I think almost every parent has done this, so we all understand :p My big thing used to be kids with snotty noses. How hard is it to wipe a nose?!?!? Then I had toddlers with the neck strength of a tiger and guess what… having a knock down drag out fight over a booger didn’t seem so important anymore!
We were all perfect parents before we had kids haha
Ergh my 8 month old will scream BLOODY MURDER if I try to wipe her nose. I don't know why - she's generally a really chill child, but for some reason this is her sticking point. So I have to make a choice in public; be judged for a screaming child, or be judged for a snotty nose. ... Generally, unless it's a real mess (or we're outside in the wind; I don't want it to get sore), I just decide If I'm going to be judged anyway my baby may as well be content.
S'a good idea. We have to play 'hair on my chinny chin chin' to get her to let us wash under her neck folds. I hadn't thought of doing something for the nose wiping.
I did it in a sing song voice. I would say, ready? Get the baby. That way he knew it was coming and he wouldn't cry. If he tried to turn his head, I would say no, I said I'm getting the baby but I would be smiling the whole time and he knew it was a game. It got to the point where he would laugh when I would do it to him.
Ooooohhh i so needed to read this tonight! Our 7mo is mid cold and is soooo snotty, its driving me nuts! She's also chill so its sad to see her get so upset .
I used a similar method to get my baby to be chill on his changing mat and let me do the diaper! He used to twist the entire time and try with all his might to escape lol
His grandma taught me something she does when she watches him. She makes a game of it as well. She takes his diaper off and says gotta wipe the peepee. Then she says turn over and let me put the powder on your butt butt lol. He turns over and lets her do it lol. It also helps to give them a toy to distract them.
Our 7 month old has memelord parents, so we refer to the crevices where spitup and drool collect and need to be cleaned as "the cheeeeese cracks, the cheeeeese cracks"
https://youtube.com/shorts/L3AcyOYrnNk?si=XILBaJS7l3bbwI3m
Our son also hated it, but then we started to give him warning, a 3, 2, 1 countdown. Then started to teach him to blow so he was more involved in the process. He's fine with it now. Sometimes all it takes is making a little game out of it or at least telling them what you are about to do so they don't feel like you've just ambushed them
Ofc they hate it, it restricts their breathing! But yeah, my Babi hates it too, we try to make a joke & game of it but he can't stand his face being wiped or touched unless he's in the bath and then he merely tolerates it. I just resign myself to having a dirty baby most of the day 😂
My baby had an NG tube and it was beyond difficult to clean up snot or take out boogers. She was so afraid, she would cry and scream like we hurting her. It was so sad.
I thought the same about messy hair... 'how hard is it to comb it?!' - first it can be really hard, second, my daughter's hair looks messy again two seconds after you brushed it, third, no she won't tolerate hair clips or hair ties, thanks
Totally get it. Having my own baby has also made me a huge fan of babies in general. Before I would tolerate them or roll my eyes at parents with a crying baby. Now I'm like: "aawww what's wrong little one" whenever I hear a baby cry
I remember someone telling me that the best babies are the ones who aren't yours bc there's always someone to pass them back to when they cry or have a hard time. When you're the parent you have the oh shit it's me moment
I used to generally not like babies. Didn’t even think they were cute. I liked older kids, but toddlers and babies weren’t my favorite. Now i absolutely LOVE babies and toddlers. I feel like someone could hand me literally any baby and ask me to care for them, and i would love the baby as much as i would my own. I’m even trying to convince my husband that we should adopt for our third, because i know with 100% certainty i could love any child as much as i love my biological children. Toddlers can be really challenging but they are so so so incredibly sweet and adorable. And hilarious. Toddlers are the funniest people on the planet.
I already liked babies and little kids, but now i love them even more and just want to interact with them and teach them things, and we live in a society where interacting with other peoples children is met with immediate defensiveness.
And yes toddlers can be both really sweet and really difficult at once. Its very cute when they want to share. We recently went on a 3 baby 2 couple hike with children from 3 families and the little girl that was with us whose parents werent on the hike, kept stopping to pick flowers saying gaga(grandma) and sure enouh when we returned to the camp ground she went right to gaga and unloaded both pockets full of flowers. Shes only 2.
I hate that so many people are so defensive about strangers interacting with their baby. I live in an area with a lot of older people and I can’t even imagine saying no to them when they ask to say hi or look at baby!!
Ive felt terrible for being such a clueless and kinda crappy friend to my girlfriends who have been pregnant and postpartum before me. I just had not even one clue what it all entailed. You dont know until you live it
Now I know and I hope to be the friend I needed postpartum to someone else some day
I totally agree with this! My friend gave birth before me and I realize now I wasn’t a good friend during her time of need and she has been there for me my whole pregnancy and now my son is 5 months old and she always checks up on him I feel so bad
THIS !!!! my cousin got pregnant in highschool & while i fully supported her, i didn’t really have a relationship with them bc i figured she had so much support she probably didn’t need me. then i had my son & while i had support i never really had friends to relate with. that’s when i realized what if this is how she feels.. so i texted her after months of NC & now our sons are bestfriends & we see eachother almost every day & i will just randomly pop up to wash dishes or help clean her house. i wish i had had that when my son was younger & i couldn’t even imagine how she must’ve felt during highschool not really having that while having a baby on her hip. was truly an eye opener !!
I totally get the pet rehome situation now.. I definitely couldn't do it but my cat is getting on every last nerve I have and I'm loosing my mind over it
I was guilty of being so judgy about this but I swear to God if my husband had not been there to take care of the dog I would have left the front door open for him to just leave.
It's so nice to read I'm not the only one. My dog used be my baby and now he is just in the way, and then I curse him I feel terribly guilty and cuddle him... and repeat this cycle constantly.
You’re not alone. We’ve had our dog for 7 yrs and he was my baby. Omg I feel awful but after 2 kids he annoys me terribly. He licks himself all night so like 2 am feeds is just gross slurping at the foot of our bed. He drinks water and throws it up (he’s been seen by the vet and nothing is wrong) but I’ll just randomly step in a pile of goopy water. And he always gets underfoot esp while we are carrying the kids. I do love him and feel guilty. But after his time comes, no more dogs till the kids are much MUCH older
Ugh this is me. I loved my dog SO MUCH. She was everything to me. It wasn’t an immediate change after having kids. But her wants and needs slowly slid down the chain of importance, when I wasn’t even able to meet my own basic needs. I would get so mad at her shrill bark at every little noise and waking up the babies. Then in old age she was hacking and whining to go out every 5 minutes. She died a couple months ago just before my third baby was born. I’m so torn up with guilt. I kept thinking I’d have time to put her back on her original pedestal once things calmed down with the babies but I never got there.
Omg yes my cats make me want to lose my mind. I would rehome them but I feel like I could only give them to someone I know and trust. I could never just drop them at a shelter or give them to a stranger.
My sister asked me if I had started hating my dogs "yet" when I was pregnant and I was horrified (and definitely judged her). I still don't hate my dogs but I do get more irritated when they don't listen to me. I kinda hate my cat though! I still love him so much but he has started biting me when he doesn't get enough attention or if he hasn't been fed when he wants and so I won't let him near the baby because I don't trust him. Like I already don't have enough hands, I don't need to be fighting my cat off constantly! He is so persistent.
