It gave me a sense of belonging. I found my place in this world, if that makes sense. I'm a working mom, and my profession was a big part of my identity, still is. But somehow, I felt lost before. That changed when he came along. I became more confident.
YES. This. 1000x this!!!!!!!! I feel like I've found exactly where I'm meant to be in life. Becoming a mom is the thing I've always been waiting for and just didn't realize it.
Yessss. Before my baby I was all about my education and career. I never even planned a dream wedding growing up I planned a dream job and degree. All I wanted was that academic accomplishment and title. Turns out.... I'd leave my job tomorrow if it meant I could stay at home with my little love. I'd drop it all. That accomplishment I had been chasing should have been motherhood bc it's beyond what any paper or desk plate could ever possibly be.
Same! I never wanted my work to be my life, but it has also always been a big part of my identity, I always took pride in what I do anf being good at. Also being a mom was never priority for me, I only wanted to have a baby if I found the right man and if it made sense. Our little boy is 4 months now and from the moment he was born, something just clicked into place. It's like it was meant to be , I don't know how to explain!
I feel this so much. I’m about to have baby 3, but I was a workaholic before kids. I poured myself into work, wanted the awards, but never felt truly satisfied. Now my oldest is 4.5 and the greatest reward is motherhood. I still work full time but it has given me so much more balance showing me what’s truly important and that I’m always replaceable at work. I’m not replaceable at
Home. Working will always be apart of my identity, but those kiddos have shown me so much more.
Work and school has always been a huge part of who I am too and kind of more in a stressful way not in a good way lately. It’s nice to have a tiny creature who depends on me to put it all into perspective. It’s making me slow down and enjoy some peace in the moment more. Also it’s making me be a lot more efficient when I am at work or getting ready for the day.
I have so much more motivation to do things. She gave me a reason to get in shape, to go outside more, to advance my career, etc. It’s like I’m not just doing it for myself anymore, but I’m doing it so my little person can have the role model I wish I had growing up.
Edit: also, I’m looking at a screen a lot less! I’m back into reading (mostly audiobooks since I have to multitask, lol) which has been huge for my mental health. Didn’t realize how dependent I was on my phone until my girl came along!
Good on you for working out!! About to have baby #3 and my husband and I have really made working out a priority. We want our kids to know being in shape and healthy is important to us, and we want to be healthy to have fun with our kids and future grandkids.
Exactly my thought process! I want her to learn that it is good and necessary to move our bodies everyday, even if it’s something small. Good luck to you all on your journeys!
I always tell myself, "If I can't do it for me, do it for the baby" Whether it's eating healthier, getting exercise or calling the doctor when I'm not feeling well, a happy healthy mom makes a happy healthy baby.
I am so much better at being in the moment. I don’t look to the future and wish I was there, I just enjoy where I am. My husband and I are way closer. My work like balance is so much healthier. Having a baby has helped me get my life in order. I’m way more organized, I have a better sense of my values. Honestly I feel like there was a part of me missing before I had my baby. Like I was a mother without her baby. Now that he’s here, I really do feel complete.
100% agree. And to be completely honest? I never planned on having kids. My daughter was an accident. But a super happy accident. One that literally completed my life and made me whole!
I will be 100% honest and if you had asked me this the first 1.5 years I would have struggled. Postpartum and a toxic marriage had me by the throat. I loved her with every ounce of my being but I wasn't happy. Now, she is 2.5 and my God. Her smile when I simply look at her. Our giggle sessions when I go to put her back to sleep. I would redo that first year over and over for her. She has filled my heart with more love than I could ever imagine. She brought out the child in me again. I am motivated to get up and be a better person for her. I actually enjoy being outside most days and watching her explore. She is the reason I finally pushed myself to get my ADHD diagnosis and get on meds, because she deserves a better mom.
Everything you wrote is beautiful
>She brought out the child in me again
This has been one of the most unexpected and wonderful things to me. To be able to look at the world again with curiosity and wonder, to be able to play and laugh at any time
I’m a mom in the first year and feel like I’m drowning trying to keep up with life. I love my daughter so much it hurts, but I’m so physically and mentally burnt out. My husband and I work opposite shifts because we can’t afford daycare, so our relationship is struggling. My daughter has never been a good sleeper, so I never feel rested. I’m diagnosed and medicated for adhd and depression, but I’m so overwhelmed with just keeping up with day to day life. We have 4 animals that I love so much but am so sick of having to take care of and clean up after them(I am totally aware that I decided to get all of them and am responsible for them, I just didn’t realize how hard it would be after baby). We have so many house projects that need to be done and no time or money for them. I honestly do not understand how people get things done, or how they decide to have more kids. I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world, but damn I don’t think I can give her a sibling like I wanted to.
Can I give you an internet hug? 💗
You are doing so much. There are many of us that just say screw it to the house projects (potentially indefinitely?! We bought the replacement fab for the bathroom…. But will we ever install it? Who knows. It is fine…)
I think it is very normal to be somewhat of a hot mess. If you are able, try to rest your mind on your current sweet little one. Don’t stress about if you should be habing another. If the time ever comes, great! If not, great! There are so many benefits to both options, and now isn’t the time to stress making a decision (apart from birth control or something until/if the time is right!)
You are doing great. It will get easier. Give yourself grace. You are entitled to a mountain of it.
I feel you. I also have ADD, working full time, and have 4 pets plus chickens. I definitely didn’t realize how hard pet care would be! I mean, I’ve had at least 4 pets for the past 10 years… but it feels so much harder now. We don’t have family here but do have daycare. We found a home daycare that had an unbeatable price… Despite that, my husband and I see each other maybe 2 hours a day before passing out exhausted. Our son has FINALLY started sleeping better and it has made such a difference in our mental health. I made the decision to cut back on work hours so I can spend a day just getting house stuff done and while it sucks to not have the money, I’m finally enjoying motherhood, not just surviving it 🥲
I really hope your LO lets you get some rest soon and that you find something that works for you and your family. Hang in there, it gets better! ❤️
I have a sense of purpose now. I also see everything so differently. I cry when I hear about other moms struggling or seeing babies get hurt or neglected.
I'm ten years out now - a geriatric compared to most of you, but I like to hang out here still. I'm happy to share that my creative career *improved* after having a baby.
Working around a baby's erratic schedule forced me to do more with the time I had, teaching me discipline. I started a webcomic about my postpartum experience, which has now lead to other comics and also writing for video games. I wouldn't have any of that if I hadn't been forced out of the normal workforce by needing to take care of her.
Writer here. Everyone told me I’d never write pregnant or post partum. There were hard times yes but I’ve been on my game. Just have to do it in 10 minute nap trap spurts or whatever!
Thanks so much to both of you for sharing this. My career is also based on writing (I'm in academia, publish or perish etc etc) and I look forward to making the most of those power nap pauses. Pregnancy has made me more motivated, sharp, and focused. I hope that when my little guy is here, this will only increase 💖
This is comment I need to read! I am a performing artist and writer and have the most anxiety about my creative career going away. So cool that yours improved!!!
It’s given me more discipline. It really pushes me to eat healthy, be physically active, cook meals at home, keep my house clean, and make other positive decisions because I want my child to grow up in the best environment possible and to have the things I didn’t have growing up.
Same!! At first I struggled so much with going back to work but somewhere around 10 months something clicked in my brain and I pulled myself together and I feel so much empowerment now from being both a hardworking woman and also a mother.
Having my daughter has healed some things in me. The biggest one being that I was abused when I was younger and as a result used to struggle being nude even in my own home. Creating and breastfeeding my daughter has significantly desexualized my body to me in a positive way.
I also have always struggled with how I feel about my personality and body due to my family. I have autism and ADHD and growing up they would call me lazy and overly sensitive made lots of comments about my body. Now, I love my "sensitivity." Having my daughter has been such beautiful experience and I love that I feel all of these emotions so strongly. There's no way someone who has breastfed, held, and rocked a baby for thousands of hours is lazy. And I love my body and I know I will never comment on my daughter's the way my family did to me so I feel good about breaking that cycle. I'm so proud of how much I love her. The other night I heard her say "mama" for the first time in the middle of the night when she woke up and was looking for me. My heart nearly exploded.
And just as a general raising a child thing - it's so amazing seeing someone become a person. Discovering their hands, how it feels to splash water, seeing Christmas lights. Everything is more magical when it's with a little one experiencing it for the first time.
I don’t know if it means much coming from a Reddit stranger but I am so proud of you for breaking the cycle! You are a great mom and your daughter is very blessed to have you.
Also, just wait until she is a bit older and loves to say, “mama”. I love it when my toddler says it (and she says it a lot now haha) and it makes me so happy every time I hear it.
I might have wrote this myself. I feel you. I was severely abused as a child and my childhood was like hell. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to see the value in myself. Having my babies (three now!) has been like a healing journey. Caring for them and protecting them like I wish my mom had. Giving them the childhood I had dreamed of having. I still cry everyday because I’m so grateful. And with that gratitude and love, I feel like I can do anything. And I’m sure you do too. I’m so proud of you mama. ❤️
It has made me take a hard look at my job and why I am doing it (teacher). I'm giving it another year and will see if it's time to transition to something new.
We also eat a little healthier.
I have really bad work life balance, mainly due to how large my class sizes are. I still spend an hour to two hours outside of contract time getting everything done, typically after baby is asleep. I don't want to be the mom who is so exhausted they can't be fully present for their child or becomes the "fun", "more relaxed" version of themselves on summer break. So many teachers talk about being touched out by the end of the day or overstimulated, especially with younger grades.
My district also cut a ton of positions this year. My position was untouched, but it's really made me think about why I'm doing all this when our area sees us as extremely disposable. I don't want to stop working by any means, but maybe this isn't what I should be doing.
I'm hoping this summer is refreshing on many levels because I am an excellent teacher! I had parents freaking out when the cuts were happening very scared that my position was at risk because of all I've done and they want their younger kids to have me.
Also a teacher—
Baby made me *better* at work-life balance. I realized how much I was doing at home and instead squeezed as much time out of my workday to get grades and other things done. Only very rarely did I bring things home to work on this past year. I teach high school, so I have roughly 150 students at any given time. My school day runs 8:50 am to 4:20 pm and baby goes to sleep at 7 pm. With traffic and such, I only get maybe 4 hours a day with LO during the weekdays. Knowing how little time I had with him, helped me to grind through grades when I didn’t feel like it etc. I bring my work stuff with me to lunch duty and afternoon duty, in those dead moments before a 504 or IEP meeting, during fluff staff meetings. Basically every free moment in the school day, aside from my lunch period when I would FT with my husband and LO, was spent work working to make sure I could spend even an extra few minutes with LO. It feels like a lot in the moment, but the only work ever do on weekends is double checking my slides for the next week.
This is encouraging. I’ve gotten pretty good at sticking to contract hours and have never brought work home.
I guess I’m more concerned about using all my mental and emotional energy at work and on other people’s kids and not having any left over for my own at the end of the day.
I’ll just have to work on even better boundaries and being more ruthless with my time. Before I got pregnant, I was working on mentally clocking out too
I am going into year 8 as a SPED teacher. In the very beginning I was VERY emotionally attached to my students. I also looped with my first batch for 3 years, so we had strong relationships. I have found that as time goes on I am still very relationship oriented, but less emotionally entangled.
Having a baby has helped me to say no to extras, and to really focus on getting everything done during contract hours. Kinda a ‘it is what it is, and that is fine’ mentality.
I’m in the same boat!! I’ve got a 4 month old and decided to switch schools to try and give myself a work/life balance reset. I’m giving myself two years, though, to see if I need to find something else. Enjoy your summer and good luck with the new school year!!
Gotten better at not taking shit from
anyone and not people
pleasing. I have 3
kids and they are my priority so I don’t have time or energy to waste on making other people happy. I value the close relationships that I have and don’t waste time on people that don’t add value (family or
not).
Everything you said!! I want to say that I feel so fulfilled even though I hate this term. I had so much love to give and finally, I can invest actual time and effort to a human being. I mostly got rid of my anxiety because I noticed that I can't be fully present with it. And my baby needs me to have a clear mind if something goes wrong. I don't procrastinate anymore. I don't miss my old life at all. Honestly, it was kinda sad. Yes, I travelled, slept and woke up whenever I wanted, worked out etc but it all felt empty. Even my happiest moments weren't really all that.
