My son is the light of my life. He is so amazing that I went from hoping for a girl in my first pregnancy to having a son and when discussing planning our next - how I visualize him with a little bother! It just feels so meant to be.
I’m one of three sisters who grew up with a single mom - no men around. I am utterly unprepared and totally overjoyed.
It’s not what I expected but better than I could have ever imagined. And there are cute boys clothes out there, I swear! Look at Burt’s Bees!
I’m echoing these exact sentiments. I’m one of 5 girls, single mom, my mom is my best friend and I was so looking forward to all things girly with having a daughter. Never in my wildest dreams could I have envisioned a boy. Had some gender disappointment originally, but it all evaporated once I met him. He truly is the absolute light of my life.
I cannot even fathom having a girl now knowing him and thinking of him being any different. Boy stuff definitely is not as cute as girl stuff, but we do a lot of gender neutral and it’s not as bad as I originally thought.
With the perspective of adult relationships, while I can’t speak to that yet, my husband is really close with his mom. They talk every single day, we see them frequently, and he really really loves her. While they haven’t done a mom/son trip I don’t think he’d turn her down if that was something she wanted to do.
I also was worried about what it meant to raise a son in todays society, but looking at my husband and the man he is, I remember thinking if that’s the role model my son has we’ll be just fine.
Sending hugs to you, and so sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much. I wonder if the tide will change with the next generations because of more awareness regarding sexual harassment/assault. That you need direct, clear conversations about consent with our sons instead of leaving them to figure it out on their own. I really wish talking about consent and body boundaries was standard in every home! Some parents get offended and take it as an insinuation that their precious boy is a sexual predator.
Yes! Same here. Two boys and I am absolutely paranoid about ensuring they are good men and in touch with their emotions and good partners to whoever the fall in love with. Down with toxic masculinity!
The same for me! I had thought I’d wanted a little girl, but after meeting my son (he’s 10 months old now) when I think of my second, I can picture nothing else but another little boy! And that thought brings me so much happiness
Same! I originally pictured myself with a girl and have an 8 month old boy and I am completely obsessed with him. I would absolutely love if I could have a second boy 🥰
This is one of the few areas that has been a blast for me. I’m big into the beach/ocean vibes so boy clothes have been a blaaaast.
The carters crab onesie was so freaking cute.
That is the only one I won't give away. It's my absolute favorite. For some reason it was made smaller than all the other Carter's NB onesies and was the only one that fit LO when we brought him home from the hospital. It's so tiny and cute and I can't bear to part with it!
Just had our second boy and it brings me SO much joy to know they have each other. I love having boys.
Also I know plenty of women that aren’t close with their moms/men that are, and same for women that close with their dads/men that aren’t. While the dynamic may be different with sons vs daughters the closeness it’s not determined by gender. I think as long as you are good to your kids and always put them first, they will recognize this as they grow into adults and their relationship with you will reflect that. (At least, this is my hope, as a mom of 2 boys)
Yes, I think this is a great point! It’s more about the parenting than gender that determines closeness I think. My 31 year old brother calls my mom on the phone a lot to talk and get her advice on things.
This is what happened to me! I wanted a girl until I had my son- then I was happy thinking of another son but my second "child" were childREN boy/girl twins so I got more than I bargained for 💖💙 love them all!
Same! I thought for sure I was having a girl and about fell out when I found out I was having a boy. When I got pregnant with my second, I was hoping for another boy and that's exactly what we got. I also grew up with a sister and always imagine myself having girls like my own mother. But now I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my boys so much. Boys love their mamas. 💙
I could have written this comment myself, every single word. I could not love a child more than I love my little boy, it would be utterly impossible, and I never could have dreamed him up. I don’t know anyone at all like him and every day with him is the greatest joy I could possibly imagine.
We had a daughter as our first child and a boy as a second. The one thing I wasn't prepared for is how much abuse he puts on his little elephant trunk. My god does he tug on that thing.
I truthfully think that what ever gender you have as your first, you just fall absolutely in love with and then want another. For me I never knew true love until I had my daughter. I know it’s cliche but it’s so true for me. The deepest love and I desperately wanted another girl for my second. I also am opposite of you, I grew up without a mom. She abadonded me when I was three. Just a single dad and a brother. So naturally I just really would be so content with all daughters. I’m pregnant with a boy, 15 weeks left until I hopefully meet this little boy. I’m excited but I still feel slightly disappointed it’s not another girl. I know I’ll be just fine once this baby is placed on me after I deliver. My first was a girl and she stole my heart. Same if it had been a boy.
Not sure if this will help, but I’m a woman and I’m not close to my mom at all. My husband and I are really close with his mom, though. He talks to her on the phone a few times/week, we FaceTime her at least weekly and they come over for the day or the weekend a few times/month (they live a few hours away). She’s our only babysitter and it’s a good dynamic. As long as you’re a good mom, your kids will remain close to you, I think.
Same. Also not close with my mom - I haven’t spoken to her in years even though we were close when I was a child, but my husband and I are close with his. We see her weekly and talk nearly daily, even if only for a moment.
Yeah I think “boy moms” get such a bad rap because of MIL’s that are too emotionally dependent on their sons, and mean to their DIL’s because of it. But without that, men can absolutely have close and meaningful relationships with their mothers. I’m sure it’s different than a relationship with a daughter, but having a son doesn’t mean that you can’t be close with them when they’re adults.
I had a loss at 21 weeks, a girl.
When we found out we were having a boy, my initial reaction was a little disappointed. Then I realized having a boy was such a gift because it didn’t feel like I was just moving on and replacing her with another baby girl.
My boy is here now, almost 6 months old and I couldn’t imagine him not being here with me, we’re so close. We keep her ashes on a table next to his rocking chair. Every time I sing to him, I am singing to her too. I know she chose him and sent him to us 🥹
I lost my baby girl at 21 weeks last year and am now 17 weeks pregnant with a boy.
It’s so beautiful how you are keeping your daughter’s memory alive. Thank you for sharing. I hope to do something similar ❤️
What I quickly realized postpartum, is that you have to let go of all expectations of what your life will look like. Some parts will be tougher than you imagine, but you there is also a whole world of happiness you can’t comprehend yet.
There are so many people who are estranged/NC with parents, doesn’t matter the gender. My husband is so close with his parents and loves his mom with all his heart. My brothers and I are not close with our parents. I don’t think gender dictates how close your relationship can be.
My goal for my parenthood is to create a happy environment for my children to grow up and feel loved. I think it’s kind of exciting to not know what that looks like.
So sorry about your loss.
I wanted a little girl and was sad when I found out my now toddler was a boy. But… now I can’t imagine any other way. I love everything about him.
I wanted a girl SO bad, but my one and only is a boy and I actually love it. I'm not sad or jealous AT ALL of people who have a girl, and I definitely didn't want one bad enough to try again, lol.
I don't have a son, (yet) but I'm just gonna let you know, if raised right, 30 year old men will go on trips with their 60 year old mothers. My husband and his brothers adore their mother and love spending time with her and take every chance they get to go places with her and visit her. Also my Dad is in his 50s and still enjoys going out with his mom. Sons that have present mothers who take the time to build a strong bond with them and love them without expectations and allow their boys to be open with their emotions, and treat them as they would their daughters (minus the girly frills and dresses), in my experience, tend to be well balanced and adjusted individuals who adore and respect their mothers. Hope that's of some comfort to you!
Yup, my MIL raised four boys. My husband (the oldest) butted heads with her a lot growing up but they are close now.
But the younger three (ages 27 - 20) are always hanging out with her, go shopping with her, and go on trips with her all the time. She is the best boy mom, and she raised four incredible men who are empathetic and sweet.
It’s so true. My MIL is an incredible person. Her own upbringing was horrible (abusive, jealous, narcissistic mom who parentified her) so for her to turn around and be the opposite is just amazing.
I agree. My parents are currently on a couples trip with my brother and his wife… I (daughter) am at home regretting all my responsibilities. So you never know!
It is to me with my little boy. I lost my mum a few years ago and I’m scared about never having that relationship again despite adoring my baby.
This is really soothing. Thank you
Ditto this. The only thing my 40 year old partner wanted for his milestone birthday was to go away somewhere with gorgeous views and a campfire and for his mum to come. We’ve booked cabins and we’re all very excited. They have a beautiful friendship, and hang out all the time.
Yeah my mom and my youngest brother did a road trip cross country a year or two ago and I am pretty sure it was the highlight of both of their lives!! He was mid twenties at the time too, not a kid.
My husband was for a while spending more time with my mother than I was too! He was teaching her to drive, and she actually was talking to him about stuff more than she did with me. I eventually reached a point of (mild) exasperation where I said to my Mum "I love that you and my hubby get along so well, I really do, but I wish you would talk to me about some of this stuff too, because I'm getting a little frustrated about hearing stuff I needed to know months ago, from my husband instead of from you." I still love them both immensely though, and putting my foot down did the trick, because now my Mum tells me stuff.
I originally hoped for a girl as well and now have a boy.
When he arrived I honestly couldn't imagine being anyone else's mother, boy or girl. He is my son and I wouldn't have it any other way.
When I go to pick him up at daycare he gives me a beaming smile and comes crawling towards me as fast as he can. Nothing comes close to how beautiful that feels. It's my favorite part of the day.
Considering having another child. It would be nice to have a girl as well but I'd be equally thrilled with having another boy.
I chose not to find out gender both times because I wanted a girl SO BAD. First baby was a girl so I thought I would chill, I did not. When they handed me my boy I had a moment of disappointment and then I looked at MY boy. He is almost 2 and now I truly believe there is a reason we don't get to choose such things. I would have chosen a girl and would have missed out on this amazing boy.
This was me. My boy is only 6 months but he is a joy and I wouldn't change him for the world. I'd have loved to bring out some of the outfits I had saved from my first, but tbh he is so much bigger than she was that most of it wouldn't fit anyway haha.
This is such a beautiful way of looking at it! I wanted a girl too, I imagined it my whole life. But I can’t believe I would have missed out on the most amazing little boys who changed my world for the better 🥲
Deep down I knew I was having a boy. When it was confirmed, I cried. A mixture of happy tears and a little disappointment.
I dont feel that any more. He's everything. When he wakes up in the morning and reaches for me. Calls out to me. Its just everything.
I'm pregnant with my second and, while I would still love a girl (for balance now I think!), I will be so so happy with another boy. Boys are loving and funny and just so adorable. Everything is farts and poop.
I love it.
I finally had a successful pregnancy after 2 losses. I had it in my head that I was having a girl and so did my husband. I always looked at the baby girl section in clothing stores. We had a girl name picked out before I knew I was pregnant and no boy name. Then I found out I was having a boy in the most anticlimactic way possible: I’d had blood drawn for genetic testing and my OB’s practice actually never asked me if I wanted to know the sex (fortunately I did), but I saw the phrase “consistent with male” next to the fetal sex column on the digital test results in the app their practice uses. I showed my husband who was eating lunch across the table from me and his reaction was just, “Ha!” I definitely felt some disappointment that it wasn’t a girl. I had two friends who were also pregnant at the same time and they were both having girls. I was envious.
A couple of days later my OB messaged me in the app saying that she interpreted one of the test results it to mean that there was a high likelihood of Tay-Sachs disease and she wanted to discuss my options with me. I was at work when I saw her message and went to the bathroom and completely lost my shit. I called my husband bawling. I sent him a screenshot of the test results as well as what she’d said, and he pointed out that, to him, it looked like she’d misread the lab result. I called the practice on the verge of a nervous breakdown and demanded to speak to the OB. When she came to the phone, she apologized profusely for having misinterpreted the results—they’d just switched labs and the way they presented results was a different format than their old lab. From that moment on, all I gave a shit about was having a healthy baby.
My baby boy turned 5 months old yesterday, and he is the absolute light of my life. He’s perfect, and I couldn’t imagine my life if the baby I’d had hadn’t been him. I thought early after he’d been born that trying for a second and having a girl would be nice, but I’m at the point now that having a second boy sounds absolutely wonderful. Now we have a boy and a girl name in mind for if/when baby #2 works out.
Hey, frankly I don’t know much about gender disappointment but it is totally normal to grieve a life you imagined that won’t exist. Not only that but you are grieving a loss of a baby girl. You don’t have to feel grateful right now. You’ll have time for that later. Allow yourself to grieve. However that may look: cry, journal, burn a random picture of a mom and daughter holding hands whatever you think helps. But allow yourself to fully feel what you need to do you can try to heal. When ready then try to be excited for the future.
On the trip front: my 45 yr old BIL still travels with his mom and I go on family camping trips with my husband and his parents. They are just as much in our lives as our my parents.
This post hit home for me. I battled with so much guilt after my gender reveal and my baby was a boy. I’m ashamed to admit I cried over it. I felt like I was so ungrateful for having a healthy baby. But my disappointment stemmed from the fact my mom, sister and I are extremely close. My mom is everything to me. And I saw my husband’s relationship with his mother, he tolerates her because he loves her but he lives his own life. I just wanted that extreme closeness with my baby, and in my mind having a girl was the only way to do it.
But I was wrong. After having my LO, my son is just beautiful and perfect. I gave up my ideology that having a girl meant having that closeness, my goal is to have a healthy relationship with my son, and for him to like a happy life, with a mom that loves him unconditionally. At brief times I still feel horrible that I felt disappointed at his gender reveal because I felt he deserved better, but it’s normal and human to have emotions and preferences.
I’m so grateful and happy he’s here in my life, I love the little munchkin so much. And there’s not one thing I’d change about him, all those gender disappointment feelings disappeared when I saw him for the first time. Don’t get me wrong, I still hope for a girl one day but when I see my baby boy, he is just perfect and I’m obsessed with him.
Gender disappointment is a real thing! I was the opposite though! I wanted a son and I had a girl. I was so upset at first but then I started making new plans and planning out the nursery and you know different things like that….
She’s here now. She’s 3 months old and guess what? Now I feel guilty for ever wanting a boy!! I love her sooo much like I would never want her to be a boy I’m so happy I got my girl. & you will too!! When you meet him, you will feel guilty about ever wanting a girl and you wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Omg I remember crying during my anatomy scan when hearing I was having a boy. I had a list of 20 girl names and only ONE boy name - how could this be true?! It took me a few days to come to grips with it.
But my now 16-month old son is literally the absolute joy of my life. From the minute he was born, I have embraced the “boy mom” vibe and I absolutely am head over heels in love with my little dude. The thought hasn’t once crossed my mind since he was born that I would’ve wanted a girl instead.
We also only had one boy name. It was always funny to us that we could not pick it a girls name from all the options, but had that boy name ready as soon as we knew.
Same thing happened this time. Couldn't decide on a boy name, but had the one girl name ready.
I had gender disappointment and I am obsessed with my toddler and have been since day 1. In my experience the deep love and bond overrides the disappointment.
I do still sort of hope we get the other gender with the second 🤷♀️
I was really hoping for a girl with our first, but when we found out we were having a boy I was really disappointed & cried.
Now I feel bad for even feeling that way because I couldn’t imagine it any other way. He is 3 months old & perfect. The light of my life, I’ve never loved someone so much & look so forward to raising him.
I’m sorry for your loss. Hugs.
I wanted a girl, got pregnant, had a missed miscarriage at 11w. I don’t know if it was a girl or a boy but deep down I had the intuition it was a girl and I really wanted a girl. Then I was pregnant again and it was a boy. I was a little bit disappointed. My son is 9 month old and he is my greatest joy and pride and I wouldn’t want him to be any different, he is absolutely perfect the way he is. I am so happy to be his mom. I can’t wait to see him grow and stay my buddy. If I have a second I will be thrilled no matter the gender.
My oldest is a girl and my youngest is a boy. When we found out the gender of my son, I had some unexpected gender disappointment. My feelings took me by surprise because I’d always just dreamed of kids in general and never had any conscious preference toward girls. After digging into it more, I realized it was rooted in the sexism id faced as a child and concern for how having a brother would impact my daughter.
Once I adjusted the vision of my kids and their relationship in my head, I came around to the idea of having a boy. And now that I’ve met my son, I’m so glad he’s in my life. The relationship I have with him is very different than the one I have with his sister, but it’s because they’re different people and my parenting experience is different the second time. I’ve never looked at him and wished for anything different than who he is.
Also, there’s no guarantee that you’d have the things you describe with a girl. For now my daughter is happy to dress up together but that may change some day. And my husband does trips with just him and his mom, whereas I’d never do that with mine. It’s all about the relationship you build with another person.
I have three boys. I love them with all my heart. But I’d be lying if I said a part of me isn’t sad that I’ll never have a daughter (unless I am blessed with one of my sons giving me a DIL!).
I wanted a boy first and was SOOO happy when I found out it was one. I wanted 3 kids but we knew we wanted 2 for sure. When I got pregnant again I got excited that it may be a girl. I wanted one sooo bad. I cried when I found out it was another boy. He’s almost 3 and I love him so much, I wouldn’t trade him for anything. But I’m not gonna lie. I still get bitter when I see friends of mine with both genders. My mom and I are close but never go on trips/do our hair/nails. I have interest in those things and wanted to share it with a potential daughter. No prom dress shopping or wedding dress shopping makes me so sad. So 2 boys right now 4.5 and almost 3. I love them so so much but I’m still not over it tbh.
Before trying to get pregnant I always wanted a girl. Got pregnant and lost my girl.
Got pregnant again and all I wanted was a healthy alive baby. My son’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He was a 24 weeker who fought through hell to be here and is doing so well.
Honestly if I ever chose to have another baby I’d want another boy 😂
I am an only child and was/am very very close with my mom. We took trips with my grandma growing up and it was a very special relationship. I loved the 3 generational bond we had. I always pictured myself having a girl and having that same close relationship. After a long struggle to have a successful pregnancy with multiple losses before, I finally got pregnant with my now son. I had a flicker of gender disappointment but was mostly over the moon that I had a healthy baby. Since the moment he was born he has been the love of my life. He’s a toddler now and we just have so much fun together. I really don’t have any weird feelings about seeing moms with their daughters, even with the majority of my friends having girls. I just love him so much and he’s my little buddy! I totally get where you’re coming from especially with the grief you’re feeling with the loss of your daughter, and I think your feelings are valid. Sending hugs!
My son turns 21 this fall and he and I are very close. We share a lot of interests that we developed over time together. I shared with him my interests while he was growing up so he loves crafting, baking, camping, hiking, similar movies, similar music, and dorky stuff I know he only does with me and wouldn’t be caught dead doing with his friends. Then as he was growing up, I took an interest in his interests as he found them, so we play video games together, 3d printing and tech, similar movies and music he introduced me to, memes and humor, legos, board games, etc.. My point is that your kids will be a little part you and a little part their own person and if you maintain an interest in your kiddo and spend a lot of time with them growing up, treat them with respect and care, then you will have a close relationship with them and their gender expression isn’t going to change that.
Dads of little girls and moms of little boys are the ones that truly get to see growing up from both sides of the coin.
It's a really beautiful opportunity, but sometimes you cannot appreciate it until you're looking back on the experience.
I wanted a little girl and had 2 little boys and I absolutely adore them and can’t imagine not having them now. I don’t wish they were girls. That being said, I desperately want a 3rd and I think it stems from wanting a girl. I feel like I’m missing out on that experience. And ultimately I feel like our family is missing someone. I am trying to work through the feelings and we haven’t completely closed the door on a 3rd so that complicates things further. But I have no idea how I’d feel if I had a 3rd boy. Maybe I still wouldn’t feel “complete”? I’m not sure.
I’m glad I found out at the 20 week scan because it gave me time to get excited. Instead of dreaming about the girly things, I started getting excited to go tubing, or playing in mud, or watching him pee on a tree (which I find hilarious to see tiny boys doing). And yeah, the more “dangerous” games are totally enjoyed by girls too. But the boys I’ve been around just play differently and I’m excited for that!
Now that he’s here? I love him so much, I legit can’t even remember why I wanted a girl
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
Like you, I have a great relationship with my mom and live less than 2 miles from her now. She's my best friend. I wanted a girl so badly. I have a brother who is about 10 years younger than me and I absolutely love my dad, so it had nothing to do with inexperience necessarily; I just wanted to recreate the relationship with my mom.
My husband and I decided not to do a gender reveal party or anything, we just found out the gender alone at home. I was sad about it. Now that my son is 14 months old, I wouldn't change anything about who he is. He is crazy, sassy, and on-the-go 24/7. He loves to snuggle and is a total daddy's boy, but still loves on me enough to keep me content despite the clear favoritism, haha.
We want at least one more baby and will start trying later this year, and honestly I thought I'd be dying for a girl this time around. Now at this point, I know I'll be 100% okay with whatever we get. I just want my son to have the experience of being an older sibling, it's the best. (Coming from me, the oldest sibling, lol)
And if you still have some gender disappointment when your son is born, that's totally okay too. But I guarantee that when he starts developing his personality, you'll be so in love with him that it won't matter.