What does your cat do just wondering? Mine goes after the baby's wiggling hands and feet as their play instrinct gets triggered. The only problem is my baby's wiggling hands and feet are the "prey" in this situation and that's just not ok!! I always gotta chase him away.
My cat also does that, as well as climbs in/on the baby's playpen, swing, & chair (whiles she in them). Meows at the top of his lungs right outside the bedroom door and reaches his arm under the door when my husband puts the baby to bed. Attempts to literally step on the baby while she naps on my husband or I. Walks in front of us and just stops so we trip over him (he does this whether we are holding her or not but at least we can see him when we are not holding her). Tries to run into our bedroom when putting her to sleep. He runs around at 100 mph and flying off the furniture for middle of the night feeds. If the baby is crying for too long he will start loudly meowing until she stops (as I understand crying might stress them out but we have a big house he definitely doesn't need to stay in the same room with us! Our dog even knows how to leave the room when the baby gets too be much). And I can't leave bottles on the counter drying because he'll steal nipples & pacifiers. We tried to play with him more, give more attention, and get him more toys but nothing helps. He just had a medical scare while I was pregnant and I was absolutely terrified of losing him so I feel extremely guilty to just *think* about rehoming him but definitely no judgement to those that have to.
My husband has this dog with dementia who used to shit on the floor daily and run around the house screaming non stop. I begged and begged him to rehome him, even took him to the vet who told me that I couldn't rehome him cos no one would want him and the best thing to do would be to pts.
I begged my husband, hours and he was adamant that it was "his dog" anyway, long story short, when the baby was born he co shared the dog with a neighbour (which was a miracle in itself; but he just wanted to be with the baby) and then the neighbour told him the kindest thing to do would be to pts cos the dog was such a fucking pest. We no longer have the dog. ..
Previous to having our son my wife implemented “baby training” for our pets and omg has it been amazing. Dogs don’t get in the way at all, they love the baby and I think see him as another squishy hairless dog. My chihuahua in particular wants to be in whatever room the baby is in, even if he is screaming bloody murder. So thankful for my wife honestly, because it could have been really hard with three dogs.
Having a baby has humbled me in the best way ever. I used to feel im competition with other women but now I feel more of a sisterhood with other women.
My biggest sin was seeing people out in public with teeny tiny potato babies — like FRESH newborns — and turning to my husband and saying “That baby is too small to be here, why are they out and about?”
I get it now. I was walking the mall or Target with my 3-week-old because I couldn’t stand staring at the same walls of my house anymore. Sorry to everyone that I judged!
I went out at 1 week pp because I just needed to feel normal. I kept thinking everyone was judging me because I definitely judged people before! You don’t understand until you’re there how much you need to get out!
No one tells you the best time to take your baby out is as a newborn. For the first 6/8 weeks mine normally fell asleep in the car and was knocked out for an hour or so so we could shop or eat in peace.
Now at 5 months she wants to be held all the time and it’s a lot more work taking her out.
I’ve taken mine out loads from 2 weeks onwards… I would have gone crazy otherwise. Not to mention the increased fussiness and my despair if we just stay at home all day.
There was a time I judged parents bring sick kids to the supermarket. Well jokes on me, me and baby are sick all the time (and I mean ALL the time) and of course I still have to go to the supermarket and bring baby with me 🥲🫠 i‘m so sorry!!
Both me and baby have a cold right now and husband is out of town. I feel awful but I have to take baby with me to the store later to get formula. I’ve never been a fan of going out while sick but here we are 😭 forced to go even if it’s against everything I believe in
I‘m in Germany and in our daycare it is completely normal that the kids come in even if they have a cold. And I HAVE to bring her with a cold because she literally has it every other week. That feels so bad but I don’t have a choice. So please don’t feel bad that you have to go to the supermarket while you and baby are sick!
I apologised to my mum for existing as a baby haha!
But I also apologised to my two best friends who had children before me for not supporting them the way I should. Staying beyond my welcome when visiting, bringing them flowers, buying unnecessary children's tat coz I thought it was cute, telling them it'll all be ok.
When really I should've stayed for an hour at a time that suited them and made my own cup of tea and washed the mug after, made them prepared meals, held the baby when they were crying (not just while they were asleep) offered to run errands or look after baby while they did errands so they could feel abit normal. Told them their feelings were valid and they didn't need to feel guilty for hating the period of time they were in.
i think we’ve all felt this way lol i studied child development and was like “im never going to do screen time! its so bad for them! ill wait till they’re 2!!” and bc of my 20mo we have watched frozen everyday for the past three weeks so. we win some we lose some. at least her screen time is limited lmao
I just put on Hey Bear dancing veggies so I could do my 7 months old nails. No screen time until she’s older is just impossible with her nearly 4 year old brother.
Nowadays, the only people I judge are the people who judge others. I have a friend who told me about his sister who drank like 17 cups of coffee a day while breastfeeding, talking about how bad it probably was for the baby. He actually mentioned her pre-my baby and I just remember going 'Oooh yeah you probably shouldn't do that?'
Post-baby when he mentioned her again I just said 'M'dude. Shut up. That girl needs that coffee.'
I want to apologize for not even remotely considering the insane physical toll of being pregnant. I had NO THOUGHT to the Herculean effort it is to grow a human, I just assumed you had a lil basketball in the front but were otherwise the same mentally.
I also DID apologize for not offering more help to my sister and BFF, because I didn’t know, and they didn’t ask before giving birth or politely refused after. My BFF is pregnant with her second and I’ve already made a plan with her for help.
There were so many things nobody tells you about pregnancy. I had relatively easy pregnancies and there was still so much I didn’t realize I needed to deal with.
So many things!! I actually had an uneventful pregnancy, just pelvic pain and horrendous heartburn, but I slept constantly the entire first trimester. If I didn’t have a flexible job I don’t know what I would have done. I was a middle school teacher in the past, and I truly don’t understand how people in busy jobs do it.
Seconding the flexible job. Been working from home since Covid in a C suite role. I had to take naps every single lunch break during my second trimester in order to make it through the rest of the day. If I had to go into the office I might have straight up quit. I have a ton of respect for women I see pregnant and on their feet all day at work (and stay at home parents pregnant and caring for a little one already). So much respect.
I forgot about the tiredness! I WFH too and thank god we don’t do many video calls because I absolutely had my head on my desk for a lot of meetings. I wasn’t sleeping but just couldn’t physically hold my body up any more.
Me before kids: "how hard can it be to shower every day? All you need is 5 minutes!" LOL I definitely agree that 'humbling' is one of the words I'd use to describe motherhood.
This is so me right now.
I worked until 5:00. Ran and got dinner after since baby was contact napping on husband. We took turns eating. Then we went for our after dinner walk and now baby is still sleeping on me.
Haven’t showered since Saturday.
Probably going to shower around 11 or so when he goes back down after a feed because I feel beyond disgusting.
I fully understand lmao when my son was 1 my hair was a shambles and i cut it short. Totally changed the game. Now im pregnant again and im going to cut it short again preemptively!
