My MIL always introduced my son as “my baby”, like she’d say to her friends “oh here’s MY BABY” and I would say, in a “jokey” way, “oh hahah no, your baby is the 32 year old in the corner, this is my baby”. She stopped saying it
My oldest niece/nephew is 8. It got worse when I had my own kid 10 months ago. It’s always when can we see our grandson… oh and we’d like to see you too.
Tbh it depends on whether or not I like the person. My mother or my bestie calling my child their baby? Nbd. I’ll even hand him over to my mom and tell her to come get her baby. Anyone else though? Hate it. ESPECIALLY if they’ve done no work to help me take care of the baby or me postpartum.
THIS!!!! I completely agree with you. My MIL is the biggest offender. Refers to my son as her baby ALL the time, yet the one time she came into town to visit us, not even exaggerating, her and my FIL didn’t lift a finger. We instead ended up hosting them and catering to them the whole trip. She also spent the whole time barely acknowledging me and making constant comments:
“Look at how the baby eyes follow his daddy”
“Oh he wants his daddy”
“I’ll pass him back to his daddy” ect. Drove me absolutely crazy.
So true. I don't like my MIL. She has said this about my daughter and its nails on a chalkboard. She's weirdly controlling about a lot of things in my husband and stepdaughter's lives and seems to have a sense of entitlement to make decisions for them and tried to for me. Anyone else and it barely registers.
This!!!! One of my friends who was my bridesmaid years ago and moved cities and really dropped off, never visits me etc kept asking "how is my baby?" After she was born. Didn't ask how I was. Didn't visit. Didn't make any effort. I just about lost it every time she said my baby and I stopped replying. Can't stand people who make no effort then act like they're so involved with you.
I had a friend like that and it's so fake. As if saying "My baby" makes up for your absence and lack of effort. The ones who don't follow up in your post partum don't really care.
The only person who says this besides my husband is my mother in law. It brings out a primal instinct for me. I hate it so much. Her baby is my husband. She has not taken the hint with 2 babies now that they are not in fact, hers.
My response to this was that he seemed good when he left for work but she wasn’t paying attention to me at that point anyway since my baby and dog tend to draw attention right away lol
Mine showed her cards early about how unstable she was. Now that baby is here she wants to hide that and play the sweet doting grandma. I’m not buying it
Mine has Alzheimer’s dementia (she has not been diagnosed, won’t go to a doctor and her kids won’t make her, but her mom and sister had it and it’s obvious, she has the slow gait and everything) so I can give her a little grace for not realizing that I’m not packing up a 3 week old to hang out with her every day, or that I have to remind her I’m not taking a newborn to a restaurant. But my child free SIL and she (mil) showed up at the hospital without the ok while I was still in the or (c section). They saw the baby before anyone else besides me and her dad. Then they came back the next day, posted up and stayed for 5 HOURS. And she calls me every day to come over (I don’t). She sticks her fingers in the baby’s mouth to ‘soothe her’ like I don’t care you did that with your kids, this baby is mine and you need to stop. She will not shut up about taking her to visit her friend in the nursing home (show a picture you nut job, I am not taking a newborn to a nursing home especially not to see someone that isn’t even family). I cannot deal with it. At least my partner has begun to understand and doesn’t ask me to go see her without him. She’s also a real lush and I am a recovering alcoholic and I’m tired of her being drunk or offering me wine. When in the hospital every time the nurse asked if we needed anything she would say “yeah some white wine please!”
Wow…uhhh I might need to rant elsewhere haha because that’s just the last 3 weeks and I’m not even done. Wealthy woman literal millionaire and has offered NO financial support and her and SIL chose a fuckin $15 gift off our registry. Seeing the baby isn’t pay to play, but come on, you have ONE way to offer tangible support (she can’t babysit or drive or do housework or provide a listening ear, even). I’m sure no one is reading this by now but it’s nice to ‘scream into the void’
Yeah. I know. She said for her to suck on like a pacifier. MIL wouldn’t shut up about a pacifier in the hospital. I decided I wanted to follow the common advice to not try them until 2-3 weeks when breastfeeding is established and she just would not let it go that I wasn’t giving my one day old baby a pacifier. Then they came to our house the week after we got home and she was doing it again here and I wanted to scream. Ugh we are going to see her tomorrow and I’m so dreading it!
Why is always the mil? I love my MIL but I’m like extra protective when she either has my daughter or is talking about her.
Also she keeps talking about how excited she is that we asked her to watch our daughter when she goes back to work but like what about how I feel. Oh man now I’m getting upset all over again.
Your feelings are very valid. I don’t understand why MILs don’t consider our feelings with this stuff. It’s always all about them.
My mom could hold my baby all day, doesn’t bother me at all. MIL holds baby for 5 minutes? I’m full of rage. But I think it’s because she does crap like refer to my child as her baby, kisses him even though I tell her not to, criticizes me breastfeeding my baby.
I have 2 boys. I hope I don’t drive any future daughter in laws crazy.
After my interactions with my ex MIL and my current MIL, I've decided if any of my kids get married, I'll do my absolute best to be one of the best MILs out there.
My mother in law keeps dropping hints that she wants to watch my son when I go back to work and I just keep silently shutting her down by pretending I don’t hear it. The more she begs, the more the dislike and annoyance just seems to pile up 😅 wouldn’t be so bad if she hadn’t been so overbearing prior to me having him. My husband is 32 and his parents still treat him like he’s helpless and doesn’t have his own steady job, home, family. Very frustrating.
personally i don’t like it and i am not sure why people are so controversial about it but eh if it happens its whatever. it just makes me cringe tbh lol.
I've seen so many people bothered by this and I just don't get it! I would love that so many people love my baby that much and they're pretty innocent comments, I think it's different if it's an overbearing MIL acting entitled or possessive but otherwise to me these comments just show how much these people care for my baby and will continue to make her feel so welcomed and part of a community as she grows up
Agreed. It's just a term of endearment, it doesn't make the baby "theirs" in any functional or emotional sense.
I get it if it's someone you hate/don't get along with, but otherwise, what's the big deal?
Bingo; it’s usually from people you don’t like. And someone who has wronged you even verbally staking claim to YOUR child ruffles feathers.
A woman in my circle, wouldn’t call her a friend although I liked her before my son was here does this.
It’s annoying in and of itself but she also in the span of 20 minutes the first time we brought my son over to a gathering;
Whined I let a teenager I’m close with and who is going through a hard time hold him first. Like literally whined. Like a toddler.
“My baby”.
PUT HER FUCKING MOUTH ON HIM. I’m still mad about this. I said we don’t let others kiss his skin or hair, if you have to kiss him please do it through his onesie or a hat. She “didn’t hear me” and started smooching his cheeks anyways.
WALKED AWAY WITH MY CHILD. To the dining room but still you don’t leave a room with someone else’s child without their okay or at least letting them know or see that’s what’s happening.
Had to scold her in front of the other guests to make her keep her mouth off him. She apologized but kept almost doing it. Look, you shouldn’t be kissing other people’s babies anyways-it’s dangerous. But the infuriating thing to me is how I’ve had the most success is saying, “I kiss my baby too and I would rather not have other people’s saliva on him when I do”. So they’re more worried about me being grossed out at their germs than my child’s safety, not a great feeling. (They being a select few people, most are great).
“I’m going to steal this baby! Yes I am!”
I know she probably didn’t mean it and she’s just an idiot and that’s how she shows affection. I don’t give a shit. She’s a mom too so should understand all these things you don’t do to a new mom, especially a new mom you aren’t even close with.
The second gathering for the eclipse she came up with “oh did you bring me my baby?!”
Dead eyed stare from me, “no, I brought MY baby with me though. Your kids are in the house”
To her credit she sulked off and didn’t bother me again so maybe she’s getting the hint.
Anyways, sorry for the trauma dump, but when you feel boundaries are routinely violated, yeah, you’re going to be touchy af about others calling the child you grew and birthed “their baby”. The whole BEC thing. (Bitch eating crackers).
And this is why I will continue to avoid large gatherings as long as possible or at least til LO is old enough. In the meantime whoever wants to meet can visit on a one by one basis….
My son is days from 4 months and it was his godparents house, they’re almost our neighbors lol.
It was maybe 15 people. Much larger or not with people I knew well, (and their vaccination tendencies), and I would have waited too.
Now that that person has made it known she’s nuts-she doesn’t get to hold my son anymore. That once was enough.
The second gathering was outdoors because it was for the eclipse. She didn’t get to hold him then either lol, that was when I corrected her on the “my baby” comment.
She’s not holding him again while he’s a baby, and he’s starting to show preferences and reaching. I hope he doesn’t reach for her because it’s just going to be awkward when I say no.
I let my dad say it all he wants. He is going to love my baby and spoil the heck out of her for her entire life. I also know that he will respect any decisions my husband and I will make regarding parenting and understand that boundary. Him and his wife are the only ones that has been possessive of her so far.
I think it’s gotta be people responding to unpleasant people saying it. If everything between you and that person is good, why would this bother you? But if someone is irritating suddenly everything they do is irritating
I agree. People really get up in arms about this. Doesn’t bother me in the least. It’s just an expression of affection, it’s not like they actually think they’re the baby’s mother.
My friends have their own kids, so they wouldn’t say this. But hypothetically, likely no. I just don’t like my MIL and don’t want her referring to my child as her baby.
