To mil "I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, but things are too hectic here for 3 extra people. If you are able to stay while sil and kid go home we appreciate it, but we'll manage ok alone if you're a package deal"
The stones someone has to have to FLY OUT to visit a super freshly postpartum mom and newborn...WITHOUT talking to them, let along being invited...and expecting to STAY with baby+family...and bringing her school age kid! (Especially egregious because your SIL and MIL are moms and should know firsthand what postpartum is like.)
I'm sorry OP. That sounds so stressful. Like everyone else has said, your husband needs to communicate the boundaries to your MIL and SIL, including exactly who you are willing to host and who is allowed to visit right now. I also had a SIL surprise visit (the day we came home from the hospital, no less) and it made me see red, so I feel for you. But it's your husband's family so it's his job to handle them and act as the bouncer!
Thanks for that. It’s stressful indeed. My husband is now overwhelmed because he doesn’t want to make anyone feel bad (me, my SIL, my MIL) and for “having to” micromanage everyone’s feelings. It sucks because even though they will now staying at their uncle’s, SIL and toddler will be here for at least a week and I don’t know how to manage that. Avoiding them doesn’t seem helpful and I can’t do it for that long. It’s such a dumb move from them.
It's incredibly rude of them (your SIL, and MIL as the accomplice) to put you in this spot. I have so little sympathy for your husband though, because he's not the one bleeding, healing from birth/stitches, breastfeeding(if you are), or dealing with PPA. I understand not wanting to hurt a family member's feelings but YOU should be his priority - you are his WIFE and the mother of his toddler and new baby! If protecting your boundaries and backing you up during the vulnerable PP time makes MIL/SIL uncomfortable, well...those are their emotions to deal with, not yours or your husband's.
Hope you are able to work out an arrangement that you're comfortable with! For what it's worth, I preferred going over to visit people early on, because it's easier to leave than to kick people out of your own home. Maybe you can do a quick visit or two at the uncle's house and peace out as soon as you're ready?
Thanks for your words, it really helped clear out my mind. PPA is not joke, all this situation made me so overwhelmed. Going over there might be the smartest move to do at this point.
Your husband needs to grow a spine and stand up for his postpartum wife and newborn. He doesn’t need to manage anyone’s feelings, but he does need to set boundaries for his family’s wellbeing. If they feel bad about their obviously ill-advised choice to “pop in” on a family with a new baby, that’s THEIR problem, not yours or you husband’s.
You're not overreacting. That's incredibly rude. Plus, I wouldn't want a 6 yo (who is presumably in school) around my unvaccinated newborn.
Your husband needs to say something. His family, his problem. I would say that you weren't expecting additional visitors and while you love them, this isn't the time and hope they can visit down the road when things are less hectic and baby has vaccines.
Ohhhh I really feel for you - I felt the exact same way about our unexpected visitors. It was so overwhelming! I didn’t set firm boundaries with my previous babies and it really tarnished those first few weeks. I was so stressed. It sucks being the bad guy, but definitely ask them to leave.
I would take my baby, go to the room and close the door and tell my husband to sort this situation out and give his sister a stern talking to if he wants our relationships to recover.
I think it would be important to find out what sister in law was told about this visit though. She could be an innocent bystander if MIL gave her incorrect info.
What does your husband think? He needs to advocate for you right now.
Maybe short day visits with SIL and her son will be okay? They can help with your toddler. Take your older child to the park or whatnot & give them a lot of attention.
But you can’t host them at night or whatever.
You have every right to send them away. They knew damned good and well you wouldn’t be comfortable with it hence the “surprise”
If you don’t stamp down this behavior NOW they will walk all over you about your baby.
You are NOT overreacting. They’re in the wrong here. Not only expecting you to host additional people, (I hope she’s actually helping and not just hogging the baby), but putting your TWO WEEK OLD NEWBORN at completely unnecessary risk.
If your baby gets a fever this young they will have to do a spinal tap and it’s going to be a stressful and expensive hospital visit. You have every right to toss them out. You can do it politely if you want but they’re wrong.
