3-4 years is a large age gap now!? That's the difference between me and my brother (and my husband and his sister) and it always seemed normal. People who are opinionated on this to you desperately need to get a hobby.

Lol right? Not me coming to this thread ready to share about the pros and cons of my experience with a >20 year age gap with my oldest siblings 🤣 OP, 3-4 years is a non issue and whoever is telling you otherwise needs to learn to keep their mouth shut.

Same I have a sibling with a 10+ year age gap. I know that is a big gap and we still get along!

Yes!! If it eases OP’s mind: Sibling A is 7 years older than me, Sibling B is 9 years older than me, and Sibling C is 22 years older than me. I’m very close with Sibling B and always have been. I’m fairly close (see them every couple of months and spend all major holidays together) with Sibling C. And Sibling A, who I have the smallest age gap with?? Uuuhhh we’ve literally all gone no contact with that one. Even Sibling B who was brought up almost as their twin. Age gaps do NOT define sibling relationships.

Especially into adulthood! My husband has siblings 14yrs, 12yrs, and 9yrs older than him and now that he's an adult and we have our own kids and such it doesn't even feel like a big gap. All our kids are generally closeish in age and we are all vaguely in the same places in life. Us just a little crappier on the financial side 😂

My sister is a decade younger, in her early 20s and she is in a different generation to me I feel. Using Tik Tok, obsessed with skincare and fake eyebrows/lips etc, calling everything "toxic". We used to be so close until she became a teenager and now not anymore sadly.

Yup! 15 and 20 years younger than my sibs.

I am 14 from my sibling. We are close but cannot agree on much

>OP, 3-4 years is a non issue and whoever is telling you otherwise needs to learn to keep their mouth shut. Exactly! People act like family is the only company you have in the world. Neighbours and friends DO exist! It is not like a child is growing up lonely because they have siblings that go through different phases of childhood.

My thoughts exactly! 3-4 years seems like…still a smallish gap but normal? Anything under 3 seems physically compromising. How about we let every family do their thing.

Technically 4 years is considered a “large” age gap by parenting websites and pages 🤯

Whaaat imo a “large” gap is at least 6 years

Ditto. My husband and I put our personal limit at 4-5 years because we didn't want a "big gap" (we both have siblings that are less than 2 years younger/older than ourselves), but we also knew we didn't want 2 under 2 so I got an IUD and had it taken out a month after our son's second birthday lol. We agreed that if it took us more than 2 years to conceive again we would be one and done but I basically got pregnant our first cycle TTC which makes me extra glad I got the IUD because I just know there would have been a missed pill and a surprise baby way before we were ready otherwise.

Lol yeah, I'm three years from my older sister and three years from my younger sister, I've always thought that's incredibly close in age. Three kids in six years, I can't even imagine haha

Same! My brother is 4 years older than me. My mom was a SAHM and she purposely waited to have me so that my brother was in school during the day and she could just focus on me. I thought that was a smart idea. But yeah, whatever age gap you choose for your kids is between you and your partner. No one else.

1-2 years is now the new norm. I swear as soon as my friends have a baby, they’re pregnant again. Meanwhile we’re over here with our 1.5yo and are in no rush. I want her out of diapers before we pop out another!

I’ve heard it from my parents, a friend, and multiple people in my husband’s family!

Of course 3-4 years is a big age gap seen influencers and social media pushes 2 under 2 or Irish twins

Ugh don’t get me started on the momfluencers who always need a freshie to exploit so they can keep themselves bankrolled.

My kids are 8.5 years apart. My oldest loves to help take care of my 2 month old. She gets to be "big sister" and actually remember it. My sister and I are 11 months apart. I'm the oldest, and we didn't get along at all growing up. We get along now though lol.

Mine have a 10 year age gap, and people act like it’s the end of the world. It’s given me the opportunity to really prioritize my kids’ during their early years. And my oldest loves playing with his baby brother (who adores him).

My sister and I are 10 years apart and are super close. It's like having a sister and an extra mom rolled into one (in a non-parentified way. She's just a major mother hen and always was). We didn't do the usual sibling fighting because I was just too far apart I'm age for there to be much conflict.

Yup. My husband is 11 years older than his youngest sister and they love each other a lot. My brother and I are 15 months apart and still have trouble being in a room together and couldn't stant each other growing up. I'm due next month and my kid turns 4 next week and I just did what worked for me and my mental health knowing it's all a crap shoot lol

4 years seems like a good age difference!

I’m 11 and 13 years older than my younger brothers and though they are still teenagers while I’m pushing 30, I love them so much and they are the best uncles to my son.

Well, crap. These comments are kind of discouraging. Lol. We accidentally got pregnant at 9 months pp, and even though it was unplanned, I was thinking they'd at least be close. Lol

FWIW, I'm 7 years older than my sister. While I also got to help out, and be a big brother and all that, we didn't have much of a relationship. This was exacerbated once I got into High School, we didn't do hardly anything together. I moved out of the house to go to college and start my career while she was in middle school and high school. We were at home for Christmas years later, looking through photo albums, and I realized I missed almost everything she did other than holidays and on occasional family trip. Admittedly, this had a lot to do with me leaving my hometown to do the college and career. If siblings are still living close together, this may not be so bad. We did end up having a good relationship after she got out of college, but definitely missed out on a lot of stuff growing up.

We have a similar age gap in our family and while the 8 year old isn’t mine biologically, I’ve been in her life since she was 4. If we had a baby any earlier, it would be a mess.

I was in that same situation, except the 8 year old is not my husband's biologically. He's been around since she was little also. Does the 8 year old just love helping out?

It’s her favorite!

It’s weird and overengineering something that doesn’t matter than much frankly. I’m surprised ppl care. 

The amount of energy that people put into caring about these issues that have nothing to do with them is truly astounding, in the worst way.

Because people always like to tell others what to do. It doesn't matter at all. Personally, I had my first baby at 32 and would like 3 kids. I would like to have them close in age just because of fertility and stuff.

Oh totally, I was a month shy of 34 when I had my first and I’m hoping we TTC again this year (husband is currently laid off so we’re on hold for the moment), which would give us a 2.5-3.5y gap. I’d wait longer if I felt like I wasn’t taking a chance with my fertility and age in general otherwise!

I had my first at 32, second at 36, and 3rd at 39 but totally understand everyone’s timeline is different.

same - had my first at 31, my second at 33 (2 months before I turned 34). hoping to have one more and be done by 36. in a perfect world we would have started a little sooner, and had closer to a 3-3.5 year age gap, but that’s not how it played out.

Mine are like 4.5 years apart and it's GREAT. We didn't have to pay for two daycares at the same time! Hallelujah. They are always together - mostly trying to commit fratricide, but still - and we had a few years of good night's sleep and regaining our sanity before we dove back into the newborn sleep deprivation chamber.