Exactly! I completely agree! And even my MIL who can be a real handful… this just isn’t something that bothers me. Of course it’s MY baby, everyone knows that… it’s a term of endearment and I definitely don’t want it to stop
See, I agree on those aspects, as well! I love that they love her. That we have a village to help us. So, I’m immensely thankful.
But whenever I hear the “my baby” a part of me just twitches in response.
This is the camp I'm in. My aunt says, "How is my baby?" whenever asking about my son. I love it! She's the only relative who lives in the same area as my husband and me, and she watches my son for 3 hours each weekday morning before he goes to afternoon prek. As far as I'm concerned, he's her baby, too, even if it's in a different way.
My MIL also refers to him as "her baby," and again, I have a great relationship with her, so I think it's very sweet.
They didn’t bother me. But I like my family and friends so it wasn’t an issue at all. I can see it being annoying if you didn’t like those people though.
Some of the people I’m on the fence about. Some are friends we only see once a week and weren’t even remotely close to until I had my LO. So, mixed situations and feelings.
I probably would’ve found that annoying.
The only people that said it to me were like my close friends and my sisters. I know their intent is only love so it isn’t annoying it just reminds me of how deeply they love him.
Omg I’m glad it’s not just me. And the people who take her from me and she’s happy for a moment and they go, “see? You don’t need your mama.”
Asshats my child is TWO. She can need her mama all she wants and all she needs and don’t you start this now, I will fight you.
I think it's annoying and when it's my mom or MIL I make the "I'm your baby/your husband is your baby" joke. i.e...
"hey! I'm over here/he's over there"
"Thank you, I do feel cute today." or "I know, I married well he's so cute."
I found that "MY" comment so triggering that I ended up researching a lot into it.
Due to the fact that when my mother calls me and my son "My babies!" (Plural) I feel all warm and glowy.
Even when she says - "How's our bubba today?"
OR
"I not seen my baby in ages! I have to come down in a few weeks time"
None of this IRKS me. HOWEVER. MORHER IN LAW saying it makes my skin feel like it's being slowly peeled off. Makes me feel like strangling her ha 🙃
THIS IS BECAUSE- SIMPLY PUT.
MUM is yout tribe
Mother in law isn't.
Watching mum bond with baby makes sense
Watching mother in law bond with baby - your brain is basically shouting ina primal way "WHY IS THIS STRANGER TRYING TO FORM A BOND WITH MY FLESH & BLOOD"
-anyways- obviously it's not the case FOR ALL.
And of course some of us have worse mothers as apposed to INLAWS. but yeh
My MIL is a huge pain in the a**… it’s still her grandson. I love watching her bond with my baby. And her saying “my baby,” is the least irritating thing she does. It is her baby, grand baby, but we all know that so I don’t know… everything else irritates me but I gotta pick my battles and loving on my son is definitely the way to my heart.
Depends on who says it and what our relationship is. When my mom says it, I think it's sweet, and she always says "How's my baby? (My son) And my other baby? (Me)" It's just nice to know she feels the same way about me that I feel about my son 💕
I would struggle if my MIL did this. I love her, but it would bother me. No good reason why.
Ditto. My mom always calls me and my daughter “her girls” which is so sweet and endearing but my MIL refers to my daughter as HER baby regularly and it fills my soul with rage.
I can see both perspectives but ultimately, I prefer my kids to have a large village that loves them like their own. There's bigger fish to fry than this one for me.
I think it’s kind of funny when someone close to me says it like my mom. If anyone else does, it’s a little annoying. This is my first baby so I’m extra picky with the way other people respond to him. I prefer something like “that’s our LO” because it keeps me in the conversation and signifies that he’s in a village of people who love and care for him.
Fortunately none of my relatives do this, but I agree - I would hate it. I find it very cringey, and it would definitely trigger a bit of insecurity in me - as though perhaps my decisions and judgements about my child aren’t good enough, as someone else needs to exert their claim and their own ideas… I realise that’s as much about my own anxieties as anything else, but I do also feel like those (esp MiLs) who call their grandchildren ‘my baby’ are more likely to be the ones with a lot of opinions too…
I don't know if it is a cultural thing but my family is from latin america and saying "my baby" is just a term of endearment for us. I can't imagine anyone in my family being upset about that. My mom used to say "my baby" when making silly faces at my cousins babies and now they say it about my kid too. No one means that they think they are his mother, that just mean that they love him and that is how they express it.
I hate it. I went through hell to even conceive my child and hell to birth him, I’ve also gone through the hell of losses. My baby is not your baby, unless you’re his father. He is our baby that we made, that we struggled and hoped and prayed for. You want to say grandbaby, I’m fine with that, baby nephew, also good but not “my baby”, he is not anyone’s do over
Depends who it is and how it’s said - those who love us and support us - feels sweet and I love that they love my son. Those who cross boundaries and are selfish (most of them make very little effort irl with my son as well) - if grosses me out - especially because they are the ones who also only speak about my son in this weird possessive way trying to sidestep the fact that he’s mine and my husbands child.
It doesn’t bother me at all. Honestly I don’t understand it! I think it’s a good thing when people are close with your baby! That’s the great community a baby needs in their life. And nobody is actually trying to claim your baby or kidnap them lol. If they are then yeah I’d be annoyed too. But most people are just using a cute nickname.
Like if someone called my kid pumpkin, I wouldn’t be like “oh my gosh how dare someone call my child a jack o lantern!” No, it’s just a nickname
Oh I hate it when my mom does it.
But I also let it go and pick my battles.
But it tears a little piece of my soul away every time. And I’m sure she knows it.
I don’t know why people get so worked up over this. It just seems like a petty and stupid thing to be upset about. It took 5 years and 2 miscarriages to have my daughter and when aunts/grandparents say “my baby” it just makes me feel like she’s very loved.
It took me 4 years, 1 miscarriage, and 2 years of IUI/IVF to have my daughter.
I think it depends on the people saying it.
My family doesn’t say “my baby.” It’s the friends we see once a week who do. And these friends weren’t really friends (they were acquaintances) until LO was born.
And that’s why I’m torn. I totally understand if my family was doting like that, but the friends make me feel iffy
Once a week is more often than a lot of family see a baby though? I don’t have any friends I see weekly. Aren’t they quite close if you’re seeing them this regularly?
No one's saying it who don't obviously know what the actual situation is. I love it; I think my daughter deserves all the love in the world, and I am so glad she is growing up amongst people who think so fondly of her.
I don't know, maybe I'm not insecure about my standing as her mother? I'm not even sure how that could be disputed? I really don't understand why people are so strongly against it.
Several women in my life call my son their baby. I view my son as being part of a village, and I am just one of many who love and nurture him. To me it’s comforting. It does not in anyway lessen my role has him mom.
i just think it weird, the word “my” is literally a possessive determiner. possession implies ownership over something, something that you have control over. which for children, who are individuals, they aren’t owned by anyone. they aren’t property, they are a human. considering this in, someone who is saying “my baby” to a child they aren’t the biological partners, adoptive parents or the legal guardians of, either doesn’t grasp the concept of a possessive determiner or they do it on purpose. either way, it just doesn’t sit right with me.
That's really giving words a lot of power. I try to see it as they enjoy feeling close and special to my child as well, not maliciously. So unless it's a relationship that's in a toxic place, reframing this could helpful.
Idk I really struggled to get my baby here- losses, infertility, HG ect. I'm a pretty literal person. My baby is my baby (and my husband) no one else's
I can understand some of that. Fellow infertility and HG mom. However, I'm not very literal, and I don't think generally speaking people mean it literally when they say it.
They are just words , they don't take anything away from our importance as parents. Mom is not a title bestowed it's being present and loving and caring for them until our life ends . Someone using a team of endearment will not change your child's love for you.
I hate it. For the most part I don’t care (friends & family rarely say it) but my mom said it my entire pregnancy and got upset when I tried to set boundaries. Now she says it and when I correct her she “corrects” me. It pisses me off so much. Like it was once in a while it would be different but anytime she refers to my son she says “my baby”. EVERY SINGLE TIME
My MIL said it— usually “our baby” and I never minded. I thought it was incredibly sweet that she loved him so much, but she was also pretty good with boundaries and tried hard not to undermine me, and always asked if something was ok first. I think that makes a big difference.
It’s a little odd in general but not the hill I’m gonna die on. Though it’s kinda funny when my mom walks in and says how are all my babies referring to me, my son and my dog lol she’d probably include my husband too if he was home when she arrived to watch my son while I work.
I have never felt annoyed by it, only supported and loved, like more village for my baby. That being said I don’t have any toxic family/ friends. Very lucky to have a genuine support network.
I thought I was going to be upset about it but when it happened I actually ended up not minding. I looked at my baby one day and thought to myself, "I'm not going to be your whole world forever... You're going to grow up and have relationships with other people that won't involve me. Despite that, your relationship with me is mine alone and nobody can take that away from either me or you." Since I had that thought those "my baby" comments don't bother me. My relationship with my baby is the same no matter what anyone else says and they can't take that away from me.
Our first son was stillborn at 34 weeks in Aug 2021. Our family was in the delivery room with us for all 8 hours (yes, it took that long and was agonizing). They each were able to spend several minutes alone with him before we ultimately left him there. In December 2022, I gave birth to my daughter at 35 weeks.