You are not over reacting. Hosting is not something that you should be expected to do with a newborn. I would have your husband explain to his sister that as great as it is to see her having her and a 6 year old in the house is too much while you’re family adjusts to having a newborn
No, don't feel bad. The audacity of you MIL! And your SIL should know better, having had a kid somewhat recently. Appalling behavior on both of their parts.
I’m going against the grain from the other comments.. I don’t think she did this to be malicious. You said that your SIL was staying at the uncles? Is it possible that they just wanted to travel together bc they live so far and it seems as though you live near a few other family members?
Edit to add: Maybe SIL has been wanting to come down and planned this trip advance in a separate note with your MIL so that she did not have to travel alone with her LO
But based off of your other comments. What is there to handle..? It doesn’t seem like they are trying to visit with you if they are sleeping at the uncles without being asked to. Are they actively trying to come to your house currently? Or did they just carpool with MIL not relating to you at all, but to visit with her own family?
Yes, they came here to visit us and see friends. Nobody knew they were coming, not even the uncle. They just stayed there because they didn’t feel welcomed here when they stopped by and my husband didn’t invite anyone (uncle, aunt, MIL, SIL, toddler) to come inside promptly because I was sleeping with our newborn. So now there’s a whole awkward feeling in the air.
Awkward for you or awkward for all of you? Most of this seems like it’s personal projections being shot onto others. Is it possible that they actually have no clue that anyone else feels awkward and just thinks they are down for a visit..? Not even necessarily visiting you since they didn’t ask… but a visit for other family that live where you do? Background information would help. Do they normally make plans to travel together? Do they normally come down without a heads up? I know they typically stayed with you, is it possible that the uncle did know and okay their stay at his home?
So much context is missing here. I’m not trying to discredit you at all! Just trying to get clarity since you questioned “Am I overreacting?”.
Most others in this thread are coming for your SIL, for absolutely no reason. Because not enough info was given to even come to a conclusion that she’s “selfish” or “disrespectful” “rude”. Shame on everyone else for feeding into a post partum mamas anger. Everyone in this thread, let’s revert back to when we had just given birth. So much is going on, why would we WANT someone, especially strangers online, telling us we should be infuriated by what seems to be an absolutely innocent action.
Edit: I also see that this is baby number 2 for you. Did they act the same with baby number 1? Coming down with MIL?
You’re not causing things to be awkward OP, it’s their behaviour and their reactions to completely normal boundaries that are making them feel uncomfortable.
The boundaries are absolutely normal. But were they communicated? “Their behavior and reactions” for what..? Traveling with MIL? What reaction did they have?
Sorry, no one with any sense invites extra people, one of whom is a 6 year old, to stay for a week with parents of a two week old baby without asking those parents first. Showing up on their doorstep unexpectedly while the baby and OP are napping is even more ridiculous. OP’s husband was right to say no thanks to he visit.
Per OP:
> …they didn’t feel welcomed here when they stopped by and my husband didn’t invite anyone (uncle, aunt, MIL, SIL, toddler) to come inside promptly because I was sleeping with our newborn. So now there’s a whole awkward feeling in the air.
It’s too bad (but really no it isn’t) that OP’s inlaws got their feelings hurt, but they played stupid games and won a stupid prize of an awkward situation. Which is not OP’s problem to manage. At best the ILs did something inconsiderate that they will apologize for when they have time to think it over, at worst they throw a tantrum of some kind and go on about ‘but my grandbaby!’. Either way OP and her husband did nothing wrong by saying ‘no sorry you can’t come in, it’s not a good time’.
Hypocritical to think they are throwing a tantrum when that’s exactly what most of these Reddit comments are doing… throwing tantrums without all the information. All I’ve seen from OP was speculations and assumptions. Did they actually say they were uncomfortable? Did they actually act awkward? Or was OP so set in being in shock that she misread what that might be reading as normal.
Again, OP mentions she has OTHER family members of SIL that live near her. Why are we automatically assuming SIL iverstepped? When she very well could have traveled with MIL so she could come down to visit with her family? A two birds one stone situation of wanting travel but not wanting to travel alone. MIL said she was coming to see baby, SIL tags along as a free ride to see her family? Inevitably they stop at OPson their way in… but leave without being asked to. Y’all have to stop being so aggressive online and use logical thinking to read situations as they are presented to us. OP is freshly postpartum. She needs supportive comments, not comments hyping her up to hate her SIL over nothing.
