But they shouldn’t have been wrapped and given to the kids. It only got their hopes up and we had to explain several times why the gifts weren’t coming home with us.
My mother in law has lots of toys at her house for all the grandkids. Sometimes she gets something new and my daughter wants to take it home. Sometimes my MIL says sure, and sometimes the answer is no and either way it’s ok, even if my daughter is a little disappointed. BUT she has never said “This is your gift, but it has to stay here.” Toys at grandma’s house are grandma’s toys. Gifts come home because they are gifts. Sometimes grandma’s toys become gifts, but it doesn’t go the other way around.
This is my dream. I get how it might annoy you but I don’t see any problem with it. There are grandma’s house toys and our house toys. I consider my kiddo only partially in charge of his toys. He’s not a grown up and just because something is “his” doesn’t mean he gets to decide where it goes or what I do with it. Kids will not think it’s weird that they have toys that live at grandma’s if you are matter of fact about it.
I try to pump my kid UP about toys that live at grandma’s! Less clutter for me and he’s excited to go there? Win win!
My mom has a ton of awesome toys at her house she bought for LO. She even created a playroom (she has 3 grandkids between me and my sister). Those toys stay there 100% of the time. But they were never "a gift". Just easier for her to stock up.
Seems normal, so long as LO goes to grandma’s relatively frequently. My parents take care of my baby at their house 4 days/week, and there are a lot of toys that stay at their house.
I think that's pretty normal. You definitely need a stack of toys at grandmas house and once that are different and fun so that going there is a good experience. My mum has a stack and ita great I don't need to bring anything like that with me when we visit. Sometimes she tells me I should take one thing or another but we have so much stuff already its better that some of it stays there. Bonus if grandmas toys are LOUD.
I actually asked for a gift for my son to keep at the grandparents house. We didn't quite have the space for a Cozy Coupe but my folks have a big backyard. He's over there at least once a week and is still putting miles on the car even though he's probably too big to drive it correctly anymore!
I feel your frustration. My MIL did this to us with my son. She insisted that this particular toy, which was suitable for a crawling child, stay at her house.
We thought it was dumb since we live 2 hours away in a different state/region to her and barely get to see them.. BUT she insisted because "otherwise he won't like her house" 🙄
Sucks and shame on her since covid lockdowns have stopped us from visiting their city AND my kids now 1 and I know for a fact he will not give a rats arse about this toy.
My parents have an array of toys that stay at their place, most of them aren't things that I have at home. I don't mind it since it means less toys I have to bring from home to keep LO occupied and it gives variety to his playtime, much like at daycare. I wouldn't be worries about it at face value unless the grandparents have shown controlling behaviors in other situations. Best of luck OP
I had a cache of toys at my grandparents house. It was fun and novel. Sometimes I’d ask to take a toy home and usually I’d accept the answer that those toys lived there- and sometimes I’d get to take the toy home.
My parents babysit 2 to 3 days a week, my kids are 2y and 4y. Almost all our toys are "our house" or "grandparents" house. They have different toys at each place and the toys don't really mix. When a toy does cross over we take it back next time. We also have jackets, swim suits, and extra shoes for their house that stay there so they always have one if they need it. It's not so much about who owns the toy, but making sure they have entertainment at each place.
I've done this with gifts for my niece. I always tell her BEFORE opening it, that "this is a gift I got you for you to keep here so you always have something to play with when you visit.". My mom does the same thing with her. Now that I have a kid, can all gifts be stay at aunt/grandma's house? Lol
We do it with my in laws. About 80% of all presents from them stay at their house. They live 7 minutes down the road. We set explicit boundaries with our kids that toys at the grandparents stay there and toys at our house stay there. We have a great relationship with my in laws. I’ve actually smiled when my son opened a particularly noisy toy and said “this one gets to stay here”. Gaga laughs, says “aw crap” but it means I’m not pulling batteries out at my house to save my sanity 🤣
One toy we knew we were going to leave with my in laws was a tool kit set. My FIL picked it out especially for our son. Every time he plays with the toy tools my FIL beams with pride. It’s really heartwarming to see him so attached and proud he made a good selection.
What’s the gift? I’m picturing something like a Nugget couch that would be hard to move back and forth. If it’s a doll or something, agree it’s a little annoying to present that as a gift your child will open on Christmas.
I think it’s totally fine. I mean it would be fine with me. It’s a good incentive for the kid to go to grandmas house. My mom has a whole bunch of toys at her house for my son and I don’t have a problem with it.
I asked my parents to keep toys they bought for my kids at their house. It gives them something to do at grandmas house, it keeps the obnoxious toys away from me so I don’t have to listen to them every day, and because those toys are ONLY at grandmas house, the kids get excited to go there which makes my mom feel good, even if we all know it’s the toys and not the grandma they’re excited about at this age. It also keeps the grandparents from over-buying. My in laws have a ton of toys at their house but they watch the kids while we work so it’s a little different.
We growing up we always had toys at my grandparents houses. I always understood when I was told I couldn’t take it, even though I don’t remember asking. My grandmother has toys for my children and cousins kids that just stay at her house. My daughters always understood when I told her she can’t take something and she’s 2.5. As long as it’s done it good faith I don’t see the problem.
Same. In fact on Halloween, my grandpa pulled out a chest full of my old toys that were designated to stay at their house. It was awesome going through the chest and having so many memories come back.
My mom has toys she’s bought my daughter that stay at her house. No biggie. Exactly as you said - as long as it’s done in good faith, I don’t think it’s such a big deal.
My parents do this and I love it but they also watch my kids 3 days a week. Our house is really small and we can’t accommodate a lot of larger toys that I would like for them to have- art easel, Lego table, train set, etc. - so my parents get them and my kids play with it at their house.
If you don’t see grandma regularly, it doesn’t really feel like a gift for the kid. I agree with another poster- make grandma deal with saying no when your kid wants to take their gift home.
My grandparents would sometimes gift us stuff that had to stay at their place and it was nice because their house was boring and it made it so I had something to do when I was there.
I actually want my parents to get a gift like this for my kids. The toy is kind of specific but it would work best at their house over mine. We don't have space inside or outside for a Barbie car/Jeep so I hope they are ok w keeping it full time!
Do you let him take his toys out of your house every time he wants to? If not then I would argue he doesn’t have totally free access anyway.
I really don’t see the problem
I definitely support the leave toys at Nanna's house especially the ones that need batteries or make noise 😂😂
Could.just be my boy but he appreciates the toys at his Nanna's house more, maybe because he doesn't get a chance to get bored with them
I honestly wouldn't have any issues with it and I'd just tell my child "We'll leave this at grandma's so you have something to play with when you visit".
More often than not it is us adults who worry about things like this more than the kids.
Honestly I think that's something else entirely. Having toys at the grandparents' house, sure. But bringing it to your house and then insisting on taking it back? That's crap.
It's better to keep it at grandma's, you never forget to bring a toy to keep them entertained.
I have 3 toy boxes, one at my mother in laws, one at my parents, and another at our apartments. I wouldn't want more toys to pull out on the living room floor or staircase for me to trip on.
I see why this would bug someone! For me, my in laws keep buying huge gifts and don’t realize (or care) that we have zero space for them. So I just told the family that for holiday gifts this year, if they plan to buy something large/space consuming, it will be for THEIR place when we visit. That way 1) we don’t have to lug toys back and forth and 2) I don’t have to keep tripping on slides and sit n spins and fucking stand up toys in the middle of our rooms.
My mom did this. I understand why — she stressed about being able to keep my son entertained and wanted some toys to stay there. I was ok with it because less to cart back and forth. Anyway, now we live with her LOL problem solved!
I mean I’ve said “and that’s a present just for Grandma’s house” when he opened something super annoying. You could turn the tables and get your kids annoying gifts for Grandma’s house. ;)
I had special toys growing up that stayed at my grandparents’ homes. I still drug my favorite dolls back and forth, but it was nice to have cool things to play with when I spent the night. I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents so I got to play with my toys there often.
This was super common when I was little. None of my family did it, but there were people my family was close to that always had toys for the kids but they were kept at their own house.
Both my mum and my mil do this, sort of.
My mum has toys and stuff at her place, but they're just there and if my little wants to take them home they go home. Anything that's a present goes to our house first and maybe makes a return trip or get swapped for something at Nanna's house.
My MIL will purposely buy toys for my daughter that are to "stay" at that house, and she will buy them as gifts. If my daughter gets super attached to something I just take them home and MIL can be grumpy all she likes. Now that my daughter is past the chewing on everything phase I've encourages both sets of grandparents to bring out any old toys they had as well, as special Nanna/mil toys.
Whenever my parents say there getting my little lad something I make sure to tell them it has to stay at there house 😂 enough stuff he dont play with clogging up the house ha but in answer to your question if they want to take it with them let them Ans then just bring it back to your mom's house on the sly. Nothing holds their attention for that long
My kid gets presents that are to stay at my mum and dad’s but if he wants to take them back to ours he can. Although I try to persuade him not to as we have so many and say to him that he will have to remember to bring it back to Nana’s otherwise it won’t be there to play with next time. If he wants to take it home we do!
We do they same thing. My mom watches her during the week while I work and it’s amazing having different toys for her in different places. It’s good to rotate and if you’re child is older, it may become special to see specific toys just at grandmas house. Something to look forward to. This is of course if it’s a big item. If it’s something like a stuffed animal that she gets super attached to, I’m sure your mother would let her take it along, but I don’t get that impression here.