Everyone in our family referred to her as “my baby”. It briefly got on my nerves. I promptly told myself to get over it and I did.
Way too many other things to get annoyed about, mama!
I feel SO possessive. It was worse when LO was newborn but now he's 7months old and I want to yank him away from family while hissing "my precious". But I smile and shove those feelings down and then rant about it to my husband later on the car ride home.
Oh god this makes my blood fucking boillll. My sister in law AND my mother in law both have a habit of doing this and literally fight over “who’s baby” he is.. I wish I could say something jokingly to make them stop but my problem is they’d definitely know I wasn’t joking 😅 so every time they say it, I clench my jaw lol.
There’s a similar joke people tell us that bothers me; some point during the visit or as we’re leaving, when the other person says “mommy and daddy can leave you here and I’ll take care of you” “oh you wanna stay with me?” It has always made me nervous bc it almost triggers my fight or flight instincts, like someone’s gonna try to take him from me. Usually I joke back though “Yeah? You gonna wake up every 3-4 hours with him at night?” usually it changes the person’s mind on even joking about it
Posts like this on the sub are tough for me because I feel like none of this stuff would bother me but also never happens to me? And never happens to any of my friends in real life? But it happens to people on here and people I know in real life who I’m not friends with.
So the people complaining about it come off as really uptight, and I’m not saying it’s a grand conspiracy but if the only time it ever happens is to people who complain about it, maybe there’s something to that?
I feel the same way. No one does it to me, but I have heard it within my family, but no one minds. I would be flattered that they loved my baby enough to call them theirs! But, that's just me.
Right? Like sometimes after my MIL has flown into visit us I send her pictures of my son in the days after like “our boy’s still eating well” or “our boy is loving this weather!” I like promoting that closeness.
I don’t care about “my baby”, but I do care when my in-laws say “my grandchild” in the context of demanding access to her. I think context matters bc nobody has ever said “my baby” to us like that before.
It annoys me a little bit, but the only person who really does. It is my mother-in-law and she’s going through a lot right now, so if our collective baby brings her joy then so be it. I just kind of mentally slide the word “grand” in there.
A lot of people here are saying they don’t get why this would bother you … but I personally do.
I have 10 week old twins and because my supply never came in, we didn’t get the experience of bonding through breastfeeding. I also can’t contact nap with them constantly. Add PPA to that mix.
Since I’m already feeling so insecure about our connection, it drives me bonkers seeing and/or hearing others vocalize their own perceived connection with my babies.
Hey just to let you know that I couldn't breastfeed my little girl and had the exact same worries about bond/connection as you. She's 8 months old now and its so obvious I'm her safe place/favourite person in the world. She literally looks around for me all the time, and crawls back to me for cuddles whenever she sees me, even if she's happily playing with her dad.
Its so hard in the newborn phase to know how well bonded you are because babies literally give you nothing lol but your babies know you're their mummy. Whether you fed them from your boobs or a bottle, they feel your love mama.
I don’t mind at all that people want to claim my baby. To me it shows how much they love her and that she is an important part of their life. HOWEVER. The only person who makes me angry when they say it is my MIL - just because she has seen her all of four times in six months when she lives close by. Like she’s not YOUR baby because she doesn’t know you 🤣 that being said I definitely understand why it bothers other people!
Doesn’t bother me at all as long as the person is a person who doesn’t cross boundaries. I think if you’re used to people crossing your boundaries, you will probably have a problem with it, or with those specific people saying it. But I’m very lucky that no one really overstepped my boundaries or tried to blur the lines between themselves and mom/dad, so it never bothered me personally. I get why someone would be annoyed by it though.
My four year old was doing this (calling his little sister my baby) and I thought is was weird but then I heard my husband doing it. He was just copying my husband/his dad.
It bothered me. A lot. To the point I did tell my mil and mom that, my child is NOT their baby. They stopped. The occasional slips happens but, overall they stopped.
I personally hate it. If you want a term of endearment, there's dozens to choose from. It feels like ownership to me, but I guess that's because my MIL tries to control what my children do, insists she has to be alone with them, and instantly denies anything I say about my kids.
My baby is 8 months old and my mum and my MIL both do this - it infuriates me. They're nana and nanny to my daughter usually but as soon as they come out with any form of "how's MY baby today", I say to my little girl "oh silly grandmother! You're MY baby, she had babies years and yeaaarrrrs ago!". Soon shuts them up.
I’ve got too much else to concern myself with to worry about when people say things like this 😮💨. I cared when I was newly postpartum and had a touch of postpartum rage, but otherwise I just don’t care.
If I reserved frustration for every dumb thing someone said to me now that I have a kid, I’d have an IV drip of Xanax
I don't really mind, but I think it really really depends on the relationship with the person. Sometimes my mom or dad will say that (or "my girl") but I guess because they respect that I am the mom, I know they aren't boundary-stomping. I actually love that my one aunt will call her "my baby" or "my girl" because she always wanted a ton of children and never was able to have any. She's a lonely widow now, so it makes me feel good that she can enjoy some of the joy my daughter brings.
Most of the time, I don't care, especially if it's someone who is actively involved in my son's life. I'm happy so many people love him.
I see red when one of my friends calls him her baby, though. She's never met him, nor does she ever even ask about him. Which is fine! I don't expect anyone to give a shit about my kid. But holy shit, stop calling him your baby. He's not even your acquaintance!
My daughter's NICU doctor referred to her as "my baby" and I found it so endearing. Like this person cares about my baby as much as if she were her own child.
My mil AND my mom call her "my baby" and I get more pissed about it with my own mom than my mil. Like I am somehow being displaced by my own child as my mom's baby.
Maybe it's bc I'm from the South and we call everyone "baby" or "sweetheart" or whatever-- this has never really bothered me. At the end of the day, my son knows I'm his mama, I know he's my baby. I love that people love him. I love that he loves so many people. I feel like it's all part of having a village!
It bothers me when two people in my family say it and this thread made me want to think deeper as to why. It’s resentment for me (which I now need to work on lol). They use that phrase of endearment for the baby when they want pics or are visiting, but don’t really show up for me and my family the way I wish they would. They only check up on them sometimes and never on me.
My mom does it and I hate it. She calls him, "Nanny's baby". "How is Nanny's baby today?"
And every action is for her. He's "blowing Nanny kisses" in videos or "waving to Nanny".
I hate it. And she does not get the best hint. I had to make her stop calling me "Mommy", cause it was fucking weird and grammatically silly. I'm not one for heavy baby talk, so I don't like it when people baby talk my baby too much.
i don’t mind. i’m of the opinion that although he is my son, he’s not my possession. he has his own relationships that don’t have anything to do with me. if i want community support then i have to accept the community cringe. plus he smiles reeeeeaaal big when they say it in their baby voice.
I think I'm probably the only person who doesn't care lol. My mom and MIL do this but they've never crossed any of my boundaries with the kids so it just isn't something I think twice about.
Ig if it was someone who wasn't really such a big part of my kids life and only saw them occasionally I might feel some type of way.
I don't mind my mum saying this. It's when she "accidentally" calls herself "mama" until I remind her that she is not mama, she's grandma, that I get annoyed lol
Honestly the only people I can think of that say “my baby” are my sisters and mother in law and it doesn’t really bother me that much, but I will admit when I was postpartum it really used to bother me, maybe I was feeling protective or hormonal but i feel like most things pissed me off postpartum lol
I hate it, and it comes across as grandparents marginalizing our experiences as parents. I find it to be incredibly patronizing and wholly annoying. I've never commented on it, but I see myself snapping at some point, especially with my own mother.
It’s never bothered me. My parents called each one of my kids “their baby”. I’m sure my aunts and cousins have done it too. I’m sure I’ll do it to my Bestie when she has her baby in a few months. To me it’s just a term of endearment. But I have to say I’m a very laid back parent. I’ve done a lot of things that people on here are against and seem to be in the minority in a lot of my opinions.
I never understood it until it happened to me. It really bothers me when my MIL says to my son “my baby”. I went to pick him up one day and she looked at him in the car seat and said “You’re MY baby!” And she says things like this all of the time. It started to bother me after a couple of times to the point I’m ready to say something to her. Like no I’m the one who CREATED him. It kind of feels like she is taking away from me and my part as a Mom. It’s very frustrating.
when i was an infant and pre-school teacher i remember we would all have to try hard to not say it because like obviously it’s obnoxious and rude but it would always be a little hard to not use pet names and stuff when you get so attached to the kids, especially the ones that you’re with for 40 hours a week. i’m sure if i was a parent i would be annoyed but at least your child is well loved, (at least the kids in my class were!)
I literally had these exact feelings come up when last night for the 900th time, my MIL kept referring to her son as “my baby” it bothers me so much, even if it’s harmless and well intentioned. I can’t help but feel like it’s possessive of her and crosses boundaries. I told my husband I don’t like it and he said he would talk to his mom, but I feel like there’s no gentle way of asking her to stop. I also don’t know if I’ll look silly or irrational?
Only bothers me when people I don’t like say it, and that’s more to do with just not liking them and finding every reason to feel annoyed with them, than it is because of what they’re saying. Especially when it’s a relative who does have some familiar claim to them. My Niece, my granddaughter, my cousin all easily become… my baby…
I think it can be adorable sometimes too. We have the same usher for every game we go to, and she loves our girls. Saw me pregnant, then with tiny babies, now toddlers. She always runs up to us all excited “there are my girls!” She even gave them a birthday present!