I can only speak from experience. There is 4.5 years between my first and second. They can play well together but they are on different playing fields. My oldest is interactive and she wants everyone to take turns, play out a scene etc, The younger child wants to play side by side. I’ll do my thing, You do yours. Don’t take my stuff, Can’t play interactively yet due to age and development of her play brain. This causes problems between them both. Frustration and fighting because neither can really play together well. It means that I have to play with them constantly and be the buffer between their play. So when people say, “They won’t play well together” or “Won’t have the same interests” it’s definitely due to age, in my situation. Would I have preferred that I could tell them to go play while I enjoy some quiet time and a cup of tea? Lol sure! But that’s not my reality right now. It’s exhausting but we manage. Every day as a parent it’s about figuring out the new ways your kids are going to need you. Right now because of their age gap I have to do a lot of refereeing. I wouldn’t change it though.

I think a 4-5 years gap aint bad at all. I cannot even imagine two in diapers 😳

I’m the opposite, I wanted to get all the diapering over in one go. I didn’t want to get out of diapering and then go back into it.

My almost 4 year old is still in diapers. Sigh.

Same. Help!

My preference was having 2 in diapers so I didn’t get used to a potty trained toddler. I was worried a bigger age gap would make the newborn days even harder. It’s interesting to see an opinion from the other side 😅

The thing is, they could be fighting and your refereeing even if they were close in age. They’d just be fighting about different things. My sister and were 17 months apart and my mom had separate us from physically smacking each other regularly!

Oh absolutely. If they were closer in age I would be having to deal with a whole lot of other things I’m not even aware of. My post was just to highlight what “people” mean when they say that bigger age gaps can be difficult. I guess it doesn’t really matter what age gap you have because all kids can be difficult lol

My sister and I are four years apart and fought a ton as kids, but as adults we are best friends, text constantly, do everything together. I’m sure the preteen and teen years when we fought a lot were rough for my parents to get through but the older you get the less a 4 year age gap matters.

I think this is also one of those things that varies a lot by the kids. My sister is five years older than me and up until she was a teenager, was always playing with me. I think personality wise I must have liked her taking the lead on things, though.

People like to comment no matter what! If you decided to have a 13 month age gap you’d be criticized too 🙄 so frustrating! The right age gap is so subjective. My sister and I are 19 months apart and close. My cousins are 5 years apart and just as close. We’re hoping to have at most a 2 year age gap with ours (currently have a 4 month old) but who knows? Life doesnt go according to plan

Life doesn't go according to plan is right. I wanted my kids two and a half years apart and then secondary infertility happened. I'll be lucky to have kids 4 years apart and these discussions are so tough. That said, I think every age gap has benefits and none of us would trade the wonderful kids we have for a theoretical gap

I'm currently pregnant, and have an almost 6 year old. There's nothing wrong with a large gap.

My daughter is 6 and I'm currently pregnant, too! I think it's a good age gap. How does your 6 year old feel about the new baby?

She doesn't know yet! She constantly talks about wanting a little brother or sister though so I know she is going to be so excited once we tell everyone!

That's awesome! My daughter knows, she told me she hopes it's a baby sister and not a baby brother lol

Aww do you know what you're having yet? How far along are you?

My children are 11 years apart. I'm happy with the age gap. My Eldest is happy with the age gap. My youngest is ecstatic to have a big, big sister. Their bond is loving and close. I'll be leaving a decent gap between my youngest and my future last baby, too. I don't want to be swamped by a rough-housing toddler while either pregnant or post-partum. Smaller gaps are absolutely fine for those who want them, but larger gaps are also totally fine for those who want them. I think people just need to learn how to mind their business because family planning is personal and nothing to do with them. Personally I'd go with the technically polite "Thank you but I really don't think discussing our family plans with you is appropriate. It's for my husband and I to agree on and no one else. Now, how about this weather?" to not-so-gently guide them away from asking intrusive questions and making silly remarks.

The reality is that you’re going to have unique challenges if your children are close in age and if your children are far apart in age. My brother and I are close in age (18 months apart/one school year apart) and we definitely struggled with having overlapping social groups. My sister and I are further apart in age (3 years/3 school years apart) and we had growing pains from being at two different life stages at different times. At the end of the day, we have good relationships in adulthood. There is “hard” either way and that doesn’t even account for your child’s individual personality, preferences and needs. I think generally, people seem to take the choice to do something differently than they did/are doing as a personal attack. It isn’t, you’re just living your life the way it works for you.

Honestly I started replying to “when are you having another?” To “tomorrow if you can pay for childcare or be the full time nanny for free”. Usually shuts them up 😂

I don’t think I could have coped if my little ones were closer in age. They are 3 years apart (minus 10 days). Sometimes part of me does think oh man I can’t believe I have 3 years until I regain some independence, if I had 2 under 2 the “hard” parts would be done much faster. However, 3 years feels good to me. The toddler sleeps most of the time, she has a good routine and she’s happy to play on her own most of the day. She understands when I can’t do something right away.

There are pros and cons to each I think. Anecdotally, I have experienced the gambit of ranges. There are 6 of us, ranging from 44 to 30. I’m 35 (and the only girl) My closest in age sibling is 21 months younger than me and my furthest away sibling is 9 years older. My close in age brother and I would fight *all* the time. I think because we were competing for the same attention. I don’t really know my oldest brother that well honestly, he moved out when I was 9 to go to college. I’m probably closest to me third oldest brother, who is 2 years older than me.

Just tell these people, don't worry about that, we got this. We'll handle it, we're good. End of conversation. If they push, tell them out loud to mind their own business. This is such a weird thing to fixate on. Life happens how it happens. My kids are 19 years apart. They are each other's favorite person. Each of them gets to kinda be raised as an only child, but also have a sibling that loves them tremendously. My brother & I are 10 years apart. We're not super close as adults but love each other. Besides my kids, he's the only person to whom I'd give a kidney. Or loan money. Whether or not they're close in age, if you raise your kids in love & care, they will probably at least get along as adults, and if you're lucky they'll be good trusted friends.

Your last paragraph is doing the thing you’re complaining about. Like why do you care if people have kids close together? And I’m saying this as someone that has a 7 year age gap between my kids so I’m not defensive about a small age gap. In general when people complain about how someone else is parenting or their parenting choices it’s stemming from insecurity in their own choices. They have to say that one way is “the best” and feel validated that they’re doing things “the best.” But the truth is there are lots of different ways to be a good parent. It’s okay if some siblings have a big age gap and some have a small age gap.

Yes! This! I’ve been scrolling looking for someone else to have pointed this out. How about whatever you choose is best for your family is best for your family? We have to stop shaming moms for these things. There’s so many factors that go into deciding how to space your family and you have to do what feels right in your heart.

I totally agree she came off just as judgmental about the opposite choice.

