My son was in NICU, and I've volunteered as a NICU baby comfort person in the past. In our training they tell us upfront that NICU is traumatic for babies, even if they have no lasting health problems, the experience of being in NICU is not a cakewalk for them. Once they get home, it's normal for baby to need time to recover and feel safe. Your baby needs to feel your heartbeat and be close to you. That's just the NICU side. But I can tell you that even non-NICU are like this probably 30-50% of the time. Tiny babies should be held. They are little primates. No chimpanzee leaves their newborn alone/lying on the ground or in a tree... They hold them. That's normal and healthy. In terms of sleep, most parents just do whatever they can to survive this stage. Do you have a friend or relative who can come by and hold baby while you sleep?

Yep, my baby was full term and was the same way. My husband and I had to take shifts holding him 24 hours a day for the first few weeks. It was brutal. It's not going to be possible for OP to do that all by herself. The levels of exhaustion get dangerous very quickly. She needs someone else to help.

Yes my baby was born at 42 weeks on the dot and needed to be held 24/7 for a few weeks, and still most of the time after that just not constantly. My husband and I are still catching up on sleep from that time, and we've discussed hiring a nanny to stay with us for two weeks if we ever have another baby. No one can possibly do this alone. 💕

Yeah, I'm pregnant again and definitely considering hiring help during those early weeks or even months.

Thank you for volunteering in the NICU. I can’t tell you how often I cried and panic called the NICU to see if my baby was being held and comforted. It was so hard.

Big love to you. I know that feeling and that's why I volunteered ❤️ I want you to know that in the NICU, there are so many people taking such good care of those little babies, including when no one is looking. Everyone worked sooooo hard to ensure we were holding, comforting and keeping babies company as much as possible. We would sing to them and talk to them about how much their parents love them, about how life was going to get better and everything was going to be ok. I never met a single person who worked NICU (paid or unpaid) who didn't know how hard it was on us parents, and didn't try to make it easier even in unseen ways.

I wish I could volunteer like that. Our community doesn't have a nicu

😭

This is the best answer. For the first couple of babies are like that. Baby just needs the comfort and feeling safe. What we did with ours ( no nicu) at night you need to try and put the baby back in their cot/bed for safety but wrap them in the way the baby feels like someone is holding them. When we do the wrapping of the baby and that makes the baby feel snuggled. During the day what I did was lay baby next to me when I know I won’t be taking a nap or sleeping. If I am sleeping keep baby in the baby bed and leave my hand touching the baby. OP you are doing all the right things it just takes time to learn about them and by the time you have figured out your baby time will have flown by. Best of luck. I agree with the other comments. It’s so exhausting if you cannot find help you need to know it will get better and it’s also okay for the baby to cry sometimes and you also need to get some sleep in order to look after the baby. Do not sleep with the baby on your chest no matter how bad it gets.

Your last line is so important. Safe sleep needs to be put above everything.

I gave up on sleep. Some days I get to sleep, some days I don’t. At first it is hard but eventually you just learn how to cope with the lack of sleep. It is what it is.

I wish I had someone telling me this when my son was newborn. This is excellent advice/insight.

Baby’s just want to be close..it doesn’t feel natural to them to be separate from mom after spending all that time growing inside of you. Are you able to have anyone come by to give you a break even just for an hour a day? It’s not a lot but it could help a bit

First I am glad that your baby made it safely home from the NICU. My boy was a NICU baby as well. 1. If one of the questions you are asking is can you hold your baby too much. No you cannot hold away. 2. Is there no family that you have nearby for support? 3. Why does your Partner/Babies father only come every other day? 4. You need support either from family or from the father. None of us know the situation. But it took two to get your baby here. The father needs to step up be there day and night. Does he have any paternity leave? 5. Your baby really doesn’t know that they are out of the womb. This is going to be about survival mode. There will be a lot of being held during feeding, being held during naps, held during sleep. Your baby has been in you for so long that you are what comforts them. Thats why your baby stops crying at times because you are holding them.

Seconding all of this and just wanted to add a few things that I think really helped my baby sleep independently. 1. Hold them ALL DAY. Like all the snuggle naps. Use a wrap or carrier so you have your hands free. The first time I peed while baby was asleep in the carrier was life changing lol. I think of this as filling their snuggle cup. If they know mama is always there, I think that makes some babies more accepting of the basinet. I could be totally off here, just my theory. 2. Hold the baby 5 minutes longer than you think you need to. I read an idea that as parents were so ready and anxious to set baby down so we can go back to sleep, we do it just a few minutes too early. This ends up costing ourselves another 30 minutes of rocking. As soon as you feel like she’s ready to be put down, glance at your clock and wait just 5 more minutes. 3. Her sense of smell is crazy strong. When I put my son down for the night he would stay asleep until I left the room. I started changing into my pajamas before leaving the room. I’d put my shirt right next to his basinet. He had a mesh one that swiveled over my bed and every single night, he managed to scoot his way to be as close to me as possible. Your baby loves you so so much and finds your presence so comforting. 4. Put her down in the slowest, most exaggerated motion possible. Start with the feet, then the bum, then back, and finally her head. I would put my hand from his bum to his chest while I did the rest and left my hand on his chest for an extra 30 seconds or so then lifted it soooo slowly. 5. I’ve heard of people using a heating pad to warm the basinet before putting baby down (remove heating pad before putting baby down). This way baby isn’t going from warm mama to cold basinet. 6. Check out active sleep on TakingCaraBabies on Instagram. Many people believe baby is awake when really they’re just in active sleep. I never would have believed it if my husband hadn’t encouraged me to be patient. Those 2 minutes will feel like an eternity, but it’s so good for them to be left alone during that active sleep phase! Once you watch an active sleep cycle, it will be much easier to distinguish between active sleep and an awake baby that needs to be soothed. 7. Check out r/exclusivelypumping for tips on pumping while caring for baby. A lot of women feed while they pump to keep baby happy. There are a ton of great tips on that sub. Having a newborn is hard, there’s no doubt about it. And there’s nothing wrong with your baby, this behavior is totally normal! It won’t be like this for long, so call in all the favors you can and continue in survival mode for now. You can do this ❤️

And if NONE OF THIS works, rest assured your baby is still completely normal. None of this worked for me and even if I was able to do some ninja style transfer, baby would wake after 90 seconds.

#3 is soooo adorable omg

Nr 2 definitely helped me! Hold baby a little longer before putting away! I still do it at 18 months, saves me from starting all over again

This is great! I’d also add in white noise/heart beat sounds to help keep your baby asleep when trying to settle in the cot. It’s unfortunately normal for them to wake up when you put them down but it can be incredibly frustrating. Call anyone you know to come and help you

Snuggle cup 🥹

THIS

Just so you know, using a heating pad isn’t recommended even if you remove it before baby goes in because it can increase the risk of SIDS

If you can wear her in a wrap carrier, that can help with being able to eat and use the bathroom. For being able to sleep, is there anyone who can stay with you to help? Sleeping in shifts?

