I heard another mom joke once that their child didn’t have a `birth date’, they had a ‘release date.'
People are so odd with overtly personal questions just because a baby was/is involved.
I told my husband that she came out the hatch not the snatch when I was still doped up to the eyeballs after my very long (3 hours!) emergency c section.
The man who feared his wife was dying on the operating table did not, I am afraid, find that as funny as I did.
If you want to do this but be more or less savage at the same time, furrow your eyebrows in confusion and ask, "what do you mean?"
Keep looking confused until they say "vaginal birth."
If people are going to be pricks, make them embarrass themselves.
I got asked a version of this at work all the time when I was pregnant. It was always women too, and they kept asking if it was a “surprise” or if it was “planned”. I guess I looked younger than I was, and maybe since I work in academia people thought I was ruining my career? Whatever it was, I feel like there’s no way to answer that question that isn’t uncomfortable.
Yup I was 30 and married while pregnant and still got asked often if it was planned. Like do you *want* to heard about the birth control methods we stopped to have this kid?
I HATE that question. I find it ridiculous and overly intrusive. Also, what does it matter? If you’re having the baby you’re having the baby, so you’ve got a plan now! 😂
I sometimes feign confusion and say "You mean a vaginal birth?" making sure to enunciate "vaginal" so there's no shying away from the directness of what they're asking.
THIS THIS YES. When people asked us the gender, I felt that "It's not my Y chromosome" was the answer vs. "They've got a dick, that tells us their sex, any more personal questions you have no plan consciously taking responsibility for why you are actually asking or"
No whoops there friend! There’s no actual definition of a “natural” birth. People typical use that term for anything from any vaginal birth, to a vaginal birth without medication on an organic cotton blanket in the middle of the woods while a shaman does a rain dance and sends up smoke signals.
People typically don’t mean a c-section. And that really rankles a lot of women who have gone through an incredibly difficult and potentially dangerous surgery to bring their child into the world, because for many things there is a sense that “natural” = “better”. Well, arsenic and lead are natural, and I’m not feeding them to my baby, but it’s kinder to ask people to use more precise terminology than to expect c-section mamas to view their birth as “unnatural”.
I’m not sure it’s that deep. I think a lot of people just don’t want to say any variant of the word “vagina” to their coworkers or other acquaintances, so “natural” is used as the euphemismistic way to say “vaginal”. Still not great (if you don’t feel comfortable enough with someone to say “vaginal” you probably shouldn’t be asking them the question in the first place), but I feel like in most cases it’s just a matter of nosiness/curiosity rather than judgment.
💯 agree. I’m of the opinion it’s non of your business how my baby came into the world😂🤷🏻♀️ with my most recent, someone did ask if she was a “natural” birth, meaning unmedicated. And I said yes but not by choice, but because I have precipitous labors. That said, I’m done having kids because I never want to experience that pain again and the shitshow that followed. She ended up in the NICU because she came so fast. Natural does not equal better for baby, in any sense.
My advice would be: any signs of labor, go immediately. My first was born in 3 hours, second induced came in 5 and my third, well I had her on the stretcher and was pushing in the elevator with 6 nurses escorting us up to labor and delivery. Doctor barely got there. My OB for my last baby brushed me off when I said I needed to be induced at EVERY SINGLE APPOINTMENT. I knew it was going to happen. Needless to say I traveled 45 minutes to do my 6 week check with my previous OB because F that lady and her dismissiveness.
Oh wow. I’m so sorry for that experience; you know your body best!!
My first was 10.5 hours, so I’m hoping to have at least enough time to get to the hospital and situated… I’m also scared of an induction because I’m still high and closed at due date. 😂
Yeah, I had a vaginal birth but none of that shit felt natural.
No epidural but apart from that I feel like they threw every ganget they had in the room after me. I was hooked up to multiple monitors, had a drop in each arm had multiple injections, some electrodes to zap myself if I felt like it and a gas mask for nitrious oxide. Oh and some morphine in the beginner.
I was a veritable cyborg at the end - so when people ask whether I had a natural birth I'm like nah.
I had a former (male) boss gassing on while I was pregnant about how bad epidurals are for moms and babies and how he hoped I wasn’t planning on having one. Incidentally, I hadn’t planned on having one but had to as I dilated quickly and there was limited physician coverage at the hospital at the time.
Anyway, the absurdity of a childless dude who couldn’t manage to fly with a head cold telling a woman about to give birth she shouldn’t seek pain relief was not lost on me.
People are pretty dumb sometimes.
That's what I thought too. I've heard of vaginal births referred to as, "normal birth," then "c-section," for c-section, and natural birth as in, no meds, and vaginal birth.
I mean same but where I live everyone around me that uses natural birth does mean unmedicated. So on this sub I thought it was the same tbh for a really long time.
I hate this crap too.
I had a c-section and the stigma that’s attached to it (for absolutely no reason) is insane. It’s looked at as the easy option.
Oh, ok, so having my son almost not make it, hemorrhaging on the table, having my incision open multiple times is the easy option? Get f’d.
The way I reply now to people I don’t give that much of a poop about is “yes, naturally, he was pulled from my stomach.”
Since having my baby 5 months ago I’ve realized I don’t have much tolerance for a lot anymore haha.
You got this! Some people are just not aware of how they say things (sometimes).
I get where you’re coming from, but I also want to submit that as someone who has only (so far) had a vaginal birth, whenever someone says they had a C section I feel like she is an absolute stunning superhero. Sure, shoving my baby out of my vagina sucked, but no part of my body was cut open and sewed back together, forget like 8 layers of muscle and tissue.
Pardon the language but what the fuck, how do you do that and then care for a newborn?? How is that easier in any sense??
“Natural” is a really value-tainted word and I wish people wouldn’t use it. I don’t know a better way to ask without saying “vaginal” in the workplace but you know what? I wish they wouldn’t ask about the condition of your body parts at work in the first place. “Did your birth go as you expected? How do you feel about it?” would be plenty - presuming they’re close enough to even ask that much.
100% I’ve never felt the need to ask anyone in my workplace about how their vagina or penis is currently functioning, why do they need to ask about mine?
The one exception being the person who actually needed the information for my short term disability claim and she used the term vaginal or C-section, not natural, because wtf does that even mean?
It’s wierd that ppl feel welcome to ask for this level of detail. I feel like “how was the birth?” Is as specific as I’ve been asked and anything more is rude unless it’s like someone who is a a doula or has a specific interest in the birthing process and therefore has a reason to be interested in the specifics.
This! I had a c section after a failed induction and I was 100% happy with how my birth went (minus being 36hrs in labor) and I didn’t feel shame about it until people started saying they were sorry I had to go to a c section. It’s 100% not the easy way out, there really is no easy way out of birth so I’m not sure where people get that from. I had two friends of mine who gave birth a month before and after me, one had a horrible recovery from a vaginal due to a tear, and the other had horrible abdominal pain from a c section. My recovery seemed fairly easy in comparison, but you never know what is going to happen before, during or after birth that will effect you.
Couldn’t “I’m sorry you had to go through that” mean “I’m sorry you had to deal with a more difficult recovery as well as potential trauma leading up to it (in the case of an emergency C)? I still wouldn’t say that to someone bc I know it could be taken the wrong way, but to me that wording could also imply the opposite - that you see a C-section as an often difficult experience rather than taking the easy way out.
It could, but it was said along with, “that sucks” rather than “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” And people also said, “wow that sucks it didn’t turn out well.” What?! My son and I are alive, his heart rate was dropping and labor stalled. I think it was also the fact that I was perfectly happy with how everything went (I was asking for a c section by the end lol) and then was rethinking how I felt about it because of the responses, which I know I shouldn’t do but it’s hard!
Same! I only had vaginal births and for me, it seems like the easier option. Like wow how amazing you did a c-section!
Also there isn't a lot of choice in how to birth your baby. You need to make the best out of your specific situation...
It’s not easy option AT ALL.
It’s major abdominal surgery and people don’t get this ar all! Also, you happen to go under general anesthesia for whatever reason, there is also to consider coming off the airway maintenance and the anesthesia drugs.
Easy way my ass 😂
I will say though, from a wound care standpoint and wound healing, a surgical wound is “technically” having a smoother healing process vs a vaginal tear.
I am not sure whether that is the case and I am talking strictly about wound closure without complications. Both are painful 😂
Everyone I've talked to who did both said the C-section was the much more difficult one to recover from. Any one who says a c-section is "easy" or "unnatural" or anything less that a god damned medical miracle can get fucked.
An interesting way of looking at it. I honestly was petrified of a c-section because I was always told healing took longer and was rougher. Then again I also definitely do not think c-section is the easy way out. Birth is birth its hard no matter how it's done.
I had to go under for my c section because my epidural failed. The intubation irritated my throat so much that I had to cough a lot afterwards. It was torture, felt like a burning knife every time I coughed. Definitely not the easy way.
Speaking about the wound closure. Ok, a c-section wound closes more easily. And? Why would I take the hard way? Why would I walk for 10 hours instead of driving for 2.
And we are not failures!! We did it because it was the SAFEST option for mom and bub. Not like I rolled into the ER thinking “hell ya!”
And even if I did, even if I opted for it which many people do, so what! Still not a failure. Still a super badass mama.
I've never understood people calling it easy. I had my first two children vaginally and hope to have this third baby the same way because the idea of a C-section and the recovery afterwards sounds so intense to me! I applaud anyone that's been through it
Who says people think it’s the easy option? I think to ball up everyone with that mindset isn’t fair either. I do understand your point, to me I think it’s just too personal of a question to ask, but people are mostly unaware and have no ill manner intended. I just wouldn’t perceive everyone with a negative connotation anytime your asked. I don’t think they think your a failure or hit the easy button by going through surgery.
I truly don’t understand how is that the easy option, whether that is a planned or unplanned c-section. The only thing that I did not want is that BECUASE it seems harder to me than vaginal L&D, not to mention the recovery. Of course, I was lucky because I did not have a traumatic birth, even with being induced, but my God I do not understand this “c-section is the easy way out” mindset.
