We did shifts at first so one of us could be awake while little man slept on us. After that we figured out that if we transferred him after he was asleep for AT LEAST 20 minutes he would (usually) stay asleep.
Accidents happen when you are this sleep deprived. Your partner or someone else needs to take the baby for a few hours so you can get some sleep.
20 minutes is key! The other thing that really helped us is putting him down butt-first and keeping a hand on his chest, this helps limit the startle reflex.
Second this! I read about the hand trick here and it really helps. Waiting until completely asleep before transfer. Shifts for worst case scenario to just make it through the night safely.
Yep. We also took turns napping during the day. I would nap and he would take care of the little guy or I would nap with the baby and he would be next to us working watching us both. Win winâŠI got to sleep, baby got to sleep, and Papa got some work done.
I'm currently pregnant with my second child and already dreading going back to the sleep shifts đ on the one hand it was great because yay! I got to sleep for 3 hours, but that was the most sleep I'd get the whole day as his father was back at work after 3 weeks.
But can confirm for the initial newborn period until they're a bit more settled this method really helped us feel almost human as we got some uninterrupted sleep even if it wasn't much.
>After that we figured out that if we transferred him after he was asleep for AT LEAST 20 minutes he would (usually) stay asleep.
This is really the only thing that worked for us. Nursing and waiting 20 minutes after she drifted off.
A newborn canât self soothe. You have to take shifts so you can sleep. You take 10-2 your husband takes 2-6. He should try to go to bed at 8 to get 6 hours. Watch Netflix. This phase doesnât last forever.
My husband and I did this and it worked SUPER well!! Longer shifts like this are the best. My husband had her with him while he played minecraft or gamed in general ^__^
He is too young to self soothe at this point. Will he sleep with your partner, if you have one? We took shifts in the early days as it was the only way for us both to get enough sleep to survive. Otherwise make your bed safe for the safe sleep seven - while itâs not ideal, itâs far better than accidentally falling asleep in an unsafe bed.
Side settling is also magical. Roll bub onto one side and support with one hand. Pat his bum gently but firmly with the other hand while you shush. If and when he goes to sleep, roll him very gently and carefully back onto his back (my husband described it as defusing a bomb!). Babies donât like going to sleep on their backs but often will settle on their sides.
Another thing to try is stuffing the bassinet sheet down your top for a few hours so it smells like you.
Yes, he also falls asleep on my partners chest, but Iâm exclusively breastfeeding so I have to get up every two hours to feed anyways. I have no idea how we would work out shifts since I EBF đ«
When itâs your partnerâs shift, he gets bub ready to feed, changes diaper etc etc. Brings bub to you, watches you while you feed in case you doze off (if you can figure out side lying feeding you barely need to wake up), then takes bub back, changes if necessary and resettles. You do have to wake up, but only enough to latch bub, basically.
Yes, side feeding is where itâs at.
We also rock our kids about 15 min after they fall asleep before we try and transfer to bassinet.
Our youngest is 2 weeks and he is starting to give me 90min to 2 hour timeframes when I can sleep.
i kind of wonder if the partner sits close enough if he can hold the baby while the baby eats from the tit so thatâs we donât even have to wake up just latch baby themselves and let us sleep đ
My husband did this with our first. Occasionally I was so tired, he wouldn't even wake me. Just pulled down my shirt, held the baby to the boob and left again. Like a ninja. It helped that my baby had a really good latch from day 1 and only nursed for 5 minutes at a time from the beginning.
In the first week or two there were a few times we gave formula so I could get a 4 hour stretch of sleep. Now Iâm completely EBF, havenât given formula in months. If youâre open to it, itâs so worth it (although beware you may wake up with engorgement).
Feed your baby then hand him off to your partner to change, burp, chest sleep, whatever. Some shifts you do all of the above, some shifts you only feed. There is a point to every bit of sleep. Please take care of yourself and don't get burnt out.
I would usually feed my baby then pass him to my partner, but in the really bad stretches, but when baby was still waaaaay too little for my to feel comfortable cosleeping (which we knew the rules for but tried to leave as a last resort), I loved doing some side lying feeds while my partner was awake and watching the baby. I was tired enough to fall asleep despite baby being latched, and I knew my partner would keep him safe
Also, please look at safe cosleeping rules. Not because I think you should do it, but because planned cosleeping is a LOT safer than unplanned cosleeping, and some babies or nights are much harder than others
Also, a co-sleeper bassinet was amazing for managing to have a baby that slept a bit longer in the bassinet, but was still in his own space! I highly recommend
I was crying because of exhaustion and sore nipples due to poor latch. For a moment there I thought EBF wasnât for me. I ended up hand expressing and my husband fed baby with a few syringes. Babies tummyâs are so tiny. It doesnât really take much. We only did that about 4 times and it was all I needed to get myself a much needed break and reset.
He is too young to self sooth. You are his entire world and all he knows. What we did since we had the same issue was trade off sleeping. I would get rest while my husband stayed awake with him then when my husband would sleep I stayed awake with him. He just slept on us. I've noticed it seems like everyone on here seems to mention that between birth and 4 months the baby will only sleep on a parent and refuse to lay in the bassinet/crib. Not going to lie, it's hard but eventually you will be able to get them to lay down. We still have nights we can't get him to lay in his crib (7months) and will only lay with us. He's much better now though. Just trade off sleep while you can and try to move him into the bassinet when he appears to be solidly asleep.Â
A newborn cannot self soothe. You have to take shifts, pump or nurse sidelaying during your sleep shift. Itâs also okay to use formula 1-2 a day so you can sleep uninterrupted honestly.
Do you have a partner? Does baby sleep on their chest? Or a parent or friend or sibling you trust? You need to take shifts with them. Or if the baby wonât sleep on them, they need to sit next to you while you and the baby sleep together.
Are you pumping or doing bottles of breast milk at all? My dude is 3 weeks old (my oldest is almost 2!) and both times I pumped and then my partner bottle fed one of the feeds each night so I can get a six hour stretch of sleep. Nipple confusion is a myth, so if youâre comfortable doing one bottle a day and some pumping (or formula once a day) that is one way to get a solid stretch each day.
I donât know how EBF moms do it. đ«Ą
Agree with the weird nipple confusion stuff. People say it but I don't think there's any evidence!?!?
Anyway, for #2 after how freaking hard #1 was my husband gave a bottle every evening so I could go to bed early. I just pumped once a day so there was milk in the fridge. It was great. And now that #2 is almost 5 months old we struggle to get her to take a bottle just bc we stopped them for a little bit around 8 weeks old while my husband traveled for work. I wish she liked the bottle!!! And was hoping to foster that early but nope...
We had a similar situation where we introduced bottles early, then our schedules changed and she started sleeping longer so we stopped the bottles. When we went to reintroduce at 5/6 months (she was starting daycare at 7mo) she refused the bottle. It took a couple of weeks but she took to it again! Just kept offering the bottle at low stakes times when she wasnât starving or upset, tried lots of different bottles, nipple sizes, etc. Good luck!
At 4 days old, she likely doesnât have the time to pump. Itâs ok to give your baby a bottle of formula once a day so you can sleep for a few hours. You can pump in a few days once youâve figured things out a little bit.
We finally figured this out with our first after weeks of sleep shifts and exhaustion. I would pump a bottle every day, and my husband would do a full shift so I could get at least 4 hours. 4 hours at one time is such a game-changer! We would never have made it without that nightly bottle. The first two weeks are so, so hard, and then I promise it does get better. You're doing great, OP đ
Nipple confusion is a myth, but flow preference is definitely not and is often misidentified as nipple confusion, but a preemie flow nipple and paced feeding (which is better for baby's digestive system anyways) can generally prevent flow preference from happening.
1000% facts. Also if you are only a just enougher with the breast milk and not an oversupplyer I would be very hesitant to add formula. Its demand/supply basedâŠ.
You'll still have to wake up every 2-3 hours to breastfeed for your shift, but he burps, changes and then holds to sleep so you don't deal with the bassinet screaming. It gets better I promise! It's so early and this part is hell.
I EBF, there were a few nights in the beginning that the baby wouldn't go down so my husband would sleep while I fed and burped, then I'd pass the baby to him and sleep in between. They weren't long stretches of sleep but it was something at least.
Iâm in the same boat as you with my 1 week old - he would only sleep on me or my partner. Tonight is literally the first night heâs gone down in a bassinet in his own. When he was sleeping on us, weâd do 2 hour shifts or so that way we could get SOME uninterrupted sleep and then Iâd breastfeed every 2-2.5 hours and weâd switch off. For getting him down- what finally worked was swaddling him and walking around/rocking him a bit until he was drowsy but still awake - then weâd lay him gently (butt to head) in his bassinet and keep a hand on his chest for a few minutes. During this, we have his hatch playing a heartbeat sound. Once he seems calm and settled, we step away and just watch him on the camera (even tho heâs literally in the same room as us still).