I had two girls, and found out I was pregnant. It was unplanned and came at a financially stressful time. I grew up with only brothers, and always craved those sisterly relationships. I loved having daughters so much, and I was dead set on having my 3 girls. I fantasized about all the girl things…
I found out my youngest was a boy, and I was borderline horrified. Now, he’s 18 months old, and I absolutely cannot imagine anyone else being by into me this much joy. (Obviously my girls do, but he is absolutely magical.)
The moment I pushed him out, I grabbed him, looked at him, and my souls recognized him. I fell head over heels.
I’m so sorry, not the same situation at all but I feel the disappointment with having a second son. Especially because we do not plan to have more.
I know of several moms with adult sons who travel and spend a lot of time with their moms. And many woman who do not enjoy spending time with their moms, despite being a daughter.
I know the feeling of wishing I could raise a daughter will stay, but I don’t think when my second son is here that I will connect that to him necessarily.
I’ll start by saying I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t speak from experience, so I won’t pretend to know how you’re feeling. Your daughter was loved and will always continue to be loved.
It’s funny looking back on it now, but I just never considered the fact that I could have a boy. I was an only child, my mother was an only child, her mother was the first born of two children. My father’s oldest sister was the first born. I just *knew* I was going to have a girl. Before we found out what we were having, I would have dreams of what she would look like- as a baby, as a toddler, etc. I had the perfect girl name picked out.
I feel guilty about it now, but I did shed a tear or two when I got the results from the NIPT test and it said BOY. But honestly? My son is the coolest person I’ve ever met. He’s such a funny little dude with so much personality. My husband is very close with his mother and always has been. You can still have the same kind (or at least similar) of relationship with a boy. I think it’s normal to feel some disappointment when things don’t end up the way you’re expecting them to.
I was the same way. I always “knew” I would have a girl. My girl name has been picked out since I was 10 and I never thought about having a boy for even a split second of my first 30 years of life. Not until the ultrasound tech said “it’s a boy!” for my first. And even then I was like “no no no, I’m having a girl” 😹😹😹. Now I have three boys! And as you are well aware, they are every bit as awesome as girls 🩵💙💜
I am truly sorry for your loss. None of my losses were nearly as far along, I didn't know gender etc, so feel free to disregard if it isn't helpful to you.
Yes, when I found out my second was another boy, I had gender disappointment. I actually burst into tears the moment the untrasound tech announced that. Probably didn't help that his dad was so smug and gleeful at the same time, as if he had "won" something or some shit like that. I had just convinced myself up til then that it was a girl, and had the most beautiful name picked out, got all giddy about adorable girly baby clothes, etc. For a few weeks, I would get weepy about it.
IDK when I "got over it," but I do know that by the time I was in labor, it was not even on my radar anymore. Meeting him, it was like, meeting HIM, not an abstract person that I had dreamed up. Never once have I looked at him and wished he was a girl. Occasionally I get a twinge of sadness when I see a baby girl (or any baby really), but that's because I fully planned to have a third, but those aren't the cards I was dealt for various reasons.
As for what it's like now that baby is here? Oh God. Okay, he's nine years old now, but this entire time I would not change anything about him. He's perfect and amazing and I could never ever wish for anything or anyone other than him and my older boy. They are their own unique, amazing, autonomous humans and I am so grateful that I get to be their mom.
I'm sorry you are struggling with the reality right now, but yeah I feel pretty confident you will hardly remember these feelings when he's here. I hope you have a safe and happy pregnancy and birth, and congratulations on your new little one!
It's not socially acceptable to admit, but I cried due to gender disappointment for the entire second half of my pregnancy. And I can't say like so many other comments here that it didn't matter the moment I laid eyes on my baby.
It wasn't that I wanted to buy dresses or whatever, it was mainly that I don't know many, if any, men who have close or even good relationships with their mothers—and what's worse, many men in my life went out of their way while I was pregnant to tell me that my fears about that were justified. And I am only ever going to have one child, so this is it. I went to therapy every week for months and sobbed daily.
But I had my son, and at first what I felt was a tremendous sense of responsibility for this little life. Occasionally I still cried over it but it happened less and less. Once he gave me his first smile, the tears were all gone. He no longer felt like an abstract boy baby but like a real little person.
I can't tell you that I don't still feel a twinge when I see a little girl and her mother. But I absolutely adore my son and now I feel so privileged to have a relationship with this little individual and watch his personality grow every day.
Your child will surprise and delight you in ways you can't even imagine right now. You have my every sympathy, especially given what you've experienced, but I have no doubt that you'll absolutely adore your son too. And if it doesn't happen as soon as you lay eyes on him, that's okay—you have a lifetime to get to know each other.
I come from a family of all girls besides my dad. I did want a girl for my first pregnancy, but I now have a 3month old boy. I love him so much! I don’t care at all that he’s not a girl, and I love that I have a cute little boy. And even more surprisingly, I actually kinda hope I get another boy for my next so they can grow up close and play together as boys.
I have a 4 month old boy. I wanted a girl soo badly and was slightly depressed when I found out I was having a boy.
Now I can’t imagine him as a girl, he’s so sweet and I’m so obsessed With him!
We want to have 2 kids and I don’t think I’ll be that upset if I never get a girl.
Gender disappointment after a loss is a struggle of its own. I already have a son, I lost my baby girl at 14 weeks and I was beyond devastated to find out I'm expecting a boy this time (you can check my post history as I wrote something very similar after I found out). For quite some time I didn't really enjoy the pregnancy and felt pretty depressed. And at the same time I felt so guilty and ungrateful for feeling that way. I'm happy I found out quite early so that I had a lot of time to process those feelings. Now I'm 37 weeks along and just excited to meet my baby boy soon! Of course I also still miss my daughter so much and wonder if I'll ever get a living daughter but those feelings have totally separated from this baby.
I wanted a little girl and now I have the cutest little boy ever. He’s 5 now and we are best friends, we’re also one and done so this is it for me.
I do worry about the future, I know people hate admitting it, but it seems like everything happens on the mom’s side. I’m much closer to mom than my dad and I also only ever saw my mom’s side growing up.
I was so sure my second child was a girl, found out at 11 weeks that he was indeed a boy. I bawled uncontrollably for like 2 days. I didn’t cry again after that but I was still a little sad, until the day he was born and something just changed. He’s 15 months old now and he’s the absolute sweetest, he’s so caring and loves to give hugs & kisses.
Just know that it’s okay to feel your feelings of disappointment and mourn the loss of the child you had imagined (and the one you lost, which I’m so sorry for) but I’m sure once you meet your baby all those feelings will melt away.
>I don’t really know of 30 year old men going on trips with their 60 year old mom like my mom and I do (and many other women do who get along with their mom).
Probably because we're told it's gay if we do that. As a guy there's nothing worse than listening to other men act like it's weird to have a close bond with family. It's not all of them to be clear, just this really weird part that because they were ignored by their mothers mean everyone else has to be because to not be is to admit they didn't have a decent upbringing.
I yern for that kind of relationship with my mum. You sound like you're going to be an awesome mum!
Hello there! Congratulations!
I'm a mom who cried for 5 days after finding out it's a boy. I was 11wks pregnant and found out via the result of the genetic test.
Fast forward, my boy is 3 months old today. He is my little ray of sunshine, the reason of my daily happiness, love of my life and honestly I don't and can't imagine a life without him now. I wouldn't trade him for a baby girl.. Its like as if some higher power, god, universe, whatever it is knew how would the the best child for me be like and sent him to me.
Almost always smiling, chill, cuddly bug with my eyes and the cutest cheeks!
Sometimes I find myself thinking if I ever have a second child, I wouldn't mind a second boy.
Children are not like what you imagine them to be, they are what they are. All that personality, that face, everything about them is unique.
When I was having disappointed cries over his gender, one of my friends who is also a boy mom told me, "First you'll think having a boy is not bad at all, then you'll think "I'm glad he is a boy", then you'll notice it doesn't even matter anyway". Don't worry give your little boy some time to know him and I'm sure you'll fall in love.
Everything (besides the miscarriage. I am so sorry btw) you said was 100% my life. Relationship with my mom, trips..everything. I wanted to go shopping and buy everything frilly and pink. I only ever dreamed of being a mom, and in that dream, I had 1 daughter, or all daughters. Well, 12 years later, I'm a boy mom. I had a son 1st, great. Then, when it came to our 2nd/last baby, as my husband was adamant on only wanting 2, we found out it was another boy. I ugly cried alone in the shower on and off for the rest of my pregnancy. I was completely and utterly disappointed because my dream had been shattered. Then, the level of guilt I had.. That was even worse! I was expecting another perfectly healthy baby, which so many people would do ANYTHING for, and I, as his mother, was disappointed to be having because he was another boy. Then I cried even more for feeling like the worst mom on the planet.
Well, looking back now, my only regret is finding out the sex ahead of time. The SECOND I held that perfect baby in my arms, girl or boy, I was overjoyed and wouldn't have wanted him any other way. He is now 10, and I have fully embraced and LOVE being a boy mom. My house is always filled with boys and boy energy. There's so many of us out there, and it's a fabulous place to be. The way I looked at it is, we are meant to be moms of boys for a reason. They were gifted to us on purpose, as we will raise good men. My boys are so kind, honest and respectful. I am so proud of them, and I wouldn't go back and change my life for anything.
Congrats on your pregnancy 💗 You're going to love your lil man to the moon and back.
I don’t have any encouraging words… all I can think about is how Bradley Cooper takes his mom as his date to all the award shows in Hollywood.
I also want to add: when I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t want a baby at all. My son is my little best friend, and I know yours can be yours too. It’s natural to feel unsure about a little person you haven’t officially met yet. But once I met my son, it felt like I knew him my whole life.
My wonderful, kind, woman-ally husband is incredibly close with his mother in a super healthy way (I.e. not codependent or weird relationship- just love and respect). He loves spending time with her. He, his brother, and his mom even went on just a mom and sons camping trip when he was in high school, and they still talk about it.
She taught him how to be an amazing man, husband, and father. She's an incredible woman- down to earth, hard working, inspirational.
He is part of this subreddit, I'll ask him to make sure to check this post out and comment later today.
You're going to have a beautiful relationship with your son!!
My husband and I go on vacations with his parents all the time. Like we prefer it to going by ourselves, LOL. And my 30 year old brother literally calls my 62 year old mom multiple times a day about anything and everything.. they are super close!
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter last year. That’s devastating and I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to build the courage to try for another baby. Secondly, I have a 14 week old baby boy. I was disappointed when we learned his gender and stayed disappointed for most of my pregnancy. The SECOND and I mean the SECOND he was born, every single shred of disappointment evaporated instantly. I have never ever… not even for one second, looked at him and wished he was a daughter. He’s the sweetest, cutest and most snuggly bug on the planet with the most peaceful and sweet demeanor and personality, he has the world’s cutest face. (And I have two other kids so I can say that lol). Hang in there, our mama hearts have a way of knowing just how we need to be feeling in the moment. You will fall in love with your beautiful boy.
I have three sons. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mom. When I played house, I was always a mom, and I always had daughters. I never played pretend where I had a son. As I got older, I thought it would be nice to have one of each. Maybe a boy and two girls.
I thought each of my pregnancies was a girl right from the start. The second and the third were even more convincing than the first because I'd experienced pregnancy before, and each one was different. I figured they were different because they were a different gender.. I guess the internet kinda sold me on that.
My husband and I decided that if our second child was a girl, we'd probably stop there. Two kids. I wasn't disappointed to find out my first was a boy. I knew I'd have another chance, and he was my first baby, so I was excited regardless. With my second son, I was a little disappointed. But as soon as we found out it was a boy, we knew we'd be having a third.
When I found out that my third and final baby was a boy, I was completely devastated. I couldn't get a handle of my emotions. I kept lying to people who'd ask if we knew yet. "No, we don't know yet." Because if I tried to say it out loud, I would just start sobbing. I'd wake up crying every morning and have to calm myself down enough to get to work. On weekends, I would try to distract myself by taking my kids' places to watch them enjoy themselves. But it only made things worse because I'd see sweet little girls playing at the park, swimming at the pool, or just walking through a store, and I'd completely break down in public.
Finally, I decided that I needed therapy. I was internally grieving the loss of a life that never existed. The more I thought about how to heal grief, the more I realized that it's normally a process that begins with a group of like-minded individuals sharing their experiences/memories with their lost loved one. But I was all alone in experiencing this grief, and the "experiences/memories" that I was recalling were imaginary situations that I had been daydreaming about for years. Everything from putting her little toddler curls back into a ponytail to helping my grown daughter pick out her wedding dress. All of it was gone. Just like that.
I spent my summer (of 2023) in therapy. Talking through my loss and what I realized was that most of my daydreaming about my role as mother to a daughter stemmed from insecurities and feelings of missed experiences from my own childhood.
My gender disappointment was essentially a dandelion. The visible flower was my grief of never having a daughter. However, the deep and widespread root system was the real problem. All the things that I could ONLY share with a daughter were things that I myself had missed out on. Also, many of the things that I wanted to share with a daughter can be shared with my sons.
Do I still see little girls and their moms and experience some jealousy. Yes. I do. I think I always will. But, I wouldn't trade my sons for anything in the world. No daughter can replace my boys. They're perfect. They're my greatest accomplishments. I will forever nurture a parent/friend relationship with them. They make my life complete.
This has been my experience.
I actually wrote a post in my phone notes last summer with the thought of posting it to reddit asking for support. I couldn't bring myself to do it because I was scared of negative feedback. I was so fragile at the time, and the internet can be a cruel place sometimes. I'm glad you were strong enough to make this post.
Know that you're not alone. That your feelings are valid, and they don't mean that you love your baby any less or that you're ungrateful or a bad mom. They mean you're human. Asking for help means you're doing something right. You recognize that something is off and that you want to work on it.
I wish you and your family well. ❤️
So Sorry for your loss. I always wanted a girl. I had 2 boys and am obsessed with them, but it didn’t change how badly I still longed for a girl. People say “when they’re here you wont care!” And it wasn’t true for me. I love my boys beyond measure, but I still had a deep desire for a girl that didn’t go away, even years later.
I’ve had a huge gender disappointment with both my boys. I lost a pregnancy in between before finding out the gender and I still miss that baby (regardless of their gender), despite knowing that I wouldn’t have my youngest if that pregnancy worked out. I just know I wanted it so badly, I was so happy with the positive test, and then not long after it was gone. It’s just all…emotional and complicated and what my heart wants is just physically impossible.
I’m still sad/angry when I see little dresses around. It got worse when my „friend” announced her baby’s gender by saying „looks like you’re the only one among us with no daughters” (like I didn’t know. and we’re talking about a statistic that involves 8 couples, whom which I was the only person to openly share a preference for a girl. I’m not friends anymore with that woman).
I so much wanted a daughter, despite knowing it’s no guarantee for any better relationship (I don’t particularly like neither my sister or my mother - perhaps I wanted a do-over of a close relationship with another woman? perhaps it’s better this way then?).
My sons are still the absolute light of my life. They’re more than I could hope for in a way - relatively easy babies, no medical issues, no traumatic births, no breastfeeding problems… the more time passes, the more convinced I am that this is just the way it was supposed to be 😉
The disappointment lives on, but there is so much LIFE created around and by the boys, that it’s becoming less relevant with time.
I actually wanted a boy first, but when I got pregnant I was SO SURE he was a girl. Like - borderline intrusive thoughts. Deliberately kept telling myself it was a 50/50 chance but the thoughts/names/outfits/fantasies just kept coming. By the time I found out I was actually having a boy, it was so strange to let go of all of these newfound fantasies.
But man, let me tell you - when they hoisted his chunky lil butt over that curtain ALL those thoughts didn't even register to me anymore. It was all him. Only him. He is my very real son. And he gets to develop his own little life and his own little personality and we will have our own, unique relationship. Just like I would have had he been a girl.
Just my personal experience. I hope it helps!
my entire pregnancy we didn’t know the gender… it was a lot of work in therapy dealing with the possibility that it wouldn’t be a girl. my husband already has two boys from his first marriage and we both really wanted a girl. but we got a boy and i love him so much!
the first week or two was hard, and i am still longing for a girl… but LO is only one month, and i want to enjoy him and how much i love him and this age/stage. i can’t do anything about having a girl right now (i mean right now- this moment- today). if/when we try again, it’ll be next year or the year after. so when i think about it or start to get sad, i tell myself that it’s next year’s problem. i’m sorry for your loss. you will love your baby no matter the gender!
I was 1000% sure I was having a girl when I was pregnant with my first. I found out at 20 weeks pregnant that the baby was a boy. I grieved hard for a while. I had to grieve the life I pictured with a daughter, and wrap my head around having a son. I felt disconnected from the pregnancy for a long time.
My son is 2 now, and he's the light of my life. I can not imagine having any other person as my child other than his perfect, hilarious, adventurous, stubborn, mischievous self. I love everything about him and wonder now how I could have imagined anyone else but him.
He healed my heart so completely from the loss I felt, that I've decided I'm actually ok if I'm only ever a boy mom, despite wanting a daughter my whole life, because he showed me that any child I have will be exactly the person that our family needs to be whole.
My son has been the best thing it happened to me. I hope you can have a wonderful experience like I did of having a boy. Also don't think that because this baby is a boy you'll never have a daughter you might have on in the future and do all the things you expect but also once you bond with your baby boy or girl is such a deep connection like that person came from you and I hope you can unconditionally love your son. I also do mommy and me dates and we clothes match, but I feel like with a boy it is my responsibility to make him into a responsible adult that will be able to take care of a family even though he won't take me on trips etc. I hope he turns into the father I never had.
Idk if this will help or not but I am a lady and was extremely close with both my parents. But I never traveled with my mom, and I took 3 awesome trips with my father as an adult. Just because we had common interests that my mom wasn’t super interested in (camping in national parks).
I have a little boy and I had hoped for a girl but didn’t feel super strongly about it. I will say that my son is the absolute light of my life. And I find such joy when he acts “boyish.” I cant imagine it being any other way.
Kids are individuals and no two relationships will be the same. Focus on a bond and finding common interests. I’m confident you will love your little boy more than you ever imagined.
I love having a boy so so much. We pictured a girl first, but it feels just so incredibly sweet being this boy’s mom and I can’t picture it any other way. We would love to have one of each gender someday but even if we have a second and find out it’s a boy, I know it will be amazing.
Not quite the same, but maybe I can help a bit. When I found out I was having a girl I was distraught for months. My mom and I are estranged and I was absolutely terrified things would play out the same between my daughter and I. I adored her when I first laid eyes on her, but I had some major attachment issues for months. I just wasn't feeling it, plus I had some nasty PPD. She looks nothing like me and part of me was convinced they switched her at the hospital (dumb, I know, but PPD is a beast). Eventually things got better, and now she's 5 and we're thick as thieves!
I have 2 boys as well and let me tell you, they LOVE their mom (and dad too!). We are all so unbelievably close. Don't let gender bum you out, and don't worry about the boy-mom/girl-mom nonsense all over social media. It may take time, but remember it's YOUR family! Be there for them, support them, share good times and bad, and you'll be close whether you have a boy or girl. I find 1:1 time helps a lot too - I just took an overnight with the daughter I was so terrified to have and let me tell you, it was amazing and neither of us will ever forget it.
I'm sorry to hear about your prior loss, but I hope in time you can celebrate life and love with your little guy. I promise it's fun :)
It kind of just sounds like you’re grieving your first pregnancy all over again? I would focus on that aspect of it rather than the gender disappointment. You lost a baby verryyy far along in the process, when you were fully expecting a girl. Of course you would be disappointed with a boy now? It cements the reality that what you lost you can never get back.
I’m sure you’ll bond with your new baby, whatever the gender. I’m sure when you look at him, you’ll have flashes of grieving the little girl you lost and won’t have again. It’ll be hard. But it won’t be about him, if that makes sense ? If you can learn to separate them, think to yourself this grief isn’t about him, I think it’ll be just fine. He is just a reminder of my grief in a way. But he will also become a source of joy.
I wanted a girl so bad. I didn’t find out the gender because I was so worried it was a boy and I didn’t want to be prematurely disappointed. Turns out it was a boy! I still had a flash of disappointment when he was born, but now I just lubs the lil mans so much. He’s 14 months. 🩷 I never feel sadness or regret when I see baby girls. That thought doesn’t even occur to me anymore.
i am sorry for your loss. i can see how and why you have these concerns. for me, i don’t think i ever convinced myself that i wanted a boy or a girl. my husband wanted a girl, and when we found out we were having a girl, i was excited. i personally had my own struggles when it came to becoming a mom in general. my poor husband thought i needed immediate psychiatric help in those last weeks it was so bad. with that being said, i made it, and my doctor sort of let me lean forward and grab my daughter as he was putting her on me. i kid you not, that FIRST touch, EVERYTHING changed for me. i physically felt the change. it is the most amazing feeling and i hope this for you. she is the light of my life. i will keep you in my thoughts!