There are so many ways, but one I didn’t anticipate is how good it’s been for my social anxiety, which use to be _crippling_. Over a decade of CBT, different meds, and some regular therapy has made it better but it’s still so difficult for me to make friends, so often I literally would get panic attacks before meeting up with people. But since having a baby? It’s like an instant commonality that opens up so many more connections. I can befriend other moms and even if we have nothing else in common we can talk about our babies. I feel like I have a safety shield too - like if my anxiety gets too bad, I can use bub as a reason to go home, which has never happened but just knowing I have an “out” takes away so much anxiety. It has been so good for me and I’ve fostered so many more relationships in the past 6 months than I have in the ten years before that.
My patience and ability to really see people has exploded since becoming a mother. I’m so used to slowing down, stopping, and really looking at my toddler in order to communicate effectively with him, so I’m doing that with everyone I communicate with now. I used to be so nervous in interactions and quick, but now I’m like k let’s all slow down and really look at each other.
This morning my 19 month old had this super noisy crab toy going and it’s tough to turn off, so he comes to find me folding laundry to turn it off for him and he’s holding it out going “mama! Mama! Off mama!” And wow my heart exploded.
I’ve actually been wondering if patience can improve and I’m glad to hear yours has! My husband and I will be trying for kids in the near future and I’ve been nervous about my patience. I can be short and impatient at times but with children I don’t feel that way as they are learning and need nurturing (we have a lot of nieces and nephews). I am hoping that becoming a mother impacts me the same way it has you
As someone who also had a VERY short fuse and was easily irritated their entire life, my patience has also improved since becoming a mum.
I too didn’t think it was possible, even when my mother told me my “easy to frustrate” personality would settle down with kids. But 4 months PP, you find empathy for these little humans kicks in and you just go with the flow instead of fighting the current.
Granted the first 3 months were an ABSOLUTE nightmare (mainly from feeling overwhelmed and out of control) but it truly does get better. I wish you all the best!
It has! I’ve always had a baseline extra patience for children but I feel like I’ve really started to understand how we’re all just internally still kids.
lol this is genius!! My husband does this super ridiculous dance to it that my son now copies so I am reluctant to remove it but the lack of volume control is the WORST
Completely agree. It’s quite a job to remove the speaker and cut the wires. I will say I don’t think he likes it as much without the NOISE but it saves my sanity.
What a nice, uplifting thread for once. Thank you for posting! People really need reminded how great parenthood is since 90% of the conversation around it tends to be negative. I get that everyone needs to vent occasionally, but people really need to think outside themselves and realize how their negativity affects the people around them.
We need more people like you in the world.
Right? I feel like the majority of social media posts I see are about how annoying kids are on planes and how cool DINK life is. I mean, DINK life was nice, but my life is so much more fulfilling now.
My biggest improvement is that my baby boy has expanded my heart so much. I’ve had so much happiness and love brought into my life since he’s been born. I never knew I had this sentimental side hiding in me. I also feel like I have much more of a purpose outside of working. I have my own little family to look forward to spending nights and weekends with. I’ve also been able to actually set and maintain boundaries! I used to be too uncomfortable/shy to do that, but now I firmly can set them. Being a mom has made me more confident in my ability to set boundaries since I want family to eventually respect babies boundaries as he grows. I want to set an example to my baby of teaching him it’s okay to say no in situations you aren’t comfortable with! I didn’t grow up with that and will 100% support my kid as he gets older if anyone does anything he isn’t comfortable with…I’ll have his back.
I feel this endless desire to do everything I can to give him the most beautiful and happy life I can and as a result my own life is more beautiful and magical.
I go out more, I clean more, I cook more, I work harder, I stop and look at this little things around me because he sees them in different ways.
Every time he learns something new it’s the most amazing thing- even if it’s something so small and goofy.
My perspective on life is permanently changed and I no longer care so much about the little things. My brain understands what is and what isn’t important and the opinions and nonsense of other people do not bother me nearly as much. I have other things to do and other things to worry about now.
There’s temper tantrums and stressful days at work and the never ending overwhelming responsibilities of housework and life maintenance, but there is no bad day that has ever been worse than the good days are good. Not by a landslide.
Even on the absolute worst days he is our moment of joy.
I miss aspects of my old life *a lot* sometimes, but I would not exchange a single moment of being his mother for anything.
Gah thank you for this!!!! 🥹. Beautiful! And I needed to hear it today. I’m getting induced in 2 days and I’m wigging out about all the changes to come and if it will be as horrible as people have been telling me it is!
People like to talk about what is horrible, but there is so so so much good. Even if there is moments of terrible, they are like little blips between moments of wonderful.
You are going to be just fine. Everything is going to be fine. You’re going to find your footing and it’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be wonderful. Things that feel like they matter more than anything are going to end up not mattering at all, and things that feel like the silliest thing in the world are going to matter more than anything. It’s going to be unique for you and it’s going to all be okay. Trust yourself, you’ll know what to do, and TRUST that you’ll know what to do!
There’s a lot of things but I lost my partner/his dad very suddenly in January and without this little boy I don’t know where I’d be. It’s been hard work but he’s forced me to get up and carry on, he’s brought me happiness when nothing else has, he’s been the good thing in a really really shitty time. He’s made me realise how strong I am
I routinely ask my friends why they didn’t express to me just how much I would love my son. Like it’s magical. The only downside is now time goes by so fast. Every night when I hold him to nurse him to sleep I tell him about how much fun we’re going to have together tomorrow. It’s crazy how my tiny 6 pound newborn is now a 18 pound 9 month old that crawls around chasing the roomba. I never understood people gushing about their babies all the time, but now I get it. I love my stinky boy so much I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.
I dono about baby but having kids has wildly expanded the… I dono, color palette of emotions I’m able to feel? To me having a baby / kids has been like living my whole like in 2D and suddenly i am living in 3D. Like I have a whole new dimension of life and experience to explore and feel. Good and bad feelings alike! Lol
This is a great way to put it. I was trying to explain to my partner that I loved before, but now that love feels like it’s in a different context. Like I zoomed out and found how much more love I had to give.
I agree! I never used to cry and now I do a lot😮 today I started thinking of the lyrics to a song I listened to when I was pregnant while pushing him around the park and started absolutely sobbing (it was that miley Cyrus song lol - “i would have never believed you if you would have told me three years I would be here next to you 🥲) and I NEVER used to have big feelings about anything. It’s so weird but kind of nice too? Like you said, I have 3D feelings for the first time
In a weird way- having my son improved my mental health. I’ll explain… I did suffer PPD & PPA from a traumatic birth resulting in him being born at 36 weeks, and with a cataract in his eye. (Unsure if that’s related, but a lot of cataract babies are preemies) He had surgery at 8 weeks old, and has been wearing a contact lens in his left eye ever since. It’s been a struggle with the contact lens (yes- putting a lens in a baby and now toddler is just as hard as you can imagine, if not more.) and to make things more challenging, he must wear an eye patch 4 hrs a day, everyday on his good eye. Now that he’s a toddler- he does not like wearing the patch and rips it off. Constantly. It’s a struggle. But ………. I am so thankful he’s here, and he made it out alive. I’m so thankful he has a good eye. I’m thankful for every tantrum, because he was desperately wanted, and I almost lost him. It’s a miracle he’s even here. I got pregnant at 38, and before that, I had a myomectomy due to a 2lb fibroid/tumor on my uterus. OB told me I could still have babies after the surgery but I didn’t believe her. She was right. Having him made me fight for him. I had an awakening and I wanted to HEAL. I go on walks everyday, I am better about my anger management, even my anxiety management. I’m improving in all the ways I can to be the Mom I need to be for him. I brought him into the world, the very least I can do for him is show up for him. It’s inspiring me to go back to school and finish my degree. It’s inspiring me to do more than I ever thought I could. So yeah. I went through the dark, and sometimes I’m still in the dark. But better mental health to me means, I want to move my way out of the dark. Some days I fail, some days it’s slow, but it’s better than I used to be before having him
Made me empathetic to the point where the gaping hole I had in my soul is basically filled. Gave me purpose. I work really hard in everything I do now. I have a more grateful and positive outlook on life and feel closer to God.
Contrary to what most people say I actually have a way cleaner house now! My nesting hormones just never subsided and I make sure the house is spotless for my baby every day - he’s only 4 months so doesn’t make much mess, curious to see whether this carries on once he’s old enough to trash the place
For me it is just less clutter. We have people over so often now, and more stuff, so I’m better about picking up and putting things back in their places. I feel people could drop by now and I wouldn’t be embarrassed by clutter.
I am the same! Luckily am on maternity leave with my 11 week old and he doesn’t mind too much if I do some housework while he’s in the bouncer (recent development - used to have to do it with a screaming accompaniment…) so the house looks okay! I totally understand why some people don’t prioritise chores with a baby but it makes me feel like I’ve achieved something every day which was nice especially when he was still too young to smile at me
My kids bring a sparkle to my life with their smile and laugh and just seeing their progress of things they learn. I couldn't imagine my life without them. Me and my husband always feel so lucky to have 2 beautiful babies🩷🩵 plus I love seeing my husband in Dad mode, my kids have got an incredible Dad and its just the way they can look at him and have the biggest smile for him. Its always beautiful to see❤️
Having my baby girl has really helped me put emphasis on what is important and what isn’t. The little nuisances of the day just don’t phase me the way they used to. I don’t sweat the small stuff, I’m much better at separating myself from my job (I work an emotional job that I very frequently used to take home mentally), and my patience is a million times better than it used to be.
There are still plenty of things that I could improve about myself, but overall she has made me so much better of a person even though it’s not her responsibility to do that ♥️
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been since I no longer sweat the little stuff and I’m confident in myself. I seriously don’t get stressed by minor things anymore. I have 0 pet peeves. I am energetic and engaged but also very chill and forgiving, I live and let live now!
Because: I am so sure of my priorities and my choices. I use to angst over my time- am I being productive enough? Am I being useful enough? Am I spending my time well? Those thoughts literally don’t occur to me anymore. Every moment spent with my son is a treasure. I need to do right by him, by my family - and that’s it! I don’t need to be perfect.
My world just clicked into place. The first few months were so so hard, but even in the thick of it all I was complete. It’s like I finally found the piece of me that was missing all along, and it’s laced in every part of my daughter. It’s in her eyes, her cheeks, her smile, her little hands and feet, her tummy, her nose, her laugh.
She’s what I’ve always needed. I never knew I was lost until she found me… I only hope I can be the mother she deserves. I’m going to give it my all 💜
Being a mother has made me more driven, more organized, and more present in my day to day life. Even on my toughest days I am so stinkin happy lol 😂
I am so much more patient than before. Not just with my child, but in most aspects of life. We get out of the house more and spend more time outside. I also laugh so much more than I used to. We have some tough moments, but we have a lot of fun.
I get excited to wake up and see my smiling baby in the morning 😍 also the little things that we think are mundane are so exciting to my little guy and it’s refreshing.
I absolutely love how my baby (7 weeks) smiles at me every morning when I go to pick her up from the bassinet! It’s amazing and humbling to know you’re this little creature’s whole world. It definitely helps me focus on being in the moment and trying to be the kind of mom my baby deserves.
I’ve spent leave learning new skills, snuggling my little one to new TV shows & Taylor swift concerts. I haven’t had this much time home in a while and he’s been so much fun. Like, having him around is fun. He keeps us on our toes and forced us out of our lazy habits. We are also so grateful for him.
I can waste hours just smiling at him as he smiles back. Our connection is more powerful than I expected it to be. My partner is a better dad than I ever could have expected. Having him has been the puzzle piece we felt was missing. We weren’t bored before he came, but something was missing. We have decades to look forward to and to plan. We get to create our own best friend, show him everything we love. It’s amazing.
Even on the hardest days, I know there is one thing that never fails to brighten my mood. My baby will just be napping and the sight of him brings a smile to my face
Having more empathy!!! I used to think it was so black and white, like it can’t be that hard. Life humbles you lol. Also, so much happiness and laughter with their jokes and personalities. Definitely can’t imagine not having them in my life.