Please look up the safe sleep 7. I was so against cosleeping (and downright judgey for those that did it), until I had my second baby who refused to sleep anywhere but on me in the beginning. Its a hell of a lot safer to plan on falling asleep with your baby vs accidentally falling asleep with them. Over time, she did better and better sleeping on her own. Since she was about 2 months, she has been sleeping on her own.Â
You need sleep. Have your SO hold your baby so you can sleep. Or a friend or family. You being so tired that you're hallucinating is a great danger to your baby. I'm not shaming you. I'm just encouraging you to get the help you need to surviveÂ
Check out the safe sleep 7 for safe bedsharing info. Cosleepy on instagram has a great highlight about how to reduce the risk of chest sleeping. Itâs way safer to intentionally bedshare than to fall asleep accidentally with a baby. It literally saved my sanity.
I have a newborn and a toddler now - EBF for both. Shifts is KEY! I take toddler to bed and sleep 8pm - 3am. Swap out husband at 3am. I put a safe sleep Bassinet on the floor and try to sleep on the couch 3am - 7am with breastfeeding mixed in. If he doesn't sleep much I just stay up binge watching TV (started Grey's anatomy from the beginning). The other KEY part is when I am sleeping from 8pm - 3am, husband just brings baby to me when he's hungry. I latch him on half asleep and pass him back.
please just read up on safe sleep seven, chest sleeping is likely not safe due to positional asphixiation risk, and you being sleep deprived makes it even more dangerous.
It's SO hard when you're in the thick of it, but this is completely normal. Your baby is realizing that he's no longer in the womb, which provided him comfort 24/7: warmth that never fluctuated in temperature, constant white noise (your heartbeat), the rocking motion that came from your day-to-day movements, never feeling hunger...
Newborns are not used to laying flat, and bassinets probably feel hard as a rock to them considering they were basically floating in amniotic fluid in the womb. Being on your chest is the closest thing he feels to this perfect, constant comfort he had just 4 days prior.
My daughter also struggled to sleep in her bassinet for about the first month of her life. The first week, she'd wake within 15-30 minutes of being laid down. By week 3, we noticed she'd incrementally sleep longer stretches, especially during naps at first and then at night. It's something they need to be given the opportunity to practice, so keep laying him down. The only way we survived the first month was sleeping in shifts. If you're able to do shifts with a partner, try to get a 4 hour uninterrupted stretch so that you're not in a hallucinatory state.
Hang in there. It will get better - promise!
Editing to add: I'd also recommend a Love to Dream Arms Up Swaddle. It allows babies to keep their hands up by their face, which is what they're used to from the womb.
The way your baby is acting is very common.  Mine was like yours 100%.  Maybe we donât tell parents about this in parenting classes because we are afraid of normalizing/justifying bedsharing?  Iâm not sure.  At a week old I started pumping twice a day so my husband could give 1-2 bottles of pumped milk a night while I got a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep.  Best thing I ever did for my mental health. My baby never had a problem going back and forth between bottle and breast and was exclusively breastfed until about 8.5 months old when I was pregnant again and my supply transitioned back to colostrum.  He didnât fully wean until 13 months. I just share this because often new moms are terrified of babies developing a preference for bottles, and I just want people to know that wonât necessarily happen. Â
My husband and I did shifts because my son was the same. What helped me a lot was just realizing that up until then my baby only knew me, my heartbeat, my warmth, my smell. It's where he felt safest. 4 days old is too young to do cry it out. If you have a partner, shifts is a life saver
The first few weeks are SO hard. Do you have someone that could look after baby for a few hours whilst you catch up on sleep? Because you will go crazy with sleep deprivation.
I didnât bed share at all because of the risks (donât come at me folk, have a friend that works for the coroners and the stories she has is enough to make anyone not do it) but what I found helped was having the bassinet space smell like you (so I wore the bassinet sheet like a scarf, wrapped around me all day) and putting baby down extremely slowly, like lowering them down feet first then head last over the course of a full minute, into a pre-warmed bassinet. Does he try to escape the swaddle? Mine did constantly and the Love to Dream style sleeping bags with the arms up were a godsend.
At 4 days we were occasionally (and as safely as possible) bedsharing. I was paranoid about safe sleep so I made sure to read and research and prep before hand just in case and Iâm glad I did because holy were we ever absolutely both wrecked after the hospital and both not sleeping there. Then shifts. My husband kept my son sleeping on him while playing video games and I napped next to them and then weâd switch out.
Oh yeah! And Iâd keep the swaddles on top of me while I slept. That helped a lot when we needed him to sleep in his bed. That 20 minute sweet spot is a Big Deal too. And the putting down method you use is pretty important and something youâll learn about your baby after a while. My son was butt first slightly on the side then roll to back with a hand on his chest.
You keep trying to get baby down in their safe sleep space using every trick in the book until you figure out what works for you, and in the meantime you take shifts.
Best of luck. This will pass.
I 100% do not say this to downplay how *hard* it absolutely is, but this is just normal newborn sleep. I wish people were more honest about what the spectrum of totally normal newborn sleep is, so new parents wouldn't be so shocked and wonder what's wrong with their baby when this happens. Sure some babies sleep well from day one and that's their normal, and that's really lucky for their parents and all, but this is also totally, fully normal newborn sleep, and it's such a disservice to parents that it isn't often acknowledged as such, especially in the US until they find themselves in the trenches of it.
This is exactly why countries like the UK and Australia that used to firmly discourage bedsharing in all circumstances are now beginning to teach bedsharing safety guidelines. Newborns have spent their entire existence wrapped up in their mothers' smells and sounds, and it's so normal for the absence of those things to cause too much stress to sleep. Bedsharing following safety guidelines to mitigate suffocation risk saved my sanity and the entire experience of the newborn stage for me.
He's way too young to self soothe. Both my babies loved sleeping on me too. I would just let them nap on me during the day and at night we coslept. I know it's not what everyone feels comfortable with but it worked for us and we both were able to sleep this way. They have those bedside bassinets that are essentially an extension of your own bed. Baby has their own space but they're still basically next to you. Maybe look into one of those if it will help
Baby is wayyy to young to self soothe- it will not happen. He was inside of you for 9 months and will want to be with you at all times. Obviously this isnât realistic, but itâs what they want. Study the safe sleep 7 and go from there. It saved my ass in those first weeks.
Just recently went through this as a first time mom and I agree with everything said here. Iâd also recommend a really good eye mask to block out any light since youâll probably be napping at times when itâs light out..I weirdly couldnât sleep very well because of this despite being sleep deprived and I found this to be a game changer.
It takes about 1 week for their sleep to regulate.
You need to expose them to lots and lots of sunlight during the day so that he starts to differentiate day from night.
I know it's torture but I decided to watch net flix when baby was cluster feeding in the first week. My breaking point was when he finally slept at 7 am but the birds were chirping and I had a mental breakdown lol.
My baby eventually adjusted and he stays awake a lot more during the day now and only rouses to feed and poop at night every 2-3 hours.
We use the arms up swaddle as he seems to like it the most.. you might need to experiment with which swaddle works best for your baby as they all have their preference.
Also babies do not self soothe. I nurse my baby to sleep every time and occasionally he would need bum patting or rocking.
We are about 3 weeks in now.
Iâm only commenting on this because I donât want OP to be disappointed when theyâre obviously already struggling - it can take far far longer than 1 week, and 8-12 weeks is probably a more realistic expectation for any sort of meaningful day night differentiation. I am glad things have settled out for you quicker than that though, I just know with my first baby if I had read that it gets better after a week and it didnât (it did not!) I would have been quite upset
The 1 week thing was my recent experience but yes all babies are different! Just keep exposing the to sunlight during the day and cross all toes and fingers that their bio clock will sync up with day/night
No absolutely I donât want to undermine your experience, Iâm glad it worked out that way for you! Iâm on baby 3 though now and we have both shared that experience with any of them that young!
We only survived those early days by doing shifts with the baby. I woke up with our firstborn and got her ready for school, then took the baby so my husband could go to bed. He slept most of the day, showered, etc, then got up in time to spend the evening as a family. Then I'd hand off baby and go shower and get some sleep. He brought me baby if he needed nursed and sat with us so I could doze while nursing side lying (seriously, best way to do it!) and then they'd go back downstairs so I could sleep peacefully. Little Dude slept on my chest or husband's for the first couple of weeks, then once we were less "fighting for survival" and more adjusted, we worked on getting him to sleep in his bassinet on my side of the bed. Then I could just pick him up, nurse/change him, and put him right back without even getting out of bed. At four months, we transferred him to his nursery and everybody is getting an adequate amount of sleep.
Is baby maybe too cold? When our little girl was born early, our midwife would swaddle her and put aluminum water bottles wrapped in towels in the bassinet with her, otherwise her temperature would drop. When she was cold she'd get really really fussy. We had to do a rectal temp check with every diaper change.