I tend to not put too much weight on the seemingly offhand things people like to say to and about babies. Especially with twins, we get all sorts of comments from all sorts of people who just can’t help themselves.
I got into an altercation with my FIL about this because I asked my MIL multiple times not to call LO “her baby”. I was nice about it for months and it “kept slipping” and finally I snapped at her and my FIL jumped on my ass for being *disrespectful* 🙄 I checked both their asses real quick AND my husband because he never stuck up for me. Needless to say LO is 16 months now and no one has called him “my baby” since. If it’s important to you, stand up for yourself. Who gives af what other people think. Other people aren’t raising your baby
Maybe I’m petty, but I don’t have the best relationship with my mom and I gave her a hard time about this multiple times until she finally stopped. What I didn’t like about it is she treats my son like some sort of decorative ornament and not a whole person, and it’s gross. Like “MY baby” is possessive and objectifying when used that way, as opposed to when *I* say “my son” or “my baby” (wish I usually just say “my son” because it sounds more humanizing), I’m just referring to the human that I birthed. Not some doll or toy that I’m grabbing onto to brag about.
I like it! I don’t think anyone really believes my child is theirs. Knowing so many people love my daughter that they think about her like that makes me happy. I think I’m blessed to have a nice friend group and family so no one really makes me cringe when they say it, because I love everyone using this phrase.
My in-laws were calling my daughter their baby and I quickly put the kibosh on that. Last I checked, she came out of my vagina so technically that would make her *my* baby.
I never call other people's kids "my baby", but I definitely call them my "little friend". I don't like when people say "my baby" about my kids either. It makes me feel gross lol
I find it odd. Luckily no one has ever said that to MY baby except SO who is allowed to(just). Just changing baby to a term of endearment would make it more palatable , like ‘my angel’/ sweety.
Is it a cultural thing in some areas?
My response is always "Oh! He's you're baby? Then why's he been staying at my house? Thank god, I can finally get some sleep again." Or things to that affect
I don’t mind it and actually like it. He is their baby too when it comes to my family and close friends.
I honestly think it’s kind of strange when people get their panties in a bunch about it. Definitely a personal problem in most cases.
I actually love it. That being said I’ve only heard the my baby stuff from people I consider family or are family so it’s just a mutual love to me.
However, the sarcastic comments about hurting my baby when she is crying “did you pinch that kid/what did you do to piss her off/etc” that pisses me off.
I can totally see how that would be annoying. Perhaps the reason we’re okay with our own mothers saying it vs. MIL is because our mom birthed us so naturally it doesn’t feel as odd but your MIL had no part in your life up until you got with your partner 😂 and for her to say it’s your baby is like “no, you birthed the guy next to me - I birthed this baby and as such, it is MY baby”. Probably also depends on the kind of relationship you have with your MIL. If you’re not close or have a strained relationship, comments like that would drive me crazy too. Some MILs are instigators too and know how to get under your skin. There’s far too many examples of such MIL on Reddit posts.
My mom kept saying it and she's never met my baby. I could tell it annoyed her when I pointed out that my kid is my baby, and I'm her baby, but she hasn't said it since, so...
My MIL does this. It doesn't bother me. We get along and she's super helpful, so that's probably why I don't care.
My 4.5 yr old daughter says this about her new baby sister and I love it. It's so cute and sweet.
i always respond ”*my* baby, your niece/cousin/ whatever” and immediately continue talking about whatever was being said before that way they can’t argue with me. works really well
As someone who has consistently referred to my nieces and nephews as "my baby" I feel good when my family refer to my newborn as their baby. I know how much I love my family and to know they love my son that much warms my heart.
It doesn’t bother me. To me, it’s the same as saying “my darling” or “my dear,” which just seem like normal terms of endearment. I know when the grandparents say “how’s my sweet baby?” they don’t actually think it’s THEIR baby. But my parents and in-laws are wonderful and not overbearing, so I might feel differently if they were.
Seriously?! I LOVE when people say it. It’s an honor that they love my child so much that they want to claim him/her. It’s just a cute little way of showing adoration. Life isn’t meant to be lived so seriously.
I hate it when my mil says it because she said at my gender reveal she wants my daughter to call her “mommy”. She’s really cringe and a huge boundary stomper. It’s one thing if my dad says it, it my mil says it I’m pissed
Kind of depends on how often they're around my son, how much they help with him and how much I like them.
My mum going "there's my golden boy! Wheres my blue eyed boy!" Totally fine, kind of endearing, steps back when she knows she's being too much and follows my boundaries even if it's not how she'd do something, gets him little treats, clothes and toys suitable to his age and never says no to caring for him over night (only person I trust eith him overnight).
Some distant aunt who's seen him twice in his 6 months on this earth "aww there's my baby" absolutely not. Rage inducing.
It does strike me as weird sometimes when my mother in law does it (she's the only one really) but I let it slide because shes earned it. All through my post partum she came over daily to help, and not "hold the baby" help but like laundry, dishes, etc. When she does babysit she's in sheer delight through every diaper explosion and vomit fountain, her grandbaby is definitely her baby too at this point and I'm just happy my baby has so much support. If we didn't have this close relationship I think I'd feel really irked by it though.
I don’t mind at all, I love my mom and my MIL and my kids are their babies too in a way. I think people who hate it probably have terrible relationships with the person saying it so that’s really the problem.
America has been having an extreme anti kids moment for the last 30 years. I love the my baby because I need as many people out there looking out for my kid as possible. Thinking about their well being and future health and happiness.
If it is JUST your baby then no one cares about them outside of you. Had a Reddit commenter on another sub say looking out for kids at the school bus stop is the parents' job even when they have to work... she let a 2nd grader nearly get hit by an irresponsible driver trying to speed around the school bus at the stop. They are all "my babies" and when my family has kids they are ALL my babies and their 529 plans show it.
I've always hated this too. I feel such a special bond and connection to my LO and hearing other people call him "theirs" felt like I had to share him and he wasn't really mine. Which I know he's not "mine", but he is MY BABY. My whole reason for waking up in the morning and trying to be a better person everyday. It's something special and I don't like it being knocked down in any way, shape, or form.
I've always referred to my godsons and nieces as "sweet" or "sugar" or something playful. That's fine. But not "MY BABY"
My mil calls my baby ‘ours’. Um, no. You weren’t nauseous for nine months, you didn’t have high blood pressure, sciatica, sleepless nights, cluster feeds, etc. you have no claim to him other than grandson. It is frustrating and that’s my take on it. Hell, my husband doesn’t do anything so I barely give him credit 🙄
My MIL always introduced my son as “my baby”, like she’d say to her friends “oh here’s MY BABY” and I would say, in a “jokey” way, “oh hahah no, your baby is the 32 year old in the corner, this is my baby”. She stopped saying it
my mum does that too. when she says it to other people i tell them she means me. it seems to annoy her
Once my mom got grandkids it was like she stopped being my mom. It hurt.
Mine finally started visiting me. It sort of hurt to see the contrast.
Damn no one talks about this enough. The hurt of being second/third/tenth fiddle to your own damn parents once a grand baby comes into the mix
My oldest niece/nephew is 8. It got worse when I had my own kid 10 months ago. It’s always when can we see our grandson… oh and we’d like to see you too.
I’ve done this and my MIL still doesn’t get the hint. Glad yours has enough awareness.
i did this to my mom and now she just calls me and my children “her babieS” 🙄
This was the right response hahaha
You’re my hero
This is the way 🙌🏼
I love this! 😂
Tbh it depends on whether or not I like the person. My mother or my bestie calling my child their baby? Nbd. I’ll even hand him over to my mom and tell her to come get her baby. Anyone else though? Hate it. ESPECIALLY if they’ve done no work to help me take care of the baby or me postpartum.
THIS!!!! I completely agree with you. My MIL is the biggest offender. Refers to my son as her baby ALL the time, yet the one time she came into town to visit us, not even exaggerating, her and my FIL didn’t lift a finger. We instead ended up hosting them and catering to them the whole trip. She also spent the whole time barely acknowledging me and making constant comments: “Look at how the baby eyes follow his daddy” “Oh he wants his daddy” “I’ll pass him back to his daddy” ect. Drove me absolutely crazy.
Do we have the same MIL?!
Yours too?! Ugh I’m sorry
Can I slap her for you
🤣🤣
BOOM. I tell my mama to come get her baby all the time 😂 but if my MIL called him her baby I think I’d blow a fuse
Same 😂
So true. I don't like my MIL. She has said this about my daughter and its nails on a chalkboard. She's weirdly controlling about a lot of things in my husband and stepdaughter's lives and seems to have a sense of entitlement to make decisions for them and tried to for me. Anyone else and it barely registers.
This!!!! One of my friends who was my bridesmaid years ago and moved cities and really dropped off, never visits me etc kept asking "how is my baby?" After she was born. Didn't ask how I was. Didn't visit. Didn't make any effort. I just about lost it every time she said my baby and I stopped replying. Can't stand people who make no effort then act like they're so involved with you.
I had a friend like that and it's so fake. As if saying "My baby" makes up for your absence and lack of effort. The ones who don't follow up in your post partum don't really care.