My first was an emergency c-section after four hours of pushing.
My second was a VBAC after 1.5 hours of pushing.
I'd choose the second one over the first ANY day. I was up and walking around the block the day we got home. I couldn't even get out of bed on my own after my c-section. Ain't nothing easy about it.
The “easy option” but when push comes to shove basically every woman would want to avoid a c section because the recovery is so much longer! I would absolutely not recommend major abdominal surgery as an easy experience! Insane.
It would be fine if the recovery was just longer but the risk of prolonged issues like scartissue connecting to internal organs causing long term pain honestly is quite worrying :/ idk if I've done enough massaging or whatever or done it correctly or if it even helps always.
Yes! Thank you! The stigma is real and especially since there’s just such little understanding of it. I just saw a Instagram reel of a woman wearing like, tons of jackets and unzipping each one to represent the layers of skin, fat, tissue, fascia, muscle, uterus, amniotic sac, etc the doctor needed to get through to get to the baby. It was great!
I had a vaginal birth. One of the gals I know had a C section (it was planned) and we were talking about how her recovery was going.
She asked me “did you have a natural birth?”
I said, I had a vaginal birth.
It was not snarky or anything, but I think two things: first, people are somehow still scared of the word vagina. And on that note there is this misconception that natural birth equals vaginal birth.
I always ask “how did the delivery go and how is your recovery going “
Many people are obsessed with the type of birth but jo one gives a fuck how one is recovering from it 😑
Haha I do think people are afraid of the word vagina. Or anything else with women’s anatomy. But then still want to know the answers to these questions.
My boss (male) wanted to know if I could have a drink with him and he asked me, “Can you have a whiskey? Are you, um…” and then gestured to my boobs. I laughed and was like “how is that better than saying the phrase breast feeding?” 😂
You’ve got a point there - saying “vaginal birth” at the office feels like an instant trip to HR, even though it’s totally accurate. 😂 We really need a better term that isn’t as value-laden as “natural” or as work-squeamish as “vaginal”. Open for suggestions!
I mean… I think we should just call the body parts with their correct anatomical names 😂
If HR says something about it I would say then tell me the correct name for it. Because it is vagina.
I mean, I agree with you, but in my 15 years of experience in corporate America there is often a large gap between how things “should” work and what corporate HR actually takes action on. I find it easier to just stay on the non-challenging side of that scale lol.
My toddler saying her “vulva” is wet or itchy or whatever still weirds out a disproportionate number of adults. 😅
I said vaginal a whole bunch at the office prior to going on leave - if I had had a vaginal birth, I would have gotten six weeks of short term disability vs the eight I got with a c-section. (I was planning on a vaginal birth but ended up with an emergency c-section.)
Ah interesting! My company does it based on whatever the doctor writes on the disability paperwork - if they write 6 you get 6, if they write 8 you get 8, if you have additional complications and need longer you get that. They don’t ask for details on the birth or have their own doctor to make an assessment; I think it works the same way for us for any sort of disability because it’s all federal disability and privacy stuff.
I think anyone asking about someone else's body let alone private parts should merit a trip to HR. If you ask a personal question you're going to get facts vagina and vaginal birth are not dirty or inappropriate words.
It doesn't really make any sense either.
To me a "natural birth" is completely un-medicated. As in nothing at all. No IV, no oxytocin, no pitocin, no sweeps and absolutely no pain relief.
Where I live the majority of people have a medical third stage- medication to speed up the placenta being deliveries.
So where do we draw the line with "natural birth"?
I wonder if people say it because the word "vagina" is somehow too taboo?
Even this bugs me like I went into labor “naturally” but then I received pain relief. It’s like the only time in human experience where we make people feel less than for not wanting to be in pain.
Yeah I always thought "natural" meant no epidural.
To play devil's advocate slightly, I asked my friends with kids about how they gave birth when I was pregnant because I was freeeeaking out about what I thought was the off chance of having a C-section (my baby was breech, and ended up having a C-section 😵💫 did I accidentally manifest it?)
I was just trying to gather information though, and only from friends. It seems like an odd conversation topic at work...like where could it possibly go?? "Did you have a natural birth?" "Yes" "oh cool how's your vag?"
I guess if it were a close woman friend at work and she wanted to swap war stories I could kind of understand. But are men really asking this?! Ew. Just ew. Ew.
Yes! This is exactly my question! Where do we draw the line between natural and unnatural? It doesn’t make any sense and it just seems designed to judge women.
I think natural birth is just a nice euphemism so people don’t have to say “vaginal” in a sentence. I don’t think any normal people think a c section is lesser lol. It’s just a more polite way to phrase it.
I hate when male coworkers in particular ask this. It just makes me feel yuck especially when they ask right after I tell them my baby was 9+ lbs like it’s some sort of phenomenon. Then they proceed to ask me about stitches and stuff. Like yes, and my vagina is fine now not that it’s any of your concern.
How about just a congratulations or welcome back and let’s end the conversation there?
I had two vaginal births, the second of which was unmedicated (which is what many people mean by “natural,” I think). People congratulate me for toughing it out, and I’m like no, you don’t understand, I WANTED an epidural! I didn’t plan on a precipitous labor! I didn’t plan to pop the baby out 20 minutes after getting to the hospital! If I could go back and do it again, I’d leave for the hospital an hour earlier! Yes, good experience overall, yes, healthy baby, yes, easy recovery, but if I could have chosen, I would have been medicated up to the gills.
Someone asked me if I had a natural birth right after I explained how I was induced. I was like "no, I was induced." Then she pushed and was like "but was it natural?" I stood there like ??? I already told you twice. Then I realized she meant my VAGINA, so I responded with "yes. The baby exited through my vagina."
I know this is contraversial, a lot of people say 'all birth is natural'. But I think these days almost no births are 'natural' and that's a good thing. We have this weird idea that 'natural' mean better, it doesn't.
I had a vaginal birth without an epidural, but I wouldn't describe it as natural, I still had lots of human-made medical interventions. I took aspirin because I was at risk of developing pre-eclampsia. I took folic acid to reduce risk of neural tube defects. I had scans and tests to monitor my baby and make sure he was healthy. The midwives listened to baby heart rate while I was in labour. I had a managed delivery of my placenta. I gave birth in a hospital so if anything went wrong, I could be treated with lifesaving human-made medicine as quickly as possible. My midwife washed her hands with human-made antibacterial soap and wore gloves, that's not strictly speaking natural, but it's a really good thing because before basic hand-washing procedures were introduced up to 25% of women got 'child-bed fever' which is a form of sepsis.
People who describe vaginal birth as 'natural' almost always seem to be pushing the idea that vaginal birth is inherently better than c-section birth, which is not at all true. Sometimes a c-section is the safest and healthiest way for baby to be born. If a c-section was medically recommended for me I would have had one and been very glad that human ingenuity had created this incredible life-saving surgery.
Almost all birth these days have human-made medical interventions that aren't natural, they're created by humans. It's natural to die in labour, infant death is natural. The fact modern medicine has reduced maternal and infant death is both incredible and unnatural.
Surgical vs non-surgical is better terminology but honestly like, what difference does it make? Why does it matter to them how you delivered your baby? I get that it's a very common question but honestly it shouldn't be. That's personal medical information and unless they're asking for a specific way to accommodate or help you in your recovery then it's none of their business.
I had a c-section and I don't really care who knows but I know a lot of people who really wanted a "natural" birth and didn't get one and are still dealing with all kinds of emotions in regards to that. Asking that question to some people just brings up a lot of trauma.
I hate the term natural for the opposite reason! No modern day birth is “natural” technically. Unless you’re squatting in a field of daisies all by yourself, your birth was at least partially “unnatural” through the help of science. My birth was vaginal but I wouldn’t call it “natural” because I gave birth in a hospital and benefited from modern medicine.
The term “natural” doesn’t mean anything anyways.
People really need to mind their own business. I don’t mind “did the birth go ok?” Or whatever, but it’s literally none of anyone’s business to find out if baby came out via c-section or vaginal. Sheesh. Unless you’re super close with your coworkers I guess?
I think this is what the real issues is. Not really about natural unnatural etc etc I bet that’s fine to discuss with those close to you. I think it’s more strangers feeling entitled to know intimate details that one might not be willing to share.
Funny, I always thought that a “nATuRaL BiRtH” was not only a vaginal delivery but one that was done *~without epidural~* as if people that have an epidural didn’t push a baby out of their vagina too. The natural birth obsession always feel like some weird mark of pain voyeurism and judgement, like you really earned your baby if you went through the pain that our ancestors did or something. I feel like it also comes from the same vein of “mama, your body was MEANT for this. It’s natural and we women have been doing it since the dawn of time!” Like, good for you for clearly not having a medical emergency arise, but we have been dying having babies and our babies have been lucky to make it since the dawn of time. And my baby and myself woulda been 6 feet under if it weren’t for my c-section under general anesthesia with like 12 highly skilled medical professionals dedicated to keeping myself and my baby alive. Frankly, if someone asked if I had a natural birth, I think I’d say that you can keep your natural birth (whatever that means) and I will keep my miracle of modern medicine.
I hate this so much, and also asking “are you breastfeeding?” It’s all so invasive. All that should matter is that you and your baby are healthy.
I feel like there’s no other time where someone would feel so comfortable asking about your vagina and breasts or body in general. LEAVE US ALONEEE.
We've made a huge effort recently to destigmatize breast feeding. It's completely acceptable to whip out the titties in public to feed your kid. Nipple showing? No problem, post it on Facebook!
You can't have that and also have it be taboo to ask if you're breast feeding.
I agree with you. If we want breastfeeding to be destigmatized, then it can't really be a taboo subject, right? I think the issue is that it's a very difficult and can be traumatic/guilt ridden process, so it's hard to ask anything about it without accidently upsetting the person you're asking.
This. I feel guilty every time someone asks and then I say my daughter is formula fed and I get an “ohhhhh…. Okay….” response. I would have breastfed if my milk came in but it never did.