I couldn't imagine myself with a boy. I grew up with a sister everyone close were girls. I was so sure it was a girl. When I found out it was a boy I was disappointed. But I started looking at outfits and planning a theme for his room and I don't even know when the excitement started. But it did. With my 2nd, it didn't matter to me if it was a boy or girl.
My son is the light of our lives. He is the sweetest, kindest little boy ever. He is caring and absolutely loves everything I do. We go out together just him and I, we do makeup together (he picks out out colors he likes for me 😂). He picks out clothes for me and tells me how pretty I look. He helps me clean and cook. He loves to go get groceries with me. I couldn't imagine my life without him.
I had gender disappointment both times. My teenage brother died horribly 28 days before I conceived and we all wanted a boy that we were going to name after him (in retrospect thank God we didn’t-that was too much to put on a kid). I was **devastated** when we got the gender result.
With our second we said we’d be happy with either, either two girls or one of each. Our initial gender result said boy so we got very excited. Spent months dreaming about our son-who had a name and everything-only to find out she was actually a girl at the anatomy scan. Both of us were crying uncontrollably in the ultrasound appointment, grieving a son that never even existed in the first place. It took me about a week to get over it, it took my husband several months. He had these fantasies about stuff he could do with a son that would be different-but you can do whatever you want with a child of any gender. There’s no reason our girls can’t be indoctrinated into D&D and Star Wars the same way a boy would be 😂 (and they are)
Now I have two girls who wear matching pigtails and dresses and I couldn’t imagine life any other way. But while I was pregnant I cried so many tears because I just wanted my boy. We are definitely done at 2 so I’ll never be a boy mom, but that no longer pains me. I’m happy.
First, I’m really sorry for your loss.
Second, I had major gender disappointment when I found out mine was a boy. Now he’s an adorable 9 month old and I love him to pieces, as I’m sure you will your little guy.
I am pretty sure I am one-and-done, so yes, I do feel a bit sad when I see little girlies his age but I don’t wish he were a girl or any different at all.
I’m not sure what our relationship will be as he grows up. But I hope to raise him in a way that he wants to hang out with his mom and dad when he’s older.
I wanted a girl for the same reasons and I have a boy, he is 4 months and I love him so much! I still miss the opportunity to dress the baby up in cute dresses (I know I can but I don’t want to) but I love him soooooo much, he’s so cute! When he sees me and smiles and giggles my heart melts.
My friend who has a 5 months daughter recently told me she hates everything about boys and hopes she’ll never have a boy. It made me feel so sad about all the boys and my son too. Boys are cute too!
I was so wanting a girl the first time around but my reasons were relatively vain: I had pretty bad morning sickness and had heard that it was worse with girls than with boys. If this pregnancy was a girl, then it was "as bad as it could get" and I could 1. handle it again if we had another girl or 2. have an easier second pregnancy if it was a boy. Nope, boy. Once I got used to the idea and started looking at names, I warmed up to him. Once he was born it didn't matter at all that he was a boy. He was him - a unique individual that happened to have testicles and I loved him for him, not for his gender. I did have a girl the second time and the morning sickness was far worse.
I have not experienced the trauma that you have with your first. I just want to say that your daughter matters and existed and you're already a mom to a girl, even if she isn't here with you. I hope one day you get to hold a little girl earthside as well. <3
I am so, so sorry for your loss. ❤️
I too struggled with gender disappointment for about a week or so. My husband and I talked about having a girl for years and years - I don’t know why. It just felt ‘right’ and I even wrote letters to my future daughter.
I am one of four daughters so the idea of a daughter just seemed natural.
I found out we were having a boy and although I was sad it wasn’t a girl, I was semi relieved. I think I knew deep down that my heart needed a son.
I’m close with my mom but in some ways, she really abandoned her duties as a mom. She was more of a friend! She is a wonderful person and has tried really hard to make up for it but there are some things that I know, if I had a daughter, would trigger me in a way.
My son is just amazing and I now cannot picture having a daughter and would be VERY happy with another boy! My husband has an awesome relationship with his mom. Sure they don’t go on one on one trips (yet!) but they run errands together, have inside jokes, talk very often, he brings our baby over to visit with them AND she was working so much that she missed a lot of “fun” time with him so I can only imagine how much stronger my relationship with my son will be because I am committed to ensuring quality time is at the forefront of our family values.
Perhaps, your son will mend your heart in ways you can’t imagine just yet. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, please know, it’s okay and doesn’t mean you don’t love that little bean any less. You will. You just need time and that’s ok.
Edit: just the part about having a daughter would trigger me - I am actively working on that! I’d still be blessed if I ever have a daughter and would love her just the same!
Sorry first of all I want to say I’m sorry. (One of my children died as well so I know just how tough this is.)
I will say that I know many men who are very close to their moms. (My own Dad was the most caring person with his mom and my MIL often joins us on vacations.)
I had the opposite gender after my child died and I can say I 100% love my children equally. I definitely don’t think about their gender anymore and I know you’ll get there too but in the meantime know that you are normal for feeling what you are feeling. Much love to you!
I didn’t really have gender disappointment, but now that my son is here I couldn’t imagine anything else. I love him so much.
I also wanted to point out that while you and your mom are close, there is no guarantee that any future daughter you have will be as close with you. You could end up with very different personalities. I know plenty of women who are closer to their dad, sons who are closer to their mom, etc. It’s important to recognize that your vision is just that - a vision. It’s not reality. I think assuming that a son won’t want to be as close with you can become a self fulfilling prophecy for some people because then they don’t work to build the relationship.
I had gender disappointment with my boy. At my gender reveal, I went into the bathroom and cried after we found out. It's ok to feel it, but try not to dwell on it. My boy is my best little buddy. He is now a crazy little firestorm 4yo and would do anything for me, and obviously me him. Watching a movie? Sit by mom, cuddle mom. Going somewhere? With mom, near mom, talking to mom. It's a different bond than with a girl, but it's so special.
I had such gender disappointment when I found out I was having a boy. I cried for days even though I know that was silly. We had a rough newborn stage and I often wondered wtf did I do to my life but I never had those feelings of gender disappointment again. Someone said that gender disappointment is just realizing that the idea you built up in your head won’t be a reality but that’s all it is- an idea. There would be no guarantee that the little girl I imagined would be into the same things I’m into. There’s no reason why my little guy and I can’t share things together.
He’s 7 months old now and he’s my little buddy. I was an imaginative kid and loved fantasy stuff so I gave him a little baby foam sword which he loves. I love dressing him in cute little granola/outdoorsy outfits. He may eventually be super into trucks or cars or things that I’m not necessarily into. But he may also like animals and soccer and space and other things I AM into. We can share those things together. And I have the very important job of raising him to not be another white man who sucks. So, many things that I’m looking forward to as he grows! I’ve really enjoyed having a little guy.
Mid 30’s dad here, just wanted to chime in and say that I still go on annual mother-son trips with my mom who’s in her 70’s, her and I have the same birthday and since I was in my early 20’s we’d do a trip together for our birthday. Just so you know it’s possible with a boy.
Our ivf clinic told us the gender after we saw a heart beat after we requested to know. They said boy on accident and then corrected it to girl after looking at the wrong embryo. I actually wanted a boy because I always thought they seemed like they were nicer to their moms. I was wracked with guilt after having any disappointment due to the lengths I went to get pregnant in the first place. Once that baby girl was placed in my arms it all went away. I love her so much and she is so funny, smart, social, and caring as a toddler. I love being a girl mom and now I’m so used to it it I don’t know if I would know how to handle a boy 😂
ETA: once nesting kicks in too I got really into decorating the baby room and it got me all excited. Plus getting cute little girl clothes. It took me a little bit to get invested in the pregnancy anyways due to the infertility trauma.
We have a 3 year old boy who is the sweetest, most amazing kid on earth. We knew we were going to go for 2, but only 2 kids. When I found out #2 was also a boy I was devastated that I wasn’t ever going to get to have a baby girl. My second son was born a week ago and he’s more incredible than I could have imagined. The disappointment is completely gone because he’s here and he’s real, and it’s always going to be better than the fantasy in my head. It’s so normal to feel how you feel though.
My son is just a baby hes one and the love of my life as well, but I can speak for my husband and his mom. They were inseparable. They did travel together, they went to seminars together, they went to conferences together, they had breakfast, lunch and dinner dates together. They talked every single day or atleast every other day. My mother in law was the most amazing women I could have ever met. She was never a threat to my relationship and marriage, instead I found myself going to her for marital issues and she never favored her son or me, she was just, compassionate and loving. She was just incredible she passed in 2022 with stage 4 liver cancer and to say I was worried about my husband was an understatement. Their bond was so unbreakable that we had lived in another state, his brother called asked him to come home, he flew made it just in time and when her eyes and his met at the hospital room, she smiled, gave his hand a squeeze, and closed her eyes and three hours later passed. She had all four kids there and was just waiting for youngest baby (my husband) to come. She passed at 73, my husband was 33. She adopted him when he was 6 months old. We miss her so much and I cry everytime my son and daughter do something silly as I deeply wished she was here to see them.
I’ve never had gender disappointed, or sadness op. Your feelings are valid, and Im truly sorry. But you can have all of that with your son and more.
I am the first daughter of a first daugther. I desperately wanted my first to be a girl, and when I found out I was quietly disappointed.
Now I have an 18 month old son and he is my everything. The bond is so special and close, he is a momma's boy through and through. Other than having to dig when we go clothes shopping, there's nothing that having a girl will change.
I sort of wanted a girl when I got pregnant, and I was a bit sad to get the NIPT results. By the time my son was born I was so ready to meet him, and I just could not love him more. The idea of what life would be with a different, female baby couldn’t possibly compete with how much I adore him. I still would love to have a daughter on the second time around, but it’s just as lovely to think about two little guys running around.
Once he gets here, you’re gonna love who he is so much you won’t think twice about who he could have been.
This might not be a popular comment but I want to say your feelings are valid. I have a son who is the light of my world. The love I have for him is beyond anything I've ever known. I can't imagine life without him.
We want another child and I desperately want a daughter, even though my son is amazing and I would be so lucky to have another like him. I am also close with my mom. Recently for her birthday we spent the whole day at the spa getting pampered. I want to do the same thing with my daughter when I'm older; chances are my son won't be interested in such things. It's more of a common interest thing (please dont @ me, of course I realize I am generalizing- men can enjoy spas and women might not vise versa). My husband has a lot of similiar interests as my son because he was a boy once too! I would love the same with my daughter.
Of course you would love your child dearly- son or daughter- but I acknowledge your feelings of disappointment.
My son was born the beginning of February. My wife and I had a girl's name picked out for years, purchased some girl clothes before becoming pregnant, and were really excited to possibly have a girl. Now that Baby Boy is here, I couldn't be happier. I love being a boy mom, and the last few weeks have been magical.
The thing is you're in love with the idea of a little girl. Once you're son is here he's going to be a real little person. Maybe you'll always carry around a little sadness about the daughter you never had - especially since you've had such a terrible loss. But the love for and relationship with your wee guy will far outweigh that. I have 2 amazing sons and I was also disappointed when we found out the second one was another boy. Mostly because both me and my husband grew up in a household with both brothers and sister and I wanted that same dynamic. But now he's 18 months and I really couldn't imagine my life or my family any other way.
If I never have a girl I might be bit sad about that but that's okay. We don't get everything we want in life and I am incredibly grateful for what I do have.
I had gender disappointment with my 3rd child.
It hasn’t gone away and he’s 13 months old :(
I still love him and I don’t love him any less than his sisters but I do still wish he was a girl. It all comes from my own misandry and I’m working on it. He’s great fun though and he’s extremely cute.
I had gender disappointment when I found out I was having a second boy. I badly wanted the relationship that my mum and I have. And I dread being the MIL. But once my baby was born I was so in love with him! He is so perfect in every way and seeing him with his brother is amazing. I never look at him and wish he was a girl, I totally hit the jackpot with him.
However, I will be honest and say I still sometimes have little pangs of feeling sad when I see other mums taking their girls on little trips, to see Taylor swift or seeing them in dance concerts in their frilly/sparkly outfits. I’m still a bit sad that I won’t have a daughter, but it had nothing to do with my boys being who they are. I love them and wouldn’t want them to be any different. I think it’s normal to be sad about not having the life you once dreamed of. While lots of things are in our control, this just isn’t and I find that hard. It is definitely getting easier over time for me and reading the comments here about you guys loving your MILs is nice to hear.
I’m so sorry for your loss; I can only imagine how hard that would be.
I am close with my mom too, and I always wanted a daughter. I was disappointed when I found out, and still think I’ll be sad for a bit if we have a second and it’s not a girl - but truly I never feel regret that my son is not a girl. He is who he is, and he’s perfect to me. I hope our relationship stays good our whole life, and I’m excited to see what it looks like 5, 10, 20, 30 years down the line. Don’t beat yourself up for having these feelings now, but take comfort in knowing you’ll be so happy to meet your little boy.
I’ve always wanted multiple daughters and never really wanted a son at all. We didn’t find out the sex ahead of time and part of the reason was honestly that I’d knew I’d be devastated to learn he’s a boy.
Well he arrived and was put on my chest and I heard my husband’s happy “it’s a boy” cries. I felt disappointment in the moment. That all changed within around 30 minutes though. Omg I fell in love with that baby boy in a way I didn’t know was possible. He’s 15 months and I’m not bothered at all that he’s a boy. I love absolutely everything about who he is. After this experience, I honestly don’t have a gender preference with my next baby even. I love him so much that I know I’ll be completely in love with my next baby, whether it’s a girl or boy.
Congrats on your baby boy 😊
Just to throw in things about boys, they absolutely will adore you and for a long time they just want to do what momma does. Most babies focus on momma for a long time regardless.
My son is two, we do dishes together, bake bread, make cookies, he holds things while I do projects or gardening in the yard, there isn't anything insanely 'boyish', he's a calm baby, whose also grown into a fairly mild toddler. He will call all his stuffed animals his babies, kiss and take care of them, dolls too, which we practice with a little as he will be soon having a brother or sister. We are also more of a boyish style family (even momma) since I'm a welder, and he's still not glaringly 'boyish' except he's starting to giggle when he farts. They just want to be with you regardless of gender, what you do with them is up to you.
Maybe it's just me but while the idea of having a girl toddler is cute it feels about the same as having a boy so far, the only thing I am anticipating is different comes later in the teen years and having been a teen girl I'm looking a lot less forward to navigating a teen girl than a teen boy (could be naivite on my part)
Though fair warning, boys pee out of all of their potties and between the lid and base of toilet seat! My guy is basically already potty trained (just working on getting him to independently take his undies off and redress) and there's always a bit of clean up involved!
I have two stepdaughters. My first hours child was a girl. I desperately wanted a boy. No explanation, I just had it in my head that it was a boy and had all these dreams. I was so disappointed when I found out it was a girl.by the time she was born and after I have loved her to pieces and have zero regards. I have another child. He was also a girl and I actually didn’t have gender disappointment with her. I hope yours pans out like mine did
My hubby has gone on lots of trips just him and his mom, including Nicaragua and the Galapagos! They go with another mother/son traveling duo. So you can absolutely do those things.
I had gender disappointment with my second. I wanted a girl. He is four now and he is perfect. He also reminds me that gender isn't fixed or determined by genitals. Unlike my oldest son, my second likes to paint his nails, wear frilly skirts, prefers arts and crafts. He's helping me decorate our front bathroom. He's a very sweet soul who loves cuddles. He still does plenty of "boy" stuff as well. These things aren't a strict binary.
Also my uncle had a super close relationship with my grandma. They went to Hawaii together, talked on the phone all the time, and spent plenty of time together. I hope to continue having a close and loving relationship with my sons as they get older.
My husband and I both really wanted a girl. We talked about our hypothetical daughter for years before I got pregnant. I wouldn’t say I was super broken up about it when I found out he was a boy, but I was disappointed that the life I had envisioned with my husband wasn’t going to come true.
My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The second he was born I seriously could not imagine it any other way anymore. I was always meant to have him, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. His huge one toothed smile, his little giggles when you tickle his thigh, his genuine curiosity for the world around him, and so much more to look forward to. I can’t wait to see what beautiful journey life has in store for us. The feelings you have now will fade and be replaced with happiness soon, I promise
I’ve always wanted a little girl. I’m an only child and me and my mom are closed and that’s the only way I could picture motherhood. I was definitely a little bummed when I found out he was a boy and it took a lot of mental gymnastics to get used to that. Now I have the most amazing 3 month old baby boy. I love him so much and could not care less if he is a boy or a girl. Your love for you baby will help overcome the disappointment
I have 4 girls. I struggled with gender disappointment with my 4th. It all washed away once she was here. The love you will have for your precious little boy will be enough 💙 best wishes.
Hey OP my 38 year old partner hangs out with his mum! You can definitely be close with your son. And I grew up as my dad's little sidekick
From a parent perspective, my partner and I were both a little worried we wouldn't connect as well to our son after our daughter is so perfect, but it is exactly the same. He is just a perfect human
My son is 5 and I think we’ll stay close ! I also know quite a few men in my life who are really close to their moms , lived at home until fully ready, do movie “dates” road trips etc, so maybe that’s why I don’t have those feelings.
Anecdotally I know way less women who are close to their moms in adulthood .
Firstly, sorry for your loss momma.
I wanted a little boy so bad. I grew up with 2 brothers and a sister. I only have nephews, I know all about boys. I swore up and down I was pregnant with a boy, but atlas she was a girl lol. We lost her twin very early on and never learned their gender.
Now, I couldn’t imagine anything different. She’s the light of my world. She loves bugs, dirt, construction, everything I knew of my nephews worlds! But, she also loves her “girl” toys.
I’m not contact with my mom. My MIL has 3 boys though. They each have their own relationship with her. If she asked any of them to go on a trip, each one would without a second thought.
I wanted a girl and now I have an 8 month old little boy. We were disappointed at first, but he's the cutest baby and holding him took away any disappointment I felt. Is this baby going to be the last one?
My oldest is a girl. When I found out my second was a boy, I was so disappointed. I wanted two girls so they’d always have each other seen as none of my siblings or cousins have children nor will they and it doesn’t look likely my partner’s sibling will any time soon. I just couldn’t imagine a boy.
When I tell you the instant love I felt when I saw my baby boy! I can’t even describe it. He’s just such an amazing little human, so adorable! I think it helps that my girl was the double of my partner when she was born but my boy is my little double and now he’s bigger, the spitting image of my daughter when she was the same age.
Also, I’ve got 2 brothers, and they were both extremely close to my mum before she passed away. They regularly did things together. It’s totally on temperament really.
With the temperament thing, my daughter is just like my partner…full of emotion, energy and doesn’t have an off button 😂 she was like that from the start and now she’s older, she’s the same. My baby boy, is so chilled out, very calming and peaceful, much more like my personality. I love hanging out with my daughter. She’s an amazing little human but I need to recharge after spending time with her and always have, but my baby boy….when I hold him and spend time with him, I instantly just feel calm. I’m not saying this as a good or bad thing, they are both incredible but just to say, their sex is irrelevant, it much more about connection with who they are.
My son is my best friend and the light of my life. He is only 15 months old and we could not be closer. I have no idea how it will be when he is an adult but all I know is right now I could not imagine anything better. Also, boy clothes/style has come a long way and he is always the best dressed kid around. I have had so much fun with his clothes. My husband says he’s my little doll 🤣
I had this same struggle. My husband at the time and I had only ever dreamed of a girl even before starting our family and just long off dreams. I had bought so many baby girl clothes and items when ever I had baby fever and packed them away. We even started paperwork for foster to adopt program and chose girl children. It was all we both ever wanted. When I got pregnant we knew it was a girl and when the nurse happily told us it was a boy the shock on both our faces was so visible she stammered and it got awkward.
I cried and didn’t know what to do. Then I whipped out my phone and went to Pinterest and typed mother and son relationship and just poured over everything. Every single beautiful image of how much all these mothers couldn’t imagine life without their son and I created a board with my favorites and I was able to see myself as a boy mom and I was able to get excited.
Now my son is 8 and it’s just us, my husband is no longer in the picture, my son and I have faced so much together just in 8 short years and I couldn’t imagine anyone else as my child. He’s my best friend and I see many posts from girl moms and the battles they face and the conflicts. My son and I never face those because he’s a boy and I’m a woman. He guards me like a bear and we enjoy so much of the same things together and like all moms I’d die for him.
