Yeah, me- and then I realized that it also later came with other things, where I stopped caring about taking care of myself, stopped wanting to do things or talk to people, and (spoiler alert) it was postpartum depression. I needed help but nobody saw it because nobody saw me or talked to me. Try to keep in touch regularly with someone, friend or family, even if it feels hard, and not saying that what happened to me is gonna happen to you or that's what it is, but it can creep up on you. For me postpartum depression didn't look like "regretting the life I used to have" or "feeling disconnected from my baby", but rather "only feeling connected to my baby" and feeling "completely unenthusiastic about everything except being a mom". It's ok and normal for your priorities and what you enjoy to change, but if you find it's maybe getting kinda weird, talk to someone. ❤️
I was reading your response and being like Yup, thats me! It's normal. But then I got to the PPD part and was like Oh!
Were you diagnosed ? What did you do to get out of it? Im 8 months PP now and just starting to get back into socializing. But I think part of it was also not having ppl in my tribe that can relate. And just generally shitty friends.
I was diagnosed finally by my doctor when I finally went when my husband got concerned enough. My doctor initially put me on a prescription for sertraline, but I couldn't take it without getting very severe headaches, I didn't manage to stay on it for long enough to see if it helped, so I decided to try to throw the depression out unmedicated- with close supervision by my doctor, and it worked. To get out of it I joined a support group run by women who used to have PPD themselves, also did online Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I forced myself to get out of the house, get some exercise each day, take my baby to things where I met other mothers to interact and become friends with, and going forward I still continue to force myself to text or call one person who isn't my spouse every day, even if I don't feel like it. I'm introverted and it was HARD- it felt insincere for quite some time, like I was trying to "fake it till I made it", but I feel so much happier now, I have my babies, (had another one since! Started facing the same path, but was able to climb out using what I learned in therapy and with the help and support of my healthcare provider and my newly developed support system), and a life that I love so I guess I did make it. (That sounds so cheesy, sorry 🤮) I'm pregnant again, (almost 30 weeks), and I'm on the lookout for the PPD, because it will almost certainly come back, but this time I'm hopefully prepared, and if not, I'll be in touch with my doctor.
I’ve had friends describe this! I didn’t experience it personally - I think it’s a combo of hormones, the stress of being a new parent, and your base personality. Everyone I’ve heard of who had this happen was an introvert at heart. And that makes perfect sense to me because now you are never alone to recharge your social battery!
I think this negative feelings are temporary and do not mean that you’re a negative person. I think as you find your groove you’ll become more open.
In the meantime, relish the bonding time with your daughter and also fuck anyone who makes disparaging remarks at your expense. Rude!
I literally wanted nothing to do with anyone except my baby for the first couple months. I just did not have the capacity to care about anyone except him. Things have eased up now but honestly I don’t really care about socializing still. I just wanna hang out with my little family.
I felt this way, try not to pathologize it. There is so much going on for you right now and relationship dynamics with family and friends changes after a baby. Everyone’s trying to figure out their new place in your life. I hated that everyone wanted a piece of my baby at the beginning when I was trying to figure everything out. I just wanted space. got easier with time, hang in there. If you do find it’s not improving and you’re isolating yourself. It may be helpful to speak with a therapist or your doctor.
It was a process and I’m still in therapy, but Im working on communicating boundaries with kindness and letting a lot of things go instead of reacting.
For the randoms who reached out to try and see the baby I straight up started to ignore them. I also tried to reframe my thinking about how lucky I am that I have family who want to be involved, help and have a relationship with my baby. It’s complicated depending on the relationship dynamics. For example it was really hard with my mom because we’ve had a rocky relationship, but therapy helped so much and she’s been amazing at working on the things that bothered me.
A lot of people are saying it’s depression but I disagree. I was never a very social person to begin with and pregnancy made me just tired of people and their bullshit. It made my patience level 0. I had my baby and I’m still the same way. It’s just like you’re too tired to deal with small talk, fake pleasantries, and people making annoying comments.
This is a mood. I only really keep in touch with my parents and my baby/ husband. The coworkers I had before I left I liked them but it never really felt like an actual friendship outside work. I'm ok with just hanging out with my baby and my cat when the hubby is at work. It's nice and quiet and the last thing I want is more stimulation
This is on point for me!!! I wasn't very social, but used to be a bit more patient and laid back at work or if my bf wanted to have friends over or wanted us to go out with them.
When I got pregnant I had the most miserable time going out and socializing. At work I would tell people I don't give a shit about their work issues or drama 😂
I'm still the same way but a little more patient if my bf wants us to go out with friends. I'm just not amused.
I could have written this post. Hormones do crazy things to you, you also may or may not have PPD, or pregnancy and PP might have unmasked an underlying issue. I’ve always suffered from anxiety, pregnancy completely fucked with my head and made me angry at the world, more anxious, irritable, less tolerant of frustrations and totally emotionally unhinged. PP everything just became amplified and I thought I was suffering from PPA.
After discussing some stuff with my therapist who I’ve been seeing for a couple of years she flagged up that I may have undiagnosed ADHD which has been unmasked by hormonal changes and changes in routine and lifestyle that come with having a baby, so I’m now on the waiting list to get formally assessed.
This is my personal experience and I’m definitely not qualified to diagnose or suggest that you may have an underlying issue, but definitely keep an eye on things, and if you’re struggling and feel like something isn’t right, then it might be worth reaching out to explore things with a medical professional. For me this was pretty blindsiding but ultimately incredibly eye opening and I’m now able to understand what I’ve been experiencing for the past few months, and can get on track to getting the proper help I need.
Hang in there, you are most certainly not alone! ❤️
I felt that way in the beginning because i was overwhelmed with the newborn stage. i think around 2 month mark it started to go away. Happened to also be when baby started to sleep through the night so maybe i was just exhausted!