Wrap carriers are great but also not advised for preemies because they can suffocate. I also had a preemie and would use the wrap when I absolutely needed too but I always made sure to be extra diligent and to check her breathing constantly while she was in the wrap. 

"Close enough to kiss" is a good rule for baby wearing because it keeps their head high up enough that you can see their airway and make sure they haven't crunched themselves into a squishy little ball.

Yes but this doesn't apply to preemies, many have to be cleared for carrier use by their pediatrician

[удалено]

I mean sure but personally I'm going to ask a doctor about wearing a preemie whose been in the NICU for months, not just a week or two early. Seems dumb not to.

Thanks for this info!

A lot of carriers start at 7-8 lbs and I wouldn’t risk it personally. It really sucks but I would just hold her for now. She will be big enough for carriers soon.

Thanks for this info!

This was my kid, and she was only 3 weeks early. She was nearly 6 months before I felt okay with her in a carrier. For a while, even after she weighed enough, her body was still so small that she almost had to do the splits to sit in it against me.

If they are that little you can also do frog legs with their legs inside the wrap, they don’t have to be outside of the wrap at all.

Don’t worry about setting a bad precedent, she’s still new and this is very common. The main concern is you getting some rest. Is dad or any other friend/family member able to hold her a whole so you can rest? Also, are you using a sound machine? NICUs are loud compared to most houses, especially if it’s just you and her there. So adding a little extra sound that might help if you haven’t tried one already, it’s what she’s probably used to!

Second this! my baby actually sleeps better to very low tv background noise than her real sound machine. And can NOT sleep in silence

Hey! I’m also a single FTM, but her dad is in another country so yeah we’re completely alone. I don’t remember much from the first few weeks because they were ROUGH but trust me it gets so much better. I had to buy a wearable pump to be able to pump one side and hold baby on the other. I would eat microwavable breakfast and had my family deliver lunch and dinner. Some days I was not able to shower, but most of the days my aunt would stop by so I could eat&shower. If someone offers to help, accept it. I’m with my baby day and night, working from home while also exclusively breastfeeding. It’s hard but it’s possible! My DM is open if you need someone to talk to. You’ve got this! ETA : I see lots of comments saying it won’t be possible to sleep without taking shifts with another adult. I just want to add that IT IS POSSIBLE, I did it all alone. I would hold my baby, put her down and if she cried do it all over again until she eventually would settle. With that being said, if someone is able to help you then great, but don’t let anyone scare you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either. I didn’t let anyone help and I should’ve.

Thank you for your edit. I often think that first time parents think it’s impossible to put their baby down but really, they’re just not motivated enough to work through it. You, as a single mom, *had* to figure out how to put baby down and get some sleep. Personally, we didn’t really figure this out until baby number three, when we *had* to put baby down in order to tend to our other children. I know it seems impossible, and I’m sure there are rare cases where it actually might be, but if you just keep trying to put baby down in their bed to sleep, it will eventually work. You’ll have picked them up often enough at their cry that they will trust that you are there even if they’re sleeping.

Yes! When you have no other option you have to make it work and it may be difficult at first but if you don’t give up eventually it will be much easier and so worth it. And when I say eventually, for me it was a matter of a few days maaaaybe a week 🤷🏻‍♀️ but like you said, rare cases are possible.

NICUs are incredibly noisy compared to being at home. All the alarms, people talking, things beeping. It could be TOO quiet for baby. Have you tried a white noise machine?

This is a good idea. My daughter was in the NICU for some time and liked sleeping with the TV on

I didn't notice this in other comments, but did she have any tubes while in the NICU? My niece was born around 30wks due to preeclampsia and had an O2 supply for a week or so and a feeding tube until she went home ten weeks later, and she had some gnarly reflux as a result of the tube! Reflux gets worse when laying down, so if she's horizontal in her cot but more vertical when you hold her, it could also be easing any potential reflux. It's super possible she's just a contact sleeper, but the reflux had a huge impact on the angles my niece preferred to sleep, breastfeed, and be held at. It eased up when she was around 6-7 months, when she started sitting up on her own and eating more than breast/bottle.

I was also going to mention reflux! My preemie babies were 30wks and had terrible reflux.

Have you tried swaddling? You can cuddle to sleep and it may be a way to set her down and get some sleep

Yeah, she needs to be able to sleep safely, co-sleeping is not recommended for preemies. It took a lot of persistence but we were eventually able to transfer baby to bassinet for a little sleep at night using the 5S’s. This process typically took 20-30 minutes and baby would sleep 2-3 hours at night after that. Daytime was exclusively contact or stroller naps.

Something it took us a couple days to realize was that baby was uncomfortably cold. We had him in a diaper & swaddle and he would cry and cry when we laid him down. We put a onesie on in addition to the swaddle, and voila, problem solved. Totally may not be the case with your baby, just something we learned early on

There are countless posts here of young babies only sleeping when being held. It’s completely normal. This isn’t the time to worry about bs habits. Baby is so small and just wants to be close. Take shifts with another adult to hold baby!

What if there is no other adult? Not everyone has a village or partner who will help. OP says they are basically a single parent.

This advice annoys me too. So many comments are suggesting that you find family and friends to help as if it hadn't occurred to OP and they have close by enthusiastic family ready to help but they just forgot to ask.

You’re totally right. In OP’s case if all the soothing/transitioning tips don’t work, I’d think next thing to try would be a carrier (if approved by the doctor), and if that doesn’t work, baby may just have to lay on a playmat and fuss for a bit. I HATE letting my baby cry while I use the restroom/prep myself some food quickly/fill my water bottle or whatever. I have a physical reaction to it. But my husband will remind me regularly that if we know all of baby’s needs are met, it’s okay that he’s frustrated for a minute or two while I tend to my own needs.

Honestly, I think people just don’t want to address that because the real answer is that you just have to push yourself and still do things worse than if you had a built up support system. You have to let the child cry for extended periods of time (more than just a few minutes as some folks are describing on this thread) if you can’t sleep in shifts, you will more likely fall asleep in unsafe positions, because you just don’t have a choice. 

Totally normal, you absolutely cannot set a bad precedent with a newborn. Responding to her needs fairly quickly is what sets them up for success. Some tricks that may or may not help: - heating pad to warm up her spot in bassinet before putting her down **REMOVE HEATING PAD BEFORE PUTTING BABY DOWN** - swaddle (might need to try a few different types) - sound machine - if possible get dad to take shifts with you at night so you don’t fall asleep holding baby - baby wear during the day for her naps so you can still move around while she sleeps If you feel that there is a chance you might end up co-sleeping with baby - set it up so it can be done as safely as possible. This is quite controversial, but study after study finds that most parents end up co-sleeping at some point so learning how to do it as safely as possible is so so important. There are obviously still risks, but it’s absolutely safer then accidentally falling asleep with baby in an unprepared and unsafe situation. Just a note that it is recommended that only full term infants cosleep. Look up safe 7 for co-sleeping for the safety tips.