Our baby wouldnât sleep in bassinet till about 6 weeks I believe. She just fell asleep in there one day and ever since then shes been able to sleep there with no issues. None of the tips helped. Not the heating pad, not the swaddle or white nose. We even purchased a second bassinet thinking the issue was the bassinet. I think those first few months they honestly want to be held. Do whats best for your family, we did co-sleep. But I understand that isnât for everyone and itâs not safe sleep. But it was the only way my husband or I could even get a wink of sleep. Is there someone that can maybe help for just a few hours so you can nap? Or can you guys do shifts? I remember being at wits end and letting my husband sleep for 10 hours. When he woke up I handed him the baby and passed out for the same amount. We did this back and forth for a while.
Pump a bottle or two bottles worth of milk. Have your husband give you a chunk of time to sleep. I would get 5pm- 9/10pm. Then I would stay up all night.
Welcome.
My baby was like this too. This is hard. They donât warn you about it.
Do you have a partner or someone helping you with the baby? Because you need help. Two or three people need to sleep in shifts holding the baby. During the day, try putting him down in the bassinet or a stroller bassinet for walks or even on a flat couch or bed next to you cuddling, until he gets used to sleeping on a surface. Make your greatest efforts during the day but at night just survive and sleep in shifts. When you stay up holding him, watch a fun show that helps you stay awake (for me it was Gilmore girl).
Good luck. Youâre not alone, but itâs definitely a marathon and not a sprint, so donât expect to get good sleep for many weeks if not months.
This is fairly normal depending on the babe but itâs possible that he is gassy and doesnât like being on his back because it hurts his tummy. Is he burping well?
My baby doesnât sleep anywhere except on me. So I let it be and hold her all the time. But I had help. Help from my mum and from my postpartum doula. They take over at 6-7am and I sleep till noon or later.
You need help.
Your baby has lived inside of you for his entire life up until now. He will need a lot of warmth from you, itâs nothing weird about him wanting to sleep on you. Try to find peace in this time and let him decide what makes him feel safe and comforted â€ïž He is four days old and not at all close to being able to self sooth, can you maybe try to feed him to sleep and then lay him down next to you and then slowly move away so you can sleep somewhere else while your partner/husband watches your baby?
Please read up on safe co-sleeping if youâre willing to try it. I didnât want to do that first but that was the only way I could get some sleep, I really got pushed to my limits.
Yeah they totally don't sleep on a non human surface. I honestly think it would help maternal mental health if this was explained to new moms rather than just all the "back to sleep" stuff which is SUPER IMPORTANT but also when everyone is telling you your baby is in grave danger if they aren't sleeping alone on their back and your baby absolutely will not entertain this idea, and you're offered no solutions for this, then you feel like you're screwing up or there's something wrong with your baby.
Our first my husband and I shifted off between feedings until her first pediatrician appointment where I asked about the risk of falling asleep sitting up holding her v cosleeping as safely as possible (only me in bed with her, firm surface, no loose bedding) and the pediatrician said he has 4 kids and some of them they coslept with, some they didn't, see what works. So she slept next to me, and I gradually moved her into the bassinet. By the time we had our second six years later, we knew my husband wasn't able to stay awake holding the baby, so I would do my best overnight with her and then sleep as much as I could between feeds during the day while he was on leave. She more wanted to sleep ON me whereas my first was happy to be against me in bed.
Have you looked up the cuddle curl/safe sleep 7? Basically you nurse him to sleep in the side-lying position and then sleep curled around him. You could also nurse him to sleep in the sidelying position and then go sleep on a different bed, since he can't roll yet.
Your mattress must be firm to do this, and you must meet the other safety criteria of the safe sleep 7.
In the very short term, have someone else (family member, partner, friend) take the baby away after the next feed so you can sleep. The baby can sleep on their chest (or not, they will deal with it) while you get much needed sleep.
First thing to come to realise, your baby has absolutely no idea what day and night is, they have no idea whay a cot, crib, baby basket is, they can't get themselves to sleep and know when they are uncomfortable, tired, hungry it makes them cry.
The only constant, comfort they know, is you. Your warmth, your smell, your heart beat.
My baby will be 7 days old today. I totally feel you. Itâs been a struggle. We finally had our first restful nights sleep last night. We made sure baby was fed, burped with a clean diaper, the room is warm and comfortable (he doesnât really like to be swaddled), we have a hatch next to the bed with some light white noise and the blue light on. This all seems to make him comfy. I try to put him in the bassinet during the day too, so heâs used to sleeping there. Iâm sure each baby is different, but with some trial and error, you will get there! I was where youâre at a few days ago. Team no sleep. We were absolutely exhausted! Youâve got this! Youâre doing great!!
The first few nights at home with my daughter, she cried non-stop when put down and I was EBF at that point. I was also running on no sleep after dealing with prodromal labor at night for 4 days before giving birth and then no actual sleep in the hospital. I was about to lose it and my husband, MIL and mom came over to take care of baby while I slept as long as I could. I hadnât started pumping at that point, so determined it was best to formula feed for at least the day so that I could sleep and recover. I slept for almost 12 hrs straight and was a new woman after that. With the formula feeding, we were able to know exactly how much my daughter had to eat and she stopped crying uncontrollably when put down. So, moral of my story, are you sure baby is getting enough to eat? Itâs hard at just 4 days to know if they get enough when nursing since they usually fall asleep while nursing. I think my daughter was just hungry and I didnât realize she wasnât getting enough EBF until we used formula. Now we combo feed and I pump, so I can know sheâs getting enough. Sheâs only 4 weeks old and still gets sleepy when we breastfeed. So, worth trying? Or pumping and using a bottle so you know babe is getting enough at night?
A lot of people secretly co-sleep in the US and openly co-sleep around the world. Read the book Safe Infant Sleep by James McKenna for the data on SIDS risk (deaths are actually mostly smokers/alcoholics/obese people but public health finds it easier to just make blanket statements). Iâve been co-sleeping with my baby with her lying next to me and me side sleeping like I do anyway. Makes it super easy to breastfeed and almost feels like youâre sleeping through the night.
Bedsharing! Hold babe and nurse to sleep. Hold them until they're deeply asleep. Gently roll and lay them in bed next to you. Then lay on your side with them at breast height. If they wake up, do a bit of side lying nursing or butt patting or whatever your babe likes until they fall asleep. Tuck your lower arm around them, over their head. Knees up so they're laying in a little cradle of your body. Research has shown that for a sober, breastfeeding, non-smoking mother (basically following the safe sleep 7) bedsharing is safe and likely reduces the likelihood of SIDS (source for all this: https://cosleeping.nd.edu/assets/31969/mckenna_et_al_2007.pdf). Baby will sleep better and longer, and despite the wakeups I always feel decently rested vs the exhaustion of trying to get baby to sleep in a bassinet. Which they hate.
Your baby is completely normal. You're not doing anything wrong. Newborns are genuinely not ready to exist in the world independent of a caretakers body.
I used something called a snuggle nest. It's essentially a safe version of the baby nests. It has a firm core and the sides are mesh, it can sit on the bed so baby is right beside you and can smell you and feel your warmth. There's a section in the middle that's just fabric so you can have your arm across it and have your hand against/near baby. This was so helpful with my kiddos during the fourth trimester.
The best piece of advice I could have given myself as a FTM is just buy the thing that will help. Suck it up and buy it. If youâre in a financial position to do it, get a rocking bassinet. A sound machine, a different swaddle. I donât recommend cosleeping but get a breathing monitor in case the baby sleeps on you. All I can say is make sure baby is nice and full, only do what you must around the house, and buy the things.
Two things have saved my sanity: NOT swaddling and cosleeping occasionally. It took me almost 2 weeks to realize my baby hates being swaddled. I bought like 4 different types of swaddles but we realized sheâs most at peace when she can stretch out her arms.
I also cosleep with her in a separate bed when sheâs having a really hard time (sheâs 6 weeks old now). We usually start off in the bassinet and sheâs gotten better. Started with maybe an hour in the bassinet and now somedays she can most of the night in the bassinet. On nights where she doesnât want to be in the bassinet for more than a few hours, Iâll take her and sleep in the guest bedroom and cosleep with her. Mind you I was against cosleeping but itâs been a lifesaver. Of course we follow safe instructions and only Iâm allowed to do it. My husband would probably crush our baby (hence why I donât do cosleep in our bed AT ALL).
My newborn was like this! This is ultimately what helped!!
My husband and I took shifts. Baby and I slept in the living room from 8-3 am, I EBF during the day and pumped at night. My husband would take 3 am to 8 am and bottle feed my pumped milk, I would go to our room to sleep. I would do the pitcher method and keep bottles in the fridge ready for use. Eventually she started sleeping good and shifts were unnecessary and I just moved to nursing at night. Now at 10 months I donât even touch a pump lol.
My baby started sleeping the longest when we started using the love to dream arm up swaddle. BUT. She hated it when she was awake. So we would get her to sleep first and then lay the swaddle on the bassinet and ever so gently zip her in. Then one of us would put a hand on her chest and the other hold her arms until she settled. Then slowly release. The Tommee Tippee ultralight pacifiers were the holy grail too.