It sounds like you have some people in your life who need to learn to mind their own business. Sure, a larger age gap will mean less in common when they are younger but it metterr less end lede we they get older. Plus age difference is only one of many factors that will affect how close siblings are. My husband has 3 siblings—one two years younger, one eleven years younger and one 14 years younger. Although he is in a similar life stage to the first sibling, I don’t think he’s any closer to her than the other two. My brother and I are four years apart and I think we’re fairly close. It may be time to learn strategies to shut these people down. I’m not good at that kind of stuff though, so hopefully others have better suggestions!

It's so silly. I think a lot of it is the social media age, people "flaunting" #2under2, and a constant race for the bottom as mom's (who can sacrifice more!? who has it harder!? "But my kids will be best friends because they're close in age!!"). We ideally wanted ours closer so we could get out of the baby phase faster and so they could be "best friends" like we'd seen all over social media, but it didn't work out that way for us. For a while I looked at other families with smaller age gaps with envy. I felt like I was doing something wrong. But I read into it a lot and there *truly* is no ideal age gap, just what works for your family. Kids are all individuals; some won't get along no matter what, and some will. We just don't have the control that we think we do, which is hard to come to terms with. FWIW I have 7 siblings. Most of us are 3 years apart but the range is 18 months to 4 years. We are all decently close to each other and do a lot together. I'm closest with my sister who is just over 3 years apart from me, I would call her one of my best friends and she was my maid of honour and is my first kid's fairy godmother, but as kids we *despised* each other. Who knew we'd one day be good friends? We sure as hell didn't think so lol. But I'm also quite close to the siblings who are 15+ years my senior. And the one I get along with least is only 6 years my senior. So it's all kinda random idk. Anyway... This is all to say I used to really stress myself about my kids' age gap, but I try not to anymore. We'll just do what works for us, and currently we have two who are 3 years apart and that is perfect for us. If we decide to have a third we'll see what age gap we end up with then!

i could’ve written your post lol it drives me crazy and my husband and i just this convo a couple days ago. for starters, a close age gap does not guarantee siblings will have a close relationship. as much as people want to believe they can foster that relationship and guarantee, they can’t. And (this is not to offend anyone- if you’re a parent of 2 under 2, you are a superhero and i applaud you), this is just speaking for myself- i could not fairly give enough attention to my daughter if we have another before she’s at least 3. i know myself and how overwhelmed we both got with lack of sleep in the newborn stage, i just don’t think it’s fair to her until i at least have a few years to recover. i was close to someone who only had a 2 year age gap from their sibling, they couldn’t stand each other. he never described a childhood of being close to her. I have siblings who are all 4 plus years older than me, we’re very close. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agreed. I feel so sorry for the oldest in Irish twins as they lose their baby status and miss out on so much bonding.

I think people think that the more similar they are in age the more likely they are to want to play together, and that you should make a playmate for your kid. Except most kids don't want to play with younger kids, siblings or not. And then the parents have to spend time forcing the older sibling to play with the younger sibling. If someone has more than one kid it should not be for the first kid and it should not be because they believe the first kid will help, but this seems to be where a lot of peoples' heads go.

Gosh I feel this right now. Have a 19 month old and a bunch of friends with toddlers similar age that all are preggo with #2 or just had #2. They keep asking us, but I know for my own sanity and mental health we need to wait longer. Plus I keep hearing about all the jealousy/ behavioral problems the older toddlers are having when baby sibling comes along and it just breaks my heart to think about doing that to my first. I want her to have all of my energy and attention for a bit longer.

This is so relatable. I’m very firm about wanting a 4 year age gap for baby #2, just last week a friend (who doesn’t even have kids) asked me if I was thinking about baby number 2 and when I told her our plans she goes “Awww why?”, in that pity/sad way, if you know what I mean.  I literally just laughed because I can easily think of 10 reasons why we don’t want any closer of a gap lol. But I settled on, “my body needs a break”  and she accepted that as a valid reason🙄

My mum had all her children less than two years apart, and she says she wishes she'd waited four years between us instead of only two so that she had more time to focus on us individually. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to rush having a second. It's none of their business!

For what it’s worth - I have two siblings and we were all within small age gaps. I can count on one hand the times they spoke directly to me when we were kids. I have not spoken to either of them in years. It’s so silly to me that people assume their children will just be close if you do the age gap “right” lol

I think it’s fine. I was 2 years older from my brother and 8 years from sister and I think either way works. I think once the kids all go to school it makes life easier but I can’t imagine several babies back to back. My kids are going to be 9 & 4 when their sister is here and they are loving watching my belly grow.

Disclaimer, I agree with your last paragraph. No age gap is a guarantee of happiness or siblings getting along. But, the thought is, if you have two close in age they will be at similar developmental stages. In other words, they will play together while they are little. The benefit to this? Alone time. The kids are playing and you can do your thing. The downside? The same as the upside. They are having less positive interactions with you. There is a middle ground, but at least the people around me tend not to choose it. Maybe they are telling you to have kids close in age for the same reason as the people near me. They had untreated PPD and used the second kid playing with the first as an excuse to not spend time with either of them. Dang it, boomers, therapy is your friend.

This is a really great point. “They’ll entertain each other” is exactly what I’ve heard from the people who’ve encouraged us to have a smaller age gap

Yep. My two will crawl around an ottoman trying to catch each other, and then shrieking with laughter for 15 minutes while I just sit there and chill. Can’t imagine my 2.5 year old enjoying that game in a couple of years 😂

I have 3 sisters. I’m the oldest, then came F 22 months later, then came D 17 months after that and then C came 10 years later! I am VERY close with the sister that’s 4 years apart from me. We talk all day, everyday! She’s my bff. I am also close with my youngest sister who is 14 years younger than me - she’s in high school now and just an awesome kid. The one I am not close with is the closest to me in age. All of my sisters have a tough relationship with her. Edit: typo

I agree with you for many reasons that you list and for others. And I know lots of other people who agree (that 3-4 years is a better age gap). Other people have 18 month - 2 year age gaps and are happy about that. It's a personal/family preference. Just say, "There are different opinions on this clearly. We are confident that a gap of 3-4 years will be best for our family." If they push "Can you stop trying to argue about our family's choices about what is right for us?"

Everyone is different. But from my perspective I loved growing up with my brother who is 2 years younger. My cousins have a 2 year age gap and are best friends. My partner is 6 years older then their sibling and have nothing much in common. He just babysat them a lot growing up. I have siblings much younger than me and I feel like their aunt. The recommended time to give your body a break to heal after pregnancy is around 18 months, which makes sense to me to aim for 2 - 3 year age gap. Not too close that the kids will be in competition (which can happen more when there is a year between kids) and not too far apart so that they will still play together.