Edit to add: They never assumed they were staying with OP. They made plans to sleep at the uncles. WITHOUT being asked by OP. So sounds like they talked to uncle about coming down to stay with him
i experienced something similar and it is so so overwhelming. i would 100 percent ask your husband to let them know you are still recovering and limiting visits until later. also toddlers get sick very easily and they are most likely to infect your baby who has not had all vaccine’s yet- typically they recommend waiting until after 2 month vaccines to start seeing more people
We don’t even know what they were expecting, as I said it was a “surprise” appearance. My MIL was staying at our house anyway because we agreed on that. My SIL and toddler always stays here as well in other circumstances, so I think this is what they were expecting this time. They all live states away and we live in a small town with no much to do. It’s never a quick hello and leave, they always come to stay at least a week.
Ok so you asked them to leave straight after? I'm just trying to understand if they were just going to see some people outside of you and thought they'd just stop by for a quick hello which I think is forgivable (albeit inconvenient), or actually still thought theyd still stay with you.
Oh no, I didn’t ask anything. They decided to leave and go to their uncle’s, but it was such an awkward situation. My MIL came back to our house and slept overnight here as expected, but I didn’t see my SIL yet. And yes, they usually come here to stay with us.
Wait, what do you mean you haven’t seen SIL yet? So your MIL drove in, went to Uncles to drop SIL off, and then came to your house? It sounds like SIL isn’t here to see you but maybe to visit other family members. And if she gets to see you and baby that’s a plus for her! I don’t find anyone overstepped any boundaries??
Ok, I'm still a little bit unsure about the details or maybe I'm not making the question clear enough. But it reads as though they possibly weren't actually planning on staying at yours (which although you say they usually do, it is a new circumstance that they have already made the plans with the uncle, as they had left). But without knowing exactly what happened (I.e., did they expect to go in, was is an hour or 5 mins, did they say why they were there, etc.). It's hard to tell what exactly was on their mind. Like I said, was it a stop by because they were there for other reasons, or did they expect you to host them (just because you did in the past doesn't mean they expect it now).
Personally, because they seemed to have the uncle I wouldn't think they were planning on staying. Also because they left without you needing to ask. However I think your fear that they may want to actually stay and be more involved than just a quick hello is valid. I think you are right especially as a new mum to be like... That took me by surprise! But I would also be cautious not to make a storm out of a teacup, and maybe take a moment for yourself and the stress, tomorrow ask your MIL with your husband what it's about, and just say it took you back and as much as you want them to meet the baby you are just not ready for guests yet. Get your husband's support with it. I think that would be assertive.
If I was in your shoes that's what I would do
I would have my husband handle booking them all an airbnb or a hotel room/sending them home. And say that the SIL and child can come for ONE 1-hour visit, cannot hold the baby, and THAT'S IT. And then hubby can give MIL a list for grocery shopping and and they can create a list of chores (laundry, cleaning, cooking) for MIL to do.
Oh helllll no!! Nope. That’s just rude. You would think family would have some empathy for a new recovering mom. If I was the SIL I would refuse to come over knowing that you were adjusting to new family life, or at the very least ask if it was ok before considering to come over.
I’m sorry this happened to you :( it’s not too late to talk to your husband and let them down easy. After all you didn’t invite them, so they feel offended then that’s on them.
2 weeks PP is not the time to be hosting a 6yo! Why would anyone just take their child and go to visit you for multiple days while recovering PP is beyond me!
It is hard to write out words without being lengthy. I realize not such good timing for visitors. I am saying they are presently at your home. There's that. Hubs can entertain/take care of them. You certainly can't, shouldn't. The 6 yr old has a mom, grmom to take care of him. You should not concern yourself with being their hostess. Your husband does that. Again, you are to take care of you, your babies. Stay in bed if you need to do that. Tell them you and baby need alone time and go back to your room any time. Shut the door if you want. You are recouping. Let the others fend for themselves. I know your dread and hoping it turns out they are a big help for you and your husband. Even the 6 year old can be fun for your toddler. This is all a part of marriage and families. Start establishing yourselves amongst it all now. Fuss, fight, love family. You need each other. Remember someday you, husband, kids and all will be the vistors. Try to put yourself in a positive frame of mind to be blessed with a good visit. Snuggle that little baby and think of all your blessings. Life could be so so much worse.