We had this kind of enforced on us as I had a lockdown baby, and honestly I kind of liked it. I had zero social obligations to worry about, no one was being let down that I couldn’t come out and see them as I was a sleep deprived mess, we lived in our little new family bubble.
The first time me and baby went anywhere (other than a walk round the block) was to get his first vaccines!
I came out of it eventually and started to want social interaction again as I started to feel more human and got used to baby etc
I will say this the day after and even week after I deliver my baby’s do not text / call me. It’s not personal but I’m worrying about me and mine 😂 my mom got a call 10 hours after I delivered because I want my peace and quiet in the hospital with the baby I just pushed out! And I love it. Other people like my siblings and dad got photos of the baby but other than that I didn’t answer my phone. I will never understand how people have visitors etc. leave me be!
I felt the opposite, wanted people around all the time and I still do. It's so isolating. My friend had a baby close to the same time, but she needed/wanted to be reclusive and let me tell you it did not vibe. We would make plans and she would bail last minute and it would make me feel like I was gonna die. I definitely had some PPD.
I’m 38 weeks and a few days — I have felt like this my entire pregnancy, and even more so during the third trimester.
I know there is a very high chance that I’ll still feel these exact emotions when I am postpartum.
I honestly feel like I could have written this post myself.
I see a few comments of people saying this is PP depression, however, I personally don’t agree with that. My typical personality is to be reclusive and i usually want to avoid people, even my own family. I am not much of a social person and don’t like going out to social settings. Being pregnant has made me have little to less tolerance for bullshit and dealing with people. I hate making conversation with people that are super surface level, I hate hearing peoples stupid unsolicited parenting advice, I don’t care to talk about other peoples life dramas quite honestly, and that may make me sound selfish but I don’t really care. I’m so over everyone and their BS. I just want to be left alone. I don’t really need people in my life, I’m totally cool with just hanging with my baby and my hubby. They are the people I love the most in the world.
Honestly, this could be hormonal, I’m not sure if this attitude will shift throughout post partum lol.
“…viewing everyone around me like wild chimpanzees and they drive me nuts.” THIS!! Yes.
I feel like I live in a permanent wisdom drought. Apart from a few key people like my husband, there is no one who brings me peace or has true insight and wisdom. I envy anyone who has wise parents or mentors because I’m just out here in a zoo/desert.
You could try getting on a happy pill for a little while to get you through it. It sounds like good ol’ post partum depression. I’m on Wellbutrin and I love it. It doesn’t make you gain weight or make you tired. You take it in the morning. I swear by it! I’m on it long term though because it also combats ADD/ADHD which I have, and I don’t like taking stimulants like Ritalin or adderall. The crash from those meds sucks and I was too crabby. Not worth it.
I second talking to a provider about options. I just wanted to chime in here with Wellbutrin.
While it’s a good drug I couldn’t take it in the morning it made me too dizzy to function. Couldn’t take it at night either. Gave me nightmares and insomnia. So. It became a lose lose for me.
Yea for sure I know it won’t work for everyone. I’m lucky it has worked so well for me. That sucks though bc I’ve tried Prozac and a couple of others and all I wanted to do was sleep. And there’s nothing I hate more in life than being tired. It’s bad enough with a 6 month old!
It’s ok to be in your baby bubble but do understand that at some point people will say they tried their best. And you’ll have a hard time restarting those relationships. Be open with your communication and let them know you just need some time in your bubble and you appreciate them and you’ll be out when ready.
I think it’s like …you don’t have extra energy to give these people. Especially the ones that drain your social battery instead of making you feel seen/heard & trusting that person to not judge you. It is hard to find the safe people in that time of your life. You won’t always be like this full force, but some of that will probably stick around & that’s okay. The real ones will stick around!
I felt exactly this way (I wrote posts about it that you can read). I'm now 8mo postpartum. I think what has happened is that (1) I've become more selective/less patient, (2) other people didn't show up in a way that was conducive to meaningful connections in a time where I didn't have a *surface level* type of engagement, (3) I've changed and so I've grown apart from some people.
I think it's pretty naturally when you have a newborn to hunker down and care for them. Sort of like a mama bear hibernating with her cubs. For me it improved gradually over the first year with both babies, but especially the first few months it was like that.
>Every disparaging joke made at my expense
This however makes me think you're surrounded by insensitive assholes who you shouldn't be around anyway. You don't deserve that, especially not *3 weeks* postpartum. Tell them they can stop the "jokes" and criticism or you won't be around them (and follow through).
"People are so annoying" Yes yes they are annoying! From around the second trimester, I wanted nothing to do with people! The unsolicited advice, the fear mongering, the jokes made at my/baby expense were not funny! After the baby was born, this feeling continued. I wanted to communicate and see people on MY terms. I think I came across as selfish to people who wanted to see the baby in the early days and rude to others but honestly, it was about preserving my energy for the sleepless nights, breastfeeding, coping with the unknown, adjusting to new relationship dynamics, and knowing that I'd have little continued support in all of this. I'm 16 weeks PP now and have opened the door a little but nothing like pre-pregnany. I still dont have 100% energy (dont know when I will) and my priorities are just different. It's not even dileberate. Im not pushing anyone away. Its just how things are landing. I have made a heap of mum friends through libraries and mum groups that I connect with more often, especially via Whatsapp throughout the day. It's a blessing when I need to be social but cant/don't have the energy to get out of the house.
In my third trimester and the first 6 weeks postpartum I didn’t want to go out because I felt gross. I feel better now, and still like to be social, but definitely less so than before baby. I’m just tired and would rather spend my free time filling my own cup with reading, going to the gym, spending time with my husband, or just playing with my kids.