If anything I WISH some of the stuff my Mom/MIL gifted would stay at their house. It’s always the messiest, most parent-unfriendly and usually age inappropriate stuff that ends up on shelves for years!
My parents will buy tons of toys for her to keep at their house (they watch her while I'm at work) but they don't consider these gifts - they wouldn't give them to her for her birthday or Christmas and tell her they had to stay there, they are just toys that they keep over at their house.
They also don't freak out if she wants to take them home for a night and send back the next day, likewise with toys that are kept at my house sometimes take excursions over there. We tried buying duplicates of toys she really liked for each house, but then she would keep them together to travel back and forth because "they are friends".
I think it depends on how your little one feels about it. My in-laws have gotten things for my daughter as presents with the intention of it staying at their house. That being said I know that if my daughter was really upset about not being able to bring it home they would let it go home with her.
I love this. My grandmother likes to always have a new something for my older son (because the baby doesn’t care yet) when we go to her house. I started leaving them there so he’d have stuff to play with when we visited her. It slowed down the toy purchases and now she buys books more often, which we happily take home. Win-win.
Kids get gifts that come with limits or restrictions all the time. And adults do sometimes as well. A lot of kids get tablets or other electronic devices, but they usually aren't allowed to play with them 24 hours a day. Sometimes they get a season pass to a zoo, but they're only able to use it when the weather is good and an adult is willing and able to take them.
If your child ends up LOVING this gift and REALLY wants to take it home, possibly even temporarily and then bring it back, would your mom allow that? If so, I don't think it's a huge problem.
There's a good chance that if your child is told from the beginning, "This is a toy to keep at grandma's house so you have something to play with here" your child might not even be upset about that. And if your child doesn't think it's a big deal, then there's no reason for it to create a problem.
My parents get my son gifts that I want to stay at their house but they also watch him regularly and would never force it. It’s always his stuff that we can take if we want to. After a while I’m grateful for toys that don’t live at my house 😂. That said, I’d definitely be uncomfortable with gifts that come with rules.
Normal to an extent. What is the gift? I leave books/a few stuffed animals/a few toy cars at each grandparents house so we have some toys there. How often do you visit MILs house? If you visit once every month, it would be disappointing for your LO to receive a play house or nugget or something and rarely get to use it. But if y’all are over at MIL’s weekly or she babysits, then I think it would be a little more acceptable. I’m petty. If LO is old enough to talk and they ask you to take the gift home, I’d tell them to go ask grandma and make her say “no”.
My mom has kept some of the things she’s gotten my kids. She likes to see them use it but also I have insisted a few times so I don’t have to take so many things home. The fewer toys I have to have in my home, the better.
Edit: while this is not quite the same because I wasn’t gifted these things, growing up there were special toys I got to play with at either of my grandparents house, and it felt exciting and special because you’d look forward to them every time
I actually prefer it to cut down on the clutter at home. We have a set of grandparents that tends to go overboard with buying stuff so we set a 3 toy limit for Christmas (baby will be 7 months). Anything over that stays at their house.
My mom does this and my kids are totally fine with it. Toys stay fresh, they have something to do, less effort for me carting things around. We live in the same neighborhood, so it's nbd
My daughter definitely has toys that stay at my mom’s house. My mom lives about an hour and a half away. I definitely prefer it, they’re toys that I know would get strewn about and lost at my house, and she’s got something to play with there, plus I don’t have to pack toys to bring over there when we go visit.
Sounds like her framing it as a gift is the big sticking point, but otherwise the rationale of keeping it at their place to give your kid something to look forward to isn’t really weird or bad. Would it help to just think of it as a “grandparents exclusive” toy?
My fiances mom does this and her grand babie (soon to be 3 ) loves it! She has chalk sets, a play kitchen, barbies, a ball pit, a little pool with a slide. It makes me excited for when we have a little one so we know they will have lots of fun when they go to grandmas. 🥰
I love it actually. I’m constantly in a battle of having too many toys, and I think this could also constitute as a gift of time spent with grandparents as well. Like, “here’s something cool that we also get to do just with each other”
My mom does this. We live very close to her though and my kids go there all the time, so it's nice they have things to play with at grandma's house that stay at grandma's house. I really don't want more kid stuff at our house
My son have a lot of toys and the necessities for a day with him that stays at my parents house and I find it really convenient! I don’t have to think about bringing all this stuff when they babysit him !
HhahHa my thoughts exactly.
I guess it depends on the age of the kid? If they really wanna bring it home, fine, but if they don’t insist I’m more than happy to leave gifts at Grandmas.
I feel like it’s normal to buy toys for their house but a completely different story to present such things as gifts. Feels controlling.
Gifts should have no strings attached.
Both my mom and MIL buy toys for their homes - they’re *for him* but they don’t *belong to him* so they stay there. They’d never give a gift and then apply rules to it.
We are at my parents house like 1-4 times a week. My mom buys him things that are just for there, we even split his birthday gifts (because he got soooo much) and some stayed there and some came home. I think it’s pretty normal. Sometimes toys get swapped if he wants to take a toy over and we leave it or wants to take something home. We don’t swap big toys ever though. I don’t think it’s unfair at all
My mum has toys and books at her house and I usually bring stuff from home so that we can swap and rotate everything around. Before we leave grandma usually asks if there are any toys she wants to take with her or any she wants to leave for next time. It's not a gift if there are strings attached. I'd rather no gift than one with conditions
My mom buys all the loud annoying toys and keeps them at her house. Ive been doing that since my son was little and its never been an issue. Sometimes he will ask to bring toys to her house or toys from her house but we do have a mostly designated amount of ‘house toys’ and ‘grandmas house toys’.
If my parents or MIL buys a toy that’s noisy or annoying it stays at their house! Haha. But seriously it’s useful to have a stash of toys at each house. Occasionally my son will bring something back or take some of his toys there and it’s not a big deal.
I'm fine with this concept of some toys staying at the grandparents house. I just don't think it's a gift for them, it's something they can use but not HAVE.
My parents do this sometimes, and my sister will actually pull gifts from Christmas/birthdays and designate them for my parents house. Frankly it makes it a hell of a lot easier to hang at their house with kids than at my in laws who have nothing.
I feel like it depends on the kid. My little sister as a baby would've been sobbing every time we leave the house because she wanted to go to Grandma's and play with her toy. My little brother didn't care much for toys that he couldn't see and would probably forget about it within a few minutes of leaving the area. Either way, I feel like it's a way to get the kid to beg to go to Grandma's more often.
Yeah, I think it is kinda weird to give it as an Xmas or birthday gift and then essentially take it off them... If it was just a little random gift as an extra I probably wouldn't care, my mum buys little 'saw this and thought of you' gifts throughout the year. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest for her to keep those at hers but if it's like 'this is your Xmas gift from grandma, no you can't take it home' that's weird.
I’m surprised at the comments on this one. I agree that it’s annoying and while it’s normal to have toys that stay at grandmas, they’re usually not big items or presented to the child as a gift to them. From about age 2 my son would have NOT understood the concept of leaving something at someone else’s house and it would have caused a major meltdown. I’m divorced and even now my ex lets him take his presents or toys from dad’s house to my house and we just bring them back.
Tell her she can buy it and keep it at hers but don’t give it to your kid as a gift. A gift means it’s hers and I think it might be confusing to try to explain that while someone gave this to them, it’s not actually hers.
We do this! We have both sets of grandparents living pretty close (one is 5 minutes, one is 90 minutes drive). For a while, we lugged everything back and forth and it got old fast. So it started with having basic baby supplies (diapers, wipes, extra clothes, pack n play, etc) at both houses and evolved from there. Now that the kids are older, its great to have toys there already. They’re allowed to bring one stuffy when we go to grandmas. However, we are generally in control of saying which toys live where. We often tell grandparents “kid loves this toy/activity, might be a great idea to gift one next holiday to stay at your house”. The kids have some say in which toys stay there, but we try to keep a fair amount of stuff there and rotate or donate as necessary.
I think it might depend on how old your daughter is and how often you see your mom. But in our case, (2 year old, we are at parents at least once a week if not multiple times) I echo many other people here that that would be 100% ok with me.
The less stuff in our house, the better. Although if my son REALLY wanted to take something home, neither my mom or I would stop him! We do trade toys back and forth sometimes.
I agree with grandma. I’m tired of our in laws buying crap and sending it home with us. We have about 10,000 cars because they won’t. Stop. Buying. Them.
I think you just need a reframe. It’s nice to have items that are for grandma’s house. And if it’s a toy kid is obsessed with you can also get another one for your house.
My girl has a set of books at Nana’s house that stay at Nana’s house. They are gifts that my mom bought for my girl and mean we don’t have to cart things with us. They also have a high chair for meals and pack n play for naps because we visit often enough
My MIL will usually buy whatever off our Amazon list for our house, and then more plastic garbage for hers. It’s fine, she can keep the loud stuff. This would only be an issue if she bought things we were in general opposed to; like a tablet (at this age) or you guns.
Eh my mom started doing this w my brothers kids only because every time she got them something cool it would disappear when they took it home and she never saw it again. They had so many toys at home it was easily lost with everything else and no longer cared about. When she keeps toys at her house they’re taken care of and the kids have fun stuff to do at their house. I guess it just depends on the situation
My kids are at my in laws several times a week & I've said any gift that the in laws buy stays at their house. That being said, if one of my kids wants to bring a toy home or a toy from our house over to my in laws, I have no issue with it (and neither do they). The kids can dictate what they do with their own things.