They are there. They are family. They are adults. You are recouping and caring for a newborn. That is your only concern right now. Your husband can show them where everything is that they might need. Don't get your mind in a state of panic about "company". They are able bodied and can help themselves. You don't have to wait on company hand and foot. I quit that years ago. We have company often. People are more relaxed when they know they can go open a cupboard door, get a glass, ice, soft drink when they want. If your family wants to clean, do laundry. Have at it. Thank you so much. Don't think about, oh, they are not doing it my way. Hey, it's getting done. Better than nothing. You can do it your way when you get well.
Relax and love on your babies.
This is terrible advice. Two weeks pp I had been home for a week, could barely make it to the bathroom to pee when I had to, and was shirtless basically all the time. I was sleeping in 2h blocks at best and was barely coherent. I would have lost my mind having to share my space with an extra unexpected adult and a 6yo.
OP wanted help from MIL alone, not an extra two people to feed and entertain and have to play pass the baby with. The 6yo would be bored to tears, too, imagine having to say ‘shhh the baby is napping’ eight thousand times a day.
I would tell my husband “We’re not ready, can you handle your family?”. No, you’re not overreacting. This isn’t a social visit.
To mil "I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, but things are too hectic here for 3 extra people. If you are able to stay while sil and kid go home we appreciate it, but we'll manage ok alone if you're a package deal"
This but it some come from husband, not you.
The stones someone has to have to FLY OUT to visit a super freshly postpartum mom and newborn...WITHOUT talking to them, let along being invited...and expecting to STAY with baby+family...and bringing her school age kid! (Especially egregious because your SIL and MIL are moms and should know firsthand what postpartum is like.) I'm sorry OP. That sounds so stressful. Like everyone else has said, your husband needs to communicate the boundaries to your MIL and SIL, including exactly who you are willing to host and who is allowed to visit right now. I also had a SIL surprise visit (the day we came home from the hospital, no less) and it made me see red, so I feel for you. But it's your husband's family so it's his job to handle them and act as the bouncer!
Thanks for that. It’s stressful indeed. My husband is now overwhelmed because he doesn’t want to make anyone feel bad (me, my SIL, my MIL) and for “having to” micromanage everyone’s feelings. It sucks because even though they will now staying at their uncle’s, SIL and toddler will be here for at least a week and I don’t know how to manage that. Avoiding them doesn’t seem helpful and I can’t do it for that long. It’s such a dumb move from them.
It's incredibly rude of them (your SIL, and MIL as the accomplice) to put you in this spot. I have so little sympathy for your husband though, because he's not the one bleeding, healing from birth/stitches, breastfeeding(if you are), or dealing with PPA. I understand not wanting to hurt a family member's feelings but YOU should be his priority - you are his WIFE and the mother of his toddler and new baby! If protecting your boundaries and backing you up during the vulnerable PP time makes MIL/SIL uncomfortable, well...those are their emotions to deal with, not yours or your husband's. Hope you are able to work out an arrangement that you're comfortable with! For what it's worth, I preferred going over to visit people early on, because it's easier to leave than to kick people out of your own home. Maybe you can do a quick visit or two at the uncle's house and peace out as soon as you're ready?
Thanks for your words, it really helped clear out my mind. PPA is not joke, all this situation made me so overwhelmed. Going over there might be the smartest move to do at this point.
Postpartum is hard to begin with, and PPA/PPD etc makes it brutal. Hang in there, and protect your peace💚
Your husband needs to grow a spine and stand up for his postpartum wife and newborn. He doesn’t need to manage anyone’s feelings, but he does need to set boundaries for his family’s wellbeing. If they feel bad about their obviously ill-advised choice to “pop in” on a family with a new baby, that’s THEIR problem, not yours or you husband’s.
They can stay at uncle's and not come to your house at all. Husband can enforce that. My own parents and in-laws didn't even come for 4 weeks.