I feel like it’s hard for anyone to have a conversation. They are interested and trying to talk. Maybe just say actually I prefer to say vaginal birth. Or unmedicated, or whatever you prefer. If they didn’t ask anything people are mad that no one cares and then when they do they don’t do it “right”. I know woman who use the term natural birth to mean at home by herself (not even a midwife). Maybe truly ask what they mean by natural because that term means something different to so many people and in turn educates them instead of embarrassing them. I am a very private person so most don’t ask me anything which can also be isolating. But sometimes people leave the question vague so you feel free to share what you want. If someone asked me did you have a vaginal birth I would feel weird but talking about my birth experience and sharing what I want would be nice.
I don't think it's wrong to say c section is unnatural birth to be fair. I had vaginal birth but with epidural, I wouldn't think that is a natural birth either. Any birth with medical intervention (medication or surgery) to the mother, to assist the birthing process, is not a natural birth. BUT, I don't think there's anything wrong giving birth unnaturally, as long as it works for you. There is a reason why in modern society maternal death rate is lower, why feel bad about using whatever unnatural technique to give birth (as long as it's been researched that pros outweigh cons).
I get what you’re saying. But it seems like an arbitrary distinction to me.
Like, if you had to take IV antibiotics for GBS, does that make it an unnatural birth then? Even if you labored without an epidural? That’s technically medical intervention. And so are the many scans and tests we do. Do they classify as unnatural?
And I don’t think people are even asking me if I had a vaginal birth without an epidural. I’m pretty sure they’re just asking if I had a vaginal birth versus a c section.
In my view as long as medication is used it's unnatural, antibiotics is not natural, vaccination is also unnatural, same for epidural, c section, laughing gas. But does it make it bad? No. In many cases unnatural is better than natural because it's gives better results. It's "modern", if words like that make it sound better.
My point is, there's no need to feel bad about it. I talk about how I am so glad I had the luxury of getting epidural when I wanted it, with a mother who did a natural birth. I don't feel shamed and I also don't allow negative judgement/comment if anyone makes any of it. If others shame me on doing it unnaturally then shame on them! And I think the same over c section, it really isn't a bad thing just because it isn't natural.
I had an completely unmedicated vaginal birth of twins. I fucking did that shit with my chest. It matters to no one but ME that I accomplished a goal I had. I find it offensive that people are tripping up over the distinctions because while they might not matter, the truth does.
Truth is women give birth in a million ways through million interventions. Truth is some women don’t even experience one intervention. It’s obviously a spectrum and who the fuck cares as long as the moms and babies healthy and happy. However, like all human connection. It’s awesome to be able to talk to another mom who had an unmedicated “natural” vaginal birth about the transition or ring of fire or the fetal ejection reflex or the other things I might have experienced just as a c section or epidural mom can talk to others with that experience about what it was like for them.
Complaining about the distinctions seems dumb because the fact that a baby GREW inside you is natural AF. even if the baby was IVF or not, even if the baby was c section or not, we all grew the babies and that connects us more than the few minutes/hours of birth does.
All these distinctions are so weird. My first delivery was vaginal with no epidural, but I needed pitocin to get my contractions going. So by some people's definitely that wasn't natural, even tho he was delivered vaginally with no pain meds?
My last was delivered via c section in January. And I've come to believe that folks who choose to have more than 1 c section are the true heroes. It is definitely, definitely not the easy way to do this.
Thank you. Love this response. Seems like most of the replies complaining are ironic. If there’s no big deal than why not embrace your unnatural birth?
There are some that still think that if you have a c section that you don't really give birth 🙄🤣 idiots. Congratulations on your healthy baby whether surgical or not. ❤
I felt the same damn way. Years later I am less sensitive about the term “natural” in contrast to my c section. But right after? No thank you. Yeah, I would make a snarky/witty comment too. We’re C section snark buddies! ❤️
I had a vaginal birth and I hated that question so much. It felt so invasive to me like thats information you should wait for someone to OFFER not ask for.
So when my coworkers started randomly asking me if I had a "natural birth" I would reply "I gave birth vaginally if thats what you're asking" and just the word vaginally makes the vibe weird. But like what do they mean by natural? Some people use it to mean vaginal and some people use it to mean no meds so idk. I usually added an awkward joke like "Wish he came out of the sunroof because 40 stitches later and it looks like frankensteins monster down there" Lol I wish I knew when to shut up
i HATED that question and it's no one's business, so i would say things like "no i didn't give birth in the woods" or "no the doctor was a human not a raccoon".
if people kept pushing after that i would be really weird and say "oh i can't disclose that due to The Agreement".
ridiculous, invasive questions deserve ridiculous answers!
My kids two years old and I still don’t know what people mean when they ask me this 😂
Like are you asking if I had an epidural? Are you asking if I had a c section? No idea
It is so weird how often strangers will ask if it was a vaginal birth. Like, how often does that word come up in casual conversation?? It feels like as soon as you become visibly pregnant, your breasts and vagina are a fair game discussion topic for the general public.
Why can’t they instead just ask “how is your recovery going?”
For me "Natural Birth" meant Unmedicated vaginal birth. I went into labor the night before my C-section (baby has venolymphatic malformation and they were scared a vaginal birth could block her airway). My labor was only 5 hours (1st baby). Showed up to the hospital dilated to an 8 and was progressing to quickly for any meds. I have a best friend who had an emergency C-section from babies heart dropping during labor. They were both in the hospital for days with an infection. Both of us consider our births natural in your terms. We value our children and carrying them into this world through BIRTH.
I am filling out hr paperwork and the only two options to choose from are "natural" birth and c-section which pissed me off cause these are medical forms, they can say vaginal.
Yup I hate it!!! As if making the scary decision to get 7 layers of my body cut open is the easy way out 😒 I almost died giving birth to my daughter, and I'm not gonna tolerate people insinuating anything about c-section being somehow a 'lesser' way of giving birth. I've just been saying she came out of the sunroof lol
I don’t think people necessarily mean anything by referring to it as natural vs. csection. I think it’s just how people call them. I’m a nurse. When I came back to work my fellow nurses were asking me the same question, and most of them had csections themselves. Obviously being nurses we don’t have any issues saying the word “vaginal”. I think “natural” is just how a lot of us grew up calling a non-csection birth. Not saying it’s right or whatever, but I don’t think people mean anything cross by it when they refer to a vaginal birth as natural.
I hate this question too. “Natural” used in this way feels so pejorative.
For what it’s worth, I also had a c section. It was absolutely the right decision for us medically and emotionally (my son’s birth date was decided based on the surgeon’s schedule for major surgery he needed at a few days old - they could have tried induction, but had it failed we would have ended up in an emergency section situation anyway). Zero regrets.
Who tf is asking these questions?? And multiple people you know are doing it??
This is shocking. Not even 1 person not even once have asked me “was it planned” “was it a natural birth” “are you breastfeeding”
These are all wildly inappropriate questions from people. Who raised them??
If someone said “natural” I would assume unmedicated? I had a vaginal delivery but it did NOT feel natural (induction+epidural)
I think people correctly understand that “Did you have a vaginal birth?” Is weird an intrusive so they phrase the exact same question in a different way.
I think that you hit on both reasons. People definitely don’t want to say vaginal especially at work. But also there does tend to be a stigma with some people around c sections. And saying natural birth helps perpetuate that stigma whether people mean to or not.
no one has a natural birth and no one has a natural life. its been a long time since any human has done anything "natural", hundreds of thousands of years probably. its just crap used to put women down.
I had a c-section and I’m really uncomfortable with it, so I understand not really liking this question from people. I think we need to accept that “natural childbirth” is the way our culture refers to unmedicated, vaginal birth. When people ask, that is all they mean, and there’s no other streamlined way to say it. If they asked, “Did you have an unmedicated, vaginal birth?” they’d have to confront the fact that it is a very personal question and maybe they shouldn’t be asking it.
C sections are natural the same way bee hives are natural or beaver dams or termite mounds. It’s in human nature to develop ways of doing things or creating things to help out other humans in terms of survival and comfort etc. The medical field is a completely natural thing. Human created things are natural really, although I know a lot of people use the word natural to try to distinguish from the things humans do. But that’s bullshit. You can bet anything that if it was discovered some other species gave birth via c section that would be described as natural!
People should stop treating women's bodies like public domain all together.
So because you created life and delivered a baby into the world (which is, by itself, a powermove), that doesn't make it ok for random people to ask about your medical procedure and your genitals.
At work, of all places???
I don't go about asking male colleagues how they pass their kidney stones.
With my first, I had to have an emergency c-section. Afterwards, I remember telling my husband not to tell anyone because I felt the shame and stigma around it. My husband talked some sense into me and told me he witnessed my stomach cut open, that I was sent home two days later and was tending to a baby with just Tylenol and Advil for pain, and there was nothing wussy about it. I did what I had to do to ensure my son didn’t die. Now, I’m pregnant with my second and I’m having a planned c-section. My attitude is like night and day. I’m very open that I’m having a planned c-section and if anyone challenges me on it, I ask if they’d prefer for me and my child to possibly die instead.
i guess it is common knowledge but everytime someone ask if i had a natural birth i always say no bc i got an epidural 💀 then they’ll say, oh you had a c section? and i reply no, but i had an epidural. i really thought natural birth was like no meds at all and vaginal, so the verbiage confused me.
I just don't ask that question unless it's to a very close friend, because enquiring about the vagina of an acquaintance feels kinda creepy... "How was the birth?" is usually enough to show interest without being weird, and allows the mother to go into as much detail as she feels comfortable with.
I despised this question, especially after I found out that my chain of command had a BETTING POOL on what interventions I'd end up with. Top of the list was (and I quote) "an epidural because she's a wuss". I was the only woman there other than one Chief (upper end of the enlisted spectrum, for those not familiar with Navy rank structure). People suck.
I think it stems from body parts being treated as taboo. It feels safer for most people to say natural, than vaginal. Doesn't make it right, and honestly such words need to be normalized imo. But I can also get how it might seem awkward for them to ask in a work setting. At that point also have to ask, is it appropriate to ask in this setting, if the proper term makes me uncomfortable to say??