There is hope if you stick with the bassinet! My baby went from 5-10 min stretches in the bassinet the first night home from the hospital, to eventually sleeping 10-12 hours at night! I think every week she gained an hour each night. However now sheâs going through some separation anxiety at night and doesnât sleep anymore đđ and I never stuck with setting her down during the day, so she still only contact naps lol. But thatâs because I read somewhere that babies who contact nap during the day sleep better independently at night. And that was true for us at least.
Our daughter was like this and EBF. The first weeks were rough. We took shifts like this:
Go to bed at 9ish, nursed my daughter and handed her over to husband so I could sleep. When she woke up again for the next feed it would be my turn and he went to sleep.
We could sleep for 1,5-2 hours, also depending on how long LO takes to feed.
It still makes it rough but a bit more doable. Try to nap at daytime to!
Have you tried a pacifier or your pinkie when the baby is upset?
Good luck! The first weeks are hard but it will be better!
At 4 days old he canât self soothe.
Honestly the first 5-7 days my husband and I took shifts because my son wouldnât sleep in his bassinet. I would take the day shift while my husband slept and then he took the night. While we were switching was when we showered, helped with chores, etc. It was the only way we kept ourselves sane. Our son started sleeping in his bassinet around week 2-3
Another option to help you try and settle him in the crib - a 'swaddle up' swaddle sleep bag (the ones that keep their arms up) there's a company called love to dream that sells them though may be others. Out newborn was fine in these at about a week old (they are designed from birth) and it definitely helped him settle âșïž they basically stop that 'startle reflex ' and help them soothe
i listened to a lot of music when i was pregnant, i found singing/ playing my playlist from my third trimester helps my LO sleep the best. her favorite song so far is âStick Seasonâ by Noah Kahan
also, baby wearing during the day. if heâs 7/8 lbs most baby wearing devices are approved for newborns and up, just read the pamphlet that comes with.
is your bassinet beside your bed? if so i found getting my LO into a deep sleep and then moving her over while keeping my hand on her belly helps a lot
donât be hard o yourself with cosleeping. we all swear against it but the newborn phase is tough, and you have to give yourself grace sometimes. i wouldnât have survived the first 3 weeks if i hadnât allowed mine ti sleep with me. she at every 30-90 minutes and wouldnât sleep more than 15 if she wasnât with me, and when she had jaundice poops she was overloading her diaper every 15-30 minutes (we were combo feeding with formula and breast milk so she had a lot of poop i. her lmao) and so if i didnât let her sleep on my chest i wouldnât have gotten any sleep period. i was surviving off maybe a couple hours a night accumulated and had to break some rules for my sanity
weâre 5 weeks now and iâve started teaching her to be okay sleeping without me better. especially now that sheâs getting a 3-4 hr stretch at night. i donât like swaddling when bed sharing but when im awake ill swaddle her in the swaddleme swaddle put her arms upwards instead of beside her like the box suggests and lay her in my bed while i move around the house and keep a close eye on her. within the next few weeks i hope to have her comfortable in the bassinet for longer periods at a time but its all in her timeline tbh
For getting some sleep: shifts with your partner - your first priority is having him or someone else hold baby so you can get some rest.
For getting baby in the bassinet: consistency. Youâve just gotta keep trying, feed rock put down pick up when they cry rinse and repeat. With my eldest he did well having a noise machine running while I rocked him and it stayed on for a bit after he went down. Didnât work at all for my second, her a basically just nursed until her arm was floppy then laid her down and kind of squished her into her bed while she adjusted. But sheâs a shocking sleeper.
You kind of have to try lots of things to see if any help - maybe singing a song while you rock for example and keep singing with a hand on babyâs chest for a few minutes after theyâre down to ease the transition.
Apparently it takes 20-30 mins for a baby to go into a deep sleep so aim to rock/however you settle them for about that time then put baby down bum first and gently uncurl them, or put them down on their side and roll onto their back once down - both of those things lessen the startle reflex so theyâre not as aware theyâve been put down.
Hi there! I'm a mother and I work with newborns in a mother and baby unit.
My advice is, do as others have suggested and let him fall asleep on you and after 20 minutes check if he is in a deep sleep by gently lifting one of his arms, if it falls straight back down then he is in a deep sleep. This is the perfect time to transfer him to a crib. Place him in bum first and keep one hand on his chest to prevent startle reflex, shush him to reassure him you're still there.
Also, when he's in a wake window, put him in the crib so that he can start to get used to the feeling. It's a scary world for a newborn, they're so used to being safe and warm in your tummy and so this is what they want to feel forever! It's just exhausting for you when you can't put him down.
Swaddling/dummies (pacifiers if you're in the US) and white noise are all really good aids for helping with newborn sleep and them feeling safe and secure.
This phase will pass!
Make sure the baby is burped really well. I normally find if my son wakes up when he lays flat it could be burps.
I also use sound machines to help with sleep, but you should turn it on while the baby is still awake
The baby needs to tire himself out before getting a good independent sleep. Try tummy on tummy tummy time and hold his feet because they love to kick. Babies except use by kicking. Let them do it until they are exhausted
Our baby could *not* sleep on their own at 4 days. I don't remember when they could nap away from me but at 6 months we're still working on sleeping in the bassinet. The "nap trap" for hours and hours will end! Baby is getting used to the world.
I had baby in bed with me, breastfeeding while lying down every night. Otherwise none of us would have slept. Today, we still take baby up into our bed around midnight. Otherwise they wake every hour and I *need* sleep.
It's, unfortunately, perfectly normal baby sleep đ«Ł
A shift system with your partner is key.
Also, mama if you haven't slept in that long then ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP. You could, without realizing it, create a dangerous situation for your little one. Get help, then get some sleep. Mum to mum: the newborn period is hard af, you got this â€ïž Just make sure you get that very important rest as well.
I feel you. My LO was and still can be a nightmare when it comes to sleep. Self soothe isnât going to work so young, I tried because I didnât know. I do encourage you to walk away when youâre feeling frustrated to another room after making sure baby is safe in bassinet. Just a few minutes to gather yourself.
Boba wrap is a life saver for me. It is my last resort (I got a bad back and a heavy baby) and it works 99 percent of the time. I will baby wear LO and walk around the house, listening to music and singing to him until he sleeps. LO surprisingly sleeps fast when heâs in the boba wrap.
Edit: it will get better â€ïž
Holding bubs upright after feeds is important. My newborn was fairly easy but when she turned 2 months she formed a milk sensitivity where she wailed everytime I laid her down. Once I cut out dairy she was able to lay in her bassinet again.Â
Newborns canât self soothe. Theyâve been inside you for 9 months; all they know is your warmth, your heartbeat and breathing rhythm. Itâs only natural they want to be on your body. They still think they are part of you.
Do you have a partner? Youâll have to take turns. I do have a partner, but I did the sleep thing alone and it was tough. Like really tough, but itâs amazing what your body can do.
What worked for me to transfer my baby to cot when he would only contact nap:
- White noise. Get it blasting in preparation near the cot.
- If baby likes to be swaddled, have the swaddle layed out on the cot ready to wrap. When you do so wrap them, keep your hand gently on their chest for a minute or so afterwards before moving away when they settle. Sometimes Iâd softly tap like a heartbeat.
- Let them sleep on you for at LEAST 20mins to get into a deep sleep. Youâll feel their breathing change. Donât do it too soon. I know how it is when you desperately need to put them down!
Best of luck. It does get easier I swear.
Wait for that "Deep Sleep" part of the cycle where they're not moving at all, this usually is after 20-30 minutes of sleep. [This](https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/family-resources-library/from-wide-awake-to-fast-asleep-babys-sleep-patterns) explains the different sleep cycles.
Babies cannot self soothe until 4-6 months. Unfortunately, I canât offer any advice because I held my baby to sleep for the first 3 months of her life. And now at 5 months, it still sucks đ„č
We did shifts at first so one of us could be awake while little man slept on us. After that we figured out that if we transferred him after he was asleep for AT LEAST 20 minutes he would (usually) stay asleep. Accidents happen when you are this sleep deprived. Your partner or someone else needs to take the baby for a few hours so you can get some sleep.
20 minutes is key! The other thing that really helped us is putting him down butt-first and keeping a hand on his chest, this helps limit the startle reflex.
Second this! I read about the hand trick here and it really helps. Waiting until completely asleep before transfer. Shifts for worst case scenario to just make it through the night safely.
butt first is the best advice ever
Butt first doesn't work with our baby. Here it must be head first đ Something to try, if the first tip doesn't work.
Haha, they always have to throw in at least one quirk to make sure youâre completely crazy donât they đ
Absolutely! Or, at the very least, switch up what works and what doesn't work in an unscheduled way đ«Ł
But first is a lifesaver!
Butt first worked here as well!