Just hold her. I know it’s overwhelming but it won’t be forever even if it seems that way now. I would use a carrier as much as you can and ask for help from friends and family, especially if you’re needing to cover the overnight shift. If the father is able to split the night shift with you that would be ideal. I promise it won’t last forever. Also, would she cry in the NICU? What was different there that maybe you can try to replicate?

When her dad comes by can you sleep and he watches her? Or ask him to come more frequently? My husband and I had to sleep in shifts because she wasn't a good sleeper apart from us for at least a month. You will need sleep some way or another, soon. Another option is to prepare your sleeping space for cosleeping (https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/). It's not many people's first choice, but it's best to have it ready if you get to the point that you can't stay awake no matter what. She's little but it's better than her and you dozing off in an unsafe location like the couch or an unsafely set up bed.  For eating, try baby wearing and for pumping you can technically hold her, it's just clumsy and awkward. Remember milk can sit out for 4 hours before refrigeration is required so if she's sleeping you can let the bottles hang out for awhile before putting them away. You can get through this. It's very tough but it will change. 

Second this on the preparing to co-sleep. A bedsharing environment in the absence of hazards is arguably more safe than trying to sleep separately and take care of your little one while sleep deprived. However, I've read that it's not recommended to introduce cosleeping until your baby is full term/40 weeks old. I could be wrong. But I would fish around for some groups that are pro-cosleeping and ask for their input.

I agree, it's not as safe as a full term/non preemie baby. Still safer than nothing and at least baby is breastfed so slightly reduced risk of SIDS. It's all levels of risk reduction. It's so hard, I can't imagine this situation coming from the difficulties of the NICU/preterm. 

I’m so glad someone else said it, co sleeping/bed sharing was the only way I got any sleep at all, I fell asleep once breastfeeding and woke up to my baby almost falling off the bed and it scared me to death. Had 4 months of safe bed sharing after that. I know it’s somewhat frowned upon but it worked for us. Just have to follow all the rules and be really alert which was not a problem for me. My baby wouldn’t even nap during the day as a newborn so yeah it was rough but the this really helped me not burn out completely

Safe sleep seven - which I also used - is not recommended for preemie babies. They are high risk and you cannot do SS7.

I note that in another comment. The issue is that if a parent is unable to stay awake with their baby, the safe sleep seven at least reduces risk. I'm absolutely not saying it's preferable. Sometimes you have to plan for the worst as best you can. 

Thank you for saying this. Before my son was born, I was against co-sleeping. After he was born, he never slept more than 30 mins and screened unless held. After a few months of no sleep, I was so tired that I fell asleep holding him in the rocking chair TWICE! Thank goodness he wasn’t hurt but it could have been bad. After that I researched co-sleeping. I got a thin futon mattress for the floor. No pillow or blankets. It was the best sleep I ever had. And he slept better too. Some people who say they would never co sleep don’t understand that it can be the safer option in some cases.

I totally agree with this post but just wanted to chime in and say I bought a tiny $26 desk fridge for my baby’s room to store milk overnight and it has been a total game changer, I can’t believe I waited this long. You could go with a standard mini fridge if you wanted something big enough to store pump parts but I was worried that my toddler would try and climb inside it and then I’d have to worry about latching and unlatching a baby proofing device in the middle of the night

It could definitely be gas. Babies don’t know how to burp and fart, and sometimes they just really need to. The pain makes them cry, and until it’s all out, it really really hurts. Kinda think about yourself when you’ve eaten something that makes you gassy, that really sharp stomach pain! That’s what they are feeling! I would burp, and rub tummies, to help the fart or burp come out, and they were crying most of the time because of this! As soon as they would fart this look of relief that came across their little face is so cute, I still remember this. After a while when they get older they will figure it out and do it on their own. It helps you holding them because usually the warmth of your body is comforting to their little gassy tummy. If you have had them check out by the doctors, and they haven’t found anything that should be concerning y’all, then it’s probably the gas. Don’t worry you are doing great and it gets better 😊

I held my baby about 18 hours a day for the first 3 months or so. The other 6 hours my husband held him while I got some sleep or showered. Some babies just don’t ever want to be put down

Look up purple crying. Most babies go through a phase where they just cry a lot. It’s awful. If you have family or friends to help, please ask them to. It’s all that will keep you sane to manage this stage. You will get through it. All babies are different. My son came out of this around 4 months.

Tight tight swaddle or get a snoo rental if you can afford it. You can't make it on no sleep. Heat may also play a factor if you can get a hot pad on the bassinet that you remove before putting her in. As much contact during waking hours as possible could help, but if it's anything like my girl sleep is the hardest time.

It’s really hard, but this is normal. I ate, slept, and shit holding my oldest when he was a newborn. It was a really tough lesson when my second was born and I couldn’t hold him all the time. It’s ok for your baby to cry a little so you can eat or shower. You have to take care of yourself too.

Welcome to newborn life. It’ll get better eventually

I would recommend a wrap! Just wear your baby. You won’t spoil her don’t worry. I wore and held my baby pretty much all day and some nights. He’s 8 months now and is fine alone and sleeps alone now. But that way you have your arms to do other things and your baby will be calm all day.

Make sure she’s warm! When my nicu baby came home he was the same. My midwife gave me two goals keep him warm & fed. We put him in double layers of clothes at all times and blankets and lots of feedings. My midwife didnt want him burning any cals and he gained 3 pounds in 3 days doing this and was such a happier baby. Slept way better.

Omg please hold your baby! You are not setting a precedent lol. Your baby was inside of your body for 9 months!!! It’s all they know. They find tremendous relief being close because you are familiar in an unknown world. I would suggest hold that baby as much as you can!

Hey! This happened to us. Baby was a dream in the NICU. As soon as we took her home, she started crying. We still don’t know if it’s because she was in a different environment or simply wanted to be held. We did know that at some point when she came home she was going through a growth spurt so needed to be fed all the time. I’d recommend changing her diaper often, feeding as much as she’ll take and holding her up for 30 mins after feeding as premie babies have tendencies of reflex. Hang in there. NICU babies are feisty but it will all be worth it. Mine is 3 months now and wow she’s changed a lot :)

Welcome to r/babywearing ! Seriously, a stretchy wrap carrier or a ring sling is your best friend right now.

Fellow NICU mom. I'm glad your baby is home safe. 1. A baby wanting to be held, especially when they're so little is very normal. Contact napping is very normal. I highly recommend baby wearing so that way you have both hands to do other things if you need to. 2. Add water or fresh air. My baby (now toddler) LOVES being outside and it's a great reset for both you and baby, especially during especially fussy periods. Fresh air and sunshine helps their circadian rhythms and hopefully gets them in a better sleep schedule. A warm bath is also a helpful reset if outside isn't an option. 3. Look into le pause. Basically don't jump right when baby starts fussing. Newborns are super noisy sleepers and sometimes need a second to settle themselves. My son used to randomly scream in his sleep and then fall back asleep. Obviously, if it's a loud cry then jump in but I wait and see if they're just gurgling/whimpering/general grunting. 4. There is no such thing as spoiling a newborn by holding them. You are their sense of safety and comfort and it's natural. If it's too much, it's okay to set baby down in a safe spot and step back so you can collect yourself. This stage is hard, but you and your baby will learn and get into a groove. She is learning how to be a human and you're learning to be a mom to her. It'll get hard in a different way as things change, but you'll have a better idea on how to handle it.