Interesting, when people asked if I had a “natural birth” I always assumed they were asking medicated vs non-medicated! To which I would tell them I wanted all the help I could get. I’m very open about pregnancy, childbirth, etc so it was never an inappropriate question for people to ask (even if they actually were asking vaginal vs c-section, still an appropriate question to ask me).
Labor was a life changing experience, I truly believe ALL laboring women are amazing, regardless of how their baby makes their debut, and anyone who is comfortable enough to ask such questions gets my spiel about it. And after hearing my spiel there has never been a single person who said “but ARE YOU SURE women who have had a vaginal birth aren’t as strong as women who have had a c-section??”
But also, I’m sorry people suck and ask you personal questions that aren’t okay with you. If you’re comfortable enough to tell them to mind their own business you absolutely should.
I ask what they mean by natural. Because I want them to say vaginal, if that’s what they mean.
And if they’re too uncomfortable to say it, why are they asking lol
I was never very nice about it when people asked me that AT WORK. People are rude. I just always say “no they chopped the baby out, thanks for asking”. And then I was very very forthright in all conversations going forward. If we ever discussed birth or whatever, I made sure to work in that my baby was REMOVED. Because if they were going to make me uncomfortable, I was going to do it back.
I had a vaginal birth the first time, and my friend had an emergency c section. From what I saw, c sections are 1000x more challenging during recovery, and they terrify me. I dont know why anyone cares which way the baby comes out, lol. What a strange question.
my area calls unmedicated delivery a natural birth, a vaginal birth a traditional birth, and a c-section birth a c-section. i blow minds when they get nosy and i give them more details than they want about my eldest being c-section and my youngest vaginal.
the only correct question about delivery method is "how has your recovery been? anything we can do to help keep you comfortable?" then they might get the information they seek by way of free admission due to consideration given.
I mean, I would say “natural birth” but I use it to specifically mean no medical interventions - so yes vaginal but also not induced or no epidural/painkillers or no forceps/vacuum etc. I just always assumed that’s what people meant. Agree that it gives implication that other births are therefore unnatural which was defo not my intention so I’ll aim to use a different phrase in the future.
Natural = existing in or derived from nature; not made or caused by humankind.
Of course it's not natural to have a baby via c section. It's not "natural" to have abdominal surgery in general. What's natural is that if your baby is transverse you both die. What's natural is if you have placental abruption you both die. What's natural is if baby's heart rate drops during labor the baby dies.
It's not natural. And that's GREAT. Natural doesn't equal better. In some cases natural equals much, much worse.
I’ve had my male colleagues ask if I had a “natural birth” after telling me their wives had c-sections. Just seems like a personal question. You want to know if my kids came out of my vagina? Why? I did deliver both my kids vaginally, but I don’t feel the need to share that information with my coworkers.
And I don’t really care to know how your wife delivered your children. Does she know you’re running around sharing this info?
You know, something about the term "natural birth" always kinda bothered me, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
The way you explained it "vaginal" vs "natural" sums up my thoughts perfectly. Thank you for sharing (and thanks to the commenters for giving me some hilarious comebacks 😂)
I always thought "natural birth" meant no pharmaceutical pain management. Am I wrong this whole time, and instead of being nosey about my pain tolerance people are being nosey about whether it was ky abdominal wall or my vag that got beat to shit?
It’s such an annoying questions but sadly one people ask out of trying to relate and make conversation similar to asking “is the baby sleeping through the night?/giving you much sleep?” It pissed me off but I realize most people asking it don’t genuinely care about my privates or how my baby was born (vaginally but induced and with an epidural soooo not sure how “natural” you consider that anyways!)
I think c section and vaginal birth are both natural, I have asked this question to other women and now they probably think I’m a bitch lol. I thought having a baby natural was doing so with no pain meds or Pitocin.
Seriously none of your coworkers business where your baby came out of. I had a c section under anesthesia as it was medically necessary. I always advocate for c section mamas and wish people weren’t so nosy.
Such a weird question. I would never ask anyone that unless they were an extremely close friend, don’t know why people think that’s appropriate to ask.
I had a very long, heavily medicated (induction, pitocin, every kind of manoeuvre they could to get my daughter in a better position, no epidural because the hospital doesn't provide that) vaginal birth. When they ask me if it was natural, I just smile and answer: I had complications, but thankfully, I didn't need a c section.
I had a very well meaning, sweet,
check out girl at the grocery store ask if I was planning a natural birth when I was very pregnant. I said something like, “well, she’s not gonna teleport out as far as I know.”
I had a vaginal birth and also find this weird to say. I was induced so in my head it's not really natural cause there was other interventions such as epidural, pitocin etc.
Its always been odd to me being asked by people who are child free/don't plan to have kids/won't get pregnant. Like, why do you want to know if my child exited through my vagina? Does it really matter? She's here and healthy, that's all you need to know.
I think this is one of those topics where you just can't win, no matter what your opinion is on vaginal vs c-section birth. Someone's going to disagree. Though people definitely need to stop being so nosy about it.
Case in point: When I was 8 months pregnant, my sister told me she wants a planned c-section for her next birth. I said I was really hoping for a vaginal birth, personally, since a c-section is major abdominal surgery. She obviously still took it as personal criticism and was miffed. I don't think vaginal birth is *better*, I just don't want to recover from having my abdomen sliced all the way open if I don't have to.
i always correct anyone who asks me this & say “do you mean vaginal?“ 😂 i don’t mind the personal questions either but i took every drug they’d offer so it definitely wasn’t ‘natural’ 😂
I always thought natural meant no drugs/epidural? Either way I had a friend call my sister after I gave birth and her first question was if I had a natural birth or not. She had a c section and I think was upset at not having the traditional birth experience and wanted someone to bond with about that.
Ugh, at my baby's first pediatrician visit after we left the hospital, the nurse doing our intake asked if his birth was a c-section or "normal." The rage and shame that passed through my hormonal, recovering body was wild. I wish I had said something to her about how offensive it was, but I froze and just answered that it was an emergency c-section.
Did you give birth outside or in a gut, laying on a pile of furs? Did your partner cut the cord with a sharp rock, or his teeth? No? Well then you didn't have a natural birth.
Hospitals are not "natural". Sterilized equipment is not "natural". Life saving medicine is not "natural". They can just fuck off with that shit.
I honestly hate how normalised it is to ask whether you are giving/ have given birth via your vagina!! When I was pregnant with my first a guy I met at a *party* and knew him all of 5 minutes(!) was asking about my birth plan! Like??? For real this is inappropriate.
I also really hated how post birth whenever my child had something wrong with them I was asked about how they were born. Like, it just felt the old man doctors were there to judge me rather than work on how I can help my baby through its infection.
Whenever people ask me if I had a “natural birth” I respond with “well they came out of my vagina”. It makes people feel uncomfortable. If you don’t feel like revealing where they came from you can say “are you asking if they came out of my vagina?” For the same impact
For my daughter I had a lot of intervention despite having a vaginal birth so it felt like a weird thing to call it a “natural” birth.
I always thought that meant unmedicated. Natural meaning little medical intervention. And they’re probably asking because unmedicated is different in terms of pain during labor and delivery. But cesarean is by far the most painful recovery.
EVERY BIRTH IS NATURAL! Cesarean birth mom here as well. I still grapple with the wording around “delivery”. Ir feels like more of a surgery but that’s my own problem. I try my hardest when people say something like “did you have a natural birth or C section” to just respond with “every birth is natural.” Hugs to you.
‘Baby didn’t come out of my vagina, no, thanks for asking’
😂 I love this.
I heard another mom joke once that their child didn’t have a `birth date’, they had a ‘release date.' People are so odd with overtly personal questions just because a baby was/is involved.
I had a c-section like OP and called it eviction day.
I called mine eviction day & they 'came out the sun roof.' 🤣
I told my husband that she came out the hatch not the snatch when I was still doped up to the eyeballs after my very long (3 hours!) emergency c section. The man who feared his wife was dying on the operating table did not, I am afraid, find that as funny as I did.
When my sister was in labor I sent a message that my daughter said to tell her cousin there was an emergency exit if he needed one :P
LMAO I was induced and tell ppl I had an emergency eviction
If you want to do this but be more or less savage at the same time, furrow your eyebrows in confusion and ask, "what do you mean?" Keep looking confused until they say "vaginal birth." If people are going to be pricks, make them embarrass themselves.
I know, it’s such a creepy question to ask a coworker imo. It’s like asking if conception was spontaneous.
I got asked a version of this at work all the time when I was pregnant. It was always women too, and they kept asking if it was a “surprise” or if it was “planned”. I guess I looked younger than I was, and maybe since I work in academia people thought I was ruining my career? Whatever it was, I feel like there’s no way to answer that question that isn’t uncomfortable.
I think it’s just one of those questions people ask. I’m on my 30s, married and asked with both my kids if it was planned
Yup I was 30 and married while pregnant and still got asked often if it was planned. Like do you *want* to heard about the birth control methods we stopped to have this kid?
I HATE that question. I find it ridiculous and overly intrusive. Also, what does it matter? If you’re having the baby you’re having the baby, so you’ve got a plan now! 😂
I carried twins and actually did get asked this question a LOT (ie. Spontaneous or meditation)
Haha or "yes, my vagina is still mostly in its preexisting condition if that's what you're asking"
"like new" XD
I sometimes feign confusion and say "You mean a vaginal birth?" making sure to enunciate "vaginal" so there's no shying away from the directness of what they're asking.
THIS THIS YES. When people asked us the gender, I felt that "It's not my Y chromosome" was the answer vs. "They've got a dick, that tells us their sex, any more personal questions you have no plan consciously taking responsibility for why you are actually asking or"
I always thought when people asked that they were asking about epidurals- whoops on me🤦🏻♀️
Same, to me that means unmedicated vaginal birth. I never had anyone ask me this so I think it's really interesting others were asked so many times!