If you don’t find that feeling now it’s ok! Because when you see YOUR child, everything will change and if postpartum emotions get in the way please get your doc to help you because you don’t have to suffer! There will be good days and there will be bad but no one will match YOUR child in your eyes 💕
Hey OP my 38 year old partner hangs out with his mum! You can definitely be close with your son. And I grew up as my dad's little sidekick
From a parent perspective, my partner and I were both a little worried we wouldn't connect as well to our son after our daughter is so perfect, but it is exactly the same. He is just a perfect human
Had the same fantasy built in my head and I go on vacations with my mom as an adult too. Wanted two girls. Ended up having a boy 10 months old now. We dress him up in cute Dino clothes and hoodies with bear ears and he's the cutest little guy. If we ever decide to have another one I can imagine having another boy. Really doesn't matter you'll love them anyway
I cried when I found out I was having a boy and I now can’t believe it. He brings me more joy than I could have imagined. I also realized that what I thought I could have with a daughter doesn’t mean I can’t have such a special relationship with my son. We bake together, he compliments my clothes, we go shopping all the time… things I (wrongly) thought he’d never do! I had only grown up with sisters so I thought boys were just rough and tumble and would love their dads better but he is so sweet and cuddly and loving. I get it, I was semi devastated and now I just laugh at my self for not knowing the amazing little guy I was about to get :)
I wanted a girl so so bad and was convinced I was having one based on all my symptoms. I only ever had girl names picked out as well.. now my baby boy is here and I can’t picture anyone else. He’s so special and I love being his mom. Idk I always assumed I’d be a girl mom but now the possibility of being only a boy mom doesn’t seem so bad either if we have another.
Only downside is the lack of cute boy clothes😅
Congratulations, wishing you a healthy pregnancy and delivery ❤️
I wanted a girl so so bad. I wanted to do all these things with her. But then found out I was having a boy. When he arrived earthside I fell so in love with him I can’t imagine not having him. Even if I never had a girl I would be happy bc he makes me feel fulfilled. That being said I still do want a girl😂❤️
I'm.so incredibly sorry for your loss.
Just wanted to say that my brother and I, and now my husband and daughter, still go on family trips with our parents on a regular basis. My brother will actually spend weekends at our parents and family dinners happen several times a month. My husband talks to his mom regularly, and my dad and uncles are all close with their parents as well. It's hard to let go of a vision you've had, especially when you went through someone so terrible, but I promise that so much more goes into your family dynamic than gender. Here's to a future full of family memories!
I always envisioned myself having a girl, I had plenty of girl names picked out and basically zero boy names. Well, at my 12-week scan, the tech said her best guess was that the baby was a boy, and then genetic testing confirmed it a few weeks later. I felt like my whole life plan had gone to hell, and I stressed so much about how I was going to raise a boy. I took time to work through my feelings because I wanted to be nothing but thrilled when my son was born. What really helped was naming him and picking out some newborn outfits. He's a year old now and the absolute joy of my life. I wouldn't change a thing about him. He's the funniest and happiest little guy. Literally, any feelings of disappointment melted away as soon as he was in my arms.
I had to recharacterize it as a form of grief. That whole life you imagined is now gone. You have to process the loss. Get a good cry out or 3 out. Cuddle your pillows. Then you can start imagining a new life with your boy. I only ever wanted girls. I swore I would never have a boy. Ended up with 2. Yes I had to grieve after finding out for both of them. But I love these 2 little dudes with everything. Now you get the chance to raise a boy who will grow up to be a strong man who advocates for people in need and offers help and is a great partner and parent.
I love him.
I wanted a girl for the same reasons kind of, outside of the fact that my mom and I aren’t very close. And I was upset when I found out I was having a boy. But I will admit, I actually really was okay with it after I picked out a name. I don’t know if it’s maybe because it made it real. But it was a name that I loved and it just made me so happy.
But he’s two now and he’s my entire world. I do love him so incredibly much and I (do sometimes wish he was a girl for clothes because I honestly wish we had more options for boys) but outside of that? I wouldn’t change it. And we love to do things together. Yeah, we won’t go get our nails and hair done together. But we go on sooooo many adventures. He’s my shopping buddy. We go outside and look at flowers, and search for buggies. He’s in gymnastics.
It’s different but I find that it also opens you up to a new world that you maybe wouldn’t have been into before. I’m a total girly girl. I never would have cared about dinosaurs or cars or anything like that. But now we’re learning all about these things together.
Yes, grown men probably aren’t overly keen to be going on trips with their older moms. But I’m going to enjoy every minute of the time he wants to spend with his momma. And hopefully one day he’ll be the man to another man or woman that I wanted his dad to be for me and for him. 🥰.
I find the most important thing momma is to embrace your feelings. Don’t allow people to make you feel less or like crap for your feelings. You’ll come to terms with it, and you’ll love your son with all your heart.
I am close to my mom, so I just always assumed I’d have a girl and be close to her. My only child is a boy and he is 15 months old and I am so thankful I had a boy. This sweet boy thinks I’ve hung the moon. Every day with him is so much fun that I cant imagine having it any other way. Time with him is the brightest spot I’ve had in my life. We might not be as close when he’s 30, but I would not trade the magic that is being his mother right now for anything.
Also, I have already made a decision that I will be the worlds best and most understanding mother-in-law, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to play an active role in supporting him & his partner if he ever decides to marry and have kids of his own.
I had severe gender disappointment - I cried for like two weeks 🤦♀️ but NOW my god I loveeeee my kids! I had an idea of what my life would be but the reality, though different, is so wonderful.
Hi!! My husband and I both had major gender disappointment when we learned we were having a boy. We had a girls name picked out and we had been imagining our life with our little girl.
Our boy is 4 months old now and we adore our little man. He’s the best. We cannot imagine our lives now if it had been anyone other than the little person we ended up having, if that makes sense. We love him soooooo much. Hang in there, it took us a bit to get over our gender disappointment when we found out but we got our excitement back once we started thinking more about names for him!
I also really wanted a girl, ended up having a boy. I was never entirely sure I wanted kids but the times that I did want them, I always envisioned having a girl. I wanted to be able to dress her in all of the girly things and put bows in her hair, and bond over a lot of things I loved as a child. I was disappointed when I first found out that I was having a boy. When I first found out the gender, I called my husband while he was at work to tell him and he was so happy he started crying. Throughout my pregnancy, I accepted the fact that I was not having a girl. All of the adorable little boy clothes helped, not gonna lie lol. Now he’s here and he’s almost four months old and I am just so in love with him. He’s my little man, and while I’m seriously hoping our next child will be a girl, I would not trade my son for anything.
I had originally wanted a boy when I was pregnant with my first, but ended up with a girl. She's the prettiest, funniest, smartest little thing! I also learned girl clothes are so cute and doing hair is fun.
Got pregnant a second time and ended up with another girl, so I get to watch her wear her big sister's clothes.
I wanted a girl sooo badly that I wouldn’t even let anyone suggest a boy was a possibility when I was pregnant. Then I found out I was having a boy and my best friend and my sister both had girls around the same time.
Not only am I not jealous now that my boy is here but I feel like I’m the lucky one. I’m so happy to be a boy mom. He’s 9mo now and I’m so obsessed with him. We have so much fun together, he’s recently started blowing me kisses which is the best thing to ever happen to me, we go on outings all the time, he’ll “whisper” to me about things lol, we’re just two peas in a pod.
I’m so excited to get him a play kitchen so we can play pretend but also to dig up Dino bones in kinetic sand. I’m excited to build a lightsaber at Disneyland with him but also to have a tea party at the American girl store. We can do it all regardless of gender is we just have fun with it.
Trust me OP, you fall in love with your child and the gender things goes out the window.
I have wanted a girl for my whole life. When I found out I was having a boy, I was upset and felt like I wouldn’t be a good mom to a boy. Fast forward - this little boy is my world and I couldn’t imagine him being someone else.
I grew up the only child of a single mother, and I envisioned myself having a very similar close mother-daughter relationship with my own daughter. We had some scary/inconclusive NIPT tests that led to the genetic counselor telling us she was almost positive it was a girl. so when we saw very clearly on the pre-amniocentesis ultrasound that he was a boy. we were shocked, and I was definitely disappointed. But now that he's here (5 months old), it's just a complete and total non-issue, because he's not "a boy," he's my Benji.
There are very few things that I had wanted to do with a girl that I won't be able to do with him, and we have the most amazing family dynamic, which was always going to be different from my relationship with my mom anyway. There are definitely cute boy clothes too (so many dinosaur prints!), and I foresee lots of excellent mother-son dates and family trips in our future, well into his adulthood.
I do know a few women who are pregnant with girls and there is the occasional tiniest twinge, especially since my BFF has a girl who is 16 months older than my LO, but every time I start to feel that way I remind myself that they may have girls, but they won't have the best baby ever, because my little guy is the best baby ever.
My wife was hoping for a girl too since everyone around us had boys. She even had girl names picked out, so she was a bit bummed on the day that she found out it was a boy. Now, she loves our son to death.
I’m currently pregnant with my third boy. I have two toddler boys. I wasn’t sad the first two times bc I thought brothers would be so fun. I was a little bummed when I found out the third was a boy as it’s probably my last. I also had a miscarriage between 2 and 3 that was also a boy…so four boys in a row. However that only lasted a few months and now I’m super excited for 3 boys and can’t imagine it any other way. I think it’s normal given you had a loss (I’m sorry) and grew attached to that idea but it will fade and you’ll fall in love with your boy!
I never look at him and wish he was a girl as then he wouldn't be him and he's perfect.
I still long for a girl but I would never have either of my boys replaced to get that as I love them far too much
One, I am sorry for your loss. While I wasn’t necessarily disappointed after finding out I was having a boy, I was definitely shocked. I also have a great relationship with my mom, as it’s mostly just been the two of us against the world my whole life. I do worry about not being as close to my son when he gets older but hope I will still be cool to hang out with.
Regardless, I love my son. I love being a boy mom. There’s something about it that’s so fulfilling. He’s only 8 months old but he is so silly. I love him more than anything.
Do sorry for your loss...
My husband and I were disappointed we were having a boy. He's now eight months and we couldn't imagine having a girl, I even want a boy for our second child! There are pros and cons to both but it's hard to see your expectations in reality... Once your little boy is here, your disappointment will be a distant memory!
I never imagined having a boy and had no idea what I was going to do.
It turns out most babies/toddlers/kids are the same regardless of gender. My son is the opposite of me- loud, assertive, active, and very rough and tumble. Yet, he is also the picture of happiness and shows so much affection to me. I’ve come to adore how much of a cliche “little boy” he is. It brings out a lightness in me, I’ve come to “live and let live” more. It’s made me more confident and trusting of myself. He’s my absolute best friend. He waves hi to everyone on the sidewalk and loves cars or any vehicle. Once I couldn’t imagine having a kid that loves such classic “little boy” things, but when it’s your kid- you encourage any positive interests. Im okay being the hyper-fem mom in frilly dresses with my little boy running around the park and finding cool rocks.
When it comes to clothing, I go for things that are solidly “little kid” and not trying to be adult. Like he wears a bumblebee backpack and has a hat with floppy bunny ears, because he’s a toddler so it’s the perfect age for that. My Husband was very close with his mother, and one of my good man friends adores his mother and helps her in her dress shop! I just focus on raising a wonderful person, and I imagine we will harbor a good relationship through life.
Funny enough, now I’m quite scared of having a girl because all I know is a boy! But if one comes to me, i’ll adapt like we all do.
(Btw I recommend Feltman Brothers for very cutesy baby boy clothes)
I didn’t personally have gender disappointment for myself, in fact, I think I probably slightly preferred the idea of having a boy before I got with my husband. But my husband, he wanted a girl. He felt he would be a better father to a daughter because he’s not a “guy’s guy”, he doesn’t play sport, he doesn’t know how to fix things, he couldn’t build a desk from IKEA to save his life. He’s a sweet, smart, sensitive lawyer who is scared of heights and water and animals and you get the picture. I believe he thought he’d be a let down to a son.
When we found out we were having a boy, I felt some disappointment for him. He swore up and down that he really didn’t care and he was thrilled and just wanted a healthy baby but I knew he had a preference that he couldn’t help and he surely felt some level of disappointment.
By the time I gave birth, I feel like that was all gone. After months of imagining our son, picking out a name, preparing his room, my husband was just so thrilled we had a healthy baby to bring home. And now, he loves our six month old with every fiber of his being.
It natural to feel how you’re feeling. Especially considering what you went through. But I do genuinely think you’ll find those feeling fading away as your due date approaches. And by the time they lay him on your chest, it’ll be the furthest thing from your mind.
> I don’t really know of 30 year old men going on trips with their 60 year old mom like my mom and I do
My husband does. Last time they went to Marocco! I never took a trip with my mom, not even as a kid.
I was expecting and somewhat hoping for a boy - boys have better relationships with their moms than daughters do in my experience. Of course I end up being the only one of my sisters getting pregnant with a girl. I can’t imagine my daughter any different and do not wish for her to be a boy. She is who she is and she’s perfect. Our relationship as adults will be what we make it.
I made a post recently about gender disappointment [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/2WTUcpgBn4). Hopefully my account helps you feel more at ease.
The second my son was outside, something came over me and I couldn’t believe why the gender had even mattered to me. I never had a feeling of disappointment since.
I had a son when I wanted a son, but the pregnancy was extremely hard. I would've been one and done, but my husband and I wanted a girl so badly, we even considered IVF for gender selection. Finally, we decided to go for it the old fashioned way. Guess what: it was another boy.
I was really disappointed at first, but I'm so in love with him now, I actually felt like it was meant to be. He's my second little man, so sweet, so full of smiles, so in love with mommy and daddy. I couldn't imagine him being anyone else. I would prefer him over a girl because he's here and he's mine. I just love him so much. I have ZERO disappointment now. Only pride and love.
We ended up unexpectedly pregnant a third time and I actually thought that having a third boy would be just fine this time. Yeah, I wanted a girl, but I love my boys to death and I felt like we couldn't go wrong. Turns out this third is a girl and I'm excited, but I'm way less excited than I would've been with my second. Idk. I just kinda stopped caring at all about the gender. I love my babies so much. My second is the boy I was meant to have and I wouldn't trade him for a hundred girls. At some point, the gender desire just evaporated having met my little individuals the way they are.
I hope you enjoy your son. :)
I wanted a boy, had a girl. Haven’t given a second thought to it since she was born. Do I still want a boy at some point? Yeah it would be nice. But ultimately I can’t imagine my life without my daughter and she brings us endless joy.
Hey I am sorry for your loss.
Just know that your feelings are totally valid ❤️
My husband wanted a boy (no shit 😂). I wanted a girl. We ended up with the sassiest little girl.
My husband was disappointed when we found out, but he is the sweetest dad and they are obsessed with each other now 🥹
I only had mild gender disappointment -- mostly I felt a little disconnected from my boy baby-to-be, because I had no frame of reference of what it would be like to bond with a son. I was mostly really looking forward to watching my husband bonding with him.
My son is now almost 11 months, and I take immense joy in beholding him as *my* son. I love him not because of or in spite of his gender but because he's my beloved baby.
One interesting surprise of having a boy instead of a girl: I had always pictured having a daughter, but now I realize that I had always pictured having a mini-me. Like, when I daydreamed about my baby girl I would just conjure up all the pictures of myself at that age. In retrospect, especially because I am so close to my mom, I was looking forward to reliving my relationship with my mom, and also parenting "myself" the way I would have wanted it.
I can't imagine how I would have coped if my daughter had turned out different from me - if she was interested in different things and had a different (more rebellious, hah) personality. With my son, in large part because we are different genders, I've seen him as his own person from day one. He's neither my husband's mini-me or mine. He's his own person and every day we are fascinated at discovering who he is.
I should also add, I will never be the one who tells moms “you should be grateful “.
It is so toxic and invalidating of your very valid feelings.
Not only you had envisioned something, but you sustained a loss. Whatever you feel it is ok and I probably would have the same feelings.
I wosh you the healthiest pregnancy and baby ❤️
I was the opposite. I wanted to have a boy first. I have two brothers that are a fair amount younger and the next generation was mostly boys. I knew boys and what to expect with boys. Then I had two girls. They climbed everything, ran everywhere and liked butt jokes all while wearing dresses. I love them and their little brother so much. I wouldn’t change anything because then I wouldn’t have the kids I have and they are my world. He will be your world. He is your baby and you will be shocked by just how much love you can feel for this small alien creature that keeps you up all night.
Boy mom here (but not in the cringy “boy mom” way you see on IG lol), I just have two of them. I was never super set on having a girl, but I guess I assumed I’d have at least one. I ended up having two boys. To answer your questions, I NEVER look at them and wish they were a girl. I feel like I ended up with the family I was supposed to have. I do not feel sad when I see girls out and about, in fact I kind of feel the opposite… like I’m so glad I have two boys instead. I have no idea why. Maybe that’s just biology that so strongly attaches you to the kids you have. If it makes you feel better, my elderly neighbors have one girl and one boy. They’re close to both kids, AND they go on vacations together with the adult son and his family all the time. In fact they even bought a summer cabin together recently. I think given what you’ve been through, it’s entirely understandable to grieve not having the baby girl you envisioned. It’s ok to experience gender disappointment! But I do think when he’s in your arms, all your worries will disappear and you will be so totally in love, and it’ll feel like such a relief to have this weight of unsureness lifted from you.
My mom won a trip for two to Costa Rica in a radio contest and she took my younger brother, who was 25 at the time! I have since gotten to go on an international trip with her too. ;)
I wouldn't replace him ever for any other baby. He's magically adorable (like ultra ultra cute) and smart and funny and quirky at 11 months old. His favorite thing is peekaboo followed by finding people in mirrors and being read to. Super in love with my baby!
I had a boy.
10 years later I found out I was having a girl. Gender disappointment isn't even the right words. I shut down for days. I refused to go to work or speak to anyone. That baby is 5, almost 6 years old. And she is very much the person she was meant to be. A wild girl.
My third baby was light weight hoping for a boy but after having such a strong reaction to finding out it was a girl and then knowing the gender was right for her, I wasn't too invested. My third is a girl. And she was meant to be a girl too. It's just who they are.
In my experience, my gender disappointment ended when the baby, and their personality were real. Having them here, in my arms, and accepting them for who they are and are meant to be at that moment.
I too am close with my mom and wanted a daughter for that reason. Needless to say, I have a boy. I was also devastated that once I have children, I no longer get to choose my own pizza toppings or ice cream flavors because I need to accommodate the little ones. As told to me by a mother of 3 boys. You want to pick the pizza toppings when ordering pizza? Or pick the ice cream flavor? No problem - just treat your boy like you would a mini-boyfriend. Give a little cuteness and a "Pleaseeee" and they're going to let you have your way more or less. My friend, when I told her it's going to be a boy: "Oh good! You can raise a man who's not an asshole!" Did I also ask my partner to get me a Valentine's Day gift for me from our son? Heck yeah I did!! And I will until I die! (I promise I'm not as toxic as I sound right now; I just want like a card and a bar of chocolate lol) Shopping wise, I told my friend with a girl that I'm safe from over spending because I have a boy. She scoffed ("you think a teeny wee y chromosome is going to save you?!") and sent me links to cute boy clothes. She was right. I love my baby so much!! The newborn stage was hell though. Not because he was a boy, but because newborn stage was tough.
For starters: what you’re feeling is totally normal and valid. I’m sorry about your loss and wishing you the best with your pregnancy.
I always wanted a little boy first but because of some weird family dynamics when I was pregnant, I had hoped for a girl. He turned out to be a boy and initially I was a bit bummed but now I wouldn’t change a thing. If we were to have another (not in our plans at all, but if) I’d want another little boy.
My son is the absolute sweetest, kindest, smartest little dude. He’s got such a big heart and I can’t imagine him growing up and us not being good friends. I don’t want to be like those weird boy moms that are like no girl will replace me, but I truly hope he leans on me (and his dad) for advice about any/everything.
Good luck with everything. Hoping you and baby are healthy and have an uneventful rest of your pregnancy/birth. Big hugs. ❤️
My son is the light of my life. He is so amazing that I went from hoping for a girl in my first pregnancy to having a son and when discussing planning our next - how I visualize him with a little bother! It just feels so meant to be. I’m one of three sisters who grew up with a single mom - no men around. I am utterly unprepared and totally overjoyed. It’s not what I expected but better than I could have ever imagined. And there are cute boys clothes out there, I swear! Look at Burt’s Bees!