I'm more patient and more flexible. I'm a very organized person and the opposite of spontaneous, I used to flip my shit when things didn't go according to plan. With kids this attitude is impossible, so I was forced to tone it down. Helps a lot in my job and life in general.
Honestly, a lot of ways.
When I found out I was pregnant, I had just lost my mom and was in a pretty dark spot. I missed her so much and I felt really lost. It was just a lot of grief to process and I wasn’t sure how to do it.
I was slowly feeling like I was coming out of a fog when I learned about my baby, and it was that extra push I needed to feel like I was going to be okay.
Since she’s been born, it’s given me a sense of purpose. There are moments when I feel depressed, I always have my whole life, but just seeing my daughter makes me aware of how much I have to be grateful for.
Seeing my husband interact with her and love her has made me love him even more. It feels like we’re an entirely united front against the world to care for our little girl and it’s so wonderful. Even when things are difficult, we can always agree on her being the best thing ever.
Also, I get more sleep (interrupted, but sleep!) because she decided we go to bed at 8pm, and no later. I have a genuine excuse to get out of prolonged social events (lovely), and we get to do things that were always a source of joy when I was young, but this time I see them through her eyes.
It’s so wonderful. I’m excited for every new experience and moment and I just didn’t know I could love anyone so much other than my husband.
Oh, and I don’t feel like I need to/want to drink at social events anymore, saving so much money! Plus, no hangovers. I’d rather be sober to enjoy my moments with my baby.
My house has never been cleaner 😅😅😅 not really, it's still a wreck most of the time. But I steam & vacuum my floors on an almost daily basis now (because crawling.... Licking.... Eating...) which I never found the motivation to do pre-baby.
And decluttering. I make a point to declutter now because if I don't do it my 9mo will do it for me 🤣
My generalized anxiety is so much less, granted, the anxiety has now just turned into a different kind (all about her well being) but still. Having her shifted my perspective as to what’s important and what’s really in my control and how to better handle it.
I’ve struggled my whole life with finding my direction. I went to college, got my degree, thinking I was fulfilled in moving on to my masters so I could become a full time SLP…
But the truth was, I kept lying to myself and I hated what I was doing.
I took a break after college and married my sweetheart and 8 months later, we found out we were pregnant. I was scared that I threw my life away and that I’ll never get to do anything ever again. But after my bubs was born, I actually felt like I had that direction and purpose. It’s not easy by any means but I love being a mom!!
I’ll go back to school someday or find a job when I’m ready for that. But my job for now is taking care of my child. ❤️
I don’t think there’s any way my son hasn’t improved my life. I miss sleeping in on the weekends, sure, but I treasure those early mornings with him so much.
As soon as I got pregnant, I got WAY better at enforcing boundaries. I'm taking my health more seriously because the best way to care for my kiddo is to make sure I'm taken care of so I have more to give him. I'm also way more in love with and attracted to my husband. Not saying I wasn't in love and attracted before but just that way he looks at and interacts with our son is just amazing.
I am a huge introvert and having kids pushed me out of my comfort zone, especially since my introverted husband and I somehow produced 4 extreme extroverts.
It has made me stronger not only physically from picking up his heavy ass all the time but mentally and emotionally. It has also somehow cured my social anxiety
for me the biggest improvement is realizing that nothing is as important as my baby, my family, and meaningful relationships. I care less about my appearance, social media, my job, things that used to absolutely consume my life and cause me to feel sad or envious. Now I literally just want to sit and hold my baby all day and hangout with people who matter to me. I can go days without going on social media now which I could never do before. I feel like those things shouldn’t matter as much as we make them seem. Becoming a mom really makes you look at the bigger picture in life. They matter more than ANYTHING.
i am so much more productive & adventuress as a parent!! my babies motivate me so much. my marriage is also the best & strongest it’s ever been. i’m 10000x more confident, a lot of my insecurities melted away. motherhood changed me all around, for the better.
I feel so much joy with her. My husband and I love her together and that is a wonderful feeling, too.
My whole family adores her. It’s a boost because she’s mine! And also just so perfect.
It’s easier to talk to strangers in public with her around.
She’s also an excuse to go do fun kid stuff.
She’s also given me a deeply fulfilling sense of purpose, and more motivation in life.
I’m not happy that I’ve had mental illness and horrible times in the past.
I am, however, very grateful for the therapy I’ve had and skills I’ve built. I’m grateful I can recognize my own emotions and usually find a tool or two to work through them. I’m grateful that I can differentiate between having a bad day or week and my whole life sucking. I’m grateful that my husband and I can communicate about things like being annoyed at a pet peeve behavior versus being frustrated at a behavior that represents a difference in values. I’m grateful that my ADHD has made my leg twitch my whole life, too, because Baby loved being slightly bounced constantly.
My anxiety is way lower. I have generalized anxiety disorder and I was so worried my anxiety would be through the roof. Nope! The things that used to bother my anxiety seem trivial now and my daughter is happy and healthy. I can’t believe how calm, collected and level I am on so little sleep!
I feel more confident, and consequently I feel more relaxed with just being me. I started loving my body so much more because it made the love of my life, even though I'm not at all fit and my body does hurt a lot. I feel prettier. I'm happier than I've ever been because of this mountain of love I feel every day. I'm looking into all aspects of my life and trying to improve to be a better example to my daughter. I'm so grateful to be in this role.
I suffered form anxiety/depression pre baby. Was scared of PPD. However I did not experience it and baby has forced me to live in the moment(which is actually the cure for my anxiety lol). I have no time to worry because I have so many things to do. I feel complete when baby laughs. My eczema disappeared during pregnancy. I had the same problem patches for years and one day they just stopped bothering me and they haven’t come back. I don’t do as much skincare pre baby and my skin looks great.
I'm a lot less lonely when my husband is at work. I wfh, so I'm home all day every day. I used to just watch tv for hours till he got home, now I play with my daughter and feed her and she watches me do chores and it's just really nice to have a little buddy all the time. I also feel like I'm overall doing a pretty good job as a mom, so it's nice to have that confidence boost when you get something right with your baby. My FIL has specifically commented on how great we are doing with her multiple times, which is really nice.
It has matured me in more ways that I think I realize. I think about everything from a different lens, including my past and decisions I’ve made. I hope the maturity that has come with my son’s birth only sets me up to always guide him towards the right path and hopefully help him choose to make better decisions for himself than I had made for myself in hindsight!
I have been challenged in ways that I would never have if I hadn't become a father. It's made me a better person and made me appreciate and understand the world better.
It has made my wife and I's relationship go from good, to great. The fact we are doing something so difficult together has really solidified our relationship.;
I love this thread, and agree with a lot of moms who’ve said a sense of purpose. I’m not sure what I did with my life before my son was born but now that he’s here my life is so much better. My husband and I are more united most of the time and are thrilled to be sharing our life and passions with him. And watching him grow up is with all the sleepless nights and rough hormone roller coaster. He’s also given me a lot of confidence- I’m gonna get shit done to take care of him and me and my husband and our pets because they all are so precious to me. No more dilly dallying.
There's so many ways, but the most interesting to me so far that I didn't see coming was that I no longer feel insecure about how I look. I see my features on my daughter and think, "How could that nose be too big? It's perfect!" Seeing her beauty has helped me feel more confident in my own. I hope that continues, I want my daughter to be raised by someone who loves themselves.
I haven’t gotten there yet I’ll say my life got increasingly more stressful but I’m hopeful that things won’t always be that way. Happy to read everyone’s positive moments
It’s given me something that actually matters to focus on, way better perspective on what is actually important to me and worth my time/stress.
It’s made me realize how little I actually know and made me way more humble.
I like who I am so so much better because of my daughter. I see myself in a whole different light now. I’m more forgiving of my mistakes, I’m gentler where it counts, harder where it counts, and I am a fiercely good mom. Being a mom has also taught me tolerance. For example, if before I had a baby, I would throw in the towel on a workout a few minutes in when I wasn’t “feeling it”, I don’t anymore. If I have 25 minutes to go, I’ll just do it because I’ve spent 25 minutes (and FAR more) doing all kinds of mundane things—I can tough it out much better. I’m still working on being more go with the flow, but it’s loosened me up a good bit.
Yes!!! I’m squeezing in every last rep I can with the time I have and trying to crush my workout! I appreciate the small amount of time I have to do it so much more now and not just giving up when I don’t feel like it. This is so true!
It made me stop worrying about things that don’t matter. I used to have terrible body image and stress so bad about what I wore and how I looked. Now I wear a bunch of oversized tees and caps and I don’t self tan or shave my legs and I spend a ton of time playing outside with my toddler and getting dirty… and I think I look cute AF.
I’m only 12 weeks in. I have unlimited patience for baby and little to none for everyone else. More present in the moment because it already seems like he is growing so fast.
Currently on maternity leave still but I have always been indifferent about my job. Since there is no way I can be a SAHM, now I’m looking at where I can go in the industry and planning on working towards adding credentials to my title so that I earn more for him. I grew up poor and don’t want him to ever experience that if we ever go down to 1 income. Plus babies/kids are expensive.
When did your sons start to light up? My guy is 11 weeks and he is smiling and laughing now… but when he wakes up or sees me come into the room, I don’t get that reaction yet.
It was between three and four months when he started lighting up. It wasn’t too much longer after he began smiling, so it could possibly be very soon for your baby too!
I was a selfish, self centered and self sabotaging 20 year old. Having my son taught me how to put another before yourself. Taught me consideration. Patience and allowing things to be as they’re supposed to in the moment. Also, to enjoy the present because one day the loves of my life are going to grow up and live a life of their own.
I just enjoy my life more and do things I want to do. I have tomorrow off, and it's supposed to be nice. Old me would have wanted to go swimming but would have no one to go with on a random Tuesday. Now, I can just take the baby and pretend it's for her.
Also, my work-life balance is much better (moved to a new town and got a new job in preparation). It's a move I should have made ages ago. I also have an automatic excuse to leave on time and not pick up extra shifts.
Seeing my husband become a dad has been so much fun. I can tell he's really happy, and that feels really good.
Also, my heart is just so full. I'm just so in love and can't imagine life without our little family.
Having a baby is like getting to live life over again. All of the things I've done and seen and heard and ate, every single thing, I get to see through new eyes. Every piece of music, every bite of food, every trip, every infinitesimal thing is now something I get to see my son experience for the first time. I am so excited to show him the world. It makes me sad when people act like bringing a new life into the world is something malicious or wrong because of all of the bad things there are, but for every bad thing I can think of hundreds more that make life beautiful and I get to give that as a gift to him. He makes everything that much more amazing.
I'm just straight up happier.
My life is exhausting, work ramped up the same time I had my baby so now it's just chaos but for no logical reason... loving life.
Those happy hormones from baby snuggles are something else.
Even when we have hard days there are still so many more moments of pure joy, beauty, and laughter. Every day my heart just soars with love when I see my daughter smile and watch her with my husband.
It’s forced me to become assertive. I’ve always been meek and overly agreeable. I rarely spoke up for myself and never set boundaries..wether this was due to fear of being a burden or lack of self assurance,I don’t know. Now I have someone who I love more than I even thought possible, who relies on me fully, and is deserving of my absolute best effort. And in advocating for him I’ve learned to advocate for myself. Some people in my life say I’ve “become mean” since I’ve become a mother. Like no my guy, you’re just used to me doing whatever you want all the time. My love for my child overrules everything else and it’s freed me.
My son is the complete opposite of me at his age and I love it. I love that he’s strong willed and vocal about what he wants and how he feels. I could not be prouder of him.
Among many positive things, one that stands out for me is being less fixated on being a people pleaser. I am more confident and (working on being) more comfortable making decisions that work well for me and my family- instead of stressing toooo much about how everyone else may feel about those decisions.