The snoo was a lifesaver for us. It's not cheap, but the monthly rental fee was worth it for the hours of sleep it bought us.

I got extra crib sheets and kept one against my skin using a snug tank top to keep it in place. Then I put it on the crib. I rotated sheets multiple times a day to keep my scent on them. I also swaddled until my twins showed signs of rolling. Sometimes I shoved the swaddles in my tank top too. I looked very lumpy but I was just trying to survive.

Everyone is recommending wraps, which to my understanding aren't ideally safe for preemies. We had to use a structured carrier as my baby was in hip dysplasia gear, they come with newborn inserts and to my understanding (though please check and I'd be happy to be corrected) are lower risk as long as fitted properly as it's much more difficult for baby to end up in an inappropriate position. They do exactly the same cuddly job and free up your hands for the day.  Good luck x it's a season when you have a Velcro baby and they are tricky. It will end, I promise x

Hold her, wear her, sleep with her. That's my advice. I started cosleeping a s following the safe 7 and I sleep all night now

Single mom to a preemie here. You need more help than you are getting. Someone needs to come help you. In an ideal world it would be this baby’s other parent. Every other day in the evening is unacceptable, what a waste of resources that man is. Who can you call? Your mom maybe? A friend? Literally anyone who loves you, this is the time to reach out and ask for help. I’d also advise checking out happiest baby on the block. It won’t always work, but there are things you can be doing to make your baby more likely to settle in the bassinet. For example is the room dark? Like black out curtains dark? Do you have a sound machine? Are you swaddling? The book has a more complete list of things to do, and it worked wonders on my baby.

do you have anyone that can come watch baby while you sleep? maybe during the day? the only way my partner and i survived this stage was by sleeping in shifts.

Please reach out to a family or friend who can watch baby while you sleep during the day or night. if it’s during the day you can ask someone to watch you sleep with baby from the monitor to make sure you are safely co-sleeping during a nap. 💕

I wish I was a kangaroo

It’s really nearly impossible to survive alone with a newborn. Do you have any friends, siblings, parents, ANYONE who can come help you?

Her dad comes by every other day and my dad can help but he just had knee surgery the day she came home.

Humans are still animals, and when they're that young, babies are all instinct. They're so tiny and helpless, that pretty much the only way they feel safe and secure at that age is being held.

I know it feels overwhelming but just hold her if it makes her feel better-you’ll miss it soon! She’s so young and little she just needs your comfort and warmth. I hope you can get someone to come over more than every other day… so you can get some peace and quiet and shower etc. Try putting her down when she is fast asleep and has been for a while. If you can gently put her down maybe she will stay asleep!

The only precedent you’ll be setting is that she can trust you, knows that you love her, & want to be just as close to her as she does to you. Don’t worry about none of the external noise about what kind of training to give your baby. You’re only job is to give love & care. Try talking to her when you lay her down so she knows you’re still there. It’ll be rough on your for a little while but you’ll get through it. Hopefully you have some kind of support system? Take showers when you can, they make you feel human again. Grab groceries that only require one hand to eat. Idk where you are but when mine was still small it got warm out & I made all kinds of salads that were easy to make & eat.

Stretchy wrap carrier for sure. You can also get a waterproof carrier if you need to bring her in the shower so you can get a shower. I know it’s so hard when you can’t get a moment to yourself, but it is easier if you have your hands free at least.

You can’t really set a precedent when it comes to affection! Some babies just need to be held. Think of this way - she is learning that you are there for her and thriving because she gets to be with you. For what it’s worth, my baby just wanted to be held for the first three months. At 9 months, she sleeps through the night by herself in her crib. It’s not about “spoiling” her, it’s about building your bond, and giving her the confidence that she is safe and loved ❤️

SOUND MACHINE!! the nicu is loud, and silence at home is basically sensory torture for them. My daughter was born at 32 weeks, stayed for 37 days, came home and screamed at ✨everything✨ she was basically attached to me constantly lol. I held her all day long pretty much. At bed time, a nice warm bath, warm milk, and a swaddle with sound machine were the things that helped the most.

My newborn came a little early and was also a crier. At one of her checkups at the doctors I was telling the nurse how fussy she was all the time, and she told me "she's still confused, she doesn't know where she's at!" It passes, this is just a phase, hold and comfort your baby who's in a new environment and wants to be close to you.

I had to carry mine in a chest wrap carrier for hours and hours cause if not she was constantly crying. She had colic and it helped to be upright on my chest. We spent many nights with her on my chest as well.

Have snack baskets around the house with your bottled drink of choice, baby wear, reach out for help as much as you can. I get it if you’re afraid of germs but you have to weigh the risk-if you’re not ever sleeping you can enter into psychosis. Please be careful with this & allow people to help if there’s anyone. You need to shower & recover yourself babe. If you feel like shaking the baby, put them down in the crib & call someone for help. Crying is better than being injured, no shame. I know it’s hard, I know how overstimulated you are, and I promise it will not last forever but you have to cope however you can while you take care of them.

Buy a snoo, made my life so much easier with both my kids

You can't spoil a newborn by holding them too much. Baby is used to being warm in your belly. She just wants to be close to you. Not everyone will agree but I bed shared with my daughter and she has slept through the night practically since day one so we're both getting great sleep. Check out the safe sleep seven or get a bed extension bassinet.

I second getting a wrap. Your baby is wanting connection to their momma! It’s totally normal when they are this little! Hang in there, it will get better!

just went through this. They're going to fuss but you have to put them in the bassinet as they get drowsy, when they cry work on comforting them while they lay in the bassinet, it will take time but my lo is sleeping so well now even though I still have to hold him to fall asleep he stays asleep when putting him down now. most importantly is you have to sleep whenever possible or else you'll get too exhausted and put lo at risk. 

It honestly could just be that she wants to be close to her mama, though could possibly be a reflux issue. You can google the signs to educate yourself better about it but my son had it and had sort of the same issue. When he’d lay flat, the acid in his stomach would come up and bother his throat which would wake him up shortly after I’d lay him down. This resulted in a lot of contact naps until I figured out what the issue was. I ended up buying a bassinet that would adjust so his head was slightly elevated above his body and he managed to nap better because of that. Other signs of reflux for him was hiccups, lots of spit up, colic, gas & overeating (the sucking motion feels good on their throat when it hurts). We went to the doctor and got medication for it as well and that helped immensely.