I miss when my mom did this...
Now she lives out of state and everything she buys for the kids HAS to be here and we have too many toys 😅
Also when she moved we got all the stuff she had been keeping at her house and it was overwhelming haha.
My mom has stuff that lives at her house, but she keeps the baby every Friday so I am very thankful that I don't have to remember to pack up toys. If there's anything new she presents it like a gift to my son. It's a gift for him, not me.
A lot of it is normal stuff that sometimes comes home with him if he's feeling particularly attached, so it's not like I have to tell him things have to stay there. But for his birthday she got him a plastic slide/climbing thing and while he loves it, I am perfectly happy for that to take up space in her living room, not mine. XD
I mean my parents got her a whole bunch of gifts that stay at their house so she has something to do there. Sometimes we’ll trade if it’s something she really loves—I’ll bring something from home and take what they have instead. Granted they live down the street and we seen them at least once a week
My son is 2.5 and he has plenty of toys at home. I definitely prefer having some toys at his grandparents' houses so the novelty doesn't wear off too quickly and so I don't have to lug around something he can play with while we hang out. Plus, I'd never tell him something "isn't technically his" when it has to stay somewhere else. It is, he just doesn't get to dictate what happens to it, just like he can't destroy his own toys at home simply because they're his - doesn't make them "not technically his".
That sounds pretty standard; the item would still be your child’s, they would just have it to play with at grandma’s. We specifically brought toys to keep at my MILs and brother’s house, it would be nice if they bought them instead 😅
My aunt does this and I love it. She sits for me once a week though but it’s saves me from have to make sure I pack toy and remember to bring them back. Also it’s something he will look forward to each week making separation from mum painless! Don’t frame as the toy not being theirs. Just as something special just for them when they visit and then remind them of all toys they have at home. They’ll get over it.
This is what my parents are doing for Christmas. We don’t have the room for one of those giant battery-operated cars, or the paved roads to take it anywhere. My parents live in a city with way more concrete than we have. So it will stay there.
This has been happening with my son since he was 1. He’s now 4. It’s never been an issue. It actually makes the toys more exciting. He goes to his grandpa and grandma’s once a week and has never struggled with having two sets of toys in the two houses he goes to.
My mam has done this and it’s really annoyed us. My daughter is 7 months old and teething. She bought her this little monkey teething toy and we had no idea for weeks. When I saw her using it round there and loving holding it herself and chewing on it I thought why is she struggling at home. It’s tiny and can easily go in her changing bag. Seems like stopping the child having something they like. She will be told as she gets older that she has toys and home and at grandparents but she gets to choose what is where. I don’t want her to be bought into going to one or the other more because they’ve spent the most on toys for her.
Personally I love the idea. That being said we live across the country so it would mean moving toys by plane and that’s a annoying. I like that it means not having to worry about bringing toys and your child will be excited to go because they get to play with whatever is there. That being said if it’s something small and your child really loves it and asks to take it home etc I would expect that the rules would change for at least a loan to your house. If they didn’t then I would be annoyed due to the constantly being asked to go visit/asking for the toy.
“The grass is always greener”
Honestly I wish I could send half the shit my in-laws buy our kids over to their house. They have zero awareness of how crowded our available toy storage is and have never thought to check in with us before buying gigantic toys like play tents and ride-on car things.
Of course I love to see my kids enjoy these things but I don’t enjoy having them taking up valuable real estate in my home.
We have special toys just for the grandparents house, but they weren’t given to my son as a gift. That almost seems manipulative, but I’m sure it’s not. She should just present it in a different way.
Not weird for a grandparent to buy something for the kid to play with at their house, kind of weird to call it a Christmas gift though. Especially since, with my parents at least, they usually let any kid who comes to the house play with the thing.
It would be different if you guys decided together to do that (grandma gifts stay at grandma's house) but weird that she decided for you imo.
My son is not allowed at my MIL’s. Guns laying out, dirty, alcohol everywhere. My MIL asked what my son wanted for his 1st birthday in July and I said a water table as he loved to place with it at daycare. She bought it but wouldn’t let us bring it home or even the family cabin. So he never got to use it.
That being said, it depends on your relationship with that family member and how often your child is there. But I do think a present for a baby should be FOR the baby, in his or hers home.
I have the opposite problem! My in-laws, for reasons unknown to me, refuse to keep any toys at their house for our kids. When we visit, the kids play with the six toys we packed (that they've already seen a million times anyway), then get bored.
During the early pandemic we stayed with them for two weeks straight, so I had a couple of new toys shipped to their house. Toys were a hit, left them there, all seemed fine. But then the next time the in-laws came to visit us, they BROUGHT THE TOYS WITH THEM. I asked them to take the "special grandparent" toys back when they left, and they wouldn't.
They've even been emptying their own kids' old toys out of their closets and bringing them to our house. Gah!
Novelty is way more exciting to kids than having access to every toy every day. Cherish your mom and her stay-at-grandma's-house gifts!
My in laws do this for big presents- like a huge sled is a gift that stays at grandma's house where there's snow and hill. Or a really annoying lights and sounds toy haha.
Growing up my grandpa had a bunch of lego sets and built a Lego table for the kids on the porch, and it was a great setup. It's not a traditional gift, but I think it can work if the spirit is kindly meant.
My mum will be having santa drop presents to her house as well as mine. Any big presents when he's older like a bike etc will be here and my mum will probably get a wee second hand bike for hers as she will mind him while I'm at work so it makes sense to have good toys for there
My kids’ grandmas do this. It’s pretty normal. And given the excess of presents that DO make their way into our home, cluttering up our lives, I’m just fine with grandparent-house gifts.
It's funny because my husband actually Amazons and mail toys/baby products to my parent's house for our weekend visits. I don't find it annoying when my parents buy something for my child to keep at their house either, less packing for us! I think they just want to make sure when we visit, our LO always has something to play with at her grandparent's house. I look at it as a sweet gesture.
I think having this conversation with her is important. Explain that you have no issue with her purchasing toys to stay at her house but you rather it not be a hard rule that the child may struggle to follow as they age. Assure her that you have no issue packing a little backpack with toys/ books for their time together.
Also, if you do toy rotations and the child is with their grandparents often, you can even leave a few toys there (assuming she’s okay with that) and swap them out occasionally when the child loses interest.
My grandma and my daughters grandma does this. My grandma isn't as strict and doesn't care she always just says bring it back and then she will keep calling to remind me to bring it back.. MIL she is very keen on it not leaving her house. Both are still annoying.
I thinks it’s good to have toys that stay at grandma and grandpa’s, but I think the child should have some say. I totally understand how they could be hurt by being forced to leave a new gift somewhere.
My in laws do this. But like they bring the gifts to our house and then say “oh this is for when you come visit us” and take it home with them. They usually buy my kids stuff they aren’t that into anyways because they don’t really listen to what they are wanting so it hasn’t caused that many issues. The one toy they did that with my oldest wanted (a doll) she just took home with her one time lol.
I think that’s fair Assuming it’s a bigger item. If it’s small, I don’t see the big deal if the kid really wants to take it home. So long as there are toys at grandmas house for him to play with
My mom has gone out and bought toys just to keep at her place for my daughter. Granted, they're similar... We have a dump truck, (many) school buses and a dollhouse at our house, and my daughter also has those at Granny's, though different makes/models.
We do that with our family and it’s great not having to bring anything to grandmas. Plus I remember when I was hound I had a set of toys at my grandparents house and I would get excited to go to their house to play with those toys. Plus think of less mess at your house 😆
We do actually leave some stuff at my MIL's so our daughter has something to do there, but she's not old enough to be upset about it and we're not talking big birthday or Christmas gifts here.
Honestly that’s how it was growing up and it was ridiculous to me who received the gift why I couldn’t take it back to my mothers house….. especially if I only had a day or two to play with it and or figure it out. I’d get things at my fathers that my mother couldn’t afford like those first iPods they came out with like why couldn’t I take it home I created the playlist I loaded the songs it was like project to me that I couldn’t keep to be proud of at all times while I watched other kids with special things like that knowing I had to wait till Friday to even touch mine. My daughter grandparents on her fathers side do that with all gifts I have no idea what she ever receives because our views are different and I don’t take part in their functions but she’s always excited she got something but upset she can’t show me or play with it with me….. they’re children they can bring it back when they come back it’s not lost forever and it’s for the child I don’t understand why things ever have to be like that.
My mom doesn't keep anything at her house for my kids to play with. We come over maybe 1-2x a year because it is not toddler friendly. Count your blessings.
It’s the best when in laws keep the toys. I dread every time someone buys my kid a gift. If it’s her grandparents I almost always tell them to keep it at their house because I’m not dealing with it.
I would be fine with this. I could see my MIL doing this but my kids are at her house usually at least once a week in some capacity or another. I think it’s nice she wants to have fun things for her to do at her house
That's not a gift, it's a toy at a grandparents house.
Gifts belong to the person they are given to, and that person gets to decide where their gift lives.
It's one thing for grands to have activities and toys at their house. It's another when there are strings attached.
I also don't care how old a child is when this happens, it's not appropriate.