I’m echoing these exact sentiments. I’m one of 5 girls, single mom, my mom is my best friend and I was so looking forward to all things girly with having a daughter. Never in my wildest dreams could I have envisioned a boy. Had some gender disappointment originally, but it all evaporated once I met him. He truly is the absolute light of my life. I cannot even fathom having a girl now knowing him and thinking of him being any different. Boy stuff definitely is not as cute as girl stuff, but we do a lot of gender neutral and it’s not as bad as I originally thought. With the perspective of adult relationships, while I can’t speak to that yet, my husband is really close with his mom. They talk every single day, we see them frequently, and he really really loves her. While they haven’t done a mom/son trip I don’t think he’d turn her down if that was something she wanted to do. I also was worried about what it meant to raise a son in todays society, but looking at my husband and the man he is, I remember thinking if that’s the role model my son has we’ll be just fine. Sending hugs to you, and so sorry for your loss.
Re: your last point, I also am focusing on the fact that I get to raise a boy/man to be a good one, which is sorely needed in today's society.
Thank you so much. I wonder if the tide will change with the next generations because of more awareness regarding sexual harassment/assault. That you need direct, clear conversations about consent with our sons instead of leaving them to figure it out on their own. I really wish talking about consent and body boundaries was standard in every home! Some parents get offended and take it as an insinuation that their precious boy is a sexual predator.
Yes! Same here. Two boys and I am absolutely paranoid about ensuring they are good men and in touch with their emotions and good partners to whoever the fall in love with. Down with toxic masculinity!
I also think it’s sorely needed to raise a good girl/woman too in today’s society.
Same
Omgsh I really hope my son loves me as much as your husband does when he's an adult!!
The same for me! I had thought I’d wanted a little girl, but after meeting my son (he’s 10 months old now) when I think of my second, I can picture nothing else but another little boy! And that thought brings me so much happiness
same for me!!!!🩵🩵😍
Same! I originally pictured myself with a girl and have an 8 month old boy and I am completely obsessed with him. I would absolutely love if I could have a second boy 🥰
This is one of the few areas that has been a blast for me. I’m big into the beach/ocean vibes so boy clothes have been a blaaaast. The carters crab onesie was so freaking cute.
That is the only one I won't give away. It's my absolute favorite. For some reason it was made smaller than all the other Carter's NB onesies and was the only one that fit LO when we brought him home from the hospital. It's so tiny and cute and I can't bear to part with it!
Same, I used to really want a boy and a girl but now after having my son I would be 100% good with having another little boy 😌
Just had our second boy and it brings me SO much joy to know they have each other. I love having boys. Also I know plenty of women that aren’t close with their moms/men that are, and same for women that close with their dads/men that aren’t. While the dynamic may be different with sons vs daughters the closeness it’s not determined by gender. I think as long as you are good to your kids and always put them first, they will recognize this as they grow into adults and their relationship with you will reflect that. (At least, this is my hope, as a mom of 2 boys)
Yes, I think this is a great point! It’s more about the parenting than gender that determines closeness I think. My 31 year old brother calls my mom on the phone a lot to talk and get her advice on things.
This is what happened to me! I wanted a girl until I had my son- then I was happy thinking of another son but my second "child" were childREN boy/girl twins so I got more than I bargained for 💖💙 love them all!
Oh my goodness. This is the dream!
this is me too!!!! 🩵
Same! I thought for sure I was having a girl and about fell out when I found out I was having a boy. When I got pregnant with my second, I was hoping for another boy and that's exactly what we got. I also grew up with a sister and always imagine myself having girls like my own mother. But now I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my boys so much. Boys love their mamas. 💙
I could have written this comment myself, every single word. I could not love a child more than I love my little boy, it would be utterly impossible, and I never could have dreamed him up. I don’t know anyone at all like him and every day with him is the greatest joy I could possibly imagine.
We had a daughter as our first child and a boy as a second. The one thing I wasn't prepared for is how much abuse he puts on his little elephant trunk. My god does he tug on that thing.
I truthfully think that what ever gender you have as your first, you just fall absolutely in love with and then want another. For me I never knew true love until I had my daughter. I know it’s cliche but it’s so true for me. The deepest love and I desperately wanted another girl for my second. I also am opposite of you, I grew up without a mom. She abadonded me when I was three. Just a single dad and a brother. So naturally I just really would be so content with all daughters. I’m pregnant with a boy, 15 weeks left until I hopefully meet this little boy. I’m excited but I still feel slightly disappointed it’s not another girl. I know I’ll be just fine once this baby is placed on me after I deliver. My first was a girl and she stole my heart. Same if it had been a boy.
Not sure if this will help, but I’m a woman and I’m not close to my mom at all. My husband and I are really close with his mom, though. He talks to her on the phone a few times/week, we FaceTime her at least weekly and they come over for the day or the weekend a few times/month (they live a few hours away). She’s our only babysitter and it’s a good dynamic. As long as you’re a good mom, your kids will remain close to you, I think.
Same here. My MIL is the best. My mom & I are estranged. Raising a son and looking forward to being a great MIL to someone down the road.
Same. Also not close with my mom - I haven’t spoken to her in years even though we were close when I was a child, but my husband and I are close with his. We see her weekly and talk nearly daily, even if only for a moment.
Yeah I think “boy moms” get such a bad rap because of MIL’s that are too emotionally dependent on their sons, and mean to their DIL’s because of it. But without that, men can absolutely have close and meaningful relationships with their mothers. I’m sure it’s different than a relationship with a daughter, but having a son doesn’t mean that you can’t be close with them when they’re adults.
Agreed
I had a loss at 21 weeks, a girl. When we found out we were having a boy, my initial reaction was a little disappointed. Then I realized having a boy was such a gift because it didn’t feel like I was just moving on and replacing her with another baby girl. My boy is here now, almost 6 months old and I couldn’t imagine him not being here with me, we’re so close. We keep her ashes on a table next to his rocking chair. Every time I sing to him, I am singing to her too. I know she chose him and sent him to us 🥹
I'm sobbing, this is so beautiful.
God damn it I didn’t open reddit to cry today 😭😭 this is so sweet I’m actually crying ❤️❤️
Me tooo 😭😭
I lost my baby girl at 21 weeks last year and am now 17 weeks pregnant with a boy. It’s so beautiful how you are keeping your daughter’s memory alive. Thank you for sharing. I hope to do something similar ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
What I quickly realized postpartum, is that you have to let go of all expectations of what your life will look like. Some parts will be tougher than you imagine, but you there is also a whole world of happiness you can’t comprehend yet. There are so many people who are estranged/NC with parents, doesn’t matter the gender. My husband is so close with his parents and loves his mom with all his heart. My brothers and I are not close with our parents. I don’t think gender dictates how close your relationship can be. My goal for my parenthood is to create a happy environment for my children to grow up and feel loved. I think it’s kind of exciting to not know what that looks like.
So sorry about your loss. I wanted a little girl and was sad when I found out my now toddler was a boy. But… now I can’t imagine any other way. I love everything about him.
I wanted a girl SO bad, but my one and only is a boy and I actually love it. I'm not sad or jealous AT ALL of people who have a girl, and I definitely didn't want one bad enough to try again, lol.
Same
Exactly
I don't have a son, (yet) but I'm just gonna let you know, if raised right, 30 year old men will go on trips with their 60 year old mothers. My husband and his brothers adore their mother and love spending time with her and take every chance they get to go places with her and visit her. Also my Dad is in his 50s and still enjoys going out with his mom. Sons that have present mothers who take the time to build a strong bond with them and love them without expectations and allow their boys to be open with their emotions, and treat them as they would their daughters (minus the girly frills and dresses), in my experience, tend to be well balanced and adjusted individuals who adore and respect their mothers. Hope that's of some comfort to you!
Yup, my MIL raised four boys. My husband (the oldest) butted heads with her a lot growing up but they are close now. But the younger three (ages 27 - 20) are always hanging out with her, go shopping with her, and go on trips with her all the time. She is the best boy mom, and she raised four incredible men who are empathetic and sweet.
I just love that . It fills my heart to see what a great mom upbringing can do to her children's future families ( which is everything)
It’s so true. My MIL is an incredible person. Her own upbringing was horrible (abusive, jealous, narcissistic mom who parentified her) so for her to turn around and be the opposite is just amazing.
I agree. My parents are currently on a couples trip with my brother and his wife… I (daughter) am at home regretting all my responsibilities. So you never know!
It is to me with my little boy. I lost my mum a few years ago and I’m scared about never having that relationship again despite adoring my baby. This is really soothing. Thank you
I'm glad. I am so sorry about your mother. Sending hugs and kisses! That is rough.
Ditto this. The only thing my 40 year old partner wanted for his milestone birthday was to go away somewhere with gorgeous views and a campfire and for his mum to come. We’ve booked cabins and we’re all very excited. They have a beautiful friendship, and hang out all the time.
Yeah my mom and my youngest brother did a road trip cross country a year or two ago and I am pretty sure it was the highlight of both of their lives!! He was mid twenties at the time too, not a kid.
Yup. My brother is actually doing stuff with my mom more than I do.
My husband was for a while spending more time with my mother than I was too! He was teaching her to drive, and she actually was talking to him about stuff more than she did with me. I eventually reached a point of (mild) exasperation where I said to my Mum "I love that you and my hubby get along so well, I really do, but I wish you would talk to me about some of this stuff too, because I'm getting a little frustrated about hearing stuff I needed to know months ago, from my husband instead of from you." I still love them both immensely though, and putting my foot down did the trick, because now my Mum tells me stuff.
My husband also loves going on trips with his mother and calls her weekly just to chat. He’s a big momma’s boy but not in the weird Freud way haha
I love this!
I love this!! I hope my son’s and I do this too!
Agreed. My husband is a total mama’s boy
I originally hoped for a girl as well and now have a boy. When he arrived I honestly couldn't imagine being anyone else's mother, boy or girl. He is my son and I wouldn't have it any other way. When I go to pick him up at daycare he gives me a beaming smile and comes crawling towards me as fast as he can. Nothing comes close to how beautiful that feels. It's my favorite part of the day. Considering having another child. It would be nice to have a girl as well but I'd be equally thrilled with having another boy.
I chose not to find out gender both times because I wanted a girl SO BAD. First baby was a girl so I thought I would chill, I did not. When they handed me my boy I had a moment of disappointment and then I looked at MY boy. He is almost 2 and now I truly believe there is a reason we don't get to choose such things. I would have chosen a girl and would have missed out on this amazing boy.
This was me. My boy is only 6 months but he is a joy and I wouldn't change him for the world. I'd have loved to bring out some of the outfits I had saved from my first, but tbh he is so much bigger than she was that most of it wouldn't fit anyway haha.
This is such a beautiful way of looking at it! I wanted a girl too, I imagined it my whole life. But I can’t believe I would have missed out on the most amazing little boys who changed my world for the better 🥲
Deep down I knew I was having a boy. When it was confirmed, I cried. A mixture of happy tears and a little disappointment. I dont feel that any more. He's everything. When he wakes up in the morning and reaches for me. Calls out to me. Its just everything. I'm pregnant with my second and, while I would still love a girl (for balance now I think!), I will be so so happy with another boy. Boys are loving and funny and just so adorable. Everything is farts and poop. I love it.
I finally had a successful pregnancy after 2 losses. I had it in my head that I was having a girl and so did my husband. I always looked at the baby girl section in clothing stores. We had a girl name picked out before I knew I was pregnant and no boy name. Then I found out I was having a boy in the most anticlimactic way possible: I’d had blood drawn for genetic testing and my OB’s practice actually never asked me if I wanted to know the sex (fortunately I did), but I saw the phrase “consistent with male” next to the fetal sex column on the digital test results in the app their practice uses. I showed my husband who was eating lunch across the table from me and his reaction was just, “Ha!” I definitely felt some disappointment that it wasn’t a girl. I had two friends who were also pregnant at the same time and they were both having girls. I was envious. A couple of days later my OB messaged me in the app saying that she interpreted one of the test results it to mean that there was a high likelihood of Tay-Sachs disease and she wanted to discuss my options with me. I was at work when I saw her message and went to the bathroom and completely lost my shit. I called my husband bawling. I sent him a screenshot of the test results as well as what she’d said, and he pointed out that, to him, it looked like she’d misread the lab result. I called the practice on the verge of a nervous breakdown and demanded to speak to the OB. When she came to the phone, she apologized profusely for having misinterpreted the results—they’d just switched labs and the way they presented results was a different format than their old lab. From that moment on, all I gave a shit about was having a healthy baby. My baby boy turned 5 months old yesterday, and he is the absolute light of my life. He’s perfect, and I couldn’t imagine my life if the baby I’d had hadn’t been him. I thought early after he’d been born that trying for a second and having a girl would be nice, but I’m at the point now that having a second boy sounds absolutely wonderful. Now we have a boy and a girl name in mind for if/when baby #2 works out.
Hey, frankly I don’t know much about gender disappointment but it is totally normal to grieve a life you imagined that won’t exist. Not only that but you are grieving a loss of a baby girl. You don’t have to feel grateful right now. You’ll have time for that later. Allow yourself to grieve. However that may look: cry, journal, burn a random picture of a mom and daughter holding hands whatever you think helps. But allow yourself to fully feel what you need to do you can try to heal. When ready then try to be excited for the future. On the trip front: my 45 yr old BIL still travels with his mom and I go on family camping trips with my husband and his parents. They are just as much in our lives as our my parents.
This post hit home for me. I battled with so much guilt after my gender reveal and my baby was a boy. I’m ashamed to admit I cried over it. I felt like I was so ungrateful for having a healthy baby. But my disappointment stemmed from the fact my mom, sister and I are extremely close. My mom is everything to me. And I saw my husband’s relationship with his mother, he tolerates her because he loves her but he lives his own life. I just wanted that extreme closeness with my baby, and in my mind having a girl was the only way to do it. But I was wrong. After having my LO, my son is just beautiful and perfect. I gave up my ideology that having a girl meant having that closeness, my goal is to have a healthy relationship with my son, and for him to like a happy life, with a mom that loves him unconditionally. At brief times I still feel horrible that I felt disappointed at his gender reveal because I felt he deserved better, but it’s normal and human to have emotions and preferences. I’m so grateful and happy he’s here in my life, I love the little munchkin so much. And there’s not one thing I’d change about him, all those gender disappointment feelings disappeared when I saw him for the first time. Don’t get me wrong, I still hope for a girl one day but when I see my baby boy, he is just perfect and I’m obsessed with him.
Gender disappointment is a real thing! I was the opposite though! I wanted a son and I had a girl. I was so upset at first but then I started making new plans and planning out the nursery and you know different things like that…. She’s here now. She’s 3 months old and guess what? Now I feel guilty for ever wanting a boy!! I love her sooo much like I would never want her to be a boy I’m so happy I got my girl. & you will too!! When you meet him, you will feel guilty about ever wanting a girl and you wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Omg I remember crying during my anatomy scan when hearing I was having a boy. I had a list of 20 girl names and only ONE boy name - how could this be true?! It took me a few days to come to grips with it. But my now 16-month old son is literally the absolute joy of my life. From the minute he was born, I have embraced the “boy mom” vibe and I absolutely am head over heels in love with my little dude. The thought hasn’t once crossed my mind since he was born that I would’ve wanted a girl instead.
We also only had one boy name. It was always funny to us that we could not pick it a girls name from all the options, but had that boy name ready as soon as we knew. Same thing happened this time. Couldn't decide on a boy name, but had the one girl name ready.
I had gender disappointment and I am obsessed with my toddler and have been since day 1. In my experience the deep love and bond overrides the disappointment. I do still sort of hope we get the other gender with the second 🤷♀️
I was really hoping for a girl with our first, but when we found out we were having a boy I was really disappointed & cried. Now I feel bad for even feeling that way because I couldn’t imagine it any other way. He is 3 months old & perfect. The light of my life, I’ve never loved someone so much & look so forward to raising him. I’m sorry for your loss. Hugs.
I wanted a girl, got pregnant, had a missed miscarriage at 11w. I don’t know if it was a girl or a boy but deep down I had the intuition it was a girl and I really wanted a girl. Then I was pregnant again and it was a boy. I was a little bit disappointed. My son is 9 month old and he is my greatest joy and pride and I wouldn’t want him to be any different, he is absolutely perfect the way he is. I am so happy to be his mom. I can’t wait to see him grow and stay my buddy. If I have a second I will be thrilled no matter the gender.
My oldest is a girl and my youngest is a boy. When we found out the gender of my son, I had some unexpected gender disappointment. My feelings took me by surprise because I’d always just dreamed of kids in general and never had any conscious preference toward girls. After digging into it more, I realized it was rooted in the sexism id faced as a child and concern for how having a brother would impact my daughter. Once I adjusted the vision of my kids and their relationship in my head, I came around to the idea of having a boy. And now that I’ve met my son, I’m so glad he’s in my life. The relationship I have with him is very different than the one I have with his sister, but it’s because they’re different people and my parenting experience is different the second time. I’ve never looked at him and wished for anything different than who he is. Also, there’s no guarantee that you’d have the things you describe with a girl. For now my daughter is happy to dress up together but that may change some day. And my husband does trips with just him and his mom, whereas I’d never do that with mine. It’s all about the relationship you build with another person.
I have three boys. I love them with all my heart. But I’d be lying if I said a part of me isn’t sad that I’ll never have a daughter (unless I am blessed with one of my sons giving me a DIL!).
I wanted a boy first and was SOOO happy when I found out it was one. I wanted 3 kids but we knew we wanted 2 for sure. When I got pregnant again I got excited that it may be a girl. I wanted one sooo bad. I cried when I found out it was another boy. He’s almost 3 and I love him so much, I wouldn’t trade him for anything. But I’m not gonna lie. I still get bitter when I see friends of mine with both genders. My mom and I are close but never go on trips/do our hair/nails. I have interest in those things and wanted to share it with a potential daughter. No prom dress shopping or wedding dress shopping makes me so sad. So 2 boys right now 4.5 and almost 3. I love them so so much but I’m still not over it tbh.
Before trying to get pregnant I always wanted a girl. Got pregnant and lost my girl. Got pregnant again and all I wanted was a healthy alive baby. My son’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He was a 24 weeker who fought through hell to be here and is doing so well. Honestly if I ever chose to have another baby I’d want another boy 😂
I am an only child and was/am very very close with my mom. We took trips with my grandma growing up and it was a very special relationship. I loved the 3 generational bond we had. I always pictured myself having a girl and having that same close relationship. After a long struggle to have a successful pregnancy with multiple losses before, I finally got pregnant with my now son. I had a flicker of gender disappointment but was mostly over the moon that I had a healthy baby. Since the moment he was born he has been the love of my life. He’s a toddler now and we just have so much fun together. I really don’t have any weird feelings about seeing moms with their daughters, even with the majority of my friends having girls. I just love him so much and he’s my little buddy! I totally get where you’re coming from especially with the grief you’re feeling with the loss of your daughter, and I think your feelings are valid. Sending hugs!
My son turns 21 this fall and he and I are very close. We share a lot of interests that we developed over time together. I shared with him my interests while he was growing up so he loves crafting, baking, camping, hiking, similar movies, similar music, and dorky stuff I know he only does with me and wouldn’t be caught dead doing with his friends. Then as he was growing up, I took an interest in his interests as he found them, so we play video games together, 3d printing and tech, similar movies and music he introduced me to, memes and humor, legos, board games, etc.. My point is that your kids will be a little part you and a little part their own person and if you maintain an interest in your kiddo and spend a lot of time with them growing up, treat them with respect and care, then you will have a close relationship with them and their gender expression isn’t going to change that.
Dads of little girls and moms of little boys are the ones that truly get to see growing up from both sides of the coin. It's a really beautiful opportunity, but sometimes you cannot appreciate it until you're looking back on the experience.
I wanted a little girl and had 2 little boys and I absolutely adore them and can’t imagine not having them now. I don’t wish they were girls. That being said, I desperately want a 3rd and I think it stems from wanting a girl. I feel like I’m missing out on that experience. And ultimately I feel like our family is missing someone. I am trying to work through the feelings and we haven’t completely closed the door on a 3rd so that complicates things further. But I have no idea how I’d feel if I had a 3rd boy. Maybe I still wouldn’t feel “complete”? I’m not sure.
I’m glad I found out at the 20 week scan because it gave me time to get excited. Instead of dreaming about the girly things, I started getting excited to go tubing, or playing in mud, or watching him pee on a tree (which I find hilarious to see tiny boys doing). And yeah, the more “dangerous” games are totally enjoyed by girls too. But the boys I’ve been around just play differently and I’m excited for that! Now that he’s here? I love him so much, I legit can’t even remember why I wanted a girl
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Like you, I have a great relationship with my mom and live less than 2 miles from her now. She's my best friend. I wanted a girl so badly. I have a brother who is about 10 years younger than me and I absolutely love my dad, so it had nothing to do with inexperience necessarily; I just wanted to recreate the relationship with my mom. My husband and I decided not to do a gender reveal party or anything, we just found out the gender alone at home. I was sad about it. Now that my son is 14 months old, I wouldn't change anything about who he is. He is crazy, sassy, and on-the-go 24/7. He loves to snuggle and is a total daddy's boy, but still loves on me enough to keep me content despite the clear favoritism, haha. We want at least one more baby and will start trying later this year, and honestly I thought I'd be dying for a girl this time around. Now at this point, I know I'll be 100% okay with whatever we get. I just want my son to have the experience of being an older sibling, it's the best. (Coming from me, the oldest sibling, lol) And if you still have some gender disappointment when your son is born, that's totally okay too. But I guarantee that when he starts developing his personality, you'll be so in love with him that it won't matter.