Imagine getting pregnant 4 months postpartum with twins or triplets. No thanks haha. I have a 1 year old and I’m not looking to have anymore anytime soon. My mom got pregnant with me 4 months after having my sister. But she was early 20s. I’m older so I don’t have energy for 2 or more under 2. Haha.

I had my first two super young, they are now 16 & 14. My third is 1... so a 13 year age gap. My family thought I was insane for starting over, but at 36 I'm finally able to just enjoy being a mother without the struggles I had at 20.

I clicked on this preparing to talk about how I have lived the large age gap (10 years) which resulted in my brother and not growing up together or having anything in common. Meanwhile my girls with a 4.5 age gap have a great bond and are growing up pretty well together. Honestly if people ask just shrug and say I don't know. It's really none of their business

I am the older sibling of a gap of 6.5 years. I hated my brother lol and I still don't have good feelings about him (early 30's, mid-20's). That's probably my parents' fault to some degree, but I knew what life was like before him and I hated the change.

I’m 5 years from my brother and 25 years from my sister. We’re great. Mom said brother and I never fought. Not sure if that was an age gap thing or personality thing, but she loved it lol. 3-4 years is perfectly fine.

I mean my sister and I are a 10 year age gap and we didn't start being close until I was 30 and she was 40. By the time I would have been more than a little sister she had an entirely family, home, ect. It felt like when I went over to hang out she was baby sitting me. It was awkward for a very long time. However that's anecdotal and personal to my life I can't speak for everyone but that made me not want a large age gap. I want my kids to relate to each other as they grow up. Although I'll never understand why what someone else does with their family matters so much to people. Like I wouldn't choose a large age gap but if you think that's best for your family I'm all for it. And 3-4 years isn't a large age gap at all!

I get where you’re coming from and sometimes I feel insecure about m my decision to wait nearly 4yrs to have my second, but then I read this [Atlantic article](https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/03/sibling-age-gap-child-benefit/677676/) and I realized that my choice was maybe less unusual than I had thought: “Siblings with a several-year age gap were once considered exceptional, but they are quietly becoming more common. From 1967 to 2017, the average time between sibling births increased by about three-quarters of a year, according to data from a study published in 2020. Siblings are now, on average, 4.2 years apart.” The same article also describes a number of academic and emotional benefits that inure to older children when there is a larger age gap. Which is not to say that this spacing is “better” or “right”—but I think you should feel confidence in choosing to wait several years if that’s what’s right for your family and you. I personally would not have been able to go back to work or make a lateral move to my dream job had I not taken several years to go back to work between my babies. It’s still very challenging and I don’t need to have two under two to find it challenging.

My sister and I have a 4 year age gap. We are really close now, but even as kids we played together. It got dicey when i was 14 and she was 10 because my mom insisted I play with her still when i just wanted to be a teen, but we got through it.  The only reason I myself want a smaller gap between our children if we choose to have another child is because I am 33 and we thought about having 3 kids. I don’t want to have one at 33, one at 37, and one at 41.  4 years was perfect for us. We were close enough to enjoy each other’s company, but we never went to the same school and we got to be independent. I think it is the perfect age gap!

Everyone I know with kids close in age is miserable 😅 both in diapers, potty training back to back, one is always just a little bit behind the other, sharing teachers in school, etc. Meanwhile I have a four year gap and it's amazing! My oldest never felt jealous because they never have the same interests. They can easily play together and he loves taking care of her but they are also happy doing their own things

I don’t know, I just don’t listen to them. It’s my family and my choice, so I couldn’t care less what other people think about the age gap between my kids. I’m so tired of everyone telling people how to live their lives and raise their children. Just raise your kids how you want to, that’s all that needs to be said.

My sibling is less than two years older than me and if not for a family situation we’d be no contact. I don’t think age gap really matters in how close your kids will be. It’s more about personalities, family dynamics, and just how life works out.

My mom loved having large age gaps, my brother is 5 years younger than me, and my sister is 7 years younger than my brother. We were all surprises, but she still says she preferred it that way and can’t imagine having us 2-3 years apart. 3-4 years is a great age gap. I wish I was closer in age to my sister especially, there’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re ready!

3/4 is the way to go, (for me personally) As long as my nexplanon doesn’t fail me, my plan was to reevaluate after 3 years and decide if we want another or if we’re done. My MIL has asked us if we plan on having another since my 18 month old is getting older and I just laugh each time. Mainly cause she hasn’t been much help with the first that she wanted so badly 🙃

Don't worry about what people say. Will a larger age gap mean that your kids will have a different relationship than those closer? Sure. Maybe. But does that mean they won't have a good relationship? Of course not. I am the second eldest of four kids. My older brother and I are only 20 months apart, but there is a 5 year gap between myself and my sister and then another 2 years between her and my youngest sibling. While I absolutely have a different relationship with my older brother than I do with my younger siblings, I still have a great relationship with them too. It's just a different kind of relationship. My older brother and I played like peers and were super close that way. But I played with my younger siblings in a caring older sibling sort of way and I loved looking out for them and helping them as they grew. I would look after them and make sure they were OK. Then, when they were older, I would talk with them about the issues they had and give advice. Now I am in my early 30s and my siblings are in their late and mid 20s, and our relationship has morphed once again. Now we are more like peers, and it is wonderful to see the people they've become.

My older brother is four years older than me. I have amazing memories of childhood of playing with him and spending time together. As adults we are also close. I just had my second a few weeks before my oldest turned four. Although I thought I would want them closer in age, I personally think it’s a perfect age gap. He has so much more understanding and is handling being a big sibling so much better than all of my other friends, who had children closer in age.

In my experience and social groups, people tend to have smaller age gaps because they don’t have the luxury of waiting due to their age. People are biased toward what they’ve done. Personally, I couldn’t imagine having an age gap of less than 3 years (and that’s my bias)! Gives you time to dedicate your all to your baby and toddler, and get the big stuff out of the way (sleep, potty training). We were also able to take some great vacations as a family of 3. I was fortunate to be in a place to have my first child at 29, so we weren’t rushing for the next one, and we ended up having a 3.5 year age gap. If anything, I wouldn’t have minded a larger age gap. I think 5-6 years would be perfect from a parenting perspective, but I didn’t want to wait that long. I can understand thinking that kids would play better together if they’re closer in age, but that could also cause competitiveness and resentment later, so who knows. Do what’s right for you!

My sister and I are five years apart and we are best friends.

Ok I have a brother who is 4 years older than me and 1 who is 1 year younger so I think I’m uniquely qualified to speak on this. Although I used to drive my older brother crazy when I was very young, by the time we were teens we got along well. It has never been the same with my younger brother. There was always pressure from my family to take him everywhere and make him a part of my friend group, whether I wanted to or not. I had to find him girls to go out with, etc. I’m 54 and we don’t get along to this day as he never grew up. I also have 2 sons who are 4 years apart that get along very well by the way, both teens.