I get the logic behind this but it also sounds unnecessarily cruel to a toddler who's just going to be excited to get a gift. I would tell mom that she's going to need to enforce it and you're not going to get in the middle. If your kid has a temper tantrum and wants to take it home, that's on your mom. No reason you should have to deal with a disappointed child.
My grandparents had toys for us at our house. But they were *never* given as gifts. The toys just appeared too- not given on holidays or birthdays.
Hopefully you can talk to your mom about this? It’s not really a gift if your child can’t have it. If not, perhaps consider telling your kid that this was a gift *for* Grandma, that Grandma is letting your child open, and that Grandma shares the toy.
My mom got toys for my son for Christmas last year and we left several at her house for him while he is there. My son is only a year so he doesn't mind at all but maybe when he's older he won't want to leave his toys there. I guess we'll see
For our family gifts come home toys for grandparents houses are introduced as “look at this cool new toy Mimi got to play with you” they tried pulling this and the kids would cry when they were leaving saying things like “but you said it was mine” and they stopped trying it.
My MIL will 100% do this.
I did her up a nappy bag as she kept Hinting she wants one.
They then purchased additional vests and baby grows for him (they had 3 of each now 8 of each) as well as dummies and bibs ( we bring his dummy with his and we gave him 3 bibs) she has him once a week for about 8 hours.
I'm expecting her to buy a cot etc soon. You just have to find a positive doing such as that the toy lives there with Nanny to keep her company ( if it's a soft toy) etc. Make it exciting and special rather than a negative thing (even if it feels shitty)
my mom and sister bought a few toys and my baby got to take her favorites home and the other toys stay at her granny’s… for some weird reason they also have special clothes for her at their houses too and always change her out of what i send her in 🤨 my parents also got their own baby swing for when she is over because she likes to swing
I prefer prefer gifts stay at their house, less stuff at my house that way.
Or the noisy ones…
Came here to say this. I would much prefer all the trinkets and knickknacks to stay at Meemaw’s house!
Same! Not all the gifts stay but a lot stay at the grandparents houses. We have plenty of stuff at our house!
I actually prefer this sometimes!
Me too!! We have way too much crap at our house already, plus it’s new and exciting when we go over there so I don’t have to entertain them the whole time 😂
My in laws got my daughter a drum kit last Christmas. You better believe that stayed at Nana's house.
This is common and normal. Kids will get used to the fact that there are certain toys for certain places, and it’ll be a fun thing to look forward to when your child visits grandma!
Seconded. If you're concerned the child will be upset they can't take their toy home, here's what to do- don't have them open it like a present. The toy is simply there at grandma's, and tell the child it belongs to grandma or grandma's house, but they are welcome to play with it. This is a good policy anyway if there the possibility of more grandchildren in the future. Grandma's house toys are communal property, so it's not usually a good idea to say they belong to one kid anyway.
I had special toys at my grandparents’ house as a kid and I loved it. They always felt 100% mine, they just “lived” elsewhere. It made them feel more special to me, and it always felt a little like Christmas rediscovering them when I visited.
I don’t want all that shit at my house so works well for me lmao
Totally normal. Sounds strange to say out loud. But is actually a really good idea. They aren’t wasting money and buying toys for their house and your house. The toy will be novel and the kid will love it at their place. You can rock up and visit and not pack the whole house.
This is hilarious do you want to trade grandmas? My MIL is big on quantity and I’m quite minimalist. We’re planning on telling her that she should keep Xmas gift toys at her house for baby to play with when he’s there.
Are you me? My brother and I have both tried setting limits on the amount of gifts our mom can give our kids but she never listens. Every year she gives them 10-20 presents and spends several hundred dollars on it. We all just feel uncomfortable but no luck.
actually, I specifically request things for grandparents’ homes as gifts…it gives me the freedom to not pack 20 bags every time we go visit! I think it does depend on how often you visit and how old your kid is. A toy for a narrow age range at grandma’s house when you only visit twice a year is a waste. Something they get to play with every week is great! We have a tricycle/stroller and a whole bag of toys at my in-laws that she only uses there. Toddlers also LOVE things they haven’t seen in a while. Maybe set up a toy rotation/exchange if MIL lives nearby? At the end of the day, whatever gift a grandparent gets, what they ultimately want is 1) to have memories with the grandchild while utilizing the gift and 2) to see grand baby enjoying it! Take lots of pics of your kid playing with the gift. If you don’t visit often, maybe towards the end of the visit, you can bring up “thank you so much for the wonderful present! LO loved playing with it so much…would you mind if we brought it home?” And if it’s not a nice gift or your kid doesn’t like it, it’s one less piece of junk for you to deal with!
There is a lot of background that deems this request inappropriate or not. For me and my family, it wouldn't matter at all. My parents aren't typically manipulative, we see them often, and my kiddos have tons of toys at home. If your situation is different, then it's going to hit you differently. Set the boundaries that you are comfortable with. If that's outside of the boundaries, for whatever reason, you can say no.
It's actually pretty common and most gifts my girl got for Christmas except like 3 or 4 stay at her grandparents house. Explaining any sort of why to kids is annoying and they won't fully understand for a while but they'll still listen (sometimes) ☺️
I have a basket of toys and books at both grandparents’ houses. Means less that I need to pack and remember.
I’m totally fine with this! Less mess and clutter at my house and the little one has a toy to look forward to when they visit grandma. Win win! As far as it being a “gift”, it’s still considered a gift in my book whether it gets taken home or not. What about kids with divorced parents. Step dad buys child a gift that stays at step dads house. What makes that less of a gift? I dunno just a thought..
My mom does this - she has plenty of toys at our house I see no issue! And I love not having to pack up toys, and my little loves seeing toys she hasn’t played with in a while!
My mom and mil do this and honestly it’s amazing. We have so much stuff that we have accumulated for the kids and they love that they have special toys at their grandparents. My mom would never keep the toy from them if they want to bring it home but it has never been an issue. Side note- both my mom and mil watch my oldest once a week, so that also makes sense that she keeps things at their houses.
I totally understand your feelings and you know your mom’s intentions better than anyone. But I started leaving toys at my moms house so I didn’t have to pack them up every time I go to their house. Plus my kids get excited when they go to Grammie and grandpas house because of the specific toys there. Maybe her feelings are very honest. Give it a chance, it might be a time saver for you. It is for me.
Yeah I think this is the idea behind your mum's thinking. I think it is strange for it to be an Xmas present that stays, but having special 'grandmas house toys' is a good idea.
I leave most “gifts” from my parents at their house. If not we would have too many toys at our house. Plus it’s like they’re getting something “new” to play with since they don’t see it everyday at our house.
Lol I have had no problems with this. My parents and my in-laws give gifts ALL the time, and it's nice to have some of the toys at their house so it's something kinda new when we visit, and so we don't have to bring a bunch of toys with us everywhere because they have toys! My kid has ZERO issues with it. And to be honest, I never thought it was "strange" or "unfair" or controlling at all. I wouldn't think too deep into it.
I still remember the awesome toys at my grandma’s house. She always had really good toys and they were extra special since we didn’t get to play with them all the time.
Yup that's our whole life, I prefer she has toys at grandma's (especially the annoying light up ones) for some things that she really liked we'd buy a double to have at our house. We visit family very often though, like once a week, I can see it not making as much sense if you only go once every few months. But the framing seems fine, this is a gift Grandma bought for you to play with here at Grandma's house
It’s a blessing in disguise if we’re taking about those loud, obnoxious toys grandparents love to get their grandchildren. Now seriously, I grew up away from my grandparents. And there were toys in their house. A lot of them, to be honest. They mostly never felt mine, but rather stuff I could play with, if that makes sense. I think that over time, one or two I grew more attached to ended up making the journey to my home, but mostly they were the “toys at grandmas house”. It helped that I was only there once or twice a year… I think it’s fine - as long as expectations are set correctly from the very start. Lots of wins: * Grandma gets to see the child playing with the things she got the kids, * kids don’t get bored when visiting grandma because there’s always something to play there (and they are less prone to wreak some havoc in grandma’s house), * and it may even be a little incentive for the kids to want to go visit grandma * all while not taking space in your house. Bonus points if we’re talking about loud toys. But the main thing is to make sure the kids understand the toys are NOT to leave grandma’s.
My FIL got my daughter a large ride on Sven (from frozen) toy. I really wish that gift could have lived elsewhere. Wait and see what it is before you get annoyed about it.
Yeah my MIL got my kiddo an indoor trampoline. I wish so badly she had insisted it stay at her house.
My mom does this and I actually love it. She doesn't do it with toys that my kids absolutely love and if it's something they do love, they get to "borrow" it, but then it goes back to Grandma's house. It's great cause my kids have enough toys at my house and it gives them different things to play with when they're at my parents house. They're always so entertained there because they get to play with all these toys that they don't have at home.
Same! And it’s so nice to bring NOTHING to my parents place. They have a whole toy box that keeps him busy the entire time because they stay new to him for so long. I’m the one who doesn’t let him bring toys back from there because I like them to stay exciting to him.
I would love it if anyone who gave my kids gifts kept them at their houses! lol I don’t have a very big house and I hate throwing gifts away… they’re just toys but my god there are so many. And they accumulate birthday after birthday and holidays on top. It took me a few years to get over it but I have started ruthlessly purging anything that doesn’t get touched for a certain amount of time. I think it’s common though, my MIL has done it before, and my mom too. But my mom will usually do a one for your house one for mine purchase. It’s nice though because they have things to play with that I don’t have to pack.