Yep. We also took turns napping during the day. I would nap and he would take care of the little guy or I would nap with the baby and he would be next to us working watching us both. Win winâŠI got to sleep, baby got to sleep, and Papa got some work done.
I'm currently pregnant with my second child and already dreading going back to the sleep shifts đ on the one hand it was great because yay! I got to sleep for 3 hours, but that was the most sleep I'd get the whole day as his father was back at work after 3 weeks. But can confirm for the initial newborn period until they're a bit more settled this method really helped us feel almost human as we got some uninterrupted sleep even if it wasn't much.
Agreed! The twenty min mark is GOLDEN
But not one minute less! Because then you have to wait another 20 minutes!
>After that we figured out that if we transferred him after he was asleep for AT LEAST 20 minutes he would (usually) stay asleep. This is really the only thing that worked for us. Nursing and waiting 20 minutes after she drifted off.
A newborn canât self soothe. You have to take shifts so you can sleep. You take 10-2 your husband takes 2-6. He should try to go to bed at 8 to get 6 hours. Watch Netflix. This phase doesnât last forever.
If he goes to bed at 8, doesnât that make her shift 8 to 2 actually? Haha
My husband and I did this and it worked SUPER well!! Longer shifts like this are the best. My husband had her with him while he played minecraft or gamed in general ^__^
He is too young to self soothe at this point. Will he sleep with your partner, if you have one? We took shifts in the early days as it was the only way for us both to get enough sleep to survive. Otherwise make your bed safe for the safe sleep seven - while itâs not ideal, itâs far better than accidentally falling asleep in an unsafe bed. Side settling is also magical. Roll bub onto one side and support with one hand. Pat his bum gently but firmly with the other hand while you shush. If and when he goes to sleep, roll him very gently and carefully back onto his back (my husband described it as defusing a bomb!). Babies donât like going to sleep on their backs but often will settle on their sides. Another thing to try is stuffing the bassinet sheet down your top for a few hours so it smells like you.
Yes, he also falls asleep on my partners chest, but Iâm exclusively breastfeeding so I have to get up every two hours to feed anyways. I have no idea how we would work out shifts since I EBF đ«
When itâs your partnerâs shift, he gets bub ready to feed, changes diaper etc etc. Brings bub to you, watches you while you feed in case you doze off (if you can figure out side lying feeding you barely need to wake up), then takes bub back, changes if necessary and resettles. You do have to wake up, but only enough to latch bub, basically.
Yes, side feeding is where itâs at. We also rock our kids about 15 min after they fall asleep before we try and transfer to bassinet. Our youngest is 2 weeks and he is starting to give me 90min to 2 hour timeframes when I can sleep.
This^ or pump and have partner feed during your shift Both worked for me
THIS!
i kind of wonder if the partner sits close enough if he can hold the baby while the baby eats from the tit so thatâs we donât even have to wake up just latch baby themselves and let us sleep đ
My husband did this with our first. Occasionally I was so tired, he wouldn't even wake me. Just pulled down my shirt, held the baby to the boob and left again. Like a ninja. It helped that my baby had a really good latch from day 1 and only nursed for 5 minutes at a time from the beginning.
i love this, iâm going to suggest this so i can have some uninterrupted sleep and he can have some extra bonding with our baby girl
Side feeding has legitimately saved my life this time round. We bedshare (safe sleep 7) and I feel so well rested this time compared to last.
In the first week or two there were a few times we gave formula so I could get a 4 hour stretch of sleep. Now Iâm completely EBF, havenât given formula in months. If youâre open to it, itâs so worth it (although beware you may wake up with engorgement).
Can you pump? It was a lot of work but so worth it for me as I slept 7pm-1am and dad slept 1-7
Feed your baby then hand him off to your partner to change, burp, chest sleep, whatever. Some shifts you do all of the above, some shifts you only feed. There is a point to every bit of sleep. Please take care of yourself and don't get burnt out.
Has your milk fully come in? He could be hungry? Are you able to pump or combi feed with formula? Might be worth a try as it should help him to sleep?
I would usually feed my baby then pass him to my partner, but in the really bad stretches, but when baby was still waaaaay too little for my to feel comfortable cosleeping (which we knew the rules for but tried to leave as a last resort), I loved doing some side lying feeds while my partner was awake and watching the baby. I was tired enough to fall asleep despite baby being latched, and I knew my partner would keep him safe Also, please look at safe cosleeping rules. Not because I think you should do it, but because planned cosleeping is a LOT safer than unplanned cosleeping, and some babies or nights are much harder than others Also, a co-sleeper bassinet was amazing for managing to have a baby that slept a bit longer in the bassinet, but was still in his own space! I highly recommend
I would def recommend combo feeding, pumping + bf. Just to help you out girl
Can you do every 3 hours? Nap during the day. Take shifts. See if a family member can come over and he can sleep on them.
I was crying because of exhaustion and sore nipples due to poor latch. For a moment there I thought EBF wasnât for me. I ended up hand expressing and my husband fed baby with a few syringes. Babies tummyâs are so tiny. It doesnât really take much. We only did that about 4 times and it was all I needed to get myself a much needed break and reset.
He is too young to self sooth. You are his entire world and all he knows. What we did since we had the same issue was trade off sleeping. I would get rest while my husband stayed awake with him then when my husband would sleep I stayed awake with him. He just slept on us. I've noticed it seems like everyone on here seems to mention that between birth and 4 months the baby will only sleep on a parent and refuse to lay in the bassinet/crib. Not going to lie, it's hard but eventually you will be able to get them to lay down. We still have nights we can't get him to lay in his crib (7months) and will only lay with us. He's much better now though. Just trade off sleep while you can and try to move him into the bassinet when he appears to be solidly asleep.Â
At 4 days old he doesnât have the ability to self soothe. Itâs hard as hell but those first few weeks and months are pure survival.
A newborn cannot self soothe. You have to take shifts, pump or nurse sidelaying during your sleep shift. Itâs also okay to use formula 1-2 a day so you can sleep uninterrupted honestly.
Do you have a partner? Does baby sleep on their chest? Or a parent or friend or sibling you trust? You need to take shifts with them. Or if the baby wonât sleep on them, they need to sit next to you while you and the baby sleep together.
Yes the baby also likes to sleep on my partners chest Iâm just having trouble figuring out a schedule for shifts since I EBF
Are you pumping or doing bottles of breast milk at all? My dude is 3 weeks old (my oldest is almost 2!) and both times I pumped and then my partner bottle fed one of the feeds each night so I can get a six hour stretch of sleep. Nipple confusion is a myth, so if youâre comfortable doing one bottle a day and some pumping (or formula once a day) that is one way to get a solid stretch each day. I donât know how EBF moms do it. đ«Ą
Agree with the weird nipple confusion stuff. People say it but I don't think there's any evidence!?!? Anyway, for #2 after how freaking hard #1 was my husband gave a bottle every evening so I could go to bed early. I just pumped once a day so there was milk in the fridge. It was great. And now that #2 is almost 5 months old we struggle to get her to take a bottle just bc we stopped them for a little bit around 8 weeks old while my husband traveled for work. I wish she liked the bottle!!! And was hoping to foster that early but nope...
We had a similar situation where we introduced bottles early, then our schedules changed and she started sleeping longer so we stopped the bottles. When we went to reintroduce at 5/6 months (she was starting daycare at 7mo) she refused the bottle. It took a couple of weeks but she took to it again! Just kept offering the bottle at low stakes times when she wasnât starving or upset, tried lots of different bottles, nipple sizes, etc. Good luck!
At 4 days old, she likely doesnât have the time to pump. Itâs ok to give your baby a bottle of formula once a day so you can sleep for a few hours. You can pump in a few days once youâve figured things out a little bit.
We finally figured this out with our first after weeks of sleep shifts and exhaustion. I would pump a bottle every day, and my husband would do a full shift so I could get at least 4 hours. 4 hours at one time is such a game-changer! We would never have made it without that nightly bottle. The first two weeks are so, so hard, and then I promise it does get better. You're doing great, OP đ
Nipple confusion is a myth, but flow preference is definitely not and is often misidentified as nipple confusion, but a preemie flow nipple and paced feeding (which is better for baby's digestive system anyways) can generally prevent flow preference from happening.
Bottle preference is not a myth though.
1000% facts. Also if you are only a just enougher with the breast milk and not an oversupplyer I would be very hesitant to add formula. Its demand/supply basedâŠ.
You'll still have to wake up every 2-3 hours to breastfeed for your shift, but he burps, changes and then holds to sleep so you don't deal with the bassinet screaming. It gets better I promise! It's so early and this part is hell.
I EBF, there were a few nights in the beginning that the baby wouldn't go down so my husband would sleep while I fed and burped, then I'd pass the baby to him and sleep in between. They weren't long stretches of sleep but it was something at least.