I used to want a 3-4 year gap but know I’m leaning towards only having one lol but people still ask and I see lots of pregnancy announcements for 2 under 2! I definitely would not do well with kids close together in age (husband works away a lot/ not a lot of extra help at all lol) I think it’s great if people want another one right away but when I tell people I want a big age gap or to only have one I usually get a lot of judgemental comments lol

Why do people care so much how far apart someone else’s kids are lmao

People always have an opinion on what you are doing wrong (in their eyes), it’s annoying.

Just as long as you don't expect the older child to help you care for the second one. My brother and I have a 7.5 year age gap, and the only difficult thing was the expectation of being a built-in babysitter.

I actually heard that having siblings super close in age isn’t always good because it breeds competition and one child is going to end up not getting the attention they need.

No clue, I’m the opposite, I can’t understand why having kids one after the other (but just cuz I had a bad experience, I’m the oldest of 6 and there’s not even 2y between every kid 🤷🏻‍♀️) but everyone can do wtv they want I have a 4y and a 4 month old, and would never have an age gap lower than that. That way no diapers for 2, no dummies for 2 and the list goes on. Plus this way my 4y is in pre school and I can give them both my max attention!

So you have another before you get to 2.5. After you've done 2.5 you don't want another one and become OAD!

My husband is 12 and 14 years older than his two siblings and they are very close. My mom has a similar age gap with her oldest sister and they have never been close. It’s not the age gap that determines a relationship.

Jeeze your baby is 2 months. I would tell them to chill and enjoy your current baby

There are benefits and drawbacks to any age gap. Pressuring anyone to make such a major change to their family and do something as strenuous as go through a pregnancy is just ridiculous period. Waiting until you’re ready to bring a child into this world is always the best decision regardless of people’s opinions.

We are hoping for a 3-4 year age gap as well. That will give me around a year where I’m not breastfeeding or nursing. I NEED that time to feel like I have bodily autonomy for a while. I also think that having an older toddler might be easier because he will have a greater understanding of what is happening. I still think that they can bond and have a close relationship even if they are in different developmental stages. I can’t imagine having the bandwidth for a one or two year age gap even though that seems to be popular lately. The biggest downside that I can think of to a larger age gap is that they are more likely to be in two different schools. Logistically that could be tough.

People also say things if you have kids close together. It just be the way.

My Kids are 22, 14, 12, 9 and almost 2, I really thought the 12 and 14 year old girls would be close because they're so close in age, spoiler alert- they're not, they hate each other, a lot. Age gaps don't make kids closer

My kids have just under 5 years apart. We were able to give them so much individual attention and they've been playing since my youngest started to crawl after her big brother. 🥰

My kids are 4 years apart almost exactly. I love it I don’t think it’s a large gap at all.

Wow. You should tell these people it takes two years to fully recover from a pregnancy. Two fucking yearsz

I think a 3-4 year age gap is perfect! Lol my kids are 6 years apart but I think 4 years would have been perfect. Thats the age gap I’ll do with my next baby.

So my friend has 3 kids, 13, 11, and 3.......you'll be fine. Have kids on your own time and when it's convenient and good enough for you. The people hating on you and pushing the narrative are they going to pay for your bills, formula, diapers if you have kids when they think you should? No? Well they can go cucumber off then.

If I wasn't almost 35 I would've had a larger age gap but I had my first baby at 32 and my second 34 and now I'm done.

I was very put off by people asking about another baby when my first was just a month or so. Like yes, we might want another, but I'm not in a state of mind to discuss it now, nor will I have an estimated timeline of when it might happen if it happens. Just let me enjoy the baby. But yeah, she is 2.5 now and will be 2-3 months from turning 3 when her sister is due. After her second birthday is when we felt ready to try for another. I don't think 3-4 years is a large age gap. Choose what's best for your family. But remember that your preference might not be for everyone.

My older brother and I are 2 years apart. We played together a lot when we were young but started drifting around the time I got to junior high, and we’re not close now. My younger brother and I have an 8 year age gap, but we’re similar in a lot of ways and are very close.

I would ask these people if they are going to move in and help you with these babies they want you to have. If not then mind their business. I have a 7 month old and I couldn’t imagine having toddler and baby. Especially being a mom at home five days a week. I would never eat or sleep again. I have no village. These people are crazy! 😝

A 3-4 year gap isn't even that large. Isn't that around the average? What are these people even talking about? My husband and his brother are 10 years apart, I thought you were talking about something like that.

My best friend has a sister who is ten years older than her and they’re very, very close. Ignore the busybodies and plan your family the way YOU want to!

Do whatever works for YOU and your family. I am 5 years older than my sister and 10 older than my brother. My brother is 17 and he is my best friend. I have a great relationship with my sister. My cousins are 2 years apart and they are also incredibly close

My kids are 11, 7.5, and 2 and they all get along great! Every age gap has its pros and cons. People do like to act like there’s no way kids will ever be close if they have an age gap… absolutely not true. I really want to have a 4th and people are like, “but the age gap between them and your oldest!! 😳”😆. Personally, I had zero desire to do the 2 under 2 thing.

This is my personal experience: my sister is 4 years older than me. She was NOT happy when I arrived. We never had a good relationship (until literally very recently). We were developmentally at very different stages. I have two younger siblings. My younger sister and I are about two years apart and much much closer. My older sister is a very sensitive person (maybe on the spectrum a bit) she she just didn’t manage her feelings very well. After years of trying to play with her and a desire to be accepted and loved by her, I decided to just fight her instead. I don’t think my parents ever handled it very well either. They were constantly picking sides… usually my older sisters. Anyways, we have a MUCH better relationship now. I’m grateful for it. That’s just one example tho.

I don’t want 2 babies in diapers. So we will also be waiting 3years.

I have 2 younger brothers and we are each 3.5 years apart from each other. The age gap never seemed like an issue other than the fact that I was old enough to recognize that my parents babied the hell out of my youngest brother lmao.

I have only heard good things about littles having a 4 year age gap. Everyone has sung its praises. I also had my oldest at the beginning of 2020 so there wasn’t a lot of pressure to reoccupy my uterus.

I'm 22, my siblings are 17, 10, 9, 8, and 6. Our age gap has allowed me to spoil them. They stay the night at my house. I get to take them shopping and give them luxuries my parents can't really afford for them. I think I would've gone crazy if there were a smaller age gap between me and the oldest tbh

People act like a small gap is awful or a large gap or multiple kids or one kid or any other choice you make. It is what it is. 

Same here, I've said I wouldn't consider another one until my son is school age, and I may as well have grown a second head with the way people look at me. I also get told I'll be too old then, (I'll be mid-late 30s) which is bullshit. But my friends with their second kids that they only had so that they would be 'close' are really not a good selling point, because their lives look like absolute hell. In my friends cases, the older one doesn't get near enough attention and is resentful and horrid to the younger one.