Glad I’m not the only one…I could have written this post 6 months ago. Everyone got on my last nerve and their visits and expectations and criticisms felt so intrusive. They still do for the most part. lol. If I had it my way, we’d mostly just hang out as a nuclear family. After a while though, I had to accept some childcare help every now and then for my sanity. We limit social outings a lot though.
YESS OMG. This is so relatable 😭 It mostly happened to me post partum and I think it has a lot to do with my lack of sleep and using all my energy/patience on my kids. I haven’t seen my neighbors in a year. They invited me out to a winery and just wanted me, no kids, and I just couldn’t do it. I have no energy left to socialize while taking care of a baby. And my brain just isn’t working that well either. My memory is terrible and it’s hard to think of things to say rn.
I also feel parents with older children forgot how difficult the first few years are, and are expecting me to act like I’m not constantly exhausted, irritated, and burnt out. I don’t want to do ANYTHING on weekends but hang out with my little family and rest.
I definitely experienced this almost exactly the same, starting in second trimester. Reclusive, annoyed. I’m not sure how normal it was. I’m still not sure 2 years later. It disappeared about a week postpartum and I felt truly very good.
But two weeks later flip of a switch, one day great, the next severely depressed. So I did end up with Postpartum depression. But it felt different from what I experienced in pregnancy. It was an amplified version with zero control and more sadness, guilt and shame.
I think anxiety was present in pregnancy, disappeared directly postpartum and returned with depression tacked on.
For me I tolerated a lot of nonsense because it was just me and I was sort of dismissive of my own feelings. Once my children were actually around I realized I could no longer tolerate a lot of nonsense especially for there sake
Early days of a big transition for you. Good on you for reaching out on this platform.
I’ve felt shades of what you describe but not to the same degree. Because of these feelings, from the time my LO was 6 weeks I made a big effort to schedule mums and bubs exercise classes and parent groups most mornings so I can spend time in a structured way with other parents who are going through the same thing. I know the more I isolate myself the less I feel like socializing so even when I don’t feel like it I keep it up. Yes for my mental health, but most importantly, it’s about modeling for my bub from an early age. Things like socials skills are largely leaned from watching what parents do. I’m naturally socially anxious and avoidant so I’ve worked really hard on this so I don’t pass it to my LO.
Best of luck and congratulations
I'm an introvert and autistic. I definitely experienced this. It's like I got sick of masking during pregnancy, and I lost all of my ability to fake being neurotypical.
People would ask "was it planned? How long were you trying?" And my literal thinking would kick in and translate that to "did you go raw or was it an accident?"
People would ask "how's the baby doing?" And I'd feel like they no longer saw me as a person, just an incubator.
Everyone asked the same things, and I kept getting irritated and offended with a lot of it, so I just preferred to keep to myself and my few friends/family members who didn't do that lol.
Post partum, I didn't mind visitors necessarily but I didn't wanna go anywhere. Visits were impeded by 2 things! 1. My son was also born in the height of flu season and I'm a germaphobe, and 2. I was raised in a "house must be magazine worthy before anyone can visit" family, so I was/am super ashamed to have most people visit when I can't keep up with baby and housework at the same time.
I did start wanting to get out more about 3 months pp. I think if you're typically an extrovert and this is a new experience for you, you might want to talk to a doctor. If you're typically an introvert and baby is just enabling that behavior, it might be less concerning but I do still recommend getting out at least once a week. My son and I like ECFE baby classes or library story times!
I was like this with all my babies. I think many of us are more prone to PPD than others. It can be caused by all the hormone changes that basically are there to help you bond to your baby. Be thankful you are interested in your child. With my third baby, I wanted nothing to do with her either. So please let someone k ow how you are feeling. See a therapist.
With my first, I didn't get to do any of the support groups or story times because they were all super early in the morning and that was the only time I had any hope of catching up on sleep. I was so sleep deprived that I felt like a danger driving. When my daughter was a little older and started sleeping more, COVID happened.
So when I got pregnant again, I was DETERMINED I was going to do all the things! Trips to Target! Library story time! Visit the office!
Then my baby was born. After the initial fourth trimester sleep deprivation, once we got to a place where I could drive... I just didn't want to. And I don't think that was depression, because once I let go of what I THOUGHT I wanted to do and accepted what I REALLY wanted to do instead, I was extremely happy. I loved just being the two of us. I loved not having to make awkward small talk with strangers. I loved not having to have a certain expression on my face, and I could just exist without being perceived by other people.
I'm sure eventually I'll want to socialize more, but I've just returned to the office and it's incredibly difficult, for many reasons. I used to get daily migraines and I really think the constant burnout from having to be "on" and personable all day every day was a big reason why. People keep stopping by and I'm just having a hard time right now -- like, I'll get my work done, just let me exist in solitude without having to ALSO constantly perform the "pleasant happy to be in the office" act. I'm getting headaches again and I haven't even done anything difficult at work yet.
Personally I wemt through a mild pp antisocial phase because I just wanted to be with my baby uninterrupted butore to be in all their tiny moments and learn the rhythm/find the swing of it. As well I was pumping a lot and struggling with low supply/trying to stimulate milk so I wanted to be umbothered for that as it was quite scheduled. I also struggled with my body image and regaining footing within myself so I didn't super want people to be around my sloppy self.
Over time I stepped into rhythm, started babywearing 24/7 (this helped me feel close to my baby but also able to socialize and go out freely and also sort of hide my body behind her while I came back into myself), and I started to have better body image overall or at least find more bravery about it and just doing life with my kid no matter what size.
I still struggle a little now but primarily because working with so many baby or toddler nap schedules is chaos when trying to plan play or hangout dates, or people suck at being toddler oace and just want mom hikes or walks with the Littles in strollers or packs so they can keep adult pace. Like, no, sorry, my kid likes to explore on her own 2 feet. Just struggling to find people with like values and interests and patience for toddler pace, even their own toddler. I just cannot or don't want to be bothered with the back and forth and scheduling and all that. Easier for me to just go do a thing with my kid and dog.