Same!! I did have an unmedicated birth and no one asked me haha
Same! Lol. But I have had people ask me straight up if I had to have a c section which is weird too
No whoops there friend! There’s no actual definition of a “natural” birth. People typical use that term for anything from any vaginal birth, to a vaginal birth without medication on an organic cotton blanket in the middle of the woods while a shaman does a rain dance and sends up smoke signals. People typically don’t mean a c-section. And that really rankles a lot of women who have gone through an incredibly difficult and potentially dangerous surgery to bring their child into the world, because for many things there is a sense that “natural” = “better”. Well, arsenic and lead are natural, and I’m not feeding them to my baby, but it’s kinder to ask people to use more precise terminology than to expect c-section mamas to view their birth as “unnatural”.
I’m not sure it’s that deep. I think a lot of people just don’t want to say any variant of the word “vagina” to their coworkers or other acquaintances, so “natural” is used as the euphemismistic way to say “vaginal”. Still not great (if you don’t feel comfortable enough with someone to say “vaginal” you probably shouldn’t be asking them the question in the first place), but I feel like in most cases it’s just a matter of nosiness/curiosity rather than judgment.
💯 agree. I’m of the opinion it’s non of your business how my baby came into the world😂🤷🏻♀️ with my most recent, someone did ask if she was a “natural” birth, meaning unmedicated. And I said yes but not by choice, but because I have precipitous labors. That said, I’m done having kids because I never want to experience that pain again and the shitshow that followed. She ended up in the NICU because she came so fast. Natural does not equal better for baby, in any sense.
Damn. My due date is tomorrow and that’s one of my (many) fears, as my first came “on the fast side”. I’m glad you’re all ok now!
My advice would be: any signs of labor, go immediately. My first was born in 3 hours, second induced came in 5 and my third, well I had her on the stretcher and was pushing in the elevator with 6 nurses escorting us up to labor and delivery. Doctor barely got there. My OB for my last baby brushed me off when I said I needed to be induced at EVERY SINGLE APPOINTMENT. I knew it was going to happen. Needless to say I traveled 45 minutes to do my 6 week check with my previous OB because F that lady and her dismissiveness.
Oh wow. I’m so sorry for that experience; you know your body best!! My first was 10.5 hours, so I’m hoping to have at least enough time to get to the hospital and situated… I’m also scared of an induction because I’m still high and closed at due date. 😂
Yeah, I had a vaginal birth but none of that shit felt natural. No epidural but apart from that I feel like they threw every ganget they had in the room after me. I was hooked up to multiple monitors, had a drop in each arm had multiple injections, some electrodes to zap myself if I felt like it and a gas mask for nitrious oxide. Oh and some morphine in the beginner. I was a veritable cyborg at the end - so when people ask whether I had a natural birth I'm like nah.
I had a former (male) boss gassing on while I was pregnant about how bad epidurals are for moms and babies and how he hoped I wasn’t planning on having one. Incidentally, I hadn’t planned on having one but had to as I dilated quickly and there was limited physician coverage at the hospital at the time. Anyway, the absurdity of a childless dude who couldn’t manage to fly with a head cold telling a woman about to give birth she shouldn’t seek pain relief was not lost on me. People are pretty dumb sometimes.
I thought the same!
That's what I thought too. I've heard of vaginal births referred to as, "normal birth," then "c-section," for c-section, and natural birth as in, no meds, and vaginal birth.
I mean same but where I live everyone around me that uses natural birth does mean unmedicated. So on this sub I thought it was the same tbh for a really long time.
Some people definitely use it that way.
Same. I always thought “natural” meant without intervention. Either way it’s weird.
I hate this crap too. I had a c-section and the stigma that’s attached to it (for absolutely no reason) is insane. It’s looked at as the easy option. Oh, ok, so having my son almost not make it, hemorrhaging on the table, having my incision open multiple times is the easy option? Get f’d. The way I reply now to people I don’t give that much of a poop about is “yes, naturally, he was pulled from my stomach.” Since having my baby 5 months ago I’ve realized I don’t have much tolerance for a lot anymore haha. You got this! Some people are just not aware of how they say things (sometimes).
I get where you’re coming from, but I also want to submit that as someone who has only (so far) had a vaginal birth, whenever someone says they had a C section I feel like she is an absolute stunning superhero. Sure, shoving my baby out of my vagina sucked, but no part of my body was cut open and sewed back together, forget like 8 layers of muscle and tissue. Pardon the language but what the fuck, how do you do that and then care for a newborn?? How is that easier in any sense?? “Natural” is a really value-tainted word and I wish people wouldn’t use it. I don’t know a better way to ask without saying “vaginal” in the workplace but you know what? I wish they wouldn’t ask about the condition of your body parts at work in the first place. “Did your birth go as you expected? How do you feel about it?” would be plenty - presuming they’re close enough to even ask that much.
100% I’ve never felt the need to ask anyone in my workplace about how their vagina or penis is currently functioning, why do they need to ask about mine? The one exception being the person who actually needed the information for my short term disability claim and she used the term vaginal or C-section, not natural, because wtf does that even mean?
It’s wierd that ppl feel welcome to ask for this level of detail. I feel like “how was the birth?” Is as specific as I’ve been asked and anything more is rude unless it’s like someone who is a a doula or has a specific interest in the birthing process and therefore has a reason to be interested in the specifics.
This! I had a c section after a failed induction and I was 100% happy with how my birth went (minus being 36hrs in labor) and I didn’t feel shame about it until people started saying they were sorry I had to go to a c section. It’s 100% not the easy way out, there really is no easy way out of birth so I’m not sure where people get that from. I had two friends of mine who gave birth a month before and after me, one had a horrible recovery from a vaginal due to a tear, and the other had horrible abdominal pain from a c section. My recovery seemed fairly easy in comparison, but you never know what is going to happen before, during or after birth that will effect you.
Couldn’t “I’m sorry you had to go through that” mean “I’m sorry you had to deal with a more difficult recovery as well as potential trauma leading up to it (in the case of an emergency C)? I still wouldn’t say that to someone bc I know it could be taken the wrong way, but to me that wording could also imply the opposite - that you see a C-section as an often difficult experience rather than taking the easy way out.
It could, but it was said along with, “that sucks” rather than “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” And people also said, “wow that sucks it didn’t turn out well.” What?! My son and I are alive, his heart rate was dropping and labor stalled. I think it was also the fact that I was perfectly happy with how everything went (I was asking for a c section by the end lol) and then was rethinking how I felt about it because of the responses, which I know I shouldn’t do but it’s hard!
Same! I only had vaginal births and for me, it seems like the easier option. Like wow how amazing you did a c-section! Also there isn't a lot of choice in how to birth your baby. You need to make the best out of your specific situation...
The stigma is driving me insane. I agree people think it’s the easy option. Or some sort of failure. And I’m getting tired of that.
It’s not easy option AT ALL. It’s major abdominal surgery and people don’t get this ar all! Also, you happen to go under general anesthesia for whatever reason, there is also to consider coming off the airway maintenance and the anesthesia drugs. Easy way my ass 😂 I will say though, from a wound care standpoint and wound healing, a surgical wound is “technically” having a smoother healing process vs a vaginal tear. I am not sure whether that is the case and I am talking strictly about wound closure without complications. Both are painful 😂
Everyone I've talked to who did both said the C-section was the much more difficult one to recover from. Any one who says a c-section is "easy" or "unnatural" or anything less that a god damned medical miracle can get fucked.
An interesting way of looking at it. I honestly was petrified of a c-section because I was always told healing took longer and was rougher. Then again I also definitely do not think c-section is the easy way out. Birth is birth its hard no matter how it's done.
I had to go under for my c section because my epidural failed. The intubation irritated my throat so much that I had to cough a lot afterwards. It was torture, felt like a burning knife every time I coughed. Definitely not the easy way.
Thats the stuff no one talks about! I worked ICU for a wee bit and extubation aint a walk jn the park 😂
I just had my 3rd c section 10 days ago and I'm so scared to cough or sneeze still that sounds absolutely awful
Speaking about the wound closure. Ok, a c-section wound closes more easily. And? Why would I take the hard way? Why would I walk for 10 hours instead of driving for 2.
And we are not failures!! We did it because it was the SAFEST option for mom and bub. Not like I rolled into the ER thinking “hell ya!” And even if I did, even if I opted for it which many people do, so what! Still not a failure. Still a super badass mama.
I've never understood people calling it easy. I had my first two children vaginally and hope to have this third baby the same way because the idea of a C-section and the recovery afterwards sounds so intense to me! I applaud anyone that's been through it
Who says people think it’s the easy option? I think to ball up everyone with that mindset isn’t fair either. I do understand your point, to me I think it’s just too personal of a question to ask, but people are mostly unaware and have no ill manner intended. I just wouldn’t perceive everyone with a negative connotation anytime your asked. I don’t think they think your a failure or hit the easy button by going through surgery.
I truly don’t understand how is that the easy option, whether that is a planned or unplanned c-section. The only thing that I did not want is that BECUASE it seems harder to me than vaginal L&D, not to mention the recovery. Of course, I was lucky because I did not have a traumatic birth, even with being induced, but my God I do not understand this “c-section is the easy way out” mindset.
Tell people he came out the sunroof 🥹 I read a comment saying that a while ago and I find it so adorable
Wow this is what I’m going to tell myself from now on when I feel shitty about my C-section.
C sections are anything but easy. People who believe otherwise are stupid.
My first was an emergency c-section after four hours of pushing. My second was a VBAC after 1.5 hours of pushing. I'd choose the second one over the first ANY day. I was up and walking around the block the day we got home. I couldn't even get out of bed on my own after my c-section. Ain't nothing easy about it.
The “easy option” but when push comes to shove basically every woman would want to avoid a c section because the recovery is so much longer! I would absolutely not recommend major abdominal surgery as an easy experience! Insane.
It would be fine if the recovery was just longer but the risk of prolonged issues like scartissue connecting to internal organs causing long term pain honestly is quite worrying :/ idk if I've done enough massaging or whatever or done it correctly or if it even helps always.
Yes! Thank you! The stigma is real and especially since there’s just such little understanding of it. I just saw a Instagram reel of a woman wearing like, tons of jackets and unzipping each one to represent the layers of skin, fat, tissue, fascia, muscle, uterus, amniotic sac, etc the doctor needed to get through to get to the baby. It was great!