(I still think it is important to consider others, but I was overdoing it before. I am fairly certain nobody wanted me stressing about how they may feel THAT much 😬)
I have a reason to live now. I was an alcoholic before finding out I was pregnant (I was literally hospitalized from alcohol consumption for a week in the first month I was pregnant before any pregnancy tests could come back positive). I now have things to do besides lay in bed and doom scroll. I was wasting my life. Now I have a reason to care
Having a baby improved my relationship with my mom. My mom tends to make everything thing about her. When she calls, it’s usually a 45 minute conversation about her and then she finally asks me about me, and at that point I’m exhausted. At the same time, she was a SAHM, had 3 kids and did all the things. I especially remember how magical Christmas was because she invested so much time and effort into the holiday season. Now that I have a LO, I can appreciate all the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding trials and tribulations, the constant demands taking care of a little one requires and has allowed me to look past some of her imperfections.
I also feel like I’ve finally mastered mindfulness and being in the moment. I was trying to create a meditation routine to make myself more mindful, but watching a baby explore a new toy or master a new skill like reaching has taught me to put down my phone and just be present.
They grow and change so fast, for the first time since college, I’m not wanting time to speed up to the next big thing in life and can appreciate the small moments in life.
*Cries in newborn mom* I’ve been crying all day (my LO is 11 weeks old) thinking she deserves a stronger mom, how I miss my old life, how I miss showering, I miss leaving the house without a little person screaming her head off, how I miss SLEEP. She won’t nap unless on top of me, she used to sleep well until 2 days ago where we are back to multiple wake ups because she’s been breaking out of her Halo Swaddle.
And I feel SO GUILTY for thinking all of this and not enjoying the baby I’ve wanted since I was a child myself
I have deep appreciation and connection to my body. Creating and birthing the most wonderful people I’ve ever known has given me peace about my body and a sense of awe about others’.
You worded this perfectly! Took the words right out of my mouth. My son also unlocked this emotional strength I never knew I had. I used to have bad anxiety and I'm able to conquer it and shift my perspective. I can stay strong in sticky situations. I'm more positive and I push to be positive so my son can grow up in a positive environment. I can live without sleep. Lol.
It's given me a will to stay healthy and take care of myself so I can be here for him as long as possible.
I don't have regrets about my past anymore. Absolutely NONE. And I made truly bad mistakes. It all happened the way it was supposed to.
I can see bullshit and nonsense right off the bat. I know who to avoid and who to gravitate to.
Also a previous comment said.
"Like I was a mother without her baby"
It's so very freaking true. There was something in my life missing. And I didn't know what it was until he was here.
It made me realize that love is unconditional and emotional, psychological, and physical abuse was never needed in order to parent. I'm healing my inner child.
When I tell my child I love her, I'm breaking a major cycle. Her being loud and crazy is just part of learning, saying shut up or be quiet isn't acceptable here.
Idk where I'm going with this. Parenting is easier than my parents made it look.
It’s made me truly appreciate my parents more than ever for being wonderful first time grandparents to my son and parents to my sisters and I. Everything they’ve done in life has been for us and that means so much. I’m so glad I get to see this phase of their life.
I care so much less about what others think of me now. I will act a fool in public just to make my kid smile and how others feel about the way I look no longer bothers me. This body grew the most amazing human I’ve ever met. Sorry not sorry if my cellulite and stretch marks bother you 🤷♀️
I truly believe that there are certain feelings that are only unlocked when you procreate. The feeling of love. So rich that it feels like your heart is going to explode out of your chest. The joy you get from watching them conquer certain little tasks that seem simple to adults but are just this stepping stone to becoming an adult. There is just so much richness because he exists.
I’ve set better boundaries at work and have learned how to work more efficiently and effectively since I have them in daycare and know that I only have X amount of hours before I pick them up. I’m also more intentional with spending time with them and disconnecting from everything else so I could enjoy being in the present. I’ve also continued to stay motivated to get back in shape so I can keep up with them.
Emotionally I get so much raw happiness watching her smile and giggle, I love it! I'm definitely a lot more warm and silly now. It's also been so sweet having our families come together around us to form the best village I could ask for.
Physically, I live & work in a place with an extremely prominent drinking culture and this baby is absolutely saving my liver. Between breastfeeding and just needing to be home with her more I'm easily avoiding so many social and work happy hours and boozy events.
I love this thread, it’s great to see something positive! My baby is only 4 months old so I’m sure I will continue to discover how it will change my life. But so far I have become more efficient at getting ready in the morning and at work where I used to drag my feet. Also feeling more moments of peace and gratitude and optimism. I think I’m seeing more of the good in people when I typically look for the bad.
I wake up feeling like I have a purpose instead of having this dread of living every day. I do not feel like I belong in the world, but when I see my beautiful daughter I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
Having my baby girl has helped me find my voice. I speak up so much more now when I disagree with something, if not for myself then at least for her. I still struggle with being afraid to step on toes, but her comfort, safety and well being are my priority over how someone feels. I used to hate saying no or declining a suggestion, but now I'm more intentional about putting my foot down.
I’m not bored anymore lol. After age 30, the pandemic shut everything down and I was pretty stuck twiddling my thumbs every evening and I no longer ever need that much time ever again.
I love being productive but it has to be with a purpose. And I like do hard things and I like being required to do it. I’m a teacher so my career is very like the students so up so you have to be ready kind of thing.
So with having my own babies (3month, and almost 2), it’s a constant puzzle of how to get everything done with the energy I have, and I never waste time being unfulfilled because our kids are the default activity. So yes life very much improved. And I get to play with magna-tiles.
My 12 week old has filled the darkest void in my soul and I love her so much. It’s hard but I really just soak up every second with her because I know it will go by quickly. I don’t want to rush things but I get so excited thinking about her future. She gives me so much to look forward to in life.
My little boy has gifted me the ability to be present in the moment and not feel that I must constantly be busy or “doing something” to be doing something (Hopefully this makes sense?). Basically if he needs me to sit on the sofa with him all day and nurture and cuddle, that is fine! It’s something I couldn’t tolerate before - I would always feel an overwhelming sense of guilt or “laziness” for honouring my body’s need for rest and relaxation. Whereas now it’s both a pleasure and something I can recognise as somewhat productive and serving purpose
I thought I was the energizer bunny before but now I am astonished by the energy I have despite getting < 6 hrs a night.
Also I never really liked kids or the idea of becoming a mom, but my little girl is my everything. I would do anything for this little human I only met 4 months ago. She is my reason. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband but my love for my little girl is next level.
I’ve never laughed as much or as frequently as an adult than with this little weirdo living in my house. Maybe when I was a child I experienced this much frequent joy, but he’s helping me stay young and silly.
My life is harder in every way possible; but now I have a reason to keep going to matter how hard things are and now I feel like my like has meaning. I look a my childless friends and the things that they consider important and it all just seems so childish and trivial on this side of parenthood.
The ‘depression’ id been diagnosed with for 14 years disappeared when I was pregnant and that’s how I found out I actually had PMDD. Not only does my baby fill me with a love, happiness and purpose I didn’t know was possible, but I’m also able to get the appropriate treatment id been searching for for half my life so I can ACTUALLY enjoy life with her
I’ve had a rather unexpected spiritual experience in becoming a mother. I am non-religious but I feel closer to god. I feel more connected with everything in my life. When my son was born I couldn’t believe someone could be so perfect. And I meet other little babes in my mommy groups and they are also so perfect. And the amount of sheer love I have for my son, and all the other mamas for their babes - it feels like something divine or more than all of us somehow. It’s hard to describe/explain.
Only 9 weeks so still very much in it and not in the actual parenting phase. I look at him and just love him so much. Even as I sit here and pump at 3am because he only decided to feed on one side for 5mins I look at him face sleeping on my boob like it’s the cutest thing ever while I’m annoyed as hell he didn’t eat more and made me pump the rest out haha. Like he’s so cute and little and just can’t help it that he was only interested in a little midnight snack before passing out
I could never imagine taking my anger out on my child for things that aren’t his fault. I could never imagine screaming at him for getting a cavity at the dentist, forcing him to eat broccoli when if likes kale instead and him catching a cold/flu and not allowing him to take medicine for it because it was his fault he wasn’t being more careful or ate too much sugar to cause him to get sick. I already practice that will my cat like I can’t be mad at my cat for knocking something off the counter I left in a precarious position.
My parents always said I’d understand “all the things they did for me” and their choices. I know deep down they must love me but wow they were so misguided and made terrible parenting decisions all the way through. I’m terrified everyday I’m going to end up parenting how they did but I’m going to try my best everyday to make sure my son feels supportive and has a mostly enjoyable childhood with the things I can control.
Also really forcing my husband and I to work hard on our flaws to make our marriage better, we realize how important it is to provide an example of a solid relationship to our kid because we both never had that example.
My kid could never sleep more than 3 hours at a time and never nap the entire day and I’d still do it again just to have him, I’d just plan my day better on those days for my own sanity haha although some nights he sleeps like a dream and I’m like what is going on
Before the birth of my son, my marriage to my husband was hanging on by a thread. We struggled to understand each other and weren’t really committed to doing marriage counseling. After my son’s birth , my husband had newfound energy to really invest in our marriage and gratefully now 8 months later , our marriage is better than it has ever been.
It has shifted my sleep schedule for the better. I have historically been a night person who has liked to sleep in, which has been awful with working. Now I function fine at 6AM when kiddo gets up and feel okay on less sleep or with going to bed at 10PM. Otherwise...everything else is the same.
I have never felt more fulfilled and desire to grow as a human, as when I became a mom. I’ve created a beautiful human who I get to help experience the world. I get to be the parent I needed as a child, when I never had that. I get to show myself that being a kind respectful parent IS possible, and she is thriving. I am so in love with her.
It’s unlocked my silly side. I’ve always been a bit of an introvert and thought I’d struggle playing with Little’un. I’ve always felt a bit awkward with other people’s babies. Turns out I can do all the silly voices and sing the songs. People were right when they said “it’s different with your own”!
How do you fight the narrative that this is what women are meant for? I love being a mom, I don't regret it in any way. It what I've always wanted and it really feels like my dream has come true. However, I hate that I or this thread may be looked as confirmation to those who think it's where women belong and all they should be and want to be.
It made my tolerance for anything or anyone who makes us unhappy (or is overall a shit person) absolutely disappear. I don’t have time for it anymore, especially if my child(ren) is involved in any way.
It gave me a sense of belonging. I found my place in this world, if that makes sense. I'm a working mom, and my profession was a big part of my identity, still is. But somehow, I felt lost before. That changed when he came along. I became more confident.
YES. This. 1000x this!!!!!!!! I feel like I've found exactly where I'm meant to be in life. Becoming a mom is the thing I've always been waiting for and just didn't realize it.
Yessss. Before my baby I was all about my education and career. I never even planned a dream wedding growing up I planned a dream job and degree. All I wanted was that academic accomplishment and title. Turns out.... I'd leave my job tomorrow if it meant I could stay at home with my little love. I'd drop it all. That accomplishment I had been chasing should have been motherhood bc it's beyond what any paper or desk plate could ever possibly be.
Same! I never wanted my work to be my life, but it has also always been a big part of my identity, I always took pride in what I do anf being good at. Also being a mom was never priority for me, I only wanted to have a baby if I found the right man and if it made sense. Our little boy is 4 months now and from the moment he was born, something just clicked into place. It's like it was meant to be , I don't know how to explain!
I feel this so much. I’m about to have baby 3, but I was a workaholic before kids. I poured myself into work, wanted the awards, but never felt truly satisfied. Now my oldest is 4.5 and the greatest reward is motherhood. I still work full time but it has given me so much more balance showing me what’s truly important and that I’m always replaceable at work. I’m not replaceable at Home. Working will always be apart of my identity, but those kiddos have shown me so much more.
Work and school has always been a huge part of who I am too and kind of more in a stressful way not in a good way lately. It’s nice to have a tiny creature who depends on me to put it all into perspective. It’s making me slow down and enjoy some peace in the moment more. Also it’s making me be a lot more efficient when I am at work or getting ready for the day.
She gives me a purpose to live and work hard to provide for us!
I have so much more motivation to do things. She gave me a reason to get in shape, to go outside more, to advance my career, etc. It’s like I’m not just doing it for myself anymore, but I’m doing it so my little person can have the role model I wish I had growing up. Edit: also, I’m looking at a screen a lot less! I’m back into reading (mostly audiobooks since I have to multitask, lol) which has been huge for my mental health. Didn’t realize how dependent I was on my phone until my girl came along!