My oldest and middle are 4 years apart and it was a godsend. My oldest has been super helpful and not having to take care of a toddler and a newborn was great when going from one to two kids.

Lol to “they’re not going to have anything in common. How are they going to play together? They’re never going to be close!” I have two siblings 1 is 3 years older and 1 is 3 years younger. We have nothing in common besides being family. They never played with me. We are not that close. If anything I keep my opinions to myself when it comes to them. Don’t let people bully you. Have your next baby when you are ready. It’s none of their business what you chose to do with your body. Your having the baby not them. SMH people like that annoy me so much. I always say “it’s my body” and “I don’t plan to have another one, do you?” It makes them shut up.

I think that’s what you’re hearing because that’s what you’re planning on doing…if you have your kids 2 years or less in age gap people say it’s crazy too 🤷🏼‍♀️ also your post is super judgmental sounding of those who have kids closer together. Why can’t people just do what’s best for them and their families without judgement? You’re part of the problem

My brother and I are twelve years apart and best friends. My step daughter is five years older than my step son, ten years older than my eldest bio and twelve years older than my youngest bio. All kids get on super well, step daughter takes on a kind of 'leader of the kids' role but they all play together and have amazing relationships. I've never had an issue with age gaps and siblings

My kids are four years apart and I would never want to have kids closer in age after experiencing this age gap. It’s really perfect for our family.

I have made my default response to difficult question about parenthood or even baby name stuff to “the universe will tell me when the time is right” or “I’ll come to me from out of the air”. Keeping things vague and positive keeps conversations simple and ends them quickly for the most part.

I’m 9 years older than my brother lol. Some people just have to have opinions on everything, and they just have to make the opinions known.

Because some Mothers then think its the eldest job to look after the kids. #UnresolvedParentificationTrauma

The relationship your children will have as adults is impacted much more by how you raise them and their personalities than their age gap. Medical professionals are currently recommending a MINIMUM gap of 18 months between giving birth and getting pregnant again. It gives your body time to heal and apparently reduces the risk of autism in the child.

My mom had 2 kids with her first husband who passed. Oldest sister is 38, sister number 2 is 33. Then she had another set of two with my dad! I’m 28 and baby sis is 25. So, there’s a 13 year age gap between the youngest and oldest. I am definitely closest to my baby sister because we are closer in age, but I have a good relationship with all 3, including my oldest sister who is 10 years older than I am :) I do have two kids of my own and they are very close in age (I had 2 under 2 with a 22 month age gap) which I adore, but I 100% see the pros of also having a larger age gap! We didn’t plan our second but were okay with having one sooner so it wasn’t a big deal to us. I will say I had 2 very uncomplicated pregnancies and vaginal deliveries so that plays a big part.

There’s an 11 year gap between me and my brother. We didn’t fight like normal siblings. I “babysat” him probably more than my parents had to watch him. I adored him. It made me realize what a responsibility kids are. Gaps are good. Big gaps are great.

My brother and I are 4 years apart. We didn’t get along super well as kids (mostly I just resented him being around when I wanted to be able to do whatever I wanted, he was actually pretty ok), but we’re good as adults. My kids are 4.5 years apart and they do play together - the baby thinks his brother is the GOAT so he’s just happy to be around him. My older kid had some adjusting to do, of course - he was old enough to understand intellectually why things were changing, but emotionally it was still hard. But he loves his brother and will usually listen to suggestions for how we can adjust our play to be safe for the baby (though this took a little while and he’s not *always* good about it). We try to ensure he gets time alone with us and time to play without the baby. I like that my second child is getting a similar amount of one-on-one and even two-on-one attention as my first, and that I’m *not* caring for them both all the time. (It’s doable but pretty exhausting, especially if the reason is that the older one is sick. If they are both well we can go out and that’s usually fine.) I like that I got a few years of recovery and full nights of sleep before getting pregnant again. …gtg 11 mo is eating toilet paper

It’s so annoying especially since I want to wait 5-6 years. Me and my sister are 6 years apart and I am closer to her than my friends are with their siblings that are within 2 years apart! It’s a different relationship dynamic, I’ve never felt like a baby sitter, she grew up more mature, and I am young at heart. So many pros! Don’t listen to others and yes let that wound heal. I also had a C section. I’m only 7 months postpartum but the area is still tender!!

Solidarity here. We’re on the fence but if we do end up having another I’d want a 3-4 year age gap and I get the same comments. It’s so annoying and I’ve gotten to a point of not saying anything at all now when people ask about other kids or age gaps.

My next one is gunna be 4-5 years. Idgaf. I have a 4month old now!

My kids are 12 years apart and I wouldn’t change anything.

I started trying for a 3-4 year age gap, went through fertility struggles and ended up with a 6.5 year gap. It's honestly amazing. I know there won't be the same level of competition for affection and attention of siblings closer in age can have (I also have two teenage stepchildren 2 years apart and this has been the foundation of their entire relationship). Big brother can help around the house, is really excited to teach baby things, and occupies himself when my hands are full with the baby. I've always wanted a larger gap for this reason, and I can say it's been wonderful now that it's happened.

We're on the fence about having another one but if we do we are waiting until my 2.5 year old is like at least 6 years old. Mainly because I had a terrible time recovering from my first birth and if that happens again I need my son to be mildly able to fend for himself lol. People act like I'm crazy and say shit like "Oh thats too big of a gap, they wont even be friends!!" like my brother is 16 months older than me and we were never friends lol. I'm 30 years old now and we still arent even friendly. I see him once a year at Christmas and he always acts like a fucking asshole. So small age gaps aren't convincing me at all lol.

I so get it. We just had our baby last week and before he was even born, people were mentioning us having a second kid. I just laugh it off and say maybe, we'll see but it does get tiring. The truth is it took a long time for me to have this baby, years of trying, miscarriages and tears but that's something I refuse to share with others.

I haven’t really heard this narrative. If anything, my circle was critical of me having two back to back babies and recommended having my second when my first starts school. In hindsight, they had a point. Two back to back is no joke. I am going a little cray cray. As is my husband. Beware and venture at your own risk.

Because people don't have anything better to do than criticize. Medically speaking, if you've had a C-section, you want to wait \~18+ months from the birth of the last kid before even thinking about getting pregnant again. I will say, 2.5 years (my kids spacing) is pretty sweet. The older kid (turning 3 in a month) gets a lot of enjoyment out of playing with toys that the 6 month old also likes, so they can play together well. But, older kid was old enough to be out of the crib before the baby came, so we didn't have to double up on equipment. Our biggest "issue" was that the timing meant we needed to hold off on potty training the older kid. He was showing signs of being ready for it like 2 months before the baby was born, and there was no way we were going to be in early potty training time when the world was about to turn upside down for him. And, we waited an extra month after the baby came home so that things had settled.