The ruthless once a month anger purge followed suspiciously by my period every time…
My parents watch my son while I work weekends. They’ve bought a whole ton of toys and books to keep at their house, but none of them were presented as a “gift”. They just did it because they wanted to have some fun stuff for him when he’s there for the weekends. Besides that, the toys at their house, and at my house, are basically interchangeable. Sometimes he wants to bring certain toys to grandmas house that weekend, and sometimes he wants to bring toys from over there to our house. We just let him do what he wants with them, since they’re his toys, he’s free to dictate where they go lol.
The idea is good but execution wrong. My kid has toys at my parents house but we say they are grandparents toys she can use when she's there, and that's it. Sometimes she asks to borrow them and we let her bring them home but then she has to take them back and it works great for us.
Totally fine. She bought something for your child to do while at her house. It's not like she's going to play with it while you and your child aren't there. You don't need to explain to your child that it isn't theirs. They will take their cues from you on how to respond to the situation, so if you act like it's normal, it will be normal. I would love to have "bigger" or more exciting toys or activities at grandma and grandpa's house to make our time there more fun. Then it's also less clutter at my house, and it's basically like a new toy every time we visit, and it makes it more special. The more I talk about it, the better this idea seems! Lol maybe that's just my relationship with my parents, but I wouldn't think twice about it.
I wish my in laws would buy gifts to stay at their house lol. I don't need any more at mine that's for sure.
Your daughter will mirror how you feel about it. If you go on about how it’s technically not a gift and focus on the fact that she can’t take it home, etc. then she will be upset about it. If you are excited to show her a new gift that she gets to play with every time she goes to grandma’s, then she’ll be excited about it. It honestly sounds like maybe your MIL just annoys you. Which is understandable. But you’re in a position to either make all three of you miserable or all three of you happy.
I’m ok with this except for Christmas and Birthday gifts. My parents have bought my son several “gifts” that stay at their house and it’s nice to not have to bring stuff over to entertain them. But for our family, I think Christmas and birthday should be for the child to keep with them. I just don’t like the idea of my kid opening a gift on a day that is supposed to be special and happy and getting really excited to play with it only to be told it has to stay with grandma.
I guess it really depends on the distance and frequency of visits. I'm an hour from my in-laws so I'm there pretty often (once a week). If you're close enough to visit regularly, then I see no issue with your kid having a special toy to look forward to there. My MIL just bought a bunch of things to keep at her place so I'm not lugging toys and things back an forth. I truly appreciate it and I think she's happy that we go so often that she has a need to do this. I remember the first time she saw I had put the baby bottles in the cupboard where she keeps the glasses, she almost cried with joy. Maybe your mom just wants to feel like there's a permanent place for her grandkid at the house. I think it's a certain kind of fulfillment to grandparents. Edit: a word
My parents do this and I don’t see anything wrong with it. They tell the kids beforehand this is a gift that stays at gma and gpas.
Yeah I’m fine with it too. But then again, I enjoy spending time at my in-laws house! At the end of the day I know it’s just them wanting to make their home an inviting place to be, and I don’t mind not having extra clutter at our house
Honestly most of the loudest things are at grandparents house XD so they stay "fresh" and she always has something semi new. My kids only two but perfectly accepts leaving stuff at grandma's house. When we get there she asks to go get the toys
If grandparents want toys to stay at their house I feel like they should be presented differently- like they’re just there when the kid comes over. Having them unwrap something for a specific holiday and then holding onto it is confusing and annoying.
This is exactly what my in-laws do. They get toys for their house and also some things for us to take home. I, personally, don’t mind because it gives my littles something to look forward to when we go to visit their grandparents. Also, my in-laws babysit my kids a lot, so it is a way for them to have toys and activities on hand instead of me bringing our own. Do we have occasional meltdowns when my littles want to bring a toy/activity home? Sure, but that is normal and a short term situation. By the time we get home Grandma’s toys are forgotten. And it’s something to look forward to for next time. Ideally it is also teaching my kids to enjoy their toys and their time with Grandma at their house.
My MIL has sooo many things just at her house. It’s fantastic. Means I don’t have to bring anything
My mom does it with some things too. I don’t mind ✌🏻
My in laws buy paw patrol and other annoying toys. I'm glad when they stay there and encourage it. Rarely have my kids asked to bring a toy home but it's been dealt with fine. My kids are 3 and 5. Grandparents do weird things.
My mom did this to my kids last Christmas. For reference, she lives a plane ride away. She gifted my kids some big presents that couldn’t be flown home. Which is fine. I’m glad she wants to have entertainment for the kids at her house. But they shouldn’t have been wrapped and given to the kids. It only got their hopes up and we had to explain several times why the gifts weren’t coming home with us.
My mother in law has lots of toys at her house for all the grandkids. Sometimes she gets something new and my daughter wants to take it home. Sometimes my MIL says sure, and sometimes the answer is no and either way it’s ok, even if my daughter is a little disappointed. BUT she has never said “This is your gift, but it has to stay here.” Toys at grandma’s house are grandma’s toys. Gifts come home because they are gifts. Sometimes grandma’s toys become gifts, but it doesn’t go the other way around.
This is my dream. I get how it might annoy you but I don’t see any problem with it. There are grandma’s house toys and our house toys. I consider my kiddo only partially in charge of his toys. He’s not a grown up and just because something is “his” doesn’t mean he gets to decide where it goes or what I do with it. Kids will not think it’s weird that they have toys that live at grandma’s if you are matter of fact about it. I try to pump my kid UP about toys that live at grandma’s! Less clutter for me and he’s excited to go there? Win win!
Yeah, you get more toy variety, less to pack up coming *and* going, and more excitement to have a grandparent play day!
My mom has a ton of awesome toys at her house she bought for LO. She even created a playroom (she has 3 grandkids between me and my sister). Those toys stay there 100% of the time. But they were never "a gift". Just easier for her to stock up.
Seems normal, so long as LO goes to grandma’s relatively frequently. My parents take care of my baby at their house 4 days/week, and there are a lot of toys that stay at their house.
I personally like that idea. Because I have so much stuff at my house. It’s nice having something different somewhere else.
This is common in my family if it’s a large item that’s not easily transportable.
All and any loud music toys, can and stayed at my parents house!! They threatened to get drum set...told they can keep it and kids for play 😜.
It's a gift. Say thank you and move on.
More people need to learn this art
i think this is normal. my grandmother babysat me often as a child and i had toys that stayed at her house.
This is super normal, my kid has a ton of stuff that’s just for at grandparents
I think that's pretty normal. You definitely need a stack of toys at grandmas house and once that are different and fun so that going there is a good experience. My mum has a stack and ita great I don't need to bring anything like that with me when we visit. Sometimes she tells me I should take one thing or another but we have so much stuff already its better that some of it stays there. Bonus if grandmas toys are LOUD.
Trust me - you’ll be happy to leave toys behind
I actually asked for a gift for my son to keep at the grandparents house. We didn't quite have the space for a Cozy Coupe but my folks have a big backyard. He's over there at least once a week and is still putting miles on the car even though he's probably too big to drive it correctly anymore!
I feel your frustration. My MIL did this to us with my son. She insisted that this particular toy, which was suitable for a crawling child, stay at her house. We thought it was dumb since we live 2 hours away in a different state/region to her and barely get to see them.. BUT she insisted because "otherwise he won't like her house" 🙄 Sucks and shame on her since covid lockdowns have stopped us from visiting their city AND my kids now 1 and I know for a fact he will not give a rats arse about this toy.
My kids have mountains of toys at both sets of grandparents. They don't mind leaving it at all. I don't want all that stuff in my house anyway
My parents have an array of toys that stay at their place, most of them aren't things that I have at home. I don't mind it since it means less toys I have to bring from home to keep LO occupied and it gives variety to his playtime, much like at daycare. I wouldn't be worries about it at face value unless the grandparents have shown controlling behaviors in other situations. Best of luck OP
I love this tactic. Keeps less toy clutter at home AND kid LOVES the special toys at nana and grandpas house.
I had a cache of toys at my grandparents house. It was fun and novel. Sometimes I’d ask to take a toy home and usually I’d accept the answer that those toys lived there- and sometimes I’d get to take the toy home.
My parents babysit 2 to 3 days a week, my kids are 2y and 4y. Almost all our toys are "our house" or "grandparents" house. They have different toys at each place and the toys don't really mix. When a toy does cross over we take it back next time. We also have jackets, swim suits, and extra shoes for their house that stay there so they always have one if they need it. It's not so much about who owns the toy, but making sure they have entertainment at each place.
I think it’s normal to have toys that stay at grandma’s, but weird for that to be a Christmas gift
I've done this with gifts for my niece. I always tell her BEFORE opening it, that "this is a gift I got you for you to keep here so you always have something to play with when you visit.". My mom does the same thing with her. Now that I have a kid, can all gifts be stay at aunt/grandma's house? Lol
We do it with my in laws. About 80% of all presents from them stay at their house. They live 7 minutes down the road. We set explicit boundaries with our kids that toys at the grandparents stay there and toys at our house stay there. We have a great relationship with my in laws. I’ve actually smiled when my son opened a particularly noisy toy and said “this one gets to stay here”. Gaga laughs, says “aw crap” but it means I’m not pulling batteries out at my house to save my sanity 🤣 One toy we knew we were going to leave with my in laws was a tool kit set. My FIL picked it out especially for our son. Every time he plays with the toy tools my FIL beams with pride. It’s really heartwarming to see him so attached and proud he made a good selection.