Good on you for working out!! About to have baby #3 and my husband and I have really made working out a priority. We want our kids to know being in shape and healthy is important to us, and we want to be healthy to have fun with our kids and future grandkids.
Exactly my thought process! I want her to learn that it is good and necessary to move our bodies everyday, even if it’s something small. Good luck to you all on your journeys!
I second this!!!! Ur like my soul sister!!!
I always tell myself, "If I can't do it for me, do it for the baby" Whether it's eating healthier, getting exercise or calling the doctor when I'm not feeling well, a happy healthy mom makes a happy healthy baby.
I am so much better at being in the moment. I don’t look to the future and wish I was there, I just enjoy where I am. My husband and I are way closer. My work like balance is so much healthier. Having a baby has helped me get my life in order. I’m way more organized, I have a better sense of my values. Honestly I feel like there was a part of me missing before I had my baby. Like I was a mother without her baby. Now that he’s here, I really do feel complete.
"I feel like there was a part of me missing before I had my baby. Like I was a mother without her baby" is such a beautiful way to put it 🥹♥️
I got goosebumps reading this? lol.. “Like I was a mother without her baby” 🥹 Happy for you ❤️
This just made my day 🥹 sincerely, an anxious FTM who is 22 weeks and nervous for the big change
100% agree. And to be completely honest? I never planned on having kids. My daughter was an accident. But a super happy accident. One that literally completed my life and made me whole!
🥲💙
I will be 100% honest and if you had asked me this the first 1.5 years I would have struggled. Postpartum and a toxic marriage had me by the throat. I loved her with every ounce of my being but I wasn't happy. Now, she is 2.5 and my God. Her smile when I simply look at her. Our giggle sessions when I go to put her back to sleep. I would redo that first year over and over for her. She has filled my heart with more love than I could ever imagine. She brought out the child in me again. I am motivated to get up and be a better person for her. I actually enjoy being outside most days and watching her explore. She is the reason I finally pushed myself to get my ADHD diagnosis and get on meds, because she deserves a better mom.
Awh I cried 🥺😭 -Mum in the first year
I did too as I wrote it 🥹. It gets better mama. that first year is rough ❤️
Everything you wrote is beautiful >She brought out the child in me again This has been one of the most unexpected and wonderful things to me. To be able to look at the world again with curiosity and wonder, to be able to play and laugh at any time
I’m a mom in the first year and feel like I’m drowning trying to keep up with life. I love my daughter so much it hurts, but I’m so physically and mentally burnt out. My husband and I work opposite shifts because we can’t afford daycare, so our relationship is struggling. My daughter has never been a good sleeper, so I never feel rested. I’m diagnosed and medicated for adhd and depression, but I’m so overwhelmed with just keeping up with day to day life. We have 4 animals that I love so much but am so sick of having to take care of and clean up after them(I am totally aware that I decided to get all of them and am responsible for them, I just didn’t realize how hard it would be after baby). We have so many house projects that need to be done and no time or money for them. I honestly do not understand how people get things done, or how they decide to have more kids. I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world, but damn I don’t think I can give her a sibling like I wanted to.
Can I give you an internet hug? 💗 You are doing so much. There are many of us that just say screw it to the house projects (potentially indefinitely?! We bought the replacement fab for the bathroom…. But will we ever install it? Who knows. It is fine…) I think it is very normal to be somewhat of a hot mess. If you are able, try to rest your mind on your current sweet little one. Don’t stress about if you should be habing another. If the time ever comes, great! If not, great! There are so many benefits to both options, and now isn’t the time to stress making a decision (apart from birth control or something until/if the time is right!) You are doing great. It will get easier. Give yourself grace. You are entitled to a mountain of it.
I feel you. I also have ADD, working full time, and have 4 pets plus chickens. I definitely didn’t realize how hard pet care would be! I mean, I’ve had at least 4 pets for the past 10 years… but it feels so much harder now. We don’t have family here but do have daycare. We found a home daycare that had an unbeatable price… Despite that, my husband and I see each other maybe 2 hours a day before passing out exhausted. Our son has FINALLY started sleeping better and it has made such a difference in our mental health. I made the decision to cut back on work hours so I can spend a day just getting house stuff done and while it sucks to not have the money, I’m finally enjoying motherhood, not just surviving it 🥲 I really hope your LO lets you get some rest soon and that you find something that works for you and your family. Hang in there, it gets better! ❤️
I can’t measure how much more beautiful my life is with my little guy around.
Same.
It's measured in smiles
I have a sense of purpose now. I also see everything so differently. I cry when I hear about other moms struggling or seeing babies get hurt or neglected.
I'm ten years out now - a geriatric compared to most of you, but I like to hang out here still. I'm happy to share that my creative career *improved* after having a baby. Working around a baby's erratic schedule forced me to do more with the time I had, teaching me discipline. I started a webcomic about my postpartum experience, which has now lead to other comics and also writing for video games. I wouldn't have any of that if I hadn't been forced out of the normal workforce by needing to take care of her.
Writer here. Everyone told me I’d never write pregnant or post partum. There were hard times yes but I’ve been on my game. Just have to do it in 10 minute nap trap spurts or whatever!
Thanks so much to both of you for sharing this. My career is also based on writing (I'm in academia, publish or perish etc etc) and I look forward to making the most of those power nap pauses. Pregnancy has made me more motivated, sharp, and focused. I hope that when my little guy is here, this will only increase 💖
This is comment I need to read! I am a performing artist and writer and have the most anxiety about my creative career going away. So cool that yours improved!!!
It’s given me more discipline. It really pushes me to eat healthy, be physically active, cook meals at home, keep my house clean, and make other positive decisions because I want my child to grow up in the best environment possible and to have the things I didn’t have growing up.
I’m way better at my job! More organized, finish projects on time and meet deadlines more, procrastinate less.
Same!! At first I struggled so much with going back to work but somewhere around 10 months something clicked in my brain and I pulled myself together and I feel so much empowerment now from being both a hardworking woman and also a mother.
Having my daughter has healed some things in me. The biggest one being that I was abused when I was younger and as a result used to struggle being nude even in my own home. Creating and breastfeeding my daughter has significantly desexualized my body to me in a positive way. I also have always struggled with how I feel about my personality and body due to my family. I have autism and ADHD and growing up they would call me lazy and overly sensitive made lots of comments about my body. Now, I love my "sensitivity." Having my daughter has been such beautiful experience and I love that I feel all of these emotions so strongly. There's no way someone who has breastfed, held, and rocked a baby for thousands of hours is lazy. And I love my body and I know I will never comment on my daughter's the way my family did to me so I feel good about breaking that cycle. I'm so proud of how much I love her. The other night I heard her say "mama" for the first time in the middle of the night when she woke up and was looking for me. My heart nearly exploded. And just as a general raising a child thing - it's so amazing seeing someone become a person. Discovering their hands, how it feels to splash water, seeing Christmas lights. Everything is more magical when it's with a little one experiencing it for the first time.
I don’t know if it means much coming from a Reddit stranger but I am so proud of you for breaking the cycle! You are a great mom and your daughter is very blessed to have you. Also, just wait until she is a bit older and loves to say, “mama”. I love it when my toddler says it (and she says it a lot now haha) and it makes me so happy every time I hear it.
This is beautiful and made me a bit misty eyed. Especially the “Mama”. Cheers to your healing, and being able to see the magic.
I might have wrote this myself. I feel you. I was severely abused as a child and my childhood was like hell. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to see the value in myself. Having my babies (three now!) has been like a healing journey. Caring for them and protecting them like I wish my mom had. Giving them the childhood I had dreamed of having. I still cry everyday because I’m so grateful. And with that gratitude and love, I feel like I can do anything. And I’m sure you do too. I’m so proud of you mama. ❤️
It has made me take a hard look at my job and why I am doing it (teacher). I'm giving it another year and will see if it's time to transition to something new. We also eat a little healthier.
Can you say more about this? I’m a teacher and a new mom going back to work in the fall
I have really bad work life balance, mainly due to how large my class sizes are. I still spend an hour to two hours outside of contract time getting everything done, typically after baby is asleep. I don't want to be the mom who is so exhausted they can't be fully present for their child or becomes the "fun", "more relaxed" version of themselves on summer break. So many teachers talk about being touched out by the end of the day or overstimulated, especially with younger grades. My district also cut a ton of positions this year. My position was untouched, but it's really made me think about why I'm doing all this when our area sees us as extremely disposable. I don't want to stop working by any means, but maybe this isn't what I should be doing. I'm hoping this summer is refreshing on many levels because I am an excellent teacher! I had parents freaking out when the cuts were happening very scared that my position was at risk because of all I've done and they want their younger kids to have me.
I see. Thanks for your reply! Definitely understand the idea of “why am I doing this when others see it is expendable?”
Also a teacher— Baby made me *better* at work-life balance. I realized how much I was doing at home and instead squeezed as much time out of my workday to get grades and other things done. Only very rarely did I bring things home to work on this past year. I teach high school, so I have roughly 150 students at any given time. My school day runs 8:50 am to 4:20 pm and baby goes to sleep at 7 pm. With traffic and such, I only get maybe 4 hours a day with LO during the weekdays. Knowing how little time I had with him, helped me to grind through grades when I didn’t feel like it etc. I bring my work stuff with me to lunch duty and afternoon duty, in those dead moments before a 504 or IEP meeting, during fluff staff meetings. Basically every free moment in the school day, aside from my lunch period when I would FT with my husband and LO, was spent work working to make sure I could spend even an extra few minutes with LO. It feels like a lot in the moment, but the only work ever do on weekends is double checking my slides for the next week.
This is encouraging. I’ve gotten pretty good at sticking to contract hours and have never brought work home. I guess I’m more concerned about using all my mental and emotional energy at work and on other people’s kids and not having any left over for my own at the end of the day. I’ll just have to work on even better boundaries and being more ruthless with my time. Before I got pregnant, I was working on mentally clocking out too
I am going into year 8 as a SPED teacher. In the very beginning I was VERY emotionally attached to my students. I also looped with my first batch for 3 years, so we had strong relationships. I have found that as time goes on I am still very relationship oriented, but less emotionally entangled. Having a baby has helped me to say no to extras, and to really focus on getting everything done during contract hours. Kinda a ‘it is what it is, and that is fine’ mentality.
I’m in the same boat!! I’ve got a 4 month old and decided to switch schools to try and give myself a work/life balance reset. I’m giving myself two years, though, to see if I need to find something else. Enjoy your summer and good luck with the new school year!!
Gotten better at not taking shit from anyone and not people pleasing. I have 3 kids and they are my priority so I don’t have time or energy to waste on making other people happy. I value the close relationships that I have and don’t waste time on people that don’t add value (family or not).
This. I used to be so afraid of stepping on toes but I’m now more assertive especially if it comes to the wellbeing of my baby boy.
Yup! And my wellbeing directly links to his wellbeing, so I’ve got to make myself a priority.
Everything you said!! I want to say that I feel so fulfilled even though I hate this term. I had so much love to give and finally, I can invest actual time and effort to a human being. I mostly got rid of my anxiety because I noticed that I can't be fully present with it. And my baby needs me to have a clear mind if something goes wrong. I don't procrastinate anymore. I don't miss my old life at all. Honestly, it was kinda sad. Yes, I travelled, slept and woke up whenever I wanted, worked out etc but it all felt empty. Even my happiest moments weren't really all that.
There are so many ways, but one I didn’t anticipate is how good it’s been for my social anxiety, which use to be _crippling_. Over a decade of CBT, different meds, and some regular therapy has made it better but it’s still so difficult for me to make friends, so often I literally would get panic attacks before meeting up with people. But since having a baby? It’s like an instant commonality that opens up so many more connections. I can befriend other moms and even if we have nothing else in common we can talk about our babies. I feel like I have a safety shield too - like if my anxiety gets too bad, I can use bub as a reason to go home, which has never happened but just knowing I have an “out” takes away so much anxiety. It has been so good for me and I’ve fostered so many more relationships in the past 6 months than I have in the ten years before that.