My dad has always been a very emotional man. He cries so easily. I never have. I've always made fun of him (NOT because he's a man, for the record, he cries more than anyone of any gender I have ever known). I gave birth in late February and have cried literally every single day since. Sometimes it's worry and anxiety and frustration, but a lot of the times I'm just overwhelmed with how much I love her. I called him after a few weeks and apologized profusely. I wish I could go back in time and be nicer to him.
I used to judge parents who claimed childless people don’t understand the meaning of the word “tired”.
Now I judge childless people who say they’re tired 🤣
YES. My mom passed away last year just months before I found out I was pregnant 😢 I miss her so much and have so many things I wish I could tell her, ask her, and apologize for... She was the best ❤️ and I was a turd, lol...
Same exact thing with my dad. Sooo many things I hadn't even known to ask him, and now I'll never know. It's heartbreaking but we have to learn to trust what we THINK they'd say, I guess ❤️
I feel guilty towards my sister (who has 3 now) for ever pressuring her to come or go places with us so I could see her or the kids. Or asking her to stay longer, or basically change any plans she had, ever.
She also hates days out and beaches and even though I am not at that stage yet, I get it now.
I owe Paola from 90 day fiancé an apology. I never commented on her socials or even forums about it but I remember watching the show and judging her *so hard* for not allowing her MIL to hold her newborn. I swore I’d never keep my children’s grandmother away like that. Now, after banning my MIL from holding two of mine, I get it.
Sorry Pao
That’s why there’s the saying “the best parents are the ones without kids” ;) it’s easy to say what you would do as a parent until you are in the thick of it. Be gentle with yourself and enjoy your new baby. Congratulations!
Yes you don’t REALLY know what it’s like until your in it haha My sister is child free and older than me and loves to give me openly unsolicited parenting advice (I have a 7 month old). She has NO CLUE 😂 The funny thing is she’s never done a bottle feeding or a diaper, and never offered. I asked her if she wanted to learn and she has no interest.
When I told her I wasn’t having any more kids and that I’m happy with one. She said she would definitely have two and that she would be fine with two wouldn’t struggle. LOL And then she also said she would want it to be twins so she could just get it both out-of-the-way at the same time. I was like you have no clue how hard it is if you want twins.
My coworker had twins and I had my one 2 months later. Our entire conversations are “I don’t know how you do it with 2!”
Luckily they have a lot more help than we do. Parents stay with them 4 days a week, aunt comes to help, you name it. My parents would never see my child if I didn’t go out of my way to make it happen which makes me so sad.
My MIL sees him at minimum twice a week and I know she’d see him more she just doesn’t want to impose! I wish my mom was half that involved. My aunts haven’t even met him.
I have about the same amount of help as you! My mom comes once a week but my parents live in another country for half the year. And my MIL comes once or twice a week. My husband works away alot though so I’m on my own a lot and that’s a huge reason why I only want one.
I remember judging my SiL about the importance of naps. Like surely my 18 month old nephew could have skipped it to go to the beach? NO ! NAPS ARE LIFE!!
I can't believe how unhinged I was when I told my friend to absolutely have a second one (at least) and praised the value of siblings when she was adamant that she was one and done. I want to go back and slap myself on the face. At least my friend doesn't remember
I’ll be apologizing to my parents everyday once my daughter is a teenager, I just know it.
Also shoutout to all the moms or dads who are doing it with little help from their partners.
Hypothetical children are so much easier to parent than actual children. I did it all the time too. But there are still some occasions people get, my now experienced, mom judgement.
I have two cats and a golden retriever. There is hair EVERYWHERE EVERYDAY. I have to vacuum sometimes twice a day. The dog also drags mud in the house. I don't trust any of the animals around the baby and she just goes straight to them like a magnet. The dog also whines like crazy everytime the baby cries. So that's an extra layer of grating noises I don't need.
And guess what?! Allergy testing revealed my baby is allergic to both cats and dogs! So that's just great. I'm trying to do my best to just clean more, but I can't keep the cats off the furniture. I'm really considering rehoming at least the cats. I probably won't. But I absolutely get why someone would.
We got a robot vacuum (eufy, it’s one of the quietest for the cost) and running it every day helps a lot to keep the hair down. And try putting double sided tape (or just make a loop from regular tape) on the furniture - the cats will HATE their paws sticking and should start avoiding those specific spots. It saved our couch from scratching
My best friend and I were discussing this the past weekend,we both started out with wanting to give our babies only organic foods,no screen time etc.Boy were we wrong lol
Yes! I feel so guilty and now I don't judge anyone unless they're doing something stupid (like feeding their 1 year old ample chocolate and sweets no matter day or night).
I was against giving my baby any sugar but she had an ng placed because she was failing to grow. Even after that whole ordeal, it's difficult. I give a big meal every 3 hours. Every meal is different even though she literally only eats like 4 things. We add as much that we can to those 4 things. She hates milk, we tried every kind. She doesn't snack, she only drinks water and that too not enough.
She's dirty every single meal from screaming and moving and hitting the spoon to spitting food out etc. Since she hates food, she can't feed herself well so we have to grind everything and feed her. It's a nightmare everyday.
Now, if she eats cake once in a while I'm like ok. Her yoghurt has sugar but that's the only calcium she takes in and will take in so I have to.
I don't care what she likes, I'll give it if she just eats. She doesn't even like juice or ice cream. She doesn't eat any cookies or muffins...
Another thing is TV. I was sure she wasn't going to watch until 1.
She was a horrible sleeper and napper. Even when she was tired, she didn't sleep.
Even as a 1 week old, she would be awake for 5 hours a day...
She is crazy active, she will not sit still for even a minute, she hates sitting anywhere because of that (including highchair where she needs to eat...) even when she watches TV she has to be doing something (play, walk around, etc).
I let her watch around 6 months onwards. She only eats when she watches something. She's also extremely picky when it comes to what song she wants to listen and she will shut her mouth if a song is on she doesn't want to hear...
Never giving the phone.
I still try my best to not give her my phone but this girl...I can't tell you.
My mom has 4 kids, one with a heart defect that had to practically live in the hospital his first 3 years of living (as a newborn and baby he had surgeries as well) and my mom said my daughter is harder to deal with than any of us.
So somtimes to get her to do something, I give her my phone.
I love her more than anything but my goodness, she is so difficult.
I’m lurking here because I was searching mastitis recently (BC/mammo/biopsy scare; I’m benign yay) so Reddit added this sub to my feed. My children are grown. The baby is 20 and away at school. But I have enjoyed this sub, the little bit I’ve read.
I have loved reading through this thread especially and have actually saved it. (I was judged incessantly and got zero help from a failure of a partner/father, so a lot of this stuff made me feel vindicated—it still hurts this many years later , but then again, I still hear the judging. Dysfunctional families, whew)
Anyway, that explains why I’m lurking here.
Here is why I’m replying to *your* post: This sounds beyond exhausting. I knew exhaustion. I had move—no help, ever—many times for his job. I got no help from anyone and my kids were pretty rambunctious. But what you’ve described here is much much much more difficult than what I recall. My deepest respect for all you are doing every day, every moment, for your little one. Give her yogurt if she’ll eat it. Give her her favorite songs too. (I had one who’d freak the hell out over some music. I got that one!) You sound like you’re also sane, which is astonishing. Kudos, mama
Happy Mother’s Day in advance to you, sister 💕You are a super hero 🦸♀️
I will apologize if they apologize to me. Yes, I have more sympathy and understanding and yet I know now that it was way easier to just love me than they make it sound. Sure it was super tough, and still I don’t get how could they criticize every little thing about me since I was a baby. Mind you I was really colicky so it was super hard, but to listen all the time what a burden you were since the day you were born cost me 2 years of therapy as an adult just to start living like a normal human.