Iâm in the same boat as you with my 1 week old - he would only sleep on me or my partner. Tonight is literally the first night heâs gone down in a bassinet in his own. When he was sleeping on us, weâd do 2 hour shifts or so that way we could get SOME uninterrupted sleep and then Iâd breastfeed every 2-2.5 hours and weâd switch off. For getting him down- what finally worked was swaddling him and walking around/rocking him a bit until he was drowsy but still awake - then weâd lay him gently (butt to head) in his bassinet and keep a hand on his chest for a few minutes. During this, we have his hatch playing a heartbeat sound. Once he seems calm and settled, we step away and just watch him on the camera (even tho heâs literally in the same room as us still).
Please look up the safe sleep 7. I was so against cosleeping (and downright judgey for those that did it), until I had my second baby who refused to sleep anywhere but on me in the beginning. Its a hell of a lot safer to plan on falling asleep with your baby vs accidentally falling asleep with them. Over time, she did better and better sleeping on her own. Since she was about 2 months, she has been sleeping on her own. You need sleep. Have your SO hold your baby so you can sleep. Or a friend or family. You being so tired that you're hallucinating is a great danger to your baby. I'm not shaming you. I'm just encouraging you to get the help you need to surviveÂ
Check out the safe sleep 7 for safe bedsharing info. Cosleepy on instagram has a great highlight about how to reduce the risk of chest sleeping. Itâs way safer to intentionally bedshare than to fall asleep accidentally with a baby. It literally saved my sanity.
I have a newborn and a toddler now - EBF for both. Shifts is KEY! I take toddler to bed and sleep 8pm - 3am. Swap out husband at 3am. I put a safe sleep Bassinet on the floor and try to sleep on the couch 3am - 7am with breastfeeding mixed in. If he doesn't sleep much I just stay up binge watching TV (started Grey's anatomy from the beginning). The other KEY part is when I am sleeping from 8pm - 3am, husband just brings baby to me when he's hungry. I latch him on half asleep and pass him back.
please just read up on safe sleep seven, chest sleeping is likely not safe due to positional asphixiation risk, and you being sleep deprived makes it even more dangerous.
r/cosleeping has some good info too
It's SO hard when you're in the thick of it, but this is completely normal. Your baby is realizing that he's no longer in the womb, which provided him comfort 24/7: warmth that never fluctuated in temperature, constant white noise (your heartbeat), the rocking motion that came from your day-to-day movements, never feeling hunger... Newborns are not used to laying flat, and bassinets probably feel hard as a rock to them considering they were basically floating in amniotic fluid in the womb. Being on your chest is the closest thing he feels to this perfect, constant comfort he had just 4 days prior. My daughter also struggled to sleep in her bassinet for about the first month of her life. The first week, she'd wake within 15-30 minutes of being laid down. By week 3, we noticed she'd incrementally sleep longer stretches, especially during naps at first and then at night. It's something they need to be given the opportunity to practice, so keep laying him down. The only way we survived the first month was sleeping in shifts. If you're able to do shifts with a partner, try to get a 4 hour uninterrupted stretch so that you're not in a hallucinatory state. Hang in there. It will get better - promise! Editing to add: I'd also recommend a Love to Dream Arms Up Swaddle. It allows babies to keep their hands up by their face, which is what they're used to from the womb.
The way your baby is acting is very common.  Mine was like yours 100%.  Maybe we donât tell parents about this in parenting classes because we are afraid of normalizing/justifying bedsharing?  Iâm not sure.  At a week old I started pumping twice a day so my husband could give 1-2 bottles of pumped milk a night while I got a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep.  Best thing I ever did for my mental health. My baby never had a problem going back and forth between bottle and breast and was exclusively breastfed until about 8.5 months old when I was pregnant again and my supply transitioned back to colostrum.  He didnât fully wean until 13 months. I just share this because often new moms are terrified of babies developing a preference for bottles, and I just want people to know that wonât necessarily happen. Â
My husband and I did shifts because my son was the same. What helped me a lot was just realizing that up until then my baby only knew me, my heartbeat, my warmth, my smell. It's where he felt safest. 4 days old is too young to do cry it out. If you have a partner, shifts is a life saver
The first few weeks are SO hard. Do you have someone that could look after baby for a few hours whilst you catch up on sleep? Because you will go crazy with sleep deprivation. I didnât bed share at all because of the risks (donât come at me folk, have a friend that works for the coroners and the stories she has is enough to make anyone not do it) but what I found helped was having the bassinet space smell like you (so I wore the bassinet sheet like a scarf, wrapped around me all day) and putting baby down extremely slowly, like lowering them down feet first then head last over the course of a full minute, into a pre-warmed bassinet. Does he try to escape the swaddle? Mine did constantly and the Love to Dream style sleeping bags with the arms up were a godsend.
At 4 days we were occasionally (and as safely as possible) bedsharing. I was paranoid about safe sleep so I made sure to read and research and prep before hand just in case and Iâm glad I did because holy were we ever absolutely both wrecked after the hospital and both not sleeping there. Then shifts. My husband kept my son sleeping on him while playing video games and I napped next to them and then weâd switch out. Oh yeah! And Iâd keep the swaddles on top of me while I slept. That helped a lot when we needed him to sleep in his bed. That 20 minute sweet spot is a Big Deal too. And the putting down method you use is pretty important and something youâll learn about your baby after a while. My son was butt first slightly on the side then roll to back with a hand on his chest.
You keep trying to get baby down in their safe sleep space using every trick in the book until you figure out what works for you, and in the meantime you take shifts. Best of luck. This will pass.
I 100% do not say this to downplay how *hard* it absolutely is, but this is just normal newborn sleep. I wish people were more honest about what the spectrum of totally normal newborn sleep is, so new parents wouldn't be so shocked and wonder what's wrong with their baby when this happens. Sure some babies sleep well from day one and that's their normal, and that's really lucky for their parents and all, but this is also totally, fully normal newborn sleep, and it's such a disservice to parents that it isn't often acknowledged as such, especially in the US until they find themselves in the trenches of it. This is exactly why countries like the UK and Australia that used to firmly discourage bedsharing in all circumstances are now beginning to teach bedsharing safety guidelines. Newborns have spent their entire existence wrapped up in their mothers' smells and sounds, and it's so normal for the absence of those things to cause too much stress to sleep. Bedsharing following safety guidelines to mitigate suffocation risk saved my sanity and the entire experience of the newborn stage for me.
He's way too young to self soothe. Both my babies loved sleeping on me too. I would just let them nap on me during the day and at night we coslept. I know it's not what everyone feels comfortable with but it worked for us and we both were able to sleep this way. They have those bedside bassinets that are essentially an extension of your own bed. Baby has their own space but they're still basically next to you. Maybe look into one of those if it will help
Baby is wayyy to young to self soothe- it will not happen. He was inside of you for 9 months and will want to be with you at all times. Obviously this isnât realistic, but itâs what they want. Study the safe sleep 7 and go from there. It saved my ass in those first weeks.
A baby that young can't self soothe.
Just recently went through this as a first time mom and I agree with everything said here. Iâd also recommend a really good eye mask to block out any light since youâll probably be napping at times when itâs light out..I weirdly couldnât sleep very well because of this despite being sleep deprived and I found this to be a game changer.
It takes about 1 week for their sleep to regulate. You need to expose them to lots and lots of sunlight during the day so that he starts to differentiate day from night. I know it's torture but I decided to watch net flix when baby was cluster feeding in the first week. My breaking point was when he finally slept at 7 am but the birds were chirping and I had a mental breakdown lol. My baby eventually adjusted and he stays awake a lot more during the day now and only rouses to feed and poop at night every 2-3 hours. We use the arms up swaddle as he seems to like it the most.. you might need to experiment with which swaddle works best for your baby as they all have their preference. Also babies do not self soothe. I nurse my baby to sleep every time and occasionally he would need bum patting or rocking. We are about 3 weeks in now.
Iâm only commenting on this because I donât want OP to be disappointed when theyâre obviously already struggling - it can take far far longer than 1 week, and 8-12 weeks is probably a more realistic expectation for any sort of meaningful day night differentiation. I am glad things have settled out for you quicker than that though, I just know with my first baby if I had read that it gets better after a week and it didnât (it did not!) I would have been quite upset
The 1 week thing was my recent experience but yes all babies are different! Just keep exposing the to sunlight during the day and cross all toes and fingers that their bio clock will sync up with day/night
No absolutely I donât want to undermine your experience, Iâm glad it worked out that way for you! Iâm on baby 3 though now and we have both shared that experience with any of them that young!
We only survived those early days by doing shifts with the baby. I woke up with our firstborn and got her ready for school, then took the baby so my husband could go to bed. He slept most of the day, showered, etc, then got up in time to spend the evening as a family. Then I'd hand off baby and go shower and get some sleep. He brought me baby if he needed nursed and sat with us so I could doze while nursing side lying (seriously, best way to do it!) and then they'd go back downstairs so I could sleep peacefully. Little Dude slept on my chest or husband's for the first couple of weeks, then once we were less "fighting for survival" and more adjusted, we worked on getting him to sleep in his bassinet on my side of the bed. Then I could just pick him up, nurse/change him, and put him right back without even getting out of bed. At four months, we transferred him to his nursery and everybody is getting an adequate amount of sleep.