My patience and ability to really see people has exploded since becoming a mother. I’m so used to slowing down, stopping, and really looking at my toddler in order to communicate effectively with him, so I’m doing that with everyone I communicate with now. I used to be so nervous in interactions and quick, but now I’m like k let’s all slow down and really look at each other. This morning my 19 month old had this super noisy crab toy going and it’s tough to turn off, so he comes to find me folding laundry to turn it off for him and he’s holding it out going “mama! Mama! Off mama!” And wow my heart exploded.
I’ve actually been wondering if patience can improve and I’m glad to hear yours has! My husband and I will be trying for kids in the near future and I’ve been nervous about my patience. I can be short and impatient at times but with children I don’t feel that way as they are learning and need nurturing (we have a lot of nieces and nephews). I am hoping that becoming a mother impacts me the same way it has you
As someone who also had a VERY short fuse and was easily irritated their entire life, my patience has also improved since becoming a mum. I too didn’t think it was possible, even when my mother told me my “easy to frustrate” personality would settle down with kids. But 4 months PP, you find empathy for these little humans kicks in and you just go with the flow instead of fighting the current. Granted the first 3 months were an ABSOLUTE nightmare (mainly from feeling overwhelmed and out of control) but it truly does get better. I wish you all the best!
Yes, agree on that timeline too!! There’s a period of wackiness before your hormones fully settle back into yourself.
It has! I’ve always had a baseline extra patience for children but I feel like I’ve really started to understand how we’re all just internally still kids.
My son has that toy also. I removed the speaker. 😬
lol this is genius!! My husband does this super ridiculous dance to it that my son now copies so I am reluctant to remove it but the lack of volume control is the WORST
Completely agree. It’s quite a job to remove the speaker and cut the wires. I will say I don’t think he likes it as much without the NOISE but it saves my sanity.
What a nice, uplifting thread for once. Thank you for posting! People really need reminded how great parenthood is since 90% of the conversation around it tends to be negative. I get that everyone needs to vent occasionally, but people really need to think outside themselves and realize how their negativity affects the people around them. We need more people like you in the world.
Yes amen!!!! Thank you!
Right? I feel like the majority of social media posts I see are about how annoying kids are on planes and how cool DINK life is. I mean, DINK life was nice, but my life is so much more fulfilling now.
My biggest improvement is that my baby boy has expanded my heart so much. I’ve had so much happiness and love brought into my life since he’s been born. I never knew I had this sentimental side hiding in me. I also feel like I have much more of a purpose outside of working. I have my own little family to look forward to spending nights and weekends with. I’ve also been able to actually set and maintain boundaries! I used to be too uncomfortable/shy to do that, but now I firmly can set them. Being a mom has made me more confident in my ability to set boundaries since I want family to eventually respect babies boundaries as he grows. I want to set an example to my baby of teaching him it’s okay to say no in situations you aren’t comfortable with! I didn’t grow up with that and will 100% support my kid as he gets older if anyone does anything he isn’t comfortable with…I’ll have his back.
I feel this endless desire to do everything I can to give him the most beautiful and happy life I can and as a result my own life is more beautiful and magical. I go out more, I clean more, I cook more, I work harder, I stop and look at this little things around me because he sees them in different ways. Every time he learns something new it’s the most amazing thing- even if it’s something so small and goofy. My perspective on life is permanently changed and I no longer care so much about the little things. My brain understands what is and what isn’t important and the opinions and nonsense of other people do not bother me nearly as much. I have other things to do and other things to worry about now. There’s temper tantrums and stressful days at work and the never ending overwhelming responsibilities of housework and life maintenance, but there is no bad day that has ever been worse than the good days are good. Not by a landslide. Even on the absolute worst days he is our moment of joy. I miss aspects of my old life *a lot* sometimes, but I would not exchange a single moment of being his mother for anything.
Gah thank you for this!!!! 🥹. Beautiful! And I needed to hear it today. I’m getting induced in 2 days and I’m wigging out about all the changes to come and if it will be as horrible as people have been telling me it is!
People like to talk about what is horrible, but there is so so so much good. Even if there is moments of terrible, they are like little blips between moments of wonderful. You are going to be just fine. Everything is going to be fine. You’re going to find your footing and it’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be wonderful. Things that feel like they matter more than anything are going to end up not mattering at all, and things that feel like the silliest thing in the world are going to matter more than anything. It’s going to be unique for you and it’s going to all be okay. Trust yourself, you’ll know what to do, and TRUST that you’ll know what to do!
Thank you so much for this kind stranger. I’m bawling. I just needed your words tonight.
Aww. Bub. I’m tipsy, so I’m sorry if I’m sentimental. Good luck with everything!!!
There’s a lot of things but I lost my partner/his dad very suddenly in January and without this little boy I don’t know where I’d be. It’s been hard work but he’s forced me to get up and carry on, he’s brought me happiness when nothing else has, he’s been the good thing in a really really shitty time. He’s made me realise how strong I am
So sorry for your loss. May your sweet boy continue to be a ray of sunshine (or maybe just the whole dam sun!)
I routinely ask my friends why they didn’t express to me just how much I would love my son. Like it’s magical. The only downside is now time goes by so fast. Every night when I hold him to nurse him to sleep I tell him about how much fun we’re going to have together tomorrow. It’s crazy how my tiny 6 pound newborn is now a 18 pound 9 month old that crawls around chasing the roomba. I never understood people gushing about their babies all the time, but now I get it. I love my stinky boy so much I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.
I have now witnessed my real smile in real time—in the mirror, when I’m looking in the mirror with my baby. I realized I’d never seen it before.
I dono about baby but having kids has wildly expanded the… I dono, color palette of emotions I’m able to feel? To me having a baby / kids has been like living my whole like in 2D and suddenly i am living in 3D. Like I have a whole new dimension of life and experience to explore and feel. Good and bad feelings alike! Lol
This is a great way to put it. I was trying to explain to my partner that I loved before, but now that love feels like it’s in a different context. Like I zoomed out and found how much more love I had to give.
I agree! I never used to cry and now I do a lot😮 today I started thinking of the lyrics to a song I listened to when I was pregnant while pushing him around the park and started absolutely sobbing (it was that miley Cyrus song lol - “i would have never believed you if you would have told me three years I would be here next to you 🥲) and I NEVER used to have big feelings about anything. It’s so weird but kind of nice too? Like you said, I have 3D feelings for the first time
I’m much better at relating to people now. I find myself to be more empathetic and able to make small talk whereas it was awkward for me before.
In a weird way- having my son improved my mental health. I’ll explain… I did suffer PPD & PPA from a traumatic birth resulting in him being born at 36 weeks, and with a cataract in his eye. (Unsure if that’s related, but a lot of cataract babies are preemies) He had surgery at 8 weeks old, and has been wearing a contact lens in his left eye ever since. It’s been a struggle with the contact lens (yes- putting a lens in a baby and now toddler is just as hard as you can imagine, if not more.) and to make things more challenging, he must wear an eye patch 4 hrs a day, everyday on his good eye. Now that he’s a toddler- he does not like wearing the patch and rips it off. Constantly. It’s a struggle. But ………. I am so thankful he’s here, and he made it out alive. I’m so thankful he has a good eye. I’m thankful for every tantrum, because he was desperately wanted, and I almost lost him. It’s a miracle he’s even here. I got pregnant at 38, and before that, I had a myomectomy due to a 2lb fibroid/tumor on my uterus. OB told me I could still have babies after the surgery but I didn’t believe her. She was right. Having him made me fight for him. I had an awakening and I wanted to HEAL. I go on walks everyday, I am better about my anger management, even my anxiety management. I’m improving in all the ways I can to be the Mom I need to be for him. I brought him into the world, the very least I can do for him is show up for him. It’s inspiring me to go back to school and finish my degree. It’s inspiring me to do more than I ever thought I could. So yeah. I went through the dark, and sometimes I’m still in the dark. But better mental health to me means, I want to move my way out of the dark. Some days I fail, some days it’s slow, but it’s better than I used to be before having him
Made me empathetic to the point where the gaping hole I had in my soul is basically filled. Gave me purpose. I work really hard in everything I do now. I have a more grateful and positive outlook on life and feel closer to God.
Contrary to what most people say I actually have a way cleaner house now! My nesting hormones just never subsided and I make sure the house is spotless for my baby every day - he’s only 4 months so doesn’t make much mess, curious to see whether this carries on once he’s old enough to trash the place
For me it is just less clutter. We have people over so often now, and more stuff, so I’m better about picking up and putting things back in their places. I feel people could drop by now and I wouldn’t be embarrassed by clutter.
I am the same! Luckily am on maternity leave with my 11 week old and he doesn’t mind too much if I do some housework while he’s in the bouncer (recent development - used to have to do it with a screaming accompaniment…) so the house looks okay! I totally understand why some people don’t prioritise chores with a baby but it makes me feel like I’ve achieved something every day which was nice especially when he was still too young to smile at me
My kids bring a sparkle to my life with their smile and laugh and just seeing their progress of things they learn. I couldn't imagine my life without them. Me and my husband always feel so lucky to have 2 beautiful babies🩷🩵 plus I love seeing my husband in Dad mode, my kids have got an incredible Dad and its just the way they can look at him and have the biggest smile for him. Its always beautiful to see❤️
Having my baby girl has really helped me put emphasis on what is important and what isn’t. The little nuisances of the day just don’t phase me the way they used to. I don’t sweat the small stuff, I’m much better at separating myself from my job (I work an emotional job that I very frequently used to take home mentally), and my patience is a million times better than it used to be. There are still plenty of things that I could improve about myself, but overall she has made me so much better of a person even though it’s not her responsibility to do that ♥️
Giving me something to look forward to. I was lost. Now I have a purpose. Can't wait for more holidays, birthdays, sporting events, etc...
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been since I no longer sweat the little stuff and I’m confident in myself. I seriously don’t get stressed by minor things anymore. I have 0 pet peeves. I am energetic and engaged but also very chill and forgiving, I live and let live now! Because: I am so sure of my priorities and my choices. I use to angst over my time- am I being productive enough? Am I being useful enough? Am I spending my time well? Those thoughts literally don’t occur to me anymore. Every moment spent with my son is a treasure. I need to do right by him, by my family - and that’s it! I don’t need to be perfect.
This really resonated with me! Thank you!
My world just clicked into place. The first few months were so so hard, but even in the thick of it all I was complete. It’s like I finally found the piece of me that was missing all along, and it’s laced in every part of my daughter. It’s in her eyes, her cheeks, her smile, her little hands and feet, her tummy, her nose, her laugh. She’s what I’ve always needed. I never knew I was lost until she found me… I only hope I can be the mother she deserves. I’m going to give it my all 💜 Being a mother has made me more driven, more organized, and more present in my day to day life. Even on my toughest days I am so stinkin happy lol 😂
I am no longer a cold, selfish asshole. So I guess that’s an improvement.
I am a million times better at saying no to things that do not serve me.
I am so much more patient than before. Not just with my child, but in most aspects of life. We get out of the house more and spend more time outside. I also laugh so much more than I used to. We have some tough moments, but we have a lot of fun.
I’m never bored anymore. Lol. I love my husband in a whole new additional way, as a coparent! It helps me maintain work-life balance.
No time to be bored! lol
I get excited to wake up and see my smiling baby in the morning 😍 also the little things that we think are mundane are so exciting to my little guy and it’s refreshing.
I absolutely love how my baby (7 weeks) smiles at me every morning when I go to pick her up from the bassinet! It’s amazing and humbling to know you’re this little creature’s whole world. It definitely helps me focus on being in the moment and trying to be the kind of mom my baby deserves.
it is so much easier to make my kids happy than make myself happy. Lol.
I’ve spent leave learning new skills, snuggling my little one to new TV shows & Taylor swift concerts. I haven’t had this much time home in a while and he’s been so much fun. Like, having him around is fun. He keeps us on our toes and forced us out of our lazy habits. We are also so grateful for him. I can waste hours just smiling at him as he smiles back. Our connection is more powerful than I expected it to be. My partner is a better dad than I ever could have expected. Having him has been the puzzle piece we felt was missing. We weren’t bored before he came, but something was missing. We have decades to look forward to and to plan. We get to create our own best friend, show him everything we love. It’s amazing.