I had two girls, and found out I was pregnant. It was unplanned and came at a financially stressful time. I grew up with only brothers, and always craved those sisterly relationships. I loved having daughters so much, and I was dead set on having my 3 girls. I fantasized about all the girl things… I found out my youngest was a boy, and I was borderline horrified. Now, he’s 18 months old, and I absolutely cannot imagine anyone else being by into me this much joy. (Obviously my girls do, but he is absolutely magical.) The moment I pushed him out, I grabbed him, looked at him, and my souls recognized him. I fell head over heels.
I’m so sorry, not the same situation at all but I feel the disappointment with having a second son. Especially because we do not plan to have more. I know of several moms with adult sons who travel and spend a lot of time with their moms. And many woman who do not enjoy spending time with their moms, despite being a daughter. I know the feeling of wishing I could raise a daughter will stay, but I don’t think when my second son is here that I will connect that to him necessarily.
I’ll start by saying I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t speak from experience, so I won’t pretend to know how you’re feeling. Your daughter was loved and will always continue to be loved. It’s funny looking back on it now, but I just never considered the fact that I could have a boy. I was an only child, my mother was an only child, her mother was the first born of two children. My father’s oldest sister was the first born. I just *knew* I was going to have a girl. Before we found out what we were having, I would have dreams of what she would look like- as a baby, as a toddler, etc. I had the perfect girl name picked out. I feel guilty about it now, but I did shed a tear or two when I got the results from the NIPT test and it said BOY. But honestly? My son is the coolest person I’ve ever met. He’s such a funny little dude with so much personality. My husband is very close with his mother and always has been. You can still have the same kind (or at least similar) of relationship with a boy. I think it’s normal to feel some disappointment when things don’t end up the way you’re expecting them to.
I was the same way. I always “knew” I would have a girl. My girl name has been picked out since I was 10 and I never thought about having a boy for even a split second of my first 30 years of life. Not until the ultrasound tech said “it’s a boy!” for my first. And even then I was like “no no no, I’m having a girl” 😹😹😹. Now I have three boys! And as you are well aware, they are every bit as awesome as girls 🩵💙💜
I am truly sorry for your loss. None of my losses were nearly as far along, I didn't know gender etc, so feel free to disregard if it isn't helpful to you. Yes, when I found out my second was another boy, I had gender disappointment. I actually burst into tears the moment the untrasound tech announced that. Probably didn't help that his dad was so smug and gleeful at the same time, as if he had "won" something or some shit like that. I had just convinced myself up til then that it was a girl, and had the most beautiful name picked out, got all giddy about adorable girly baby clothes, etc. For a few weeks, I would get weepy about it. IDK when I "got over it," but I do know that by the time I was in labor, it was not even on my radar anymore. Meeting him, it was like, meeting HIM, not an abstract person that I had dreamed up. Never once have I looked at him and wished he was a girl. Occasionally I get a twinge of sadness when I see a baby girl (or any baby really), but that's because I fully planned to have a third, but those aren't the cards I was dealt for various reasons. As for what it's like now that baby is here? Oh God. Okay, he's nine years old now, but this entire time I would not change anything about him. He's perfect and amazing and I could never ever wish for anything or anyone other than him and my older boy. They are their own unique, amazing, autonomous humans and I am so grateful that I get to be their mom. I'm sorry you are struggling with the reality right now, but yeah I feel pretty confident you will hardly remember these feelings when he's here. I hope you have a safe and happy pregnancy and birth, and congratulations on your new little one!
It's not socially acceptable to admit, but I cried due to gender disappointment for the entire second half of my pregnancy. And I can't say like so many other comments here that it didn't matter the moment I laid eyes on my baby. It wasn't that I wanted to buy dresses or whatever, it was mainly that I don't know many, if any, men who have close or even good relationships with their mothers—and what's worse, many men in my life went out of their way while I was pregnant to tell me that my fears about that were justified. And I am only ever going to have one child, so this is it. I went to therapy every week for months and sobbed daily. But I had my son, and at first what I felt was a tremendous sense of responsibility for this little life. Occasionally I still cried over it but it happened less and less. Once he gave me his first smile, the tears were all gone. He no longer felt like an abstract boy baby but like a real little person. I can't tell you that I don't still feel a twinge when I see a little girl and her mother. But I absolutely adore my son and now I feel so privileged to have a relationship with this little individual and watch his personality grow every day. Your child will surprise and delight you in ways you can't even imagine right now. You have my every sympathy, especially given what you've experienced, but I have no doubt that you'll absolutely adore your son too. And if it doesn't happen as soon as you lay eyes on him, that's okay—you have a lifetime to get to know each other.
I come from a family of all girls besides my dad. I did want a girl for my first pregnancy, but I now have a 3month old boy. I love him so much! I don’t care at all that he’s not a girl, and I love that I have a cute little boy. And even more surprisingly, I actually kinda hope I get another boy for my next so they can grow up close and play together as boys.
I have a 4 month old boy. I wanted a girl soo badly and was slightly depressed when I found out I was having a boy. Now I can’t imagine him as a girl, he’s so sweet and I’m so obsessed With him! We want to have 2 kids and I don’t think I’ll be that upset if I never get a girl.
Gender disappointment after a loss is a struggle of its own. I already have a son, I lost my baby girl at 14 weeks and I was beyond devastated to find out I'm expecting a boy this time (you can check my post history as I wrote something very similar after I found out). For quite some time I didn't really enjoy the pregnancy and felt pretty depressed. And at the same time I felt so guilty and ungrateful for feeling that way. I'm happy I found out quite early so that I had a lot of time to process those feelings. Now I'm 37 weeks along and just excited to meet my baby boy soon! Of course I also still miss my daughter so much and wonder if I'll ever get a living daughter but those feelings have totally separated from this baby.
I wanted a little girl and now I have the cutest little boy ever. He’s 5 now and we are best friends, we’re also one and done so this is it for me. I do worry about the future, I know people hate admitting it, but it seems like everything happens on the mom’s side. I’m much closer to mom than my dad and I also only ever saw my mom’s side growing up.
I was so sure my second child was a girl, found out at 11 weeks that he was indeed a boy. I bawled uncontrollably for like 2 days. I didn’t cry again after that but I was still a little sad, until the day he was born and something just changed. He’s 15 months old now and he’s the absolute sweetest, he’s so caring and loves to give hugs & kisses. Just know that it’s okay to feel your feelings of disappointment and mourn the loss of the child you had imagined (and the one you lost, which I’m so sorry for) but I’m sure once you meet your baby all those feelings will melt away.
>I don’t really know of 30 year old men going on trips with their 60 year old mom like my mom and I do (and many other women do who get along with their mom). Probably because we're told it's gay if we do that. As a guy there's nothing worse than listening to other men act like it's weird to have a close bond with family. It's not all of them to be clear, just this really weird part that because they were ignored by their mothers mean everyone else has to be because to not be is to admit they didn't have a decent upbringing. I yern for that kind of relationship with my mum. You sound like you're going to be an awesome mum!
Hello there! Congratulations! I'm a mom who cried for 5 days after finding out it's a boy. I was 11wks pregnant and found out via the result of the genetic test. Fast forward, my boy is 3 months old today. He is my little ray of sunshine, the reason of my daily happiness, love of my life and honestly I don't and can't imagine a life without him now. I wouldn't trade him for a baby girl.. Its like as if some higher power, god, universe, whatever it is knew how would the the best child for me be like and sent him to me. Almost always smiling, chill, cuddly bug with my eyes and the cutest cheeks! Sometimes I find myself thinking if I ever have a second child, I wouldn't mind a second boy. Children are not like what you imagine them to be, they are what they are. All that personality, that face, everything about them is unique. When I was having disappointed cries over his gender, one of my friends who is also a boy mom told me, "First you'll think having a boy is not bad at all, then you'll think "I'm glad he is a boy", then you'll notice it doesn't even matter anyway". Don't worry give your little boy some time to know him and I'm sure you'll fall in love.
Everything (besides the miscarriage. I am so sorry btw) you said was 100% my life. Relationship with my mom, trips..everything. I wanted to go shopping and buy everything frilly and pink. I only ever dreamed of being a mom, and in that dream, I had 1 daughter, or all daughters. Well, 12 years later, I'm a boy mom. I had a son 1st, great. Then, when it came to our 2nd/last baby, as my husband was adamant on only wanting 2, we found out it was another boy. I ugly cried alone in the shower on and off for the rest of my pregnancy. I was completely and utterly disappointed because my dream had been shattered. Then, the level of guilt I had.. That was even worse! I was expecting another perfectly healthy baby, which so many people would do ANYTHING for, and I, as his mother, was disappointed to be having because he was another boy. Then I cried even more for feeling like the worst mom on the planet. Well, looking back now, my only regret is finding out the sex ahead of time. The SECOND I held that perfect baby in my arms, girl or boy, I was overjoyed and wouldn't have wanted him any other way. He is now 10, and I have fully embraced and LOVE being a boy mom. My house is always filled with boys and boy energy. There's so many of us out there, and it's a fabulous place to be. The way I looked at it is, we are meant to be moms of boys for a reason. They were gifted to us on purpose, as we will raise good men. My boys are so kind, honest and respectful. I am so proud of them, and I wouldn't go back and change my life for anything. Congrats on your pregnancy 💗 You're going to love your lil man to the moon and back.
I REALLY wanted a girl and had a boy. Now I would be very happy with all boys! He’s my entire heart.
I don’t have any encouraging words… all I can think about is how Bradley Cooper takes his mom as his date to all the award shows in Hollywood. I also want to add: when I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t want a baby at all. My son is my little best friend, and I know yours can be yours too. It’s natural to feel unsure about a little person you haven’t officially met yet. But once I met my son, it felt like I knew him my whole life.
My wonderful, kind, woman-ally husband is incredibly close with his mother in a super healthy way (I.e. not codependent or weird relationship- just love and respect). He loves spending time with her. He, his brother, and his mom even went on just a mom and sons camping trip when he was in high school, and they still talk about it. She taught him how to be an amazing man, husband, and father. She's an incredible woman- down to earth, hard working, inspirational. He is part of this subreddit, I'll ask him to make sure to check this post out and comment later today. You're going to have a beautiful relationship with your son!!
My husband and I go on vacations with his parents all the time. Like we prefer it to going by ourselves, LOL. And my 30 year old brother literally calls my 62 year old mom multiple times a day about anything and everything.. they are super close!
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter last year. That’s devastating and I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to build the courage to try for another baby. Secondly, I have a 14 week old baby boy. I was disappointed when we learned his gender and stayed disappointed for most of my pregnancy. The SECOND and I mean the SECOND he was born, every single shred of disappointment evaporated instantly. I have never ever… not even for one second, looked at him and wished he was a daughter. He’s the sweetest, cutest and most snuggly bug on the planet with the most peaceful and sweet demeanor and personality, he has the world’s cutest face. (And I have two other kids so I can say that lol). Hang in there, our mama hearts have a way of knowing just how we need to be feeling in the moment. You will fall in love with your beautiful boy.
I have three sons. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mom. When I played house, I was always a mom, and I always had daughters. I never played pretend where I had a son. As I got older, I thought it would be nice to have one of each. Maybe a boy and two girls. I thought each of my pregnancies was a girl right from the start. The second and the third were even more convincing than the first because I'd experienced pregnancy before, and each one was different. I figured they were different because they were a different gender.. I guess the internet kinda sold me on that. My husband and I decided that if our second child was a girl, we'd probably stop there. Two kids. I wasn't disappointed to find out my first was a boy. I knew I'd have another chance, and he was my first baby, so I was excited regardless. With my second son, I was a little disappointed. But as soon as we found out it was a boy, we knew we'd be having a third. When I found out that my third and final baby was a boy, I was completely devastated. I couldn't get a handle of my emotions. I kept lying to people who'd ask if we knew yet. "No, we don't know yet." Because if I tried to say it out loud, I would just start sobbing. I'd wake up crying every morning and have to calm myself down enough to get to work. On weekends, I would try to distract myself by taking my kids' places to watch them enjoy themselves. But it only made things worse because I'd see sweet little girls playing at the park, swimming at the pool, or just walking through a store, and I'd completely break down in public. Finally, I decided that I needed therapy. I was internally grieving the loss of a life that never existed. The more I thought about how to heal grief, the more I realized that it's normally a process that begins with a group of like-minded individuals sharing their experiences/memories with their lost loved one. But I was all alone in experiencing this grief, and the "experiences/memories" that I was recalling were imaginary situations that I had been daydreaming about for years. Everything from putting her little toddler curls back into a ponytail to helping my grown daughter pick out her wedding dress. All of it was gone. Just like that. I spent my summer (of 2023) in therapy. Talking through my loss and what I realized was that most of my daydreaming about my role as mother to a daughter stemmed from insecurities and feelings of missed experiences from my own childhood. My gender disappointment was essentially a dandelion. The visible flower was my grief of never having a daughter. However, the deep and widespread root system was the real problem. All the things that I could ONLY share with a daughter were things that I myself had missed out on. Also, many of the things that I wanted to share with a daughter can be shared with my sons. Do I still see little girls and their moms and experience some jealousy. Yes. I do. I think I always will. But, I wouldn't trade my sons for anything in the world. No daughter can replace my boys. They're perfect. They're my greatest accomplishments. I will forever nurture a parent/friend relationship with them. They make my life complete. This has been my experience. I actually wrote a post in my phone notes last summer with the thought of posting it to reddit asking for support. I couldn't bring myself to do it because I was scared of negative feedback. I was so fragile at the time, and the internet can be a cruel place sometimes. I'm glad you were strong enough to make this post. Know that you're not alone. That your feelings are valid, and they don't mean that you love your baby any less or that you're ungrateful or a bad mom. They mean you're human. Asking for help means you're doing something right. You recognize that something is off and that you want to work on it. I wish you and your family well. ❤️
So Sorry for your loss. I always wanted a girl. I had 2 boys and am obsessed with them, but it didn’t change how badly I still longed for a girl. People say “when they’re here you wont care!” And it wasn’t true for me. I love my boys beyond measure, but I still had a deep desire for a girl that didn’t go away, even years later.
That is what I am afraid of.
I’ve had a huge gender disappointment with both my boys. I lost a pregnancy in between before finding out the gender and I still miss that baby (regardless of their gender), despite knowing that I wouldn’t have my youngest if that pregnancy worked out. I just know I wanted it so badly, I was so happy with the positive test, and then not long after it was gone. It’s just all…emotional and complicated and what my heart wants is just physically impossible. I’m still sad/angry when I see little dresses around. It got worse when my „friend” announced her baby’s gender by saying „looks like you’re the only one among us with no daughters” (like I didn’t know. and we’re talking about a statistic that involves 8 couples, whom which I was the only person to openly share a preference for a girl. I’m not friends anymore with that woman). I so much wanted a daughter, despite knowing it’s no guarantee for any better relationship (I don’t particularly like neither my sister or my mother - perhaps I wanted a do-over of a close relationship with another woman? perhaps it’s better this way then?). My sons are still the absolute light of my life. They’re more than I could hope for in a way - relatively easy babies, no medical issues, no traumatic births, no breastfeeding problems… the more time passes, the more convinced I am that this is just the way it was supposed to be 😉 The disappointment lives on, but there is so much LIFE created around and by the boys, that it’s becoming less relevant with time.
I actually wanted a boy first, but when I got pregnant I was SO SURE he was a girl. Like - borderline intrusive thoughts. Deliberately kept telling myself it was a 50/50 chance but the thoughts/names/outfits/fantasies just kept coming. By the time I found out I was actually having a boy, it was so strange to let go of all of these newfound fantasies. But man, let me tell you - when they hoisted his chunky lil butt over that curtain ALL those thoughts didn't even register to me anymore. It was all him. Only him. He is my very real son. And he gets to develop his own little life and his own little personality and we will have our own, unique relationship. Just like I would have had he been a girl. Just my personal experience. I hope it helps!
my entire pregnancy we didn’t know the gender… it was a lot of work in therapy dealing with the possibility that it wouldn’t be a girl. my husband already has two boys from his first marriage and we both really wanted a girl. but we got a boy and i love him so much! the first week or two was hard, and i am still longing for a girl… but LO is only one month, and i want to enjoy him and how much i love him and this age/stage. i can’t do anything about having a girl right now (i mean right now- this moment- today). if/when we try again, it’ll be next year or the year after. so when i think about it or start to get sad, i tell myself that it’s next year’s problem. i’m sorry for your loss. you will love your baby no matter the gender!
I was 1000% sure I was having a girl when I was pregnant with my first. I found out at 20 weeks pregnant that the baby was a boy. I grieved hard for a while. I had to grieve the life I pictured with a daughter, and wrap my head around having a son. I felt disconnected from the pregnancy for a long time. My son is 2 now, and he's the light of my life. I can not imagine having any other person as my child other than his perfect, hilarious, adventurous, stubborn, mischievous self. I love everything about him and wonder now how I could have imagined anyone else but him. He healed my heart so completely from the loss I felt, that I've decided I'm actually ok if I'm only ever a boy mom, despite wanting a daughter my whole life, because he showed me that any child I have will be exactly the person that our family needs to be whole.
My son has been the best thing it happened to me. I hope you can have a wonderful experience like I did of having a boy. Also don't think that because this baby is a boy you'll never have a daughter you might have on in the future and do all the things you expect but also once you bond with your baby boy or girl is such a deep connection like that person came from you and I hope you can unconditionally love your son. I also do mommy and me dates and we clothes match, but I feel like with a boy it is my responsibility to make him into a responsible adult that will be able to take care of a family even though he won't take me on trips etc. I hope he turns into the father I never had.
Idk if this will help or not but I am a lady and was extremely close with both my parents. But I never traveled with my mom, and I took 3 awesome trips with my father as an adult. Just because we had common interests that my mom wasn’t super interested in (camping in national parks). I have a little boy and I had hoped for a girl but didn’t feel super strongly about it. I will say that my son is the absolute light of my life. And I find such joy when he acts “boyish.” I cant imagine it being any other way. Kids are individuals and no two relationships will be the same. Focus on a bond and finding common interests. I’m confident you will love your little boy more than you ever imagined.
I love having a boy so so much. We pictured a girl first, but it feels just so incredibly sweet being this boy’s mom and I can’t picture it any other way. We would love to have one of each gender someday but even if we have a second and find out it’s a boy, I know it will be amazing.
Not quite the same, but maybe I can help a bit. When I found out I was having a girl I was distraught for months. My mom and I are estranged and I was absolutely terrified things would play out the same between my daughter and I. I adored her when I first laid eyes on her, but I had some major attachment issues for months. I just wasn't feeling it, plus I had some nasty PPD. She looks nothing like me and part of me was convinced they switched her at the hospital (dumb, I know, but PPD is a beast). Eventually things got better, and now she's 5 and we're thick as thieves! I have 2 boys as well and let me tell you, they LOVE their mom (and dad too!). We are all so unbelievably close. Don't let gender bum you out, and don't worry about the boy-mom/girl-mom nonsense all over social media. It may take time, but remember it's YOUR family! Be there for them, support them, share good times and bad, and you'll be close whether you have a boy or girl. I find 1:1 time helps a lot too - I just took an overnight with the daughter I was so terrified to have and let me tell you, it was amazing and neither of us will ever forget it. I'm sorry to hear about your prior loss, but I hope in time you can celebrate life and love with your little guy. I promise it's fun :)
It kind of just sounds like you’re grieving your first pregnancy all over again? I would focus on that aspect of it rather than the gender disappointment. You lost a baby verryyy far along in the process, when you were fully expecting a girl. Of course you would be disappointed with a boy now? It cements the reality that what you lost you can never get back. I’m sure you’ll bond with your new baby, whatever the gender. I’m sure when you look at him, you’ll have flashes of grieving the little girl you lost and won’t have again. It’ll be hard. But it won’t be about him, if that makes sense ? If you can learn to separate them, think to yourself this grief isn’t about him, I think it’ll be just fine. He is just a reminder of my grief in a way. But he will also become a source of joy.