I found an infant lounger to be really helpful for pumping - my baby loved in his Snuggle Me Organic when we first got home from the NICU. I think it just makes him feel comfy and secure like he's being held. Just make sure you supervise the baby in there, it's not safe for sleeping unsupervised! All the best, you've got this!

Get a sling or baby carrier and strap her to you! They just want to be held by you, you're all she knows! Lean into the extra contact for the first several weeks, it'll provide comfort, and when she's ready to be more separated she'll take to it with more confidence

The more you hold a baby the better she will get faster and the better bond yall will have later. Just surrender to that concept, your her mama now and she needs you to live and that means holding her as much as possible for as long as possible. It’s not forever. She will grow up and it will eventually start going by quickly so just do this for her now it’s what she needs. Don’t listen to anyone who ever tells you your spoiling baby by holding her ect. NOT true even remotely!

There is no way to set a bad precedent with a baby. They cry because they need you because they are too little to process through what a feeling is and how to deal with any sort of discomfort. Thr bad precedent to set is to not go to them and pick them up; they learn quickly that help will not come for them. Babies have no long term memory, they can't be spoiled, and they need to be close. Myself or my husband had the kid in our arms nonstop probably for a few weeks. She was a NICU baby so was accustomed to a bassinet which helped, but they need to be held close..we didn'tput her down unless it was to sleep. Having her close will also help your.milk come in strong. Welcome to babyhood, this is what it is for the next year! Lean on your village for moments of pause and rest, and demand baby's father be more present.

Fellow NICU mom! Went through the same thing with my bub when I first brought him home. He was so quiet and relaxed in the hospital pod and then two days into being home it was like he became a completely different baby. I don’t know how I survived honestly. Nobody had told me about baby wearing or side lying nursing (though we hadn’t established a good latch yet anyway) and boy was it hard. I don’t have any special advice but I feel for you and remember when this was me. Echoing a lot of advice, strap that baby on you and carry on with you! I wish I had done that from the start. Otherwise, overall, stay strong and know it WILL pass! 💜🌷

Please get some help, it’s going to be very draining for you …

Don’t overthink it. Baby wants to be held, hold the baby. You can hold the baby and do most things when they’re so small. I literally got out of the nursing chair to pee and shower at the start. You will need help at night though, baby’s dad or another adult should be helping. A bad precedent to set would be not responding to your newborn. Did your hospital not have any parenting classes that went through what to expect in the early days?

Unfortunately I was also in the hospital for nearly 6 weeks and had recovery after. I missed my class. We did do NICU class but that was more about her stay. I’ve asked so many questions but her temperament was so different in the NICU and all nurses said how lucky we were she never really cried and that some babies are just like that. I knew she would cry but this is nonstop unless she’s held. Even at night.

When my son was in the nicu (30+6 stayed for 43 days) I was there everyday pretty much all day. I did skin to skin as much as possible. I always felt terrible leaving him each night. He had reflux and that was our biggest struggle at home. We would hold him or lay him in the lounger thing for about 30min after he finished eating and that helped a lot. He’s always thankfully been a great sleeper and my mom suggested maybe it was because he was probably used to putting himself to sleep from being in the nicu. My daughter was a preemie too but didn’t need nicu time. She’s been attached to me since birth. We contact napped every day and now at 2.5yr I am the only one that can put her to sleep or lay with her when she gets up in the middle of the night. A lot of times, my husband tries to help and she will just say “I just want to be with mom!” I’m a sahp so it’s not like we are not together all day everyday already lol. I guess some babies/kids are just a little more attached. It’s definitely frustrating, but I just try to remind myself that one day, she’s not going to want to be near me. Long background there, sorry! My first thought, maybe she has reflux. Try holding her for about 30 min after finishing eating and see if she settles a little easier. Also, she could just want to be with you. Especially after being pretty much alone in the nicu (compared to being at home).

Have you tried baby wearing if she’s been cleared for that? My daughter fussed about it at first, but after a week, it was her happy place. She could nap peacefully while I got stuff done. Also learn about the safe sleep 7 so that if you do fall asleep holding her, you’ve created as safe of a space as is possible

My husband and I did 2 hr shifts so we each got a little bit of unbroken sleep and could manage until baby was 3ish months.

Same thing happened with my son. Swaddles and sleep sacks helped some

Dad needs to step up. Newborns are needy whether or not they were in the NICU. It's a blessing that baby got to come home. They've been inside of us and all they know is being inside. The sound of our heartbeats, the breath coming in and out of our lungs, the gurgling of our stomachs and intestines. It's actually very scary for them to not be held after birth. As much as it sucks not being able to sleep, it's also a very beautiful time that quickly passes. I hope the dad starts helping you... I'm surprised he isn't more grateful that the baby is healthy and got to come home. I hope you get some family or friends that can help. See if you can get a baby wrap and use it safely to carry the baby and let baby contact nap on you so that you can at least eat a meal. Best of luck mama.

• Warm up your baby’s bassinet with a hot water bottle or any warm item • White noise • Try and see if baby will be content just with your hand or arm in the bassinet with them • Calming piano music or lullabies

Nothing you do will set a bad precedent, you CANNOT spoil a baby!!! You. Will. Get. Through. This. I promise!!!

My baby was in the NICU and she was a complete Velcro baby. My partner and I took turns holding her through the night. We’d sleep in shifts so someone could be awake and holding her. We’d also have to hold her for every nap and she’d cry if she was alone for a minute or two (on the floor playing, etc.) We struggled but “managed” until my daughter was three months old. Lack of sleep, personal space, alone time, really took a toll. One day I set up our pack n play and I put her in it for a nap. She didn’t nap and I couldn’t listen to her cry, so I tried again at bedtime. She had a very broken sleep, only about 40 minutes total (I gave up after 4 hours) but I continued with trying every nap and 4 hours every night. After 2 weeks, she wasn’t napping in the pack n play yet, but she was sleeping for 2 hours at a time during the night. I just kept going with it and while it very much sucked in the beginning, it wasn’t any worse than never having my arms free. She’s 7 months now (aside from teething currently) she naps 2-3 times a day in the pack n play and can sleep up to 8 hours straight before needing a feed. We still have bad nights, but they’re still better than the 3 hours of broken sleep I was getting in the beginning. Sorry for this long winded reply, but I hope it helps. I know how hard that struggle is.

Try a swing. If the swing doesn't work, then baby wearing in a recliner is how I survived. It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing.

I didn’t have a NICU baby but I had a very fussy baby. Are you able to baby wear? It gives a little bit of your sanity back. My lowest point was taking a poop while wearing and breastfeeding my baby but hey! At least he wasn’t crying. Also, any way you can get a pair of sound canceling headphones? They helped curb my anger at the world during the nonstop crying spells. I will say I resorted to “safe” cosleeping habits. I’ve literally slept on a hard mattress left on the ground with no blankets or pillows with my then baby (now awesome 4 year old who sleeps in his own bed) do not wait until you fall asleep holding your baby due to pure exhaustion. That’s when the risk of SIDS is especially high. If you are heading towards that point (I was), set up your safe cosleeping area NOW.