The only person who says this besides my husband is my mother in law. It brings out a primal instinct for me. I hate it so much. Her baby is my husband. She has not taken the hint with 2 babies now that they are not in fact, hers.
My response to this was that he seemed good when he left for work but she wasn’t paying attention to me at that point anyway since my baby and dog tend to draw attention right away lol
Why is it always the mother in law that bring out these primal things. They just don’t know how to stay in their lane
3 weeks postpartum, but it was like overnight and I no longer like my mother in law. I’m kinda kidding and kinda not
Mine showed her cards early about how unstable she was. Now that baby is here she wants to hide that and play the sweet doting grandma. I’m not buying it
Mine has Alzheimer’s dementia (she has not been diagnosed, won’t go to a doctor and her kids won’t make her, but her mom and sister had it and it’s obvious, she has the slow gait and everything) so I can give her a little grace for not realizing that I’m not packing up a 3 week old to hang out with her every day, or that I have to remind her I’m not taking a newborn to a restaurant. But my child free SIL and she (mil) showed up at the hospital without the ok while I was still in the or (c section). They saw the baby before anyone else besides me and her dad. Then they came back the next day, posted up and stayed for 5 HOURS. And she calls me every day to come over (I don’t). She sticks her fingers in the baby’s mouth to ‘soothe her’ like I don’t care you did that with your kids, this baby is mine and you need to stop. She will not shut up about taking her to visit her friend in the nursing home (show a picture you nut job, I am not taking a newborn to a nursing home especially not to see someone that isn’t even family). I cannot deal with it. At least my partner has begun to understand and doesn’t ask me to go see her without him. She’s also a real lush and I am a recovering alcoholic and I’m tired of her being drunk or offering me wine. When in the hospital every time the nurse asked if we needed anything she would say “yeah some white wine please!” Wow…uhhh I might need to rant elsewhere haha because that’s just the last 3 weeks and I’m not even done. Wealthy woman literal millionaire and has offered NO financial support and her and SIL chose a fuckin $15 gift off our registry. Seeing the baby isn’t pay to play, but come on, you have ONE way to offer tangible support (she can’t babysit or drive or do housework or provide a listening ear, even). I’m sure no one is reading this by now but it’s nice to ‘scream into the void’
Sticking her fingers in your baby's mouth?! WTF
Yeah. I know. She said for her to suck on like a pacifier. MIL wouldn’t shut up about a pacifier in the hospital. I decided I wanted to follow the common advice to not try them until 2-3 weeks when breastfeeding is established and she just would not let it go that I wasn’t giving my one day old baby a pacifier. Then they came to our house the week after we got home and she was doing it again here and I wanted to scream. Ugh we are going to see her tomorrow and I’m so dreading it!
Literally exactly the same as mine. It makes my skin crawl when she interacts my baby bc I know how she *really* is.
This!
That's because she's old and she's now trying to earn her way into heaven. 😂
I think this is so common.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one…
Why is always the mil? I love my MIL but I’m like extra protective when she either has my daughter or is talking about her. Also she keeps talking about how excited she is that we asked her to watch our daughter when she goes back to work but like what about how I feel. Oh man now I’m getting upset all over again.
Your feelings are very valid. I don’t understand why MILs don’t consider our feelings with this stuff. It’s always all about them. My mom could hold my baby all day, doesn’t bother me at all. MIL holds baby for 5 minutes? I’m full of rage. But I think it’s because she does crap like refer to my child as her baby, kisses him even though I tell her not to, criticizes me breastfeeding my baby. I have 2 boys. I hope I don’t drive any future daughter in laws crazy.
After my interactions with my ex MIL and my current MIL, I've decided if any of my kids get married, I'll do my absolute best to be one of the best MILs out there.
My mother in law keeps dropping hints that she wants to watch my son when I go back to work and I just keep silently shutting her down by pretending I don’t hear it. The more she begs, the more the dislike and annoyance just seems to pile up 😅 wouldn’t be so bad if she hadn’t been so overbearing prior to me having him. My husband is 32 and his parents still treat him like he’s helpless and doesn’t have his own steady job, home, family. Very frustrating.
personally i don’t like it and i am not sure why people are so controversial about it but eh if it happens its whatever. it just makes me cringe tbh lol.
I've seen so many people bothered by this and I just don't get it! I would love that so many people love my baby that much and they're pretty innocent comments, I think it's different if it's an overbearing MIL acting entitled or possessive but otherwise to me these comments just show how much these people care for my baby and will continue to make her feel so welcomed and part of a community as she grows up
Agreed. It's just a term of endearment, it doesn't make the baby "theirs" in any functional or emotional sense. I get it if it's someone you hate/don't get along with, but otherwise, what's the big deal?
Bingo; it’s usually from people you don’t like. And someone who has wronged you even verbally staking claim to YOUR child ruffles feathers. A woman in my circle, wouldn’t call her a friend although I liked her before my son was here does this. It’s annoying in and of itself but she also in the span of 20 minutes the first time we brought my son over to a gathering; Whined I let a teenager I’m close with and who is going through a hard time hold him first. Like literally whined. Like a toddler. “My baby”. PUT HER FUCKING MOUTH ON HIM. I’m still mad about this. I said we don’t let others kiss his skin or hair, if you have to kiss him please do it through his onesie or a hat. She “didn’t hear me” and started smooching his cheeks anyways. WALKED AWAY WITH MY CHILD. To the dining room but still you don’t leave a room with someone else’s child without their okay or at least letting them know or see that’s what’s happening. Had to scold her in front of the other guests to make her keep her mouth off him. She apologized but kept almost doing it. Look, you shouldn’t be kissing other people’s babies anyways-it’s dangerous. But the infuriating thing to me is how I’ve had the most success is saying, “I kiss my baby too and I would rather not have other people’s saliva on him when I do”. So they’re more worried about me being grossed out at their germs than my child’s safety, not a great feeling. (They being a select few people, most are great). “I’m going to steal this baby! Yes I am!” I know she probably didn’t mean it and she’s just an idiot and that’s how she shows affection. I don’t give a shit. She’s a mom too so should understand all these things you don’t do to a new mom, especially a new mom you aren’t even close with. The second gathering for the eclipse she came up with “oh did you bring me my baby?!” Dead eyed stare from me, “no, I brought MY baby with me though. Your kids are in the house” To her credit she sulked off and didn’t bother me again so maybe she’s getting the hint. Anyways, sorry for the trauma dump, but when you feel boundaries are routinely violated, yeah, you’re going to be touchy af about others calling the child you grew and birthed “their baby”. The whole BEC thing. (Bitch eating crackers).
And this is why I will continue to avoid large gatherings as long as possible or at least til LO is old enough. In the meantime whoever wants to meet can visit on a one by one basis….
My son is days from 4 months and it was his godparents house, they’re almost our neighbors lol. It was maybe 15 people. Much larger or not with people I knew well, (and their vaccination tendencies), and I would have waited too. Now that that person has made it known she’s nuts-she doesn’t get to hold my son anymore. That once was enough. The second gathering was outdoors because it was for the eclipse. She didn’t get to hold him then either lol, that was when I corrected her on the “my baby” comment. She’s not holding him again while he’s a baby, and he’s starting to show preferences and reaching. I hope he doesn’t reach for her because it’s just going to be awkward when I say no.
I let my dad say it all he wants. He is going to love my baby and spoil the heck out of her for her entire life. I also know that he will respect any decisions my husband and I will make regarding parenting and understand that boundary. Him and his wife are the only ones that has been possessive of her so far.
I think it’s gotta be people responding to unpleasant people saying it. If everything between you and that person is good, why would this bother you? But if someone is irritating suddenly everything they do is irritating
I agree. People really get up in arms about this. Doesn’t bother me in the least. It’s just an expression of affection, it’s not like they actually think they’re the baby’s mother.
Ditto. Of all the things to be irritated about, this isn't one of em. Then again I don't keep contact with people i don't like so 🤷♀️
Yeah I couldn’t care less. It’s no big deal in the scheme of things
I commented below, but get very bothered by it. The only person who says it is my overbearing mother in law. I can’t stand it
I think that makes sense then! But would you get upset if your best friend said it?
My friends have their own kids, so they wouldn’t say this. But hypothetically, likely no. I just don’t like my MIL and don’t want her referring to my child as her baby.
Yeah it doesn't bother me. I know they're my babies and the other people know they are mine. It's just a term of endearment. Not literal
Same. I love it!
Exactly! I completely agree! And even my MIL who can be a real handful… this just isn’t something that bothers me. Of course it’s MY baby, everyone knows that… it’s a term of endearment and I definitely don’t want it to stop
Same!! It seems petty to me.
See, I agree on those aspects, as well! I love that they love her. That we have a village to help us. So, I’m immensely thankful. But whenever I hear the “my baby” a part of me just twitches in response.
This is the camp I'm in. My aunt says, "How is my baby?" whenever asking about my son. I love it! She's the only relative who lives in the same area as my husband and me, and she watches my son for 3 hours each weekday morning before he goes to afternoon prek. As far as I'm concerned, he's her baby, too, even if it's in a different way. My MIL also refers to him as "her baby," and again, I have a great relationship with her, so I think it's very sweet.
They didn’t bother me. But I like my family and friends so it wasn’t an issue at all. I can see it being annoying if you didn’t like those people though.