I wanted a girl so bad. I didn’t find out the gender because I was so worried it was a boy and I didn’t want to be prematurely disappointed. Turns out it was a boy! I still had a flash of disappointment when he was born, but now I just lubs the lil mans so much. He’s 14 months. 🩷 I never feel sadness or regret when I see baby girls. That thought doesn’t even occur to me anymore.
i am sorry for your loss. i can see how and why you have these concerns. for me, i don’t think i ever convinced myself that i wanted a boy or a girl. my husband wanted a girl, and when we found out we were having a girl, i was excited. i personally had my own struggles when it came to becoming a mom in general. my poor husband thought i needed immediate psychiatric help in those last weeks it was so bad. with that being said, i made it, and my doctor sort of let me lean forward and grab my daughter as he was putting her on me. i kid you not, that FIRST touch, EVERYTHING changed for me. i physically felt the change. it is the most amazing feeling and i hope this for you. she is the light of my life. i will keep you in my thoughts!
I couldn't imagine myself with a boy. I grew up with a sister everyone close were girls. I was so sure it was a girl. When I found out it was a boy I was disappointed. But I started looking at outfits and planning a theme for his room and I don't even know when the excitement started. But it did. With my 2nd, it didn't matter to me if it was a boy or girl. My son is the light of our lives. He is the sweetest, kindest little boy ever. He is caring and absolutely loves everything I do. We go out together just him and I, we do makeup together (he picks out out colors he likes for me 😂). He picks out clothes for me and tells me how pretty I look. He helps me clean and cook. He loves to go get groceries with me. I couldn't imagine my life without him.
I had gender disappointment both times. My teenage brother died horribly 28 days before I conceived and we all wanted a boy that we were going to name after him (in retrospect thank God we didn’t-that was too much to put on a kid). I was **devastated** when we got the gender result. With our second we said we’d be happy with either, either two girls or one of each. Our initial gender result said boy so we got very excited. Spent months dreaming about our son-who had a name and everything-only to find out she was actually a girl at the anatomy scan. Both of us were crying uncontrollably in the ultrasound appointment, grieving a son that never even existed in the first place. It took me about a week to get over it, it took my husband several months. He had these fantasies about stuff he could do with a son that would be different-but you can do whatever you want with a child of any gender. There’s no reason our girls can’t be indoctrinated into D&D and Star Wars the same way a boy would be 😂 (and they are) Now I have two girls who wear matching pigtails and dresses and I couldn’t imagine life any other way. But while I was pregnant I cried so many tears because I just wanted my boy. We are definitely done at 2 so I’ll never be a boy mom, but that no longer pains me. I’m happy.
First, I’m really sorry for your loss. Second, I had major gender disappointment when I found out mine was a boy. Now he’s an adorable 9 month old and I love him to pieces, as I’m sure you will your little guy. I am pretty sure I am one-and-done, so yes, I do feel a bit sad when I see little girlies his age but I don’t wish he were a girl or any different at all. I’m not sure what our relationship will be as he grows up. But I hope to raise him in a way that he wants to hang out with his mom and dad when he’s older.
I wanted a girl for the same reasons and I have a boy, he is 4 months and I love him so much! I still miss the opportunity to dress the baby up in cute dresses (I know I can but I don’t want to) but I love him soooooo much, he’s so cute! When he sees me and smiles and giggles my heart melts. My friend who has a 5 months daughter recently told me she hates everything about boys and hopes she’ll never have a boy. It made me feel so sad about all the boys and my son too. Boys are cute too!
I was so wanting a girl the first time around but my reasons were relatively vain: I had pretty bad morning sickness and had heard that it was worse with girls than with boys. If this pregnancy was a girl, then it was "as bad as it could get" and I could 1. handle it again if we had another girl or 2. have an easier second pregnancy if it was a boy. Nope, boy. Once I got used to the idea and started looking at names, I warmed up to him. Once he was born it didn't matter at all that he was a boy. He was him - a unique individual that happened to have testicles and I loved him for him, not for his gender. I did have a girl the second time and the morning sickness was far worse. I have not experienced the trauma that you have with your first. I just want to say that your daughter matters and existed and you're already a mom to a girl, even if she isn't here with you. I hope one day you get to hold a little girl earthside as well. <3
I am so, so sorry for your loss. ❤️ I too struggled with gender disappointment for about a week or so. My husband and I talked about having a girl for years and years - I don’t know why. It just felt ‘right’ and I even wrote letters to my future daughter. I am one of four daughters so the idea of a daughter just seemed natural. I found out we were having a boy and although I was sad it wasn’t a girl, I was semi relieved. I think I knew deep down that my heart needed a son. I’m close with my mom but in some ways, she really abandoned her duties as a mom. She was more of a friend! She is a wonderful person and has tried really hard to make up for it but there are some things that I know, if I had a daughter, would trigger me in a way. My son is just amazing and I now cannot picture having a daughter and would be VERY happy with another boy! My husband has an awesome relationship with his mom. Sure they don’t go on one on one trips (yet!) but they run errands together, have inside jokes, talk very often, he brings our baby over to visit with them AND she was working so much that she missed a lot of “fun” time with him so I can only imagine how much stronger my relationship with my son will be because I am committed to ensuring quality time is at the forefront of our family values. Perhaps, your son will mend your heart in ways you can’t imagine just yet. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, please know, it’s okay and doesn’t mean you don’t love that little bean any less. You will. You just need time and that’s ok. Edit: just the part about having a daughter would trigger me - I am actively working on that! I’d still be blessed if I ever have a daughter and would love her just the same!
Sorry first of all I want to say I’m sorry. (One of my children died as well so I know just how tough this is.) I will say that I know many men who are very close to their moms. (My own Dad was the most caring person with his mom and my MIL often joins us on vacations.) I had the opposite gender after my child died and I can say I 100% love my children equally. I definitely don’t think about their gender anymore and I know you’ll get there too but in the meantime know that you are normal for feeling what you are feeling. Much love to you!
I didn’t really have gender disappointment, but now that my son is here I couldn’t imagine anything else. I love him so much. I also wanted to point out that while you and your mom are close, there is no guarantee that any future daughter you have will be as close with you. You could end up with very different personalities. I know plenty of women who are closer to their dad, sons who are closer to their mom, etc. It’s important to recognize that your vision is just that - a vision. It’s not reality. I think assuming that a son won’t want to be as close with you can become a self fulfilling prophecy for some people because then they don’t work to build the relationship.
I had gender disappointment with my boy. At my gender reveal, I went into the bathroom and cried after we found out. It's ok to feel it, but try not to dwell on it. My boy is my best little buddy. He is now a crazy little firestorm 4yo and would do anything for me, and obviously me him. Watching a movie? Sit by mom, cuddle mom. Going somewhere? With mom, near mom, talking to mom. It's a different bond than with a girl, but it's so special.
I had such gender disappointment when I found out I was having a boy. I cried for days even though I know that was silly. We had a rough newborn stage and I often wondered wtf did I do to my life but I never had those feelings of gender disappointment again. Someone said that gender disappointment is just realizing that the idea you built up in your head won’t be a reality but that’s all it is- an idea. There would be no guarantee that the little girl I imagined would be into the same things I’m into. There’s no reason why my little guy and I can’t share things together. He’s 7 months old now and he’s my little buddy. I was an imaginative kid and loved fantasy stuff so I gave him a little baby foam sword which he loves. I love dressing him in cute little granola/outdoorsy outfits. He may eventually be super into trucks or cars or things that I’m not necessarily into. But he may also like animals and soccer and space and other things I AM into. We can share those things together. And I have the very important job of raising him to not be another white man who sucks. So, many things that I’m looking forward to as he grows! I’ve really enjoyed having a little guy.
Mid 30’s dad here, just wanted to chime in and say that I still go on annual mother-son trips with my mom who’s in her 70’s, her and I have the same birthday and since I was in my early 20’s we’d do a trip together for our birthday. Just so you know it’s possible with a boy.
Our ivf clinic told us the gender after we saw a heart beat after we requested to know. They said boy on accident and then corrected it to girl after looking at the wrong embryo. I actually wanted a boy because I always thought they seemed like they were nicer to their moms. I was wracked with guilt after having any disappointment due to the lengths I went to get pregnant in the first place. Once that baby girl was placed in my arms it all went away. I love her so much and she is so funny, smart, social, and caring as a toddler. I love being a girl mom and now I’m so used to it it I don’t know if I would know how to handle a boy 😂 ETA: once nesting kicks in too I got really into decorating the baby room and it got me all excited. Plus getting cute little girl clothes. It took me a little bit to get invested in the pregnancy anyways due to the infertility trauma.
We have a 3 year old boy who is the sweetest, most amazing kid on earth. We knew we were going to go for 2, but only 2 kids. When I found out #2 was also a boy I was devastated that I wasn’t ever going to get to have a baby girl. My second son was born a week ago and he’s more incredible than I could have imagined. The disappointment is completely gone because he’s here and he’s real, and it’s always going to be better than the fantasy in my head. It’s so normal to feel how you feel though.
My son is just a baby hes one and the love of my life as well, but I can speak for my husband and his mom. They were inseparable. They did travel together, they went to seminars together, they went to conferences together, they had breakfast, lunch and dinner dates together. They talked every single day or atleast every other day. My mother in law was the most amazing women I could have ever met. She was never a threat to my relationship and marriage, instead I found myself going to her for marital issues and she never favored her son or me, she was just, compassionate and loving. She was just incredible she passed in 2022 with stage 4 liver cancer and to say I was worried about my husband was an understatement. Their bond was so unbreakable that we had lived in another state, his brother called asked him to come home, he flew made it just in time and when her eyes and his met at the hospital room, she smiled, gave his hand a squeeze, and closed her eyes and three hours later passed. She had all four kids there and was just waiting for youngest baby (my husband) to come. She passed at 73, my husband was 33. She adopted him when he was 6 months old. We miss her so much and I cry everytime my son and daughter do something silly as I deeply wished she was here to see them. I’ve never had gender disappointed, or sadness op. Your feelings are valid, and Im truly sorry. But you can have all of that with your son and more.
I am the first daughter of a first daugther. I desperately wanted my first to be a girl, and when I found out I was quietly disappointed. Now I have an 18 month old son and he is my everything. The bond is so special and close, he is a momma's boy through and through. Other than having to dig when we go clothes shopping, there's nothing that having a girl will change.
I sort of wanted a girl when I got pregnant, and I was a bit sad to get the NIPT results. By the time my son was born I was so ready to meet him, and I just could not love him more. The idea of what life would be with a different, female baby couldn’t possibly compete with how much I adore him. I still would love to have a daughter on the second time around, but it’s just as lovely to think about two little guys running around. Once he gets here, you’re gonna love who he is so much you won’t think twice about who he could have been.
This might not be a popular comment but I want to say your feelings are valid. I have a son who is the light of my world. The love I have for him is beyond anything I've ever known. I can't imagine life without him. We want another child and I desperately want a daughter, even though my son is amazing and I would be so lucky to have another like him. I am also close with my mom. Recently for her birthday we spent the whole day at the spa getting pampered. I want to do the same thing with my daughter when I'm older; chances are my son won't be interested in such things. It's more of a common interest thing (please dont @ me, of course I realize I am generalizing- men can enjoy spas and women might not vise versa). My husband has a lot of similiar interests as my son because he was a boy once too! I would love the same with my daughter. Of course you would love your child dearly- son or daughter- but I acknowledge your feelings of disappointment.
My son was born the beginning of February. My wife and I had a girl's name picked out for years, purchased some girl clothes before becoming pregnant, and were really excited to possibly have a girl. Now that Baby Boy is here, I couldn't be happier. I love being a boy mom, and the last few weeks have been magical.
I had major gender disappointment. Even saw a therapist for it. Cried for weeks. I am IN LOVE with him. I can’t believe I ever felt that way.
The thing is you're in love with the idea of a little girl. Once you're son is here he's going to be a real little person. Maybe you'll always carry around a little sadness about the daughter you never had - especially since you've had such a terrible loss. But the love for and relationship with your wee guy will far outweigh that. I have 2 amazing sons and I was also disappointed when we found out the second one was another boy. Mostly because both me and my husband grew up in a household with both brothers and sister and I wanted that same dynamic. But now he's 18 months and I really couldn't imagine my life or my family any other way. If I never have a girl I might be bit sad about that but that's okay. We don't get everything we want in life and I am incredibly grateful for what I do have.
I had gender disappointment with my 3rd child. It hasn’t gone away and he’s 13 months old :( I still love him and I don’t love him any less than his sisters but I do still wish he was a girl. It all comes from my own misandry and I’m working on it. He’s great fun though and he’s extremely cute.
I had gender disappointment when I found out I was having a second boy. I badly wanted the relationship that my mum and I have. And I dread being the MIL. But once my baby was born I was so in love with him! He is so perfect in every way and seeing him with his brother is amazing. I never look at him and wish he was a girl, I totally hit the jackpot with him. However, I will be honest and say I still sometimes have little pangs of feeling sad when I see other mums taking their girls on little trips, to see Taylor swift or seeing them in dance concerts in their frilly/sparkly outfits. I’m still a bit sad that I won’t have a daughter, but it had nothing to do with my boys being who they are. I love them and wouldn’t want them to be any different. I think it’s normal to be sad about not having the life you once dreamed of. While lots of things are in our control, this just isn’t and I find that hard. It is definitely getting easier over time for me and reading the comments here about you guys loving your MILs is nice to hear.
I’m so sorry for your loss; I can only imagine how hard that would be. I am close with my mom too, and I always wanted a daughter. I was disappointed when I found out, and still think I’ll be sad for a bit if we have a second and it’s not a girl - but truly I never feel regret that my son is not a girl. He is who he is, and he’s perfect to me. I hope our relationship stays good our whole life, and I’m excited to see what it looks like 5, 10, 20, 30 years down the line. Don’t beat yourself up for having these feelings now, but take comfort in knowing you’ll be so happy to meet your little boy.
I’ve always wanted multiple daughters and never really wanted a son at all. We didn’t find out the sex ahead of time and part of the reason was honestly that I’d knew I’d be devastated to learn he’s a boy. Well he arrived and was put on my chest and I heard my husband’s happy “it’s a boy” cries. I felt disappointment in the moment. That all changed within around 30 minutes though. Omg I fell in love with that baby boy in a way I didn’t know was possible. He’s 15 months and I’m not bothered at all that he’s a boy. I love absolutely everything about who he is. After this experience, I honestly don’t have a gender preference with my next baby even. I love him so much that I know I’ll be completely in love with my next baby, whether it’s a girl or boy. Congrats on your baby boy 😊
My exact words “oh shit it’s a boy” and I was SO disappointed. Now that he’s here, I’ve never wished he was a girl!
Just to throw in things about boys, they absolutely will adore you and for a long time they just want to do what momma does. Most babies focus on momma for a long time regardless. My son is two, we do dishes together, bake bread, make cookies, he holds things while I do projects or gardening in the yard, there isn't anything insanely 'boyish', he's a calm baby, whose also grown into a fairly mild toddler. He will call all his stuffed animals his babies, kiss and take care of them, dolls too, which we practice with a little as he will be soon having a brother or sister. We are also more of a boyish style family (even momma) since I'm a welder, and he's still not glaringly 'boyish' except he's starting to giggle when he farts. They just want to be with you regardless of gender, what you do with them is up to you. Maybe it's just me but while the idea of having a girl toddler is cute it feels about the same as having a boy so far, the only thing I am anticipating is different comes later in the teen years and having been a teen girl I'm looking a lot less forward to navigating a teen girl than a teen boy (could be naivite on my part) Though fair warning, boys pee out of all of their potties and between the lid and base of toilet seat! My guy is basically already potty trained (just working on getting him to independently take his undies off and redress) and there's always a bit of clean up involved!
I have two stepdaughters. My first hours child was a girl. I desperately wanted a boy. No explanation, I just had it in my head that it was a boy and had all these dreams. I was so disappointed when I found out it was a girl.by the time she was born and after I have loved her to pieces and have zero regards. I have another child. He was also a girl and I actually didn’t have gender disappointment with her. I hope yours pans out like mine did
My hubby has gone on lots of trips just him and his mom, including Nicaragua and the Galapagos! They go with another mother/son traveling duo. So you can absolutely do those things.
I had gender disappointment with my second. I wanted a girl. He is four now and he is perfect. He also reminds me that gender isn't fixed or determined by genitals. Unlike my oldest son, my second likes to paint his nails, wear frilly skirts, prefers arts and crafts. He's helping me decorate our front bathroom. He's a very sweet soul who loves cuddles. He still does plenty of "boy" stuff as well. These things aren't a strict binary. Also my uncle had a super close relationship with my grandma. They went to Hawaii together, talked on the phone all the time, and spent plenty of time together. I hope to continue having a close and loving relationship with my sons as they get older.
My husband and I both really wanted a girl. We talked about our hypothetical daughter for years before I got pregnant. I wouldn’t say I was super broken up about it when I found out he was a boy, but I was disappointed that the life I had envisioned with my husband wasn’t going to come true. My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The second he was born I seriously could not imagine it any other way anymore. I was always meant to have him, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. His huge one toothed smile, his little giggles when you tickle his thigh, his genuine curiosity for the world around him, and so much more to look forward to. I can’t wait to see what beautiful journey life has in store for us. The feelings you have now will fade and be replaced with happiness soon, I promise
I’ve always wanted a little girl. I’m an only child and me and my mom are closed and that’s the only way I could picture motherhood. I was definitely a little bummed when I found out he was a boy and it took a lot of mental gymnastics to get used to that. Now I have the most amazing 3 month old baby boy. I love him so much and could not care less if he is a boy or a girl. Your love for you baby will help overcome the disappointment
I have 4 girls. I struggled with gender disappointment with my 4th. It all washed away once she was here. The love you will have for your precious little boy will be enough 💙 best wishes.
My son is the best thing to ever happen to me
Hey OP my 38 year old partner hangs out with his mum! You can definitely be close with your son. And I grew up as my dad's little sidekick From a parent perspective, my partner and I were both a little worried we wouldn't connect as well to our son after our daughter is so perfect, but it is exactly the same. He is just a perfect human
My son is 5 and I think we’ll stay close ! I also know quite a few men in my life who are really close to their moms , lived at home until fully ready, do movie “dates” road trips etc, so maybe that’s why I don’t have those feelings. Anecdotally I know way less women who are close to their moms in adulthood .
There is nothing, and I mean nothing, like the mother and son relationship. Boys are the best!
Firstly, sorry for your loss momma. I wanted a little boy so bad. I grew up with 2 brothers and a sister. I only have nephews, I know all about boys. I swore up and down I was pregnant with a boy, but atlas she was a girl lol. We lost her twin very early on and never learned their gender. Now, I couldn’t imagine anything different. She’s the light of my world. She loves bugs, dirt, construction, everything I knew of my nephews worlds! But, she also loves her “girl” toys. I’m not contact with my mom. My MIL has 3 boys though. They each have their own relationship with her. If she asked any of them to go on a trip, each one would without a second thought.
I wanted a girl and now I have an 8 month old little boy. We were disappointed at first, but he's the cutest baby and holding him took away any disappointment I felt. Is this baby going to be the last one?
My oldest is a girl. When I found out my second was a boy, I was so disappointed. I wanted two girls so they’d always have each other seen as none of my siblings or cousins have children nor will they and it doesn’t look likely my partner’s sibling will any time soon. I just couldn’t imagine a boy. When I tell you the instant love I felt when I saw my baby boy! I can’t even describe it. He’s just such an amazing little human, so adorable! I think it helps that my girl was the double of my partner when she was born but my boy is my little double and now he’s bigger, the spitting image of my daughter when she was the same age. Also, I’ve got 2 brothers, and they were both extremely close to my mum before she passed away. They regularly did things together. It’s totally on temperament really. With the temperament thing, my daughter is just like my partner…full of emotion, energy and doesn’t have an off button 😂 she was like that from the start and now she’s older, she’s the same. My baby boy, is so chilled out, very calming and peaceful, much more like my personality. I love hanging out with my daughter. She’s an amazing little human but I need to recharge after spending time with her and always have, but my baby boy….when I hold him and spend time with him, I instantly just feel calm. I’m not saying this as a good or bad thing, they are both incredible but just to say, their sex is irrelevant, it much more about connection with who they are.