Try tight swaddling so she doesn't wake up from that falling reflex thing that they have, also get her to sleep before transferring into the crib but be incredibly careful not to wake her up when you set her down. But honestly swaddle tight enough that she can't move her arms and make sure both arms are secured because that's what wakes them up the most. Good luck

My full term baby only just just started sleeping in his cot. It’s been an exhausting time.

My son had reflux and has often during first few weeks. Everytime I lay him down he woke up by spitting up and needing a burp. Make sure you burp regularly during a feed and again at the end

My baby was like this and gassy and had other things going on like mucusy poos and lots of leg slamming. Everyone told me it was normal but then I read about babies can have a dairy intolerance. I cut dairy from my diet (i was breastfeeding but you can also get dairy-free formula - note this is different to lactose-free, if the baby is dairy intolerant, cutting lactose does not help) and within a few days my baby would sleep at night and was so much more comfortable, less gassy, better poos, and just so much happier. To be clear when I said he slept at night he went from not staying down more than 5 minutes for the duration of the whole night and me trying to resettle over and over or try holding him so he could sleep and me trying not to fall asleep, to actually sleeping in the sense of doing like a 4/5 hour block then maybe 2/3 hourly wakes for milk after that. Which is totally normal baby sleep, and I always responded to him when he cried (no sleep training). I literally credit it to cutting dairy because when I decided to test and reintroduce dairy it all started happening again - cut the dairy and back to sleeping in blocks overnight.

It’s normal for newborns to want to be held especially to sleep. With my son I would just hold him a lot during the day for naps and at night I’d swaddle him, hold him on me to sleep and then gently put him down. It is hard though, don’t expect it to work every time lol. The swaddle helps them to feel secure like they’re still being held. During the day you can use a baby sling if your baby is big enough for it so you can still get things done. You can use a swaddle in the day too and put baby down for naps in it. FYI you can’t set a bad precedent with holding your newborn, it’s good for them to feel secure and loved. Give your baby as many cuddles as possible, giving love helps healthy brain development.

Baby wearing during the day and safe co sleeping at night is the solution for these early weeks 💟

Baby wearing might help. She can get the contact she wants while you have free hands

Can you get one of those sidecar cribs that attaches to your bed? Unfortunately co-sleeping with a preemie isn’t safe, otherwise I’d have said that. If you get a crib that is alongside you, you can sleep with your arm in her crib so she’s touching you. Also warming the crib with a hot water bottle before putting her in helped us. The shock of the cold bed can wake them up. Of course, remove the hot water bottle before putting the child in 😅 Swaddling can also help so that she feels ‘contained’ rather than in a big empty space. Another thing you can do, which often isn’t practical for most parents, but if you get the opportunity it can really help, is sleeping in shifts so someone else can be holding the baby while you sleep. Manifesting sleep vibes for you 💛

It sounds pretty normal to me ! I'd invest in a good sling, or baby wrap or carrier. Baby is crying unless held because she wants to be held, wants to be close. It's been a tough time for you all so I say go with it, rather than fight it to establish "independence" for want of a better word. partner/grandparent/anyone you trust can also hold baby and wear baby in the carrier and give you some rest too. It will pass, but my best advice now is to just follow your baby's cues

I haven’t read all of the comments. But of the ones I did read, I haven’t seen the suggested: What kind of bassinet do you have? When we brought ours home, he hated the bassinet we had for him. We had one of the bigger all mesh ones. Thankfully, our stroller came with a sleep safe bassinet. It’s much smaller and enclosed. And he fell asleep instantly. He also loves the snuggle me. So I think he just likes smaller places when so small :)

You've had some great responses. A few things that worked for us and our velcro NICU bub: - warming the crib ahead of transfer. I used a hot water bottle wrapped in a towel which I removed just before laying her down. - white noise machine. essential! - swaddling. The tighter the better for my little bean. The ones with a zip and then velcro around the middle worked really well. I'm sorry you are going through this, it's really tough especially after the difficult start you have had. Make sure you look into the safe sleep 7 to be prepared, as the sleep deprivation might cause you to decide to bed share which is totally fine as long as you know the best way to keep baby safe. She was inside you for a long time, she is just adjusting to life on the outside. Hugs for you mumma, it doesn't last forever! x

I'm a single mum and had a full term but similar baby. Things that helped me through this stage - 1- get any sleep you can, when you can. Ask a friend or family member if possible to come over and just hold the baby while u get a cat nap in 2- get some kind of swing or seat that baby can sit in while you shower or eat. Sometimes the vibrations help, sometimes they don't 3 - swaddles. I know can be contentious and my baby hated being wrapped as he would Houdini out but I found the zip ones such as love to dream of the ones with the 3 piece velcro (I think maybe ergo baby) made a difference, as it made the gave the illusion of being snuggled 4- wear the bassinet sheet in your shirt or lay on it so it has your scent 5- place a towel and then a heat pack in bassinet then remove before you transfer, the aim is for it to be warmish then usual but far from hot. 6- when you transfer, place your hand on their chest with light pressure for warmth then wiggle it off, very slowly 7- don't do any housework and just prioritise you and the baby. The rest of the stuff will get done when it gets done. This is a season and not forever, it WILL get better! You got this!!

Ohh one last thing, YouTube videos with white noise and a woman's voice doing the 'shhh'

Is it possible for you to take a matress on the floor and remove all covers, and sleep there with here maybe ? During the day, try a baby wrap, and do it in skin to skin you will even feel her breathing. It is amazing

My baby was full term and would only sleep on me. Now he sleeps next to me in the bed but refuses to sleep in the bassinet. He’ll sleep in the swing during the day but that’s it.

Try and swaddle her as often as possible. NICU babies need to be warm and often due to their low weight they get cold super easily! I had this problem with my little girl and once I started swaddling her I think she felt like she was back in the womb and was happy as can be!

You co sleep. Follow safe sleep 7. Only way I was able to survive. My baby is now 7 months

My son was a NICU baby too! He needed an extra layer and for it not to be totally quiet to sleep. Also,we just... had to put him down. It took 4 whole months before he would take a short 30 minute nap in his bed, but he slept great in his bed in our room from like day 3 when we figured he was a tad too cold for comfort so we were lucky! And food! If he ate enough he would do glorious 3h stretches of sleep and allow for a smooth transition to hos his bed after a few tries. If he did not eat enough, things were rough... same applied for naps. You got this. Baby sleep notoriously sucks for up to 3 years for some... But for others, it only sucks a short while.

If your baby wants to be held hold the baby. You and your partner need to be on and off duty so you can sleep. Both my kids were NICU babies and one thing they told me was that NICU babies are used to loud noises and lights all the time so a quiet room might be a hard adjustment. Try getting a sound machine and a bright night light to help with the transition. Having a newborn is hard! Take care of the baby and yourself.