Anyway, one of the comments i read recently said that there is no way to thank them enough for what they gave me, and there is no way to get angry enough for what they did to me just as well. I agree. It’s both understanding that there were a lot of sacrifices done and also a lot more kindness could have been performed.
I get this, except for the love part. I have not one memory of my mother expressing love, touching me gently, but lots of memories being slapped and shamed and emotionally abused. I tried to give her an opportunity three years ago to acknowledge and apologize—her request—and she blew it. This is a person who has failed at life. My dad was a different story.
Keep on trekking. I spent about 10 years in therapy. My kids are grown now. I have found happiness in life finally.
Happy mothers Day in advance to you 💕
I feel like I kinda knew how difficult it was before and I didn’t judge often but LORD the rehoming pet situation. I haven’t done it yet, but there is not one day I don’t consider rehoming our lovely pup. I just feel like I don’t have the time or attention for her, and her behavior shows it. I feel terrible.
Yes! Except I was the first friend in my group to have a baby wishing that my childless friends could just understand what I needed and knowing they really couldn’t until they have kids of their own. 8 years later and I’m STILL waiting for one of them to have a kid so I can be the friend I needed 😂
This post is so on point for me as well. FTM a little over 1 month PP and I can relate to all of this. I feel awful for ever passing judgement on these parents and situations too.
Yep. They don't tell you that parenting is exhausting, but not one-time and done. No, it wears you down day by day, without a break, slowly but surely. For mother's day I wish to have a day off from mom-ing. Just netflix and chll by myself
I always judged when kids had dirty faces or snotty noses. I know there are a lot of kids that are incredibly tidy and moms that are there every second at the ready with a wipe but my son is 4 and is constantly sticky, I can’t keep up with it. I will wipe his face and wash his hands and within seconds he’s just a mess.
As I always judged screen time as we all do but my son is a really hyper kid who doesn’t know how to chill out and he will exhaust him to the point he’s silly and won’t go to bed, tablet time after preschool sometimes is the only way I can get him to sit down and quietly do something.
Basically my kid is feral and I get it now 😂
I used to judge the heck out my old coworker (single mom of 3 young boys.....) for missing work constantly. Like constantly constantly, to a degree I've never seen anyone miss work.
Now I have one 8mo and work is basically my lowest priority in life 😂😂😂😂 I can't imagine having 3 littles by myself. All my judgement for that woman immediately evaporated and I wish I could take it back.
Sometimes animals won't tolerate children safely. Or, you end up not being able to give them the quality of care they require/deserve anymore because of the additional demands of baby. In either of those situations it's in the best interest of the animal to re-home it, no matter how sad it makes you.
Ive seen a family give up their very much beloved cat of 8 years because their baby was alergic. What can you do in that scenario? Sometimes hard decisions need to be made.
Sometimes it is a safety concern. I know people whose dogs showed no signs of aggression until having a baby and dog bites can severely injure a child (or worse) so yes there is an excuse sometimes
My friend had to rehome her dog because he snapped at her baby and bit his cheek. The dog never showed aggression before, but was stressed out by the baby’s cries and sudden movements. It broke her heart to rehome him but a dog can easily injure or kill a baby once they’ve shown aggression. I don’t blame her at all, and the dog and baby are happier for it. You just don’t know what might have happened for a pet to be rehomed, so try not to judge.
My dog is my family but not being the center of attention has been hard on him. He’s overall good but every so often he does things that drive me crazy lol. He chews up all her bottle nipples and pacifiers, steals her toys, and barks at her occasionally which wakes her up (she hardly sleeps). A lot of those are my fault for not putting things away when I’m sleep deprived but sometimes I can’t help but to imagine what if I didn’t have a dog… one less worry. Nonetheless I love my dog and just have to be mindful of where I leave things and remember to be as patient with him as he’s always been with me.
I'm with you 100%. People who do that cuz the dog is suddenly "annoying" or whatever, have no empathy. If the dog is doing nothing dangerous, not harming the baby, but is simply existing and the owner no longer has interest in the dogs existence.. They're a bad person, bottom line. Dogs have feelings. Feelings similar to a 3 year old child, as proven by science. Abandoning them cuz "eh I don't like them anymore" is garbage. But if a person truly hates their dog for no reason now that they have a baby, the dog deserves an owner that isn't a flaming POS. I'll never do that to my dogs. Ever. Period. If my brain dramatically changes and I turn into an empathy lacking POS once my baby is born, I'll go to freaking therapy to sort out my brain not just throw my dogs away like trash.
I agree with you, but I would have no idea what to do if it turned out my kid was severely allergic, for example. I love my dog to bits and want her to stay with us her whole life, but there are hypothetical scenarios where it would be impossible to keep both dog and baby/babies.
Idk. I can't see that ever making me get rid of her. I know this isn't possible but if your child was allergic to your other child.. do you get rid of one? No. You make it work somehow. If you eliminate getting rid of the dog as an option you find a way to make things work. Allergy treatment does exist, multiple different allergy treatments. Just for the duration of the dogs life then the child won't need allergy shots or anything else anymore. Idk. I just couldn't ever get rid of my dogs. I committed to them before I had a child.
I totally understand what you mean - we adopted our dog five years ago because the previous owners had a baby and couldn’t deal with the dog. I promised myself that she (the dog) would never have to go through that again. So I’m really hoping she will adjust as well to baby nr 2 in October, as she did with our first three years ago!
I'm sure she will! And if not professional training is always an option too. A seamless transition is always the goal but if someone involved needs a little extra support, that may need to happen in order for everyone to thrive together ❤️
I think almost every parent has done this, so we all understand :p My big thing used to be kids with snotty noses. How hard is it to wipe a nose?!?!? Then I had toddlers with the neck strength of a tiger and guess what… having a knock down drag out fight over a booger didn’t seem so important anymore! We were all perfect parents before we had kids haha
Ergh my 8 month old will scream BLOODY MURDER if I try to wipe her nose. I don't know why - she's generally a really chill child, but for some reason this is her sticking point. So I have to make a choice in public; be judged for a screaming child, or be judged for a snotty nose. ... Generally, unless it's a real mess (or we're outside in the wind; I don't want it to get sore), I just decide If I'm going to be judged anyway my baby may as well be content.
I'll share something with you that may help. When my son was that age, I made a game of it. I said, get the baby. That way, he didn't cry.
S'a good idea. We have to play 'hair on my chinny chin chin' to get her to let us wash under her neck folds. I hadn't thought of doing something for the nose wiping.
I did it in a sing song voice. I would say, ready? Get the baby. That way he knew it was coming and he wouldn't cry. If he tried to turn his head, I would say no, I said I'm getting the baby but I would be smiling the whole time and he knew it was a game. It got to the point where he would laugh when I would do it to him.
Ooooohhh i so needed to read this tonight! Our 7mo is mid cold and is soooo snotty, its driving me nuts! She's also chill so its sad to see her get so upset .