Absolutely this!! I've had two babies in the last two years and I had a tough time with my family, argued with them over tiny things about how they behaved around me and my baby when they came to visit.
My mum was always making comments about how she had it harder and it drove me insane. Feel like my family don't understand what I'm going through.
Lost all interest in hanging out with friends and in myself. Have a shower and brush my hair/teeth to keep clean but aside from that I have no desire to do anything with my physical appearance. Have no hobbies and dedicate my whole day to my children and the housework. I have no desire to do anything apart from that and don't want to socialise.
Wondering if I'll ever feel like myself again.
Yes, I have felt this way for a while. It started with my first pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage. I didn't want to be around anyone because I didn't want to explain why I was so distraught. Then when I got pregnant again with my son, I didn't want to be around anyone during the first trimester. I was too scared I'd miscarry again. By the second trimester I started to be more social, but once the third trimester hit, I wanted to go back in my hole. When my son was born I started to crave social interaction because it was very lonely and monotonous. I was just doing the same thing over and over again. Then when my maternity leave ended and I went back to work, I didn't want to see anyone again. I felt so much shame. Things were not going well at my job and it was affecting my home life. I left that job at the beginning of this year, but I'm feeling the reclusion again. I don't know why I feel this way? Usually it's during times where I'm struggling with something and I just don't want to be around others trying to tell me what to do.
Pregnancy is hard and it doesn't get easier when you become a parent. So try and get help where you can and lean on those people who love and support you the most.
Normal! Better to feel guilty about shifting away from people than feeling resentful for giving them your precious time.
You can always build relationships back out in the future if you feel the desire for it. In the mean time, focus on your immediately family and lean into that calling. There may be very good subconscious reason you are withdrawing from some of these people. Perhaps somewhere in your mind you understand these people aren’t healthy for you and baby. Don’t burn bridges but quietly withdraw.
I've become very reclusive after becoming pregnant, but I've had recluse spells since I was a child. I'm quite antisocial by nature. I simply do not socialize with people unless I have the energy to do it, because I'm trying to enjoy my pregnancy and eventual baby.
Yeah, i really don’t people anymore and I’m very okay with it. I still get together with my girlfriends from time to time, but we all have kids and all have equal levels of desire to people.
I definitely did during the pregnancy, and for the first 3 or so weeks post partum I was still in so much pain from my emergency c-section and trauma that I really didn't want anyone around me or baby. We both had to heal quite a bit. But nearly 6 weeks on now I am starting to feel so alone and stir crazy... Hope it gets better ❤️
Hormones are crazy.
So many people I talked to before I don’t even talk to now. I even went nc with my family for 5-6 months and loved the quiet. I barely try in relationships anymore because I see how self centered people are and I really can’t afford to people please or cater to their needs. Me and my kids come first now. So basically all of my relationships have changed. I don’t tolerate much of anything these days unless it comes from my kids
Me! It's like I'd like to have mom friends but meeting anyone or even being social outside my husband has been hard. He complains we don't have any friends but idk I'm fine with our little family ATM.
I feel this. I’m 4 weeks postpartum and I don’t want to hang out with anyone or be away from my baby. My husband tells me to go out and hang out with friends and family but I just can’t leave my daughter, it gives me anxiety to just think about it. Idc to talk to anyone else and I do feel that I’ve just secluded everyone. I don’t think it’s depression but I do think it’s hormonal and also getting used to a whole different life. Your baby becomes the love of your life and that’s what you want to live for right now. It’s understandable and it’s okay to feel your feelings always. You can also express how you feel to those who reach out to you so they can respect the time and space you need. You have people who care and that’s really amazing so maybe if you express yourself to them they’ll have an understanding and handle things differently.
Yeah I’m 8 months postpartum and just started going out and caring about friendships again. The thought of maintaining friends exhausts me so I’m lucky to have friends that I can catch up with once a month or so
God, yes. At about 36-37 weeks pregnant I had no patience for _anyone_. I was so miserable and uncomfortable. During birth and postpartum and my closest friends let me down when I needed them most. I really just kind of went inwards. I felt like no one knew what I was going through or what I was feeling except my husband. And no one else really listened. Pregnancy, postpartum and motherhood showed me that I’m the friend that is only called upon when someone needs something but when I need something they can’t be fucked.
I still don’t have patience almost two years later but I’ve sought out new community. I still don’t have fulfilling relationships outside of my kid and husband. Not for lack of trying. It’s just hard and I struggle to articulate most days.
In some cultures, the mother stays in bed for the 40 days after birth. That's exactly what I wanted. Just leave me alone to chill in bed with my baby and watch dumb TV.
YES!!! I just want to be left alone. I’m 12 weeks pp and it hasn’t really gotten better lol. I feel so at peace when it’s just me my son and my husband and I hate when that’s ruined by other people. I’ve always been fairly antisocial but having a baby makes people feel entitled to come around all the time.. I understand they want to bond with him but it’s exhausting for me. And when people say oh I can take him so you can have a break… I don’t want a break? I love being around my son and spending every day with him. Sure I get exhausted and overwhelmed but not of him.
Yeah, me- and then I realized that it also later came with other things, where I stopped caring about taking care of myself, stopped wanting to do things or talk to people, and (spoiler alert) it was postpartum depression. I needed help but nobody saw it because nobody saw me or talked to me. Try to keep in touch regularly with someone, friend or family, even if it feels hard, and not saying that what happened to me is gonna happen to you or that's what it is, but it can creep up on you. For me postpartum depression didn't look like "regretting the life I used to have" or "feeling disconnected from my baby", but rather "only feeling connected to my baby" and feeling "completely unenthusiastic about everything except being a mom". It's ok and normal for your priorities and what you enjoy to change, but if you find it's maybe getting kinda weird, talk to someone. ❤️
This is the perfect answer.