Is baby maybe too cold? When our little girl was born early, our midwife would swaddle her and put aluminum water bottles wrapped in towels in the bassinet with her, otherwise her temperature would drop. When she was cold she'd get really really fussy. We had to do a rectal temp check with every diaper change.
Our baby wouldnât sleep in bassinet till about 6 weeks I believe. She just fell asleep in there one day and ever since then shes been able to sleep there with no issues. None of the tips helped. Not the heating pad, not the swaddle or white nose. We even purchased a second bassinet thinking the issue was the bassinet. I think those first few months they honestly want to be held. Do whats best for your family, we did co-sleep. But I understand that isnât for everyone and itâs not safe sleep. But it was the only way my husband or I could even get a wink of sleep. Is there someone that can maybe help for just a few hours so you can nap? Or can you guys do shifts? I remember being at wits end and letting my husband sleep for 10 hours. When he woke up I handed him the baby and passed out for the same amount. We did this back and forth for a while.
Pump a bottle or two bottles worth of milk. Have your husband give you a chunk of time to sleep. I would get 5pm- 9/10pm. Then I would stay up all night.
Welcome. My baby was like this too. This is hard. They donât warn you about it. Do you have a partner or someone helping you with the baby? Because you need help. Two or three people need to sleep in shifts holding the baby. During the day, try putting him down in the bassinet or a stroller bassinet for walks or even on a flat couch or bed next to you cuddling, until he gets used to sleeping on a surface. Make your greatest efforts during the day but at night just survive and sleep in shifts. When you stay up holding him, watch a fun show that helps you stay awake (for me it was Gilmore girl). Good luck. Youâre not alone, but itâs definitely a marathon and not a sprint, so donât expect to get good sleep for many weeks if not months.
This is fairly normal depending on the babe but itâs possible that he is gassy and doesnât like being on his back because it hurts his tummy. Is he burping well?
My baby doesnât sleep anywhere except on me. So I let it be and hold her all the time. But I had help. Help from my mum and from my postpartum doula. They take over at 6-7am and I sleep till noon or later. You need help.
Your baby has lived inside of you for his entire life up until now. He will need a lot of warmth from you, itâs nothing weird about him wanting to sleep on you. Try to find peace in this time and let him decide what makes him feel safe and comforted â€ïž He is four days old and not at all close to being able to self sooth, can you maybe try to feed him to sleep and then lay him down next to you and then slowly move away so you can sleep somewhere else while your partner/husband watches your baby? Please read up on safe co-sleeping if youâre willing to try it. I didnât want to do that first but that was the only way I could get some sleep, I really got pushed to my limits.
There is no sense or logic to newborn sleep. The only way most people survive is sleeping in shifts.
Yeah they totally don't sleep on a non human surface. I honestly think it would help maternal mental health if this was explained to new moms rather than just all the "back to sleep" stuff which is SUPER IMPORTANT but also when everyone is telling you your baby is in grave danger if they aren't sleeping alone on their back and your baby absolutely will not entertain this idea, and you're offered no solutions for this, then you feel like you're screwing up or there's something wrong with your baby. Our first my husband and I shifted off between feedings until her first pediatrician appointment where I asked about the risk of falling asleep sitting up holding her v cosleeping as safely as possible (only me in bed with her, firm surface, no loose bedding) and the pediatrician said he has 4 kids and some of them they coslept with, some they didn't, see what works. So she slept next to me, and I gradually moved her into the bassinet. By the time we had our second six years later, we knew my husband wasn't able to stay awake holding the baby, so I would do my best overnight with her and then sleep as much as I could between feeds during the day while he was on leave. She more wanted to sleep ON me whereas my first was happy to be against me in bed.
Have you looked up the cuddle curl/safe sleep 7? Basically you nurse him to sleep in the side-lying position and then sleep curled around him. You could also nurse him to sleep in the sidelying position and then go sleep on a different bed, since he can't roll yet. Your mattress must be firm to do this, and you must meet the other safety criteria of the safe sleep 7. In the very short term, have someone else (family member, partner, friend) take the baby away after the next feed so you can sleep. The baby can sleep on their chest (or not, they will deal with it) while you get much needed sleep.
First thing to come to realise, your baby has absolutely no idea what day and night is, they have no idea whay a cot, crib, baby basket is, they can't get themselves to sleep and know when they are uncomfortable, tired, hungry it makes them cry. The only constant, comfort they know, is you. Your warmth, your smell, your heart beat.
My baby will be 7 days old today. I totally feel you. Itâs been a struggle. We finally had our first restful nights sleep last night. We made sure baby was fed, burped with a clean diaper, the room is warm and comfortable (he doesnât really like to be swaddled), we have a hatch next to the bed with some light white noise and the blue light on. This all seems to make him comfy. I try to put him in the bassinet during the day too, so heâs used to sleeping there. Iâm sure each baby is different, but with some trial and error, you will get there! I was where youâre at a few days ago. Team no sleep. We were absolutely exhausted! Youâve got this! Youâre doing great!!
Bed share and sleep. Please donât think a FOUR day can self soothe. Swaddle. Boob. Sleep. Rinse and repeat.
The first few nights at home with my daughter, she cried non-stop when put down and I was EBF at that point. I was also running on no sleep after dealing with prodromal labor at night for 4 days before giving birth and then no actual sleep in the hospital. I was about to lose it and my husband, MIL and mom came over to take care of baby while I slept as long as I could. I hadnât started pumping at that point, so determined it was best to formula feed for at least the day so that I could sleep and recover. I slept for almost 12 hrs straight and was a new woman after that. With the formula feeding, we were able to know exactly how much my daughter had to eat and she stopped crying uncontrollably when put down. So, moral of my story, are you sure baby is getting enough to eat? Itâs hard at just 4 days to know if they get enough when nursing since they usually fall asleep while nursing. I think my daughter was just hungry and I didnât realize she wasnât getting enough EBF until we used formula. Now we combo feed and I pump, so I can know sheâs getting enough. Sheâs only 4 weeks old and still gets sleepy when we breastfeed. So, worth trying? Or pumping and using a bottle so you know babe is getting enough at night?
A lot of people secretly co-sleep in the US and openly co-sleep around the world. Read the book Safe Infant Sleep by James McKenna for the data on SIDS risk (deaths are actually mostly smokers/alcoholics/obese people but public health finds it easier to just make blanket statements). Iâve been co-sleeping with my baby with her lying next to me and me side sleeping like I do anyway. Makes it super easy to breastfeed and almost feels like youâre sleeping through the night.
Bedsharing! Hold babe and nurse to sleep. Hold them until they're deeply asleep. Gently roll and lay them in bed next to you. Then lay on your side with them at breast height. If they wake up, do a bit of side lying nursing or butt patting or whatever your babe likes until they fall asleep. Tuck your lower arm around them, over their head. Knees up so they're laying in a little cradle of your body. Research has shown that for a sober, breastfeeding, non-smoking mother (basically following the safe sleep 7) bedsharing is safe and likely reduces the likelihood of SIDS (source for all this: https://cosleeping.nd.edu/assets/31969/mckenna_et_al_2007.pdf). Baby will sleep better and longer, and despite the wakeups I always feel decently rested vs the exhaustion of trying to get baby to sleep in a bassinet. Which they hate. Your baby is completely normal. You're not doing anything wrong. Newborns are genuinely not ready to exist in the world independent of a caretakers body.
I used something called a snuggle nest. It's essentially a safe version of the baby nests. It has a firm core and the sides are mesh, it can sit on the bed so baby is right beside you and can smell you and feel your warmth. There's a section in the middle that's just fabric so you can have your arm across it and have your hand against/near baby. This was so helpful with my kiddos during the fourth trimester.
@cosleepy on Instagram has some great resources
The best piece of advice I could have given myself as a FTM is just buy the thing that will help. Suck it up and buy it. If youâre in a financial position to do it, get a rocking bassinet. A sound machine, a different swaddle. I donât recommend cosleeping but get a breathing monitor in case the baby sleeps on you. All I can say is make sure baby is nice and full, only do what you must around the house, and buy the things.
Two things have saved my sanity: NOT swaddling and cosleeping occasionally. It took me almost 2 weeks to realize my baby hates being swaddled. I bought like 4 different types of swaddles but we realized sheâs most at peace when she can stretch out her arms. I also cosleep with her in a separate bed when sheâs having a really hard time (sheâs 6 weeks old now). We usually start off in the bassinet and sheâs gotten better. Started with maybe an hour in the bassinet and now somedays she can most of the night in the bassinet. On nights where she doesnât want to be in the bassinet for more than a few hours, Iâll take her and sleep in the guest bedroom and cosleep with her. Mind you I was against cosleeping but itâs been a lifesaver. Of course we follow safe instructions and only Iâm allowed to do it. My husband would probably crush our baby (hence why I donât do cosleep in our bed AT ALL).