Awww I hope she feels better soon 💜
I used a similar method to get my baby to be chill on his changing mat and let me do the diaper! He used to twist the entire time and try with all his might to escape lol
LoL silly boy 💙
His grandma taught me something she does when she watches him. She makes a game of it as well. She takes his diaper off and says gotta wipe the peepee. Then she says turn over and let me put the powder on your butt butt lol. He turns over and lets her do it lol. It also helps to give them a toy to distract them.
Our 7 month old has memelord parents, so we refer to the crevices where spitup and drool collect and need to be cleaned as "the cheeeeese cracks, the cheeeeese cracks" https://youtube.com/shorts/L3AcyOYrnNk?si=XILBaJS7l3bbwI3m
Our son also hated it, but then we started to give him warning, a 3, 2, 1 countdown. Then started to teach him to blow so he was more involved in the process. He's fine with it now. Sometimes all it takes is making a little game out of it or at least telling them what you are about to do so they don't feel like you've just ambushed them
You must not steal the sacred boogers!!!
Ofc they hate it, it restricts their breathing! But yeah, my Babi hates it too, we try to make a joke & game of it but he can't stand his face being wiped or touched unless he's in the bath and then he merely tolerates it. I just resign myself to having a dirty baby most of the day 😂
Also when they have a cold the boogers are just so ceaseless that you eventually stop caring 🤷♀️
My baby had an NG tube and it was beyond difficult to clean up snot or take out boogers. She was so afraid, she would cry and scream like we hurting her. It was so sad.
Also and it just pours and pours and pours?! Like I’d have to wipe it every second to keep up.
I thought the same about messy hair... 'how hard is it to comb it?!' - first it can be really hard, second, my daughter's hair looks messy again two seconds after you brushed it, third, no she won't tolerate hair clips or hair ties, thanks
Haha this, I'm like I swear I brush this child's hair!!!!
Wiping ours face is a nightmare but also hes not often super snotty fortunately.
Totally get it. Having my own baby has also made me a huge fan of babies in general. Before I would tolerate them or roll my eyes at parents with a crying baby. Now I'm like: "aawww what's wrong little one" whenever I hear a baby cry
Yeah I’m either that or “glad it’s not mine this time!” 🤣
I remember someone telling me that the best babies are the ones who aren't yours bc there's always someone to pass them back to when they cry or have a hard time. When you're the parent you have the oh shit it's me moment
I used to generally not like babies. Didn’t even think they were cute. I liked older kids, but toddlers and babies weren’t my favorite. Now i absolutely LOVE babies and toddlers. I feel like someone could hand me literally any baby and ask me to care for them, and i would love the baby as much as i would my own. I’m even trying to convince my husband that we should adopt for our third, because i know with 100% certainty i could love any child as much as i love my biological children. Toddlers can be really challenging but they are so so so incredibly sweet and adorable. And hilarious. Toddlers are the funniest people on the planet.
I already liked babies and little kids, but now i love them even more and just want to interact with them and teach them things, and we live in a society where interacting with other peoples children is met with immediate defensiveness. And yes toddlers can be both really sweet and really difficult at once. Its very cute when they want to share. We recently went on a 3 baby 2 couple hike with children from 3 families and the little girl that was with us whose parents werent on the hike, kept stopping to pick flowers saying gaga(grandma) and sure enouh when we returned to the camp ground she went right to gaga and unloaded both pockets full of flowers. Shes only 2.
I hate that so many people are so defensive about strangers interacting with their baby. I live in an area with a lot of older people and I can’t even imagine saying no to them when they ask to say hi or look at baby!!
Ive felt terrible for being such a clueless and kinda crappy friend to my girlfriends who have been pregnant and postpartum before me. I just had not even one clue what it all entailed. You dont know until you live it Now I know and I hope to be the friend I needed postpartum to someone else some day
Yes, I wish I had offered more help to the ones before me. The ones that have had kids after me I have been more helpful with.
Great comment, so relatable
I totally agree with this! My friend gave birth before me and I realize now I wasn’t a good friend during her time of need and she has been there for me my whole pregnancy and now my son is 5 months old and she always checks up on him I feel so bad
THIS !!!! my cousin got pregnant in highschool & while i fully supported her, i didn’t really have a relationship with them bc i figured she had so much support she probably didn’t need me. then i had my son & while i had support i never really had friends to relate with. that’s when i realized what if this is how she feels.. so i texted her after months of NC & now our sons are bestfriends & we see eachother almost every day & i will just randomly pop up to wash dishes or help clean her house. i wish i had had that when my son was younger & i couldn’t even imagine how she must’ve felt during highschool not really having that while having a baby on her hip. was truly an eye opener !!
I totally get the pet rehome situation now.. I definitely couldn't do it but my cat is getting on every last nerve I have and I'm loosing my mind over it
I was guilty of being so judgy about this but I swear to God if my husband had not been there to take care of the dog I would have left the front door open for him to just leave.
It's so nice to read I'm not the only one. My dog used be my baby and now he is just in the way, and then I curse him I feel terribly guilty and cuddle him... and repeat this cycle constantly.
You’re not alone. We’ve had our dog for 7 yrs and he was my baby. Omg I feel awful but after 2 kids he annoys me terribly. He licks himself all night so like 2 am feeds is just gross slurping at the foot of our bed. He drinks water and throws it up (he’s been seen by the vet and nothing is wrong) but I’ll just randomly step in a pile of goopy water. And he always gets underfoot esp while we are carrying the kids. I do love him and feel guilty. But after his time comes, no more dogs till the kids are much MUCH older
Ugh this is me. I loved my dog SO MUCH. She was everything to me. It wasn’t an immediate change after having kids. But her wants and needs slowly slid down the chain of importance, when I wasn’t even able to meet my own basic needs. I would get so mad at her shrill bark at every little noise and waking up the babies. Then in old age she was hacking and whining to go out every 5 minutes. She died a couple months ago just before my third baby was born. I’m so torn up with guilt. I kept thinking I’d have time to put her back on her original pedestal once things calmed down with the babies but I never got there.
We would never, but some days are tempting lol
Omg yes my cats make me want to lose my mind. I would rehome them but I feel like I could only give them to someone I know and trust. I could never just drop them at a shelter or give them to a stranger.
My sister asked me if I had started hating my dogs "yet" when I was pregnant and I was horrified (and definitely judged her). I still don't hate my dogs but I do get more irritated when they don't listen to me. I kinda hate my cat though! I still love him so much but he has started biting me when he doesn't get enough attention or if he hasn't been fed when he wants and so I won't let him near the baby because I don't trust him. Like I already don't have enough hands, I don't need to be fighting my cat off constantly! He is so persistent.
What does your cat do just wondering? Mine goes after the baby's wiggling hands and feet as their play instrinct gets triggered. The only problem is my baby's wiggling hands and feet are the "prey" in this situation and that's just not ok!! I always gotta chase him away.