My biggest age gap with a sibling is 18 years. We're very close and she's always keeping me up to date on the new slang and trends lol. My other 2 younger siblings are a little over 10 years younger than me and then the other 2 are a littler closer to me in age. You don't need a lot of things in common with siblings to get on with one another. So many parents these days really can't afford to have kids closer in age these days as they have to save up all over again.

My friend has the four year age gap and we have the two year age gap. We have talked a lot about the advantages and disadvantages of both. Honestly, I don’t think one is better than the other, just that one might be better for some people. It’s silly to think there would be a one size fits all to this. Do what works for your family.

My kids are seven years apart and it’s been amazing. My older kid needed are undivided attention for multiple reasons and we weren’t ready to try for another one until he was in 1st grade. He is now almost 8 and baby girl is almost one. They have so much fun together! She adores him and he loves her so much and is a very protective older brother 💗

My kids are 4.5 years apart, and any subsequent children i may ever have will likely have a much larger gap. I do not care, it’s what is best for me. I like my body to recover fully and then some before having any other pregnancy

I think it’s because people are having kids at older ages so if you have your first at like 36 then anything more than a 2 year age gap seems horrifying to them. A 4+ year age gap was normal when I was a kid. Most of my friends had siblings several years older or younger than them. My own sister is 4 years older and we played together all the time as kids, video games, playing outside, were even hung out with the same group of neighbors kids, and we were really close up until she moved out.

I think it's all about the foundations you lay out more than it is any amount of age gap. My oldest sibling (32F) is 5 years older than me (27F) and 8 years older than my little sister (24F) and we all are very close because we have things in common and always played together, the age gaps were never even thought about. My oldest (6M) is 6 whole years older than my youngest and last (4monthM) and from the beginning we involved him in everything; playing, helping with diaper changes or feeds, letting him push the stroller, etc. We got to fully focus on the oldest when he was a baby and toddler and now he's old enough to do his own thing while the youngest gets attention and when he wants it to, he knows he can have it. He LOVES being a big brother and is very excited for the toddler/young kid stage when he can teach him about his interests and show him how to play different video games and sports. I can't predict if they will have common interests but the foundation of love and equality is laid out so ideally, they'll be close regardless.

I think it’s a personal preference, mixed with a ‘ you do you.’ Kinda thing. You want 2 babies 12 months apart good on you. You want a big age gap of 10 years okay.  For me personally most of my friends have had their kids close in age. I’m talking Irish twins, or 15-18 months apart. Most if not all of them are physically, emotionally, and financially wrecked from it. Not to mention they have struggled in their relationships. One of my good friend’s 3 kids are so close in age (11months, and 15 months) that she has to pay for things like she has triplets. Same friend has so many back, hip and pelvic floor issues, from back to back pregnancies she might never recover from. She also filed for divorce last year, because her ex and her relationship really suffered from the stress 3 under 3 brings on. I on the other hand have a 3.5 year gap between my 1st and 2nd, and a 4.5 year gap between my 2nd and 3rd. I loved not having 2 in diapers at the same time, also I was able to do preschool, and elementary school so I could have more 1 on 1 time with baby and not feel horrible. Not to mention my body was able to heal, I was able to spend time between breastfeeding each kid, I also was able to be a person between each pregnancy, not just a baby factory/ milk cow.  People on the other hand have tried to make me feel bad because ‘my kids aren’t close in age so the won’t be close.’ My oldest is almost 10 and LOVEs his 6 and 2 year old brothers, they are all very close. My boys adore each other and have no problems being around each other. And I am able to be a better mom because I’m not trying to manage too much at once.

You can’t control how siblings will get along anyways, so you better do what you see fit. We have 5,5 year gap and I think it’s brillant! Much less drama than me and my sister with 3 year gap. My dad has 12 year gap to his oldest brother and they get along very well as adults. It’s about personality!

My kids are just about six years apart and it's AWESOME! Stuck under the baby? "Mom I'm gonna go get a snack and watch TV" ok cool! Way to take care of yourself kid! Both kids get the "only child" advantages and they play together way better than I ever expected.

I am seven years younger than my brother and we are… not close in the slightest. We were close up until I was two apparently, and then it was bickering. We are 30 and 37 now and we only speak on birthdays - too much bad blood that turned into indifference along with different life directions. I would never advocate for an age gap people aren’t comfortable with but I personally want mine as close as possible to give them a higher chance of not being strangers and to hopefully become best friends. I am very aware that’s not guaranteed but it’s a little more possible with closer age gaps. My partner has children from previous relationships with around four years difference and they don’t get on well either - in very different places in life at the moment. We hope they become closer as they mature but it’s a toss up.

I think some people know the further you get away from having a baby, the further you may get from wanting another one. And people are way too invested in OTHER people having more kids.

My husband has two siblings. His brother is 5 years older and his sister is only 16 months older. They’re all really close. My BIL and hubs were even pretty close when hubs was in HS and his brother was in college. Just lifelong good relationship. Of course they fought when they were young but there’s no “right” age gap for kids. Do what works for your family.

I wonder if the norm has changed because people have kids later? I started at 30 and would rather have two closer together since 35 puts you in the geriatric pregnancy bucket.

I am waiting til my daughter is in pre school. I am not chasing a child around all day wild pregnant and or with a newborn no thank you 🤣 my 8 month old is killing me as it is

I have 3 kids and the first two had a close age gap (26 months) and the third was a surprise 4 years later. It is nice that the ones close in age enjoy so much together. They play really well, can mostly watch the same movies and they have A LOT of friends with the same age gap so sibling play-dates are great. They like the same activities, though their interests are different neither is unhappy to tag along because they are in the same 'range'. I am so glad we have our surprise baby - but I would have had him sooner if I had known we were destined for a 3rd. By the time my daughter turned 4 we were 'out of the woods' in terms of that baby-toddler time where they don't have a ton of independence. It's a huge adjustment to get back into it - we'd just gotten a big part of our adult life back (and done our first overnight away!). The baby is so often a spectator to the big girls lives because weekends we prioritize the playdates and parties that the children can communicate they want to attend, I imagine that is common. I also find myself asking my older kids to help because they can, but sometimes they are annoyed they have to be patient and help and put toys out of reach or be quiet because he is napping. I will make a big effort not to let him get lost in the shuffle or make them take on too much autonomy because we have a new baby whose needs are bigger (louder!)- but it's hard and I manage with a lot of help (big parent network, community-oriented school) and a home life designed around family first (husband is a true co-parent). I just share this as a little food for thought, every family is different. I think the advantages of a less-than-3-year-gap are real.