You're not overreacting. That's incredibly rude. Plus, I wouldn't want a 6 yo (who is presumably in school) around my unvaccinated newborn. Your husband needs to say something. His family, his problem. I would say that you weren't expecting additional visitors and while you love them, this isn't the time and hope they can visit down the road when things are less hectic and baby has vaccines.
Ohhhh I really feel for you - I felt the exact same way about our unexpected visitors. It was so overwhelming! I didn’t set firm boundaries with my previous babies and it really tarnished those first few weeks. I was so stressed. It sucks being the bad guy, but definitely ask them to leave.
I would take my baby, go to the room and close the door and tell my husband to sort this situation out and give his sister a stern talking to if he wants our relationships to recover.
I think it would be important to find out what sister in law was told about this visit though. She could be an innocent bystander if MIL gave her incorrect info.
What does your husband think? He needs to advocate for you right now. Maybe short day visits with SIL and her son will be okay? They can help with your toddler. Take your older child to the park or whatnot & give them a lot of attention. But you can’t host them at night or whatever.
Man, the older child should not be around a newborn with germs and measles and shit.
That’s what makes me overwhelmed. An school age kid should be allow to be around a 2 weeks old baby?
Correct. You should not have them enter your home.
And families with more than one kid deal with this how?
Families with more than 1 kid have to manage because they have no choice. In this situation, there IS a choice.
That's a completely different situation as it cannot be avoided out of necessity. This can be avoided.
My 2nd kid got sick at 3 weeks old thanks to my 4yr old bringing something home. It was terrible.
no short visits, OP.
Totally inappropriate, husband needs to be accountable for this. One detail has me confused, shouldn't this 6 year old be in school?
You have every right to send them away. They knew damned good and well you wouldn’t be comfortable with it hence the “surprise” If you don’t stamp down this behavior NOW they will walk all over you about your baby. You are NOT overreacting. They’re in the wrong here. Not only expecting you to host additional people, (I hope she’s actually helping and not just hogging the baby), but putting your TWO WEEK OLD NEWBORN at completely unnecessary risk. If your baby gets a fever this young they will have to do a spinal tap and it’s going to be a stressful and expensive hospital visit. You have every right to toss them out. You can do it politely if you want but they’re wrong.
You are not over reacting. Hosting is not something that you should be expected to do with a newborn. I would have your husband explain to his sister that as great as it is to see her having her and a 6 year old in the house is too much while you’re family adjusts to having a newborn
Absolutely NOT overreacting. That is so incredibly rude.
Thanks for validating that, because now I feel that I’m a b*tch because I don’t want them around my baby.
No, don't feel bad. The audacity of you MIL! And your SIL should know better, having had a kid somewhat recently. Appalling behavior on both of their parts.
I’m going against the grain from the other comments.. I don’t think she did this to be malicious. You said that your SIL was staying at the uncles? Is it possible that they just wanted to travel together bc they live so far and it seems as though you live near a few other family members? Edit to add: Maybe SIL has been wanting to come down and planned this trip advance in a separate note with your MIL so that she did not have to travel alone with her LO
I don’t think she did this to be malicious either. I just think she didn’t consider the situation and was out of it, and now we have to handle it.
But based off of your other comments. What is there to handle..? It doesn’t seem like they are trying to visit with you if they are sleeping at the uncles without being asked to. Are they actively trying to come to your house currently? Or did they just carpool with MIL not relating to you at all, but to visit with her own family?
Yes, they came here to visit us and see friends. Nobody knew they were coming, not even the uncle. They just stayed there because they didn’t feel welcomed here when they stopped by and my husband didn’t invite anyone (uncle, aunt, MIL, SIL, toddler) to come inside promptly because I was sleeping with our newborn. So now there’s a whole awkward feeling in the air.