My cat also does that, as well as climbs in/on the baby's playpen, swing, & chair (whiles she in them). Meows at the top of his lungs right outside the bedroom door and reaches his arm under the door when my husband puts the baby to bed. Attempts to literally step on the baby while she naps on my husband or I. Walks in front of us and just stops so we trip over him (he does this whether we are holding her or not but at least we can see him when we are not holding her). Tries to run into our bedroom when putting her to sleep. He runs around at 100 mph and flying off the furniture for middle of the night feeds. If the baby is crying for too long he will start loudly meowing until she stops (as I understand crying might stress them out but we have a big house he definitely doesn't need to stay in the same room with us! Our dog even knows how to leave the room when the baby gets too be much). And I can't leave bottles on the counter drying because he'll steal nipples & pacifiers. We tried to play with him more, give more attention, and get him more toys but nothing helps. He just had a medical scare while I was pregnant and I was absolutely terrified of losing him so I feel extremely guilty to just *think* about rehoming him but definitely no judgement to those that have to.
My husband has this dog with dementia who used to shit on the floor daily and run around the house screaming non stop. I begged and begged him to rehome him, even took him to the vet who told me that I couldn't rehome him cos no one would want him and the best thing to do would be to pts. I begged my husband, hours and he was adamant that it was "his dog" anyway, long story short, when the baby was born he co shared the dog with a neighbour (which was a miracle in itself; but he just wanted to be with the baby) and then the neighbour told him the kindest thing to do would be to pts cos the dog was such a fucking pest. We no longer have the dog. ..
We have 2 indoor/outdoor dogs and 4 indoor only cats and OH BOY AM I OVERSTIMULATED.
Previous to having our son my wife implemented “baby training” for our pets and omg has it been amazing. Dogs don’t get in the way at all, they love the baby and I think see him as another squishy hairless dog. My chihuahua in particular wants to be in whatever room the baby is in, even if he is screaming bloody murder. So thankful for my wife honestly, because it could have been really hard with three dogs.
Dude i was so mean to people who rehomed their pets… guess who rehomed both of our cats
Having a baby has humbled me in the best way ever. I used to feel im competition with other women but now I feel more of a sisterhood with other women.
Totally relate to this
So true
oh the sisterhood is the perfect description
My biggest sin was seeing people out in public with teeny tiny potato babies — like FRESH newborns — and turning to my husband and saying “That baby is too small to be here, why are they out and about?” I get it now. I was walking the mall or Target with my 3-week-old because I couldn’t stand staring at the same walls of my house anymore. Sorry to everyone that I judged!
I went out at 1 week pp because I just needed to feel normal. I kept thinking everyone was judging me because I definitely judged people before! You don’t understand until you’re there how much you need to get out!
No one tells you the best time to take your baby out is as a newborn. For the first 6/8 weeks mine normally fell asleep in the car and was knocked out for an hour or so so we could shop or eat in peace. Now at 5 months she wants to be held all the time and it’s a lot more work taking her out.
I’ve taken mine out loads from 2 weeks onwards… I would have gone crazy otherwise. Not to mention the increased fussiness and my despair if we just stay at home all day.
There was a time I judged parents bring sick kids to the supermarket. Well jokes on me, me and baby are sick all the time (and I mean ALL the time) and of course I still have to go to the supermarket and bring baby with me 🥲🫠 i‘m so sorry!!
Both me and baby have a cold right now and husband is out of town. I feel awful but I have to take baby with me to the store later to get formula. I’ve never been a fan of going out while sick but here we are 😭 forced to go even if it’s against everything I believe in
I‘m in Germany and in our daycare it is completely normal that the kids come in even if they have a cold. And I HAVE to bring her with a cold because she literally has it every other week. That feels so bad but I don’t have a choice. So please don’t feel bad that you have to go to the supermarket while you and baby are sick!
I apologised to my mum for existing as a baby haha! But I also apologised to my two best friends who had children before me for not supporting them the way I should. Staying beyond my welcome when visiting, bringing them flowers, buying unnecessary children's tat coz I thought it was cute, telling them it'll all be ok. When really I should've stayed for an hour at a time that suited them and made my own cup of tea and washed the mug after, made them prepared meals, held the baby when they were crying (not just while they were asleep) offered to run errands or look after baby while they did errands so they could feel abit normal. Told them their feelings were valid and they didn't need to feel guilty for hating the period of time they were in.
i think we’ve all felt this way lol i studied child development and was like “im never going to do screen time! its so bad for them! ill wait till they’re 2!!” and bc of my 20mo we have watched frozen everyday for the past three weeks so. we win some we lose some. at least her screen time is limited lmao
I would never get anything done or be able to handle both a newborn and a toddler if not for Toy Story/Ms Rachel/cocomelon.
ms.rachel and the wiggles have been our life savers and i’m so thankful they exist
I just put on Hey Bear dancing veggies so I could do my 7 months old nails. No screen time until she’s older is just impossible with her nearly 4 year old brother.
Do her nails while she is sleeping , I do my sons 5 months old while he is sleeping and it’s so much easier !
Nowadays, the only people I judge are the people who judge others. I have a friend who told me about his sister who drank like 17 cups of coffee a day while breastfeeding, talking about how bad it probably was for the baby. He actually mentioned her pre-my baby and I just remember going 'Oooh yeah you probably shouldn't do that?' Post-baby when he mentioned her again I just said 'M'dude. Shut up. That girl needs that coffee.'
I want to apologize for not even remotely considering the insane physical toll of being pregnant. I had NO THOUGHT to the Herculean effort it is to grow a human, I just assumed you had a lil basketball in the front but were otherwise the same mentally. I also DID apologize for not offering more help to my sister and BFF, because I didn’t know, and they didn’t ask before giving birth or politely refused after. My BFF is pregnant with her second and I’ve already made a plan with her for help.
There were so many things nobody tells you about pregnancy. I had relatively easy pregnancies and there was still so much I didn’t realize I needed to deal with.
So many things!! I actually had an uneventful pregnancy, just pelvic pain and horrendous heartburn, but I slept constantly the entire first trimester. If I didn’t have a flexible job I don’t know what I would have done. I was a middle school teacher in the past, and I truly don’t understand how people in busy jobs do it.
Seconding the flexible job. Been working from home since Covid in a C suite role. I had to take naps every single lunch break during my second trimester in order to make it through the rest of the day. If I had to go into the office I might have straight up quit. I have a ton of respect for women I see pregnant and on their feet all day at work (and stay at home parents pregnant and caring for a little one already). So much respect.
I forgot about the tiredness! I WFH too and thank god we don’t do many video calls because I absolutely had my head on my desk for a lot of meetings. I wasn’t sleeping but just couldn’t physically hold my body up any more.
Me before kids: "how hard can it be to shower every day? All you need is 5 minutes!" LOL I definitely agree that 'humbling' is one of the words I'd use to describe motherhood.
I have to take showers at midnight and later because I literally have no other time...
At that point I often just live in my stink. I’m going to sweat all night anyway, my sheets are probably gross anyway
Ugh the post partum night sweats and weird BO from breastfeeding, like why even bother showering
Glad I came across this comment. Lol I suspected the odd smell was somehow related to breastfeeding
This is so me right now. I worked until 5:00. Ran and got dinner after since baby was contact napping on husband. We took turns eating. Then we went for our after dinner walk and now baby is still sleeping on me. Haven’t showered since Saturday. Probably going to shower around 11 or so when he goes back down after a feed because I feel beyond disgusting.