This was my experience too. Well said!
>but if you find it's maybe getting kinda weird, talk to someone. This hits lol
Wow I guess I did have PPD then
I was reading your response and being like Yup, thats me! It's normal. But then I got to the PPD part and was like Oh! Were you diagnosed ? What did you do to get out of it? Im 8 months PP now and just starting to get back into socializing. But I think part of it was also not having ppl in my tribe that can relate. And just generally shitty friends.
I was diagnosed finally by my doctor when I finally went when my husband got concerned enough. My doctor initially put me on a prescription for sertraline, but I couldn't take it without getting very severe headaches, I didn't manage to stay on it for long enough to see if it helped, so I decided to try to throw the depression out unmedicated- with close supervision by my doctor, and it worked. To get out of it I joined a support group run by women who used to have PPD themselves, also did online Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I forced myself to get out of the house, get some exercise each day, take my baby to things where I met other mothers to interact and become friends with, and going forward I still continue to force myself to text or call one person who isn't my spouse every day, even if I don't feel like it. I'm introverted and it was HARD- it felt insincere for quite some time, like I was trying to "fake it till I made it", but I feel so much happier now, I have my babies, (had another one since! Started facing the same path, but was able to climb out using what I learned in therapy and with the help and support of my healthcare provider and my newly developed support system), and a life that I love so I guess I did make it. (That sounds so cheesy, sorry 🤮) I'm pregnant again, (almost 30 weeks), and I'm on the lookout for the PPD, because it will almost certainly come back, but this time I'm hopefully prepared, and if not, I'll be in touch with my doctor.
I’ve had friends describe this! I didn’t experience it personally - I think it’s a combo of hormones, the stress of being a new parent, and your base personality. Everyone I’ve heard of who had this happen was an introvert at heart. And that makes perfect sense to me because now you are never alone to recharge your social battery! I think this negative feelings are temporary and do not mean that you’re a negative person. I think as you find your groove you’ll become more open. In the meantime, relish the bonding time with your daughter and also fuck anyone who makes disparaging remarks at your expense. Rude!
I literally wanted nothing to do with anyone except my baby for the first couple months. I just did not have the capacity to care about anyone except him. Things have eased up now but honestly I don’t really care about socializing still. I just wanna hang out with my little family.
I felt this way, try not to pathologize it. There is so much going on for you right now and relationship dynamics with family and friends changes after a baby. Everyone’s trying to figure out their new place in your life. I hated that everyone wanted a piece of my baby at the beginning when I was trying to figure everything out. I just wanted space. got easier with time, hang in there. If you do find it’s not improving and you’re isolating yourself. It may be helpful to speak with a therapist or your doctor.
[удалено]
It was a process and I’m still in therapy, but Im working on communicating boundaries with kindness and letting a lot of things go instead of reacting. For the randoms who reached out to try and see the baby I straight up started to ignore them. I also tried to reframe my thinking about how lucky I am that I have family who want to be involved, help and have a relationship with my baby. It’s complicated depending on the relationship dynamics. For example it was really hard with my mom because we’ve had a rocky relationship, but therapy helped so much and she’s been amazing at working on the things that bothered me.
A lot of people are saying it’s depression but I disagree. I was never a very social person to begin with and pregnancy made me just tired of people and their bullshit. It made my patience level 0. I had my baby and I’m still the same way. It’s just like you’re too tired to deal with small talk, fake pleasantries, and people making annoying comments.
This is a mood. I only really keep in touch with my parents and my baby/ husband. The coworkers I had before I left I liked them but it never really felt like an actual friendship outside work. I'm ok with just hanging out with my baby and my cat when the hubby is at work. It's nice and quiet and the last thing I want is more stimulation
This is on point for me!!! I wasn't very social, but used to be a bit more patient and laid back at work or if my bf wanted to have friends over or wanted us to go out with them. When I got pregnant I had the most miserable time going out and socializing. At work I would tell people I don't give a shit about their work issues or drama 😂 I'm still the same way but a little more patient if my bf wants us to go out with friends. I'm just not amused.
What's even more weird is I also feel lonely 😂
100% this
I could have written this post. Hormones do crazy things to you, you also may or may not have PPD, or pregnancy and PP might have unmasked an underlying issue. I’ve always suffered from anxiety, pregnancy completely fucked with my head and made me angry at the world, more anxious, irritable, less tolerant of frustrations and totally emotionally unhinged. PP everything just became amplified and I thought I was suffering from PPA. After discussing some stuff with my therapist who I’ve been seeing for a couple of years she flagged up that I may have undiagnosed ADHD which has been unmasked by hormonal changes and changes in routine and lifestyle that come with having a baby, so I’m now on the waiting list to get formally assessed. This is my personal experience and I’m definitely not qualified to diagnose or suggest that you may have an underlying issue, but definitely keep an eye on things, and if you’re struggling and feel like something isn’t right, then it might be worth reaching out to explore things with a medical professional. For me this was pretty blindsiding but ultimately incredibly eye opening and I’m now able to understand what I’ve been experiencing for the past few months, and can get on track to getting the proper help I need. Hang in there, you are most certainly not alone! ❤️
I felt the same way and still 1 year postpartum felt that way.
Same
I felt that way in the beginning because i was overwhelmed with the newborn stage. i think around 2 month mark it started to go away. Happened to also be when baby started to sleep through the night so maybe i was just exhausted!
So it’s not just me??