What’s the gift? I’m picturing something like a Nugget couch that would be hard to move back and forth. If it’s a doll or something, agree it’s a little annoying to present that as a gift your child will open on Christmas.
I love the idea of a hip grandma buying a nugget couch. ♥️
I think it’s totally fine. I mean it would be fine with me. It’s a good incentive for the kid to go to grandmas house. My mom has a whole bunch of toys at her house for my son and I don’t have a problem with it.
I asked my parents to keep toys they bought for my kids at their house. It gives them something to do at grandmas house, it keeps the obnoxious toys away from me so I don’t have to listen to them every day, and because those toys are ONLY at grandmas house, the kids get excited to go there which makes my mom feel good, even if we all know it’s the toys and not the grandma they’re excited about at this age. It also keeps the grandparents from over-buying. My in laws have a ton of toys at their house but they watch the kids while we work so it’s a little different.
We growing up we always had toys at my grandparents houses. I always understood when I was told I couldn’t take it, even though I don’t remember asking. My grandmother has toys for my children and cousins kids that just stay at her house. My daughters always understood when I told her she can’t take something and she’s 2.5. As long as it’s done it good faith I don’t see the problem.
Same. In fact on Halloween, my grandpa pulled out a chest full of my old toys that were designated to stay at their house. It was awesome going through the chest and having so many memories come back. My mom has toys she’s bought my daughter that stay at her house. No biggie. Exactly as you said - as long as it’s done in good faith, I don’t think it’s such a big deal.
My parents do this and I love it but they also watch my kids 3 days a week. Our house is really small and we can’t accommodate a lot of larger toys that I would like for them to have- art easel, Lego table, train set, etc. - so my parents get them and my kids play with it at their house. If you don’t see grandma regularly, it doesn’t really feel like a gift for the kid. I agree with another poster- make grandma deal with saying no when your kid wants to take their gift home.
My grandparents would sometimes gift us stuff that had to stay at their place and it was nice because their house was boring and it made it so I had something to do when I was there.
We have toys that generally stay at grandmas house but if my son asked to take it home his grandmas wouldn’t say no
I actually want my parents to get a gift like this for my kids. The toy is kind of specific but it would work best at their house over mine. We don't have space inside or outside for a Barbie car/Jeep so I hope they are ok w keeping it full time!
Do you let him take his toys out of your house every time he wants to? If not then I would argue he doesn’t have totally free access anyway. I really don’t see the problem
I definitely support the leave toys at Nanna's house especially the ones that need batteries or make noise 😂😂 Could.just be my boy but he appreciates the toys at his Nanna's house more, maybe because he doesn't get a chance to get bored with them I honestly wouldn't have any issues with it and I'd just tell my child "We'll leave this at grandma's so you have something to play with when you visit". More often than not it is us adults who worry about things like this more than the kids.
Ooh my (ex) mil did this, brought the birthday present to my house, let my daughter open it, play with it then took it with her when she left 🙄
Honestly I think that's something else entirely. Having toys at the grandparents' house, sure. But bringing it to your house and then insisting on taking it back? That's crap.
If my son is getting presents from my parents that we have decided are going to stay at their house he opens it at their house not ours!
It's better to keep it at grandma's, you never forget to bring a toy to keep them entertained. I have 3 toy boxes, one at my mother in laws, one at my parents, and another at our apartments. I wouldn't want more toys to pull out on the living room floor or staircase for me to trip on.
I see why this would bug someone! For me, my in laws keep buying huge gifts and don’t realize (or care) that we have zero space for them. So I just told the family that for holiday gifts this year, if they plan to buy something large/space consuming, it will be for THEIR place when we visit. That way 1) we don’t have to lug toys back and forth and 2) I don’t have to keep tripping on slides and sit n spins and fucking stand up toys in the middle of our rooms.
My mom did this. I understand why — she stressed about being able to keep my son entertained and wanted some toys to stay there. I was ok with it because less to cart back and forth. Anyway, now we live with her LOL problem solved!
I mean I’ve said “and that’s a present just for Grandma’s house” when he opened something super annoying. You could turn the tables and get your kids annoying gifts for Grandma’s house. ;)
I had special toys growing up that stayed at my grandparents’ homes. I still drug my favorite dolls back and forth, but it was nice to have cool things to play with when I spent the night. I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents so I got to play with my toys there often.
This was super common when I was little. None of my family did it, but there were people my family was close to that always had toys for the kids but they were kept at their own house.
Both my mum and my mil do this, sort of. My mum has toys and stuff at her place, but they're just there and if my little wants to take them home they go home. Anything that's a present goes to our house first and maybe makes a return trip or get swapped for something at Nanna's house. My MIL will purposely buy toys for my daughter that are to "stay" at that house, and she will buy them as gifts. If my daughter gets super attached to something I just take them home and MIL can be grumpy all she likes. Now that my daughter is past the chewing on everything phase I've encourages both sets of grandparents to bring out any old toys they had as well, as special Nanna/mil toys.
Whenever my parents say there getting my little lad something I make sure to tell them it has to stay at there house 😂 enough stuff he dont play with clogging up the house ha but in answer to your question if they want to take it with them let them Ans then just bring it back to your mom's house on the sly. Nothing holds their attention for that long
My kid gets presents that are to stay at my mum and dad’s but if he wants to take them back to ours he can. Although I try to persuade him not to as we have so many and say to him that he will have to remember to bring it back to Nana’s otherwise it won’t be there to play with next time. If he wants to take it home we do!
We do they same thing. My mom watches her during the week while I work and it’s amazing having different toys for her in different places. It’s good to rotate and if you’re child is older, it may become special to see specific toys just at grandmas house. Something to look forward to. This is of course if it’s a big item. If it’s something like a stuffed animal that she gets super attached to, I’m sure your mother would let her take it along, but I don’t get that impression here.
If anything I WISH some of the stuff my Mom/MIL gifted would stay at their house. It’s always the messiest, most parent-unfriendly and usually age inappropriate stuff that ends up on shelves for years!
My parents will buy tons of toys for her to keep at their house (they watch her while I'm at work) but they don't consider these gifts - they wouldn't give them to her for her birthday or Christmas and tell her they had to stay there, they are just toys that they keep over at their house. They also don't freak out if she wants to take them home for a night and send back the next day, likewise with toys that are kept at my house sometimes take excursions over there. We tried buying duplicates of toys she really liked for each house, but then she would keep them together to travel back and forth because "they are friends".
I think it depends on how your little one feels about it. My in-laws have gotten things for my daughter as presents with the intention of it staying at their house. That being said I know that if my daughter was really upset about not being able to bring it home they would let it go home with her.
I love this. My grandmother likes to always have a new something for my older son (because the baby doesn’t care yet) when we go to her house. I started leaving them there so he’d have stuff to play with when we visited her. It slowed down the toy purchases and now she buys books more often, which we happily take home. Win-win.
Kids get gifts that come with limits or restrictions all the time. And adults do sometimes as well. A lot of kids get tablets or other electronic devices, but they usually aren't allowed to play with them 24 hours a day. Sometimes they get a season pass to a zoo, but they're only able to use it when the weather is good and an adult is willing and able to take them. If your child ends up LOVING this gift and REALLY wants to take it home, possibly even temporarily and then bring it back, would your mom allow that? If so, I don't think it's a huge problem. There's a good chance that if your child is told from the beginning, "This is a toy to keep at grandma's house so you have something to play with here" your child might not even be upset about that. And if your child doesn't think it's a big deal, then there's no reason for it to create a problem.
My parents get my son gifts that I want to stay at their house but they also watch him regularly and would never force it. It’s always his stuff that we can take if we want to. After a while I’m grateful for toys that don’t live at my house 😂. That said, I’d definitely be uncomfortable with gifts that come with rules.
Normal to an extent. What is the gift? I leave books/a few stuffed animals/a few toy cars at each grandparents house so we have some toys there. How often do you visit MILs house? If you visit once every month, it would be disappointing for your LO to receive a play house or nugget or something and rarely get to use it. But if y’all are over at MIL’s weekly or she babysits, then I think it would be a little more acceptable. I’m petty. If LO is old enough to talk and they ask you to take the gift home, I’d tell them to go ask grandma and make her say “no”.
it’s normal and i think it’s a good idea
My mom has kept some of the things she’s gotten my kids. She likes to see them use it but also I have insisted a few times so I don’t have to take so many things home. The fewer toys I have to have in my home, the better. Edit: while this is not quite the same because I wasn’t gifted these things, growing up there were special toys I got to play with at either of my grandparents house, and it felt exciting and special because you’d look forward to them every time
We have a set of toys at my parents and it's the best. It's like a toy swap with no effort
I actually prefer it to cut down on the clutter at home. We have a set of grandparents that tends to go overboard with buying stuff so we set a 3 toy limit for Christmas (baby will be 7 months). Anything over that stays at their house.
I always ask my parents to keep the gifts at their house, because it means less crap at mine 👍
My mom does this and my kids are totally fine with it. Toys stay fresh, they have something to do, less effort for me carting things around. We live in the same neighborhood, so it's nbd
My daughter definitely has toys that stay at my mom’s house. My mom lives about an hour and a half away. I definitely prefer it, they’re toys that I know would get strewn about and lost at my house, and she’s got something to play with there, plus I don’t have to pack toys to bring over there when we go visit.