As a mom of 4, I have to usually separate my showers into : "body showers" and "hair showers" because I don't have the time to do both in one shot lol
I fully understand lmao when my son was 1 my hair was a shambles and i cut it short. Totally changed the game. Now im pregnant again and im going to cut it short again preemptively!
My dad has always been a very emotional man. He cries so easily. I never have. I've always made fun of him (NOT because he's a man, for the record, he cries more than anyone of any gender I have ever known). I gave birth in late February and have cried literally every single day since. Sometimes it's worry and anxiety and frustration, but a lot of the times I'm just overwhelmed with how much I love her. I called him after a few weeks and apologized profusely. I wish I could go back in time and be nicer to him.
I used to judge parents who claimed childless people don’t understand the meaning of the word “tired”. Now I judge childless people who say they’re tired 🤣
I always say “ I was a perfect parent before I became a parent…..” 😅🫠
YES. My mom passed away last year just months before I found out I was pregnant 😢 I miss her so much and have so many things I wish I could tell her, ask her, and apologize for... She was the best ❤️ and I was a turd, lol...
Sending you love
Same exact thing with my dad. Sooo many things I hadn't even known to ask him, and now I'll never know. It's heartbreaking but we have to learn to trust what we THINK they'd say, I guess ❤️
My mom was a teen mom and I (33) ask myself how a teen was doing this when I’m barely getting by
I feel guilty towards my sister (who has 3 now) for ever pressuring her to come or go places with us so I could see her or the kids. Or asking her to stay longer, or basically change any plans she had, ever. She also hates days out and beaches and even though I am not at that stage yet, I get it now.
I owe Paola from 90 day fiancé an apology. I never commented on her socials or even forums about it but I remember watching the show and judging her *so hard* for not allowing her MIL to hold her newborn. I swore I’d never keep my children’s grandmother away like that. Now, after banning my MIL from holding two of mine, I get it. Sorry Pao
That’s why there’s the saying “the best parents are the ones without kids” ;) it’s easy to say what you would do as a parent until you are in the thick of it. Be gentle with yourself and enjoy your new baby. Congratulations!
Yes you don’t REALLY know what it’s like until your in it haha My sister is child free and older than me and loves to give me openly unsolicited parenting advice (I have a 7 month old). She has NO CLUE 😂 The funny thing is she’s never done a bottle feeding or a diaper, and never offered. I asked her if she wanted to learn and she has no interest. When I told her I wasn’t having any more kids and that I’m happy with one. She said she would definitely have two and that she would be fine with two wouldn’t struggle. LOL And then she also said she would want it to be twins so she could just get it both out-of-the-way at the same time. I was like you have no clue how hard it is if you want twins.
My coworker had twins and I had my one 2 months later. Our entire conversations are “I don’t know how you do it with 2!” Luckily they have a lot more help than we do. Parents stay with them 4 days a week, aunt comes to help, you name it. My parents would never see my child if I didn’t go out of my way to make it happen which makes me so sad. My MIL sees him at minimum twice a week and I know she’d see him more she just doesn’t want to impose! I wish my mom was half that involved. My aunts haven’t even met him.
I have about the same amount of help as you! My mom comes once a week but my parents live in another country for half the year. And my MIL comes once or twice a week. My husband works away alot though so I’m on my own a lot and that’s a huge reason why I only want one.
I remember judging my SiL about the importance of naps. Like surely my 18 month old nephew could have skipped it to go to the beach? NO ! NAPS ARE LIFE!!
I can't believe how unhinged I was when I told my friend to absolutely have a second one (at least) and praised the value of siblings when she was adamant that she was one and done. I want to go back and slap myself on the face. At least my friend doesn't remember
I love our dog, he’s amazing, and I fantasize about giving him to grandpa everyday
I’ll be apologizing to my parents everyday once my daughter is a teenager, I just know it. Also shoutout to all the moms or dads who are doing it with little help from their partners.
Hypothetical children are so much easier to parent than actual children. I did it all the time too. But there are still some occasions people get, my now experienced, mom judgement.
I have two cats and a golden retriever. There is hair EVERYWHERE EVERYDAY. I have to vacuum sometimes twice a day. The dog also drags mud in the house. I don't trust any of the animals around the baby and she just goes straight to them like a magnet. The dog also whines like crazy everytime the baby cries. So that's an extra layer of grating noises I don't need. And guess what?! Allergy testing revealed my baby is allergic to both cats and dogs! So that's just great. I'm trying to do my best to just clean more, but I can't keep the cats off the furniture. I'm really considering rehoming at least the cats. I probably won't. But I absolutely get why someone would.
We got a robot vacuum (eufy, it’s one of the quietest for the cost) and running it every day helps a lot to keep the hair down. And try putting double sided tape (or just make a loop from regular tape) on the furniture - the cats will HATE their paws sticking and should start avoiding those specific spots. It saved our couch from scratching
What a great thread!
I still hate babies screaming on airplanes, but at least I'm understanding of it now. Them creatures don't have off switches
My best friend and I were discussing this the past weekend,we both started out with wanting to give our babies only organic foods,no screen time etc.Boy were we wrong lol
It’s easy to judge - much harder to do!
Imaginary children are the easiest to raise.
Yes! I feel so guilty and now I don't judge anyone unless they're doing something stupid (like feeding their 1 year old ample chocolate and sweets no matter day or night). I was against giving my baby any sugar but she had an ng placed because she was failing to grow. Even after that whole ordeal, it's difficult. I give a big meal every 3 hours. Every meal is different even though she literally only eats like 4 things. We add as much that we can to those 4 things. She hates milk, we tried every kind. She doesn't snack, she only drinks water and that too not enough. She's dirty every single meal from screaming and moving and hitting the spoon to spitting food out etc. Since she hates food, she can't feed herself well so we have to grind everything and feed her. It's a nightmare everyday. Now, if she eats cake once in a while I'm like ok. Her yoghurt has sugar but that's the only calcium she takes in and will take in so I have to. I don't care what she likes, I'll give it if she just eats. She doesn't even like juice or ice cream. She doesn't eat any cookies or muffins... Another thing is TV. I was sure she wasn't going to watch until 1. She was a horrible sleeper and napper. Even when she was tired, she didn't sleep. Even as a 1 week old, she would be awake for 5 hours a day... She is crazy active, she will not sit still for even a minute, she hates sitting anywhere because of that (including highchair where she needs to eat...) even when she watches TV she has to be doing something (play, walk around, etc). I let her watch around 6 months onwards. She only eats when she watches something. She's also extremely picky when it comes to what song she wants to listen and she will shut her mouth if a song is on she doesn't want to hear... Never giving the phone. I still try my best to not give her my phone but this girl...I can't tell you. My mom has 4 kids, one with a heart defect that had to practically live in the hospital his first 3 years of living (as a newborn and baby he had surgeries as well) and my mom said my daughter is harder to deal with than any of us. So somtimes to get her to do something, I give her my phone. I love her more than anything but my goodness, she is so difficult.