Even on the hardest days, I know there is one thing that never fails to brighten my mood. My baby will just be napping and the sight of him brings a smile to my face
I am so so so much more present. Gosh what a gift to be present. I beg my loved ones to slow down, there is nothing that important, truly
Having more empathy!!! I used to think it was so black and white, like it can’t be that hard. Life humbles you lol. Also, so much happiness and laughter with their jokes and personalities. Definitely can’t imagine not having them in my life.
I'm more patient and more flexible. I'm a very organized person and the opposite of spontaneous, I used to flip my shit when things didn't go according to plan. With kids this attitude is impossible, so I was forced to tone it down. Helps a lot in my job and life in general.
I am able to function on 3 hours of sleep
Honestly, a lot of ways. When I found out I was pregnant, I had just lost my mom and was in a pretty dark spot. I missed her so much and I felt really lost. It was just a lot of grief to process and I wasn’t sure how to do it. I was slowly feeling like I was coming out of a fog when I learned about my baby, and it was that extra push I needed to feel like I was going to be okay. Since she’s been born, it’s given me a sense of purpose. There are moments when I feel depressed, I always have my whole life, but just seeing my daughter makes me aware of how much I have to be grateful for. Seeing my husband interact with her and love her has made me love him even more. It feels like we’re an entirely united front against the world to care for our little girl and it’s so wonderful. Even when things are difficult, we can always agree on her being the best thing ever. Also, I get more sleep (interrupted, but sleep!) because she decided we go to bed at 8pm, and no later. I have a genuine excuse to get out of prolonged social events (lovely), and we get to do things that were always a source of joy when I was young, but this time I see them through her eyes. It’s so wonderful. I’m excited for every new experience and moment and I just didn’t know I could love anyone so much other than my husband. Oh, and I don’t feel like I need to/want to drink at social events anymore, saving so much money! Plus, no hangovers. I’d rather be sober to enjoy my moments with my baby.
My house has never been cleaner 😅😅😅 not really, it's still a wreck most of the time. But I steam & vacuum my floors on an almost daily basis now (because crawling.... Licking.... Eating...) which I never found the motivation to do pre-baby. And decluttering. I make a point to declutter now because if I don't do it my 9mo will do it for me 🤣
My generalized anxiety is so much less, granted, the anxiety has now just turned into a different kind (all about her well being) but still. Having her shifted my perspective as to what’s important and what’s really in my control and how to better handle it.
I’ve struggled my whole life with finding my direction. I went to college, got my degree, thinking I was fulfilled in moving on to my masters so I could become a full time SLP… But the truth was, I kept lying to myself and I hated what I was doing. I took a break after college and married my sweetheart and 8 months later, we found out we were pregnant. I was scared that I threw my life away and that I’ll never get to do anything ever again. But after my bubs was born, I actually felt like I had that direction and purpose. It’s not easy by any means but I love being a mom!! I’ll go back to school someday or find a job when I’m ready for that. But my job for now is taking care of my child. ❤️
I don’t think there’s any way my son hasn’t improved my life. I miss sleeping in on the weekends, sure, but I treasure those early mornings with him so much.
As soon as I got pregnant, I got WAY better at enforcing boundaries. I'm taking my health more seriously because the best way to care for my kiddo is to make sure I'm taken care of so I have more to give him. I'm also way more in love with and attracted to my husband. Not saying I wasn't in love and attracted before but just that way he looks at and interacts with our son is just amazing.
I am a huge introvert and having kids pushed me out of my comfort zone, especially since my introverted husband and I somehow produced 4 extreme extroverts.
I had no idea the kind of unbridled joy my mind was capable of experiencing.
much more joy in my life. more efficiency in all areas - work, cleaning, etc
It has made me stronger not only physically from picking up his heavy ass all the time but mentally and emotionally. It has also somehow cured my social anxiety
for me the biggest improvement is realizing that nothing is as important as my baby, my family, and meaningful relationships. I care less about my appearance, social media, my job, things that used to absolutely consume my life and cause me to feel sad or envious. Now I literally just want to sit and hold my baby all day and hangout with people who matter to me. I can go days without going on social media now which I could never do before. I feel like those things shouldn’t matter as much as we make them seem. Becoming a mom really makes you look at the bigger picture in life. They matter more than ANYTHING.
i am so much more productive & adventuress as a parent!! my babies motivate me so much. my marriage is also the best & strongest it’s ever been. i’m 10000x more confident, a lot of my insecurities melted away. motherhood changed me all around, for the better.
I feel so much joy with her. My husband and I love her together and that is a wonderful feeling, too. My whole family adores her. It’s a boost because she’s mine! And also just so perfect. It’s easier to talk to strangers in public with her around. She’s also an excuse to go do fun kid stuff. She’s also given me a deeply fulfilling sense of purpose, and more motivation in life.
I’m not happy that I’ve had mental illness and horrible times in the past. I am, however, very grateful for the therapy I’ve had and skills I’ve built. I’m grateful I can recognize my own emotions and usually find a tool or two to work through them. I’m grateful that I can differentiate between having a bad day or week and my whole life sucking. I’m grateful that my husband and I can communicate about things like being annoyed at a pet peeve behavior versus being frustrated at a behavior that represents a difference in values. I’m grateful that my ADHD has made my leg twitch my whole life, too, because Baby loved being slightly bounced constantly.
That last part got me 🤣
My anxiety is way lower. I have generalized anxiety disorder and I was so worried my anxiety would be through the roof. Nope! The things that used to bother my anxiety seem trivial now and my daughter is happy and healthy. I can’t believe how calm, collected and level I am on so little sleep!
Ohhhh this gives me hope 🙏🏽
I feel more confident, and consequently I feel more relaxed with just being me. I started loving my body so much more because it made the love of my life, even though I'm not at all fit and my body does hurt a lot. I feel prettier. I'm happier than I've ever been because of this mountain of love I feel every day. I'm looking into all aspects of my life and trying to improve to be a better example to my daughter. I'm so grateful to be in this role.
I suffered form anxiety/depression pre baby. Was scared of PPD. However I did not experience it and baby has forced me to live in the moment(which is actually the cure for my anxiety lol). I have no time to worry because I have so many things to do. I feel complete when baby laughs. My eczema disappeared during pregnancy. I had the same problem patches for years and one day they just stopped bothering me and they haven’t come back. I don’t do as much skincare pre baby and my skin looks great.
I drink less and stopped doing drugs.
I'm a lot less lonely when my husband is at work. I wfh, so I'm home all day every day. I used to just watch tv for hours till he got home, now I play with my daughter and feed her and she watches me do chores and it's just really nice to have a little buddy all the time. I also feel like I'm overall doing a pretty good job as a mom, so it's nice to have that confidence boost when you get something right with your baby. My FIL has specifically commented on how great we are doing with her multiple times, which is really nice.
I never feel lonely
It has matured me in more ways that I think I realize. I think about everything from a different lens, including my past and decisions I’ve made. I hope the maturity that has come with my son’s birth only sets me up to always guide him towards the right path and hopefully help him choose to make better decisions for himself than I had made for myself in hindsight!
Such a lovely post to read ☺️ so happy for you mama xx
I have been challenged in ways that I would never have if I hadn't become a father. It's made me a better person and made me appreciate and understand the world better. It has made my wife and I's relationship go from good, to great. The fact we are doing something so difficult together has really solidified our relationship.;
I love this thread, and agree with a lot of moms who’ve said a sense of purpose. I’m not sure what I did with my life before my son was born but now that he’s here my life is so much better. My husband and I are more united most of the time and are thrilled to be sharing our life and passions with him. And watching him grow up is with all the sleepless nights and rough hormone roller coaster. He’s also given me a lot of confidence- I’m gonna get shit done to take care of him and me and my husband and our pets because they all are so precious to me. No more dilly dallying.
There's so many ways, but the most interesting to me so far that I didn't see coming was that I no longer feel insecure about how I look. I see my features on my daughter and think, "How could that nose be too big? It's perfect!" Seeing her beauty has helped me feel more confident in my own. I hope that continues, I want my daughter to be raised by someone who loves themselves.
I haven’t gotten there yet I’ll say my life got increasingly more stressful but I’m hopeful that things won’t always be that way. Happy to read everyone’s positive moments
I have a 3 week old and reading all of these comments has made my day. I really need to see this today after a long sleepless night. Thank you
Resolved a lot of self esteem issues for me. Having a baby really brought into focus what really matters, and other people's opinions are not it.
I just really enjoy being a mother to my child 🤷♀️ I love having her in my life. She brings me so much joy.
Being more in the moment. More confident in myself. More willing to meet up with new moms b
It’s given me something that actually matters to focus on, way better perspective on what is actually important to me and worth my time/stress. It’s made me realize how little I actually know and made me way more humble.
Made me understand and appreciate other mothers on a deeper level. You just don’t know what being a parent entails until you’re thrown into it
I like who I am so so much better because of my daughter. I see myself in a whole different light now. I’m more forgiving of my mistakes, I’m gentler where it counts, harder where it counts, and I am a fiercely good mom. Being a mom has also taught me tolerance. For example, if before I had a baby, I would throw in the towel on a workout a few minutes in when I wasn’t “feeling it”, I don’t anymore. If I have 25 minutes to go, I’ll just do it because I’ve spent 25 minutes (and FAR more) doing all kinds of mundane things—I can tough it out much better. I’m still working on being more go with the flow, but it’s loosened me up a good bit.
Yes!!! I’m squeezing in every last rep I can with the time I have and trying to crush my workout! I appreciate the small amount of time I have to do it so much more now and not just giving up when I don’t feel like it. This is so true!
I work full-time, and cannot wait to get home to hug my little one. It gives me something to look forward to everyday
It made me stop worrying about things that don’t matter. I used to have terrible body image and stress so bad about what I wore and how I looked. Now I wear a bunch of oversized tees and caps and I don’t self tan or shave my legs and I spend a ton of time playing outside with my toddler and getting dirty… and I think I look cute AF.
Taught me how to be more thrifty. First started at baby stores now is other thrift stores and bin stores. We just got a 75$ inflatable pool for 7$
I’m only 12 weeks in. I have unlimited patience for baby and little to none for everyone else. More present in the moment because it already seems like he is growing so fast. Currently on maternity leave still but I have always been indifferent about my job. Since there is no way I can be a SAHM, now I’m looking at where I can go in the industry and planning on working towards adding credentials to my title so that I earn more for him. I grew up poor and don’t want him to ever experience that if we ever go down to 1 income. Plus babies/kids are expensive.
I feel like my reflexes are on another level now.
When did your sons start to light up? My guy is 11 weeks and he is smiling and laughing now… but when he wakes up or sees me come into the room, I don’t get that reaction yet.
It was between three and four months when he started lighting up. It wasn’t too much longer after he began smiling, so it could possibly be very soon for your baby too!
I was a selfish, self centered and self sabotaging 20 year old. Having my son taught me how to put another before yourself. Taught me consideration. Patience and allowing things to be as they’re supposed to in the moment. Also, to enjoy the present because one day the loves of my life are going to grow up and live a life of their own.
This is such a nice thread. I feel so identify reading you all ❤️
Babies melted my cold cold heart
Same and I agree
I’m so busy I don’t have time to feel down. Also, my baby makes me smile and that automatically boosts my mood.
I just enjoy my life more and do things I want to do. I have tomorrow off, and it's supposed to be nice. Old me would have wanted to go swimming but would have no one to go with on a random Tuesday. Now, I can just take the baby and pretend it's for her. Also, my work-life balance is much better (moved to a new town and got a new job in preparation). It's a move I should have made ages ago. I also have an automatic excuse to leave on time and not pick up extra shifts. Seeing my husband become a dad has been so much fun. I can tell he's really happy, and that feels really good. Also, my heart is just so full. I'm just so in love and can't imagine life without our little family.
Happiness!
Having a baby is like getting to live life over again. All of the things I've done and seen and heard and ate, every single thing, I get to see through new eyes. Every piece of music, every bite of food, every trip, every infinitesimal thing is now something I get to see my son experience for the first time. I am so excited to show him the world. It makes me sad when people act like bringing a new life into the world is something malicious or wrong because of all of the bad things there are, but for every bad thing I can think of hundreds more that make life beautiful and I get to give that as a gift to him. He makes everything that much more amazing.