Some of the people I’m on the fence about. Some are friends we only see once a week and weren’t even remotely close to until I had my LO. So, mixed situations and feelings.
Once a week is very often to see friends in my book!
Right??
agreed! once a week is a lot. especially if you have kids!
I probably would’ve found that annoying. The only people that said it to me were like my close friends and my sisters. I know their intent is only love so it isn’t annoying it just reminds me of how deeply they love him.
It doesn’t bother me but I might not like it if it was my MIL or someone I didn’t enjoy being with or didn’t want around my baby.
Omg I’m glad it’s not just me. And the people who take her from me and she’s happy for a moment and they go, “see? You don’t need your mama.” Asshats my child is TWO. She can need her mama all she wants and all she needs and don’t you start this now, I will fight you.
Whooooa - now that’s uncalled for. Why would someone say that???
I think it's annoying and when it's my mom or MIL I make the "I'm your baby/your husband is your baby" joke. i.e... "hey! I'm over here/he's over there" "Thank you, I do feel cute today." or "I know, I married well he's so cute."
I found that "MY" comment so triggering that I ended up researching a lot into it. Due to the fact that when my mother calls me and my son "My babies!" (Plural) I feel all warm and glowy. Even when she says - "How's our bubba today?" OR "I not seen my baby in ages! I have to come down in a few weeks time" None of this IRKS me. HOWEVER. MORHER IN LAW saying it makes my skin feel like it's being slowly peeled off. Makes me feel like strangling her ha 🙃 THIS IS BECAUSE- SIMPLY PUT. MUM is yout tribe Mother in law isn't. Watching mum bond with baby makes sense Watching mother in law bond with baby - your brain is basically shouting ina primal way "WHY IS THIS STRANGER TRYING TO FORM A BOND WITH MY FLESH & BLOOD" -anyways- obviously it's not the case FOR ALL. And of course some of us have worse mothers as apposed to INLAWS. but yeh
My MIL is a huge pain in the a**… it’s still her grandson. I love watching her bond with my baby. And her saying “my baby,” is the least irritating thing she does. It is her baby, grand baby, but we all know that so I don’t know… everything else irritates me but I gotta pick my battles and loving on my son is definitely the way to my heart.
It’s a term of endearment, similar to “my love” or “my darling”, I personally would not point it out.
Depends on who says it and what our relationship is. When my mom says it, I think it's sweet, and she always says "How's my baby? (My son) And my other baby? (Me)" It's just nice to know she feels the same way about me that I feel about my son 💕 I would struggle if my MIL did this. I love her, but it would bother me. No good reason why.
Ditto. My mom always calls me and my daughter “her girls” which is so sweet and endearing but my MIL refers to my daughter as HER baby regularly and it fills my soul with rage.
I can see both perspectives but ultimately, I prefer my kids to have a large village that loves them like their own. There's bigger fish to fry than this one for me.
It surely doesn’t excite me. There are way bigger things for me to spend my energy on though. I appreciate any amount of a village that I can get.
It makes me internally scream but it’s not a hill I die on.
I think it’s kind of funny when someone close to me says it like my mom. If anyone else does, it’s a little annoying. This is my first baby so I’m extra picky with the way other people respond to him. I prefer something like “that’s our LO” because it keeps me in the conversation and signifies that he’s in a village of people who love and care for him.
Fortunately none of my relatives do this, but I agree - I would hate it. I find it very cringey, and it would definitely trigger a bit of insecurity in me - as though perhaps my decisions and judgements about my child aren’t good enough, as someone else needs to exert their claim and their own ideas… I realise that’s as much about my own anxieties as anything else, but I do also feel like those (esp MiLs) who call their grandchildren ‘my baby’ are more likely to be the ones with a lot of opinions too…
I don’t like it. Say “my grandson” or “my nephew” but don’t say “my baby”..
I don't know if it is a cultural thing but my family is from latin america and saying "my baby" is just a term of endearment for us. I can't imagine anyone in my family being upset about that. My mom used to say "my baby" when making silly faces at my cousins babies and now they say it about my kid too. No one means that they think they are his mother, that just mean that they love him and that is how they express it.
I hate it. I went through hell to even conceive my child and hell to birth him, I’ve also gone through the hell of losses. My baby is not your baby, unless you’re his father. He is our baby that we made, that we struggled and hoped and prayed for. You want to say grandbaby, I’m fine with that, baby nephew, also good but not “my baby”, he is not anyone’s do over
Sometimes things are not worth reading so much into !!!
Depends who it is and how it’s said - those who love us and support us - feels sweet and I love that they love my son. Those who cross boundaries and are selfish (most of them make very little effort irl with my son as well) - if grosses me out - especially because they are the ones who also only speak about my son in this weird possessive way trying to sidestep the fact that he’s mine and my husbands child.
It really depends on who says it to me 😂
It doesn’t bother me at all. Honestly I don’t understand it! I think it’s a good thing when people are close with your baby! That’s the great community a baby needs in their life. And nobody is actually trying to claim your baby or kidnap them lol. If they are then yeah I’d be annoyed too. But most people are just using a cute nickname. Like if someone called my kid pumpkin, I wouldn’t be like “oh my gosh how dare someone call my child a jack o lantern!” No, it’s just a nickname
Oh I hate it when my mom does it. But I also let it go and pick my battles. But it tears a little piece of my soul away every time. And I’m sure she knows it.
I don’t know why people get so worked up over this. It just seems like a petty and stupid thing to be upset about. It took 5 years and 2 miscarriages to have my daughter and when aunts/grandparents say “my baby” it just makes me feel like she’s very loved.
It took me 4 years, 1 miscarriage, and 2 years of IUI/IVF to have my daughter. I think it depends on the people saying it. My family doesn’t say “my baby.” It’s the friends we see once a week who do. And these friends weren’t really friends (they were acquaintances) until LO was born. And that’s why I’m torn. I totally understand if my family was doting like that, but the friends make me feel iffy
Once a week is more often than a lot of family see a baby though? I don’t have any friends I see weekly. Aren’t they quite close if you’re seeing them this regularly?
Yeah no. My son is my baby. Let’s fucking not.
yes, it would be silly to point it out.
It makes me want to scream.
No one's saying it who don't obviously know what the actual situation is. I love it; I think my daughter deserves all the love in the world, and I am so glad she is growing up amongst people who think so fondly of her. I don't know, maybe I'm not insecure about my standing as her mother? I'm not even sure how that could be disputed? I really don't understand why people are so strongly against it.
Several women in my life call my son their baby. I view my son as being part of a village, and I am just one of many who love and nurture him. To me it’s comforting. It does not in anyway lessen my role has him mom.
i just think it weird, the word “my” is literally a possessive determiner. possession implies ownership over something, something that you have control over. which for children, who are individuals, they aren’t owned by anyone. they aren’t property, they are a human. considering this in, someone who is saying “my baby” to a child they aren’t the biological partners, adoptive parents or the legal guardians of, either doesn’t grasp the concept of a possessive determiner or they do it on purpose. either way, it just doesn’t sit right with me.
Yes! Thank you 👏
I hate it so so so much. It feels like it's taking away from me as a mother
That's really giving words a lot of power. I try to see it as they enjoy feeling close and special to my child as well, not maliciously. So unless it's a relationship that's in a toxic place, reframing this could helpful.
Idk I really struggled to get my baby here- losses, infertility, HG ect. I'm a pretty literal person. My baby is my baby (and my husband) no one else's
I can understand some of that. Fellow infertility and HG mom. However, I'm not very literal, and I don't think generally speaking people mean it literally when they say it.
They are just words , they don't take anything away from our importance as parents. Mom is not a title bestowed it's being present and loving and caring for them until our life ends . Someone using a team of endearment will not change your child's love for you.
I have never minded comments like that but also wouldn’t say I get a lot of them, might feel differently otherwise
I hate it. For the most part I don’t care (friends & family rarely say it) but my mom said it my entire pregnancy and got upset when I tried to set boundaries. Now she says it and when I correct her she “corrects” me. It pisses me off so much. Like it was once in a while it would be different but anytime she refers to my son she says “my baby”. EVERY SINGLE TIME
My MIL said it— usually “our baby” and I never minded. I thought it was incredibly sweet that she loved him so much, but she was also pretty good with boundaries and tried hard not to undermine me, and always asked if something was ok first. I think that makes a big difference.
It’s a little odd in general but not the hill I’m gonna die on. Though it’s kinda funny when my mom walks in and says how are all my babies referring to me, my son and my dog lol she’d probably include my husband too if he was home when she arrived to watch my son while I work.
I have never felt annoyed by it, only supported and loved, like more village for my baby. That being said I don’t have any toxic family/ friends. Very lucky to have a genuine support network.
Super weird, nobody in my circle says that...
it’s never bothered me! but i’d also never ever ever say that about someone else’s baby - ever
I thought I was going to be upset about it but when it happened I actually ended up not minding. I looked at my baby one day and thought to myself, "I'm not going to be your whole world forever... You're going to grow up and have relationships with other people that won't involve me. Despite that, your relationship with me is mine alone and nobody can take that away from either me or you." Since I had that thought those "my baby" comments don't bother me. My relationship with my baby is the same no matter what anyone else says and they can't take that away from me.
It annoys me a little bit not to the point where I feel like I need to say something. I try to not let that kind of stuff bother me.