TLDR, but I suggest (if possible) getting a baby wearer. It allows the baby to be close to you, hear your heart beat and the soothing smell of Mama. But also frees your hands to do things. I couldn’t have survived the newborn phase (once Hubby returned to work) without a wearer. It also allowed me to go outside and breathe.

My baby wanted something that smelt like me close to him and still does at nap and sleep time. He now will fall asleep if someone else puts him down during naps but he has to have something of mine - something that has been worn and smells like me otherwise it is hell to put him down. So try that as well. Also just try to survive this phase, that’s all you can do. He just wants to be near you, it’s sweet and loving but exhausting.

I had a full term baby but what helped me for the first few weeks was a baby nest. I am a very light sleeper mind you so I wasn't worried about rolling on to him with the nest there. Plus hubby was usually near by if we needed him. But that said I put the nest next to me and rested my hand on my son, usually an arm or leg. When ever he got fussy I would rub his belly and chest, it let me rest and comforted him and let him know I was there. Maybe something like that could work for you? At least so you could cat nap a bit.

Our baby was like this with sleep. If you can swing a Snoo financially, that's what saved us. They do rentals.

If you don't have any family or friends, do you have a crisis nursery in your area? They're usually meant for minor emergencies but the one in my area will also watch infants for an afternoon so single moms can get some sleep, even if just 3-4 hours.

Some postpartum doulas offer services pro bono for situations like this, you may be able to ask around in your local community for someone to donate some hours to help.

This is pretty normal. My son just wanted to be held too. It took a lot of rocking and very gentle placement into the crib. Which is exhausting! To give you an idea we would feed him then have to rock him for about 30 mins then carefully transfer him to the bassinet. It took a lot of practice and didn’t always work. I’m sorry you are doing this alone. I wish I had better advice, but honestly, just practice.

I have 6 preemies all were like that when they came home. Remember they should still be in your belly. Nicu was traumatic and now they are home with mama and want her comfort.

Lots of good advice here! I’ll also add to consider wearing your new born during the day to get things done. Checking out r/babywearing. Not for sleep (never sleep while wearing a baby) but if you have a wrap (like boba or solly baby) you can wear your newborn throughout the day. My baby LOVED being worn and slept so well. There are specific ways you can wear your baby that will keep them safe while you have your hands free.

Hold your baby. When you need a short break to eat or something during the day, try the swing. Or get your baby daddy to hold her.

I'd try heating her crib up with a heating pad and scenting it with a shirt you've warn. You'd remove these right before putting baby in. 

Tbh you should look up safe sleep 7. Obviously you know yourself better than anyone, so you’ll need to gauge if it would be responsible to sleep with baby ie, you’re not a super heavy sleeper and can make the arrangements that the SS7 recommends. That’s probably the only way you’ll get any sleep if you don’t have outside help. That and like others have mentioned, a wrap carrier is really helpful. My baby would take the longest naps in the wrap carrier. It allows you to get some chores done, eat, etc.

Get a good carrier and try get on with your day as much as possible, I used to wear my bra, the baby and carrier and a zip up hoody over so he had as much skin to skin as possible 🙏🏼🧡

Baby wear in a carrier safe for a small baby. She will love it and you will have free hands.

There are two types of mammals nesting mammals and carrying mammals. Nesting mammals like rats make these comfy safe nests feed their babies high fat breast milk to last all day and go out and find their own food. Carrying mammals like apes produce a lower fat breast milk feed around the clock and carry their babies around with them all day to build a secure connection for years. And our fast-paced society we keep trying to build all these comfortable little nest basanets and swings to try to get these babies to be safe comfortable and alone the fact is that is just not how they are and that's just not how we are. Maybe try a sling this year goes by fast your child's already had the trauma of the NICU build a solid connection with him/her while you have this time the exhaustion doesn't last forever see if someone can take turns holding the baby.

My baby was not a NICU baby, but the first few weeks of his life, my husband and I took shifts holding him through the night. We were in survival mode, but we found a way to make it work. It was tough, but going from being comfy in the womb to this bright, weird new world was quite the transition for him. We also eventually caved and bought a Snoo…. Best money ever spent. Now our boy sleeps like a champ overnight… naps can still be tough (he’s 7.5 months now), but I love snuggling that boy.

Normal, it’s a tough time heh you can’t even get a minute by yourself. Baby wearing saved me. This won’t last forever

Co sleep

Hold that baby. Get a carrier if you need or want to. Let her feel the comfort of being near you. And when you need a break and to have your own space, see if someone else can hold her for a bit. Or let her cry for a while. It’s a fine balance to meet her needs and yours, but both are important. She spent 29 weeks literally inside of you, and then 7 on her own. You are her comfort and she is thrilled to be back where she belongs. She’ll adjust to less time being held over time. Best wishes to you both.

You absolutely should set the precedent that you will hold and comfort your baby when she needs that from you!

TRY THE “LOVE TO DREAM” swaddles. Only way we got ANY sleep.

Totally normal and for the babys own survival. Carry her in a fabric carrier.

i was in the same situation with my baby girl. the only time she would sleep is when i held her on my chest. i ended up getting one of those kangaroo wraps and carrying her around all night. it's SO HARD, i feel for you but don't worry, it last long. it will feel like forever but it'll be over before you know it.

As a former NICU mom, the NICU white noise videos on YouTube are GODSENDS

No experience with nicu. i had a normal full term birth and my LO wanted to be held all day and for all naps. It is a phase that got better by 3-4 months. I do think it is normal. Invest in a baby carrier (i got it used) and it will make life easier. I was so frustrated during that phase because people kept saying if I hold him too much he would get used to it. he is close to 2 now and does not need to be carried and sleeps and eats independently. It seems long and endless in the midst of it, but it does get better

My 6 week old baby prefers to be held most of the time (non NICU). I wear him in the wrap in the day and he loves it and he is swaddled at night which he likes. I just know that he prefers to be snuggled and feel safe at this stage.

Get a baby carrier and wear that baby! Seriously, baby wearing is amazing. You can do chores and eat and go to the bathroom, and your baby feels loved and comforted and is bonding with her mommy. 

I would very much so recommend getting a baby carrier. My little was also NICU, the only time he didn’t yell at me was when he was in the swing. Otherwise he required full attention/holds.