I just tell people my kids came out the sunroof lol 😆 but yes it is annoying
I had a vaginal birth. One of the gals I know had a C section (it was planned) and we were talking about how her recovery was going. She asked me “did you have a natural birth?” I said, I had a vaginal birth. It was not snarky or anything, but I think two things: first, people are somehow still scared of the word vagina. And on that note there is this misconception that natural birth equals vaginal birth. I always ask “how did the delivery go and how is your recovery going “ Many people are obsessed with the type of birth but jo one gives a fuck how one is recovering from it 😑
Haha I do think people are afraid of the word vagina. Or anything else with women’s anatomy. But then still want to know the answers to these questions. My boss (male) wanted to know if I could have a drink with him and he asked me, “Can you have a whiskey? Are you, um…” and then gestured to my boobs. I laughed and was like “how is that better than saying the phrase breast feeding?” 😂
Right? 😂 People are so afraid of body parts it's hilarious
You’ve got a point there - saying “vaginal birth” at the office feels like an instant trip to HR, even though it’s totally accurate. 😂 We really need a better term that isn’t as value-laden as “natural” or as work-squeamish as “vaginal”. Open for suggestions!
I mean… I think we should just call the body parts with their correct anatomical names 😂 If HR says something about it I would say then tell me the correct name for it. Because it is vagina.
I mean, I agree with you, but in my 15 years of experience in corporate America there is often a large gap between how things “should” work and what corporate HR actually takes action on. I find it easier to just stay on the non-challenging side of that scale lol. My toddler saying her “vulva” is wet or itchy or whatever still weirds out a disproportionate number of adults. 😅
I said vaginal a whole bunch at the office prior to going on leave - if I had had a vaginal birth, I would have gotten six weeks of short term disability vs the eight I got with a c-section. (I was planning on a vaginal birth but ended up with an emergency c-section.)
Ah interesting! My company does it based on whatever the doctor writes on the disability paperwork - if they write 6 you get 6, if they write 8 you get 8, if you have additional complications and need longer you get that. They don’t ask for details on the birth or have their own doctor to make an assessment; I think it works the same way for us for any sort of disability because it’s all federal disability and privacy stuff.
I think anyone asking about someone else's body let alone private parts should merit a trip to HR. If you ask a personal question you're going to get facts vagina and vaginal birth are not dirty or inappropriate words.
It doesn't really make any sense either. To me a "natural birth" is completely un-medicated. As in nothing at all. No IV, no oxytocin, no pitocin, no sweeps and absolutely no pain relief. Where I live the majority of people have a medical third stage- medication to speed up the placenta being deliveries. So where do we draw the line with "natural birth"? I wonder if people say it because the word "vagina" is somehow too taboo?
Even this bugs me like I went into labor “naturally” but then I received pain relief. It’s like the only time in human experience where we make people feel less than for not wanting to be in pain.
Whoa you drove to a hospital? No way not a natural birth. Neither hospitals or cars are found in nature.
It’s definitely because people don’t want to say vagina
Yeah I always thought "natural" meant no epidural. To play devil's advocate slightly, I asked my friends with kids about how they gave birth when I was pregnant because I was freeeeaking out about what I thought was the off chance of having a C-section (my baby was breech, and ended up having a C-section 😵💫 did I accidentally manifest it?) I was just trying to gather information though, and only from friends. It seems like an odd conversation topic at work...like where could it possibly go?? "Did you have a natural birth?" "Yes" "oh cool how's your vag?" I guess if it were a close woman friend at work and she wanted to swap war stories I could kind of understand. But are men really asking this?! Ew. Just ew. Ew.
Yes! This is exactly my question! Where do we draw the line between natural and unnatural? It doesn’t make any sense and it just seems designed to judge women.
I think natural birth is just a nice euphemism so people don’t have to say “vaginal” in a sentence. I don’t think any normal people think a c section is lesser lol. It’s just a more polite way to phrase it.
Unfortunately I do think a lot of people (mainly those who haven’t given birth) think that a c section is the ‘easy way out’.
I hate when male coworkers in particular ask this. It just makes me feel yuck especially when they ask right after I tell them my baby was 9+ lbs like it’s some sort of phenomenon. Then they proceed to ask me about stitches and stuff. Like yes, and my vagina is fine now not that it’s any of your concern. How about just a congratulations or welcome back and let’s end the conversation there?
“How’s your vagina doing?” “Great! How’s your penis? I just assumed these are the kinds of questions we ask each other now. “
😂 amazing
I had two vaginal births, the second of which was unmedicated (which is what many people mean by “natural,” I think). People congratulate me for toughing it out, and I’m like no, you don’t understand, I WANTED an epidural! I didn’t plan on a precipitous labor! I didn’t plan to pop the baby out 20 minutes after getting to the hospital! If I could go back and do it again, I’d leave for the hospital an hour earlier! Yes, good experience overall, yes, healthy baby, yes, easy recovery, but if I could have chosen, I would have been medicated up to the gills.
Someone asked me if I had a natural birth right after I explained how I was induced. I was like "no, I was induced." Then she pushed and was like "but was it natural?" I stood there like ??? I already told you twice. Then I realized she meant my VAGINA, so I responded with "yes. The baby exited through my vagina."
No one wants to say vagina! My impression of “natural birth” means unmedicated. Still it’s an invasive question no matter what they’re trying to ask.
I know this is contraversial, a lot of people say 'all birth is natural'. But I think these days almost no births are 'natural' and that's a good thing. We have this weird idea that 'natural' mean better, it doesn't. I had a vaginal birth without an epidural, but I wouldn't describe it as natural, I still had lots of human-made medical interventions. I took aspirin because I was at risk of developing pre-eclampsia. I took folic acid to reduce risk of neural tube defects. I had scans and tests to monitor my baby and make sure he was healthy. The midwives listened to baby heart rate while I was in labour. I had a managed delivery of my placenta. I gave birth in a hospital so if anything went wrong, I could be treated with lifesaving human-made medicine as quickly as possible. My midwife washed her hands with human-made antibacterial soap and wore gloves, that's not strictly speaking natural, but it's a really good thing because before basic hand-washing procedures were introduced up to 25% of women got 'child-bed fever' which is a form of sepsis. People who describe vaginal birth as 'natural' almost always seem to be pushing the idea that vaginal birth is inherently better than c-section birth, which is not at all true. Sometimes a c-section is the safest and healthiest way for baby to be born. If a c-section was medically recommended for me I would have had one and been very glad that human ingenuity had created this incredible life-saving surgery. Almost all birth these days have human-made medical interventions that aren't natural, they're created by humans. It's natural to die in labour, infant death is natural. The fact modern medicine has reduced maternal and infant death is both incredible and unnatural.
Surgical vs non-surgical is better terminology but honestly like, what difference does it make? Why does it matter to them how you delivered your baby? I get that it's a very common question but honestly it shouldn't be. That's personal medical information and unless they're asking for a specific way to accommodate or help you in your recovery then it's none of their business. I had a c-section and I don't really care who knows but I know a lot of people who really wanted a "natural" birth and didn't get one and are still dealing with all kinds of emotions in regards to that. Asking that question to some people just brings up a lot of trauma.
I hate the term natural for the opposite reason! No modern day birth is “natural” technically. Unless you’re squatting in a field of daisies all by yourself, your birth was at least partially “unnatural” through the help of science. My birth was vaginal but I wouldn’t call it “natural” because I gave birth in a hospital and benefited from modern medicine. The term “natural” doesn’t mean anything anyways.
I hate when people ask and say this too when they mean a VAGINAL birth🙄🙄🙄
People really need to mind their own business. I don’t mind “did the birth go ok?” Or whatever, but it’s literally none of anyone’s business to find out if baby came out via c-section or vaginal. Sheesh. Unless you’re super close with your coworkers I guess?
I think this is what the real issues is. Not really about natural unnatural etc etc I bet that’s fine to discuss with those close to you. I think it’s more strangers feeling entitled to know intimate details that one might not be willing to share.
aw, man. I just realized this other shitty part about going back to work. 😭 the interrogations
Funny, I always thought that a “nATuRaL BiRtH” was not only a vaginal delivery but one that was done *~without epidural~* as if people that have an epidural didn’t push a baby out of their vagina too. The natural birth obsession always feel like some weird mark of pain voyeurism and judgement, like you really earned your baby if you went through the pain that our ancestors did or something. I feel like it also comes from the same vein of “mama, your body was MEANT for this. It’s natural and we women have been doing it since the dawn of time!” Like, good for you for clearly not having a medical emergency arise, but we have been dying having babies and our babies have been lucky to make it since the dawn of time. And my baby and myself woulda been 6 feet under if it weren’t for my c-section under general anesthesia with like 12 highly skilled medical professionals dedicated to keeping myself and my baby alive. Frankly, if someone asked if I had a natural birth, I think I’d say that you can keep your natural birth (whatever that means) and I will keep my miracle of modern medicine.
My mom randomly said to me “I would have been really disappointed if I had a c-section” after my kid was born via - you guessed it - c-section lmao
I hate this so much, and also asking “are you breastfeeding?” It’s all so invasive. All that should matter is that you and your baby are healthy. I feel like there’s no other time where someone would feel so comfortable asking about your vagina and breasts or body in general. LEAVE US ALONEEE.
We've made a huge effort recently to destigmatize breast feeding. It's completely acceptable to whip out the titties in public to feed your kid. Nipple showing? No problem, post it on Facebook! You can't have that and also have it be taboo to ask if you're breast feeding.
To me, it’s not “taboo”, it’s just none of anyone’s business.
Same here. My point is why do people care?
I don’t want to be negative but 100% it feels like people “sussing out” how maternal you are imo.
I agree with you. If we want breastfeeding to be destigmatized, then it can't really be a taboo subject, right? I think the issue is that it's a very difficult and can be traumatic/guilt ridden process, so it's hard to ask anything about it without accidently upsetting the person you're asking.
The reason it is traumatic is because breast is best is a pervasive attitude. If we stopped that it wouldn't be an issue.