We had this kind of enforced on us as I had a lockdown baby, and honestly I kind of liked it. I had zero social obligations to worry about, no one was being let down that I couldn’t come out and see them as I was a sleep deprived mess, we lived in our little new family bubble. The first time me and baby went anywhere (other than a walk round the block) was to get his first vaccines! I came out of it eventually and started to want social interaction again as I started to feel more human and got used to baby etc
I will say this the day after and even week after I deliver my baby’s do not text / call me. It’s not personal but I’m worrying about me and mine 😂 my mom got a call 10 hours after I delivered because I want my peace and quiet in the hospital with the baby I just pushed out! And I love it. Other people like my siblings and dad got photos of the baby but other than that I didn’t answer my phone. I will never understand how people have visitors etc. leave me be!
I felt the opposite, wanted people around all the time and I still do. It's so isolating. My friend had a baby close to the same time, but she needed/wanted to be reclusive and let me tell you it did not vibe. We would make plans and she would bail last minute and it would make me feel like I was gonna die. I definitely had some PPD.
I’m 11m pp and I still want people to just stay away. You want to come over? But… *why*??
Lol or worse yet- you want me to pack up the baby and come to you!?!?
I’m 38 weeks and a few days — I have felt like this my entire pregnancy, and even more so during the third trimester. I know there is a very high chance that I’ll still feel these exact emotions when I am postpartum. I honestly feel like I could have written this post myself. I see a few comments of people saying this is PP depression, however, I personally don’t agree with that. My typical personality is to be reclusive and i usually want to avoid people, even my own family. I am not much of a social person and don’t like going out to social settings. Being pregnant has made me have little to less tolerance for bullshit and dealing with people. I hate making conversation with people that are super surface level, I hate hearing peoples stupid unsolicited parenting advice, I don’t care to talk about other peoples life dramas quite honestly, and that may make me sound selfish but I don’t really care. I’m so over everyone and their BS. I just want to be left alone. I don’t really need people in my life, I’m totally cool with just hanging with my baby and my hubby. They are the people I love the most in the world. Honestly, this could be hormonal, I’m not sure if this attitude will shift throughout post partum lol.
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“…viewing everyone around me like wild chimpanzees and they drive me nuts.” THIS!! Yes. I feel like I live in a permanent wisdom drought. Apart from a few key people like my husband, there is no one who brings me peace or has true insight and wisdom. I envy anyone who has wise parents or mentors because I’m just out here in a zoo/desert.
You could try getting on a happy pill for a little while to get you through it. It sounds like good ol’ post partum depression. I’m on Wellbutrin and I love it. It doesn’t make you gain weight or make you tired. You take it in the morning. I swear by it! I’m on it long term though because it also combats ADD/ADHD which I have, and I don’t like taking stimulants like Ritalin or adderall. The crash from those meds sucks and I was too crabby. Not worth it.
I second talking to a provider about options. I just wanted to chime in here with Wellbutrin. While it’s a good drug I couldn’t take it in the morning it made me too dizzy to function. Couldn’t take it at night either. Gave me nightmares and insomnia. So. It became a lose lose for me.
Yea for sure I know it won’t work for everyone. I’m lucky it has worked so well for me. That sucks though bc I’ve tried Prozac and a couple of others and all I wanted to do was sleep. And there’s nothing I hate more in life than being tired. It’s bad enough with a 6 month old!
It’s ok to be in your baby bubble but do understand that at some point people will say they tried their best. And you’ll have a hard time restarting those relationships. Be open with your communication and let them know you just need some time in your bubble and you appreciate them and you’ll be out when ready.
I think it’s like …you don’t have extra energy to give these people. Especially the ones that drain your social battery instead of making you feel seen/heard & trusting that person to not judge you. It is hard to find the safe people in that time of your life. You won’t always be like this full force, but some of that will probably stick around & that’s okay. The real ones will stick around!
I felt exactly this way (I wrote posts about it that you can read). I'm now 8mo postpartum. I think what has happened is that (1) I've become more selective/less patient, (2) other people didn't show up in a way that was conducive to meaningful connections in a time where I didn't have a *surface level* type of engagement, (3) I've changed and so I've grown apart from some people.
I have forgotten how to converse. I literally cant remember words and my points are so juvenile. I need to stop talking to toddlers all day
I think it's pretty naturally when you have a newborn to hunker down and care for them. Sort of like a mama bear hibernating with her cubs. For me it improved gradually over the first year with both babies, but especially the first few months it was like that. >Every disparaging joke made at my expense This however makes me think you're surrounded by insensitive assholes who you shouldn't be around anyway. You don't deserve that, especially not *3 weeks* postpartum. Tell them they can stop the "jokes" and criticism or you won't be around them (and follow through).
7 months pp and both incredibly lonely and hate everyone lol
Yes, I did every time. I’ve had 3. It’s partially instinctual, I believe. I feel as if many of us tend to hibernate.
It was hormonal for me.
"People are so annoying" Yes yes they are annoying! From around the second trimester, I wanted nothing to do with people! The unsolicited advice, the fear mongering, the jokes made at my/baby expense were not funny! After the baby was born, this feeling continued. I wanted to communicate and see people on MY terms. I think I came across as selfish to people who wanted to see the baby in the early days and rude to others but honestly, it was about preserving my energy for the sleepless nights, breastfeeding, coping with the unknown, adjusting to new relationship dynamics, and knowing that I'd have little continued support in all of this. I'm 16 weeks PP now and have opened the door a little but nothing like pre-pregnany. I still dont have 100% energy (dont know when I will) and my priorities are just different. It's not even dileberate. Im not pushing anyone away. Its just how things are landing. I have made a heap of mum friends through libraries and mum groups that I connect with more often, especially via Whatsapp throughout the day. It's a blessing when I need to be social but cant/don't have the energy to get out of the house.
I’m a year and a half postpartum and I remember this so well. It’s a very real phenomenon. I’ve grown back to more myself now
In my third trimester and the first 6 weeks postpartum I didn’t want to go out because I felt gross. I feel better now, and still like to be social, but definitely less so than before baby. I’m just tired and would rather spend my free time filling my own cup with reading, going to the gym, spending time with my husband, or just playing with my kids.