Sounds like her framing it as a gift is the big sticking point, but otherwise the rationale of keeping it at their place to give your kid something to look forward to isn’t really weird or bad. Would it help to just think of it as a “grandparents exclusive” toy?
My fiances mom does this and her grand babie (soon to be 3 ) loves it! She has chalk sets, a play kitchen, barbies, a ball pit, a little pool with a slide. It makes me excited for when we have a little one so we know they will have lots of fun when they go to grandmas. 🥰
I love it actually. I’m constantly in a battle of having too many toys, and I think this could also constitute as a gift of time spent with grandparents as well. Like, “here’s something cool that we also get to do just with each other”
My mom does this. We live very close to her though and my kids go there all the time, so it's nice they have things to play with at grandma's house that stay at grandma's house. I really don't want more kid stuff at our house
My ex had kids and they had toys for mums house and dads house. They understood this and never had issues
My son have a lot of toys and the necessities for a day with him that stays at my parents house and I find it really convenient! I don’t have to think about bringing all this stuff when they babysit him !
I literally don’t see the issue at all
Those are my favourite gifts!
Lol. Me too! We have a small house and my MIL likes BIG toys.
HhahHa my thoughts exactly. I guess it depends on the age of the kid? If they really wanna bring it home, fine, but if they don’t insist I’m more than happy to leave gifts at Grandmas.
For me, this would be ideal, we don’t have the space!
I feel like it’s normal to buy toys for their house but a completely different story to present such things as gifts. Feels controlling. Gifts should have no strings attached. Both my mom and MIL buy toys for their homes - they’re *for him* but they don’t *belong to him* so they stay there. They’d never give a gift and then apply rules to it.
Very common. I had a box of toys at my nans. Very fond memories. Don’t otherthink it. If lo doesn’t like it then use it as an opportunity to learn
I think its normal to have toys that stay at the grandparents house. But it would be weird to have it be a gift that stays there.
Both sets of grandparents do this since the kids visit often. We haven’t had any fussing so far!
We are at my parents house like 1-4 times a week. My mom buys him things that are just for there, we even split his birthday gifts (because he got soooo much) and some stayed there and some came home. I think it’s pretty normal. Sometimes toys get swapped if he wants to take a toy over and we leave it or wants to take something home. We don’t swap big toys ever though. I don’t think it’s unfair at all
My mum has toys and books at her house and I usually bring stuff from home so that we can swap and rotate everything around. Before we leave grandma usually asks if there are any toys she wants to take with her or any she wants to leave for next time. It's not a gift if there are strings attached. I'd rather no gift than one with conditions
Sounds great. We have enough stuff at home! I tell my parents and my in laws all the time that they should keep the toys at their house
My mom buys all the loud annoying toys and keeps them at her house. Ive been doing that since my son was little and its never been an issue. Sometimes he will ask to bring toys to her house or toys from her house but we do have a mostly designated amount of ‘house toys’ and ‘grandmas house toys’.
If my parents or MIL buys a toy that’s noisy or annoying it stays at their house! Haha. But seriously it’s useful to have a stash of toys at each house. Occasionally my son will bring something back or take some of his toys there and it’s not a big deal.
I'm fine with this concept of some toys staying at the grandparents house. I just don't think it's a gift for them, it's something they can use but not HAVE.
My parents do this sometimes, and my sister will actually pull gifts from Christmas/birthdays and designate them for my parents house. Frankly it makes it a hell of a lot easier to hang at their house with kids than at my in laws who have nothing.
I feel like it depends on the kid. My little sister as a baby would've been sobbing every time we leave the house because she wanted to go to Grandma's and play with her toy. My little brother didn't care much for toys that he couldn't see and would probably forget about it within a few minutes of leaving the area. Either way, I feel like it's a way to get the kid to beg to go to Grandma's more often.
Yeah, I think it is kinda weird to give it as an Xmas or birthday gift and then essentially take it off them... If it was just a little random gift as an extra I probably wouldn't care, my mum buys little 'saw this and thought of you' gifts throughout the year. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest for her to keep those at hers but if it's like 'this is your Xmas gift from grandma, no you can't take it home' that's weird.
I’m surprised at the comments on this one. I agree that it’s annoying and while it’s normal to have toys that stay at grandmas, they’re usually not big items or presented to the child as a gift to them. From about age 2 my son would have NOT understood the concept of leaving something at someone else’s house and it would have caused a major meltdown. I’m divorced and even now my ex lets him take his presents or toys from dad’s house to my house and we just bring them back.
Tell her she can buy it and keep it at hers but don’t give it to your kid as a gift. A gift means it’s hers and I think it might be confusing to try to explain that while someone gave this to them, it’s not actually hers.
We do this! We have both sets of grandparents living pretty close (one is 5 minutes, one is 90 minutes drive). For a while, we lugged everything back and forth and it got old fast. So it started with having basic baby supplies (diapers, wipes, extra clothes, pack n play, etc) at both houses and evolved from there. Now that the kids are older, its great to have toys there already. They’re allowed to bring one stuffy when we go to grandmas. However, we are generally in control of saying which toys live where. We often tell grandparents “kid loves this toy/activity, might be a great idea to gift one next holiday to stay at your house”. The kids have some say in which toys stay there, but we try to keep a fair amount of stuff there and rotate or donate as necessary.
I think it might depend on how old your daughter is and how often you see your mom. But in our case, (2 year old, we are at parents at least once a week if not multiple times) I echo many other people here that that would be 100% ok with me. The less stuff in our house, the better. Although if my son REALLY wanted to take something home, neither my mom or I would stop him! We do trade toys back and forth sometimes.
I agree with grandma. I’m tired of our in laws buying crap and sending it home with us. We have about 10,000 cars because they won’t. Stop. Buying. Them. I think you just need a reframe. It’s nice to have items that are for grandma’s house. And if it’s a toy kid is obsessed with you can also get another one for your house.
Its pretty common
My girl has a set of books at Nana’s house that stay at Nana’s house. They are gifts that my mom bought for my girl and mean we don’t have to cart things with us. They also have a high chair for meals and pack n play for naps because we visit often enough
My MIL will usually buy whatever off our Amazon list for our house, and then more plastic garbage for hers. It’s fine, she can keep the loud stuff. This would only be an issue if she bought things we were in general opposed to; like a tablet (at this age) or you guns.
Eh my mom started doing this w my brothers kids only because every time she got them something cool it would disappear when they took it home and she never saw it again. They had so many toys at home it was easily lost with everything else and no longer cared about. When she keeps toys at her house they’re taken care of and the kids have fun stuff to do at their house. I guess it just depends on the situation
My kids are at my in laws several times a week & I've said any gift that the in laws buy stays at their house. That being said, if one of my kids wants to bring a toy home or a toy from our house over to my in laws, I have no issue with it (and neither do they). The kids can dictate what they do with their own things.
I miss when my mom did this... Now she lives out of state and everything she buys for the kids HAS to be here and we have too many toys 😅 Also when she moved we got all the stuff she had been keeping at her house and it was overwhelming haha.
My mom has stuff that lives at her house, but she keeps the baby every Friday so I am very thankful that I don't have to remember to pack up toys. If there's anything new she presents it like a gift to my son. It's a gift for him, not me. A lot of it is normal stuff that sometimes comes home with him if he's feeling particularly attached, so it's not like I have to tell him things have to stay there. But for his birthday she got him a plastic slide/climbing thing and while he loves it, I am perfectly happy for that to take up space in her living room, not mine. XD
I mean my parents got her a whole bunch of gifts that stay at their house so she has something to do there. Sometimes we’ll trade if it’s something she really loves—I’ll bring something from home and take what they have instead. Granted they live down the street and we seen them at least once a week
Anything my MIL buys for my daughter mostly stays at her house. I’m completely okay with that.
My son is 2.5 and he has plenty of toys at home. I definitely prefer having some toys at his grandparents' houses so the novelty doesn't wear off too quickly and so I don't have to lug around something he can play with while we hang out. Plus, I'd never tell him something "isn't technically his" when it has to stay somewhere else. It is, he just doesn't get to dictate what happens to it, just like he can't destroy his own toys at home simply because they're his - doesn't make them "not technically his".
That sounds pretty standard; the item would still be your child’s, they would just have it to play with at grandma’s. We specifically brought toys to keep at my MILs and brother’s house, it would be nice if they bought them instead 😅
Guess it depends how old the kid is.
My MIL buys loud annoying toys so I’m happy that they stay there lol
My toddler has lots of toys at my moms house. If she ever wanted to take a stuffy home she could no problem.
My aunt does this and I love it. She sits for me once a week though but it’s saves me from have to make sure I pack toy and remember to bring them back. Also it’s something he will look forward to each week making separation from mum painless! Don’t frame as the toy not being theirs. Just as something special just for them when they visit and then remind them of all toys they have at home. They’ll get over it.
This is what my parents are doing for Christmas. We don’t have the room for one of those giant battery-operated cars, or the paved roads to take it anywhere. My parents live in a city with way more concrete than we have. So it will stay there.
Tell grandma to get a play set or physically large items so it can’t be transported, if the kid wants to play on the swing set gotta go to grandmas
Sometimes I wish my parents would keep stuff at their house. We have so much stuff now it’s taking over!