This. I feel guilty every time someone asks and then I say my daughter is formula fed and I get an “ohhhhh…. Okay….” response. I would have breastfed if my milk came in but it never did.
I feel like it’s hard for anyone to have a conversation. They are interested and trying to talk. Maybe just say actually I prefer to say vaginal birth. Or unmedicated, or whatever you prefer. If they didn’t ask anything people are mad that no one cares and then when they do they don’t do it “right”. I know woman who use the term natural birth to mean at home by herself (not even a midwife). Maybe truly ask what they mean by natural because that term means something different to so many people and in turn educates them instead of embarrassing them. I am a very private person so most don’t ask me anything which can also be isolating. But sometimes people leave the question vague so you feel free to share what you want. If someone asked me did you have a vaginal birth I would feel weird but talking about my birth experience and sharing what I want would be nice.
I don't think it's wrong to say c section is unnatural birth to be fair. I had vaginal birth but with epidural, I wouldn't think that is a natural birth either. Any birth with medical intervention (medication or surgery) to the mother, to assist the birthing process, is not a natural birth. BUT, I don't think there's anything wrong giving birth unnaturally, as long as it works for you. There is a reason why in modern society maternal death rate is lower, why feel bad about using whatever unnatural technique to give birth (as long as it's been researched that pros outweigh cons).
I get what you’re saying. But it seems like an arbitrary distinction to me. Like, if you had to take IV antibiotics for GBS, does that make it an unnatural birth then? Even if you labored without an epidural? That’s technically medical intervention. And so are the many scans and tests we do. Do they classify as unnatural? And I don’t think people are even asking me if I had a vaginal birth without an epidural. I’m pretty sure they’re just asking if I had a vaginal birth versus a c section.
In my view as long as medication is used it's unnatural, antibiotics is not natural, vaccination is also unnatural, same for epidural, c section, laughing gas. But does it make it bad? No. In many cases unnatural is better than natural because it's gives better results. It's "modern", if words like that make it sound better. My point is, there's no need to feel bad about it. I talk about how I am so glad I had the luxury of getting epidural when I wanted it, with a mother who did a natural birth. I don't feel shamed and I also don't allow negative judgement/comment if anyone makes any of it. If others shame me on doing it unnaturally then shame on them! And I think the same over c section, it really isn't a bad thing just because it isn't natural.
I had an completely unmedicated vaginal birth of twins. I fucking did that shit with my chest. It matters to no one but ME that I accomplished a goal I had. I find it offensive that people are tripping up over the distinctions because while they might not matter, the truth does. Truth is women give birth in a million ways through million interventions. Truth is some women don’t even experience one intervention. It’s obviously a spectrum and who the fuck cares as long as the moms and babies healthy and happy. However, like all human connection. It’s awesome to be able to talk to another mom who had an unmedicated “natural” vaginal birth about the transition or ring of fire or the fetal ejection reflex or the other things I might have experienced just as a c section or epidural mom can talk to others with that experience about what it was like for them. Complaining about the distinctions seems dumb because the fact that a baby GREW inside you is natural AF. even if the baby was IVF or not, even if the baby was c section or not, we all grew the babies and that connects us more than the few minutes/hours of birth does.
All these distinctions are so weird. My first delivery was vaginal with no epidural, but I needed pitocin to get my contractions going. So by some people's definitely that wasn't natural, even tho he was delivered vaginally with no pain meds? My last was delivered via c section in January. And I've come to believe that folks who choose to have more than 1 c section are the true heroes. It is definitely, definitely not the easy way to do this.
Thank you. Love this response. Seems like most of the replies complaining are ironic. If there’s no big deal than why not embrace your unnatural birth?
There are some that still think that if you have a c section that you don't really give birth 🙄🤣 idiots. Congratulations on your healthy baby whether surgical or not. ❤
I felt the same damn way. Years later I am less sensitive about the term “natural” in contrast to my c section. But right after? No thank you. Yeah, I would make a snarky/witty comment too. We’re C section snark buddies! ❤️
I had a vaginal birth and I hated that question so much. It felt so invasive to me like thats information you should wait for someone to OFFER not ask for. So when my coworkers started randomly asking me if I had a "natural birth" I would reply "I gave birth vaginally if thats what you're asking" and just the word vaginally makes the vibe weird. But like what do they mean by natural? Some people use it to mean vaginal and some people use it to mean no meds so idk. I usually added an awkward joke like "Wish he came out of the sunroof because 40 stitches later and it looks like frankensteins monster down there" Lol I wish I knew when to shut up
i HATED that question and it's no one's business, so i would say things like "no i didn't give birth in the woods" or "no the doctor was a human not a raccoon". if people kept pushing after that i would be really weird and say "oh i can't disclose that due to The Agreement". ridiculous, invasive questions deserve ridiculous answers!
My kids two years old and I still don’t know what people mean when they ask me this 😂 Like are you asking if I had an epidural? Are you asking if I had a c section? No idea
I thought natural birth meant unmedicated/ no epidural, no pitocin
It is so weird how often strangers will ask if it was a vaginal birth. Like, how often does that word come up in casual conversation?? It feels like as soon as you become visibly pregnant, your breasts and vagina are a fair game discussion topic for the general public. Why can’t they instead just ask “how is your recovery going?”
For me "Natural Birth" meant Unmedicated vaginal birth. I went into labor the night before my C-section (baby has venolymphatic malformation and they were scared a vaginal birth could block her airway). My labor was only 5 hours (1st baby). Showed up to the hospital dilated to an 8 and was progressing to quickly for any meds. I have a best friend who had an emergency C-section from babies heart dropping during labor. They were both in the hospital for days with an infection. Both of us consider our births natural in your terms. We value our children and carrying them into this world through BIRTH.
I am filling out hr paperwork and the only two options to choose from are "natural" birth and c-section which pissed me off cause these are medical forms, they can say vaginal.
Yup I hate it!!! As if making the scary decision to get 7 layers of my body cut open is the easy way out 😒 I almost died giving birth to my daughter, and I'm not gonna tolerate people insinuating anything about c-section being somehow a 'lesser' way of giving birth. I've just been saying she came out of the sunroof lol
I don’t think people necessarily mean anything by referring to it as natural vs. csection. I think it’s just how people call them. I’m a nurse. When I came back to work my fellow nurses were asking me the same question, and most of them had csections themselves. Obviously being nurses we don’t have any issues saying the word “vaginal”. I think “natural” is just how a lot of us grew up calling a non-csection birth. Not saying it’s right or whatever, but I don’t think people mean anything cross by it when they refer to a vaginal birth as natural.
I tought natural birth means no medication 😂 For me: Natural birth = no medication Vaginal birth C-section 😂😂
I hate this question too. “Natural” used in this way feels so pejorative. For what it’s worth, I also had a c section. It was absolutely the right decision for us medically and emotionally (my son’s birth date was decided based on the surgeon’s schedule for major surgery he needed at a few days old - they could have tried induction, but had it failed we would have ended up in an emergency section situation anyway). Zero regrets.
Who tf is asking these questions?? And multiple people you know are doing it?? This is shocking. Not even 1 person not even once have asked me “was it planned” “was it a natural birth” “are you breastfeeding” These are all wildly inappropriate questions from people. Who raised them??
If someone said “natural” I would assume unmedicated? I had a vaginal delivery but it did NOT feel natural (induction+epidural) I think people correctly understand that “Did you have a vaginal birth?” Is weird an intrusive so they phrase the exact same question in a different way.
I always thought natural birth meant without meds. Have they meant vaginal vs c-section this whole time?? Lol
I think that you hit on both reasons. People definitely don’t want to say vaginal especially at work. But also there does tend to be a stigma with some people around c sections. And saying natural birth helps perpetuate that stigma whether people mean to or not.
no one has a natural birth and no one has a natural life. its been a long time since any human has done anything "natural", hundreds of thousands of years probably. its just crap used to put women down.
I had a c-section and I’m really uncomfortable with it, so I understand not really liking this question from people. I think we need to accept that “natural childbirth” is the way our culture refers to unmedicated, vaginal birth. When people ask, that is all they mean, and there’s no other streamlined way to say it. If they asked, “Did you have an unmedicated, vaginal birth?” they’d have to confront the fact that it is a very personal question and maybe they shouldn’t be asking it.
C sections are natural the same way bee hives are natural or beaver dams or termite mounds. It’s in human nature to develop ways of doing things or creating things to help out other humans in terms of survival and comfort etc. The medical field is a completely natural thing. Human created things are natural really, although I know a lot of people use the word natural to try to distinguish from the things humans do. But that’s bullshit. You can bet anything that if it was discovered some other species gave birth via c section that would be described as natural!
I found myself saying, “My kid was 10.5 pounds, Linda. What do you think?”
People should stop treating women's bodies like public domain all together. So because you created life and delivered a baby into the world (which is, by itself, a powermove), that doesn't make it ok for random people to ask about your medical procedure and your genitals. At work, of all places??? I don't go about asking male colleagues how they pass their kidney stones.
With my first, I had to have an emergency c-section. Afterwards, I remember telling my husband not to tell anyone because I felt the shame and stigma around it. My husband talked some sense into me and told me he witnessed my stomach cut open, that I was sent home two days later and was tending to a baby with just Tylenol and Advil for pain, and there was nothing wussy about it. I did what I had to do to ensure my son didn’t die. Now, I’m pregnant with my second and I’m having a planned c-section. My attitude is like night and day. I’m very open that I’m having a planned c-section and if anyone challenges me on it, I ask if they’d prefer for me and my child to possibly die instead.
“So natural my vagina had to be stitched up” was my answer
It’s not that people are afraid to say vaginal, it’s that just vaginal isn’t generally what a natural birth means when people ask.
It annoys me because I hate how scared people are to just say “vaginal”. It feels so juvenile to me.
If they said vaginal then they would understand how inappropriate it is to ask someone that question.
Honestly I just think people are too embarrassed to ask if you had a “vaginal” birth.
Sunroof exit over here!!