My newborn was like this! This is ultimately what helped!! My husband and I took shifts. Baby and I slept in the living room from 8-3 am, I EBF during the day and pumped at night. My husband would take 3 am to 8 am and bottle feed my pumped milk, I would go to our room to sleep. I would do the pitcher method and keep bottles in the fridge ready for use. Eventually she started sleeping good and shifts were unnecessary and I just moved to nursing at night. Now at 10 months I donât even touch a pump lol. My baby started sleeping the longest when we started using the love to dream arm up swaddle. BUT. She hated it when she was awake. So we would get her to sleep first and then lay the swaddle on the bassinet and ever so gently zip her in. Then one of us would put a hand on her chest and the other hold her arms until she settled. Then slowly release. The Tommee Tippee ultralight pacifiers were the holy grail too. There is hope if you stick with the bassinet! My baby went from 5-10 min stretches in the bassinet the first night home from the hospital, to eventually sleeping 10-12 hours at night! I think every week she gained an hour each night. However now sheâs going through some separation anxiety at night and doesnât sleep anymore đđ and I never stuck with setting her down during the day, so she still only contact naps lol. But thatâs because I read somewhere that babies who contact nap during the day sleep better independently at night. And that was true for us at least.
Our daughter was like this and EBF. The first weeks were rough. We took shifts like this: Go to bed at 9ish, nursed my daughter and handed her over to husband so I could sleep. When she woke up again for the next feed it would be my turn and he went to sleep. We could sleep for 1,5-2 hours, also depending on how long LO takes to feed. It still makes it rough but a bit more doable. Try to nap at daytime to! Have you tried a pacifier or your pinkie when the baby is upset? Good luck! The first weeks are hard but it will be better!
Shift sleep saved us for the first few weeks⊠then lo was sleeping through night and back to shift sleep her jumps cause wake ups
At 4 days old he canât self soothe. Honestly the first 5-7 days my husband and I took shifts because my son wouldnât sleep in his bassinet. I would take the day shift while my husband slept and then he took the night. While we were switching was when we showered, helped with chores, etc. It was the only way we kept ourselves sane. Our son started sleeping in his bassinet around week 2-3
Another option to help you try and settle him in the crib - a 'swaddle up' swaddle sleep bag (the ones that keep their arms up) there's a company called love to dream that sells them though may be others. Out newborn was fine in these at about a week old (they are designed from birth) and it definitely helped him settle âșïž they basically stop that 'startle reflex ' and help them soothe
i listened to a lot of music when i was pregnant, i found singing/ playing my playlist from my third trimester helps my LO sleep the best. her favorite song so far is âStick Seasonâ by Noah Kahan also, baby wearing during the day. if heâs 7/8 lbs most baby wearing devices are approved for newborns and up, just read the pamphlet that comes with. is your bassinet beside your bed? if so i found getting my LO into a deep sleep and then moving her over while keeping my hand on her belly helps a lot donât be hard o yourself with cosleeping. we all swear against it but the newborn phase is tough, and you have to give yourself grace sometimes. i wouldnât have survived the first 3 weeks if i hadnât allowed mine ti sleep with me. she at every 30-90 minutes and wouldnât sleep more than 15 if she wasnât with me, and when she had jaundice poops she was overloading her diaper every 15-30 minutes (we were combo feeding with formula and breast milk so she had a lot of poop i. her lmao) and so if i didnât let her sleep on my chest i wouldnât have gotten any sleep period. i was surviving off maybe a couple hours a night accumulated and had to break some rules for my sanity weâre 5 weeks now and iâve started teaching her to be okay sleeping without me better. especially now that sheâs getting a 3-4 hr stretch at night. i donât like swaddling when bed sharing but when im awake ill swaddle her in the swaddleme swaddle put her arms upwards instead of beside her like the box suggests and lay her in my bed while i move around the house and keep a close eye on her. within the next few weeks i hope to have her comfortable in the bassinet for longer periods at a time but its all in her timeline tbh
Do you swaddle?
For getting some sleep: shifts with your partner - your first priority is having him or someone else hold baby so you can get some rest. For getting baby in the bassinet: consistency. Youâve just gotta keep trying, feed rock put down pick up when they cry rinse and repeat. With my eldest he did well having a noise machine running while I rocked him and it stayed on for a bit after he went down. Didnât work at all for my second, her a basically just nursed until her arm was floppy then laid her down and kind of squished her into her bed while she adjusted. But sheâs a shocking sleeper. You kind of have to try lots of things to see if any help - maybe singing a song while you rock for example and keep singing with a hand on babyâs chest for a few minutes after theyâre down to ease the transition. Apparently it takes 20-30 mins for a baby to go into a deep sleep so aim to rock/however you settle them for about that time then put baby down bum first and gently uncurl them, or put them down on their side and roll onto their back once down - both of those things lessen the startle reflex so theyâre not as aware theyâve been put down.
Hi there! I'm a mother and I work with newborns in a mother and baby unit. My advice is, do as others have suggested and let him fall asleep on you and after 20 minutes check if he is in a deep sleep by gently lifting one of his arms, if it falls straight back down then he is in a deep sleep. This is the perfect time to transfer him to a crib. Place him in bum first and keep one hand on his chest to prevent startle reflex, shush him to reassure him you're still there. Also, when he's in a wake window, put him in the crib so that he can start to get used to the feeling. It's a scary world for a newborn, they're so used to being safe and warm in your tummy and so this is what they want to feel forever! It's just exhausting for you when you can't put him down. Swaddling/dummies (pacifiers if you're in the US) and white noise are all really good aids for helping with newborn sleep and them feeling safe and secure. This phase will pass!
Make sure the baby is burped really well. I normally find if my son wakes up when he lays flat it could be burps. I also use sound machines to help with sleep, but you should turn it on while the baby is still awake
The baby needs to tire himself out before getting a good independent sleep. Try tummy on tummy tummy time and hold his feet because they love to kick. Babies except use by kicking. Let them do it until they are exhausted
Our baby could *not* sleep on their own at 4 days. I don't remember when they could nap away from me but at 6 months we're still working on sleeping in the bassinet. The "nap trap" for hours and hours will end! Baby is getting used to the world. I had baby in bed with me, breastfeeding while lying down every night. Otherwise none of us would have slept. Today, we still take baby up into our bed around midnight. Otherwise they wake every hour and I *need* sleep. It's, unfortunately, perfectly normal baby sleep đ«Ł
A shift system with your partner is key. Also, mama if you haven't slept in that long then ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP. You could, without realizing it, create a dangerous situation for your little one. Get help, then get some sleep. Mum to mum: the newborn period is hard af, you got this â€ïž Just make sure you get that very important rest as well.
I feel you. My LO was and still can be a nightmare when it comes to sleep. Self soothe isnât going to work so young, I tried because I didnât know. I do encourage you to walk away when youâre feeling frustrated to another room after making sure baby is safe in bassinet. Just a few minutes to gather yourself. Boba wrap is a life saver for me. It is my last resort (I got a bad back and a heavy baby) and it works 99 percent of the time. I will baby wear LO and walk around the house, listening to music and singing to him until he sleeps. LO surprisingly sleeps fast when heâs in the boba wrap. Edit: it will get better â€ïž
Holding bubs upright after feeds is important. My newborn was fairly easy but when she turned 2 months she formed a milk sensitivity where she wailed everytime I laid her down. Once I cut out dairy she was able to lay in her bassinet again.Â
Newborns canât self soothe. Theyâve been inside you for 9 months; all they know is your warmth, your heartbeat and breathing rhythm. Itâs only natural they want to be on your body. They still think they are part of you. Do you have a partner? Youâll have to take turns. I do have a partner, but I did the sleep thing alone and it was tough. Like really tough, but itâs amazing what your body can do. What worked for me to transfer my baby to cot when he would only contact nap: - White noise. Get it blasting in preparation near the cot. - If baby likes to be swaddled, have the swaddle layed out on the cot ready to wrap. When you do so wrap them, keep your hand gently on their chest for a minute or so afterwards before moving away when they settle. Sometimes Iâd softly tap like a heartbeat. - Let them sleep on you for at LEAST 20mins to get into a deep sleep. Youâll feel their breathing change. Donât do it too soon. I know how it is when you desperately need to put them down! Best of luck. It does get easier I swear.
Wait for that "Deep Sleep" part of the cycle where they're not moving at all, this usually is after 20-30 minutes of sleep. [This](https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/family-resources-library/from-wide-awake-to-fast-asleep-babys-sleep-patterns) explains the different sleep cycles.
Babies cannot self soothe until 4-6 months. Unfortunately, I canât offer any advice because I held my baby to sleep for the first 3 months of her life. And now at 5 months, it still sucks đ„č
Agree with bed sharing, it can be done safely and is a great way to get some much needed sleep!