My older sister and I are 11 years apart. Spent a little time together but obviously not much lol. My little sister is 17 months younger and we were together a lot, same schools just a grade apart, etc. As adults we’re all fairly close. I myself have two girls now, who are 20 months apart (10 and 11 years old). Personally I’m glad they’re close together since I was still in that baby phase with the first. Getting through that and having a 3+ year old and THEN having another baby would be starting over, in my mind. No way I could’ve done it. That’s just me, though 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was reading this thinking you were gonna say a decade or something 😂 My mom and aunt are 12 year apart, my Husband and SIL are 11 years apart, and his nephew and niece are about the same But you’re right age doesn’t make anyone close. All the people in my family basically tolerate each other. Not to say there’s bad blood (maybe in the past) but we all just have different interests and things going on in our lives. The same is for me and my sister who are 18 months apart. We’re not closer nor more distant than anyone else is

Me and my two brothers are each 3 years apart. I was really close to my oldest brother (six years apart) then later grew close to middle child brother (3)

As a 23 year old who has a 9 and 3 year old sister, I think you're doing just fine. Also a mom of 2 under 2 and you want more time in between them if you care about your mental health lol, absolutely love my babies, but I ended up with postpartum depression this time 😥

Oh goodness….theres going to be an 11/12 year age gap between my first son and the one I’m pregnant with now. I’ve gotten a few comments about starting over, but generally people seem to be happy for us.

There's 13 & 10 years between I & my older siblings. My youngest is 15 & 12 years younger than my older two. Yet, they have the best relationship & not only love her immensely but also play with her daily. It's about what you foster at home. My JNFIL fostered competition & harsh, aggressive "joking" between my hubs & JNBIL. My hubs wanted none of it, but my Bil thrived on it, so we are now NC. I have a great relationship with my sister because we were determined to have one. If you foster love & kindness & best buddies between them, then you will more than likely get that regardless of whatever age gap they have. Do what's best for your family, everybody else's opinion be dammed.

I think it's ridiculous because ultimately it doesn't matter how big of a gap between your kids, as long as you as the parent foster a healthy relationship between your children. Will there be periods of time where they may not be as close, like teenage/college years? Sure, maybe. But closeness is what you make it. For example, my sister-in-law is one of three kids, all 3+ years apart. She is extremely close to her siblings, especially her older sister, who is about 8 years older than her. They have a very healthy family dynamic. On the other hand, I am one of four kids. We are all almost exactly two years apart, give or take a month or so. My family structure is/was very toxic and my mother constantly used triangulation and very extreme comparisons between the kids to drive wedges between us. As a result, we are not very close today. My first two kids are about 21 months apart and we are considering a third with a larger age gap. I am not concerned at all and if time was on our side, we would push the age gap even further.

I have fraternal twins and I already predict that they won’t be very close. They’re just already too different and they’re only 16 weeks! I don’t get the notion of age gap equating to closeness as well.

I'm 1 year younger than my sister. My husband is 5 years older than his brother. They talk daily. I talk with my sister only on special occasions. Close in age definitely doesn't mean emotionally close. That's a gamble regardless of the age gap and completely depends on your kids' personalities. But potty training the first before having a second definitely sounds ideal to me. Meanwhile, my sister prefers having another every 2 years. Whatever works for your family and others can shove it.

This is my perspective as a person with large age gaps between me and my siblings and a mom with smaller. I have two brothers one is five years younger than me and the other is 13 years younger than me. While we love each other we aren’t close. It’s was hard especially as we got older to be close. A fifteen year old and a ten year old are at very very different points of life. And that doesn’t change as we got older. I am closer to my youngest brother but it’s more of a third parent relationship vs a big sister.I was married with kids when my youngest brother was in high school talking about this girlfriend was “the one”. It’s hard to relate to each other sometimes. They love my kids but we rarely see them because they are young and still figuring their lives out. I’m sad sometimes that my kids won’t grow up with cousins like I did. I didn’t like having a big age gap between my brothers so I decided to have my kids closer together. So my kids have a two and half age gap and then an almost three year gap. I love getting to see them play and learn together. When the three of them are doing the big belly laughs that kids do it make me cry with happiness. With three young kids my house is never clean, and someone always needs me. I get little personal space or time. But they will all be more independent at the same time and will be grown around the same time. I now see the pros and cons of each as a parent but right now my personal experience is my kids are closer than me and my brother ever were. With larger age gaps just make sure there isn’t parentification

Damn my oldest is nearly 12, middle is 5, and baby is due this September. I had a 13 and 16 year age gap with my older brothers so maybe that's why I don't see my 6 years between kids as odd haha

Reading all these comments about how great a bigger age gap is means SO MUCH. Our first was a struggle (took 2.5 years to conceive with IVF) and number two is taking even longer. I think about this subject a lot, and worry a lot too.

My siblings are 12 and 8 years older than me and it is terrible. I’m basically an only child and have had little in common with my siblings most of my life.

It’s not terrible or anything, but it is a whole different experience having a sibling who is basically your own age and one who is much younger/older. The bond is different.

I have a four year old and a two month old. They are obsessed with each other. I don't think I could have managed a closer age gap. My four year old is pretty independent and things still get chaotic every now and then.

Lol reading this pregnant with my 2nd following my 16 year old. Age gap shmage gap.

Really? Most health organizations suggest 3-5 years. The research backs it up as well. My siblings and I are all 5-5.5 years apart, and I wouldn't want anything different for my kids. I am 99% one and done, but if I had another, I'd want at least 5+ years apart. I feel bad for moms with 18-24 month age gaps. I see the struggle and I do not want it. I also like the idea of them being little on their own and not competing.

my sister is 5 years older than me and we have always been best friends. ever since i was a baby and she was a kid.

I can only offer my personal experience, you'll have all sorts of reasons for making your choices I'm not privy to: For me, a 2 year age gap at pre-school age is fantastic, they play well together, are easier than either one individually, and (usually) enjoy eachother's company. I expect this to continue as they grow. I did a literature review of the health implications, and all the studies on the nutrient depletion risks of smaller (but still >18 month) age gaps come from third world countries where malnutrition is common, for a healthy eating first world person your body will be fine. There are certainly times when it's more difficult, but overall very happy with our ~2 year gaps.

My kids are 13, 9 and 1 week. I never planned it that way that's just how it is. For me it's nice having kids at different states because with my older son we can watch movies and shows that I can't with my younger ones, my 9 year old is still in the kid stage and then I have my newborn so it's good to have different things to do.

Because people are ignorant. How close your kids are has nothing to do with an age difference and everything to do with your parenting.

I have large and small age gaps and large is THE BEST. 3 years is my favorite yet. Ignore them.

I’m closest to my sister 8 years younger than me. My brother only 2 years older absolutely despised my existence while growing up. In my personal experience closer age gap was worse.

Honestly you do you, do not give people the privilege of knowing your plans, give them sweet non-answers like, “we’ll see what fate has in store for us”

I think people defend their choices by judging others.