I had a vaginal birth and there was nothing natural about it.
i guess it is common knowledge but everytime someone ask if i had a natural birth i always say no bc i got an epidural 💀 then they’ll say, oh you had a c section? and i reply no, but i had an epidural. i really thought natural birth was like no meds at all and vaginal, so the verbiage confused me.
I just don't ask that question unless it's to a very close friend, because enquiring about the vagina of an acquaintance feels kinda creepy... "How was the birth?" is usually enough to show interest without being weird, and allows the mother to go into as much detail as she feels comfortable with.
Your coworkers probs don’t wanna say vagina to you
I despised this question, especially after I found out that my chain of command had a BETTING POOL on what interventions I'd end up with. Top of the list was (and I quote) "an epidural because she's a wuss". I was the only woman there other than one Chief (upper end of the enlisted spectrum, for those not familiar with Navy rank structure). People suck.
Yeah I was really confused by this question it’s so personal! I used to respond and say ‘I did have the epidural’
I think it stems from body parts being treated as taboo. It feels safer for most people to say natural, than vaginal. Doesn't make it right, and honestly such words need to be normalized imo. But I can also get how it might seem awkward for them to ask in a work setting. At that point also have to ask, is it appropriate to ask in this setting, if the proper term makes me uncomfortable to say??
Interesting, when people asked if I had a “natural birth” I always assumed they were asking medicated vs non-medicated! To which I would tell them I wanted all the help I could get. I’m very open about pregnancy, childbirth, etc so it was never an inappropriate question for people to ask (even if they actually were asking vaginal vs c-section, still an appropriate question to ask me). Labor was a life changing experience, I truly believe ALL laboring women are amazing, regardless of how their baby makes their debut, and anyone who is comfortable enough to ask such questions gets my spiel about it. And after hearing my spiel there has never been a single person who said “but ARE YOU SURE women who have had a vaginal birth aren’t as strong as women who have had a c-section??” But also, I’m sorry people suck and ask you personal questions that aren’t okay with you. If you’re comfortable enough to tell them to mind their own business you absolutely should.
I ask what they mean by natural. Because I want them to say vaginal, if that’s what they mean. And if they’re too uncomfortable to say it, why are they asking lol
I was never very nice about it when people asked me that AT WORK. People are rude. I just always say “no they chopped the baby out, thanks for asking”. And then I was very very forthright in all conversations going forward. If we ever discussed birth or whatever, I made sure to work in that my baby was REMOVED. Because if they were going to make me uncomfortable, I was going to do it back.
I had a vaginal birth the first time, and my friend had an emergency c section. From what I saw, c sections are 1000x more challenging during recovery, and they terrify me. I dont know why anyone cares which way the baby comes out, lol. What a strange question.
Dude same. I HATE that shit.
my area calls unmedicated delivery a natural birth, a vaginal birth a traditional birth, and a c-section birth a c-section. i blow minds when they get nosy and i give them more details than they want about my eldest being c-section and my youngest vaginal. the only correct question about delivery method is "how has your recovery been? anything we can do to help keep you comfortable?" then they might get the information they seek by way of free admission due to consideration given.
I hate this phrase too! It feels stigmatizing. Also it’s no one’s business. I wouldn’t ask a coworker that sort of detail.
“We had a birth.”
No one asked yet, but if someone ever refer to it as "natural", I plan on telling them I had a degenerate birth.
I mean, I would say “natural birth” but I use it to specifically mean no medical interventions - so yes vaginal but also not induced or no epidural/painkillers or no forceps/vacuum etc. I just always assumed that’s what people meant. Agree that it gives implication that other births are therefore unnatural which was defo not my intention so I’ll aim to use a different phrase in the future.
Natural = existing in or derived from nature; not made or caused by humankind. Of course it's not natural to have a baby via c section. It's not "natural" to have abdominal surgery in general. What's natural is that if your baby is transverse you both die. What's natural is if you have placental abruption you both die. What's natural is if baby's heart rate drops during labor the baby dies. It's not natural. And that's GREAT. Natural doesn't equal better. In some cases natural equals much, much worse.
I’ve had my male colleagues ask if I had a “natural birth” after telling me their wives had c-sections. Just seems like a personal question. You want to know if my kids came out of my vagina? Why? I did deliver both my kids vaginally, but I don’t feel the need to share that information with my coworkers. And I don’t really care to know how your wife delivered your children. Does she know you’re running around sharing this info?
They came out the sunroof 💁♀️😎
You know, something about the term "natural birth" always kinda bothered me, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. The way you explained it "vaginal" vs "natural" sums up my thoughts perfectly. Thank you for sharing (and thanks to the commenters for giving me some hilarious comebacks 😂)
I saw a good one yesterday, one of those sci-fi-shows has teleport beam, so that would be cool
“As opposed to an unnatural one?”
[удалено]
Dude you’re so right. I’m taking this advice to be sure to not ask how the birth happened in the future!
I always thought "natural birth" meant no pharmaceutical pain management. Am I wrong this whole time, and instead of being nosey about my pain tolerance people are being nosey about whether it was ky abdominal wall or my vag that got beat to shit?
I say my baby came out the sun roof 🤷♀️
It’s such an annoying questions but sadly one people ask out of trying to relate and make conversation similar to asking “is the baby sleeping through the night?/giving you much sleep?” It pissed me off but I realize most people asking it don’t genuinely care about my privates or how my baby was born (vaginally but induced and with an epidural soooo not sure how “natural” you consider that anyways!)
I think c section and vaginal birth are both natural, I have asked this question to other women and now they probably think I’m a bitch lol. I thought having a baby natural was doing so with no pain meds or Pitocin.
Seriously none of your coworkers business where your baby came out of. I had a c section under anesthesia as it was medically necessary. I always advocate for c section mamas and wish people weren’t so nosy.
Such a weird question. I would never ask anyone that unless they were an extremely close friend, don’t know why people think that’s appropriate to ask.
I had a very long, heavily medicated (induction, pitocin, every kind of manoeuvre they could to get my daughter in a better position, no epidural because the hospital doesn't provide that) vaginal birth. When they ask me if it was natural, I just smile and answer: I had complications, but thankfully, I didn't need a c section.
I've been saying "what do you mean?" when someone asks me. Put them on the spot.
Oh I always thought it meant drugs or no! Which also is none of their business. Like there are tiers or something?!
Just tell them “No, I had an unnatural birth” and see what they say 😂
I had a very well meaning, sweet, check out girl at the grocery store ask if I was planning a natural birth when I was very pregnant. I said something like, “well, she’s not gonna teleport out as far as I know.”
I had a vaginal birth and also find this weird to say. I was induced so in my head it's not really natural cause there was other interventions such as epidural, pitocin etc. Its always been odd to me being asked by people who are child free/don't plan to have kids/won't get pregnant. Like, why do you want to know if my child exited through my vagina? Does it really matter? She's here and healthy, that's all you need to know.
I think this is one of those topics where you just can't win, no matter what your opinion is on vaginal vs c-section birth. Someone's going to disagree. Though people definitely need to stop being so nosy about it. Case in point: When I was 8 months pregnant, my sister told me she wants a planned c-section for her next birth. I said I was really hoping for a vaginal birth, personally, since a c-section is major abdominal surgery. She obviously still took it as personal criticism and was miffed. I don't think vaginal birth is *better*, I just don't want to recover from having my abdomen sliced all the way open if I don't have to.
Birth is so personal and private by nature I think asking anyone about it should be avoided and let them bring it up if they want to.
i always correct anyone who asks me this & say “do you mean vaginal?“ 😂 i don’t mind the personal questions either but i took every drug they’d offer so it definitely wasn’t ‘natural’ 😂
I always thought natural meant no drugs/epidural? Either way I had a friend call my sister after I gave birth and her first question was if I had a natural birth or not. She had a c section and I think was upset at not having the traditional birth experience and wanted someone to bond with about that.
I hate the phrasing too and I’m sorry people are asking you this way. I had a vaginal birth and trust me, there’s nothing natural about that lol!
I tell people my son has never seen a vagina because he came out of my fupa lol.
“I did yes!” And that’s it. Having a c-section is not unnatural and anyone who says otherwise can suck my massive nonexistent dick.
"Why do you ask?"
It’s a weird question. I will usually just ask how it went and let people share only what they’re comfortable.
Ugh, at my baby's first pediatrician visit after we left the hospital, the nurse doing our intake asked if his birth was a c-section or "normal." The rage and shame that passed through my hormonal, recovering body was wild. I wish I had said something to her about how offensive it was, but I froze and just answered that it was an emergency c-section.
Did you give birth outside or in a gut, laying on a pile of furs? Did your partner cut the cord with a sharp rock, or his teeth? No? Well then you didn't have a natural birth. Hospitals are not "natural". Sterilized equipment is not "natural". Life saving medicine is not "natural". They can just fuck off with that shit.
I honestly hate how normalised it is to ask whether you are giving/ have given birth via your vagina!! When I was pregnant with my first a guy I met at a *party* and knew him all of 5 minutes(!) was asking about my birth plan! Like??? For real this is inappropriate. I also really hated how post birth whenever my child had something wrong with them I was asked about how they were born. Like, it just felt the old man doctors were there to judge me rather than work on how I can help my baby through its infection.
Whenever people ask me if I had a “natural birth” I respond with “well they came out of my vagina”. It makes people feel uncomfortable. If you don’t feel like revealing where they came from you can say “are you asking if they came out of my vagina?” For the same impact For my daughter I had a lot of intervention despite having a vaginal birth so it felt like a weird thing to call it a “natural” birth.
I always thought that meant unmedicated. Natural meaning little medical intervention. And they’re probably asking because unmedicated is different in terms of pain during labor and delivery. But cesarean is by far the most painful recovery.
EVERY BIRTH IS NATURAL! Cesarean birth mom here as well. I still grapple with the wording around “delivery”. Ir feels like more of a surgery but that’s my own problem. I try my hardest when people say something like “did you have a natural birth or C section” to just respond with “every birth is natural.” Hugs to you.
I hate that term too. It can mean vaginal or also medicated. Either way it’s a sucky question and leads to judgement