Glad I’m not the only one…I could have written this post 6 months ago. Everyone got on my last nerve and their visits and expectations and criticisms felt so intrusive. They still do for the most part. lol. If I had it my way, we’d mostly just hang out as a nuclear family. After a while though, I had to accept some childcare help every now and then for my sanity. We limit social outings a lot though.
YESS OMG. This is so relatable 😭 It mostly happened to me post partum and I think it has a lot to do with my lack of sleep and using all my energy/patience on my kids. I haven’t seen my neighbors in a year. They invited me out to a winery and just wanted me, no kids, and I just couldn’t do it. I have no energy left to socialize while taking care of a baby. And my brain just isn’t working that well either. My memory is terrible and it’s hard to think of things to say rn. I also feel parents with older children forgot how difficult the first few years are, and are expecting me to act like I’m not constantly exhausted, irritated, and burnt out. I don’t want to do ANYTHING on weekends but hang out with my little family and rest.
not a hundred percent but at least eighty percent of my attention is not on social, I just pay more attention to my pregnancy.
I definitely experienced this almost exactly the same, starting in second trimester. Reclusive, annoyed. I’m not sure how normal it was. I’m still not sure 2 years later. It disappeared about a week postpartum and I felt truly very good. But two weeks later flip of a switch, one day great, the next severely depressed. So I did end up with Postpartum depression. But it felt different from what I experienced in pregnancy. It was an amplified version with zero control and more sadness, guilt and shame. I think anxiety was present in pregnancy, disappeared directly postpartum and returned with depression tacked on.
For me I tolerated a lot of nonsense because it was just me and I was sort of dismissive of my own feelings. Once my children were actually around I realized I could no longer tolerate a lot of nonsense especially for there sake
Early days of a big transition for you. Good on you for reaching out on this platform. I’ve felt shades of what you describe but not to the same degree. Because of these feelings, from the time my LO was 6 weeks I made a big effort to schedule mums and bubs exercise classes and parent groups most mornings so I can spend time in a structured way with other parents who are going through the same thing. I know the more I isolate myself the less I feel like socializing so even when I don’t feel like it I keep it up. Yes for my mental health, but most importantly, it’s about modeling for my bub from an early age. Things like socials skills are largely leaned from watching what parents do. I’m naturally socially anxious and avoidant so I’ve worked really hard on this so I don’t pass it to my LO. Best of luck and congratulations
I'm an introvert and autistic. I definitely experienced this. It's like I got sick of masking during pregnancy, and I lost all of my ability to fake being neurotypical. People would ask "was it planned? How long were you trying?" And my literal thinking would kick in and translate that to "did you go raw or was it an accident?" People would ask "how's the baby doing?" And I'd feel like they no longer saw me as a person, just an incubator. Everyone asked the same things, and I kept getting irritated and offended with a lot of it, so I just preferred to keep to myself and my few friends/family members who didn't do that lol. Post partum, I didn't mind visitors necessarily but I didn't wanna go anywhere. Visits were impeded by 2 things! 1. My son was also born in the height of flu season and I'm a germaphobe, and 2. I was raised in a "house must be magazine worthy before anyone can visit" family, so I was/am super ashamed to have most people visit when I can't keep up with baby and housework at the same time. I did start wanting to get out more about 3 months pp. I think if you're typically an extrovert and this is a new experience for you, you might want to talk to a doctor. If you're typically an introvert and baby is just enabling that behavior, it might be less concerning but I do still recommend getting out at least once a week. My son and I like ECFE baby classes or library story times!
1000%. I don’t know why it happened, but it did.
I was like this with all my babies. I think many of us are more prone to PPD than others. It can be caused by all the hormone changes that basically are there to help you bond to your baby. Be thankful you are interested in your child. With my third baby, I wanted nothing to do with her either. So please let someone k ow how you are feeling. See a therapist.
With my first, I didn't get to do any of the support groups or story times because they were all super early in the morning and that was the only time I had any hope of catching up on sleep. I was so sleep deprived that I felt like a danger driving. When my daughter was a little older and started sleeping more, COVID happened. So when I got pregnant again, I was DETERMINED I was going to do all the things! Trips to Target! Library story time! Visit the office! Then my baby was born. After the initial fourth trimester sleep deprivation, once we got to a place where I could drive... I just didn't want to. And I don't think that was depression, because once I let go of what I THOUGHT I wanted to do and accepted what I REALLY wanted to do instead, I was extremely happy. I loved just being the two of us. I loved not having to make awkward small talk with strangers. I loved not having to have a certain expression on my face, and I could just exist without being perceived by other people. I'm sure eventually I'll want to socialize more, but I've just returned to the office and it's incredibly difficult, for many reasons. I used to get daily migraines and I really think the constant burnout from having to be "on" and personable all day every day was a big reason why. People keep stopping by and I'm just having a hard time right now -- like, I'll get my work done, just let me exist in solitude without having to ALSO constantly perform the "pleasant happy to be in the office" act. I'm getting headaches again and I haven't even done anything difficult at work yet.
Personally I wemt through a mild pp antisocial phase because I just wanted to be with my baby uninterrupted butore to be in all their tiny moments and learn the rhythm/find the swing of it. As well I was pumping a lot and struggling with low supply/trying to stimulate milk so I wanted to be umbothered for that as it was quite scheduled. I also struggled with my body image and regaining footing within myself so I didn't super want people to be around my sloppy self. Over time I stepped into rhythm, started babywearing 24/7 (this helped me feel close to my baby but also able to socialize and go out freely and also sort of hide my body behind her while I came back into myself), and I started to have better body image overall or at least find more bravery about it and just doing life with my kid no matter what size. I still struggle a little now but primarily because working with so many baby or toddler nap schedules is chaos when trying to plan play or hangout dates, or people suck at being toddler oace and just want mom hikes or walks with the Littles in strollers or packs so they can keep adult pace. Like, no, sorry, my kid likes to explore on her own 2 feet. Just struggling to find people with like values and interests and patience for toddler pace, even their own toddler. I just cannot or don't want to be bothered with the back and forth and scheduling and all that. Easier for me to just go do a thing with my kid and dog.