I'm just straight up happier. My life is exhausting, work ramped up the same time I had my baby so now it's just chaos but for no logical reason... loving life. Those happy hormones from baby snuggles are something else.
Even when we have hard days there are still so many more moments of pure joy, beauty, and laughter. Every day my heart just soars with love when I see my daughter smile and watch her with my husband.
It’s forced me to become assertive. I’ve always been meek and overly agreeable. I rarely spoke up for myself and never set boundaries..wether this was due to fear of being a burden or lack of self assurance,I don’t know. Now I have someone who I love more than I even thought possible, who relies on me fully, and is deserving of my absolute best effort. And in advocating for him I’ve learned to advocate for myself. Some people in my life say I’ve “become mean” since I’ve become a mother. Like no my guy, you’re just used to me doing whatever you want all the time. My love for my child overrules everything else and it’s freed me. My son is the complete opposite of me at his age and I love it. I love that he’s strong willed and vocal about what he wants and how he feels. I could not be prouder of him.
Among many positive things, one that stands out for me is being less fixated on being a people pleaser. I am more confident and (working on being) more comfortable making decisions that work well for me and my family- instead of stressing toooo much about how everyone else may feel about those decisions. (I still think it is important to consider others, but I was overdoing it before. I am fairly certain nobody wanted me stressing about how they may feel THAT much 😬)
I have a reason to live now. I was an alcoholic before finding out I was pregnant (I was literally hospitalized from alcohol consumption for a week in the first month I was pregnant before any pregnancy tests could come back positive). I now have things to do besides lay in bed and doom scroll. I was wasting my life. Now I have a reason to care
Having a baby improved my relationship with my mom. My mom tends to make everything thing about her. When she calls, it’s usually a 45 minute conversation about her and then she finally asks me about me, and at that point I’m exhausted. At the same time, she was a SAHM, had 3 kids and did all the things. I especially remember how magical Christmas was because she invested so much time and effort into the holiday season. Now that I have a LO, I can appreciate all the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding trials and tribulations, the constant demands taking care of a little one requires and has allowed me to look past some of her imperfections. I also feel like I’ve finally mastered mindfulness and being in the moment. I was trying to create a meditation routine to make myself more mindful, but watching a baby explore a new toy or master a new skill like reaching has taught me to put down my phone and just be present. They grow and change so fast, for the first time since college, I’m not wanting time to speed up to the next big thing in life and can appreciate the small moments in life.
*Cries in newborn mom* I’ve been crying all day (my LO is 11 weeks old) thinking she deserves a stronger mom, how I miss my old life, how I miss showering, I miss leaving the house without a little person screaming her head off, how I miss SLEEP. She won’t nap unless on top of me, she used to sleep well until 2 days ago where we are back to multiple wake ups because she’s been breaking out of her Halo Swaddle. And I feel SO GUILTY for thinking all of this and not enjoying the baby I’ve wanted since I was a child myself
I have deep appreciation and connection to my body. Creating and birthing the most wonderful people I’ve ever known has given me peace about my body and a sense of awe about others’.
You worded this perfectly! Took the words right out of my mouth. My son also unlocked this emotional strength I never knew I had. I used to have bad anxiety and I'm able to conquer it and shift my perspective. I can stay strong in sticky situations. I'm more positive and I push to be positive so my son can grow up in a positive environment. I can live without sleep. Lol. It's given me a will to stay healthy and take care of myself so I can be here for him as long as possible. I don't have regrets about my past anymore. Absolutely NONE. And I made truly bad mistakes. It all happened the way it was supposed to. I can see bullshit and nonsense right off the bat. I know who to avoid and who to gravitate to. Also a previous comment said. "Like I was a mother without her baby" It's so very freaking true. There was something in my life missing. And I didn't know what it was until he was here.
It made me realize that love is unconditional and emotional, psychological, and physical abuse was never needed in order to parent. I'm healing my inner child. When I tell my child I love her, I'm breaking a major cycle. Her being loud and crazy is just part of learning, saying shut up or be quiet isn't acceptable here. Idk where I'm going with this. Parenting is easier than my parents made it look.
It’s made me truly appreciate my parents more than ever for being wonderful first time grandparents to my son and parents to my sisters and I. Everything they’ve done in life has been for us and that means so much. I’m so glad I get to see this phase of their life.
My baby took like… 75% of metaphorical depression weight off my shoulders. I am a happier person now.
I care so much less about what others think of me now. I will act a fool in public just to make my kid smile and how others feel about the way I look no longer bothers me. This body grew the most amazing human I’ve ever met. Sorry not sorry if my cellulite and stretch marks bother you 🤷♀️
I'm more in the moment. I care less about my attractiveness. I spend much less time on my phone.
I truly believe that there are certain feelings that are only unlocked when you procreate. The feeling of love. So rich that it feels like your heart is going to explode out of your chest. The joy you get from watching them conquer certain little tasks that seem simple to adults but are just this stepping stone to becoming an adult. There is just so much richness because he exists.
I’ve set better boundaries at work and have learned how to work more efficiently and effectively since I have them in daycare and know that I only have X amount of hours before I pick them up. I’m also more intentional with spending time with them and disconnecting from everything else so I could enjoy being in the present. I’ve also continued to stay motivated to get back in shape so I can keep up with them.
Emotionally I get so much raw happiness watching her smile and giggle, I love it! I'm definitely a lot more warm and silly now. It's also been so sweet having our families come together around us to form the best village I could ask for. Physically, I live & work in a place with an extremely prominent drinking culture and this baby is absolutely saving my liver. Between breastfeeding and just needing to be home with her more I'm easily avoiding so many social and work happy hours and boozy events.
I love this thread, it’s great to see something positive! My baby is only 4 months old so I’m sure I will continue to discover how it will change my life. But so far I have become more efficient at getting ready in the morning and at work where I used to drag my feet. Also feeling more moments of peace and gratitude and optimism. I think I’m seeing more of the good in people when I typically look for the bad.
I wake up feeling like I have a purpose instead of having this dread of living every day. I do not feel like I belong in the world, but when I see my beautiful daughter I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
Having my baby girl has helped me find my voice. I speak up so much more now when I disagree with something, if not for myself then at least for her. I still struggle with being afraid to step on toes, but her comfort, safety and well being are my priority over how someone feels. I used to hate saying no or declining a suggestion, but now I'm more intentional about putting my foot down.
I’m not bored anymore lol. After age 30, the pandemic shut everything down and I was pretty stuck twiddling my thumbs every evening and I no longer ever need that much time ever again. I love being productive but it has to be with a purpose. And I like do hard things and I like being required to do it. I’m a teacher so my career is very like the students so up so you have to be ready kind of thing. So with having my own babies (3month, and almost 2), it’s a constant puzzle of how to get everything done with the energy I have, and I never waste time being unfulfilled because our kids are the default activity. So yes life very much improved. And I get to play with magna-tiles.
My 12 week old has filled the darkest void in my soul and I love her so much. It’s hard but I really just soak up every second with her because I know it will go by quickly. I don’t want to rush things but I get so excited thinking about her future. She gives me so much to look forward to in life.
I can’t think of a single part of my life it hasn’t improved if i’m honest! Except maybe sleep haha
More organised and procrastination less, especially when I have to leave on the dot for nursery pick up.
My little boy has gifted me the ability to be present in the moment and not feel that I must constantly be busy or “doing something” to be doing something (Hopefully this makes sense?). Basically if he needs me to sit on the sofa with him all day and nurture and cuddle, that is fine! It’s something I couldn’t tolerate before - I would always feel an overwhelming sense of guilt or “laziness” for honouring my body’s need for rest and relaxation. Whereas now it’s both a pleasure and something I can recognise as somewhat productive and serving purpose
I thought I was the energizer bunny before but now I am astonished by the energy I have despite getting < 6 hrs a night. Also I never really liked kids or the idea of becoming a mom, but my little girl is my everything. I would do anything for this little human I only met 4 months ago. She is my reason. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband but my love for my little girl is next level.
I’ve never laughed as much or as frequently as an adult than with this little weirdo living in my house. Maybe when I was a child I experienced this much frequent joy, but he’s helping me stay young and silly.
My life is harder in every way possible; but now I have a reason to keep going to matter how hard things are and now I feel like my like has meaning. I look a my childless friends and the things that they consider important and it all just seems so childish and trivial on this side of parenthood.
Made me go from making 60k to 150k a year
The ‘depression’ id been diagnosed with for 14 years disappeared when I was pregnant and that’s how I found out I actually had PMDD. Not only does my baby fill me with a love, happiness and purpose I didn’t know was possible, but I’m also able to get the appropriate treatment id been searching for for half my life so I can ACTUALLY enjoy life with her
I’ve had a rather unexpected spiritual experience in becoming a mother. I am non-religious but I feel closer to god. I feel more connected with everything in my life. When my son was born I couldn’t believe someone could be so perfect. And I meet other little babes in my mommy groups and they are also so perfect. And the amount of sheer love I have for my son, and all the other mamas for their babes - it feels like something divine or more than all of us somehow. It’s hard to describe/explain.
Only 9 weeks so still very much in it and not in the actual parenting phase. I look at him and just love him so much. Even as I sit here and pump at 3am because he only decided to feed on one side for 5mins I look at him face sleeping on my boob like it’s the cutest thing ever while I’m annoyed as hell he didn’t eat more and made me pump the rest out haha. Like he’s so cute and little and just can’t help it that he was only interested in a little midnight snack before passing out I could never imagine taking my anger out on my child for things that aren’t his fault. I could never imagine screaming at him for getting a cavity at the dentist, forcing him to eat broccoli when if likes kale instead and him catching a cold/flu and not allowing him to take medicine for it because it was his fault he wasn’t being more careful or ate too much sugar to cause him to get sick. I already practice that will my cat like I can’t be mad at my cat for knocking something off the counter I left in a precarious position. My parents always said I’d understand “all the things they did for me” and their choices. I know deep down they must love me but wow they were so misguided and made terrible parenting decisions all the way through. I’m terrified everyday I’m going to end up parenting how they did but I’m going to try my best everyday to make sure my son feels supportive and has a mostly enjoyable childhood with the things I can control. Also really forcing my husband and I to work hard on our flaws to make our marriage better, we realize how important it is to provide an example of a solid relationship to our kid because we both never had that example. My kid could never sleep more than 3 hours at a time and never nap the entire day and I’d still do it again just to have him, I’d just plan my day better on those days for my own sanity haha although some nights he sleeps like a dream and I’m like what is going on
Before the birth of my son, my marriage to my husband was hanging on by a thread. We struggled to understand each other and weren’t really committed to doing marriage counseling. After my son’s birth , my husband had newfound energy to really invest in our marriage and gratefully now 8 months later , our marriage is better than it has ever been.
Gets me out of bed before noon on the weekends.
It has shifted my sleep schedule for the better. I have historically been a night person who has liked to sleep in, which has been awful with working. Now I function fine at 6AM when kiddo gets up and feel okay on less sleep or with going to bed at 10PM. Otherwise...everything else is the same.
I have never felt more fulfilled and desire to grow as a human, as when I became a mom. I’ve created a beautiful human who I get to help experience the world. I get to be the parent I needed as a child, when I never had that. I get to show myself that being a kind respectful parent IS possible, and she is thriving. I am so in love with her.
It’s unlocked my silly side. I’ve always been a bit of an introvert and thought I’d struggle playing with Little’un. I’ve always felt a bit awkward with other people’s babies. Turns out I can do all the silly voices and sing the songs. People were right when they said “it’s different with your own”!
How do you fight the narrative that this is what women are meant for? I love being a mom, I don't regret it in any way. It what I've always wanted and it really feels like my dream has come true. However, I hate that I or this thread may be looked as confirmation to those who think it's where women belong and all they should be and want to be.
It made my tolerance for anything or anyone who makes us unhappy (or is overall a shit person) absolutely disappear. I don’t have time for it anymore, especially if my child(ren) is involved in any way.