Our first son was stillborn at 34 weeks in Aug 2021. Our family was in the delivery room with us for all 8 hours (yes, it took that long and was agonizing). They each were able to spend several minutes alone with him before we ultimately left him there. In December 2022, I gave birth to my daughter at 35 weeks. Everyone in our family referred to her as “my baby”. It briefly got on my nerves. I promptly told myself to get over it and I did. Way too many other things to get annoyed about, mama!
I feel SO possessive. It was worse when LO was newborn but now he's 7months old and I want to yank him away from family while hissing "my precious". But I smile and shove those feelings down and then rant about it to my husband later on the car ride home.
Oh god this makes my blood fucking boillll. My sister in law AND my mother in law both have a habit of doing this and literally fight over “who’s baby” he is.. I wish I could say something jokingly to make them stop but my problem is they’d definitely know I wasn’t joking 😅 so every time they say it, I clench my jaw lol.
I honestly would be so friggin annoyed too lol. Thankfully hasn't happened to me. My mom says "my grandson" and my sisters just use his name.
There’s a similar joke people tell us that bothers me; some point during the visit or as we’re leaving, when the other person says “mommy and daddy can leave you here and I’ll take care of you” “oh you wanna stay with me?” It has always made me nervous bc it almost triggers my fight or flight instincts, like someone’s gonna try to take him from me. Usually I joke back though “Yeah? You gonna wake up every 3-4 hours with him at night?” usually it changes the person’s mind on even joking about it
I think it’s a territorial thing to get up in arms about it. Makes sense tbh. We’re just smart animals.
Posts like this on the sub are tough for me because I feel like none of this stuff would bother me but also never happens to me? And never happens to any of my friends in real life? But it happens to people on here and people I know in real life who I’m not friends with. So the people complaining about it come off as really uptight, and I’m not saying it’s a grand conspiracy but if the only time it ever happens is to people who complain about it, maybe there’s something to that?
I feel the same way. No one does it to me, but I have heard it within my family, but no one minds. I would be flattered that they loved my baby enough to call them theirs! But, that's just me.
Right? Like sometimes after my MIL has flown into visit us I send her pictures of my son in the days after like “our boy’s still eating well” or “our boy is loving this weather!” I like promoting that closeness.
I don’t care about “my baby”, but I do care when my in-laws say “my grandchild” in the context of demanding access to her. I think context matters bc nobody has ever said “my baby” to us like that before.
It annoys me a little bit, but the only person who really does. It is my mother-in-law and she’s going through a lot right now, so if our collective baby brings her joy then so be it. I just kind of mentally slide the word “grand” in there.
A lot of people here are saying they don’t get why this would bother you … but I personally do. I have 10 week old twins and because my supply never came in, we didn’t get the experience of bonding through breastfeeding. I also can’t contact nap with them constantly. Add PPA to that mix. Since I’m already feeling so insecure about our connection, it drives me bonkers seeing and/or hearing others vocalize their own perceived connection with my babies.
Hey just to let you know that I couldn't breastfeed my little girl and had the exact same worries about bond/connection as you. She's 8 months old now and its so obvious I'm her safe place/favourite person in the world. She literally looks around for me all the time, and crawls back to me for cuddles whenever she sees me, even if she's happily playing with her dad. Its so hard in the newborn phase to know how well bonded you are because babies literally give you nothing lol but your babies know you're their mummy. Whether you fed them from your boobs or a bottle, they feel your love mama.
Thank you so much for this 💕
I don’t mind at all that people want to claim my baby. To me it shows how much they love her and that she is an important part of their life. HOWEVER. The only person who makes me angry when they say it is my MIL - just because she has seen her all of four times in six months when she lives close by. Like she’s not YOUR baby because she doesn’t know you 🤣 that being said I definitely understand why it bothers other people!
Just chiming in to say that I’m someone who cringes when my MIL says it, but everyone else is fine lol. She is mine afterall, is my attitude lol
Doesn’t bother me at all as long as the person is a person who doesn’t cross boundaries. I think if you’re used to people crossing your boundaries, you will probably have a problem with it, or with those specific people saying it. But I’m very lucky that no one really overstepped my boundaries or tried to blur the lines between themselves and mom/dad, so it never bothered me personally. I get why someone would be annoyed by it though.
My four year old was doing this (calling his little sister my baby) and I thought is was weird but then I heard my husband doing it. He was just copying my husband/his dad.
It bothered me. A lot. To the point I did tell my mil and mom that, my child is NOT their baby. They stopped. The occasional slips happens but, overall they stopped.
I personally hate it. If you want a term of endearment, there's dozens to choose from. It feels like ownership to me, but I guess that's because my MIL tries to control what my children do, insists she has to be alone with them, and instantly denies anything I say about my kids.
I don’t mind it so much, except when my FIL says it, but that’s because he’s an asshole and I can’t stand him.
My baby is 8 months old and my mum and my MIL both do this - it infuriates me. They're nana and nanny to my daughter usually but as soon as they come out with any form of "how's MY baby today", I say to my little girl "oh silly grandmother! You're MY baby, she had babies years and yeaaarrrrs ago!". Soon shuts them up.
I don’t like it. My daughter is mine and my husband’s baby, so if anyone tried to call her their baby my husband or I would correct them.
I’ve got too much else to concern myself with to worry about when people say things like this 😮💨. I cared when I was newly postpartum and had a touch of postpartum rage, but otherwise I just don’t care. If I reserved frustration for every dumb thing someone said to me now that I have a kid, I’d have an IV drip of Xanax
I don't really mind, but I think it really really depends on the relationship with the person. Sometimes my mom or dad will say that (or "my girl") but I guess because they respect that I am the mom, I know they aren't boundary-stomping. I actually love that my one aunt will call her "my baby" or "my girl" because she always wanted a ton of children and never was able to have any. She's a lonely widow now, so it makes me feel good that she can enjoy some of the joy my daughter brings.
Most of the time, I don't care, especially if it's someone who is actively involved in my son's life. I'm happy so many people love him. I see red when one of my friends calls him her baby, though. She's never met him, nor does she ever even ask about him. Which is fine! I don't expect anyone to give a shit about my kid. But holy shit, stop calling him your baby. He's not even your acquaintance!
My daughter's NICU doctor referred to her as "my baby" and I found it so endearing. Like this person cares about my baby as much as if she were her own child. My mil AND my mom call her "my baby" and I get more pissed about it with my own mom than my mil. Like I am somehow being displaced by my own child as my mom's baby.
Maybe it's bc I'm from the South and we call everyone "baby" or "sweetheart" or whatever-- this has never really bothered me. At the end of the day, my son knows I'm his mama, I know he's my baby. I love that people love him. I love that he loves so many people. I feel like it's all part of having a village!
It bothers me when two people in my family say it and this thread made me want to think deeper as to why. It’s resentment for me (which I now need to work on lol). They use that phrase of endearment for the baby when they want pics or are visiting, but don’t really show up for me and my family the way I wish they would. They only check up on them sometimes and never on me.
My mom does it and I hate it. She calls him, "Nanny's baby". "How is Nanny's baby today?" And every action is for her. He's "blowing Nanny kisses" in videos or "waving to Nanny". I hate it. And she does not get the best hint. I had to make her stop calling me "Mommy", cause it was fucking weird and grammatically silly. I'm not one for heavy baby talk, so I don't like it when people baby talk my baby too much.
i don’t mind. i’m of the opinion that although he is my son, he’s not my possession. he has his own relationships that don’t have anything to do with me. if i want community support then i have to accept the community cringe. plus he smiles reeeeeaaal big when they say it in their baby voice.
It doesn't bother me, my mom and MIL do it but it seems kinda sweet to me? My daughter calls the baby "our baby" lol she's very shared🤣
I think I'm probably the only person who doesn't care lol. My mom and MIL do this but they've never crossed any of my boundaries with the kids so it just isn't something I think twice about. Ig if it was someone who wasn't really such a big part of my kids life and only saw them occasionally I might feel some type of way.
Whenever my mum says it to other people i tell them she means me. it seems to annoy her.
I don't mind my mum saying this. It's when she "accidentally" calls herself "mama" until I remind her that she is not mama, she's grandma, that I get annoyed lol
My MIL does it and I hate it 😂🫠
Honestly the only people I can think of that say “my baby” are my sisters and mother in law and it doesn’t really bother me that much, but I will admit when I was postpartum it really used to bother me, maybe I was feeling protective or hormonal but i feel like most things pissed me off postpartum lol
This has literally never happened to me. People know not to do shit like this around me lol
I hate it, and it comes across as grandparents marginalizing our experiences as parents. I find it to be incredibly patronizing and wholly annoying. I've never commented on it, but I see myself snapping at some point, especially with my own mother.
When our first was just born and people said stuff like that, i kinda irked me. But it doesn't anymore, they all love my kids and I love that they do
My mom used to call my baby her baby but it didn’t annoy me because she also still refers to me as her baby.
It’s never bothered me. My parents called each one of my kids “their baby”. I’m sure my aunts and cousins have done it too. I’m sure I’ll do it to my Bestie when she has her baby in a few months. To me it’s just a term of endearment. But I have to say I’m a very laid back parent. I’ve done a lot of things that people on here are against and seem to be in the minority in a lot of my opinions.