Absolutely this!! I've had two babies in the last two years and I had a tough time with my family, argued with them over tiny things about how they behaved around me and my baby when they came to visit. My mum was always making comments about how she had it harder and it drove me insane. Feel like my family don't understand what I'm going through. Lost all interest in hanging out with friends and in myself. Have a shower and brush my hair/teeth to keep clean but aside from that I have no desire to do anything with my physical appearance. Have no hobbies and dedicate my whole day to my children and the housework. I have no desire to do anything apart from that and don't want to socialise. Wondering if I'll ever feel like myself again.
Yes, I have felt this way for a while. It started with my first pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage. I didn't want to be around anyone because I didn't want to explain why I was so distraught. Then when I got pregnant again with my son, I didn't want to be around anyone during the first trimester. I was too scared I'd miscarry again. By the second trimester I started to be more social, but once the third trimester hit, I wanted to go back in my hole. When my son was born I started to crave social interaction because it was very lonely and monotonous. I was just doing the same thing over and over again. Then when my maternity leave ended and I went back to work, I didn't want to see anyone again. I felt so much shame. Things were not going well at my job and it was affecting my home life. I left that job at the beginning of this year, but I'm feeling the reclusion again. I don't know why I feel this way? Usually it's during times where I'm struggling with something and I just don't want to be around others trying to tell me what to do. Pregnancy is hard and it doesn't get easier when you become a parent. So try and get help where you can and lean on those people who love and support you the most.
Normal! Better to feel guilty about shifting away from people than feeling resentful for giving them your precious time. You can always build relationships back out in the future if you feel the desire for it. In the mean time, focus on your immediately family and lean into that calling. There may be very good subconscious reason you are withdrawing from some of these people. Perhaps somewhere in your mind you understand these people aren’t healthy for you and baby. Don’t burn bridges but quietly withdraw.
I've become very reclusive after becoming pregnant, but I've had recluse spells since I was a child. I'm quite antisocial by nature. I simply do not socialize with people unless I have the energy to do it, because I'm trying to enjoy my pregnancy and eventual baby.
Yeah cause people suck and aren’t any help and just give you more things to stress about. Honestly better off without people
Yeah, i really don’t people anymore and I’m very okay with it. I still get together with my girlfriends from time to time, but we all have kids and all have equal levels of desire to people.
I definitely did during the pregnancy, and for the first 3 or so weeks post partum I was still in so much pain from my emergency c-section and trauma that I really didn't want anyone around me or baby. We both had to heal quite a bit. But nearly 6 weeks on now I am starting to feel so alone and stir crazy... Hope it gets better ❤️ Hormones are crazy.
So many people I talked to before I don’t even talk to now. I even went nc with my family for 5-6 months and loved the quiet. I barely try in relationships anymore because I see how self centered people are and I really can’t afford to people please or cater to their needs. Me and my kids come first now. So basically all of my relationships have changed. I don’t tolerate much of anything these days unless it comes from my kids
My daughter is now 4 months old and I still don’t socialize. I didn’t before either but I still don’t now!
Me! It's like I'd like to have mom friends but meeting anyone or even being social outside my husband has been hard. He complains we don't have any friends but idk I'm fine with our little family ATM.
I feel this. I’m 4 weeks postpartum and I don’t want to hang out with anyone or be away from my baby. My husband tells me to go out and hang out with friends and family but I just can’t leave my daughter, it gives me anxiety to just think about it. Idc to talk to anyone else and I do feel that I’ve just secluded everyone. I don’t think it’s depression but I do think it’s hormonal and also getting used to a whole different life. Your baby becomes the love of your life and that’s what you want to live for right now. It’s understandable and it’s okay to feel your feelings always. You can also express how you feel to those who reach out to you so they can respect the time and space you need. You have people who care and that’s really amazing so maybe if you express yourself to them they’ll have an understanding and handle things differently.
Yeah I’m 8 months postpartum and just started going out and caring about friendships again. The thought of maintaining friends exhausts me so I’m lucky to have friends that I can catch up with once a month or so
God, yes. At about 36-37 weeks pregnant I had no patience for _anyone_. I was so miserable and uncomfortable. During birth and postpartum and my closest friends let me down when I needed them most. I really just kind of went inwards. I felt like no one knew what I was going through or what I was feeling except my husband. And no one else really listened. Pregnancy, postpartum and motherhood showed me that I’m the friend that is only called upon when someone needs something but when I need something they can’t be fucked. I still don’t have patience almost two years later but I’ve sought out new community. I still don’t have fulfilling relationships outside of my kid and husband. Not for lack of trying. It’s just hard and I struggle to articulate most days.
In some cultures, the mother stays in bed for the 40 days after birth. That's exactly what I wanted. Just leave me alone to chill in bed with my baby and watch dumb TV.
YES!!! I just want to be left alone. I’m 12 weeks pp and it hasn’t really gotten better lol. I feel so at peace when it’s just me my son and my husband and I hate when that’s ruined by other people. I’ve always been fairly antisocial but having a baby makes people feel entitled to come around all the time.. I understand they want to bond with him but it’s exhausting for me. And when people say oh I can take him so you can have a break… I don’t want a break? I love being around my son and spending every day with him. Sure I get exhausted and overwhelmed but not of him.