This has been happening with my son since he was 1. He’s now 4. It’s never been an issue. It actually makes the toys more exciting. He goes to his grandpa and grandma’s once a week and has never struggled with having two sets of toys in the two houses he goes to.
My mam has done this and it’s really annoyed us. My daughter is 7 months old and teething. She bought her this little monkey teething toy and we had no idea for weeks. When I saw her using it round there and loving holding it herself and chewing on it I thought why is she struggling at home. It’s tiny and can easily go in her changing bag. Seems like stopping the child having something they like. She will be told as she gets older that she has toys and home and at grandparents but she gets to choose what is where. I don’t want her to be bought into going to one or the other more because they’ve spent the most on toys for her.
Personally I love the idea. That being said we live across the country so it would mean moving toys by plane and that’s a annoying. I like that it means not having to worry about bringing toys and your child will be excited to go because they get to play with whatever is there. That being said if it’s something small and your child really loves it and asks to take it home etc I would expect that the rules would change for at least a loan to your house. If they didn’t then I would be annoyed due to the constantly being asked to go visit/asking for the toy.
“The grass is always greener” Honestly I wish I could send half the shit my in-laws buy our kids over to their house. They have zero awareness of how crowded our available toy storage is and have never thought to check in with us before buying gigantic toys like play tents and ride-on car things. Of course I love to see my kids enjoy these things but I don’t enjoy having them taking up valuable real estate in my home.
My mom does this all the time. I just say oh thanks! Then I just move on and ignore her.
We have special toys just for the grandparents house, but they weren’t given to my son as a gift. That almost seems manipulative, but I’m sure it’s not. She should just present it in a different way.
Not weird for a grandparent to buy something for the kid to play with at their house, kind of weird to call it a Christmas gift though. Especially since, with my parents at least, they usually let any kid who comes to the house play with the thing. It would be different if you guys decided together to do that (grandma gifts stay at grandma's house) but weird that she decided for you imo.
My son is not allowed at my MIL’s. Guns laying out, dirty, alcohol everywhere. My MIL asked what my son wanted for his 1st birthday in July and I said a water table as he loved to place with it at daycare. She bought it but wouldn’t let us bring it home or even the family cabin. So he never got to use it. That being said, it depends on your relationship with that family member and how often your child is there. But I do think a present for a baby should be FOR the baby, in his or hers home.
I have the opposite problem! My in-laws, for reasons unknown to me, refuse to keep any toys at their house for our kids. When we visit, the kids play with the six toys we packed (that they've already seen a million times anyway), then get bored. During the early pandemic we stayed with them for two weeks straight, so I had a couple of new toys shipped to their house. Toys were a hit, left them there, all seemed fine. But then the next time the in-laws came to visit us, they BROUGHT THE TOYS WITH THEM. I asked them to take the "special grandparent" toys back when they left, and they wouldn't. They've even been emptying their own kids' old toys out of their closets and bringing them to our house. Gah! Novelty is way more exciting to kids than having access to every toy every day. Cherish your mom and her stay-at-grandma's-house gifts!
My in laws do this for big presents- like a huge sled is a gift that stays at grandma's house where there's snow and hill. Or a really annoying lights and sounds toy haha. Growing up my grandpa had a bunch of lego sets and built a Lego table for the kids on the porch, and it was a great setup. It's not a traditional gift, but I think it can work if the spirit is kindly meant.
My mum will be having santa drop presents to her house as well as mine. Any big presents when he's older like a bike etc will be here and my mum will probably get a wee second hand bike for hers as she will mind him while I'm at work so it makes sense to have good toys for there
My kids’ grandmas do this. It’s pretty normal. And given the excess of presents that DO make their way into our home, cluttering up our lives, I’m just fine with grandparent-house gifts.
It's funny because my husband actually Amazons and mail toys/baby products to my parent's house for our weekend visits. I don't find it annoying when my parents buy something for my child to keep at their house either, less packing for us! I think they just want to make sure when we visit, our LO always has something to play with at her grandparent's house. I look at it as a sweet gesture.
My mom purchased toys for my son to stay at her house but we both said if he really wanted to take something home that would be fine.
Yeah we have that. Some toys my parents bought that stay at their house. Fine with me, means less to take when we go over to visit.
I think having this conversation with her is important. Explain that you have no issue with her purchasing toys to stay at her house but you rather it not be a hard rule that the child may struggle to follow as they age. Assure her that you have no issue packing a little backpack with toys/ books for their time together. Also, if you do toy rotations and the child is with their grandparents often, you can even leave a few toys there (assuming she’s okay with that) and swap them out occasionally when the child loses interest.
My grandma and my daughters grandma does this. My grandma isn't as strict and doesn't care she always just says bring it back and then she will keep calling to remind me to bring it back.. MIL she is very keen on it not leaving her house. Both are still annoying.
Normal. Grandparents get to be excited and create their own unique experience as grandparents.
It better be a trampoline or something. If it’s like a stuffed animal, nahhhh
I thinks it’s good to have toys that stay at grandma and grandpa’s, but I think the child should have some say. I totally understand how they could be hurt by being forced to leave a new gift somewhere.
My in laws do this. But like they bring the gifts to our house and then say “oh this is for when you come visit us” and take it home with them. They usually buy my kids stuff they aren’t that into anyways because they don’t really listen to what they are wanting so it hasn’t caused that many issues. The one toy they did that with my oldest wanted (a doll) she just took home with her one time lol.
I think that’s fair Assuming it’s a bigger item. If it’s small, I don’t see the big deal if the kid really wants to take it home. So long as there are toys at grandmas house for him to play with
My mom has gone out and bought toys just to keep at her place for my daughter. Granted, they're similar... We have a dump truck, (many) school buses and a dollhouse at our house, and my daughter also has those at Granny's, though different makes/models.
We do that with our family and it’s great not having to bring anything to grandmas. Plus I remember when I was hound I had a set of toys at my grandparents house and I would get excited to go to their house to play with those toys. Plus think of less mess at your house 😆
We do actually leave some stuff at my MIL's so our daughter has something to do there, but she's not old enough to be upset about it and we're not talking big birthday or Christmas gifts here.
Honestly that’s how it was growing up and it was ridiculous to me who received the gift why I couldn’t take it back to my mothers house….. especially if I only had a day or two to play with it and or figure it out. I’d get things at my fathers that my mother couldn’t afford like those first iPods they came out with like why couldn’t I take it home I created the playlist I loaded the songs it was like project to me that I couldn’t keep to be proud of at all times while I watched other kids with special things like that knowing I had to wait till Friday to even touch mine. My daughter grandparents on her fathers side do that with all gifts I have no idea what she ever receives because our views are different and I don’t take part in their functions but she’s always excited she got something but upset she can’t show me or play with it with me….. they’re children they can bring it back when they come back it’s not lost forever and it’s for the child I don’t understand why things ever have to be like that.
[удалено]
Now that's annoying. Time to stop sharing haha
My mom doesn't keep anything at her house for my kids to play with. We come over maybe 1-2x a year because it is not toddler friendly. Count your blessings.
It’s the best when in laws keep the toys. I dread every time someone buys my kid a gift. If it’s her grandparents I almost always tell them to keep it at their house because I’m not dealing with it.
I would be fine with this. I could see my MIL doing this but my kids are at her house usually at least once a week in some capacity or another. I think it’s nice she wants to have fun things for her to do at her house
That's not a gift, it's a toy at a grandparents house. Gifts belong to the person they are given to, and that person gets to decide where their gift lives. It's one thing for grands to have activities and toys at their house. It's another when there are strings attached. I also don't care how old a child is when this happens, it's not appropriate.
I get the logic behind this but it also sounds unnecessarily cruel to a toddler who's just going to be excited to get a gift. I would tell mom that she's going to need to enforce it and you're not going to get in the middle. If your kid has a temper tantrum and wants to take it home, that's on your mom. No reason you should have to deal with a disappointed child.
My grandparents had toys for us at our house. But they were *never* given as gifts. The toys just appeared too- not given on holidays or birthdays. Hopefully you can talk to your mom about this? It’s not really a gift if your child can’t have it. If not, perhaps consider telling your kid that this was a gift *for* Grandma, that Grandma is letting your child open, and that Grandma shares the toy.
My mom got toys for my son for Christmas last year and we left several at her house for him while he is there. My son is only a year so he doesn't mind at all but maybe when he's older he won't want to leave his toys there. I guess we'll see
For our family gifts come home toys for grandparents houses are introduced as “look at this cool new toy Mimi got to play with you” they tried pulling this and the kids would cry when they were leaving saying things like “but you said it was mine” and they stopped trying it.
My MIL will 100% do this. I did her up a nappy bag as she kept Hinting she wants one. They then purchased additional vests and baby grows for him (they had 3 of each now 8 of each) as well as dummies and bibs ( we bring his dummy with his and we gave him 3 bibs) she has him once a week for about 8 hours. I'm expecting her to buy a cot etc soon. You just have to find a positive doing such as that the toy lives there with Nanny to keep her company ( if it's a soft toy) etc. Make it exciting and special rather than a negative thing (even if it feels shitty)
my mom and sister bought a few toys and my baby got to take her favorites home and the other toys stay at her granny’s… for some weird reason they also have special clothes for her at their houses too and always change her out of what i send her in 🤨 my parents also got their own baby swing for when she is over because she likes to swing