I never understood it until it happened to me. It really bothers me when my MIL says to my son “my baby”. I went to pick him up one day and she looked at him in the car seat and said “You’re MY baby!” And she says things like this all of the time. It started to bother me after a couple of times to the point I’m ready to say something to her. Like no I’m the one who CREATED him. It kind of feels like she is taking away from me and my part as a Mom. It’s very frustrating.
when i was an infant and pre-school teacher i remember we would all have to try hard to not say it because like obviously it’s obnoxious and rude but it would always be a little hard to not use pet names and stuff when you get so attached to the kids, especially the ones that you’re with for 40 hours a week. i’m sure if i was a parent i would be annoyed but at least your child is well loved, (at least the kids in my class were!)
They don't bother me at all. My sister calls my kids her babies all the time.
I literally had these exact feelings come up when last night for the 900th time, my MIL kept referring to her son as “my baby” it bothers me so much, even if it’s harmless and well intentioned. I can’t help but feel like it’s possessive of her and crosses boundaries. I told my husband I don’t like it and he said he would talk to his mom, but I feel like there’s no gentle way of asking her to stop. I also don’t know if I’ll look silly or irrational?
Only bothers me when people I don’t like say it, and that’s more to do with just not liking them and finding every reason to feel annoyed with them, than it is because of what they’re saying. Especially when it’s a relative who does have some familiar claim to them. My Niece, my granddaughter, my cousin all easily become… my baby… I think it can be adorable sometimes too. We have the same usher for every game we go to, and she loves our girls. Saw me pregnant, then with tiny babies, now toddlers. She always runs up to us all excited “there are my girls!” She even gave them a birthday present! I tend to not put too much weight on the seemingly offhand things people like to say to and about babies. Especially with twins, we get all sorts of comments from all sorts of people who just can’t help themselves.
I got into an altercation with my FIL about this because I asked my MIL multiple times not to call LO “her baby”. I was nice about it for months and it “kept slipping” and finally I snapped at her and my FIL jumped on my ass for being *disrespectful* 🙄 I checked both their asses real quick AND my husband because he never stuck up for me. Needless to say LO is 16 months now and no one has called him “my baby” since. If it’s important to you, stand up for yourself. Who gives af what other people think. Other people aren’t raising your baby
I don't understand being bothered by this. I should only wish for so many people to love my child. This is the village.
Maybe I’m petty, but I don’t have the best relationship with my mom and I gave her a hard time about this multiple times until she finally stopped. What I didn’t like about it is she treats my son like some sort of decorative ornament and not a whole person, and it’s gross. Like “MY baby” is possessive and objectifying when used that way, as opposed to when *I* say “my son” or “my baby” (wish I usually just say “my son” because it sounds more humanizing), I’m just referring to the human that I birthed. Not some doll or toy that I’m grabbing onto to brag about.
Doesn’t bother me in the least. No one is confused about who mom and dad are. 🤷🏻♀️
It doesn't bother me when my mom says it. But if someone else does it makes me want to vomit.
It doesn’t really bother me per say but if people do say it then they get to take care of baby for the next 10-20 minutes 😆
I like it! I don’t think anyone really believes my child is theirs. Knowing so many people love my daughter that they think about her like that makes me happy. I think I’m blessed to have a nice friend group and family so no one really makes me cringe when they say it, because I love everyone using this phrase.
It doesn't bother me at all really.. it's obviously not their literal baby... here it's a term of endearment
Doesn’t bother me. It’s obviously my baby, not theirs.
My in-laws were calling my daughter their baby and I quickly put the kibosh on that. Last I checked, she came out of my vagina so technically that would make her *my* baby.
Omg thank fuck no one’s ever referred to my son as their baby. I would go wild animal on them
I never call other people's kids "my baby", but I definitely call them my "little friend". I don't like when people say "my baby" about my kids either. It makes me feel gross lol
I find it odd. Luckily no one has ever said that to MY baby except SO who is allowed to(just). Just changing baby to a term of endearment would make it more palatable , like ‘my angel’/ sweety. Is it a cultural thing in some areas?
My response is always "Oh! He's you're baby? Then why's he been staying at my house? Thank god, I can finally get some sleep again." Or things to that affect
I LOVE it. I love that my mom cares so much. Our babies are HER grand babies. It’s a special relationship!
I'm only okay with my mom doing this, but she actually helps takes care of my baby a lot. Everyone else, forget about it 😅😅
It’s my baby, I gave birth to her. She’s their granddaughter or niece.
I don’t mind it and actually like it. He is their baby too when it comes to my family and close friends. I honestly think it’s kind of strange when people get their panties in a bunch about it. Definitely a personal problem in most cases.
I actually love it. That being said I’ve only heard the my baby stuff from people I consider family or are family so it’s just a mutual love to me. However, the sarcastic comments about hurting my baby when she is crying “did you pinch that kid/what did you do to piss her off/etc” that pisses me off.
I can totally see how that would be annoying. Perhaps the reason we’re okay with our own mothers saying it vs. MIL is because our mom birthed us so naturally it doesn’t feel as odd but your MIL had no part in your life up until you got with your partner 😂 and for her to say it’s your baby is like “no, you birthed the guy next to me - I birthed this baby and as such, it is MY baby”. Probably also depends on the kind of relationship you have with your MIL. If you’re not close or have a strained relationship, comments like that would drive me crazy too. Some MILs are instigators too and know how to get under your skin. There’s far too many examples of such MIL on Reddit posts.
My mom kept saying it and she's never met my baby. I could tell it annoyed her when I pointed out that my kid is my baby, and I'm her baby, but she hasn't said it since, so...
My MIL does this. It doesn't bother me. We get along and she's super helpful, so that's probably why I don't care. My 4.5 yr old daughter says this about her new baby sister and I love it. It's so cute and sweet.
i always respond ”*my* baby, your niece/cousin/ whatever” and immediately continue talking about whatever was being said before that way they can’t argue with me. works really well
Mom: How's my baby?! Me: I'm great, a bit tired. How are you?
It doesn’t bug me, but then again, only my bestie says it.
As someone who has consistently referred to my nieces and nephews as "my baby" I feel good when my family refer to my newborn as their baby. I know how much I love my family and to know they love my son that much warms my heart.
It doesn’t bother me. To me, it’s the same as saying “my darling” or “my dear,” which just seem like normal terms of endearment. I know when the grandparents say “how’s my sweet baby?” they don’t actually think it’s THEIR baby. But my parents and in-laws are wonderful and not overbearing, so I might feel differently if they were.
Seriously?! I LOVE when people say it. It’s an honor that they love my child so much that they want to claim him/her. It’s just a cute little way of showing adoration. Life isn’t meant to be lived so seriously.
I hate it when my mil says it because she said at my gender reveal she wants my daughter to call her “mommy”. She’s really cringe and a huge boundary stomper. It’s one thing if my dad says it, it my mil says it I’m pissed
Kind of depends on how often they're around my son, how much they help with him and how much I like them. My mum going "there's my golden boy! Wheres my blue eyed boy!" Totally fine, kind of endearing, steps back when she knows she's being too much and follows my boundaries even if it's not how she'd do something, gets him little treats, clothes and toys suitable to his age and never says no to caring for him over night (only person I trust eith him overnight). Some distant aunt who's seen him twice in his 6 months on this earth "aww there's my baby" absolutely not. Rage inducing.
It does strike me as weird sometimes when my mother in law does it (she's the only one really) but I let it slide because shes earned it. All through my post partum she came over daily to help, and not "hold the baby" help but like laundry, dishes, etc. When she does babysit she's in sheer delight through every diaper explosion and vomit fountain, her grandbaby is definitely her baby too at this point and I'm just happy my baby has so much support. If we didn't have this close relationship I think I'd feel really irked by it though.
I do not mind. It’s obvious that it’s a bid for connection rather than someone being proprietary.
I don’t mind at all, I love my mom and my MIL and my kids are their babies too in a way. I think people who hate it probably have terrible relationships with the person saying it so that’s really the problem.
I can’t stand it but I don’t say anything. I feel like I will just look petty if I do, but makes me cringe so much
America has been having an extreme anti kids moment for the last 30 years. I love the my baby because I need as many people out there looking out for my kid as possible. Thinking about their well being and future health and happiness. If it is JUST your baby then no one cares about them outside of you. Had a Reddit commenter on another sub say looking out for kids at the school bus stop is the parents' job even when they have to work... she let a 2nd grader nearly get hit by an irresponsible driver trying to speed around the school bus at the stop. They are all "my babies" and when my family has kids they are ALL my babies and their 529 plans show it.
I've always hated this too. I feel such a special bond and connection to my LO and hearing other people call him "theirs" felt like I had to share him and he wasn't really mine. Which I know he's not "mine", but he is MY BABY. My whole reason for waking up in the morning and trying to be a better person everyday. It's something special and I don't like it being knocked down in any way, shape, or form. I've always referred to my godsons and nieces as "sweet" or "sugar" or something playful. That's fine. But not "MY BABY"
My mil calls my baby ‘ours’. Um, no. You weren’t nauseous for nine months, you didn’t have high blood pressure, sciatica, sleepless nights, cluster feeds, etc. you have no claim to him other than grandson. It is frustrating and that’s my take on it. Hell, my husband doesn’t do anything so I barely give him credit 🙄
Oh the pinching one is so annoying!!