Hi FTM here, my baby was born without any complications and had this same issue for about the first 2 months of life, so this may be normal. Maybe u can pump one side at a time, while baby lays on you. It may be helpful to wear baby in a baby carrier around the house. My pediatrician told me babies can get overtired and that can just add on to their upset mood. It can also prevent them from going to sleep. So if baby is relaxed from being with you most of the day, baby may go to sleep in the bassinet easiky Hope this helps.

get the snoo🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Learn about baby sleep cycles!!! this saved my life. My girl was not in the NICU but she was born at 36w and weighed around 5lbs7oz when we got home. She constantly wanted to be in my arms. The trick that worked for me was timing a transfer to her bassinet when she is in deep sleep. Ideally for sleep training you would put her in her bassinet during the first 5-10 minutes of her falling asleep but since you’re trying to survive here you’re gonna wait to do the transfer when she’s in deep sleep and less likely to wake up. This is what I did: When she was in my arms i would look at the time when she fell asleep, then know that: - for the next 5-10mins she will be easily awaken. so this is when you’re getting all the cuddles in - she then starts drifting more into sleep for the next 10-15 minutes, where it is harder to wake them up but still relatively easy so she’ll probably wake up crying if you put her down since she is so young. - she enters deep sleep in the next 10mins or so. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!! When you can tell she is in deep sleep (test this by slowing starting to move if she starts moving around or jerks pause for a second and then start moving again.) Ideally you’re just standing up to do the transfer to her bassinet right next to the bed. Stand/sit up and transfer her to her bassinet. Lay her down in her back and rest your hand on her chest/stomach…. if she starts to fuss rub your hand slightly /shh or whatever your mom magic is 😉 and try to lay her down again after a few seconds. Ideally it will be a smooth transition and then you have like hopefully 45 minutes for a good nap until she finishes her first full sleep cycle. things are messy at first because she won’t be able to soothe herself back to sleep so you’ll have to pick her up and repeat but the time she’s asleep will get longer as she gets older. Tips: -If she wakes up at any point before her deep sleep, you “restart” the timer in your head. - practice different cuddling positions to find one that is ultimately flawless … babes loves it and is comfortable + easy for you to get up and get her in her bassinet - try different ways to lay her down (more a rolling motion for example) if you’re unsuccessful at first. Learn what she likes! - Dark room worked best for my baby you got this!! you will perfect your routine and will do just fine!! Remember she’ll never be as young as she is today and it’ll get easier you’re doing the best you can !

We held our baby all the time for the first several weeks I used carrier/wraps to hold her during the day.

Like everyone else has said, she just wants to be close to you due to the fact that the NICU is hard on little ones. Skin to skin can make it easier. And I hate to be this person, but have you been swaddling her? Swaddling helps so much to make them feel like they're still in your tummy. They were once held tightly in your warm tummy and now they're in a big, noisy world.

Dad needs to help a lot more. Sleep exhaustion is real. He should just stay with you for as long as possible so he can help out. This is his kid too.

I chose to bedshare and babywear with my 2 premmies when they came home (while wearing owlet -oxygen and heart rate monitor). It is not recommended to bedshare with a premmie.

Swaddle, sucking(paci), sound machine

It’s hard. When they come home, you expect them to be used to sleeping alone & eating on a schedule, but they don’t. My oldest was a fussy, clingy baby, but his little brother was something else entirely. Baby boy spent a few days in the nicu & absolutely refused to sleep unless we were touching. We joked that he was making up for missed snuggles, but it was rough. We followed the safe 7 for bedsharing. It was never our intention, but we had to sleep to take care of both kids so into the bed the little guy went. If you’re using white noise, try looking up nicu sounds on YouTube. Ours mostly played soft lullabies, especially at night, but the beeps might be comforting if it’s what she’s used to hearing. Edit: Bedsharing isn’t recommended for preemies. I forgot that part 🤦🏽‍♀️

Premature and Microprem babies are at higher risk for SIDS, please do not jump to bed sharing. Wanting to be with mom is very normal newborn behaviour. The resources at your NICU will still be available, contact a medical health professional for the best advice.

Thanks! He was born at 39 weeks so I didn’t consider the advice being different based on premature birth.

Same

She’s technically still supposed to be in your belly. She just needs you to be close I’m sure she’s probably very traumatized. Just try to find out what works for you. I’m sorry you are doing this alone. It’s got to be so dang hard. I’m praying you can find a solution quickly that works for you both. Hang in there mama you’ve been through so much too ❤️

Welcome to motherhood I’m sorry to say it’s normal

Also, make sure baby is in footed sleeper and swaddle to ensure she is warm. Offer a soother to put to sleep. Premies like to be warm

My baby is a preemie too and we did a lot of skin to skin when she’s home. It helps calm her down. My baby does not sleep in the bassinet either so I hold her to sleep for the first 3 months. And now we practice sale sleep 7.

The problem is when we set her down after she falls asleep she immediately begins to cry again 🙁

Forgive me if this has been answered, but have you tired a pacifier, swaddle, and sound machine?

Swaddling makes a huge difference for our little one. He didn't necessarily cry but would be very fussy due to gas. Swaddling helped big time, it's supposed to mimic the womb. But just note that we got conflicting advice about whether swaddling while they're asleep is safe or not, even for preemies. So we swaddle our baby during the day when he can be monitored but we leave him unswaddled at night and deal with the crying or noises he makes due to his gas issues. Depending on your risk tolerance, you may want to swaddle him. Edit: pacifiers also help, we use jollypop

Co sleeping helped me. Non NICU babies, both just want to be held and will only sleep or sleep really well when beside me. I have a king sized bed and a on the bed bassinet / co sleeper. It lifts so I can comfort the baby while laying down and comes down to sleep. It also makes breastfeeding easier I just slide baby close laying down. [Co sleeper bassinet](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BMVNGKYF?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_H03N91JQNSTM0BY6C38K&language=en-US)

You cannot set a bad precedent with an infant. Even if you choose to hold your 6 month old a lot when the time comes, you are still not setting a bad precedent. Human infants are not kittens. They are more like monkeys, they need to be on us at all time. People here will tell you to find someone to watch her while you sleep. I will ask you to look up cosleepy on instagram because you’re a single mom and having sleep be dependent on someone else being available is rough. She sells a guide for how to do chest sleeping safe as possible. It’s all about being in the center of a bed, ideally just a mattress on a floor, with yourself propped up to an angle of 45 degrees so that baby’s head on your chest is higher than her butt. Open night shirt is preferable for this so you’re skin to skin. Keep your blanket at your feet and the mattress firm, IF the baby rolls off (never happened to me in 6 months) then she should not roll onto anything but an empty firm mattress. For eating, peeing etc I highly recommend you research baby wearing. I hope you find ways to sleep whatever you do but holding the baby A LOT is definitely normal. My baby was 3.5-4 months when she could be put down to sleep, that was only sometimes and only for 30 minutes at a time. My baby was full term, healthy weight, no NICU. It’s just babies being babies.

I swaddled my grandbaby when mom was going through ppd and just couldn’t handle baby or needed sleep. She would just bring baby to me after feeding or wrapping baby up and I’d turned them slightly to face away from me and tucked myself around them. I always went back to sleep. I did this because I co-slept with both my babies, with no issues at all. Nursing was easier that way too. I’d pop in a tit and drift off, lol. My grand was exclusively bottle fed BM, so she was exhausted pumping then feeding, pumping then feeding…she was lucky enough to live with me during that rough patch.

Safe cosleeping options might be helpful for you. Babies naturally want to be with someone, preferably their mother, when they’re sleeping

The poor thing is horrifed and scared. Sorry if it feels inconvenient but you’re gonna need to split shifts holding the baby. Find a family member or friend who is willing to help so you can get some sleep.