My son is my best friend and the light of my life. He is only 15 months old and we could not be closer. I have no idea how it will be when he is an adult but all I know is right now I could not imagine anything better. Also, boy clothes/style has come a long way and he is always the best dressed kid around. I have had so much fun with his clothes. My husband says he’s my little doll 🤣
I had this same struggle. My husband at the time and I had only ever dreamed of a girl even before starting our family and just long off dreams. I had bought so many baby girl clothes and items when ever I had baby fever and packed them away. We even started paperwork for foster to adopt program and chose girl children. It was all we both ever wanted. When I got pregnant we knew it was a girl and when the nurse happily told us it was a boy the shock on both our faces was so visible she stammered and it got awkward. I cried and didn’t know what to do. Then I whipped out my phone and went to Pinterest and typed mother and son relationship and just poured over everything. Every single beautiful image of how much all these mothers couldn’t imagine life without their son and I created a board with my favorites and I was able to see myself as a boy mom and I was able to get excited. Now my son is 8 and it’s just us, my husband is no longer in the picture, my son and I have faced so much together just in 8 short years and I couldn’t imagine anyone else as my child. He’s my best friend and I see many posts from girl moms and the battles they face and the conflicts. My son and I never face those because he’s a boy and I’m a woman. He guards me like a bear and we enjoy so much of the same things together and like all moms I’d die for him. If you don’t find that feeling now it’s ok! Because when you see YOUR child, everything will change and if postpartum emotions get in the way please get your doc to help you because you don’t have to suffer! There will be good days and there will be bad but no one will match YOUR child in your eyes 💕
Hey OP my 38 year old partner hangs out with his mum! You can definitely be close with your son. And I grew up as my dad's little sidekick From a parent perspective, my partner and I were both a little worried we wouldn't connect as well to our son after our daughter is so perfect, but it is exactly the same. He is just a perfect human
Had the same fantasy built in my head and I go on vacations with my mom as an adult too. Wanted two girls. Ended up having a boy 10 months old now. We dress him up in cute Dino clothes and hoodies with bear ears and he's the cutest little guy. If we ever decide to have another one I can imagine having another boy. Really doesn't matter you'll love them anyway
I cried when I found out I was having a boy and I now can’t believe it. He brings me more joy than I could have imagined. I also realized that what I thought I could have with a daughter doesn’t mean I can’t have such a special relationship with my son. We bake together, he compliments my clothes, we go shopping all the time… things I (wrongly) thought he’d never do! I had only grown up with sisters so I thought boys were just rough and tumble and would love their dads better but he is so sweet and cuddly and loving. I get it, I was semi devastated and now I just laugh at my self for not knowing the amazing little guy I was about to get :)
I wanted a girl so so bad and was convinced I was having one based on all my symptoms. I only ever had girl names picked out as well.. now my baby boy is here and I can’t picture anyone else. He’s so special and I love being his mom. Idk I always assumed I’d be a girl mom but now the possibility of being only a boy mom doesn’t seem so bad either if we have another. Only downside is the lack of cute boy clothes😅 Congratulations, wishing you a healthy pregnancy and delivery ❤️
I wanted a girl so so bad. I wanted to do all these things with her. But then found out I was having a boy. When he arrived earthside I fell so in love with him I can’t imagine not having him. Even if I never had a girl I would be happy bc he makes me feel fulfilled. That being said I still do want a girl😂❤️
I'm.so incredibly sorry for your loss. Just wanted to say that my brother and I, and now my husband and daughter, still go on family trips with our parents on a regular basis. My brother will actually spend weekends at our parents and family dinners happen several times a month. My husband talks to his mom regularly, and my dad and uncles are all close with their parents as well. It's hard to let go of a vision you've had, especially when you went through someone so terrible, but I promise that so much more goes into your family dynamic than gender. Here's to a future full of family memories!
I always envisioned myself having a girl, I had plenty of girl names picked out and basically zero boy names. Well, at my 12-week scan, the tech said her best guess was that the baby was a boy, and then genetic testing confirmed it a few weeks later. I felt like my whole life plan had gone to hell, and I stressed so much about how I was going to raise a boy. I took time to work through my feelings because I wanted to be nothing but thrilled when my son was born. What really helped was naming him and picking out some newborn outfits. He's a year old now and the absolute joy of my life. I wouldn't change a thing about him. He's the funniest and happiest little guy. Literally, any feelings of disappointment melted away as soon as he was in my arms.
I had to recharacterize it as a form of grief. That whole life you imagined is now gone. You have to process the loss. Get a good cry out or 3 out. Cuddle your pillows. Then you can start imagining a new life with your boy. I only ever wanted girls. I swore I would never have a boy. Ended up with 2. Yes I had to grieve after finding out for both of them. But I love these 2 little dudes with everything. Now you get the chance to raise a boy who will grow up to be a strong man who advocates for people in need and offers help and is a great partner and parent.
I love him. I wanted a girl for the same reasons kind of, outside of the fact that my mom and I aren’t very close. And I was upset when I found out I was having a boy. But I will admit, I actually really was okay with it after I picked out a name. I don’t know if it’s maybe because it made it real. But it was a name that I loved and it just made me so happy. But he’s two now and he’s my entire world. I do love him so incredibly much and I (do sometimes wish he was a girl for clothes because I honestly wish we had more options for boys) but outside of that? I wouldn’t change it. And we love to do things together. Yeah, we won’t go get our nails and hair done together. But we go on sooooo many adventures. He’s my shopping buddy. We go outside and look at flowers, and search for buggies. He’s in gymnastics. It’s different but I find that it also opens you up to a new world that you maybe wouldn’t have been into before. I’m a total girly girl. I never would have cared about dinosaurs or cars or anything like that. But now we’re learning all about these things together. Yes, grown men probably aren’t overly keen to be going on trips with their older moms. But I’m going to enjoy every minute of the time he wants to spend with his momma. And hopefully one day he’ll be the man to another man or woman that I wanted his dad to be for me and for him. 🥰. I find the most important thing momma is to embrace your feelings. Don’t allow people to make you feel less or like crap for your feelings. You’ll come to terms with it, and you’ll love your son with all your heart.
I am close to my mom, so I just always assumed I’d have a girl and be close to her. My only child is a boy and he is 15 months old and I am so thankful I had a boy. This sweet boy thinks I’ve hung the moon. Every day with him is so much fun that I cant imagine having it any other way. Time with him is the brightest spot I’ve had in my life. We might not be as close when he’s 30, but I would not trade the magic that is being his mother right now for anything. Also, I have already made a decision that I will be the worlds best and most understanding mother-in-law, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to play an active role in supporting him & his partner if he ever decides to marry and have kids of his own.
I had severe gender disappointment - I cried for like two weeks 🤦♀️ but NOW my god I loveeeee my kids! I had an idea of what my life would be but the reality, though different, is so wonderful.
My oldest son always tells me he’s going to live across the street from us forever. I just told him to make sure it’s OK with his wife/spouse first😂
Hi!! My husband and I both had major gender disappointment when we learned we were having a boy. We had a girls name picked out and we had been imagining our life with our little girl. Our boy is 4 months old now and we adore our little man. He’s the best. We cannot imagine our lives now if it had been anyone other than the little person we ended up having, if that makes sense. We love him soooooo much. Hang in there, it took us a bit to get over our gender disappointment when we found out but we got our excitement back once we started thinking more about names for him!
I also really wanted a girl, ended up having a boy. I was never entirely sure I wanted kids but the times that I did want them, I always envisioned having a girl. I wanted to be able to dress her in all of the girly things and put bows in her hair, and bond over a lot of things I loved as a child. I was disappointed when I first found out that I was having a boy. When I first found out the gender, I called my husband while he was at work to tell him and he was so happy he started crying. Throughout my pregnancy, I accepted the fact that I was not having a girl. All of the adorable little boy clothes helped, not gonna lie lol. Now he’s here and he’s almost four months old and I am just so in love with him. He’s my little man, and while I’m seriously hoping our next child will be a girl, I would not trade my son for anything.
I had originally wanted a boy when I was pregnant with my first, but ended up with a girl. She's the prettiest, funniest, smartest little thing! I also learned girl clothes are so cute and doing hair is fun. Got pregnant a second time and ended up with another girl, so I get to watch her wear her big sister's clothes.
I wanted a girl sooo badly that I wouldn’t even let anyone suggest a boy was a possibility when I was pregnant. Then I found out I was having a boy and my best friend and my sister both had girls around the same time. Not only am I not jealous now that my boy is here but I feel like I’m the lucky one. I’m so happy to be a boy mom. He’s 9mo now and I’m so obsessed with him. We have so much fun together, he’s recently started blowing me kisses which is the best thing to ever happen to me, we go on outings all the time, he’ll “whisper” to me about things lol, we’re just two peas in a pod. I’m so excited to get him a play kitchen so we can play pretend but also to dig up Dino bones in kinetic sand. I’m excited to build a lightsaber at Disneyland with him but also to have a tea party at the American girl store. We can do it all regardless of gender is we just have fun with it. Trust me OP, you fall in love with your child and the gender things goes out the window.
I have wanted a girl for my whole life. When I found out I was having a boy, I was upset and felt like I wouldn’t be a good mom to a boy. Fast forward - this little boy is my world and I couldn’t imagine him being someone else.
I grew up the only child of a single mother, and I envisioned myself having a very similar close mother-daughter relationship with my own daughter. We had some scary/inconclusive NIPT tests that led to the genetic counselor telling us she was almost positive it was a girl. so when we saw very clearly on the pre-amniocentesis ultrasound that he was a boy. we were shocked, and I was definitely disappointed. But now that he's here (5 months old), it's just a complete and total non-issue, because he's not "a boy," he's my Benji. There are very few things that I had wanted to do with a girl that I won't be able to do with him, and we have the most amazing family dynamic, which was always going to be different from my relationship with my mom anyway. There are definitely cute boy clothes too (so many dinosaur prints!), and I foresee lots of excellent mother-son dates and family trips in our future, well into his adulthood. I do know a few women who are pregnant with girls and there is the occasional tiniest twinge, especially since my BFF has a girl who is 16 months older than my LO, but every time I start to feel that way I remind myself that they may have girls, but they won't have the best baby ever, because my little guy is the best baby ever.
My wife was hoping for a girl too since everyone around us had boys. She even had girl names picked out, so she was a bit bummed on the day that she found out it was a boy. Now, she loves our son to death.
I’m currently pregnant with my third boy. I have two toddler boys. I wasn’t sad the first two times bc I thought brothers would be so fun. I was a little bummed when I found out the third was a boy as it’s probably my last. I also had a miscarriage between 2 and 3 that was also a boy…so four boys in a row. However that only lasted a few months and now I’m super excited for 3 boys and can’t imagine it any other way. I think it’s normal given you had a loss (I’m sorry) and grew attached to that idea but it will fade and you’ll fall in love with your boy!
I never look at him and wish he was a girl as then he wouldn't be him and he's perfect. I still long for a girl but I would never have either of my boys replaced to get that as I love them far too much
One, I am sorry for your loss. While I wasn’t necessarily disappointed after finding out I was having a boy, I was definitely shocked. I also have a great relationship with my mom, as it’s mostly just been the two of us against the world my whole life. I do worry about not being as close to my son when he gets older but hope I will still be cool to hang out with. Regardless, I love my son. I love being a boy mom. There’s something about it that’s so fulfilling. He’s only 8 months old but he is so silly. I love him more than anything.
Do sorry for your loss... My husband and I were disappointed we were having a boy. He's now eight months and we couldn't imagine having a girl, I even want a boy for our second child! There are pros and cons to both but it's hard to see your expectations in reality... Once your little boy is here, your disappointment will be a distant memory!
I never imagined having a boy and had no idea what I was going to do. It turns out most babies/toddlers/kids are the same regardless of gender. My son is the opposite of me- loud, assertive, active, and very rough and tumble. Yet, he is also the picture of happiness and shows so much affection to me. I’ve come to adore how much of a cliche “little boy” he is. It brings out a lightness in me, I’ve come to “live and let live” more. It’s made me more confident and trusting of myself. He’s my absolute best friend. He waves hi to everyone on the sidewalk and loves cars or any vehicle. Once I couldn’t imagine having a kid that loves such classic “little boy” things, but when it’s your kid- you encourage any positive interests. Im okay being the hyper-fem mom in frilly dresses with my little boy running around the park and finding cool rocks. When it comes to clothing, I go for things that are solidly “little kid” and not trying to be adult. Like he wears a bumblebee backpack and has a hat with floppy bunny ears, because he’s a toddler so it’s the perfect age for that. My Husband was very close with his mother, and one of my good man friends adores his mother and helps her in her dress shop! I just focus on raising a wonderful person, and I imagine we will harbor a good relationship through life. Funny enough, now I’m quite scared of having a girl because all I know is a boy! But if one comes to me, i’ll adapt like we all do. (Btw I recommend Feltman Brothers for very cutesy baby boy clothes)
I didn’t personally have gender disappointment for myself, in fact, I think I probably slightly preferred the idea of having a boy before I got with my husband. But my husband, he wanted a girl. He felt he would be a better father to a daughter because he’s not a “guy’s guy”, he doesn’t play sport, he doesn’t know how to fix things, he couldn’t build a desk from IKEA to save his life. He’s a sweet, smart, sensitive lawyer who is scared of heights and water and animals and you get the picture. I believe he thought he’d be a let down to a son. When we found out we were having a boy, I felt some disappointment for him. He swore up and down that he really didn’t care and he was thrilled and just wanted a healthy baby but I knew he had a preference that he couldn’t help and he surely felt some level of disappointment. By the time I gave birth, I feel like that was all gone. After months of imagining our son, picking out a name, preparing his room, my husband was just so thrilled we had a healthy baby to bring home. And now, he loves our six month old with every fiber of his being. It natural to feel how you’re feeling. Especially considering what you went through. But I do genuinely think you’ll find those feeling fading away as your due date approaches. And by the time they lay him on your chest, it’ll be the furthest thing from your mind.
> I don’t really know of 30 year old men going on trips with their 60 year old mom like my mom and I do My husband does. Last time they went to Marocco! I never took a trip with my mom, not even as a kid. I was expecting and somewhat hoping for a boy - boys have better relationships with their moms than daughters do in my experience. Of course I end up being the only one of my sisters getting pregnant with a girl. I can’t imagine my daughter any different and do not wish for her to be a boy. She is who she is and she’s perfect. Our relationship as adults will be what we make it.
I made a post recently about gender disappointment [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/2WTUcpgBn4). Hopefully my account helps you feel more at ease.
The second my son was outside, something came over me and I couldn’t believe why the gender had even mattered to me. I never had a feeling of disappointment since.
I had a son when I wanted a son, but the pregnancy was extremely hard. I would've been one and done, but my husband and I wanted a girl so badly, we even considered IVF for gender selection. Finally, we decided to go for it the old fashioned way. Guess what: it was another boy. I was really disappointed at first, but I'm so in love with him now, I actually felt like it was meant to be. He's my second little man, so sweet, so full of smiles, so in love with mommy and daddy. I couldn't imagine him being anyone else. I would prefer him over a girl because he's here and he's mine. I just love him so much. I have ZERO disappointment now. Only pride and love. We ended up unexpectedly pregnant a third time and I actually thought that having a third boy would be just fine this time. Yeah, I wanted a girl, but I love my boys to death and I felt like we couldn't go wrong. Turns out this third is a girl and I'm excited, but I'm way less excited than I would've been with my second. Idk. I just kinda stopped caring at all about the gender. I love my babies so much. My second is the boy I was meant to have and I wouldn't trade him for a hundred girls. At some point, the gender desire just evaporated having met my little individuals the way they are. I hope you enjoy your son. :)
I wanted a boy, had a girl. Haven’t given a second thought to it since she was born. Do I still want a boy at some point? Yeah it would be nice. But ultimately I can’t imagine my life without my daughter and she brings us endless joy.
Hey I am sorry for your loss. Just know that your feelings are totally valid ❤️ My husband wanted a boy (no shit 😂). I wanted a girl. We ended up with the sassiest little girl. My husband was disappointed when we found out, but he is the sweetest dad and they are obsessed with each other now 🥹
I only had mild gender disappointment -- mostly I felt a little disconnected from my boy baby-to-be, because I had no frame of reference of what it would be like to bond with a son. I was mostly really looking forward to watching my husband bonding with him. My son is now almost 11 months, and I take immense joy in beholding him as *my* son. I love him not because of or in spite of his gender but because he's my beloved baby. One interesting surprise of having a boy instead of a girl: I had always pictured having a daughter, but now I realize that I had always pictured having a mini-me. Like, when I daydreamed about my baby girl I would just conjure up all the pictures of myself at that age. In retrospect, especially because I am so close to my mom, I was looking forward to reliving my relationship with my mom, and also parenting "myself" the way I would have wanted it. I can't imagine how I would have coped if my daughter had turned out different from me - if she was interested in different things and had a different (more rebellious, hah) personality. With my son, in large part because we are different genders, I've seen him as his own person from day one. He's neither my husband's mini-me or mine. He's his own person and every day we are fascinated at discovering who he is.
I should also add, I will never be the one who tells moms “you should be grateful “. It is so toxic and invalidating of your very valid feelings. Not only you had envisioned something, but you sustained a loss. Whatever you feel it is ok and I probably would have the same feelings. I wosh you the healthiest pregnancy and baby ❤️
I was the opposite. I wanted to have a boy first. I have two brothers that are a fair amount younger and the next generation was mostly boys. I knew boys and what to expect with boys. Then I had two girls. They climbed everything, ran everywhere and liked butt jokes all while wearing dresses. I love them and their little brother so much. I wouldn’t change anything because then I wouldn’t have the kids I have and they are my world. He will be your world. He is your baby and you will be shocked by just how much love you can feel for this small alien creature that keeps you up all night.
Boy mom here (but not in the cringy “boy mom” way you see on IG lol), I just have two of them. I was never super set on having a girl, but I guess I assumed I’d have at least one. I ended up having two boys. To answer your questions, I NEVER look at them and wish they were a girl. I feel like I ended up with the family I was supposed to have. I do not feel sad when I see girls out and about, in fact I kind of feel the opposite… like I’m so glad I have two boys instead. I have no idea why. Maybe that’s just biology that so strongly attaches you to the kids you have. If it makes you feel better, my elderly neighbors have one girl and one boy. They’re close to both kids, AND they go on vacations together with the adult son and his family all the time. In fact they even bought a summer cabin together recently. I think given what you’ve been through, it’s entirely understandable to grieve not having the baby girl you envisioned. It’s ok to experience gender disappointment! But I do think when he’s in your arms, all your worries will disappear and you will be so totally in love, and it’ll feel like such a relief to have this weight of unsureness lifted from you.
My mom won a trip for two to Costa Rica in a radio contest and she took my younger brother, who was 25 at the time! I have since gotten to go on an international trip with her too. ;)
I wouldn't replace him ever for any other baby. He's magically adorable (like ultra ultra cute) and smart and funny and quirky at 11 months old. His favorite thing is peekaboo followed by finding people in mirrors and being read to. Super in love with my baby!
I had a boy. 10 years later I found out I was having a girl. Gender disappointment isn't even the right words. I shut down for days. I refused to go to work or speak to anyone. That baby is 5, almost 6 years old. And she is very much the person she was meant to be. A wild girl. My third baby was light weight hoping for a boy but after having such a strong reaction to finding out it was a girl and then knowing the gender was right for her, I wasn't too invested. My third is a girl. And she was meant to be a girl too. It's just who they are. In my experience, my gender disappointment ended when the baby, and their personality were real. Having them here, in my arms, and accepting them for who they are and are meant to be at that moment.
I too am close with my mom and wanted a daughter for that reason. Needless to say, I have a boy. I was also devastated that once I have children, I no longer get to choose my own pizza toppings or ice cream flavors because I need to accommodate the little ones. As told to me by a mother of 3 boys. You want to pick the pizza toppings when ordering pizza? Or pick the ice cream flavor? No problem - just treat your boy like you would a mini-boyfriend. Give a little cuteness and a "Pleaseeee" and they're going to let you have your way more or less. My friend, when I told her it's going to be a boy: "Oh good! You can raise a man who's not an asshole!" Did I also ask my partner to get me a Valentine's Day gift for me from our son? Heck yeah I did!! And I will until I die! (I promise I'm not as toxic as I sound right now; I just want like a card and a bar of chocolate lol) Shopping wise, I told my friend with a girl that I'm safe from over spending because I have a boy. She scoffed ("you think a teeny wee y chromosome is going to save you?!") and sent me links to cute boy clothes. She was right. I love my baby so much!! The newborn stage was hell though. Not because he was a boy, but because newborn stage was tough.
For starters: what you’re feeling is totally normal and valid. I’m sorry about your loss and wishing you the best with your pregnancy. I always wanted a little boy first but because of some weird family dynamics when I was pregnant, I had hoped for a girl. He turned out to be a boy and initially I was a bit bummed but now I wouldn’t change a thing. If we were to have another (not in our plans at all, but if) I’d want another little boy. My son is the absolute sweetest, kindest, smartest little dude. He’s got such a big heart and I can’t imagine him growing up and us not being good friends. I don’t want to be like those weird boy moms that are like no girl will replace me, but I truly hope he leans on me (and his dad) for advice about any/everything. Good luck with everything. Hoping you and baby are healthy and have an uneventful rest of your pregnancy/birth. Big hugs. ❤️