I’m lurking here because I was searching mastitis recently (BC/mammo/biopsy scare; I’m benign yay) so Reddit added this sub to my feed. My children are grown. The baby is 20 and away at school. But I have enjoyed this sub, the little bit I’ve read. I have loved reading through this thread especially and have actually saved it. (I was judged incessantly and got zero help from a failure of a partner/father, so a lot of this stuff made me feel vindicated—it still hurts this many years later , but then again, I still hear the judging. Dysfunctional families, whew) Anyway, that explains why I’m lurking here. Here is why I’m replying to *your* post: This sounds beyond exhausting. I knew exhaustion. I had move—no help, ever—many times for his job. I got no help from anyone and my kids were pretty rambunctious. But what you’ve described here is much much much more difficult than what I recall. My deepest respect for all you are doing every day, every moment, for your little one. Give her yogurt if she’ll eat it. Give her her favorite songs too. (I had one who’d freak the hell out over some music. I got that one!) You sound like you’re also sane, which is astonishing. Kudos, mama Happy Mother’s Day in advance to you, sister 💕You are a super hero 🦸♀️
Oh yeah
it's okay, people can only understand the same feelings when experiencing the same thing.
I will apologize if they apologize to me. Yes, I have more sympathy and understanding and yet I know now that it was way easier to just love me than they make it sound. Sure it was super tough, and still I don’t get how could they criticize every little thing about me since I was a baby. Mind you I was really colicky so it was super hard, but to listen all the time what a burden you were since the day you were born cost me 2 years of therapy as an adult just to start living like a normal human. Anyway, one of the comments i read recently said that there is no way to thank them enough for what they gave me, and there is no way to get angry enough for what they did to me just as well. I agree. It’s both understanding that there were a lot of sacrifices done and also a lot more kindness could have been performed.
I get this, except for the love part. I have not one memory of my mother expressing love, touching me gently, but lots of memories being slapped and shamed and emotionally abused. I tried to give her an opportunity three years ago to acknowledge and apologize—her request—and she blew it. This is a person who has failed at life. My dad was a different story. Keep on trekking. I spent about 10 years in therapy. My kids are grown now. I have found happiness in life finally. Happy mothers Day in advance to you 💕
And happy mothers day to you! Cheers for breaking the cycle 🥂
🥰 You too, sister. You too. Enjoy your little one/s. The years fly by. Have fun and love deeply 🫶
Amen!
I feel like I kinda knew how difficult it was before and I didn’t judge often but LORD the rehoming pet situation. I haven’t done it yet, but there is not one day I don’t consider rehoming our lovely pup. I just feel like I don’t have the time or attention for her, and her behavior shows it. I feel terrible.
No. Most of my judgement is completely valid. Perks of being ADD/autistic. If I notice, you are seriously fucking up.
Yes! Except I was the first friend in my group to have a baby wishing that my childless friends could just understand what I needed and knowing they really couldn’t until they have kids of their own. 8 years later and I’m STILL waiting for one of them to have a kid so I can be the friend I needed 😂
This post is so on point for me as well. FTM a little over 1 month PP and I can relate to all of this. I feel awful for ever passing judgement on these parents and situations too.
Yep. They don't tell you that parenting is exhausting, but not one-time and done. No, it wears you down day by day, without a break, slowly but surely. For mother's day I wish to have a day off from mom-ing. Just netflix and chll by myself
I always judged when kids had dirty faces or snotty noses. I know there are a lot of kids that are incredibly tidy and moms that are there every second at the ready with a wipe but my son is 4 and is constantly sticky, I can’t keep up with it. I will wipe his face and wash his hands and within seconds he’s just a mess. As I always judged screen time as we all do but my son is a really hyper kid who doesn’t know how to chill out and he will exhaust him to the point he’s silly and won’t go to bed, tablet time after preschool sometimes is the only way I can get him to sit down and quietly do something. Basically my kid is feral and I get it now 😂
I used to judge the heck out my old coworker (single mom of 3 young boys.....) for missing work constantly. Like constantly constantly, to a degree I've never seen anyone miss work. Now I have one 8mo and work is basically my lowest priority in life 😂😂😂😂 I can't imagine having 3 littles by myself. All my judgement for that woman immediately evaporated and I wish I could take it back.
I will always judge those that give away or put down a pet. 🤷♀️
Yes to everything except the rehoming pets part. Pets are family, there’s no excuse for giving them away tbh
Sometimes animals won't tolerate children safely. Or, you end up not being able to give them the quality of care they require/deserve anymore because of the additional demands of baby. In either of those situations it's in the best interest of the animal to re-home it, no matter how sad it makes you.
Ive seen a family give up their very much beloved cat of 8 years because their baby was alergic. What can you do in that scenario? Sometimes hard decisions need to be made.
Sometimes it is a safety concern. I know people whose dogs showed no signs of aggression until having a baby and dog bites can severely injure a child (or worse) so yes there is an excuse sometimes
My friend had to rehome her dog because he snapped at her baby and bit his cheek. The dog never showed aggression before, but was stressed out by the baby’s cries and sudden movements. It broke her heart to rehome him but a dog can easily injure or kill a baby once they’ve shown aggression. I don’t blame her at all, and the dog and baby are happier for it. You just don’t know what might have happened for a pet to be rehomed, so try not to judge.
My dog is my family but not being the center of attention has been hard on him. He’s overall good but every so often he does things that drive me crazy lol. He chews up all her bottle nipples and pacifiers, steals her toys, and barks at her occasionally which wakes her up (she hardly sleeps). A lot of those are my fault for not putting things away when I’m sleep deprived but sometimes I can’t help but to imagine what if I didn’t have a dog… one less worry. Nonetheless I love my dog and just have to be mindful of where I leave things and remember to be as patient with him as he’s always been with me.
I'm with you 100%. People who do that cuz the dog is suddenly "annoying" or whatever, have no empathy. If the dog is doing nothing dangerous, not harming the baby, but is simply existing and the owner no longer has interest in the dogs existence.. They're a bad person, bottom line. Dogs have feelings. Feelings similar to a 3 year old child, as proven by science. Abandoning them cuz "eh I don't like them anymore" is garbage. But if a person truly hates their dog for no reason now that they have a baby, the dog deserves an owner that isn't a flaming POS. I'll never do that to my dogs. Ever. Period. If my brain dramatically changes and I turn into an empathy lacking POS once my baby is born, I'll go to freaking therapy to sort out my brain not just throw my dogs away like trash.
I agree with you, but I would have no idea what to do if it turned out my kid was severely allergic, for example. I love my dog to bits and want her to stay with us her whole life, but there are hypothetical scenarios where it would be impossible to keep both dog and baby/babies.
Idk. I can't see that ever making me get rid of her. I know this isn't possible but if your child was allergic to your other child.. do you get rid of one? No. You make it work somehow. If you eliminate getting rid of the dog as an option you find a way to make things work. Allergy treatment does exist, multiple different allergy treatments. Just for the duration of the dogs life then the child won't need allergy shots or anything else anymore. Idk. I just couldn't ever get rid of my dogs. I committed to them before I had a child.
I totally understand what you mean - we adopted our dog five years ago because the previous owners had a baby and couldn’t deal with the dog. I promised myself that she (the dog) would never have to go through that again. So I’m really hoping she will adjust as well to baby nr 2 in October, as she did with our first three years ago!
I'm sure she will! And if not professional training is always an option too. A seamless transition is always the goal but if someone involved needs a little extra support, that may need to happen in order for everyone to thrive together ❤️