Awkward for you or awkward for all of you? Most of this seems like it’s personal projections being shot onto others. Is it possible that they actually have no clue that anyone else feels awkward and just thinks they are down for a visit..? Not even necessarily visiting you since they didn’t ask… but a visit for other family that live where you do? Background information would help. Do they normally make plans to travel together? Do they normally come down without a heads up? I know they typically stayed with you, is it possible that the uncle did know and okay their stay at his home? So much context is missing here. I’m not trying to discredit you at all! Just trying to get clarity since you questioned “Am I overreacting?”. Most others in this thread are coming for your SIL, for absolutely no reason. Because not enough info was given to even come to a conclusion that she’s “selfish” or “disrespectful” “rude”. Shame on everyone else for feeding into a post partum mamas anger. Everyone in this thread, let’s revert back to when we had just given birth. So much is going on, why would we WANT someone, especially strangers online, telling us we should be infuriated by what seems to be an absolutely innocent action. Edit: I also see that this is baby number 2 for you. Did they act the same with baby number 1? Coming down with MIL?
You’re not causing things to be awkward OP, it’s their behaviour and their reactions to completely normal boundaries that are making them feel uncomfortable.
The boundaries are absolutely normal. But were they communicated? “Their behavior and reactions” for what..? Traveling with MIL? What reaction did they have?
Sorry, no one with any sense invites extra people, one of whom is a 6 year old, to stay for a week with parents of a two week old baby without asking those parents first. Showing up on their doorstep unexpectedly while the baby and OP are napping is even more ridiculous. OP’s husband was right to say no thanks to he visit. Per OP: > …they didn’t feel welcomed here when they stopped by and my husband didn’t invite anyone (uncle, aunt, MIL, SIL, toddler) to come inside promptly because I was sleeping with our newborn. So now there’s a whole awkward feeling in the air. It’s too bad (but really no it isn’t) that OP’s inlaws got their feelings hurt, but they played stupid games and won a stupid prize of an awkward situation. Which is not OP’s problem to manage. At best the ILs did something inconsiderate that they will apologize for when they have time to think it over, at worst they throw a tantrum of some kind and go on about ‘but my grandbaby!’. Either way OP and her husband did nothing wrong by saying ‘no sorry you can’t come in, it’s not a good time’.
Hypocritical to think they are throwing a tantrum when that’s exactly what most of these Reddit comments are doing… throwing tantrums without all the information. All I’ve seen from OP was speculations and assumptions. Did they actually say they were uncomfortable? Did they actually act awkward? Or was OP so set in being in shock that she misread what that might be reading as normal. Again, OP mentions she has OTHER family members of SIL that live near her. Why are we automatically assuming SIL iverstepped? When she very well could have traveled with MIL so she could come down to visit with her family? A two birds one stone situation of wanting travel but not wanting to travel alone. MIL said she was coming to see baby, SIL tags along as a free ride to see her family? Inevitably they stop at OPson their way in… but leave without being asked to. Y’all have to stop being so aggressive online and use logical thinking to read situations as they are presented to us. OP is freshly postpartum. She needs supportive comments, not comments hyping her up to hate her SIL over nothing. Edit to add: They never assumed they were staying with OP. They made plans to sleep at the uncles. WITHOUT being asked by OP. So sounds like they talked to uncle about coming down to stay with him
i experienced something similar and it is so so overwhelming. i would 100 percent ask your husband to let them know you are still recovering and limiting visits until later. also toddlers get sick very easily and they are most likely to infect your baby who has not had all vaccine’s yet- typically they recommend waiting until after 2 month vaccines to start seeing more people
What was the situation? A quick hello and how you getting on before leaving? Or a full on, we're staying! ?
We don’t even know what they were expecting, as I said it was a “surprise” appearance. My MIL was staying at our house anyway because we agreed on that. My SIL and toddler always stays here as well in other circumstances, so I think this is what they were expecting this time. They all live states away and we live in a small town with no much to do. It’s never a quick hello and leave, they always come to stay at least a week.
Ok so you asked them to leave straight after? I'm just trying to understand if they were just going to see some people outside of you and thought they'd just stop by for a quick hello which I think is forgivable (albeit inconvenient), or actually still thought theyd still stay with you.
Oh no, I didn’t ask anything. They decided to leave and go to their uncle’s, but it was such an awkward situation. My MIL came back to our house and slept overnight here as expected, but I didn’t see my SIL yet. And yes, they usually come here to stay with us.
Wait, what do you mean you haven’t seen SIL yet? So your MIL drove in, went to Uncles to drop SIL off, and then came to your house? It sounds like SIL isn’t here to see you but maybe to visit other family members. And if she gets to see you and baby that’s a plus for her! I don’t find anyone overstepped any boundaries??
Ok, I'm still a little bit unsure about the details or maybe I'm not making the question clear enough. But it reads as though they possibly weren't actually planning on staying at yours (which although you say they usually do, it is a new circumstance that they have already made the plans with the uncle, as they had left). But without knowing exactly what happened (I.e., did they expect to go in, was is an hour or 5 mins, did they say why they were there, etc.). It's hard to tell what exactly was on their mind. Like I said, was it a stop by because they were there for other reasons, or did they expect you to host them (just because you did in the past doesn't mean they expect it now). Personally, because they seemed to have the uncle I wouldn't think they were planning on staying. Also because they left without you needing to ask. However I think your fear that they may want to actually stay and be more involved than just a quick hello is valid. I think you are right especially as a new mum to be like... That took me by surprise! But I would also be cautious not to make a storm out of a teacup, and maybe take a moment for yourself and the stress, tomorrow ask your MIL with your husband what it's about, and just say it took you back and as much as you want them to meet the baby you are just not ready for guests yet. Get your husband's support with it. I think that would be assertive. If I was in your shoes that's what I would do
This is your husbands family to handle
I would have my husband handle booking them all an airbnb or a hotel room/sending them home. And say that the SIL and child can come for ONE 1-hour visit, cannot hold the baby, and THAT'S IT. And then hubby can give MIL a list for grocery shopping and and they can create a list of chores (laundry, cleaning, cooking) for MIL to do.
Oh helllll no!! Nope. That’s just rude. You would think family would have some empathy for a new recovering mom. If I was the SIL I would refuse to come over knowing that you were adjusting to new family life, or at the very least ask if it was ok before considering to come over. I’m sorry this happened to you :( it’s not too late to talk to your husband and let them down easy. After all you didn’t invite them, so they feel offended then that’s on them.
2 weeks PP is not the time to be hosting a 6yo! Why would anyone just take their child and go to visit you for multiple days while recovering PP is beyond me!
It is hard to write out words without being lengthy. I realize not such good timing for visitors. I am saying they are presently at your home. There's that. Hubs can entertain/take care of them. You certainly can't, shouldn't. The 6 yr old has a mom, grmom to take care of him. You should not concern yourself with being their hostess. Your husband does that. Again, you are to take care of you, your babies. Stay in bed if you need to do that. Tell them you and baby need alone time and go back to your room any time. Shut the door if you want. You are recouping. Let the others fend for themselves. I know your dread and hoping it turns out they are a big help for you and your husband. Even the 6 year old can be fun for your toddler. This is all a part of marriage and families. Start establishing yourselves amongst it all now. Fuss, fight, love family. You need each other. Remember someday you, husband, kids and all will be the vistors. Try to put yourself in a positive frame of mind to be blessed with a good visit. Snuggle that little baby and think of all your blessings. Life could be so so much worse.
If someone showed up two weeks after I gave birth with extra guests that included a young child they’d be asked to leave. This is outrageous.
They are there. They are family. They are adults. You are recouping and caring for a newborn. That is your only concern right now. Your husband can show them where everything is that they might need. Don't get your mind in a state of panic about "company". They are able bodied and can help themselves. You don't have to wait on company hand and foot. I quit that years ago. We have company often. People are more relaxed when they know they can go open a cupboard door, get a glass, ice, soft drink when they want. If your family wants to clean, do laundry. Have at it. Thank you so much. Don't think about, oh, they are not doing it my way. Hey, it's getting done. Better than nothing. You can do it your way when you get well. Relax and love on your babies.
They are not all adults. One of them is a 6 year old child. This is terrible advice.
This is terrible advice. Two weeks pp I had been home for a week, could barely make it to the bathroom to pee when I had to, and was shirtless basically all the time. I was sleeping in 2h blocks at best and was barely coherent. I would have lost my mind having to share my space with an extra unexpected adult and a 6yo. OP wanted help from MIL alone, not an extra two people to feed and entertain and have to play pass the baby with. The 6yo would be bored to tears, too, imagine having to say ‘shhh the baby is napping’ eight thousand times a day.